Smoke Sesh - surviving winter, getting creative, turn ons & offs

Episode Date: December 9, 2025

helloooo everyone welcome back to the pod! we have a lot to catch up on today as I have been up to so much! we talk getting back into life such as painting and creating again, getting into yoga, getting out of your brain and into your body, is living an easy life really good, making hard decisions, getting busy, seasonal depression, surviving winter, digging yourself out of a hole, getting up in the morning, how to get out of bed, curating a vibe for yourself, getting off your phone, making your life easier, how to have better s3x, communicating in a bedroom, situationship escapism, communicating in relationships, how to eat it, vanilla vs k!nky, spirituality, psychosis, turn ons and offs in a person, failing in life, picking yourself back up, bush maintenance, car crashes, turning your life around, how to dance, shaking ass, looking sexy, dating your dealers, quantum leaping into your most creative self, December lock in, my biggest lesson of the year, and much much much more!submit your questions follow the instagram at hannahmarlenejoin the patreon club at patreon.com/smokeseshshawtywatch the Japan vlog at YouTube.com/hannahmarlene444

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calendar year 2025 for the cadillac definition of luxury listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you could call me hannah the host of smoke sash so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all hello hello hello welcome back to another sexy little episode of smoke sash my name is hannah your host and i'm ready to get festive with you all this holiday season i know the the christmas decorations finally went up oh my god it only took me like three weeks after thanksgiving to finally get to those i don't know motivation was

on zero if i'm being honest um i think that is due to the mercury retrograde we had it really just killed everything in me and then all of a sudden i woke up one day and i was like you know what there is no more time to wait you guys i've been on my grind recently and not like money grind money grind ew boring we don't want to talk about that I'm talking interpersonal grinds like self-motivation grind and it has felt so good I'm such a planner okay I love to plan I love to think I love to list I love to dream I love to mood board there's only so much of that you can do because if you only do that you're living in a fantasy world babe you're living in your head and we need to be 10 toes down in the real world which means taking all those things you dream

and putting them into reality I have quite a hard time with that I do just because I do really enjoy living in my head like it's so cute and cozy up there and the world can be cold and uninviting so it takes a quite a bit of effort and quite a bit of planning for me to finally be like okay fine fuck it let's just let's do it and something about last week it might have been the Gemini full moon that we had where I was like there's no more fucking time to live in our head get in the real world bitch get to work pick up that fucking paintbrush get to yoga class start making your hot tea it really was like holy shit I feel like I just jumped straight forward into a whole different reality where i'm like this health guru wellness queen and it feels so good

because i've always been like i want to be her i want to be her and the act of being her is just stepping into it and starting to do those things so i was like okay i've been wanting to paint i've been wanting to paint so bad you guys i haven't picked up a paintbrush i'm not even kidding in two years painting is my favorite thing to do i went to school for painting why the fuck have i not picked up a paintbrush in two years that is a massive red flag okay i don't know why anybody around me my loved ones were like hey babe mental health check-in have you touched a paintbrush recently like obviously not and that is not a good sign and then i feel like sometimes when you don't do something for so long you're like oh but now i'm hyping up the act in my head of not doing

something for so long that it's putting more of a distance in between it and more of a distance and I don't want to do it and then finally you break and you're like fuck it I'm tired of just being miserable like let me start doing it so I picked up a paintbrush and I made a painting I'm like oh my god I forgot how fun this was holy shit something about winter that drives you back into yourself and is like okay reevaluate your goals reevaluate what you want to do and also like there's no more time to wait babe like summer's for running away from our from our problems. Winter is for handling that shit. So that felt extremely nice. Instead of just rotting on my phone for hours on end, I'd be like, hmm, let me put on a podcast. Let me put on some

music. Let me put on a playlist and let me dissociate with a paintbrush in my hand because ultimately that's the best form of dissociation. It actually makes you feel like you're doing something that also i started going to yoga daily what hello last winter i kind of had a pilates kick you guys if you're a real og listener i mean you know that you know i was like pilates pilates pilates i love pilates i'm an la girl and i go to pilates every morning with all the rich women i was like that it was so fun i love the endorphins i love working out like it's undeniable what you feel after you work out obviously you're going to feel good like that's the whole point people wouldn't be doing it if they didn't feel good well i fell off that bandwagon because it

started snowing and my pilates class was like practically hours away because i live in the midwest and nothing is ever close to you and i don't know why i made my life harder by driving to the furthest one across the states um and then i was just like hmm too hard not gonna do it anymore and then i haven't worked out literally in a year and all of a sudden something snapped in my brain where it's like bitch instead of being miserable and sitting here and thinking shoulda woulda coulda get the fuck up and go do it class pass was having like a two weeks free situation I was like I'm gonna run that up for sure because I love when a company works for me not when I work for them so I went to yoga oh my god fantastic and then I was like that was great

let me go again and again and again and again and again oh my goodness you guys I am in my full self-care spiral and honestly it's the spiral that comes after you kind of spiral over yourself mercury retrograde took me for a fucking ride mercury retrograde combo scorpio new moon that shit fucked me up mentally where i was like oh i am creating my own hell when in reality we have the power to create whatever life we want for ourselves we truly just have to start living it babes you just got to wake up and start living in it and something snapped in my head where i was like i'm done being miserable i'm so tired of being miserable i'm so tired of sitting here and being like oh but oh but i could oh but oh poor me no no no no one likes that that's lame that's

boring it's tiring to your mind to your mental and when i get into those spirals of like woe is me i am so good at digging my own hole that if i don't wake up and realize oh my god i'm digging my own hole and start crawling my way out of it that hole's gonna become my grave that's probably my biggest weakness i'm really good at digging a hole oh my goodness if i feel bad i'm like should i make myself feel worse it's like girl release yourself from the suffering you have an option to do so so I literally just like I was like I'm done I can't do it anymore I literally can't do it I need to start indulging in things that make me feel good I'm in an avocado toast fucking season for some reason I'm drinking so much hot tea I'm going to yoga almost daily this Sunday

it was like my day off after a couple days of like really busy work and I was like I'm gonna treat myself to what not to rotting in bed all day no I'm gonna book myself a sauna appointment a red light therapy sauna appointment and I'm gonna go sweat it out in the sauna with my paperback book which was a massive mistake because then it started falling apart in my lap but honestly I don't give a fuck I'm gonna keep reading anyways it is what it is it was so incredibly nice that and then I came home and I made myself homemade pho who is she who is she I don't know but I'm really enjoying her presence right now and i realized damn she really has been inside of me all this time i just needed to start doing it and the thing is is it easy to start doing it

no no it's not i'm not gonna sit up here and be like yeah it's so easy to just do all of these 18 000 healthy things in one day no babe no it's not it actually felt like pulling teeth to get to my yoga my yoga class it's like oh i don't wanna i do want to rot on my phone i'm in bed all day i literally just found myself in a place where i was like i i cannot keep living this way babe the man in the mirror is screaming and shaking that mirror and she wants out she wants out and like how dare i succumb myself to a life that's not grand and amazing and wonderful every single day like i fear that is up to us to create and me sitting and rotting is truly just not the life that i can be living it's life i could be living but it's not the life i should be living so bitch

