Smoke Sesh - the cool girl, bad juju, hookup culture & hard changes

Episode Date: April 25, 2023

helloooooo my hotties and happy Tuesday, so excited to be back with another amazing episode of smoke sesh (telepathically passing the blunt to you all) today we chat tattoos, a cheeky confessional, what is a girls girl? and what to do when a girl isn’t a girls girl, favorite Mediterranean spots, single girl summer and hookup culture, my favorite ways to meditate for those who have a hard time quieting their mind, wake up and break up!! How to put together creative outfits, tips for my oat milk girlies from my oat milk girlies, hair care, thriving after an emotionally abusive relationship and how to put you first, change, accepting change, bad juju, when it rains it pours and working through hard times, how I’m celebrating Taurus season lavishly, what is a cool girl? and how to be cool, how I knew I was bi, making the right life choices, and sooooooo much more. I hope you all have a fantastic Tuesday if you want to catch up on what I’m up to follow my instagram @ hannahmarlene and I’ll see you all next Tuesday! MUAH!

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. Hello my hotties and welcome back to another wonderful little episode of Smoke Sash. oh my gosh so happy to have you here sorry about the traffic in the background a little springtime ritual i have been participating in and i also highly encourage you guys to participate in

before it gets crazy summer hot like it'll get like 90 100 here and i will not be doing this but just open your windows open all your windows even if you have one bedroom one window in your bedroom open your windows let that stale air out and let that fresh air in it feels so fucking fantastic i have all my windows open right now so apologies if you hear cars flying down the fucking street going 70 miles per hour um that's just how it is around here uh but thank you guys so much for being here thank you so much for all the love on our 420 episode and the video episode so many of you guys listened to it like way more than i was expecting a ton of new people as well so thank you so much for joining me thank you so much for being here i love having new joiners to

the sesh and i love all of my girlies who show up every single week thank you thank you thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here for supporting me and for supporting yourself through being here and hanging out a little bit i hope i can provide a little bit of peace and fun and a little laughter to your life that's really all i'm trying to bring um but with that being said not a whole lot going on within my life right now we are in a little bit of a cosmic change era um all of us we're in a retrograde right now so if you're feeling a little bit of the chaos you're feeling a little bit of the you know unsureness i really really recommend during this time and i actually just posted about this on Patreon, a little journal prompt, is to sit down and pinpoint

what you want to release. Pinpoint what isn't serving you, whether it's a behavior, a person, an action, a place, a thing. Pinpoint what it is and then just like in your journal, in your notes app, whatever you prefer, write down, I am letting go of, and then just let your brain spew and release okay and just dump everything that is causing you worry out into another physical place so you don't have to carry it with you during this time not only will it make you feel a little bit lighter not as you know emotionally intense but also when those changes start to occur you will probably realize like oh my gosh this change is coinciding with what i wanted to release change doesn't have to be so scary if you're able to identify it and also allow yourself to release

the things that either a you knew you wanted to let go of b you knew but weren't ready to let go of or c it may be something um that you were holding on to a little too tightly that just wasn't going to work out for you the universe always knows what you need exactly when you need it. Even though it's chaotic, I get it. It has funny ways of working, but I promise it'll all work out for you in the end. So release, do a little mind purging, figure out what you want to let go of, especially during this retrograde. Fantastic time to do so. But yeah, I really have not been up to a whole lot. I have a lot actually coming up. I was waiting for my 420 drop. Thank you all also for everybody who supported me purchased a little gold lighter case if you

want to check them out they're on my instagram at hannah marlene i still have a few left we didn't sell out as fast as everything else but also i kind of bulk ordered so we everybody would have an opportunity to um purchase it and purchase it not in the span of one day like actually have inventory which has been a dream of mine um so thank you guys so much i love you all so much those just went out so keep an eye out on your front porch they should be showing up very soon um and yeah I've just been doing that I have a couple vacations coming up I'm going to Denver to see Kali Uchis I'm so excited little birthday gift to myself um and then I'm also going to Mexico over my birthday so if you're interested in any vlog traveling stuff like that that all

goes up on my patreon which is under hannah marlene but of course you know i'm always gonna fill you in on the chaos going on in my life on this podcast i'm also moving so that is kind of what i've been dealing with recently lots of packing lots of realizing i have way too much fucking stuff oh my god um if you want any if you're looking for clothes check out my depop i believe my depop is smoke says shoddy um it's also linked to my instagram bio easy peasy i'm just trying to purge my closet a little bit right now because I have way too many clothes and although it's a two-bedroom and I'm planning on making that second bedroom a walk-in closet I don't need that much stuff you know especially carrying it upstairs not fun um but yeah just

planning on moving planning on traveling all of these small plans that I've been working on for such a long time are coming to fruition and I'm very excited I'm excited to see where it takes me and i'm excited to share it with you guys so that being said enough about me enough i get it i love you all thank you for being here but let's get into some questions okay oh someone asked help me with tattoo ideas i love tattoos i've been meaning to get a lot more i just have been spending money on other things aka clothes and vacations um but i love some tattoos i love some incredible art I recommend if you're the kind of person who's like I don't really care what gets tattooed on my body I just want it to look cool um I would recommend just looking at local artists

