Smoke Sesh - travel, tattoos, acid & getting your life together

Episode Date: June 13, 2023

Happy Tuesday! Missed you all sooooo very much, so happy to be back and at it with my girlies on this beautiful Tuesday. Sorry for being MIA last week, I was laid up on a beach with a margarita in Mexico celebrating my 24th birthday! I update you guys all about it, we smoke a little bit, and then at 24:10 we get into all your juicy questions. After being MIA from life for a little bit we talk how to get your life together! Body, mind, and soul. We talk food, to do lists, getting shit done, dreaming, getting over people from your past, summer activities, disappointing your parents and freeing yourself, in my feral girl era and allowing myself to be human, tattoos! Do’s and donts, weed within relationships, past trauma and relationship vulnerability, how to not be such a bitch, and getting yourself out of that bad mood (from your favorite mood disorder girly to another), accepting the plateau! and there’s no such thing as being stuck, weed in different countries, my love for Eve Babitz, acid advice, summer outfit, hot girl summer and keeping it casual, plus how to be honest, how much my trip cost, old friends and new experiences, go to food in KC, and competition between women, trying to find where you fit & where you’re accepted + soooooo much more. Love you all so very much and have missed you all dearly, follow me on instagram @hannahmarlene for all updates including my recent collab with Sydney Mary and I will see you all on Thursday for an extra episode ! MUAH!

hello to all my hotties of the world oh my gosh long time no see it feels so good to be back me acting like literally i've been gone for months that is what it's felt like so sorry there was no pod episode last week i was partying it up in mexico for my birthday oh my gosh you guys i have so much to catch you up on your girl is 24 24 24 I know now that it's coming out of my mouth it sounds kind of crazy but when I turned 24 my dad was like do you feel old yet and I was like or he was kind of like are you scared like he was asking me like are you having any existential crises right now like are you okay happy birthday and the thing is no I am not fearful of getting old in fact i think the older i get the more level-headed i get the more i know about myself

the more i know about the world because he's been talking to my co-worker about this he's like yeah no i used to be terrified of growing up but now that i'm actually he's like 28 like he's getting up there so he's like now that i'm actually older i look forward to my birthdays and i look forward to growing older because when you're younger you're sold this idea of your youth is everything if you don't take advantage of your youth or you don't do it perfectly it's gonna be a waste and then your adult years you're just slaving away and oh scary oh my gosh but in reality like our world and our life is what we make of it and if you choose to make the best of it and live your best life and become your best person i don't think growing up is something to be scared of

whatsoever so cheers to another year um my one goal with um like from my last birthday like looking back when i turned 23 i spent it here in kansas city hanging out the river outside with some people just living in the moment but on that day my one birthday wish was to be on a beach for my birthday to travel more to experience the world to take advantage of the opportunities around me so i made that come true my birthday wish came true i left for mexico last thursday or i guess yeah last thursday like a week ago we spent eight days in sayulita mexico it was so gorgeous so beautiful the people there were so fucking kind um the food was amazing if you want to see like video content or any vlog content that is up currently on my patreon um you can find that

in my instagram bio at hannah marlene um or really any of my link tree links uh yeah i just really for eight days we went to the beach got drunk on the beach came home took a nap and then went out for some even better food after that um and honestly that is everything i could possibly ever want for a birthday but Sayulita is like an hour north of Puerto Vallarta and it's a little surf town even though the owner like of our Airbnb was like yeah I'm from Paris but I moved here 20 years ago and just never left because the surfing there constantly is just in perfect peak condition um like even one of our servers you were chatting to him about uh the surfing and just living there and he's like yeah I love it like if you guys want to go out with me I'm off at six we can go

out surfing I'll teach you guys how to do it people there were so fucking nice um the food was amazing incredible like tacos every single day um and also like the best tacos ever here in America like you get a taco you have to get eight to fill you up do you know what I mean no no no at these places like you have to order maybe one or two if you're starving because these tacos are ginormous like the amount of meat they put on there is enough for a burrito um so that was like a culture shock to me i was like okay so i don't have to order a shit ton of food love that um had the best al pastor straight tacos had the best like fish and uh fresh shrimp tacos um the best homemade guacamole they were warning us about the spices like all those sauces on the

table they were like careful I was like no no I'm good I promise like I can handle my spice it was funny I'm sure they're used to some people having some bad reactions to the spice and the sauces down there but it was so incredible so fresh homemade with love and care and just amazing oh my god but I mean by the end of it I was like okay I'm such a routine girly like as much as the real world is quote-unquote holding me captive I also do have an appreciation for the life I've built here and the routines that I have built here and I had so much fucking fun but by the end of it I was like okay I'm ready to get on a plane and go back and take this rest and relaxation with me and use it to rejuvenate me and push me forward uh throughout this next

chapter of my life so that was just amazing best birthday ever thank you guys so much for all the wonderful birthday wishes um i'm so incredibly lucky to spend another year doing this with you spend another year learning alongside you and sharing um my life lessons and things like that with you guys so thank you love you all so very much um with the traveling this is the first time I've gone out of the country by myself and honestly as long as you got a passport it is easy peasy like if you are feeling inspired to go to a different country to buy that plane ticket but you're a little nervous little anxious like I'm the kind of person who can sit and just think about something constantly because I'm the kind of person who's like I need to think through every

single possible situation before I go out and do and here's the thing you will never be able to think yourself into the correct position or into knowing everything that's why college like kind of works um but doesn't fully the true way of being able to learn and experience and know everything is by doing so if you have a dream if you have a place you want to go if you have an idea that you are trying to do just fucking do it you will learn along the way if you fail who fucking cares it just means it's a learning experience and you can grow from it and in fact you're going to learn more from it because you had an opportunity to fail and most of the time you're not even going to fail so why worry about it why try and think your way through it just

buy the plane ticket do the damn thing and get out there and experience life um we definitely had some run-ins with some different things uh my boyfriend learned that he could not take his skateboard back into america as a carry-on which we fly everywhere around here and a skateboard is considered a carry-on you just put it in the overhead bin so he had to trash it that was a big slip up oopsies literally they had giant dumpsters that he just had to throw it away before we got the plane i was like i'm so sorry i felt so bad um but other than that that's like the only thing that we had an issue with so just go just do it just have fun just live life okay also one big thing you guys were asking me is where do i find smoke weed the gange in different countries and

here's the thing people smoke everywhere unless it's like a country where it's like noticeably no one fucking smokes like it is super illegal that's that's just not the drug then sure maybe it's gonna be harder to find it but like mexico i knew i was gonna be able to find weed because as soon as i stepped foot off the plane like i could smell it like people are recreationally smoking there well recreationally quote unquote not technically allowed but you know people are doing their damn thing down there so i knew once i saw it around i was like okay i'm gonna be able to find this pretty easily if you're looking for any of that all i literally had to do was go down to the beach find the guy selling pipes and ask him for it and he had plenty of things thing more

than just weed he'd like cocaine everything I did not need any of that I just wanted some some bud you know what I mean um but they had it and then also just sitting on the beach like just lounging on the beach people are gonna be coming up to you selling different things and it'd be like oh I'm selling bracelets or this person's selling blankets or this person's selling hats and then someone else would be selling weed and would just like come up and whisper like weed motas weed weed smoke like people are offering and if they're offering i don't know it's a risk that you're gonna have to take i guess but we had a great time the weed we bought was pretty fucking good it was not as good as us weed because you know here it's like genetically modified and you know

like they are having competitions to see how fucking high they can get you off of one hit with their weed which is like too much like it's it's a lot here okay but there you know it's just like weed I would have smoked in high school like it's a little mid so it was a nice kind of mini tea break because even though I was smoking it wasn't like the it super intense crazy THC weed it was just like normal weed which was nice so I wasn't getting super blasted but now that I'm back home i definitely am i definitely am i guess it's a little tea break tea break trip for you guys just like by mid and then it'll basically be like you're on a tea break because the thc concentration is gonna be way lower um but yeah anyways had a fantastic time loved mexico so fucking fun

happy to be home wish i would have tanned more really only burned that's a white girl problem had so much fucking good food probably won't be eating tacos for a while because when I say I ate it like every day every day every meal yeah that that isn't actually what I did like of course I have to take advantage of that also I learned down there finding coffee or like at least in the town I was in I'm not going to generalize all Mexico the town I was in Sayulita finding good coffee was really hard it was i had a matcha and it was basically just water don't recommend if you are a coffee connoisseur but i did notice that they use like a plantain sweetener in their coffee or like a banana sweetener and that is ultimately the best

fucking coffee sweetener i've ever had like it's not as sweet as a vanilla where it's like kind of harsh um it is like a softer and it's not like a fake banana flavor I don't even know how to explain it but they would do these lattes with oat milk espresso like plantain flavoring and then espresso ice cubes and oh my god I have learned like that is kind of the best ultimate way to make coffee like that is all I drank the entire time I was there I will say this i did get sick that was i don't want to scare anybody that is a million percent my fault like of course we in different countries you know different ways to eat um different ways to prepare food and we had no issues anywhere like everybody's of course serving bottled water

