Smoke Sesh - thriving in your 20’s, surviving depressive episodes & balancing energy

Episode Date: October 25, 2022

Happy Tuesday! Missed you all so much, but we have a lot of topics to cover this episode. First of all happy scorpio season & eclipse season! I give a full in depth analysis of what to expect and how to expect it (open yourself up to fate a little bit babes) we also talk what an ideal self care night looks like, Halloween, scary stories, being alone & being comfortable with yourself and your space, first tattoos, tattoo tour, bouncing back from depressive episodes, everything raves & entering my rave era again, hormones, communication, attracting the right people, drama and how to avoid, relationships in your 20’s, thriving in your 20’s, the divine feminine energy and energy balancing, how to follow through with making a change, setting boundaries with yourself, hair care and brain fog. I had so much fun hanging out with you guys this episode and I can’t wait to be back next week, remember to submit all questions to Instagram @ hannahmarlene and I’ll see you all soon ! MUAH!

Listen, everybody needs a fairy godmother, you know, just somebody to look out for them. Some people call me their fairy smoke mother, others their internet big sister, but you can call me Hannah, the host of Smoke Sash. So come hang out, let's light up and talk everything there is to life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing, I've got a story for it all. Hello everybody, long time no see. just kidding i saw you guys like what four or five days ago last thursday so exciting thank you guys for letting me switch some things up last week and not getting super upset sometimes

you know a girl just needs a little breather you gotta change it up a little bit and i was going through what one might call a let's a minor very minor depressive episode but a depressive episode nonetheless so when i do go through stuff like that i still gotta stay in routine i still gotta get shit done but also i like to just give myself a little bit of time to relax chill um and follow through on the plans that i did make in whatever ways that i can possibly do so so i really appreciate it i hope you guys enjoyed the last episode i think it'll be really good as like a reminder throughout the winter um if you guys are ever going through anything or starting to have a little bit harder of a day or whatever it is i think that uh episode even though it's shorter

i just give some really great tips on how to like rest recoup and kind of get back in touch with yourself which has really been my main goal i was driving on the road the other day and um i was looking around and literally all the trees are orange and i was like holy shit like three and a half months have flown by and i have just been thinking thinking thinking about the future and not about what's happening now and i really need to just like take a moment to sit down and live in what i'm experiencing right now because it's not so bad as like what i'm thinking or avoiding and i really just need to start enjoying the now so i went i got my nails done one of you guys already called it um they were like lana del rey nails is like you are so right they're red

they're rounded uh they're a little short just because i need to function um but they're gonna grow out and get real long they're so cute perfect for fall perfect for my halloween costume i'm not really doing anything super exciting for halloween but the most fun thing is really just being able to dress up and take some uh photos so follow my instagram at hannah marlene if you want to see what i'm going to be doing how i'm dressing up um i baked some muffins yesterday yesterday i did a face mask i got some uh ginger shots from whole foods because i could feel myself getting sick um and i bake some pumpkin muffins which are muffins that i have been baking with my mom since i was young like first grade um and if you're a patreon member so sorry i've been mia

on there for a little bit but i have a 30 minute video uh uploading right now hopefully as long as everything cooperates um and the recipe will be on my patreon so yeah i've been just trying to get back in touch with myself get back in touch with the old hannah i feel like when so many new things are going on or when you're living too much in the future you kind of have to force yourself to remind yourself who you are where you're from and what you really really enjoy doing deep down in your heart even if it seems mundane like a face mask or your nails or baking it's still important and something that you shouldn't avoid um but yeah i hope you guys have had a good week it's getting chillier out it was pouring down raining yesterday so it's a little cold out today a little

cloudy but i'm definitely feeling the fall vibes i've also been painting a lot recently um i found myself just like wanting to pass the time by just sitting on my phone and scrolling and scrolling and scrolling so instead of doing so i've been forcing myself to sit down and paint and it's been really nice to kind of reconnect with my old hobbies and find myself through my art again because art is something I'm just so passionate about especially like fine art such as painting but thank you guys again for giving me a little breather of a week I hope you guys have had a good time and we're gonna have a jam-packed episode today it's like 1 30 I just destroyed some lunch I'm about to go smoke a bowl so if you would like to partake please you know

come with if not no worries you are still invited to hang out and join us on this journey that we're going to experience uh that is a smoke sash episode so with that being said let's get into it oh my god all right i'm in the right headspace now um with that being said um as you guys know every week i post a questionnaire on my instagram at hannah marlene um and i just ask you know what's the vibe of the week what's going on how are we all feeling and the vibes this week are interesting so i wanted to start out with those answer some of the questions that were submitted there starting with okay favorite spa night routine um so if i'm gonna have like a really relaxing self-care night maybe my boyfriend's out of town i got the night off from work i'm home

alone i need to feel those extra self-care vibes first of all we start with setting the mood okay good music it's priority candles priority um fun lighting i mentioned this in the last episode that i have like led light bulbs color changing light bulbs i can control them from my phone they're amazing so like put some funky lights on you know what i mean um i think a bath is also top priority there is nothing more comforting than just like submerging your whole entire body into like hot water and just being able to feel every single muscle relax and release and like it seeps into your bones oh my god such a fucking good feeling wash your bathtub before you take a bath i think that is just like a really key important thing to add here i'm sure a lot of people don't wash

their bathtub but like i feel like if you're soaking your entire body in water you don't want it to be dirty water okay make sure that shit's clean even better cbd bath bombs uh-huh yup if you want to feel like you're floating in outer space when you close your eyes while you're taking a bath add a cbd bath bomb um i've been trying a bunch of different companies i don't have a super favorite yet though so feel free to try out whatever calls to you but i love the feeling um of what cbd does to your body which is basically just like muscle relaxant very much so i'm floating i am a space traveler um which is ideal if i'm having a spa night can't lie um a nice fatty joint would also be perfect maybe throw some lavender in that bitch if you want to feel

extra relaxed and then after you have like treated yourself maybe do a face mask i don't know why i do face masks in the morning maybe do a little face mask maybe do your nails when i wasn't getting my nails done being able to sit down and like pamper myself and do my nails was such a fun activity but last but not least would absolutely be a good fat meal also i'm so sorry if you're hearing these leaf blowers in the background they're just doing some work across the street um literally there's just so many noises it's because i live in the middle of the city apologies um as you guys know i love to eat i love a good meal there's literally nothing better like every single morning i wake up and i'm just so excited for what i'm gonna eat for dinner

like since i've been little i've just that's like always my first question like mom what are we eating for dinner and she's like i don't know like i haven't thought that far and it's like well that is like how i love to end my night is with a good meal like a meal so good that you're like i just gotta pass out now um and I can't afford to eat those in the middle of the day because I can't afford to like pass out in the middle of the day so I save like my good like I'm gonna binge out meal um for the night um not like binge binge but like I'm gonna put myself into a food coma for sure for me personally that's tacos love a good taco love quesadillas quesabria oh my god even better um pasta love there's something better than like treating yourself to a glass of wine

and some like fettuccine or like a chicken parm like come on whatever your favorite food is i think that's honestly the best way to uh end the night maybe a little bowl and then turn on one of your favorite movies one of your like comfort shows we all have some of those um i dumb comfort show but there's no such thing you know whatever you find comfort in is important but like monster house um watch that the other day incredible amazing so fun to just pass out to um but that would be what my ideal self-care night looks like a lot of just pampering indulgence and focusing on yourself what is better than that you guys today is the scorpio new moon and also eclipse eclipse season we're going through it oh my god i have been feeling okay it's not

super directly affecting me it is super directly affecting my boyfriend and i'm kind of noticing that a lot um but it's good i've been noticing for people that it is directly affecting which i think is like uh scorpio aquarius taurus and cancer i think um i think those are kind of the key signs right now that are being affected i could be wrong about that one um but some karmic cycles are kind of coming to an end and we're kind of being shown the way out a little bit i wrote about a eclipse season on my patreon and here's what i said i feel like this will be a really good encapsulation and some information if you guys don't really know what's going on um so 2022 has two eclipse seasons and the second of the year is the one we are currently in um

