Smoke Sesh - trust the process, true love & burn out

Episode Date: October 1, 2024

hello hotties welcome back to another amazing episode of smoke sesh, we have a lot to catch up on! a new season means new ideas, and you guys submitted a lot of them! we chat what ive been up to, family time, deep cleaning of my mind and my home, and jump right into all of your questions including changing it up, fall is the perfect time to get that haircut or try that new style, go for it girl! I also share a lil reminder for all my early 20 somethings out there, learning to trust the process and not skip just to the good part, being patient and achieving your dreams, how to support your mentally ill friends (its easier than you might think), why am I so bad at things? learning to get over the fear of trying and getting tf up, alone time in relationships and the importance of side quests, TikTok scaries, what is true love? and the epidemic of addiction to the love highs, asking the hard questions, anxiety disorders, spiraling, alcoholism, changing your perspective, how to ride him and cowgirl it up, and finally burnout, learning to take care of yourself and listen to your emotions, they're there for a reason! I love you all and had so much fun on this episode and I hope you did so as well. If you want to see more from me join the patreon.com/smokeseshshawty and follow the instagram @hannahmarlene for more fun content! see you next week! MUAH!

listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you can call me hannah the host of smoke sash so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all good morning hotties happy tuesday welcome back to another wonderful beautiful episode of smoke sesh my name is hannah your host per usual how the hell are we all doing today i know i said this last week but it's officially october and i feel like the fall air the fall energy has truly taken over every inch of my spirit and it is genuinely so nice there's something about fall that really

makes you turn inwards and kind of reprioritize reorganize really just take accountability for maybe your internal world as well as your internal world inside also your internal world physically mentally and it's a nice change of pace especially when i was such a go go go person this summer um i really needed this intentional time to just finally sit down take accountability for what's going on kind of refocus on what truly matters to me and it is just so refreshing i had a surprising couple days off from work which was so nice i didn't realize how much brunch was truly eating up my soul the brunch girlies who heard that last week resonated with me thank you for your kind words you truly do see the worst people at brunches um couples fighting the worst church

crowds ever who leave their tips up to god that's not gonna pay my bills that's for sure um so we stopped doing brunch thank god and i have finally had some newfound free time to deep clean my house i know i talk about cleaning a lot but i realized a lot of my cleaning was just surface cleaning something about turning 25 like my brain snapped into gear all of a sudden like the light dusting the light vacuuming is not gonna cut it bitch all right we are pulling everything out of every single room every single thing if you could see what's going on to the other side of this camera you'd be like girl you're living in a hoarding house like this is scary correct correct like we need to get that in order we need to get that in control so i have

been spending the past two days pulling out every single item that I own from every single room that I have in my home and going through every single item trash donate keep whatever it is reorganize dust mop fucking mop the walls like bitch I have been in like homemaker mode I don't know what's going on but honestly I am loving it it's a great dissociation tactic as well if you're the kind of girl who loves to just like stare at the corner of the wall and just daydream put something in your hands while you do it okay I don't care if it's cleaning you don't have to clean cooking knitting painting something where it's like you are doing something where it's like a conduit of your energy that you're thinking about it feels more productive and also I feel like I happen to

work through those thought processes a little bit better than me doing nothing and continuously spiraling over it by doing something physical and physically moving through my thought through my thoughts it helps me come to a conclusion much faster so for all my dissociation girlies out there hey girl for all my spiraling girlies out there my overthinkers put something in your hands while you do it you will feel much more accomplished and also you'll be able to work through that um maybe thought process and those things that you're trying to figure out a little bit faster than usual so the cleaning has really helped I am I did my patio the girlies next door were so sweet I finished pilates on Thursday and they were like hey Lowe's is having a huge sale

on fall plants and the squirrels if you see my cooking videos you know they are constantly around me they had destroyed all of my plants so since it is finally good weather and I can utilize my patio a little bit more in fact I ate lunch and just hung out outside on my patio for like an hour yesterday it was quite beautiful um I bought some plants I repotted everything I swept outside I got these really gorgeous chairs that I found on the side of the road and put them out there my dad repainted them for me very sweet so now like that side was very cozy and then I had to do like my storage closet my kitchen deep cleaning all that bullshit next is my closet that'll be very fun that'll be very interesting who fucking knows what's in there because when it comes to me

If there's one thing I'm going to hoard, it is clothes, okay? And that is a big problem of mine. So I'm learning to release, to let go, to prioritize things that truly, you know, inspire creativity in me. Things that I'm actually going to wear. That'll be fun to dive into today. But while also doing that, I decided that once I'm done with all my cleaning, then I'll decorate for Halloween. So you'll see some fun decorations behind me, hopefully coming next week. I'm in my all black.

i'm serving like earthy no no not that hannah i'm serving like modern witch today i feel like with this fat ass black headband my gold hoops and then my got weed shirt i'm working on some new fun merch for you guys and i'm also going to be restocking these got weed shirts soon i feel like they're the perfect going out baby tee and i actually got uh tagged in a couple posts of people wearing them to the charlie xcx sweat tour and i was like honestly what a better place to wear it um so I've also been focusing on that and then my family was in town which was very sweet um I don't get to see my niece and my nephew that often just because my brother lives a little bit of a distance but when I do get to see them it's always so fun so inspiring they are just the

smartest most energetic most creative kids I've ever met in my life like of course I'm related to them duh they're gonna be so fucking smart hello but they're just so sweet and we had a family dinner on saturday everybody got together we had some ribs we had some mac and cheese hello midwestern mama she's in the kitchen cooking that ribs so good um and then the next morning we all went and walked and got coffees together they ate like five pastries each and then we went to a nature conservatory and just wandered around and looked at the birds and looked at the animals and crossed some streams and some creeks and it was just very wholesome very wholesome weekend my boyfriend also got a new job and he's working about six days a week and honestly those who say