serving um purified ice like i wasn't worried about any of that of course just like don't get ocean water your mouth don't get shower water in your mouth but i was really drunk and really hungry one night and the elotes cart was right on the corner of the street outside of my airbnb and i just kept watching like people come up and get it and eat it and come up and get it and eat it and come up and get it and eat it and i was like oh my god i need that like i don't think you understand i need i need that so i went down and i got it and she asked me if i wanted cream on it and I was like sure you know I wasn't really thinking too much but now thinking back I'm pretty sure that cream was unrefrigerated um and was just like a dairy product that I probably shouldn't

have eaten because my stomach is only used to dairy from America so I ate that and then yeah I spent like 12 hours on the toilet but it's okay because I did it was like right in the middle of our trip and we were so sunburned and so tired so having one day where we were just out of commission just like a full day to rest was honestly really needed um and other than that which was 100% my fault should have just been a little bit more thoughtful uh i had a fucking blast so much fun 10 out of 10 recommend get out travel you guys are young enjoy life experience new life around you I love traveling too because you get to meet so many new people and learn where they're from and learn where they're going and just find inspiration constantly around you one

of the big things about living is just making human connections and I love having that opportunity every time I get out of my home state to just meet the locals talk with them chit chat learn their life story you would be surprised how many people just want to sit and chit chat with you and get to know you um yeah love it anyways next topic i have so much to fill you in on like i have been on a roll you guys if you didn't catch my instagram post this morning at hannah marlene go check it out i have told you guys i have been planning something really fun for a while now just for the beginning of summer and that is me and sydney mary you've heard me talk about her plenty of times she makes the most incredible like hand sourced reused material bikinis like

her artistry and talent is mind-blowing and i was a fan of hers since she like first started my friend put me onto her and i was like okay i'm gonna buy a bikini and this bikini that i bought the first time has lived with me for the past four years i'm telling you i live all summer in my sydney mary bikinis and i have a few now like my collection is slowly growing but we have been working together tirelessly endlessly for a bikini collection for you guys so there are 20 bikinis up now on her website i believe her website is uh sydney mary bikini.com let me double check for you um but oh sydney mary.com sydney mary.com the hannah marlene collection but oh my god we would facetime every week we would go out i would go out to the thrift store

i would go try and source materials even sourcing materials from my own private wardrobe collection um there was this one like beautiful mesh tattoo crystallized rhinestone like long dress that i had and I just hadn't had an opportunity to wear it and I love the fabric so I entrusted her to create a bikini out of that that one is up as well so many different sizes for every single different type of body shape we wanted to be all inclusive here but it has been so much fun and it has come from just the immense amount of love that I have for her and her talent and I feel so lucky and grateful to be able to work with artists who I believe like deserve the world and I want to share with you guys like things that I'm interested in and things that I find inspiring and I hope that

inspires you guys as well so go check it out not she makes a one-of-a-kind bikini so not every bikini is going to be the same they're all going to be completely and utterly different um and maybe you'll find something you like on there but much love to sydney thank you so much for working with me girl i love you and i feel so fucking lucky i had my boyfriend go take pictures of me at the skate park in this bikini i made i sent her like a jersey because i played soccer when i was younger and i really wanted to find like jersey material make like a soccer bikini and she made one for me and sent it to me it was like this is yours girl you felt so inspiring for this keep it and oh my god it is incredible she has another like jersey mesh knit uh bikini up on

the collection that's like black almost like football jersey mesh and it's so fucking hot i think it's called the bad girls club bikini oh my god overall just the ultimate best experience and one of you guys asked is there going to be another smoke says shawty x sydney mary bikini collection because honestly like a lot of them have kind of sold out so get you better get on it okay and listen sydney if you're listening to this i would love to i'm sure we can absolutely make that happen um she is a dream to work with she is so incredibly talented and so passionate about what she does and i would love to do another little drop for you guys so let me know let me know if you're interested sydney call me you know you know where i am you know how to find me um but

yeah that was so fucking fun and like four months have been leading up to this so i am just so happy to have it out there in the world for you guys to experience and to possibly live in oh my gosh also uh i think there was like one more thing i wanted to go over oh another artist i wanted to highlight go check out my new nails on instagram yesterday i spent five hours with my nail lady she is so fucking incredible oh my god we were just sitting there chit-chatting but i gave her the most complex nail design possibly ever to exist like when i say there's 20 different colors on my fingers right now and three different kinds of sparkles i'm i'm not even lying but she ate these nails they're my pride nails for the month also happy pride oh my god um happy pride

to all my hotties i hope you are extra sexy and extra powerful this fucking month um oh also my nail text at is nails by meg so m-e-g-s-o you can find her on instagram i also shared it so feel free to check it out but happy pride i hope you guys are all extra hot and sexy and just living your best life this june um i know i am and i will be tapping into the hot and sexy energy and i hope you all are as well our local pride parade was going on this weekend and so many people were out and about for it even when even though it was raining and i was like yes i love to see this like ginormous a parade everybody out having so much fucking fun and i was on my way to work or else i would have been there but i saw it and i was like this is the kind of inspo i needed this

is the uh like highlight of my day that i needed to push my way through work right now just seeing everybody together having fun like that in turn brings so much joy to me anyways we've caught up if you want to see more in-depth information behind the scenes videos a whole vlog actually have two vlogs up that is on my patreon feel free to check it out but mexico was fantastic beautiful incredible and i cannot wait to see what country i end up in next oh my gosh but now i'm home i'm sitting in my bed per usual ready to chit chat with you guys and get into all of your hottest deepest darkest secrets questions ideas thoughts behaviors patterns you know what it is that being said let's smoke a little bowl just to get us in the mood all righty i'm loading myself

oh so fucking loud a little bully bowl right now um if you guys would like to join partake please do if not maybe you're on a tea break maybe you don't smoke hey i'm not here to judge i will take one for you love you anyways since it is summer and i know you guys have so much free time on your hands i am going to and kind of because i didn't post last week and i want to give you guys a little something extra this week but also locate kind of just every week um i am introducing smoke sesh summer school no it's not gonna be unfun like summer school we're just gonna be doing an extra episode on thursdays like i used to except for instead of or maybe we will do this let me know i i really love your feedback so feel free to dm me how you're feeling about

this but on thursdays i'm thinking either an extra episode that's a little shorter or a like extra like oh my gosh sorry i'm loading a bowl and i'm just my mouth is running and i'm getting distracted adhd problems okay so we're either gonna do an extra episode like full-length episode you let me know or we're good we're gonna do an extra episode on thursdays that's like 30 minutes long but it's more of a deep dive into topics because i know i cover topics quickly on here um i know that i'm i'm trying to appease my not only my adhd brain but also your guys's kind of constantly ever flowing adhd brain i know mine is completely rotted from social media so like i can only focus on one thing for a certain amount of time but i know i'm unable to completely

go into every aspect every detail of a topic so i would love to do like more of a deep dive like 30 minute 45 minute episode on thursdays as an extra so we can really get into the goodies of what you guys are asking me in different topics like sex love rock and roll travel i don't know all the fun stuff you know what i mean um but i just i love it like my favorite podcasts are the ones that upload like three four times a week and i feel like people aren't doing that and i would love to be that podcaster for you guys i know you guys love the content i know you guys love hanging out here as much as i do so of course i want to provide that for you guys if you guys are you know wanting that curious interested let me know i would be more than fucking happy but

i think this thursday we're gonna do a shorter 30-45 minute episode on one topic so if there's a topic that you're interested in let me know i will put a questionnaire up on my instagram for Thursday. But yeah, that's kind of the new game plan. Anyways, cheers. Gonna hit this. Oh my god, so good. Whoa, that had some kickback. One of the one things they don't tell you about having bangs is the constant fear you're gonna have every time you light up that your whole forehead is just gonna go up in flames i remember when i was younger i had this friend in like elementary school who she had bangs so cute but she went to go blow out a candle and the flame like the little

uh i don't even know what to call it the flame like blew up and then hit her bangs and her whole forehead caught on fire like all the bangs so every time i'm like have a lighter in my hand and i have to light something relatively close to my face i'm just like panicking and forever remembering that moment of my friend's bangs catching on fire anyways now let's get into the questions all righty so someone asked me how do i get my life in check oh my gosh girl been thinking that one too i actually after getting back home we got home on like a weekend and weekends are when i'm like working a majority of the time because i work in the service industry so it's like yeah I'm gonna take advantage of the days where real money is here so got off the plane

took a nap went to work went to work and then Monday spent all day getting my nails done love went to work and then today here I am Tuesday it kind of in the middle of the week kind of unsure what the rest of my week is bringing me so let me give you the steps that I'm kind of running through right now in order to feel like i'm kind of on track with the week that time is not working against me and that i can and will achieve everything that i need to do even though i might be a little overwhelmed right now so a first of all i think it's very important and i have learned the older i get the more i realize how important food is sounds dumb but like in college it's like all of a sudden i'm starving and i'm eating 99 cent

packet of ramen noodles and then going to bed and then repeating that and then maybe having some coffee in between hopefully remembering to drink water drinking way too much alcohol doing way too many drugs but like ramen was my go-to food my mindset for food was i eat when i'm starving and I don't really care what I eat then you know we level up we we elevate a little bit um to realizing like no food is good and it should be enjoyed and you should indulge do you know what I mean and then we elevate to you know oh what I put in my body kind of matters not in a sense of like I need to go crazy and take on all these fad diets and you know only eat lettuce because we're human and we need a variety of foods and we gotta change it up so then we start paying attention to like

the quality of foods and then you realize I don't know why this realization came so much longer I knew it all along but food is fuel food does equal fuel and if you don't feed yourself you're gonna become a crazy angry bitch and no one's going to like you so eat food because I become so insane and i also am the kind of person who it's like if i don't plan ahead i won't have anything to eat and i have to deliberately plan ahead like okay so this is my breakfast for the week because i'm the kind of person who it's like i don't need a new thing every single day i like stability in the things that i'm eating at least for the week so i gotta make sure i have one good thing for me to eat in the morning because i need something to power my brain