it will feature a partial solar eclipse on october 25th today the new moon and a total lunar eclipse on november 7th through 8th eclipses are dynamic cosmic occurrences that activate the lunar nodes simply put the moon glides across an elliptical that is constantly rotating around the zodiac this orbits highest and lowest points correspond with the lunar nodes which appear in our birth charts as south and north nodes the south and north nodes often referred to as the nodes of fate symbolized our past and future our karmic pathway accordingly eclipses activate these nodes within our birth charts illuminating our destiny the partial solar eclipse on tuesday october 25th will be in scorpio and the full lunar eclipse on tuesday november 8th will be in taurus taurus is

a reliable earth sign okay and scorpio is a passionate water sign so because scorpio rules sex death and transformation the eclipses this year ask us to evolve this doesn't mean you should try to become a whole new person you're perfect just the way you are but it does mean that these eclipses upon the axis will push us to work uh or will push us to put in the work to make our dreams come true that includes recognizing which relationships are worth our loyalty and which ones can fall to the wayside remember if we don't end an unhealthy relationship eclipses tend to do it for us and of course that doesn't only apply to romantic relationships you deserve to enjoy your work can be paid adequately for your time as a result 2022 may see major changes in your work

and love life but don't worry they're for the best and thankfully the grounded earth sign taurus provides a solid foundation to help you navigate these changes calmly in addition taurus ruled by the abundant planet of venus loves all things sensual so make sure to combat any eclipse triggered stress by indulging in extra self-care such as taking baths treating yourself to a face mask and getting plenty of sleep remember endings are hard but everything is cyclical and you will persevere through all so some key points here become aware of triggers be a patient as everything unfolds trust your intuition surrender to any transformations allow change cleanse your energy honor personal growth and stay grounded for me personally i feel like this is kind of working

with the current themes that i have going on within my life i'm kind of working out of my depressive episode into my motivation asking myself what do i want in this life what do i want to see in this world um because the world is what we create of it we are what we want to create i feel like for the longest time i was so like who do i need to be what do i need to discover about myself what do i need to change how do i need to fit into society and i kept pushing and pushing and pushing myself down and not really asking myself what do i want to see from the world what the fuck do you want okay now is the time to literally sit down with yourself and ask yourself that question what the fuck do you want because guess what it is a possible reality for

you you can get there and now is the time to think about that decide where you want to go and enact that change that needs to happen in order to get you there we are in control of our own destiny as much as fate plays a role and karma plays a role and the universe plays a role we are in charge of the active steps that we make in our daily life to see change and to make motivation occur and to push ourselves forward and if you don't take control of your life and make those decisions and become a active player within your life then none of that shit's gonna happen and you're gonna get stuck and I've been there and I do not want to go back so as I make the hard choices and I try and throttle myself forward hopefully you can see what changes need to be made and where you

want to go and understand that everything that you want is possible for yourself but yeah happy eclipse season I'm feeling good my poor little baby scorpios I know are definitely definitely going through some pressure right now um but it's all about enacting in your life and taking responsibility of who you want to become and then making those active changes um and you definitely can do it you absolutely can someone asked what are we doing for halloween um for me personally uh i used to be such a big party girl and i still am but there's not really any halloween parties going on around and the one that is is happening the night i work and i am really just hustling for money right now i'm just trying i know i'm working overtime i do enjoy uh partying

but also like the money's too good to miss so for me personally my halloween is going to look like well i baked pumpkin muffins yesterday love great halloween routine i've been indulging on all of my favorite halloween movies very important um i have not been to the pumpkin patch yet and i have not carved a pumpkin so i'm gonna try and do that before halloween hopefully so i can just put some outside my building make it look all cute you know what i mean just set the vibes right i've been meaning to get to the witch store to get some new candles just so i can decorate my apartment a little bit so i'm probably gonna do that on thursday um and the best part dressing up now dressing up isn't always for like you know going out and showing it off sometimes i just

like being in my house and dressing up and doing a photo shoot and then like being able to pass out directly afterwards you know what i mean so i will be doing that just having some self-care time some dress-up time and then hopefully hopefully roping my boyfriend into taking some instagram photos of me and then on actual halloween night i spent some time with my family this weekend and honestly it was really nice i have a niece and a nephew and they're starting to grow up and i'm kind of just starting to appreciate family more and i'm like i want to show up for them more so uh he is finally two and he's like cognizant enough to enjoy halloween and also not have it be a pandemic so i think i'm just gonna go over to my parents for dinner and um yeah go trick or

treating because like how cute you know what i mean and then watch a scary movie and pass out maybe go to a um haunted house i feel like that would be fun i love being scared um and like haunted houses are always so cheesy and kind of cute like you're like scared but you're also laughing um because they're like makeup's falling off anyways those are my halloween plans my halloween checklist if you are doing anything crazy for halloween let me know though um if you guys dress up tag me i want to see oh my god i love seeing people's costumes it's so fun love halloween with that being said i'll tell you guys a scary story i haven't really had a a whole lot of run-ins with spirits or entities or anything like that me and them have been on

pretty good vibes since i was younger i've been aware of them and kept my distance from spaces that i didn't feel comfortable in or the air felt tight or i felt like something was going wrong um and i've listened to that very deeply because i am also a scaredy cat and things have been pretty good for me but um i used to work in a daycare that used to kind of give me the heebie-jeebies because um i was a daycare teacher from like for like four years from like middle of high school to middle of college and i worked in the two-year-old room now this daycare was a church daycare so the daycare wing was attached to the church and um it was attached through like two double doors and my classroom was at the very end of the hallway right before you go through the

double doors to get into the chapel um and we had a many a weird just nap times very odd um things would like get pushed like you know how cats like kind of push it off of shelves things would get pushed off of shelves books would fall um like toys would not be where they supposed to be when i would come in in the morning to open up the daycare very odd things would just happen and then um one nap time um now during nap time we're kind of awake while the kids are sleeping just kind of watching them over helping kids go back to sleep helping kids self-soothe whatever it is and in the classroom i want you to imagine so there's the classroom door say you're facing the classroom door um from inside the classroom now on either side of the

classroom door you know how schools have the very thin kind of like wired windows um we had two windows on either side of the door facing the hallway the hallway that leads to the chapel now i would sit and pat the kids backs and like look at the windows or whatever like look at my phone and one afternoon um this kid just like would not go down would not fall asleep i was patting his back trying to get him to lay down he was just rolling around you know like not on the vibe which is not a huge issue but he like looked over at me and he goes who's that i was like what do you mean who's that and i look over and there's like a black silhouette in the left window and they moved right so i couldn't see them anymore moved through the second window as if it was going

into the chapel and i was like oh okay you know whatever it's probably just another teacher pastor whatever just walking down the hallway not a huge deal i don't know who that is kid go back to sleep and then he goes no no who is that and i see the figure had approached the second window again. And I was like, what is going on? And they walked through the second window, walked as if they were standing in the middle of the door. And that's it. They never walked through the other window. And they never walked through the other window. They walked the second window as if they were walking to stand in the middle of the behind the door. And then I never saw anything again anyways yeah that that was the only time i've been like what the fuck

just happened like what just happened and there was no other door on the side of our like there was no classroom across the hall from ours so there's no way they could have like they had like unless they got on the ground and crawled underneath the window their hat like i just i don't have the answers lots of weird things went down there anyways yeah also when i went to a catholic school it was very weird because like i would be getting up for my 8 a.m and i would walk downstairs and the church was right outside my dorm and i'd walk downstairs to like a whole procession being had for like a dead person and i'm like whoa i am extremely hungover just trying to get to my chem class this is a lot to reconcile with at 8 a.m in the morning like you know what i

