Smosh Reads Reddit Stories - Stories That Will Blow Your Mind | Reading Reddit Stories

Episode Date: October 26, 2024

Stories that will make you go "WHAUHHHAHHAHHOWWW" Go to https://Zocdoc.com/PITREDDIT and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today. Head to https://factormeals.com/pitreddit50 and use code pitreddit50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month. 0:00 Intro 1:27 I won't get rid of my anime body pillow https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jvtp2a/aita_for_not_wanting_to_get_rid_of_the_anime_body/ 9:24 I locked my gf out of the basement so I could eat https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1fcg02f/aitah_for_locking_my_girlfriend_out_of_the/ 17:34 I made a LEGO sex toy https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1f4vku9/tifu_by_making_a_lego_buttplug/ 23:49 My bf gave me a pros/cons list about me https://www.rareddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/178r3vr/my_boyfriend_gave_me_a_pros_and_cons_list_about/ 40:08 I didn't tell my doctor how many Tic Tacs I eat per day https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1cck4u8/tifu_by_not_telling_my_doctor_how_many_tictacs_i/ 48:29 My husband told his coworkers I'm his sister? https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1etmzao/i_28f_found_out_my_husband_29m_has_been_telling/ SUBSCRIBE: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshPit WEAR OUR JOKES: https://smosh.com WHO YOU HEAR Shayne Topp // https://www.instagram.com/shaynetopp/ Damien Haas // https://www.instagram.com/damienhaas/ Tommy Bowe // https://www.instagram.com/tomeybones/ WHO YOU DON’T HEAR (usually) Director: Bailey Petracek Editor: Andre Gardere Director of Programming, Smosh Pit: Emily Rose Jacobson Associate Producer, Smosh Pit: Bailey Petracek Production Designer: Cassie Vance Art Director: Erin Kuschner Assistant Art Director: Josie Bellerby Art Coordinator: Alex Aguilar Prop Master: Courtney Chapman Audio Mixer: Scott Neff Audio Mixer: Jose Perez Director of Photography: Brennan Iketani Camera Operator: James Hull Assistant Director: Alexcina Figueroa Executive Vice President of Production: Amanda Barnes Production Manager: Alexcina Figueroa Production Coordinator: Zianne Hoover Operations & Production Coordinator: Oliver Wehlander Production Assistant: Ovsana Tsaturian Post Production Manager: Luke Baker DIT/Lead AE: Matt Duran IT: Tim Baker Director of Design: Brittany Hobbs Senior Manager, Channel & Strategy: Lizzy Jones Channel Operations Coordinator: Audrey Carganilla Director of Social Media: Erica Noboa Social Creative Producer: Peter Ditzler, Tommy Bowe Merchandising Manager: Mallory Myers Social Media Coordinator: Kim Wilborn Talent Coordinator: Selina Garcia Operations PA: Katie Fink CEO: Alessandra Catanese EVP of Programming: Kiana Parker Coordinator Producer of Programming: Marcus Munguia Executive Coordinator: Rachel Collis OTHER SMOSHES: Smosh: https://smo.sh/Sub2Smosh Smosh Games: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshGames El Smosh (Spanish Dub): https://smo.sh/Sub2ElSmosh SmoshCast: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshCast FOLLOW US: TikTok: https://smo.sh/TikTok Snapchat: http://smo.sh/OnSnapchat Instagram: https://instagram.com/smosh Facebook: https://facebook.com/smosh Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Don't overthink how you hydrate. Life's full of choices. Smart Water Alkaline is a simple one. -♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, Welcome to Reddit Stories. I'm Shane and today's theme, we have some shocking stories. And I'm with two shocking individuals, Damien and Tommy. Ah! Brendan also let out a gasp. That was, yeah, that was actually, I don't think I've ever seen Brendan show fear.

I should have you guys know, the original plan for today's episode was gonna be silly stories, but then apparently so many shocking stories, so many shocking developments happened that they changed this. So this episode in itself is a bit of a shock. No laughing, no humor.

Silly is out. Silly is out, shocking is in. I'm so glad they told us because I was prepped for a silly episode and I had precanned all of my reactions. Like, whoo-hoo-hoo. And now you're screwed. Yeah, because if it was shocking and I didn't know that and someone's like, my mom turned out to be bats, I'm like, whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo. And now you're screwed. Yeah, because if it was shocking and I didn't know that

and someone's like, my mom turned out to be bats, I'm like, whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo, I don't wanna do that. I probably would get that reaction. Love the idea of rehearsing your reactions for Reddit. We all do that, right? Looking at the beer beforehand. Definitely the asshole. Yeah.

Not the asshole. Yeah, you gotta look at tears. We'll have a shock scale. We'll try to keep a shock scale going. We'll see like, after each story, we'll be like, okay, how much did that shock you? Got it. We'll see if we hit a 10.

Oh, we're doing numbers. I think like one through 10. I was thinking like DDR vibes of like crazy. Sure, you can do that too. Like phenomenal. Nice foot. Nice foot. Nobody's stopping you from doing that. All right.

Our first story. Am I the asshole for not wanting to get rid of the anime body pillow that saved my marriage? So this anime body pillow saved a marriage. Let's see. My husband and I are best friends during the day. Love of my life. It's at night that's an issue.

I'm a blanket stealer. I once yanked them so hard, my poor hubby flipped a full 180. Hubby, for his part, is a thrasher. Bruce Lee would be jealous of the moves he pulls off while unconscious. It's a constant war between us when we fall asleep, and both of us often wake up sore and exhausted.

It was starting to affect our relationship. Neither of us wanted to move to a separate bed because we liked spending our nights together, but it seemed like an inevitability. We were both crabby every morning and we started fighting as soon as we got up. It sucked, but neither of us wanted to concede defeat and move to the other bed.

Quick background, I was a huge nerd as a teenager, full on otaku. Go ahead, cringe, I do too. One night as a joke, I brought down an old anime body pillow from the attic. I know, the cringe. And I plopped it down between my husband and I, declaring it our demilitarized zone.

Hubby also thought it was hilarious and we named her DMZ Chan. She stayed there the whole night. It was a game changer. DMZ Chan protected me from Hubby's REM induced rampages and she's just heavy enough that I can't yank the blankets at full speed. DMZ Chan is now a beloved part of our nightly routine.

We both thought it was the funniest thing, but she legitimately helped us solve the only real issue in our marriage. One day, Mother-in-law stopped by to pick something up. She got up to use the restroom, passing by our open bedroom door. You can guess what she saw. DMZ Chan. Propped up in the middle of our bed, her giant soulful anime eyes looking right back at Mother-in-law. When she got back, she quickly grabbed her stuff and left.

Hubby and I both confused. She later mentioned DMZ-chan to Hubby while they were on the phone, and it absolutely mortified him. As far as I know, Mother-in-law now thinks we're, uh, deviants in a three-way relationship with a body pillow. Hubby was too embarrassed to explain, and now he wants to put DMZ-chan back in the attic. I was upset. I told him I didn't want to go back to boxing

with each other at night, and that DMZ-chan helped us so much in that. He agreed, but suggested we get a normal, plain-body pillowcase to replace her. I felt like there was no need to spend the money on something we already have, and if it was really that big of an issue, we can put her in the closet while we have company over.

Hubby is firm in that she has to go permanently. I know he's embarrassed, but I feel we shouldn't have to compromise our inside jokes to appease other people. Am I the asshole? Don't put her in the closet. Do not put DMZ Chan in the closet. That's so disrespectful.

Yeah, what are her soulful eyes gonna look at in the closet? I know. I thought the mother was gonna like come out and be like, my hero. We are a demon slayer household. That's true, you know what, Tanjiro as a body pillow, the pattern would actually lend more rooms.

And look man, I don't know, I'm a weeb. She's used the word otaku. I'm like a whatever floats your boat kind of thing in a relationship where it's like, if it's not hurting anybody, like I don't care if you want an anime boobies poster, like live your life. They're both dying on weird hills,

cause it's, both solutions are pretty easy. Yeah. Here it's like either, yeah, throw it in the closet when the mom's over, if she's, if like you don't want her to see that, or yeah, get another cover for it, or buy another body pillow. Or use that time to wash the cover, like, ugh.