I can't run off fumes because you know when you go to sleep you process everything that you've eaten for the day we're starting over babe we got to fill back up so breakfast caffeine because that is important to me some sort of lunch that I can do maybe two different kinds a week or I'm honestly good doing the same lunch every week I have hyper fixation meals and I will eat the same thing for months actually and be totally fine and happy with it um which is wonderful because oh my god shopping is so much easier for that when you immediately already know what you want to have um but i do a lunch and then i like to do a different dinner every night and i try mostly to um uh i try to make sure i have something new every night just so i have something

to get excited about like after work or something like i don't know dinner is just something i get excited about and i always want to have something fun to indulge in because usually it's like i eat dinner and then i'm immediately passing out like your girl is it's game over like as soon as i get my belly full of something good i'm like checking out i'm checked out for the rest of the night okay um but like when i was little i'd wake up in the morning and the first question i asked my mom is like what are what are what are we eating for dinner and she'd be like girl what i don't even know like what what are you asking me i have to have something specifically food like a food incentive to make it to the end of the day um and so dinners are important to me so i plan a

different dinner or at least maybe one that i can eat every uh like maybe i can do a leftovers night something that i'm gonna enjoy um but something different every night um so food food babe you gotta feed yourself so step number one on getting your shit together is go grocery shopping okay you're gonna need some snacks you're gonna need a breakfast you're gonna need a lunch i know crazy and you're gonna need a dinner so plan that out first i feel like food is number one i used to think um organizing everything and organizing my life would be step number one no you have to have fuel before you can form those ideas all right babe so get to the grocery store um make sure you are taking care of yourself make sure you have things that are going to inspire you not only

your body as fuel but also your mind um something that's going to bring joy into your life because food is joy food can be fuel and you can eat 99 cent ramen every other day like i have maybe a fried egg here and there i get it but also you're gonna be much happier and your quality of life is gonna be so much higher when you're feeding yourself and you're not door dashing every day because when i find myself falling behind i find myself door dashing a lot because i don't have any food planned and then i get to that like let me check the clock 2 30 time frame maybe three and then all of a sudden i'm like oh my god i haven't eaten anything all day i'm gonna spend 40 on doordash which is crazy so let's just grocery shop and spend relatively like maybe

two dollars on lunch in the grand scheme of things so i actually this is inspiring me maybe i'll share some like my meal plans for the week on patreon if you guys are curious or you don't want to do your own but i get all of my recipes all my ideas and all my meal planning i shop at Aldi I don't know if you guys know what Aldi is it is like the cheapest grocery store in my area um still has really high quality great items um my grandpa is like a he loves I don't know men old men he's obsessed with like the concept of butchering me and like they have cows and you know like his meat quality has to be good but he buys his meat from Aldi so you know that it's like good reputable store and it's cheap love that but i'll look on pinterest for all of my recipe ideas

you can literally type in pinterest to be like 30 aldi weekly budget and like somebody somebody's mom will have made that and posted it on her blog so look at those they are wise beyond their years and they're fantastic at budgeting but get yourself to the grocery store and buy yourself food so you can make your own meals and we can save money and not be as indulgent or crazy or impulsive and our mental health will be so much stabler because we will be able to you know feed ourselves and we won't have those crazy like high highs and low lows which i realize a lot of those a majority of those come from me realizing i'm not hungry and not eating when i need to eat so feed yourself next step anyway step number two is creating a list a to-do list a list of

what needs to get done a list of everything on your brain whatever list you think is best suited for whatever you are trying to get done for me personally it's usually a to-do list for the week um for i usually focus on my weeks um monday through sunday but however you look at your weeks beginning and starting think of it that way to organize yourself first thing you're going to do is literally just write down write down everything that you need to do big brain dump okay everything that's on your mind it doesn't have to be categorized it doesn't all have to make sense together next to each other it doesn't matter do a brain dump dump it all into one place and then after you do that the way that i organize organize myself after that is to then delegate

those ideas those tasks whatever you need to get done by day for the week if it's something that needs to get done maybe further out then maybe you put it on next week's to-do list or you put it on your monthly calendar okay but focus on what you can get done during the week and I think looking at a weekly kind of organization chart instead of looking at it day by day is way better because you're not going to overwhelm yourself with tasks sure it looks extra overwhelming like all together in one big brain dump but once you have seven days ahead of you which each have like maybe 12 hours you can get stuff done and then you organize you know your tasks by well this is a smaller task so I can do it that morning and then this is maybe a bigger task so I can do it that

evening when I have more time or maybe I really need this day off because I know this day is going to be a little bit heavier so I can do a smaller task on this day. You see the vision, all right? You see what I'm working with, but it makes sure so you're not overwhelmed. If you mind up all of your thoughts, feelings, what you need to do into one place, and then all of a sudden just start trying to get them all done within the 24 hours that you have, you're going to feel way too overwhelmed, okay? So organize it. Give yourself plenty of time, plenty of space to organize these things out sure there are things you need to do but they don't all have to get done today prioritize yourself prioritize um your you know your mind keep it healthy all right keep yourself

less anxious love you you got your meals done you got your week organized number three you have to take care of not only your body your body food mind making sure you're not going insane and organizing your life and your space okay the space around you where you are spending time your home be it a bedroom be it a car be it a four bedroom mansion whatever it is make sure your space is taking trust me i'm so sorry about the sirens i'd be living next to a busy street it's not you it's me because every time i hear sirens and anything whether it's music or somebody else's audio or like a friend's voice message i'm like i could be walking down the street and i'm like what's going on sorry anyways you have to take care of your space you have to clean your space nothing feels

better than taking a moment to clean up around you and make sure it's organized and just make sure that you're not only taking care of yourself but you're taking care of your worldly possessions your area i feel like i am a much better person i'm a much more focused person clearer minded clear skin clear body when my space is clean whatever you see clean whatever you feel fit maybe it's just like a 15 minute pickup in the morning i'm gonna clean up the random things here and there that are kind of cluttering up my space and be throwing a load of laundry or maybe it's like i'm gonna get on my hands and knees and deep clean the bathroom because i haven't done that in a while whatever whatever you see fit okay just organize your space clean it make your bed if

you're feeling a little crazy oh my gosh we had this housekeeper at our um airbnb that we stayed at and every day she would come in and make the bed and then like i have like jelly cats like i brought my avocado jelly cat with me and then my boyfriend got me like a monstera jelly cat too which is so cute for my birthday and she would come in and make the bed and then prop them up all cute on the pillows and it made it was like something something small like in paradise that i look forward to every day that i thought was just adorable so it really is the small things no matter where you are so maybe set up your cute little plushie somewhere you know make your home feel homey i feel like it completely changes like the dynamic within my life um and really does have

an effect on how i process my everyday life but yeah i feel like those are very simple basic steps sure but they're kind of like the key steps to getting yourself at least back into life back into taking care of yourself excited for the future i would say if you're even feeling up to it there may be a step number four and that's to just dream have something you're working towards whether it's like a painting whether it's like a class that you want to take whether it's like a big giant goal it's going to take you months years to accomplish whatever it is maybe take a moment to ask yourself like am i dreaming am i taking every day to look forward and create new things to keep me moving and to keep me excited for life i think having a dream having something to look

forward to is such a motivator whether it is big or small and constantly allowing yourself to dream daydream explore ideas is what gives us passion as humans and is what makes the time not only more enjoyable but also fly by okay love you okay this one is kind of a double question because i feel like they similarly go together and it's funny because they're literally right next to each other but someone asked how to get over a man you haven't seen in months and never dated and also someone asked how to stop constantly thinking about someone who isn't part of your life anymore and i could tell you all the generalized girly pop bullshit of fuck him he's too good for you you need to just bad bitch up and move on and like i like the encouraging

words do you know what i mean but also like i want to give you real life world tips that you can use in kind of any interpersonal relationship um so whether it's something you dated whether it's a friend that you maybe had a falling out with whether it's someone who's just not simply part of your life anymore i genuinely believe the best way to kind of move on and not live in the past is to meet new people and create new memories with them. If you say had a lover that may be falling out, you never got where you fully went. And you know, it kind of put you in a hole and I get it. It's hard. It's hard to lose somebody. It's hard to lose that future you imagine with them. But you never go outside again, you constantly sit inside, you never talk to anybody

