Smosh Reads Reddit Stories - You Can't Pick Your Family... | Reading Reddit Stories
Episode Date: February 8, 2025Family drama is always so juicy. Go to https://Quince.com/pitreddit for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! Go to https://www.Zocdoc.com/PITREDDIT to find and instantly book a top-rated... doctor today. 0:00 Intro 1:14 I purchase my sister's OF content https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1i7yj4n/i_purchase_all_of_my_sisters_of_content_am_i_wrong/ 10:20 I cancelled the monthly family dinner https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1esxi7v/aita_for_telling_my_family_no_more_to_monthly/ 23:19 My sister named her kid the same name as my dog https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1i1wo6x/aita_for_refusing_to_demote_my_dog_after_my/ 30:46 I took pictures at a family wedding https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1dpzsyn/aita_for_doing_a_half_ass_job_taking_family/ 37:59 My in-laws have a problem with my guest bedroom https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1hxg6f8/aitah_for_having_two_twin_beds_in_my_guest_room/ 43:49 AITA for taking my daughter to Disneyland https://www.rareddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15wh54l/aita_for_taking_my_daughter_to_disneyland/ 59:12 Need a fake kid to piss off my wife https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1i06kiv/need_a_fake_kid_to_piss_off_my_wife/ SUBSCRIBE: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshPit WEAR OUR JOKES: https://smosh.com WHO YOU HEAR Shayne Topp // https://www.instagram.com/shaynetopp/ Chanse McCrary // https://www.instagram.com/phatchanse/ Angela Giarratana // https://www.instagram.com/angelagiovanagiarratana/ WHO YOU DON’T HEAR (usually) Director: Emily Rose Jacobson Editor: Vida Robbins Director of Programming, Smosh Pit: Emily Rose Jacobson Associate Producer, Smosh Pit: Bailey Petracek Production Designer: Cassie Vance Art Director: Erin Kuschner Assistant Art Director: Josie Bellerby Art Coordinator: Alex Aguilar Prop Master: Courtney Chapman Audio Mixer: Scott Neff Audio Utility: Dina Ramli Director of Photography: Brennan Iketani Videographer: James Hull Camera Operator: Eric Wann Assistant Director: Alexcina Figueroa Executive Vice President of Production: Amanda Barnes Senior Production Manager: Alexcina Figueroa Production Coordinator: Zianne Hoover Operations & Production Coordinator: Oliver Wehlander Production Assistant: Caroline Smith Post Production Manager: Luke Baker DIT/Lead AE: Matt Duran IT: Tim Baker Director of Design: Brittany Hobbs Graphic Designers: Ness Cardano, Monica Ravitch Senior Manager, Channel & Strategy: Lizzy Jones Channel Operations Coordinator: Audrey Carganilla Director of Social Media: Erica Noboa Social Creative Producer: Peter Ditzler, Tommy Bowe Merchandising Manager: Mallory Myers Social Media Coordinator: Kim Wilborn Brand Partnership Manager: Chloe Mays Talent Coordinator: Selina Garcia People Operations Specialist: Katie Fink Front Office Assistant: Sara Faltersack CEO: Alessandra Catanese EVP of Programming: Kiana Parker Coordinator Producer of Programming: Marcus Munguia Executive Coordinator: Rachel Collis OTHER SMOSHES: Smosh: https://smo.sh/Sub2Smosh Smosh Games: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshGames El Smosh (Spanish Dub): https://smo.sh/Sub2ElSmosh SmoshCast: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshCast FOLLOW US: TikTok: https://smo.sh/TikTok Instagram: https://instagram.com/smosh Facebook: https://facebook.com/smosh Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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This is a Reese's Peanut Butter Cups sound experiment.
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Reese's.
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Hello, welcome to Reddit Stories. I'm Shane and today's theme is family. Notorious for being
extremely chill. Yeah. Zero issues. Right. Family.
Yeah.
Joining me are two people who I consider family.
Angela and Chance.
Oh!
Oh!
Okay, what family member would I be to you?
Ooh, that's tough.
We're both your cousins.
Yeah, cousins.
You're obsessed with cousins!
No, I'm not, I just know that that's the energy.
I think the energy that we have, oftentimes,
is like cousin energy. I think that's fair to say. I'm sorry that I yelled at you about the cousins. I think the energy that we have, oftentimes, is like cousin energy.
I think that's fair to say.
I'm sorry that I yelled at you about the cousins.
Hey, it's okay, it's family.
It's family.
But you're right, it's like a chill subject,
like across all cultures, I'd say.
Yeah.
Chill, chill, chill.
No expectations.
Yeah, I'd say this is gonna be a really lighthearted,
we'll probably, like, I probably won't have
really much to say.
Time code on this is probably gonna be like 15 minutes.
Yeah, literally, yeah.
We're good.
Don't worry about it.
I've never met an overbearing family member.
Yeah, most people I meet, I'm like,
hey, what's your family like?
