Smoke Sesh - whimsy, jealousy & centering yourself

Episode Date: March 17, 2026

hello everyone and welcome back to smoke sesh! a little under the weather today but happy to be with you all as we talk my trip to Austin TX, bachelorette parties, supporting your friends, random activities, switching up your timeline, oscars winners, Timmothy Chalamet, Ballet & Opera, supporting the arts, cultivating whimsy, small actions with big impact, fig tree, breaking stagnancy, decentering men, centering yourself, controlling relationships, cheating, lowering yourself, karmic trust, changing them, accepting the situation, helping your friends, being a good friend, jealousy, inspiration, transmuting your negative emotions, guilt, shame, and taking action in your life, severence, leaving work at work, wind down routine, sharing love to the world, doing it for you, escape plans and much much much more!join the patreon! extra long episodes every Thursday at patreon.com/smokeseshshawtysubmit your questions and call ins every week on instagram.com/hannahmarlene

listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you can call me hannah the host of smoke sash so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all hello hello hello and welcome back to smoke sesh my name is hannah your host and i am so excited to be home and back with you guys today you guys also apologies i'm deathly ill okay drama not deathly ill let's be fucking real but i definitely came down with some sort of cold especially after austin texas i'm definitely serving seasonal allergy realness just kidding

i wish it was seasonal allergies i landed last week back home from austin texas we'll go over how that was which it was just so incredibly fun honestly um and i landed on tuesday so the day the pod came out thank you guys for all the love on the most recent podcast as well um they have been some of my most listened to episodes ever I don't know where you guys are coming from but hello hi how are you happy to have you welcome to the smoke sesh um the last episode was definitely a bit chaotic broke out that bottle of wine had a good time but I do appreciate just all the love and kindness and compassion you've been showing me I show up every week for you guys and it's so nice to see you guys show up every week for me so thank you so much but honestly thank god I

pre-recorded last week because I landed and I don't know what happened but as soon as I got off that plane it was like something hit me where I just was like oh I don't feel good I don't feel good woke up the next morning snot sore throat and it's been pretty much consistently that for the past five days and now I'm having like body aches chills lethargy things like that and your girl's just trying to power through you know I'm not gonna miss a week miss a week who is she I don't do that here okay so I do apologize if the snotty voice is turning you off today but I'm here I'm feeling you know as good as I possibly can and I'm ready to sit down and chat with you guys okay i came home and i was like i'm so ready for spring you guys it's march i'm feeling good

immediately gets an illness which i have not had all winter honestly i've been pretty good all winter immediately gets sick and then last night blizzards completely blizzards snow blowing horizontal in the fucking sky yeah hello no one asked for that mother nature i know you're trying to protect yourself and respect you know i understand what a girl's gotta do but horizontal blizzarding there's about six inches of snow outside it's all probably gonna melt it's gonna be like 85 on thursday the back and the fourth and the pollen and the it's just it's throwing me off my body has no fucking clue what to do at all i'm hoping this is the last snow of the season though just get the last little bit of winter winter blues cozy vibes out of the way

so we can fully indulge and enjoy spring that is upon us you guys this friday we have the spring equinox oh we made it we made it was it worth surviving yes absolutely it always is we made it to the spring equinox i'm so excited i'll be uploading on youtube a spring cleaning video with me um if you want to watch any of my vlogs they are on youtube at hannahmarlene444 if you want to support me and see more from me and you know have your question answered which i do every single thursday on the patreon patreon.com smoke says shawty we have such a fun time over there i've been uploading like pretty much every single day so if you want more content from me come hang out on the patreon it is a really good time and last but not least one last little catch-up thing

if you want to submit your questions and you don't know where to submit them or you just want to see what i'm up to on the daily follow me on instagram at hannah marlene i'll be uploading a lot of like austin recap pictures things like that for my travels and just what the fuck i'm up to every single day as well as the questionnaire where you can submit what's on your mind every sunday oh but that with that being said it's so much fun in austin texas you guys austin the city of austin always treats me well Texas a little scary a little spooky okay a little little spooky we definitely drove out there that's for sure but Austin Texas the city it's always like pretty much LA transplants or the weirdos of Texas and I can vibe with that you know I can get along with

that I enjoy that energy but I went out there for a bachelorette party and a time was had you guys my best friend from childhood is getting married crazy this is I this is the first time I've been like okay adulthood this is the first ever bachelorette party I've been on this is the first ever you know adult celebration I've really been a part of thank god no pregnancies for my friends thank god marriage is first but it was so funny to get out there and see her I haven't seen her in like two years and to meet her friends and to also like get together with my other friends which we spent so many years growing up together and just celebrate her and celebrate life we went out to Fredericksburg which is like I don't know small little town outside of Austin probably like

an hour and a half outside of Austin um it's like a winery town I'm talking driving to Fredericksburg there was at least at the very least 28 different wineries yeah uh-huh and on the way there they were like listen this is bachelorette central okay there's gonna be so many bachelorette parties so many people come out here for bachelorette parties and they were right that city was overrun with bachelorette parties and i understand why cute little town bunch of wineries vibes you know now i did travel during mercury retrograde and uh i always forget how much mercury retrograde just kind of fucks things up at first everything was going smooth fantastic amazing wonderful now my friend text she's like listen i've been sitting on the tarmac on the tarmac in the plane

for two hours no movement because there was severe thunderstorms and they couldn't fly we were like oh fuck okay we hope you make it just be safe oh my god getting stuck on the plane for two hours though i would lose my mind you're like wow glad we aren't her we land we go to figure out the rental car situation which honestly rental cars do not rent through expedia do not rent through any sort of like third party situation go ahead and rent that hertz or enterprise straight through them straight at the airport otherwise you're gonna get fucked over we absolutely did not only was the rental car place not at the airport which they said it was it was about 30 minutes away and the shuttle bus we waited for 30 minutes for the shuttle bus to get us the people

before us have been waiting for over two hours eventually the shuttle bus pulls up which is not a shuttle bus and in fact two rental cars and people working for the rental car company they're like get in let's go we're like what the fuck's going on they're like the brakes on the shuttle bus stopped working and the other shuttle bus got stolen and turned into a party bus so we're using rental cars to get around we're like all right well whatever at least someone's here you know positive vibes we had made friends with some like older southern ladies who were there traveling like rich older southern ladies were like thank god we have someone to kiki with have a little laugh with you know roll our eyes occasionally at what the fuck's going on because if you don't

laugh you might cry we pull up to the shuttle car or the rental car place it's like honestly so scary i was like oh my god no wonder i was saving money because this is actually the worst place ever there was about 20 people waiting for the shuttle bus so all 20 people get to the rental car place at the same time there's one singular person working the counter I don't understand what it is with rental car companies but there's always some whack ass shit going on with the rental car places and I understand a little annoying to deal with absolutely a little annoying to work there absolutely but we were keeping smiles positive attitude to the best of our ability one hour later we finally get to the counter they were like we don't know if we

have cars for you huh huh what do you mean you don't know if you have cars for us we've been waiting here an hour you should have told us i would have gone somewhere else they're like okay let's go check the back like okay we found a car for you we go outside it's the car they fucking picked us up in yeah it's the same exact car they were shuttling people around in they literally go well i guess we're closing early for the day because that's the last car there were people still walking in to get cars i was like this is a hot mess but at least i have my car i have the keys in the hand get in the fucking car let's go we start driving away freedom the tire pressure six psi do you know psi probably not babe and that's okay i don't fucking blame you you shouldn't

