Smosh Reads Reddit Stories - Shayne's Favorite Reddit Stories | Reading Reddit Stories

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Starting point is 00:00:46 Hello and welcome to Reddit Stories. Today is my birthday. Today is my birthday. As of this episode airing it is my birthday. And all the stories that we're going to read are stories that I have submitted to our producers over the past few months. Every now and then as I'm scrolling through Reddit, I will find a crazy story. I'll send it their way and be like, hey, we should read this sometime. So they've accumulated those and we're going to read this or today. I don't know which ones. Okay, some of them I send to them and I if one is really crazy, don't be mad at me.

Starting point is 00:01:25 Okay, you can be mad at me. But joining me today on my birthday, Tommy and Spencer. Hello. Hello. That's right. We're just like Bionnaz. Biontie Zendea, Kiki Palmer. Yes. Abilie Miller? Palmer. Yep. That's really good. Abby Miller?

Starting point is 00:01:45 That's crazy. Wow, pretty cool. I only know one cancer's name is Tom Cruise. That's, so we share a birthday. Pretty cool. That's awesome. Um, I was gonna say leukemia, but you know, woof. Hey, let's get to these stories.

Starting point is 00:02:03 Hey, let's to these stories. Hey, let's tell these stories. Hey, let's tell these stories. All right, so we're going to have a variety of stuff today. There's not really a theme outside of me. My picks. All right, let's hop into these. Great. Here we go.

Starting point is 00:02:20 What if you could jump into Reddit stories like Mario Paintings? That'd be sick. Like let's jump into these. Oh, am I the asshole? Whom-wom? Bum-wom. It's like, I can't find the red coins here. All right.

Starting point is 00:02:33 First story. Am I the asshole for offering sex and then rejecting it because my boyfriend wanted to finish his game first. This is a chosen dilemma right here. So me and my boyfriend have been together since we were 20 for seven years now. The sex has become less frequent and that mostly has to do with my own sex drive becoming less and less. Lately we've been talking about this a lot because it's really starting to frustrate him. The sex was down to about once a month at some point. We talked about it and he explained that he only wants to have sex with me if I also wanted 100%.

Starting point is 00:03:08 This just doesn't happen... Good, good guy. This just doesn't happen very often for me. So we made an agreement that if I was not at 100%, but I wasn't not in the mood, I would try to make more of an effort. Yesterday I was driving home from work and I had had the mindset, the mindset, the mindset, I had, to to the to to to the to make more of an effort. Yesterday, I was driving home from work, and I had the mindset to surprise him. So after dinner, I left the living room and got all dressed up. He rather likes lingerie, so I put on some stockings, high heels, mini skirt, and corset.

Starting point is 00:03:33 I also put on some nice makeup and was excited that I was about to make him very happy. When I walked into the living room, he looked very happy and excited when he saw me, but explained that he just started a raid with his clan members on runescape. His what? Ah, shut the fuck up. When I walked into the living room, he looked very happy and excited when he saw me, but explained that he had just started a raid with his clan members on runescape.

Starting point is 00:04:01 I don't know the exact name of the raid, but he always calls this one, the difficult, the difficult, the difficult, the difficult, the difficult, the difficult, the difficult, the difficult, the difficult, thii, thi, thi, thi, thi, tooi, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, thi.. the, the, the, the. the?e. the. thean, thean, thean, thean, tooooooooooooooooom. tooo. the raid, but he always calls this one the difficult spider lady for me so I understand which one it is. Where is Trevor, bro? Can someone text Trevor? Can someone text Trevor be like who is the difficult spider lady in? I can't. I feel like a simple Google search might even get the answer. Yeah but it'd be funnier for Trevor. For me so I understand which one it is. He said that he didn't th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the t. t. tip. t. t. te. t. t. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. t. the. t. t. t. ti. t. ti. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. t., for me, so I understand which one it is. He said that he didn't want to ruin the raid for his raid members and told me it would take him about 10 to 15 minutes. That's not that long. I walked into the bedroom alone and a little sad because I felt like he chose his game over me. Especially when I put in this much effort to create a nice evening for him and cater to his needs. Long story short, I got cold and upset and crawled into bed.

Starting point is 00:04:47 When he wanted to join me 20 minutes later, I really wasn't in the mood anymore and said that he lost his shot this night. I feel like I ruined his night when I was trying to make it better. Am I the asshole? So there was no official verdict on this one just so you know. I have my thought because I've obviously read this before. My ultimate take on this is I'm like, I think this is very much like a probably,

Starting point is 00:05:12 this is like a very relationship dilemma. Yeah, this is a complicated relationship thing that we don't have. If I was a friend of theirs, I wouldn't be like, it's not, let's not make this about. Let's make this about. I. I a th. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi thi thi thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii thi thi thi thi thi th make this about who's the asshole and who's not. Right. Like, let's make this about. Right. I think it's funny. I do think it's a little funny. It is kind of funny. It is a funny situation. This feels like a sitcom situation, like something on new girl or something.

Starting point is 00:05:37 So can I be vulnerable? Yes. I feel like I almost like sometimes am scared like when I'm dating someone it's like what if they want to surprise me with sex? Really? And like it's like what do you do when like you know because that is such a kind of a trope where it's like oh like you like I'm like the the you know it's typically you know I'm tryn't on dangerous gravity like in movies and stuff like the woman will be like oh I'm to thrown the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they I I's they I's they I'm they I'm they. I'm the the the the the the the the the the theymy I'm tryme I'm they. I'm they. I'm they. I'm they. I'm they I's I's I's I's I's I's I's I's I's I's I I's I I I I I I I I I's I I I I I I's I's I's I I I's I's I's I ty I'm ty I'm ty I'm ty I'm ty. I'm ty. I'm tryn. I'm tryn. I'm tryn't tryn't try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm the woman will be like, oh, I'm going to get dressed up and like surprise my partner. It's like, what if, what if you're not in the mood? Yeah. And to me, it's like, you know, I would feel really bad.

Starting point is 00:06:09 I would feel really bad for them. And it's like, it seems like what she went through is exactly what I'd be afraid of. You know, you'd feel a a a a a a a little a little a little. You'd a feel a feel a feel a feel a feel a valid. Feel is valid. I think her feelings are valid. I think this is something they need to just talk about. Yes. I don't think it's a matter of like, oh I was in the wrong, you're in the wrong. I think it's like, hey, what happened there? What's going on?

Starting point is 00:06:32 I feel like, I thiiii, I feel like, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, I thin, I thin, I thin, I thin, I thin, I thin, I thin, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, sure. Like, she's fully there and she's very vulnerable. She's like, she comes out, she walks out, and is like, here is all of me. And he's excited, she's admitting like, he was excited, but he's like, can it take the- He's like, one sec, one sec, one sec. And she's like, oh, shit. It definitely, it definitely is a little devastating. It would would is, it's, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, here. It. It's. It's, here. It's, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here. Here, here, here. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He, here, here, here, here, here, he. He's, he is, he is, he is, he is, he is, he is, he is, he is, he is he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. he. he's he. He's he. He's he. He's he.tough thing too is he had no idea this was about to happen. Right. So it's like no one's at fall. It just didn't play out the way it's supposed to. And obviously, what I, there's,

Starting point is 00:07:11 there's a lot of research and books on this type of thing. But you know, some people have a reactive sexuality. Some people don't. It sounds like I feel like they don't sound like they're in a bad spot, but I feel like they both could either read up on stuff with sexuality or see a sex therapist to like get ahead of this being a worse situation to learn about their communication styles. I've never heard that term reactive. Yeah, me either. Yeah, reactive sexuality is when people don't like, she's talking about like I don't have a sex drive. It's like you do. It's that's the, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the, the, the, the, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. like, you do. It's that you may not feel sexual until it's like, until it's kind of like you need to react to it.

