Smosh Reads Reddit Stories - Most Embarrassing Stories Yet | Reading Reddit Stories

Episode Date: April 13, 2024

The secondhand embarrassment is PAINFUL 0:00-01:14 Intro 01:15-07:19 I made my crush laugh so hard they ended up in the hospital https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12cq3hk/tifu_by_making_a_girl_i_like_laugh_so_hard_she/ 07:20-17:02 I misinterpreted the CEO’s arm gesture in an interview https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/qzkuuw/tifu_by_misinterpreting_the_ceos_arm_gesture_in_a/ 17:03-24:30 Accidentally submitted furry erotica instead of my final paper https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/bgvmdp/tifu_by_submitting_hardcore_furry_erotica_instead/ 24:31-33:54 I saw my ex? https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1b5yvan/tifu_when_i_saw_my_ex/?share_id=f9P1bNTE1VMPwT_lu1Civ&utm_content=1&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1 33:55-42:37 I tried to saved someone by jumping into a lake https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ym1k3k/tifu_by_jumping_into_a_lake_in_my_brapanties_to/ 42:38-51:53 I put my penis in peanut butter and left it in the kitchen https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e3kfql/aita_for_putting_my_penis_in_peanut_butter_and/ 51:54-57:20 Smelled my own feet and I ended up in the ER https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/qavyv9/tifu_by_smelling_my_feet_and_ending_up_in_the_er/ 57:21-01:07:29 I almost ruined my wife’s LASIK eye surgery https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1386hqm/tifu_by_ignoring_a_lump_on_my_balls_for_23_years/ SUBSCRIBE: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshPit WEAR OUR JOKES: https://smosh.com WHO YOU HEAR Shayne Topp // https://www.instagram.com/shaynetopp/ Angela Giarratana // https://www.instagram.com/angelagiovanagiarratana/ Trevor Evarts // https://www.instagram.com/trevorevarts/ WHO YOU DON’T HEAR (usually) Director: Bailey Petracek Editor: Alyssa Salter Director of Programming, Smosh Pit: Emily Rose Jacobson Associate Producer, Smosh Pit: Bailey Petracek Assistant Director: Marcus Munguia Art Director: Cassie Vance Assistant Art Director: Erin Kuschner Art Coordinator: Alex Aguilar, Josie Bellerby, Natalie Lewis Audio Mixer: Scott Neff Audio Utility: Dina Ramli Camera Operator: Jon Wong Director of Photography: Eric Wann Director of Design: Brittany Hobbs DIT/Lead AE: Matt Duran CEO: Alessandra Catanese EVP of Production: Zoe Moacanin EVP of Programming: Kiana Parker Executive Coordinator: Rachel Collis IT: Tim Baker Operations PA: Katie Fink Post Production Manager: Luke Baker Director of Production: Amanda Barnes Production Coordinator: Marcus Munguia Operations & Production Coordinator: Oliver Wehlander Production Assistant: Ovsana Tsaturian Senior Manager, Channel & Strategy: Lizzy Jones Channel Operations Coordinator: Audrey Carganilla Social Creative Producer: Peter Ditzler, Tommy Bowe Social Strategist: Erica Noboa, Mallory Myers Editorial Coordinator: Kim Wilborn Talent Coordinator: Selina Garcia OTHER SMOSHES: Smosh: https://smo.sh/Sub2Smosh Smosh Games: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshGames El Smosh (Spanish Dub): https://smo.sh/Sub2ElSmosh SmoshCast: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshCast FOLLOW US: TikTok: https://smo.sh/TikTok Snapchat: http://smo.sh/OnSnapchat Instagram: https://instagram.com/smosh Facebook: https://facebook.com/smosh Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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focused ultrasound waves, zero incisions. And that very same day, two steady hands. From innovation to action, Sunnybrook is special. Learn more at Sunnybrook.C.C.A.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S. S, th, th, th, th, th, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to.N.N.S.S.S.S.S.S.N.S.S.S.S.N.S.S.S.N.S.S.N.S.S.S.N.S.S.S.S.S.S.S Learn more at Sunnybrook.C.A. slash special. Welcome back to Reddit stories. Today we've got some really embarrassing ones and joining me are two huge embarrassments. Trevor and Angela. Oh man. Yeah. Wow. Starting off there, how does that feel? Um, I'm not embarrassed at all. I've never felt embarrassed and nothing you do will make me embarrassed. Yeah, same dude totally.

Check out my thumbnail game. I can't be embarrassed for shit. It's actually, what does embarrass you guys? Because we do such, frankly, embarrassing things on this channel that I feel like at times I don't know if I can be embarrassed anymore. Yeah I think like trying to walk and genuinely falling in front of people is that's true. Yeah a slight trip. Yeah and you're like. It's just sucks. Yeah no that's it I think that's pretty much the one thing. Too vulnerable. Yeah. A little trip up the stairs. Oh my god. Someone someone a s someone a s a little that's a little that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I's coming down or something on the other side and you just trip a little bit.

That sucks. That sucks. Yeah. All right, well, let's get into some really air. Let's freaking kill it, Trump. Yeah, let's go. We know you don't keep points, but this one's going to get a lot of points. Okay. All right. And. Okay, first embarrassing story. This comes from today I fucked up.

Today I fucked up by making a girl I like laughed so hard she ended up in the hospital and I almost lost my job. Wow. Yeah. What a title. This story is about me. Sick, dude. It's awesome.

I'm fucking embarrassed now. It's just embarrassed Shane a whole. I'm not laughing anything I say. So there's this girl this this this th I just embarrassing Shane the whole. So there's this girl I like at work and we're really good friends. We're having lunch and we're making those ironic depression meme jokes as most friends do. You know as all friends do. Yeah. I fucking hate myself. For some reason, I, in my unknowingly stupid way to get her to laugh, got the idea

to say, well, hey, you know it's just one letter away from sad, dab, and promptly did the deed. Also I have the ability to cry on demand, so I just stared stone cold at her and let two tears fall down. She finds it funny, extremely funny. So funny, she drops to the floor and starts laughing her ass off. After a good 30 seconds, she starts grabbing her chest and coughing. I asked that she was okay, when she starts wheezing and begins to convulse a bit. Freaking the fuck out and thinking she's having a damn seizure,

I start to reach for my phone. And in the exact second, my manager randomly decides to come in and sees this big guy towering over this poor little girl on the floor. I only managed to cut off her impending rage by saying I think she's having a seizure and I'm calling 911. Fortunately, I was able to explain to her what happened after the ambulance came. Turns out she has asthma and my joke caused a flare up and was waving her arms to try to tell me to get her inhaler. Whoops. Haylor, whoops. He ends the story with whoops? Yeah.

Whoopsy. Uh-oh. Dude, that's not even embarrassing. Imagine being that funny. I know. I mean that much game, dude. Yeah. But this first comment, one of these comments kind of

theyles what I was thinking. OK, but imagine actually dying laughing at a dab joke. Okay, yeah, but yeah, I'm thinking about the jokes when he's like, what's one letter away from sad? It's dab. He dabs, then stares and her two tears come down? That's actually pretty funny. That's wild. There's a meme that is one of my favorite memes from like back in 2015, where a guy's,

it's a cartoon of him dabbing and then it cuts to a close up of his face and he's just sobbing, crying underneath it. It makes me laugh so hard. I guess like it's, it adds to the joke that it's not one letter off, you know, like that's two letters off. But. It's like such a long time. I have that thought. No, this is embarrassing.

Or I guess if you swap the D, but. Because, dude, when you said it, and he said one letter off, I went through the thought process silently. I was like, is that one letter off? And I reached the conclusion that it was? It is, OK. It is technically one letter off, but you have to swap letters. It's a lot of work to do mentally. I got, no, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It. It, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, that, is, is, is, is, is. that, is, is, is. that, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, letters. It's a lot of work to do mentally. Dude, I got, no, I just was like, yeah, dab ends in a D.

It like, does it? It does. Someone said, my sister-in-law had to ban a game I used to play with her daughter because it made both of us laugh so hard. We both had asthma to tasks. really scary like having asthma and like I that's actually true you can't laugh anymore that's really freaking I don't that's awful I have you ever laughed so hard that where you like can't breathe like where you're where you where it actually goes from laughter to like a little bit of fear yeah I

don't have asthma so I don't have that I don't think I have fear but I I one one time I one time nearly laughed so hard I to the I'm to the one I the one I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to the th I to to to to to to to to to to have I to have I to have I to have I to have I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I that I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the I the the the the to the to to to to to to to to to to to to the thee that's that's that's that's that I that I remember like kind of hyperventilating like I was like I got to stop laughing. I mean you're laughed like yeah it was bad it was rough it was forever ago and it was something it didn't even make sense like I can't even I don't know what the joke even was but it was something Damian said like it was me and above some friends and Damian was there and it was like one of those where like a couple jokes are said and people keep one upping it in a great way. And then Damian said something weird and I just was like, I lost it.

Oh. And I were just like crying and then like reaching a point where I was like, I was like, trying to breathe. It was so funny. I've laughed chest pain. If I laugh too much, I will literally like, I'll start like not being worried and get chest pain. And it's happened, I think, quite a bit. Maybe I'm just easy to impress.