again, you are kind of like, although you are moving forward, sure, you are still living in the past because you are not like interpersonally moving forward. And yeah, you're going to constantly daydream about that person and think about that person because your most current memories are about that person. But I genuinely believe if you take that energy, whether it's good or bad pain or pleasure and you use it to push yourself forward and to not give up and to use it to inspire hope that yeah maybe it didn't work out and that's really the only truth that I can work with but I can also work with what's ahead of me and understand that just because it didn't work out doesn't mean that I'm not worthy and maybe that means that they weren't worthy and

somebody else is out there so I'm gonna look and I'm gonna seek making those connections making new memories with those people meeting even if it's like a person that you don't have a lasting friendship with or a lasting life with these people that you meet it could be a fleeting experience at a coffee shop but just having those to kind of buffer the time and space between the people that you are constantly ruminating on and thinking about has a way of blurring out the past in a sense. Experiences, people living alongside them have such a way of making time fly and making life either really, really fun or maybe not so fun. Either way, the more that you experience with people and the more people you meet and the more, you know, time that you spend

with them has a way of then making the past easier to let go with because you have all these new experiences and these new ideas and these new people to move towards and push forward towards and to then rely on when you're thinking of a past memory to go back to because let me tell you this when i was living in a space where i was like oh my god i'm constantly thinking about my ex whether it was me like 19 going through it with the same old friends still not really looking for love but only going back to him or like maybe I don't even know I was at 19 maybe like 18 like oh young Hannah I just wanted I'd want to grab her shoulders and shake her and tell her that there are so many people out there who are who want to love her and want to appreciate her and want to like live love

love next to her you know what I mean there's no reason to worry about what happened in the past good or bad it happened all we can deal with is the lessons we take from it and how we move forward a how we want to be treated or b how we should treat people and learning from that and then implementing that into your life and then making new memories and not letting those experiences hold you back are such a way it's such a powerful way to you know stop stop relying on the past or living in the past people have such a way of bringing light and love into your life and you are so so utterly deserving of that okay someone said girl i got so many things i want to do this summer but i've got no idea what to start with illy love you okay so literally babe

i'm gonna need you to close your eyes and then spin your finger in a circle four times and then just point to one and just do it i have so many things that i want to do this summer so like i'm kind of trying to do one a week or maybe one every other week i feel like one a week is a pretty good start because like summer activities are pretty light and easy do you know what i mean um sometimes it's like i'm going on a big vacation but sometimes like i just want to go pick strawberries i want to go sit in a forest i want to go to the local farmer's market i want to try the new coffee shop like they're usually very simple like afternoon morning weekend activities um but like one a week is a great place to start this week i'm gonna try and go to the drive-in with

my boyfriend i love the drive-in i love the nostalgia behind it and i love popcorn candy and a good movie especially in the privacy of your own car kickback hanging out hell yeah so that is my to-do that's on my to-do list for this week when it comes to activities for the summer but yeah try and do one a week and i really want to go strawberry picking there's like if you look up local quote-unquote you pick farms around you you would be surprised how many farmers open their land to um people to come uh do their own foraging whether it's for like berries apples fruits zucchinis peppers or like flowers it could be anything um and there's this one local strawberry farm that i'm thinking of i took my nanny kids there when i was a nanny oh my gosh i

throw back um and they take you out on like a little tractor and you go out to the fields and you pick your strawberries and they have these strawberry donuts and strawberry lemonade from the strawberries in the field that are like the best fucking thing ever and that is what i'm really looking forward to this summer but i also want to get out to the local river hang out there just in silence in nature more um i want to do the quintessential you know american teen summer activities like the drive-in to like um oh fuck there was something else like when fourth of july comes out comes around i want to go shoot fireworks you know i want to go to the lake all the fun stuff uh that makes summer summer you know take advantage of it it's such a fun time

someone asked how to get over the guilt of disappointing your parents here's the thing don't feel guilty about it because you're going to disappoint them no matter what you do no matter what like and i hate to say that i mean your parents could be the most supportive understanding parents ever or they could be like the strictest meanest parents possible either way no matter what the dynamic is you're gonna disappoint them at some point in time whether it's big or small so i say just rip the band-aid off earlier earlier rather than later i actually had an episode like way in the beginning when i first started this podcast talking about you need to disappoint your parents like you have to just literally rip the band-aid

off because you're going to at some point in time and if you constantly live trying to appease them you will never be happy um maybe your parents are really easy to appease but if you grew up with parents like mine who like they pushed you but also like two places that maybe weren't the best for you allowing yourself to say no to them and allowing yourself that space to be like that's not for me i'm gonna stand up for myself you will find yourself on a much better path than if you constantly do everything they need that they want for you like my parents wanted me to go to nursing school and so i did and then i had an awful time because i knew in my heart that it wasn't for me but i wanted them to like me and appreciate me and love me and i could have saved myself so

much time and money if i was just real and upfront earlier rather than later when i was like two years in a nursing school to be like hey babes this ain't for me and i love you kisses but i need to do what the fuck i need to do i need to focus on me and what is truly calling to me rather than what is calling to you and what you think is best for me because i know you love me and I love your input because you give me a lot because I have two Gemini parents and they love giving me input oh my god like could you imagine this podcast but like as your mom like oh my god love you guys but sometimes I just need you to sit blindly aside and support me even if you're scared so disappoint your parents really not like don't go to jail don't do anything too crazy

please this is your one PSA but when it comes to putting yourself first I think that needs to be a priority and unfortunately a lot of the times putting yourself first might disappoint your parents and if you have guilt I understand that I also had guilt and I still kind of do guilt is just a funny little feeling and it likes to come but you have to allow it to pass and if you give yourself time to think about it work through it and be like no but it was the best decision you know work through it in your head that guilt is then processed and passed through you away from you feels much better also choosing yourself is always going to be the best feeling a little guilt does come along with it especially if you're a huge people pleaser but ultimately the feeling

of being your true self and putting yourself first outweighs that guilt by a million percent you will always have that comfort when it comes to that choice love you someone asked what era do they think i'm in and right now i think i'm in my feral girl era as you guys know i love is size swoon size swoon is like another listen all girls online are doing so many amazing wonderful things and size swoon has always been a forever inspiration of mine like since the age of 12 and i love seeing her grow and change and the ideas she takes up but she was talking about feral showers recently which is just like i feel like when you get older showers like you get in you wash your hair you shave like you were getting down to business but i miss and she was like i

miss when i was like a kid and i used to sit in the bath and play or like a teenager and i would be in there for like hours like hours in the shower just like fantasizing and hanging out and talking to myself and like filling my mouth up with water and spitting it on the wall like feral showers like she's like we need to get back into that and i agree but more so in like you gotta get back into life like recently like oh my god i literally had a panera like um what is it called the charged lemonade it's like actually crack in a cup that you drink in a sweet like it is just too much and as you can tell my brain cannot keep up with my mouth so apologize apologies for just how fucking cracked out i am right now it is absolutely the caffeine

and the weed combo god it's just so good anyways wow tangent um we for the past 10 years have kind of been in this era of like humans trying to be inhuman you think about the instagram girls who are like way too perfect to even fucking exist the plastic surgery that has been running rampant recently to make us not look like ourselves you know the perfect houses the all white minimal aesthetic the inhuman way of living like listen my place right now is a hot mess i got magazines everywhere I got notebooks open I've got random bongs here and there I have like random decorations sporadically put up on the walls and that is human and I've kind of I was feeling bad when I was having people over this weekend because my cousin's in town and so he came over to smoke and hang out

and I was just like I'm so sorry my place is a hot mess but like that's who we are we're humans that is the ultimate form of intimacy that is the ultimate form of connection in a sense so I'm having a feral girl summer I'm in my feral era which is essentially just in my human era I'm allowing myself to be human I'm allowing myself to be raw and messy and make mistakes and yeah my house is lived in but I'm also a human and I'm living here um and taking more risks as well within that not holding myself to a standard of like this in this unattainable perfectionism that simply is inhuman in a sense um and just allowing myself to be human and try new outfit combos and try new foods and try new things and follow that intuition and i am so

excited i am really loving leaning into that attitude and that idea so yeah i'm having a human girl summer a feral girl summer and i really recommend you guys join me in this journey because it has been very liberating because holy shit how confining is it trying to be a human in a inhuman world you know someone said they just got their first tattoo this weekend and if i have any aftercare tips i do i was just talking with my nail girly about tattoos and i am so ready to get like nine tattoos last tattoo i got was when i was 20 i want to say and now i'm 24 i know crazy but it was the biggest my big um sumac leaves on my arm uh it was like five hundred dollars and it took five hours so after that i was like i'm good i'm good for a while but i'm ready to jump into

the uh patchwork tattoos and get like a bunch of hundred dollars small cute little tattoos all over my body i think i love the way it looks i love the sporadicness i love collecting little images especially alongside me and this body that i carry around with me so why not decorate it um both in clothes accessories and tattoos what's better than that but aftercare a um don't pick at it because all right like it's gonna it's gonna scab up and that's okay but allow your body to heal like as it's supposed to allow those scabs to exist allow it to purge any unnecessary things and don't mess with it best thing you can really do for your tattoo is just like let it fucking be i'm such a picker especially with my skin and there's like one specific leaf on my tattoo that i'm looking at