around you and seeing what kind of art they do on their own and just picking from their flash seat or asking them to create something special for you but if you find someone who's really talented they will work with you and create something incredibly magical for you and I feel like that's awesome to have a piece of their art on you forever and something that you've kind of worked with each other with and they also might just have some pretty cool designs already ready to go so you can pick from those but if you're the kind of person who also like needs meaning behind their tattoos which I low-key am kind of that person not fully but if it's a big piece like I kind of want a little thought put behind it um I love those tattoos and they're really fun to

think of and dream up but if you have kind of a vague idea of what you want go talk to an artist they are fantastic with working with you and figuring out how to make it work how to design it how to you know incorporate it on your body best place um I have like a eye on the back of my neck to represent like the universe always watching out for me for me watching out for me on the back of my neck specifically to um just understand that even if I'm turned and face the wrong direction something's always looking out for me I have sumac leaves on my arm to represent the street i grew up on when i was little my brother just got a tattoo of a famous kansas city water fountain um not like water fountain you drink out of like a big big huge fountain

in kansas city um and he didn't really know how to do it because he didn't want just like a fountain tattooed on him so he went and talked to the artist and was like this is kind of what i'm going for and they did a fantastic fucking job just like taking a piece of it while also keeping the original idea and making it something for him so if you need meaning go talk to an artist if you don't need meaning go talk to an artist either way they know what the fuck is up and support your local artists especially don't go on pinterest and be like i want this like go see what they have that has come from their mind because an original piece of art is like it's it's incredible and to have one on you forever is amazing as well so go support

this is kind of a confessional you know what you guys can send me confessionals whenever you want even if it's not a confessional episode i love them they're fantastic because like felt sometimes i just need to get something off my chest and someone said my ex and i did anal for the first time in the parking lot of the office building i now work in listen car sex is one thing but anal in a car i like i don't know if i should be impressed i am kind of impressed honestly i've never done that um but honestly love that for you and also proud of you for not getting caught or messy or anything like that but hopefully it was good love you i think i'm just mostly shocked by that because it's like when i am doing that i need to be in

the most utmost comfortable position like my knee can't be digging into a fucking seat belt holder do you know what i mean so honestly impressed braver than the troops absolutely okay someone said um i know it's kind of wrong but i can't stand girls who aren't girls girls and i kind of agree let's get into a little bit first of all i'm a girl's girl what is a girl's girl a girl's girl is a girl who's going to stand up for other women like I'm here for you I love you I support you wholeheartedly um and I stand by you and I think that's what a girl's girl is um I love women they are fantastic I love surrounding myself with them they are so uplifting and caring and kind and loving but also I understand that there are horrible awful evil people out here in this world

and horrible awful evil people can come from any gender and I don't support horrible awful evil evil people does that make sense it's like I'm a girl's girl but also if you're like an evil fucking bitch I'm not gonna support you understandably so but I think that's kind of the ultimate understanding of what a girl's girl is now if you're not a girl's girl I think that just means you behave in a way that is seeking of male attention male appreciation male acknowledgement um to the demise of yourself and women around you which is unhealthy and quite honestly annoying if i'm being honest and i feel like a lot of women ruin their relationships with people ruin their relationships with other women by not only putting men ahead of them but putting men ahead

of themselves and really really just seeking that approval and that appreciation and yeah once you grow up and you realize there is more that this world offers you than male attention you realize that shit gets lame really fucking quickly and I've realized growing up the best way to really approach this situation especially if you're like I can't deal with a girl who is just way too over seeking for male validation or is putting other women down in order to seek that is to understand that we all as human beings are going to have different ideas different ways of viewing the world different morals different you know aspects that we chase after and if you guys are conflicting in what your morals are and what you really want in this life it is one million

percent okay to distance yourself and not have to interact with that person does that make sense like if you know oh my god this girl is only going to talk about this guy she's only going to be you know thinking about men she's might even put me down in order to make these men laugh you don't have to surround yourself with that and you can just distance that is absolutely fine and probably better for everybody in the equation um because you sitting down and telling that person you're wrong you shouldn't be behaving this way you know whatever it may be can have a good effect but most of the time it has the opposite effect and it just pushes them further and deeper into that hole and you really have to let people come to their own understanding and conclusions of the

world on their own if that makes sense um so just distance i get they're fucking annoying like i understand but we have also all been there when it comes to um you know seeking validation especially like young women were raised to you know uh thirst literally after this approval from men and it takes time and understanding to know that this isn't a way to behave and it's also not going to bring you any sort of peace or joy or happiness but you have to come to that conclusion on your own so give them time let them do their thing but also if you can't deal with it right now just distance that's really the best thing you can do for them and yourself um yeah but yeah girls girl through and through i support i love and i understand you all um and i want to

be here for you whether you're a gross girl or not but if you're an awful human being you are shit out of luck someone asked what my fave uh mediterranean spot in casey is because they're getting bored of jerusalem cafe felt i used to love jerusalem cafe and then i found hibashi house in the river market it is fucking incredible that the lady who works the front counter she has seen me go through like three different men like she has seen me grow up and still like every Sunday I go and I get my little hummus and falafel or my little curry chicken whatever it may be but it is all fresh homemade their family runs it it's fucking incredible hibashi house in the river market so good so good hi hannah a big fan of your podcast uh so lately i feel like

i've been struggling with my relationship with sex uh because i personally love doing it but i'm not in a relationship and i don't really want to be in a relationship right now because i enjoy being single um but then when I partake in casual sex I feel like it's not always the best for my soul just because I don't know what energies I'm getting from people and I also feel like some guys don't really respect me as much after if I do sleep with them um and I've tried the whole friends with benefits thing but I feel like if they're that present in my life that they're also my friend I find myself catching feelings um so yeah I don't really know what to do so I was just wondering if you had any advice or what your thoughts are on that

