Smoke Sesh - whimsy, spring cleaning & finding the light

Episode Date: March 11, 2025

hello hotties and welcome back to the internets favorite smoke sesh! I missed you all last week but thank you for giving me a week off since I was so sick, I update you guys on what ive been up to as well as a very exciting project and exclusive merch drop for the smoke sesh girls, Hannah Marlene x Canna Style, we jump right into all your questions like surviving adult jobs, my current favorite media/movies/music, overthinking the details, cramp remedies, finding the light in the darkness, comparison kills and growing at your own pace, go to spring vibes this season, the artists way and my journey, garnering discipline, dating in this day and age, p(corn) in relationships, breaking up and rebuilding identity, friends with benefits, leaving that man behind, bad weed trips, dark days, building whimsy in life and engaging with play, teen angst and utilizing energy, work crushes, lesbians, nipple piercing journey, and my go to spring cleaning to cleanse energy plus much much much more! if you want to see more from me join the patreon! patreon.com/smokeseshshawty, if you want your question answered follow me on instagram hannahmarlene where I upload the questionnaire every Sunday, and will announce the canna style collab there soon, love you! stay sexy! MUAH!

listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you can call me hannah the host of smoke sesh so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all hello and welcome back to the internet's number one smoke sesh my name is hannah your host and i miss you guys so much thank you thank you thank you for giving me a week off i genuinely was dying it was not pretty not cute if i would have gotten on this podcast it would have been a hot fucking mess but not like in a cute or sexy way very much so in a seek help kind of way

um I talked about the week prior how I was kind of having like a little bit of like an illness little bit of sickness um and yeah it didn't really go away in fact it started getting worse and worse and worse and worse and worse so finally I was like okay fuck it I pay so much for my health insurance I'm getting my ass to urgent care ASAP I thought I had strep so that's what I went in for I was like listen test me for strep let's get this shit figured out they're like yeah no looks like strep here's your antibiotics go to the doctor pick them up you'll be fine well I get on the antibiotics I give it like three days it's Sunday the next day I have to film and I'm like I still don't feel better something's definitely wrong with me like I'm snotty I'm feverish I'm

coughing up like disgusting mucus hot mess so I go to the urgent care again yes again because I'm like antibiotics aren't doing it we got to get something else guess what test positive for the flu i had strep throat and the flu at the same exact time your girl was on tamiflu antibiotics cough syrup guafenicin as many medications that i could get my fucking hands on in order to feel better and finally last friday was the first day that i was like okay i'm feeling slightly slightly slightly normal like finally i feel like i'm getting better but it was a full like two three weeks of me being sick and unsure of what's happening and listen i've had the flu before i don't know what fucking flu is going on right now but it is the worst flu i've ever had in my entire

life now it wasn't like the vomiting flu thank god thank god i would rather deal with body aches chills snot dripping out of my face constantly then vomit so thank god for that universe really pulled through on that side but i did really just need i mean monday monday is when i went to the urgent care for the second time and yeah you did not want me to be here so i appreciate just like having a community that like understands people being people and needing a break um i'm so glad that we've been able to garner that kind of understanding and appreciation in this community so thank you endlessly for the days off that i do occasionally ask for for being understanding and wanting me to get better it genuinely means so so so much um yeah this is gonna be a good

week it's finally warming up we had like a blizzard last week which was fucking insane this week finally it's like 60 degrees and sunny i have this beautiful bright tree outside of my house and I can see the little tiny buds starting to get bigger and the leaves slowly starting to form and ooh like it literally makes my pussy wet I'm like all right spring thank god I cannot wait like I this is winter was just so long for me and like so grueling and I'm so tired of being inside it's like I will go sit in the sunshine for an hour two hours please like I'm begging it's really what my brain needs at this time so i hope you're feeling the renewed energy if you were out and about in public mask up wash your fucking hands if the amount of grown adults that i am seeing

walking around like children coughing into other people's faces coughing are you kidding me out into the open air whatever happened to being a decent human being and doing the cough into the arm what happened to that I'm pretty sure I know exactly where I got sick because I was hosting at my restaurant the week before and I had like a grown-ass fucking woman come into the restaurant and open mouth cough into my face and go too bitch fuck you I'm not getting you a table no no no not with that fucking attitude not with whatever the hell is going on here I am not doing that but my god please take care of yourselves and by taking care of yourself take care of the people around you all right all right that's really all I have to catch you guys up on haven't been doing

much planning planning for some big exciting things which I finally got the a-okay to tease here so we're gonna talk about it in a second but danger has a surgery on Wednesday please please if you could do a small prayer that everything goes good it's not a severe surgery they're just going to kind of flush everything out with antibiotics since the pill form of antibiotics don't seem to be working and I really really do think this is going to help the situation considering I have been to the vet eight times in the past three months to kind of heal this ailment that he's randomly going through but please if you could do just like a big group prayer for danger I would really really appreciate that keep him in your thoughts for Wednesday I

think it'll go good this is the first time he has ever been sedated though in his 12 years of life so this will be interesting I took the day off like I'm gonna watch over him make sure everything's good and yeah I really hope this is kind of the last step in this process that we have to go through and then everything will be back to normal he's such a strong little boy though and i love him endlessly oh my shayla he's so sweet but okay listen i have spent the past actually probably the past nine months literally i have been carrying this child this project in my womb for nine months now it is something that I have worked long and hard to make for you guys and it is also a dream collab of the century like I genuinely when I thought this I never thought I would be able to

do something like this which is so fucking exciting and it has taken everything in me to not spill the beans to all of you guys here every single week that I show up but I had the amazing wonderful opportunity to collab with one of my favorite favorite favorite brands specifically a brand that makes pieces I talk about them a lot I am a huge fan of everything they put out is all genuinely so like artisanal and you know they put so much thought and care into what they create and I really really saw this going forward with you know working together but canna style reached out to me about nine ten months ago and was like hey we would love to create something with you like we would love to do a hannah marlene collab situation and I really

love working with companies but especially as an influencer a lot of companies are like all right we're collabing but also like here are the rules this is what you're gonna follow and like hey I got no problem with that like if it's your brand your design your ideas you know you do have that initiative you do have that power to be able to kind of control things a little bit more what really called to me in this situation is they reached out to me and they didn't have any rules there was no rules it was genuinely like two artists coming together to create something they were like whatever your mind calls to whatever ideas you have we want to make so I had a couple iterations a couple ideas and they were like well do you want a pipe and I was like well

a pipe would be really cute but like i'm an authentic bitch and i'm not gonna sit up here and try and sell you guys a pipe or make a pipe when pipes you guys know me pipes are like one of my least favorite things to smoke out of i mean when it comes to it and you need a quick hit absolutely in high school oh loved pipes love pipes but nowadays where i'm like okay you know a little bit of luxury taking care of my lungs like i like a little bit of water involved you know I like a bong I like a bubbler something like that so pipes are out of the question so I was like okay well let's go something a little more like water piece they were like do you want to make a rig do you want to make like a giant bong like what are you looking for and finally we came

to the understanding that we would make something fairy-esque so if you are on the video portion if listening on spotify it's already in the video portion check it out if you're on youtube i'm finally oh my god literally like this is so exciting i'm finally going to show you guys what we've been creating so essentially they were like well let's just make you as a fairy that everybody can smoke out of are you seeing this if you're an audio listener i'll describe it to you right now so we have two iterations coming out of these beautiful bongs they're about six inches tall and i really wanted to create a piece where it's like when it's sitting out as much as a bong like this is a piece of art are you kidding me the detailings you can see the details in the face