right now and i it was like blacked out it's a blacked out leaf um and i picked at it because it was like the very last scab that i had on my body from the tattoo everything else was healed but this little tiny leaf and yeah i touched it and when i picked the scab off the ink came off with with it so it left this very interesting pattern on the leaf with which now i kind of like but also like it would have been perfect amazing tattoo if i didn't touch it number two i would really recommend um especially after it heals sun care uh not only is it important to take care of your skin under the sun but make sure you put extra strength like sun lotion on your tattoos if you are going out in the sun if it's brand new brand new cover that bitch okay because

the sun is going to fade the fuck out of it like i've had mine for four years and honestly that's a long ass time like it is still very very pigmented but i go in the sun a lot and i had a really bad habit when I was younger of just not wearing sunscreen and I can definitely tell that it's faded like if I went and got it just like outlined or spiced up a bit the color difference would be fucking amazing um because yeah this one is grayed out a little bit so skincare don't fucking touch it leave it alone okay make sure you're showering make sure you're keeping it clean after the tattoo I got my back I was drunk when I got it a not a good idea b I went to a concert directly afterwards so it was like all taped up but then i went to a concert and like a

rave and i so i was sweating so much which definitely was not good for the tattoo because like gross you got to keep the area clean you got to shower you got to make sure it's taken care of okay so make sure you're cleaning yourself taking care of yourself i think really that's about it but your body is going to do most of the healing most of the care and also i could give you after care tips but i really think it's up to the artist and the way that they tattoo and the style and the way that it affects the skin and they ultimately know the best way for you to do aftercare based on the location and the type of tattoo you got how you know intricate it was so ask them and when they give you advice listen to it and follow it because they know what the fuck's up anyways love

you congrats on the new tat i hope i get some new ones soon um and if i do you will see that on my instagram love you oh this is a good question someone said i'm a stoner my partner is not sometimes i feel guilty for being high around them thoughts i think this is a fantastic conversation and you guys you guys would be so surprised how complex relationships around weed can get because we all come from different places different backgrounds and have different experiences whether it be through ourselves our parents our friends our family with drugs and with alcohol and with anything that comes to life and we all have preconceived notions about these things i had like two separate conversations about this with people this weekend um about like how

difficult relationships can get when you guys are not on the same page about certain substances because i remember having a falling out with a friend when i was younger because her dad smoked very openly and that also kind of it he was doing it in a non-healthy way which of course caused some trauma which is valid i understand you as a child wanting your parent to be present um and not completely obsessed with a drug instead of you um very valid but then once i started smoking which was a me choice she kind of distanced herself from me and that is totally okay totally normal but it's like we all come from different backgrounds have different ways to view these things and it's going to make relationships difficult if you do not talk about them okay

so talk about them whether it's a friendship or you know a relationship talk about your past talk about your boundaries talk about the things that trigger you talk about what you are okay with and what you are not okay with so you both have an equal and level playing ground of how to interact with each other if it's like hey i'm gonna be very vulnerable with you about this past trauma that i come from and how it affects me and how it shows up within my relationships i want you to take that and listen to it and you know be mindful of that so maybe sometimes in relationship that relationships that looks like hey i'm not gonna smoke for you like for real some people are that traumatized by it sometimes like hey i'm not gonna drink for you like there's different things people

have been uh affected by sometimes it's like okay i see you don't like this maybe i will do it elsewhere that's also valid it totally depends on what your partner's boundaries are and then sometimes like maybe you're in a relationship where it's like i smoke my partner doesn't um i'm worried that maybe they don't like it when i'm high but they haven't really expressed anything maybe talk to them about it ask them if it affects them in any way if they have any issue with it um but i think you'd be surprised how many people are just like no i don't care do your own thing you know what i mean um but yes conversations especially about these things are very important in relationships you can never just assume that everybody thinks the same way as you or is affected

the same way as you um and i think not only is it a fantastic bonding moment to be vulnerable with someone and to be heard but also to um then work with that and see how it shows up within your relationships and understand that some people will respect those some people won't and you as a human just have to make decisions based off of that and where you want your relationship to stand off of that but yes talk to your partners about drug use about smoking about drinking about past experiences always okay i think the more vulnerable you are in a relationship and i know sometimes it's scary because you don't want to get hurt but honestly i think the more it strengthens it and the easier it is to be within that relationship either friendship or a lover you know someone

asked tips to give your aura slash energy a glow up sometimes i just feel bitchy and i hate it um absolutely completely felt someone else also asked which is very very similar but how to change always having a negative perception slash being pessimistic um i hear you and i feel you and i am also in tune with all of my other bitchy girls but sometimes i just get put in a mood that i am just like wow i what's the audio you need an exorcism literally like i don't know why this happens well i do and we're gonna get into it but sometimes i will just be like the devil reincarnated and I will literally be sitting there being this way and I will catch myself being this way and I'll pause and be like girl what the fuck is going on like no one even has

to call me out I'm calling myself out right now what is going on why am I being like this there's no reason for me to be like this and I think there's three times three moments three kind of ways that i get put in this mood and a it's because i'm hungry okay my body needs fuel my brain needs fuel and i'm a bitch when i have not eaten and it's not fun for anybody around me but it is not anybody's fault okay it's my fault and i need to make sure i'm getting food in my body or else i am just a nuisance okay b when i'm bored okay when i find myself being bored and i have nothing to do and i'm not working towards anything and i'm just sitting there and there's so many things going on around me but i can't seem to bring myself into any of them i'm just

a dick and i don't know if this happens to anybody else but i have to be doing something constantly whether it's okay i'm gonna go run an errand or i have something to look forward to at the end of the day or it's i need to be doing this if i'm not doing anything i'm just a bitch because I'm bored that's kind of fucked up but having things for you to do having things to excite yourself having things to work towards um are all fantastic ways to kind of get yourself out of that mood and one activity in particular is fantastic for people who have a little bit of moodiness in them and that is working out I know you guys are literally strangling me with your mind right now and i'm so sorry and i know you've heard it a million bajillion quadrillion times

but the after effects of working out and elevating your heart rate in a healthy way most importantly okay and getting some physical exercise in you get that dose of like oxytocin from your brain if you work out your brain releases happy chemicals happy hormones it is literally like dosing yourself i after i run i feel like i've been at a festival and someone slipped me molly like not like and that's crazy for me to say out loud but it's like let's pick the healthy route okay when i find myself being a bitch sometimes i'm like i need to go work out i need to just dose myself with happy chemicals right now we're gonna have to do some backwards reversing okay into a more positive upward lifting lane and sometimes it's not the

fun way sometimes being adult is not picking the fun things um sometimes it's just having to do what you know is best for you and for me i have noticed working out really does wonders on me number three i find myself being a bitch when i am trying to force myself into a box that i simply do not fit in and this could mean anything i find myself being a bitch when it's like i'm trying to behave as if i am not myself i'm trying to be somebody else and it's not working and i'm feeling like i'm failing and it's because i'm shoving myself into a square size box when i'm really a circle sized item you know little kids toy where it's like we gotta match it literally it's like that i find myself being so otherworldly mean when i know i am not in tune with myself

and who i am okay so really the best choice you could ever make for you and your mood and trust me this is coming from a girl who has a mood disorder and sometimes it's just like a fucking cunt out of nowhere and i'm so sorry to the people around me it's my mental illness and i'm working on it so it's not your problem but I find that being drawn out of me when I am honestly like kind of just like like ditching myself in a way forcing myself into a box that I don't fit in trying to be somebody that I'm not wearing something that's not intuitively I'm connected to right now going to something that I know is not going to be good for me and I shouldn't be at things like that i find myself just immediately put in a bad mood and you could be like yeah hannah

that is common fucking sense but there are so many times where we as humans decide to abandon ourselves and you will notice when you do that there is immediately a physical a mental negative kind of connotation that is put into your body and you feel it take over and you know when you are deserting yourself and it does not feel good and i don't know why i have a habit of doing it but goddamn doesn't happen very often so from one mood disorder girl to another make sure you're well fed make sure you're staying true to yourself and uh oh fuck what was the second one oh also um be forgiving not only to yourself but to other people if you find yourself being this way and you start having the conversation with yourself before

anybody else kind of like whoa what am I doing why am I being this way sometimes you have to apologize sometimes you got to be like hey I'm I will literally have to sit down my partner after like sometimes getting these moods and being like I'm so sorry I don't know where any of that came from I really apologize please don't take it out on yourself what can I do to make it better like not only do you have to be forgiving of yourself and catch yourself when you see yourself being this way and know that it's okay and that you have to learn from it we gotta move forward and we gotta let go of this resentment and anger that we're holding on to because it's much easier to hold on to than it is to move on um be forgiving with yourself and then also like be forgiving to