good question oh my gosh I think what you're going through is also very similar to what a lot of women are going through right now we are in an era where like the single girl is the powerful girl like everybody's single right now because we're all tired of men's bullshit but also like we all want to fuck and like have good sex naturally normally you know that is a normal fine thing to want um but also another little dilemma here when you are doing having casual sex it's not always you know exactly how you want or the same as what it's like with a partner um but also like you don't want a partner so it's just like an endless circle of like what the fuck do I do here is what I would recommend to you a I think casual sex can be

done well I think you can have very fun casual sex with people I think it just takes a little bit of vetting to understand if this casual sex is going to be good the friends with benefits thing yeah it doesn't really work because as you said you know you end up catching feelings if you are just like hanging out with them casually so if you are going to have like a partner that you continuously see or one person that you have really good sex with a you have to do some vetting you know figure out if they're a worthy competitor within this you know if they're really going to treat you well if they're talking nicely to you if they're even being pushy over the phone not fun not good don't lean into it but if you find a nice young respectable man okay and

you would like to participate i think casual sex can be done in a healthy beneficial way it takes a little bit of a of course vetting understanding if they're a good person b rules okay is this going to be something casual is it going to be something more let me be completely honest with you and what i want like i just want good sex every once in a while let them know that so then they don't have any you know ulterior ulterior motives be honest with what you want sexually you know don't be afraid of that and you know if you take some time and put some energy into it and really uh take the time to get to know these people and understand if they're going to be a compatible sexual partner then yeah I think the casual sex thing can be done very well um and it

can go very well for you as well um if you just set up some boundaries uh not only for yourself but for that other person like hey we're not like going to dinner after this like I want dick and I want you to leave whatever it may be um but there are a lot of women out there doing that successfully to this day whether it's like oh I'm going to a bar and I'm gonna go casually hook up with someone oh I'm gonna take my time getting to know this person and then casually hook up with them you can do that number two is just like we're gonna forget about dick you're just gonna like we're just gonna masturbate all the time you know get a really good vibrator get a dildo whatever you may want and just do that you know especially if you're trying to like rid men of your life for

like good during this period in time you can have a lot of fun with yourself like a lot of fun go to your local sex store see what they have see what interests you you know what I mean um check out online see if they have any new fun toys and just have a blast with yourself that can also absolutely work like if you want dick not only are they attached to a human male but they come in plastic as well so it is really up to you but I understand casual sex can you know it cannot be super fun especially when you know you were afraid of like weird connections or being disappointed but ultimately someone else also asked me about good sex and how to have good sex And I think good sex comes from, A, a connection with yourself, such as understanding your boundaries, understanding you want from this sexual relationship, understanding what is okay and not okay with you and standing by that while also speaking up for yourself, while also understanding what pleasures you and knowing that and wanting to implement that in your sexual experiences.

while also having a good connection with the other person and I'm not talking about like you've had to know this person for three months I'm just talking about like chemistry do you guys have chemistry together are you working together on this thing does he want you to get off you know does he want to put effort into you um is he listening to you is he respecting your boundaries those two things in combination make for fantastic sex absolutely 100 so i know this isn't like a solution but there are options out there for you some take time some take money either way you can have a lot of fun and i don't want you to get discouraged because sex should be fun especially good sex you can find it you will have it one million percent also walk watch sex in the

city I think you would love that sex in the city is fantastic for being like I'm a single girl and I would like to have casual sex but I'm unsure how to navigate watch sex in the city fantastic way to spend your afternoon 10 out of 10 recommend okay someone asked how to start meditation I've tried but i can't get into the habit any tips yes many tips um so for me personally my brain is just like constant chaos and it is really hard for me to sit down and like oh you know like i'm going to turn my entire brain off like that's really fucking impossible for me so what works for me is to have a guided meditation of sorts i don't know what these fucking school children are doing outside of my apartment but there's just like a hundred of them walking down my street and they're

so loud i mean like good for them i hope they're having a blast like having a good time i don't know if they're going to the park or something but it freaked me out at first because i thought it was like a flock of geese anyways not to completely get off on a tangent here but oh my god they're so distracting what the fuck was I talking about once again meditation my brain goes a million different miles per hour and it's very hard for me to just shut it off and keep keep it quiet you know so guided meditations are always my way to go a journaling journaling is meditation you are closing off all the multiple channels multiple ways of thinking that are going on in your brain and you're focusing on one okay I understand your hand can't move as fast as your

brain but that is a good thing because it's forcing you to stop and slow down and be you know really really focused on what line of thinking you are focusing on within your journal whether it's I would like to release this or this was how my day went or this is what I'm thankful for journaling is fantastic for that especially if your brain moves a million miles per hour now another fantastic way guided meditations on youtube i personally love um the like music sound bath guided meditations i have found that when there's something that i can listen to that's not necessarily someone speaking i have a much easier time with meditation um whether it's just like random noises very light singing whatever it may be that has very much so helped me janae aiko i think is her name