get up take advantage of any sort of slight inkling of motivation you have and ride that shit out because the thing is also once you start and start with something easy that's my pro tip if you're like oh bitch i need to change my life like what do i do start with something easy because then it gets that motivation and the energy and the ball rolling okay once you do one thing and you realize oh wow positive reinforcement it gives you the energy and just like the motivation to go out there and try something else and then to do this and then to do that and then to maybe try something new and then to maybe go here and then all of a sudden you're like way at the top and you're like oh my god wow i really just ran all the way up this fucking mountain like that's

amazing that's incredible and i'm getting there and truly it feels good it feels good something is snapping in my brain maybe it's the upcoming saturn return i have oh spooky or just my brain fully forming where i'm like we cannot be victim to our minds and to our laziness anymore the hard life is the good life that's a big lesson i've been learning recently easy life not good life hard life makes life good life which makes life easy life do you are you following me i'm putting it into caveman terms just to kind of make things clearer here i used to think oh easy way out that's the route i should go easy duh hello why would i not go the easy way out like the signs pointing that direction of course i want to go that way things with like um making hard decisions

oh I have to break up with this person like oh fuck I don't wanna this is easy I know I'm miserable but whatever I'm just gonna stay here or oh my god I'm I'm engaging in this really negative self-behavior but it's easy and it's what I know so I'm just gonna keep doing it um or even the opposite way where it's like oh I'm facing something hard like I'm going to college oh my god it's hard for the first time in my life I don't want to do it I'm dropping out or just anything in that realm the easy life does not always mean the good life it means maybe you're settling for something you don't deserve or settling for a life that is just like not up to par with what you could be living truly challenging yourself to hard things and challenging yourself

to those hard decisions will ultimately make your life good because you're putting yourself immediately in the place that you want to be and that in turn will make your life easy and easy in a good way we don't want to be like oh our life is easy and it's a little boring because I don't do anything and I don't make any hard decisions and I don't put myself out there and I don't challenge myself yeah that's an easy life but goddamn is that really living no we want to go actually I did that hard thing I challenged myself I really you know made sure I was picking myself in that moment I put myself out there and you know what it was hard it was challenging but I overcame that emotion and i came out what on top and the easy life from that outcome is way higher

and way more beautiful than the easy life out of lack of decision lack of direction lack of choosing yourself so bitch that's where i'm trying to get truly i'm like there's no more time i'm about to turn 30 and i know 30 is going to be amazing but there's something about the last couple years of your 20s that is the biggest challenge of your life where it's like oh yeah let's face those things let's face those things because we don't want to carry them into 30 30 is going to be amazing and i'm going to be big chilling okay i'm going to come out on top and get to live the real easy life but unfortunately that means making some hard decisions putting myself first making that hard choice challenging myself going out of my way putting myself out

there it's it is what it is it is what it is i could live an easy life and make none of those decisions but god damn how boring and miserable is that you know i'm just like oh my god i gotta learn this lesson now before i face it for the rest of my life you know but it's been good i'm like oh damn they were right doing good things for yourself actually does make you feel good when my therapist is like have you worked out recently and i'm like i'm gonna strangle you it's like no she's right about that no no no queen was right it does make you feel good engaging in community activities does make you feel good switching up your daily routine a little bit does make you feel good exercising practicing your hobbies putting yourself first taking care

of your mind body soul spirit wow it does make you feel good they weren't lying to you unfortunately unfortunately but that's my little life lesson i've been learning recently honestly been a great one to learn because i'm like oh yeah i can do all these things life can be good i just need to get the fuck up because seasonal depression hit me hard it hit me hard it felt like i got hit with a rock over my head i felt like i was walking down the street sunshine lollipops in oh my god a giant boulder just smacked me over the fucking head have you seen that video on tiktok or just wherever you may be scrolling where it's that man standing under the um the carnival ride and it just swings around and smacks him in the head and you're like how is

that man still standing oh my god i just heard his brain rattle in his skull how did his brain not get smashed open that's what seasonal depression made me feel like honestly oh my god last year i felt like i was pretty good it didn't really affect me a year before that didn't affect me at all so i was like oh we're good no like it seems depression don't know her oh my god this year girls i felt like a vampire and not like a cute little vampire like the one hiding in the corner waiting to eat your soul like not the good kind not the cute sexy sparkling edward colin vibes like oh ancient creature type of vampire not good real bad i was like oh no motivation i literally thought i was like i might need to check myself into something girls that's how low i was i was

like no i i don't know what's going on up there but it ain't good it ain't good and i might need some professional help like genuinely i'm gonna admit that to you guys because what do i say all the time healing is never linear there are ups there are downs getting help is always amazing and fantastic but I decided before I do that which I mean please if you need it go do it best choice of my life like why don't I try helping myself first let me open my coffin real quick like I my arms still work let me try and swing that door open real quick and just take a take a peek outside a peek outside of my dark dim damp coffin surrounded by bones I'm like a coping mechanism okay fine let me try them unfortunately actually fortunately they're right they do work life does

get better if you start implementing the things that you do enjoy it's it's true and the things that work for me might not work for you we're all so individual and complex and we all have different interests and i never want to shit on your interests anything that you're interested in it could be the weirdest fucking thing ever like i don't care i'm not here to judge if it makes you happy if it gets you out of the house if it gets you motivated if it gets you off your phone if it gets you out of your head it's good you should indulge in it especially now more than ever when we are maybe in our deepest darkest seasonal depression you gotta release yourself from the shackles okay you gotta start indulging in hobbies and community events and getting outside and i

felt like i was doing good because i was in a horseback riding for a while but now that it's winter time hello and it's snowing and it's like below 30 it's like we're not getting those horses out lessons are canceled i'm like oh fuck this is all i have to live for what do you mean what do you mean it's canceled girl i've been i've been living for this all week what are we talking about here and it's like canceled that week canceled the week after cancel the week after now it's a holiday now it's canceled again and it's like i can't blame them i'm truly not upset at them duh like please do what is best I'm more upset like oh shit I have nothing to look forward to and that made me kind of dig myself a little deeper where I was like oh I've been waiting

around for all this and now I don't get to do it I don't get to do it what do I have to do what do I do and it did luckily push me into some routes that were healthy got me to pick up the paint brush again got me to go to yoga got me to work out got me to start cooking some new recipes got me to clean my house I donated like 18 bags another 18 bags of clothes I'm like deep cleaning my house it feels good it feels good to put me first it feels good to do hard things and I'm just gonna keep that ball rolling and hopefully this can provide a little bit of inspiration to you all if there's anything that you desire if there's this dream person okay here's your here's your challenge if you're like I don't I don't even know what to do bitch like what I truly have no

idea what to do here's your challenge imagine yourself as the most idealized version of you who is she who are they what are they doing what are their hobbies you know what are they brave enough to get out there and accomplish that maybe you don't feel brave enough to do and then not only do you have to step into them by doing those things doing those hobbies trying that thing saying yes saying no whatever those goals may be whatever that lifestyle may be whatever the daily routine looks like you do have to physically step into that and that starts with one step at a time start with something easy gets the motivation going produces energy you can use that energy to kind of reinvest in yourself try something a little bit harder okay but Bashar talks a lot