Yeah, maybe they have. We don't know if they have or not. But it's so easy to hide it. I don't understand why it's like, no, we have to get rid of it. I have a question about body pillows. Shoot. I don't know shit about them, really.

As a wee, but yeah, go for it. So in my eyes, they have the body pillow, like. Right. Can they not... flip her over? Or is there a... Oh, is there a blank side? From my early Smosh days,

when they were cleaning out a closet, I don't have the pillow, but I have, like, a cover. They were, like, getting rid of a One Punch Man one that they'd used from a sketch, and I still have it, like, in a drawer. And so, like, it's one of, like, One Punch Man, just like this, and then there's another side where he's just like, mm, a little bit more like, mm, like lounged back.

Got it. So I think it ranges. Also one time as a prank, I wanted to make one of myself for a partner. Didn't end up following through, but I'm just like, it can be anything, but there are usually two sides. Glad you didn't know it'd be like the sweater curse

where you make a sweater for your partner and they break up with you. That's so true. Oh my God, and then you make a body pillow for someone. There's five different body pillow covers of me floating around out there. And you're like, fuck. Go to the wrong Goodwill and you're just like, huh.

There's a lot of these. I like your specific number. The verdict was not the asshole. Yeah. Not the asshole. The real problem isn't about removing the pillow, but the fact that your mother-in-law made a scene about something that isn't any of her business.

Your husband should stop enabling that. I agree. Someone said, info, can't you just take the cover off? Lastly, someone said, okay, but it's not about pleasing other people anymore, is it? Your husband is now uncomfortable with the pillow. You wouldn't be uncomfortable with the plain pillow he is suggesting,

so it seems pretty obvious that the choice here should be, you're the asshole, unpopular, I know. So he's saying like, yeah, she wasn't saying like, this body pillow means so much to me. It's been up in the attic for a long time. I don't think she's admitting like, no, I actually love this body pillow and I love the cover on it and stuff.

She was making it sound like it's just like this whatever thing, but now she doesn't want to get rid of it either. I don't know, it's interesting. this whatever thing, but now she doesn't want to get rid of it either. I don't know. It's interesting. In my opinion, there's something so fun about having it be like a... Like that pillow is a person that we love. Oh, it's very charming and funny.

It's DMZ Chan. I know. Which sounds awesome as hell. A crazy thing to give that pillow, by the way. Absolutely batshit crazy. It's a lot of issues all in a row. And I'm just like, yup. I didn't say it.

It's fun, cause then you're just like, goodnight, honey. Goodnight DMZ Chen. I don't know, I like it. But I agree though. It's like, just change a pillow or whatever. Put it under the covers too. Like there's so many immediate solutions. Like sometimes someone vents to you and they're like,

I just want to vent, I don't need solutions. But sometimes you hear it and you're like, damn, I guess you could just not do that at work anymore. Like this is one of those moments where you're like, just tuck it under the, just tuck it under the. It's a pillow. It's a pillow. It's a pillow, dude.

Yeah. It's DMZ Chan. You named it as the problem. It's why you can't eat it. Yeah, now it's a person. Farm rules. Update. Oh, quick little update.

Whoa. They found a hat that brought it to life. They're flushing. They've come over and just like, yeah. Well, someone's gonna have to kill it. And the mother is dead and they're like, oh my God. She's like dancing on it. All right, Sweet B's This Blew Up, they wrote that.

Sweet B's This Blew Up was not expecting all the attention, just wanted to say thank you to everyone for chiming in. I admit I was being stubborn. I drove over to Target on my lunch break and bought a new cover for 10 bucks. I put it on DMZ Chan as soon as I got home. To those asking, I did wash her after fishing her out of the attic.

And I am now waiting on Hubby to get home so I can apologize for making him uncomfortable. DMZ Chan shall live in our hearts and under the blanket when company's over. They're gonna come home one day and DMZ Chan's gonna be out of the cover. And every time they ever put the cover on then she's gonna be back out of it.

She's the new Annabelle. I love that. Come home. From the makers of the Conjuring, DMZ Chan. Yeah! And also she's a nun. I thought this one was, it was shocking, but it was like... Two. A mild shocking.

Two out of 10. I think the title was the most shocking part of it. Yeah. And the name that they chose for... That's wild. That's the crazy for that one. That was probably the most shocking thing. We're dipping our toes in the shock water. There you go.

Electric eel infested water. Yeah. Okay. Thank God I was here to answer all your body pillow related questions. Can't wait for the comments. We thank you for it. Okay, our next story.

This is an Am I the Asshole post. Am I the asshole for locking my girlfriend out of the basement so I could eat in peace? I am 39 and male. My girlfriend is 41. We have lived together for a bit over a year in my house. During the time that I've lived with my girlfriend, I've become very used to the fact

that she really seems to de-stress by complaining. Much of this complaining is about other people in her life, such as her mother and her former coworkers, but much of this complaining is about me and how I'm not meeting her expectations in one way or another. I'm generally fine listening to her rant and will make all the appropriate motions to show that I'm listening, but a few months back her complaining increased significantly in frequency. Again, I'm happy to listen to her but the one time that I do not want to listen to complaining is when I'm eating. Breakfast time isn't an issue because she's still asleep when I eat it, and lunch time

is fine because I work six days a week and am out for lunch. But I would really love nothing more than to just have a quiet dinner. It's especially irritating because she gets upset when I don't answer her fast enough, even when I'm chewing. She'll start saying, hello, hello, hello, are you even listening? As I try to swallow the food quickly and answer her. I expressed this to her a few months back. I put it as nicely as possible with the excuse

that I don't do well with talking during mealtime. If anything, it had the opposite effect. I'm convinced that she's actually timing her complaints to begin when I start eating dinner now. While I'm making my dinner, she'll be quiet. And when I sit down waiting for it to cool, she'll be quiet. But once the fork reaches my mouth,

she'll immediately start complaining. Last Saturday, I told her that I couldn't deal with her complaining during dinnertime anymore, and that if she did it again, I would start eating elsewhere. She responded, yeah, okay, fine. Then she sat down at the table and stared at me. When I took my first bite, she said,

oh, by the way, today you kicked one of my shoes when you were putting yours on. It made me feel like you only care about your own things and not mine. I stood up and went down to the basement to eat, locking the door behind me. I've taken to doing this for every day since, and she'll bang on the door at times.

At other times, she has demanded I give her a key, as I have the only copy. Today, she was literally crying and begging me to eat dinner at the table, but I said no. Now she's threatening to take the door off its hinges while I'm at work, so I know I have to lock it from the outside before going tomorrow. Am I in the wrong here?

Okay, I just, by the way, imagine when she's banging on the door, a Tony Collette in her editory doing a little do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do I am your mother. That's so controlling. Like that's intentional. Yeah, what also shocks me is when I've met couples or when I hear about couples where I'm like, why do you, you guys hate each other? You hate each other so much, why are you together? Right, I believe maybe she was talking sometimes and not complaining.

Every time he says that she's speaking at all, it's complaining. Yes. So. That she's speaking at all, it's complaining. Yes. So... That's a good point. You know? So it's like, what do we, can we trust this author? The big...

Unreliable narrator, yeah. Untrustworthy narrator, but it's one of those where I'm like, I don't really care who's the asshole in this situation, because you both just sound like you hate each other. So why are you together? Like, I'm not gonna, she sounds like an asshole from what you're saying, but what, what?

So do you. If you're getting to the point where you're locking yourself in the basement. To get away from your partner? To eat dinner, but you eat breakfast and lunch without your partner, so you wanna have three meals a day without your partner, why are you together? And it also sounds like, you know,

if her thing is whole like, oh yeah, you kicked my shoe when you were putting your shoe on, like, it depends on how hard that kick was, but like, you are living with a person, you are going to affect each other. So in that way, if this person is reliable, it's almost like neither of them likes the idea of someone else being in their shared space. So like, why are you with anybody?

Like, you don't wanna hear talks, she doesn't wanna see you move around. This is after. you don't want to hear her talk. She doesn't want to see you move around. This is after... I don't know. This is... We have lived together for a bit over a year. It's like, bro. How cool is the basement, though? Yeah, that's...

