Smoke Sesh - writing your life, the sex talk & intuition vs anxiety

Episode Date: August 27, 2024

helloooo everyone and happy Tuesday! hope this week treats you well and welcome back to smoke sesh for another amazing episode. we have a lot to catch up on! what's in the air? we talk virgo season and the balance its bringing to all of our lives, what ive been up to this past week, we finally sit down and have the big sister s*x talk, what to expect and how to hold yourself and others accountable, protecting yourself and most importantly how to have the most fun, we also talk unsolicited pictures, when is ghosting really okay, out is the main character mindset and in is becoming the narrator of our own lives and writing our own narrative, how to decipher between intuition vs anxiety and using this energy to choose the right path, halloween costume ideas, building intimacy and romance in relationships (please im begging) an activity on creating self, discipline vs talent and which will get you further, can people actually change? and most importantly when to know when to leave, sooooo sorry I forgot to upload the questionarre but hopefully my intuition was on point and you enjoyed this episode! if you want to see more from me join the patreon patreon.com/smokeseshshawty and watch out for the next questionnaire for next week on instagram @ hannahmarlene and ill see you next Tuesday! have a safe sexy sane week and ill see you soon MUAH!

listen everybody needs a fairy godmother you know just somebody to look out for them some people call me their fairy smoke mother others their internet big sister but you can call me hannah the host of smoke sash so come hang out let's light up and talk everything there is to life the good the bad the ugly the embarrassing i've got a story for it all good morning hotties of the world and welcome back to another beautiful sexy lovely episode of smoke sesh my name is hannah your host and i am so so very excited to have you guys here today we got a fun episode planned for you all my brain has kind of been on overdrive recently thank you virgo season hey virgos you know what let's go ahead and talk about that and then i'll

get into what i've been up to because i feel like uh virgo season has really hit me over the fucking head like bonked me with a rock and scrambled my brains in a way that i am really appreciating because wow am i getting my shit together last week i talked about how you know i was gonna go to a pilates class and i was a little nervous you know i haven't worked out for a while not only did i go to one pilates class i went to two when i haven't worked out and maybe like actually been to a workout class let me think about it i don't think i've been to a like sit down in front of people workout class since high school babe babe that was like i can't even do the math but at over five years ago i haven't done a workout like that in over five years and all of a sudden i'm going

to two classes in a week hello what mental illness has taken over my brain it's the virgo mental illness okay which we are in the sign of virgo hi my virgo babies from august 22nd till september 22nd and this is a great time especially if you're going back to school this time all of our brains have kind of switched into like hyper focused hyper thinking about the small things about who we are and who we want to be and how do we garner that within our own lives this is not a time to think about the big picture. The big picture is too far away. It's going to stress you out by thinking about the big picture. You're going to be overthinking trying to figure out you know how do I jump there? How do I just get to the big picture thing when in reality that's not how

that works. You don't get to the big picture by running towards it. The big picture comes to you by hyper focusing on the small things around you and the details and really making sure that they're correct so for a long time I've been on this health journey health journey in reality it's just me getting up from the fucking couch every once in a while not really a health journey but babe we're trying and I sat down with myself like last week probably as soon as Virgo season started and I was like okay babe listen you tell all these people go work out you'll feel better you do work out in some sort of capacity it's just maybe not as much as you would like I do a little 10 minute routine every day listen that's a great starting point proud of you keep it going but how can we

push ourselves a little bit more how can we really focus on the details and really bring them into reality create that dream reality that we want to live get the big picture idea closer and I was like fuck it let me join class pass let me go try a bunch of classes and fuck it like let's just see how it goes and you guys it was so fun I mean my body has never been that sore in my entire life uh probably since i played high school soccer like wow i was so sore but also it really showed me like damn i'm weak i'm really weak and having your muscles be sore and like feeling them strengthened and like pushing through a hard workout is so gratifying watch me become a gym bro oh my god watch me like start snorting lines of like pre-workout and like power lifting for

four hours every day i mean that's what my dad does and i thought it was mental illness but now I'm realizing like no like you feel so good after a workout the endorphins are flowing you feel great about yourself you feel stronger both physically and mentally you're getting a rush of these positive chemicals flooding your brain and your body and it is so nice I actually have another class planned tomorrow and it has been a really nice change in my life but I've also been making a lot of these changes like I said Virgo season focusing on the details really getting the details in order to make sure that big picture idea of who we want to become actually becomes reality such as like deep cleaning my house every day and making sure I'm actually doing my laundry

and folding it and putting it away making sure I am doing things correctly not half-assed I think a lot of people think Virgos are a little hypercritical a little nitpicky a little you know over the edge sometimes like virgos are the group leader that is running your little group in class for a group project do you know what i mean that's like the idealized virgo in my head like they're in charge they're making sure the details are correct everybody else around them could be a hot fucking mess but they are gonna sit down and take the time to make sure that everything is in order everything is lined up everything is perfect key be like virgo person in your brain when you think about like the details and the importance of it is like Beyonce think about how much work

she puts into the details to create this conglomerate of like an idea of who she is and it really is all the little details that make her such an amazing performer artist and the fact that she just gets everything correct and is really really inspired and motivated by the details and getting them correct we're all kind of stepping into our little Beyonce era for the next month okay and this energy is perfect perfect especially for school um when our brains are a little scatterbrained and maybe we're starting new classes we're getting back into education maybe we're just trying new things you know little hobbies bringing them back into our lives this is a perfect time to do so this is the time where you're like okay if I want to become a