And they're like, really good.
Boring, next question.
We all talk.
Yeah.
We're all in communication.
Also like, family like trees now, they're so crazy.
They're so disjointed and like-
Are you seeing these trees?
Okay, shall we get into these?
Yeah.
Our first story was posted less than 24 hours ago
as I was reading this. No!
I love when you guys do that!
This was a Kiana pick.
I can tell it's a Kiana pick.
Kiana just finds, she lasers in on the craziest stories.
She does.
Okay, so as of reading this,
this came out less than 24 hours ago.
Oh my God.
This is from True Off My Chest.
This is a confession someone made.
I purchase all of my sister's OnlyFans content.
Am I wrong?
What the hell?
Okay, support local business.
You did the exact turn I did.
Okay. The turn, I was like exact turn I did. Okay.
The turn, I was like, no.
Oh.
Oh.
Let's find out where this goes.
As the title says, I purchase all of my sister's
OnlyFans content.
A paltry $200 to $500 every two-ish weeks.
What?
For obvious reasons, this is a throwaway.
Now let me explain.
I am extremely well off.
I make in the upper end of the six figure bracket.
My sister, however, has been struggling.
She has a young child with another on the way.
Her boyfriend tries to provide,
but he just doesn't have the income to support them
in a meaningful way.
Now comes my sister's OnlyFans.
She started before the first child
and was very vocal about it.
I ignored it for the most part because I didn't care.
When she found out she was pregnant the first time, I worried about both their financial situation,
and frankly, my sister is more than a few crayons short of a Crayola pack.
She's got some colors missing.
I initially offered to help financially, but she has decided that she doesn't want help and can do it on her own.
So I decided to enlist the help of a friend
so I don't have to view the content to use my money to subscribe anonymously and purchase all of the content she produces,
thereby providing support and a little extra help without her knowledge.
Obviously, I will never reveal I am her largest supporter.
I have never seen any of the content aside from a few face pictures to confirm it was her account.
I do this solely to help her
and to help support my nephew
since she refuses all help I offer.
Is this wrong?
I don't know.
Does it feel weird as fuck?
Yes, yes it does.
Do I regret it?
Not even slightly.
So does he watch?
He said no.
So what he does is he gives a friend money
and that friend is the subscriber.
Okay.
And I don't know if that friend watches. This is a beautiful, beautiful thing. That friend is the subscriber. Okay. And I don't know if that friend watches.
This is a beautiful, beautiful thing.
That friend is like, yeah, I don't watch it.
Oh, I need to know if the friend watches.
Well, I need to know what's the content.
What is the content?
I'm assuming it's probably.
But it could be anything.
Some people are literally on there
with their bare ass sitting on cakes.
Yeah.
Like it's creative stuff.
There are people like that.
Him saying that he's like, I am not watching the content.
I'm assuming it's...
But it could be fucking anything.
It could be anything.
It's true.
Like that's why I want to know.
I know. Who knows?
But I think ultimately, if all of this is true, I think this is a kind gesture.
It's fine. It's sweet. And I get it. It makes her feel like, oh, well, I all of this is true, I think this is a kind gesture. It's fine, it's sweet.
And I get it, it makes her feel like,
oh, well I'm earning this money, and she is,
but instead of just giving her the money
and she feels guilty about it,
this is through a way that...
This is really, really sweet.
It is.
He doesn't need to call her a few crayons
short of a Crayola pack.
No, he didn't need to say that.
He did not need to say that at all.
No.
Because I'm confused.
Yeah.
And hurt.
Oh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Some comments here.
This is so wholesome,
even though the post has a disturbing title.
I am sure there are other ways to assist,
like trusts and such,
but for anonymous instant short-term, Why not take it to the grave though?
Someone else said while your intention is good
Do you know if she is making enough money from other users you may be the only reason she is doing only fans active
Oh that could be true
Someone else said I have a feeling that had she known she couldn't do it on her own and had she turned to you for help
She could have had a more realistic approach to the situation with a higher chance of
finding a more wholesome approach to tackling it.
OP responded, unfortunately she's one of those extremely stubborn people and will
vehemently deny she isn't doing it on her own even when everything points to
the latter. Lastly someone said it is not weird you found a way to support her
without hurting her pride although I think she is very short-sighted if she
doesn't want your help.
Kudos to you.
If you want to help in other ways,
try to frame it as helping her child
as an uncle and not her.
Give her coupons to kid stores,
tell her you'll pay for extracurricular activities,
et cetera, pay for preschool.
I think there's some offers he could probably put out there
of like, hey, like, I'm, this is my nephew,
and I make, if he's saying he makes close to a million dollars a year, he there of like, hey, like, I'm, this is my nephew, and I make,
if he's saying he makes close to a million dollars a year,
he could be like, can I like,
set up a fund to pay for his college?
There is also, like, do some things.
I will say there is a betrayal of trust here,
where she is allowed to say, I do not want your help.
