Smosh Reads Reddit Stories - Why Would They Do This? | Reading Reddit Stories

Episode Date: September 28, 2024

Some of these stories give me second, third, and fourth hand embarrassment. For FREE breakfast for life go to https://hellofresh.com/freepitreddit! 0:00 Intro 3:14 I accidentally revealed my student’s paternity during a genetics lesson https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1cp42eu/tifu_by_accidentally_revealing_my_students/ 10:37 I told a girl she turned me gay https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/164swp7/tifu_by_telling_a_girl_she_turned_me_gay/ 23:47 I drugged the bartender and ruined a wedding https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/pnr4mt/tifu_by_drugging_the_bartender_and_ruining_a/ 33:03 I put stupid stuff as my Venmo memo and it was read out loud in court https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1d3m5wy/tifu_by_putting_inane_shit_as_my_venmo_memo_and/ 37:38 I sat through my friends’ orgy https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/15xmjdd/tifu_by_sitting_through_my_friends_orgy/ 48:10 I’ve been putting tampons in wrong for 10 years https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1b3o1xb/tifu_by_putting_tampons_in_wrong_for_10_years/ 56:13 I showed my penis to my wife’s grandparents https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1co9cet/tifu_by_showing_my_dick_to_my_wifes_grandparents/ SUBSCRIBE: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshPit WEAR OUR JOKES: https://smosh.com WHO YOU HEAR Ian Hecox // https://www.instagram.com/ianhecox/ Courtney Miller // https://www.instagram.com/co_mill/ Shayne Topp // https://www.instagram.com/shaynetopp/ WHO YOU DON’T HEAR (usually) Director: Emily Rose Jacobson Editor: Vida Robbins Director of Programming, Smosh Pit: Emily Rose Jacobson Associate Producer, Smosh Pit: Bailey Petracek Production Designer: Cassie Vance Art Director: Erin Kuschner Assistant Art Director: Josie Bellerby Art Coordinator: Alex Aguilar Prop Master: Courtney Chapman Audio Mixer: Scott Neff A2 Utility: Dina Ramli Director of Photography: Brennan Iketani Camera Operator: Cameron Dunbar Assistant Director: Amanda Barnes Director of Production: Amanda Barnes Production Manager: Alexcina Figueroa Production Coordinator: Zianne Hoover Operations & Production Coordinator: Oliver Wehlander Production Assistant: Ovsana Tsaturian Post Production Manager: Luke Baker DIT/Lead AE: Matt Duran IT: Tim Baker Director of Design: Brittany Hobbs Senior Manager, Channel & Strategy: Lizzy Jones Channel Operations Coordinator: Audrey Carganilla Director of Social Media: Erica Noboa Social Creative Producer: Peter Ditzler, Tommy Bowe Merchandising Manager: Mallory Myers Social Media Coordinator: Kim Wilborn Talent Coordinator: Selina Garcia Operations PA: Katie Fink CEO: Alessandra Catanese EVP of Programming: Kiana Parker Coordinating Producer of Programming: Marcus Munguia Executive Coordinator: Rachel Collis OTHER SMOSHES: Smosh: https://smo.sh/Sub2Smosh Smosh Games: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshGames El Smosh (Spanish Dub): https://smo.sh/Sub2ElSmosh SmoshCast: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshCast FOLLOW US: TikTok: https://smo.sh/TikTok Snapchat: http://smo.sh/OnSnapchat Instagram: https://instagram.com/smosh Facebook: https://facebook.com/smosh Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Visit nespresso.ca to learn more, or an Nespresso boutique near you. Welcome back to Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme is all about embarrassing stories. And I'm here with two huge embarrassments, Courtney and Ian. I was not prepared for that. Honestly, wasn't prepared, but fair. Yeah.

Before we get into this, I've been told Ian, you have something to tell us. I do, yeah. So I was very inspired by the roommates episode. Okay. There's specifically one story in there that was about someone deleting a Baldur's Gate save. Yes.

All because of, what was it? Oh, they ate their beans. Yeah. One roommate ate the other roommate's beans, but they're very nice beans. We've been informed. What beans were they? Rancho Gordo beans.

Oh, right. So I brought a surprise. I brought- Did you make chili with Rancho Gordo beans? I brought Rancho Gordo beans. Oh my gosh. Whoa! Let's you get beans.

You get beans. Whoa! You get beans. You get beans. Whoa! You get beans. Nice throw. So if you guys want any specific varietals, let me know. I got lots of beans. I gotta be honest, if someone ate these beans,

that seemed the quality of them. If someone ate these beans, I think you are legally allowed to kill them. You know, like if they stole these beans, you got a haul of them. If someone ate these beans, I think you are legally allowed to kill them. You know, like if they stole these beans, you got a haul of beans. I wanted to treat everybody. Look, the marketing like matches my jeans. Whoa, you've been wearing Rancho Gordo pants

this whole time. Everyone is welcome to beans. Ian, the bean man. That's what they call me now. I'm sure that's what one of the wise men wanted to bring Jesus. Beans! Frankincense, liquor, and beans.

I brought gold, you brought beans? I came all the way from Mexico, dude. You better appreciate this. In this time, that's crazy. It is. Wow, Ian, thank you. Lovely. Thank you.

Holy crap, the gift of beans. You're welcome. The gift of beans, too, so. Okay, I thought you. Holy crap, the gift of beans. You're welcome. The gift of beans too, so. Okay, I thought you were about to tell us an embarrassing story. Yeah, me too. But no, you just showered us with gifts. It's pretty embarrassing that we thought

that you would tell an embarrassing story. You know, I'm a changed man. Now all I give is beans. I don't know if, I think the most embarrassing thing, it's not embarrassing because you did it to yourself, but on Bit City, I don't know if, I think the most embarrassing thing, it's not embarrassing because you did it to yourself, but on Bit City, I don't know if your incredible bit is out yet or not. But that's about as close as it gets to embarrassing stories.

What, PBL? PBL, man. Once PBL happens, if it's out or not, once you see it, come back to this video and comment. About PBL. About PBL. About PBL. Yeah. Okay.

PBL Drizzy. God. Holy shit. Someone should Photoshop that. Someone will. PBL Drizzy. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Okay, let's get into some embarrassing stories here. Our first one, it comes from our Today I Fucked Up. What? Tee-boo. Today I fucked up by accidentally revealing my student's paternity during a genetics lesson. Ooh, okay. I'm a student supplemental instructor

at my university for genetics. My job basically revolves around reinforcing concepts already taught by the professor as an optional side course. Earlier this semester, while going over parental blood typing, I got to explaining how having an AB blood type works as opposed to AO, half A type A,

or AA, full A type A, in little genetics punnet squares. I asked if anyone knew their parents' blood type to the class and someone raised their hand and told me that his father is AB and his mother is type A and that he is type O, which is impossible. I went through with the activity for some reason

and ended up having to explain to him that the only way this can happen is if his mother is AO and his father was type O, AO, or BO. He now doesn't know if he's adopted or if his mom cheated on his dad. After the session, I walked over to the genetics professor's office and confirmed with her that this is impossible

and she said she'd be mortified to try to tell him the truth behind that and hoped he was misremembering. Fast forward to today, a friend of his updated me and said that he confirmed the blood types and has kept it to himself and figured out he wasn't adopted. I ruined how he sees his mother

and I kinda feel guilty about it. At least he did well on his exam. Uh oh. That has to be like the lamest way to find out that your mom cheated. Oh. Like through science. Yeah. Through science. That has to be like the lamest way to find out that your mom cheated Science Science through like some genetics that's class. That's

Kind of nuts now that He knows his mom cheated. Yeah, and his parents don't know that he knows and his dad maybe doesn't even know So his dad so doesn't even know. So his dad, so his real dad is a type O probably or something? Yeah, or A-O, yeah. That's the only possibility. That's crazy, bro.