in the hair in the titties in the wings oh my goodness but it is such a beautiful kneeling fairy piece the one that i'm holding here is a iridescent blue teal but we are also coming out with an iteration that is iridescent pink of course you guys know i love my pink but are you kidding me are you kidding me this is art this is genuinely an art piece and this is something that i have never seen before that was a main goal of mine is i really wanted to create something that literally no one else has made no one else has thought of because i had a couple ideas like maybe something crystal-y and they i love their artistic direction because they were like well we've seen a couple people do something similar and like we don't ever want to copy or

even come close to copying like we want to do something original original and bitch hannah marlene original it does not get more original than this are you fucking kidding me so she's kneeling and then what i really wanted was for her to be holding the bowl piece so in her lap is basically where you load the flour and then smoke out of ah bitch are you like i have never done anything this cool in my entire life and to be fair all props goes to canna style like they are the ones who were able to put this into production like create the 3d model and work with the glass company to hand create these like i just was i am just sitting here happy to be involved but shout out to canna style oh my goodness so let's go over the details these will be available

next week friday the 21st the spring equinox is the day before so i wanted to kind of have these as like celebration of spring oh are you kidding me what a better way to celebrate the season than literally smoking out of a fairy literally smoking out of me that's why when i teased it i was like if you want to smoke with me stay tuned because literally you can smoke out of my body are you fucking kidding me these are beautiful pieces i thought maybe it'd be a little difficult to clean but there's so much space inside um and they're not fragile like these pieces are very thick high quality glass like the details are there you know the cleaning is going to be the same process you would do with any sort of average bong like you don't have to be super careful it's very steady

the base is solid so there is no like you know tilting or leaning um also with this piece on the back when you do light it which of course i will smoke out of it here in a second when you do light it it's far away enough from your face because if you are a girl like me with bangs you know the troubles of like oh fuck my hair is gonna catch on fire this is like the perfect spatial distance to really make sure that you know this is just an overall well-rounded amazing fucking piece um also pricing wise i'm sure that's your next question uh i have spent quite a bit of money on pieces in my lifetime i remember going to a store just like a smoke shop and i was like all right well let me pick up you know my first ever big girl piece I'm moving into my first ever

apartment let me pick up my first ever big girl piece when you go to these local shops they up charge so much I remember spending like 250 dollars on a bong and thinking that's normal that is not normal that is not normal at all bong should not cost 250 dollars unless you're buying them directly hand blown from the artist themselves like I'm talking like small company handmade just for you so when it came to pricing I really wanted to find something in the middle I didn't want to do anything over a hundred dollars I felt like you know that was just crazy for me to ask and also with their pricing this is actually on the lower range for some of their designer more luxury pieces this is retailing for $89 and for the quality and the construction and

the price and just like the company that you're supporting and also supporting me I feel like that is a great deal genuinely I don't think I can walk into any of the local Kansas City stores that do sell pieces and get anything like this for $89 at all so I was really happy with that price it was a price range that you know I felt comfortable with and I felt like you know for the design and style and the artistry of it all it felt worth it because listen I'm not here to take advantage of your money I'm not here to take advantage of the situation like I want you guys to be able to sit here and smoke with me every single week are you kidding how fucking exciting and can you imagine this in iridescent pink as well when I do drop it we will have full photos

and beautiful announcement on my Instagram and there so please stay tuned if you want to see the pink version that will be uploaded there we're getting photos done right now but I finally got the okay to go ahead and tease it so I wanted to do so early so if you guys wanted to maybe game plan a little bit or really think it over it wasn't like a last minute hey we're dropping this it's like okay because I'm such a planner it's like well when is my paycheck getting in where can I budget what can I do and I know that's how I function and I'm sure a lot of you guys function as well but yes if you guys want to support me I do not do a lot of drops or sales or merch you know I'm not here to grift for your money the things that I do work on I am so passionate about

and genuinely I put so much thought and time and care into and this is one of the pieces where it's like wow this is like an artist's dream to be able to collab and to create something just genuinely so beautiful so if you would like to support if you would like to literally smoke out of me you know fairy vibes it up spring vibes it up this is the piece for you canna style thank you so much but please set your alarms for march 21st this day after the spring equinox we're celebrating with this beautiful drop also follow me on instagram at hannah marlene i will have all the links and the announcements as soon as it is available but yes two weeks from now i am so so fucking excited but with that being said let's fucking let's smoke her out all right this is her

with the bowl piece in so you can see it's like she's holding it all right look at the details you can see her feet on the back bitch no one is creating pieces like this are you kidding me anyways cheers girlies i have not smoked in two weeks because i've been so sick like with my strep girl weed smoke plus strep does not work this is my first bowl that i've smoked in two weeks so it's gonna get a little silly around here cheers oh my god did you hear that she pulls so clean and pretty oh you guys dream come true please support me support canna style women own business incredible creative team wow 10 out of 10 all right since i was gone last week who are going to kind of do like a question roulette style this week where I'm just going

to try and get through as many questions as possible because I know you got a lot on your mind. Someone says starting my first big girl office job soon and advice for navigating adult environments. Honestly, I feel like I can go either one of two directions when it comes to adult environments. Most of them, most adult environments, honestly, I really enjoy because there's no bullshit it is straightforward like honest communication maybe a little too honest but also I appreciate the feedback you know what I mean um you kind of escape that high school drama-esque situation which I kind of think you find in the like in the service industry kind of restaurants things like that coffee shops I'm sure there's a little bit of that maybe even retail

but getting into an office space I think with such a set nine to five salary vibe it's like I'm just showing up doing my shit getting out of here and honestly when it comes to a job couldn't ask for more could not ask for more when it gets dramatized and annoying in that sort of situation it's like I don't even want to show up and you should never have like emotions get in the way of your money especially other people's emotions so I think you will really enjoy the adult office environment but with that lack of emotion and the adult office environment you do kind of have to adjust in that sort of way where it's like take your job seriously but not so seriously where it's affecting you outside of work because I guarantee those 40 50 year olds

you're working with they are hitting that clock out button and like severance they're coming back into the real world and they don't give a fuck about what's going on at work honestly that is the way to approach it especially an office job I hope you enjoy your job I hope that's you know kind of a driving factor and really nice and what gets you actually into work as well as the money if you can navigate and find like a adult office situation x actually enjoying it and doing something that you like love that is the dream but also if it's just something that pays like don't let that get you down get in there get that money get that rent paid because as soon as you clock out like the 40 and 50 year olds you can get back into the real world do all of your hobbies

experience the life you want to experience and I think there's the stability of all that is really enticing and really nice so props to you first of all but yes emotions are one thing don't get emotions involved in work don't get involved in work drama if there is any you know be nice be kind show up with a smile but most importantly like you're there to do your work and hopefully everybody else around you is also on that same kind of vibe when it comes to criticism though i do find in adult office environments you do receive more constructive criticism because like the people actually care about you and care about the work that's going on um so be open to constructive criticism even if it's coming out of left field and you're kind of like ego side is

like feeling triggered in that sort of way like well why the fuck are they telling me that don't let that overtake you because genuinely there's always something to learn and like i said when you get emotions involved you kind of lose that opportunity to actually grow and change and honestly maybe just have an easier time with what you're doing so keep that in mind as well listen I have always received constructive criticism whether it's from my Gemini parents both to Gemini parents yes constructive criticism was constant uh or the fact that I was put in any sort of competition possible whether it was soccer piano art like I was constantly being judged the sooner you learn to like remove your emotions from it and just kind of be like

okay cool I'll learn from this the easier time you'll have I think that's why I had such an easy time in art school and just generally in the workforce because it's like i don't care if i fuck up ultimately at some point you're the new person they're going to give you advice and if you don't take it you're gonna have a harder time than if you just put that ego aside and you're like you know what true thanks move forward you know anyways everybody watching severance oh my god if you need good shows to watch right now severance of course everybody was hating on miss cobell's episode but ultimately i think she is my favorite character we people crave they're like please please we need a more dramatic woman and then all of a sudden you get one and they're

