Smosh Reads Reddit Stories - They Did WHAT?! | Reading Reddit Stories

Episode Date: December 16, 2023

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp — go to http://betterhelp.com/pitreddit to get 10% off your first month. Go to http://factormeals.com/pitreddit50 and use code pitreddit50 to get 50% off. These Reddit stories make you go "huh?!" 0:00-1:01 Intro 1:02-8:25 My friend has ketchup scheme https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fbvlwc/aita_for_not_participating_in_my_friends_scheme/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share 8:26-18:12 My sister put garlic bread on my resume https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4lyc9a/i_18_f_left_my_laptop_open_and_my_sister_15_f/ 18:13-30:44 I let my kid ride her pony to school https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17tl2z7/aita_for_letting_my_child_ride_her_pony_to_school/ 30:45-32:53 Sponsors! 32:54-37:50 I jumped out of the train window https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lumolv/aita_for_jumping_out_the_train_window/ 37:51-50:28 I forced my brother to buy me a new engagement ring https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16pd365/aita_for_forcing_my_brother_to_buy_me_a_new/ 50:29-58:57 I do weird poses when my MIL walks in on me https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z3jp34/aita_for_doing_weirdawkward_poses_whenever_my_mil/ 58:58-1:08:20 I was in the shower for too long https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ygke5c/tifu_by_masturbating_too_long_in_the_shower/ SUBSCRIBE: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshPit WEAR OUR JOKES: https://smosh.com WHO YOU HEAR Shayne Topp // https://www.instagram.com/shaynetopp/ Noah Grossman // https://www.instagram.com/noahgrossman214/ Tommy Bowe // https://www.instagram.com/tomeybones/ WHO YOU DON’T HEAR (usually) Director: Kimmy Jimenez Editor: Vida Robbins Director of Programming, Smosh Pit: Kiana Parker Associate Producer, Smosh Pit: Kimmy Jimenez Art Director: Cassie Vance Assistant Art Director: Erin Kuschner Art Coordinator: Alex Aguilar Director Of Photography: Brennan Iketani Director, Design: Brittany Hobbs DIT/AE: Matt Duran Post Production Manager: Luke Baker Production, EVP: Zoe Moacanin Production Manager: Amanda Barnes Production Coordinator: Heidi Ha Production Assistant: Marcus Munguia Senior Manager, Channel & Strategy: Lizzy Jones Talent Coordinator: Selina Garcia Office PA: Ovsana Tsaturian OTHER SMOSHES: Smosh: https://smo.sh/Sub2Smosh Smosh Games: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshGames El Smosh (Spanish Dub): https://smo.sh/Sub2ElSmosh SmoshCast: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshCast FOLLOW US: TikTok: https://smo.sh/TikTok Snapchat: http://smo.sh/OnSnapchat Instagram: https://instagram.com/smosh Facebook: https://facebook.com/smosh Twitter: https://twitter.com/smosh Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm going back to university for zero dollar delivery fee, up to 5% off orders and 5% Uber cash back on rides, not whatever you think University is for. Get Uber won for students. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may be free, eligibility and member terms apply. Welcome back to some wild Reddit stories. I'm Shane.

And today, my guests are Tommy and Noah. Yay. Yeah, cozy Saturday. We have a little bit of a theme today. I would say it's stories that make you do a little double take. Make you go, what? Stories that make you go, uh, excuse me? Double take, three times. Yeah.

Two, two, times. Oh, blah. Yeah. Two, two, two, oh? What? Yeah, so we have some very silly decisions being made by people. Love that. I do that every day. Yeah. Well, let's see if you can relate to these people. I'm true. Let's just hop right in.

Yeah. Let's go. Okay, first story. Classic. Am I the asshole. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, for sure. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. I. I that. I that. I. I. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. th. the. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th asshole? Yes. Am I the... Yeah. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Am I the asshole for not participating in my friend's scheme to convince a restaurant to buy his ketchup? All right. I think there's layers here. Uh... Uh... My friend, Zoltar... All right, I think there's layers here. My friend Zoltar, fake name. Okay, okay.

That's the fake name they choose. That's the fake name they went with is Zoltar. My friend Zoltar, he grants wishes. My friend Zoltar, fake name, has been obsessed with ketchup. He is always trying out different recipes to make his own ketchup and getting me and all our friends to try them. Recently he made his best ketchup yet. I tried it.

It wasn't bad. It was ketchup. Now he has decided he is finally going to break into the ketchup. Oh, okay. He's going to take down Heinz. He's going to take down Heinz. Talk about a monopoly. Listen, Hunt's tried, but they couldn't do it. He is convinced he is going to launch his own ketchup company and grow it to be one of the top providers of ketchup in the US. He literally has a photo of Heinz ketchup on a dart board.

He throws darts at it and mutters thingsers things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things things thers thers thers thers thers thers thers thers thers thi. You! Anyways, he has a scheme he wants me and others to participate in. Essentially it involves all of us going to a restaurant, sitting at different tables, and enacting lines from a scene he wrote. It will culminate in all of us trying and loving his ketchup and convincing the manager to buy it. He wants us all to memorize lines. The gist of it is one guy is supposed to call over a waitress and say he likes the french fries but hates the ketchup. I am supposed to lean over from another table and say,

sorry to butt in, ha ha, but I have to agree. I'm tired of this old-fashioned factory produced ketchup. Where's the real tomato flavor? After a few other people do this, Zoltar is going to say, you guys won't believe this, but I I I I I th. th. th. th. the the the the th. the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to thi. thi. thi. thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I'm thi. I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm th. I'm th. I th. I th. I is th. I is th. I is th. I is th. I is th. I is th. I is th. I is th. I is th. I is th. th. th. th. thin, t t t t t t t t t t t t today today is today is today is today is today is today is today is today is today is today is today is to say, you guys won't believe this, but I'm a ketchup chef, and I have a few samples. Would you want to give it a shot? At this point, everyone is supposed to try the ketchup and act astounded by it, and basically all exclaim it is the best ketchup they ever had. I'm supposed to stand up on my table and make a trumpet sound effect and then yelled to the the the the the the the the the theyl, theyl, theyl, they, they, they, they, th, thu, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thee, throw, throw, throw, throw, thrown, thr, thr, thr, thee, to to try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, to to to to to to to to toe, would, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, t, toe, t, t, toe, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tape, tape, together, together, together, try, tryuuu.e, tryuu.e, tryu.e, tryu.e, wooomorrow, tryu. Woulde, tryu, to the entire restaurant, we have the best ketchup ever made over here. Everyone come on over. One of the other people is supposed to get the manager of the place over, and we are all supposed to try to convince him or her to buy an order of my friend's ketchup. Zoltar is going to act surprised and embarrassed,

and try to tell us spot. He then assumes he will make a huge sale. Then he wants to do the same operation at other places in town. I told him there's no way I am doing this. I hate public speaking slash acting and having attention focused on me. Also, the idea is just so fucking dumb and crazy to me. I told him that straight up. He acted offended and said, I am ruining his dreams. I am astounded by this, but some of my friends agree and think he is showing hustle, and

that we should all help him launch his ketchup business. Aside from his catch-up obsession, Zoltar is one of my best friends. But it seems our friendship is being ruined. A lot of people are telling me I am a jerk for going against his dream and not helping out. I love this screenplay. Yeah, it's very fun. I love. I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th going against his dream and not helping out. I love this screenplay. Yeah, it's very fun. I love the trumpet sound effect. This can't be real.

I mean, it's possible it's not real, but I don't know. Think about the genius here, okay? Yeah, I'm ready. Right. When you're starting your first business, what are you told? You're told to make a lemonade stand, right? th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu, thu thu, thu, thu, thu thu, thu, thu, thu thu, thu, thu, thu thu thu. thu. thu. thu. thu, thu. thu. thu. thui, thuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii thuuuu. thu, th? You're told to make a lemonade stand, right? Yes. Lemons, lemonade stand. Well, that market's already cornered. How many kids are there, right? How many blocks can you sell lemons? Yeah. Right? At some point, the tomatoes are going to start going bad. No one's buying them, you're going to get them on discount, right? And then you make your own ketchup. And then you the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi is thi. thi. thi. their thi. thi. ti. ti. ti. ti. tooooo. ta. to to to to to to to to to to to to ta. ta. ta. ta you stand next to the lemonade stand and you sell ketchup. It's a great idea. You had me for a long time. I'm trying to understand the reasoning here. It's so, that's like someone saying that they're

going to take on smuckers. And their plan is to go to the local Kroger, get three people to fake shop and say, man, I hate this factory-made strawberry jam. Where's the tomato flavor? It was the stand-up on the table and do the, boop-pidoo guys, we've got good. It's like, no one, I'd be like. Yeah, wait, is that hope fiction? Because maybe someone else in there would enact then the pulp-fiction.