Probably fucking cool. Yeah, if they got, like, Nintendo games on there? Yeah. Okay, the comments. OP, I hate to break it to you, but I think you two are on your way to a breakup. She's not budging on her timing of complaining to you and you're not budging on your very valid boundary of it.

Most things can be worked out with a compromise, which is what you try to do, but some things are just deal breakers. If she continues, will it be a deal breaker for you? Can't blame you if it is. This next comment was abbreviated a little bit, this is very long. Someone said, oh boy, this is my space, LOL.

I am a complainer, I will complain forever. I know it's because I grew up in a house where that was the norm. My family gatherings are just all the women complaining and the men trying to keep themselves out of it. My boyfriend told me a few months ago in that he didn't want to just listen to me complain. So I don't, because I love him.

And I know it's a horrible toxic trait that I have. At first I felt resistant. Why would he not wanna listen if he loves me? Because complaining sucks. It sucks joy out of quality time. It sucks love out of healthy relationships. The moment I catch myself staring down a rabbit hole of rants, I pause, I ask, I shut the hell up if it's not a good time.

The crazy thing? I'm happier. He's happier. We talk about so many more fun things. But sometimes I do have to say things like, is there something you wanna talk about? My brain is busy and I feel like I'm going to fill the silence with wasted complaining breaths. And then we usually end up having excellent conversations

that leave me feeling refreshed, connected, and not like I'm going to punch a tree. It's way more fun sometimes. We simply sit in silence. It's wild. If she is completely unwilling to see how her behavior is toxic, get the fuck out. There is no reason to be surrounded in such negativity.

There's a time and place for venting, ranting, complaining. And that time cannot be always. It will suck the joy out of you. That is a person focused on healing. I love that. I'd give that a standing ovation if I ever felt it. I'm sitting like this, so I'm not going to... I totally agree with it. And yeah, I mean, if I'm this guy,

if I put myself in this situation, yeah, you break up with this person. What the hell are you doing? Like, if they are consciously making, there's such a difference between, oh, they're a complainer and they complain, to they are purposefully waiting for the right time to complain to really dig the knife.

But if you're getting to the point where you're locking yourself in a room to be away from your partner, then don't be with that person. That's awful. Don't do that. I don't know, I even brought it up earlier when it's like, oh, when someone rants

and there's nothing you can say and you're just like, uh-huh, that's an easy fix. I have been in that situation before where it's the only way they can process, and that is really hard to hold space for that constantly, but I think your life can totally change if both parties are receptive when someone goes like, hey, I definitely wanna hear you.

Are you hoping to just vent right now or do you want some help with solutions? Absolutely. And that's, it's so helpful. And like, You just go like, what do you need from me right now? Yeah. Sounding board, advice, love.

I want to give you what you need. I don't want to make any mistakes with that. Right. But if somebody like is always just like vent, vent, vent, vent and you, that's the answer to the question every time. Like that's something you can sort of talk about and be like, you know, is there another way to go about this? Cause I don't feel like I'm helping you.

There's also the very specific factor that she's complaining about him to him. That's a little different. Cause complaining is usually about kind of something, like I'm venting about something, but to say something directly to someone, that's not complaining. That's, you're criticizing that person. They can't just be unaffected by it, you know?

That's a little, that's a different category for me. And so this is, this is wild. I've never seen people who hate each other this much that are for some reason sticking around. I think they need a body pillow. Oh, I think I know one that just became available. Hell yeah. Okay, this next story, the title is, it might be the most shocking thing so far.

Okay. We haven't been doing the DDR thing. Oh yeah, what was the first one? We gave the first one like a two. Wild. Okay, first one was wild. What was that second one? The second one I think was.

That was more of like a four. I think a four, shocking just at the situation. Yeah, yeah I would say. And what was the? Crazy! Okay. All right, our next story, this title I think might be the most shocking thing so far.

Okay. This comes from Today I Fucked Up. Today I fucked up by making a Lego butt plug. I literally was just joking about Legos, but not butt plugs. No, no, no. Oh, I just thought about it, sorry, sensory. No, no, no, no. The little peg just thought about it, sorry, sensory. No, no, no, no.

The little pegs on top, the corners on the side. Everything about this is so funny, man. Oh, no. Well, I know stepping on a Lego hurts, and I know suppositories aren't fun. What if it falls apart inside? It will. I think this is gonna,

I think this is gonna, the shock meter will be going up, like a pine cone to the gooch. Here we go. When I was 13 to 14, and I didn't, when I was 13 to 14 and I didn't know how to masturbate, I'm a guy, and I used to put objects in my ass for pleasure. It began with pens, marbles, et cetera.

I'm so sorry, I wanna be respectful, but I'm trying, sorry to keep it to your face. Marbles! It began with pens, marbles, et cetera. I really wanted a butt plug, but my mom regularly checked my online purchases and there was no way I was going to a physical sex shop. I used to have a huge box of Lego in my room.

So I figured that was what I would go on to make my DIY butt toys with. I made some long cylinder shapes that I would put up my butt, an oil container that I would put cooking oil in and use as lube, and the most important, the butt plug. I used a ball-shaped Lego part that was supposed to be a rock and a circular part for the base. I even put glitter glue under the base to make it feel more real. Now I had learned from my previous mistakes when I almost lost a marble up my ass.

I know how to get it out. Yeah, reverse Heimlich to the back. Boom, boom, it's like, and then the other kid playing is like, dang it. Just cutting you a cop with like a kid dead on the ground like five holes in the wall, like what do you think happened here, Jim? It starts the Rube Goldberg machine.

Okay, okay. Okay. Now I had learned from my previous mistakes when I almost lost a marble up my ass, so I secured the base so that it wouldn't fall off. I used to have this plug-in all the time from when going to parties, the beach, or walks, et cetera. And the night before summer break in seventh grade,

I was having a shower and had left the plug laying in my pants on the floor. Suddenly my mom barges into the bathroom and says something that I don't remember. Then she looks at my pants on the floor, obviously seeing the butt plug-in, awkwardly tells me to remember to pick my pants up. I went to bed immediately after the shower embarrassed as hell. And the next morning I destroyed

my butt plug and every other Lego butt toy that I had made. After that day, my family started telling me from time to time that they support me for whoever I am and what gender I love, etc. They had barely ever talked about that before. I was not gay, and I still am not. Okay, we have a... Was that the end of the story? That's the end of that story, but I feel we should put this update,

an update, I created a brick IO representation of what it looks like. No. No. No. Jesus Christ. No. This looks like someone put a sausage inside an apple, but it's ready to launch into space.

I was gonna say, that's like something out of Blade Runner. There's edges on the rock part. Yeah, it's, now my question too, well, I've got a thousand. The one I'll start- That's my only question. The only question I have, the thing I'll start with is like, okay, that right there is on the ground on pants. Mom barges in and is just like, don't forget your penis, That right there is on the ground on pants.

Mom barges in and is just like, don't forget your penis or whatever she yelled to her son and then looks at the pants, looks back up and says, remember to pick up your pants. The mother bursts in, looks at that and clocks like, you know, hi son, whatever. My son made a butt plug out of Legos. Anyway, don't forget your pants. Click, click.

I'm like, I don't know what that is now. God, she's busy complaining. About a Legos. Anyway, don't forget your pants. Click. I'm like, I don't know what that is now. God, she's busy complaining. About a body pillow. We need to keep stacking. Yeah, like a Lego. We only have two comments. Someone said, I'm the one who decided to open Reddit today. It is my fault.

Someone else said, Batman couldn't get this out of me. Batman could get this out. I'm sorry. He's a really good detective. He could kick you really hard and it would come out. So hard. Boom. Pfft.

Let's see where you can get that. Look at me. Pfft. Someone said, so did you manage to find a girl who was into Pago? Wow. There it is. I feel, I'm like, do I need to talk about blood plugs?

I talked about the body pillows, Tommy. Let's see. Let the expert handle this one. We're both here for a reason. Okay. They cast us both. Ah! No, I mean.

Ah! Yeah, that would hurt. That's crazy. LEGO Ideas is probably developing something. Yeah, they made the Banzai Tree. They made the Banzai Tree. Right ideas is probably developing something. Yeah, they made the bonsai tree. They made the bonsai tree. Right. Next is butt.