the other people around you who just had to deal with that okay okay also i find myself that my anxiety will have a direct correlation with my mood um and when my anxiety is heightened my mood is just like plateauing i'm not even plateauing downfalling spiraling heavily into the earth as fast as it fucking can um and i will have to then realize that it's coming from a place of anxiety and then do some anxiety self-soothing whether it's okay i'm gonna hop in take a cold shower shock my nervous system a little bit um dunk my face in cold water 10 jumping jacks has a very fantastic way of resetting my brain and body if you're about to enter like a interview if you're about to enter a space that you are a little nervous about if you find yourself having anxiety

over nothing um just like random sporadic thoughts popping into your head once again don't allow yourself to be bored because you will overthink and i will willingly put myself into a bad mood that way um but 10 jumping jacks and i know it sounds fucking weird you're like hannah i'm not doing that in the parking lot before our first date yes babe you are okay do it in your house before you leave whatever it is but doing 10 15 20 jumping jacks push-ups whatever is your quick little go-to kind of like easy movement do it you will immediately take your brain out of whatever spiraling thought process that it's in and then physically your body moving in a way that you probably don't move a lot has it's like a quick reset for your body it's as if you just started

or stopped and restarted your body and your brain um and it has a fantastic way of just easing my anxiety and also physically exerting it um if you're the kind of anxiety girly where you get the shakes like really easily you're just like why am i shaking like i'm like a little chihuahua like that's just constantly nervous all the time my body will like physically vibrate because i have so much anxiety doing like 10 15 jumping jacks really quickly or like going for a run or like physically exerting that energy however you can instead of bottling it inside like a tiny little human bomb just release it get rid of it the same way you have to get rid of those thoughts you have to get rid of it physically through your body so yeah tips on how to be

listen i give you tips on how to be a bad bitch and i give you tips on how to not be a bitch okay because trust me been there done that quite often in fact someone asked i feel like i'm stuck in life nothing bad or good just a plateau how can i get past this you have to succumb to the plateau so life is about ups and downs and plateaus a plateau is like a straight line okay it's when you hit that moment in life and you're like exactly nothing's happening it's not good it's not bad i'm just kind of here and those moments in life are honestly the ultimate best okay i think people talk about life as in like oh i'm having this high high and life doesn't get as good as this i'm on this a fantastic trip i'm so in love blah blah whatever it is those are good yes but

also i feel like there's so many high energies involved that it can be just as draining as the low lows the plateaus are the universe telling you you need to lean into it and focus on just existing okay those high highs are gonna come i pinky promise you will get out of the plateau eventually but as someone who has something going on constantly within my life i have started really looking forward to the plateaus because it just gives me a moment to like i hate check out because i'm not really checking out i'm more so just checking inward and focusing on me and focusing on my daily life and giving into the routine and allowing myself a moment to breathe before the next high high comes along do you know what i mean so i

don't think you have to be like don't feel so stuck don't frame it in your mind as oh i'm stuck in a plateau and i i don't have all these high highs coming all the time so life is just not as good as it should be most of your life is going to be a plateau and that is okay because we as humans are supposed to exist within our everyday life but life is all about taking those everyday quote-unquote simple moments those normal days and trying to make the best that you can out of it and appreciating the little things as much as you honestly possibly can um but i love a plateau moment i really do and you're not stuck i guarantee you i oh my god i guarantee you the universe is just giving you a resting phase so give yourself time to recoup recovery take care

of yourself dream ask yourself what you want where you want to go it's a fantastic time to garner that creative energy and to focus on yourself which will then provide you more energy in the future and to also like re-evaluate where am i okay so i have a breathing moment where was i and where do i want to go and how am i going to do that and what life lessons did i learn it's a perfect time for rest relaxation reflection and just enjoying the little things really as much as you can and I think summer is a perfect time for that because a lot of us have a little bit of free time it's nice out so we can like go do things and experience life fantastic don't feel so stuck I promise there's no such thing as being stuck and I love you

oh my gosh someone said obsessed with reading Eve Babbitt's Because of You makes me want to live in 70s LA I read my second Eve Babbitt's book I told you about the first one Black Swan Stories I literally finished it in maybe six hours I have not read a book that fast since I don't know like I was eight like let's be real and being able to devour a book is such a good feeling but we as like humans are all interested in different things so when i see like a book talk and then i like read one of these books and i'm like not interested i'm like oh something's wrong with me like i just can't read no no no you have to find something that inspires you so i'm gonna preface with that but then also share what is inspiring me currently which is eve babbitts

She was an author that wrote throughout like the 70s, 80s, 90s, was very deeply connected with a lot of these famous musicians and famous people in L.A. And she was famous herself, but not on that kind of like a notable level. She was very much so a watcher, a listener and a live a lover like a liver. She she lived fucking life to the fullest. and i finished my second book by her which was um uh slow times fast company i don't know something like that uh she has like four or five different books but they're all collections of short stories which is why i think i can get through them so fast they're all short stories about experiences she's had with different human beings and kind of like life lessons she also is like really

fucking funny in a hot mess uh she's constantly talking about her different lovers and married men flying out to have dinner with her and then her having threesomes with the girls and falling in love with gay men and living with them and like just the most random fucking experiences and stories and then the life lessons she gets from them and they could be such simple life lessons such as i talked about this before but there was this one chapter that really stuck with me that was just like all about how she fell in love with tango and it started with her meeting a man and then falling out of love with the man and then going to a play and seeing the man there and her falling in love with tango rather than the man and forgetting all about the man and then

getting caught up in a place where they were doing tango and she felt too scared to try it and then finally showing up to a class and then being there and uh not falling in love with the instructor but finding passion through it and getting to know the instructor and then 20 years later going back there and seeing how much changed and but also how similar it is and how life can move so fast but also the same things can still exist within that time and oh my god her style of writing is just so fantastic especially for my ADHD brain because her it's like they're short stories short paragraphs but like within three sentences she will talk about four different things and still find a way to connect them all it's kind of like how um you know how comedians

in order to be a really good comedian not only do you have to be funny but you have to be a storyteller and they will start their whole show with like a bit about one thing and then it'll lead into another and then another and then another and then it's crazy because by the end of the hour and a half show they have circled all the way back to the thing that you had forgotten about in the beginning and it's just like brilliant she does that so naturally like it is just second nature to her and also the way she describes the world and finds pleasure within the mundane in the world is very inspiring for me um and i just i love her work eve babbitts is incredible and she has become a inspiration of mine within the past month and i think i'm

going to dedicate summer to really just devouring all her works and finding passion in them because she has inspired passion within me so i'm glad that you are enjoying her writing please go give it a shot if you're the kind of person who you know you like what i'm putting out there and then you also kind of like glamour and you also like drama and you also have a little bit of an adhd brain and have a hard time getting through books pick up some of eve babbitt's work even if it's just like googling one short story and seeing if somebody has uploaded the pdf just read some of it you will be amazed at the things that she is writing and how she's doing it and i hope you find some inspiration from her work um along the way but yeah have been loving it i finished that second

book on vacation on the beach and i was like well now what the fuck i'm gonna do like immediately amazon priming the next book to my house love her someone said acid do's don'ts uh opinions i when it comes to the tier list of drugs acid is not very high up there for me because i like to have fun but i get tired i'm such a sleepy girly what can i say i can't help it okay but you have to recognize that about yourself acid's like a good 10 hour trip and like a deep one and i felt by the time i i've only done acid once which i think as a chronic enjoyer of the drugs that the world has provided us um me only doing it once says a lot because i just felt like it was too much like i love a mushroom where it's like soft it's like a little warm hug and it only

lasts like three four hours boom easy done okay no you're not like feeling stuck because by hour eight i was like okay bitch like we we gotta get somewhere with this um so if you are going to do it understand that it is like a day trip like literally do not take it at 10 o'clock at night like i did because you will not be able to fall asleep that trip is going to take you along for the ride as long as it likes so in my opinion since it is so long do it in the morning like dedicate a whole day do it in the morning do it in a space you're comfortable tell somebody you're doing it and i would also recommend don't doing it alone like if you are going to be doing it and you're the only one in your friend group and you're going to be sitting there around your friends

do it with somebody else so then when weird things start happening because like listen drugs get a little freaky it's how it is then you have somebody who can relate to you because it's so crazy how even though you feel like you're the only one experiencing that i would like turn to my friend and be like do you see that and she'd be like yeah i thought i was the only one and that's really fun like that's that's a fun aspect of it so don't do it alone you're gonna feel like you're going crazy when you're like oh my god is anybody seeing the walls move and then all your friends look at you and are like girl what like you don't want you don't want to experience that so make sure you're not the only one but then also make sure you have somebody you know general protective things who

knows you're doing this um and is a sober person who can be like a trip sitter okay well there's one person of the group or somebody you can call if you know something isn't going right okay and then also with any sort of drug less is more you don't need a lot really of anything ever less is always more you can always oh wait you can't always take less so start small all right um give it a good 30 minutes to an hour to kick in it for some reason the acid took a little longer for me has something fun to look at my favorite thing well when i was on acid was uh the tv loading screen for for the google fiber or not fiber google whatever the google streaming services they project these super hd incredible photography of like all around the world there's