mean very odd but yeah i don't know if you guys have any weird funny or interesting spirit stories i would love to hear oh my gosh i think they're so interesting i eat that shit up i think spirits and ghosts and all that are very interesting um i used to mess with ouija boards a lot do not mess with those um but I've I've been pretty good at keeping my distance from bad entities I think just because I'm good at reading energy um but yeah hope you enjoyed that scary story let's keep it going I feel like that even goes for dating too um I you guys have definitely heard this tip before like first date tip just like pretend you are with a friend like I know you've never met them before and it's scary and nervous and all of those are normal feelings um but like behave the

way you would with a close friend and if they just can't get on board then they're not gonna work out um no amount of changing or altering or trying to make yourself into this person that they might like is going to make them actually like you it's just manipulative and then at the end of the relationship you're gonna be like this isn't the person i was expecting um because you probably have set the wrong intentions so i think just be totally and utterly honest in yourself and um and don't let the people who aren't attracted to that push you down just understand that they don't fit into your puzzle and that is totally okay hey hannah so my question is um i'm basically moving to my first apartment where I'll be alone and it's a one bedroom and it's really cute and

it's really exciting and I'm really excited for it but I'm kind of nervous to be on my own for the first time ever because previously like in college I've lived with roommates or you know my parents and stuff since the first time I'll be on my own. What are some either apartment essentials that you recommend or what are some things that I can do for myself to make myself feel less alone luckily I do have a lot of friends in this area and my boyfriend is pretty close so it's like not like I'll be completely alone but you know just not being with someone all the time and taking comfort in my loneliness yeah thank you I love the pod and yeah I don't know how to in these things lol honestly great question um when i first moved into my apartment i was like

same first time i had never lived without roommates and it was a little lonely at first but you got to understand that is just kind of like a transition period and you'll get through it that feeling is very very normal especially if it's a change in your routine sounds like you have a good support system and people who will show up when you need it which is awesome but the key to feeling like comfortable within your loneliness is to make your space your own when i first moved into this apartment i had a really hard time with it because it didn't feel like mine i felt like i was here and my things were here but i was like living it wasn't my space do you know what i mean so really take a day a few days maybe even a week to claim your space um for me that's putting up

artwork having it be a little eclectic i love my knickknacks and my books and having my random things that really make me happy cluttered throughout my house i'm sure it stresses some people out but to me it makes me feel like it's my home you know what i mean um really just making sure that your space feels like a representation of you so then you feel comfortable within it which guess what you have no roommates you have nobody to argue with you have nobody to decide with you so it's all up to you which is beautiful and wonderful and you have so much freedom and so many possibilities so i really think the only only essential for apartments are just when you are looking at things ask yourself like does this fit me will this make me feel like this is my home

will it bring me joy and if the answer is yes then i say go for it um and bring it into your space i have lots of pinks here i have my art easel i have paint all over the fucking floor because i'm painting all the time i have like art up on my walls and i felt like it wasn't my space when i didn't have anything up when i didn't have like everything kind of laid out how i want it so yeah just take your time i feel like loneliness is either a comfort or a curse and it all depends on how you spend that time with yourself are you spending it in a kind of recuperating hanging out with yourself getting a rest kind of way or is it like something you're a little afraid of been there been there don't worry um but if it's something you're a little afraid of i think

really just uh take the time to make your space which i think is a direct outward representation of you a comfortable one okay so then when you are kind of in that area you feel the utmost comfort um and care at least in the space that you're in um but yeah i think you'll do awesome i think it'll be great i love living alone now like i love my alone time and i used to dread it like i constantly had to be around people and now it's like oh my god nothing is better than just like having all possibilities and opportunities up to me like come on what's better than that but good luck i hope you moving goes well um and i hope your space turns out amazing someone asked what my first tattoo was um if you're asking what my first like tattoo tattoo was like professionally

done one and that was only a few years ago um i was like 20 yeah 20 and i it was a or it is a eye on the back of my neck and it was something i'd been thinking about for a while um but if you're thinking of the first tattoo like permanent ink that i ever had in my body definitely not professional definitely a little more fun um but basically like in high school i was in an honors art class which means like it was like a college kind of class and we just spent like four hours together and we got up to just some weird crazy stuff because we were young art students like of course we're going to be and like one day i was like why don't i just tattoo myself because you can tattoo yourself with like india ink which is just like um a common painting ink that we had in

our art room and just like a sewing needle not good not good at all but me and two other girlies did like our three dots on our fingers um which i'm sure you guys have seen in my instagram photos or any sort of photos from my hands but it's just three little dots under my nail and when i did it my parents lost their shit i hid it pretty well for a while i just never had my hands out in front of them but now i'm looking at it and it's like it's cute like it's there and i think i used to think that i would grow up and i'd fucking hate it but like i think it's a cute little accessory and i have a bunch of just like i have like a really faded moon on my pointer finger which also happened in that class um a few months later but it didn't it's not as dark because it was like

in the middle of my finger and it hurt too much um and i have a scar going through it from my cat and then i have a bunch of bad tattoos from when i got a tattoo gun on my feet which thank god they're on my feet because no one ever sees them um but definitely i have like five tattoos that i gave myself before the age of 18 and uh interesting don't recommend it but do i regret it no not really not really it happened and i learned and now i will be getting them professionally done which is all that matters someone asked how to bounce back after a depressive episode i'm motivated but overwhelmed with catching up um i feel like after depressive episodes once you kind of come out of it i feel that it is overwhelming you're like okay i'm feeling good again i want to

get a role on i want to get i want to get my shit done i want to jump back into life but then you look back at how long it was and you feel like you've missed out on so much shit and things have just been piling up and piling up and piling up and i feel like for me that's what sent me back into my depressive episodes and kept them going longer and longer as i'm just an avoidant person and i have an avoidant personality and when i see that stack up then my brain just like shuts off and i just cannot address it so felt definitely felt something that i honestly have done pretty well with after my last um depressive episode and i'm working through it pretty well when in the past, I haven't. So here's some things that have really just helped me. A, you kind of have

to start by taking it day by day. Yes, you have this whole giant list of things that you need to do. Can you accomplish one of those things today? Okay, give yourself the task of simply one thing. all right you got one thing to do you can do one thing you cannot do 50 things but if you do one thing it will give you that like oxytocin release of feeling accomplished and it will help you propel further more okay the first step is more important than doing all of the steps okay the first step is going to be the hardest but if you can get one thing done that's on your list every single day boom you're moving forward you're doing great you're getting that list complete you're working towards your goal you know what i mean you're not going to be able to get all that

shit done as fast as you want it so be patient with yourself give yourself time um and really maybe if you can handle three things oh my god amazing then do three things but really just start with one okay make that phone call to the doctor make that phone call for that appointment um open your email yeah I know terrifying open your email go through your emails um you know pick up your floor go brush your teeth whatever it is on your to-do list just one thing so simple so good at putting you back into a routine um also after a depressive episode i have usually neglected myself in my house so when i am feeling that you know quick motivation that feeling of like okay i got some energy to do some stuff let's get up um i take advantage of that i take full fucking

advantage of that um and i start my house is kind of my apartment's kind of a circle maybe you have a room maybe whatever it is you go clockwise and you start in one corner of your room and you work your way all the way around so for me personally i would start in my room i'd pick up my floor okay then we're gonna move and then we're gonna make our bed all right then we're gonna move to the closet okay now we got some clothes to hang up then we're gonna move to the bathroom okay we're gonna clean out the tub we're gonna throw away old shampoo bottles we're gonna organize our countertop because that shit's gotten crazy we're gonna bag up our laundry okay now we're gonna move to the living room we're gonna pick up the living room um we're gonna reorganize some shit then you