They have Lego tech neck or whatever it used to be. Bionicle. Yeah, Bionicles. Yeah, the newmato or whatever. I am shocked this shit didn't break apart in his ass. Absolutely. Shocked. He's walking around, he's going to the beach with this?

Yeah, it's hit by one wave. One wrong sneeze that's going psh. A thing that shocks me that I've heard about a lot is when doctors talk about the amount of things that people put up their butt. Yep. Like just all sorts of crazy stuff. I mean marbles, I'm like dude, that's not smart.

No. Like as you said, there's nothing wrong with butt toys, but be safe. Don't put things up there that aren't gonna come back out. He was smart to have a base on it. He constructed this well. Yeah. But.

But. Yeah, shocking scale. That was. Shocking scale, I'm gonna say eight or nine. Yeah. That was a lot. It was pretty wild. What's your...

Whoa, you're losing it. Up your ass. Up your ass! Up your ass! Okay. Owie! This next story comes from the Too Hot Takes subreddit, so shout out to Morgan over at Too Hot Takes. We're big fans.

My boyfriend gave me a pros and cons list about me as part of our anniversary present. Oh. Wow. That's stellar. Woof. Mm-hmm. Happy anniversary. You don't do the dishes.

Yeah. I have some notes. Okay. Great first year. Oreo. Here we go. I met my boyfriend on Tinder in the beginning of my freshman year of college.

I was a very naive 18-year-old. I had been on dates, but I had never been in a relationship and I hadn't even had my first kiss yet. I was pretty miserable my first couple of weeks after moving in, and so I got Tinder. And there I matched with a bunch of guys who went to my school. One of them I thought was pretty attractive. He was a junior and a brother in a good but notorious frat. He told me to come to his frat parties,

so I went with some girls I'd met at orientation. There he took me upstairs and we made out, but I think he could tell I was very inexperienced so nothing more happened. I pretty much fell in love with him, even though we'd said about three words to each other. I didn't see him until a couple of weeks later when he invited me to a party he was throwing.

I was expecting us to at least hook up, but when we got there, he was clearly with another girl and there were tons of other random girls who I assume he was also hooking up with. I was naive, but not an idiot. So I forced myself to get over it and I didn't see him until my spring semester when I drank too much and he ended up at my dorm

and I lost my virginity to him. I didn't see him again until the fall semester of my sophomore year. We hooked up the first week we were back on campus. I still didn't catch feelings again though until we started to hook up regularly every week. At that point I was again pretty much in love with him, although this time I did have reasons beyond just him being a large, attractive, popular man. We weren't dating but we got to know each other and I saw his many virtues. However, it was still clear to me that he wasn't into me in that way

and that I was one of a number of women he was sleeping with so I didn't say anything and I kept it casual. He also had a pretty terrible reputation as a fuck boy, even amongst his frat brothers. His Instagram comments were usually filled with them saying things like, hornyest man alive and all 2,500 of his followers are his girlfriends. He graduated at the end of that spring semester

and we saw each other one last time before. It was incredibly intimate and really cemented everything I felt for him. So after we both left campus, I confessed to him that I really liked him and that I wasn't okay with just hooking up with him anymore for my own sanity. Miraculously, he said he also had feelings for me

and he asked me out on a real date. We started dating and have been together since and the whole time has been healthy and happy for us. Last Thursday was our one year anniversary of becoming official. He got me an incredibly thoughtful gift basket, including some jewelry, a painting, and a card. In the card though, I was a printed picture

of a pros and cons list on a whiteboard. He explained to me that he saw my confessional message when he was hanging out with his brother. My boyfriend said he really didn't know what to do and wasn't sure if he wanted anything more with me, but he was tired of sleeping around and wanted a stable relationship. So his brother said he should make a pros and cons list of me, and he did.

Here's a paraphrase of the list. Pros, cute, great ass, good in bed, horny, likes me a lot, sweet, lots of friends, doesn't go out too much, close to her family, really smart and academically successful, good future ahead of her and definitely not a gold digger, would do wifey duties. Cons, kind of a slut, met on Tinder, frat rat,

blacks out a lot, doesn't care a lot about her appearance, kind of nerdy. Based on that, he apparently decided to ask me out to dinner and then decided what to do based on how it went. And it went well enough that we started dating. He showed it to me with nothing but good intentions, but I was absolutely floored for obvious reasons. I have been pretending to be sick since then as I figure out what to do.

On the one hand, he is my dream man and I am so glad to be with him. He has been nothing but incredible to me and we have a great relationship. And logically, I know that he wasn't in love with me or anything when he asked me out, as I'm sure he had some idea of how I felt and he never did anything about it. But it still hurts to think that his feelings towards me were so ambivalent that he needed a goddamn pros and cons list to just ask me out. I can't really talk about this to anyone in my life as a lot of them already dislike him and I don't want to bias them anymore. So I thought I would ask here, what can I possibly do?

I like to think that I have more self respect than this but I really love him and don't want to cause conflict in our relationship over something he definitely didn't think would hurt me. I love that it was like him trying to buy the right Kia Optima or something. It was like, good airbags, great mileage. Awesome ass, like a Kia.

Holy shit, man. To then be like, yeah, I can't show it to my friends because none of them like them. I'm just like, I wonder why. Huh. Oh, that's straight. It's like, oh, he's your dream man, but your dream man decided to be with you

because he wanted to settle down and you were right there? Yeah, well, it's time. I don't know, it's hard because clearly this person is so young, and it's the kind of thing where they're gonna look back five years from now, hopefully less, and be like, oh my god, what was I thinking, you know? But it's those kind of lessons you need to learn.

There's all sorts of things where she has just been emotionally tied to this person, and he's been kind of her only source of any kind of physical romance. So like, it's natural to feel that way. Like my first relationship in college, I was a freshman, she was a senior, and when she graduated and moved away,

I had that thought of like, damn, am I supposed to ask her to marry me? Like this could be it, I feel emotions for the first time. And it's like, damn, am I supposed to like ask her to marry me? Like this could be it. I feel emotions for the first time. And it's like, no motherfucker, you've been in a relationship for three months and you're gonna meet other people. Like, but you have that feeling.

So I just, I feel bad for this person. Yeah, there's definitely a naivete. I do feel bad for her. I, God, for him to then give it to her. That's crazy. As a gift and be like, God, for him to then give it to her. That's crazy. As a gift and be like, look, I decided to date you. I look past all this stuff. It's like, holy shit, that means he's like standing by

what he wrote on that whiteboard. He's like, yeah, so like, you know, even though you're kind of a slut. That's the big one for me too. It's crazy. He's known as the horniest man alive under, among all of his frat bros, but he's like, you know, she's kind of a slut. That's the big one for me too. It's crazy. He's known as the horniest man alive under among all of his frat bros but he's like you know she's kind of a slut. I'm like great why don't you both eat then. It's that thing that you always say of like

you're young. Why are you, what are we doing? No, someone disrespects, I mean they could disrespect you half as much as this and it'd be worth leaving. It's like yeah you're 22. Don't, don't, don 22, don't, don't. Don't do this. Don't, don't. Like, you're gonna trust that this guy's gonna change? Maybe, but not with you. Not with you and probably not anytime soon. No.

With that blatant of behavior. Yeah. No, this guy's a mess. And he's only gotten affirmation to act like this for so long. He has been conditioned to be this way so hardcore that one person is not gonna change it. No.

He's not gonna probably change until late 20s, early 30s at best. Yeah, I'm like, I see a 40 year old man being like, damn. It's crazy. It's possible he'll keep getting away with this. He can't keep getting away with this. Yeah. Yeah.

Fuck yeah. No, this is insane. Bunch of comments. Yet you were a virgin the first time you guys had sex. Yeah, that sounds like a real slut to me. I mean, that's what's also kind of confusing. It's like, none of this tracks. Someone said, these dudes invite these girls

to their parties and then call them frat rats. Geez. Someone said boy math. Someone said, my daughter's boyfriend once gave her a list of her cons. She was heartbroken. I'll tell you what I told her. No matter what you did in the past,

you deserve better in the future. Thankfully, she listened to me, and 10 years later, she has a fantastic husband with two children. I don't even know you, and I can honestly say that you not only deserve someone better, but that you're too good for him. There's no excuse for giving lists out

unless everything on it is good, especially for an anniversary gift. Lastly, someone said, yikes on bikes. This story is nothing but red flags. You need to get some self-love because the bar you have is literally down in hell. And they brought a shuttle. Yeah.