distance makes the heart grow fonder true real real okay if you have distance from your partner and you find yourself feeling relieved i think that's a big sign i think that's a big sign and possibly a big sign of something not good because i spent a lot of time away from my partner now which is a little bit newer he was working from home for quite some time and it wasn't necessarily bad but now that we don't get to see each other as often every day like i maybe get to catch him for dinner if i'm not working you know a shift at my job where i'm home late um it makes being together like finally so good and so sweet so he took me out on a date last night we did our usual like let's go get a picture of marks and just devour some chips and salsa and a really good

meal and then come home and you know like have sex like 10 times happy date night but it was so nice it was really good um and yeah that saying really is true and if you find yourself taking time away from something and you feel like you're being refreshed and having to go back to it is feeling like you're having to put chains back on yourself girl free yourself it really should not feel like that okay nothing should ever feel like you're chaining yourself to it everything should feel pretty free in your life no matter what it is no matter how much work it takes there should be something about it that offers you or grants you a little bit of like inspiration and freedom and I think that's so important to have in life and to garner those relationships a lot of my friendships

are also like that it's like I don't really care how many time how much time we spend apart or how many months we don't talk it's like when we do get together it's going to be so fucking good and I know that we will make time for that um but like no pressure we will get there eventually and it'll be so so sweet offering that space and that distance for everybody in your life and that understanding really garners a great relationship and also makes those times where you do get together even sweeter so happy october happy fall go pick some pumpkins girls go bake those pumpkin cinnamon rolls i'm thinking about making another batch because they were so fucking good um i need to get into some more fall recipes go get outside go look at the leaves changing

color go buy a fucking pumpkin and decorate it you know what i mean tis the season and a big part about surviving fall and winter and all of these like maybe harder seasonal months because it's so cold and it forces us inside both physically mentally is to give into the holidays the holidays are here to kind of make things a little bit easier to make things move faster to give you something to look forward to and if you don't utilize those events for what they are like fuck the bullshit fuck the noise like just go out and enjoy that's what those seasons are here to remind you of um and i've really been trying to get into that lately so hopefully gonna make it to a pumpkin patch soon hopefully gonna get some apple cider in my system soon fingers crossed

maybe some apple cider donuts i love it it's a good time it's a great time to be outside it's finally not a hundred fucking degrees outside so get out there and go enjoy okay anyways that's really all i've been up to very motivational as you can see i haven't had a pumpkin spice latte yet i'm hopefully gonna learn how to make them at home that's the goal i'm pretty sure you just literally use pumpkin spice and mix it in with your coffee like i doubt there's any pumpkin puree in it who knows i'll find a recipe i'll post it for you guys trust but in this house they're really focused on cleaning on regrouping on taking care of ourselves and on celebrating the little things in life hey what's better than that you know anyways with that being said i know i see this

every episode but i really am going to try to fly through as many questions as possible because honestly for the patreon pod i usually do about an hour and a half long uh just you know however long it takes me to answer every question but i usually answer like 30 to 40 questions because That's how many people submit for every Thursday episode. I'm like, if I'm answering 30 to 40 questions in the Patreon pod, like, we can get through that many here. I always just go off on random tangents. That's my bad. That's my weed brain.

I really apologize. But I really am going to try to kind of question roulette this bitch and get through as many as possible. So, with that being said, let's get into everything that's going on in your mind. What's going on in your world, girls? Ooh, someone said, just cut off my long brown hair and dyed it platinum. honestly i've been thinking about it i've been thinking about it not cutting it because i've just put in so much work on this hair and i think i really want to be like that 80 year old grandma with like long ass fucking hair that was my grandma mama b mama b she always had long hair

long nails like a glamour so that's really what i've always leaned towards personally but also there's like this evil little teenage girl inside me that really wants to go like 2016 era platinum platinum fucking blonde like almost sky fiera platinum blonde and it's an evil little brain worm in my head that wants me to do it i can barely take care of myself as it is so managing platinum blonde would also be difficult to do but i'm so proud of you for doing it tis the season this is the season to change it up fuck it if you don't like your hair guess what these coming months we're gonna be inside more than ever so like who's really gonna see it fall and winter are the times to like make a change if it's something you've been thinking about all summer

long like should i do this should i do this should i do this especially aesthetically like hair comes and goes girl like what it takes like maybe half a year for your hair to grow back out into like what it was like go for it this is the time to really send those thoughts and those ideas into the real world advice for someone in the early 20s that you wish someone told you it's really never that serious do what drives you don't do what drives other people follow your intuition your desires and you really can't mess up in this time especially during your early 20s i'm 25 so like 20 to 25 i really was just doing a mess of different mistakes but those mistakes got me further than any sort of right thing I could have done and honestly in your early 20s

there is no such thing as a mistake because it will get you to the place that you truly need to be at so stand strong beside yourself you really can't make any mistakes own up to your failures and do better that's really how you make those mistakes into blessings try and stay in as stay as sane as possible avoid the drug usage that is just a whole mess you don't need to get yourself into and prioritize yourself always tips on trusting the timing from the universe slash your life so i have been a girl who has always been like mentally 10 steps ahead and never present and i feel like i've lost out on a lot of years of my life because of that because i didn't want to be present in the process when in reality like the process is kind of the beautiful part of it