move to the kitchen you're gonna throw out all the old fucking gross produce from your fridge then you're gonna do your dishes and you're gonna mop the floor and then boom before you know it it's done make sure you got a good podcast in the back play this shit hey hi or like put some good music on whatever it is that kind of allows you to escape your brain just a little bit while also being able to like get shit done mindlessly that's kind of what you want to do um if you haven't been taking care of yourself getting yourself like literally like doing an apartment clean but you're gonna do a body cleanse all right you're gonna clean your body you're gonna pluck your eyebrows if you're me if you don't pluck your eyebrows no hate um do whatever you want with

your body but for me like i'll get out of a depressive episode and i'm like why do i have one eyebrow hair that's like two inches long like what's happening um shaving my legs for me personally that's a great self-care kind of thing um i got my nails done that was awesome i was brushing my hair and putting hair oil in it like just little things you know what i mean the little tidying up things if you have that motivation you're feeling a little avoidant from the bigger list then let's focus on getting our house and our home cleaned first um and then also understanding that you cannot burn yourself out so yes you're feeling that motivation but i hate to be like if you overwork yourself you're gonna burn yourself out and crash again but for me personally that's

how it happens instead of throwing myself into manic depressive and manic highs and like pushing and pushing and pushing myself further i have to like force myself to sit down if i'm in like a manic high feeling that extra motivation and just be like okay chill we we need to relax or else we're gonna burn out super quickly and if i'm in like a manic low taking the time to be like okay pause we're gonna get ourselves up and do like one fucking thing like just one simple thing just to kind of stop the wheel from spinning so excessively um but yeah i feel like that's really what i've noticed um for me personally keeping the motivation uh while also working myself forward deliberately after a manic low or a depressive episode um and also just like taking the time

to be kind to myself i feel like we're all so hard on ourselves and if we find ourselves slipping up we just kind of berate ourselves or maybe that's just me maybe i'm just hard on myself but i assume we're all kind of similar you know what i mean so just taking the time to be kind to myself um appreciating myself for being able to get up to walk myself to the store to have a car to drive myself take some time to do some um gratuity journaling you know find three things every day that you're appreciative of um and yeah take it just day by day and take it slow but steady for sure hi hannah um my name is lisa i love the podcast um i first of all i want to say the pumpkin muffins that you made look delicious you need the recipe asap didn't know that you baked

slay uh second thing where do you get your blue face masks from because i love the color um third thing i have just started recently getting more into raves and electronic festivals and the like and i remember you used to tell stories about your rave era and i would love to know any tips and tricks that you have for surviving rave kind of festivals and any other fun stories that you have love to hear them okay love you bye hi lovey oh I think my rave era is coming back so I think we're gonna have a lot more stories coming up very very soon um but a pumpkin muffins a slay they're so good i'm about to devour one b the blue face mask is like one of the only face masks that i swear by it's the old henriksen cold plunge pore mask my og girlies no i love that fucking

face mask when my pores are getting just like slightly clogged or a little congested i put i use it and i don't use it often like definitely not once a week maybe once every two weeks um but i have very very sensitive skin very very acne prone skin and i noticed this like helps clear my pores it does what what i wish a clay mask would do for me but clay masks just dry me the fuck out and also it like removes clogged pores as well like i will see them literally come out of my face afterwards oh it's so satisfying anyways love that face mask not sponsored but yeah i have just been itching to get some more raves lately i was talking with my co-worker and he goes to a lot of raves just like i feel like a lot of people in the service industry

go to a lot of raves in general and i found that when i was younger i felt kind of not confident in myself and not uplifted in really any spaces and i didn't feel comfortable in any spaces and then i went to my first rave and i saw that every single person there was uninhibitedly them okay there were bitches in cat ears there's girlies half dressed titties fully out there's men in blow-up costumes there's men wearing no shit like literally just anything and expressing anything there's girls in lolita dresses like anything you could possibly fucking imagine every single person there was showing up fully as themselves there's frat bows bros and they're fucking um like jerseys there's uh sorority girlies in their sorority stuff i don't know but i loved it so many

different characters and types of people would find themselves at these shows and i realized it was like more than just the music but it was the experience in itself that i really really enjoyed um and yeah i think i discovered a lot about myself through them and just being able to go to shows and show up as my full self and know that no one was gonna judge me or you know um i don't know i just feel like whenever there's like big open spaces with a lot of people that you are unsure of you always are like assuming that people are judging you or maybe i'm just crazy um i always have that like just like thought in the back of my head don't know where that stems from definitely need to bring that up in therapy anyways but at this at these shows i

would never feel that way ever and so i would just fucking dance the night away and have a great fucking fun time um and then you know i got into with everything there's goods and there's bads and i love love love raves but also there's a huge side of it that is all about the drugs and i fell into that and i had to remove myself from the scene because it just simply was not healthy for me anymore um i think i'm at a place now where i could go and i could enjoy it and i could just like have a few drinks i don't really need to do anything really fucking crazy but molly really just fucking oh miss molly dug her nails into my soul and ripped it out and i am still paying the consequences of losing brain cells from that um but i think if you're like starting to get into

the scene my biggest warning is just like don't be consumed by the drugs the shows yes they're fun with the drugs they're made for it to be kind of a space safe or a safe space oh my god whoa my brain um for doing so but also like it is such a slippery slope and honestly i wish i had that time back and i wish i could have enjoyed my hobby further but i had to you know for my own personal sake remove myself from the scene and if i just never got myself involved with those substances then my life would definitely be different but it is what it is and we're working with it and that's all that matters but definitely be wary of like just staying safe i feel like you can go to shows and you can get yourself involved in the music and you can have so much fucking fun

and you don't need any of the drugs i think the people that i used to look up to when i was younger and i hung out with a lot behaved that way they just went to the shows for the vibes and to be there and you know maybe had a few drinks but were really just enthralled with the people in the scene and the music and weren't there for the drugs and uh i definitely let them down but you know it is what it is um definitely relearning to feel comfortable in that space in that state oh my god in that space but also love love love for just feeling uninhibited and fully accepted for who you are i have had so many stories of just crazy fucking wild people that i have met because it just draws the most interesting most fully themselves people to these shows

and i miss that energy and i've been really missing the party scene a little bit and just being able to get out and dance and spend time in a high energy crowd so definitely getting to more of those when it comes to camping here's the thing you think you won't survive but you'll find a way to survive and it's more so surviving than thriving because I don't think there's any sort of preparing that you can do for a festival that's not going to make it a little bit hectic it's always going to be a little bit hectic and I think that's where most of the fun comes from of course have your water have your food have your tent if you're camping I think you honestly sometimes don't even need a tent if it's gonna be awesome weather just bring a hammock and a

blanket and a pillow and you'll be chilling um as long as it's not gonna be cold you know what i mean um the extra add-on special packages are never worth it uh what is worth it is definitely camping and spending time in the area where everybody else is because that is where the most shenanigans go down that's where the uh most chaos goes down it's so fucking funny and interesting to just you know um just be around these people and get to know people i really encourage you to just like go stumble through some campsites and see what everybody's up to because they're all gonna be totally welcoming and if they aren't they're not gonna be fucking mean about it you know um my favorite part of raves were the outfits um absolutely fucking

loved the outfits i loved doing a themed outfit i loved like finding the little accessories and things to put together so take some time to definitely like come up with some fun stuff but also comfortability is key um demonias i love i think they're very comfortable easy to run around in a festival but make sure you're wearing fucking thick socks make sure you have a coat make sure you know your um fishnets aren't gonna ride on you and give you scars like i had fishnets and i was wearing new demonias with no thick socks and they were just rubbing the back of my heel so much that it left like x's in the back of my fucking foot gross awful horrible being cute is fun but also i think being comfortable and also being in that kind of