be dealing with tires anyways it should be about 31 32 psi six that's a flat tire yeah and gas tank completely empty so after getting up at 3 a.m to get to the airport to take two flights to get to Austin Texas we get in this fucking car we got to go to the gas station fill it up which I'm not complaining about and then also air up the tire it was so it was sketch it was sketch but we got there we got there we had a blast it was a good time my best friend had kind of turned into a grandma recently which I don't blame her live your quiet luxury girl you know as long as you're comfortable and cozy absolutely love it you know so like it was 8 p.m bedtimes every single night which I was like come on let's go party let's go line dance you know I was pushing it a little

bit party Hannah was coming out but it's a bachelorette trip let's go fucking crazy you know what I mean but there were like parents there and mother of the groom and sister of the groom so it was like okay we gotta rein it in just a little bit you know just just a tad we can't go as crazy as if there was no adult supervision but Fredericksburg adorable I gotta make my own little cowboy hat I know I made my own custom cowboy hat which I'm very excited because when I'm working at the ranch this summer I'll definitely need something to keep the sun out of my eyes um so that was a cute little DIY moment they also I've never met her soon-to-be husband but we played a game well she played a game where they asked the husband you know 25 different

questions about her okay and they would ask her to give her the answer and then they had video responses of him and it was like okay so here's her answer let's check and see what his is does it match oh my god i made my heart so happy every single question he got right every single one he knew her down there were even questions they asked her that i was like i don't even fucking know what she's gonna say about this truly no idea he got it right immediately and that just made my heart so happy because when you don't know who your friend is marrying sometimes it's like well I'm hoping for the best for you like I truly don't know but this just like solidified in my heart like no he knows her he loves her fully for who she is all her weird quirks and habits you know

loves her down knows her well I was like thank god okay we can really celebrate now the next day Fredericksburg has this like I don't know they have these like big pink limo companies that take all of these bachelorette parties around so we were picked up in a massive lifted pink hummer limo okay and we were shuttled to all of the different wineries now would I recommend this if you are planning your bachelorette trip to Fredericksburg right now which I highly doubt you are but if you are let me go ahead and tell you is it worth it if you are simply looking for ease and simplicity and to get fucked up yeah absolutely it was worth it but if you're like interested in actually experiencing these wineries and trying things out and you know really getting

the story and the lay of the land because listen i grew up okay bougie in a moment no my parents are just alcoholics i grew i'm joking but i grew up going to wineries often often okay my family's from oregon what's up my family's from oregon even wineries out in kansas city like my parents if it's saturday night sunday night even a tuesday night and they have the night off we're going to a winery we're doing a winery tasting if you're underage you're gonna go play around in the grape fields and have some like sparkling cider or something and so I know the decorum of what it is at a winery you show up they have different stories for each wine they explain where they get the grapes from the different notes the different flavors no not with this company

this company shuttles the hundreds of bachelorette parties to the same three wineries and just rotates them out so we were all shoved in this massive warehouse with nine other bachelorette groups and this lady i could tell she was just stressed out which i totally understand and respect like truly no hate to her but she was just coming around and like pouring glasses of wine okay you're done okay next one okay you're done all right next one okay now you guys gotta go like they were ushering us through this and i was so drunk because we were moving quick okay going quick having a good time very last place we end up at is like the bubble bar or whatever and it's hannah montana themed fantastic we get like three extra bottles of champagne

we're singing we're dancing it was just such a blast it was such a blast and she had such a good time but by the time we made it home after dinner which dinner was at 4 p.m it was like 6 30 by the time we got home and i'm like all right girls rally let's go we're going line dancing we're doing something fun and my friend was like no no we're not going her other friend was kind of like a debbie downer and wasn't really a partier she's like i don't want to really leave her out which i totally understand but i was like come on let's go let's go let's go let's go she's like no so bedtime was i fear 7 30 and then that was the bachelor trip that was it we had to go we had to leave the next day it was quick it was fun we had a blast we celebrated our friend it was good

and then i stayed a couple extra days to hang out with my other friend who lives down in austin texas she's a really good friend of mine from college we met over bonding smoking weed in nursing school and having to get around all the rules one of my favorite memories with her is we showed up to a test one day I think it was like I don't know a biology test in nursing school and I truly it was such a bad test for me that I left things blank I didn't even know what to put in there I left shit blank immediately afterward we made eye contact and we were like okay we gotta go fucking smoke a bowl it's 12 30 we just fucked over this test we went to the back alley and we're like ripping this bowl outside of someone's classroom it was a mess we were a mess in college but we

had a blast so it's so good to hang out with her as well i really just had like friendship reunion week which was so nice um and we did a lot she came up with this great idea which if you're somebody who doesn't like to choose what to do this is such a good idea she took a gallon baggie and a bunch of like no like pieces of paper and on each piece of paper she wrote down different activities and they were as small as like write a thank you letter to yourself or um say something you're thankful for about the past week to as big as uh you gotta go find a fountain and throw a coin in the fountain so we were basically on this big scavenger hunt to do all these activities and it was so fun our first one was like go play pool so all of her friends were in a bar we went to the

bar we played pool I was like okay check that shit off the bucket list next one was like you know find a fountain throw a coin in the fountain one of them was go down a slide it's like 8 a.m on a Sunday and we're like we gotta go find a park we gotta go find a park and go down the slide one of them was go cold plunging so we went to deep eddies in Austin Texas we just jumped in the water everybody was doing laps around us like swimming to their hearts content like competitively swimming and we're in our cute little bikinis like it's so cool let's get in another one was like go find a postcard so we went to this like oddity shop went to go find some postcards to represent our trip it was just such a good idea and I think it was fantastic for

if you have friends coming and you don't want to decide or you don't want to plan or you want to kind of like keep it up to the universe wow she was so smart for that and you know there's somebody pulled that we were like meh it's not gonna fit in our schedule we're not gonna fit in our time just pull and pull a new one you know but if you need help like planning something or coming up with a fun idea do it the friends this was fantastic and we didn't even get through all of them she probably had like 40 in there we probably got through six or seven so she can reuse that if she's ever bored on a day and doesn't know what to do pull a freaking post-it note she has a new friend coming into town pull a few with them i loved it wow so fun i also got to take her

horseback riding which was amazing I love taking my friends horseback riding especially now that I kind of know a little bit and if you're in Austin and need a good place to go horseback riding I think it's called Southern Trails Austin fantastic great horses great leadership amazing little girlies work in there their horses were so sweet we even got to trot a little bit which was so funny seeing my friends like bounce around on the back of this horse because like holding on for dear life but now that I also am getting a little bit more experience I was just chit-chatting with the guy like we were just kiki-ing the whole time I was like how long you been doing this you know where are you from how much horse experience do you have she's like oh

well I started kind of late I started at 10 I was like bitch I started a year ago talk about late like you are not late in the horse world horse world a little um uh what's the term when you like to like keep things to yourself i'm not coming up with it but someone will in the comments and shout out to you i love you oh gatekeepy oh finally came to me sorry the headband's squeezing me so tight and my sinuses truly are inflating in my head but we took her horseback riding as a sunset trip i was on a cutie little horse named ken we were matching they even like took photos of us as we were going around and it was just so fun to see her out there having a blast and she'd never been on a horse she was like i don't really know but i'm down to do it and i love a friend

who's like fuck it for the plot for the vibes like let's go do it why not why why not why the fuck not so overall 10 10 10s across the board had a great time but yeah maybe had too much of a good time because now I might be paying the price so I'm slowing down now that I'm home I'm slowing down chilling out although I wish I could jump right into you know my usual routine of cleaning yoga grocery shopping cooking whole foods um running errands seeing friends work this that i'm just like i'm really taking it slow i'm managing this illness while i can just like resting relaxing getting my body into shape so hopefully fingers crossed by the time the spring equinox rolls around on friday i'm feeling bright sun sunshiny and amazing you know setting myself up for success