Yeah, yeah. The manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager manager. The manager. The manager. The manager. the manager. the manager. the manager. the manager. the manager. the manager manager manager manager manager. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to-up-up-up-up-up-up-up. to-up. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to f. to f. the the the the the the the the the the the tap. the the the tap. the the the to-fa-fa. to-fa. to-fa. The manager pulls out a wallet that says bad, motherfucker, and he's like, I am not buying this ketchup. Do you see this wallet? See, I don't even know if this is, at no point, do I feel like he has described that he is going about the like legal way of starting a business? That's true. So I'm like, is he just bringing this straight from his kitchen to a restaurant and saying, use this ketchup? Like, I feel like there's a process. If this guy's making organic ketchup, he should try to get on shark take. You're right. And be like, sharks, don't you hate Heinz?

Don't you wish you, don't you miss that tomato flavor? I've got 57 reasons why my ketchup is better. See, I just don't know if many people are upset with how Heinz ketchup tastes. I think it's pretty good. I think people like ketchup. This feels like a tough battle. And I think he's trying to go after Heinz too quickly. I think he should try to be like, I make organic, natural ketchup and go to the right restaurants with that, try to sell that. I gotta be honest, if I'm presented with Heinz and then anything else,

I hate to be a supporter of a monopoly, but like, it's, it's, it's what it is. When it comes to ketchup, I'm head empty. I'm grabbing the hinds. I don't care. Grabbing that curvy bottle. Yeah,vy bottle. Yeah. Oh, glass bottle.

I don't know why I did that. That curvy, juicy, sexy bottle. You know the plastic one that's like... Yes. Oh yeah, and it makes a little fart. All right. I can't move on without saying a hot take. I, plastic bottle, I think task tastes like shit. The glass bottle, the glass bottle and the packets are good. Yeah. But the plastic bottle for some reason I think is garbage. It's definitely worse.

The verdict, not the asshole, obviously. This is insane. Right. Some comments. One comment says, you're the asshole. Put me in touch with this man, ASAP please. I see promise here. Okay. So that's it kind of light. That's a joke. It's hindsight. It's hins. the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tase. tase. tase. tase. tase. tase. tase. tase. tase. tase. tase. tas. tas. tas. tas. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. tas. ta. kind of light. That's a joke, you're the asser. It's Heinz with a sniper rifle typing that out. Yeah. Where is he? I'd like to see that guy. Uh, not the asshole. Good luck to Zoltar and taking down big ketchup. Hines and Hunts, you are on notice.

Can your friend slap organic on it? He can charge $10 organic. Mm-hmm. No one's an asshole, but all he has to do is walk in and show them this ketchup. If they like it, they will buy it. Fucking ketchup chefs, always scheming. Also, ketchup chef, ketchup, not a real thing. I feel like anyone who makes ketchup, the tell. Yeah, I'm sorry, I only know one of the recipe.

to mash tomatoes. You open a restaurant, get a plate and it's just ketchup. He's got a red hat, one of those red hats on. Welcome to Blood Puddles. Welcome to Blood Puddles, we've got ketchup. Do you guys have mustard? Oh. Get out of my phones out! Out!

Our next story comes from our relationships. I, an 18-year-old female, left my laptop open and my sister, who's 15, replaced everything in my hobbies and passions section on my resume with just garlic bread as a joke. I unknowingly sent it out to about 20 to 30 businesses, and now I have no idea what to do about it. Well if one of them's Olive Garden. No way! Yes, Reddit, I know how hilarious this sounds, and I promise you this is not a joke, as I am genuinely freaking out right now.

I am soon finishing up secondary school, high school, and I'm looking for my very first job for the summer. When I was filling out my resume, I didn't have a lot of experience to mention, so I was advised to do a hobbies and passions section. I stupidly left my laptop out on the kitchen table today while I went to the shop to get some tea, and my gobshite of a sister thought it would be the joke of the century to delete my hobbies and passion section and replace everything with a single bullet point saying garlic bread. Now I have thethe word document and closed it before leaving. She opened it, changed it without telling me, saved it, and closed it before I came back,

and she knows bloody well that I'm looking for jobs at the moment, and she knew I'd spent the afternoon working on my resume. Anyway, I came home with the tea and knew I was happy with my resume. I didn't bother to recheck it. I the the the the toch it, I the, I the knew I was happy with my resume. I didn't bother to recheck it. I had no idea someone would change it to garlic bread while I was gone. I used it for multiple job applications from an online hiring site, which had places hiring in my town. I'd say I sent this garlic bread resume to about 20 to 30 institutions in total. I was only, it was only after I sent them that I decided to recheck my resume when I noticed the horrificicicicicicicicicicic. the horrific. the horrific. the horrific, I was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the toe, I was the their, I was toe, I was their, I was toe, I was to to to to theiring, I was theiring, I was their, I was their, I was their, I was their, I was their, I was their, I was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the te, I was te, I was tea, I was tea, tea, tea, tea, tea, tea, tea, tea, tea, tea, te, t horrific alteration. I am absolutely mortified. I immediately confronted my sister about it, getting a strong sixth sense that she was the most likely culprit and she thought it was fucking hilarious. She literally laughed until she cried while I was

standing there nearly crying from stress and mortification. My sister has always been a joker and she always gets away with bloody murder, but this was so serious. I am sick of her pulling off this shite to everyone around her, thinking it's funny or cool or something. It was only when I explained to her the full seriousness of the situation and that I had sent it to 20 to 30 places, that she copped on and apologized. Not sure if she was being genuine, but the words, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thiiiiiiiii, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi, thin, thi, thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th th th th th th th th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, th thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thuu thin, thin, thu thin, thi thi thi, thi, left her mouth. Then she had the audacity to blame me for it, asking me why I hadn't checked it before sending it off. I screamed at her that I had checked it multiple times

before leaving to get tea, and didn't expect anyone else to change it while I was gone. She then backped and insisted that she meant it as a joke, with a just a prank brawl, of it. I don't know what the hell to do now to rectify the situation. I have never job hunted before. I don't know how serious this stupid mistake is. I live in a large enough Irish town but small enough for businesses to spread gossip. So I'm terrified that they'll all know not to hire the garlic bread girl. Should I email the places I applied to explaining the situation or will I sound like a complete knob. Technically it is true that it is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. thi. thi. thi. th. thi the the thi. thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to to to to to to to. to. to. to. to. to. thi thi thi thi thi true that garlic bread is a passion of mine. She's reasoning! Technically, it is true that garlic bread is a passion of mine, simply because it's delicious. But obviously, it is not resume worthy.

The businesses probably think I'm taking the piss and being extremely unprofessional. I'm so annoyed that this is my first impression in the working world. I'm not even hired and I fucked up already. Should I resend them my application th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thr- thr-n' thr- thr- thr- thr- thr- thr- thr- thr- thr- thr--------------------------------------n-n-n-n-n' th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thii-n' thi-n' thi-n' thi-n'-n'-n'-n'-a-n'-s'-n'eeauuuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thr-b-b- fucked up already. Should I re-send them my application with my resume fixed? Should I move on and forget about the places I applied and apply to new businesses with a rectified resume? Should I just fucking move town at this point since I've clearly made a fool of myself already? Also how do I talk to my parents or sister about her stupid spoiled brady behavior? That's awesome. That's a pro-level move. That's a way to fuck with your sibling. Yeah. I respect it. And I also love the, in my head, I'm picturing this all with an Irish accent.

I didn't need to hear them say Irish and I was like, this person. Well, bloody chite. Mm-hmm. What was the first one? Gobshite? Gobbshite. I'm surprised they didn't call it like zingy toast or something. I know. Biggie-plett. Instead of garlic bread that got zingy toast? Zingy toast. I don't know, they got maims for stuff. I love zingy toast, yeah. I didn't know that they had garlic bread in Ireland. They have that there? I love the like, well, okay, it it it it it is it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it, it is, well, it, well, it, it, it, well, well, it is, well, it, well, well, it, it is, well, well, well, it, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, the like, the like, well, the like, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well. Well. Well. Well, well. Well, well. Well, well. Well, well. Well, well. Well, well. Well, well. Well, well. Well, well. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is, the, the, the, okay, the, okay, I, I, I, I, I, I, okay, I, I, I the, okay, I the, I the, okay, I the, I the, the, the like, the who doesn't have a passion for garlic bread.