like one where it was like a sea lion underwater and it literally looked like the sea lion was swimming it was not it looked like it was swimming and like the kelp was moving uh there was another one where it was like a house in the middle of like a giant rice paddy and i could see all the little tiny um grass moving pictures okay pick up a fucking picture book pick up something that's fun to look at um don't watch tv don't watch shows i was watching hannah montana when i was trying to put myself to sleep and like having an existential crisis i say look at things but don't watch things put on good music you will immediately tell what is good music and what isn't when you're under a psychedelic okay so listen to that intuition someone put on radio head when i was

tripping balls and i was like hell no turn this shit off this is a bad fucking vibe and now i can't listen to them because then i'm like oh my god that acid trip when someone put it on like immediately everything in the room switched I was like oh gross turn this off bad energy um but yeah stay safe have fun understand it takes a long time so start early um and understand it'll be over eventually it gets a little intense but nothing crazy like I still felt like it was fun um but with anything where you're like in it for the long haul kind of situation like anything over a couple hours understand it'll be over eventually you're not gonna be ever stuck that way like literally i dated a guy who took like 10 fucking tabs of acid now that that'll dull you

down a little bit okay so don't do that but like still he was a normal functioning human who didn't really face any consequences after that like bad things happening after that if you take one tab you're not going to be stuck that way forever i pinky promise okay also if you're concerned about it and you don't think it's for you don't ever feel pressure to do anything ever okay if you do not feel like doing it and you feel like someone's trying to pressure you into doing something look them in the eyes and tell them girl fuck you okay that energy is not fun and that's not a fun energy to ever enter a trip on um or enter anything on okay and those people are not fun people to ever have around you I mean it's fun to like tease your friends but there is a

difference when it's like teasing and there's a difference when there's like no you should you should even when you're like voicing hey this isn't the best for me that's no fun don't ever feel pressured be safe have fun less is more look at some pretty pictures amen someone asked what are we wearing this summer the vibe for the summer is bikini tops and the smallest bottoms i can find whether it's mini shorts or like mini skirts that is literally it that's the bare feet everybody in this surf town in mexico was just bare footed barefooted everywhere and i mean you could because like the the ground was like cobblestone so it's pretty easy to walk on um but that's i will everybody will no shoes which i found to be a complete and utter vibe

like i kind of loved it i'm not a huge fan of toes but i liked seeing the dogs out i was like this is the energy we need to be connecting with like completely connected to the earth fuck getting dirty i just want to be down in it you know speaking of summer flings someone asked don't want to hurt my casual bows feelings but idk how much consideration i owe them so if you find yourself kind of in a sticky situation where you're trying to live your hot girl summer life you know you got a couple men on the roster you're trying things out you're you're going through men as if you're going through pants trying on the long ones trying on the short ones trying on the big and small ones anyways um let them know literally like the

last relationship conversation we were talking about when it comes to substances and past trauma and intimacy within that talk to your partners about what you are looking for if they hear what you're saying and they say this isn't a great situation for me I think I'm gonna leave that they have to do what is best for them the same way you have to do what is best for you and if what is best for you right now is not taking things seriously keeping them casual let them know that tell them hey I was about to say love you girly but I don't think you should ever say love you within the first like five months maybe six months just to be safe just you know hey let me tell you where I'm at and what I'm looking for because I want you to always make the best

decisions for you so here's what I'm going for which is something very casual and I want to keep it casual and I'm not looking for something serious and I want you to know I might be entertaining people outside of this um because i want to be fair to you and i don't want to sneak around and i don't want you to keep you guessing so i'm going to be open and honest about how i'm feeling and what i'm looking for and guess what they could either a be like yeah that's cool with me i'm in the same position and that's all i really want and i'm don't want you to feel pressured either so love it thank you for being honest with me we can keep doing this or b they're gonna be like well i was looking for something a little bit more and maybe you can offer that to me

eventually so I'm going to keep hanging out with you and keep this option open or maybe I need to protect myself and you know choose to distance myself from you because I want something more and I just simply am not going to get that they have to make the decision best for them all you can do is be truthful about who you are and what you are looking for and hope that people are truthful with themselves as well but I think open honest communication as scary as it is i know it's scary i get it it's really not that scary though because you have you can't lie you can't keep things a secret that's going to cause way more anxiety than you just being honest with people and when you are honest with people you will be received very well not honesty in the

way of like bitch you look ugly in that dress like no one wants that honesty fuck that honesty like honesty as in i want to be fair with you because i want you to be fair with me be honest with people tell people how you're feeling tell people what you're thinking and if you think you don't always made a lot of consideration maybe be like hey i hope you know this is casual and if you're looking for something more you might not find it here okay be honest with him you might lose him you might not that is completely up to them to decide a million percent we all have to do what's best for us but you being honest with them gives them an opportunity to assess the situation and then choose what is best for you because like think if you were in the position

and you were unsure of what was going on or how your partner was feeling or how the person you were seeing which is new was feeling and they weren't telling you and they weren't connected with their emotions and they were too afraid to tell you so they just strung you along that shit's not fun it would be so amazing if you were like unsure and then ask them and then they told you and then you can assess the situation and make a decision accordingly like love that energy that energy is so good love humans working together through communication fantastic so just say what's on your mind really there is no better feeling than just like letting it go i am such a fan i will always i know these like new what's the sprinkle sprinkle girl she's

all about run these men for their money and don't blah blah blah crazy take i think her name is shirley whatever like yes you have to hold yourself to standards and you have to hold other people to standards but crazy take on my part maybe it's not but she is like a female andrew tate like she is like there's andrew tate on one side which is like uh the furthest of like heterosexual men like the most insane and then she's like on the other side but it's like heterosexual women does that make sense like there has to be give and take there has to be push and pull we all have different things you want out of life we all have different boundaries we all have different priorities um and i i don't know you have to assess that and be truthful with yourself

not hold everybody around you to the standards that one lady is holding everybody around her too what anyways where was i going with this oh my gosh yes the sprinkle sprinkle lady i i know she is anti-paragraph i know she is anti-communication i know she is sit back and do them dirtier or do them dirty and fuck their feelings i know she is that way me i will 100% ride for the paragraph girlies i am such a paragraph girly like if i have something on my mind oh bitch it's coming out if i have a problem i'm going to voice it i used to be the kind of person who would sit back and wait for them to notice or i'm just gonna hide my feelings because they don't matter that shit sucks that shit is the worst feeling ever say what the fuck's on your

mind give them an opportunity to hear you out and then act accordingly because i'm not a mind reader and i hate when people are upset and then don't say anything like girl i didn't know i'm sorry i'm stupid it's not my fault like why didn't you tell me anything uh once i kind of felt that way I was like oh I need to be sending more paragraphs I need to be telling people how I feel more and now that I have oh my god my world is completely opened up and the connections that I've made and the relationships that I've had are so much more prosperous so 10 out of 10 recommend send a paragraph hey this is how I'm feeling how are you feeling you know be an adult about it be real with your emotions I think people will react better to that than they will you hiding it within yourself

and also how they react is completely and utterly dependent on them it doesn't matter about you whatsoever it doesn't have anything to do with you it has everything to do with them so let them process and let them deal how they want to all you can really do is handle how you feel and how you want your future to go amen anyways oh speaking of travel someone asked me about the cost of my trip to mexico so i want to be very vulnerable with you guys right now and tell you how much it basically cost me um so a a flight there the flight we got was a little more expensive than i would have liked if you take time to really plan out your flight and don't buy it last minute like i did it really is not that expensive our flight my flight there and back round trip was

like 500 ish dollars i know which is like 250 there and like two something back um yeah so it was a bit that's my bad i bought a last minute ticket you can probably get pretty cheap like round flight tickets for like i mean anywhere in the u.s for at least under 400 under 300 ideally and then outside of the u.s my parents are in greece right now oh my god slay my mom's birthday is today gemini queen um but she is they're in greece and i think their tickets were like a little over a grand so if you're flying like far away you might have to budget and look and hunt a little bit more but within the U.S. you can get tickets pretty cheap mine were about 500 from Kansas City to we flew into Puerto Vallarta um so boom ticket now how I budgeted this is every

month I focused on one big bill item uh before my trip to buy and pay for it's like three months out we bought the flight that's like what one big chunk of like my savings or my money that I made that month was going towards boom flight done next where you're gonna stay staying in mexico can be very cheap and where we were staying we had the best spot in town oh my god we were a block away from the beach we were right in the middle of town square which i was a little scared of because people were like it's really loud at night but i liked hearing the music all night i thought it was fun really wasn't that bad um i'm also like i don't know we're up late so it didn't bother us but i understand how like an old person would stay there and be like what the fuck i wanted

a peaceful relaxation vacation but it was really nice we were right in the middle of everything because all the other houses and airbnbs were like up in the hills which even are um the guy who owned the place was like yeah i live out there and it's like a 20 minute golf cart drive into town like it's a lot if you're walking like it's all uphill so thank god we didn't stay kind of like outside of town because I mean with all that into consideration we would have been exhausted we probably wouldn't have gone out as much um we also probably would have had to rent like a golf car or a motorcycle which would have costed us like $400 so we didn't have to do that we were right in town but in turn we paid a little bit more for eight days our uh Airbnb was $1,400