all you know if you only had instant gratification over and over and over again like that wouldn't be as good as the process of having to get there and then receiving the goods you know what i mean i had a patreon girly question this and kind of have the same thing of like trusting the process where it's like listen i'm 21 like i'm doing all these jobs i'm in school i have all this shit i have to do like i'm applying for grad schools i have internships like it's a lot and i feel like i don't have time for myself i don't have time for like making money i don't have time for like creativity and it really is unfortunately just a part of the process because those things that she's desiring will find her eventually you just have to keep pushing through those years of

getting there in order to receive that goodness I feel like we as people have become too enthralled with the instant gratification of it all especially with the rise of social media and scrolling culture okay where it's like if I'm not stimulated I can scroll 10 times and find one thing that's scary or that makes me insecure that heightens that kind of anxiety in me and feels like a little bit of gratification and it is just not healthy I feel like long-term gratification has been lost and right now I feel like the people around me only find long-term gratification in college which college is going to be rough no matter what please if you're thinking about college do it it will be worth it if you're in college and you're thinking about dropping out do not

it will not be worth it that long-term gratification is so worth it and will be so fulfilling and will make you so much stronger as an individual than the short-term gratification of dropping out or not doing it a hundred percent and when it comes to the hard things and having to navigate the hard things the things that you're desiring in that moment are things that will find you once you finish the process and you make it to the other side and trusting in the process and trusting in those moments and sitting there and being like yeah you know what maybe this does suck you know what i mean like maybe this is shitty but 10 years from now you will be looking back on that moment thanking yourself and also like kind of desiring that moment again because

it is so fulfilling and so worth it it's like a hard workout you know like in the middle of the workout it's not gonna feel good you're gonna be like i'm dying bitch get me off this fucking machine like my arms are gonna snap in half I don't want to be here but by the end of the workout you're gonna have such a rush of endorphins and so much pride in yourself that you're gonna be looking back on that moment where you thought your arms were gonna snap in half and you're gonna be like damn I want to get back there again it is so fulfilling and it makes also like in the future the process is a little bit easier to navigate you have the understanding and that you know desire to keep pushing because you've been there before and you know how it turns out

and ultimately if you find yourself anywhere in the process thinking like should I stop the answers always no that's the devil in your fucking ear trying to keep you from all your goals and your accomplishments you know what I mean but the universe truly is always on your side if you are doing things in full alignment to yourself in full alignment to your dreams your desires if you are pushing yourself and standing strong beside yourself the universe will gift you with so many things okay and I think having that trust and that belief and a little bit of that like religious nonsense in my head like I get why people believe in God because in those hard times like you really just need something to bring some sort of light into your life that's why I speak

on the universe so much because I think it is a constant like reminder of like peace is there you know calmness is there there is something there that is truly trying to bring some sort of order and some sort of positivity to my life even in the chaos and even when i can't find it in myself and i think that's beautiful and truly the universe will never put you on a path that is wrong for you um i know you can go through bad things and you know you're like well fuck god because like he would never put me in this position but truly all the things that i've gone through that i thought i never could have gotten through or that like why the fuck did i do this it has taught me a part like about myself and about the world and about pieces of myself that

have brought strength and have brought you know new perspectives and new ideas and pushed me maybe into a new place that i didn't know was possible and also that i had no way of seeing you know a new path that i had no visualization of you know in the crossing in the woods but here it is all of a sudden and here it is my dream route that's kind of that sounds a little crazy and a little bit vague and a little bit nonsensical and i apologize but truly having trust in yourself and having trust in the universe to get you to the other side and not giving into the instant gratification of it all sticking beside yourself and sticking beside what you truly desire and what you truly need it will be so fucking fulfilling you know that first bong rip you take and you're

like elevating off the fucking ground like that's what it's gonna feel like you know but like times a million you know it's gonna feel like you just dropped miss molly and you're like rolling at a rave like the highest you've ever felt that's what those long-term goals and those accomplishments are going to feel and not only is that gonna feel amazing but also it's gonna propel you forward in life it's gonna propel you through more hardships um but yes the universe will never put you on the wrong path sometimes you have lessons sometimes you make mistakes to learn those lessons but ultimately how you utilize those lessons and how you utilize those mistakes in your life is how you get forward are you gonna take that shit and you're just gonna you know be the victim your

whole life and never grow and never change are you gonna trust that you know maybe this shit isn't for me or maybe i need to adjust onto a new path or maybe i need to stay strong beside myself that's truly what's going to get you the furthest i love you any tips on helping mentally ill friends yes i have been the mentally ill friend i have also had many of friends who are mentally ill love them endlessly but there's a specific way that i think you need to go about like providing support in someone's life that doesn't like overstep or kind of like put pressure on them when i was going through a very hard time i feel like i really distanced myself from my family because the kind of support they offered was not support it was like well why don't you just do

this oh we'll do this oh well you know you just need to get over it or uh here's like advice advice advice you know over protection overseeing too much pressure and when you're a mentally ill person that shit like your insides already feel so fucking heavy having the outside world also feel like heavy and that pressure is not helpful not helpful the last thing you need to give a mentally ill person is like advice they don't they hear you they understand you but it's like i physically can't like i don't know what's going on i physically cannot when your internal world is a hot fucking mess it's really hard to enact positive change in your external world unless you have like some sort of support and some sort of like clearing in the crossing you know what i

mean and by being a good friend and being a good friend especially to a person who's maybe going through it in a hard time or you know is having that internal struggle the best thing you can do is be there. Literally be there. You don't have to say anything. You don't even have to bring anything. But your presence, it's a present, okay? It truly makes people feel seen. It makes people feel heard. And it brings a little bit of calmness to that external world and also calmness to that internal world when I was admitted my friends probably did the best thing possible a they heard me out it was like right before I got admitted I was like hey guys I'm getting locked up like it was like a last little girls hangout my parents like packing my bags I'm next door at my best