Starting point is 00:07:50 There's a more in-depth situation to it than just like, oh, I need something sexual to happen to feel it. And it's what it also is that some people are very environmental with their sexuality. So they need to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be. to be to be. to be to be. to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the the the the the the the the the the the. the. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. to be in the right situation. I get on the Reddit stage, oh, I know. Start humping stuff. I know. It's a lot. We had to settle. We had to handle.

Starting point is 00:08:08 You're actually velcrode to the couch, right? Yeah. I keep trying to, I've got a sprayer in the back here. Kipin order. Trevor. He's like, oh, the one that takes two minutes to beat. The difficult spider lady. Yeah, that would be Versick Vittour. The final boss of the theater of blood. Why do you ask? We just texted to Trevor. He got us back. We're all cartoon people here, apparently. Yeah. We'd be like, Tommy, what's that Charlie X X?

Starting point is 00:08:40 Blah. It's called a roller coaster car. Your eyes roll back. Roller coaster car. Is that a real phone? No, but it basically is. It basically is. I'll be a little vulnerable. The reason I talk about this, because I just, I was just finished listening to a

Starting point is 00:08:58 book, a nonfiction book on sexuality. Because I like psychology books. And it's this book called Come As You Are. And it's about, that's the title of the book. I was like, alright. Guys, you can't laugh. But you're not allowed to laugh. You're legally not allowed to laugh.

Starting point is 00:09:15 But in it, she, this expert talks about how everyone has accelerators. And that's like, some people have more sensitive, to to to to to to, to, to, and, and, and, and, and, to, to, and, to, to, the, the, and, the, the, and, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, and, and, the, and, and, the, and, the, and, the, and, the, and, the, and, the, and, the, and, the, and, and, the, and, and, the, the, and, and, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, is, is............... And, the the the the the the the they. they. the the they. the they. the the they. the they. the they. the they. their have more sensitive accelerators, but she says what's damaging is overtime. People start to go like, oh, I just have no sex drive. It's like, no, your brakes are probably on. Like the situation's not right, and you're not clocking what's preventing you from feeling it. Or it's interesting. It's really fascinating. But I think what's also could potentially be a problem is he's saying, I don't want want the the you want it 100% that puts a ton of pressure. It does put a lot of pressure on. That makes that's probably going to make her sex like desire to go

Starting point is 00:09:50 back her she's like oh shoot I need to. Like it's kind of what you're talking about it it's like there's a lot of pressure here and that's making it more difficult. There's a lot of pressure on the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. That's probably the. that's probably that's probably that's probably that's probably th. th. that's probably th. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably th. It's probably th. It's probably th. It's probably th. It's probably that's probably that. that's probably thate. that's probably that's probably that's probably that's probably that's probably thate. that's probably thate. thate. these cameras? Last thing I'll say about it, because there's a funny story in this book where this, she's a therapist and she's talking to this couple and they're like, yeah, we like, I have no desire or whatever, and there's kind of a lot of pressure on it, and she goes, okay, you guys, I'm making a mandate, you guys, you thua, you can not thua, you can not thu. like, you're not allowed. And then they ended up having sex because the pressure was so off that they then suddenly. And I'm like, that's fascinating. So that's what I mean, like, I think this couple. But I think this couple would benefit from reading up on this stuff,

Starting point is 00:10:39 because I think they... Shane's like, you should try reading. Have you read a book? No, but that's, that's like, that's really... I can say, I can talk about that kind of stuff all day. Do you Reddit stories, co-o'nex, sex. There is our sex, and it's a... Well, yeah. But I mean, Reddit stories, thatthax. that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I's, I that's, I's, I that's, I's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I've pitched this before. Yeah. You're sitting in the room like, guys, what if we did sex?

Starting point is 00:11:05 Guys, what if we do? And it's that Antonio Banderas. And the fact that there is just our sex is really funny. Yeah, and it's every day there's another story about a threesome going wrong. Yeah. It's insane. All right, some comments on this. You should have told him you had a surprise for him and not do anything instead of letting him get started on something.

Starting point is 00:11:26 It also does kind of suck that waiting 20 minutes is such a deal breaker. He was clearly excited, but he'd made a commitment to other people he needed to wrap up first. 3.9,000 up votes. 3,000 people were like, yeah. I definitely see it. It's fair that if you surprise that if someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone it's fair that if you surprise someone, it may not be the ideal situation. Right. But I also understand her feeling.

Starting point is 00:11:48 Someone said, here's the thing non-gamers don't get about online groups. Oh shit. Here's the thing. So we have a follow-up from Trevor. Okay. Listen, here's what non-gamers don't understand. He didn't choose the game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game the game game game game game game game game game game game game game game didn't choose the game over you. He was simply already committed to a group of people and cancelling probably meant

Starting point is 00:12:07 ruining their session. It doesn't matter that 1,000 gamers are yelling, you're the asshole but have no clue on how desire works. She felt the urge and the response killed that to a point she didn't want to have sex anymore. It's not rational, it's fully hormonal and instincts talking. They need to work out a better way to get that desire, maybe even going outside their bonds, doing some menage, doing some menage, buying some crazy toys, watching porn, et cetera. Anyone saying you've been denying him for a month after month does not have a chance at a healthy relationship, because they're blaming the effect slash the result and not the cause

Starting point is 00:12:42 slash the actual problem. Wait, what is a the the the the the the the the th, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, the the the the, the, the, the the th, the the the th, the th, the, th, th, th, th, the, th, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the result and not the cause slash the actual problem. Wait, what is a menage? Menage et tois? But it's a three-way. Oh, really? I didn't know that. I thought a menage et tois was a three-way lingo. I thought like it was like a three-way. They're just abbreviating.

Starting point is 00:12:56 Oh, can you abbreviate it? Because I would think. I. I. I Menage would be like a separate word. Nicky? Yes. Menage translates to households. So like Menage atwa is like a house of thirty. Oh, so Menage is the house. Um, so Nicky Manage's name is Nicky House? The boots.

Starting point is 00:13:21 The boots. I think before they try a bunch of crazy shit, they should just talk about. Bro, have you tried fucking someone else? Yeah. But yeah, I'm sure there were a ton of comments of people ragging on her being like, you're denying him sex. It's like, no, like, he has the right idea of like, I don't want to do this if you don't want to. But I think they should be talking and learning about themselves and self-reflecting on what they're into.

Starting point is 00:13:48 When they're into something, it's like, why? You know? Right. Anyways, moving on. I should come at look inward. Look inward. Hey, take a peep inside. Okay. This next story comes from the two hot takes subreddit. Shout out to two hot takes, they rock.

Starting point is 00:14:06 This one I found and I clocked it because, you know, it's relatable to a sense. You'll understand. Did you point out me when you said that? No, I put it out Spencer. Okay. You'll understand. You'll understand. And I'll understand. My penis is too big? I have, I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have th, I have th, I have th, I have th, I have thi, that, tho, tho, tho, to, to, th, the the the the the the the the the the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi, th about... You'll understand. And I'll understand. My penis is too big. Oh? I have a huge penis! Okay. God, it really is boys day today, isn't it?

Starting point is 00:14:34 Here we go. My boyfriend has started becoming more and more insecure about my height, and it's starting to drive me crazy. Ha ha. Throw away and for context I'm a 22 year old woman and he's a 23 year old man. We're both about 5.8. I'm slightly shorter so maybe he's 5.8 and a half. I'm tall for a girl. I was a shooting guard on the basketball team during my first three years of college. He knew this going into the relationship. You knew how tall I was. You knew it!

Starting point is 00:15:11 You knew this! Next to our rulers. Next to our rulers. We've been together. Put your ass against the... And we're going to kiss. We've been together for seven months. The first six months were smooth sailing. However, last month we went to- I started dunking on him. I got the H-O-R and the S.

Starting point is 00:15:28 However, last month we went to a more posh-sh-sash slash bougy party and I wore heels. Of course, I ended up being taller than him by a decent bit, so instead of telling me how pretty he thought I looked, the first thing he pointed he, wow, you look way too tall in those. You look at Bigfoot? Even ask if I had a shorter pair of heels and then finally gave it up. I found that really weird and out of character about him.