True. True. In her head, the idea that she would be confronted with it and she would have to stand her ground and say, no, I do in fact love garlic bread to the point of passion, and then double-taking and saying, is that more reasonable, or is me leaving town completely more reasonable? Which one makes more sense? I think when you're 18, that's a, yeah, that's how you think. You're like, I gotta just get out. It's, honestly, it's one of the best pranks I've heard. I think, I think if she re-sent the resume,

now that's a lot of work, but if she re-sent it, was incomplete. I accidentally sent you an earlier draft. Here's the full. Like before they even read the first one. Yeah, try to get ahead of it. Right. Yeah. I would show up in a garlic bread costume. That's true. You could commit. And that's how you're going to get hired at the AMPM. The AMPM. The AMPM. The AMPIM. The AMPIM. The AMP. The AMP. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. The AM. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. M. M. M. I. M. M. I. I. M. M. I. M. I. M. I. M. M. M. M. M. M. I. M. M. I. yeah, I think that's probably the best to leave. Just resend it. Just resent it. Honestly, I don't think anyone cares. Nobody gives a shit.

Yeah. Nobody's gonna read that far. Mm-hmm. No. Pashion and hobbies. So, obviously it's really funny. How would you react if this happened to you? Oh the exact same way.

I think I think gobshite is what I would yell as well. I get a lot of stress over like work-related stuff and especially like, I mean the only thing I have a comparison to is like auditions for stuff and dude the stress of that is intense. If someone fucked with thaaauuuuuuuuuu. that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. thiii. thi. thi. I's the thi. I's thi. I's thi. I's thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm somea-I's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I's thi. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's thi. I's the the the the thi. I's the thi. I'm so. I'm somea. I'm somea. theeeeeeeeeeeeean. th. theeeeeeeeean. I'm theeeeeee. I'm thi. I'm thi. Ithat is intense. If someone fucked with my resume or anything about how I come across, I'd freak out because I'm so terrified of coming across the wrong way to people. Dude, you just freaked me out. Every time you upload a self-tape or anything, and you're like, did I do the right take? Like the idea that you would even put the wrong one, like, oh my, that would that, that, thr, thr, thr, thr, that, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, I'm thr, I'm thr, I'm thr, I'm thr-I's, I'm thr-I I'd thr, I'd thr, I'd thr, I'd thr, I'd thr, I'd thr, I thr, I I thr, I I I I I, I I I, I I, I I, I I I I I, I, I I I I, I I I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I'd thr, I'm thr, I'm thr, I'm thr. thr-a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a, thr. that would kill me. I actually couldn't recover personally for a long time.

So while I'm laughing, it would break me for a while. I'm stuck on, why are you applying to 20 places at once? I don't know what kind of jobs they have in Ireland. Um, shut the fuck up. I love just saying bullshit about Ireland. It's funny. No, I want to visit. I'm not allowed there. I their their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm they. I'm they. I'm thia. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm toe. I'm toeck. toeck. told. I'm thi. told. told. told. told. told. tooke. tooke. tooke. tooke. tooke. tooke. tooome. I'm. I'm. tooom. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tipe. too. too. too. too. too. too. I'm. too. I'm. too. I'm. too. I'm. tooe. tooe. I'm tooe. I'm tooe. I'm tto visit. I hear it's great. I don't know. I'm not allowed there. My family left in the 1800s and I can't go back. Yeah.

Some comments here. If you have a hundred applicants for a job and someone send you a resume with garlic bread all over it, it would absolutely get tossed. I might be curious, but not enough to waste my time. Oh, he responded. How about if it was mentioned only once and everything else was okay? Uh, someone else said, your sister was seriously a dick for doing that, but she might have done you a favor. I have a couple of things on my resume that have absolutely no bearing on my field, but

get me interviews because they make me seem a little more relatable and interesting. I know this because employers have specifically said it's what made them bring me in. Someone else said, did you apply to any Italian restaurants? Hope he responded, I did actually. Hopefully I'll hear from them. I can speak a little bit of Italian, too. I'm winning here. Garlika. Wait, is she like really about garlic bread?

I guess she maybe, maybe the sibling was doing her a favor. She doesn't realize. She never says it, but she makes, she makes the bread the bread the bread the bread the bread the bread the bread the bread the bread, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, the, the, the, the, to, to. to. to. I, to. I, to. I, to. I, to. I, to. I, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, to. I, to. I, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. doesn't realize. She never says it, but she makes the bread by hand. Rebecca, your life passion is garlic bread, but you aren't owning it. She's like, no, I can't. I mean, garlic bread is great. Personally, if I had to choose garlic bread, Texas toast. I'm a Texas toast guy. What's that? It's the same thing in a different shape? No, it's not, that's not the same at all. Texas Toast is more like a, the sa-

Like a type of bread, like, where it's like a country style white bread. It's how the bread is like seasoned, I feel like. It's just garlic butter, right? Texas toast is what you get in like, uh, raising canes, a ba. A the tea.. A tea, tea, tea, tea, toa, toa, toa, like, like, toa, like, like, toa, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. t. the. Texas, Texas, Texas, t. Texas, t. t. t. t. t. big fat. Fat. I've had garlic texas toast. When you make French toast with Texas toast it's... Wait, well how... No, okay, okay, hold on. We have someone from Texas. We have a Texan. What is the difference between Texas toast and garlic bread? Garlick bread is usually a baget that's been cut in half and sliced. Olive oil garlic, garlic. th is th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how tho, how tho, how thoomomomomomom. thoomome, how tho, how thoom. thoom. thoom. How thoom, how thoom. How thoom, how tho, how how how how how how how how th, how how how how how how how th, how, how how how th, how th, how th. th, how th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho, how tho, how tho, how thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. th. th. th. th yeah. Texas toast is just a thick slice of white bread. Yeah.

And it's sometimes garlic, and it's sometimes just like butter and parsley. Thank you. Glad I can help. Yeah. That's great. We had a resident Texan. But they're both great. No, I love them both.

that. Look, when it comes to bread, I'll eat anything. I'll eat anything. I think pizza's overrated. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Kim, you just said, you think pizza's overrated? This is like part of my lore. It's like the third thing on my description on... I only know two.

Thanks. Sorry. No, I don't think I've everrated? Okay, don't freak out. It's overrated. It's not bad. If I'm at a party, I'm a little junkie, I need some food in my body, they've got some pizza. I'll eat a pizza? Sure. I'm not someone who's like, hmm, what do I want to eat? I want to get some pizza.

I don't have that. I'm like, all right, child. That's it. Okay, moving on. Am I the asshole for letting my child ride her pony to school? Huh. Whoa. I really need to hear more because right now I'm thinking that that sounds like the dream. Yeah. My take is it depends on where you live. If you're in the middle of New York City, that that sounds like the dream. Yeah. My take is it depends on where you live. If you're in the middle of New York City, that's bad.

How big's the pony? Yeah. Here we go. It's a 36-year-old woman. My child, who's seven, asked if she could ride her pony to school last week. For context, we have a small padddock attached to our home where we keep two horses, one for me and one for my child. Every morning before school, my child gets all of her pony chores done before we leave,

and we normally walk to school which takes around 20 minutes. We live on the outskirts of a fairly populated city where it's not uncommon to see horses occasionally, but we are by no means in a rural village. I agreed to let my daughter ride her pony to school because I'm, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tie, tie, tie, tie, to, tie, to, to, to, to, to, to, toe, toy, toy, toy, toy, toy, toy, t, toy, t, t, t, t, t, t, toy, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, toe, toe, toe, too, togu, toguu, toguu.e, toguuu.e, toguuu.e, toguuu.e, toguuuu.e, toguuu.e, togu.e, t rural village. I agreed to let my daughter ride her pony to school because I thought it was a harmless fun thing to do. And also it gives the pony some exercise as we had evening plans and wouldn't be riding that evening. We arrived at the school gates and of course gathered a little bit of a crowd which wasn't a problem.