friend's house with all the girls I'm like yeah so I'm getting locked up I've been going through all these things as you guys can probably tell like I've really been struggling and suffering and so yeah I'm gonna be going to a psych ward and you know what they said to me nothing they gave me a hug and they said we love you and we'll be here for you you know and ultimately like like I'm gonna start tearing up but like that is literally all you fucking need to do no pressure no advice undeniable love and support that is all those people need in their life because when you cannot provide that for yourself you start thinking that it doesn't exist that it doesn't you don't deserve it that everybody around you hates you and having that person there who is

just constant of just being like no we love you we see you we want the best for you in whatever way possible and we will always be here ultimately that is such a weight off that person's shoulders that they then can focus on themselves it is so nice to have no unnecessary advice no like why don't we just try yoga have you tried journaling no like pressure no like oh me too girl i'm also going through those things just support love and presence that is literally all it takes i got out of the psych ward and they had made me a goodie bag of all the things that smelled like the outside world because i was like girl we didn't have windows like we were locked up i didn't have shoelaces i they cut the wire out of my bra like we were locked up babe as it should have been like

i was on the brink fair to say that kind of like love and kindness where it's like no pressure we're just here to have a good time and hopefully hopefully provide that support for you along the way that is exactly how you be a good friend to a mentally ill person okay don't cause any more chaos in their world be that glimmer of hope and that glimmer of peace that they need be that little distraction that they need from the chaos of their worlds okay and you can be that it really doesn't take a lot it doesn't take a lot just consistency support a kind hug that's literally all it takes to be a good friend especially to somebody who is struggling Hannah help I'm so bad at everything I do nothing ever goes my way I'm tired yeah girl yeah that is just unfortunately

a part of reality because like if everything went our way always what's the fun in that what's the fun in that literally i used to be like you where it's like oh the universe hates me like i'd never get anything i want i'm just life is just a constant struggle babe yeah but also like the way you approach that struggle is the outcome you'll get do you know what i mean i used to struggle in a way where it felt very debilitating and it felt like the world was against me and I was just like this uh you know odd duckling like nothing ever was meant for me I didn't have a space in this world but I was the only one putting that pressure on me because there were other people around me who were struggling in the same way but were also

quote-unquote succeeding at life and that's because they saw the struggle not as a roadblock or the end of the path but they saw that struggle as just like another obstacle to overcome to get to the next part you know what i mean nothing in life that is good is ever going to be easy period and if you can make it through that struggle you will see that there's a lot of gifts that life have to offer you but also like this shit's not going to be handed to us babe i'm not a nepo baby i wasn't born with a million fucking dollars in the bank okay like my parents they were two teachers they didn't have a big salary I was not raised with like these gifts quote-unquote that other people get gifted with I had to struggle I had to start from the ground up

I was a dumbass and dropped out of college so like I have had to face a lot of obstacles but also the way you face those obstacles really affects the outcome that that it brings you are you gonna sit here and be the victim and suffer and just sit in front of that obstacle and cry and hope that someone carries it over you or are you gonna stand the fuck up realize oh my god my legs move and i can literally just step over this thing and keep it pushing i felt like a lot of my life was spent in this like morning waiting process thinking about like oh but if only but if only bitch that's not your reality you know what i mean and that's okay it doesn't mean that you know you're bad at something or nothing is going your way or the universe is against you it just means that

the way you approach things is going to be a little bit different than other people okay so here's the thing yes you're probably bad at something but aren't we all when we first start when I was in art school this is a big thing that I had to learn which is like you're not going to be able to draw a perfect thing every time and in fact if you can do that that's a little freaky and weird and like I'm a little scared if you can be strong enough to create bad art the good art that you make will be better than any of the arts that the person who makes it quote-unquote perfect every single time ever did if you can see your struggles and your failures as just you know the next stepping stone and utilize them in a way where it's like no but i'm gonna grow from this

i'm gonna learn from this i'm gonna keep it pushing like sure that sucked but like fuck it at least there was a lesson behind it and now i know more about the world and i know more about myself in tandem with it if you take it in that sort of way you are going to get further than anybody else around you anybody else around you who has it easy who came with life with these quote-unquote blessings any of those nepo babies naturally intuitive whatever it is any of those people that you see and you're like oh I wish I was like them I wish I didn't have to struggle you are going to get way further than them if you see your struggles as not obstacles but as stepping stones and as honestly blessings I have been through a lot of different fucking things

I have had a lot of things happen to me a lot of things that I didn't ask for a lot of you know processes and obstacles that you know what I don't ever want anybody to ever fucking have to go through but also the way that I process them and the way that I internalize those things and learned about myself through them has gotten me so far so far and by ridding myself of that victim complex and that need to you know suffer that desire to suffer and realize that you know I don't have to suffer through this and I can just bless myself by learning and adjusting and pushing forward I have gotten so fucking far in life and in fact the stability in my brain right now is at an all-time high thank you universe don't test me right now I'm not bragging I am just I'm just

proud of myself I have to preface that it is because I see my obstacles and I allow myself to be bad at things and I allow myself to try things and I allow myself to stumble and I allow myself to make mistakes or make the wrong choice and I understand that it's okay you know it's all right as long as you take something from it and you stand beside yourself and you lean into that intuition and you know you process those things accordingly and you understand that life only stops when you stop you'll be able to get further okay yeah you're probably bad at it I don't know what else to say I'm bad at everything I start at but also like am I gonna let me being bad at it stop me no because all it takes is practice are you gonna let you being bad at you