I got my hot tea. I got my vitamin c. I got my ice water. I got my pho in the fridge Truly nothing more healing than a massive bowl of pho extra spicy, please, of course And most importantly i'm excited to hang out with you guys here today I love hanging out with you guys on this podcast. It is just the ultimate distraction I need i'm sure you guys listen to this podcast as a way to distract yourself as well glad we're in the same boat but enough of my ranting let's get into everything on your guys's minds you know you're sick when you're like fuck it no more individual pieces of toilet paper bring me the roll bring me the roll okay oh the snot really is snotting today oh my god the oscars

were last night i love an oscars moment i love award season i feel like it just gets the energy all high I love seeing people get celebrated for their talents I think it's just like so beautiful and so fun even though sometimes the academy can pick some fuck-ass winners I felt pretty good about last night's Oscars I mean spoiler alert if you didn't watch it or don't care Michael B Jordan deserved sinners fantastic amazing wow are you kidding me his performance was just so incredible um jesse buckley for hamnet oh probably my favorite movie of the year and i'm not one who likes sad movies or enjoys consuming sad media but this truly was just like wow how we take our pain and use art to transform it and metabolize it and understand it more is just like

so beautiful and her performance was absolutely gut-wrenching like you're watching her performance and you're like no she's going through that right now i'm not gonna spoil anything but like she's that's this is a i'm watching a documentary babe she's not acting this is her really going through this so fantastic if you're gonna watch any movies this year top three of the year um one bad battle after another which won best picture duh hello sinners oh incredible the absolute cinema and hamnet so moving so incredible fantastic if you're an artsy person who just like needs some hope and believing in why we do art marty supreme zeros zeros zeros i don't even know if they got one win if i'm being honest and if they did it wasn't a win that i saw and kind of

I'm living for it. I'm kind of living for it. Can we be honest? I'm kind of living for it. Listen. Two in five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales using automation, analytics, and smarter

workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. Women on the internet, we get picked apart, shamed, hated on for every single fucking thing we do. So when it happens to a man, it's kind of refreshing it's like okay now that's equality i don't like hate i don't support hate but it's also like well women get it all the time you're pissed off because you're going through something a woman's gone through okay stay mad you know what i mean him getting up there and talking shit about opera and ballet dancing it's like oof yeah he's losing the oscar that's for

sure someone said i'm a ballet dancer and timothy chalamet pissed me off and rightfully so i think he was doing so well when he kept his mouth closed no i'm kidding he was doing so well when he really and this is when you see people succeed in their craft in any sort of craft painting music ballet opera acting you see people succeed when they are they remove their identity and they are using whatever tool they have creatively as communication okay his most notable roles okay you think of him as a way of communicating through his acting he doesn't need to communicate through his words or sometimes he will through his perspective of what he's learned in a role I think it's something that maybe Jacob Elordi is really succeeding in right now

he is communicating through his roles and leaning into them very passionately I think that's when you see people succeed him now not doing that at all and people don't like it people don't like it okay people like it if you're a little bit cocky I understand you can get a little cocky you can say you know what I am the best I'm gonna strive to be the best good great no one's hating on you for that but people hate on you when you don't also uplift and support other artists big thing okay gatekeeping in the art world not good okay you need to not be a gatekeeper if you're gonna be successful at art you need to be open honest communicative passionate about your craft and communicating most importantly through your craft that's how you see people succeed so of course

timothy chalamet pissed some fucking people off actually most people off when he goes oh like dying arts like opera and ballet and is he wrong no opera ballet expensive you know maybe dying because doesn't have a good PR team or whatever people aren't used to going or you have to be in a different tax bracket to go I understand where he's coming from but also to just like have the platform you do have and then demean it in such a way instead of encouraging people to go and experience it and to enjoy it and to maybe try out a new medium that you've never tried out before oh it's a dying art so we need to show up and support not like oh it's dying so i'm not gonna do it or pay attention to it yeah you're gonna piss some people off and honestly the downfall

timothy chalamet is happening and i'm i'm excited to see how he rebrands it's either gonna be a massive rebrand into something horrible and awful or it's gonna be a massive rebrand into something good this will be a learning lesson for him either way i'm sat and i'm watching that's for sure did i watch money supreme no not at all was i interested in it no not at all the winners who won deserve to win even weapons oh my god gladys she won best supporting actress fantastic deserves really she only had 15 minutes of screen time and that is a character that you will remember forever she's just a crazy ass freak like i love cinema i love performances i love going to the movies i'm very passionate about it and is marty supreme something that's gonna uh last the test

of time no absolutely not did he deserve that win no absolutely not michael b jordan did he deserve that win yes absolutely i was gonna be pissed if he did not win anyways that's my rant sorry if you're in the art world don't be a weird gatekeeper don't put other artists down we must stand together and stand strong truly honestly and support and uplift each other even if it is a dying art okay tell your friends to go support it tell all your followers to go support it to go see the ballet to go see the opera that's what we need to be doing but award season is over and i'm honestly excited because that means new movies you guys if you're not supporting your local cinema you need to be if you are a girl who likes to escape from the world if you get

overwhelmed with the world and like to escape maybe in unhealthy ways i'm not judging i've been there the best and easiest and healthiest way to escape from the world is to go to the movies i love the movies i don't care if it's a bullshit movie or a good movie or whatever in between i love to go to the movies i love a good popcorn a good diet coke and to lose myself for two and a half hours if i'm lucky not only do you lose yourself for a little bit of time but you also walk out of that cinema finding yourself in ways that you've never been able to find before and the movies that didn't win this year and really hit home with me hamnet sinners one battle after another i left the cinema and i was absolutely perspective changed okay hope renewed and that's what i'm looking for

that's that's what i'm looking for that's where the addiction sets in shout out to my herbologist or whatever you call them my lady i buy my herbs through because her immune boost tea is truly the best thing i've ever experienced in my entire life it's like 18 different herbs and spices i don't even know what's in there but i'll tell you what after one cup of tea i'm like things are good I'm fine I'm fine it's okay I'm good this year is kind of the doing it for the plot year for me personally I mean January Oregon five days of traveling forest horseback riding wineries ocean I did it all okay city life then Austin Texas wineries and more wineries I mean hello hello um horseback riding more horseback riding hanging out with friends experiencing new

places and yeah you can get it through travel of course but also i'm kind of doing it for the plot locally as well so like met this random herb lady at a farmer's market became obsessed with her i've only been buying my teas through her and then also she does classes so i'm like fuck it i'm gonna start taking classes from her i'm gonna start taking herb classes from her she's a medicinal herb class where you can learn about like native plants and how to use them as medicine i'm like yes sign me up 35 absolutely make your own tea classes yes sign me up let's fucking do it there's random like bread making classes that i want to take here um silversmithing classes that i want to take i'm volunteering like all my time at the ranch just to have an opportunity to learn a little

bit more this is the year of doing it for the plot and honestly if you're somebody like this person who asked year-long procrastination and being stuck in the same spot help I'm gonna tell you how to like almost like timeline jump or to shift your reality so then you feel not so stuck you switch up your normal routine and you kind of push yourself into the right path do you know how to do it guess what guess what you have to do something out of the norm you have to do something out of your norm and a little weird and a little wild i've been doing that a lot recently and i've been the happiest i ever have been listen listen listen listen the system is not set up for us for us to succeed obviously you're like yeah bitch i know that i know i know when you are wake up

