Smoke Sesh - the divine feminine, paranoia & the BIGGEST red flag

Episode Date: October 15, 2024

hello hotties and happy Tuesday! so lovely to be back with you all on this amazing day, we have a lot to catch up on but we talk about staying busy and how boredom can be your downfall, we talk the evils of vintage reselling and a crazy experience I had, what is my slay recipe? and how to truly slay, my current favorite rituals of the season, surviving halloweekend and how to make the best of it, is your man an ankle monitor? and my BIGGEST red flag in men, casual sex- what's really so casual? how to help the paranoid friend at the sesh, connecting to the divine feminine, what's the one thing im really proud of? and last but not least how to spice it up and garner romance in your relationships, plus much much more! if you want to see more from me follow this instagram hannahmarlene and join the patreon at patreon.com/smokeseshshawty for extra content, also remember to keep your confessionals in mind for the halloween episode! love you all and chat soon! MUAH!

listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you can call me hannah the host of smoke sash so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all hello hotties of the world good morning how the hell are we all doing today on this beautiful little tuesday welcome back to the world's number one smoke sesh my name is hannah your host if you don't know me welcome we are so happy to have you here if you do know me which a lot of you already do hi girls i'm so happy to be back today is like an extra extra extra comfy cozy episode okay i've

really been and i know every time i get on this podcast fall fall seasonal fall listen listen i'm supposed to indulge in the comforts of the season okay and i woke up this morning and i stepped foot out of bed there was a chill in the air you know when you wake up and your toes are cold and you're like oh it's getting to be fall it's getting to be winter I love that I love that it makes it feel so nostalgic I feel like a child again getting up out of bed and I all I want to do honestly when I feel that way is just like sit down with a nice hot cup of coffee chill enjoy the morning and that's exactly what I did today today's kind of like my last day off for a little bit actually quite a bit of time um so I've really been indulging this past week and just honestly

doing nothing I love doing nothing in fact it's probably one of my favorite things to do but I do realize when I do too much of nothing it becomes quite counterproductive to my overall mental health because I start driving myself insane you ever sit there and you're like holy shit I'm going crazy it's probably because you've been doing nothing for too long actually when I was younger and I first started developing my signs of depression, I found that I was falling deeper and deeper into a depression and into those spiraling thought processes. Of course, A, because like I was a child going through hormonal changes. That's a lot to deal with. Also taking on, you know, mental health things that are passed down for me. But also, also I was

doing nothing and having all of those thoughts and those feelings to just sit and think about all the time honestly not the healthiest thing to do luckily now I'm older and I do have a pretty good grasp and grip a tight little fucking grip on my mental health and doing nothing is usually very productive but I do find myself sometimes being like why am I going down these weird deep dark rabbit holes that i don't need to be going down it's because i'm bored and i think a lot of like the compulsion scrolling comes from a need to do something but a lack of doing it and it's so much easier to just get on our phone and collect images and collect content and scroll and scroll and scroll and scroll but really what your brain wants you to do is get the fuck up and

do something do something it could be anything okay it could be cleaning your bathroom it could be going for a walk simply stepping outside your apartment it could be making yourself breakfast stepping away from the phone and picking up a book reading a chapter that compulsion I think is really your brain telling you that you just need to do something and ideally do something productive so I've been feeling that way recently and although this week I have a very very busy week. I'm working like double the amount of hours I've ever worked. I have a lot of family coming into town that I haven't seen for a while. I'm celebrating my brother and my nephew's birthday. There's a lot going on, but it's going to be good because I've had a lot of energy that has been

displaced and I'm excited to finally place it again. And I don't think I'm going to be, I mean, I'm going to be overwhelmed, but I think it's going to feel good to be overwhelmed, good to be tired. Sometimes, especially after exhausting yourself mentally so much and like being alone and constantly exhausting yourself through your thought processes, having a distraction and being able to be exhausted by the real world, real experiences, you know, all that jazz feels so much better. Like I love going to bed at the end of the night, like tired, ready to lay down and pass the fuck out. Not like I'm going to lay down and then be up for three hours playing dress to impressed speaking of phone addictions yeah love that game anyways it's gonna be a good week it's

gonna be great speaking of uh i'm uploading this on tuesday so i think i have a new recipe posted if everything goes well today my plan today is actually to go to the grocery store and then do a little baking i have one more fall recipe a baking fall recipe that i want to share with you guys it's essentially just um like a puff pastry danish like a cream cheese danish but with toasted cinnamon apples on top girl girl i do not come to play with my food okay when it comes to food i smoke a lot so if my food's not good i'm gonna have an attitude it's just part of the game so anything that i cook and share with you guys which all my recipes i post on instagram they're good i promise and they're also very very easy very beginner friendly i put every fucking step

in those captions because i hate when i'm scrolling on something and i see something yummy and I'm like oh I would love to make that and then it's like recipe below and I click and then it's like okay now go click the link in my bio and then pay five dollars and then you get to see the recipe bitch shut up like people don't know how to cook and there's so much joy that comes from cooking like make cooking recipes free again hello so I always include every single step by step instruction temperature item in the caption so it is friendly for everybody to enjoy and consume because i want you guys to enjoy the same way that i do and best believe i love to eat that's for sure anyways as you can tell my coffee's really kicking in having a good morning

very chill very relaxed today is monday it's indigenous people's day so i think a lot of people have the day off which will be interesting not really planning on leaving my house but i am planning on just getting everything in order so this week goes well for me um so that is very fun and very exciting and a big part of that is hanging out with you guys setting the vibes for the week and seeing what's on your mind so with that being said enough of my chit chat let's get into everything that's on your minds actually I have a story for you guys I totally forgot about this situation last week I listen it's football season it's fall season I'm looking for some hoodies I live in Kansas City like I want a little Chiefs hoodie or whatever like I want to be comfy

cozy the next couple months when i get a text from the local thrift shop saying oh vintage chiefs drop friday 9 a.m i'm like okay i have friday morning off you know i can get up and i can go check out what they have going there like sure i would love to that'll be great what a great morning you know my nephew is a chiefs fan like he loves sports like i'm gonna go get him a little little kid-sized sweater I'm gonna go get me a sweater like I'm gonna go just have a good time and enjoy my morning at the thrift store like okay it's 9 a.m maybe there's gonna be some people there who are gonna like really want it the same way I do I get up early anyways like I might as well just be there like five minutes early or whatever I get there I walk up to the doors