dream person if I want to become this idealized version this big picture idea of who I am in my head now is the time to start like acting on it the stars have aligned this season is perfect for doing so we have exited like egotistical drama leo season and we have entered like thoughtful appreciative hyper-focused virgo season so utilize that energy the most that you can um because this is a really great time and i'm very excited i think i'm going to create a lot of fun things i've been working on like my art portfolio i've been working on some fun things for you guys um I'm leaving next week oh god I actually have to pre-record now that I'm thinking about it I'm leaving next week to go to Austin Texas so I'll have a vlog up from that hopefully

the week after um but lots of fun things planned for you guys big picture ideas hopefully coming into play so stay tuned to hear about that but I hope you had a great weekend I hope you had a great week this transition has been really nice um I've really just been at home organizing rearranging making sure my life is in order um I really didn't do a whole lot this week it's been a pretty chill week it's actually still 105 degrees outside how is this still happening it is the last push of summer Virgo season is the last sign of summer so let's take advantage of it while we can um for me that included yesterday my boyfriend started a new job today so yesterday I took the day off work he he um I have such a bad habit of doing that but listen we only live

once you know what I mean so I took the day off work and then we went up to this orchard and winery in like north Missouri and we went apple picking and we tried some wine and we had some we were like walking through the orchard like Adam and Eve picking fresh apples off the vines and like feeding them to each other it was very romantic very cutesy we love doing activities like that so we did that and then we stopped by like a little flea market I bought my first ever cast iron skillet oh my god i'm in my like i'm in my nara smith era very excited to cook in it i've been looking for one for a while but they're just expensive oh my god they're expensive i was like i need a used one please and thank you um and then i went out to dinner with my friends

when i tell you my tiktok feed is only that jelly bean sweets girls doing mukbangs love her endlessly but my god the hunger that it initiates in my body is a little psycho cuckoo bananas so i saw her chili's triple dipper mukbang and i was like i need to be there now right now so we went and we got to our chili's triple dippers we had two jumbo margaritas two too many those margaritas had me fucked up and then me and my friends we've had this like you know ritual since high school where it's like what's something chill and relaxing you can do no matter where you are get super high and go to the movies so that's kind of been our routine ever since we were in middle school honestly it's just like let's go get some food let's go rip the dab pen and then let's go

see a movie we saw don't blink twice or blink twice whatever it is blink twice i think that's what it's called the new channing tatum zoe kravitz movie i think it was her directorial debut honestly trigger warning pretty fucking triggering but fantastic fantastic great horror movie incredible i call it horror because i'm a woman but i think if men watched it they would call it a psychological thriller do you know what do you understand the pieces i'm picking up here it's giving epstein island so trigger warning but honestly i saw that movie and it was great and the week before we went and saw kaku with cuckoo with hunter schaefer um she's great she can do no wrong unfortunately the writers really fucked that one up um but between the two if i

were gonna pick two or pick between the two i would pick blink twice to go see it was great it was fantastic channing tatum had me swooning but also like terrified the whole time it was a new feeling that i've never felt from him because honestly i've only ever seen him in whatever the male stripper movie is you know what I'm talking about but great little Sunday evening fantastic night Mondays are kind of my Sundays where I'm regrouping resetting you know my intentions for the week so I'm gonna hang out with you guys today chit chat a little bit I'm also an idiot and I forgot to post the questionnaire for the week I'm so sorry I'm so sorry but I do have a lot of little things that I have seen you guys DM me about or ask about and there's questions that

I still want to answer from last week so we do have plenty of content and topics to talk about this is going to be a little bit more intuition based of an episode though so let me know if my intuition is on let me know if what I say is connecting with the collective here but honestly my intuition is usually pretty on point so I'm excited to get into it with that being said not much else to catch you guys up on so let's get into your questions last week was kind of the back to school episode where i covered um you know school and classes and friendships and partying and all that but the one thing i didn't cover was sex in college which i think is very important because people someone asked like first hookups as a freshman oh my god i almost dropped my phone

and this is actually a topic that i think is very important to talk about because please my god we don't get any sexual education in this country let's be honest it is abstinence or nothing they are not teaching you how to be safe understand consent take care of yourself watch out for you and your friends so let's just dive right in you know what i mean when i went to school as a freshman i was starting as a i was starting at a catholic school catholic school so best believe none of the people that I was in school with had had any sexual experiences at all I had had a little bit I lost my virginity like the summer before freshman year and I was consistently hooking up with this guy the summer before freshman year so I had a little bit of experience

but best believe that little bit was way more than anything around anybody around me had experienced at all and all of these kids basically like all of these freshmen were losing their mind they were fucking and sucking wherever they could when i tell you catholic school kids are the craziest it's like they're locked behind a cage and then they get set free and they just go out and they make the most insane decisions i have ever seen in my entire life the sexual wellness of yourself and the people around you are very important also going to a catholic school they did not believe in birth control they did not believe in protection they did not believe in anything like that i remember the first week or so we were there um the ras really tried to

help us out and like started putting condoms in the bathrooms and the school took them out of the bathrooms it was like no we don't do that here we actually don't have sex here we don't allow that here do not have sex and if you do get pregnant you have to keep the baby like that was the mindset behind my school which was very scary especially coming from like a pretty liberal background to see and view especially all of these people who have no sexual experience or conversations happening to have no protection and to not have their school back them up or you know want them to be safe that was terrifying so let me have the older sister talk with you that I think everybody needs i did not have this my parents never talked to me about any of this i think they just assumed