space is way more fun okay i always found myself like having a really complex cute outfit and then changing out of it maybe i'm a baby but i do prefer comfortability make sure you got a good hoodie make sure you have some shoes you can run around in maybe just like doc martens would be perfect um but I do also highly recommend boots no open-toed shoes at raves okay you need things to prevent to protect your toes people are going to be stepping on you it's a tight space it's a concert venue of course it's bound to happen don't get upset you know you're just around people I'm sure you're stepping on other people's toes um but boots are key I love platforms because I'm short i can see over people i can see the stage it's a vibe um but yeah like i said camping

festivals there's nothing you can do to prevent the chaos the chaos is going to ensue no matter what just make sure you have like the essentials for taking care of yourself and having food and not having to spend all your money at concessions but like my friend showed up to a rave like a the festival and he got way too fucked up way too fast because he had just gotten off work and he was trying to catch up with us and he just chugged and chugged and chugged it's fucking just so much alcohol and didn't even make it through the first show we had to walk him back and like he didn't even have a tent but like we had a blow-up mattress so we just laid him down the blow-up mattress and let him sleep throughout the night and he was perfectly fine but like like i said

it's gonna be chaos you're probably not gonna end up in your tent you're probably gonna end up on someone's fucking random blow-up air mattress in the middle of a field which is also great but i just love it i love raves um and yeah i think i'm going to one next week so very exciting um i just miss the you know environment i miss dancing i miss having fun i miss the outfits i miss being able to get a little bit crazy so i'm definitely might be entering a rave era here soon and i will have a lot of stories for you but very exciting i love all my rave girlies someone asked i started birth control any tips on dealing with the side effects um just being patient and understanding with yourself you're probably gonna go through some

mood swings and some hormonal random fucking just ups and downs so instead of being like oh my god i'm insane i'm losing my mind who am i just be like all right these are the hormones talking like of course my body's gonna go through some changes i gotta get used to this a little bit i think i just wish i would have understand or understood the side effects and also been more patient with myself because i just thought i was going fucking nuts but in reality it was just my body adjusting to the hormones so just be patient and kind and understanding and don't let your brain get a hold of you but yeah someone asked how to communicate in a relationship when they just get defensive um i think there's some people who could be communicated with and i think there's some

people who simply close themselves off to the world live in their own little bubble and are unable to see other sides of things and people and understand what's happening those people cannot be helped as much as you want to help them or explain to them they are basically staring at you and in their head they're shoving their fingers in their ears going la la la la and not hearing anything okay you cannot get through to them and i i wish i would have learned that in other relationships earlier and just like accepted that and moved on and left that person but if they're getting defensive and you know that you can sit down and work with each other i feel like a lot of defensive defensiveness comes from a emotional area so like are you having these conversations

and are they becoming high level of emotion conversations like are you guys getting like wilding out on each other because you're just upset you know take a break take some space come back to each other when you have a level head and when you can talk without you know wanting to explode on each other um that usually should do the trick if that person is able to communicate if you take away the emotions and just sit down and openly talk to each other you should be able to have some sort of communication and figure something out but the person has to be willing to see your side the person has to be willing to hear you out and the person has to be willing to evaluate themselves if they're unable to do those things they probably will never hear you out and

i say run as fast as you can because waiting on someone to change in such a drastic way like that is usually not worth it and you're usually just gonna put yourself down more because i've been there and if they can't communicate or at least somewhat see your side of things and be if someone like can't take faults in things or can't be like yeah you know i fucked up uh then that is like a huge red flag someone asked how do you naturally attract people and i'm gonna say something really cheesy but it's straight up the honest truth it's all by being yourself um i feel like people hear oh just be yourself and you'll attract people and they're like well they start having doubts about themselves oh well i do this or i'm annoying or i look this way or whatever

you overthink about yourself um and immediately put yourself down which is not helpful not good and the reasoning behind um you being who you are fully is if people think that way about you that's fine you can let them think that way about you there's no way you're going to be able to control how everybody thinks about you you're never going to be able to get every single person to like you that is okay we all have different tastes we all have different ways of behaving that is perfectly fine and normal okay so you do you need to stop trying to get people and every single person that you know to like you it's just not gonna happen and that was something i had to come to terms with because i was such a people pleaser um and once i did i found so much

more freedom but you behaving how you want and how you feel and how you come like comfortably and naturally behave is going to a push the people away who are not going to be good for you you guys aren't gonna mesh um maybe just you know you're not gonna get along totally normal totally fine and you know what it's gonna do it's gonna bring the people who are gonna mesh well with you and will appreciate the way you behave and you act and will get along with you directly towards you so i think being uninhibitedly yourself really draws the same kind of people towards you i've made the best connections the most connections just by being me and not being harsh on me and by understanding that not everybody's gonna like me and it's not my job to make everybody like me

so why don't i just focus on liking myself and really the universe will do the rest by bringing the people who are attracted and drawn to who i truly am towards me and pushing the people who aren't away. And that is a okay with me. But really, I think just yeah, as cheesy as it is, there's a lot of reality behind it. Be yourself. Hey, hotties. My name is Madison. I love all of you. Let me just dive right in. So work drama. Yeah, I got dragged into some mess that I didn't ask to be in at all. But basically, some girl's work boyfriend was talking to me and she didn't like that and now she's giving me death glares and she made a couple other girls stop talking to me and just it's just I don't know I'm just trying to protect my peace and

just get my paycheck but now I'm like I don't know I haven't said anything oh she's also stalking my Instagram now she's been viewing my story every day for about a month now since my birthday yeah and can I just say I'm only 20 most of these people are almost 30 I don't know if that's playing a role my age but yeah just I just want to know what you would do in the situation should I ignore it should I say something like I don't know also yeah about the Instagram thing I don't know if I should block her or just let her keep viewing so please please love y'all oh my gosh I'm so lucky to have not really had to deal with work drama like the people that work around me are pretty sound in themselves and I feel like when you grow up which you're probably feeling

right now you the older you get the less drama you want in your life when you're younger you know you don't really have a lot going on drama is a little fun it causes a little bit of chaos you get a little entertainment but the older you get the more shit you got going on and the less you really want to deal with other people's bullshit um and so when people are older than me or older than the age of like i'll give you like 21 you know 21 is a good age and they're still seeking out that dramatic behavior and like causing drama in everybody's lives i have to do my own little personal like vibe check and be like they're just a dramatic person if i am near this person or associated with this person then i am probably going to get drawn into it which i

absolutely do not want to be so i need to keep my space i understand it's work um so you are going to be working around each other no matter what but i think her like low-key stalking you and then also getting other people to isolate you is like a tactic to try and get you to kind of crash when in reality you just like unfortunately have to be the bigger person like you just have to let it not phase you just like put a wall between you and her don't interact unless you need to don't let her get under your skin don't let her get in the way of you and your money but also if it's becoming like an unworkable situation maybe just find a new job i hate drama especially drama in the workplace i have no time for that i view that as you are getting in the way of me and my

money which is a huge fucking no-no on my part that shit does not fly with me and i'll either speak up or if i just realize they're irrationally crazy then i sometimes i'm like i'm just gonna move on you know like i'm going to let them be crazy by themselves but i'm gonna continue on with my life and moving forward on my terms and i'm just not going to interact with that person whatsoever um so yeah set some boundaries i mean speak up for yourself if you need to but she just sounds a little delusional uh straight up maybe get a new job if you can like i don't know the service industry is pretty dramatic so i'm like but also there's a pretty quick turnover rate you can get a new job pretty quickly so like if you're in a position where you can easily find a new job

same paying same kind of level then maybe just go for that there's so many healthy workplaces and i think making sure your home is healthy as well as your workplace really just makes your mental health so much better i used to think drama was fun and it was funky and it gave me some purpose but then i realized it actually made me goddamn miserable and a lot of the people who start drama are also miserable people who want to bring you down on their level and i do not have time for that I am all about peace and prosperity and yeah so really I think distance ignoring setting walls setting boundaries not interacting and finding a new job if you need to is really kind of all key steps you can take here but yeah don't let her get to you it sounds like she's just kind