I see five five grown men in high water pants at least $300 shoes piercings everywhere neck tattoos car hearts I was like oh fuck what the fuck what the fuck is going on like why are these men practically trying to pry the doors open five minutes before opening also like what is their plan i'm a little scared because i can't physically fight these guys i'm like what the fuck are they gonna do i get in line i'm waiting my turn they're like trying to like stand as close to the door as they possibly can a fire marshal walks up okay fire marshal walks up the people that are inside the building go to like open the door to let the fire marshal in these men start pushing this fire marshal who's a lady by the way like out of the way trying to get in they're like

no no no like she has to come in here to check the the fire hydrants or whatever the fuck like we're not open yet you guys cannot come in here let her in they're like oh sorry okay they take a step back doors close two minutes later it's 9 a.m they are unlocking the doors i have never seen grown men move this fast in my entire life they sprinted in this thrift store grabbed every single item that was hanging up on every single rack and the walls snatched it all down we're throwing hangers we're pushing babies and strollers out of the way we're shoving grandmas who were working there snatched everything everything gone in 30 seconds I hate vintage resellers I fucking hate them I cannot oh my god literally like I get we all need to make a bag I get it

i get it rents due we all gotta pay our bills but what the fuck is that men used to go to war men used to go to war and die and now you're shoving old ladies over and pushing infants and strollers out of the way to get a hoodie to get a hoodie they each left with at least three carts of vintage chiefs hoodies i did not get one i was two people behind them what the actual fuck is that now at this point I got trust issues with these vintage resellers because this has been like one of the bad things that's happened with me with vintage resellers because fuck you you're grabbing a $15 hoodie that I was going in there to buy my nephew and you're gonna quadruple the price and sell it for $150 what what the fuck and all the people behind

you that want to get a hoodie you see them you say fuck you good luck hell no death i wish death yes i do absolutely oh my god nothing has ever pissed me off as bad as that situation there no trust for vintage resellers anymore because what's the actual fuck also i made the mistake there's this girl who's very sweet very kind she's like oh you know what are your favorite thrift stores to go to and i'm like this girl seems like a cool girl i like to tell everybody about it because I want everybody to have good finds whatever usually the people I'm talking to are like shopping for themselves I'm like oh yeah I shop at this you know this thrift store she's a vintage reseller she goes there every day and takes everything out of the fucking store and

since then like I have not been able to find good things oh my god I cannot do it anymore I cannot it stresses me out so much like leave something for the rest of us girlies leave something for the girlies who are not trying to make a bag and simply want to have style it is it pisses me off and psa if you're a vintage reseller this i'm not coming for you obviously with any sort of job and any sort of experience there's going to be good and bad and unfortunately i have met a lot of the bad people when it comes to vintage reselling but that those men not even men those boys icing on the cake literally it was fucking psychotic it was giving like the travis scott astroworld stampede like there is no reason you need to be shoving the grandmothers working behind the counter because

you're literally running behind the counter to snatch everything off the walls you should be embarrassed and in fact they were because i was standing there laughing giggling what the fuck is going on i did manage to find a juicy tracksuit shout out to the thrift gods obviously they were not looking for green chiefs are red and white and gold hello i don't know they were not looking for green i spotted a juicy tracksuit i snatched her up i said thank you thank you to the thrift gods i see you see my pain and you wanted to provide i god bless you they snatched everything didn't even look at it just went to go check out what the fuck they're checking everything out i'm like this is gonna take forever all I want is my juicy tracksuit the old the grandma's like opened

up a different register for me I came up there I was like damn I wish I could have got something like of course I'm gonna make a snarky remark of course I gotta make it awkward hello if you're making it awkward I gotta address that you're being weird and making it awkward as well like I gotta address the elephant in the room I was like yeah I was just coming in here to shop for my nephew and me like he's a huge Chiefs fan he's like turning four it's his birthday almost you know I wanted to get him something cool and the guys are looking at me and they go yeah sorry this is really embarrassing of us I said yeah it is and I checked out and left because what are you doing what are you doing anyways that's my rant for the day I had to get that energy out of the way that

was just psycho to see in person there's no reason you need to be sprinting over a $15 item ever ever in your life there's no reason you need to be prying open the doors of a thrift store oh it's wearing $400 pants you do not need to be prying open the door of a thrift store ever death someone asked what is your recipe for slay speaking of um if i had to give a recipe for slay a slay recipe for my girlies honestly i think the best way to slay is truly just knowing who the fuck you are and I don't think knowing who you are comes from like attaching attributes to yourself or attaching like ideas such as like I play soccer or I do art I mean those are things that you can pull inspiration from but I think a lot of the attributes that you should consider when it

comes to knowing yourself are things like I'm kind I'm caring I enjoy these things currently I want to project this kind of image I you know embody these kind of ideals it's a little bit deeper than the labels but I also think the the label-y things are important especially if you drive inspiration from them so knowing who you are and also not letting anybody else tell you who the fuck you are that includes feeling like you can't act a certain way around somebody or you can't be a certain way or letting those outside perspectives really control or force you into a box i think if you have belief and understanding in yourself and you don't give a fuck what anybody else thinks about you that is how you that's the recipe for a slay right there