That's nuts. Yeah. That's devastating. I just wanna know how that question was even posed of being like like hey mom Just like wondering like am I adopted? Like what because he's I think they said Friend of his updated me and said that he confirmed the blood types and has kept to himself and figured out he wasn't he figured out

He wasn't adopted. Yeah, so he knows that he's his mom's son But that his mom cheated on his dad. So he knows that for sure, but how does he bring that up to his mom? And will he bring it up to his mom? I mean. Yeah, like what are the circumstances? Do y'all know your blood types?

I believe I'm typo. I don't know, I might be like AB negative or B negative or sounds like I'm a negative person. How do you know it's negative? I just remember there was a negative. Oh, there was a negative? Okay. I think typo is the most common.

I thought typo was universal donor, is that AB? I think O is. I thought A positive was. I think O is. We're so far out of biology, man. Yeah. Oh, I think it is positive was I think we're so far out of biology man. Yeah Oh, I think it is universal donor, right? I think all of us If we all band our minds together we can pass a high school biology test

Yeah, depends on who we listen to when we definitely understand blood pretty well I have blood you have blood. I think so. Okay. I don't know. I've never blood Nobody has ever struck me I have blood. Do you have blood? I think so. Oh God. I don't know. I've never bled. Whoa. Nobody has ever struck me. What would you do if you found out that your blood didn't match your dad? That'd be crazy, man. I'm pretty sure it, you know the way I know, I kind of figured out my blood type before I went and got I donated blood

And that's how I But my I have my grandpa's dog tags from when he was in Vietnam and it has their blood type on it Yeah, you know yeah, maybe Maybe negative Sometimes the in blood times when you're out blood or you know that tends to happen So I guess that so I think I'm O-positive. Oh, like, that's a funny thing, because your grandpa's name is O-pa.

Yeah. Oh. I call him my O-pa. O-positive, that's what's funny. Wow. That's very, that's good. Some comments here. I have 100% read this exact story before.

Someone said, because it happens a lot more than people realize. Ooh. And then someone said, exact same thing happened at my high school. The curriculum got changed after that. The kid's parents got divorced. Someone said, yeah, Mendel's peas seem like a lot safer

subject matter now. Are you gonna like learn less because they're trying to like protect people from finding out that they're not biological? But it's also the students are maybe getting made fun of or bullied because they found out that. That's where I understand in high school, it's like, oh, you don't wanna be publicly finding out

something, that's respecting people's privacy. In university though, it's like, hey, you seriously wanna be a geneticist, I'm sorry, we're not gonna take away how we do things for that reason. You're there because you're paying to be there. It's a little bit of a different thing to me. And also in university, it doesn't have the same school dynamic as high school.

Yeah, and everyone's a lot more adult and a lot more mature in how they handle those things. And I don't even know how- I actually bullied more in college Yeah, it's amazing. You do a semester. Yeah semester. Yeah, he got bullied so hard. You're like I'm done. I'm done, man I did my bullying. Yeah, he did he specialized in blood bullying Yeah, so he'd go I go into those I go into those genetic genetics classes and be like all right which one of you is adopted I Specialized in blood bullying sounds like a build-in Eldon ring

Last comment here, maybe you today I fucked up more than you think because in fact it is possible to be Oh being one parent AB and the other parent AA or AO. And OP said, yikes, I didn't know that. I went to her office to see if there was any wacky genetics that could explain it, but just took it at face value when she said it's impossible. Should have Googled it, I guess, LOL.

That's nerve wracking if the professors. Like multiple people who are being paid to teach this stuff actually were both wrong. I look I don't know I'm gonna trust our reddit person. Yeah, the random reddit reddit persons like trust me. I know I Know I I have no idea regardless I think the hypothetical of if that was revealed because I feel like that's a very realistic thing as someone else said Yeah, it's just like I feel like it probably happens more than we think No, that's not happens all the time.

Well, what also is crazy is 23andMe. How much shit that reveals, it's insane. What if the student's mom, like maybe the dad couldn't produce? And they got sperm donor? Very possible. No cheating, Very possible. No valvulé.

Yeah, you're very right. Who knows? Yeah. Next story. Today I fucked up by telling a girl she turned me gay. Okay. Hell yeah. I knew it was real.

Don't you hate it when someone turns you gay? Hey man, you turned me gay. And I need you to change that back. Change it back, please, change it back. All right. This happened a few hours ago and my husband keeps teasing me about it. To clarify, I'm a bisexual guy.

There's a Barnes and Noble that I frequent semi-regularly. There's also a cute girl that works there, Megan, that I had a crush on years ago. We liked the same books and had a few polite conversations here and there. One day I worked up the courage to ask her out and she gave me her number.

But a few days later she let me down easily and I didn't go back to that Barnes and Noble for a while. After the awkwardness wore off, I would go back and we'd be polite, but there was a bit of tension there. At least I thought so anyway. Fast forward a few years and I'm married to my wonderful husband and Megan still works at the Barnes and Noble.

I went with my husband to the Barnes and Noble and Megan was there. She was busy so I didn't try to have a conversation with her. My husband was looking around on the other side of the store and I was in the manga section. Don't judge. I round a corner and almost bump into Megan.

I apologize and we both laugh and have small talk and talk about one of the few books Sarah J. Moss is coming out with in January. At some point she notices my ring and says, "'Congratulations,' and I say, "'Thank you,' "'and this is how that conversation goes.' She says, "'I hope she makes you happy. "'I hear marriage is tough.'

I respond with, "'He does make me happy. "'We've only been married a few weeks, "'dating for a year and things have been smooth.' She looks at me confused. "'He only been married a few weeks, dating for a year, and things have been smooth. She looks at me confused. He? And here's my fuck up. I decided to be funny and say,

yeah, when you rejected me, I thought I'd have more luck on the guy's side, and I was right, so thank you for turning me. I laughed, hoping she'd get the sarcasm in my voice, but she didn't. She turned red in the face, and tears welled up in her eyes. Then she apologized, and pretty much ran away into a side room

before I could tell her that I was joking. I wanted to wait for her to come out so I could apologize for the joke, but after 15 minutes I didn't think she was coming out. I found my husband and made a hasty retreat to the car and told him what happened. He laughed and called me a monster jokingly. I may need to find a new bookstore.

Edit, this blew up overnight. Apparently it's already on TikTok. Hasn't even been a full day. I wasn't expecting this honestly. To clarify some things, I am a guy. I am also 24. Too many people have said, wait, I thought OP was a girl. I've seen a lot of emotional damage and D and D references to psychic damage.