about how manifestation is not just simply stepping into the idealized version of yourself or that idealized manifestation that you're trying to get to. It's stepping past it, okay? Stepping into the energy of how you feel once you've accomplished all those things, once the high has settled down, once the big event has paid off, what you are left with, what that emotion is, you know the calmness the appreciation the understanding you have to step past that manifestation into that energy you're trying to draw forth and into the calmness of completion in order to truly manifest you have to do that now okay even if you're like oh i haven't accomplished something i didn't deserve it yes you do you have to enter that energy now that

peaceful that calmness energy in order to kind of get to that manifestation and to fully manifest what you're trying to get to and that's truly what I did I was like I'm not just gonna like start doing crazy things I'm kind of gonna enter this peaceful zen meditation mindset of like how I would feel if I was doing all of these things and who she would feel like and what she would you know how she would look at herself and how she would look at the world I'm gonna kind of forced myself into that mindset and bam it made doing all those big hard daunting tasks that i've been putting off for so long so much easier because i'm like no i know how i'm gonna feel i feel like how i do now and it's probably gonna be even better than that so let me go and just step right

into that moment in time let me go and just step right into that activity let me put myself out there let me choose that hard thing and the payoff is so worth it it really is the best way to bring yourself directly into the idealized timeline that you're trying to get to all right now enough about me i know you guys are like please please get to our questions please please i'm begging you i hear you let's get into them because i have a bunch i need to answer um i asked you guys to send me like crazy silly wild just like whatever you had on your mind kind of questions today so we got through the deep dark scary ooh introspective version early let's get a little silly i'm about four espresso shots deep so best believe i am ready for that we can start easy

someone asked how to wake up and get motivated when it's cold as fuck and you are depressed okay so as soon as you get up do not open that phone do not open that phone in bed that's a big habit of mine that actually I broke and it has made my life so much easier now I am a phone girl the phone pretty much stays in my hand I'm trying to also break that through just hobbies and activities but also I'm like I need something to be playing in the background so what's really helped me in the morning from grabbing my phone immediately is I will wake up and maybe turn on a podcast and just have that playing while I get ready almost like morning radio oh you know what bring back radio actually this this podcast gives radio okay so maybe you turn on an episode of

smoke sesh and then you get out of bed okay it'll help you feel like okay i'm indulging a little bit while also i have something to listen to while i do the hard stuff that or a really good playlist you know what my first ever boyfriend shout out to him he was really into the radio probably because he was broke and uh i reminisce on these days i do it was like young hannah needed to live through that and it's not glamorous at all but i do look back and i'm like oh that was it was cute you know it was precious he would have the radio on 24 7 in his little trailer i'm telling you and yes trailer trailer by the river i'm not even kidding okay trailer park yeah i was 18 whatever um he would have the radio on all the time and it was actually amazing he had it on like an oldies

station like an oldies rock station so you know i'd always go over there and it'd be like oh i know this song like oh setting the vibe cute little radio like i love this song it'd be like i'm waking up in the middle of the night and it's like oh the music's playing softly in the background or we're waking up in the morning and the music's just like still on and playing there's something so nice and just enjoyable duh I mean music about waking up to it and just having that as a motivational tool so to help you get out of bed and to help you stay off the phone turn something to listen to on put the phone down and then get up now when it's cold I don't like getting out of my cozy bed unless I have something cozy to get into a good pair of slippers a good fuzzy robe

or simply put just like a hoodie and sweatpants to throw on and I need those sitting right next to my bed I need to practically be able to put them on under the covers or else I'm gonna really put off waking up it it is what it is it really is be proactive to make your life easier now in the morning I've been only drinking hot drinks I've been really into tea recently I don't know what snapped in my brain actually i got sick and then i did i discovered this tea lady oh my god this tea lady has saved my life i would randomly run into her at farmer's markets and she makes her own and like grows her own herbs and does like herbal classes and tea making classes and i bought i was like you know what fucking i'll try it because i really liked her bar soap

she makes shea butter bar soap and i bought her um like immune boost tea it has like 18 15 fucking different herbs and spices and whatever the fuck in it I made that it actually healed me in a day and then I stopped drinking it and then I got sick again So i've been making a lot of that a lot of hot tea a lot of hot coffee any warm drink that you can Is fantastic in the morning and I don't sit down and scroll until I have woken up put my clothes on brush my teeth Got my cat food made myself coffee And then after I do that whole routine then I sit down with the phone okay stay diligent do the hard things to make your life easier and it will just make your life

a little comfy cozier and more enjoyable to get out of bed even when you are depressed curate a vibe bitch okay congratulations your life is the art gallery and you are the gallery manager curate a vibe how to tell your needs during sex kind of embarrassed anyways love you weed queen okay communication is so important during sex you know I feel like we are in an age of like too much communication in places that things don't need to be communicated like I don't need to know how everybody's feeling at any point in time it's okay to keep that to yourself sometimes but it is important to communicate during like hard times do you do you see you see what i'm saying like especially when it's the most difficult time to communicate that's when you

should be communicating more than ever you know what i mean and that includes sex i feel like we have in this day and age of situationships which i call self-harmships um we have a lack of communication in a aspect of our life where there should be a diligent amount of communication and that is sex and love and relationships we have a very voidant society right now at least in america i don't know if it's different in the dating pools in other countries oh my god you guys i forgot to say thank you so much for a spotify raps came out what the fuck so many people listen to this like i i knew it was a lot but i didn't realize how much and that's not even including youtube and apple music love you girlies down but so many different people listen to this podcast

so many different countries so many minutes there was like 15 million minutes of this podcast listened to oh my god thank you guys so much but i didn't realize there were like norway girlies listening hey or like i knew i'm my australian baddies listen but like there were so many different countries that i saw on the spotify rap that i was like oh hey hello happy to have you but I don't know if the dating pool is different in different countries right now I do know in America from what I view obviously I'm not dating right now but it's very avoidant does he like me does he not I gotta wait nine hours to text back I can't read that text too fast I can't I can't make myself look like I'm too needy for him or this or that and then there's rules there's a

three-month rule there's this rule if he doesn't if he tries to kiss me on the first date it's not good i can't have sex for the first three oh my god how non-romantic is that how non-romantic it's becoming almost this like weird science and that takes all the fun and enjoyment out of goddamn love it does it does and the girls who are dating right now props to you you are braver than any of our soldiers and i say that as a joke please don't fucking come for me everything i say here's a joke please oh my god but like they're really putting you through it for real like you are crawling through the mud under barbed wire and i'm so sorry but we need to escape we gotta escape and it starts with us being like no i am gonna be myself and communicate and fall in

love and if that scares them off they're a freak of nature they can go ahead and leave like high key if you're like wow i really enjoyed our date last night i would love to hook up with you because you made me feel safe and you know enjoyed and i really enjoyed our time and our conversation and this and that and i would love to see you again if you say that to somebody and they go wow i'm gonna ghost you now they are a psychopath and you have dodged a fucking bullet okay especially during sex okay relationships are one thing but sex is another i feel like especially with the porn brain of it all in america we don't have sex education they say hey here's what a condom is let me show you photos of stds eating people's penises away and then we're just going