i would know hello obviously not so let me have that older sister talk with you right now here's the thing you are deserving of pleasure i think that's the first thing we should start off with i think especially as young women when we approach sex early on um we view like virginity and like sex as like something that is like a title that we want wiped away like it feels a little too heavy so we kind of put aside you know the pleasure aspect of it all in order to remove that iconography that we as young women have placed on us which is so pressurized it's so scary like chill it's okay do it at your own pace don't rush anything don't say yes to appease other people say no if you're uncomfortable stand up for yourself and understand you deserve pleasure

okay that's what sex is all about sex is all about pleasure as long as you are gaining pleasure and your partner is also gaining pleasure and you're doing it safely and consensually i have no problems okay but also best believe those stds are running rampant in those schools the std cases at my catholic college once again no condoms in the bathroom oh you would never guess of course the scd statistics were crazy high i didn't catch nothing because i wasn't fucking any of them but my god the amount of like friends and stuff that i saw have to go like get treatment like girl please like throw a rubber on throw a rubber on have a conversation with your partner it's okay to do so in fact i highly encourage it you should do a little bit of vetting before you go hook up

with a random stranger who could possibly get you pregnant i think that is just you know bare minimum here like it's okay to ask them hey did you sleep with someone right before me did you get tested do you want to do this are you gonna get me off you know things like that it's okay to ask those questions it's okay to like inquire about your sexual safety and i highly encourage you to do so especially as a woman okay we go through so much we feel so pressured put the pressure back on them okay take the pressure off yourself and put it back on them and i understand you're gonna have these hookups you're gonna have these random makeout sessions and that's okay that's a part of growing and living and learning especially as a new college

student um but please for the love of god be safe wear protection be on birth control have some sort of plan a so you don't have to indulge in plan b i had one friend in college who no birth control was fucking and sucking every night took plan b every day please do not do that that will fuck up your brain it will it'll fuck up your brain it'll fuck up your hormones you will be so so genuinely sad your body will have no idea what's going on plan b is plan b for a reason i mean use it if you need to but it's called plan b because it's not called plan a it's not plan a we do not use that as birth control we do use it as you know oopsies i gotta protect myself somewhere but please have a plan a in place please wear a condom please talk to your partners and please

seek pleasure if you look at this man and genuinely think like um is he gonna get me off like genuinely ask yourself that you know is he just trying to get off or like is he gonna make this a good experience for me if you look at this man you're like he doesn't have a clue in the world what's going on he's not gonna get you off okay no need to engage feel free to leave feel free to say no and most importantly don't let people pressure you if you go to college parties don't be fucking stupid don't take random drinks hold on to your drink all night don't drink the jungle juice please for the love of god don't drink the jungle juice at the frat houses make sure you're going with a friend and yeah overall just stay safe i think safety for women is like it's definitely

one of the number one things we should be focusing on especially when it comes to sexual safety um and i think we kind of overlook it a lot in the need to like appease that urge within ourself or maybe someone else um when in reality like girl fuck them you know what i mean buy a vibrator if you really need to get off that bad it's okay to take your time and really vet these people in order to make sure that you're having a good time okay older sister hannah here telling you stay safe have fun gain pleasure but also have a backup plan please for the love of god stress these men out a little bit you know ask those hard questions hey have you been tested this they will look you like what and if they do best believe you're not sticking that thing inside me

okay someone asked what do you do when your ex sends you a dick pic i don't know call the police i'm just kidding why is he not blocked that's my only question i mean unless you're like getting back into it which hey i talk about this a lot don't get back with your ex you know give yourself time space in between and i think that's pretty valid maybe not that don't get back with your ex part but like if you break up you break up for a reason whether you were getting broken up with or not or you did the breaking up take that time away like don't just string each other along it's gonna be really hard for you guys to like find your individuality again and if you're really truly meant for each other you will take that time apart find your individuality and somehow

find your way back to each other even though you've been no contact for however many months or years that's what i mean by like yeah sure you can maybe get back with your ex but like don't text them once a week don't send them nudes randomly you know what i mean first of all no one wants to see a random dick ever ever that is the world's biggest jump scare actually probably the world's smallest jump scare but still like no one wants to see that and if you're an ex sending that sketch that's sketch as hell what are some signs you need to ghost someone i don't agree with ghosting anybody i am an over communicator and i've learned over communicating especially when it's hard is the most important um and listen i've been a horrible person i've ghosted people before

the only times i've really ever ghosted somebody is if you're being like overtly creepy and fucking weird okay like you don't deserve human rights like if you're being a fucking weirdo creep like you're gonna stalk me outside with a knife kind of energy best believe i'm blocking you on everything with no warning okay and that's what you deserve but most people are not like that most people are just like you know maybe they're just not my type maybe we're just not clicking they keep reaching out and I don't really want to text back it's so much easier to just never respond again but also like sometimes it's okay to just like speak your truth and be like I don't think this is gonna work and I think that's the kinder approach I think that approach is you know

respect it a little bit more from both parties by simply just being like hey not you not me but also it's just not gonna work you know sorry I'm busy sorry not interested have a good life hope someone reaches out soon so you stop reaching out to me like I think it's okay to just speak what's on your mind and especially if it's like you know no harm no foul just wrong vibes I think the best way to go about it especially to avoid the weirdo behavior is just to be like hey it's not gonna work out thanks for the experience bye and then block and move on that's like kind of like a subtle ghosting i would say but at least they have some sort of closure so they don't go fucking insane um now if they are a weirdo creep feel free to ghost and block and move on i think