You just laugh a lot. I like to laugh. the noise. There's an uphaw. There. Killed her. She was on the stretcher and I went, you know, super soon. Hey, y'all remember me? Yesterday, I made a post about when I almost killed a girl by making them laugh so hard it caused an asthma flare up.

Well, thanks to the incredible support of the Reddit community, I got hundreds of private messages urging me to go for it, y'all be crazy, l'al-l-I'll I asked her out, and guess what? After promising it most likely would not result in another hospital trip, she said yes. We're going out this Friday for dinner. I know some people warned me about dating people at work, but honestly, after what happened, I think I'm kind of obligated by the universe to go for it. Thanks for giving me the support to do it, guys. I was going to flake out. So remember, ladies and gents, if you ever th, if th, if th, if th, if th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thr. thr. thr. thr. to to to toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo them. If it works with the haters, it'll work with the lovers. Okay, I don't want our people to hear that. Nothing, nothing, you know what, I like this guy, nothing about this I thought was embarrassing

until that last line. No, now I'm embarrassed. It was really sweet though. No, it's really sweet. No, it sounds like she really liked him from the start. If she's laughing that hard at jokes he's saying and stuff, I mean, I don't know, but that's awesome. Before their date, he should know where her inhaler is in her bag. Yeah, anytime he said, he should warn her when he's about to dab. He should keep it in a holster and be like, you're ready. And then if he pulls it out and he dabs while handing it to her? Dead on sight. Extra move.

All right, next story. Today I fucked up by misinterpreting the CEO's arm gesture in a job interview and then locking arms with him as if we were best friends forever. Oh my God. I'm sorry. That's awesome. Do they do like drawing? How is it like a like a arm hold?

I think it's like this. And he was like, oh, sorry. And the CEO's like, you're now the CFO. That's how it works. Like maybe his arm was out and he was like, oh, and then they started skipping. Then they went to Oz. Obligatory this happened yesterday. The memory still makes me cringe and cry,

I had a job interview with a CEO in person despite COVID. I was super nervous as usual. This also is in 2021, so, you know, I was super nervous as usual, maybe even more than usual because I really wanted this job. I tried to calm myself down, but by the time the interview showed up, I could literally feel my heart beat in my throat. He, 50-ish male, walked down the stairs towards me in his nice suit, but stopped halfway down. I figured the interview would take place upstairs, so I got up to meet him. And as I was walking up the stairs, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, was, was, was, was, was, was, the the, to, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the t t t t t t t t today, t t t t too, t too, tttoday, tttttoday, ttoday, tttoday, the, the, the, the, t tt t t towards him, he put his arm out, and his elbow out, and my brain just sort of

went, error! I suppose it could have only meant two things. It could have meant, please take my arm, Malady, so I can escort you to the room as if we're strolling down the promenade together, or please give me an elbow bump since we can't shake hands, which is really not an uncommon gesture at all in the Netherlands, where I guess this takes place. So what did I do? Yes, I went with option A, and I eagerly locked arms with this strange man that I'd never met before in my life, as if saying, yes, good sir, let's go for that stroll. And then we just stood there, arm in arm, halfway up the stairs, sheepishly staring at each other. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I the earth I the earth I the earth I the earth I the earth I wanted the earth I wanted the earth I wanted the earth I wanted the earth I wanted the earth I wanted the earth the earth the earth the earth. I wanted the earth the earth, halfway up the stairs, sheepishly staring at each other. I

wanted the earth to swallow me whole. I just didn't know what to do next and I don't think he'd fully understood what had happened. So neither of us moved. When he'd finally gathered his senses, he said, I meant to give you an elbow bump, after which I quickly put as much distance between us as I could and mumbled, Right, right, yes, that makes much more sense. Because it did, let's face it. And then we had the interview. Oh man. That's awesome.

I'm obsessed with this. So OK, so he's like, he's like, we'll do the interview up here. Could you look that? But I like, she was walking down the stairs and she was walking up right so it's like a this and she swings around. She had a full swing. And then how do you like untie when you find out what you did? It's a lot of work.

This actually does remind me the probably the most like the most occurring embarrassment in my life is that I am just horrendous when it comes to any sort of handshake greetings unless it's a standard like standard handshake or like you're going in for a hug any other variation yeah I always fuck up I always fuck it up I've I've never of just like any any handshake like beyond like that's just not the traditional just handshake you know when I see a friend and that whenever whenever their hand is going like this no I my brain is start starts to like a million numbers and things just like where is this going to go? And I always fuck it up I always fuck it up I never know what combination it's going to be and it's it always ends in a hug I just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. that. that I just. that I'm just. that I'm just. that I'm just. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I. I. I's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's. I. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm that's. I'm that's. I'm that's. that's. I that's. that's. I that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I never know what what combination it's going to be and it's it always ends in a hug

I just often just am like yeah, good. Yeah, yeah, because that's all I know. You just got to call it out way early You see someone coming in. I always just arms alone. I got come on bringing it I just eliminate the the fricking any chance of me fucking up. Oh, yeah, some comments. If I was the interviewer and this happen to me. I'd be the the the the th. the the th. the the th. the the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the the the the th. th. thin. Yeah, th. Yeah, the th. Yeah, the th. Yeah, th. Yeah, the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. I th. Yeah. I th. I th. I th. I te. I te. I tea. I tea. I tea. I's tea. Yeah, tea. Yeah, te. Yeah, te. Yeah, te. Yeah, te. Yeah, t. Yeah, t Ooh. Yeah. Some comments. If I was the interviewer and this happened to me, I'd be so disoriented, I'd automatically pass the candidate to the next round. Someone said, I broke down crying in an interview once and I still got the job. Interviews are weird sometimes. Yeah, he's definitely memorable. Or this person's memorable. Yeah, you know, I've never really had standard job interviews. I've only had auditions, which a lot of funny embarrassing stuff happens during those too.

But people do that shit on purpose. Yes, they're like, I need to be, because when you get into this industry, you hear all those fucking stories. Did you ever hear like the Danny DeVito taxi audition story that like, and I just don't know if I believe this shit or I'm like, th, th, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I just, and I just, and I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I'm, I just, I just, I'm, th, I'm, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, I'm, thi, thi, thi, thi, th th th. that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, th, th, th........... th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. th th th thi. th thi. the thi. thi. thi. if it was real, I'm like, cool, that happened in the 70s. We're like, Danny DeVito, when he auditioned for the sitcom taxi, where he's playing like the manager of this taxi business, who's an asshole. The character's like, this monstrous asshole. He showed up to the audition, walks their, and just yells to, and he's, and he's, and he's, the, and he's, the, the, and, and, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when. the. the... the.. the... the.. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, the. the. the. the. the. the. a couple seconds he opens the door back up and he's like, is that what you guys are like looking for? And they like loved it, you know, but now you have tons of actors who hear that

shit and shouldn't hear that shit it auditions. Like every cast director I've talked to has been like, yeah, this guy brought a fucking gun. Oh, because it was like the role, the role, the role, the role, the role, the role, the role, the role, the role, the role, the role, the role, the role, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they, they, they, they, they, they, th... to, to, to, to. to. to. they. to. th. th. th. th. the, the, had a gun in the scene, so they brought a fucking, either a prop gun or, I don't know. But they do things where they're like, I gotta set myself apart from the rest of the crowd. Yes, I gotta do something crazy. Yes. I remember in college they were like, it was like a musical theater class,

and they were like, where a bright letau they'll remember......................... T, they'. T, they'. T, they'. they'. they'. they'll, they'll, they'. they're, they're, they're like, they're like, I, I'. they're like, I'. they're like, I'. they're like, I'. they're like, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'. they're, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm like, I, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, the.. the. the. the. the. the the the the the they. the the the the the the the the the the the they're like, the the, I And then I remember like seeing like an audition. There's just bunch of girls and weird shit, like weird, just to be memorable. When I was interviewing at Mythical, I got all looking nice, but it was Halloween. And so I showed up and I had no clue what to do. I accidentally parked in Rets parking spot. And then Chase walks out to me as I'm like getting out of the car. I never met anyone there before and he's dressed as Eugene Levy from like in Shids Creek isn't like a nightgown.

He's got the big old eyebrows and he's like, hey you actually can't park there. You need a park in a different parking spot. I was like, I'm so sorry. And then Josh and Nicole were both dressed as Guy Fiet. Doing that interview for a job on Halloween is funny. Yeah, it was pretty crazy. Little update. OP got the job. Awesome! That's big.

I love that. That's so big. Man. That's like a likable thing that would happen in a movie to your main character. And you'd be like, I'm rooting for the thing. Oh, yeah, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's a that or audition or anything? I had a Zoom commercial callback where I thought I was on mute and I wasn't. I had muted them. So even when people in the room tried to tell me to be quiet I couldn't hear them. And I was on the phone because some of these commercial callbacks...

Yeah, I'm in this fucking stupid commercial callback. And I was like, I was like, yeah, I think red wine gets me really drunk versus white wine. I'm not. Because those, at commercial callbacks, specifically, they'll have you wait for a long time. And no one could be like, Angela, Angela, because they were muted. So then I showed up and they were all all like all like all like all like all like all like all like all like all like all like all like all like all like all like like like like like, and their, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, time. And no one could be like, Angela, Angela, because they were muted. So then I showed up and they were all like, I had a weird face and I was like, what? And they were like, we tried so hard.