to tell you not to have sex and also that's it congratulations like holy shit what the fuck am i supposed to do with that like now i'm terrified and i don't know how my vagina works and that is just not how things should be so i feel like most people everybody eventually discovers porn and they're like oh wow this is what sex is let me start watching more because i'm curious and like porn is not the thing to be watching as sex education there's no communication in the video behind the scenes i mean i have friends who are adult actors actresses whatever it is and there's a lot of communication behind the scenes necessary std testing communications of boundaries communications of kinks communications of what is a yes what is a no um how they feel about certain

things how they're feeling that day like important communication is going on behind the scenes to make sure those actors are safe we don't see that during porn obviously so us the the general viewer who has no knowledge is like oh duh people just don't talk during sex and it's like no no no that's not how it works at all in fact if you're not talking or moaning during sex i think something's drastically wrong i do i do we need to be communicating and it shouldn't be embarrassing sex sometimes feels taboo and thus it feels a little bit embarrassing but knowing the type of sex you could have by communicating should make it less embarrassing if you know hmm if i have this hard conversation once again doing hard things to make your life ultimately the best

and easier in an aspect if you know hmm if i tell him that he just needs to like rub my clit a certain way and choke me out no i'm kidding but like if you tell him the ultimate combo to make you come like oh it's a little embarrassing to say out loud but the type of sex you'll be having after that yeah it's worth the hard conversation so don't be embarrassed you know we shouldn't be embarrassed about sex like i said it's taboo so it feels a little awkward to talk about but ultimately through communication you could be having the best goddamn sex in the world now you gotta have sex to figure out what you like what you don't like it is what it is through you know physical experience you're gonna be able to understand oh don't like it there oh do like

it there that was surprising oh my god never tried that before wow didn't think i'd like that oh okay i do like this you know through experience you're gonna start discovering more and then once you discover it it's important to tell your partners these things there's no reason you as a woman should not be coming please i'm begging you you need to communicate if you need to tell that man to get on your knees his knees and eat your pussy like sometimes that's just what it is sometimes that's how it has to go but like i'm begging you communicate a little bit so you can have positive sexual interactions and communicate means like yes and no if you don't enjoy something speak up step away if you have to it's very important to stand up for yourself in

the real world in any sort of situation but especially during sex now i think there is a a very specific way we should communicate about sex over dinner a little hard to talk about i don't know you get me two glasses of white wine deep i'm talking about blowjobs at the dinner table and your 70 year old grandma sitting next to me is side-eyeing me hard and i don't give a fuck honestly after two glasses of wine there's not a lot i care about but like time and place time and place that's not the time nor the place time and place is in the bedroom not during the sexual act it can be hard to speak up but when when is the perfect time foreplay and you're like oh we don't do foreplay huh that then you got to slow it down a little bit okay i know your pussy's

dry he can't be just shoving it in there like you need some time to warm up girl when you're having that hot steamy makeout sesh that's when you lean down you whisper in his ear what you want him to do to you or her or they or them or multiple partners whatever it is that's when you're like i would love it if you abcdefg multiple combo this shit because i'm gonna come in 30 seconds and it doesn't have to happen then it doesn't have to happen you know directly after that conversation but you'd be surprised how quick it will happen when you're like no this is what turns me on this is what feels good and if you're a man listening to this okay let me tell you something let me tell let me tell you something right here right now i actually got a conversation or a

question a couple weeks ago that was like how to eat pussy and i'm gonna give you the tip are you ready are you ready for you to know how to eat pussy are you ready for the keys to the fucking castle this is how you do it you ask her what she likes you do you do because not all pussies are built the same not everybody enjoys the same thing blowjobs very straightforward i'm gonna be honest they're very straightforward like literally straight sometimes curved but like there's a certain combo you can usually hit on all penises and it's gonna work you know pussies are not the same oh my goodness okay some women like this some don't some like it a little rougher some like it more soft like you have to ask and it doesn't have to be like can you please draw a

diagram of your pussy and tell me how to eat it because i understand that's not the sexiest thing ever but you get down there you know you sniff around you do your little thing you give it a couple kisses you give it a couple licks and then you're like does this feel good what do you enjoy I want to please you tell me how to do it like show me I I just want to make sure you feel the best you've ever felt yeah everybody's dripping right now like it is that simple I'm not even kidding communication is so important especially in the times where it feels a little bit awkward actually most importantly in the times when it feels a little bit awkward and with a little bit of communication you will be coming non-stop I'll tell you that how do you differentiate

differentiate spirituality and spiritual psychosis psychosis delusion p.s illy well you know what i love you too so here's the thing here's how i differentiate because i'm a very spiritual individual through spirituality it is a um almost like a straight line maybe a curved line a line nonetheless okay you're moving forward all right you learn something it kind of gives you a little bit of energy it pushes you forward you learn something else gives you a bit of energy pushes you forward that's kind of how i view spirituality it is the emphasis of moving forward spiritual psychosis is a spiral and not a good spiral not a spiral going out a spiral going in okay it's a hyper fixation it's not giving you energy to move forward it's giving you energy that's going to

kind of like withdraw you inward to make you think too much to move you behind that's how i view spiritual psychosis it's more of a like graph understanding than it is like detailed oriented i personally have never been in spiritual psychosis but i have been around people who have been in spiritual psychosis um and it is very much so turning inward learn new thing turning inward turning inward until you're kind of like like i said digging a hole too deep where it's like oh babe we gotta we gotta crawl out of there regular spirituality should be a like moving forward motion oh i pulled this tarot card i feel this way okay let me go on about my day okay now i do this thing makes me feel this way okay gives me a bit of energy now i go on about

my day oh this this little spell that i want to do you know makes me feel good whatever it may be manifesting mood board okay now it gives me a bit of energy now i move forward it's never moving inwards or backwards oh biggest turn-ons and turn-offs non-sexual in a partner i like this question i love it actually turn ons can read my mind and i understand you're like we're not mind readers we can't do that no but you know the person you know the person around you you know what they like you know what they don't like okay act accordingly oh is your girlfriend sick maybe you'll get her some medicine and you know maybe get her a nice big bowl of pho speaking of I made homemade pho it's so easy the recipe is on my Instagram now go make it oh my god I'm about

to eat it for the next five days it's fantastic okay it's like you know your partner oh I don't know I hate this excuse that sometimes people give of like I don't know what my partner wants for Christmas oh my god are you stupid like you spend so much time with them how are you not able to know who they are and act accordingly okay that is a massive turn on when people are like no i know you i see you and even if it's just the little things like one time it was like after my birthday and my co-worker brought me a pink red bull and i was like oh she gets me she knows me and it wasn't a million goddamn dollars it was hey i want to show you a little love and appreciation and i know you're a fiend over those goddamn pink red bulls so here you are cutie it's already

chilled don't worry oh like that like that or knowing me so much like my best friend who was able to plan a full 21st birthday scavenger hunt for me where each place we went to was a place that traumatized me in my teen years and i had to take a shot there it's like it could be silly fun like that but just knowing your partner and knowing who they are and just knowing me massive turn on massive i also love a surprise as somebody who is 18 steps ahead always if you're able to surprise me it's like oh wow oh my god that's amazing like oh my goodness while you were able to do that while you were out were able to outplay chess with me because i am the mental chest queen you know if someone can plan ahead and surprise me it is the cutest little thing