that's okay someone said i love being the main character of my life okay i want to talk about this i want to talk about this i'm the main character i'm the main character i'm the you know the main person listen no no no no no main character is out narrator is in okay i feel like this idea of like oh i'm the main character that like brain rot that really seeped into everybody's minds from tiktok made everybody egotistical um selfish unkind uncompassionate and really self-focused and self-identified when in reality like we are a collective we have to understand that our actions have consequences our actions have effects on other people you're not just the main character who can run off and do crazy things and have it have no effect like that's just not

reality you know what I mean and I think it really caused a lot of people to hurt a lot of people from that mindset and most importantly hurt themselves from that mindset I think it caused a lot of people to enact in behaviors in quote-unquote main character ways that were actually self-sabotage that were not the safest choice to make that was you know not the kindest choice to make to that person but you know in the sake of well I'm the main character fuck it did so anyways and I think honestly the more I think about it the more harmful that ideology is I don't want to be the main character I want to be the narrator I want to be the writer and the fact is every single one of us are more so of a narrator than we are a main character the narrator is the healed

version of ourselves taking control of our lives taking accountability rewriting and moving forward the main character is the side of ourselves that is self-indulgent that is egotistical that is a little bit a little bit more crazy than maybe we would have liked and i think through that you know main character ideology we engaged in a lot of maybe self-depreciating behavior negative self-talk and really just indulgences and emotions that maybe we should just let go and moved on from one of those thought processes for me was negative self-talk and hating on myself and oh I'm not good enough because I'm not the main character I'm not special enough because I'm not doing all these crazy things I'm not traveling the world I'm not being indulgent in these probably

self-depreciating ways. Negative self-talk will ruin your life. And it did ruin mine. It sent me into a spiral of depression for years that was very hard to climb out of. But one of the biggest things I did that saved my life was stop engaging in negative self-talk. I grew up in the early internet days where it was cool to think you were lame and the self-hate was rampant, even in joking ways. When you're a teenager, there's always a little bit of nihilism and lots of lows due to hormones skyrocketing it's normal so it's a behavior that's really really easy to indulge on when you engage in negative self-talk you are defining who you are as a person whether it's a joke or not we are the narrators of our own lives and a lot of that has to do with the way you speak

especially with the way you speak about yourself when you define yourself as something you believe it you but you're also convincing other people that you are that thing i'm stupid i'm fat i'm ugly all the hate that you pour on yourself people are eventually going to get tired of reassuring you and saying no you're not that thing and they're going to start believing it as well it doesn't matter if you believe that thing or not whether it's factually true or not when you engage in self-demeaning and hateful ways especially self-talk you are writing the narrative of your life and setting yourself up for failure be intentional about who you want to become okay the narrator speaks things into existence when we act on behaviors without thinking them through

or without speaking intentions we're going to engage in a lot of negative behaviors a lot of very random sporadic behaviors that'll have us sitting here thinking 10 years later why the fuck did i do that i look back on my early 20s which was a very chaotic crazy time where i was very much so acting in main character ways and best believe it was some of the most stressful anxiety inducing years of my life I had substance abuse issues I had relationship problems I was in abusive relationships and the whole time you know I'm the main character though you know like spotlight egotistical who cares I'm just gonna keep doing crazy things and keep acting this way and you know the main character it always works out for them eventually babe no it doesn't no it

does not especially when you're engaging in self-depreciating behavior you need to speak your life into existence the way you speak about yourself about the world around you about who you want to become defines the life you live the actions do of course but taking the time to really take a step back and think and then direct your actions and your words forward will get you so much further than being in the main character egotistical mindset. Okay, we are the narrator of our lives. We are the ones who speak life into existence. And I would much rather be the narrator who takes her time

and really thinks about things before speaking and only speaks positively and creates a positive mindset than the person who has no thought or clue what's going on. but oh they're out doing the craziest things so they must be living their best life no no and i know this is not true because i was miserable doing so do not be the main character you don't want to be the main character be the narrator define your life understand what kind of life you want to live speak that into existence people will believe you i think a lot of the whole thing of like fake it till you make it confidence is the way that we project ourselves outwardly

people will pick up on you know and if you're thoughtful about the way you project yourself people will believe that and stand beside it and fully understand it so if you're speaking into existence oh i'm a mess i'm crazy i'm insane i'm sad i'm you know i'm a bad person blah blah if you're telling people these things and constantly telling yourself these things you're going to start believing it whether it's true or not same thing with confidence oh i'm ugly i'm i'm fat i'm blah blah blah all these self-depreciating behaviors if you say these things people are going to believe them you're going to believe them whether it's true or not because you have now defined yourself that way fake it till you make it confidence comes from

this idea of who cares if you don't have it you can be the narrator of your life whether you are these things are not oh i'm beautiful i'm worthy i'm deserving of good things i am loved if you speak these things people will believe you people pick up on the subconscious all the time and the way that you project yourself to the world does truly matter so don't believe behave in these like self-depreciating main character behaviors that people will probably judge you on and behave in ways that set you up for success that define your life in a positive light and that really supports a healthy understanding of yourself to the world around you that people will love and appreciate define yourself how you want ultimately that is up to us but do understand that you have