While hilarious, it wasn't my intent to hurt her. Just to make light of an old situation that I thought she didn't even think about anymore. Also, Megan and I never dated. We talked for a few days. I asked her out to the county fair, and that's when she rejected me. She said I was the first person to ask her for her number, and she was shocked and nervous and decided to give dating a try, but she wasn't comfortable with dating. I said I understand, and I let it go. I'm not sure if she's dated anyone or if she's asexual. We're not strangers, we talk whenever I go in

and she's not busy. She knows my name. We're not friends but we're friendly. The joke may have been inappropriate but I honestly didn't think of it that way. I'm honestly not upset about her rejecting me. It happened five years ago. And no, we're not asking her for a threesome.

You know who you are. Okay. Huh? I think this is funny. This is, okay, but it's so funny that he came out to her and then he kept waiting for her to come out. You know, out of that room, but it's just funny. Oh, funny.

I think like, man, if I was bi, I feel like I would use that line on so many people. Like, be like, yeah, just like, that's crazy, you turned me gay. Like, it's such a funny thing, like, it's weird that she took it so poorly. Yeah, especially because like, if I were to, if there was someone that I knew who we even dated

and then they say he, I would be like, oh, that's great. Like I immediately get it. But the fact that she was like, he? And then got tears in her eyes? It feels like some internal feelings toward that are there. But like, I can understand. Like if you are not super educated

as a woman, you feel that you were just told you're so unattractive that that person is gay now. Oh, I see where you're going. But that is, you shouldn't look at it that way. You should not look at it, it's not about you at all. Yeah, and he said, after you rejected me, I thought I'd have more luck on the guy's side. Like, he's not saying like, right.

It's weird that he brought up her rejecting him. Like that kind of puts her in an awkward, uncomfortable position. He didn't have to say that. I think even just being like, yeah, you turned me gay. Like that's something that like Spencer could probably say in this office today. Cause I guess it sounded like he was putting the blame

on her, which I guess I can understand why, why she would become emotional about that. But it's such a ridiculous thing that like, I don't know. You would have thought they would have had the rapport at that point. Yeah, and anyone who knows, it's just like, yeah, I know you don't turn gay.

Like, I know like, you discovered this about yourself. Or you, yeah. For sure, he said himself in the story that he felt tension sometimes after being rejected. So clearly like him making a jab at her rejecting him, that doesn't put a great vibe. That's true, that's true. And I'm sure that whole thing really kind of took her aback

regardless of her opinions on it. It's true, I think, yeah, we don't know what's going through her head. We don't know this person that well. It doesn't seem like he knows her that well. Because they just talk at the Barnes and Noble, so they have that kind of rapport. We don't know where her head's at. She might be someone with a ton of anxiety or whatever.

We don't know why she's crying. She could be crying just of like, oh, I hope my rejection didn't hurt you. Even though I know you're joking, it's like a thing. Yeah, I mean, it sounds like even dating was something that she was really nervous about giving a try. So she is just a very general nervous person.

Yeah, there could be a lot going on. I have a more foundational question. Do people just have a Barnes and Noble person they just have a rapport with? Like this is like a coffee shop? I think, well I mean, if you go to a, you go to a Barnes and Noble a lot. Like you love going to a bookstore.

I used to. Yeah, not so much anymore. I used to, when I was like an unemployed actor, and I had nothing to do, I would go to Barnes and Noble a lot just to hang out. Like I just like looking at books, I was buying books all the time. Yeah.

But I never had a rapport with anyone. You just never had like a dude you just dap up and just talk about the next like Jane Austen novel you guys are excited about? Yeah, that next one that's coming out, I hear she's about to come out with a new one. She's popping off. Yeah, but I mean, I think if he's a regular there,

I mean there is like coffee shops in some of them, maybe like, I don't know. But I mean, I definitely at one point was going to a Starbucks to do school work a lot and I had a rapport with the baristas, but I think that's more common. I think so, yeah. That's why I never heard of like a Barnes and Noble

like rapport. Yeah. They're smaller locations. But maybe he just, maybe it's not like all the time, but just when he went there He was interested in her so she she did talk so he did ask her out So then it was like so maybe he's talking like every couple months. He sees her it is Yeah, there's an argument to be made that bringing up a rejection from five years prior regardless is awkward I Think overall this is funny though. Yeah

Yeah is awkward. I think overall this is funny though. Yeah. Yeah, I think if they truly had a good rapport and she knew him better, it would have been a better reaction. Yeah, he could have maybe, depending on if I saw this rapport in person, he could have gone in a little bit more about his relationship first,

being like, yeah, we've been married for five years, he's so great, this stuff. Yeah, after your rejection, like maybe after that, but he did it so quickly that it's, I don't know, she might've just come across, she might've just felt like, oh, you don't like me. Like, not that I believe your story, just, oh, you actually don't like me.

That might've been what it was a little bit. Some comments, some comments. It was a pretty funny joke. Obviously she didn't react to it well, but I imagine you can clear it up if you see her again. OP said, I may need some time before I go back with like a laughing, sweating emoji. Someone responded, honestly, I wouldn't wait.

Something might have happened to her in the meantime and she linked your joke with something and that hurt her. I would really try to talk to her to understand why she reacted like that. It might lead to a good friendship if that's something you'd like. Else just to clear things up because something clearly didn't work.

Someone else said, probably she's really lonely is my guess. OP responded, when I asked her for her number, she said I was the first one to ever ask so maybe you're right Yeah I think I have the solution I mean he's having trouble going back to Barnes & Noble. He should just get her fired Then like problem solved tell her her her dad's blood type. Call, talk to her manager and be like,

I don't think she can read, dude. I don't think she can read. No, no, no. I think, you know, this happens sometimes. You ever, have you ever experienced this where you try to riff with somebody and then it just, Oh yeah.

Like it just doesn't work. So I think that's clearly what happened. I think there are some instances where you, like if it's someone that you genuinely care about their feelings, go back and make sure things are okay. Doesn't sound like they have a rapport where he needs to really like go out of his way. Like that just feels like, there's just certain dynamics.

Like, it's okay. Like we're all adults here. Let's just keep it truckin'. We're gonna be all right. You didn't turn him gay. Yeah. We don't know that. Well, he can just go up to her and be like, look.

He was born. He can go up to her and be like, look, I'm sorry, I was joking, you didn't turn me gay. I'm not gay. I'm just married to a man and we have sex and we just do it, you know, just cause I, you know. He said he was bisexual. Poor lady.

I don't think he needs to avoid her. Yeah. If I'm him, it's like, don't go out, I don't think he needs to go out of his way to talk to her, but I think he shouldn't fear going back and if he sees her he can just be like, oh I'm sorry about that joke by the way. Like.

I'd be like, by the way, that was totally. By the way, I've always been bisexual and. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think also like, there's also just a lot of stigma with bi men, so she was probably initially thrown off by that. Totally. That too, that too. And like was probably just in her head

regarding that factor as well. Yeah, there's also the... She was like, he? I'm overthinking this, I'm overthinking this. I'm just digging into this. She's talking about how like, oh, he's the only man to ever ask her out, right? The first person to ever ask her out is her story.

To ask for her number in general. She's like, doesn't even date. She was like, oh, I'm thinking about dating, and then she rejected him. She seems like she really has a lot of fears there. But in this case, what he told her is, oh, I'm gay, like, you know, stuff. And she's probably thinking like,

oh, so you were never even actually into me maybe, like, I just wonder what's going on there, you know? It may be different. He didn't tell her he was gay. He said I decided to try. He said he'd turn me gay. I decided to try. Thanks for turning me gay, I guess.