barely have enough time to throw on clothes and have a coffee get to work work work work work work work lunch work work work work work work off work i'm exhausted i'm sitting in my car for 30 minutes binging tiktoks should go to the gym maybe maybe not go home lay on the couch for a couple hours eat dinner scroll go to bed you do that every day every day non-stop and then on your days off don't do anything you're gonna be massively depressed and you're gonna be like life is not worth living because yeah that life that life is soul sucking and evil and awful and it's just using you using you using you but it's not renewing you and when you do that over and over and over and over again it starts to feel like oh yeah shit maybe I am kind of stuck

in this place or maybe I've been in this like area of limerence in life where nothing's happening I'm not doing anything and I feel like I'm not achieving anything and achievements aren't like big or small it's just like sometimes my achievement is I made a new coffee syrup love it like it could be as small as you want as big as you want but when you're not switching things up or trying new things you will get stuck that's just that's just how it is you know and i've been there because i've been there for the past three years three years three years i really thought about this and i was like i've moved into this place and i've been doing the same thing which i'm not complaining living the dream okay but i've been doing the same thing for the past

three years and it's driving me bonkers love driving me bonkers driving me mad okay so I finally hit a point where I was like fuck it I just need to do something so abnormally strange and weird that it kind of like forces the timeline to shift a little bit outside of the normal and it could be something as wild as like I'm gonna go on a one mile walk barefoot in the grass or I'm gonna go to a different grocery store and I'm gonna buy only things that I've never tried before and come home and cook it and make myself a new meal or I'm gonna get up and I'm gonna go take a class or I'm gonna go I don't know say hi to a stranger even though I haven't talked to any strangers in the past however many years or ask the cashier a weird question it doesn't matter

what it is it just needs to be new to you and enough outside of your comfort zone that it challenges you it will shift things completely and you will realize oh wow not only is everything in my control relatively and I do have a choice in what I do and what I don't do but also it will push you onto this path of being like okay but now doing things for me has become addicting okay when you do that weird thing that strange thing it shifts your mindset immediately to going oh this is an option oh this is an option i can do this thing i can do that thing if i want to go take an herb class i can if i want to go to the home and garden store and plant a garden in my backyard i can't if i want to go horseback riding i can't if i want to become a silversmith i can't

if i want to learn how to make bread i can't if i want to walk around barefoot i fucking can't it doesn't matter. I can do these things. I've been in this loop for so long. But once you break the loop, the cycle is not repeating anymore. And you realize, wow, things really are up to me in a very beautiful, healthy way. Sure, there's a little bit of pressure when it comes to things being up to you, but also how beautiful to have that pressure, how beautiful to be the person who is able to make these choices and make these things. And somebody asking it was like, what do I do? all my figs are rotten that goddamn fig tree poem listen it's beautiful but you're taking it out of context we are the tree the tree is not above us we are the tree we are the tree who grows these

opportunities out of us and we will continue growing and renewing figs for ourself until we decide all right it's time to choose one or this one feels right it's okay you are a renewable resource all right you are the tree that will keep growing every season don't worry about the figs that have fallen okay the figs that have fallen will feed your roots and help you grow stronger and help you produce more fruit but you do need to you know maybe choose a couple here and there so it's not all rotten solid ground starting small is always easier the little things make life a little bit easier such as like trying a new coffee flavor maybe painting your nails a weird color wearing that crazy t-shirt whimsy bringing whimsy into your life switching up your life a

little bit changing the timeline it will help I actually got a lot of questions last week on the patreon episode about like how do I bring more whimsy into my life how do I become more whimsical in my everyday life and I think when we think whimsy we think okay I need to be in this fairy dress in the forest spinning in circles doing everything I want eating fresh fruit out of the palm of someone's hand and you know naked dancing in the forest sure sure you want to consider that whimsy absolutely okay that does sound fantastic and whimsical and if you are planning that please invite me you know where to find me hannah marlene on instagram but also that big thing seems so vast and out of reach and you know not a fig that is ready to pick yet but in reality

the whimsy that you seek comes in small things in your everyday life the way you are living now is fine hopefully is it's it's like okay the way to switch it up just a little bit add a little bit more whimsy is to take what you're already doing and just tweak it a little bit that's why i say new coffee syrup you start making your own coffee syrup at home or you switch from coffee to machas all right simple simple change it'll get you excited about waking up in the morning finally having the guts to put on that new pair of shoes or new pants you bought new accessories to accessorize a little bit more to dye your hair that weird color to start you know maybe painting your nails a crazy color or getting your nails done um to put like fun little things on your

dashboard when you're driving or to listen to a new playlist with when you're driving a curated playlist that maybe fits the vibe of what you're doing right now putting stickers on things carrying a journal and some colored pencils on you so if you ever have downtime you can just doodle using a sparkly pen to take your notes in instead of a black pen it really is that simple these small changes will have a massive and drastic effect on your everyday life and ultimately will make you feel better and will make you feel like you have a little bit more whimsy and joy in life the most whimsical person i can think about and you guys know her you know her and it's not the person you're thinking of right now most whimsical person i can think of is the green lady you remember the

green lady a lady in new york city who's wears green green everything only wears green everything's green green hair green nails green shirt green underwear green shoes green socks green dog green car green everything now that's to an extreme but if you really think about it the only thing she switched in her life what everything was normal and fine the only thing she switched was to make things green and she's the most whimsical outrageous wonderful person I could ever possibly think of just because she's green you see how simple a small change can make and affect your life in a more positive way and not only will it affect you in a more positive way it'll affect people around you in a more positive way because when you're feeling that whimsy and

you're feeling that joy and you're feeling that passion you're feeling that spark that energy will radiate people will read it off of you and they'll feel enthralled by you um drawn to you and inspired to do the same people see the green lady and they're like that's cool and fucking fun I want to do that you see cause and effect doesn't need to be you running around naked in the forest all right or spinning around in fairy wings on an inner tube in an alpine lake it just needs to be you changing tweaking just a little thing that you're already doing in your daily life not only will it bring more whimsy into your life but it also break that timeline of feeling like stagnant or stuck you'll start getting excited to wake up in the morning excited to eat lunch excited to do

new things and that's what we need to be doing now more so than ever especially with spring coming is getting exciting building that hope that joy that whimsy in our lives you deserve it i deserve it so let's get to work oh that's really what i've been working on recently cultivating whimsy in my life getting excited about life again not just letting time slip through our freaking fingers okay reaching out for those figs and growing more having a book in your purse so when you're in a waiting room you're reading a book not scrolling on your phone wearing silly socks wearing fun underwear like so many ideas uh okay let's go through a bunch of questions as fast as possible no offense but they're about men so we can make them quick

two in five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales, using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business.