a choice the way you think about yourself in the world around you we always have a choice in doing so and the way you define yourself to you and the world around you will have a great impact on where you end up in the future so keep those positive affirmations going do not engage in negative self-talk especially to people around you oh my god quickest way to change the narrative is what people think about you and people can only think so much about you based on how you act and set yourself up i mean people are gonna be haters no matter what that's fine that's whatever they just don't get it but 90 of the population if you set yourself up for success by being like you know what I am a good person I am hot I am sexy I do hold that confidence in myself even if you don't

but subconsciously you're projecting it outwards other people are going to pick up with on that and truly believe it as well so who do you want to be defined by what do you want to become what do you want people to see you as set that intention write the narrative be the narrator share once said all of us have invented ourselves some of us just have more imagination than others the choices you make will dictate the life you live life comes from you not at you okay someone asked intuition versus anxiety um to be honest a lot of my thinking is a lot of like voices speaking at one time yes i'm insane the voices the voices help me um but for a long time i thought i was supposed to differentiate between the voices and choose the correct one which caused a lot of

anxiety when they're all basically basically yelling as loud as they possibly can in my head like pick me no they're wrong no pick me pick me like i thought i was supposed to sort through all these thoughts like a file and somehow close my eyes and pick the right one and that's impossible to do when all of these thoughts are just so overwhelmingly loud the thing is none of these thoughts are the correct thought they're just thoughts there is no right there is no wrong it is just a idea passing through your brain sure these thoughts can lead you down a great path of success but the path is paved by intuition intuition is not a thought it's a feeling okay specifically a feeling that quiets down all the voices not raises them up anxiety is loud

maddening overwhelming all-consuming when i have serious bouts of anxiety i have spent weeks sometimes months hyper fixated and thinking about the same idea if you are trying to decipher between intuition versus anxiety ask yourself which one brings a sense of calmness that's the correct path the correct thought intrusive thoughts are not the messengers okay and this idea really helped me kind of especially like slow down and process in the moment when anxiety gets so overwhelming because literally I have spent months and years living in so much anxiety that it's like I'm sure I'm going to class and I'm going to work whatever I'm having conversations with people but as I'm looking these people in the eye for months and years in the back of my head

it is a constant ever streaming flow of just anxiety and overwhelming thought you do not deserve to live that way okay you deserve to be free from that anxiety and the way i broke free from it was simply asking myself these things as is this calming me i mean obviously not but like this is not the right thought pattern to engage in because it is just overwhelming me and sending me into a spiral this is not intuition this is anxiety intuition is calming it feels like you're sitting beside an ocean listening to the waves crash the same way that that will make your thoughts slow down and calm down intuition is the exact same way it's a feeling it's not a thought you're not trying to pick the correct thought over analyzing these thoughts and overthinking

these thoughts is going to cause you even more anxiety to understand which thought is worth it ask yourself how does it make you feel is it making you feel like even if it is like a little bit of a scary thought is there a sense of calmness behind it is there a sense of understanding behind it is there a sense of peace behind it that is the right thought to engage in if there's not it's okay to just let your thoughts be thought especially when it comes to like intrusive thoughts which I have a lot of and I think it's a little bit a mix of like anxiety and OCD behaviors but my intrusive thoughts I thought that those defined me I thought that those like were important things to think about the same way that I talk about feelings coming and going

I think you should put more energy into feelings rather than you should thoughts thoughts are so random thoughts honestly have no basis in reality at all they just pop up they come they go and you should release them okay it's okay to release those thoughts to let things go especially if they don't hold any weight with you don't give them any weight feelings though although i do tell you to let them come and go i do think you should process those a little bit more thoughts are so random and sporadic that it's okay if something doesn't make sense keep it pushing keep it moving on especially when in your heart it doesn't make sense as well and the feelings it doesn't make sense as well it's just overwhelming you if it causes peace if it

makes you feel a little bit more calm a little bit more understanding that's intuition i had to go through this kind of thought process when I was thinking about you know like what do I want to do I can't do this restaurant job anymore like what do I want to do okay tattoo artist when I started thinking about all the different ideas of who I wanted to become graphic designer art director photographer all these different artistic paths that I could possibly take all these careers that I could possibly take they all caused me anxiety as soon as I thought about tattooing I felt an overwhelming sense of peace even though i knew i had a lot of fucking work to do and this is a the beginning of a very long journey and sure there can be a little bit of anxiety behind that

there was a deep understanding in myself that quieted all the voices and that told me this is the right path my intuition is telling me that this is the right choice listen to your intuition don't let your anxiety over cloud your intuition release thoughts it's okay to to think something and not give it any weight thought should not hold weight there's not a correct thought but there is correct feelings listen to your heart over your head always oh my god not people talking about halloween costumes y'all it is okay i guess september october it's almost september september october we don't have a lot of time i have started planning i have not purchased anything yet but if you're thinking about purchasing anything now is the time to do

so i want to do some fun ones like especially for like cooking reels i want to dress up and do some fun cooking videos halloween wise i'll probably be out partying i might go to a rave or something that's usually what i end up doing so i like something fun and easy to wear um just like overall sexy i'm getting older so i'm not really in the mood to like go crazy like body paints you know what I mean maybe for a photo shoot but like not to be out in public I'm just tired so I'm probably gonna keep it simple this year but yes now is the time to start thinking I am doing a Halloween confessionals episode where I will be dressed up as a nun so stay tuned that'll be so fucking fun but Halloween costume ideas whoo let's think honestly I think I'm just going with