um she has a few of them on youtube that i would really really recommend um but those are kind of my two favorite ways to sit down and meditate with a chaotic brain you know have something to help you move along but i don't think a lot of people think journaling is meditation when it is it absolutely is especially when it's forcing you to quiet and focus on one form of thought love journaling oh my god someone said I am engaged to this guy who I now don't think I want to get married to don't know what to do oh girl cut it off cut it off I know it's hard but like if you're having this feeling now it is better to just you know cut ties before the ceremony and money is spent and people have seen this than after especially once you get into it and you

get deep into it and then maybe you have kids and then it just gets messy like it is 100% easier like whether you're engaged or not if you're in a relationship and you are like uh-oh this is not for me but do I just push through it if you know it's not for you it is the easiest route and I know I know it doesn't sound easy but the easiest route is for you to end it early before diving in headfirst getting years into it knowing the whole entire time that you don't want to be here but you've committed now so you're just trying to push through it that's no way to live cut it off early I know it's hard to rip the band-aid off I know it's gonna hurt but I guarantee it'll be much more worth it than trying to quote-unquote power through a relationship because that is

not how relationships should work of course they take work they take time they take patience they take understanding they take communication but if you feel like you're ripping your hair out through the entire relationship it is not the one girl it is not the one so if you're engaged and you're like uh-oh we're getting married soon but you don't want to get married don't get married don't don't do the thing you can find somebody that you will be excited to get married for or married with and that is the relationship worth pushing forward oh someone asked tips for putting together unique outfits so a one big thing for me is staying true to what I think is cute and fun and funky and fresh so you know I'm not following the trends of course like I participate

in trends that I enjoy but I don't feel forced to follow the trends I'm more so looking at things that I genuinely in my heart find fun or find cute or think would look good on me or that color would match or whatever it may be that's what I'm looking for um and not only am I looking for these things online but mostly secondhand a lot of my clothes are secondhand which adds a new uniqueness to it because um it's not something that's just mass produced that you found online um it is something that has been pre-loved that is vintage that might be one of a kind and i think that is so exciting and so fun and also it's gonna be way cheaper than the mass produced item items online i guarantee depop unfortunately has my heart um because i do honestly find a lot of really cheap

fantastic things on there red racks 1 million percent has my heart um and ebay love ebay as well and then what i do after you know you've started your collection you've stayed true to your personal style is i use pinterest a lot especially for outfit ideas but when i'm looking at pinterest i'm not looking at that picture and being like i need that exact shirt and i need those exact pants and I need those exact shoes to pull off this outfit. No, no, no, no. Say the shirt is like a pink shirt and they're blue shorts. Cool. I'm going to work with those color options or maybe the way it's styled and I'm going to find something similar in my closet and I'm going to work with it that way. It doesn't have to be the same exact pair of pants. You can mix and match

to make it your own style with what you have. So I encourage you to find inspiration and then use what you have in your immediate reach to kind of, you know, mimic that in a sort of way. So say it's like a long skirt and a crop top. It doesn't have to be that exact long skirt and that exact crop top. You can just find any long skirt in your closet and any crop top in your closet that matches that skirt and boom, you basically have that outfit. That is how you find inspiration online and utilize it within your own closet. That's how you create unique sort of style, sense of style from a things that already catch your attention and um you know feel true to who you are and then be from inspiration and building off of that that is really how you make a fantastic

style and that's kind of how I go about it um but yeah I hope that helps hi Hannah love you and the pod waiting for my star child lighter case to come in the mail I'm so excited to put on a pink Bic lighter. Oh my God. But I'm calling to tell you, I discovered an oat milk homemade tip situation from TikTok. And I wanted to share it with you and the girlies because I started doing it and it's really wonderful. And it's a lot cheaper than buying oat milk. So you take, it's a one to three ratio. So you take one cup of rolled oats. I got gluten free and you do three cups of ice cold water like with ice cubes in it blend it in the blender and sweeten it with a splash of good maple syrup a little honey cinnamon if you like and some salt you blend it and then

you put it through a strainer until you get a good consistency and it saves you so much money okay I'm running out of time love you okay wait I love the tips and tricks that is so good and I will be using because let me tell you this I recently have stopped buying oat milk I know because it's like five dollars a fucking jug i'm like excuse me excuse me so we're gonna be diying absolutely this week thank you so much for the tips will be 100 using oh my god someone asked if i have any hair care tips um i actually do so my hair type which is very important you have to whether it's your skin or your hair or your body you you have to take advice from people with the similar types of that thing okay because they know what they're talking about for that

thing okay it's like for me i have very uh well i have combination skin but it's very prone to acne my pores are very large things like that so when i give skincare advice i'm giving it for those girlies um when I talk about hair care I have very it's thick because I have a lot of it but the individual strands are very thin they're also very damaged from heat um it's not necessarily curly but it's really wavy I bet it could have some curl if I tried to style it a little bit but that's the kind of hair I have now number one thing that really helped me grow my hair and I think this works for everybody is stop using heat. I know that sounds annoying. I hear you. Okay, stop using heat. If you do use heat, use a very, very strong heat protectant. All right. I used to

be frying my hair at 400 degrees and then was wondering why it was snapping off. Yeah, you can't use that much heat on your hair. It's going to be bad. So stop using heat. Number two, stop brushing it while it's wet for me personally my hair is the most damageable when it's wet and when i'm just like brushing and brushing through my hair trying to get it combed out after i shower that is the worst thing i can do for my hair because it just keeps snapping it'll break all right so a you can really use whatever shampoo and conditioner you think is best for your hair key thing is shampoo and conditioner i shampoo every day which i think a lot of people would disagree with um but i have very oily hair and i just have to that's just how it is uh don't shampoo the ends of your hair only

shampoo your scalp and for me if i use a shampoo that is kind of drying on the ends of my hair i will condition before i shampoo so i'll put a thick mat of like conditioner in the base of my hair and then shampoo and like use that conditioner as like a protectant um against the shampoo and and then rinse it all out at once if that makes sense another thing I do is um I will braid it while I'm sleeping or I will put it in a bun or something while I'm sleeping some protective hairstyle um you can use a bonnet if you want just to keep it from like you're you rolling around on it and pulling it and breaking it while you're sleeping uh satin pillowcases and then hair oil hair oil all the fucking way okay whatever hair oil is best for you and I'm not talking scalp