All right, do we like yikes on bikes or sweet bees better? I actually kinda like them both. Sweet bees, sweet bees is awesome. I, I, I literally. Sweet bees. Well, sweet bees. Yikes on bikes or sweet bees better? I actually kinda like them both. Sweet bees is awesome. I literally. Sweet bees! Well, sweet bee yikes on bikes. Oh, honey buns. I kinda like them both.

I know I said that earlier, but I say stuff like that all the time. Like, oh, beans. Like, oh, biscuits. Like, cute curses. Cute curses. Okay, hypothetical here. Okay.

If you found a pros and cons list that a partner made for you, how would you handle that? Like now, obviously if they, yeah. Cause if they give you this, plus an anniversary gift, I think that's fucking crazy. That's nuts. I don't think there's anything, the problem is a pros and cons list is always fine,

but it's the things he's writing that are super disrespectful and insane. It's very judgmental, because when it comes to cons, it's never gonna feel good, but I love communication. When you're dating somebody or you're with a partner, it's like, hey, sometimes I've noticed when you say this thing, it sounds kinda like this.

Is that what you're meaning, or is there something I can do better? Like, that stuff is not easy, but it's so workable, and you can both be so comfortable and happy when you find that right level of communication. But him just being like, slut, frat rat, like all these things, it's huge judgments on her as like, you know, a person and being like,

kinda nerdy, like will do, wifely duties. Like, this is all like objectifying in a really gross way. All of it, literally all of it, because even academically successful, it's not like, oh, she has this cool dream and she really goes for it. It's like, it's all about her achievements.

Yeah, it's the math of it. It's all objective. It makes him look good. There's no soul involved. Also, one of his cons is met on Tinder. It's like, the f... You were also there. You were there too.

No, this reeks of like the worst kind of misogyny that is just not worth trying to fix. And also, I feel like a pros and cons list is something that you can do as a self exercise. If you're at a spot where it's like, am I about to like end this? Like if you're deeply confused and you need to write out like what you need,

that's a personal thing that you can do. To write out a pros and cons list in order to decide if you're gonna date someone is I think a little bit weird. Crazy, yes. It's like an end of, it's like the last straw kind of like, well, let me see what- And those pros and cons need to be like detailed,

specific things, not great ass. Yeah. Dude. Well, she's got a banging bats. She does eat my family's heirlooms as a joke. Really good with Legos. So good with Legos. So good with Legos. Body pillow, connoisseur.

Okay, update. This is a big update. Please be single, please learn how to be single. All right, yeah, please. Okay, everyone's comments were a real wake up call. I did already realize at least somewhat that the entire time we'd known each other before dating, he had treated me like crap,

but I justified being with him by saying that he'd changed because I'd won him. But the pros and cons list made me realize really just how little he thought of me, and giving it to me made me think that he still felt the same way towards me. It also made me realize that in his mind, he was settling for me,

and that he probably only really liked me for the things I did for him. I also realized that although that was fine for a little, he is really hot to be honest, I definitely didn't want to have kids or spend the rest of my life with a man who didn't actually like or respect me. I also did make my own list as some of the comments said,

which made me realize how much I was willing to overlook for an attractive man. I would never give it to him because even though a lot of people seem to think I don't really love him, I do care about him a lot for some reason and would never do anything to hurt him. But here is the list.

Pros. Yes, yes! This is awesome. Pros. 6'2", big, attractive, popular, good job and makes a lot of money, close to family, can be sweet, pays for things,

submissive, con. Well, that was a hard left turn. I know that last one's, that was the biggest shock. Six five, blue eyes, finance. Cons, NPC, has no, that's crazy work. Has no hobbies or interests, drinks a lot, clearly doesn't respect me, kind of stupid, not interesting, hardly an intellectual, not well read,

don't have a lot to talk about together, friends don't like him, not good in bed. Damn, okay. My list made me realize that not only does he kind of have nothing going for him, but being with him also reflects pretty terribly on myself and my values. I'm not really ashamed of myself because I met him when I was 18, but I hope I will not be this shallow

of a person for my whole life. So I broke up with him this morning over coffee. He wasn't really upset and was just kind of like, damn, okay. Right, exactly. We cannot be surprised. Does that mean we can't bone no more? Yeah.

He was just like, okay. NPC. He did try to convince me to stay, but I was firm and we are officially broken up. I blocked him on everything because I have no self-respect when it comes to him and I have no doubt he would try to booty call me soon if I didn't.

My friends are all actually thrilled and are hosting a party for me tonight. God damn. They're so happy they're throwing a party. That's awesome. My family was also pretty relieved. They didn't hate him, but they thought he was really stupid. And I think they're happy I won't be polluting

the family lineage with idiocy on that level. So thank you everyone for the wake up call. I guess I will see how adult life without him in it goes. I love how all of her cons were just like, he's dumb. I'm like, you are padding the list a little bit. There's just five sort of syndicates there. Kind of stupid, not interesting, hardly an intellectual, not well read.

NPCs. Yeah, it's, yeah. He's dumb. NPCs. That's crazy. It's pretty devastating. That's hard. To be fair, he's always like, gray man or battle born.

Have you been to the cloud district? Of course you haven't. Oh man, wow. Good for her. Thank goodness that ended the right way. That was condensed. Like I was like, I hope she learns soon how to be single. Just what a satisfying one.

Yeah, right? Yeah. Damn, sucks. Just cause they're pretty don't mean that they're good. Shock scale? That was like an eight. Parts of it were like an eight. Parts of it, I'd say parts.

The fact that he gave that to her. That's the part. I also think it's, look, they're young and I forget what it's like when you're that age, but like shocking that she tolerated this and was like, he can be sweet sometimes. I'm like, you're talking about a guy who's actively just like, you're kind of a slut.

I think every person can be sweet sometimes. That's not really a quality. That's not a quality. If you're putting a sometimes in there, you need to start, you need to question that sometimes. It's wild because like, I have so many conversations with friends when they're going through stuff or maybe they start seeing somebody

and they're like, I don't know how I feel yet. And 99% of the time it's like, I don't know, but like they listen to me when I talk and they enjoy my company. And I'm like, that's, that's fair minimum. That's fair minimum. What did you have before? And you know, it's like, yeah.

Yeah, it should never be like, oh, well occasionally this thing happens. It's like, no, that should be the norm. That should be the norm. Like it should be a flat out, they are this way. Yeah. And it should be out of character. Right.

That they don't do that. Right. Can we get a DDR? Oh, oh! Oh! Is that a real one? No, I'm running out. You're running out.

I'm running out. That was an eight? I would say like a seven. Oh, that was a seventh. You're the most, well, I'm losing out, okay. You're running out. I'm running out. That was an eight? I would say like a seven. Oh, that was a seventh. You're the most, well, I'm losing the plot here where it's like, was it like, wow, perfect, when it's a 10 or is it like, oh, you're bad. You made this scale.

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Be careful along our tracks, and only make left turns where it's safe to do so. Be alert. Be aware. And stay safe. Camera! Next story. This comes from Today I Fucked Up. Today I fucked up by not telling my doctor

how many Tic Tacs I eat per day. Oh. Okay. Orally? Yeah, I was, Tommy. I was literally thinking in what orifice and are they Lego? Tic Tac Lego.

So I'm absolutely fucking obsessed with the fruit adventure flavor of Tic Tacs. The flavor combined with the soft smush they make between your teeth when you chew them makes my brain very happy. I've been buying them in bulk, where each container has 200 candies each, and they come in bulk packs of 12 containers. I tend to eat them by the handful while I'm working or gaming. So in a day I can easily slam through one to two containers. Now keep in mind that on the nutritional label, it says the serving size is one candy

and is listed as having zero calories, which I thought was awesome because I could have as many as I want. That's not how that works. That's 400 candies for anyone keeping track at home. Over the past year, I found that I gained about 40 pounds and nothing about my eating habits had changed as far as I was aware. I told my doctor about it and she was a bit worried.