And one of the girls text me, she went, girl, I tried so hard to get and stuff at Smosh, you know, over Zoom. And as a joke one time, I changed my username to butt idiot. So when I was there, I would say, butt idiot. But then we didn't use Zoom for a while. And then Goldbergs came back and we had a table read over Zoom and I get into it with like everyone at Goldbergs. And then I see that I'm like, oh fuck, my name is Butt. But, idiot.

And of course, I was like, nobody called it out. And of course Sam Lerner was like, oh, butt idiot! It actually helped. I was like, oh, butt idiot! It actually helped. I was like, thank God. Someone like could make a big joke out of it. But fuck. But, idiot. And it also reminds me, my worst, I'm pretty proud of it, but a commercial audition, one

of my first commercial auditions out here. I was still riding that train of like, got to be different. You got to whatever. This was a a a a a commercial was a commercial a commercial a commercial was a commercial was a commercial was a commercial was a commercial commercial was a commercial commercial was a commercial commercial was a commercial was a commercial commercial was a commercial was a commercial commercial commercial was a commercial commercial was a commercial commercial. This was a commercial commercial. This was a commercial commercial commercial. This was a commercial commercial. This was a commercial commercial, this was a commercial, this was a commercial, this was a commercial commercial commercial, this was a commercial commercial, this was a commercial, this was a commercial, this was a commercial, this was a commercial, this. this. this. this. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the, th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, for toastitos, the like tortilla chips. And we're supposed to be like two gamers, right? Hell yeah. So we have fake controllers. And we're supposed to, it's me and like another like 15 year old. We're both like gaming and eating chips and stuff. And I just am like, you know what'll be funny? I'm gonna mouth up to the point and then he says some shit like the he like we're like improvised he's like this game is really fun right I go, record! I'm like just fucking insane. And then they

they they they the second take the director who was like I think he was like British he was just like yeah for the second take can you not um I was like yeah for sure man. Do you think they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're just just just just just just just just just just just just they're just just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're just just just just just just th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi they're like like like like they're they second take, can you not? I was like, yeah, for sure, man. Do you think they're just sitting there, like, why are people doing this shit? Like, why can't they just be normal? Knowing now that I'm like, commercial auditions, they don't give a shit about what you say or anything. You should theoretically walk into a room and they should be like, yeah. Like, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're thi. they're thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. theeat. theat. theat. thoooooooooooooooooooooooo. they're they're they're's really all, you're an object. You're an object. Yeah, that's all, that's all. Okay, enough about interviews, next story.

This one's, this one's good. Okay. I love this title. Okay. Today I fucked up by submitting hardcore furry erotica instead of my final paper. That's just like you. Fuck all! of my final paper. That's just like you. Fuck all hungry! Wait, what? Wait, what?

So I'm currently a fourth year computer science student at a pretty respected university and was looking to graduate this semester. One of the classes I was taking was a class in modern advancements and trends in the field of technology. While the class didn't require too much heavy lifting, it was still, it was a higher level one and required a good amount of work. For our final, our professor had assigned us a 20-page research paper into a current or possible future technology of our choice within the field. I did my paper on this paper and in the end was super proud of it. The papers were due last night at midnight and I held off on submitting my final draft till the end to get it as clean as possible. This is where I

fucked up big time. Let me tell you a little about myself. I don't work a normal job. I tried it in my first year of school and I really didn't like it. I've worked internships when they came up but outside of that I really didn't work. This and being a student really doesn't mix well well well th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that that that that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th. thi, I, I, I, I, I th-up, I thi, I, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thr-I, I'm thr-I, I'm tm-I, I'm try thau-I thau-I thau-I thau-I thau-I, thi, though. So I had to make money somehow. For the past three years, I've gotten by on writing hardcore erotica on commission, specifically for furries. I would write anything, any fetish, any premise, anything. In some parts of that community, I became really popular.

At one point, I was making almost $2,500 on Patreon, along with the amounts I charged to my customers. Am I proud of this? No. I have written some really disgusting stuff, but I paid the bills and the money was too good to pass up. Hell yeah! I told myself, the minute I got a real job, I was cutting and running from this work. Well, this brings us to last night.

I had not gotten any sleep for the past few nights. I had multiple projects do that in the span of a few days. I was running on nothing but coffee and Rockstar. I was nothing more than a walking corpse and wanted to do nothing but sleep. I ended up doing my last read over my final paper and submitted it before sleeping. However, instead of submitting my final paper, I somehow submitted one of the commissions I was working on.

This commission is not light either. It is almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost 10 10 10 10 10 then then then then th, it is almost the the the thi the thi. It is almost the thi. It is almost the the thi. I the. I'm a toe. I'm a toe. I'm a toe, toe, I'm a toe, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the. theat toe. th. toe. to toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. variety of things including Vore and SCAD. So I went to bed. Submissions for the final locked and my academic career was sentenced to death then and there. When I woke up this morning I checked my grades from my other classes before noticing an email from my professor. All it said was come to his office after class today. I want to fucking die right now. I don't know how I'm going to explain why instead of my final, I submitted a hardcore erotic story with a wolf man jacking off in a dragon's stomach. But yeah, I fucked up big time.

No, that is so... Like a half wolf man jacking off? I would, it's a wolf man. Get lost in the weeds here, but he's. Yeah. Yeah. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What is. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to, thi. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, thi, thi, to, thi's, thi's, thi's, thi. thi. I's, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. I's, th. I's, th. I's, th. I's, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. I, th. I. I. I's, th. I's, thi. I's, thi. I's thi. I's thi. I's thi. I'm tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-s. I'm the. I'm thi. I'm thi. It's a wolf man. Get lost in the weeds here, but he's got his, he's got to have thumbs. Yeah. No, it's a whole furry thing. Oh, God. First, let's read some comments here. How does one go into writing $2,500 worth of erotica on Patreon? Asking for a friend. Someone else said, tell him the truth, all of what you explained. Be sure to bring the real document you meant to submit and ask him, as an adult, not as a simpering kid, if he would accept that you fucked up and take your actual submission for

the class. It can't hurt, and in fact may be refreshing for him to see a, thanks for the advice, man. I won't lie. I'm a mess, so this is actually really nice to hear some good advice. Yeah, I mean, the reality is he has the full actual final. And he could just, I'd be full on real. I'd be like, dude, I'm making the bucks on this. I'd be like, welcome to the hustle. What if the teachers, what if the the the teacher's, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th.. I's, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the final. I's, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th., I., I., I., I., I., I'll., I'll., I'll., I'll.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a. I, I, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, the teachers like, what if the teachers like, I asked for that on Patreon, why did you send it through this? Wild! What if the teachers like-

What if the teachers are like a 75-year-old man and he just fucking dies, reading it? It's so shocking he has a heart attack. Yeah. Something crazy happened to my roommate a long time ago, she ordered a bunch of sex toys and we lived above an older man. Okay. And she ordered a bunch of stuff and he got the package. That's awesome. And he opened it and he was very old and she rocked his world. Like he sent us an email and he was like, dear to it. And he was like, to tell you. And he was very old and he, she rocked his world. Like, he sent us an email and he was like,

dear tenants, I am so sorry I invaded your privacy. And he felt so bad. And he was like, I don't know what this stuff is. It is not my business or my responsibility. And we printed out the email was really funny. Oh, that's so sad. But I feel like this old, this, I don't know why. I don't, I, he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he, he he, he he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he, he, he. He he. He he he he he. He he he. He he he he he he he. He he he he he he he he. He he he he he he. He he he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He he. He he. He he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. business or my responsibility. And we printed out the email is really funny. Oh, that's so sad. But I feel like this old, this, I don't know why I assume all professors are old. That's not, that's a bad stereotype. But I feel like this got, this person's probably, this is wild. I think it's fair to assume that a professor would be older. I feel like a lot of them are. But let's th say. th say. th say th say th say th say th say th say th say th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that's thi. this is this is this is this is this is this this this this this old. I this old. I this old. I this old. I this old. I this old. I this this this this this this this this this this. I this. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I thi. I thi. thi. thi. thi. I thi. I thi. thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I th a lot of them are but let's see because there is an update. Yeah well I just left his office and I still want to die not as much though I took some advice from here and printed my paper out and had it with me. I won't lie when I sat down with him I was already almost in

tears from the stress and embarrassment. I guess he picked up on that because he tried to be as nice as possible and told me to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the to to the the the to be to be to be to be to be told told told to the the the the the told told told to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the try. try. try. try. try. try. I I. try. try. I I was. try. I was. to to to to to to to to to th th tried to be as nice as possible and told me to calm down and just explain what happened. I ran down pretty much everything I said here. While he didn't agree with the avenue I was taking to make money, he understood why I was doing it. He had checked the submissions last night after the deadline and my submissions name stuck out immediately. It was along the lines of customer commission's second draft doc. I've taken a class from him before and was an A student. to. to. to. to. to. I. I. I, to, the, to, the, I, I, I, I, I, I, to, I, I, to, the, to, to, to, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, told, the, the, told, told, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the th, tod, today, today, tttttttttttttttoday, ttttttttoday, ttoday, today, too, the, the, the. the've taken a class from him before and was an A student so he guessed I had submitted the wrong file by accident. He told me he read the first page and realized it probably wasn't meant for him to read. I gave him the copy I brought and he accepted it. He told me the copy I brought and he told me to the the tel, to email him with the file and he would replace the one I had submitted and that he that he that he that he that he that he that he that he that he that he that he that he that he he he he he he he he he he he he he he th he would the the the the the he would he would he would he would he would the the he would he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to told. told. told. told told told told told told told told told told told told told told told told told told told told told told me the the the the the the to at least have a good sense of humor as he told me what I had originally submitted was well written at least from what he had read. Like I said, I still want to fucking die right now. At least he understood that I'm just an idiot and not malicious. Thanks, I guess

I guess for the advice and helping me through the nervous breakdown. Okay, it worked out. Yeah, I mean it's fine. I mean it's fine. Imagine he's like I read the whole things. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. I to to to th. thi. th. to to to th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi thi thi th work. He's like, that was awesome. What if he was just like, I have notes? Don't give me your actual paper. The teacher's sweating is like, so, um, you have a patron, you write these all the time? Could I? Because where would I find? Where would anyone find the page?