and like i said it doesn't have to be big okay it can be small whatever a nice little surprise here and there is fantastic another turn on for me personally i love being spoiled okay yes buy me that bag yeah i'm in a place in my life where it's like you should buy me that bag like not everybody is like this but like i do like to be spoiled i do i am a spoiled little brat and i should be that way communication massive turn on tell me how you're feeling don't just like shut me out don't go like stonewalling me don't go cold whatever cold feet on me don't just like go quiet you that's annoying i feel like i'm dealing with a toddler like tell me how you're feeling good bad ugly like i'd rather just hear it and be able to like understand you and communicate than be like

what the fuck is going on right now you know communication very big turn on another turn on that's non-sexual somebody who can dress someone who can dress good and it doesn't have to be like oh they are fitting all the latest trends no somebody who is able to fully articulate who they are through clothing it doesn't have to be an expensive outfit it doesn't have to be you know a societally accepted outfit when i'm able to see somebody who has that shit one okay massive turn on you know what else is a massive turn on in that realm somebody who takes care of themselves you as a man or woman can easily like if you're thinking of yourself at a scale and you shouldn't do this but like you know if it's like what am i out of 10 it's like whatever you think you are

you can up yourself three points by having a good haircut taking care of yourself i don't care if you have acne i it doesn't matter whatever like i don't care about a blemish but simply like understanding who you are and being like a little bit polished taking care of yourself indulging in self-care you can tell when someone's glowing from the inside and it is attractive last turn on positivity calmness kindness underrated underrated emotions I like somebody who it's like in the chaos is able to be like it's okay we're gonna figure it out and I'm gonna go ahead and pause real quick and we're gonna just like figure out the what we need to do here we're gonna say calm cool collected and we're gonna we're gonna do it we're gonna figure it out I love that oh a

strangers coming by oh you just casually hold the door for them fantastic complimenting somebody on their outfit even though you don't know them oh my god kindness that's so hot like very underrated very attractive now let's get into the turn offs being a mean ugly bitch like like there's something about having a nasty ass attitude that ultimately makes you ugly you can be the hottest bitch in the world if you have a Karen attitude if you side-eye every person that walks past you if you don't hold that door if you're an asshole if you have a overall negative understanding of the world around you and you treat everybody else as lower than you you are ugly my pussy is dry like it just it is what it is I hate I hate that it's just like and I understand sometimes people

get jaded you know negative things happen it's okay to have that emotion I don't think that emotion in general is bad it's okay to like go through the the cycle of life and you'd be like goddamn that shit sucked or like be angry that's fine but when that is your main emotion and like that's how you express yourself to the world it's like i don't really want to deal with that i don't really want to be around you honestly another turn off for me personally is like um lack of drive in life I need you to like have plans I need you to want things I need you to like be excited about life I don't care if it seems like a million miles away I want you to be like yeah actually I do want to go to Turkey for some reason and I know I'm gonna get there in like

five years but like I have this random inkling that I want to go to this random country it's like oh okay cool like I love that you have drive or it's like I know I'm supposed to be living in this day and I'll be moving there eventually it's like okay period or it's like I will be a CEO it's like okay sure like as long as you have some sort of drive or passion like hot but if you don't if you're like I don't know I'm just gonna do nothing I guess and yeah I'm like oh can we dream a little bit and I understand I've been there like I go through phases where it's like girl I'm just focused on living I'm focused on waking up tomorrow like that's all I can focus on that's fantastic that's fine like I understand there's phases of life but like I just I need someone in

my life and like a turn-on is like someone who's daring to dream daring to live big has plans for themselves has goals for themselves that's hot if you don't I'm like okay well I can't stay in this hole forever okay and I'm gonna be doing these big goddamn things you better keep up what else is a turn off not taking care of yourself or your world around you um like being lazy or messy um and not having any drive to like clean up after yourself or take care of yourself or like lack of consideration for your items once i got a new car and i stopped treating my cars as like pieces of shit i was like oh no it's actually important to like take care of the things around you if you're spending that much money on it like you should be taking care of the things around you

one time chris jenner said like messy car messy life and i really took that to heart she's so right every single negative experience i've had in this life not not every single one but a massive amount has been in a messy car and it's like oh they're so right messy car messy life i just went and got a car wash last week or no no this weekend and honestly it's like oh clean car feeling good vacuumed my carpet whatever it is like i'm just taking care of myself and my world around me because i spent goddamn money on this let's take care of it it feels good random small turnoffs i don't like burping i don't like farting i'm not that person who can you can just like fart in front of and i'm like two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every

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Desjardins.com slash business coverage. I mean, if it's like a silly situation, I can giggle, I can laugh, but it's like, if you're like man farting around me, I'm pissed. why does the air smell like poop now like I'm I'm pissed off honestly I don't know I'm trying to think I feel like I don't have a lot of turn offs it's just a lot of turn ons like be a good person take care of yourself take care of the people around you oh another turn off if you don't have a good relationship with your family but your family is normal do you know what I mean I understand if you have a bad relationship with your family and they're just like evil it's like yeah girl I wouldn't talk to them either I get that but if your family if they're like oh my

family is horrible and awful and i just hate them and blah blah blah but then you meet them and you're like oh my god actually i think you're the crazy one because these are the nicest people ever you know i knew this girl in middle school who was like this who was like my mom is evil and this and that and it's like no babe she's just telling you to clean your room and you despise her for it for some reason like she's the sweetest kindest person i've ever met in my entire life like that kind of bratty attitude hate that shit like be appreciative especially if you have a good family because goddamn that's rare you know and yeah that's about it just be kind grateful compassionate in yourself and yeah i'm gonna be very turned on i'm having trouble in college i'm

gonna fail two classes maybe what do i do lock in okay put the phone down email your professor hey i'm struggling is there anything i can do do you have any tips and tricks for people who have been struggling in the past show up to those office hours show up to those studying sessions sit in the front of the class okay it'll keep you on track go to class if you're not going to class and then email your academic advisor talk to your academic advisor talk to your financial advisor if you're gonna lose that scholarship email everybody they have that job for a reason lock in put the phone down study your heart out yeah you're gonna have to suffer a little bit in order to get yourself together but it's gonna be so worth it like i said the hard decision not always the

easiest but it is the best the easy decision is well i'm just gonna fail these and drop out okay and then what these past few months of your life have been worth nothing then like lock in get it together email everybody you have a team behind you who's there to quite literally make sure you succeed so you can keep paying the school money yeah think about it that way not what you can do for them what can they do for you because they will do those things for you they will they want you to spend that 20 30 40 60 000 a year on tuition they don't want to lose that money i'm telling you that right now give me some bush trim recommendations girly i don't know but there's sometimes a fun moment where i'm like i'm gonna shave it into a heart and the best way

to get it into like a really good because i mean like i keep my bush small and tight like she's not overgrown or like anything crazy but uh if i want to get it like a fun shape the you know the eyebrow razors use those be careful please for the love of god but use those always go with the grain not against it okay and then have you seen the like glitter decals like the 2000s used to do you could go get like your bush wax and they give you like a glitter detail decal oh my god i've been thinking about those a lot lately i don't know what it is i'm like glitter bush could be crazy dyed bush could be wild but when it comes to shaving down there with the grain um if you have shaving cream do that if not get one of those razors that has the thick ass like moisturizer bar