The pony is very good and lapped up all the paths. One girl came bounding over from the year above my daughter and started shouting at me saying she wanted to ride. I politely told her that she couldn't because she doesn't have a riding hat and she would have to learn on a safer horse. She immediately started hysterically crying and pleading with her mom saying he wanted to ride. Her mom looked at me with disgust and said, See, this is what happens when you have no self-awareness and bring a fucking horse to a school, and stormed off dragging her kid with her. I was a bit taken aback but ignored her. Sent my child into school and walked the pony home. I was talking to my friend this weekend,

and she said I was in fact the problem, and I was blatantly showing off that this would cause upset and problems. My response is, I turn up to the school gates in Jodpers and boots regularly, so everyone probably knows I have horses. Is that showing off too? All I wanted to do is let my daughter do something a bit silly and fun. Now I am really overthinking it though, and almost feel nervous to do school. So am I the assu for letting my daughter ride her horse to school? Edit. I want to clear some things up. Firstly, I'm based in England. Secondly, the pony never went into school grounds. There is a small patch of grass about 30 meters from the main school gate and we stood there so no

child with allergies would have to be subject to horse germs if they didn't deliberately come over to us. This also means that I don't feel like I should have run it, run it by the school. And lastly, the pony is an ex-riding school pony. It has been surrounded by kids its whole life and used to do kids' birthday parties and everything. I know animals are unpredictable, but I was 99.99% sure that the pony would be fine and appreciate the fuss off the tiny humans. He absolutely did. Yeah. Okay. By the way, the Joddpur's was mentioned. Jodpers in their modern form are tight-fitting trousers to the ankle, where they end in a snug cuff, and are worn primarily for horse riding. Okay, so I pictured them in some down in abbey-assu. Yeah, they're doing drasage. That's. That's. That's. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thi. That's thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi, thi, thi, thuatui, thui, thi, thi, thi, thi. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. thi. thi. thi. theee. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. asskloat. Yeah, they're doing drossage. That's cool. It's fun to

think about an English Karen. Yeah. What would you call English Karen? I'm not familiar with like British names, right? Kareem? Elizabeth? Elizabeth? Elizabeth? Elizzie. Oh, Lizzie. Oh, okay. Here's my tick. Here's my tick. Kind of the asshole. Elizabeth. Elizabeth. Elizabeth. Elizabeth. Elizabeth. Elizabeth. Elizabeth. Elizabeth. Elizabeth. Elizabeth. Elizabeth. Elizabeth. Elizabeth. Elizabeth. Elizabeth. Elizabeth. Elizabeth. the th. th. the the th. the th. th. the th. th. the the th. the the the th. the the th. they. they. they. th. they. they's. they's. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. the the th. they. they're. they're they're th. th. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. A Lizzy. Okay. Um, here's my take. Kind of the asshole. But not for the reason that the other person called them an asshole. And not really an asshole, actually. Kind of just like, what a weird flex. You know?

I mean, I, I come from a non, not a wealthy family. So like, if someone, like, I'm trying to like parallel, like I don't care about horses, but if like someone, that's my new hot take is that I don't care about horses. Fuck horses. Horses are overrated. Yeah.

If someone, I don't know, like, it's the vibe of like, I don't know. Someone showing up in like a fancy ass car and being like, you know, wearing a fucking ballgown or some shit. I'd be like, okay, why did you do all that? We got math class and an hour. I don't know. Like, I can, like, I can see a little bit of that, but I really don't think that they're like truly an asshole because it's really like, you know, the intention and then other people people like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, th. th. the, the, like, like, interpret, like if you brought the horse to the front of the school, I'd be like, you're an asshole, that horse is going to kick a bunch of kids, but she was like across a street, 30, like, right? Right. Right.

It's a good horse. the horse, like, with like another kid wanting to handle what doesn't belong to them is not like. That kid. And then, and then the mom being like, well, should like my kid ride your fucking horse. Yeah, she did say, why don't you have any self-awareness? You shouldn't have brought a fucking horse here or something like that. But right, I should curse in front of children. That's the wrong take.

Yeah. No, self-awareness. And then she said that, yeah. Yeah. That's smart. But she was mad because her kid couldn't ride the horse. And that's like, no say it in a British way. Yeah. You know, I can definitely see where it's like, it's not, it's just kind of like, it's my birthday. I'm going to show up in a limousine or something. Or like, you know, let's order pizzas to school because

I get allowance and no one else does. I can like see that. It's not being like, this. This is not a problem. Yeah. I'm just saying there is something. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's like, like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's liketo school that is like, hey? Yeah. But like, OK. It is also funny that like, because we all grew up in, you know, cities, not like rural town. So like, seeing a horse is like, oh, you're usually wealthy. When like, if you told me that you had to get to school via horse legitimately, I wouldn't, you know, like, I know that as people like, oh, you're that as that as that as that as that as that as that as that as that as that as that as that as that as that as that as that as that as that as that as that as that as that as that as that as that is that as that as th. that as that is that as to, to to to to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, you're to, you're to, you're to, you're to, you're to, you're to, you to, you to, you to, you to, you to, you to, you to, you to, you, you, you, to, you, you, you, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to everybody has got a horse. Yeah or it's just like they're, that's how they get there. I don't know if that makes sense. That like they might not be. No, no, no, no. It definitely makes sense. How I interpret it. I'm saying it from like, I'm seeing it from, I'm, I'm picturing of a Florida school, which there are. I'm, people, their, I, their, th. I, th. th. I, th. th. I, th. that, that, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's like, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's how, that's how, that's how, that's how, that's how, that's how. that's like, that's like, that's like, thaturing like a regular ass school with someone walking upon, I'd be like, who are you? I feel like definitely in America and I would assume England too, but if you have horses you have to be. It's hard to have horses and not be wealthy. Yeah. I feel like it might be your business too. I mean, at their experiences, at least I guess where kid if someone rode their horse to school I would think it's cool.

Do you have to have like a poo bag? You know like when you walk your dog you're supposed to have it on a leash like a horse diaper. Yeah but a horse is like it's a big. Dude, yeah. They drop duces. Like what do you do? Don't they? Things that can like catch it like this. They're like a little basket. Like it swings Little horse basket. That's nice. I don't know. It's kind of once again Once again, our resident Texas Toast and horse expert. Tell us about the poo bucket. Usually you only have a poo, I don't know if you want to call a poo bag. What you're calling is a poo bag behind your horse is if you're writing like in the street like in a parade or something or like with a carriage like some. the, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the the the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they just just they're they're they's they's they's they's they's they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just they they they they they they just they they they just, I they they they just, I they just, I they just, I they just, I they just, I they just, I they just, I they're they're they're just just just they're just th th thin, I th thin, I don't thin, like like like like like, I don't they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they behind your horses, if you're riding like in the street like in a parade or something or like with a carriage, like some place where there's a lot of foot

traffic. Yeah. But if you're, if it's like a green area, not in a city, you don't usually have one. Do they they make them for ponies? Yeah, they're just smaller. Oh. Like even cops, like in LA, the ride horses don't have that kind of work. And let's talk about that. Why are there police on horses in LA? That's a good point. I've always, whenever I see horses, police on horses, I'm just like, really? I haven't seen a criminal on a horse. I think it's intimidating.

There's no old school bank robbers. Yeah, it's like there's no old school bank robbers. Yeah, it's like, there's no train heists happening. Yeah, can you imagine someone like grabs an old lady's purse, like is running through the crowd at the parade and the police officer's like, don't worry, I'll catch him, gallops the horse through like 2,000 people. Just knocking people over. Yeah, dude, that's medieval warfare. Get off the horse, you're thi th. Yeah, dude,. Poop falling in the street. People stepping off to, awh. Yeah. Yeah.

The verdict was not the asshole. Some comments here. Info, did you really think other kids would not bat an eye? Of course they wanted to ride the pony. OPE responded. I obviously knew people would show an interest, but I honestly thought the kids would be just, would just be happy to see a pony and it would brighten people's Friday. The pony is mega-save, so I knew everyone could stroke him and give him a fuss and assumed that would be that.

Me and who? Sorry. Who's gonna stroke me and give me a fuss? That's what I was saying. I know it's in England, but hearing like, it's hard for me to, it's just weird. I think I, honestly, I don't think it's fair for me to comment on this story because I want to be that little child who every Friday gets to ride their pony to school. Like that is so wonderful. Yeah.

Oh yeah, they're jealous. Yeah. I mean, imagine the smell of the smell of the fresh air. I mean it's everything that I want in my own. My earlier statement is from jealousy for sure. Yeah. It sounds like a fairy tale. Yeah. I'm like, okay. Oh, it's brave. They're having a fantastic life. Yeah. And I'm grateful for my life, but I walked to school carrying my fucking saxophone.

Ha ha! You play saxophone? Wow. had an alto saxophone. Which one was taller? You were the alto. Hey! Oh! There you go. Sorry, I'm sorry. The alto is one of the smaller saxophones. I'll have you now. It was still a piece of shit to carry all the time.

Everyone sucks here because it's a kid drop off and you brought a fecking. Feking with an e. for your little girl to ride it on. Parents wrangling little kids, teachers helping while trying to get started. You bring a distracting horse, kids would love to pet and maybe wish to ride. Your horse, your prerogative, but read the room a bit. I think it's a little harsh, I see it more for where I think this fits more is at the end of the day when you're getting picked up if you brought the horse to school for her to ride on and be like, let's get out of here.

That's fun. Right, right, go! The horse just rides off with a kid. A bunch of cans on strings going quickly. Just horse. It makes you th, it brings back a core memory of mine where my mom sometimes would come to school to pick me up and she would bring one of our dogs. Oh, that, yeah.

And that was so sweet. She brought one of our dogs to school. So when I walked out, she was there with our dog Jack. But our other dog, she only brought one of the dogs because it would be too much to take both. Our other dog was so fucking piss. And he took one of our TV remotes and just ripped it to shreds.