And he is actively saying,
you don't get that choice anymore.
No, he's not saying that to her.
He absolutely is.
No, I think saying that to her face is one thing,
but then silently supporting her.
Silently doing the thing that she doesn't want him to do?
Yeah, I guess you're right,
but I don't know if it's as black and white as that,
because I feel like.
Oh no, it's definitely gray.
But, this is tough tough because you're right,
she doesn't want this.
She's saying, she's actually saying,
I do not want your help, I do not want your money.
Because she wants to make it on her own.
She wants another person's money.
Yeah, I honestly would feel bad lying to her for that long.
But you're also supporting,
honestly you know what I feel like he should do?
He should use, he or here she this person should use their
money and like like I feel like use it and like buy property and be like hey
you can live here I mean this is an investment property I think she wants
she keeps she he's just saying she's gonna refuse all forms of help which and
that's okay she doesn't write to do so apparently from other comments he has
set up trusts.
So there are other ways.
It's short term that she's saying,
no, I don't want your money.
And it's also, I guess from other comments,
she may have other subscribers.
I don't know how much money she's making per subscribers.
I'm not really sure how the income works on OnlyFans.
But I don't know, I don't think this is a situation
where someone's a horrible person.
Like this is, he's just so certain that she's so stubborn.
Yeah.
This is tough.
And we've had stories kind of similar
about people who are trying to get into Twitch streaming.
And just like being so determined,
but you know, the average, But the 99% of people on YouTube, Twitch, OnlyFans,
are people with zero subscribers
who are just trying to break through.
And it's really, really hard.
It's a lot harder than people realize.
So she's not alone in what she's doing
and she's probably just hoping like it's gonna spark,
it's gonna work and.
Oh, that's so hard.
It's really tough.
There's also like this, when, with my experience,
when family offers money, I feel that they now have
this power over me.
I fully understand that. I now owe them this.
I have to do this because they helped me.
And I don't, a lot of times, I don't want that.
I don't want those strings attached to me.
But sometimes people don't feel those strings
and they still, you know.
But she's actively saying,
I don't want strings on me.
Like I even think about, like with me,
like I remember some of my earliest improv shows,
there's no one in the audience.
I didn't invite my family because I didn't want,
my family was local and I still felt like,
I was just like, I don't know,
like support from your family,
especially as a young artist is crucial.
Yeah.
Right, like you need it,
but it's also really hard because you don't want it
sometimes.
You want to make it on your own.
And you don't, like I really don't have a-
You have to have an empty improv show.
You have to have an empty improv show.
And then you really, yeah.
You learn from the empty improv show.
But oh, yeah, gosh.
But then I remember like when I was little,
and I like made, had a lemonade stand,
and no one would come, and my mom like came, bought something.
And I was like, well, and she was like,
you still made lemonade and had a business today. And I was like, well, and she was like, you still made lemonade and had a business today.
And I was like, yeah, but you bought it.
It was for other people.
Give me my allowance.
I am so curious about this friend who was like,
yeah, I'll do that.
Does he watch it?
Does he watch it?
I'm glad he's going through the friend though, because.
Well, yeah.
For many reasons, I'm glad.
You find out your whole family is the one who's subscribed.
They're like, great job, honey.
You're like, oh.
Like if all the tickets we were selling
for like Smosh the sitcom, it was all of our parents.
Yeah.
And we were like, we hit another tier.
And we're like, yes, it's all of our friends.
Yeah.
Smosh about the dynasty typewriter was just my family in the audience. I'm like, we hit another tier. And we're like, yes, it's all of our friends. Yeah. Smoshed about the dynasty typewriter
was just my family in the audience.
I'm like, okay.
Okay.
Okay, let's move on to our next story.
Am I the asshole for telling my family
no more to monthly family dinners?
Oh. Okay.
Whoa.
Whoa. What?
What? What?
No, I just already have a lot to say.
Okay.
This is fun for me,
because this is not something I relate to.
My family lives out of state,
so I've never experienced like,
having family where it's like, oh, we meet up regularly.
You've never felt the gun to your head
that is Sunday night sauce?
Wow.
Oh, shit.
Okay.
Ever since my dad was a kid,
our family has done monthly family dinners,
nicer ones than your average family dinner.
It's something our family did
when my siblings and I were kids too.
We'd have grandparents over
and we'd all have a nicer dinner together.
When my siblings and I grew up,
we still did it only instead of what happened before,
where branches broke off over time and did their own.
They decided we should include partners slash spouses
and our kids as a whole in one.
By the time I was 19, the family had decided
they would take turns hosting each month
to lessen the burden.
My wife was excited to be part of them at first.
We started during our relationship.
I did the cooking to start,
and then she took over after a while because she wanted to.
My family had seemingly gotten along with my wife
before this point,
but they were overly harsharsher for cooking,
with the exception of my two younger siblings.
She tried to make them happy, but no dice.