I'm talking ends of your hair um for me personally which actually this hair oil can be used for anybody um it is a black owned business and I think it's actually meant for kind of thicker curlier hair types but I've been using it and I love it okay it's the bread hair oil it's an everyday gloss um that you can use just in the ends of your hair after a shower if it feels a little too dry whatever it may be I live by that shit I'm on my second bottle my last bottle lasted me a whole year okay it's like 30 bucks for a whole year easy um and yeah I just invested in another bottle and I have been loving it but those are kind of the hair care tips and tricks that I have for you um just the less styling you can do less bleaching you can do the better the more

conditioning and oiling you can do the better um and the more productive hairstyles you can do the better uh but yeah my hair has been very important to me i used to have hair like down to my ass and then i got drunk and cut it off so i've been trying to get it back to its original length um and i know it's something i prioritize because i keep having dreams that i have to like shave my head off or something and that's terrifying to me but fingers crossed it gets long soon i love you i hope you're all on your little hair care journey very fun to take it together um but yeah those are my tips and tricks for hair care someone asked how to heal after an emotionally abusive relationship felt i went through a pretty rough one um my past relationship

that left me um a shell of a human being one might say and this i don't know if this is really advice but this really really helped me was after the relationship I just went fucking insane and I'm not saying I went insane like I locked myself in my room and cried and rolled around and sobbed and oh I'm just so sad no I ditched that ugly ass mean ass man and I went out and I partied for like three months straight now that isn't necessarily advice once again once again we want to be healthy you know we want to do good productive things in our life but the act of freeing myself from the physical chains of that man that weighed me down freeing myself from this need to perform to make him happy freeing myself from the anxieties he gave me and the worry he

gave me and the depression he gave me and realizing that a lot of those horrible awful feelings I was feeling was coming from him and then allowing myself to unfurl my wings let loose be overly and unconditionally me like me way too much like a little fucking annoying but like I needed to release that and let myself free and tell everybody who didn't like how I was behaving well like who I was truly to basically fuck off and really just listen to myself and followed myself and had a shit ton of fun that was the the most healing thing I honestly could have ever done to myself now I could have avoided the substance abuse and I could have avoided the late nights out and I couldn't avoid it you know looking back there's always things you can't avoid

so do it healthily do it productively but let yourself fucking free okay you've ditched him you've ditched the emotionally abusive relationship you've left them in the fucking dirt they are probably never gonna change who they are um and they are always going to be suffering but that doesn't mean you have to suffer forever okay go have fun go be who you are and stop letting this ugly ass person with a bad fucking attitude hold you back even outside of a relationship that's kind of what i had to learn is that no one and this is a boundary i've set for myself no one is allowed to hold me back anymore especially after that i waited around for him i waited around on my hands and fucking knees cooked him dinner i was a basically live-in

housewife i did everything that i could possibly do to make him happy and it never did and i realized i was chasing a endless circle when i could just stop and make myself happy and realize that that feels way better than waiting around for a man to be happy and enjoy me and like me okay so make yourself happy listen to yourself what the fuck do you want to do go after it stop letting these people with bad attitudes hold you back and go have a little bit of fun release yourself fully um i made a tiktok a while back that was like number one thing to do after an emotionally abusive relationship which i feel like an emotionally abusive relationship is one that is controlling anxiety driven depression usually comes a lot with it is to write a list

of five to ten things that you were not allowed to do in the relationship whether it was like oh I wasn't allowed to go out and party or I wasn't allowed to drink or I wasn't allowed to talk to people of the other gender or I felt like I couldn't have time to myself whatever it may be write a list of the things you were not allowed to do or felt like you couldn't do and then go do them as fast as you fucking can go do them because you will realize that that person was holding you back so much that the world has so much to offer and that you will never ever put up with that in a relationship ever again after you escape it and you find yourself again you will realize that it is not worth putting up with those people anymore and that you will never allow them

into your life and it sucks to go through that stuff in order to realize you know that i don't deserve this and i will never put up with this again but sometimes the best thing the best way of learning is going through it so you went through it you've made it to the other side uplift yourself and don't allow yourself to go back to that i love you so every week i ask like what's the vibe and the first thing that someone ever sent in for this question was doors closing and new doors opening that is one million percent the vibe literally half these questions are oh my god i'm moving to this new place and i'm doing something new and i don't know what to do or oh my god i'm starting college soon and i don't know what to do or oh my gosh i i feel like i

should break up with this person like big changes in your life and here's the thing the one big tip that i'm going to tell all of you is you do not have to know i know we feel like that we have to know exactly what's coming and exactly what is made for us and you know we have this need to want to figure it out but it's okay to be in a transition period it is okay to be in a period where you are allowing doors to close that were not good for you that did not serve you that you you grew out of and allowing new doors to open for new possibilities and new activities and new growing um just opportunities it is okay to be in a period of transition it is okay to not know all right don't let that freak you out not knowing just means you are in a period of growth you are