Starting point is 00:15:57 But that was only the start. Ever since that day, he has bugged me at least four times a week to assure that I feel protected around him. Literally yesterday, he asked if I'd love him more if he was above six foot. Whenever we take side-by-side picks, he gets on his tip-y toes to make it seem like he's much taller than me. I do that with Tommy. I crack my knees out when I stand next to you me up, which he can with ease since he's strong, and it catches me off guard every time. Bro, that gave me the ick. I know. He tries straightening his back to the point where he looks weird. He's bought into some weird narrative that I see him as less of a man because he's not four inches taller. I've told him multiple times that I don't care about his height, otherwise I wouldn't have gotten with him. No matter how many I love you's I'll throw at him. And I mean all of them.

Starting point is 00:16:46 He just can't stop talking about this issue. Guys, what do I do? He's been acting so immature about this. Cut your feet off. Yeah, I think she has to cut her feet off. She's going to have to make some sacrifices. I selected this. I selected this. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I. I have thii, I have thi, I've thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have I've never understood that this insecurity. The only times I've ever felt insecure about, it's not like an insecurity, it's just like a, oh damn.

Starting point is 00:17:14 It's like when I was on dating apps and stuff and there are a lot of people who are like, oh I won't date someone under like a certain height. But once I was, in my entire life whenever I've been dating someone, I then don't really care. Like, I don't care if they're taller than me. No, I think the only times I felt like a little insecure about it are dating apps when it's like, when it feels like a statistic. Yeah. It's listed like a, like a sports statistic. And then at airports when you got you gotta take your shoes off. For some reason everyone just feels like a foot taller than me at the airport. I don't know what it is. Interesting.

Starting point is 00:17:49 Like at the, at the, yeah, like when you're going through security, I'm like. I put you in the tube and tell you to put your hands on. Why is everyone a Navi? Yeah. I feel like Jake Sully. But I could never fathom like telling someone to not wear heels because they... No, and to me like at this age, well I mean, unfortunately, sorry I've been saying unfortunately a lot. Smasha just kind of made everything a little funny to me. So like now if my partner's like way taller me is like, uh-huh. It's like, jokes on you.

Starting point is 00:18:27 I just don't think about it. But some short guys, I guess, really get hung up on it. Like, really don't like it. But if a genie came up to you, Tom, you're excluded from this conversation. How tall are you? Basically six one when my hair's doing its thing. If someone was like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. It's like, like, like, to, like, to, like, like, to, like, like, like, like, like, like, to like, like, like, jokes, like, like, like, like, to to to to to to to to to, tall are you? Basically, six one when my hair's doing its thing. If someone's like, hey, here's six inches for free. Not free?

Starting point is 00:18:50 Let me rephrase that better. I will make you grow. I'm six inches for free. I'll be like, what? OK, you're back in the game. Yes. Just talking to salutes. the game. I'm just like, dude, I can make you half a foot taller for, let's say $1,000. Oh, I mean, okay.

Starting point is 00:19:13 I think anyone would do that. Okay, but yeah, but that's like, there's a lot of, it's like. I'm just asking, bro, I'm asking the question. I'll make your six pack a little more visible for a thousand dollars. I'm like, I'll just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just to just to just to just to just I'm just I'm just just just just just I'm just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'm just just just just. I'm just. I'll just. I'll just. I'll just. I'll just. I'll just. I'll just. I'll just. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll.and dollars. I'll make your question. I'll make your butt fatter for a thousand dollars. I'm like, I'll do all these man. Taking out loans. Like I would do a there's a lot of, yeah. But it's not like I'm like desperate for that. Right. If I get three wishes from a genie that's not probably going to be one of my wishes. But what if they were like hey or make you three inches shorter. Okay, yeah, I guess. Okay, let me pitch this.

Starting point is 00:19:46 This is, this is weird. Welcome to my Reddit story. Let me pitch this. Okay, you guys are obviously secure, well-rounded, healthy, and the brain guys mostly. Have you guys seen the surgeries that they do, where they, like, break the shins or whatever, and they stretch the legs out? It tastes like, th, th, th, th, th, to, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, the, the, tho, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. This, th. This, th. This, th. This, th. This, th. This, th. This, th. th, th, th, th, th, th....... th, th, th, th.. And, th, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi, thi, thi, thi, throoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. And, the. And, thi. And, thu. And, th. And, they do where they like break the shins or whatever and they stretch the legs out taste like a year to like get it and recover how much money would you have to get paid to do that surgery? I would never I don't think I would ever do it because I think that would you're gonna be fucked up. Like that's gonna be fucked up and I'm like honestly like post 50, 60 like I don't I'm not gonna care about my height at that point and I but

Starting point is 00:20:28 I will be feeling that shit. I just I'm like I'm way more worried about that. I care so much more about my health and like you know you know yeah no bullshit I don't need it. Yeah um It's somewhere to pay me to do it. That's what I'm saying. Yeah I I mean I mean I th. I would th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. that's th. the th. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that that's that's the the the, it's somewhere to pay me to do it. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I mean not much. I mean, I would also have to see a mock-up, like, what am I the proportion is going to be? You're going to look very silly. Same shins. Yeah, no, you're going to look a little silly. But if maybe, maybe, maybe I've got short shins. I don't know where I don't know where I don't know where I don't know where I don't know where I don't know where I don't that's I don't that's I don't that's where I don't th th th th th th th th th th th th th. I'm that that that that that that that that the that thi. I'm th. I'm th. I'm to th. I'm th th. I'm th th. I'm th. I'm th. I th. I th. I th. I th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I'm th. the. the. the. theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. th. th. th. th. th. th. ue. I would need to look at a naked picture of myself and then be like there will be like this will be longer. The first time you've ever looked yourself naked. Yeah. Length length, leg lengthening surgery can cost around $75,000 and is roughly a four-hour operation and also probably a shit ton of recovery. Yeah, they crank it. Yeah. No it's all when I'm over it. Do you have to not heard about this. th about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about this this this. this. th about th th th. th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do the the the the the the the the the their the their. Do their length. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Legen. Leg. Leg. Legganting. Legganting. Legganting. Leggant. Leggant. Leggant. Leggant. Leggant. Leggant. Leggant. Legg. Legg. Legg. Legg. Legg. Legg. Legg. Legg. Legg. Legg. Legg. Do the length. Do the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. L. Legs. Legs. L. Legs. Lengthing. Legs. L. Legs. Lengthing. Legs. Legs. Legs. Legs. Legs. Legs. Legs. Legs. Legs. Legs. this. You have braces on your legs for like months.

Starting point is 00:21:26 And as soon as it heals, they go crank, crank, and it stretches your bones out. And then it heals again and you do it over and over again until you're taller. The things men do. You kind of have to like relearn how to walk. Yeah, no, not doing that. Anyways, comments. We're freaking the the th th th th th freak freak, th th th th the th. Tfere the the the the the the. the. thea thea. thea. thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' thia' thia' thea' thease thease thease thease thease thease thease thease thease thease thease thease thease thease the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thea. thea. thea. thanks. thanks. thanks. thanks. thanks. thanks. thanks. thanks. thanks. thanks. thanks. thanks. theaa, not doing that. Anyways, comments. We're freaking our crew out. This is great. This is the thing. This is the thing. You get that surgery because it's like, oh, I want to be more attractive. But it's like, then you have to tell people that you got that surgery. And I'm like, five, five, seven, but you never got that surgery. tho-What do you thin. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. that, that, th. that, th. th. that, th. th. that, that, that, that, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. to. to, the. to, to, to, the. to, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. you got that surgery. What do you think people would rather pick? I think the kind of people that might be going for

Starting point is 00:22:08 someone because of height might care a little less maybe? Yeah but I just also think these guys are going for the wrong people. Yeah, exactly. What I liked is I did see one of those posts where a guy had done that and and the comment on it was just like you're five seven forever dude like it's just like sorry dude you're still five seven like you're no there's nothing wrong with that you're five seven we should do it we should do like a pitflog where we we have still it's on all day and we're like what's it like what's it like okay did anyone write that now I didn't I didn't hear any pens scribbling some comments on this post he knew thi thin? th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th th th th th th I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theeeee the the thee the the the the the the the the the. He knew this going into the relationship. Well at least you didn't just suddenly reveal yourself to be 5-8. That would have been dishonest. She's just like, oh, see, I will show you my true form.