So she had me do a bunch of blood work to see if there was a reason why I gained so much weight in a short period of time. Everything came back normal. She referred me to see a weight loss doctor who would also have me see a dietician. I have been working with the dietician for a few months now and we have me keep a food log. I had a virtual visit with her today and during it I was fiddling around

with an empty container to keep my hands busy. She saw it and asked where I got such a large container from. So I told her about it and how I eat one to two of those per day. She asked me why those weren't on my food tracker and I said it was because they're zero calories so they wouldn't count. Apparently I was very, very wrong about this.

She explained to me that food companies can label something as being zero calories if the food serving size contains five or less calories. In reality, each individual tic tac actually has about less calories. In reality, each individual Tic Tac actually has about two calories. So essentially, since each container has 200 pieces, and I typically have one to two of those, I've been eating 400 to 800 plus calories

per day of Tic Tacs. Also, that's four grams per carb usually, right? So that's all sugar for the most part. So if that's 800, that's 100 grams of sugar per day, motherfucker. What if that's 800, that's 100 grams of sugar per day motherfucker. What are you, sorry. In addition to all the other food I've been eating, which is very likely why I've gained so much weight.

Yeah, it's like a very like no fiber, all sugar. Like it's just really bad for you. Yeah. This reminds me of the Bo tradition of the spray butter for like zero calories. Oh really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it of the Bo tradition of the spray butter for like zero showed it, you'd realize like a can of coke is like 70% of your- It's like 58 grams of sugar. It's insane, man.

But them listing at zero calories is just a blatant lie. Like each one is two calories. Now that's taken as most people eat tic tacs. It's nothing. But it's still important to know. When I was a kid, we used to go on family bike rides all the time. And sometimes we would stop by a store on the way back,

maybe an ice cream shop, and usually like, oh, we gotta pick something up from Kmart or whatever. So sometimes I would be allowed to get one of those containers of orange Tic Tacs. So good. Even the sensory thing you described, so good. Those would not last particularly long. So I understand how easy it is to like shovel through them.

But the factor for me that's like, oh yeah, you screwed up is like, you're going to see a dietician. Like even if you think it's zero calories, be like, oh, you'd be so proud of me actually, because all of my candy consumption is this zero calorie thing. Like be wrong, but to be that wrong for that long

and not even question like, I don't know. Yeah, because if you're putting in time and money into something, you might as well, it's kind of like if you go to see a therapist and you're not gonna tell them like, what's really going on. Right, your dad trauma. Yeah, it's like, no, you're paying for this. Or you're putting into your healthcare,

or your health insurance, like use it, like really tell them because there's no, like any information you could give them is good information. It's also maybe not her fault. Cause like she didn't know, you know. No, I mean, I'm not. It's like she didn't know about the calorie thing.

Like I said, that's the sliminess of the food industry. Right, exactly. They say that zero calories, that's the sliminess of the food industry. Right, exactly. They say that zero calories, that's a lie. So she got scammed. You are putting something in your mouth. Like if I'm going to a dietician for whatever reason, I would tell them like, oh, I chew gum. Like I would tell them anything.

Or I would tell them how much water I'm drinking. Like you feel like you would just let them know. You would. The doctor's clocking a real thing that is a real worry, which is without, like, my diet has not changed, but suddenly I gained 40 pounds in the span of a year. That could be a real thing that happens to people, and that could be a very dangerous thing.

Like, what is going on in your system? There's a medical thing. So if I'm that person, I'd be scared, and I'd be like, I want to give you all the information I can. Yeah. The reality is, they you all the information I can. The reality is, the information's out there. And the reality is too, that this is good news that, oh, it was that you were eating a bunch of Tic Tacs.

There's a direct cause. There's not an issue with, I don't know, your thyroid or whatever, whatever it is that causes that. This is good news. Right. Yeah, I'm surprised they're not like pre-diabetic even. Like, that's great. Yeah.

Yeah. Comments, someone said, bro ate 40 pounds of Tic Tacs. Someone said, Tic Tacs are small enough to legally be labeled sugar free, even though they're almost pure sugar. Someone said, I just finished a diploma in the medical field. We were warned about people like you, OP. I wish I was joking.

Damn. They told tales. I will say, you, OP, I wish I was joking. Damn. They told tales. I will say, I will say I have read a lot on Reddit of stories of like how misinformed and uninformed people are. And that's, I think it's like on purpose. I think it's on purpose so that companies can sell people things. It kind of reminds me of when it's like sugary cereals

and it's like, it's all, it's like, it's a healthy part of a balanced breakfast. And the balanced breakfast is like toast, oatmeal, fruit. It's like, you can put those cereals in there. That's not breakfast. It's an entire breakfast without it. It's like a green salad and you're like, oh, that's a part of a nutritional meal.

I ate almost a whole container of Tums once. That's great. Have you pooped yet? They were delicious. I was in middle school. Have you pooped yet? It's a whole container of Tums. We're building it up. We're holding on to it.

Real corked up. Lastly, someone said, honestly, it's all critical thinking. I don't care what the fuck someone eats. If you are slamming 200 to 400 of literally fucking anything and feel a significant change in your health, then first thing you should question is that thing you are over consuming. First rule of eating, eat anything in moderation.

Too much of anything is bad for you. Being as generous as possible with this, like you don't know somebody's upbringing, like someone can really lack all possible nutritional information for themselves. I would like to think that yes, if you were chugging 400 of anything, you might think of that as a clue for something, but like I'm glad they're getting healthy supposedly. Yeah, they know now which is the good news. Yeah

And again, just want to be super clear here like not shaming anybody I know none of us are like some people are naturally on the bigger side that happens. That's fine gaining 40 pounds through sugar Consumption is dangerous. Yes. Oh, totally. Should it be shock factor? Yeah, what was our shock factor on that? I think that wasn't as shocking. Five, four. It was like a five. It was just like, okay. Go take a nap.

I also am curious, I wanna see these 200, these big containers of Tic Tacs. Should we order some bulk just to see? Because they must be bigger. I've only seen the little tiny guys. Yeah. Okay. You know what sucks too about tic tacs? What?

I don't know if they change it, but when I was a kid, there'd be two that would be like side by side toward the end that would just get stuck side by side. Stuck at the bottom. And you can't get it off. Is anyone working on fixing that? Or are we just trying to fix COVID or something?

I don't know. Well, I know what priority I care about. I've never had the fruit ones. It makes me want to try some. What's it like to be you? I'm going to try having 200 of them. There you go. I, a 28-year-old woman, found out my husband,

a 29-year-old man, has been telling his co-workers that I'm his sister. What do I do? Please help. Huh? Yep. Throw away account because I don't use or understand Reddit, but I really need advice for someone not connected to me or my husband. My husband, I'll call him Josh, and I have't use or understand Reddit, but I really need advice from someone not connected

to me or my husband. My husband, I'll call him Josh, and I have been together for six years, married for four, and we don't have kids. We have a really healthy and communicative relationship. We're both pretty easygoing and I really love him. He started working at a large accounting firm about three years ago,

and from what he tells me, he loves it there. He's made a lot of friends through his job and he goes out with them for drinks and social events quite often. And I've been totally okay with that. I'm quite introverted, so I've never been interested in meeting his colleagues or work friends, nor have I asked to.

I've got my own circle of friends and I'm fine with us having separate friend groups. After what happened yesterday, it only just occurred to me that he has never actually asked me if I'd like to meet any of them or go to one of his work events. I guess that's important context. Anyway, I'll start with what happened a few months ago

that I had brushed off until now. I was at a bar with some friends for a couple of Friday after work drinks and a guy approached me. He was there with some friends too. He looked slightly familiar, but I hadn't met him before. He seemed friendly enough and he asked me my name, right? Like her OP's name. I think I must have met him before. He seemed friendly enough and he asked me, my name, right? Like her and OP's name.

I think I must have given him a confused look because he followed up with, I'm Jake, I work with Josh. I realized that I recognized him from some photos on my husband's phone. I don't use social media except for a private Instagram, so I'm not sure if he posted the photos anywhere, but we've got a very trusting relationship so I look in his photos sometimes, don't hate me.

This is where it gets a little bit embarrassing. I'm a bit socially awkward, and so I struggled to end the conversation, but he just kept talking to me. I guess he was already a couple of beers deep. But while he was talking, he said something like, it's great that you guys are still so close. I haven't talked to my brother in ages.