like this is boring bitch sorry you can't pick up on it anyways that white lotus pretty good season so far first two seasons amazed can't wait to see where this one goes always just like drama and i love rich people drama because i'm so disconnected from it it doesn't trigger any anxiety it's genuinely like wow that's crazy me and my friends also went and saw mickey 17 on thursday okay cinema cinema is back and i really hate they're making me like robert pattinson but he killed that role he ate it up if you need kind of like a silly not really serious just genuinely fun watch sci-fi-esque highly recommend going and seeing also if you're not going to the movie theaters you need to go to the movie theaters more me and my friends our favorite activity is literally

eating an edible getting mexican food and then going to the movie theaters there has been many a time to go to the movie theaters all day we see like two or three movies it is so nice especially if you're the kind of girl who's like i need to escape reality healthfully this is the way to do it this is the way to do it you'll walk out of that cinema into a whole new world fantastic also what's better than buttered popcorn i went to my parents house for dinner last night and they were like oh we saw the best movie ever what was it called amelia perez i said oh no oh no that was crazy coming out of my parents mouth i was like what you guys saw that movie and also loved it that's wild I still have yet to see it so I can't be a full like critic let's be

real but also just the amount of crazy things I heard from it and the general hate from a public sense had me feeling like maybe not the best movie of the year so this is the first person I've heard say that honestly but yeah I need to get into more movies media wise also I've been listening to a lot a lot a lot of jazz music my spotify rap is gonna be fucked up because it's just gonna be like slow jazz from an nyc bar played for 48 hours consecutively like that is all i listen to i realized that my cat really likes it and if i leave him home alone he really enjoys having jazz music on in the background i think it really calms his anxiety mostly because when we lived with my parents my mom had npr on in the kitchen 24 7 and npr gives jazz music aesthetic so i've been

playing a lot of that and it's calmed his anxiety but also mine i've been like oh my god actually listening to jazz music 24 7 on like small just a little bit of volume does have the same effect as like lexapro for me great great thing to have around you at all times for sure how do i stop feeling cringe and overthinking all my mannerisms me as fuck if you're a girl who lives in their head you will fully understand this because i feel like also our head is doubles as a prison cell sometimes and it's like girl maybe we don't need to be thinking about ourselves this much maybe we don't need to be over analyzing everything so much. I blame AP English class for making me read into every single little detail of every single thing constantly and then writing

12 page essays over it for the reason that I think about what I think about. I'm not saying disconnect yourself from the details of it all i think what makes life special is the details but if you get too caught up on the details you start to miss real life it is a very fine balance honestly you sitting here overthinking yourself not necessary not necessary overthinking maybe the little things planning moving forward growing developing being able to see the sunshine shine through a leaf and looking for those details and finding joy in that sort of way in your daily life important seeing god in your coffee cup in the morning important staring and counting each individual pore on your face or the way you messed up your words when speaking to somebody

not important it's like a pros and cons list and the best way to really handle this is to kind of catch yourself in the act um you do kind of have to catch yourself in the act and put yourself in time out for a second like girl no because we're gonna find ourselves falling down that you know thought process spiral every once in a while and that's okay we're all human it's impossible to get rid of that thought process completely from your head but if you can catch yourself in the moment and instead of doing that shameful thing where you're like verbally shaming yourself and then you kind of fall deeper in the spiral and you're just like no no pause redirect like you would a small child it makes life much much easier okay shame doesn't get you a lot of places actually

dare i say get you nowhere so you might as well be kind and patient you know with yourself i had someone on the patreon episode kind of ask about like how do i stop thinking so much about like my body and overly over analyzing myself and um just how i look and there is a quote that genuinely changed my life and it was i forgot where i saw it but it was like we were only meant to see our faces in a clear stream of water we were not meant to perceive or look at ourselves this much ever ever maybe in a very shiny piece of rock like we were not really supposed to know what we look like so the fact that we see ourselves so much of course we're going to overanalyze ourselves of course it's gonna naturally come with negative sort of behaviors but also you don't have to be

like a victim of to that you don't have to keep doing it keep feeding into the self-destructive behavior free free yourself you deserve it any tips for period cramps ibuprofen or whatever you know general pain reliever of your choice I also am a massive massive fucking fan of those sticky heating patches you can get them online they're basically like flat hand warmers if you think about them in that sort of sense but they have a sticky size you stick them basically on top of your uterus and then they also make them scented and I get the lavender scent oh wow fully sedates my uterus if you are also the kind of person who gets severe period cramps but you have to work on your feet you have to be up and moving these are even better because if you sit

in a chair you know you can use a regular cheap uh like heating pack like a sack full of rice that you put in the microwave like that's easy i also use that a lot but if you're like oh fuck i have to go serve an eight hour shift on my feet no breaks maybe one restroom break if i'm lucky put in a super plus tampon put that on top you will be good i promise i also utilize this for my iud placement and life-changing but tips to stay motivated in a shitty but temporary situation love you hannah you can't forget about the light at the end of the tunnel you can't you really can't you got to keep moving towards it you got to remember even if the light is far away who knows how far away it is you know it's just down there it's there it's there all right it's there don't

dim that light of hope for yourself it's very easy to do so when you're like oh my god why have i been sick for two weeks like what's going on or i feel like i'm not where i'm supposed to be in life or oh my gosh what if i'm not growing at the right pace whatever kind of anxieties that you have about your life like it's very easy for them to overcome you because negative emotions are kind of obviously more powerful than positive emotions i mean positive emotions are great but the negative ones do have a special way of overtaking people uh you can't let it overtake you you can't give it that power you know you can sit down and be like this fucking sucks this is shitty i'm gonna cry for just like a second but also i'm gonna detach i'm going to let that go i am not going

to be stuck here in this place i'm going to let that negative emotion go keep moving towards the light if i can't identify it that's okay at least it's there i can see it i can understand that it will be here eventually hey hannah absolutely love you in the pod your advice on the podcast actually helped give me the strength to leave my three-year relationship and I'm 21 now um essentially before the relationship I wanted to get out of my hometown go to college travel um you know do fun things and I still want to do all of those things now that I'm out of the relationship but I guess it just feels like those years my peers have been advancing and I have stayed stagnant. I'm essentially starting my life over again by myself and finding out who I am

and I just feel like I wasted so much time and I'm so behind and it can be really discouraging and overwhelming. Like I finally woke up one day and I'm no longer 18 but I'm in my 20s and while everyone else is already graduating and have already started figuring out who they are I haven't even started um so yeah any advice would be appreciated love you first of all you are so smart you are I'm so brave for taking that big step and getting out of a place that you don't want to be and realizing where you want to go it is not too late 21 21 you're still a baby you are I know 21 because you're thinking like 18 to 21 18 felt so young everybody was starting maybe college maybe you didn't do so and now you're 21 and you find

yourself kind of re-waking up kind of still in that 18 year old mindset where it's like I've stayed in one place for three years and I feel like I haven't grown based on how I'm comparing myself to others or maybe the standard way that society wants us to grow but you have grown you have grown you have grown in different ways that maybe you know you didn't really think of whether it's relationship wise understanding yourself more in relation to the world around you maybe you've been working an adult job where these people haven't been they've been in school you have grown in a different direction than other people it doesn't mean you haven't grown at all like you're here and they're here you're both growing just different ways and that's okay