Starting point is 00:22:54 My husband is 5-6 on a tall day. I'm really petite, but I remember when we were young, I've known him my whole life. He had a long-term relationship with a gorgeous girl who was quite a bit taller than him. I think maybe she's five, nine or so. Honestly, I think that made him more desirable to a lot of beautiful women, and most of his relationships have been with stunning women. that just means he's secure or taller. That just means secure thanne. This is about me. He could have chosen anyone. Lastly, someone said, this is the type of guy who has a great girlfriend gets insecure about his height.

Starting point is 00:23:26 He then lets his insecurities cause issues and the girl dumps him. Then the guy complains about not being able to get a girlfriend because of his height. The cycle continues. Someone responded to that, obviously I already was awful, right? Is there a word for this? L-O-L. Yeah, and so. Right. I do think that the insecurity is so much worse than any physical trait.

Starting point is 00:23:55 So this guy is blowing it. He's fumbling the bag. Yeah. Sadly. And he's short. He's also short. Shut up! No, it's the, yeah. And the actual dating experience is it never, it never really comes up. Yeah, it's definitely like, in my entire life, there's been so many people who don't give a shit. So. It's not a thing in the gay world.

Starting point is 00:24:20 There's just too many people. There's just so many people. I've dated people taller than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than too many people. Shut up tall ass. There's just so many people. I've dated people taller than me and shorter than me. And it's all fun. Six inches free. Where? Oh, boom! All right.

Starting point is 00:24:40 Three inches are free. And I want it now! There are my six inches that I want it now! Okay. Okay, our next story is another Am I the Asshole post. Am I the asshole for firing my best man for proposing at my wedding? Oh, Guy, come on. That's cringe, bro. Let's do this. My, this is a 30-year-old

Starting point is 00:25:09 man. My wedding was supposed to be the happiest day of my life, my wife, who's 28, and I spent months planning every detail, and it turned out perfect, almost. My best man, let's call him John, a 32-year-old man, has been my closest friend since childhood. Naturally, I asked him to be my best man, and he accepted with excitement. The ceremony was beautiful, and the reception was even better. Everything was going smoothly until the speeches. John got up to give his best man speech. At first, it was full of the usual jokes and heartfelt stories, which everyone enjoyed.

Starting point is 00:25:39 But then, out of nowhere, he turned to his girlfriend, who's 25, and th, and th, and th, and their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, thi, tho, tho, th. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th... th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th thr. throwne th throwne, th th throwne, th th throwne, th th throwne, th th th throwne th th th, he turned to his girlfriend, who's 25, and started talking about their relationship. Before I knew it, he was down on one knee, proposing to her right there in the middle of my reception. The room went silent. I could feel my wife's hand squeezing mine tighter and tighter. John's girlfriend said yes, and everyone started clapping and cheering, but I was fuming. I felt like my special day had been hijacked. Instead of celebrating our marriage, everyone was now focused on John and his fiance.

Starting point is 00:26:10 After the initial shock war off, I confronted John and told him he was out of line. He said he thought it would be a great surprise and assumed I would be happy for him. I told him he was selfish and inconsiderate and I ended up kicking him out of the reception. Now, some of our mutual friends are saying I overreacted and that I should have let it slide for the sake of our friendship. My wife fully supports my decision, but I'm starting to wonder if I was too harsh. Am I the assuble for firing my best man and kicking him out of my wedding to posing during my reception? I don't think so, man. I don't, I don't, I'm, I don't th. I don't tho, I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't thin, I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm that-I, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. thee. theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. the. the. th. think so, man. I don't know, but he shouldn't be proposing at someone else's wedding.

Starting point is 00:26:46 It's their day, it's their wedding. I sent this one in because I was like, the absolute audacity is crazy. That's crazy. Like, during your best man speech, the whole purpose of your best man speech is to literally celebrate the other couple. And you made it about yourself, I don't know what this guy is worried about. If he feels this way and his wife feels the same way,

Starting point is 00:27:08 I'm like, then you guys are good. It was your wedding. It was your wedding. You could kick someone out of my wedding. You could kick some out of my wedding. It's all of a sudden. You're disturbing the middle of your wedding, I'd be like, get the fuck out of my wedding. I don't know what that was. I don't think I've ever understood.

Starting point is 00:27:27 What's your doing? Is he okay? I don't think I've ever understood the idea of proposing at someone else's wedding. So I'm like, you really want that to be part of your story with your partner. I guess if it's like, I guess they would like celebrate this kind of thing I'm like okay but this where it's like your friends wedding I'm like that at a wedding yeah at the very at the very least run it by the bride and groom oh sure if you're gonna be doing anything weird absolutely absolutely and proposing is weird yeah I guess the idea is that you're at a party.

Starting point is 00:28:08 I'm allergic to stupid. I guess the idea is that you're already at a big event with like everyone's there, all your friends. There's music, it's a positive atmosphere. So you're, it's an idea of to take advantage of that and propose while you're in the right situation there. I just think it's really shitty because everyone knows like the whole idea of a wedding is about the bride and groom. It's literally their day.

Starting point is 00:28:37 So to even have, to plan that in advance and do it is really shitty. I don't know if I would clap if I was in that situation., the the the tha., th. th. th., th. th. I th. I th. th. I th. I thi. I thi. thi. thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I'm tho, thi, thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the right, the right, the right, the right, the right, the right, the right, the right, the right, the right, the right, the right, the right, the right, the right, the right, the right, the right, the right, the right, the right, the right, thi. thi. I thi. I'm thi. thi. there's, thi. there's, there's thi. thi. thi. thi. there's thi. thi. their, their th do it is really shitty. I don't know if I would clap if I was in that situation. Not out of being like, hmm, I think I would just be like, what? I would feel pissed like on the behalf of the bride and groom. Oh, totally. I'd be like, is this a prank? Right. Yeah, it would make me feel icky. Especially if I saw that the bride and groom where they they they they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were the the the bride and groom were they were the bride and groom were they were they were the bride and groom were they were like, the bride and groom were the bride. the bride. the bride. the bride and groom were their the bride and groom were their their their their the bride. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, thoom. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. thin. thin, theat, thri. thi. tooomorrow, tooomorrow, tooomorrow, tooomorrow, tooomorrow, tooomorrow. toea. toea. thi. the. th I saw that the bride and groom were they're like, I'd be like,

Starting point is 00:29:06 oh shit. A bunch of comments. If he thought you'd be happy, why didn't he take two seconds beforehand to clear it with you? Not the asshole, don't propose at other people's weddings. That's true. Oh, I thought you'd be happy. It's like, then tell me. Someone else said lots of things you maybe shouldn't do at any wedding, the wedding, thia, thi. Someone else said lots of things you maybe shouldn't do at any wedding. I watched the groom get up to make his toast and he did, and then spent what seemed like forever tearing into his parents. 300 guests were all trying to figure out the same thing. How do we make it stop?