in a period of moving forward and that is okay but you do not have to figure it out right now okay you do not have to always have an answer the only thing that i want you to do is to keep moving forward that's really all you can do one step at a time you don't have to know what you're doing five years from now even a year from now just know what you're doing tomorrow or even next week set up some fun things for you to do with yourself um reach out to some people really try and garner optimism within yourself focus on some um gratuity and feeling grateful for the things in your life that will really be a fantastic way of you know realizing okay maybe a little bit of chaotic but it's good and we're moving forward and we're gonna prosper through it all you know

what i mean but i don't want you guys to be freaking out right now change is good change is a little scary. Everything new is scary though. That doesn't mean it's inherently bad. Life is all about facing things that are new and a little bit uncomfortable, but pushing through them anyway. And once you make it to the other side, it will be so worth what you have gone through a million percent. Hi, Anna. This has been the worst week of my life. My boyfriend and I have three years just broke up some bad shit went down I went and spent like $400 on this protective braid hairstyle and I'm allergic to the synthetic hair or the chemicals burned my scalp so badly that I have blisters all over my scalp my shoulders my back like my hair is falling out

it's just awful so I already have to take them out two days later and it's like I lost my job so that's cool and just someone casted some bad juju shit on me and I need to cleanse myself cleanse my space bring in good energy and just positive vibes and I was wondering if you had any tips on how to do that because I cannot spend another week of my life like this thank you I appreciate you first of all i love you and i'm so sorry i feel like we've all been in a place where it's like oh my god everything's going wrong all at once what the fuck did i do you know like who did i piss off the answer is no one and i know it's annoying but when i come to the position where it's like and my dad has told me this many times that when it rains it pours when it's pouring

on you I take that as like a physical representation that maybe the universe or my subconscious is trying to tell me that I'm doing something wrong okay I'm and that's okay we can do wrong things but maybe I'm heading down the wrong path and I needed that door to slam closed in my fucking face in order to get onto the right path and I know that sounds crazy because a lot of the times when this happens to people people assume they're in a good place they assume that things are going well you know I'm I'm having a great time and then all of a sudden oh my god I get hit in the middle of nowhere by five or six different bad things happening all at once um and I genuinely believe that is the universe your subconscious being like we got to switch things up we got to try some new

things, we got to change paths, we got to change directions, we got to open a new door, okay? And that's okay. I feel like a lot of this existential dread and unhappiness can be changed and can be uplifted by making key changes within your life. And some of those changes are going to be forced upon you, such as a breakup, but some of those changes can be, you know, things that you knew you've been wanting um or been trying to go for that maybe you haven't had time to go for so say you lost your job but there's a different kind of job that you've been wanting to pursue or maybe one that you never would have thought of that popped up on you know linkedin or something that you're applying for but it's giving you time and an opportunity to try something new or go

after something that you maybe would have never gone for if things would have continued on the same path so i know it feels like things are going completely and utterly wrong but also like maybe that man wasn't for you maybe that job wasn't the best job you could ever go after um now i understand the skin reaction that's no fun whatsoever at all but maybe we need to pay more attention to um our allergies or anything like that or put more put more focus on um on ourselves and what works for us there are different opportunities the universe provides for us that don't seem like opportunities like i get it i got into this huge or horrible awful car crash like fucking 3 a.m i wasn't blacked out but i hit this car and passed out um like that's

what i mean when i blacked out because i woke up and my car was in a car crash like there was a car parked in the middle of the highway and the officer pulled me out of the car and was like yeah you should be dead right now and it's like what the fuck did I do to deserve this I just got this car I'm hanging out with my boyfriend at the time who I thought was good not good at all for me um and by going through that really hard time it showed me people's true intentions it showed me who was really there for me it showed me that I could be there for myself and show up for myself and I could stand by myself in order to make things better and that it was a pivotal hard turning point in my life but it put me completely on a utterly better path that I am so happy to be

on because who fucking knows where I would be if I wouldn't have gotten in that car crash and it sucks that it came from a quote-unquote negative thing but you can turn so many negative of things into a positive now a key tip to also kind of power through this you know feeling of oh my god what the fuck is going on is we as humans when we have something to be responsible for we ought to that automatically gives us some sort of happiness and fulfillment so that could be like a small plant a fish maybe you have a cat or a dog or maybe it's like a family member or a friend whatever it is that you feel like you can put energy into and take care of or maybe it's yourself oh my god i love that idea um it automatically feels makes us feel that we are

responsible and uplifting and caring for something and that feels good so that is another thing that we can put into the works there um but with that being said don't arrest your own development okay you need to face uncomfortable growth the earlier the better okay i.e like maybe move out of your parents home when you know you're financially able to know that you'll need to give up on some comfort to do this but what you'll gain is so much more important um maybe you know it's taking the risk and applying for that job that you never thought you would have a chance to apply for and really believing in yourself and taking that hard change or maybe it's up and moving somewhere new whatever it may be the earlier you enact that change the better i talked earlier about