I told them they could be kinder.
They said she should cook better or cook different things.
Oh my God.
My wife didn't make anything they don't normally eat,
but nothing was right.
She grew frustrated and I grew suspicious.
So we hosted a couple of months ago,
and I told my wife we were going to pretend
I did the cooking just to see.
She told me she felt like they just weren't fond of her food.
I pointed out nobody had the same amount
of complaints as them and they even criticized
the steak and potatoes they all seemed to go crazy for.
She went along with the plan
and when my family thought I'd cooked it, they loved it.
Oh my God.
Said it was so good, my wife had decided
to let a real talent take over.
That it was so nice to have something a little different,
curry, and all this very lovely stuff.
My younger brother and sister weren't fooled,
but they enjoyed watching the rest of the family
dig a hole.
When the rest of my family heard it was my wife's food
and not mine, they tried so hard to backtrack
on all the nice stuff.
The rest of the dinner went into tense silence and my wife's eyes and not mine. They tried so hard to backtrack on all the nice stuff. The rest of the dinner went into tense silence
and my wife's eyes were opened.
I told her I was done with these dinners
and she was my priority.
She felt a little bad.
I told her we could have dinners with my younger brother
and sister sometimes.
It's less stressful anyway.
When we didn't show up to last month's dinner or this one,
my parents and siblings started asking questions.
I told them each time we weren't going again, but missing two made it sink in.
They told me we need to be there.
I said never again.
My wife doesn't deserve their disrespect.
I told them they ruined what they wanted by being assholes to her.
They said I was overreacting, making very relationship harming choices and treating
them badly for simply having issues with my wife's food.
They also said to think of future kids
and how they'll miss out.
Some of it got to my wife a little,
which I have tried to reassure her about.
Am I the asshole?
Oh, you.
I don't think there is ever a time that telling someone
that they're overreacting is a good idea.
Yeah.
I don't think there is such thing as overreacting.
Any time I'm having an anxiety attack
and someone tells me to calm down, it works like a charm.
Yeah, yeah.
But I think specifically the word overreacting is so bad.
It's awful.
Because how are you gonna quantify my feelings
and my emotions?
Overreacting is just super ineffective
and it's dumb when you think about it
because it's just telling someone like,
hey, don't feel what you're feeling right
Yeah, well, I'm already feeling it. Yeah, so
Justified man, it's unjustified. It's okay. I wonder if there's a version of it of I mean not in this situation in this situation
They're not overreacting because this is
Yeah, absolutely crazy. Yeah
but
like
Saying like hey, it's okay. Like the situation's not as bad as you might think it is,
or so, I don't know, but that's besides the point.
How do you even do that?
I think in this situation, and in most situations,
when people are worried if they're overreacting,
they're typically not.
And what I'm blown away by, and I think is a hard line rule,
is if you're ever having dinner at someone else's place,
you just don't criticize the cooking.
Like you're at their place.
If someone is cooking food for you,
I just don't think complaining is really in place for it.
If you don't like the food and you leave and you go,
I didn't really like the food, that's fine.
But to like say it to their face,
I just can't believe it.
I have a theory based off of a personal connection,
that I think when people, it's okay,
I'm allowed to say this, I think it's happening
a little bit in my family right now,
where when your family has a dynamic
that has been there since birth,
and since your, it's just been there for a very long time.
And people start to bring in chosen family
into the family dynamic that is people like,
that they are engaged to or like anybody that they're like,
oh, this is, I'm gonna, this is gonna be my wife.
And they're coming into our family dynamic.
That changes things up because patterns of behavior
that has have been going on that probably aren't the best
are identified by the new party.
There's a threat.
Like this family is actively gonna lose him
and they've never felt like that before.
He's been a part of their family.
But when they act like this,
he has to step up for his wife, which he is,
which I think is great.
And I think he's so right to choose his,
it's really rough, but it's right to choose
who you're married to.
I wonder if he still sees them outside of the dinners.
I don't know.
To me, it reads a little bit,
especially him saying it's my cooking
and them being like, this is incredible.
It kind of reads to me as a little bit like,
oh, he's our precious little boy
and you're not good enough for him.
100%. That's what it's reading to me. Yes, bit like, oh, he's our precious little boy and you're not good enough for him. 100%.
That's what it's reading to me.
Yes, and I think it's, and he,
but I totally understand why the family was like,
why are you, by the second time it really set in for them?
And they're like, why?
Why, and they're just confused.
Yeah.
Because they don't understand that like,
this is harmful and that this is his wife.
That's so messed up.
I would also be like, try to meet on mutual territory,
like can't they just go out or something?
That's what people like to cook.
Sorry, I feel like I'm taking the energy out of them.
It seems like a tradition they wanna hold on to.
This family's cooking.
But she's so, that's so mean.
It absolutely is.
But it's amazing and it's rare in these Reddit stories
for the spouse to stick up for them.
Oh really?