on the top use probably like two razors if you need uh don't be afraid to fly through those things my legs it's like i can use one and kind of just like really dig in there but but like with my bush girl we got to be gentle you've got to be careful we got to go with the grain and i don't do it often if i'm being honest like maybe twice a week just to make sure things are trimmed up down there but if i do it often i find myself getting more ingrown hairs and i just i can't deal with the ingrown hair on the puss like there's nothing worse honestly i'd rather have ingrown hair anywhere else than the puss i wrecked my car the other day what do you think car crashes symbolize for me personally car crashes have always symbolized the universe being like wake the

fuck up wake the fuck up what are you doing right now and i've been in uh quite a few car crashes unfortunately none of them are my fault it's not like i'm like texting and driving and i slam to the back of someone's car that's not what they are first car crash ever i wasn't even driving i was in the front seat and we hit a deer on the highway and it practically came through the front windshield into my lap cut up my fucking legs it was a mess me my brother my sister-in-law were going to our lake house and it's like goddamn this just ruined the vibe for the weekend what the fuck and it traumatized me big time it did it traumatized me big time but it was kind of like a oh wake up look around you moment you know and then next one was a minor but it did knock out

a headlight another deer can you tell I live in the midwest I was driving home late from um my two-year-old gig when I was like a two-year-old teacher from daycare and I remember I was like super depressed and like way too in my thoughts and then I just like clipped a deer and I was like okay maybe I don't need to be in that headspace and I do need to be focusing on what's actually in front of me like literally it was a literal like understanding of like get out of your head get into what's in front of you focused on that and then probably the biggest wake-up call in my entire life was when i was in my toxic relationships mega mega toxic real bad not good i was driving home at 3 a.m crying after consoling my fucked up ex at that point in time because what i'm a mother

apparently whatever and i was sobbing in my car listening to melanie martinez i remember that very clearly and you guys have heard the story i hit a police car i was going like 75 miles an hour they were parked with their lights off around a really sharp bend in the highway where there was a hill you couldn't see around it um and there were cows it was a whole whole ordeal but it was like oh my god i just went through this traumatic event i have a fucked up brain my ankles fucked up i'm on like i the ambulance is like you probably should go to the hospital and i'm like that's gonna cost money no thank you um begging the tow truck to like please just like don't charge me now like please tell me you are real and you're not gonna charge me a shit ton of money

like i'm begging you the police officers like bitch you fucked up my car and i'm like bitch you almost killed me like literally he unbuckled me and was like you should be dead right now yeah that kind of car crash i was like oh i need to change a lot of things about my life right now and i remember i went to a funeral with my ex oh that's why i was consoling him his grandpa died I'm sorry that's that's traumatic I'll console you but I was at the funeral and I was like my whole leg was like black from my from my car accident and I'd hit my nose on my steering wheel so hard that like I had a little bit of a black eye a little bruise I was banged and beaten I looked like a beaten woman okay and his dad and him were laughing the whole time about like isn't

that crazy can you believe like that's it's so funny the predicament she was in and I was like i almost died and any hardship i go through this motherfucker is gonna sit here and laugh at me all my feelings died that day it did all my feelings died that day and i got the fuck out of there i left him and literally the thing about a breakup with a toxic person or anybody in general is your life immediately goes up immediately goes up literally was the universe like please leave this man right now so for me personally car crashes are a um whether it's your fault or someone else's fault talk about spiritual psychosis but i i feel like the spiritual meaning behind it is the universe being like you need to change something now something drastic

needs to change like you obviously are not paying attention to the world around you you need to pay attention you get out of your head you need to change something up you need to stop going to that man's house you need to get off your fucking phone whatever it is it's a universe telling you to switch something up now so in order to avoid any more car accidents going into the future i am trying to take accountability for my life how do i shake ass i look like an idiot at the club not all people can are ass shakers i'm gonna be honest i'm gonna be honest there and it doesn't have anything to do with how you're built has everything to do with just who you are and how you express yourself you know i've seen girls with massive asses throw that shit back and it's like

duh i've seen girls with the smallest asses you've ever seen throw that shit like no other and it's like how are you doing that i've also seen women with massive asses not know how to and vice versa the thing is some women are not meant to like like throw ass like that it is what it is i'm one of those women I can occasionally I'm not going to be able to do it for long but I'm more of a sensual seductive like more like a snake kind of dancer you know I'm moving my hips to the beat but I'm not shaking them up and down I just am not that girl so if you're not that girl that's okay this is how you figure out your rhythm this is how you figure out your dance style go to a safe space close your windows whatever it is put your headphones on turn on your favorite playlist

i put my headphones on girl that song been blasting on my playlist all year shout out miss addison ray okay put your headphones on okay feel the music get out of your head get into your body start dancing however you naturally flow is how you're supposed to flow some girls naturally start shaking ass perfect you're a natural ass shaker some girls kind of dance differently whatever some girls dance mostly with their hands some girls dance with their shoulders what some girls dance with their feet whatever you feel called to do that's how you're supposed to dance okay the sexiest part of dancing and what makes dancing so sexy and so like elusive and beautiful and like that girl you see in the middle of the dance floor that everybody's staring at because she's just

being herself and she's so sexy because she's being herself because she's dancing how she feels called to dance because she's freely moving her body and what feels good to her that's what makes sex dancing sexy not how fast can you twerk that shit i mean that's sexy too but how do you feel comfortable moving your body what feels natural and what feels like the most expressive to your individuality and your personality okay just ended a two-year-old friends with benefit situation with my dealer can i still buy from him oh girl no unless you want to get laced like i would be so paranoid i'm not even kidding um now listen i've been in many a situationships with a dealer in my life okay i've actually dated quite a few um and the thing is it's fantastic when you're

there you're like free weed free weed free everything i want oh my goodness he has stacks of cash can i have some of those can i get a bag like hell yeah so fun when you're younger please not when you're older i'm begging you it's not it's just not good for you but as soon as that relationship's cut off like a bad business deal you can't go back you can't go back it's not safe babe it's not safe there it isn't i know i know not directly after give it some time step away go to the dispo wherever it is contact your friend's dealer instead you know pay that premium in price oh fuck i gotta start paying again okay it's better than like having some shitty weed or being around a shitty man or putting yourself in a shitty situation no drug is ever worth your

goddamn life or sanity honestly genuinely but no no you gotta step away for a bit i know i'm so sorry ultimately you will be better for it especially if you're in a situation ship a self-harm ship with a drug dealer like babe who knows what else he's giving you other than that weed please for the love of god maybe go get tested and that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him for sure but the thing with dealers i've realized is they're very straightforward they will tell you if they want you they'll make that very clear and most of the time they make that very clear when you're like i'm just trying to leave like please i don't want to fall in love with you i'm good i'm good i know i'm the most beautiful foot that person that's

ever stepped foot in your dirty dusty house but like i'm sitting on your cracked ass leather couch and it's eating away at my butt cheeks and i have to go i cannot be here like it's just it's not good for me spiritually like i gotta go no i don't want anything to do with you usually they're very straightforward so if this drug dealer was not straightforward with you yeah he i fear might be doing that to a lot of women and that is not something you need to be caught up in that sounds like a spider's web a spider's den and girl you are a beautiful beautiful butterfly that needs to fly freely away and not get her insides liquidized and eaten and sucked out of her sounds fun in theory especially when you're high as shit not fun in reality okay yeah