okay i recently had to come to terms with this because i've been around a lot of judgmental bitches and i don't use that kind of phrase lightly okay i really am not around those kinds of people that often but recently i have been around those people which is very embarrassing because like you're 35 why are you scared hello like do you not have other priorities going on than hating me like i'm so confused but it's also like a lot of people especially especially when they are miserable the way that they interact with you has a lot to do with how they feel about themselves and nothing to do with how they actually feel about you so it's like yeah of course you hate me because you hate yourself and I'm like the epitome of calm cool collected which is

everything that you're not so of course you're going to be very upset and angry with me but also like i'm not i was about to say sorry but also like i'm not sorry you should figure that out suffer over there i guess i don't know what to say but like i will never take on other people's problems in that way if you hate the way that i interact with the world in a very happy and confident manner then of course i'm not gonna let you drag me to the depths of hell with you a slay recipe is believing in yourself knowing who you are and not letting anybody else interrupt that internal flow someone asked what's your favorite ritual right now i'm unsure what kind of ritual you're asking for it is it like a witchy ritual or is it like a interpersonal ritual

actually i have both for you so fuck it let's get into it when it comes to like witchy rituals especially right now i love me a money bowl i love a money bowl always okay like if i'm trying to manifest one thing might as well be money like what hello and it's so easy to make i have on the patreon like a full pdf on like how to create the money bowl and how i go about it but i've had my money bowl for about four or five months and it's so funny because i went from just like it's basically just I use a green bowl and I fill it with salt and cinnamon bay leaves with my affirmations and my manifestations on them green candles honey different things that can attract money or just like a place that I can have and hold space on my altar that will manifest

money and a place that I can go when I want to manifest finances but this thing's overflowing with cash it's a little crazy to see because whenever I have like a spare couple cents on me or a spare dollar i'll go in there into my altar and i'll place it in my money bowl i'll place it there as like a way of like an offering you know giving to the universe so it can give back to me when i tell you there's at least 150 in my money bowl right now and i i just blinked months have passed and all of a sudden it's overflowing that's practical magic for you okay and that's one good ritual that i've been doing right now one that i've really seen the payoff for recently which is very nice so that's a great ritual but when it comes to like daily or weekly rituals with my

boyfriend being so busy and working like six days a week sometimes seven eight nine days a week which is insane to me and me working nights we really don't see each other anymore which is a little crazy like I'll get home from work and it's midnight so of course he's asleep and then like I'll wake up when he's leaving like he'll say bye to me and that's about it for like a couple days so when we do have the occasional day off i really like to be intentional with those days and at least plan like a fun little date thing either he plans it or i plan it whoever comes up with a fun idea no pressure one thing that we've been doing since his days off recently have been on sunday is we'll get up and we'll make breakfast together i don't really eat breakfast but it's so

fun to have like a cool chill morning we put on a bunch of like npr tiny desk concerts and made bacon we made pancakes I made some eggs it was just so fantastic and a great way to like slow down and be intentional with people and I love once again sharing meals with people I think it's a great way to just like really connect and slow down and then also get something yummy out of it one of my favorite things to do actually when I lived with roommates and back when I lived in the dorms and it was like four girls living together is we would get together and we would do like a dinner night and we would all hang out and cook together or we would wake up early in the morning and we would all cook breakfast together i think it's a really fun

and unique way to kind of intentionally slow down and reconnect and kind of literally feed each other and the universe around you i think it's really beautiful so that's been a favorite ritual of mine recently at least in my daily life so hopefully that helps but yeah if you want the money bowl ritual i mean there's many money money bowl spells or money spells that you can look up online um but if you want the exact one just everything is free on my patreon once you join so join the patreon and then type in money bowl and you'll find it immediately but love you someone said the stress of planning for both hallow weekends is setting in girl we have hallow weekend coming up i remember hallow weekend like weekends actually plural in college like any moment

that we could have we were dressing up we were going out we were getting blacked out drunk at the at the frat houses like of course hello like it's the weekend what else are we supposed to do duh and always the worst thing about hallow weekends is I always had an exam or a test you know like a Monday or a Tuesday after there was always that one professor that just like hated young people and hated that we were having fun and obviously knew we were gonna be out so they'd be like, oh, by the way, exam on Monday. Bitch, shut up. Are you kidding me? If I was a professor, hell no. I want to party and have fun too. Why the fuck would I make anybody do an exam the day after Halloweekend? Like, I'm chill and I'll put on a movie. I don't care. We'll put on a

informational YouTube video for two hours if I have to. Like, I'd be the chillest professor ever. But also, there's a lot of stress behind it. So I think specifically when it comes to Halloweekend, If you can get your costumes planned early and keep them simple, that's the best way to go about it. If you can do all of your studying the beginning of the week to the point where you only have to review flashcards here and there, that's the best way to go about having an exam afterwards and feeling adequately prepared and eating full meals. If you can adequately prepare for Halloween, you're going to have a good time, okay? Come up with two or three, however many places you're going fun and easy costumes that don't require a lot do not wear

those platform boots you're going to fall down the stairs do not wear something that's like so uncomfortable that you cannot have a good time my favorite costumes and the ones that i had the most fun in are the ones where i was like post malone or something back in 2016 where i could just draw on face tattoos chain smoke cigarettes braid my hair and throw on a black turtleneck and call it good do you know what I mean like very simple very simple if you want to do something complex do the complex pictures at home take off the complex things and then go to the party okay I think comfortability is really overlooked on Halloween of course you want to be hot and sexy but like keep it simple um one of my Halloween costumes is literally just a latex dress like