know the first class that it takes to get you to this end goal stop you from the end goal no bitch like it's okay to be bad at things it's a part of life you're not gonna be naturally perfect to everything and I do think that people like who maybe are online too much who see these perfect people all the time they kind of want to live in that social media realm that social media perfectness when in reality life's not like that all those beauty influencers you see taking trips every fucking month their credit card debt it is insane it is insane i'm saying this from a first-hand account okay you have to understand that social media perfectness does not exist in a real world that's why it's literally on our phone that's why we never see it in person being

bad at something doesn't make you a bad person it just makes it a learning process you have to see those obstacles as stepping stones please i'm begging you don't let yourself like stop stop your life because a lot of people do and i have been the person who does this where it's like okay well fuck it i'm just not gonna do anything i'm just gonna sit here and i'm going to be the victim and i'm going to you know just suffer and it's like well yes you can do that or you can just get up and keep it pushing and like it's okay to take time to mourn and just like damn that fucking sucked and like cry on the fucking floor roll around have your trisha paytas like crying on the kitchen floor moment very cathartic very needed but also bitch no one's gonna be there to

pick you up so best believe you better pick yourself up and step the fuck over it i love you this sounds harsh I know but also like these are things that I needed needed to learn young and I feel like it kept me complicit in cycles that I really just did not enjoy because I didn't have the personal strength to get out of them I didn't realize it was an option honestly and having like somebody finally come into my life and be like well you're kind of choosing to be here to be down bad like you can just leave this man you can leave this cycle you can get the fuck up and decide to make a change it was like oh oh yeah oh yeah you know what i mean specifically with the being bad at things yeah that's a part of life but like who cares no one's ever perfect at anything

so you might as well have been bad at something and at least tried then thought about it and never gone after it how do i tell my boyfriend i need some time by myself we hang out every day and it became the norm i it's so fun when you get into that flow of like we need to spend every single second together like i love that just like enthralling energy but i do understand that like you need time alone you need space you need to be your own person um and i don't know if you guys live together i'm assuming not but now that me and my boyfriend live together i have had to learn to be very forward with like space and time that i needed especially when he was working from home and like babe I gotta record a podcast I need you to get out of here and honestly learning

that I could like voice myself and he would respect me in that sort of way was like the hottest thing ever I was like oh he's a good boy like he listens you know and I really think that's like an important test not test but like kind of test you have to give yourself of like okay babe let's learn to speak up for ourselves while also like checking and saying like if your partner really wants you to like to garner a positive relationship with you and wants you to have your own individual side quests is just simply you gotta you gotta have that test you gotta speak up for yourself you gotta look him in the eyes and be like i love you sex bomb times we've had fun but like the boyfriend airs too much i need a girl's day i need a 24 48 72 hours to myself i love you doesn't mean

i hate you but like i just need a moment to me i don't know why anybody would have a problem with that and i think voicing that is like very indicative of just how connected you are to yourself and i do think a good partner will hear that and uplift it and support it because ultimately a good partnership is two individuals coming together to enjoy time together period but like it's not two halves no no no there's no missing pieces we're two whole individuals who are coming together to enjoy time side by side size we like to tweeted this morning and it was something like um everybody needs to go off on their side quests sometimes and i think that's so important especially in relationships it's like he has been so supportive of me especially like with the

random two-week long trips that i'll just take he's like yeah babe go have fun like i'll just see you when i see you it's no biggie and i love that she sai swoon also has like a boyfriend who um i think he lives in like maui or something so whenever she's like off doing artist residencies or you know shows in new york it's like you know what babe i'll see you in a month but i love you and what i do when we do come back together it's gonna be like we never skipped a beat having a partner that supports your individuality is ultimately like the hottest quality ever okay don't get a man who wants to lock you up in a fucking closet like that ain't hot let me be outside let me be a person if you ever find a man that's controlling and he's like no i don't want

you to leave my side no you're not allowed to do that run run run as far and as fast as you possibly can like i'm begging you i had one of those and then i just spiraled for like months afterwards doing everything that he wouldn't let me do in fact if you do find one of those extra controlling boyfriends or whatever I talked about this once but this is like my favorite way to kind of celebrate the breakup after one of those men and in fact if you find one of those men please leave immediately and then you can do this little task that I'm about to tell you guys about but when I left my like extra extra controlling ex-boyfriend what I did is I made a bucket list of all the things he wouldn't let me do and I went and I did them all in like a week

like I went a little crazy a little cuckoo but it's like what do you mean you won't let me wear a mini skirt let me go put on a mini skirt and thigh high boots like let's go out what do you mean you won't let me hang out with this certain friend now we're going out to the club like I love having a bucket list because it's so freeing it's like why was this psycho not letting me be a human being and then also like how can I bring that human beingness back into my life again how can I take control back over my life but yeah ask ask better to have asked and to heard the answer than to have assumed everybody's going to say no to you never hurts to ask that's the one thing my dad really taught me that's like fuck it what are they gonna do say no cool that's what you're

already assuming they're gonna do most of the time actually 90% of the time you're gonna say yes there's gonna be no problem it's just you getting in your own head anyways let's smoke a bowl all right cheers girlies also side note i really have not been getting on tiktok that often but recently i have realized tiktok is a fucking hellhole i don't know if it's specifically the videos i've been getting but it's too much discourse discourse discourse this person said this one sentence wrong and now they're canceled like I think this person what they were saying is completely and utterly wrong and here's my 15 minute video about it girl who fucking cares who has time for that okay if you are not smart enough to understand like critical thinking please