i think it's also important that you had this realization young you are young your adult years aren't behind you 21 is still very much so like you're a baby everybody is a baby deer walking around learning to use their legs no matter how you're perceiving them or seeing other people's accomplishments everybody has that in common so if you want to get somewhere do it better do it now than at 30 40 50 and if you are at 30 40 50 who cares if you want to change your life you want to go in a different direction do it there's nothing stopping you especially now that you've left this toxic relationship that you know you want to do more the comparison is what's going to kill you the comparison is what's going to keep you at this place succumb to like can't do it or I don't want

to or I'm not at this place I shouldn't be yeah you are not but that doesn't mean you can't get there eventually if you want to be the girl who goes off and goes to college and does her four years and gets her degree you can be that girl if you start right now if you want to be the girl who goes and you know is able to travel to these beautiful places get that job work hard save your money book the ticket go do it there's nothing stopping you other than this comparison mindset that you have in your brain and i don't think necessarily comparison is going to kill people i think comparison can be healthy if you use it as inspiration someone else's success does not demean your own ever you are never in side by side competition with anybody else other than if

you're in a literal foot race like bitch do you run track cool then yes you're competing against each other but in the real world when it comes to people's accomplishments their life achievements where they are growing in life there is no race okay comparison should only provide inspiration if you see those people and you feel jealous ask yourself do i feel jealous because i don't have that and i want that cool let me become her let me use her achievements as inspiration let me help my let me use my peers as a way to kind of goal set and achieve things and drive myself instead of driving yourself down to the ground driving yourself forward you're young you still have energy utilize the energy out of your breakup and this desire to become a new person to achieve new

things to really push forward use the breakup bucket list as a way to kind of build individuality set those goals and get the fuck out there you are smart you are articulate you seem to have a good head on your shoulders and you know a deep understanding of the world around you but don't hold yourself back utilize those grow achieve if anybody's gonna do it it's the smoke sesh girls it's you please any 21 year old out there who feels like they are too old or they missed out this is a symptom of society this is a symptom of comparison comparison is going to kill you the only person you should compare yourself to is your past self your 18 year old self you were in a relationship that didn't help you guess what you now have the power and understanding of being

strong and getting yourself out of a situation you didn't want to be in that is amazing you have changed you have grown you're just comparing yourself in the wrong direction 18 year old you versus 21 year old you you're not stagnant you have grown celebrate those successes find them look for them have gratitude set those goals see that light at the end of the tunnel go after it no one's gonna do it but you vibes for spring love you love you oh for spring i've been doing a lot of spring mood boarding recently that reminds me i do need to make a complete mood board which i will be sharing on my patreon patreon.com slash smoke shoddy if you want to support oh psa like i said i care about your guys's money i'm not gonna be just i don't know

begging for it or like stealing your money charging you crazy prices but that being said i lowered my prices at the beginning of the year for good reason okay like save some money cheap subscription come support everything's under ten dollars love love that okay but companies are a greedy motherfucker and i'm not talking about patreon here i'm talking about apple apple what the actual fuck i had someone message me and was like hey girl like i downloaded the patreon app and i went to subscribe and i know you said you lowered prices but these prices aren't like matching the prices that you listed online and i was like what like that's crazy let me look into it hmm what the fuck is an apple surge price girl this is not trying to get a 2am uber what the fuck

is an apple surge price for every app every single app in the app store if you purchase it purchase something through the app store they automatically charge you 30% more than what the actual price is on the website bitch what the fuck if you are already subscribed to the patreon you don't have to worry about this all if you subscribe to that certain price it's grandfathered in it won't change for you but if you're like hey you know I'm thinking about joining the patreon why are the price is different it's because apple's charging a 30 increase and best believe i figured out a way around it are you ready you just type in patreon.com slash smoke slash shawty you subscribe online at the online price download the app log in boom don't let apple steal your money

i don't want apple to steal your money and i can't fix it there's nothing i can do so i figured i'd make you all aware if you have thought about joining the patreon which please come do i did lower prices i think they're four seven and nine very cheap cheapest patreon that i have seen honestly anywhere and i subscribed to a few and they're pretty much like ten dollars a month for the middle tier um which i have no like problem paying i do really enjoy supporting creators i follow size wound her patreon's fantastic and then apple gets greedy as fuck 30 30 what the fuck so it's so easy literally the the move around is so easy you just go online you subscribe there you purchase it through there at the online

price and then you can download it from the app store and log right in and bam that was a crazy discovery this weekend but that being said ramble over i will make a mood board i will share it with everybody and yeah let's see what i have saved for oh i want to make fresh bread i need to make some fresh bread that's one of my goals i want to learn how to make fresh bread i hate sourdough that's my problem i wish i liked sourdough i went up for communion and listen my church was a real one because for communion they had hawaiian loaves yes that good bread and welch's grape juice are you kidding me best communion ever not those dry ass crackers the catholics give you in the actual wine where you're like five and you're like oh this is painful no i'm like can i have more can

i please have more um they switched it randomly one time and fed me sourdough going from sweet hawaiian rolls to sourdough as a small child is a jump scare i vomited i vomited up the body of christ may christ compel you that's crazy to me anyways my brain is systematically traumatized from that experience and now i can't stand sourdough so all the all the farm to table girlies who are making sourdough i love you that's amazing like yes support microorganisms like we love that it's like a colony it's like a living breathing thing that's so cool but I can't eat it I can't I really can't that chocolate chip oreo sourdough loaf you made looks amazing but I know it's gonna taste like spoiled milk it's a problem of mine so I want to learn how to make

normal just like white bread and like I want to start a garden I finally emailed like my local community garden up the street and I was like, hey, do you guys have any plots available? She's like, yeah, girl, $25 for the season. They got a free spigot. It's a four by eight plot. They got free tools. Love it. I want to grow my own plants. I want to try like herbs and peppers. I wish I liked tomatoes. I might try them just cause squash, carrots, radishes, things like that. I want to grow my own food and be able to be like, oh my God, I homemade this bread and infused it with foods that i grew i think that would be so incredibly cool speaking of farms as the fruit seasons approach us i do like for each fruit of the season to go visit a local farm and do some

like you picking um which is like they just give you a bag and send you out to the orchard and like good luck grab whatever you want and then we'll weigh it and you just pay it's a great way to support locally and also just like get some really good fruit for really cheap so i'll be doing that spring vibes are like beeswax candles and baby pink denim dark denim I love a good dark denim right now simply being outside and standing in a ray of sunshine for a little bit especially after not getting it for so long white linens fresh flowers local food spring also feels like crisp nice fresh sheets like there's nothing better than crawling into bed with like a silk pair of pajamas on and like fresh sheets oh it's so good so maybe I'll just be changing my sheets

more also like ceramics pottery I want to get into working with my hands I have this just like need to put my fingers in dirt recently so thus the local community garden and also I want to get back into pottery I did pottery for quite some time and there's a really you should look locally for what resources you have art wise because there is a local art group and clay community where their memberships are really cheap their clay is really cheap it's kind of like open studio hours free glazing they charge you just like based on square footage that it takes up in the kiln which is nothing more than a couple cents each insane incredible and I do want to get there I remember I was like in a deep depression when I was 22 I was going through it not good and my dad

was like you're gonna be taking this pottery class with me like it's every Wednesday you can show up every Wednesday for two hours and I really do appreciate him seeing me in that way where it's like we don't got to talk about shit because I know you can't put words into actual fruition and make sense of how you're feeling but I can get you out of your head and into the real world doing something you enjoy um so I appreciate being seen that way dad but I did pottery pottery class for like three months and then did some more just like on her own and kind of fell out because life you know how it is I wasn't depressed anymore which is good success uh but yeah I kind of have that not that I'm depressed but I have that innate need and nature to kind of create and I want to