It's crazy. How much do you charge? How do? He's like, let's talk about like the literary breakdown of Act 2. So the dragon, does the dragon, what happens in the next part of the story? Who is the dragon? Who's the dragon? What is the dragon's, you know, purpose here? That's awesome. Oh, that worked out. It's nice to read something that works out. Yeah. And I guess like the teacher just said like, oh, I don't, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the together, te is, tean, teank is teaneteaughan, teank is, than't than't the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the ta ta ta, ta, ta, ta, the the the the taugh, taugh, ta....ea.ea.ea.ea.a tea tea tea tea tea tea.a tea.a tea.a.a ta ta.a ta.a the the tacher just said like, oh, I don't fully agree with it, but whatever, like you're doing your thing. Like, I feel like, with how expensive school is, if I was a teacher, I'd be like, I get it.

It's like you're making money off of it? Whatever. You're creating art? You're writing for money? Hell yeah, dude. Hell yeah. Yeah. ne. I saw my ex. Yeah. Classic. Classic. This is more of a personal embarrassment.

I ran into an X today, and I don't mean recent. I mean like decades ago. Haven't seen this person since our breakup back when we were really young. At the time it was my first love and I didn't handle the breakup well. I didn't do anything super crazy like boiled bunnies. What the fuck? Can we get a Google on that? What? A reference to, I think it's fatal attraction. Oh, is it from fatal attraction? Okay, okay, okay. Just called and left tearful messages on the answering machine. Obviously, I've moved on. Been married, had kids, but there is a place that your first

love will always hold. Apparently, I was not their special first love. First of all, I was at a place where I had where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where where I had that I had that I had th. th. th. I was at a place where I was at a place where I was at a place where I was at a place where I was at a place where I was at a place where I was at a place where I was at a that I was at a th. th. th. th. that I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was a th, I was, I was a, I was, I was a, I was, I was a, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I, I, I was, I, I was, I, I was a th, I was a th, I was a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. thi. the. the. today, th. th. today, today, th. today, th. the. the. tod a place where I'd gone with that X at the time. It's a popular place that I've been to before and since, but for some reason I remembered today the time we carved our initials in a tree. I didn't even look at the tree, just remembered it for a second. You know, it must have been that phenomenon where you randomly think of the the I am, I thought it would be a friendly running. Like, hey, long time, no see. First, they didn't know who I was until I said my name. Then for some stupid reason I said, I was just thinking about you. Crickets, disbelief, me backpedaling and saying that we went to this place together a lot,

and they did not remember at all. Oh my God, I always thought if I ever sawed tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the thi thi thi thi the their thiol thiol-a-a' thi-a-a-a-a' thi-a' thi-a' thi-a the the the thi the thi the the thi the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the thi thi thi the thi the thin thin thin' thin' thin' to to to to to toeeeeanan toean too'-n'-n'-n'-n'-n'-n'-n'eanananan'ean'ean't toean't toean this person again that I would be cool, not stick my foot in my mouth, not sound like a crazy stalker. Now of course I keep playing it on repeat in my mind and cringing every time. Oh, that's so that's so it's relatable kind of. It's like it happens to the rest of us. Yeah. I once went up to an ex and I said nice to meet you. What? I'm like. It's like nice to see you. It's been a while. Nice to see you. We've grown into different. Clean foot.

Clean foot. Clean foot. And they cry laughing and die. Oh man. I have luckily never had anything like this ever happened. I don't really have a ton of X's. I remember once, the first time I ever ran into an X, I didn't run into them, but I saw them at a place. Like I was still a teenager, but I saw like an X from like a couple years prior.

And I remember just like, I was just like, I was like, I was a, like, I was like, I was just like, I was a, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the first, the first, the first, the first, the first, the first, the first, the first, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. t t t t ti. too. too. try. too. too. too. try. too. too. too. too. too. ti. the the t saw them and I remember just like being like oh my god I got to get out of here. Like I was like because I was like it wasn't even probably going to be awkward I was just like I just don't know what to do. Yeah also when you're little when you're younger you're like media has shown me that X's are bad. I have to leave. Yeah. Oh man. I'm so bad about just like thi. I'm so bad thi. th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like th like they th like th like they th like th like th like thin they they thin thin they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they. I they. I thin thin thin. I thin. I thin. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th.es, but I, whenever I go home to Idaho, like, it's often that I run into people that I knew in high school or that I recognize but I didn't really know, and I'm just like, I just got to put my head down. Like, I don't want to have an awkward interaction where like, because I'm not good with names and sometimes I'm like, I don't remember your name, but you remember my name, and I don't know what to do. So I feel like in that situation, whatever happened, yeah, I'm just like head down.

I gotta get out of here. Yeah, have you ever waved at someone that you know, but they don't know you? I've told this story here, but I once was at a, like, event, and I'm, I throwne. And I saw a guy who I had seen in like an indie film. And uh... Did you think you knew him? I thought I knew him. I love when people go up to celebrities and they go. Well, because he's not like, he wasn't like celebrity. It was like, did we take a class?

And so I like, I was just like, oh, I thought, I knew him from something. I knew him, oh dude, it's good to see you. And he's just, and I think he was like, it's like, good to see you, like whatever. Like, we both just, and then I walked away. I was like, oh, I don't know it. I was like, do we know each other? But honestly, it was at Target two nights ago.

I saw my friend's husband, who I don't think I've ever like really officially met or hung out with, seen him in passing, but I see him on her Instagram story all the time. So I saw him and I went, oh! I'm walking in Target and he went, you know what I mean? And then I, I was tried to like to like to like to like to like to like to like to like to like to like to like, I to like to like, I to like, I to like, I to like, I to like, I to like, I to like, I to like, I to like, I to like to like to like to like, I, like to like to like, like to like to like to like to like to like to like to like to like to like to like to like to like to like to like to like to like to like to like to like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, I to like, I to like, I to like, I to try try to, I try to, to to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to like, I to like, I mean, and then I was, I tried to like push it away, I was like, oh, no, no. Because I was like, he doesn't owe me. Never mind.

This reminds me of a funny target story. It's like unrelated, but I was at a target like by myself and like I was pretty disheveled. It was like a Sunday like 11 a.m. I don't even remember what I was th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. the th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. the th. th. I was, I was, like, like, like, th. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I. I. I. I'm. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. th. the. th. the. th. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t.................. t....... t... the. It was like a Sunday like 11 a.m. I don't even remember what I was getting. But like I said there's like these three like teenage girls or something and like I'd like walked by whatever like we ended up in the same aisle. Anyway I'm in another aisle and one comes up. She's like, can my friend have a picture with you? And I was like, oh yeah, totally tot tot tot tot tot tot tot tot tot, tot, tot, tot, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, like, they, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. like, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. like, th. I, th. like, th. I'm, like, like, like, like, like, like And so she like walks me down like five other aisles to just her two friends standing there

and they get a picture or whatever. It's nice, they're very sweet and I don't know what to say. So I'm just standing there like awkwardly looking at him and I just go, we'll have fun at Target. I just go, we'll have fun at Target. I'm very unfortunate that I'm such an awkward person with strangers. And then we do this job and I get recognized for this job and I'm fucking awkward as hell. Yeah. It's awful.

Like, no, I know, I know that when people recognize us, they're like, they probably are like, oh gosh, I feel awkward or I feel weird. Yeah. And I'm over here like, I feel the fun the fun the fun the fun the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'm th. to to to the to the the th. I'm th. I'm to th. I'm th. I'm to th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm to th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the. to to the. the. the. the. I'm the. I'm the. I feel fucking weird. Yeah. I'm on a target. Hey, enjoy the sights. Yeah. Some comments. These types of foot and mouth moments keep us tortured forever. You'll find yourself making audible sounds to drown the mental embarrassment. Someone else said, now you know what conversation will keep you awake at night. But worry not, you'll come up with the most ingenious replies in your head and win.

Hopi said, oh, my imaginary conversation was riveting. I was at ease and funny and left them thinking I was the coolest person they ever knew. See, yeah, I, oh man, yeah, if I see someone from my past who like I haven't talked to in a long time, a part of me, I think, I think, I think, I thin, I thin, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, tho, tho, tho, tho, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi, thi, thi, thi,to in a long time. A part of me, I think I always assume they're not gonna remember me. Yeah. And then, but it's also like, it depends on where you are, because yeah, Target or especially like a grocery store. I just wish you could just be like,

hey, yeah, we remember. It's crazy how nerves stop us from like breathing. I don't know, something of your brain just shuts down a little bit. And you're like, wait, I'm like, fully a capable person. I'm like, I'm an adult. I can do things like, why am I acting like a child? Being like, oh, sorry, nice to meet you. Like, it's so weird. Yeah.