I'm begging you and that there is nuance to this world and sometimes like what people say is not like a direct attack against you always it's like whoa we gotta chill as a collective we gotta go back to just like sitting and staring at a tree for an hour and not caring about what other people think about anything honestly i mean as long as you're not hateful bigoted rude mean hate speech like that shit that ain't gonna fly but like ultimately all this like online discourse like oh my god like can we who has time for this who genuinely has time for this like and when i do have time to finally scroll like that is the last thing i want to see at all whoa it really is like an energy sucker i got onto tiktok last night and i was like oh oh no this is wow like i'm good you

know what i mean jesus christ oh luckily i love this community here because we all collectively i feel like understand that it's like give and take you get it or you don't get it and who cares you know what i mean we're all here to take what we can from this um i feel like social media people look at it as like literal literal everything's literal and i love that i look at it like an art project it's like you know people are going to take from it what they want to take from it and i think that says more about like their internal world than it does mine once again our school background it's like you really can't control the narrative ever and trying to control the narrative is going to put you in this like bubble of sorts um that is just not comfortable for

anybody to be in so if you just allow people to think the way that they want to think and you think the way you want to think uh it is going to make life much much much easier okay poof but yeah i don't i'm not gonna get on tiktok anytime soon dress to impress though that shit is eating up my life and i love it you know instead of scrolling on tiktok and just being anxious and like scared for two hours now i'm just playing dress to impress and putting together cute outfits and this was a great trade-off honestly 10 out of 10 recommend also now that i'm a gamer girl thinking about streaming i think streaming could be really fun you know like i i love the live interactions um and i feel like i get a little bit more of like live interactions on patreon

that i do here although here is very intuitive and very connected because i literally asked the questions not even 24 hours before but i love like the live interaction of like a twitch streamer you know i think that could be really fun if you're interested let me know how do you know when you're with the right person calmness quiet peaceful crashing waves against the sand the way the light shines through the leaves at 5 p.m on a sunday that's what true love feels like okay fuck the noise about like you should be enthralled with this person and it should be chaos in this amazing storm of high energy love girl that is not love that is infatuation and that's why i think a lot of relationships like especially nowadays don't work out because

we get too attached the idea of like excitement I think too many people are addicted to excitement especially in relationships and I've been a proprietor of this okay I've been the person who's like well does he not love me because it's not like that high high energy excitement like oh my god like do I not love him because I'm not getting that hit of dopamine every 10 seconds you know I'm always chasing that high because I thought that's what that was I thought that high was what love was you know and it did cause a lot of instability in my brain and how I process relationships I do think a lot of it has to stem from like dopamine addiction and also maybe just the way we've been sold love especially with media and stuff where it's like this high energy

whirlwind romance gorgeous amazing and I would argue that like the first couple months should feel like that I genuinely believe that if you're having trouble within the first couple months you're gonna have a lot of trouble down the road i will say so i don't i don't know if it gets easier but like that first couple months that first like honeymoon period as people call it it should be fun and gorgeous and sexy and hot and a great time and it will be enthralling i think that's what makes people fall in love but ultimately if you want love to last a lifetime if you want this love to be a lifelong kind of love you have to have the calmness okay that high high high high high is not stable I think that's why a lot of people fall out of love because

they're just chasing the high you know what I mean they don't truly want that relationship they just want their next hit and I think that's really fucked up like you're truly not in the business of love you're in the business of like you're like in the junkie business you're in the love junkie business you know what I mean true love like I didn't really realize I was in true love like and this sounds fucked up like five years in of course I love love my partner but I don't really think I saw this perspective until last night and it was just like calmness everyday routine you know we're gonna have some good sex we're gonna go eat some good food we're gonna hold hands we really don't have to say much we can sit in silence together and just

enjoy our time it feels so calming and relaxing almost like a weighted blanket in that sort of sense where it feels like you're just being wrapped in love that is what true love is that is what's going to get you the furthest and if you are questioning like oh am I actually in love is this the right person ask yourself if are you just chasing another high or is this relationship actually providing you like that calmness and stability that true love actually is I think when you find that especially with the right person it'll make sense it will make sense genuinely I think it's okay to like have those moments of insecurity and questioning we're human we're going to have those moments we're gonna get in our heads sometimes we're going to get

we're gonna make ourselves confused sometimes very normal very real I get you girl but also ask yourself like what are you chasing here what are you looking for here you know are you looking for that excitement of that first date of that new person and you're just chasing the high are you actually looking for that calmness and that real true love and maybe your partner doesn't garner that in your relationship maybe your relationship isn't providing you that true stability that true love will bring ask yourself what you're looking for okay ask yourself if your relationship is providing you that cool crisp breeze the wind in your hair windows rolled down like that's really i like literally you can't put it into words it's so gorgeous it really is so beautiful

but yeah i was looking at my boyfriend last night and i was like yeah i could marry him ah can you imagine like crazy i think that's the first time i've ever felt that in my life wild wild wild anyways also i think it's so important to ask your partner hard questions because it brings you so much closer one big thing that i've really been anxious about and this is just a personal issue um especially like as i'm aging as a woman is like children i feel like we have this whole oh my god i saw a nara smith video and she's like today's my 23rd birthday and i'm like oh my god she's eight fucking kids that's an exaggeration but like oh my god like am i doing it wrong like i hate the comparison bullshit but sometimes you fall you fall into

those loops those spirals obviously i got myself out of there having kids and especially like being around my niece and my nephew and having worked with kids for such a long time but also like kind of have garnered a lot of generational trauma and don't really want to put that on two children I have I really am struggling with the concept of kids or having them at all honestly I think I could not have them and totally be fine and happy and just be like the fun aunt for the rest of my life and I feel like I would feel pretty fulfilled by that and I don't know if I need children to bring fulfillment into my life which is probably a healthy place to be at but it's something that I've really tussled with because it's like but what if my partner wants kids and like that's