that's all I need latex dress cute little smoky eye fun bun easy peasy lemon fucking squeezy have your costumes planned keep them simple keep them comfortable the funny ones are always the ones that you look at and you're like damn I should have done that you know while you're wearing like knee-high stockings and like the breeze is passing by on your pussy you're like oh I should have worn the pants you know what I mean I learned that really the hard way at raves I was like okay love a rave but also I'm very jealous of the girls in the hoodies or like the onesies when I am literally like puss out if you can go comfy I highly recommend doing that if you can plan and keep it simple highly recommend if you have exams you need to study for them please for the love of

god do not fail your exams you're paying so much money for this college like you can prepare so do your studying the first couple days of the week your deep intense studying utilize those days when thursday friday rolls around make sure you're on to just having flash cards and reviewing the stuff that you don't know okay and then by the day that you do have the exam after the weekend the morning of your exam always just make sure you're doing at least an hour of studying before your exam if you have time allotted you will feel adequately prepared and if you fail it fuck it it probably wasn't you at least you tried also very underrated please keep yourself fed please for the love of god okay listen we love drinking we love partying we love having a good

time but no one wants to be the friend who's sloshed out can't get up like the messy drunk friend and the way that you're not the messy drunk friend is by eating enough food that your body can process the alcohol and handle it adequately okay go get that subway sandwich cook that fun breakfast for everybody in the morning when you're all getting ready or cook like a fun little easy pasta dish before you're all going out before the pre-game you know while everybody's doing their makeup cook a little easy marinara and noodle situation keep it simple but please keep yourself fed not only will it keep you having more of a good time at the parties but also your brain's going to be fed you're going to retain all the information from studying and you'll be able to

adequately remember things and have a good time and also hopefully pass your exam food you need it food is fuel it will keep you going it will keep you having fun and most importantly be safe be safe the amount of stories i have from halloween nights where i'm like i think i should have died not that i wanted to but like how the fuck did i make it out of that alive please for the love of god do not have any of those moments this weekend stay safe get ubers do not drive anywhere fuck it walk if you have to stay with a friend that is aware of your presence and aware of your safety and wants to uphold that okay find a buddy you know like you know when they'd have like you'd be going to the bathroom or you'd be going somewhere on a school field trip and they're

like all right find your class buddy that you're gonna be with literally do that at parties be safe have fun don't take drinks from random strangers especially on halloween fuck no but have a good time stay sexy stay hot stay fed most importantly but yeah I think Halloween it's a little stressful because it feels like there's a lot going on but if you chunk it up and make sure that you're preparing it can be a very very good time I don't really think I'm doing anything for Halloween this year I don't know I'm very much so like a comfy era of my life um last Halloween we went to a rave that was super fun um I love just going out and partying and drinking and having a good time always always always always hello party girl for life but I am entering that like reformed party

era where I'm like I kind of just want to take pictures and then change into sweats and watch a nostalgic movie and probably like eat some chili am I 80 years old maybe but also when you have those energetic ebbs and flows you have to lean into them I know I label myself one way but also like if you have the feeling of like wanting to do something else you have to lean into that feeling that's how you uphold that authenticity that's how you uphold that like true connecting with yourself and understanding yourself is from feeling those emotions feeling that desire of what you want to do and then following it not putting yourself into other situations that you know you're not going to enjoy like there's been halloweens where it's like i want to go out so

bad but i have nobody to go out with so i just stay home and i sit at home and i'm sad and it's like girl you can go out and party go to a concert go to a rave there's so many events going on in the city i promise you like it's okay to go out and enjoy yourself even though maybe it's not the exact situation you were looking for but still if it's what you are desiring you can always make that happen for yourself you know what i mean that's how you enact authenticity in your life following those feelings following those emotions and staying true to them but happy hello weekend ladies what are we coming on the first hallow weekend of the season yeah i feel like in college the party started like this upcoming weekend oh my god that's crazy how are we three weeks into

october what the fuck is happening time is flying by this is insane someone said boyfriend doesn't let me have guy friends it makes me feel lonely i'm friends with two girls though is your boyfriend your parole officer every single time i hear a girl go my boyfriend won't let me leave the house my boyfriend won't let me have this friend my boyfriend won't let me go to this place my boyfriend has to have my location i am constantly checking in with my boyfriend i am constantly walking on eggshells because my boyfriend is around bitch are you a prisoner because it's sounding like you are it sounds like you have a metaphorical ankle monitor on you at all times and that's not healthy that is in fact quite terrifying so if your boyfriend feels more like

an ankle monitor like a parole officer than a loving and doting and husband material boyfriend girl what the fuck are you doing why are you locking yourself up please for the love of god free yourself immediately prison break all right lots of boyfriends fucking up my boyfriend comes home angry all the time what do I do I made a rule for myself after my last relationship that I refuse to ever live with a angry man again ever and that is for my own mental and personal safety and I you know what this applies for every single man that I interact with in my life because as soon as i'm around a man and he starts getting angry he starts losing control of his emotions he becomes emotional and enraged over little simple things i lose every single ounce

of my respect because women are required to maintain that image every single second of the day and men think they can just get off you know oh this is how i show my power as a man i'm allowed to be angry because i'm a man no shut up shut up literally shut up and go sit in the corner and think about what the fuck you just did because you're acting like a toddler and that is not hot and sexy at all at all at all i hate an angry man it is my one biggest pet peeve and probably the biggest red flag you can look for in a man and i'm not saying oh men can't show their emotions men can't indulge in their emotions no I don't give a fuck about all that of course everybody's gonna be angry every once in a while it is the lack of emotional control