make some more bowls I'm cooking so much I want them on beautiful plates that I've made I think that would be so cool and per usual every spring to keep the whimsy and love for life alive fairies fairies of course thus the fairy bong hello not me being like it's me girl those are triple d's this is not you it is the epitome of the smoke sesh fairy though i'm like i set these fucking prices for a reason i want my girls i want to gather community like come hang out no matter the price range like book recommendations for manifestation so i remember hearing i talked about this on the last episode but i remember hearing doji talk about how transformative the artist's way was for her and how it really was able for or helped her connect to her inner

artist not inner creative on a really like inspirational i guess i don't know there is this like form you can enter as an artist and it is kind of hard to get there but when you do get there as an artist where you are fully connected to your creative drive and inspiration and understanding and then like it's an out-of-body experience it is so beautiful to enter I can only really categorize it in with the same kind of high you get like a runner's high or like a workout high if you're a gym rat girly like you know like after you get a good pump in it feels like you're levitating off the ground kind of also feels like you took molly you as a creative sense you can really enter into that dimension and i think the reason that she's outputting so much good like

really well thought out inspirational art right now is because she was able to connect to that and i did hear her kind of give props to the artist's way and the artist's way if you really think about it is just like one book on how to mass manifest you know it's giving the tools and the skills you need to connect to your individual side to your creative side and to connect to the world around you to be able to express yourself to the world around you without shame or without fear just fully openly as you are and i think it is a challenge that i really need in my life this this just coming months it is a 12-week challenge one that i started this morning yes week one of the artist way i'm very excited to see where it takes me and how i grow um i started this morning

with like one of the big things for the artist that you have to do daily is morning pages and essentially as soon as you wake up like literally as soon as you enter rem sleep you get up you write down three pages of just like brain dump it doesn't matter what it is you don't read it back you don't have anybody else read it it does not fucking matter you just brain dump three pages and the reason that is is so you can really get rid of what's in your head so you can truly enter your body and make space for what's necessary like who cares what you complain about it could be three pages of complaining it could be three pages of sadness it could be three pages of gratitude whatever you want to get off of your brain or whatever you're thinking about in that

moment three pages so I did that this morning it was fairly hard it was hard it was difficult but with time it'll get easier and I think it'll help me connect to myself then also another piece of homework weekly is you take yourself on an artist's date just something that garners inspiration that you do alone whether it is sitting down and creating art going to the art museum going to the thrift store buying a vase painting it drawing it um decorating it something where you're entering a creative zone alone for at least two to three hours so I will be doing that this week maybe today it's my day off fuck it this also kind of feels like that but yes I'm excited to kind of get into the week one prompts and challenges I will also be documenting this week by week on

youtube i believe my youtube is smoke says shoddy yes it is smoke says shoddy on youtube or you can look up hannah marlene and i will be posting weekly recaps hopefully on like the monday that i restart the next week or maybe sunday depending on what my posting schedule will be like but i will be uploading the link to that on instagram at hannah marlene so if you want to follow my artist journey or do it along with me come let's let's challenge ourselves together what's the point of this podcast if not just feeling less alone and feeling like we can kind of be on this journey together so that will be my mass manifesting book for the next 12 weeks how do you build discipline no one's gonna do it for you no one's gonna do it for you the only person who can do it

is you the only person who can do it is you the only person who can create it for you is you the only person who can bring it to fruition is you no one's gonna come up here and save you no one's gonna put your hands to that paper no one's gonna make that meal for you no one's going to hand you your dream career no one's going to hand you the amount of money that you're desiring no one's going to hand you that beautiful house in the hamptons or whatever the fuck you dream of to you you have to create it for yourself you gotta do it you gotta do it you gotta do it truly I think it was just like a understanding of I had I have this issue throughout life especially as a teenager where I was always deflecting my parents would be like you didn't turn in your homework for three

weeks and I'd be like well well the teacher you know didn't give me the paper soon enough and uh and then this thing happened and it's like at the end of the day sure but you didn't turn in your homework for three weeks it was always deflection it was always not taking accountability not taking responsibility and truly you're never going to grow you're never going to change you're going to keep doing the same old same old that you're tired of if you have that mindset no one's going to create it for you but you no one's going to do it for you only person who can do it for you is yourself do you want it you got to do it I think the morning pages with the artist way is really going to help me kind of understand that where it's like maybe I don't want to wake up and

write three pages but that consistency and that understanding and also the positive payout will be transformative and it is such a small thing to add to your daily routine to help snowball the discipline to help snowball the commitment to self that is truly important for any sort of change or growth or challenge so i'm very excited for that but truly once again no one's gonna do it for you you are the only one who can create it how bad do you want it just do it period how fast is too fast to get into a relationship when you meet someone right i'm not anti-moving like really fast as long as you really see dating for what it is first of all let's get this correct dating has gotten completely warped by this like online discourse from what it truly is dating is

not marriage dating is not marriage babes so many people are like well i don't want to date them because they think it's like a lifelong commitment it's not dating is the trial period not the situationship situationship not normal not a trial period dating is the trial period so if you want to move fast please move fast go for it no need to be stuck in the situationship if you both want each other okay please feed into that energy but also understand the trial aspect of it all where it's like if it's not going well you're not married you can cut it off you can leave there should be learning and growing together there should be appreciation and commitment but once again there's no ring on my finger all right i don't know why people have gotten

so warped and if you want to move fast and get into a relationship and just figure it out along the way i'm not against it give it a good couple months okay if you date them the first week it's gonna be like that's a little wild you know figure out if you even like spending time with this person but as soon as you start feeling that oh my god i'm enthralled crush psychosis like fuck it go for it we have one life to live who cares you date a million people it's better than like being committed to somebody who's not committed to you you know figure it out along the way but yes feed into that energy feed into that love it's so nice crush psychosis it's like wow what a potent like insane energy and if you can really funnel into something positive wow wow wow wow it's

amazing um so i don't think there's such thing as like too fast of course get get to know the person in front of you at least but yes I think this idea of like well we need to have been talking for a year before we start dating I think that's crazy I mean if you want to go the friendship route no hate no hate I know a lot of people you know are friends for a while and then decide they want to date normal normal but if you feel like you're getting strung along and they don't want to commit to you maybe that's not someone you should want to be around dating is the trial period you guys can be committed and figure it out along the way before and then get the ring and then solidify it that's the normal thing opinions on porn slash your partner watching it

not a fan of porn porn industry in general i mean like love women women if you want to work and make some money no hate it's mostly the men involved you know if i hate anything it's usually the men involved duh I am like pro only fans in the sense where it's like I feel like it's so much better than working for a company because you can kind of like you know women can feel safe on their own space and really garner a certain kind of content and do what they want to do without feeling pressured love that individualism but when it comes to me and my partner if you're watching porn I don't want to know about it I don't care as long as I don't know about it I don't know about it in the sense where it's like you're doing it so much or ingesting it so much where it's becoming a

problem where I who am an aware person am now becoming like extra aware of it because that's a hot mess you don't need you know to be dating a sex addict in that sort of sense where it's like they have to be jerking off to porn 10 times a day that's crazy that's not healthy that's not normal that is not normal at all and then when it comes to OnlyFans OnlyFans is very very personal so I feel like if my partner was buying OnlyFans that would be at least for me personally in the relationship that like I want to have that would be means for breakup everybody's relationship is different everybody's boundaries are different but for me personally no no you can't have an online relationship with a woman that is basically what that is in my mind because I have friends