non-negotiable for them then I was like holy shit we've been together five years why have I not asked him this so two margaritas in I look at him and I go if I don't have kids are you gonna break up with me and he's like no I don't know I don't I love you I don't need children in my life if that's something that you want to do together then I'd be more than happy but also like that is not something that i'm really basing this relationship off of also like it's your body your choice i don't give a fuck you know and like all of a sudden all my anxiety washed away i was like oh my god hot sexy man in front of me like yes i will get married to you and i don't know why i had that anxiety in the first place because truly when you have those anxieties you genuinely

should just ask like get a fucking answer always communication is so necessary in relationships no matter what stage you're in five months five years five days like talk it through if you're anxious about something like not even in a romantic relationship any sort of relationship ask communicate people will give you an answer and if they give you an answer or like are unable to give you an answer no answer is still an answer hello but yeah no that was a fun realization to be like okay no i'm like actually like this is a really good healthy love because having been in so many like turbulent situations in the past I have always found myself just like a little confused and also like walls up like high towers okay and finally having those all crumble down

in front of me I thought I was gonna have a spiral but in reality I just felt so much more passionate and so much more committed and just to myself and to love and to what true love actually is but yes are you chasing the high or are you chasing stability what are you looking for and what is your relationship providing you these are all important things and also ask those fucking hard questions real men can answer questions hello speaking of hard questions someone said heartbroken ask the friends with benefits to be more and got absolutely denied you know what it is what it is it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them okay i'm sure you are hot sexy amazing hard-working bad bitch all right just because they don't want to wife you up or

maybe you're not in a place to wife you up it doesn't mean anything about you it just means they're still insecure and also still chasing highs and also a little too earthly bound to be a good partner to you and i i'm sure they did not convey it in the same way that i am because the emotional intelligence in this day and age is at an all-time low but that's what they meant genuinely I mean I'm sure they're a bitch and they said it in a bad way but also like genuinely has nothing to do with you proud of you for communicating what you needed proud of you for receiving an answer okay an answer is great we love an answer but also like the next steps you take are the ones that define you are you going to still hit them up and still you know show up

for them in those ways and those girlfriend ways or are you going to realize you know what i deserve more and i'm desiring more so fuck him i'm gonna move on and i'm gonna go after what i actually deserve and want in my life those are the next steps babe and i know you'll make the right ones because you're here and i love you for that someone said just started anxiety meds me soon hopefully i my anxiety disorder has been in a little bit of a high recently a little bit little bit over over controlling i don't know why maybe it's because i've been around a lot of anxious people recently so i've gotten back into those ways of thinking but yeah i i was like oh what do you mean it's not normal for people to constantly think about the same thing over and

over again what do you mean it's not normal for people to think that everybody hates them what do you mean it's not normal for people to be anxious about things that they can't control 24 seven i thought that was normal like girl please seek help oh my god when i went to the psych ward i was expecting you know depression all those suicidal ideations all those fun things all those fun titles i was not expecting anxiety disorder that was a fun one i wasn't i didn't know that one was a part of me but then i received it and i was like oh that makes sense and i was on anxiety meds they did help I will say I mean obviously helps the point that now I'm like maybe I need to go back speaking of someone said been having to fight my anxiety demons to convince myself

that we aren't getting nuked literally once again when I say like random anxiety spirals that's what I'm talking about that is generalized anxiety no I'm not not labeling you okay I'm not diagnosing you but also it is something to think about how to not get wasted every time i drink i always go too far so maybe tips on drinking lol so this is why i don't drink that often anymore it's like oh what do you mean the goal to drinking is not to black out what do you mean i shouldn't have 10 drinks in a night i thought that was just what drinking was something to think about babe because I realized oh those were habits of alcoholism when you can't stop drinking oh wait a minute but also I do understand the other side of it where it's like

it's just a social thing to do and when you're doing a social thing of course you want to be a part of the social thing and you want to do more of the social thing natural societal pressure I get you I hear you and that's what I think especially if you find you you're having a hard time controlling your drinking either a taking a step back or b putting boundaries in place specific boundaries especially for me when I'm going out now is like two mixed drinks that's it two mixed drinks maybe a shot if I'm feeling crazy two glasses of wine that's it that's all you get there is no third there's no third unless like I'm going out unless I'm letting the demons out which is pretty rare now think thankful to my boundaries that I've put in place and the time off

that I've taken but also I do think it's important especially when you have a hard time controlling your substance usage is putting rules in place and then when you can't follow those rules asking yourself why because there's going to be a time where you you know you break the rules but you're going to learn more from breaking the rules in that moment than you are following them because it's like well why did I have that desire to what drove me to this point what was going on was I doing it in a healthy way I was like doing it in a negative way blah blah blah listen it's okay I get you I hear you this is a big reason why I don't drink anymore because I was like oh yeah why am I blacking out 10 times a month or more that's when I was like oof okay girl there are

symptoms here of something quite larger that I need to understand and listen no one's gonna understand it for you so you might as well just take the steps and learn through yourself love you someone said freedom for palestine lebanon yemen sudan and congo real real as fuck so i work at a locally owned um mediterranean restaurant mediterranean near eastern i would say and my owner just got back from iran and he was like these americans don't understand what real fucking problems are he was like there was one time i came back to the restaurant and you know one of the servers was not there no one could get a hold of her and then we later realized and found out that her whole entire home and family had been bombed and destroyed and she can't make it here