You're like, he was pissed. He was like, how dare you? Yeah. Took him over me. Someone else said, not the asshole. If you shut up in a really cool car or truck to pick up the kids, does everyone get a ride? You also sound appropriately safety focused, making sure the pony is good around people, for example. It's a nice treat if handled well. That mom did not handle it well.

But what do I know? If I had a pony, I'd ride him on my boat. That mean, that mean, do that's that Jeff Bezos? Can you check the... Yeah, yeah, he has the room. That was him. And then the last thing is, this is the whitest thing I've ever read. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there.

There's a lot of horses around. there. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. No, no, that's the, no, no, no, no, the that, don't know. I don't know either, I just remember... I don't know, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Everyone has a horse. Everyone has a horse there. Everyone's a night. There's castles. They'll have flags and one's got a dragon. Yeah, I don't try to you. Yeah, I don't try to be a factor. This episode is brought to you by Factor. It is December. It is a bustling holiday season. And you might be looking for flavorful nutritional meals to get you through these jam-packed days. There's shopping. There's so much stuff

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All right, back to the show. Here's our next story. Am I the asshole for jumping out the train window? How, I can't interpret that. You can open up windows on trains to jump out? Maybe there was a police officer on a horse. That would see. Yeah, right.

It's the lone ranger. I study in a big city and my hometown is far away from any major train station. The closest one is 45 kilometers away. I like how all of these have been in the UK, except for catch-up guy. While the train tracks are very close to my town, train, towan,. What I do is I book a ticket to the nearest station, then I jump out the window. The train varies in speed, but it's very slow when it's in that area, so it's never really dangerous jumping out. Never once gotten hurt, I don't like doing this and I try to arrange for someone to pick me up, as there are literally no buses or anything there. there. there. there. there. there. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thrown, thrown, thrown, their, their, thrown, thr-a, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, and I... And, thi, tha, tha, tr-a, tr-a, tr-a, tr-s, train, tr-s, train, train, train, train, train, train, train, train, train, train, they needed me ASAP. I took the only train that day and did it. Looks like one of the train workers saw it last time and recognize me when I came on the train. She asked me for my

ID and I said no. She kept telling me to give it to her and I refused. I know this is a common tactic ticket collectors use. You show them your ID e ID their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their I their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their their their their their their their their. I is. I is. I is. I is. I is. I is. I is. I is. I is. I is. I is. I is. I is. I is. I is. I is. I is. I. I. I. t. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. train. train. train. train. t do what they want. She got upset, walked away, then came back with another worker who explained to me that they're upset and I can't do this. I explained I have a family emergency and I understand their concern, but nobody can pick me up and they need me. They told me they don't care. I went to the bathroom and shit there was no window there. Went to the other cabin and I think they caught on to me, especially since I brought my backpack with me. Thankfully this one did have a window and I did it. They were screaming at me. I don't know what. On my way back, they saw me and were so pissed. I convinced them that it wasn't me and I pretended like I was a foreigner and I said I only speak English and it worked. I feel really bad but I did what I had to. Okay. Um, wow.

Um, they went to the bathroom and shit? No, they went to the bathroom and shit. There was no window there. They should have used a different word. Yeah. Yeah. Um. Like, I gotta get out of here. I mean. Yeah. Oh no, there's no window. Oh no. I mean, yeah, oh no, there's no window, it's snow. This is one of those where I'm just like,

it doesn't even matter if you're an asshole or not, you're breaking the law. Like, I, you are endangering yourself, probably just mainly endangering yourself, but you could end up super inconveniencing everyone else on that train if they have to halt the train for whatever reason. I mean, God, you you you th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.. than, thi, thi, for whatever reason. I mean, God forbid, you like jump out and you do it wrong and then you end up under the tracks. Like, that's the reality of it. Like, that's just why you'd...

Or like, you jump out and there's a rock in the field you didn't see and you hit your head on it, good night and no one knows that you're in the field and now your family of the weird things I've learned from the internet over the years is like, don't fuck with trains. Do not underestimate trains, because they are so much more powerful than you realize. So it seems like, oh, it's going slow, just jump out of the train. It's like, dude, if any part of that body's gone., like, like, thiiii., that's thi., th., th., th., th., th., th., th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin. thin. thin. tho tho that. that. tho tho tho, tho, tho, tho, thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thr. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. thau. thau. thau. thau thau thau thau thau thau tr. thauuu thau t body's gone. Verdict for this guy was asshole.

Right. Right. In like a societal way. Yeah, it just kind of like, you look it a law. I think it's just kind of, there's not much nuance to this. It's like, yeah, don't jump out of train windows. In fact, someone said you're the asshul, don't jump out of a train, train, train, train, train, thrain, th. . else said you're the asshole, nobody should have to tell you that jumping out of a large vehicle while it's moving is a bad idea.

See I think that's where I stand a little bit more is like, it's less that I'm like you're an asshole, it's more that like, you're dumb. You're gonna die. Yeah, the risk to reward. It's just not there. Yeah, exactly. Someone said this is very. thi. thi. I. thi. thi. thi. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that's. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that's that. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the the the the. the. the the the the the the that's that's that's that's that's that's you have to understand that if you get injured, those train workers will likely face consequences. So maybe take your mischief somewhere else. That's true.

Yep. I just, my brain is still breaking on the train windows opening. I've never in my life been on a bus that the window opened enough to get out of, you know? Yeah, maybe in wherever they are, they're just not expecting, like, people aren't expecting people to jump out of the train. I do like, though, that once they got in trouble, they just pretended to be American, and that seemed to work. Right.

They were like, I only speak English. I'm stupid. I'm obviously here and I'm dumb. Yeah, so I have no idea where trouble. Sorry, I only speak English. And they're like, you're under arrest. Yeah. I don't understand. You're funny.

Sorry, I'm American. They're like, yes. We're in Albuquerque, New Mexico, and you're going to jail. Okay, here's our next story. Am I the asshole for forcing my brother to buy me a new engagement ring? Okay. Uh-oh. Don't look that up.

I'm a 26-year-old man proposing to my girlfriend, who's 24, on our fourth anniversary, September 30th. I've been planning this for about a month, and I picked the ring a couple weeks ago. The one I got was on sale, so I managed to get it at a surprisingly low price. Last weekend I told my brother, who's 33, about my plans and showed him the ring. He informed me that he was proposing to his girlfriend, who's 29, as well. The next day, my brother came to my apartment while my girlfriend. He asked me if he could borrow my ring to propose to his girlfriend. He asked me if he could thee the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, the, the, thrown, throwne, throwne, the, th, th, the, the, the, the, thi, thr-a thi, thi, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thr---a, thr-a, thr-s, thr-s, throoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooe, the I thought he was joking at first, but no. His plan was to propose to his girlfriend, explain he was using my ring as a placeholder,

and then take her to pick her own ring later. His reasoning was that he didn't want to spend too much money right away in case she didn't say yes. I'd never heard of placeholder rings, so I said no, and the conversation moved on. and the conversation moved on. On Tuesday, he proposed to his girlfriend with my ring. He'd taken it before leaving my apartment. I got distracted at work and didn't notice it was gone

until his fiance sent a picture of herself wearing the ring to our family group chat. I called him to ask about the ring, and he immediately apologized and said he'd keep his promise and give it back to me. But at this point, my girlfriend had seen it and his fiance had posted about it on social media, so it was pointless for me to propose using the same ring. We fought about it, and he confessed that while he'd told his fiancee the ring was a placeholder,

he didn't tell her where he'd gotten it from. I felt more angry and betrayed about him going behind my back and taking the fact that he stole it. I also know his fiancé enough to know she wouldn't like to learn her engagement ring had been stolen from me. So I told my brother I'd tell her the truth if he didn't buy me a new engagement ring. He fought against it for a few hours, but finally gave up and agreed. We went to a different jewelry store yesterday, and I picked out a new ring. I managed to stay in the new one was still $100 more expensive. My brother bought the ring, but is still accusing me of being inconsiderate and childish.

He is insistent he would have given me the ring back had I given him the opportunity, and I didn't need to threaten him to spend so much money on me. He's now refusing to talk to me. I don't know how to feel about this anymore. I'd usually talk to my brother brother, I'm thape about tho, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi, the the the the the the the the the the the, the the the the the th, th, th, thi, the thi, the thi, thi, the thi, the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thro, throooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, thi, the thi, the to my brother about these things, and it's surreal that he's the one I'm fighting. I can't tell my girlfriend, and many of our friends overlap. The only other person who knows about this is our mom, who's divided. She thinks that what my brother did was wrong and I'm right to be pissed at him,

but I didn't have to stoop as low as I did by threatening his their his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his their their thereatening someone's relationship with the truth, you're not threatening their relationship, they threaten their own relationship. The older brother is the younger brother in this scenario. It's so sad. It should never be like that, unfortunately. That's crazy. Why is the mom divided? Yeah.