We're not used to that I feel.
I feel like in a lot of Reddit stories.
They do, there are plenty of times they do,
but it feels like, I would say 70% of the time,
when it's family related, the child will be like,
oh my, it's just like, my parents do this, don't worry about it. That's what I, oh, it's just like,
my parents do this, don't worry about it.
That's what I'm saying is it's great that he's stopping it
because he's recognizing it now with his wife there
that there's more to lose.
Maybe we get used to family dynamics,
but then sometimes you bring in new people
and you're like, oh, this was never cool.
She didn't even think that it was true.
She was kind of like defending the family almost.
She was like, oh yeah, it's okay.
And he was the one who's putting his foot down going,
no it's not.
So really props to him.
Comments, not the asshole.
It's pretty clear the issue isn't her food, it's her.
For whatever reason, they don't seem to like her.
Good for you for standing up to them.
OP responded, having that confirmed sucked badly,
but I wasn't going to pretend it was okay
to treat her this way either.
They wouldn't come right out and say it either.
They tried to hide behind the food.
Someone else said, not the asshole.
Your kids won't be missing much
other than the company of toxic relatives
who treat their mother poorly,
yet she is too kind to hold a grudge.
Why do some of your family treat her like that?
Do they treat all in-laws as poorly?
OP said, no, just my wife.
The others are treated fine.
Someone said, start a new tradition
with your younger brother and sister.
Invite them only to your house.
Forget the rest of them.
He said that's the plan.
Good for him, though.
Is this at all something you guys relate to?
Like, as far as having dated someone
that your family wasn't fond of or like vice versa?
I um...
I was uh...
I was... Yeah, I'm gonna talk about it a little bit.
Okay.
I was like seeing someone and we went home to visit his family, his in... yeah, wherever.
And I got there and it was winter and I was kind of pale
and I had a hat on and I was blowing out my hair
so I didn't look like, I looked white.
I looked white, okay?
Or just like not like, and I think I'm pretty white passing
for some times, but I was white passing for sure.
I was wearing like a polo or whatever
and not that that says I'm white,
but that's white passing for sure.
It increases the whiteness by. It definitely increases the whiteness. I'm wearing like v polo or whatever, not that that says I'm white, but that's white passing for sure. It increases the whiteness by a lot.
It definitely increases the whiteness.
I'm wearing like vans or some shit.
Okay.
And I get there and immediately the family starts talking
about like race stuff in a really, really, really
potent way in that I was like,
like immediately, like it was like right off the bat.
Like they were like ready to talk about this
with their son who's back and like,
and it was during the like George Floyd stuff.
So it was like tensions were high.
And these were people who were isolated from,
they like live in a cabin on a lake away from,
so it's only what they hear from their other family
and cities and their Fox News.
So they were heated and ready to talk about it.
And immediately I was like, I have never felt more,
I'm in a cabin, I felt like get out.
I was in a cabin on a lake with all these white people
talking about like how people deserve to die and all this shit
and like we need to like all this crazy shit.
We tried to get them on a plane so bad.
I had to text Moon Goon, my comedy group,
and I was like, you guys,
we were supposed to sleep in an apartment.
They moved us to the basement
where there were no doors that I could lock.
I was like, share your location with me.
I was sleeping on a couch, I was supposed to have a bed.
And then it was all these things going on.
I ended up sleeping in the bathroom
because it was the only door that I could lock.
Girl.
No, this story, I can't believe it.
And then other in-laws were supposed to come,
and I was like, please let there be non-white in-laws.
Girl, there was one other non-white in-law.
It was an Asian guy.
His wife was white, and she was related to the family.
And they got there.
They started doing the same thing.
They drove the... My date drove me.
They got there. They left in 15 minutes.
And I was like, please don't leave right now!
Who's mine?!
Oh, my God.
And then my date had to end up going...
Well, my date was sitting there like not saying anything
while they're like going on this rant.
And so then he has to like take them like later that night,
he takes them, I'm like running away.
He takes them and he's like, just so you know,
like chances, like chances half black,
like all those things you said.
But I was just like, this is when I knew
it wasn't gonna work.
I was like, why didn't you stand up for me
while they were speaking?
Yeah.
Did he not even clock it?
Was it one of those situations where he was like,
oh, I didn't think about that?
Yeah, it was, at first he didn't clock it,
but then he was like, and we had had a lot,
I knew, I should have known
that this would have been his family
because of all the conversations we had over the years.
And a lot of it was me educating him on race
and what blackness is and what whiteness is
and the invisibility that comes with it.
And so he learned a lot and so I should have been prepared
for where he came from to be the place
that he would have come from.
That's-
And like you don't have to be at the table for him,
for you two to want him to stop that conversation.
No.
Yeah.
Like you being there doesn't stop the fact
that he should have ended that.
Right then and there.
You don't have to be visiting for him to shut that down.
No.
It should have been shut down.
Yeah.