I think it's just because it catches me off guard. I wasn't mentally prepared. I'm like, Batman, I need prep time for a social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social for social for social for social social for social for social for social for social for social for social for a social for a social for a social for a social for a social for a social for a social for a social for a social for a social for a social for a social for a social for a social for a social for a social for atime. I need prep time for a social interaction. I'm prepping for my 20-second interaction. With like the grocery store, like checkout line? Like I'm prepped for that. I'm like, oh, I'm like, oh, I'm like, oh, I'm like, I'm like, oh, I'm. I don't get nervous. Like, throw gonna think I'm robbing this place. I'm so convinced I'm gonna make the wrong move and they're gonna walk you up with your hand like this in your jacket. I'd like to make a withdrawal.

I'd like to make a withdrawal. I'm just nervous. Sorry, I can do anything here with anyone watching me and I won't be nervous. But if I go into like a girly clothing store and she's like, hey a girlie what size you want that in? I'm like, I don't know. Yeah. Oh my god, yeah, you put me in an urban outfit or it's over.

Literally. I'm just sitting there like, um,? I'm like, I can't count. This is the last thing I'll say, are you guys like me where you'll be at a store, you desperately need help? And someone comes up and they're like, do you need me help? And I go, no, I'm good. I desperately need help.

I am looking for something, and I cannot find it. Obviously. I'm about to leave. And I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm to to to to to to leave, and I, I, I'm to to to leave, I, and I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the their, to to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to they, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, tho, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, wasted because I was looking for this thing and I couldn't find it. And someone offers to find it for me and I go, ah, no, I'm going to. You've made contact with a person like three times awkwardly looking around. They finally come up and you're like, wow. I got it. I fucking got it. And then you end up doing a whole circle, ending up back there. You're going to find, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, no, no, I'm going, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And, no. And, no. And, no. And, no. And, no. And, no. And, no. And, no. And, no. And, no. And, no. And, no. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, no, I'm, no, I'm. th. th. th. th. tha. tha. tha. th. tha. th. th. th. th. th. I'm it this time. Have you guys ever been asked, like, excuse me and you're like, I don't work here. That's happening to me a couple times. I've worn red at a target, you can't do it.

Because some people come up to you and asking me. That's so fucking funny. We should do, oh, we should do a video where we all go to Target. We see who gets asked? I just try to keep people. Dude, it would 100% be you. I feel like, am I the most target employee? Yeah, I'd be like, where are the blue race? Fuck. Where is the blue right? Oh, I do look like I work in the electronic second.

Like, yeah, I can ring you up here. Do I need a dongle for this? All right, next story. Today I fucked up by jumping into a lake in my bra slash panties to save a man that turned out to be an elite military scuba diver in training. That's awesome. Sounds like the beginning of a 90s movie. I was gonna say it's like the beginning of a romcom. I'm couch surfing with my sister and her boyfriend. I work for him at the Lakeside Bar trying to pay for college. My state is open, and while I'm not thrilled, I need both the job and my scored sofa accommodations to make it work.

This is from 2020, so. To give them their space and myself a break from doom scrolling, I take a run by the lake in the mornings. This lake is bomb-ass and draws scuba-sto the flooded town at the bottom. Today, I was in my own head running when a dark mass floated to the surface 40 feet away. I was on the craggy side of the lake and this dude looked dead. D-E-A-D-D-D-D dead. Facing away from me, his head was tiped back, eyes closed, bobbing like a fishing lure. No one else was around, so I thought he was quantum crazy out here scuba diving alone at the crack ass of dawn, giving himself the bends or

some nonsense. Like a jackass I didn't yell at him to check in. Instead, I toed off my shoes and stripped to my skivies to save the imbecile. The movie trailer in my head had me taken three glorious steps and launching into the deep blue water, black widow style. Instead, my tender feet hit the sharp rocks and I contorted under the pain like a slinky, as I uncoordinatedly pitched myself into the water, doing a side flop. I was also wearing my contact, so I swam hard in his direction with my eyes closed. When I opened them, he was dead-ass staring at me like I'd lost my ever-loved mind. So I blurted, Are you okay? He removed the regulator and incredulously said, Yes, my brain blue-screened while I tread water.

The lake felt infinitely deep, before I could terrify myself by hearing the Jaws theme song, I turned to nope the hell out of there, yelling over my shoulder, I thought you needed saving! To explain my idiocy, as I pivoted, another dude cleared his throat from 30 feet away on the other side. I never heard a sound from him, so I freaked out, failing and belting an ear-wounding scream

at him. Both asshats laughed as a few more heads surfaced around us. I was surrounded by divers, all wildly entertained by my ridiculous high-octane fuck up. After pointing to me and the beach, the merman thought that was my original target, cautiously swam toward me after I nodded and escorted me to the shore. The beach was much further than I had anticipated, so I was trying to low-key breathe, hiding my knee to suck all of the O2 from the air. Also, the comedy of the situation consumed me and I was, I started to giggle. Finally, I joked, dude, you are lucky you weren't actually dying because it would have taken

everything I have to drag your sorry ass this far. He chuckled before offering me a tow. Hell no, not going to happen. Even if I had to dog paddle, I wouldn't openly accept that defeat. He quietly mocked me the rest of the way, the the the rest, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, I, I, I was, I was, I was, I was, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I was, I was, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I. I, I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I. I. I. I. I. I was, I'm ta, I'm ta, I'm ta, ta, toge. And, toge. toge, toge, toge, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, took, too, ted me the rest of the way to the shore. I'm a secret sap for it. They were cadets or recent graduates from military college here for the summer. They've been training in pools and were doing some open water exercises. They had been out there at least part of the night. I'm sure I blew up whatever drill they were running. He's training for pre-dive school and since I am an expert Googler, I'm guessing thi. I'm a th. I'm a th. I'm a th. I'm a th. I'm a the th. I'm a th. I'm a the the the the train. I'm a train. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a training. I'm a training. I'm a training, I'm a training, I'm a training, training, training. I'm a training. I'm a training. I'm a training. I'm a training. I'm a training. I'm a training. I'm a training. I'm a training. I'm an train. I'm and. I'm and. I'm and. I'm and. I'm and. I'm an train. I'm an train. I'm a C. I'm a train. I'm a trained. I'm a trained. I'm a traine. I'm a tr-s. I'm a tr-s. training, training, training, training, training, training, training. I'm a training. I'm guessing that means combat diving. At the shore, I did my best to throw my shoulders back and march out of the water in my sports bra and undies in front of what I can only imagine are some pretty badass men. I did invite him and his clandestine crew for an absurdly overpriced beer at the bar tonight, before shame jogging back into the woods for my clothes. Wow. So try to save a person, they ended up surrounded by a bunch of military men.

What I love about this person is they really used the thesaurus for this post. They went back and they said good writing is describing. Yeah, they're like, let me use really cute stuff for every single sentence. Yeah. Can I say something that might be an unpopular opinion? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, all, all, all, all, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, an unpopular opinion? Whoa, whoa, whoa, all right. That's on them, the guys. Is there any way to be like, this is a test? She was just being a good Samaritan.

She saw someone floating like a dead body, and she was like, see something. Well, she didn't say something. She just swam something. She just swam something. No, I respect it though. I'm like, no, they have a light or like, this is a drill.

That's fair. Yeah. Like, what a scary thing? That's true. Is there an update? Did they go to the bar? There is an update. Oh, let's go. I need Reddit sweaters and say update. So first, there's a comment. Such a fun, meet, cute story. I hope they get to be happy together, sell the movie rights and make a to to to' money.

Someone else said, this is hilarious. I can just picture you swimming with your eyes closed towards them. Ha ha. Don't be too embarrassed. It's. It's. It's. It's. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. tho. tho. thu. thu. tho. their their their their their their their their their thu. thu. thu. thu. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the the the the theea. the bar and it was chill and whatever. Yeah, probably. He showed, holy shit, a little bit ago. Yes, I was as dorky as you would have imagined and now I'm typing this from the bathroom like a dumbass again, but I feel like you people are on the ride with me. He's handsome and funny and he's handsome and funny and a'''n'-sh-s's what we do. Not the smelling. The hugging. He's nice and smart and keeps defending me from my jackass friends at the bar, who have almost called him Merman to his face. I think he low-key like that everyone knew who he was, but not sure how he'll feel about being a Reddit celebrity. I've learned a lot about him, but it wouldn't be fair to share without his permission. His whole crew did not come come. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the, thi, thi. the, the, th. th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the. the. thean, thean, toean, toean. toean, toean. toeeean. toeeee. the. immediately started flirting with my co-worker. That's a good sign, I think. Holy shit, you'd think I'd never

met up with a guy before. Also, my friend straight up asked him if he saw my dragonfly undies that look like penises with massive glow in the dark, turquoise blue balls. Only she used the Reddit, thanks for that nickname Reddit. He's also been sharing some of the shit that he's been taking today from being saved. He has the same self-deprecating sense of humor as me. I think we are vibing. So that's all the updates for tonight. He's getting the rest of my attention. Keep sending me those good vibes and peace people. No more updates. So I'm guessing she fumbled the bag after that. Maybe they shared a lovely beautiful night together and then he went off to go swim more somewhere else. Wild! That's crazy.