of insane like like being honest hi hannah my name's kate um i just wanted to say you seem like you have a very healthy relationship with your boyfriend and also with yourself and as a 21 year old in a four-year relationship i find myself struggling with being selfish sometimes and putting my friendships and experiences first while also maintaining a good healthy relationship with my boyfriend I love him so much and I don't want to feel like I'm being a bad girlfriend but I also don't want to feel like I'm missing out on my 20s love you so much girly and thank you for all the advice you've given to me in the past it's helped me so much okay I think this is actually a super interesting question and something that I think a lot of people ask themselves um constantly

whether they're in a relationship or if they're not um for me personally I I feel like I have um and it took a lot of me just looking back on past relationships and really evaluating them but in the past i feel like when i was in a relationship i was not a girlfriend i was a wifey okay which means i was home with them every night i cooked dinner for them i showed up for them in crazy fucking ways that only spouses of 15 years would um and yes i was giving them love fully and openly and honestly and i was giving them my all but also the biggest issue there was i was also giving them completely and utterly all of me and by the end of the relationship i found myself being lost i found myself not knowing who i was with these people

or what I wanted to do outside of this relationship because I never took time to really focus on myself and understand myself I kind of used those relationships as like a distracting method so when I entered this relationship I was a little bit older and I had been through a few so I knew what I wanted and what I didn't want and I kind of took the time to really just sit with myself and be intentional about my relationship um if you have a boyfriend you need to like want to love them of course you're gonna want to cook them things and be with them all the time and you know give yourself all of them that's what being in love is about i love that feeling it is such a great feeling it is so nice and fun to share that with another person and i'm not saying to

inhibit yourself or to build walls between you and that feeling but i think it's also important to also focus on yourself during a relationship um and as much as you want the relationship to to grow and flourish you need to want yourself to grow and flourish as well i don't think you need to lose your oh my god sorry my sparkling water is getting to me oh my god there's so many sirens so distracting my adhd is literally like i'm losing my mind anyways i feel like a lot of girlies find themselves in relationships in their 20s and then they're like oh my god i'm missing out like i there's all these things i could be doing but i'm with him stop using him as an excuse stop using your boyfriend as an excuse your boyfriend should want you to go out and live

your life your boyfriend should want you to go to that show go to that concert go to that class to hang out with this person they're not supposed to keep you fucking captive in their basement you know what i mean you're supposed to be able to go out and enjoy your life and live your life all right and now that's not a huge problem with me in this relationship he wants me to do those things you know he wants me to live my life i also am encouraging him to live his life to go do his things but also i have an innate sense in myself that it's like this is the person i love of course he's gonna be my first option of who i want to hang out with like of course i'm going to want to end up hanging out with him but sometimes you just gotta set boundaries with yourself like

listen this person is available to you every single day but that friend they're not available to you that often okay you only have a few times when you're able to meet up and see each other and hang out take priority in that for a little bit you know what i mean um or like hey there's this class that you really want to do and you know it'll help you better connect with yourself um and you see yourself wanting to self-sabotage because you're in a relationship and oh but what about him it doesn't matter about him if it's gonna make you happy then ultimately if it's making you happy then it also should you know uplift the relationship as well if it's truly going to work out i think having a mutual respect for one another a mutual understanding for one

one another wanting one another to grow with each other understanding that you have a safe relationship where you know that um you know there's no trust issues you understand that you're both being honest with each other and you're gonna end up with each other at the end of the night or whatever it is that makes you guys feel safe whatever it is make sure those boundaries are set but i think a lot of people become resentful for their partner and want to live the quote-unquote single life um when they're in their 20s because they feel like they're missing out on their 20s but in reality in your 20s you should not be a housewife you should be a 20 year old and you can be a 20 year old having fun and partying and doing all these fun things while in

a relationship that is absolutely possible now if you want to go out and like hook up with people and make out with people and you want to live that life then like yeah maybe the single life is absolutely for you but if you're in a relationship and you're happy and you feel like you're thriving but you're maybe just like not seeing the world as much as you want stop inhibiting yourself you know your partner should support you and want you to go and do those things so when you bring them up look at their reaction if they're trying to keep you locked in their basement and that's a red flag um but if they're encouraging you to go out and to experience life and to see what the world has to offer, then do those things. Stop self-sabotaging

just because you're quote-unquote in a relationship. Stop waiting for the future. Stop making up excuses for why you can't or why you shouldn't or why you won't. Instead, find an excuse for why you will, okay? My parents have like a really good, what I like to say is a really good relationship and i should have looked towards their relationship more often um in my previous relationships i probably would have been out of them faster because i realized they didn't have a lot to offer me um but they have a air of security around each other i mean they've been married for fucking forever but they have known that they are there for each other since day one which has allowed them to grow as individuals and enjoy life by themselves while also enjoying life

together it's like my mom yeah she'll leave for a week-long trip to go do this or my dad he'll leave for a week-long motorcycle trip to do this and my mom's not pacing around the house being like what am i gonna do without him like well what is he doing or no she has other shit that she needs to get done that she's focused on and she understand that her husband's coming back in seven days and that gives her seven days to do whatever the fuck she wants or whatever she needs and before she knows it he'll be back and they'll be back together um there's no excuse for you to inhibit yourself from what life has to offer and you can live a thriving and happy 20s in a relationship it's just all about asking yourself is this a partner that's going to allow

you to thrive while in a relationship and also are you um making this a safe space for you to continue to thrive as well you can't hold yourself back in the sake of another person you got to be able to push yourself further and get yourself out there because i've been there i get it like even in this current relationship i find myself being like well but they get off work at this time and if i just don't do this then like i'll be able to see them but it's like i have a whole lifetime to be able to see them so why not go and enjoy the one opportunity that i have while it's here in front of me um and know that at the end of the day i'll be able to come back and see them because what's more comforting in that but yeah i think your 20s are all about

trying new things doing new experiences like now is the time to travel now is the time to meet new people and if your relationship is not allowing you to do that then maybe it's not the best relationship but also i think you can do all that and be in a healthy relationship and you can both thrive as long as you both are doing growing on each other's part but yeah that's really all i have to say your 20s is all about just like having a good fucking time being a little scared trying new things making mistakes and I think we should all be taking that opportunity as much as we fucking can which is why I say I might be getting into a rave phase again um I just really miss it I miss the environment I miss dressing up I miss going out and partying and it's not my boyfriend's

scene so I didn't go for a while and also I needed a break but now that I'm feeling like I'm in a healthy place to enjoy that and um even though it's not my boyfriend scene it doesn't mean i shouldn't go and i shouldn't have fun and i shouldn't dress up because at the end of the night i'm probably gonna see him anyways um and i know that he supports what i love and what i enjoy so why hold myself back you know you gotta ask yourself the hard questions um but i absolutely think you can be in a happy relationship and fucking thrive and have so much fun in your 20s um but also make sure you're with a good supportive healthy partner if you want to be single then shit be single your 20s can also be a great time single but yeah i actually get a lot

of questions that are all just like very basic um just things that you're going to go through in your 20s and i think it's a good and important topic to kind of bring up even just like outside of relationships but your 20s are going to be hard they're going to be confusing i feel like when you're growing up you hit like 18 19 you're a senior and you're in high school and you feel like you have it all figured out because you do you are ending your childhood you are getting to that completion but it's not the end of your life your life is going to continue and then you're thrust into your 20s which are all about new and discovery and making memories and making mistakes and learning about yourself but people want you to act like you know what the fuck is going on

and you know what you're doing and i think the sooner that you're honest with yourself that you don't know what you're doing the more freedom you will find in your 20s it's okay to not know what the fuck is going on all right i'm still learning how to be an adult i'm like three years into my 20s and i'm still learning how to function how i want my everyday life to go i'm still trying to figure out where i want to be at 30 i think the key to being able to survive your 20s is to have a goal whatever that goal is i want to live in this place i want to get this job i want to be here when i am this age have a singular goal and then you have that to look forward to and you have that to work forward to but everything else that is going on in your life it's okay to simply not