and understanding of self to realize that you screaming and yelling and having an attitude is affecting everybody else around you girl this isn't your show this isn't you know your day I'm not gonna let you affect everybody else in the room because you have a bad fucking attitude I don't give a fuck actually go be mad somewhere else I don't have time for all that and I think it's honestly a great rule for everybody to have in their life because I just cannot deal I start getting violent too you know what I mean like it is the one biggest thing that I simply cannot put up with in any sort of interpersonal relationship in my life, whether it's romantic or even like a coworker or anything like that. I did not realize my dad dealt with severe anger issues until I

grew up. And that statement right there says a lot because I think a lot of people experience fathers that are very, very angry and that's the only way they know them. They are fighting that battle publicly in front of other people whereas my dad made it a mission he knew my anger problems are a huge issue and I never ever ever want my children to see me this way because I never want them to have to take on this energy I never want them to have to even think about becoming this angry person I want to be a cool calm collected happy father and if I feel like I am putting myself into a place that is angry I am going to remove myself from the situation I did not know he dealt with those problems until I was like 18 and he was like oh yeah I want to get a tattoo

that represents the anger problems I've been fighting all my life I'm like what anger problems what are you talking about that's a real fucking man right there that is a real man a real man with emotional understanding understanding that his emotions affect other people knowing what kind of person they want to present themselves as knowing they want to be a good person and there are times where you can you know promote these emotions and sometimes where you have to keep them to yourself or take them somewhere else that is true strength that is what being a man really fucking is so every single time i encounter a man who is just angry hell no what a fucking pussy i don't have time for all that no i don't i don't have time to be around that energy it is so

draining it is so demeaning it is so enraging i feel unsafe both mentally and physically and I do not want any of you to ever feel that way I felt that way with my ex for way too long and after that I made it clear I will never be in a relationship like that ever fucking again for my own safety and also just to promote a healthy relationship because you have to think about if you're gonna be with this person you're gonna have kids with this person do you want your children seeing this man act this way the answer is no you need to get the fuck out of there because why are you sitting here and experiencing it also I think you have to be clear like listen everybody's gonna have bad days everybody's gonna be angry whatever I have BPD I cannot take on

heavy emotions like that constantly it is going to make me a shell of a human so I had to be clear with my boyfriend about that like it's okay if you're having a bad day but sometimes I cannot take on like I understand we as partners need to be a little bit like therapist-y in that sort of sense like this is my safe person I want to be able to experience every wave of emotion with them you know what I mean but also sometimes there's emotions where yes you are required to process them on your own and anger for me personally is one that I need you to take elsewhere until you know you're able to actually sit down and have a real conversation with me we're able to get to a point if you need to experience anger that's fine go take it to the skate park go skate it out go

fucking run go play soccer I don't care I cannot have it around me and I made that very clear to my boyfriend like I get it we're all gonna be angry sometimes there's gonna be slip ups here and there I'm not gonna hold you to that but I cannot have an angry man coming in my house every single fucking day or else it's not gonna work at all for both of our emotional safety and I think making that clear in your relationships is so important it is the ultimate red flag in a man is lack of emotional intelligence and control period so if you find yourself coming home to an angry man every day girl why are you there once again uh but yeah my biggest pet peeve I work with a lot of angry men and it is just like god that's so embarrassing of you that is so

embarrassing of you like wow why are you 35 acting like a infant I'm I'm scared not for myself but like for you and who you're around like that's scary my god someone said tips going into hookup culture I'm not gonna talk long about hookup culture but I am gonna tell you a quote that actually changed my whole perspective on casual sex and like who is it really casual for because it sure as hell is not the woman let me be real there is nothing casual about getting to have sex with me when west jet first took flight in 1996 the vibes were a bit different people thought denim on denim was peak fashion inline skates were everywhere and two out of three women rocked the rachel while those things stayed in the 90s one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you

get when west jet welcomes you on board here's to west jetting since 96 travel back in time with us and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years I think that literally changed my whole perspective if I was going into the single like world or whatever that would really affect the way that I thought about sex and like how I interacted with it there is nothing casual about getting to have sex with me I think that is something that every single one of you should be repeating through your heads constantly especially if you're in the dating scene or like the casual dating scene like who is it really casual for who is truly benefiting here ask yourself that if it's you great let's get into it

oh this is precious how to comfort a friend who gets paranoid off the the zaza the zuzu the the weed well that is actually so cute that's so cute because we all have that one friend where it's like everybody's having a good time then you look over at them and they're just like staring off into the corner like manually breathing and not really saying anything and you don't want to like pinpoint them and be like are you okay that's the last thing you want to ask somebody who's like paranoid off the charts i have one friend who will like take a hit of the blunt and then be like does anybody see the hat man in the corner like girl don't bring that up no one wants to think about that but also like are you okay what are you going through right now because obviously

it's not something good when you have a friend who's like pretty paranoid or like not the easiest to ease into a more relaxed state i think trying to make them giggle interacting with them or not interacting with them and giving them space and making them cozy is the best thing to do with my one friend like sometimes i'll understand she wants to interact with us she just can't think of the words so like we'll just laugh and have a good time like at her you know what i mean like you don't have to interact but like we're gonna include her in the combo and still pretend like she's talking but like try and make her laugh and giggle that's also a great that's a great option if you think that they want to be included but sometimes and i get this way too where it's like

i'm at the function and i get too high and honestly i just want to sit in the corner and observe and not really be addressed and just like chill so like we'll throw like a blanket on her like tuck her in in the corner of the couch like have a good time over there girl like it's okay you can just observe and have a good time like let me put a little bowl of popcorn next to you a nice drink next to you so you don't have to ask for anything because words are hard enough especially in that moment like let me make sure that you are set up for success so then we don't have to worry about you over there you know what i mean and also don't make fun of the weird paranoid person that's gonna make it way harder on them honestly don't make fun of anybody when they're