Like, is it genetic? What's going to be honest? She's currently dividing. Right. Yeah. I gotta be honest, specifically with Reddit stories that we read on this show, I am consistently shocked at like family members' takes on stuff that takes place within the family. And I realize like a lot of moms, grandmaws, aunts, uncles, when it comes to like their like children or nieces and nephews, I wonder if it's that they're just so afraid of taking aside,

that they just kind of like do weird shit, but a lot of times they really blame the wrong person, it seems like. I don't know. I just, I'm also like, as the older brother, I'm like, that would just feel so weird. Dude, is she, even, even, even, even, even, even, even, even, even, even, even, even, even, even, even, even, even, even, even, the, even, the the the the the the little, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th would just feel so weird. Dude, is she- Yeah. Even if the little brother was like, oh yeah, please, I would still never want to do that. Why would I take your ring? If it's a place, if it's a placeholder, don't get like an actual engagement ring. Do, yeah, do something.

Like a sweet little. Do something that maybe has some sort of personal significance. Or honestly, I then in that case like something small or whatever. You can just wait. You could also just wait. My friends propose, literally like with string. My friends proposed they didn't have a ring yet and he proposed her with like a string and she was like, oh my god. Yes.

Let's go pick out your ring together so that it looks perfect with all your outfits. Like what? Did the brother not think about proposing until he found out like his little brother was going to propose. And he was like, I need to propose first. But then like, really quickly rushed and did this, because they were able to go and he was able to buy him a ring, which means the older brother could afford a ring. So I don't understand this. They put it all over social media too. It wasn't the brother didn't post, but the girl, the girl, the girl, the girl, the girl, the girl, the girl, th, th, th, th, th, th, too. It wasn't the brother didn't post but the girlfriend or the fiance posted all this stuff with her with the ring which is also weird if

it's a well she doesn't she doesn't know it's a placeholder. He told her it's a placeholder he just didn't tell her where the ring was from but that's weird to give you an actual engagement ring and say it's a placeholder? Yeah That's weird you'd be like so wait so the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th. th. th th th th th. th. th. th. th. thus thus thus thus thus thus thi thi thi thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thi thi thi thi thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thus. thus. thus., so wait, what's the deal with this ring? This guy, this guy and this gal, the older, the fiance is fucking weird. There's just some weird shit. The verdict, not the asshole. Not the asshole, when you borrow something after you've been expressly told you can't, it's called theft. That's right. Placeholder rings are a thing, but they're not actually proper engagement rings. They're usually something like a little plastic ring you'd get out of a vending machine.

Not the asshole. He should have had to fork over a lot extra after how he screwed you over with this. Someone else said, this sounds like he feels that he, as he is older, he should be doing things like that before you. I I I I I I I I I I tho. I tho. I tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. It's is thi. It's is th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's th. It's th. It's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. thee. theeeea. thea. thea. thea. theauuui. theaui. theaui. theaui. thea. thea your milestones, and if he had to beat you there. Is he normally competitive? Because this is not normal behavior at all. Opie responded, no, he's not usually competitive. He's been very supportive of me throughout my whole life. I'm not trying to defend him and I'm still pissed, but his, but this behavior is surprising coming from him. Interesting. Weird. So weird. So weird. Actually, we will because there's an update.

I love the show. First, the good news. My girlfriend and I are engaged. Yeah, there we go. I proposed to her on our anniversary just as I'd planned. She said yes and we both cried. I love this woman and I can't wait to marry her. Also, my brother's single. Oh! Wow, it was a placeholder ring because it wasn't for her hand. Oh, a couple days after my post, my mom called me and apologized. After thinking it through, she realized that while I did threaten his relationship, my brother had brought it upon himself.

She confronted him the next day, and he ended up confessing that he wasn't that he wasn't that he wasn't threaten his relationship, my brother had brought it upon himself. She confronted him the next day, and he ended up confessing that he wasn't going to propose until I said I was. Wait, what? Yeah. Yeah. He was a theory that he was like, oh, you're proposing, then I'm going to propose. theymea, theyre. thin' theyme. him. He never seemed bitter about it. We've always been close and supported each other, which is why I was completely blindsided by what he did. Finding out I was proposing made

him panic. He spontaneously said he was doing so too, but freaked out about picking an engagement ring and devised a plan that, according to him, made sense at the time. Use mine and take his girlfriend to buy a new one. That plan was ruined when when I said no, so he stole my ring. The new plan thap thoe, thoe, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, the thi, thi, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, the the the thr, thin, the the the the the the the the the the the th. He, th. He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, the the the th. He, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thr. thr. thr-hea. thrown, thr-s. thr-s. thrown, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, was to propose with it, take her to buy a new one and find an excuse to visit me the next day and discreetly return the ring to my apartment. I wasn't even supposed to know it was gone. That plan was also ruined due to his girlfriend's immediate announcement. He knew she was doing it, but not that she'd show the ring. Come. Just imagine a photo, no hands in picture just like, I'm engaged. I'm engaged.

Yeah. Yeah. Engage. Guys, just bought a new car. Why are you at Magic Mountain? Just got a new car, me on a sidewalk. Yeah, I did nothing there. Uh, okay. Then he got mad that I made him get me a new

ring because he'd told his girlfriend he'd get her one too. So his plan to spare himself the effort of choosing an engagement ring would end up making him buy two. Basically, my mom got him to admit his whole engagement was a panic move. She said he already seemed embarrassed when they started talking, but was a wreck by the time they were done. She told him to apologize to me, and he called me an hour later to do so. He seemed sincere. Many of you said his girlfriend deserved to know the truth, and I agree.

Then the reason I hadn't done so is because I thought that should. He did. I don't know much of what was said, but she dumped him. He gave me back the first ring and refused my offer to pay him back for what he'd spent on the new one. As some of you recommended, I waited two days after proposing to tell my fiancé what happened. She was furious, but reassured me that she loved her ring more than any other. Since the first one was on sale, I can't return it to the stored. I'm the stored. I'm the stored. I'm the stored. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the thro, true, true, trueuoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo' one one one one.e, today, today, the, the, the, to the store. So we're thinking of selling it. I haven't forgiven my brother, but because he's never done anything like this before, I'm willing to give him another chance. I'm going low contact for now. He'll have to earn my trust back. I really hope he does. I love him and I don't want our relationship to end over what he did. Both my fiance and my mom agree with me on this. Yeah, I think this guy's handling it really well. This guy's awesome. And hopefully this whole situation will make the brother reevaluate his view on his brother. How many times in their life as the younger brother did he have to like deal with the fact

that his older brother is unfortunately just dumber than him? You know? This is just like, oh. It's a panic move, but it's also one of the stupidest things I've never heard of no. Yeah. It's so stupid. So I can't, I can't relate to this because, you know, both my brothers are a lot older

than me. So they did hit every milestone. But it was a decade of, in front of me. doing that in 10 years. And so I can't imagine having a brother closer in age where those types of things might happen. I just simply can't relate. Yeah. But I imagine it's got to be hard. That's got to be hard if you have a sibling who consistently is doing stuff, but I think none of us here are older siblings. So... Thank God. So, thank God. Yeah, so we don't know what the fuck to say to this.

I had a sibling, they'd be hitting every milestone before me, regardless of their age. There's gonna be a six-year-old proposing soon. It's like, I'm glad I'm alone. Yeah, I, it would be tough. I truly feel for people. Like I, because I can't relate, I do feel for the older brothers.

Oh, I have so much. Because I have no, because I have no personal, like, I feel empathy, just of like, that's got to suck. Yeah, I don't have sympathy. I have empathy. The sympathy's gone because you did it to yourself, and it was really stupid. and you should have seen what happened. I have so much empathy for feeling like you're behind and that you don't have a win anywhere and you're really searching for it.

Yeah, I have empathy for the feeling, but the decisions are done. And you're probably bringing this upon yourself. Yeah. And the girlfriend, like, how much time did you waste of hers? That she has to now be like, oh, you've, oh. What's so sad is she is is is is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. the, the, the. the, the. the. the, the, the. the, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the.. Yeah. But good thing it happened because obviously this was some huge red flag that she'd, yeah. So like... I hope this is his like, like, the awakening. I hope he's like, I need to fucking get my shit together.