know okay as long as you are trying your 20s are all about fucking trying new things the same way when you're a toddler oh you're gonna try this new food oh we're gonna try this soccer class or oh we're gonna you know try this school or we're gonna hang out with this friend you're still developing your brain's developing you're having some sort of idea of what you like very basics of what you like once you finish your childhood you have a basic understanding of what you like but now in your 20s is the time to deep dive and to look into it and to understand what it's about there's no way you are a full and complete and developed human at 20 there's a no way you're a full and complete developed human at 30 so don't be so hard on yourself as you're trying new things

and discovering yourself but also don't hold yourself back because of the fear that you don't know what's going on except that you don't know what's going on understand that everybody else around you no matter how good they're fucking faking it probably feel the same exact way as you and move forward okay try new things go to that class go to that show take that trip fuck it you're young you need to live life and enjoy it and experience it while you fucking can okay we have our whole life of course to you know experience life but now I feel like is the time to kind of take grasp and to hold and to go for it because we're so curious and we don't know a lot yet and we're still discovering things about ourselves and who we want to be when we're older

and what we want to do and so what a more beautiful time to indulge in those ideas and to indulge in yourself and to discover yourself than your 20s i think it's beautiful i think it's wonderful and i've realized i haven't taken full advantage of um like the time that we have and the experience that we're kind of going through right now and i feel so lucky but also i want to kind of grasp a hold of life more than i am um and do those experiences and do those things and i feel like i've been holding myself back because i quote unquote don't know enough or i haven't experienced enough or but what about this but what about this no now is the time to go for it nobody knows what the fuck they're doing and there's no better way than to try it and to

learn and guess what if you make a mistake if you don't get it right if it doesn't work out that's okay you're young you're still figuring it out the least you can do is simply try oh someone asked how to bring more positive feminine energy into my life love this question i realized i had been living in the like i am very much so like a my way i have to be in control i need to be doing this thing i gotta be the person in charge here and the biggest way i've recently stepped into my feminine energy is by letting the fuck go letting that shit go if i don't want to be in charge of it i'm just gonna let that other person take charge of it and i'm gonna sit back and i'm gonna relax i'm gonna panic a little bit yes because i'm not fully in charge but i'm just

gonna allow it to fucking happen when i feel like i'm not in control of my life it really means that i just feel like i don't have any sort of like grip on it and direct impact when in reality i just need to sit back and let my life happen and be in flow and in tune with it getting back into my feminine energy uh has been a big goal for mine recently and it's been doing little things such as um listening intuitively to myself when i feel a certain way i trust that that feeling when i'm like oh i want to go out and do this thing i go and i do it if i don't want to do shit then i sit back and i let myself enjoy the passive flow of the movement um i've been painting a lot more getting in touch with the arts and not being too in control with my creativity i feel like when i

was living in my masculine energy i would just get upset a lot because things were coming out how i wanted it and i wasn't able to move on from that but recently i've been painting and if it's not how it how i imagine it in my head i'm just like that's okay i'm gonna paint over it i'm gonna add something or i'm going to work with it and be in the fucking flow of things the feminine energy is all about um just sitting back and not like sitting back in a passive way and in an avoidant way but just like being in and enjoying being that sounds so dumb but literally just enjoying who we are in this moment being grateful and appreciating the now um so that's why i've been talking a lot about like self-care things and things i've been enjoying and trying to find more

things that i'm grateful in i'm not really starting any huge new projects right now i'm focused on getting in touch with myself and getting back into tune with who i am i think a lot of that has to deal with um things that called to you when you were younger when you were a younger uh girl what did you think about what made a woman um for me personally it was all about having freedom of style and dressing up so i've been literally just smoking bowls and then locking myself in my closet with my full length mirror and just playing dress up trying new outfits um putting new things together great getting into that creative flow of energy as well as um a huge thing that i've been putting off is tending to my plants i feel like the same way we need to care for ourselves

and um really just like focus on appreciating ourselves is the same way that we focus on appreciating plants and their growth process it's not going to be all beautiful and wonderful you're gonna have some dead leaves here and there you're gonna need to trim it up here and there you're gonna need to add water or less water or whatever it is it's finicky it's fickle so are humans so are we um and i have been neglecting my plants a little bit and i finally took a moment to just sit down with myself and like uh feed and water my plants and trim them and do new cuttings and replant some things into some pots i had and it felt so good to just sit and let my mind chill and dig my fingers into some soil and work with life oh my god that was wonderful um but yeah i

think feminine energy especially when you're such a control freak like fucking i am it's way harder for me to sit within my feminine than it is for me to sit within the masculine i also think it's very important to note here that when i talk about like feminine and masculine energy it's not the societal uh labels of like feminine and masculine it's more so the polarizing energy shifts that we all inhabit within us so i feel like a masculine energy is definitely more like a um a not i want to use the word aggressive but like forward controlling you're taking not taking advantage but you're moving forward you are the one in charge you are in the position of power um which we all have to step into sometimes correct but also there is the feminine energy

which is like nurturing soft caring playful empathetic compassionate vulnerable whatever you see um and i think it's important to feed both sides equally when there's a balance shift the you feel like a little bit of lack and for me personally i was stepping too far into my masculine i was taking too much control i wanted to control everything i which honestly just made me feel like i was more out of control when in reality i didn't need to push further into the masculine and i needed to see that pause and take a breather and force myself to sit back and to relax a little bit the same way i was talking about with like manic highs if you push and push and push and push you're gonna burn the fuck out so like yeah set boundaries with yourself force yourself to sit back on the

back burner for a little bit to enjoy the softer things of life um and that's really what i've been focusing on mostly now because i have been way too in the masculine and i really really miss living in the feminine and it has been wonderful to just take a breather to pause and to focus on myself hi hannah and so my question is like um how do you stop doing something that you know is not good for you but you still are doing it because you just like it so much like for me it smoking and scrolling tiktok like i know it's not good for me and it doesn't get me anywhere but i just can't stop doing it because i just i don't know i just like doing it and i don't know i stopped doing it for a while but then i still come back to it and

yeah so what's your advice like i know my english is not good because it's not my first english first language i'm from europe so uh kisses love you bye hello um i think this is a great question um and it all comes down to just self-control we're all able to look at things that we identify with that maybe we don't enjoy about ourselves or we want to change and that's okay um life is all about changing and growing and you know becoming a new and enacting new things into our life that are gonna better us and so when we see something that isn't like a super positive um trait or like something that we don't want to participate in anymore you have to have like three like a three-step kind of way of thinking first you have to identify it which it seems

you've identified it. Second, you need to set a boundary with yourself. So say your boundary is I am not going to get high and scroll on TikTok. Very simple boundary. And then third is you need to find reliable ways to follow through with it. So say the reason you get high and scroll on TikTok all the time is because you just need some downtime your body wants to just kind of check out your mind just kind of wants to check out and sit and just be for a little bit so for me personally a great way that i have found um a good compromise is like if you need to take out weed completely do so if you need to take out tiktok completely then do so but um maybe i'm gonna smoke a little bit and like put on a show put on a movie put on some music you know something

that's gonna give me the kind of like mind numbness that i guess weed would give me and then find an activity to do the same way scrolling on tiktok is an activity um maybe painting is your activity or writing or drawing or flipping through old magazines i'm just looking around my apartment trying to think of things um but whatever it is trying to find something that you can like honestly and really kind of replace that one negative behavior with because here's the thing i think cold turkey on anything doesn't work like it works for some people but for a majority cold turkey is just very hard because you're removing something fully and completely out of your life but you know what makes it easier if you remove it and replace it with something else that is healthier okay so