Yeah. Oh, he did say that? I thought he said I just decided to try, man. Yeah, when you rejected me, I thought I'd have more luck on the guy's side, and I was right, so thank you for turning me. So she doesn't know he's bi, like, she doesn't, they didn't have a full-on conversation here.

So I'm just thinking, like, I could see a retroactive, if you ever date someone, and I feel like this is common, where you date someone and then you later find out, like, oh, they weren't straight or whatever, and you go, oh, so were they, like, am I attractive? Am I, were they actually in communion I attractive? Were they actually intimate? So it just probably, probably was a lot of information for her.

Yeah, I think I've experienced this where when I was younger, I dated a boy and then he turned out to be gay. I don't know if you've experienced that, but it's like, when you're educated on the situation, it's not an insulting thing. It's really not. People are just figuring themselves at their own paces.

I think if this story wasn't I'm an asshole is definitely like a no assholes here. Totally, totally. No, I hope at some point he talks to her and they just like, be like hey, chill. If they bump into each other again, being like hey by the way, that was supposed to be this, I'm sorry.

Right. Like I'm happy, I hope you're happy. Yeah. And for the record, all the men that I've dated, I knew they were gay. Okay, good to know. Thank you. Good to know.

That was really good. That was a dumb joke. No, I liked it. Our next story. Today I fucked up by drugging the bartender and ruining a wedding. Jesus. Okay.

Yeah, so this fuck up happened the summer before COVID, but I think the statute of limitations are up so I can tell this story. They're not. Uh, my wife and I went to her colleague's wedding. I'm not a huge drinker and I didn't really know anyone, so my plan was to grab some sort of cold, refreshing beverage and find somewhere to post up

and nurse it while I got really stoned and did some people watching, Which leads me to my drugs. On the way to the wedding, I stopped at a dispensary and picked up a reusable vape pen thing. I'm a pretty traditional smoker. I go to the place and I buy an eighth and smoke it in my ancient bowl over the course of the next month or two. I'd never had a pen before.

It was just like I'm going to a wedding and want something that won't make me sleepy or mentally handicapped and the young woman at the counter handed me the thing. As my wife was driving us over, I tried it out. I also don't smoke very much at any one time and have a hard time with anything like joints or bongs, et cetera. When I do smoke these things, they hit way too hard and I cough like crazy and hate myself.

So I took a very small hit, noticed it hit really hard, and thought, well, that's because you think everything hits too hard. Bada bing, bada boom, I'm at the reception, standing in line to grab some drinks from the bartender and notice the tip jar. Realizing I don't have any cash, I'm like, dude, do you have Venmo or something?

I know, LOL. And he's like, don't even worry about it, man, it's no big deal. But I'm a service industry vet, so I wanted to find a way to tip him because I know it's gonna be a long night and a lot of people won't tip. So I'm like, don't worry about it, man, it's no big deal. But I'm a service industry vet, so I wanted to find a way to tip him because I know it's gonna be a long night and a lot of people won't tip. So I'm like, all right, man, well,

if my wife has some cash or I'll double back over, but in the meantime, if you party, and I show him the pen, he's like, oh, for real? Hell yeah, dude. And he proceeds to take an enormous puff on this thing. Within seconds, he was doubling over and coughing uncontrollably. It was incredibly loud and in under a minute,

he was down on his hands and knees, behind the bar, puking in the grass. Still, kind of no harm, no foul, until he gets up and puts all of his weight onto a tumbler glass that was sitting on the table he used to help himself up, cutting his hand open so, so badly. And then something very interesting happened,

something that had never happened before. I started vomiting at the sight of the blood. So naturally, this is pretty disruptive, and the groom, who just so happened to be nearby, comes over to see what's going on, and fucking faints the second he sees this guy's hand. Oh no! Smashing his head on the bar slash table on the way down,

his face taking the tablecloth and everything on the table down with him. This is a rom-com. Yeah. Totally unmitigated disaster, both of them had to go to the hospital and the bride was understandably super upset and screaming at the caterers.

So I decided, well, it's been a good life and began to march over to explain to her what happened when out of her mouth comes a series of very specific slurs directed at the owner of the catering company. I didn't get a single word out of my mouth before she said, fucking sue me, turned on her heel and told her people to just round their shit up and go.

Q made your shit storm. Everyone is fighting with everyone and almost all of the guests left. I told my wife what happened on the drive home and she said I should call the catering company and apologize, which I did. And the owner laughed for about 30 seconds on the phone before saying,

well, whatever, fuck that bitch. Oh! So, yeah. Edit, I actually think it was a wine glass. Okay, good to know. Yeah. This was a Rube Goldberg machine that led to racism. Yeah, yeah.

Or, so racism or homophobia. We're not sure which phobia led to. Wow. So the TLDR is, got my bartender high, bada bing, bada boom. Slurred. The ride is racist. Okay, so my takeaway is this,

this is the universe needed a moment, you know? And this OP happened to be the vehicle, okay? And I'm just like, as long as the catering company was okay, because that sucks, they wouldn't want the bartender to lose their job, da da da da da. This is bada bing bada boom. This chain of events exposed the bride

for being a POS, sounds like. And... Yeah, you know, everything happens for a reason. Yeah. I like to think how I'm imagining this is the groom fell over, hits the table, and then a marble rolls and then it hits a thing and it starts to blow up a balloon that pops

and then a race car goes along the track. That's crazy, bro. It's just nuts, man. And like, there's definitely no excuse for slurs. I wanna preface that. No, we at Smosh deliver that message. I think it's obviously a very high stress time and yeah, I could see why there would be

an explosion of emotions. I think it went the wrong way. Yeah, I don't understand why. Why was she yelling at the caterers for the bartender getting sick? And like, if I were to like just throw up and then it caused someone else to get her, I'm like, I'm a demon now?

Like, you know, like it just seems, it just seems like she got mad in the wrong direction, in the wrong way. Also the guy like sustained like a serious injury. Yeah. And you're gonna cuss him out, like help the guy. Yeah, exactly. No, I understand her emotion.

I understand being devastated and stuff. It's still like she did kind of, in those moments is when you reveal who you are and she did. Yes, exactly. But I'm just laughing at this guy's perspective where he sees this whole chain of events happen and then he sees it disrupt into chaos and then everyone leaves and he's just like, okay.

Yeah, all because of a freaking tank of a vape pen. It's literally that scene from Dumb and Dumber when they accidentally kill the owl and they're just like, damn, this party died. Yeah, bro. I ultimately think this comes down to, you know, the bartender shouldn't have been smoking weed on the job. I also think it's a little bit weird

that why was OP trying so hard to like, like... Guilt. Yeah, like if you ask for a Venmo, I think that's really nice of you, and then if they're like, don't worry about it, man, and like being like, okay, well, if my wife has something, that's where it can end. You don if they're like, don't worry about it, man. And like being like, okay, well, if I, if my wife has something, that's where it can end. You don't need to offer drugs to the bartender.

Also the way he offered it was the most fed question ever. Do you party? Do you party, dude? If you party, let me know. And then him, I'm surprised that the bartender was like, sick, yeah. Like everybody was fully, had a moment to say no. Like wild. Comments, crazy all of that could have been avoided Like everybody was fully, had a moment to say no.