on any sort of like hallucinogen psychoactive substance I don't think that is a great way to proactively make the situation go better I think you should really just focus on like laughing enjoying having a good time making sure everybody's comfortable this is not the time for personal jokes all right it's gonna make everybody else spiral just have a good time make sure they're comfortable and understand like when they want to be connected and when they maybe want to disconnect i think that emotional intelligence is really important especially in those situations i also think it's okay to check in and be like what do you need not how are you doing not are you okay what can i get you right now do you have some water do you want a blanket you know like

offer them things i think that's the best way to go about it you guys this is just a little warning psa for all my girlies especially the ice cream lovers if you go to cold stone creamery during this time of year they have a special little thing called boo batter boo batter yes do i know what it's made of no do i know the flavor profile not at all but it is this dark blue ice cream essentially like black blue and i saw that i said yes give me the fattest scoop here on this earth but he put some kit kats in it put some brownie bits put some gummy bears let's get into it when i tell you my toilet bowl has been boo blue this entire week since eating it i don't know what is in it but i know there is an exorbitant amount of food dye that i probably should not be ingesting

and it has been quite literally insanity in the bathroom sorry so sorry so sorry so gross so tmi so you girl what are you even doing but also like the girls need to know is it delicious am i thinking about ordering it again every single day yes of course but the amount of bathroom breaks i've had to take during this episode is a little it's a little cuckoo bananas if i do say so myself someone asked is divine femininity only achievable through spiritual practice no i don't think so and i think anybody can hold the divine feminine energy you know that couple on tiktok fuck what are their names levi and what is what is the guy's name i don't know but she's this bombshell redhead and then her boyfriend always cooks for her love them endlessly i think

they are the perfect example of like a male and a female both upholding divine feminine energy in their lives i think they both are a perfect example of that um and i think simply it all comes from and I think the divine feminine energy in itself can be achievable in the way you uphold and connect to yourself as well as like the comfortability that you feel and like the the honoring that you give to your body in that sort of sense so ways that I uphold and protect my divine femininity femininity in my life is a making sure I'm taking care of myself little things like maybe you're a face mask girly treating yourself that way maybe you're a lotion girly rubbing on lotion on my legs after I get out of the shower or a good jasmine oil uh that's like a

little materialistic but that is like a very simple way to connect and honor your body in that sort of way understanding that like we as humans are all gonna look vastly different and completely different ultimately honoring and uplifting that way that you do look um no matter what in that sort of sense you know appreciation for what it is that it's bare bones um also like indulging in my body in dance in pleasurable sex in sensuality sometimes even pilates like pilates and working out is also a great way to connect to your body and really just uplift its qualities and also connect to it in a way that maybe you know divine femininity is I think it's all about like honoring and um like almost like worshiping in a sense and I think uh working out can be a sort of worship

um in strength building and in simply just movement I think that's important I think sensuality is a big part of it being in love with yourself showing yourself love uplifting love in connection to your heart and your body um while also maintaining qualities in your daily life that are like holding yourself accountable holding other people accountable trying to go about things like the calmest and coolest way possible really just upholding and uplifting that sense of like peace and white light um in your daily life and in your interactions holding space for everybody while also like setting boundaries for yourself and other people and holding people to that not accepting less than what you deserve things like that are very spiritual ways that you can

enact divine femininity in your life and divine femininity isn't necessarily like a male or female thing like men shouldn't be feminine that's bullshit like everything's a spectrum we're all going to be existing on different sorts of spectrums and different ways of how we want to present ourselves I think that's beautiful I think that's wonderful I think the human condition of it all is amazing and I think we should stop trying to fit people into boxes and you know I think men can also indulge in this sense of like sensuality play enjoyment white light positive experience and in fact I love my divine feminine kings out there because like it's such a safe environment to be in But a lot of the women that I look towards that I'm like, wow, that is true, like divine femininity. They are strong. They are powerful. They are calm. They are cool. They are connected. They are one with their body. They are protecting but also uplifting of their body. They are protecting but uplifting of other women.

you know they move freely they move like almost in a flow state almost like the way that like water would in a river like cool and cleansing ever flowing that sort of way that's like that's a very odd and very out there way to describe a divine femininity but in my brain that's kind of how I see it and it's something that I have a hard time stepping into I definitely have some like uh control issues is one way to put it i would say um and that's one thing that i really try and work on whenever i'm having like a situation where it's like out of my control i start panicking a little bit so one way that i step into my divine femininity in my daily life is you know when someone approaches me with anger or with malice or i'm having a situation that i can't control

sometimes you just got to throw your hands up and be like not my circus not my monkeys not my problem so sorry you're feeling that way but also I'm not gonna let that interfere with my daily life like I'm not gonna let that interfere with this like peace and tranquility that I have spent so much time building up within my own internal world I'm not gonna let the chaos of it all affect that I was in like a very deep divine feminine uh state flow state one might say when my boyfriend met me so much so that on our first date we were at the park and um I lost my car keys somewhere in the park I don't know where I lost them though and he was like he's like a panicker sometimes so he's like oh my gosh shouldn't you be worried like how are you gonna

get home like you don't have car keys I was like oh no worries at all I know I have a spare I'll just go grab my spare and I'll be fine and that like shocked him but also like that that was like a peak moment in my life where I was like aware and he also made me aware of it which I think is very important of like that was crazy but also like that was powerful like that was really awesome to see that it's like you're you don't let these outside things affect you you always have a backup plan you always know it's going to work out with you you always just lean into the universe's timing the universe's understanding of you and you trust that it'll all work out no matter what i love that i love the divine feminine is like a very interesting kind of energy to tap into