yeah you lost one good news there's many others many many others how do i quantum leap into my best creative self i love you my most listened to pod ah love you thank you for listening oh my goodness so for me personally i'm a very creative individual but i get in my head so i understand you're probably in that point of time too where you're like i'm just way too in my head the thing is with creativity it's a balance of head and body you have to have your head for the creative ideas and for the uh planning and output but you have to have your body for the actual creative ability so if you're way too in your head you're not in your body thus you're not creating you have all these ideas all these plans you're overthinking things but you're not creating the act of creating

and to like actually use your body in creation whether it's drawing knitting painting whatever it could be talking be doing a podcast like this it could be youtube videos it could be editing video creation music creation i don't care what it is if you are simply not doing output you're not using your body and your body is a big part of the creative process it's like working out a muscle you know the first time you work out you're like oh that was a little odd i'm a little sore but let's keep it up let's try it again let's do this let's try this and i'm starting to learn that through painting that it's like most of the creative output has nothing to do with your thinking and everything to do with your body and just moving and doing it and creating and getting

it done it doesn't have to be perfect doesn't have to be good doesn't have to be everything you envisioned in your head usually it's not so get over that hump immediately you're not going to sit down and make a masterpiece but a hundred times in you're gonna make a masterpiece so bitch just start doing it start doing it before i started painting i was like um actually maybe I should sketch it out in my sketchbook or I should do a little picture collage it has to be perfect the environment has to be great I have to have the perfect amount of energy I have to this I have to that get rid of the rules there's no rules to creating it's just doing that's simply the only rule of creating you want to quantum leap into your highest best creative self start doing

it you're like well that's easier than I thought yeah it is it is and I sound aggressive because it's like i'm actually talking to myself here where i've spent the it pisses me off so much i'm like i spent two years thinking about all the all these things i want to do and this and that but it's not good enough i can't sit down and do it bitch do you know how much art i could have created in two years you know how much painting i could have done in two years but i was too much of a baby to actually sit down and do the fucking painting like thank god i finally picked it up again i'm not gonna like shame myself into not doing it but also it's like damn i wasted so much time living in my head when i could have just been in my body feel it and being in your body is

gonna feel way better than being in your head ever could so i challenge you if you're creative individual and it's winter time and you find yourself like me where it's like oh my god my favorite thing i haven't done it in a long time i challenge you to do it this week yes yes you i guarantee you probably have the supplies around you who cares if they're not good enough just sit down and do it and try you would be surprised what you're able to create what you're able to come up with and how good it will feel guess what i've just quantum leaped you into your best creative self in a week okay because you're gonna get the itch you're gonna get the bug and you're gonna start creating creating creating creating because once you start it's really hard to stop

it is especially if you haven't done it for a long time because now every day i look forward to like my one hour of painting time i don't care if it's not finished i don't care if i'm not able to pump something out in seconds i'm just having fun putting the the fucking paintbrush to the goddamn canvas i hooked up with this guy and he sucked my toes is that a red flag on the first link no i love that he was in his freak vibe i love that he was comfortable with you enough with you to suck your toes on the first link now i hope you are comfortable with it personally i love my toes getting sucked i do it's like yeah you should want to put every part of me in your mouth like honestly genuinely it's like the worshiping of it all you know that's what i'm really into

personally so no i don't think it's a red flag unless the only only reason i'd be like this is a red flag is if he was like um if you were like i don't like that let me pull my foot out of his mouth and he was like no i really need to suck on those toes give it back it's like it's a little odd that's a little odd don't like that it's giving i just i just need your toes and i i need you to need my whole body and my toes you know but no it sounds like he's a freaked out kind of person and you might be able to have some real good freaked out times now if you're a vanilla person here's the thing i talked about this on my uh the patreon episode last week once again if you if i've never answered your question come join the patreon i answer every single one of

your guys's questions every single week every single one yes i'm not even kidding i think the last episode was like two hours so someone said they were like I'm freaked out my partner's not so much freaked out and I've tried to get him into some stuff and he's just like not super into it and it's like that's just how it is sometimes like I understand and I get on here and I'm like freak freak the freak the freak freak yeah you know like but not everybody is like that and if you are a vanilla individual I think that is a-okay if you're like no please don't put my toes in your mouth please only missionary don't even make eye contact with me i don't even like making out like whatever you enjoy that is valid as long as it's two consenting individuals and it's

healthy for both of you guys like like okay like obviously there's some stipulations there but if you are a vanilla individual and you're like i just like a chill like i'm not a freaked out girl i just i just want to i just want to feel loved and i want it to be chill and calm in the bedroom i respect that there's nothing wrong with that you don't have to go and be a circus performer in the bedroom to get off like congratulations that's great that's amazing but also it's like stick to that know what you like and be okay with that accept yourself fully it's okay to not like things or to like things either way you want to go we are who we are and we should be celebrated nonetheless so unless you were like oh that's too much for me then maybe it's a red flag but if you

are also like i can match this freak then green flag for sure how to lock in in december let me give you a motivational speech real quick there is no choice but to lock in if we let our life pass us by we are going to be sitting on our deathbeds going i wish i did this i wish i did that and that's my biggest fear you want to talk biggest fears real quick my biggest fear is being on my deathbed and going damn i didn't take advantage of that or i wish i would have done that i wish i would have been brave enough to say yes to say no to go after what i want oh my god that is so scary because i talk to my grandma sometimes and she's like free yourself never become a housewife go to college i wish i would have done pottery i wish i would have been like a

i wish i would have just done art and gone to galleries and it's like oh my god i love you grandma and i'm so sorry you got caught up in society but like i can't be you i need to be free i need to be free i need to be who i am and i don't want to be on my deathbed going oh i wish i would have done this i wish i would have gone to school i wish i would have created that art i wish i would have cooked for myself i wish i would have broken up with that person i wish i would have traveled to that place i wish i would have moved to that place literally whatever it is like that's so scary to me and I realized that fear is more important than the fear of doing it okay there's that's a long-term fear the fear of doing it very short term once you do it you get

over it and you realize oh wow now I'm stronger more confident in myself but the fear of living a life that you regret should scare you more than the fear of doing something new so get the fuck up okay and get to work on whatever makes you happy joyful confident in yourself like i said the easy decision is not always the best one okay yeah it was hard as fuck to be like yeah i'm gonna to go to yoga i haven't been to yoga in forever it's a new place there's a lot of new things going on i have a lot of fear in my head i have a lot of self-doubt in my head i'm overthinking it whatever it is you're like going to yoga is really causing all of those emotions in you yes i'm crazy okay and i'm wait i live in my head too much but i can't keep living in there

and living an unlived life i need to live my life fully to the most so i'm not 80 on my deathbed going i wish i would uh that's literally biggest nightmare ever so get up and go do the thing do it scared do it happy do it tired do it terrified you're gonna come out of it feeling so much better than if you didn't and that's just the truth that's the truth for me doing this for one week imagine how insufferable i'm gonna be in a year you know and you can wait you can wait till the timing's right. You can be like, well, I'm going to wait till the new year. Well, guess what? Something's going to come up. Well, now I'm going to wait till Valentine's day. Guess what? Two in five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar

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Visit Buick.ca for more details. Comes up, well, it's still cold. I'm going to wait till spring. Okay, well, something comes up. Well, I'm going to wait till, you know, summer. I don't have so much motivation in summer. Oh, something came up. Oh, but the fall is the perfect time when it's chill outside. oh something came up now it's a whole year away you can't keep waiting for your life to live itself you need to start living now it really is that way and I started I realized like looking back because I stopped looking back on this year and I started looking back now that I'm getting a little bit older on the past couple years okay and I realized my life is good yes but I've been

living the same way I've been living for years and I haven't switched it up or I haven't tried new things out of fear and that that is terrifying ultimately that's more terrifying than the fear i feel of doing things i haven't picked up a paintbrush in two years that breaks my heart honestly as a creative it breaks my heart because i should be picking it up every day for my own mental health for my own sanity and i haven't because of what because of fear oh my god that's so lame and so boring of me you know i also think thinking of it in that broad spectrum really minimizes the fear you feel now of doing simple things or doing that hard choice or putting yourself first whatever it may be where it's like oh my god that long-term fear where it's like this

moment in time is so small makes that fear you feel now so minimal and so like non-necessary you know where it's like oh i'm scared of doing yoga girl get it together like get in there get over it just go do it you're gonna feel good coming out of it you know oh you're scared to take a pottery class girl like there are bigger things to be afraid of like I've kind of been a what is it called like an agoraphobe for a while where it's like I just like inside and being alone and it's like that's great that's fantastic but that can't be your whole life because you're gonna be on your deathbed going damn I wish I woulda and that that motivates me a lot to not feel that motivates me more than anything else because I owe it to her I owe it to 80 90 100

year old Hannah however many years I am lucky to live I owe it to her to live every day to the fullest extent that I can in that moment truly okay I owe it to myself to go after my dreams to do that hard thing to challenge myself to be creative when I don't want to be creative to put myself out there when I don't want to put myself out there to open my heart up maybe when I'm a little bit fearful to communicate my feelings I owe it to myself because no one else is gonna do that for me no one else is gonna i know it's scary there's a lot of pressure but also it's like damn it really is on me pressure released like i know me i know i'm strong i know i'm confident i know i can do these things it's just getting over that initial hump of fear and realizing wow

life can be easy when i just start decide to challenge myself a little bit so no more waiting because you're going to keep waiting and waiting and waiting and then years are going to pass you by the day is now it's time to lock in babes biggest lesson you've learned this year i mean i feel like the last conversation was a great kind of recap of just like you can't wait for your life you must live it but also i think the biggest lesson i've learned this year is there really is only you and i don't mean to like scare you in any sort of way but it's like everything you want and everything you desire that feels so far away you can achieve if you give into yourself and you give into your desires if you have a very clear picture of what you want you can get there

by making some hard decisions betting on yourself taking a chance living your life for yourself you know going after what you desire getting into your life instead of your head you know just staying on task staying on goal and keeping that image sharp in your head it can happen but there you can't wait around it's not going to come to you you must make active decisions and active moves in your life to have that happen okay I feel like yeah you can't wait to like wait around for your life to happen you know what that is the biggest lesson I've learned so far because like I said I've spent quite a few years of my mid-20s just inside like any day now any day it's literally gonna drop on my doorstep like quite literally from a drone all my dreams all my desires it's

just like boom bam gonna happen it's just what it is like i know it's gonna happen that way and it hasn't and it hasn't literally i'm like oh wait a minute that's not how that works no that's not how that works babe okay no one's gonna bring it to you no one's gonna drop it off your doorstep but you can get there you can get there it is a possibility you have to start working towards it and that means persevering through fear taking chances making that hard decision putting yourself first um listening to your intuition okay and going going after it not letting your head get in the way of you know what you actually need and desire we can't wait around for our lives to join us when actually our life is joining or waiting around for us to join

it do you know what I mean oh and it's been a hard lesson I think that's kind of like your mid-20s lesson early 20s is I'm gonna do everything and feel like I'm not good enough mid-20s is okay I'm stable but I'm it's kind of boring and I'm not really doing anything like I'm doing stuff but not doing stuff and then I'm kind of approaching about to turn 27 in June okay like six months I got time I'm still 26 but I'm about to 27 and that'll be my late 20s beginning in my late 20s and it's like oh I'm back to kind of that early 20s mindset of I need to do everything and just live without fear and try and put myself out there and make mistakes again it's so funny how you kind of come back around to that lesson and have to relearn it but you're lucky enough

now I'm lucky enough now in my late 20s where in the early 20s I was very mentally unstable having to learn those lessons which felt so chaotic but now my brain is formed I've gone through the stability period of my mid-20s where I do have good coping mechanisms I do have a safe space to live I feel comfortable in myself where I'm able to actually fully learn those lessons because I have that stability to stand behind it and I'm very thankful to be in this place and I'm very not excited because i'm a little scared but like i'm excited to learn these lessons and know that it's going to power me forward into a place that is just going to be so incredibly beautiful and wonderful and everything i've ever dreamed of and i'm going to use that as my motivation rather than

letting fear hold me back because there's no more time babe the clock's ticking the clock's ticking oh my goodness literally but every day is a new opportunity to wake up and do everything you've ever dreamed of honestly i literally woke up and i was like girl fuck it get that fucking paint brush out make your hot tea okay go to yoga do what you need to do and guess what it's been so nice it's been so nice i'm like oh my god i'm journaling every day what the hell it really is like oh my god on a random wednesday i can do everything i've ever wanted to do on a random tuesday i can do everything i've ever wanted to do and i just think that's so beautiful every day is a new opportunity a new blessing wow thank god thank god but with that being said hopefully i

could give you guys a little laugh a little break from life a little motivation to live life either way i'm so thankful to have you guys here all of your messages about spotify wrapped make my heart so happy i woke up i was having a hard i think it was a tuesday and i was like oh my goodness this just brightened my day so much i could not thank you guys more for listening you guys bring me so much joy and peace and light and love to my life that i've never experienced before and it is a pleasure a blessing to get up here every single week to hold this rhinestone pink microphone in my hand and to just hang out with you guys it's genuinely so incredibly nice and I think the universe and the internet for being around and for putting me in this position because

I just it it's so much fun if I'm sick if I'm sad if I'm depressed if I'm like I can't get out of bed it doesn't matter i'm up i'm doing this because it brings me genuinely so much joy and i just hope i can give you guys even a little bit of what i feel from you guys back to you you know so if i could brighten your day i'm doing my job and i'm happy to do it if you want to see more from me join the patreon patreon.com slash smoke slash shawty um new episode will be out thursday i just uploaded a pho recipe on my instagram go make yourself some pho if you want someone to fall in love with you make them some pho it's it was so easy and then I just get to eat it all week wow like love it life is good I love a meal I can eat over and over and over again and yeah

with that being said stay sane stay sexy and I'll see you all so soon Two in five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research.

Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. Ready to take your investing knowledge to pro level? This is Fidelity Connects, your daily edge in the markets. Get deep insights on real-time market topics that may impact your investment portfolio. Listen to Fidelity Connects on Spotify today and power your next move tomorrow.