Like wild. Comments, crazy all of that could have been avoided if you just had a dollar in your pocket. For real, for real. Whenever you're going to a wedding or any event, bring some cash, bring cash. Someone said, OP is a deity of pure chaos. Use a vape to nearly kill two men while ruining a wedding, what a legend.

OP responded, I think I already said it in another comment, but my wife likes to joke around about how I'd be a really good assassin. Someone said, I was an event bartender in college. I asked my manager why we were allowed to serve every kind of liquor except for tequila at wedding receptions. And she told me that a few years back,

before I started, she worked her first wedding. Her reception was fine, people were drunk, but it was average wedding drunk, until the best man barrels in and starts mocking the groom for not knowing that he, the best man, banged her, the bride, before the couple got together. Groom is pissed, the bride hears commotion and comes over and starts accusing the best man of lying.

Best man loses it and decides the best course of action is to punch the bride in the face so hard that she flew into the table behind her. Bride went to the hospital and I'm assuming he was arrested. But when the couple came down the next day to leave for their honeymoon, she had two black eyes and a massive bandage on her broken nose.

Oh my goodness. So yeah, we stopped serving tequila at weddings after that. Boom. What in the world? Come on, it's not tequila. It's just alcohol. You just know you blacklist the person who punched a woman. Yeah, though that's a person who's going to prison. Yeah, yeah.

Hopefully. I hate when people make an exception for tequila. They're like, I remember I was talking to some older lady. She was like, oh, tequila makes my pants fall off. I can't have that. What in the world?

Yeah. Oh my God. See, it's like, I would be curious of like, what if a bartender or any kind of company could monitor and be like, hey, these nights when we sold more tequila, more bullshit happened, like statistically, just like hospitals, how they, it's statistically proven that like the emergency room

is way more crazy on a full moon. I think because people tend to do shots of tequila, that would be my guess There have been studies on what alcohol does is it elevates whatever situation you are in So in a lot of places, you know people are at a quiet pub like drinking It's not going to just it's not gonna cause chaos every time. But yeah, it's like what? It's not going to cause chaos every time. But yeah, it's like what situations are people drinking tequila in, as opposed to drinking wine? Like, people get wine drunk,

but you're in a setting where you're all quiet and, you know, whatever. But people are drinking tequila in situations that are chaotic often. Weddings, and they tend to be prone for that. Like when we did our family reception, we didn't have any hard alcohol, just because we were like, that's not our vibe.

That's just not the vibe. Yeah, Yeah. I think liquor in general is dangerous because you get drunk quick. Yes And so you're not it's not a slow thing Yeah, here's our next story today Today's red stories is brought to you by hello fresh Hello fresh makes home cooking fun easy and affordable. Thanks to FarmFresh pre-portioned ingredients delivered right to your door. It makes it so much easier. You get to cut out searching online for the right recipe, going to the grocery store and picking out ingredients.

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Fucked up by putting inane shit as my Venmo memo and having it read out loud in open court. Huh, okay. Posting for my alt, because I'm a whole ass business professional and am mortified by my stupidity. Today I fucked up by putting stupid inane shit as the memo for my Venmo transactions.

Well, actually these transactions are spread out over two years. My older brothers and I try to say the most out of pocket stuff with my Venmo transactions. Well, actually these transactions are spread out over two years. My older brothers and I try to say the most out of pocket stuff with our Venmo payments to try to get a laugh. Everyone does this, right? It's harmless, it's silly, until you file bankruptcy and have to meet with a trustee in open court

who asks about payments made to friends and family. I answer honestly, yes, I've paid friends and family for various reasons. I provided my Venmo transaction history to you. He says, oh, let me check my records. So begins a very, very long pause. I just know he's sifting through the fan favorites, which include but are not limited to,

for the discoloration of your butthole flaps, PP Tom, for the soiled adult diaper auction, butt plugs and electric shock rods, DVD, black studs, white moms, your bitch tits. Remember that time you shit in the backyard for your mother last night, kissing hands and shaking babies. I'm bright red sinking down in my chair. You're loving these.

My lawyer looks at me puzzled. Clearly she didn't read these in depth. Why am I such an immature, stupid fuck? That's crazy. I would never think of that. But yeah, like. They're private usually. Yeah, but you have to reveal all of that.

Those are insane. In a bankruptcy. Those are insane. So is he gonna have to actually figure out what those payments actually were? Yeah. That's such a pain. Can you remember a Venmo you made two months ago?

Well, if you title them properly, that's easy. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I only do actual transactions, like a tattoo or things with like an actual description, but everything else I put like two emojis. Yeah. Yeah. I feel so dumb like actually saying what it is.

I'll do like, oh, I guess maybe I'll do like a food emoji or something. Yeah, like the emojis are always like what it was. Like it has to do with it, but damn. That's rough. Maybe that's bad. That, this guy's screwed. Damn, I gotta get better at my Venmo comedy. Some comments.

Honestly, they were to my brother. I didn't think anyone else would see it. Fully explains everything. I agree. 11,000 upvotes on that. Someone said, could have been worse. Twice I've had Venmo payments flagged by the Secret Service. Once sending money to a coworker who covered the bill

at a Cuban restaurant in Los Angeles. Oh God. Got flagged as Money to Cuba. Another time my roommate sent me money for the electric bill and put in Al Qaeda dirty bomb as the comment. Jeez. It's funny to me because it's something

I can see myself doing and not realizing it could get me in trouble. Jesus. Money to ISIS. That's what I was thinking. That was my first thought was that it was gonna be ISIS. God, just ISIS. Someone said, as a bankruptcy attorney, there's no way in hell that I would have kept

a straight face in court. But for what it's worth, we see worse. Don't sweat it. Yeah, they see actual bad payments. Yeah, yeah. Those but real. Damn. Yeah, I guess it's just tough

because don't those descriptions help like whether those were dodgy business transactions or not? Probably depends on the amounts. Probably. If they're small amounts and it's like, okay, we can probably. But if you said, then it's like, okay, we can probably, but if it's like, if it's more than 500 bucks, and it's like some ridiculous thing,

it's like, they're gonna probably wanna know what that was. Yeah, and it's not butt plugs. Yeah, unless it's a lot of them, who knows? Unless he was running a butt plug business, that he's filing for bankruptcy. Which is totally fine. So apparently someone did some research

and clocked that one of the Venmo payments was remember that time you shit in the backyard. OP actually had a Reddit post from when that happened. It was today I fucked up by going poo in the backyard in the rain. Oh my God. So that Venmo request was real, which makes me believe that all the rest are real.

Incredible. As well. True, okay. All right, moving on, this next one, this title rocks. I'm excited for this one. Today I fucked up by sitting through my friend's orgy. Sitting through? Sitting through my friend's orgy. And through? Sitting through my friend's orgy.

And so you fucked up by doing that? Yeah, I fucked up by sitting through my friend's orgy. Okay. Okay. So yesterday my friends, two couples plus one single guy, and I went to brunch to go day drinking. And we ended up drinking a lot. It was all you can drink mimosas brought out

with the big old bottle of champagne and orange juice slash cranberry juice, and they really stayed on top of bringing more out. As a group, we typically drink a lot when we do go out on weekends, but not so early in the day. Or at least, if we do start early, it's way more paced, not against the clock of when brunch ends.