like that's real struggle he's like i don't give a fuck if your food's burnt like i get it i understand you're at a restaurant you're paying for a meal i get it but also like you real struggle is out there and please pay attention to what real struggle is versus your struggles and put it into a perspective okay it will make everything around you seem easy fucking peasy when you realize what's actually going on all right there's this meme i posted on my page which i've been meaning to post more memes on my meme page on instagram but it's like i asked grandma what her biggest insecurity was and she said she didn't have time for thinking because of mussolini it's like real as fuck girl we have a lot of fucking time on our hands to think a little bit too much

and I do think it will be the downfall of a lot of people okay but yes free Palestine free Congo free Sudan free Lebanon a thousand percent tips for writing forwards and backwards please um okay so tips for being on top listen the more squats you do in your real life stronger your legs are the more control you're you'll have and the more fun you'll have okay me going to the gym has made my sex life 10 times better because i'm like oh i can put in work now you know what i mean god if i was a man like i couldn't imagine couldn't imagine that's a lot of work i'm a self-proclaimed hello princess okay i love to just receive thank you but also like i understand i gotta put my pardon sometimes if you want to blow his mind on top in front behind whatever it is i do think a just

having like fun is the best thing okay you're not putting on a show you're having fun your fun your pleasure pleasure is the show okay because if you think about it like they're watching you forwards and backwards it's kind of like a at your viewing pleasure also you're kind of receiving in that sort of way and so when you're having fun and you're having like that sexy hot girl hair flipping moment on top when you're like letting loose that is the sexiest thing that any man can ever see okay true pleasure receiving true pleasure pleasuring yourself that is the hottest sexiest thing that you can truly do also on top tips like you can control the depth you can do some more teasing you know you can use hands if you're on top they can use hands if they're if

you're on top leaning back is always going to feel better um taking it slow also for your pleasure on top it's not about the bouncing i feel like the bouncing is kind of like male pleasure oriented you do kind of have to like grind a little bit you know what i mean honestly like i think all girls know what i mean but like to receive like the maximum pleasure on top you gotta get into grinding and also i think like men will also enjoy that feeling as well um also if you find something that it's like oh that's hitting the spot go after it a lot of the pleasure that you feel i think your partner will connect to as well um and ultimately that's the best way to cowgirl it up now from behind it really is just throwing ass in my opinion um reverse cowgirl is just like you just

gotta throw it girl like you just gotta go after it leaning forward always helps you get the right angle but yeah it really is just a whole ass show back there i will say this someone said met my crush at a chapel rowan skate party ate her out on her period and got her number okay player okay that is exactly what chapel rowan probably wanted from that too love that for you honestly that's amazing how to keep motivation for life in general when i'm too exhausted to have a good time listen we're all gonna hit those points i was just in that point about a couple weeks ago where it was like i am so busy i want nothing other than to just crawl into bed and quite honestly do nothing except for what is necessary and what's needed and you know the non-negotiables but fuck the rest

i want to literally do nothing and scroll for 10 hours and guess what that is exactly what i did and that's why now i am able to go into my fucking the depths and darks and deeps of my house and deep clean and have the energy and the motivation to do all of these hard things that I have been thinking about for a long time and to achieve them in a short amount of time because I was in that moment where I finally hit a fucking wall and I was like I'm tired I'm over it I'm exhausted I need a break and I provided that break for myself now I'm not saying I took a week off or oh I'm gonna take you know a bunch of days off I get that we all don't always have room to take time off but what you do with the time that you do have those in between moments and prioritizing

rest and alone time and self-care and self-uplifting in those alone moments is what's going to get you the furthest okay so when i would get off work at 12 o'clock at night fucking exhausted fucking over it on the brink of tears you know what i'm gonna go get my shower i am gonna cry i'm gonna have a good cry. Then I'm going to get out of the shower. I'm going to brush my hair because it's the hard thing to do, but I know I need to do it. I'm going to heat up a yummy fucking frozen pizza. Who cares? Easy. Throw it in the oven. Done. I am going to devour it while watching my favorite comfort show. And then I'm going to scroll for an hour on my phone before passing the fuck out. You know what? Could I have done the dishes in that moment? Could I have, you know,

done extra harder things that I needed to do sure but is that truly what would have helped me no when you take your feelings and your need and that burnout to just like pause and focus on yourself you are having that overwhelming feeling for a reason it's because you need it I think with this whole like hustle culture and the grind culture we're really training people to ignore important feelings that they're feeling for a reason you're burning out because literally it's what it's called you're literally burning out and by ignoring that feeling and trying to push through you are going to push yourself into a deeper darker hole that is going to be harder to climb out of than if you just take that moment to really prioritize yourself your peace your rest your

relaxation your rejuvenation in that moment listen you have feelings for a reason human beings are made to feel things for a certain reason and when you ignore those intuitions when you ignore those important feelings those overwhelming feelings good or bad you're ignoring yourself and the last thing you need to fucking ignore is you your desires your passions your needs your wants those are things that you need to tap into and get really comfortable with especially in order to be a well-rounded well-focused individual so stop ignoring yourself uplift yourself take that moment of rest the world's gonna keep spinning and you can join back up when you're ready but what's most important right now is you i love you don't burn yourself out okay take time uplift

support yourself ultimately that's probably the best thing you can do in that moment especially when you're getting tired because then all of a sudden you're gonna have energy again you're gonna be deep cleaning your entire house so take that moment take that pause uplift yourself get outside enjoy this weather take a deep breath breathe in the fresh air carve a pumpkin with a fucking knife if you need to get some anger out girl go eat a yummy apple cider donut go enjoy you are in deserving of joys of peace of calm of stability find it within yourself i love you if you want to see more from me join me on patreon patreon.com smoke slash shorty where i answer all of your questions i did finally put it in the youtube link thank you for the recommendation

from one of you girlies love you uh but with that being said happy fall y'all i'll see you all next tuesday