The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. hey hannah so i wanted to know your thoughts and like practices on de-centering men and like romantic relationships um just me and my boyfriend long-term boyfriend just broke up and honestly like i i'm so it's mutual i'm feeling confident about it and good it's pretty positive i'm excited to see what's out there etc etc but yeah i had have i've had a tendency to jump back into relationships to get over um people instead of like spending time with myself and i want to be really really intentional and not do that so what are your top methods to

de-center men truly like not give a fuck well to de-center men i think the best way to do it is focus on yourself focus on yourself your passions your desires your boundaries everything about you when you're focused on you not only are you kind of like de-centering men but also women non-binary anybody anybody around you okay you're de-centering everybody else around you and not in an unhealthy way where you're like i am selfish and i'm only focused on me no i think it's okay to be focused on you because also i know you're wonderful and beautiful and you're gonna want to focus on you in an aspect of i want to uplift my friends i want to show up for these people i feel passionately about this person i love this person so i need to go to this birthday party instead of hanging out

with this dumb ass man like when you're focused on you everything falls into alignment and you're not prioritizing shitty men shitty women shitty relationships oh my god jubilee needs to be banned on all platforms i was not even saw the video but i saw clips from it and it actually broke my fucking heart we as humans are so fucked up recently so fucked up it was the uh uh people in situationships ask each other questions video don't watch that actually if you are a person who's in a situationship watch it because that is torture that is torture the mental gymnastics they are playing and the just like how much they're holding their heart back and their desire back while also like prioritizing their ego through hurting somebody else or not uplifting

someone else it's like wow no wonder the dating scene is so fucked up right now and no one is brave enough to love each other no one's brave enough to love each other ever anymore okay it's all about me me me me me but also it's not even about them because they're not prioritizing what they want if they really were prioritizing what they wanted they'd be like i fuck with this person and they're cool. I want to love them. But since everybody is so boundaries, walls, everybody must behave perfectly like a robot. No one's falling in love anymore. No one's willing to be vulnerable anymore. Wow. Scary. I'm so sorry. Please, if you truly want to have a good relationship or build a good relationship, build it on good foundation, open your heart, be honest.

And if someone can't reciprocate that, at least, you know, at least, you know, they're fucked up and can't love you fully okay period point of like anyways to de-center men is not to hate them not to love them but to love yourself and if someone fits in that conglomerate of ideas that you believe uh work in accordance with you if someone fits in like a puzzle piece to that then they'll work they'll work most people probably won't fit in like a puzzle piece and that's okay too you know but I do think you kind of dodge a lot of bullets in life and a lot of mistakes and a lot of bad relationships bad friendships bad work environment whatever it is you dodge a lot of that when you act in accordance of what you believe is good for

you because naturally not only will it put you on the right timeline because you're choosing good things for yourself or things you desire for yourself, but also it naturally will deter anything that just simply won't fit or doesn't energetically match, you know? It's almost like a protection spell. I think truly living for yourself and focusing on yourself is the ultimate protection spell and will help you decenter men in the long run. How to deal with a controlling boyfriend you don't you leave them and you dump them controlling controlling for what because he's insecure because he doesn't trust you blah blah blah I don't care about excuses I hate a controlling individual because it's like we as human beings need to be free and open and real

and raw with ourselves and that includes kind of being messy and wild and you know doing random things sporadically if I wanted to go off to Austin Texas and my boyfriend was causing a problem or like if I wanted to go travel the world for three months and your partner was causing a problem hello if you want to if you want to and I understand it's probably even smaller than that because it's never that big if you are trying to hang out with your friends and your boyfriend is causing a problem or a partner if you're gonna go get dinner alone and your boyfriend no that is a prison sentence that is a parole officer that is a jail cell of a relationship and it's a waste of time because you're not going to be able to fix that you're not going to be able to act in

accordance to where they feel comfortable enough they will always always always find something to be upset mad or controlling over and ultimately that's not a problem you need to deal with because it's not something you created it's something they've created something that they need to work on they need to deal with and it's not something that they can work on in a relationship that's something you need to work on when you are single and alone so best thing you can do for them leave them let them heal themselves free yourself okay unlock that door mama and what is oh what's the quote girl get off that cross we need the wood like literally massive biggest red flags i could possibly see in any sort of relationship is controlling behavior we as human beings need

this level of freedom and if someone can't help you prioritize that freedom and prioritize that individualism they will not be a healthy or good partner for you in the long run is it wrong to cheat back i mean in the give and take of it all i guess no but in the spirituality of it all probably yeah because i think the idea of like cheating back or getting even puts you on the same level that they are on and when someone's evil you don't want to lower yourself to their evilness you want to kind of just like get the fuck away and let them be evil far far far far far away from you you know when someone does something evil and then you do something evil back you're playing an evil game and that karmatically is not good that energetically

is not good you cheating back will it make you genuinely feel good in your heart probably not you're probably gonna be like damn i just wish i was in a relationship with somebody who wasn't cheating on me hello as you deserve so no i don't i don't think it's good i don't think it's it's wrong either because everybody's gonna make choices and i don't think there's any like really wrong choice obviously like don't hurt anybody oh it's it's difficult i'm not pro cheating i don't like cheating if someone cheats on you best thing you can do for yourself energetically spiritually mentally love is to leave that person in the goddamn trash where they belong and to run away as far as you can okay also i think some people when they're evil and they can

get you as a good person to do evil things like they're a cheater and then you cheat back it's like they kind of get off on that feeling of like i was able to bring you down to the pits of hell with me and i although being the bigger person is like not the easiest choice or doesn't always feel the best it will be the best for you in the long run and i do think it hurts the person more than if you were to play the same stupid fucking games that they're playing when you're like nope not dealing with this you're done no more access you're gone your shit's on the curb you better come get it for the homeless man around the corner gets it actually just kidding i like the homeless man more than you at this point so i'm gonna give him your good clothes and shoes i mean if you want

to fight over it go ahead but that man smokes so much meth it's like good luck babe like when you cut somebody off cut them off i think that's the biggest and most powerful level of taking back your power uplifting yourself and completely and utterly getting rid of the other person which i think when someone's like cut off swiftly cleanly it hurts more than if you're willing to stoop low and play those dumb ass games that they want to play okay evil people love making other people evil and if you're a lover girl i'm gonna go and give you permission you don't have to become evil you don't karma will handle that shit the universe will handle that shit he will find another evil person that's what that's gonna play those games because they've been playing those

games and he'll get his karma but you don't need to be there for that you really don't it's why i lean on witchcraft so much i'm like actually i'm gonna let the universe handle this i don't need to be involved you know i'm not gonna get my fingers dirty playing around in the fucking hell earth okay i'm gonna let the universe handle it because she knows how to deal with that shit i smoke sesh queen and to all the hotties that might listen to this um i want to say that i obviously love your podcast and i believe that your mind works in amazing ways and sometimes i get freaked out but how by how much i agree with you when you give advice or talk about different different topics so i thought i could try getting your input in on this so i have a long distance

boyfriend we are dating for quite a while and we live in the same country but different cities and early on in the relationship he told me that he's a super religious Christian and meaning that he goes to church often and he's not allowed to drink or date and have sex before marriage and all this hardcore stuff which is funny because we met in a concert and then we went partying and clubbing and drinking so yeah me on the other hand i also grew up on on a christian household but i had the freedom to um you know navigate my truths throughout religion and science and yeah i'm more of a skeptic in that way so in our relationship i've discovered that he has a lot of repressed guilt around sex for example he doesn't want to

have sex on a sunday which to me sounds crazy so yeah i just want to know if i just want to help him move on from that mindset because i love him i want to be with him and yeah any thoughts or prayers thank you for listening girl i pray you get some dick soon that's what i'm praying for oh this is hard okay especially with like super religious people and the thing is like sure these are things you could help him work through and understand but like you have to a when you okay so when you find somebody in your life whoever they are and they're going through something challenging whether it's religious trauma um situational trauma relationship issues family issues whatever it is you have to first ask yourself because i think sometimes

when we see people and this is you know because you have a good heart and you have a good nature about you when we see people who are struggling we go and this is also a people-pleasing tendency we go well I can fix that I know how to do I can fix that no that is not how you should ever that's not how you have a healthy relationship by going I can fix that person what you need to ask is if nothing were to change would you be happy okay okay if nothing were to change from what you are dealing with now would you be happy because some people's battles are not yours to fight and some people need to fight those battles on their own whether they're willing to do that or not is up to them completely but it is not up to you so who knows if this person will