We did also eat brunch, but still, it was a crazy amount of drinking in a short amount of time. We ended up back at my friend's place, who was way more drunk than I usually see him, like on the verge of falling asleep, and he was laying down on the couch. I honestly can't remember what started everything off. I think it might have just been relatively normal when my friend and his girlfriend started kissing, and the other couple was kissing.

Although as couples, they've both never been big on public displays, at least in front of me. The other girl has always been fairly open. I've heard stories of her getting naked in front of the group, et cetera, before. Eventually the two girls kissed, and then my friend slash his girlfriend were making out hot and heavy, and he was feeling her up. The other girl was kissing her boyfriend

while the single guy was fingering her, which led to him eating her out. Anyway, without going into too many more details. That escalated. Without going into too many details here, guys. Also just the fifth wheel just be like, shoop. Kinda crazy. Without going into too many more details,

my fuck up was that I had drank too much to just leave to drive home. And my car was there, so I couldn't really Uber home and just leave my car without it being a huge ordeal. And I didn't know what else to do but watch. At one point, at one point the other girl encouraged me to jump in but I declined saying my own girlfriend wasn't there to say it was okay or join in herself.

We were supposed to go to the pool to continue partying so part of me was hoping this would all end and we'd move on to the pool like nothing happened. But I was just kind of shocked at it all and was watching it all go down drunk in awe and certain points going on my phone. That's awesome. Certain points going on just like.

Oh my God, don't take your phone on Drunken Artie! Just playing Candy Crush. The way my friend's house is, there was nowhere else to really go that guests would go, so I couldn't go to a different room and watch TV. I kinda feel weird about it now, I was a creep in the room or something, even though I waited as long as I thought I needed to

and there was nothing else for me to do, just walk around randomly outside, drunk, to finally safely leave and drive home. That's the end? That's the end. Bro. Wow. No, no, no, mister. Yeah.

First of all, I don't believe this story happened, but I think this is a lie to some degree. I feel like this is something that I could get myself into. I definitely, okay, actually I say it's a lie. I say it's a lie to some degree. I feel like this is something that I could get myself into. I definitely, okay, actually I say it's a lie. I say it's a lie. I think it's not a lie, but I think this guy is lying to himself as to why he couldn't leave the room. Yeah, I think so.

If you were genuinely uncomfortable or like, I've never been in an orgy, so I don't know. But like, you can go, they're going into an orgy! You're allowed to go in another bedroom and sit somewhere if you're uncomfortable or want to give them privacy, and you can walk outside. This is worth it. Yeah, you can definitely go outside.

I think he was probably enjoying watching. I think he's making up his excuses and being like, well, I felt like a creep. It's like, yeah, maybe, but you chose that life. And he was drunk. He was very drunk, so his logic's not all there. I do think it's a little fucked up that everyone just did this.

Yeah. Because it is kind of like a consenting situation. Very much so. And when you just start doing that in front of people, you are kind of like... With no communication whatsoever. But they are all super drunk. Because from what I've heard,

from what people have described, orgies, the way that they start and the way they operate is honestly kind of like very, like massive amounts of communication. Right. Like you need to set that shit up. Sign on. This is a bunch of drunk people

who just were doing drunk things yeah, but It's a little fucked up. I Feel bad for the guy. I also am like if I'm this guy's girlfriend I'm gonna be extremely uncomfortable. Yeah, for him being like what she's not here to tell me It's okay to join in so you're gonna stay and watch, but still being involved. And not even texting, not even saying that he's texted her or called her. Yeah, but like, hey.

I'd go, I can tell you exactly what I would do in this situation. As soon as it like, before it got to anywhere near where it was, I'd be like, I'm gonna step outside and I would call you and I'd be like, I think an orgy is happening in there. Yeah. Yeah.

Orgy is beginning. As soon as two couples start making out, I'm like, this is not in there. I think an orgy is beginning. As soon as two couples start making out, I'm like, this is not the room I should be in. Like that is simply. You know what actually proves your point? Okay, you have your car there. Call your girlfriend, tell her to Uber there, and you both leave with your car.

He's not trying. But he talked about how they thought they were gonna go to the pool later, so. They're not going to the pool. You never know. You never know. You never know. Do you think like every five minutes he's like, hey guys, when are we going to the pool?

They're like, I feel like you're just here for the pool later. He's sitting there in his swim trunks and floaties on his arms. I'm ready when you guys are. Yeah. I think there was definitely like, yeah, they're like, I'm sure everyone in that room

was consenting, but the issue is this guy's girlfriend, she wasn't looped into this. Well, let's talk about enthusiastic consent. This OP, he declined being involved, but then there was someone who was so drunk that they were falling asleep. That's true. It's a very sketchy situation. Klein being involved, but like, and then there was someone who was so drunk that they were falling asleep, like that's, it's- It's a very sketchy situation.

Yeah, so I mean, and it's like, maybe these people were so drunk and this has never happened before, and like, so there was a lot of like, weird, wild things going on. But you know, if we're talking, if this is about OP, and we're talking about OP, like, I think he was trying to like to backpedal and explain himself

as to why this was all okay, but I definitely would think that the girlfriend would be upset. Totally, I think she has every right to be upset. Yeah, because I think OP might be a little freak, which is okay, but he needs to obtain consent for that kind of stuff. I think it's a very upsetting situation

because even though you didn't physically take part in it, you're kind of a part of it by sitting there. No, he is a part of it. Yeah, you're a part of it. So he's gonna call his partner and be like, hey, so I kind of was part of this thing. It's gonna be very uncomfortable. If I'm her, I'm probably breaking up with him.

Well, and his explaining to me, it just sounds like he's trying to say he had no other choice. But because he was saying they had plans that they were gonna continue later, he didn't have a way to get home. But as an adult, you have a lot of ways to get out of that situation.

And so yeah, I think him saying today I fucked up by sitting through means like he fucked up and doing this kind of to his girlfriend. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Like. I just think like, if you really want to get out of a situation, you can get out of a situation.

Right, and there are kosher ways to be in the situation as you're saying, like, but like, what do you, like you can go outside, I'm pretty sure that as these people are having an orgy in the living room You're allowed to go into the main bedroom and and have a little sit like it's okay I'd be leaving but but yeah, but you know, I'd be straight. Maybe he's a little freak He wanted to be there but like don't lie to yourself buddy. Exactly. Yeah, I mean like But even if you're a little freak you need to use communication

Yeah, you're a little set, you need to use communication. Yeah, you're a little freak. This situation needs to be set up. Yeah. Because also the next day, amongst these people who are very drunk, it could cause a shit storm where one of them's like, I actually did not wanna do this. And then it's, then you were there,

and now you're also part of it. Like, I think you get out of that situation for safety reasons. Yeah, and like I do think, so was the friend that was so drunk that they were falling asleep, did they wake up and get involved? Was that it? That was the fifth wheel. That was the fifth wheel, okay.