She's crazy. Yeah. She's so funny. She was so funny. She was in the bathroom updating so she didn't give us a third update? She wrote that whole update from the bathroom. Like, that's crazy. That's crazy. That's like- How would you feel, though, if you met up with like a similar type of story,

just a silly meetup. And then you're at the bar talking to them, and you find out that they were like, oh, in the bathroom, I, I wouldn't like that. I wouldn't like that. I wouldn't like that. Yeah, I don't know how I'd feel. Yeah. It's, it depends though. It's a pretty crazy story. So I'd be like, I get it.

I get it. I get it. I get it. I'm kind of diving in. I have to tell all these people who. the people. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to th. to th. to to to to to to to to to to to to the. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. te. te. tell. I tell. I the. I the. I the. I the. I to to the. I the. I the. thousands of people. Whoa, that is wild. She's so cool to be like, come have drinks with me. Also, I wasn't trying to save your life. You looked at, and then just like, did you see my underwear? Also, what were dragonflies that looked like a penis? I don't know, a lot of stuff there.

New merch just dropped. If you guys saw somebody floating in the water. I would definitely be like, they're floating. They're floating in their faces above water. I would yell something first. I would yell first. I would yell first, I would yell first, I would try to get someone better than me. I'd be like, oh, bice. No, you're by yourself. She was jogging by herself. If I was by myself, if I was by myself, I'd go in. But I was by their their their their their th. But I was by their their their their their their their. But I was by myself, their. But I was by myself, I was by myself, if I was by myself, if I was by myself, if I was by myself, if I was by myself, if I was by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, but I'd they's by myself, I'd they's by myself, I'd they's by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, I'd th. But I'd th. But I'd th. But I'd th. But I was by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, I was by myself, I was. Dude, I don't know. Maybe I'm a bat. I feel like I'd wait for a second. I'd watch. And I'd see if they like took him a little bit to move, and then I'd go.

Be like, I don't know. I'm just confused. Didn't she say, maybe I'm misremembering. I thought she said He's also floating. But he's just like. Didn't she say he had a mask on? So like. That's why I'm saying it's on him. He should have like a little, like a little flag. It's like, don't worry, I'm alive.

Yeah. Don't worry, I'm alive. That would suck if you actually die. He had that flag. He has the flag. He got the flag. Okay, next story. This is an am I the asshole post. Yay, we're all. Yeah. Am I the asshole for putting my penis in peanut butter

and leaving it in the kitchen? Uh, okay. Never. You're never the asshole for that. Live your truth. Trevor. I'm looking for some assistance determining whether I'm the asshole in this situation that has divided our house into two groups. Oh no. I a 20 year old male am a college student living with four other guys my age. I could have bet a thousand dollars it was

yeah. I'm a 45 year old man. I'm a 20 year old college student. It's our second year living together and last year we had an issue with people eating food that isn't theirs. So now we have a strict label your stuff and only eat things with your name on it policy. My girlfriend and I like to get a bit frisky in the bedroom and a few nights ago I dipped my penis in peanut butter and she licked it off. Yes I understand that it is is is is is is is is is is it is it is it is it is it is it is it is it is it is it is it is it is it is it is it is it is it is that it is that it is that it is that it is I I I I I'm I'm that it is that it is that it is that it is. I I th. I th. I'm thi. I'm thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm te te te te te te te tean tean tea. tea. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi, I understand that it is slightly bizarre, but that's how we roll. Didn't need it. I fucking called that, dude. Oh, I thought he, I'm sorry, I completely misunderstood this. I thought he just stuck it in there to be like, label your food. Yeah, I thought that's where it was going to. The controversy is that since we have a mouse problem, I did not want to leave the peanut butter in my bedroom. So, the, the, the, th, th, th, I, I, I, th, th, I, th, I, th, I, I, I, th, I, I, I, I, I, and, I, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, I'm, and, I'm thi, I, I'm, I'm th. th. the the the the the the the the the, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, and, and, I, and, and, I'm, I'm, and I'm thin, thin, th toge, toge, toge, toge, toge, toge, th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the peanut butter in my bedroom. So afterwards, I closed it and returned it to my kitchen cupboard. Note that it had a huge peanut butter dilemma label on it,

so it was clear that it belonged to me. One of my roommates told me yesterday, oh, by the way, I had some of your peanut butter. He sees my visibly shocked reaction and asks what's up. So ultimately I come clean about the whole deal. He's curious and says, why the fuck would you put it back in the kitchen? I remind him of the mouse situation and our policy not to have other people's labeled foods. This is the first time all year that somebody has had my labeled food and informed me after the fact. He said it was just some peanut butter on his bread.

It's not like he was taking full chicken breasts from me. My house is split th sp sp sp sp sp sp sp sp sp sp sp sp sp sp sp sp sp sp sp sp sp sp sp sp sp sp, and it th, and it th, and it th, and it's th, and it's th, and it's th, and it's th, and it's th, and it's th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thus, thus, thus, th, th, th, th, th, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, I, I, th, th, th, th, th, I, th, th, th, th, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus chicken breasts from me. My house is split three to two on who is in the wrong, and it's spilling over into other aspects of our living situation. We need to get over this pronto, so I'm asking, am I the asshole? No, he's not. You don't think he's the asshole? I got to side with him on this. Like, you gotta ask first. If you're, like, if you have a no, like having other people's food policy, like, I get it's just some peanut butter, it'd be like, hey, can I like bar your peanut butter?

Is that cool? To which you would say, no, I fucked it, don't have any. Hi. I, I, I, I, I, I'm, okay. Yes, I think you're an asshole for taken, taking, taking, taking, tak, tha, for tha, tha, for tha, tha, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to,'ve done something that extreme with it, it's like, and also they're talking about rats, I'm like, you seal the jar, it's not going to attract rats if it's sealed. I don't know. I can't get over him, I'm like, that's soft. He's like, but we have a rat problem. I'm like, okay, you fucked. But also it's his property. And look, I've had had a tha thuuuuu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu, I've thu, I've thu, I've tho thu, I've tho tho tho tho tho-a, I've tho-a, I've tho-a, that tho-a, tho-a, that's that's that's that's that's tho-a-a-a-a-a-a-a, that that that that that that, that, that, that, th. th. th. that, th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that. that. that. that. thateea. that. that. thateauu. that. that. had roommates, I never toucest people's food. I do think condiments get into a

weird territory for some households and if they have an agreement that they've already established, but a problem is a bunch of 20 year old dudes, but I think I know this in hindsight but it's just like they're gonna fucking, someone's gonna take that food. I can't imagine not the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. th. th. I'm. th. I'm. th. I'm th. I'm. th. th. th. th. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm. I's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. the th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t that food. I cannot imagine the moment he told him and then he goes, wait, my peanut butter? I put my wiener in there. Oh my goodness. Wait, I don't know if I would tell him. I don't know if I would tell him.

No, I think it's so embarrassing. If I fucked a jar of peanut butter and then someone ate it. Would you be th th th th th th th ate it? I don't think he could keep a straight face, but I don't think I'd be shocked. I think I'd be just like, I think I'd be almost laughing. I don't know if I would be able to own it. Oh, it'd be like I stuck my body in that? That's, that's rough. That's rough. That's that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, the the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the, the, the, the, the, I. I. I. I. I. I's, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, I. I's, I's, th. I's, th. I's, th. I back in a common space after fucking- But it was late, my thing is- It was labeled. But it should be late. I think he could have labeled it like peanut butter, I fucked.

My penis has been, like, don't not touch, this is a sex thing, not a food. Penis butter. Penis butter. And this put it back in, like just to really establish like like guys, please don't. I had a friend. Also, also don't touch other people's food is like a fair. Because you don't know what they're doing. Well, that is.

Because honestly, anyone, whatever you want to do in there is fine. Yeah. It's your business, that's great. That's your, you bought it. Yeah. You bought it. As long as they're... Look, I maintain that like if you buy food from the grocery store with your own money, you're allowed to fuck it. Yeah. And that's the motto of today's episode.

If you buy it, you can fuck it. Hey, don't touch my bag of walnuts, bro. I don't want to know what's going on in there. I had two friends in middle school and I was and one one, we tho, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, tho, th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's. that's. that's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's, th. that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's this big thing of like sour patch kids. And my friend and I who were visiting, she was eating the sour patch kids. And then the girl whose house it was, she walked and she went, don't eat those! And we found out that my friend like sour patch, but doesn't like to eat them.

So she sucks on them, then puts them back in the thing and sucks the sour off and my friend was just going to town. She didn't think it was weird that the Sower Patch kids didn't have the sour stuff on. How do you not know? Like, that's a weird gummy. It's, it's, it's one of those situations because yes, firmly established, don't touch other people's food that they bought. That's for themselves. But I also can judge people for doing shit like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you're weird. You're like, I hate, I hate when people like, eat a little bit of something and then put it back in a bag.