the classics um I'll probably like buy some sort of Pamela Anderson outfit because love titties you know what i mean i kind of want mine out would love to be in latex that would be super fun maybe a britney spears outfit i've been loving her recently and just always you know what i mean i i'm seeing like we saw a bunch of um early 2000s 2010s resurgences so i would look at that era and what was popular movie music culture wise and then built an idea off of that i love that era that whole like glamour era especially like the pop star era um i think it's so easy to build costumes off of that like 2010 pop resurgence bro that chili's triple dipper is fighting back with a vengeance this morning i mean to be fair i did eat basically a pound block of fried mozzarella

cheese so of course my stomach is in shambles but my god i did not think it was gonna be this bad you know what worth it worth it should i make a mukbang account i think about this a lot i really do i love eating food i love cooking food most importantly if you have any recipes you want to see from me i made those chili peanut noodles last week um people seem to really enjoy them so glad you liked it but also if there's anything you want to see from me let me know dme would absolutely love to make whatever you have in mind i love new ideas i love hearing from you guys also i saw this tweet from size swoon which love her endlessly um that kind of speaks on the sexual project uh protection of yourself as a young person um especially like when you're

new to college and you want to kind of whore out a little bit like who cares um but she said if you're a hoe out of genuine curiosity and passion for the art of love and sex and seduction you're fine you'll have a great time you'll be protected honestly honestly if you're doing it out of like real love and desire and intimacy to connect and create passion together i think it'll be a safe environment because you're probably setting you know boundaries for yourself you're probably setting ideals for yourself and your partner and that's important i also think on the whole sex listen i think i should be a sex therapist i love sex i love the idea of sex i love the idea of intimacy and romance but i think nowadays the idea of sex has been completely warped especially by

like um people's young porn rotted brains where sex is sex sex means p and v v on v p p you know like whatever route you want to take but we have lost intimacy and intimacy is so important no offense with being sexually desired by so many people but not romantically desired is going to give you like brain rot honestly like if you were just desired sexually it's gonna cause a lot of damage because you know you need that romance you need that intimacy you need non-sexual intimacy bathing together washing each other playing with each other's hair kissing every inch of them writing love letters um connecting their moles and freckles to create constellations on their skin running your hands up and down their thighs just expressing physical love without it being

about sex okay very important every single time i see someone like involve themselves in sex without intimacy it makes me want to die like please for the love of god you need to be desired romantically physically not just through sex but like intimacy okay and i think that's why a lot of people have a hard time with situationships because they are lacking that intimacy they only have the sexual part and they want the intimacy they desire the intimacy that is a very normal human desire we should be desiring intimacy when it comes to sex we are not getting it and we feel like we need to fight in order to deserve it you deserve intimacy with sex no matter what you do not have to deserve it you are naturally deserving of it and if your partner is not giving you that romance and

that intimacy before sex oh red flag red flag red flag please for the love of god do it for the passion do it for the intimacy do it for the romance you deserve that kind of love oh i'm tired of the situationships i think there's a lot to learn from them but there's a lot to grow from as well i also speaking on like the porn rot brain and the sexual revolution but the whole sexual revolution that we saw in like the 2010s and 2020s situationships casual friends with benefits stuff that was for men by the way it did not promote female orgasm and heterosexual or men satisfying women at all or healthy boundaries and consent or women voicing our own sexual desires and being horny and masturbating it promoted what men always wanted uncommitted sex

multiple partners no expectations put on them women giving it up and getting naked for them promoting porn and prostitution basically women fulfilling male sexual desires and considering it revolutionary because it's different from what their parents did it's a joke it's a joke you are deserving of that romance the understanding that intimacy and you don't have to play the game if you don't fucking want to i mean once again if you're a hoe out of genuine curiosity and passion for the art of love and sex and seduction you're fine but also please protect yourself spiritually physically mentally it's important and if you don't want to play the whole sexual revolution game where you're not supposed to care which is so against human nature then don't okay i know

i've talked about this a lot today but i feel like when i was young i wasn't really told that you know you can have standards when it comes to sex i feel like as a woman i was just i thought i needed to appease and i mean that didn't really stem from any anything in specifics other than just like the whole sexual revolution that happened in the sake of like men being wanted and desired and not women and I wish someone especially like in this situation like me telling you I'm basically talking my younger self I wish someone would have said these things to me because I would have held myself to way higher standard and probably had way more benefiting experiences go out and enjoy but stay safe you know really see the situation for what it is someone said

how do edibles affect the mind you know that audio on tiktok right now did you know you have 30 minutes 30 30 yes 30 minutes that's literally how i feel when i take an edible as soon as it enters my stomach it's like did you know you have 30 minutes like did you know you're gonna start spiraling in exactly 30 minutes here's the thing when you process weed in a digestible way whether it's a drink or an edible or whatever it is your body processes it a little bit differently and it does hit quickly and with a vengeance all right i don't think it really has any negative effects on the mind unless you take too much been there been there done that ate a whole sheet pan of brownies um and that took me i immediately went on a tea break from a year after that so it does

have an effect on the mind it can be very overwhelming it can be very anxiety inducing but also i think start small i love edibles but only at like a five milligram two milligram level you know i can't do a 10 150 milligram edible because i'm going to spiral i'm gonna spiral that's why i usually just smoke because i feel like when i digest it i get a little bit more anxiety because i feel out of control than if i just smoke but edibles probably are the healthiest way to ingest marijuana I would say I don't think they really have a negative effect on the brain but if you do have a good control of your anxiety and you do take it in small doses and I do think there is pretty much no awful horrible negative effect now if you do have an anxiety like condition

like I do then yeah they can have a negative effect on your brain especially when it comes anxiety thus i do not indulge in the edibles as much as i should how to get back in touch with myself okay so i talked about this on the previous episode about like losing yourself but recently i did a whole write-up on the patreon come join the patreon love my patreon girlies about virgo season and then i always do journal prompts every sunday and so i did a write-up about about Virgo season and included some journal prompts for the week and the journal prompts this week were a little more list like and I think it's a great starting point especially when you like like who the fuck am I what do I want to become what kind of steps can I take in my life