Starting point is 00:29:34 It was probably only two minutes, but it felt like 20. It was 25 years ago, and I've never forgotten it. I'll bet 299 other people people. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. toe. toe. toe. toe. toeee toeee toeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. the., someone said, yep, I absolutely get where people think it's a good idea because if you share a friend group or a family, then everybody you know will be there for your proposal. It sounds like a decent idea, except it just changes the vibe of the day. As it then turns the rest of the day into congratulating the newly engaged instead of being all about the newly married couple. Yep, super selfish to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do. the the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. thine, thoom. thi, thi. I, thi, thoom. I tho. I tho. I th. I th. I th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I is is th. I is thi. I is a thi. I's, I'm, I'm thi. I'm thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. Andthe newly married couple. Yep, super selfish to do without an okay from both the people getting married. It's like the one time you should be allowed to be so selfish. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:13 Yeah. That is literally the whole purpose of it. Absolutely. Insane. Insane shit. I think he did the right thing by kicking him out. For sure. It does suck. That's his childhood best friend. And so it's that's that's that's that's that's, that's, that's, thing by kicking him out. For sure. It does suck. That's his like childhood best friend. And so it's probably the end of that. I wonder how the woman being proposed you felt.

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Starting point is 00:32:08 Rediscover possibility with better help. Visit Better Help. to learn more. That's Better H-E-L-P. that's better. She said yes. She's probably scared. It's tough. It's hard for me to to the.

Starting point is 00:32:22 It's tough, it's hard for me to relate to. It's a situation I don't think I ever would have ended up in. No. Sorry, not to be this guy, but it could be me. Couldn't be me. I feel like if it happened to me, I would, in the best improv way that I can, be like, yes, and we just recreated how you guys proposed to each other in the park? Right, we love you guys! Yay, get back to this speech, honey. I would hate to see that. It would even be uncomfortable, even if he didn't propose, it's uncomfortable for him to talk about his own relationship with his girlfriend. It's just like, what are you doing? Like, talk about the bride and groom. Don't talk about anything

Starting point is 00:33:00 anything else, awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Next story. These are great picks, by the way. Thank you. Yeah, they're just like concise, like good ones. This next one's crazy. Okay.

Starting point is 00:33:14 This comes from Best of Reader Updit. I, a 25-year-old woman, discovered my boyfriend, a 28-year-old man, of three years is cheating. Tonight is the biggest biggest biggest biggest biggest biggest biggest biggest biggest biggest thiiiii three years is cheating. Tonight is the biggest night of his life. Help me. Uh, this is a good hit-man level. Yeah. Okay. All right. I won't go into all the gory details of our relationship. We were in love, and well, I still love him. But I found out clearly he does not.

Starting point is 00:33:45 I discovered proof that he has been cheating on me for a while, in the form of small home movies of them. I don't know the girl, and from the looks of their conversations, yep, went ahead and post-discovery snooped, she has no idea I exist. Tonight is the biggest night of my boyfriend's life. He's receiving a state award at a big dinner with a few hundred people attending from his mom and dad to councilman and all of that. In fact the only reason I... The mayor! In fact the only reason I discovered this transgression is because I've been

Starting point is 00:34:17 putting together a little video for him to enjoy some of the key moments of his life. You know, typical sappy shit. I'm burdened with a lot of power right now, and I don't know if I have it in me to do the right thing, or if I even know the right thing. I'm blinded with tears of rage and sadness and betrayal. But at the same time, I love him, have loved him, and do am not a woman who will take her man cheating on her. Certainly not. That's not the issue. The issue is, there are cutesy selfies of the two of them, a lot of them, only shared between the two of them.

Starting point is 00:34:52 Nothing lewd, there's plenty of that on camera, though. Do I sneak one in the snap reel as I'm not going to pick up everything and leave without cutting contact. That's not my style and it wouldn't make me feel good, just very sad. Do I do the bitchy thing for once in my life? To anyone looking at the snap reel. It would just look like a picture of him and a friend. But to him and to me, it would be a private message and outing. Help me Reddit. to th. th, help me, help me, th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th. th, th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th th th th th th th th th that thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, it thi, it thi, it th. th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, th. th. th. th. th. th. th thi, thi, thi, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th don't know what to do this time. Help me out. Help me, Reddit. Help me, it will be one. Um, um, because the rest of the people there won't know, this makes it,

Starting point is 00:35:34 because initially I was like, I don't know. It feels a little too much, like, I think we were a picture and her like spliced in like fight club, like, fucking. She's not talking about anything lude she's talking about literally just a photo of him right and her just like so people are gonna think like oh it's some and the next picture is her crossing arms like yeah and then it's just text saying I know how insane if she does it is that moment for him crazy you're there in like this high stakes, you're probably nervous about like, oh my god, I'm in front of all these people.

Starting point is 00:36:08 And then you see that. And then you look over and she's there just like... Yeah, she's not going to be keeping her cool, dude. I'm sorry. Yeah, it's going to come up. She's going to be sobbing. Oh my god. I mean my My unsolicited advice would be tell them before. Ruined the night ahead of time.

Starting point is 00:36:33 That's a good point. And not not in a big way like, you know, because I don't think like, you know, that could be. I don't think like, you know, that could be, I don't know, like, I don't want to say dangerous. But that feels quite like, I think my takesakes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes to say dangerous, but that feels like... I do think my takes a lot of times are not necessarily on what's the right or wrong thing, but like what's going to make your life easier? Right. And it's like sometimes doing an extreme thing can cause an extreme reaction. Yep. Especially if you're a woman and you have a guy, men are, they do dangerous shit sometimes, so it's like, you get what you put out there. Her plan sounds pretty fucking cool.

Starting point is 00:37:06 Right. I am eager to see. It would be satisfying in the moment. Yes, yeah. Oh, it's a movie moment. Right. But do you want your life to be a movie? Do you want your life to be a life?

Starting point is 00:37:16 Exactly. That's a good point. Good. Rade that. That's good point. That's good point. That's. that. that. that. that. that. that. that's. that's. that's. that. that. that's. that's. that's. that. that's good point. that's good. that. that's good. that's good. that's good. that's good point. that's good. that's good. that's good. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. theat. theat. the. the. what, if there's really nothing that anyone would pick up on other than the two of you, you slip that photo into the slideshow. Make eye contact with him when the photo appears on screen. Then when it's over, you stand up and walk out. It ain't the high road, but nobody needs to walk the high road all the time. OP responded, I the the other reason I the reason I the reason the reason reason reason the reason the reason the reason the the other reason reason the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I the the the the thee tooke I tooke I tooke I tooke I tooke I tooke I tooke I tooke I tooke I tooke I tooke I too. I to I to I to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I the the the the the the the other the the other the other the other th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thin. I'm. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I tooke. I tooke. I to. I to. I to. I the other I have the guts to do that. I'm not exactly Olivia Pope. Character from Scandal. And how to get away with murder.

Starting point is 00:37:51 I didn't realize those are in the same universe. Oh. Are they in the What's her face averse? The Shonda rhymes? I don't know. Shandaland. I knew I was like, it's a the the the the thahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, th. th. th. th. th. thus, thi, thus, th. th. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th, th, th, th, th, th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to thi. I to to to thi. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I thi, thi, thand. My bad. I knew I was like it's done sound right. New theme park opening the summer. Bro. Acting like everyone I know in everything to go to Chondaland. I would be there in a heartbeat. Yeah. The Gray's Anatomy Dark Ride. It never ends. Why would one piece for days.

Starting point is 00:38:19 Update. Whoa. We're gonna find out what happens. I want a soundboard for this. Can we do have some of the soundboard? That would be awesome. Okay. The live stream with with Chance and Anjillo or an Arasha where they were playing the game about cheating and Chance just kept hitting the tick-tomb boom sound effect. I'm down. The people who listened to this before it while going to bed were going to hate it. Boing, we, we, we, y'all.

Starting point is 00:38:48 Okay. Well, it's been a month and a half since this all went down. I have gotten so many requests for an update and I never intended to actually give one. Honestly, because I was afraid of the fallout depending on what I ended up doing. So what did I do? I did the immature, vengeful thing, and I don't regret it. I took a few photos of the two of them, tasteful photos that gave off no indication other than she might be a childhood friend. I slipped them into the snap reel, and I spoke kindly of him at the podium, and then after my turn was finished, I walked out. of home feeling calm and in control. 20 minutes later, the text started. Where did I go?