breakups like oh my god if you are unsure about this relationship the easiest thing for you to do is understand a this is not working for me and i need to make a change and making that change not letting yourself sit in the place that you know is not helping you grow or develop letting yourself naturally grow and develop through the hardships standing by yourself supporting yourself having something also to support and understanding that yes when it rains it pours but something beautiful will come out of this I guarantee you will be put on a new path that will feel so much better than the old one that you thought was good um it's crazy how the universe works and it's crazy how you know it will up and move us onto new paths but I guarantee

it will be a path of betterment someone asked what's the vibe this tourist season the vibe this tourist season is luxury and living and vibing with yourself and enjoying your time and eating fabulous foods and dressing up and having a fucking blast but really really mostly as all my taurus queens know best is focusing on yourself and really not letting anyone tell you shit um one of my best friends growing up was a taurus or is a taurus and she is the baddest bitch i know she knows herself better than anyone else she doesn't let anybody walk over her she follows her dreams she goes after her passions and she's also like luxurious like she is living the best fucking life and that is the energy that I'm really trying to tap into this TARS season

someone asked what's my favorite foundation slash concealer right now I've been obsessed with the rare beauty concealer um because a I have horrible acne and everything will make me break out and this is a fantastic item and does not make me break out so love that and then also for a foundation i'm more of like a lightweight foundation girly like very sheer very minimal um so i have been using the glossier skin tint and i have been loving that as well but the rare beauty concealer is chef's kiss someone said let's talk about not feeling cool enough that's an interesting question i feel like a lot of us i don't know we don't feel super connected to ourselves um because we live in an age of comparison and when you are constantly comparing comparing comparing yourself

to other people and like kind of ranking yourself against other people hell yeah you're not gonna feel cool enough because there's people out there lying on the internet there's people out there photoshopping themselves there's people out there faking stuff there's people out there with also like a shit ton of money doing crazy shit that we as normal regular human beings are not doing okay like ever and that is a okay you have to stop it with the comparison or else you will never escape the cycle of like I'm not cool am I cool enough the way that I realized like no I'm cool like I don't give a fuck what anybody thinks about me I don't care if I'm not doing all these cool things I don't care if I'm not wearing the coolest clothing is I got to know myself I stopped denying

myself of who I am and also I stopped surrounding myself with people that I felt like I needed to be a different person for. Surround yourself with people that you feel like you can be yourself and they're going to love and accept you no matter what, okay? If you were surrounding by people that you feel like you need to, you know, oh I gotta act this way or I gotta dress this way or I gotta feel cool enough to hang out with them, they are not a good person for you to hang out with, okay? Whether you're doing it subconsciously or they're doing it to you, not a good energy to try and match if it's an online thing where it's like oh my god i'm following all these people that i keep comparing myself to or i keep consuming content that is putting me down stop it cut it out you

are in control of your social media consumption okay if you need to delete instagram for a week or a month or however long go for it if it's not providing you like inspiration like i follow this girl size swoon on instagram she's fantastic the way she talks about the internet and utilizing it it is a place of creativity it is a place of connection it's a place of sharing it is not a place of like let's rank each other and let's see who's the coolest like no this internet the internet in general is like a magical place it is crazy that it is even like real and we can use it on a daily basis and we can connect to people and understand people so fast and so quickly like we don't have to send ravens anymore to people like with scrolls attached to their feet holy shit i

can get on instagram in the morning and see what all my friends are up to utilize that magic utilize that creativity um and if you feel like you can't tap into it it's absolutely okay to take a break um if you feel like you can't stop comparing yourself to other people it's okay to remove that tool of comparison from your life but you are cool i don't care who you are i don't care how you dress i don't care where you came from you are cool we as human beings are so vastly fucking different we all look different we all behave different we all have different ideas and ways of approaching the world and that is so fucking cool we are all so unique and that is why i love us and i love you for that i think a lot of people think that the notion of like being cool

inherently comes from trying hard and so in turn that puts them in a motion of like okay i need to go buy all these expensive things i need to behave this certain way and i need to you know put up this front which in turn is drawing them further and further away from their true selves and is honestly making them lose all personality and like what makes them a cool individual honestly it does the exact opposite of what you think you're doing when people usually think about quote-unquote being cool the coolest people are the people who like don't give a fuck that they are 100% them I don't care if they're annoying or like weird or whatever there's something attractive about that and attractive is in a sense of like I'm drawn to them because they are so

ultimately themselves and i love that about people and that is what makes people truly and honestly cool oh my god so on the questionnaire that i post every week on my instagram story i love it because you can not only send like text questions but you can also send photos videos music whatever is on your mind and someone just sent a picture of a pregnancy test oh my god girly praying i don't know if you want to be pregnant or not i'm assuming not but yeah i had a pregnancy scare this month too i don't know if anybody else is on that vibe i think i was just freaking myself out but with my new iud my periods are really really light it's like very light um so i was like i bled a little bit and i thought it was like quote-unquote implantation bleeding like i'm

pregnant no my periods are very very light now so love that for me question mark don't love the anxiety that comes with being a woman oh my god like all the fucking time best thing you can really do for yourself if you have anxiety and also are terrified of being pregnant is just buy pregnancy tests in bulk so whenever you're like oh no you can just immediately get up and take a pregnancy test i'm pretty sure costco has them anyways good luck girl hoping for the best in whatever situation you're hoping for here someone asked um how do you accept criticism when you're a perfectionist so when i went to art school i realized very quickly you better learn how to take criticism no matter where you are in the world because it is not a direct personal attack