At the time I was like, huh? But I just assumed he was drunk and not making sense. So I ignored it. He started to get a little flirty. So I turned to my friends and we left shortly after that. I didn't say anything to them about it. And it didn't seem like a big deal to me. I also decided not to tell my husband

that I had met his coworker, Jake. Not to hide it, but because I figured the guy wouldn't even remember talking to me. And I didn't want to make it awkward for Josh at work by telling him his colleague tried to hit on me. I just thought, no harm, no foul. But yesterday morning, I was out walking our dog, Monty. He's a cross between a few breeds and has very unique markings.

This matters, I promise. And was on my way to my regular cafe, which is in town. I was waiting in line to order, and the guy in front was an older man. He got his coffee and turned around, but stopped and looked at my dog and goes, Hello, Monty. Monty was super excited to see him apparently. And so I guess that the guy was another colleague of Josh's because Josh brings the dog to the office a couple times a week. I thought it was sweet, to be honest. So I smiled at him and said, Hi, he introduced himself. I guess correctly that he was a colleague. But then he said

something like, Aren't you a good sister walking his dog for him? I was so confused that I didn't even know how to react at first. So I stumbled on my words and just said, it's my dog. I regret it, but I genuinely couldn't bring myself to correct him and say that I'm Josh's wife and not his sister. It was just too awkward. And I just wanted to leave

because I think I was suddenly dawning on me what might have been going on. He asked me something about sharing a dog, but I was able to leave because I think I was suddenly dawning on me what might have been going on. He asked me something about sharing a dog, but I was able to escape the conversation by being next in line to order my coffee and he left. I seriously don't know what to do because what the fuck. Do I even ask my husband about this? Part of me is just assuming or hoping that it's a mistake, that he doesn't talk about me much at work and they assume we are related because we both have brown hair. But the thought that he has been telling his coworkers that I'm his sister, and evidently

they have seen what I look like, so they must have seen photos, makes my stomach churn. I don't even know how I would broach the subject with him. I need some help. What would you guys do in this situation? I have only told one friend what happened because it's so weird and embarrassing, and she jumps straight to time to plot his downfall, because she's my ride or die, love her, but I don't want to immediately assume the worst or ruin my marriage over something that could be nothing. I'm sorry for the long and rambly post, but I would really appreciate any and all advice."

He's planning on or is currently cheating on you. You think so? Yeah. Because otherwise, why would you be... It's a way to be like, oh, that lady? Yeah, she's my sister. Not my wife. Yeah. So that he can play single at work. Yeah, it feels like...

I can't think of any other explanation. I cannot think of any other explanation. This, to me, is such... It's such a made-up one. You think it's made up? I think this is so false. I think we run into these, you know, I haven't seen one in a while that for me was like,

ding-a-ding-a-ding, alarm, but like this one has so many details of like, well this guy said it and it was kind of crazy and I kind of thought he was drunk so I didn't think any of it. But then I didn't tell it to my husband because I didn't want to say that he was hitting on me. It's too novelty.

Anyway, the dog thing is, it's too novelty and the guy turns around, well hello, Monty. If I saw a dog, I don't care it to my husband because I didn't want to say that he was hitting on me. It's too novelty. The dog thing is, it's too novelty and the guy turns around, well hello, Monty. If I saw a dog, I don't care how specific the markings, I'd be like, I'm so sorry, is this Monty? Oh my God, Josh brings him into work all the time. You must be such and such, hi. But like, oh hello, Monty, you're his sister. Like, and also like, I've never met him for years.

I don't know any of his coworkers. Then two in one week just happened at the coffee shop. So good news, you're not being cheated on. You're not rare. You don't exist. She's like, what? A couple comments. Walk up to him and ask directly,

why are you telling your colleagues that I'm your sister? Sorry, but this is nothing where you beat around the bush. Someone else said, I agree, this is not your shame to own. Do not be embarrassed by someone else's actions. I understand why you may feel that way. Perhaps in the back of your mind you think you should have met with them from the beginning. That's just not the case. I work remotely. When I'm in the office and someone sees a picture on my phone or something, I make it clear that's my partner. I also don't want anyone getting the idea that I'm not attached. Your husband is asking for trouble in both camps.

This shame is his alone." I wish she could pull some prank where she could be like, Hey brother, and make him go like, whoa. It's unfortunate that my brain goes to, if it's not revealed that he's cheating, then I think I'd also think it's a fake story. Like if this has some sort of positive twist,

I'm gonna be like, I don't know if this is real. But maybe that's my own messed up biases. I am so messed up. Yeah. Dude, you're dark twisted from the twisted mind. Ha ha ha. Crazy bones are just normal bones to a twisted freak like me.

Update, and this update has been edited for time because it's a long one. All right, let's hear it. Let's see what's going on. Hi everyone. I just wanted to say thank you for the overwhelming amount of support and advice. I'm blown away and it really means a lot

and has kept me grounded. I'll just get right into it. On Saturday morning, I woke up earlier than my husband. He was very hungover, so he was sleeping like a rock. But you guys will be proud of me because I followed some advice and decided to look through his phone properly while he was sleeping.

I had been on his phone so often just pissing around on it that I had never thought to check anything very deeply. I know his passcode by heart. I checked all the expected things like Instagram DMs, Facebook Messenger, his iMessages, etc. and I didn't find anything that set off alarm bells to me. But I know from some comments that people who are cheating are good at covering their tracks and hiding messages, so I kept looking around.

I saw he had a folder called work, and so I looked in there, and he had a couple of Microsoft apps, Outlook, Authenticator, OneNote, et cetera, but he also had MS Teams. So I opened that up and had a look around. It did feel like I might have been breaking laws looking at his work messages, but I obviously had to.

Anyway, I was already upset to see that he had a bunch of one-on-one chats with several female coworkers, which at first glance is obviously not an issue because everyone works with people of the opposite gender and are required to communicate with them. But a couple of them were vaguely flirty, nothing I would call egregious,

but there would be the occasional message between them with some playful innuendo or a wink emoji. These upset me, obviously, and they did send me into a bit for the idea, but the post was locked. So I sent a message to Josh, and he said that he was going to send me a message. Josh said that he was going to send me a message. Josh said that he was going to send me a message. Josh said that he was going to send me a message. Josh said that he was going to send me a message. Josh said that he was going to send me a message.

Josh said that he was going to send me a message. Josh said that he was going to send me a message. Josh said that he was going to send me a message. Josh said that he was going to send me a message. Josh said that he was going to send me a message. Josh said that he was going to directly. A commenter suggested that I go through his messages and search for the keyword sister. I wanted to reply to your comment and say thank you for the idea, but the post was locked, so I couldn't, but thank you. So I searched for sis on MS Teams,

hoping to find results for both sister and sis. A bunch of messages from all hands group chats or one-on-one chats came up from other people, all unrelated about their own sisters or whatever. But my heart dropped out of my ass, lol, when I saw there was a direct message from Jake. Should've plugged it. You need Legos.

Get some Duplos, it's a big one. But my heart dropped out of my ass when I saw there was a direct message from Jake, the guy from the bar, to Josh from a Monday a few months ago. Jake's messages said, "'Ran into your sis at the bar on Friday. "'She's single, right?' And my husband had the fucking gall to reply,

nah, she's married. I literally almost burst into flames on the spot when I saw that. I can't even describe how much I was shaking after reading those messages. Firstly, that I could have confronted Josh about this months ago. I was and still am so furious with myself for that.

Josh would have been fucking praying I didn't remember meeting Jake or that I wouldn't mention it. And he would have been counting his lucky stars that I never did. He probably thought he was hot shit for getting away with that. And I nearly burnt a hole through the floor

thinking about it, LOL. But secondly, I was just in shock that he had the balls to tell this guy that I'm the one who is married because he doesn't want anyone having it on with me. But he is allowed to coyly flirt with every fucking woman in the office. Anyway, I kept going back through the search results

on his MS Teams, and eventually I got as far back as two-ish years ago, and I did in fact find a message from Josh himself to a group chat. It said, me and sis in Nusa Dua. I clicked on that and saw that he had sent it alongside a bunch of photos of him and I from our holiday to Bali. We went to Bali for our second anniversary. I thought he probably chose those photos because he's shirtless

and had been working out, so he looked hot in all of them. I was in tears seeing all of this, obviously. I took screenshots of those two and airdropped all the screenshots to myself. Needless to say, I was devastated and still am to see all of that. I am still struggling to even process it at all. But that all happened on Saturday morning, and I immediately took myself to my friend's

house. I'll call her Sophie. I went to her place to cry it out and show her what I found, and she was extremely supportive and probably more furious than me, lol. At around 1.30pm, I got a phone call from Josh, and I hung it up immediately. He sent me a few messages along the lines of, where are you baby? And I'm ordering food, want some? Sad not to wake up next to you this morning.