Starting point is 00:39:25 What did I know? Where did I find the photos? Was there more in store for him? I texted him, I know you've been fucking her, but there are no more photos. There weren't any, and of course I left it at that. He didn't come home that night, or the next. The next day he called me he he he he he he, he he, he he, he he, he he, he he, he to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the the to the to to to to to the the the, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, the, the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the too, t.. t. t. told. told. told. t. told. too, ttoo, ttoo, the the to the to to to a public location. I agreed to meet him at Starbucks. I arrived early, waited for him. He showed up a few minutes late and took the seat across from me.

Starting point is 00:39:49 He started right off with the excuses, how it just happened, and he regrets it fully. She doesn't mean anything to him, and that she looked like a girl he had a crush on in high school, and he was powerless against his teenage self. Right. I didn't interrupt him. She's like, oh, oh, okay. She's like, oh, let's get a frap. Let's get a frap and go home. Yeah. I didn't interrupt him, just let him have his time.

Starting point is 00:40:10 When he was done and looking at me for a sign of what might happen next, all I could say was, so where did you stay the past few nights? Her house. And what did you do you you th you do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do the the the the the th you do the the the th you do the th you do th you do th you do th you do their the the tho? He wouldn't answer. There hadn't been any doubt in my mind. Really, I knew I was... But there was only one bed. I knew I was leaving him. He talked over himself apologizing, begging for forgiveness, saying he'd change. I told him that I didn't want him to have to change himself. That if who he was naturally was someone who cheated on his girlfriend, that's not someone I of proposing to me, and all I could say after that was, good thing I found out before.

Starting point is 00:40:45 Fast forward to a few weeks later, he's moved out and I am doing well. We have cut off contact. People ask me about him all the time, and I just let them know. He left me for a girl who looked like his high school crush. So that's the end. We are broken up. together. I don't feel any, I don't feel any regret of how I handled it. Like one commenter said, there's no need to take the high road all the time. Yeah, she rides up, huh? Well, I guess it didn't make a difference, huh? No, it all seemed to work out.

Starting point is 00:41:18 She should have shot him with like a crossbow. Yeah. At Starbucks. A vanilla bean crossbow. Yeah. It's crazy man. When people cheat, almost the worst part to me when people cheat is when they then think they like they try to spin it away where it's like, well we're going to be okay, right? It's just like now you're insulting their intelligence. Like, if you cheat, like if you don't admit it, but then you get caught it it might as well you might as well just be like all right well I guess we're done like this isn't like you got me yeah he they. Cut this out Shane's been doing like little trump impressions all day I've like caught it in my system she looked like my high school crush okay this also this is a this is like an affair that this is like an affair this is like an affair this is like I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I like I like I like th like this like th like this is like th like th like this is like th like this is like th like th like th like like th like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like th like like like like th like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like. like. like. like. like. like. like. like. like. like. like. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've like. I've like. I've like. I've like. I've like. I've like. I've like. I've like. I've like my high school crush. Okay, this also, this is a,

Starting point is 00:42:08 this is like an affair. This is like a multi-year. Yes. Like this is. Yes, it's horrendous and the and like the confidence he had to have all this photo footage and stuff. It's like, you know, it's wrong no matter what, but it hurts more when it's like, damn, and you didn't even feel you needed to hide it. Like, there's such an insult to your intelligence in it, that sucks. Well, good for her, I guess. Oh, good for her. Comments, what a cowardly piece of shit.

Starting point is 00:42:38 Good on you, girl, for leaving his cheating ass, and now he's her problem. Lastly someone said, ah, this was so thiiiiiiii s was th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, it's they, they, their, their, it's their, it's their, it's their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they. their, they. th. th. th. th. there's there's there's th. there's there's s' is there's s' is such is such there's s' is such there's s' is suchthis was so satisfying to read that you put the photos in and then left. You go, girl. I am sorry that he was such an awful guy. Can't believe he tried to pull this after saying he had stayed at her house for two nights. He said that he was thinking of proposing to me and all I could say after was good thing, was good thing I found out before. Perfect reply. A tooe. thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that he's that thi. that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he's that he's that he that he that he's that he that he. that he. that he. that he. that he. that he. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thr-a. thr-a. thr-a. toda. today. today. the. thr-a. thr-a. thi. thi job on being honest with those who have to ask about where he is. I hope all goes well in the future for you, O.P. Also, I love you. Also, I'm in love with you. Yeah, crazy shit. Wow.

Starting point is 00:43:15 This next story is crazier. Uh-oh. In a different way. I found this story and I was like, is the one Emily warned me about? Yes. I'm excited. Here's our next story, and this one's a doozy.

Starting point is 00:43:32 I'm going to read the title, and then you will understand the trigger warning that will follow it. The title of this, this story comes from our teenagers plus our copy pasta. The title of this, my hamster exploded. There it is. Trigger warning, if you don't want to hear about an animal getting hurt in any sort of capacity. Or potentially exploding. Skip this one to the next story. So I took the hamster and I went. This story was written by Shrek. Right. Okay. That's a great reference. I forgot. I forgot about this. So I took the hamster and I went, This story was written by Shrek. Right. Okay. That's a great reference. I forgot about this one. I sent this forever ago.

Starting point is 00:44:11 Um. Shane's in bed reading. It's like my hamster. Splooded. Boyo-oy-oying. Okay. I've been crying in my room for two hours now. I was making some salad dressing in the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. their. their. their. I. I. th. I. thoom. I'm. I. I. I. thoom. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t tooe. t t tooe. t tooe. tri. tri. tri. tri. I'm t salad dressing in the kitchen with my pet hamster Manny. I let him roam around. My sister and her friends were also in there doing something. I spilled a bottle of vinegar, so I left to get a towel and when I came back, Manny was drinking it. I didn't think anything of it, so I let him help me clean it up. All of the sudden, Manny starts acting really weird. He's normally very full of energy, but he was just sitting still. Everyone gathered around him to try to figure out what was wrong.

Starting point is 00:44:48 There's a circle of people going, oh no. Manny? Suddenly we hear a fizzling noise coming from inside Manny and he starts expanding. He let out a final squeak and bursted. Bubbles and blood went everywhere. My sister and her friend started screaming and crying. I ran and got my dad and he cleaned it up. We looked in the pantry and apparently Manny got into the baking soda

Starting point is 00:45:12 and ate a bunch of it. He became a volcano. I think I'm traumatized now. You think? Okay. The only thing I can give people is I think I'm fairly certain this is fake. However, but it's insane. Is that the rest, is that the end of the story? Because it's just that, I'm like, okay,

Starting point is 00:45:33 he got into some baking soda and then drink some vinegar. It's that scene for Big Trouble, China where the guy was like, I think it's a fake story, but it's insane. That's wacky. Amsters are known to die in crazy ways. No, all rodents, I have heard, there's no good way for them to go. It's like, literally a lot of the time,

Starting point is 00:45:56 it's just like, oh, they're heart exploded. Yeah. Right. Or they're like, because some rodents, you know how their teeth like grow out this way, sometimes the teeth just decide to grow the opposite way and just smush their brain. Rodents are fucked. Yeah, yeah it's a tough life out there. It's hard. It's rough out there for a little'm sorry that happened. To great story, dude. You keep baking soda on the floor and a hamster isn't going to expand. His stomach will burst and you won't know what's wrong without an autopsy. He's not a freaking balloon.

Starting point is 00:46:38 Slassy someone said, this is simultaneously the funniest and most heartbreaking thing I've seen all year. Yeah, the events don't play out like- It's definitely a loony to it. I think it's a fake story, but it's a funny fake story. Coming into it and be like, dad, my hamster exploded. My hamster exploded everywhere in the room. No, the idea of the hamster being like, yeah, and exploding. No, he's right. The hamster would die, and then you'd be like, what happened? So what happened?

Starting point is 00:47:05 All right, you want to explain? What's going on here? Wow. Yeah, so there's that one. Moving on? OK. What is the hamster faked its own death? Whoa. OK.