you know be able to work through this religious issue or maybe this is just who they are maybe they are extremely religious and this is they're not going to change they're not going to be anything different is that something you are willing to be with is that something you want for yourself is that something that works for you is not having sex on sundays something that works for you now my brother married into a very religious family very catholic he is not religious at all okay but my sister-in-law very catholic family so he had to go all right she's not changing nor do i want to change her do i agree with everything no but do i want to be with her yes absolutely so guess what he joined the catholic faith faith they had a complete catholic marriage

kids are being raised catholic like they're going to church on sundays is this anything that he really you know wants for him no but he wants her he understands they're in a good area he understands that it's a it's a good church whatever it is he's like all right i can work with it you know what i mean but you can't change it maybe they will maybe they'll do a 360 on their life and become fun party person again like you said you met them but the honest god honest truth of it all is they'll probably stay the exact same and i don't have an answer for you but i do have a question if nothing were to change would you be happy would this work for you it's okay to get selfish with these answers if the answer is no then you know what you gotta do how do i tell my

friend her foundation's shade is off oh this is difficult i i find it hard not hard i'm i'm that bitch if you got something in your teeth i'm gonna tell you but i'm also not gonna do it in public in front of a group of people i'm like oh my god you have something in your teeth you have a booger hanging out of your nose like there's a special way you have to go about these things situationally okay the best way if anything is happening whatever it is where you're like oh you have something it was something in your hair you got a booger sticking out your tags hanging out whatever it is the best way to go about it is to gently like pull someone aside or even just like let's go to the bathroom and then you're like oh hey i think you have something oh yeah no it's

fine let me help you get it you know that's the best way to go about it literally at work the other day i was wearing a new victoria's secret thong and you know the victoria's secret tags are like long as fuck like bitch stop putting tags and things pet peeve tags i'm over tags i don't want a tag in my clothing printed on i'm good i don't need a tag in my clothing but i was wearing low-rise pants that tag was flying out the back of my pants as if i had a tail and you know what my little server friend did she came up to me she's so cute she came to me she says your tags out boop puts her finger down my crack and like pushes it back in and then walks away it was like it really is that simple sometimes now foundation shade something that's like not a

booger not a quick fix this is when you you're gentle about it hey i need to go get something from sephora okay let's go look at this okay oh what foundation shade do you use oh let's try it out let me put in the back of my hand oh i just don't think the shade color matches what shade do you use oh let's try this out okay blah blah oh wait actually this one is a perfect match for you you should try this one next time it looks so good it will blend perfectly with your blush you should try this shade i think i'm gonna get this shade and do you think i should also get this lip liner like you have to be just like gentle about it caring kind compassionate but also not afraid to speak up or say something if you're a good friend you won't let your friend

leave the house looking a mess obviously a foundation shade is going to be a little bit more difficult but i also think it's important as a friend to speak up for your friends kindly and gently when you think something needs to be said now there is something to be said also about people who are like well i'm just being truthful no i fucking hate those people uh-uh i dated one of those people well i'm just telling the truth so i'm a good person no you're being an asshole and you're saying mean things and trying to cover it up by saying it's the truth it's not the truth you're just a fucking dick you know what i mean so be gentle be kind don't just be like you look fucking awful in that outfit no i hate those truthers lame boring rude mean you just

being gentle about it kind about it going around it in a in a nice gentle way i think it'll be received well you know what i mean someone said to help my friend is doing amazing things and i can't help but being extremely jealous of them what should i do oh jealousy jealousy what's that song oh my god i found myself struggling with jealousy not even jealousy maybe comparison in a lot recently so i think i'm in a great place to talk about this but um two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar raised matters on september 19th join thousands in toronto for the princess margaret cancer foundation walk challenge yourself friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research together we can

carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business the result less time spent on operations more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most learn more at accenture.com spotify jealousy is honestly sometimes when i think about emotions i compartmentalize emotions a lot and when it comes to emotions sometimes when you first feel something that initial emotion that you feel

is actually a different emotion you just have to take time to process it and understand it so then it can transform into that next emotion you know that's why sometimes you see um grief people feel extreme grief and really that grief once you take the time to understand it and learn it and process it is truly love you know jealousy as soon as you feel it it's that it's that sharp feeling it's a hard feeling to deal with but if you take the time to sit with it and learn it jealousy is actually inspiration and i mean this genuinely okay when you are around somebody who is off doing amazing things creative endeavors career goals travel goals you know even just like personality goals looking a certain way so sometimes and the human brain is so funny for

this like why do you make us miserable we don't need to be this miserable but sometimes you know when we first see those things or understand those things we get a little bit too in our ego and it puts us in a negative emotion which is jealousy even if it's something you don't even want i remember someone asked it was like literally i'm seeing this person do all these amazing things and none of them are things that i want but i can't help but feeling jealous of it and if you take the time to really look at what is causing that jealousy if you remove the like negative emotion from it you will find that it's actually just inspiration it actually is just inspiration now people who are continuously jealous and don't take the time to transmute it

those are dangerous people to be around because they're working in ego and they're willing to work in that negative emotion which will then have negative outcomes okay I mean you see this in true crime where and I'm not putting this on you but I'm just talking willy-nilly here you see some true crime where like two jealous women end up like quite literally killing each other over it because you're sitting in that jealousy you're not transmuting it and really thinking like why do I feel this way what is causing it what am I looking at and maybe do I just want it for myself. You know what I mean? People like long-term relationships, then cheating with their best friend's boyfriend or something. It's like that jealousy. You need to work on negative

emotions. Negative emotions are scary to think about. I get it. It's like, oh, I don't want to feel this way. But also if you take the time to process, to learn about it, ask yourself who, what when where why how you will get to the bottom of it and realize wow that baddie i saw on instagram that i immediately felt jealous of because she was wearing a cute outfit it's just because i want the cute outfit and she's wearing it well so let me uplift and celebrate her maybe one day i'll be able to wear the cute outfit or i saw the cute outfit now i'm gonna go shop for that cute outfit okay sometimes it's that simple oh your best friend seems to have the perfect life all right she's getting the job she's getting the boy she's getting everything you've ever

possibly wanted why are you jealous is it because you don't have those things or is it because you just simply want those things when you learn to use your jealousy as like inspiration to go after what you want in life you will have a much easier time understanding yourself and going after things when you sit in that jealousy that's when there's that stagnation occurs that's when the movement stops that's when you're just sitting in negative feelings and not allowing yourself to process them and move forward we need to process and move forward we need to there's no choice babe there is no choice the world is moving you can't stand still i'll get this way about the most random things sometimes even if it's like oh i feel jealous about this person's body type it's like

okay it just means you want it and not everything you want you can have as well so navigating the like childlike tantrum that you'll have inside of yourself with jealousy of like I want it but I can't have it is like you just got to be patient with yourself and kind of caring and understanding you got to have to like reparent yourself a little bit of like yeah bitch you just won't be that way but that's okay because you are still beautiful however you are you are still wonderful however you are you are still on a journey and maybe you will get there one day to that thing that you've always wanted that you feel jealous about when other people have it you might get there but you're going to get there way faster if you learn to accept and celebrate the people around you

and through that feel more positive going forward towards what you want a lot of people sit here and go i don't know what i want i don't know what i want i don't know what i want well what do you feel jealous of what do people have that you're like damn i wish i had that that's your inspiration babe that's what you should be going after i think when we think inspiration we think positive we think pinterest mood boarding oh i saw this beautiful photo so i wanted i want to recreate that whatever it may be which is great okay moving through a positive avenue the ideal choice but also we need to learn that jealousy is not the end-all be-all of emotions when you take the time work through it learn through it you will end up in a place that is actually wow inspiration sometimes