but overall it is a very relaxing calming cleansing uh once again river flowing state kind of energy and if you want to see physical representations of that though that couple on tiktok i'm so i feel so bad i'm forgetting their names i think the girl's name is levi levi and whoever her boyfriend is they i think are a great example of a couple two people living in that energy and i love watching their videos because it is just so peaceful relaxing it is a breath of fresh air you know who else is like that uh on socials and stuff is nara smith i love her energy the calm cool relaxed tone of voice a little bit of satire you gotta admit a little bit of it is satire but overall her whole presence is very like calm chill once again river flowing like

state i i love that energy i aspire to be like that every single day i have a little bit of a harder time than some people but it's something that i still try and you know work towards someone said not much to say but got caught by loss prevention at walmart today please pray for me have i told you about the time i got caught stealing this so it takes one time and then you'll never do it again I promise you but there's something about being a teenager and like really seeking dopamine like hits very deeply that causes you to start like shoplifting I don't know what it is I really don't everybody I knew was shoplifting and it was like not a lot like I wasn't going in and like stealing things I mean I wasn't like like the men at the thrift store

grabbing armfuls of shit and running hell no I was like maybe an eyeliner oop for the rush you know and that's bad there's other ways you can get your dopamine fix and please do not steal especially especially please do not steal from small businesses Walmart Target I don't give a fuck about if I'm being honest but I was at Target it was like my first week of college and me and all my girlies were going to Target to go shop or whatever and you know if there was something that I could pick up and put in my pocket occasionally I would do so anyways it was like about two pairs of underwear or something very stupid it's always very stupid you just shouldn't be doing it it's gonna put you at risk same way like drunk driving like please just don't

do it if it's something that you can obviously prevent yourself from getting in trouble it's not worth it um as i'm sure you're feeling it's from the anxiety of it all but i went to target and i grabbed a couple pairs of underwear and like put them in my pocket or whatever and we're walking around we're checking things out i think it was actually around halloween time so we were just looking at all the decorations smelling all the candles whatever and I see this guy like walk past us like stare at us and then keep walking and this man kept walking past us follow us following us around the store at this point it was fairly creepy I thought he was like a weirdo like a man who was stalking us no no that was loss prevention because as soon as I walked up

to check out at the self-checkout station or whatever he walked up two inches behind me and goes so are you gonna pay for the underwear in your pocket I have never felt my heart literally stop before but in that moment like it's $15 underwear and what you're gonna go to jail for that like what the fuck Target and Walmart do not fuck around at all it really is not worth it somehow I managed to get my way out of it because I remembered that they were doing like a a five for 25 deal on underwear so i was like i turned around i looked at him and i go yeah but can i get two more so when i get the deal like can i get a couple more so then i get the 25 or whatever and i'm not paying 30 and he looked at me i don't think he was really expecting me to

have an answer anything like that and that caught him off guard so i went back i quickly threw the underwear out of my pocket that didn't have tags grabbed five random underwears that did have tags none of them fit me I was just hustling as fast as I could grab them went back to checkout bought all the underwear and got out of there that's the only reason I made it out of there but after that I have I can't I literally cannot steal like it scared me so much so please live through my experience it is not worth it at all okay you don't need to catch a charge over a five dollar pair of underwear or a fifteen dollar eyeliner and a lot of these places nowadays especially with like the surveillance state really growing um there's a lot of cameras everywhere anywhere

you go you should always expect to be on camera i think that's really fucked up and weird but like please understand like especially when you go in department stores someone is watching you someone is ultimately always watching you uh bring back stealing no i'm just kidding speaking of as halloween approaches that means we are approaching another confessionals episode exciting things so please wait please follow the instagram at hannah marlene i will be posting a separate confessionals little q a there i believe i'll be doing confessionals in two weeks so stay tuned think back on every moment of your life think back on all the things that you've experienced the craziest things you've ever thought of i will be here the tuesday before halloween to

expel those demons from your life so then you can go into this halloween feeling holy cleansed purified and ready to party as hard as you fucking can okay so if you have confessionals keep them to yourself two weeks i believe let me check the calendar tuesday the 28th the tuesday or the 29th before halloween i will be doing a confessionals episode so stay tuned big things coming oh this is precious what's the biggest goal you've achieved so far i think there's a lot of things that you guys have seen me achieve that fight that you find like cool or interesting whether it's numbers whether it's like continuation of creation um but there's one thing that i achieved when i was younger that i think i'm the most proud of and i think a lot of it stems from

like a lot of the work that I do that I am kind of trying to work back on and unpack is like I really sought validation from my parents and my family oh my god I'm gonna tear up not us being in therapy but I really sought that validation because I never really got it when I was younger it was always you can do more you can work harder there's more you can always do and there was one thing that I achieved when I was younger that really felt like okay damn this is the first time like they've been like there's no notes there's no notes they're just proud and it was a drawing competition when i was in like high school and it was a competition that they did every year it was to promote like um i guess like diversity and understanding and more like

world culture and connection especially to like how we can do better and how we can interpret that through art and I won it was about I don't know I want to say at least like 2,000 entries and I did this huge charcoal drawing and I won not only did I won out of the drawing section but I won the entire competition I won like $1,500 I won a scholarship I won multiple trophies like it was big it was big the school district I was in was massive there's like eight high schools like humongous and that when I walked across that stage that is the first time I have ever felt like okay damn no notes you know I made my parents proud not only to make my parents parents proud but since I'm always chasing that like I made myself proud and that it kind of sucks because like