But in some family dynamics.
In some family dynamics, and this is very much like,
the dad speaks and when the dad is speaking,
you don't speak until spoken to.
Yeah.
So how'd you feel alienated?
Yeah, I'm like, so yes.
I have my own Reddit story coming.
That's why I looked at you like, you gonna do this?
I didn't share that too many.
No, you did a great job.
There's a lot of details.
Oh, I'm sure.
But that's all in anonymous form, look out for it.
Oh my God.
We'll be like, that's the one.
But yeah, I think like, just to bring it back,
it's crazy how family has a pull over some people.
And it's great to see that this guy was just like,
no, the bullshit stops here.
Yeah. Yeah.
For my wife.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For my wife. Yeah.
Yeah. Wow.
Okay.
Our next story comes from Emma the Asshole.
Emma the Asshole for refusing to demote my dog
after my sister gave her baby the same name.
We have read many stories like this.
Demote. I feel like, yeah.
Demote.
What is demote?
Demote my dog. I'm assuming, as. Demote. I feel like, yeah. Demote. What is demote? Demote my dog.
I'm assuming, as previous stories on Reddit have been like,
when a family member has a kid
and they have the same name as a pet
that's already in the family,
they're like, you need to change the name of your pet
so that they're not the same name.
Fuck no.
There was a-
The pet was there first.
So there's a famous story where a guy had a cat named Nigel
and then someone had a...
Well that's your first mistake,
don't you name your baby Nigel.
They didn't name, no, it was a fiance
that came into the family.
And they started calling the fiance human Nigel.
Because the cat was named Nigel.
So there's Nigel in human Nigel.
That's awesome.
That's awesome.
Yeah, there's been several stories.
There was one where I think someone had a pug named like,
named like Doug or something.
And then someone had a fiance named Doug.
So they started calling him Doug too.
That's awesome.
It's incredible.
That's fun though.
That's awesome.
Just take a fucking nickname.
Oh dude, I'd be all in on that.
Yeah, if my brother's daughter comes out named spork
I'm like hell. Yeah, welcome to the family if I if I met someone in there like my cat's name is Shane
I'd be like no way
I'd be stoked
alright, I
26 year old woman have a dog named Charlie Charlie is a golden retriever
I adopted four years ago, and he's my best buddy my sister Emily
Who's 29,
recently had her first child, a baby boy.
She and her husband named him Charlie.
You!
At first, I thought it was funny
and didn't really think much of it,
but then Emily pulled me aside during a family gathering
and said it was confusing and disrespectful
for me to keep calling my dog Charlie
now that her son has the same name.
She asked me to rename my dog.
I told her no.
Charlie has been his name for four years,
he knows it, responds to it,
and it's on all his paperwork.
Changing it would be weird for him and for me.
She got really upset and said it's not fair for her son
to share a name with a dog, especially in family settings.
She thinks it'll lead to jokes and confusion
as her son grows up.
My parents have weighed in,
and while my dad says it's ridiculous
to expect me to change my dog's name,
my mom says I should just consider it to keep the peace.
Now Emily's barely speaking to me,
and a few family members think I'm being stubborn.
I have no idea how I'm in the wrong here.
The world's gone crazy.
I love my dog, and I didn't name him to spite anyone.
I also think it's not my fault they chose a name
already in use in the family.
Am I the asshole?
No.
Yeah, no.
I'd say you have the right of way because you were first.
Yeah.
If it was the other way, I feel like it's who's first.
They willingly named their son Charlie,
knowing that the dog is named Charlie.
For years.
That's just the case.
And like, especially with a kid
It's like you're you're making that choice
You know even with fiancee situations almost like I'm sorry. That's the pets name. That's their name
Yeah, I feel like it's easier to change your name as a human pets names
It's hard to change them to get them to listen to something else
My dog can't hear as it is if I change it up on him
Yeah, it would be so hard
to get him to respond.
It'd be so confused.
Yeah, honestly, you know what I would do?
The most I would do, if my sister stopped talking to me
over this, I'd be like, fine, my dog's Charles.
But we're not losing Charle.
You know?
Yeah.
We're not losing the Charle part.
I'd be like, we'll do like his God given name.
Uh huh, Charles the dog.
The name the queen would call him.
But I'm not changing his name entirely.
Yeah, no, that's absolutely insane.
Comments here, there was a post years ago about a guy
who had a cat named Nigel and his sister or roommate
started dating someone named Nigel.
So they called the cat Nigel and the guy Human Nigel.
Charlie the dog is already Charlie.
It shouldn't be a big deal.
Baby Charlie doesn't care, only the parents do.
If it was a problem, they could have easily prevented it.
You are not the asshole.
Lastly, someone said adopt a second dog, name it Emily.
I was about to say the same thing.
Wait, wait, wait, that's kind of funny though. You know how sometimes you meet people, someone they're like, oh, they. Wait, wait, wait, that's kinda funny though.