I'm like, oh, gross, like I hate that. I just, my body cringes at that. Yeah. Do you think after this, the guy was like, yeah, I had some of your cucumber in your peanut butter. Is that cool, bro? And then I had your coconut. No! Dude, there was this weird watermond with a hole in it.

I had a slice. Is that all good? No! They got to get their wrap problem under control. Dude, I saw this Dildo in the bathroom and I used it, bro, is that cool? I thought I had to fix our sink using your flashlight. It didn't work, though. Also, I fucked your peanut butter. You fucked my peanut butter. I fucked your peanut butter.

You fucked my fucked peanut butter? You fucked my fucked peanut butter? He finds out all of his roommates is fuck the peanut fire. They're like, what? Everybody... Wait, raise your hand if you fuck the peanut fire. I have to move out. Raise your other hand if you fucked my girlfriend. Also, I fucked your girlfriend. Oh my god.

Uh, the verdict with everyone's sucks here, um, which I think is very fair. Everyone's argument holds up though. Like it makes sense, it's his thing. It makes sense. The rap problem, everything makes sense. I think the peanut butterfucker is a weirdo. I don't think he's an asshole. The comments, everyone sucks here. I mean, you're right.

It was labeled as yours and he shouldn't have eaten it. But sex toys, which is what this peanut butter became after you put your dick in it, shouldn't be kept in the kitchen around other food. It's just unsanitary, honestly. That's a good. that's that's thuuuuuuuu, I that's that's thu, I thu, I thu, I thu, I thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, that, that, that, that, thi, that, that, thus, thus, thus, the the the the the th. the comments, the comments, the comments, the comments, the comments, the comments, the comments, the comments, the comments, the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the theananan. thean. the theanan. the thanks, everyone, thanks, thanks, thi. good point. That's where I think I'm feeling. That's no longer, that's no longer food. And if you're worrying about rats coming into your bedroom, like just throw the bottle away? Someone else said, you're the asshole. Only because Jesus Christ, man, use a fucking spoon in the clean peanut butter and put that on your dick? thrown out. Were you planning to eat it later? Stick your dick in it again?

It may have started out as food, but it became no longer food for the communal kitchen when you stuck your dick in it, dude. I think that's how I feel, hypothetically, in this situation, I fuck a jar of peanut butter, I'd feel really bad, bringing it back and putting it in like a public space. It's like, yeah, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, to to to to to thi, to to the, the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the, the, the, the the the thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, toon, toon, thi., thi., the the the thi., th, yeah, that to me does feel like an invasion. I think that's kind of the whole thing of like, when we talk about like, any sort of like sexual acts or bringing your fetishes or anything,

like, and being around people, it's like, you do need your consent. It's like, yeah, it's a respect thing. It just feels disrespectful. That's like putting your dildo in your like forks and knives. drawer. Yeah. Yeah. I'm having trouble with this salad. Dad! This is a weird meat tendereriz. Yeah I was gonna say. I don't have to hammer it. I just hold it over it. Oh what a story. Holy shit. Yeah. Okay. That's awesome. Next one. Today I fucked up by smelling my feet and ending up in the ER. Ben there. Ben there. this today. T. today. T. this today. th. th. th. th. th. th. this. th. th. th. th. th. this. th. this. th. this. this. th. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. I. the. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. tod. I. I. tod. I. I. I. I. I. tod. I. I. I. tod. I. I. th. th. th. th. this. th. th. my feet and ending up in the ER. Ben there. This today I fucked up actually happened today, or at least in the last 24 hours.

Either way, I'm counting it. I'll be the first to admit that my feet are sometimes a little bit smelly. Some of my friends and family have lovingly said they are odourly challenged. I wash them in the shower every day. I've tried the fancy creams, but none of it seems to really help. And I've at this point accepted that I'm just naturally a stink foot and will live my life with a constant faint corn chip aroma wafting from my toes. I live alone, and when in my apartment,

I prefer not to wear socks or shoes. This is occasionally a point a a a point a point a point a point insists that I at least wear socks when she comes over. It's mostly fun banter when she teases me for my feet smelling and I tease her for a loud burp or something like that. But sometimes after a particularly long day the foot factory releases emissions that would surely get me find by EPA, which she rightfully hates. Yesterday she came over for dinner. It was a nice day so we decided to get the f f f f f f f. A th. A th. A th. A th. A f. A f. A f. A f. A f. A f. A f. A f. A f. A f. A f. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. I th. I th. I th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I, I. I. I. I. I. th. I. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. A. th. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. t. A. A. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. te. t. It was a nice day, so we decided to get delivery from one of our favorite restaurants and eat on the balcony. Well, I'm at home and I've already liberated my tootsies from their foot prisons.

And I figured it'd be nice to set the table with some flowers for my lady. I was outside setting up when she arrived, and she came outside to greet me. Immediately, she smelled my feet and recoiled in disgust. The most dramatic reaction ever. Fake vomiting, fake crying, she was hamming it up as part of our banter. I have gone a bit nose blind to them over the years. So I lean against the railing to balance and go to smell them myself to see how bad they were.

This was my mistake. I'm a burly guy and this poor railing could not handle my equally over-dramatic reaction of throwing my head back and screaming. It gave way. Luckily I'm only on the second floor so I only fell maybe 25 feet but it felt like it lasted a solid minute. It was at least long enough for of a fall for me to reflect on the situation and feel like an idiot for dying from smelling my own feet. The aftermath is a fractured rib and dislocated shoulder, and my girlfriend never letting me live this down. Oh my God. So he went to smell his feet, fell off their balcony.

25 feet. That's awesome. Thanks. That's fucking aw- No. No. Sobbing. Honestly, everything was fine until he said he had to relieve his tutsi's around.

I know. And once again, I think with several of these stories, I'm like, the event wasn't embarrassing. It's a sentence that you put in this. That's what I'm embarrassing. That's what I'm embarrassing. I don't like feet stuff, that's the thing about me, so I'm coming in at this. I just don't, like, it just gets me. I can't bring myself to believe that there isn't a solution. There's got to be at least a temporary one.

Yeah, see a dog. There must be like a... It's fascinating. I don't know. Because, isn't there, like, like, like, like, like, like, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, their, their, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the, the, the, the, like, the, like, the, the, the, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. the, th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I. I. I th. I. I. I that makes sense to me because it's like in, like you know what I mean? But like your skin just down there. Feels like it's a shoe issue? Maybe a shoe issue. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like especially if you know,

you know your lady's coming over for a balcony, with your favorite restaurant. Like I'm getting some some scented lotion or something. I'm lubing those bad. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, th. th. It, th. It, th. It, tho, thi, th, th, tho, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's like, thi. It's a thi, thi, thi. It's a thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi.'t know, do anything you can so that you don't fall off a balcony. I can't believe he fell off a balcony and she laughed at him. I would. I would. Ha ha ha.

He's like, I have like, my shoulders broken, my ribs are broken, my girlfriend won't let me live it down. But look, as soon as I hear that first groan, I'm just like, oh, I'm laughing. As soon as, you know they're alive. I'm looking down in horror and then as soon as I hear the, oh, I'm cracking up. Jesus. Some comments, did you manage to put your socks and shoes back on after your fall? Or should we feel bad for the ER folks who had to smell your feet? Opie said, I guess I should send them an apology fruit basket, huh? Someone else said, forget about your feet, the railing of your apartment gave way and nearly

killed you. Was it rusty, uncared for? That kind of neglect is just a lawsuit waiting to happen. Opie said, haven't even thought about that. It didn't look rusty or anything, but I did put a good amount of weight on to it. There's an update. After getting a lot of private messages, mostly foot odor remedy related, I was able to connect with a personal injury lawyer who gave me some good advice about possibly suing my landlord. So far, I have only informally contacted my landlord to ask them kindly to pay for my medical bills. The lawyer I spoke to thinks I can get much more than that if I sue, but really I don't see the need as long as my pockets are made right.

If they refuse, I will go ahead with the suit. the suit, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, thr, I, I, thr, th, th, thee, thee, thee, thee, thee, thee, thee, thee, thee, thee, thee, th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, they refuse, I will go ahead with the suit. I've gotten a phone call from the property manager who said she would look into it, but needed approval from higher-ups first. It's not a no, so I'm optimistic. Yeah, yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, that's crazy. that's crazy. Well, I feel bad. I don't want to roast this guy's stinky feet. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the tho. the tho. thin. thi. the the th. th. I, th. I, th. I's, the the the th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I's, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm thr. I'm to toee. I'm t. I'm toda. I'm toda. toda. I'm toda. I'm thr. I'm thr. I'm th. I'm th. He's embraced it. Yeah. What was crazy about the story was, he said his fall was long enough for him to think about it being his stinky feet. Yeah. Like, oh, I gotta fix this.

I really need to clean my feet. Damn. The balcony below, they're like, what's that smell? Yeah, for a split second. Because it's our last story. split seconds because he goes and he's like, oh! That sucks. That's crazy. This is our last story. Today I fucked up by ignoring a lump on my balls for 23 years and ejacatututing into my wife's eye almost ruining her lasic surgery. So he... EJACUTOOTING. Ej-J-A-T-U-T-O-O-T-I-N-G-E-J-E-J-E-E-J-E-E-E-E-U-U-U-U-N-N-N-U-N-N-N-T-T-N-T-N-T-T-N-N-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T- that that that that's that's that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-A th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th-S-S-C-U-T-O-O-T-I-N-G.