i don't think i can note any other times that i have felt like as proud in that moment and i understand that's coming from a place of like i need validation from my parents but also like i have done a lot in my life that i'm very proud of every single day i wake up and i get up and i do something i'm proud of myself period but that is the one time in my life that i was like damn bitch like you did that you did that i mean get fifteen hundred dollars like a 16 year old you're like I'm rich let's go you know what I mean so yeah that's probably the one biggest accomplishment I know it seems silly and it's like oh a drawing competition from like years ago it does seem silly but also it's okay to have those silly things that you're proud of I think the silliest things

that you're proud of are probably the most important things they taught you something you know what I mean and I think it's important to be proud of yourself every day but also I think it's important to set big goals and accomplish them failing is one thing but also being able to accomplish them and being able to like persevere through it all and make yourself proud is so important and if you're not looking to make yourself proud every single day then what the fuck are you doing and keyword making yourself proud not your parents don't do it for anybody else but you okay last question but i'm i'm scrolling through everything now to kind of see like what have i gotten duplicates of and a lot of people are asking like how to have more sex in

their relationship like how do i how do i spice it up someone was like my partner just started zoloft like i don't know if we're gonna have sex like my sex drive is way higher than my boyfriend's or like my boyfriend's sex drive is way higher than mine how do i balance it and the one thing they really don't talk about like relationships is like yeah you're gonna have to find the ebb of flow and schedules and date planning and showing each other love and planning dinners and going to family events but no one ever talks about sex no one ever talks about sex I would love to be a sex therapist I think sex is so important I think it's so interesting and I love chit-chatting just generally about the taboo I don't know I just feel like we live in a day and age where we either

don't talk about sex or we talk like about sex in like a um commodity way when in reality a lot of you are out here having sex but none of you are out here making love none of you are and that breaks my heart that breaks my heart okay we need more love making in here all right we need more like baby making without the babies you know what i mean like they call it making love for a reason and with the casualness that sex has become the whole casual word around sex sex is definitely not casual i will tell you that sex is important sex should be uplifted and upheld there's a lot of planning I think that people don't think about that needs to come before sex there's a lot of like interpretive messages that you have to understand from sex and I think there's a lack

of communication there's a lack of understanding of self so how the fuck are you going to connect to someone else when you can not even connect with yourself when it comes to relationships and simply spicing it up getting on the same kind of sex routine understanding those interpretive messages of when to enacture when's a good time I think a lot of the things that people are missing out of when it comes to sex and relationships is just like you're getting busy with your everyday life but when are you making time for each other when you naturally make time for each other and you naturally build that romance unsexually in your life through love through you know cuddling through showing affection through however you do your love language and however your partner

enjoys their love language sex will naturally come literally literally when you focus on uplifting and maintaining the relationship and showing each other you know constant love showing each other constant affection and appreciation even if you don't see each other every day like i wake up and maybe i haven't seen my boyfriend in two days because we've both been working so much but best believe there's always a note for me on the fridge you know telling me to have a good day and they love me little things like that that's that's what keeps the spark alive i know a lot of people and i will say this i mean i have said it before you know i think a lot of people would be like we'll just go buy a new sex toy it's like i mean sure but that's not the

problem like we haven't fucked in a month like that's the problem and I get that where are you upholding your relationship where are you celebrating each other outside of sex sex will naturally come but your connection in your relationship should not just be from sex I think that puts too much pressure on the performance of it all I think it puts too much pressure on the individuals to kind of have sex which in turn is like the least sexiest thing you can do when you're only connecting to your partner through sex it's gonna make it not fun it's gonna make it feel like a chore but when sex comes naturally through the upliftment of love and dates and planning and showing up and making space for your partner and getting emotional being intimate in those sort of

ways the sex does naturally follow and we're all going to be on a different schedule do you know what I mean everybody's going to be you know busy with one thing or maybe working too much and like i get it maybe it's not going to happen as much as you want but those moments where you do have a moment to really show love to your partner or like have that date night have that date day go for it go for it i think it's a conversation that you should have with your partner and i don't think it's a conversation where you should be like we're not having sex enough that's going to make people feel pressured into sex which is something that nobody should ever feel I think the conversation should be hey I don't think we're I don't think we're like dating

anymore you know what I mean I think we've gotten too caught up in the routine of life maybe we've gotten too caught up in being adults and you know all the responsibilities that comes with that and I'm so happy to be able to share a home and share these responsibilities with you but also like I miss us I miss those days where you know you would spend hours together or days together because you just had the time or whatever it was like I miss when we would go on these dates I miss the things that we used to do I miss when we like would allocate time for each other is there a way that we can do that taking the love language test together if you don't know each other's love languages doing one thing a week that really celebrates your partner's love

language I guarantee it will naturally come back okay and yeah I think talking about sex in relationships is important but I don't think anybody should ever feel pressured when you do converse about sex i think it should be in a fun and sexy way and like what turns you on do you want to do something later you know things like that i think that is the best way to really have conversations about it and have those conversations okay they're fun they're sexy they don't have to be so scary but yes i think the romance is missing the love making is missing it's about connection you know you want to uphold and uplift that sensuality in our relationships always but yeah get your freak on girl go have a good time go uplift your your love go celebrate your love

on some day that you guys have off together i guarantee you will be fucking like rabbits afterwards i guarantee anyways i love you all happy tuesday i hope you have a great week this is going to be a great month for us all stay sane these hallow weekends don't get too crazy but if you have any stories save them for the confessionals episode and if you want to see more from me join the patreon patreon.com slash smoke shardy i answer every single one of your questions um and follow the instagram if you want to see some recipes things i've been up to but with that being said love you stay sexy stay sane and i'll see you all so soon