that came with like um like all the beach equipment we could possibly have surfboards all that fun stuff um they gave us complimentary tequila we got there and they had a tequila shot signed up for us and limes and salt and they um we had fresh water there um the housekeeper came every day which of course we tipped but she came every day to clean and make the bed and oh my god she like folded our clothes i was like oh my gosh girl you have to do all that but i appreciate it brought new towels fresh beach towels they gave us a free beach bag like and we were in the middle of town so it was like a two minute walk to the beach a two minute walk to any of the restaurants we didn't have to get a golf cart because we didn't need to drive anywhere we didn't have to

get like a scooter or a motorcycle um and then yeah fantastic i think that was so much worth or so much more worth spending money on than staying outside because ours was 1400 the other places I was looking at which were up in the hills were like 600 also keep this in mind I was splitting this with me and my partner so that was only like 700 each so what are we at a little over a grand okay so we got stay we got somewhere to stay we got a uh a flight there we also took a taxi which you could take the bus for like two dollars it's an hour trip I really would have recommended that if you were on um like cheap mode like let's go when I was younger and we went to Mexico with my family like I think they're from the colectivo you take them for real cheap

they'll pick you up a couple dollars hop in it's just like a van and you get going it takes a little bit longer than like a private car but you're saving like a hundred bucks like let's be real um but this was a birthday trip and I really did not want to be stressed out as soon as I landed especially in a new country where I knew my phone wouldn't work my maps wouldn't work I wouldn't be able to call anybody I was like for my own peace of mind I will pay to have a driver pick us up right outside the airport um so we hired somebody and round trip it was like 120 bucks so it's like 60 bucks there 60 bucks back um and for the peace of mind that it gave us plus they gave us like modellos in the car we got a drink they were so nice they gave us

recommendations for the town because they lived there um and then they dropped us off right outside of our hotel carried our bags up and then day of picked us up exact time we needed actually helped us get there a little earlier because we were afraid of missing our flight um and i was like oh you could pick us up at four and he's like no we should probably pick you up at one i was like oh okay great so he like worked with us picked us up directly the time we needed loaded our bags up took us back there for the anxiety less experience that was worth 120 um once again split so what like 60 bucks each while i was there um for eight days plus some souvenirs like i got this little pom-pom wreath which is super cute i got a like a like a pearly

opalescent waist beads i got but also like not waist beads it can be like a necklace and can be a bracelet like there's a long rope that you can really turn into whatever you want um plus some other beaded fun jewelry keychains i spent like $450 $500 plus dinners and all that um so yeah i spent under two grand on everything for this trip which is eight days that's a long time um actually I probably spent like under 1500 for the entire trip really recommend you can totally budget it if you like it sucks when you're like I'm gonna buy this flight and the Airbnb and this and this all in one day like yeah of course it's gonna be like ripping your teeth out and be way too

much fucking money but if you plan ahead and you budget like each month to dedicate a little bit of money to each thing it makes it way easier and makes it more accomplishable so yeah that's what i spent under two grand i'm gonna say because i also did some shopping before i left to get clothes for my trip because you know girls i gotta show up and show out and all the listen half the clothes i brought i didn't even wear so i still need to take pictures in those but yeah it was fantastic uh for a eight day trip to a different country on the beach under two grand in my opinion was pretty fucking good oh my god someone asked what is the um like mediterranean place i go in kc please don't gatekeep okay i won't and i tagged i usually tag them every time i go but my friend

was in town recently my friend from college that i haven't seen in fucking forever oh my god i love her with my whole entire heart she was in town and so of course she's thinking about moving here so i had to take her to my favorite place ever which is habashi house in the river market in kansas city the best mediterranean food you will ever have as soon as we landed like the next day we went there for lunch because that's all we were really thinking about in mexico we were like i cannot wait to get home and like have our favorite food which is Mediterranean food so we went there the next day with uh my boyfriend and my boyfriend's brother we took him there for the first time and then the next day my friend was in town and I was like hell yeah we gotta get lunch we have

to go to this restaurant so we go there and this lady I'm telling you has seen me grow up like I started going there when I was like 17 18 with my brother he showed me it and then I have been going basically every Sunday since so she's seen me grow up so she's oh my god she's like a second mother to me even though she doesn't really we she doesn't really know me she has seen me grown up she's seen me with so many different men she's seen me with so many different people like every relationship possible so fucking funny but I brought my friend there and she was like you know water hot teas in the back you already know this my friend was like oh you already know this she must come here a lot and the lady was like yeah like for years my friend was like oh my god that's

so funny anyways like this is my favorite place it is my home away from home um the best food in kansas city ever habashi house will never gatekeep it because everybody needs to experience the magic that is this place the shop owners have been there um for forever like oh my gosh and they deserve the world and they deserve all the monies and all the people sending them all the love so hopefully i can share from my heart to you and you guys can go enjoy it but yeah if you ever make a trip to kc habashi house h-a-b-a-s-h-i in the river market nothing beats it like i have not had a better falafel in my entire life this is an interesting question someone asked and i think it might be our last question because i didn't realize how long we are going and i also want

to do another episode on thursday and it's also like almost five o'clock and i feel so bad because this isn't out to you guys but I also had a little bit of trouble earlier uh with some issues with the app but I use Spotify for podcasters if you guys are interested that's the podcasting app that I use it's so easy you can literally sit in your bed just like me and start a podcast I have only used this app it is the only thing I use for editing and uploading it's fantastic um but they there was like a little glitch in the updating so like things wouldn't upload so I've just been sitting here waiting for it to process so I can upload it. But their team helps me out.

I DM them. I was like, hey, girl, we've got a little issue here. They're amazing. They were like, our engineering team is on it. They're going to fix it. We're getting to it. Please stay tuned. Like an hour later, it's fixed.

I'm like, wow, they are quick with this shit. Thank you for fixing my issue. So shout out to them. Spotify for podcasters if you're interested. um but someone asked how to establish yourself in groups of other women you know what i mean and i do know what you mean i do i do let me tell you this you will not need to establish yourself in a healthy group of women because they will automatically make you feel included and heard and seen that's all I have to say when I find myself in a place where I am feeling like

kind of in competition but not in competition in a sense of like I'm I'm enacting this like it's coming from a place of lack within myself more so it's coming from like outside perspectives where I'm feeling not heard or not seen or not listened to that's when I feel like I have to establish myself and I feel like almost like a little kid again and that is not a fun feeling being around people who are comfortable within themselves who are open within themselves will make you feel comfortable around them as well and the most stable in a sense the most passionate women the most supportive women the most uplifting women whether younger or older that I know that I have been around with always made room for me always made space for me

always made me feel seen or heard even if they didn't understand me they were always like there and i really fucking appreciate that and that is how i know the difference between like a place where i am going to be seen and felt and heard compared to a place where i'm going to be put like almost against other people which is not a fun feeling especially around other women and we as other women I feel like especially growing up where it's like we're kind of taught to be in competition of one another I remember talking to my brother about like how he's gonna raise his kids and he brought up the specific situation where it was like he was sitting on a plane next to a mother and daughter and the mother was they're flipping through people

magazine and the mother and daughter were going through like who wore it best or who looks better it's like we are always taught from a young age whether intentionally or not to be in competition with other women that is not a fun feeling whatsoever and when we're taught that we have to be constantly aware of that and constantly working against it and not emphasizing that within our lives in order to make yourself more comfortable within this world and in order to make other women more comfortable within this world and some people do the work and some people don't but you will notice a difference between the people who do do the work or maybe weren't taught those things and don't see other women as competition and always make space for other women

versus the ones who didn't and see other women as like a threat in a sort of sense um one of my main goals in life is to constantly make other people felt heard and seen and make a space for them and I really hope I do that and I get that we're all human and sometimes we're gonna mess up sometimes we make mistakes and that's okay it's all a learning moment but that has been one of my main goals especially as a woman who hasn't been listened to and hasn't been taken seriously and has been shut down and put down and constantly compared whether it's from myself or from other people that feeling is not fun and if other people are making you feel that way maybe they're not people that need to be around you um and also working on that within yourself that inner

competition mindset and that inner kind of like misogynistic mindset working within that will not only help you out of that and help you make space for women and help you appreciate women and love them for who they are but also to help you appreciate yourself and uplift yourself and make space for yourself within the world but i love you and i'm sorry if you feel that way um and if you feel the need to like prove yourself to anybody then maybe they just don't see you and that's okay but let's focus on people who do see you for who you are and love and appreciate you no matter what you know what i mean love you anyways i love you all so very much thank you for being here with me on this wonderful beautiful lovely tuesday i have missed you guys so much

you have no idea how much joy this brings me in my life and i know how much joy it brings me in my life because i literally didn't do this for the for like a week and i was like oh my god i'm losing it like where are my girls i want to sit i want to chit chat and i'm so sorry if i have been a little mia for the past week but i'm making it up to you guys i will be here on thursday for another episode um tell me what you want from me tell me what you want to hear i always love hearing from you guys i love the feedback love chit chatting with my girls and i'm so excited to see what the future brings us um throughout the summer i love you all chat soon Mwah!