Sunday morning, I woke up feeling more angry than sad, so I opened my phone and finally replied to his messages. Coming home now, need to talk. I kept it cryptic to make him squirm, to be honest. Because I was slash am fraught with emotions, I can't remember the entire conversation word for word, but I'll try to replay it as best I can. Long story short, I got home and he tried to hug me,

but I refused him and we just stood in the kitchen. I did confront him like someone suggested. I just said, why have you been telling your coworkers I'm your sister? I wish it would have been like a movie scene where the color drained from his face or he immediately looked like a deer in headlights, but he didn't.

It was like he had been girding himself for this confrontation for a while because he just frowned at me and looked flabbergasted. He just said, huh? This made me so angry. How are you going to pretend to be stupid after three years of lying? I basically said, don't play fucking dumb. Two of your coworkers have greeted me as your sister and I have proof of you telling them. And I know you're pretending to be single. Essentially, I asked him what he had to say for himself. He still played stupid. He became moderately defensive and just kept saying,

I don't know what you're talking about, or why would I lie about you? I cannot describe how furious I was at this point, but I was in tears. I always cry when I'm angry. So he was trying to comfort me as if I was having some kind of a rational breakdown. I showed him the screenshot of his message saying,

me and sis, and I said something like, you tell me. He just said, I don't know what I'm looking at, and I'm confused. I got so angry that I left again and went back to Sophie's because it felt like a dead end road. At like 8.30-ish, he called me again and I did pick up. He basically asked for us to talk and he said he had some things to say.

So I went back to our apartment. He had written out a bunch of stuff on a piece of paper as if he had prepared a speech and sat me down on the couch. He asked me not to say anything while he was explaining himself. I'll write down the gist of what he said in bullet points. He started by apologizing relentlessly and admitting that he'd pretended to be stupid before because he couldn't immediately think of something

to say for himself. He said that immediately after he started at his job, he realized the atmosphere was like a frat house. All of his team members were men in their 20s and 30s that were single and fuck boys, his word. He noticed that the one guy in their team that was married would either get picked on or essentially excluded from any and all social interactions. That included getting lunch, inside jokes, going out on Friday, etc. These guys were friendly and welcoming to Josh and he

admitted that he was desperate to fit in with them. He hated feeling like fresh meat, so he was scared that saying he was married would alienate him from his coworkers, and at first just never mentioned that he was married. He said he did wear his wedding ring and that they had just never pointed it out. A few months in, they were all out drinking after work. He admitted that after one of his workmates

saw a picture of him and I on his lock screen. They asked him who I was, and in a moment of panic, he said, my sister. He was really apologetic at this point, and he was crying a lot. He couldn't even look at me, and he was just reading what he had written down. Anyway, he said that from then,

he basically dug himself a deeper and deeper grave because they kept grilling him about me and wanting to see more pictures of me. He said he had let it go on too long and that he didn't have the balls to admit to the lie. He told me that he had never had an affair or even considered it, that the messages between him and his female colleagues were banter

and that it was commonplace to talk to people like that in the office. He also said he knows how disgusting it is that he is embarrassed to have been acting like a fuck boy. Again, his words. He concluded his speech by apologizing again and said that he was disgusted with himself

and ashamed that he had lied for so long, but felt like he had trapped himself and that he couldn't find a way to get himself out of it. He said he knows he could have confessed the truth to either his coworkers or to me at any point, but that he didn't because he was a coward. He said that he'll confess to his entire office that he lied and that I am his wife and not his sister if I want him to. He said that he will quit his job without a word if it would make him feel better

and that he hopes I can forgive him, but he understands if I can't. Right now, nothing feels real. I'm still dealing with the emotional whiplash from all this and I can't even keep food down or think about anything. I've taken the day off work and Josh told me he's going to take off the whole week. Sophie and my other friends have told me

not to make a decision on anything until my head is clear. I spoke to my parents this morning and my mom says it's just a bump in the road, but she and my dad adore Josh so they're pretty biased, LOL. That's where I am right now. I'll take some time before I consider my next steps. I can't say whether I'm leaning towards forgiveness or divorce, but those are really the only options.

I kind of feel lost and avoid at the moment. That's probably the best way to describe it, just emptiness. Thanks again for all of your advice and support. I'm truly so grateful. And having this place to write down all of my thoughts has been helpful to get my mind a little clearer. This will be my last update, unless I make an edit to clear things up all the best.

Okay, so but if this is real, let's take this as a hypothetical. Sure, okay. It's ridiculous. Like, if he's lying, like, you either don't believe him or you believe him and you go, you really, like, would be willing to say that I'm your sister just to fit in with a bunch of shitty dudes.

Right. It's not great either way. No. No, if it's real, then he's an absolute weenie. And, like, I can't say whether it's, you know, break up or stay with him, but absolute weenie. And like, I can't say whether it's, you know, break up or stay with him, but they're describing themselves in like,

complete emptiness, a void of thought. I'm like, well, you don't want a partner that's gonna do that to you. Right. I feel like it's semi-justifiable sometimes. Like, we can all get carried away with like, hey, everyone in the office loves to go on surfing trips. Do you wanna come?

I was like, yeah, I've always wanted to surf. And in reality, you're like, I kinda hate the sun. You know? But I'm not gonna be like, oh, that person, they're my mom, actually. Right. It's kind of a lot. No, this is ridiculous. It's ridiculous either way.

The biggest shock could be that this person wrote a whole entire fake story. They're the asshole. That's a 10 out of 10 shock for me. Yeah. That might be the biggest shock. If you wrote this whole story. Some people, it happens a lot on Reddit

and it's always a little mind blowing to me because I'm like, you don't get anything out of it except for like anonymous attention. It's just like, okay, like, all right. Well. It always reads like fanfic too to me. And again, like we don't have confirmation. It's wordy, but it's not specific.

Like there's like, there's a lot of writing, but not many details kind of thing. Okay, if it is real. If it is real. Should she leave him? Yeah. It's a valuable. I think I wouldn't be upset at her

for leaving him for that. I feel like they could work it out maybe. Maybe. I think they could. But I'm just saying if I'm a friend and I hear about that, I'd be like, I get that. Because now you're gonna be questioning whether he's cheating or not. Right.

It's gonna be hard to believe that lie. Like that's a crazy huge lie to be telling a bunch of people that she is not your wife. Like that's tough. Yeah, I think like, you know, she said they have a trusting relationship and she would often go through his phone. But like, I think when you find a partner

has downloaded something like Microsoft Teams, there's not really coming back from that. Like, you know what their intent is. He's funny. He's funny. I don't know. Clearly this is the biggest, like, I'd feel weird about it. It's funny. He's funny. He's funny. I don't know. Clearly this is the biggest, I feel weird about it.

It's the biggest possible violation that could have happened for her. Only she can judge that, but yeah, this clearly hit her where it hurts and I would certainly be bummed about it. So either you go tit for tat and tell everyone that he's actually your son and make him live with that for two years,

or break up. Yeah. Grab a brush for a little makeup. I agree. 10 out of 10 shocking. Just cause. Just cause, why not? Yeah.

Just give it, give it to it. DDR style is what? Bow. You're the most glorious dancer. I'm gonna kill ya. Love that. Love that. Yeah, yeah. Well. Wow.

This has definitely been filled with shocks. For sure. No doubt. For sure. Surprises even. Yeah. Our next Lego stream is gonna be weird. Well, wow, the this has definitely been filled with shocks for sure no doubt for sure surprises Yeah, our next Lego stream is gonna be weird Which who open up? Thank you both for being here thank you a lot of fun Thank you for watching. Let us know what are the themes and subreddits you want us to see and we'll see you next Saturday

Goodbye