who do OnlyFans and a lot of like the way that they connect and bring customers in is through personal stuff personal videos communications things like that that I don't fuck with I mean I fuck with that for the girls get your money get that sugar daddy for sure but my man does not need to be involved does not and once again normal thing I think if you guys have different boundaries like if you and your partner like watching it together or like getting kinky in that sort of way fantastic wow have so much fun i don't think i could have fun that way and that's okay just broke up with long-term relationship how to reconstruct your individuality oh i've talked about this before but i think a breakup bucket list is really nice

not sure what kind of breakup you had if it was like a really tumultuous crazy one you know like drama insane exploding yelling i don't know breakups can be very different it could be very like explosion craziness or it can kind of be like that like dwindle out of a candle where it's like we're both mutually agreeing it's just not working either way i think a breakup bucket list is really nice um much easier to do if it was an explosion situation essentially you just write down like five to ten things you were not allowed to do in the relationship or things that maybe you really wanted to do in the relationship but couldn't because the relationship was stopping you um when I was in a really unhealthy relationship I'd be like oh yeah talk to any men at all in

general wear short skirts like wow free yourself but you know if it was healthy maybe it's a little bit like easier than oh you know I really wanted to do this but uh maybe it wasn't negative it was just like my relationship was getting in the way yeah I didn't have enough time um like I wanted to go to this concert but we did it because he didn't like this music or I wanted to do this thing but didn't because I was too involved with just spending time with him which wasn't necessarily bad it's just you know got in the way break up bucket list five to ten things get your girls together complete it you will feel like you have discovered something if not more about yourself by the end of it and I think it's really nice and kind of like a fun little silly thing to do

to get your mind off of it and get your mind back on yourself so whether you enjoy the things in the bucket list or not or you're like wow wanted to do this but also who cares either way you will take something from it you will feel like you have grown from the person you were in that relationship and then also the time of the breakup it also just kind of helps build that energy back up in yourself whether it's energy of understanding appreciation just wanting to be alone in general single in general building that energy so you can like power through uh the next steps and feel like a jump start into your next individuality your next personality it's it's really nice highly highly recommend and pretty fun if you can do it with friends it makes it easier how do you suggest

a friends with benefits type situation i don't think you suggest anything i think you just keep the boundaries strong and if you want to have a really good solid friends with benefits situation it truly is just those 11 p.m texts and then getting them an uber home like please i do a little tlc after sex of course hello uh but like there is no going grocery shopping together there is no spending four consecutive days together there is no i love you like just date at that point please just date i'm begging you but if you're like no i truly just want this to be a physical relationship nothing else you gotta keep those boundaries in place where it's like no we're just having sex and then tlc and then you gots to go hi hannah i'm from malaysia i love

your pod i've been listening since the last four years at least anyway i need some advice or thoughts on my situation um i was dating this guy for like six months and then it became long distance because he had to move for work and apparently it's because he said he can't do this anymore and it's because also he has commitment issues and a dismissive avoidant attachment style and he told me he you know he still has feeling for me but like he can't really do this blah blah and it's been for a week since and we still keep in contact like we still send each other instagram reels we still have our snap streak on and i told him i wanted to end it recently but he doesn't really want to in some way like i noticed he keeps snapping me first now

and a bit more engaging now because i think he can notice me removing my energy but yeah I want to cut contacts because I feel like I can't stay friends if I have feelings for you but I also right now I've slowly detached so I don't really care as much but yeah what do you think should I just keep continue like contacting him or should I just tell him we should cut contacts I like this guy and I'm sure he still likes me but he's breadcrumbing me low-key okay baddie hi first of all very much so giving like maddie euphoria energy where it's like i know what i want and i need and honestly i don't give a fuck about this man anymore because he's playing all these mind games and bitch i don't have time for it i'm a baddie do you want

me to or not i feel like that's where you're finding yourself which is a very good place to find yourself because it's better than getting dragged along through the mud you definitely don't deserve that I hate when men learn terms like emotional detachment because like truly you're just using that as an excuse to treat me shittily like if you know what that term is you should also know the steps that it takes to healing and not make it my fucking problem you know um yeah he sounds very unhealed it sounds like he wants you but definitely doesn't want you like he wants your time and energy without any commitment on his end and anytime you pull away from a man like that he's gonna start getting scared and he is gonna start messaging you more

it's going to return back to the same thing as soon as he catches your attention again he's going to get disinterested and that's just not something you deserve obviously you know this this is not something you deserve especially if it's long distance and he's not even in front of you like what's the point you're just giving up your emotional energy for no payoff no payoff at all dump his ass tell him you don't deserve to be dragged along and the way that he's treated you is horrible and awful and cuss him out if it makes you feel better whatever you need to say get rid of him block him so he can't contact you anymore and yeah give it time give it space you definitely deserve to like go out and have a hot girl spring summer and if this man is

constantly sending you texts and trying to distract you from the real world in front of you it's going to be a waste emotionally and physically of your time of your years find someone who wants to spend time with you who wants to be with you who won't put you on the back burner who sees you for the baddie you are that's what you need how do you deal with having bad trips on weed oh girl i go to bed i put my ass to sleep yup sometimes you can only outrun the demons a little bit to be fair when it comes to weed less is more always if you don't want to have a bad trip less is more but I do say a lot that anxiety is a side effect of weed. I don't think you can consume weed without getting at least just a slight tinge of anxiety. It's very normal. It's a side effect.

Nothing is going wrong with you. It's just your brain is being affected by a drug and naturally that triggers a fight or flight reflex because you're not in a normal state. Nothing to do with you it is what it is it's a side effect i think if you can give it depending on what you consume i've been doing a lot of edibles while i've been sick but if you're smoking it's pretty instant and if you can give it like 10 to 20 minutes it usually goes away immediately edibles are a little different i find that the anxiety lasts a little bit longer and it has that like slow roller coaster effect which is not super fun always and why i usually do have a harder time with edibles but if you can give it time it goes away a great way to avoid this is to distract yourself coloring book

drawing good tv show something to get your mind off of it great way to run away from the demons healthily and if you can't run i've been to the point where it's like okay i'm literally paralyzed by this fucking weed put your ass to sleep try and go to bed you'll probably knock out i guarantee it but I remember when I ate a whole pan of brownies it was like girl I can't stand my only other option is to go lie in this bed and hopefully my brain will go to sleep sleep it off you know how did you get out of your bad mental illness years I love you baby fairy oh I love you honestly help help and I can say that now because I realized how much like community gathered around me and how much it genuinely really helped my situation and help doesn't also necessarily mean

like maybe interpersonal relationships if it is interpersonal relationships that's fantastic but also like professional like I went to the ward I it was not safe for me to be around myself so I took that hard step I got help they thought that this was the best option for me and ultimately at the time it probably was uh that therapy medicine getting professional help that was probably the bravest thing that i've ever done in my entire life where it was kind of like i feel like i'm floating and i have no connect on myself and i have no control over myself and that's a very very scary feeling so i need to place my trust with myself into somebody else and that is a very terrifying thing to do but it is such a brave thing to do and ultimately it was my biggest

payoff from that situation having help around me friends understanding my situation and being like well fuck it we're just gonna try and make her laugh like we're just gonna try and be good friends we're gonna try and be there for her you know in any way possible distract herself that was getting help that way that was so amazing and so transformative and also just like not giving up on myself you know you are here you are amazing you are wonderful you are beautiful whether you believe it or not you deserve all the help you need and you deserve all the support you need and that also does come from yourself I understand being in a place where it's like I don't have any energy to help myself and that's okay that's when other people come in and that's fantastic

but if you do and if you can keep that belief of self and desire for good for yourself there it helps the process a little bit it makes asking for help a little bit easier it makes doing the hard things a little bit easier the light at the end of the tunnel of it all you know what I mean if you can just see that glimmer whether you can understand it or not as long as you can see it it does make going through hardships easier if anybody should be nice and understanding to you it should be you but I also understand how crazy the brain can get and the depression splitting of it all where it's like you lose yourself a lot I think there are people out there who do want to help you who are there to help you and who do want to see you