We have a couple comments. Congratulations on your engagement. Well, it's safe to say your brother won't be the ring bearer, but hopefully hopefully, hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th. th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, th. to say your brother won't be the ring bearer, but hopefully he'll enjoy the wedding all the same. Opie responded, ha, yeah, we'll save that role for someone else. I really hope we've worked, uh, worked things out by the time my wedding comes along. Someone else said, damn, your brother went full on smegel and still lost the precious. Op responded, I kid that was the story. I did marry her. Did you read it? I'm gonna. Yeah, dude. I fucking did that. Very sweet. Very, very, very, it's sweet. I love hearing someone with a good head on their shoulders and these Reddit stories. I know. And it's a nice little like humanity's gonna be okay. It's really really. It's a the the the the their. their. their. th. th. their. th. their. th. th. th. th. th. their. th. th. th. their. th. th. their, their, th. I'm. th. I's. I's. th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. that. that. that. that. that. that. I'm. that. that. I'm. I'm. I'm. that. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I know and it's nice little like humanity is going to be okay. It's really awesome that there's different kinds the some of the worst story is when someone you're like you're like they're not the asshole but they

don't realize it and they refuse to like like oh shit this person sucks and it's just like yeah fucking come on no this person's great. All right Am I the asshole for doing weird slash awkward poses whenever my mother-in-law accidentally walks in on me in the bathroom? That's awesome. What a, yeah. Whoa! Both legs overhead. Oh!

Yeah. So my mother-in-law, I'm a gal, by the way, came to stay with us for a few weeks till her home is renovated for Christmas. The problem is that she has been randomly walking in on me while I'm in the bathroom. Thankfully, not once has she seen me naked, because I started picking up on her behavior after the second time in a week. She'd barge in, turn and say, oh, sorry, then, then, then, then, th and say, th and say, oh sorry, then close the door. I try to talking to my husband about it, but he kept ignoring me, then flat out said, so what if she's accidentally seen you naked?

She's family. He seriously said that. We have a lock and I could have used it, but I have a past trauma from the idea of locking slash being locked in a room, after my brother locked me in the bathroom pretending to use it, and I, to to to to to to the, the, the, the, the, the, the, and I, the, the, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, the, and I, th, thi, thi, tho, and I, tho, and I's, and I's, and I'm, and I's, tho, tooke, tooke, and I's, tooke, tho, somea, somea, somea, somea, somea, some, some, some, some, some, some, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, I, I, I, I, tho, thin, thin, thin, thr.. And, th throwne, t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t tttt t t ttttttt th. I'd go inside the bathroom pretending to use it and wait for her to come, because honestly, it's deliberate at this point. When she accidentally barges in, she'd see me in a weird slash awkward position. For example, doing a ballet stand,

standing on the toilet, or standing facing the wall with my hands up, fully clothed, of course. I could see how awkward and weird this would be be be because she'd stand there for a few seconds trying to figure out what I was doing. It was hilarious for it seeing her initial confusion. But she told my husband about it claiming, she's caught me practicing rituals in the bathroom. I cleared things up and revealed the reason why. My husband was livid. He called me childish and said that I made his mom feel terrified, sacked, sacked, and acted, th.......... th. th. th. the, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th. th. th. th. th. thi. thrified, thrified, thrified, thrified, th th th th thrified, thi. thr-a, th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. C, th. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, thr-a, thr-a. thr. t t t t t t te to toed te tell tell toda. tell tell th tell thr. thr. tell thr. th I should have acted maturely and locked the damn door instead of playing mind games.

Oh my God. We've had multiple stories of people barging in on people and I don't I don't get it man. If I see a closed door, I am like, I almost, I feel nervous knocking. Because I'm like, I will say, can I vent about something here? Yeah, yeah, get it done. Where are we, I think we at Smosh have a pretty good general rule of like, hey, if, if once you're done using the bathroom, keep the door open, so that it's clear that it's like available, when people shut a bathroom door that is unoccupied,

I'm mad. I'm like, I'm like, fuck dude, it makes it look occupied. Yeah. And I have to assume, and now I'm sitting there like, oh shit, okay. Fine. Oh, no. Especially when 1030 hits and all of us are like, you're gonna shit, you got a shit? You're gonna shit? You're all just like, shit. We're all just like, the number tab. Oh, like the DMB. Like a deli.

Yeah, you know what they do? They do that at hospitals now. You like that. There's a shit number thing at the hospital. You pull a number at the hospital. Isn't that great? Oh my god. Yeah, there's different windows.

It's kind of neat. There's a piss-only bathroom? No, that's to get medical care. Oh, gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, go. But yeah, I do not comprehend just barging in on an open, on a closed door. I do not understand it. It's crazy. At all. I think anyone who does that multiple times, especially after walking on someone,

they're an asshole. Yeah. I'm thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I don't thi, I don't thi, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I tho, I thi, I thi, I thi, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I don't thi, I don't thi, I don't tho, I don't to tho, I don't to to to to to to to tho, I to to to to to to to tho. tho. tho. thrified of accidentally walking in on people and being walked in on. I one time used a Starbucks bathroom and accidentally forgot to lock the door. Oh no. So someone came in and they were like, oh, you're doing hailing. I was luckily turned away. So they didn't see anything. But I was there and I remember, I shut the door. I shut the door and I like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind I kind kind kind I kind kind kind kind kind kind kind I kind kind kind kind I kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind, I kind the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I the, I the, I, I, I the, I the, I the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I'm, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm their, I'm their, I shut the door because I think I had to pee really bad. I shut the door and I like kind of just stumbled immediately there. And then I'm there and as I'm peeing, it's like this thing where I'm just like, I forgot

to lock the door. And then I'm like, and then I hear someone walking up and I'm, I start yelling before that, like, as the door is on me, I'm like, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, like, like, I'm, like, like, th....... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. opened it and they just, I'm sorry! And then twice in like the past couple years I have accidentally opened a door. One time I was at a restaurant and I, luckily the way that it was set up, I wasn't going to see anything, but, because there was like a wall, like, and the toilets behind like this small wall, right. So like, I entered this way and turned to the left to see like to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see the the to see the the to see the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to see the to see the the the to see to see the the the the to see the to see the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to seea to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to toile. to to to to the the the the the the the the toilets behind like this small wall. Right. So like I entered this way and turn to the left to see like the toilet. Yeah. And just peeking out from this wall, it's just this woman. And she's like this, she just goes like, sorry.

And I was like, oh, I love that. And then, um, I remember, I felt bad about my reaction that like my reaction I just went I went I went Oh God oh god oh god I Ewe Ew fuck ah and then one time the funniest one I was in an airplane it's like the middle of night it was an overnight flight I stumble I like I wake up and I'm like I'm gonna go the bathroom and I and I it's one of those that kind of like folds like an accordion and so I I sort unfolding it and this old woman's th th th I like I like I like I like I like I like I th th th th th I like I like I th I th I like I th I th I th I th I th I like I th I th I th I th I th I like I like I th I th I th th th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I the the the the the the the the tho the the the the the the the the the the the the th the bathroom. That's a tiny to do it. It's one of those that kind of like folds like an accordion. And so I sort of unfolding it. And this old woman's in there,

and she just, as I unfold it, it's, you know, it kind of like folds forward. I just, I just see her for a second. And she just like, slams it back. Oh, damn. I've had an opposite where I was on a plane and I don't know, it was stuck. I got stuck inside the toilet. And there's an emergency way that they can open it, but like, I don't know if it says anywhere, but a flight attendant had to come get me because they heard like an issue inside.

Like they heard me, I was like, I need help. I was there for like, I need help. I'm like, I need, I need to to to help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. or five minutes. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, whenever I'm using a public bathroom, I like have to check. I'm like, I'm making sure this is locked. And I'd like to call out the night life scene here in Los Angeles. Why do you have stalls that don't have a lock on them? Whoa. Why are you doing that? Why are you doing that? I thrown? That one is like, unfortunately, security-based probably. I was one time in- Honestly, that actually makes sense.

I think I've told the story before. I was in Australia once at a bar and the stalls just didn't have doors. And I walked past and a guy was just full-on shitin. That's called. It was crazy. Verdict, not the asshole. Comments, this is hysterically funny and I'm so annoyed at that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that thii. that's thi. thi. thi. that's thi. that's that's thi. that's thi. that's thi. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that's that's that's that's the. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi. that's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the asshole. Not the asshole. Comments, this is hysterically funny and I'm so annoyed at your husband for one, not telling his mom to do things that literally eight-year-olds are capable of doing a knock, and two, for not having a sense of humor and mad respect for your creative way of handling this.

Someone else said, not the asshole, you came up with a hilarious solution. You do have a hissu. tho tho tho tho thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thri, thri. to to to thriiii. thiiiiiii. thi. thi. thi, thi, tell them your ritual is to summon mother-in-law to the bathroom and it's working every time, not the asshole. We have a small little update here. My husband and his mom are extremely upset with me. He still thinks it was ridiculous and is demanding an apology before she goes back to her home. I'm not sure if I will apologize because yes while it was a me problem that I couldn't use the lock, what she did still feels wrong, and maybe I'm wrong too, but at least I got, so did Reddit apparently, L-O-L, a bit of a chuckle out of it. Also, I'm sure Thanksgiving dinner will be hella-awkward tomorrow, especially after what happened, L-O-L.