like for tea breaks for me it's removing weed and replacing it with cbd i like the aspect of being able to smoke in my everyday life so instead of like walking around my neighborhood and smoking a joint i'm gonna walk around and smoke some cbd um or i'm gonna go on a walk instead or i'm gonna run my errands during that time um whatever it is i'm replacing it with a new healthy way of behaving um also i guess a fourth step of thinking that could also come with this is understanding that nobody is perfect even though you don't want to do that behavior no matter what boundaries we set it's going to be hard to completely and fully stick to it and we're all going to slip up sometimes and that is a okay do not let it get you off track though okay do not let it completely

like stop the progress that you have done um we're all gonna have that time where we're just gonna get high and sit on tiktok sure it happens to all of us but just make sure it's not happening every single day and the time that you do want to spend doing it just distract yourself find something to fill the time that is equally as fun maybe go get some fun food maybe call up a friend get a distraction going but whatever it is it sounds like you're kind of on the right track to getting it done um but yeah i think we all can make changes within our life it just really takes those four little easy steps someone sent me a message and said oh my hair takes forever to grow do you have any hair care tips and felt i fucking ruined my hair and no it wasn't from the i bleached

it during college and that kind of you know made it a little fragile but what really fucked my hair over is i was using a curling iron to get big 70s curls every single day at like 400 degree heat and i just fucking destroyed my hair a the first thing i had to reckon with is it's destroyed i gotta cut off those dead ends if not they're just going to continue to rip and rip and rip further up like the the hair shaft and make my hair even more damaged so cut off the dead ends okay it sucks but you gotta start somewhere um do that and then i'm not gonna like try and sell you on any products here because i haven't really found any specific products that i really really enjoy um other than a few which i'll share in a moment make sure you are using a shampoo and conditioner

that's good for whatever hair and scalp type that you have kind of look into that and make purchases accordingly i wash my hair every single day which i know you definitely shouldn't do but i can't help it my hair gets gross and dirty and smells like a restaurant after i work in it so i have to clean it every single day i wish i could be a wash my hair once a week early unfortunately I am not but what's really really saved me from it drying out and dying from the hot water is hair oil make sure your hair and the ends of your hair are oiled and moisturized and not broken and dry and brittle for me personally I love and have loved the bread hair oil I'm literally almost out of it I will put a little bit on before I get in the shower and then like

a few days later i will put a little bit on after i get out of the shower if i use too much my hair is pretty thin i feel like it weighs it down but before and after is always a great time to incorporate hair oil um i make sure i'm not using a bunch of heat on it anymore i make sure i'm not using doing any crazy hairstyles anymore and i'm really just giving my hair time to breathe and relax because my hair used to be down to my ass my hair was so fucking long and i miss it so much and if i want to get there again it just means i gotta give up the styling and the heat tools and the dyeing and the bleaching and i just gotta let it live its life for just a little bit of time and then once i get there then i can kind of you know do some fun things with it but you gotta be

patient with it it's gonna take time it's gonna take months okay make sure you're getting your vitamins and minerals in um not sure what specific vitamins and minerals help with hair growth but i do know for a fact that just eating a pretty well balanced um healthy meals whenever you can absolutely helps uh but yeah that's kind of what i've been doing for hair growth and i've really seen a difference thank god it's taken me forever i got really really drunk and i cut it all off like i well oh my god i i don't go to hairdressers anymore and i cut my own hair and one night on tiktok live i just got really drunk and i was cutting my bangs and then i was like oh i have a ton of split ends and i cut it and i thought it was long like longer than it really was but i cut

it like up to my shoulders oh it was so bad and now i'm finally getting back to the length that i want um but it's not quite there yet so i'm just gonna be patient i'm gonna be extra careful oh and also a good hairbrush i try to make sure i don't brush my hair when it's wet so then it doesn't just like break um but i have like one of the wet brushes so the bristles are really really bendy so it's not gonna like get caught and rip my hair um and i brush it just in like the morning just to give it a good comb through because i am trying to reduce breakage as much as i can but yeah good luck on your hair journey i hope it goes well someone said hi hannah i was wondering if you had any advice on brain fog from smoking oh my god me butchering that entire sentence can

you tell i have brain fog from smoking oh my god okay anyways best thing for me is a i had to reconcile with the idea that i just simply cannot smoke all day if i want to get shit done if i can have a day to myself to have a little bit of brain fog you know i got the day off i can spend the day just hanging out doing a whole lot of nothing then yeah i can put up with it but a majority of the other days i had to just like be honest with myself and understand that like if i'm trying to get shit done and i have to go to work and do all this stuff and i want to mentally be there I cannot smoke all day so that's why I save a majority of like smoking for the night time I'll wait until the evening I'll wait until I get my stuff done I'll wait until I'm off work

and then I'll indulge a little bit because then I can deal with the brain fog now if it's an everyday occurrence like you're having brain fog the day after and you're sober now and you're still feeling residual effects i felt like i felt that way when i was a newer smoker um it had more of a effect on me so maybe you just need more space in between those days that you are participating or if you just really don't like the feeling maybe weed isn't for you and that is absolutely and totally and wonderfully okay also smoking dehydrates you so make sure you're all drinking enough water water is going to be your friend here um literally your brain will fucking shrink if you don't have enough water in you so make sure you are well hydrated you're chugging water

before during after you're smoking um and that will also help quite a bit but yeah lots of brain fog from smoking also maybe avoid a sativa dominant and focus more on an indica and if you do enjoy smoking and don't want any of that head high maybe participate in a cbd based item um paz packs is my favorite as you all know they sent me some fucking gummies that had me on my ass oh my god i wasn't expecting anything from these gummies i don't know if i've talked about this yet but literally this it's like they're like sour watermelon they're so good but they're like 300 milligrams and I ate one you know not thinking a whole lot would happen and then like 10 minutes later I felt like my arms were pool noodles I was like oh I'm floating floating like that shit

hit me and it wasn't like a um like a you know how you get hit with weed and like your brain is like kind of all scrambled it wasn't that it was definitely all the body feels definitely more relaxing um i was more focused to kind of get shit done i deep cleaned my apartment um but yeah if you ever want to try cbd or supplement with it you already know pazpacks.com you can use code smoke sesh for 20 off your order uh not sponsored i just love them and have loved them forever you guys know this um but yeah anyways happy scorpio season everybody to all my little scorpio babies happy birthday i hope you have a wonderful one scorpio season just reminds us to get back in touch with our sensual side to get back in touch with sensuality and feeling ourselves and being a

little vain you know and focusing on ourselves and really figuring out what we like and dislike and pushing what we dislike as far as we fucking can away from us i feel like scorpios are very good at that as well as listening openly to your intuition your gut is telling you what it needs to hear so listen to it indulge a bit eat the fruit of your labors you know what i mean have your cake and eat it too that's what scorpio season is fucking about with that being said i'm gonna try and get this podcast out to you guys i think we're at an hour and a half now this has been so fun hanging out with you guys back on our regular regularly scheduled programming you know what i mean um and thank you all for submitting all your questions all your call-ins

i love hearing from you guys i love connecting and being able to connect with you guys i love this little community we've built it's been wonderful and amazing and i'm so fucking thankful for being able to get on here and do this every week um you guys already know i'll be back next tuesday all questions if you have them please please please please please submit them to my instagram at hannah marlene i had some girl dm me and was like hey should i submit them to hannah marlene or the smoke sash shawty instagram account i do not check the smoke sash instagram account dms i just get on there to post my funny memes uh telling everybody that there's a podcast out and then i get off um so yes dm them to my personal account that's where i do more of

my business stuff um and yeah i hope you have a wonderful wonderful week a wonderful eclipse and new moon tonight it's gonna be amazing and everything that we have ever possibly wanted for ourselves are going to come true but with a little help from us i love you have a wonderful fucking week and i will see you on tuesday