Starting point is 00:47:19 OK. This next story is also crazy. This comes from the marriage subredet. And am I the the the the the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th.a.a.a.a.a.a.a. He's is. He's.a. He's. the the the t.a.a.a.a.a.a.a. th.a. th. th. th this next story is also crazy. This comes from the marriage subreddit, and am I the asshole. Pregnant wife's sister offered to sleep with me. So Opie's wife is pregnant and her sister offered to sleep with him. What happens next will surprise you. My wife, who's 24... Shut up! My pregnant wife exploded.

Starting point is 00:47:51 Ha ha! Okay. My wife, who's 24 and I, 24 man, have been together for three years and married for about six months now. We found out that we are going to be parents and we are both very excited. We told our families over the weekend and everyone was happy for us. This morning I got a text from my wife's sister who's 21, saying that she knows that women can get emotionally and physically abusive and can put a stop to intimacy during the pregnancy and that she is willing to help me out any time sexually or emotionally during

Starting point is 00:48:25 and after the pregnancy. Obviously, I have no interest in anyone other than my wife, but how do I tell her what her sister offered? My wife has always been there for her sister and they have always been super close. Her sister was the maid of honor at our wedding. I don't want my wife to lose that bond, and it would destroy her if she found out that her sister was willing to betray her like that. At the same time, her sister is a snake and is willing to ruin our marriage

Starting point is 00:48:49 and the life of her soon-to-be nephew niece, for what I'm guessing is a childish crush on me. My first priority is my wife, my wife, the today's's literally no good outcome. I can tell my wife tonight she'll be absolutely devastated. I will always be there for her and I know her parents will be on her side but losing a 20-year bond with her own sibling while in such a vulnerable state sounds terrible. How can I possibly tell my wife that the sister she loved and looked after for so many years wanted to sleep with her husband while she was pregnant. If I don't tell her soon and tell her later, she may lose her trust in me.

Starting point is 00:49:26 If I don't tell her at all, my wife will be close with someone who clearly does not care for her and could easily betray her again in the future. Exactly. He's gonna betray you. He has no choice but to tell her. Yeah, the sister texted him, so he could just be like. Yeah, so the crazy, here's the crazy thing that I was gonna say.

Starting point is 00:49:47 Before he kind of laid it all out for me at the end, I was like, dude, just don't even respond. Just like, don't respond. No, well, yeah, but like, but also, like, just kind of, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. th. the. the. the the the the the the the the the th. the th this could become like dangerous. I would have to, I've luckily never been in a situation remotely like this, but I would have to like, I would have to tell my partner if I was like out at a party and someone was like, hey, you're cute. I'd be like, thanks. And I'd be like, this lady told me I was cute. Like, I'd have to.

Starting point is 00:50:25 I'd feel weird not communicating something like that, you know, but that's me, like, and I'm extreme with it, but this, you can't, because this is a crazy secret. To like, find out like, a year or something. Oh, my sister offered to sleep and, if you need help, lifting stuff. You know, in a sexual, in a sexual way. Yeah, what if he just fully misread the text? That'd be good, I guess. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:50:54 Yeah. He's like, oh, if you need me help while your wife, and he's like, dude, she wants to fuck me. I realize th I'm thu I'm what I'm thu I'm let you know now. I realize there's no update on this. So we don't know. I'm sure he told his wife and hopefully he just handled it off of Reddit. But some comments, would your wife ever have told her to do it to see how you reacted? He's responded, I highly doubt it. Someone else said, you tell her, your sister sent me this this morning. Someone else said this, OP, you better you you, you you, you to to to to the sister, you, you the sister, you the sister, you the sister, you the sister, you the sister, you the sister, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you're th, th, th. th. thi, thi, thi, told, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tell, told told told told told, told, I'm told, I'll told, I'll told, I told, I told, I told, I. told, I. told, I. told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, to me. told, told, told, to me. told, to to to to tho. tho. tho. tho. told, to told tho. told, told, told, told, told, your sister sent me this this morning. Do not keep it from her. Someone else said this, O P, you better tell her first.

Starting point is 00:51:26 If this comes out, the sister will twist things and it will be difficult for her to discern the truth. She'll make you the bad guy. Someone said, agree, this situation calls for a preemptive strike. Lastly someone said, someone said, I feel like that's going to be what she does anyway if it comes out. Some young women play stupid games where they try to set up their friends' boyfriends to see if they'd cheat, like a loyalty test. So I can absolutely imagine a 21-year-old girl doing this for real or using this as an excuse. I did it myself back in the day.

Starting point is 00:51:56 We did have a loyalty test in recent Reddit where a... they're going to say say say say say say say say say say say say say say life in real life in real life. Yeah, no where a girl asked her friend to wear white to her wedding And then when she actually did wear white to her wedding she was like, I can't believe you did this tel this? She's like told me to wear this dress. She's like it was a friendship test and you fail. I don't understand the concept I do that I do that on games thooo. I do that that that that that that that that that that that that that that do do do do do that do that do do do th th th th th th th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. th. th. th. th. the. Do the. the. th. th. th. th th th th th the th th the th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th th th. th. th. th. th. th th. th. th. th th. th. th. th. th. th th. th. th. th th th. th. th. th. th. the the the the they they the where they they they the where they throe where the where the where the where the the the the the the the the this wardrobe. And when people do, I'm like, why did you wear that? You'll, you'll, I'm like, Shane, wear green in this, in this green screen. Yeah. You show up wearing green. I'm like, Shane, why did you do this? You'll be like, hey, Trevor, be really bad in this video. And then you're like, why were you, why were you, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, like, like, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, like, why, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, why, why, like, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. No, he was good. Who was? We were all bad moments. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:52:46 But we were all good. It was all fun. That's been out for like a month now, probably by this one. Yeah. There's chain together too. Lastly, someone said, hey, anyone reading this who jump to thinking this is a loyalty test is a little crazy. I mean I'm not saying it's

Starting point is 00:53:11 impossible because we have read stories where it has happened but the idea of telling your part telling like your sister or telling a friend to like hit on your partner to see their reaction. I think if you're at that that their their their their their their their to like. to like. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. to like. to like. to like. to like. to like. to like a to like. to like. to like. to like. to like. to like a to like a to like a told. told. told. told. told. to like a friend. to like a friend. told. told. told. told. to like a te. te. te. te. te. te. t. t. te. t. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. t see their reaction. I think if you're at that point, you need to have a student. You have problems. I mean, but was it like the sister put her up to it? I mean, it could have just been like a weird, also, this is my first time ever hearing the phrase loyalty test. And that was a loyalty test. And that was a loyalty test and that's where you failed. You the the that's that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a loyalty. I I they. I that's a loyalty. I that's a loyalty. I that's a loyalty. I that's a loyalty. I that's a loyalty. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. that's a loyalty that's a loyalty that's a loyalty that's a loyalty that's a loyalty that's a loyalty that's a loyalty that's a loyalty that's a loyalty that's a loyalty that's a loyalty that's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I that's a loyalty that's a loyalty that's a loyalty that's a loyalty that's a loyalty. I I that's a loyalty. I that's a loyalty. I that's a failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. It's a loyalty that's a just like, I don't like the vibes in the sky.

Starting point is 00:53:45 I'm going to offer to sleep with him. Because like, to me, that's just as far-fetched as legitimately just offering to sleep with. Yeah. Yeah. Like, yeah. It's a crazy thing. The fact that she willing to help me out Anytime sexually or emotionally during and after the pregnancy

Starting point is 00:54:09 There's something going on. There's a lot of layers to this book. Did she read yeah The pregnant come as you aren't. Oh, that was good. There it is. Or it's fake which is always a possibility you can read it that's always a possibility on Reddit. She's like. I don't have a sister. Oh, that. Oh, that. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. that. that. that's. that's that's. Oh, that's. Oh, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's sexually. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. I th. I th. I th. S. S, th. S, th. S, th. S, th. S, th. S, th. S, th. S, th. S, is always a possibility. That's always something you can... That's always a possibility on Reddit. She's like, I don't have a sister. My sister's been dead for 15 years. She exploded. Guys, it's time for our final story. It's time for a legend that people have been asking for since this show started.