succeed find those people ask for help be brave show up for yourself um by getting the help you deserve it is transformative for sure how to be sillier and more fun focused and centered illy love you oh play we gotta engage in play more often you know life can get crazy we can get uh listen adulthood is wild because I feel like you think entering adulthood will be like this newfound freedom and it is it is it's a different sense of freedom it's a freedom you've never experienced before at least like outside of schooling and stuff um yes but there's also 10 times the amount of responsibilities like if you're in college right now and you're like I want to drop out because it's life's just going to be so much easier I'm tired of doing assignments

i would rather be doing assignments than paying my health insurance i would rather be writing that 10 page essay than going to work i would rather i would rather i would rather grass is always greener you know what i mean so if you're there see it through absolutely but adulthood is definitely a lot of seriousness and seriousness unfortunately that you do have to take seriously like i'm a very unserious bitch but also it's like taxes paying rent these are things you do need to take seriously credit score you like i don't want to think about it but like if we're gonna play the game of life you gotta think about it you gotta play well now to balance that so it's not just like too much serious and you're way down you gotta have play you gotta

you gotta play you gotta enjoy whimsy and nature and fun inner childness where is that whimsy where did it go let's bring it back oddly enough my boyfriend introduced me to play a lot because he skates like this bitch is constantly playing and I was like oh my god wait I'm not doing any of that and I'm high key kind of jealous I'm like okay you can go out there and play around on your skateboard for like five hours and truly indulge and play and have a good time and you know giggle with your friends and like escape reality in that sort of way i'm jealous i'm jealous i need to bring more of that into my life and best believe as soon as i did as soon as i started creating more art getting into random hobbies seeing them through engaging in play having fun forgetting about life

entering that other zone where it truly is about having fun whether it's like going on a walk getting outside anything that calls to you that's important you should see that through wow life's better who would have thought who would have thought oh my god all of a sudden life's better and I think that's why my parents do a lot of hard things like a lot of hard things that the average individual doesn't do such as just like helping people showing up for people doing hard work community work it's incredible it's really inspiring and the reason that they're able to continue that energy and have that energy to put into other people is because they're also engaging in their own hobbies when they have the time my dad's like no i have to go to the gym for

two hours or else i'm gonna go fucking insane that's his play that's how he has fun that's how he escapes the world that's how he gets his dose of dopamine you know engage in whimsy joy working on cars oh my gosh that's his creative outlet you know he can forget about the world forget about work whatever craziness is going on go i don't know change oil girl i don't i'm just a girl okay my mom yoga she's like I have to go to yoga at least once or twice a week you know seeing her friends having that creative outlet you have to have balance and the fun thing about being a new adult is it's going to be harder to find that balance because you're kind of a little unsure of yourself you're still trial and erroring things so don't be afraid to trial and error

basically like try new things out if it doesn't inspire you that's okay pivot try something new but as long as you're engaging in play and seriousness equally I do think it really does bring back that whimsy fun silliness that life should be tips for teen angst please I'm going crazy oh my god I miss I not me being like the most depressed I've ever been and I'm like oh I miss it listen I was so angsty for no reason I mean not no reason I was going like actually insane but like also the world does not hate you that much trust no one's thinking about you that much the world is not out to get you there is hope in your future it's not that serious it's not that serious it's not it really isn't anything you experience in high school is going to be a

blip on the radar anything you experience in your teen years very much so blip on the radar good things are coming i wish i could look at 17 15 13 year old hannah who was like wow i there's no other option like i have to i have to die girl no no no no there are things that are going to happen in your future that you could never possibly think of and they are a million times more beautiful and cool than you ever could have imagined all you gotta do is see it through really truly all you gotta do is see us through if you're gonna have the teen angst at least turn it into some art turn it into passion whenever it comes to overwhelming feelings of joy of sadness crush psychosis anger angst whatever it is if you can take that and put it into somewhere where it

translates your emotions and you can feel a little bit like a weight lifted off your shoulders very important okay when it was me at 17 it was art okay I would go I'm gonna paint a black canvas and like red and abstract and hit it spray paint because oh like I just I'm so angry and it's like that's how I was feeling truly and like having that outlet was really nice as corny as it is it was very important for me to have so it wasn't so overwhelming inside my brain truly not that serious life is a million times more magical than you ever could genuinely imagine so see it through hang on light at the end of the tunnel oh my god theme of the day here and if you can take that energy and putting put it into something you will

be able to create something amazing hannah hi i love you i'm two seconds from subscribing to your patreon because i'm just obsessed with you and i need i need this question answered because there's so many parts to it there's so many layers but and because i know it's gonna sound bad from the beginning when i say i have a crush on somebody that i work with okay bear with me here they're looking for another job but we work in an office we don't work together but we do work together on some things we work for the city it's like environmental things and like they have a separate look okay pause okay parks and rec not you guys working for the city together okay continue little job like i'm an intern i'm part-time and they are a full-time person they

are 26 an hour no i'm sorry i'm trying to speed run this they are 26 years old i'm 22 years old i have the biggest crush on them like i'm not even joking like the gayest little shit like i have not felt like this since high school i'm a fucking gay bitch and they are just oh my god okay i'm gonna pause you because i think i have the answer for you listen i think you definitely have crush psychosis like you have a crush on the person is it reciprocated i'm not sure from this voice message sorry if i cut you off too early listen if if you're co-workers and you have a little crush cool fantastic don't let it get in the way of your money as in like don't forget that like you're there to do a job if it helps you get through the work day and you have your little

crush that you show up to work and have like amazing super fun super sexy but do i think you should start actively pursuing somebody when you are working on projects together no it's gonna get messy it's gonna get difficult imagine they don't reciprocate it or imagine you guys break up and then it's like well hey deadline for this project is in two days now you got to spend eight hours together and try and figure this shit out hot mess but if this is something new and you're starting to get little flirty energies like let it slow burn okay take your time i'm sure they'll find another job then you can start hanging outside of work for funsies start speaking to each other outside of work a little bit flirting a little bit more in that sort of way maybe going

on dates but the slow burn is what's driving you insane and insane in a good way that's what really fuels that crush psychosis of like wow I'm obsessed in like a really fun exciting way enjoy the slow burn girl you know don't skip to page 150 when you're on page two one page at a time I'm not against dating co-workers like I know it sounds like I have all these harsh rules I just think it gets way messier than people expect emotions involved in the workplace involved in your money is never a good idea but if you're smart about it and you take your time and it's reciprocated in a healthy way then honestly i think it can be nothing but great so enjoy and yeah with the way you framed it give it time i think you will see something come out of it sooner

than later experiences dating slash seeing women smoke slash lesbians would love the rep hi my smoke slash lesbians love you um i have no experience dating women at all i would date a woman if it is in my future at any point in time sure i mean like i'm in a pretty committed relationship that i don't plan on leaving but like am i against dating women no definitely bisexual um but no I haven't dated any women I think I've had the pretty I feel like everybody who likes women has this experience where it's like oh my god I'm falling in love with my best friend and we're kind of like in love but won't say anything and it's weird sexual tension had that definitely in high school but other than that really have not had much experiences but love my lesbians shout

out to you getting my nips pierced next week just turned 18 any tips and advice illy so i can't honestly i forget i have nipple rings all the time but i got mine freshly 18 as well it was okay i was talking to my friend about this this is crazy in college there was this piercing shop right next to my college and i went to a catholic college so best believe everybody was in that tattoo and piercing shop it was like we're rebelling we're gonna go get a dumb tattoo or a piercing i went of my nipples pierced all right so they had a buy one get one for $50 nipple piercing where they would pierce both your nipples for $50 I have never seen those prices anywhere else one of mine is a little crooked because of that so keep that in mind cheaper is not always better but I