It's so funny to be like, what's going on? What? I mean, I think if that started happening, I would also wake up. Yeah, I think so. That would sober me up real quick. Like, comments. Orgy going on in front of him and he's thinking,

does this mean we're not going swimming? Yeah. Someone said, could have been like a corner man, encouraging, giving water, a towel, maybe some ice to cool down and some strategy. Yeah. Someone said, I remember a time when we went to, someone said, I remember a time where we went

to Niagara Falls and I went back to the hotel early. I'm in bed watching Family Guy and my friend comes in with the girl and goes to the other bed. I make a joke and they start fucking. My other buddy was walking around the hotel waiting for them to finish and I'm just hanging out in my bed while they're laughing and watching Family Guy. I was later asked, why didn't you leave?

Simple response, I was there first, I'm not leaving. Bro, come on. Please, then talk about it. Don't wait, Jesus Christ, these people, they will do everything but walk out of a room that people are having sex in. I mean, it was Family Guy. Yeah.

That's crazy. No, it's all messy, it's all messy. No, but it definitely didn't sound like, like what I've heard about orgies that are like more organized, like there's a lot more communication and it's not like this like anarchy, like sex anarchy. Yeah.

It's like people are like communicating and like talking about like, hey, I wanna try this, let's try this. Like it's very, so I don't know, this all sounded like it was very on the fly and people just were not thinking clearly. Yeah, and I mean like, and I too have never been doing orgy, but I know at like, you know, parties, sex parties, like you have to obtain consent to watch.

Enthusiastic consent. Like, if you're gonna, like you can't just show up and just be like. Yeah bro, it's weird. Yeah, this is messy as hell. Anyways, moving on from that one. Today I fucked up by putting tampons in wrong for 10 years. What?

Sideways. Well. Okay. I feel so embarrassed. I, a 23 year old woman, have had my period for more than 10 years now, and I just learned from a Reddit post of all places that you are not supposed to just shove the whole thing,

applicator and all, up there and then leave it like that. Oh no! I have a biochemistry degree. I have traveled the world, and yet somehow I have never figured this one out. This is my first and probably last Reddit post because I cannot keep my horror at the fact that I've been keeping pieces of plastic in my vagina for ten years inside

But I absolutely cannot fathom telling anyone I know about this I have always thought that tampons were super uncomfortable for reasons that are now glaringly obvious and mostly used pads But I love swimming and so I use tampons fairly frequently during the summer. Oh man. As best as I can figure, I have used hundreds of tampons in this way. I have been scouring my brain, but I don't think that anyone ever told me about this,

despite the multiple wildly uncomfortable health classes I had to take in grade school. The worst part is that I knew the plastic bit was called the applicator. I just figured that was because it made putting it in easier and you were just supposed to leave it in Thank you redditors for listening and I can only hope that this horrifying blunder of mine will convince you to explain very clearly to your Children how tampons work. Yeah, this is why we need sex Education. Yeah, like yourself. You don't know what you don't know like I

I was just telling stories the other day about like even though I had three older sisters, I was so under educated and learned a lot of things way too late or like even when there was opportunities to learn like the communication around it was so unhealthy and not normal that like you just don't learn shit. So I feel, I very much feel for this person and they shouldn't be so hard on themselves.

I've seen a lot of Reddit posts by nurses talking about the shocking things they see where people come in pregnant or just in regards to questions they're asking about sex where it's like, wow, you really genuinely didn't know. Like I've heard stories where they were like, they thought they couldn't get pregnant if they weren't know. Like I've heard stories where they're like, they thought they couldn't get pregnant if they weren't married.

Like they thought that it didn't work unless they were married. Like it's shocking. And it's hard to believe when you are someone who has had any general education on it, or at least in like through time. But there are people out there who truly are it's it's so kept away from them you know it's like they

teach abstinence they teach abstinence and then they're not gonna teach you anything else because the whole idea is just don't have sex no and it's so unfortunate that like you don't choose where you're born you're placed into a school system that you're like you are told to trust the people who have the authority over you, you're supposed to trust what they're teaching you, and then you are out in the world as an adult doing those things, and like, it sucks that you have to, as an adult,

be vigilant and be like, well, certain things might not have been right, I need to like, look into certain things for myself. Like, that sucks to live in a world like that. And sometimes you don't even know to look for those things. Exactly, you don't know what you don't know. Because there's like so much stigma around it that nobody's gonna ever talk about it.

And also people are certain they're right. So they don't think they need to because they're like, oh yeah, I know. And even though they don't. And it's like the shame of like being afraid of asking a question that makes you look stupid. Like I was always, it was so disappointing as a student when teachers would like react to a question

as if it was stupid. Like one day I heard a substitute being like, there's no such thing as a stupid question. And that stuck with me for like till today. Damn. Comments on this. In OP's defense, I've had a ton of instances of going, wait, this isn't how everyone else experiences random thing.

In my case, I thought apples genuinely caused extreme gum, mouth, and throat discomfort to everyone, and I was just a big old baby for not being able to push through it and like apples like everyone else. At 26 years of age, in a college class, someone overheard me commiserating with someone else about the itch and yelled, did you know that means you have an allergy?

Why no, no I didn't. In retrospect, it explains a lot, LMAO. So yeah, fully possible to assume that the normal tampon experience is very slippy and uncomfortable. My experience with them was really itchy and uncomfortable. OP never used the tampon instructions as bathroom reading material.

I never thought to try organic tampons. Both of us have a oh shit moment embarrassingly late in life that no, most people do not in fact have that experience with tampons. RIP OP. Do you guys have anything like that? Some of that you know? I know a big one on TikTok was people realizing

their air filters, like the filter on the inside was still wrapped in plastic. Oh yeah. Like for when you got it shipped. Oh yeah, I've seen that. And they take it out and they're like, I've used this thing for two years and it's been wrapped in plastic this whole time.

Yeah. Not realizing, a lot of times with appliances and things realizing. Yeah, or like realizing that you can take out a part of an AC unit and like wash it under the sink, let it dry and put it back in. Yeah. I didn't know balls were supposed to be on the outside.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Wow, you get to keep, you get to hide yours. Yeah, I've just been keeping them up inside the whole time. There you go. You've been tucking. Yeah. Amazing.

I've told this one before. I don't know what age I was, but it was like later. Like I was maybe like eight to 10 years old. And for the, like I vividly remember as like a child, I thought everyone had a penis. Oh yeah, my brother had one. I remember my brother had a poster of Cindy Crawford, or wait is that, yeah, from the 90s.

Her in a swimsuit, and I remember looking at it, and looking at like- Where's the penis? Looking at the crotch region being like, that's crazy, like, where is her penis? Like, that's strange that it's odd to me. So I remember that. That's awesome.

Yeah. Other comments, this is why tampons come with instructions. I'm honestly impressed they still did the job. Yeah, like did she go 10 years going like, damn, why don't tampons work for me very well? That's what I was wondering. I guess she figured it worked good enough the first time. Yeah, maybe, because like the way I'm seeing it

is the applicator was used, but then so it was still like the cotton and is the applicator was used, but then, so it was still like the cotton and then the applicator like this. So it was just like a cork. Oof. But like not a very functioning cork. Yikes. But that sucks.