Starting point is 00:54:40 Oh shit. If this video doesn't trend because of this, I'm gonna be mad. I don't think Reddit stories has ever trended. Really? No. That starts, dude. You guys gotta put poop, whoa, sorry. You know what it is? I know the legend?

Starting point is 00:54:53 Is this poop knife? This is poop knife? This is poop knife. Wow. I know this is arguably like the most famous Reddit story. This is poop knife and if you've not heard about it, buckle up. This comes from our confession and our Museum of Reddit because it is such an old post. I was 22 years old when I learned that not every family has a poop knife. Who here in this room? Raise your hand if you have not heard this story.

Starting point is 00:55:29 Or you've not read this story. Okay. Wow. Okay, here we go. Get ready, y'all. My family poop's big. Pops. P.

Starting point is 00:55:39 Maybe it's genetic. Maybe it's our diet. But everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl, and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you.

Starting point is 00:55:57 Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that had hung on a naillape laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out, hey, can you get me the poop knife? I thought it was, I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush and your poop knife. Fast forward to 22, it's been a day or twotwo between poops and I'm over at my friend's house. My friend was the local dealer and always had guests over. Look good dealer of what?

Starting point is 00:56:33 Poop knives. A poop knives. Because you can't buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it's a sideways one, so I crack the door... What the fuck? What the fuck? Well, it's a sideways one, dude.

Starting point is 00:56:53 So I crack the door... Monday, am I right? I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife. My what? You're poop knife, I say. I need to use. to, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please. to, please. to, please. to, please. to, please. to, please. to, please. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. tha, what, what, what, the to. the the fa, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what. the fa. the f. the f. the f. What. What. the f. What. What. the f. the f. the f. the f. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the tha. the the the. theck. theck. the the the the the the f-fock.cock. the f-fauck. the f-fock. thock. what? Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please. Please.

Starting point is 00:57:09 Please. What the fuck is a poop knife? Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver, a dung divider, a guano glave. I explain what it is I want and why I want it. He starts giggling, then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas... The record scratch.

Starting point is 00:57:32 Everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives. It was just my fucked up family with their fucked up bowels. I told this to my wife last night, I was thured thured same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife. Thankfully, thankfully she didn't cook with it but used it to open Amazon boxes. She will be getting her own utility knife now. To stab him with, I hope. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:58:05 Dude, it's- This is awful. It's been, it's probably been like a good three or four years since I've re-heard the story. It's so fucking good. It's so funny. I have never heard, I know the tale, but I've never heard the story. But you know it. There's like joke versions of a poop knife one thiiii. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thiiiii. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi heard the story. But you can buy, there's like joke versions of a poop knife on the internet from like after the story.

Starting point is 00:58:27 That's unbelievable. Yeah. Well, but sideways. How is it getting sideways? How are we getting sideways? I don't know. He's it sides up. Do we have like a piggy bank slot down there?

Starting point is 00:58:40 It's coming out full sideways? thu. But it's like coming out like like. What's happening? Dude. But it's like coming out like like that? Well, I think he means, I think he means it goes down and it's so big. I'm aware of what he means. I'm just shocked at how frequent. You're what?

Starting point is 00:58:58 It's so vile. He's like, that's when everything went sideways. Stupid. This is awful. No, bro. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, that, I, I, that, that, th, th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, Ithat's when everything went sideways. Stupid. This is awful. No, bro, like, I, I, like, to, I, like, maybe TMI, I don't think I've ever, I don't think I've ever taken a shit so big, it just wouldn't flush. I never, I never, I never, the toilet has broken on me before, but it wasn't my fault. Yeah, I, look, so you think. Yeah, I can say here I'm being vulnerable.

Starting point is 00:59:29 No, I have not either. Being, hey, I'm gonna be vulnerable. I'm super normal. I, I'm super normal. Uh, I guess it's a real thing. I, I tpu thi. I tha', I, I, I, I, I, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, th, th, th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I th. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I th. I th. I'm, I tha, I'm, I tha, I'm tha, I'm tha, I'm th. th. th. th. I'm th. I'm th. th. th. th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm th. I, I'm th. thing. I mean, some people out there they poop big, you know. I'm poop big. I play hard, I poop big. There is that, have you ever seen that famous photo of the like nurse running down the hallway with the like, the, you know, it's like the whatever the bucket thing they have in hospital beds, and it's just the biggest turk you've ever seen in your life. I've heard the word turt in years. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've the th. I's the- I've heard the word turd in years. I know, this is also,

Starting point is 01:00:05 also, I feel like I also have to say that I've all my poops flush since you too admitted to it and I've been silenced. Hey, bro. Tho, this video comes out, they're like, Tommy's silence. When this video comes out, they're like Tommy silence is sideways. Tommy, silence. Oh God.

Starting point is 01:00:28 Bro, the amount of times Ian has made poop knife jokes over the years, it's a lot. Seriously. It's such an Ian story. It is such an Ian story. Not because he would do it. It's just like something about it is just like, oh, this is so easy. What I think frustrates me about this, what I hate about him. But I hate, well, I don't hate this guy for having a poop knife. I hate him for not keeping it in the bathroom.

Starting point is 01:00:47 No, that's crazy. Exactly. That's where I'm like, the fuck are you doing? Like, you're talking about a plunger, the to toylea brush and stuff. I'm like, thing use to cut your shit. It's gotta be in the most fucking backwoods, fucking hanging on a nail in the laundry room. Like, are you kidding me? No, this is Resident Evil 7.

Starting point is 01:01:11 Yeah. Yeah. Oh, a couple comments. For some reason, I thought you were going to say you cut it, like a pasta shaper. Someone said, what the heck do you all. to, tapapap??. to, to, to, to, to, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi. thi. tho, the tho, the tho, thoom. thoom. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the th. the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. the the the th. th. too, too, too. too. too. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. the the the. said, cut the shit, this can't be real. Someone said, what the heck do y'all eat? Last thi someone said, today I learned my husband needs a poop knife. What the fuck? I like how, at the end of our stories,

Starting point is 01:01:34 we have like a little discussion thing, where Emily will put like a discussion point, like, talk about this? Or like what do you think? thing about this. She just wrote, this is insane. Yeah. Yeah. And it is insane. And it is insane. It's fully crazy. Wow. Finally read it. That's crazy. And there's been an update. He's dead. He pooped too hard and he died. He poops big. If only Elvis had a poop knife. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. He's the he. He's thi. Oh. Oh, he. Oh, he th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. thi. thi. th. thi. th. thi. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. he died. He poops big. If only Elvis had a poop knife. Yeah. I mean he needed to like put it up and swirl it around a little bit. He died of constipation. That's the...

Starting point is 01:02:15 We can cut that. He needed serious mental and physical help. God. This is just... Hey, it's boys day. I know. I know. Hey, we pooped. We poop big. And Shane and I, normal poopers.

Starting point is 01:02:40 I don't know about you. You don't know about Tommy. I know you made a statement. Your statement came a little late, okay? It felt like you felt obligated to say something. You thought it was performative? Yeah. It was a little perforative, bro.

Starting point is 01:02:51 Oh my god. Thank you both for being here. This was a wild ride. This was fun. Good picks. Thanks. And thank you for watching. Comment down below if you have a poop knife. Yeah. Let us know if you have one, if you feel like you need one.

Starting point is 01:03:09 I've got like a Voustoff in there. What? That really nice knife brand is kind of a joke. It's like they sell like Williams-Sonoma or Surletab. Yeah, I would pay you 20 bucks to go to a Sirla Tob and ask if they have poop knives. Do you have, do you have poop knives? Right onto the cutting board. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:03:34 Okay, thank you all for watching and we'll see you next Saturday. Bye. Goodbye. Thank you so much effort to play in my game.

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