Virgos love lists they love lists they love organizing they love starting small and the details crossing things off lists things of the such so for the lists this week when it comes to Virgo season and kind of understanding what details to take seriously I included like five categories which was body mind spirit health wealth so five categories and then I told them to you know bullet point or a list underneath all five of those categories one two three physical things that you can do in this Virgo season that are like an idealized version of you would inhibit and that you can do today so like health wise okay maybe i'm gonna start doing pilates maybe i'm going to start eating a little bit healthier maybe i'm going to simply just go on a walk every

day very manageable you know list activities uh wealth maybe i'm gonna start creating a budget and saving maybe i'm going to cut out you know that once a week coffee trip and i'm gonna start making it from home. Maybe I'm going to delete this subscription to Hulu or whatever. Save some money that way. Wealth. Spirit. Maybe I'm going to do a 10-minute meditation a day. Maybe I'm going to do one tarot reading a week. Maybe I'm going to go to church. I don't know what kind of spirit you indulge in, but I think it's important to do these kind of check-ins every once in a while, especially when we're in a very earthy sign and our feet are very deeply planted in the ground. we are very grounded we are very connected to the self i think this is a great practice to take

especially when you've maybe lost yourself a little bit whether it's through a breakup whether it's through you know just changing of times new beginnings new starts um completing a cycle and wanting to move forward i think this is a fantastic practice to take if you need it written out for you it is on the patreon under the virgo journal prompt section patreon.com smoke shotty but yeah just do the five categories and you can kind of like spider web what is it called oh i haven't been in like an english class in so long but you can kind of like thought bubble out of it and just one to three things one to three very manageable things for each category spirit health wealth what did i say mind body were those the five things yes and just one to three things that

you can manageably accomplish within this Virgo season I guarantee the type a energy is very high right now and you will accomplish those things if you set your mind to it and it's a great starting point I love lists I love a brain dump especially for a starting point of like where do I want to go who do I want to become so great practice that's your homework for the week someone asked do you think discipline over motivation is true when it comes to stuff like creating absolutely um that was one big thing that I learned in college especially art school um where you know maybe I didn't want to create maybe I didn't want to get up and fucking draw but you have no choice unfortunately you have no choice if you want to be get better you have to keep doing it I also

learned this from sports where it's like no I don't want to go to fucking two hour three hour long soccer practice but also like consistency is key you can have motivation sure but motivation is only going to get you so far it needs to be there of course or else you're just going to feel like you hate yourself when you're doing something but if you're doing something you love whether you want to do it or not the motivation is still there it might be hidden deep down but it's still there it's going to keep pushing you forward but when it comes to getting better at things such as like creativity athleticism anything anything in your life consistency is always key it is as long as you're getting up and doing the damn thing whether it's good or not you will improve always and

keeping a sketchbook in college was really hard for me it was something that I felt like I needed to do something perfect every single time and once I relinquished that idealized version of myself and just let myself be and create in a space that was safe for me to do so and it was safe to make mistakes and it was safe to mess up and like who cares let's just keep pushing that's when everything change for me because like who cares who cares you're doing it that's all that matters as long as you are doing the thing showing up every day for yourself showing up every day to accomplish that dream you will eventually get there and it's gonna suck sometimes it is unfortunately sometimes you just don't want to do it but if you do do it and you do push through that you know

desire to kind of self-sabotage a little bit you will get further than anybody else than anybody else you will get further than the people who just have talent especially in the art world like I felt like they were the people with talent and there were the people with like um motive not motivation but like consistency the people who tried and the people who tried had more of like a understanding in themselves that got them further than the people who simply had talent because if you have talent but you don't have motivation you don't have consistency you're not going anywhere but you don't need talent if you have consistency and understanding in yourself and you just simply try trying will get you much much further than anything else so if you want to get better at

something simple part is consistency is key pilates if i want to be not as sore as i was those two days this week i need to keep going unfortunately unfortunately i need to keep clocking in if I want to keep practicing getting better at tattooing I need to show up every day and practice if I want to get better at drawing I need to show up every day and practice if I want to get better at cooking I need to show up every day and simply practice and not everything's going to work out for you don't be a perfectionist it's going to shut you off from the world perfectionism is going to keep you closed off from the world allowing yourself to fail but keep moving forward will get you much much further than anybody with sheer talent wealth any of those

things that make it easier for you belief in self and belief in trying belief in failing that will get you further than anything else on this planet this is a fun question to end off on i know last question i'm so sorry but someone asked if a boy says he will change will he and this is a fantastic question because i think a lot of women a lot of people in general in relationships with men find themselves in situations where it's like you know i'm really not liking this behavior and it's not something that i would like in a partner and if they love me they'll change right i found myself in a relationship where i was being mentally pretty much abused and the whole time i was telling myself but if he loved me he wouldn't