Lastly, someone said, if it makes you feel any better, my partner used to just put the tampon horizontal on there, not inside at all. Oh, just like she was like sitting on a. Oh. Just lay like just, yeah. That's funny. She was also a swimmer, so I don't know

how she didn't figure it out, to be honest. Someone said like a hot dog. Yeah, like just sitting on a hot dog. I think if you're an athlete, if you're like a really, like if you're a swimmer, if you're like really, really active, you're really late periods. So it's very possible that it just was never a problem. Yeah, I am now, nowadays I'm very obsessed whenever I,

and I mean there's nothing really comparable to this, but whenever I get anything new or with anything I'm doing, I love to be like, research exactly how to do it properly. Like I do look through instructions on things. Yeah, sometimes it's just like, sometimes descriptions just aren't specific enough where it's like, even if she knew like to use it, she never saw like something that said like,

make sure to take the applicator out or something, like who knows. The obvious things that sometimes get overlooked. Over time too. All right, it's time for our last story and this title is awesome. Hell yeah. Today I fucked up by showing my dick

to my wife's grandparents. Oh boy. Okay. Well, what'd they say? Well, was it a nice dick? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Well, her grandparents were having an orgy. And...

No. No. Okay. So my wife and I have a very lighthearted relationship and I like to joke around all the time with her and make her laugh. I do dumb things all the time to make her roll her eyes and call me an idiot jokingly.

I was outside barbecuing with headphones on while sipping a beer and listening to music. I look over and see my wife walking outside, holding her phone up, obviously recording me, or taking a pic. I instinctively pulled my shorts down and started doing the helicopter. She immediately looked mortified

and turned around quickly and went back inside. I was very confused at her face, so I finished flipping burgers quickly. Then went inside to find her with her head in her hands on the couch with her face red. I asked her what was wrong and she told me she was video chatting with her grandparents, which Which she never did before and showing them around our home and showing them me barbecuing I have never I have never met them before and have only seen pictures Oh say I'm embarrassed is an understatement.

Oh my God, but like, did he laugh? Maybe they have bad vision, maybe they didn't know. Maybe it's bad wifi since she was coming out, maybe the pixels were so low. Yeah, the brightness. I imagine that she was just like zoomed in and she was like on the grill zooming in and then like down to the.

Wok wok wok wok wok wok. Wok wok wok wok wok. Wow. Like a hot dog. That is probably the worst way to display a penis to somebody for the first time. Oh boy. Just a full on helicopter, wow.

Damn. Geez. Have y'all ever done that? Shown my leaner to my. Well there's no other way to barbecue. Helicopter dick to someone as a display. Sure, of course. Yeah.

But not. That's how you scare away mountain lions. That's how you scare away, hey bear! Hey bear! Hey bear. It's how you get mosquitoes away from the food. Yeah, they think it's a dragonfly whipping around. If you're stranded on a lake on a boat, it's how you get mosquitoes away from the food. Yeah, they think it's a dragonfly whipping around. If you're stranded on a lake on a boat, it's how you...

Yeah! Like in The Incredibles when he's... They actually teach this all in sex ed. Yeah. This is why sex ed is so important. All the valuable ways to use your penis. That's how you do it. Yeah.

Impressive. Some comments. Assuming they were video chatting on a phone. They probably couldn't see much anyway Someone said asserting dominance one meet at a time and someone someone else said did they approve? Did they approve did they approve? That suits my that suits our daughter. I'm assuming because of the wife's reaction that Maybe they the problem is with old people like maybe they just didn, it came across like they were just trying to ignore it, but maybe they were genuinely just confused.

Yeah, because sometimes when you're FaceTiming grandparents, they're not even looking at the screen at the time. It's just, you kinda see their eyes a little bit, and it takes them way longer to look at other stuff on the screen. They're probably there being like, oh, that's nice, and so she doesn't realize they maybe had no idea. Yeah, and yeah, like maybe the wifi,

the pixels weren't ideal. Yeah, that's the hope. She can just tell them she got hacked. Yeah. Like it was a deep fake. That was AI. Yeah. Exactly.

And let's go, oh, okay, what's AI? Yeah. Damn. Wow. Okay, so. Have? Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yes Damn Okay, I mean I guess I haven't but I guess I know now y'all ever moon always always before you go to helicopter Always make sure yeah say may I helicopter? Well out of all these what do you think is the most embarrassing? Oof. I would be very embarrassed of my reputation

in the orgy story if people didn't want me watching them and I was just watching them. I would be embarrassed to be that person. I think that's the, you know, I'm not uncomfortable by sex at all, but that would be probably the last situation I'd want to be in to be that person. I think that's the, you know, I'm not uncomfortable by sex at all, but that would be probably the last situation I'd wanna be in out of all these. Yeah, and then like the bookstore story,

I'm like, that's okay, like you tried to riff, it didn't land. The tampon thing, I'm like, girl, you and probably 30% of women, like, or anybody with periods. And then that last one, honestly, when? Yeah.

The one that I would want to be around for, I mean, I don't like when people get hurt, but the wedding situation. Wedding. I mean, there are people who are very uncomfortable when things get tense or when things get crazy. I'm someone who's like, okay. Yeah, if you get to just sit back and watch. Cool. Yeah.

Like, I would be just like, ooh. I can't look at people throwing up, so I probably. No, the throwing up and people getting hurt, I'd be like, oh shit. But the chaos. And a chain reaction and fighting and explosions. No, if I was ever at, every wedding I've been to has always been great.

I've had very good track record. But if I was at a wedding where like a fight broke out or like people are yelling at each other, like just yelling, not physical fighting, but just like, oh shit, dramas happening. I would be like, this is my favorite wedding I've ever been to. I think of all the stories I wanna be involved in,

the orgy one sounds the most fun. Like to be like, hey, do you guys need like a DJ? Like yo, should I put on some gaga? Yeah, like what do you guys need a DJ? Should I put on some gaga? Yeah, what are you guys feeling right now? Maybe some jazz or I don't know. Any communication would have been. Literally saying anything would have been. He's just on his phone being like.

And there wasn't even music already going, so it was just sex sounds and then TikToks going by. He's on his phone, he's on his phone. He's like, do you guys see that break dancer at the Olympics? Yeah, it's like. Just trying to show them videos. Hey, you guys see this? Dude, check out this TikTok.

Like, tired of the ads. I just started reading knock knock jokes to them. That'd be funny. That'd be funny. Yeah. That wedding story reminds me of that one time when we were in Sacramento after a shoot, like really early in the Smosh days,

I think it was you, me, Olivia, Keith, and Noah sitting and like eating breakfast or something, we were flying out or it was after a shoot. And there was a couple fully fighting at a table nearby and we were all just like quiet and you were like, I think that if a couple chooses to have a fight in public, I'm allowed to watch. Yeah.

Like we were all just tired and you in public, I'm allowed to watch. Yeah. Yeah. Like we were all just tired and we were like, I'm allowed to watch. I'm allowed to watch. Like it is entertainment now. There are two adults choosing to have a full on fight in public, I'm allowed to watch. No, you have to obtain consent and just walk up to them.

Hey, do you guys mind if I like- May I helicopter? Yeah. Yeah. All right. Seems like you guys need. Okay. Seems like you guys need, Okay. Seems like you guys need something silly.

Thank you both for being here. This was very fun. Thank you. And thank you for watching. Let us know what other themes and subreddits you'd like to see on this show. And we'll see you next Saturday. Bye.

Bye. Don't be embarrassed. Don't be embarrassing. Don't be embarrassed or embarrassing. Get some beans.