Injacketuting? Yeah. Why are we saying that word? I got to roast, I got to roast some of these posts today for just their word choices and the way they're saying. Just say it. Just say it. Or just just say it. Or just like, tell me the truth. Just write it. You don't have to. I. I. I. I. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. their. their. their. their. their. Or just like, tell me the truth. Just write it. You don't have to do that. When you do that... No, that's corny. You can just write it or you can be funnier, man. You got so many days. Just like don't put a hat on the word. Just say the word.

Sometimes, when I'mtaking it off and continue. Literally being like, today I fucked up by ignoring a lump on my balls for 23 years and ejacituding into my wife's eye, almost ruining her lacy surgery. Oh man. All right, let's let's get into this one. Every once in a while, something happens so preposterous, so outside the rum of possibility that you know no one one one one one one That's happened to me three times. Once I saw a squirrel disappear

into thin air. Once... Jesus Christ. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. All right. But let's hear the story about you a jack-o-tutting. Once I saw a disembodied hand cross a road in the dead of night and once I... Okay, fuck this guy. This guy is... This guy is like, I took acid twice. this guy is like, I took acid twice. Okay and once I saw a disembodied across a road in the dead of night and once I ejacafarteed in the dead of night. twice. Okay, and once I saw a disembodied hand across a road in the dead of night, and once I ejacufarted into my wife's... Bro, can I go yet? I'm sorry.

Can you call it here? Let's just wrap it up. I would have zero problem with this guy if he just said ejaculated, but he refuses to say that word. Ejac you farted? Ejacu farted is so much worse. It's so embarrassing we're even saying that on camera. Let's travel back 23 years ago. I was 14... We don't need to do this? We don't need to go back. Just tell us what was on your sack. He's giving us the David Copperfield treatment on this shit. Let's travel back 23 years ago. I was 14. just learned about doing self-checks of my testicles for lumps. And lo and behold, I found one.

I was pretty worried, told my parents, and eventually went to a urologist. He examined the lump and told me it was a vericose vein. The doctor didn't do much to verify this other than squeezing the lump of it. But he told me not to worry the the the lump, I, I, I, I, I, the, I, I, to worry, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, to worry, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I told, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I told, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I told, I the, I told, I told, I told, I told, I told, I told, I told, I told, I told, I told, I told, I t told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, to worst, there was about a 3% chance I couldn't have kids. So I went about my life not worrying about it. About six months ago, my wife was going ham on ham. About six months ago, my wife was going ham on ham, giving me an old-fashioned, if you will. Fuck. I can't do this. Just drive a truck through it, Shane.

Just drive a freaking truck through. Give me an old-fashioned, if you will. We've been together for, wow. Nineteen years. So farting in front of each other during sex wasn't a big deal. At best it was funny and at worst nothing to really react to. So there I was enjoying myself,, but not anywhere near climaxing, when I farted. And when I say farted, I mean I ejacu-farted.

By which I mean the fart caused me to ejaculate hard with no orgasm. My wife was caught off guard and my cum hit her in the eye. She had had LASIC about three months beforehand, and while she was well past the healing stage, she was adamant about not rubbing her eyes anymore for the rest of her life. Something about detached retinas, anyway, back to the ejacu farting. So I figured this was a one-off incident,

but the next time I had to fart during a private personal session, I forced the fart out and the same thing happened. And then again, when I tried again a bit later. I assumed this wasn't normal. So 23 years after that first visit, I found myself back at the urologist, and this time, they looked more closely at what was going on down there, MRI and all. And as it turns out, that lump on my left ball wasn't a vericose vein, but part of a complex of soft tissue which didn't belong there, and which apparently linked my Bulbo Cavernosis muscle, and pubc cockagias muscle and probably other shit too. Puebo cockagias! That's no way that's a real man!

What got me was Bulbo? It's not cancer, more of a more of a one and a million medical oddity. Why it would cause this to Jackie farting phenomenon only now is a mystery. There's come in the little ball? No, no, I don't think so. I think it's just, take that out. Unless I had literally never farted while having a boner before, at that moment in my entire life.

Anyway, my wife's eye is okay and so am I, I don't seem to be in any immediate danger anyway, according to my doctors. Oh, and I can have kids. I just hope that none of them were conceived by an ejackey fart. Throw away because my main account is pretty popular. Also I had to go with ejacituating in the title because fart was prohibited. Okay, so that explains a little bit more about why he was using that word.

more about why he was using that word. No, it doesn't help though because he thinks it's the funniest thing ever. He really does. He thinks Jackie farting is like the peak of comedy. He's like, I found it, I struck gold. I don't know where to be. His other, he had to use the throwaway because his other account is pretty popular. I'm a meme lord over on my other... I've got a lot of wet-at-commer. So it all started when I was 14.

Dude. Have you guys ever come when you fart? I like how they've established that they're like, yeah, we don't know how that's connected to the ejackey farting. What if it's not connected? What if that's just a weird thing? What if he's just getting old. Maybe he's just fucked up. I don't think I've ever like heard a story on this show that I was just like no comment. There's this uh I it's like a Seth Rogan show it's new but he does this bit where he's like yeah every time I get like a girl if I wasn't finishing she'd just punch me in

the kidney and I'd immediately finish and that's just what I thought about just hit him in the kidney and it would make it. But like it's insane like why would you just immediately come when you fart? I look a part of me respects this couple but a part of me is also just like so blown away that it's like yeah we fart during sex and like like the literally that he's talk about he's like yeah I had to force out this fart. I'm like, so it's not just like an act, like you're okay with it accidentally happening. You guys like, fucking do it. You like, welcome it. You're like, you're like, it's part of it. That's part of the act.

Jesus. It's just the way he wrote about. I know, it's the way a lot of these people today wrote their stories. It was very specific. Some comments. If if, if, if, if,the comment section, we've already lost. That's so fun. Yeah, if you're here, you're lost. It's over.

You're lost. Yeah, I'm of the same thought. I'm just like, that's okay. It's very personal to that person. I guess it's their thing. They're fine. They're happy. It's like, it wasn't a problem you stuck your dick in the peanut butter. It's just like if that's your thing, that's okay.

Just like be respectful about the way you handle it. Yeah, you're accidentally farted on my roommate's face while I was coming. Jesus. Right. This is wild. To our viewers, I'm sorry. Yeah. This one got out of hand quick. It felt like pretty good. It was like everything. the respectful. the respectful. the respectful. the respectful. the respectful. the respectful. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It was like, th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th one got out of hand quick. It felt like pretty good

It was like everything was normal. We were on the track and then and then it just fucking Win every yeah, this is the most embarrassing story. Who was the most embarrassing story? The last two guys like owned it. Yeah, if you own it, it kind of goes away. thi their to' their to' tho. the thi. thr- thr-I thr-I thr-I thr-I thr-I's thr-I's thr-I's thr-liiii. thin. the thin. their their their their their their their their their their their. their their thr- thr- thr- thin, thin' their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thea. thea. tr-n. tr-n. tr-n. tr-n. tr-wlion. tr-wli. tr-wlion. tr-wli. tr-wlion. tr-wlion. tr-tr-woooooooooo' tr-wlion. tr-tr-tr-train. tr-train, train, train, train be too embarrassed for this guy because he didn't really care too much. He couldn't wait to talk about it. Yeah, like it seems like to their credit, he and his wife, I don't know if they can be embarrassed by each other. Yeah. If they're full on just farting up a storm during sex. I don't know what there is. Do you guys fart in front of like... I don't know what there is. If the the their is. If the their is. th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th. th. thi thi thi thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. thi, thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, like, like, like, like, thi, like, like, but is there a story? Or if... I don't like to fart in front of like... Anybody? Yeah, the only time, my... I still have a dream. I still have a hope that I want to, I really on Try Not to Laugh, I want to rip a huge fart. But it needs to be like, because I one time forever ago, years ago, like, a very small, like not, like, you had to have subtitles. to have a to have a to have a to have a to, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, a. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. like you had to have subtitles to know like oh Shane farted I want to like I want it to be like holy shit I want the room to shake a little bit I'm I'm hoping for that one of these days

dude let's race I don't mean to be like all girly and what but I do have a theory that I must be farting in my sleep because during the day I'm the day I'm not fart maybe th I th I th I th I the th I th I th I th I th I th I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thr- I'm the thr- I'm though the the the th th the the th th the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th th the the the th the th the th th the th th to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the thr-I thr-I the, I'm not farting. Maybe it's your diet, maybe you just eat the right stuff. But like, I've never thought of a time where I was like, oh yeah, oops, I farted. Oops, I commed. I'm trying to think. Oops, I had Jackie farted. Well, this has somehow been embarrassing for us more than anything else. Yeah, thank you both for being here. I'm sorry. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, that, that, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thoooooops, th. Oh, thoooops, thooo. Oh, th. Oh, anything else. Yeah, thank you both for being here. I'm sorry. Not me at the end of this going, you guys farted in front of the book? Oh, this sucks. Let us know

how embarrassed you are by watching this episode. Yeah. And let us know what other subreddits and themes you'd like us to cover, because this one was a hit, and we'll see you next Saturday. Goodbye. And make sure to like the video. Make sure to like the video. Make sure.