it is somebody wanting you to do better period point blank like we would sit down for four hour critiques like we would sit there and just talk about one piece of art and how much we hated it oh my god for like four hours could you imagine you're like oh my god i put my heart and my soul into this piece of artwork you know it is a part of me it is like a literal extended arm of me and i'm gonna hang it up on the wall and i feel so proud and then like 24 people in your class are like yeah we all hate it and we're going to go into exact detail of why we hate it like oh my god my heart are you kidding me you have to learn very quickly very very quickly if you want to get better if you want to be better if you want to be a better human you better take criticism and you

better take it well okay not all criticism is a direct personal attack whether it's your roommate coming to you with a thing that has been on their mind your partner coming to you with an issue that has been on their mind your best friend coming to you with a criticism of you know your behavior or your professor coming to you with criticism of your art your mom coming to you with criticism of your food i don't know whatever it may be you have to understand that these people love you and want to be better and they are coming to you as another human being and being vulnerable with you about what is on their mind if you are constantly taking things like personally like oh my god they hate me now oh my god I'm the victim oh my god you will never become better

you will never better yourself you will never better your relationships you have to be able to take criticism in the real world especially like I work in a restaurant and my manager will give me criticism all the time and the best thing that I learned especially during art school is just take it take it for what it is at face value understand they want you to be better understand that you listening to this and not giving sass back and understanding where they're coming from will make you a better human being no matter what now of course there's people who are just like nitpicky and you got to learn just ignore that but when people come to you with real issues and real criticism about yourself you cannot play the victim you can't you will never grow you will

never develop as a human being you have to be able to listen and hear them out and in turn you will be uh build better um more deeper connections and it's just a life lesson that you got to learn okay it's hard i get it but you'll get through it someone asked how do you know if you're bi um or how did I know I was bi when you're like eight on the family computer not eight that's pretty young when you're like 12 on the family computer and you're like googling am I gay quiz that's how you know you're like somewhere else that's not straight and it's okay it's absolutely okay you don't have to figure it out just lean into it discover new things about yourself and don't try and push it down is kind of the best advice I would really

give you um but yeah when I was googling am I gay on my family computer that's how I knew I definitely didn't just like men that's for sure okay and last but not least for the last question of the evening someone asked uh how to know if you're making the right life choices or choices in life. I hate to break it to you. You never do. You never do. The worst thing I ever did for myself was sit and wait and wait and wait and think about it and trying to think my way into the right life choices. That's not how you make the right life choices. The best life choices are made. No. Best thing you can really do for yourself is just make the choices. You won't know if they're right or wrong until you get into them and then you adjust accordingly okay if you're in the wrong

position you make changes to get out of it and if you're in the right position then you keep persevering and you keep moving and moving and moving up um but you will never know if you're making the right life choice so by you sitting around or by me how i did it i would just sit around and think and think and am i doing the right thing and how can i approach this and should I do it and blah blah blah blah blah I was just wasting time when I could have just gotten up and done the fucking thing and discovered if it was right for me or not and here's the thing not all decisions that you make will be the right one and that's okay but you have to be able to get yourself out of them if they aren't you have to understand that hey I made the wrong decision

I picked the wrong partner I picked the wrong college I picked the wrong place to live you know I did it wrong that's okay it's okay to quote unquote what you think is backtrack um it's not backtracking because you're just pushing yourself onto a another path that is going to be better for you but when you recognize that you made the wrong life decision you got us quickly you know don't think about it make changes to put yourself on the on the right path but i do think that if you just trust your gut and listen to yourself and go after things that you love and know that you deserve they ultimately will be the right life choices um but the more you sit and think and think and hope that you know is this the right one should i do it should i you will never

discover until you just get up and fucking do it and try so give it a shot give life a shot give your dreams a shot they will probably go better than you will ever imagine i love you anyways i love you all so very much i gotta get this podcast out to you guys and get me some lunch in my belly it was so fun hanging out with you guys this tuesday thank you so much for all the new people who have joined thank you so much for all the love on the 420 episode i hope you guys enjoyed as much as i did um if you haven't caught the video episode on spotify give it give it a little love go check it out it's a fun little hangout in bed sesh vibes so fucking fun i can't wait to do also more of those and more video episodes and more video content for you guys coming up um after my

big move i'll have like a little set so cute take you along with me throughout my life but thank you again for all the love you guys show me um thank you for the new people who are listening and giving this a shot um i am just overwhelmed and blown away by how many of you guys are listening and hanging out um every single fucking week like i don't think you guys understand like our sesh circle at this point it's like tens of thousands of people like could you imagine a big giant fucking circle all of us just like passing the blunt back and forth but it's like like 20,000 fucking people are you kidding me I love you and I am so eternally grateful to have you guys in my life to have you here just spend every week with you and I hope I can provide some joy a little

break from the chaos that is this world um and a little peace and maybe a little fun along the way you know what I mean but that being said let me get this podcast out to you guys if you want any extra you know content extra hangouts extra what is hannah up to my instagram is hannah marlene you can also check out the patreon um i post on there i try and post on there monday through friday with a video something video fun every week i did a thrift haul last week i've done vlogs i've done um get ready with me's i've taken you along vacations whatever it may be um that is where all the extra extra content is but other than that thank you for just being here and supporting smoke sesh and i hope i can support you guys and uplift you guys along the way but i

love you all so much don't let mercury retrograde get to you don't let change get to you understand that life new things can be a little scary but that doesn't mean they're inherently bad and you are deserving of good things i love you all and i will see you all next week