You know how sometimes you meet people,
someone they're like, oh, they're like,
oh, Angela's my middle name, my first name is Charlie,
but we had to change it because my brother had a dog.
Like, it is kinda funny to think about.
That's pretty funny, that is pretty funny.
I hate to say this, I am a little skeptical of this story.
I'm a little skeptical it could be AI.
Yeah.
And I'll tell you why, reading it,
they use a semicolon in perfect form.
And I'm like,
And no one uses semicolons for me.
Nobody's using semicolons.
Nobody's using semicolons here.
The story's a little too perfectly just kind of laid out.
Okay, here's my question.
Why are AI stories on Reddit?
What's the, what?
People are farming karma.
Like karma is kind of like how you generate a profile
on Reddit, so if you post things
and it gets a lot of interaction,
your profile gets more karma.
And then you get.
And then you kind of like, it's,
your posts get seen by more people.
You kind of like, it's kind of being
an influencer on Reddit, right?
Being verified.
Yeah. It's a little bit like a verification.
Because I've never understood the incentive to make a fake story, but now I get yeah people farm it and it's really lame
But there are some things AI can't do and that's like misspelling and
Bad using grammar a little wrong most stories
We read have some bad grammar that we fix or misspellings, and I'm always kind of grateful for it
because I'm like, that's a human type, that out.
But nobody's using semicolons.
And it was kind of perfectly like, here's the situation.
Here's the situation.
What do I do?
How do I always, yeah.
Yeah, there's not a single grammar mistake in here.
Not a lot of it.
My parents have weighed in, comma,
and while my dad says it's ridiculous
to expect me to change my dog's name, comma,
my mom says I should, quotations, just consider it,
and quotations to keep the peace, period.
I'm like, that's a goddamn good sentence.
Have you guys seen the video of the Waymo
crashing into the Postmates' cart?
No.
Yes.
That's what I feel like.
We're just like, whoops, iRobot, hit yours.
Whoops, this is a fake fucking story.
Look, I've been-
Remind me, I sent you the video,
it's so fucking funny, they just turned it.
I'm gonna be, look, I've spoken about how I feel about AI,
I'm very scared by it, I don't like it,
but it will be funny,
because all the sci-fi books for decades were like,
AI is gonna take over the world.
What if we finally create true artificial intelligence
and it's an idiot?
Yeah.
And it's really stupid.
Like, what if it's really dumb?
They both just, where do I?
Guys who created a new intelligence and it's an idiot.
And we're embarrassed.
And we really.
And God comes down and he's like, now you know how I felt.
Yeah, yeah, he's like, look at you fuckers.
We're like, wow, okay.
Okay, well, thanks Charlie. Yeah, thanks Charlie. Thank you Charlie how I felt. Yeah, yeah, he's like, look at you fuckers. We're like, wow, okay. Okay, well thanks, Charlie.
Yeah, thanks, Charlie.
Thank you, Charlie. Fake dog.
But if this is real, I'm sorry.
We don't know.
That's also the ultimate thing.
We don't really know, that's what sucks,
but that's our speculation.
And could have been a real story
and then used AI to make it readable.
That's also what I wonder sometimes.
Some people might not feel confident
in typing out a story, so they use it.
I still, we don't know that, and ultimately people farm.
We wanna hear your voice.
People farm karma on Reddit all the time.
I want things written by human Nigel.
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Okay, next story.
Am I the asshole for doing a half-assed job
taking family pictures at a wedding
after being told to shut up and stop being a smart ass?
Well, you know this one's real.
You know right off the bat this one's real.
Also families and weddings.
Boy.
This is coffee in the creamer.
It's creamer in my coffee.
I was taking pictures at a family wedding as a favor.
I was being paid about half of what I normally charge
and I was fine with it.
The bride is my favorite cousin and her husband is amazing.
During the formals, the wedding party was great
and I got lots of great shots.
When it came time to take pictures
of different family groups with the couple,
people were assholes.
They wouldn't stop talking or looking away from the camera.
I tried politely reminding everyone
that the camera was the big black thing on the tripod
and that it took still images, not video.
I was repeatedly told to shut up and stop being a smart ass
and that they knew what a camera was.
I asked my wife to record a video of the responses for me.
My cousin was delighted with the pictures from the ceremony,
the formals and the reception.
She laughed her ass off at the family pictures.
In about half of them, people are looking off
in all directions instead of at the camera.
In most of those, there are also people
with their mouths open.
She thought they were hilarious, and her husband agreed.
I started getting shit on social media
from my family about the terrible pictures.
I replied that I had tried to explain to them
that the camera was the big black thing on the tripod
and that it only took still pictures.
They said I should have waited for them to be ready.
So I started posting short video clips
of people being jackasses.
That's awesome. That is sick as hell. My mom said that I went too far I could have waited for them to be ready. So I started posting short video clips of people being jackasses.
That's awesome.
That is sick as hell.