it's inspiration you know oh amazing outfit amazing location i want to go to that place i want to travel that area i want to wear a cute outfit that's simply my inspiration sometimes when it's something you can't have it's like well my inspiration is that she's just amazing and wonderful and beautiful and congratulations doesn't take anything away from me it just is what it is I love seeing beautiful things and I can't always be that beautiful thing but that doesn't take away from my beauty or their beauty you know it's that neutrality aspect but yes I think a lot of people don't like to work through their negative emotions me ding ding ding and when I found myself in a place that was like consistently constantly jealous I really was just feeling those things

because I wish I had the balls and the guts to go do them and I finally started accepting that and actually going after those things and going actually no I can create that for myself and once I did I realized wow jealousy really is such a surface level emotion once you get deeper into it and learn more about it you will realize most of the jealousy you find in your life is just inspiration like I said if people are not willing to do that work on their own if you find yourself around people who are constantly jealous of you you can't teach people to find inspiration through their jealousy that's something that we all need to work on on our own realize on our own and i don't know if i would really waste my time being around people who are jealous of me because it's

not gonna create a conductive environment for a healthy relationship or friendship um so not only do you owe to yourself to work through your jealousy but you owe to your friends to work through your jealousy you owe to your family to everybody around you to work through your jealousy so then you're always in a place that is in a positive healthy environment where you can uplift and support the people around you where you can celebrate the people around you and not you know be so egotistical where you are in this place of lack where you're focusing on yourself in a place where you should be celebrating the people around you and their successes I also think just in general you know working that jealousy working towards the inspiration and then celebrating that

person will help you kind of be a more positive individual will help you accept the world in a more positive way we'll put out a good energy people will feel that energy people are attracted to you everything's kind of an energy exchange you know and just because you're feeling a negative emotion doesn't make you a bad person or a bad you know situation sometimes it's just like all right well let's work through it what does this mean why am i feeling this way and you know what can we do with it do we need to release it do we need to learn from it do we need to understand it i think it's sitting with your emotions is so important but yes transmuting jealousy will always put you into a place of finding inspiration holy shit hannah like if there's one of my videos

or my voice moments that you're gonna put on the vlog it's fucking this one i don't know if the baddies are feeling it this week hey baddies um okay so yeah let's get into it um wait i'm nervous quit weed really long story but for my girlfriend's sake you know i told her i was gonna not for her sake but like in everybody's plan i was quitting weed but then i kind of fell back out of it and i decided oh let me just cover that up and not let her know because that's so embarrassing i'm so ashamed oh yeah that turned into two months trust me i felt bad the whole time but i was like i'm too late at this point like she's gonna dump me but then i was talking to my therapist and she was like i really think you should tell her like when you're ready yeah yeah i told her

she don't want to talk to me she said um give me space like and i asked if like if there's something we can work out or if like we're gonna break up and she said i'd need time so like i didn't even get an answer all that which is okay like i don't need definite answer but i do because i'm a little crazy and i'm just like i would have i actually really would love your opinion on this so let me know if you have any thoughts thank you love you guys oh brother okay well first of all i'm not gonna sit up here and shame you because you're doing plenty of that inside your own fucking head trust and also i find just to kind of like uh compartmentalize what you're going through i find when i do things out of shame or guilt i do them

more often thus you falling into like the two-month spiral of smoking weed even though your girlfriend doesn't want you to smoke weed and like my question is is this a controlling aspect or she's like you are not allowed to smoke weed if you're around me and you're like girl I literally just smoke it at night like it's not that big of a deal or like I need I need answers we don't have time for answers but I'm curious if it also is just like you maybe are consuming too much and you're high all the time that's not fair to you or the people around you I'm curious where it is because I mean depending either way your girlfriend's gonna feel how she's gonna feel she feels negatively towards weed all right period point blank you felt shame from that

sometimes when we feel shame or guilt it's kind of like depending on how we were raised but it's kind of like a comforting emotion especially once you get into like the demeaning aspect of it It's so funny how negative emotions can become so overpowering that we then feel comfortable in them and we keep leaning into them. And shame and guilt is probably the number one thing that I think triggers people into creating negative environments for themselves and also doing it over and over and over and over again. When I was using a lot of drugs, it was definitely from shame and guilt and escapism.

High key, high key, all of those things. So like I understand you and I understand like how you kind of fell down this slippery slope and I'm not here to shame you or demean you anymore I think this is just a learning lesson I think it's going to be a learning lesson and honestly sure I think you probably want to stay with your girlfriend and you know you fucked up but maybe it's for the best you guys take some time apart maybe you need that time apart without pressure from her to get a handle on your smoking to get a handle on your behaviors or your understanding of yourself without so much pressure from that outside and maybe she doesn't need the quote-unquote baggage whether it's actual

baggage or not of you like doing things behind her back whatever it may be I think if you guys do break up it probably will be for the best and I'm so sorry is it because of you sure but also it takes two to tango you know what I mean and it's okay especially when two people won't fit or don't fit the things like this naturally happen happens where one person is like okay well I gotta to hide this part of myself because this person doesn't like it or whatever it may be but also it's like i think if your weed usage is really an actual problem the best way to get a handle on it is to take accountability to take responsibility for what you're doing and to focus on yourself so then you're able to kind of like have space to learn about yourself and why you use and outside

pressure from your girlfriend is definitely not gonna help now you fucked up only thing you can do when you fuck up all right anybody fucks up I don't care how big grass only thing you can do when you fuck up is go I fucked up take accountability apologize do better those are the three steps okay take accountability apologize do better and it sounds like you're in that place it sounds like you were like oh fuck I went too far I went off the deep end I went a little crazy with the marijuana you know what I mean and that's all right all you can really do take accountability you told her the truth she is processing her emotions she's allowed to have whatever emotions she has about the situation now what do you do doing going forward all right i think the weirdness

of like uh deciding if this is gonna work or not i think honestly for the best you should probably just call it quits so then you have time to actually focus on yourself and prioritize yourself but if you do work on it not only is she gonna have to relearn how to trust you but also you're gonna have to like prove your trust a little bit not completely where you're nailing yourself to the cross but enough so that it's like okay we can have a good normal relationship I don't know I'm not here to demean you or put you down any more than you already are doing to yourself we all fuck up we all make mistakes it is what it is you shouldn't have lied now you know better all you can really do is say damn I fucked up I'm sorry and I'll do better and actually do better

you know and I think sometimes when we do better and we do we do better for the sake of someone else it doesn't stick as much as wanting to do better for yourself so want to do better for yourself and want to like do things for yourself I think that'll help you kind of transition from this phase of shame and guilt to oh no I feel good because I'm doing something for me you know the shame and guilt came from I'm doing something for somebody else my girlfriend doesn't want me to smoke weed I won't smoke weed but I do want to smoke weed so now I feel shame and guilt for doing something i actually want to do no do what you need to do for you i love you you got this i'm sorry tough times come and go but you'll be able to handle it you'll grow from it and you got

a great therapist it sounds like so stick with her how to keep your job from consuming your identity honestly i'm pro severance i'm just kidding if severance was an actual procedure would not be getting but do i sever myself every time i go into work yeah absolutely now this is a little different because this podcast here social media sharing myself online that is very intertwined with my identity but it's not consuming my identity because it gives me an opportunity to transmute who I am in a very creative way and to kind of learn more about myself through it so I think this is I have a very healthy balance here now when it comes to okay maybe you're like working in the corporate world how do i become a human being outside of work how do i not let work