do this if he loved me he wouldn't do this if he loved me he wouldn't do this and that's true and every time I would have this conversation with him I would be like hey you can't scream at me that's just fucking mean and rude and he'd be like you're right babe I love you I'll change but he never did he never did he kept doing the same things oh but I will but I will but I am working I am working fact of the matter is if you do not see change happening right right in front of you as soon as they say that that shit ain't gonna happen it's not it's not it's an easy out when you don't want to take accountability it's very easy to be like but i will change and then do nothing if you are not seeing actual change happen in front of you it never will happen

the fact of the matter is they don't necessarily need to change for you that i'm sorry but they don't have to change their behaviors you sitting around and begging the same person to stop doing the same things that they have been doing their whole life is much harder than just leaving if it's something that you don't want to happen if that's a characteristic that you don't want your partner to have then that means maybe they're not the right partner for you and listen I've been in a long-term pretty healthy relationship for a while now and we've had moments where it's like especially when he met me in a pretty low part of my life where I was pretty addicted to substances he had to have a couple conversations with me where it's like I can't be around you when you

do these things and it's sad for me to see and it's like inferencing like I would like you to change I would like you to be a whole functioning human individual and I saw those things and yes I wanted to change I wanted to be a better person for my partner it's possible but also as soon as I thought that thing I immediately started acting in a better way I immediately saw okay I want this to stay I want my partner to stay I do need to change I do need to become a better person let me start today I didn't use it as an excuse of oh but I will but I will please stick around but I will I knew if he didn't see you know the behavior change then he wasn't gonna fucking stick around your partner technically doesn't have to change for you they don't we are all humans

we are all the way we are if they want to be that way that is ultimately on them they are allowed to be that way but you don't have to be there you don't have to be with that person if you see a behavior that you don't like it's okay to say you know what I think this is a deal breaker for me especially when you communicate and you say hey I'm not a fan of this this is hurting me it's hurting you whatever it is if they say okay I hear you I'll change you better see real adequate action within a week within a week it should be instantaneous you should not keep seeing the same behaviors and forgiving same behaviors and forgiving same behaviors and forgiving if change is going to happen it's going to happen now it's not going to happen in four months

they should show a desire to change as soon as you say those things if they actually you know wanted to change for you they would but if you don't see those things stop forgiving and start leaving okay you can leave you can leave at any point you can leave i think it's important to understand that like people aren't you're not entitled to have these people change for you you're not entitled to you know change people's behavior to have people fit a certain box that makes you happy we as individuals are all going to behave differently and a big part of dating is understand like what you want and what you don't want and unfortunately you're going to date some partners that are going to have characteristics that are not good for you

and the best thing you can do is a have that conversation give them an opportunity for growth and if you don't see that growth move on move forward there is someone out there that will not treat you that way that will be kind to you that won't hurt you that will want to be a better person for you ultimately the healthiest relationships are two people desiring to be the best versions of themselves for each other not only for themselves but for each other and if they don't want to be a good person to you, you don't have to be around them. I don't care if you're in a five-year, ten-year relationship. You don't have to put up with that shit just because you're in proximity to it. You have the option to leave at any point in time. Fact of the matter is they

don't have to change for you and you trying to force that change on them sometimes is going to push people away. So give them the option to grow and if they don't, ask yourself, is this something I want to put up with for the rest of my life because ultimately obviously they're not going to change or is this a deal breaker and I need to move forward something to think about because I stuck around for two years begging a man to change when in reality I just needed to leave obviously after the first time he's not going to change he's not going to grow he has not showed progress he has shown words but where the fuck are the actions I don't give a fuck about what you have to say what are you doing what's going on behind the words are your actions matching your

words if your actions don't match your words you're a liar they're lying to you they're a liar i don't put up with liars i wish at a young age i would have stood the fuck up and got out of that relationship sooner rather than later because it's so easy to be a person in a relationship and be like but i will but i will just give me another month i will change so easy to say but what are you doing are you actually doing the work they don't necessarily have to do the work you're not deserving of the work well i guess you are but we as humans we don't necessarily have to change for you for each other sometimes we are who we are and if that person is not a person that inhibits behaviors desiring of a partner then maybe they're not a person that you need to have in your life

and it is okay to leave once again it's okay to leave oh but with that being said i love you all i hope you have a fantastic week thank you for listening to this every week i love you all a lot of new joiners i uh maybe you're in college and you're lonely and i can keep you a company and safe hello i can give you good advice hopefully i can be a friend for you maybe when you don't have any save some girls from some bad boyfriends or some bad situations that's my only goal every time I put out one of these podcast episodes I'm talking to you but also like I'm talking to the little version of Hannah in my head that I wish I had some sort of older female in my life to tell me these lessons and to have these hard conversations and to tell them the truth

honestly so I'm glad I can be here for you guys every week and I hope you take something from this episode and every episode before in order to grow and develop and become that beautiful amazing wonderful person that i know you are i know you are i know you're sexy and hot and so cute and so deserving of love and romance and intimacy and fun you are deserving of that believe it write your own narrative create the life you want to live through your words through your actions through your ideas you can write however you want to live once again like share said some people just have more imagination than others so dream desire grow change do what you need to do it's all up to you and you are strong enough to create whatever you want love you all so much stay hot

stay sexy stay safe stay sane and i will see you all very soon you