My little hot take on this one is just that I'm like, this is a fun little silly story that I do think could end up being like, you know, that meme of like the tiny domino and then the big domino? I'm like, this, this is gonna get worse. This sounds like the air communication and stance on things is very different. I mean, again, not to judge people. But usually if you believe other people are doing rituals in their own home, you're capable of believing other ridiculous things about them. And that would, I agree, lead to a lot of problems if every time your husband's talking to his mother, which maybe is often,

she's like, so how's that witch wife doing? You know, more rituals in the corner? I hear she drinks frog blood. Yeah. It's like, this is always going to be very weird. Yeah. Show up to Thanksgiving with a, what is it called? Tuble, Doyle in Trouble, the fucking, cauldron. Yeah. Show up with a cauldron. What's the other one called? That sounds great. The horn?

Oh, the, um. Capa, cap a, capp. I know. . .. ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................. 2024. 2024, I'm trying to go to a witch Thanksgiving. Yeah. Damn, sounds awesome.

Okay. Our last story. Aw. This one sounds great. This one sounds so sick. Those other ones? That's nothing compared to this. This one's, this one's for the don't see. Yo, this was for the ponies. Today I fucked up by masturbating too long in the shower.

That's right. So it's a 19-year-old dude. So I live in an apartment off college campus with three other guys. Everyone else was at class and I decided to pop in a microwave lunch before hopping in the shower. Now living with three other guys and sharing a room with one, there's not a lot of privacy. I was planning on anything but got in the shower, morning Adderall kicked in for my ADHD, I swear, realized I was naked and it had been a bit and went, eh, might as well. I popped in my water-resistant earphones for a more immersive experience, and in case

the roomies came back unexpectedly. I may have gotten a bit too into it. It was an intense video. So what was supposed to be a quick shower turned into a 40-minute aggressive hamfist intention of earth-shattering, self-pleasuring. I walked out a bit woozy. You can imagine my surprise to get out of the shower to find it surprisingly steamy with an awful smoky smell I hadn't noticed before. I walked out of the bathroom to the kitchen to find my

kitchen literally engulfed in these giant ass fucking flames and the smoke alarm going nuts. It turned out instead of hitting the microwave for four minutes, I added a zero and set it for 40 and set my entire apartment on fire. Immediately I ran out and called 911, but they were already on their way. A neighborhood called after smelling smoke. The fireman came down, my whole apartment complex had to be evacuated. Lost most of our kitchen and our living room and everything indoors with severe smoke damage.

I wound up in the hospital for a few days due to smoke. Inhalation. Yeah, I just am like, holy shit. My roommates are pissed, could have died, but not gonna lie. I get now why people like being oxygen deprived during sex. Okay. Can I say the obvious thing? Yeah.

Should it came on the flames. Hey. Put him out? Put him out that way. Um, holy shit. You know, if he suffocated the flames, like he was choking the chicken. Hey, hoa. This guy, this guy has the same energy as that one dude in Pompeii who was jacking it when the...

Oh, when he died? When he died, when he died, with the films and they're like, yeah, this guy fucking, nothing was going to stop him. Yeah, wow. Bastille wrote a song about it. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. Adderall and it kicked in and then he had a 40 minute Adderall driven world's most intense masturbation session where he also burned down his house. I mean that is just... Pretty epic. Here's the thing with Adera all you can't pick what you end up focusing on. Yeah. Yeah. That's my... Yeah. That's... You get locked in. He was probably watching it, jacking it, also switching over to notes and marking things and he's noticing in it, he's giving a full detailed essay on it,

going back. That's just like, I'm just trying to understand the... What I think is crazy, because I've had this thought before of like putting something in the microwave before going into the shower, I'm like, no, don't do that. What I, what I, what I, what I, what I, what I, what I, what I, what I, what I, what I, what I, what I, what I, what I, what I, what I, what I, what I, what I, what I, what I, what I, what I, what I, what I, what I, what I, what I, what I, what I, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, the, you, th. th. th. th. th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, thi. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. don't do that. Don't do that. What I, yeah, that's crazy. You're, like you, you have the expectation that I'm taking a two minute shower. Like, don't, like, yeah. I get scared leaving my portable AC on when I go to sleep in my bedroom. I'm like, I'm gonna burn a lot.

I say throw that in the microwave, and then you get in the shower, and it's like, bam! What am I doing now? Oh, I forgot. Everything I, dude, all of this, like, popping in headphones in the shower, that is also insane. Everything about this, I'm like, this guy commits, you know, but like, bravo, a little bit, I do have, I do have respect for this guy. If I was one of his roommates, I would kill him.

Yeah, yeah, oh yeah, this is unfreeable. I would actually kill him. This is, I mean, I'd be like, oh, you himself while like in the shower. He had to go to the hospital for a couple days. We found him he died. It's like oh from the fire, no he jacked off too hard. Too hard. We think that's what started the fire. You see he took 40 grams, 40 milligrams of Adderall and then... He smoked it like weed. It was the friction. The friction caused the fire. Oh man. Comments here.

Oh my gosh, I thought this was going to be a passed out in the shower and almost died story. And then someone else said, isn't that what this was? Someone said, O.P. username, I hate microwaves. Has this experience changed your opinion on microwaves at all? And if so, how? OP responded, uh, hate them. Motherfucker should turn off when they're literally on fire.

Dumbass, mrs. thumbass. Someone said, yes, it's definitely the machine that was a dumbass. Mm-hmm. Someone said, my mother used to tell me about the time she accidentally started a grease fire by overheating French fry oil because she got distracted by a movie she was watching. She waited until I was an adult to tell me that the movie was porn. She set the house on fire watching VHS porn in the 80s. Someone else said, then what?

O.P. responded, what else did you want to know? Eviction, house fire, neighbors, friendship damage? OP responded. I got evicted. Wasn't invited to my roomies new place. My lungs hurt, currently living in a motel my parents are helping me with while looking for a new place. Lost about everything I had, but renter's insurance, so I'll get some of it back.

Okay. Man, I don't think, uh, best case scenario of you burning your house down, no one died, everything's okay, you know, but also that really sucks. I hated that update. That's a sad update. That's exactly what was going to happen. But it is, it is arguably, maybe, as soon as that fire started, this is best case scenario. Absolutely. Like, you know. Do you think he gave up masturbation? Oh, do you think he's on the no-fap subredit now?

Like, what if he has... He became the chosen? Yeah, what if... Yeah. Yeah. He could. I know what I must do now. Yeah, I think after something like that, I might have P.P.T.

T.S. Hey. You got Brennan's so mad about that. Uh, yeah, holy shit. That's a fucking nut story. Um, mm-hmm. That's a nut story. Now, um, no, uh, that. Yeah.

Ha ha. Ha ha ha. Oh my god, this guy, is this guy stupider than the train window jumper? Yeah. I think he's stupider because he admitted it. I don't know if he's stupid or if, because the window train jumper is deliberately choosing to do something that I think is really stupid. This guy accidentally put the thing in the microwave for too long. He didn't mean to put it in for 40 minutes. He put it in, he thought he was putting in for four minutes. But there's something about I'm making this decision and I'm jumping out of this window versus

like, hey, hello! Yeah, I don't, there's apples and oranges. Yeah, one guy's stupid. The other guy is the setup for that bit, it's, I guy's stupid. The other guy is the most intricate clownery I've ever heard of. I mean, the setup for that bit is a long one. Somehow the headphones in the shower is still what I think is crazy. I agree. He said they were waterproof though. He said, he said headphones to the shower in case my roommates got home.

I'm like, so you want to hear. So they can't fucking hear you. You know what, the dude was high on at all. Yeah. Yeah. Right. I know, but like, he's not his sounds. Yeah. He's, look, they're very specific pointed choices made because he's on a stimulant.

It's not going to make sense. He's now in a motel by himself so he can do his thing. Wow. I did do some double takes to that. Some of them I didn't have to do a double take. I was just like, yep. They're doing this. But yeah, thank you both for joining me on this on this journey. Yeah, if I can end this with one thing I just I wish my life was that of the little Irish girls. Yeah, I know. A little pony. A pony to school. Yeah, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I thi, I was thi, I was thi, I was just thi, I was just thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I th th th. I th th. I th. I th. I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee an tho. the the th was that of the little Irish girls. Yeah, I know. A little pony coming to. Write a pony to school every day.

Writing a pony to school. That'd be so nice. It'd be incredible. Eating some Texas toast, garlic bread. You know, we learned a lot. No, we did. Thank you, Amanda, for the you all for watching. Let us know what other themes, subreddits you want us to cover on this show. And we will see you next Saturday.

Hey, goodbye. Love ya. Yeah. Be careful with your microwave.