um become so overtaken with my life and you know what i mean if you're doing something that you're passionate about that's okay a little bit have hobbies outside of it that's how you keep that balance but i like literally think about this all the time anytime i'm clocking into a job where it's like i truly don't want to be here but i have no option i cosplay lana del rey at waffle house i love that as an example when it comes to work especially shitty jobs it's like no i am lana del rey at waffle house right now like i'm a different bitch when i'm here and when i leave then i can become hannah again but when i'm here i'm cosplaying the shit out of this job I don't care what shitty job I'm working on we're dog walking cool I am the best dog walker

in the entire world I'm pretending I have eight dogs around me even if it's just one and I'll put on some cute fucking sunglasses and some tennies and we're gonna go on a walk around the park okay get in the fucking car dog let's go okay I'm putting on a cute workout set maybe it's serving all right well I'm gonna be the baddest server here you know I'm gonna be Lana Del Rey in the Waffle House slinging pancakes till I get a clock out and then I get to go home and not give a fuck oh I work retail now all of a sudden I am baddie retailer soon to be Anna Wintour doing my little job before I you know level up to the next stage in life which is going to be amazing and glamorous you see you got to kind of like it's kind of cosplay I kind of cosplay when I'm at work you

know I'm like it doesn't really matter I'm just here I'm just chilling I'm doing my thing keeping my positive attitude and then when I leave it's like severance ding I am back to who I am and I can leave that shit at work because i allow my brain to split a little bit you know and also allows me to be a more positive person i have co-workers where it's like i know you think about this place 24 hours a day when you are outside of this restaurant and you're miserable when you're here because of it you are i can tell i can tell like allow yourself to release a little bit allow yourself to also like not give a fuck a little bit it honestly makes me a better worker and leave that shit at the job okay when lana del rey left that waffle house she took that apron on and she

did not think about it again you know a good wind down routine also helps i understand why people get off work and go immediately to um the gym that's a great way to get that energy out of your system especially if you're angry from the day or your job makes you angry a lot um maybe it's like oh you come home and immediately shower you feel like you're washing off that energy maybe you even just like sit in your car and listen to some music before you go inside you know a good wind down routine does also really help in that transition so it's not so like crazy you know quick transition but as a gemini i really can transition very quickly so i just i i walk down those steps from work and i'm like oh freedom i'm finally myself again like

it really is that fave ways to spread love to the world i give out little notes to people someone said i love that i love the notes idea that's adorable oh i need to start keeping little notes and pens in my purses i always take that stickers are also a great idea just like a cute little fun sticker hey i like your outfit here's a sticker that could be adorable um my favorite way and easiest way without having to have anything on you like i could be looking a mess in a target a compliment compliment goes a long way i am pro compliment if you're in public and you're like i'm feeling really anxious right now sometimes i get that way or i'm just like either too fucking high or just in my head or not connected to the world around me the best practice i have is to

go up to someone and compliment them immediately hey i like your glasses oh hey i hope you're having a nice day oh i love your pants oh my gosh your nails are so cute oh my god your eyelashes are adorable I love your vibe I love this energy you're putting out I hope you have a fantastic day something so simple that person will probably think about it for the rest of their day and it'll make their day better and also it'll get you more like grounded in touch with the world around you it'll take you out of that like existential feeling in your head and you're gaining good karma points you know what I mean I am pro compliment all the way you see someone cute across the bar and you don't know what to say go give them a compliment you're in the bathroom

if a girl's in the club of the girl's bathroom give the girls compliments okay bartender give them a compliment a neighbor give them a compliment compliments go so far but i love the note idea i think that's so cute a little note thinking of you smiley face little drawing maybe it's a little drawing of them uh I love that whimsy once again great way to add whimsy into your life it doesn't have to be massive it could be literally so small but the smallest things sometimes have the biggest impact hi Hannah I'm a relatively new listener of the podcast um I really like it so far um but I really like your advice on certain things too so um I was wondering if you have any thoughts on this situation um I met a guy online I've met him multiple times he lives in Germany I live in

California it's 36 uh going on 37 I'm about to be 26 um in a few days and he and I are engaged now and I'm trying to move to Germany to get my master's degree and to get married um i have only known him for about a year um and i'm just wondering like if i were your bff or whatever like what advice would you give me as your friend or what questions would you ask me to make sure i'm wondering like if i were your bff or whatever like what advice would you give me as your friend? Or what questions would you ask me to make sure I'm doing this on a solid foundation? Thanks so much. Two in five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess

Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows.

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Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. Oh, listen, I'm a skeptic. I know, I know it's not fun to hear, but I'm always a skeptic. I always have to ask. My parents raised me this way and sometimes it drives you insane because you're like, I just want to do it for me, mom. and it's like well let's ask the real questions here what are the divorce laws in fucking germany you know like what's the living situation gonna be what's the household cost sharing gonna be

you're moving to a different country with a person you haven't even lived with before and marrying them i understand maybe marrying them because then it's easier to move to the country but I urge you and this is maybe like my biggest overwhelming take when it comes to this I'm not going to give you a yes or a no but I ask you are you doing it for yourself okay I'm sure there's pressure from the man are you doing it for yourself is this something you actually want and you know fits in with your life plan and goals and if everything were to hit the fucking window or whatever the saying is everything hit the fan if shit goes bad what is your game plan okay do you have a game plan do you have a separate place to live in germany will your visa still be

able to work in germany will you be able to stay in your school in germany will you be able to have friends in germany that are outside of you that you'll be able to lean on and rely on or will you feel completely isolated and alone what is your backup plan okay every smart woman has an escape plan every every smart woman has an escape plan no matter what i'll be going to the movie theaters i'm like where's the exit babe okay i'll fucking even in my house i'm like if there's a fire how fast can i get out of here and what am i grabbing what is your exit strategy a year i don't urge anybody to get married under two years and i mean that genuinely from my heart i understand sometimes life gets a little crazy and maybe you gotta visa things i understand but

are you doing it for you a are you doing it for you does it align with your goals and plans and ideals or or and b are you safe and do you have an exit plan do you have an exit strategy just in case just in case because you never know you might get around this man you might be isolated you might be living with him you might be relying on him for housing for money for whatever it is and then that pressure sets in okay and i don't want you to ever feel in a pressured situation so be safe do things for you have a nexus strategy and what are the divorce laws in germany and how can you keep how can you stay in school school is honestly fuck the marriage school is priority number one honestly if i were you i'd be like you know what i'm not even marrying there

or moving there for marriage i literally am just moving there for school and if it works out it works out if it doesn't it doesn't at least you have school to rely on and you have your own place to live at and you have a visa because you're there for schooling like if I would do anything in this situation it would be I'm going there for schooling not for marriage and if it works out with that man it works out if it doesn't it doesn't but focus on the schooling because you're a baddie and I know you're smart and I know you're sexy and I know you're hot and I need you to be educated I need you to have a backup plan I need you to be doing it for yourself always anyways that being said I love you all so much thanks for hanging out with me this is a great distraction for my

illness sorry if i sound a little stuffy but maybe sound sexy who knows if you want to see more from me join the patreon patreon.com smoke says shoddy if you want to support me in any sort of way join the patreon please i love my patreon girlies there's been so many new joiners and honestly we have a blast over there i answer every single question every thursday on the patreon exclusive podcast smoke says shoddy on patreon and if you want to submit your questions or submit a call in hannah marlene on instagram but with that being said stay sane stay sexy and i'll see you all so soon two and five canadians will hear the words you have cancer that's why every step and dollar

raised matters on september 19th join thousands in toronto for the princess margaret cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca. Ready to take your investing knowledge to pro level? This is Fidelity Connects, your daily edge in the markets. Get deep insights on real-time market topics that may impact your investment portfolio. Listen to Fidelity Connects on Spotify today and power your next move tomorrow.