got my nipples pierced at 18 and as a committee member of the itty bitty titty committee not so much anymore because second puberty but I mean back in the day yes um they really elevated my confidence with my nipples and just with my boobs in general a jewelry always does that you know if you can accentuate and you know adorn something that maybe you're not a huge fan of really really helps with the whole process of it all um so yeah I got my nipples pierced freshman year college at 18 I got them both done at the same time which I also highly recommend if you are doing both the thing is I will give you a warning you will get the first one done you won't feel anything but all of the adrenaline you have wears off after the first one and in the second one you have no

adrenaline to cover the pain I remember the pain being sharp and a lot but not so much where it was like continuous after the initial piercing the piercing itself hurts anything after that you're pretty much chilling they are gonna be sore for quite some time I do think nipple rings take at least two years to fully heal took me two years to stop seeing like little crusties on them once I stopped seeing those I was like okay they're fully healed but now that they're fully healed I don't even think about them they are there they're cute they're basically a part of me at this point in time i have no desire to take them out at any point in time they're gold bars they're so cute i'm a gold jewelry girl of course there's so many cute jewelry pieces out there that you can

get and like you know it's always a fun surprise especially if you're like out there dating like coming into contact with nipple rings is like oh my god ah oh my god fun surprise hot sexy amazing but yes keep them clean listen to your piercers rules cheaper is not always better they do hurt any piercing is going to hurt no i'm not going to lie to you listen putting a needle through your skin is going to hurt duh but is it the worst pain in the world no i found that it was just that initial sharp stabbing duh and that was it uh healing can be pretty frustrating so remember to take care of them careful drying off your body and yeah be patient but for confidence really really up my confidence with my titties because I felt like they were a little small so

like I wasn't like yeah let me show my tits but like now they're pierced it's like no let me show my tits you know what I mean spring cleaning tips life space routine this is a great question honestly i found myself in a deep cleaning spiral the other day it was like i had been sick for two weeks there there were trash bags full of tissues all around my house it was insane it was a hot mess like i needed to clean so i woke up a little bit earlier than i usually do one morning because my boyfriend was going to work i woke up at like 7 30 i had been up till 2 30 a.m the night before because I had worked and it's hard for me to shut my brain off after work so I was basically running on no sleep but I knew my two options were a I sit here and I'm miserably exhausted or b I get

the fuck up and I distract myself and I just start deep cleaning and make myself feel a little bit accomplished like do I suffer or maybe do I suffer in a different way and I chose a deep clean and honestly felt so nice I mean I burn out pretty quickly but I was able to get quite a bit done so I deep clean everything I'm talking mop dust mop vacuum I'm vacuuming the fucking ceilings like I'm getting rid of shit okay I'm going through my closet what fits what doesn't I don't care if I fit into these in eighth grade if I don't fit into them now get rid of them there's no reason for you to hang on to it if it's not something that you wear at least once a week probably not worth having in your closet I did differentiate between like the things that I want to pass down

the archival pieces my vintage Dior my vintage handbags anything that's like wow one of a kind truly artisanal pieces or things that maybe I wore a lot that have a space in my heart that I would love to see my niece or my nephew or my kids wear eventually um I have a giant trunk and in that trunk is where i keep those things those are my special my special area anything outside of that if i'm not wearing it weekly you gotta get rid of it there is no point like the hoarder mentality is so bad and so real you gotta cleanse and declutter every once in a while i very much so thought i was a maximalist for a long time i'm not a maximalist i am a clean girl to my core and too much stuff around me does trigger my anxiety so knowing that addressing that and then taking

the steps forward to declutter and cleanse everything really necessary I have this like need in my heart to move and I think it's just because I want to throw everything away not like in a throw it all away and buy new things it's just like I have too many things and I need to cut it all down and moving really helps with that moving helps you kind of clear out that random drawer that you have that you haven't looked in in two years that has just like the most randomest shit ever you know pens and mcdonald toys and ketchup packets and paint brushes and books and trash and bills you're like what the fuck is going on i love moving because it's like okay throw everything away but listen in this economy my rent happy with it we're not

moving anytime soon let's go ahead and just pretend we are and get rid of everything um so also if you want to shop my closet i uploaded everything on depop there is nothing oh there's one item over 30 everything else is honestly 20 or lower if you make me an offer i probably will accept it as long as i see it and i'm active but i just uploaded like 59 new pieces uh the only expensive thing on there is this pair of vintage designer miss me jeans you're like designer miss me no they're like hand embroidered really cool miss me jeans those are like 45 i'm so sorry i know i'll probably drop the price everything else literally 20 or less so if you want to shop my closet go check it out um i would rather have these pieces go to like a loving home um then

i don't know anywhere else like someone that desires it everything else like if it is up for more than a month i'll probably just donate it i love just donating my clothes especially as someone who has an attachment to my clothes knowing that they're going somewhere that someone else will be able to discover them find them and enjoy them brings me that sort of peace that i really do need in my brain to detach so yeah spring cleaning tips get rid of that shit you don't need it make sure you are cleaning every inch of your home so you can enter your home with a new refound sense of freshness it is so nice like I said spring is very much clean crisp sheet energy that's what we're trying to bring into our home and then every spring equinox I like to do a

simmer pot I think it's a great way to bring in good energy spiritually you can implement many different herbs that inspire you I usually like to do fresh lemon oranges cinnamon sticks bay leaves on the bay leaves you can write affirmations or manifestations onto them um sugar a little bit of sea salt i boil all this in a pot all day i'll keep adding water through the day and it is a great way to just energetically cleanse your space and have it smelling beautiful but yeah i know there's something about like the newfound brightness and energy outside that makes me really want to bring it into my home as well and it's like me standing on top of my my counters cleaning the top of my cabinets getting in the back of my cabinets throwing shit out disinfecting everything

it's insane I don't know what's gotten in my brain obviously the spring energy but divide and conquer okay one room at a time one area at a time there's only so much you can get done in a day be patient with yourself it is so worth it a good clean is so refreshing anyways with that being said i love you all so much i hope you enjoyed this little bit of like an extra long episode i felt since i was gone last week i would provide a little bit more for my girlies if there's one thing i'm gonna do for you it's provide please if you want to support if you want a beautiful piece if you've been looking for your first ever beginner piece this beautiful bong will be available march 21st friday march 21st the day after the spring equinox 12 p.m est please it'll be available in

pink iridescent as well as this beautiful green teal iridescent you'll be able to support women owned businesses through it it's amazing i'm just i'm so proud of this and i hope you guys truly do enjoy but yeah also if you want to stay tuned with my artist's way series i will be posting you know my week one recap at the end of this week either sunday monday on my youtube at smoke says shawty you can find me there if you want an extra episode every week if you have a question that you need answered i answer every single question on the patreon episode that you guys submit um once again please save your 30 patreon.com smoke shawty sign up there you can even pay through apple pay there it will be the prices that i set it will be cheaper than you

downloading the app and doing it there after you buy it there then download the app then log in please i'm like i want to save your money where you can but also i want to see your beautiful faces and hang out with you so come join the patreon but with that being said i love you all so very much just stay tuned on what i'm doing and just submit your question every week follow me on instagram at hannah marlene you can dm me your question there all the voice memos you heard were for from voice note dms in my instagram um and i upload the questionnaire every sunday but with that being said love you all so much stay sexy stay sane and i'll see you all so soon Thank you.