My mom said that I went too far
and that they won't ask me to take pictures for them again.
I did a fake cry and said, boo hoo.
She called me a smart aleck.
Please let me state that I do not think
I am the asshole in this situation, but many people do.
They are upset because they don't often dress up
and get together and they didn't get good pictures.
There's also, I don't know how he was telling them,
but like, it sounds like he's already kind of rude
in general.
And like, the camera's the big black thing on the tripod.
And like, if I'm drunk at a wedding,
I'm gonna be like, what an asshole.
Like, you're, you should be like,
hey guys, and we're over here in three,
two, we're right here and it's the last time we're gonna take,
I guess that takes a lot of energy.
Wrangling people is tough.
Wrangling drunk people.
Angela's really good at it.
You are?
It's weird, it's like I'm Cesar Millan.
With, you're the Cesar Millan,
dude that's such a good sketch idea.
The Cesar Millan of drunk people.
Oh my God.
Thank you for knowing my talents.
I understand, because he's getting half his rate,
so his patience is probably low.
Yeah, he's doing this fully as a favor.
But then you still gotta give it your all,
and that's probably a part of,
I bet this isn't his first wedding
where it's hard to get everyone to look at the,
like to focus in.
So, but I think the only possible ass-holy thing
is posting those videos without like permission
and just be like, fuck you guys.
Look at you guys being crazy.
Well, it's also like you wanna comment on social media
how bad the pictures are, bitch.
I'll show you why they're bad right here and right now.
Don't comment on my profile telling me
how the pictures are bad when you were the reason.
Here's the reason, you, look at your comment.
Now you look stupid.
You know what it makes me think of?
Because this has happened, this happens a lot, right?
Where people, it's no longer just celebrities
who get called out if their behavior is bad
or they say something wrong.
People in public, if you're gonna say
a horrible thing to someone, people are filming
and it might get posted and you might get outed
as being like saying this awful thing.
And what people often respond with is like,
well you don't know the full context,
you don't know what that person was saying to me.
And it's like, too bad, you said what you said.
If you're being a jackass to someone,
if you're saying something that's gonna make you look bad,
even kind of out of context,
you kind of have to be aware of that nowadays.
I'm not saying that's right or wrong,
I'm saying that's kind of the reality we're in sometimes.
It is tough, because I guess, I'd say the only thing
that I could maybe see this person being an asshole
is talking to this cousin before they post it.
Because by posting this stuff, it is going to stir up stuff.
It might cause stuff for them,
because it was their wedding wedding and people might go,
oh, I didn't know I was being filmed
and that this was gonna.
Yeah, yeah.
But I'm getting the vibe that the cousin
probably wouldn't care.
Yeah, like I understand it's sad,
like when you, then the film is like,
we needed those pictures, we were all together,
like whatever, we all dressed up.
But at the end of the day, if the bride was happy,
it sounds like the bride and the groom didn't care.
And that's kind of all that matters.
Comments, not the asshole,
the photos are an accurate reflection
of their behavior on the day.
The only people whose opinions matter
about the photos of the bride and groom that hired you.
They like it, then no issue.
They've embarrassed themselves
and don't like that their online tantrum
turned around on them.
It's easier to be right until evidence comes forward.
Someone said, I used to do wedding photography
and this happened from time to time.
I sometimes assumed that the disrespect
was due to me being a woman
and sometimes that they were just oblivious or drunk.
I would try to make comments the same way you did
to various results.
The bottom line is that if they want good photos,
they have a responsibility to cooperate.
It's stunning how many people don't get that.
They are jerks for not cooperating and then blaming you.
You did what you could with what they gave you. Lastly, someone said, everyone
sucks here, but not for taking half-ass photos. You get what you pay for and this
is why you don't ask a family member to take photos of your big event because it
causes more drama if everyone isn't satisfied. That's so true. But ultimately
they're the ones who didn't take you seriously so the shitty pictures are on
them, but you did feel the need to air your family's dirty laundry over social Ultimately, they're the ones who didn't take you seriously, so the shitty pictures are on them.
But you did feel the need to air your family's dirty laundry
over social media instead of taking the high road
and just ignoring it.
So yeah, that's an asshole move and means you suck too.
Okay, that's the biggest point here,
is like hiring family for this.
I also, it also brings in context of people
who are not taking this photographer seriously
because it's a family member.
So they're just like, oh, Uncle Nick is telling us
to take photos, like, ah, screw it.
Like, I do think, like, when you have someone
you don't know, it's like, that's the photographer.
Generally, I would hope more people are gonna
at least take that a little more seriously.
But if it's a family member,
it's easy to kind of shrug it off.
Yeah, it's tough when you like hire,
I had a friend like hire a lot of friends
to do her wedding, and it's just a different environment
because she also wanted her friends
to enjoy the wedding as well.
Tough.
But then it's like you're on the clock
and you're also not, and you're also enjoying yourself
and drinking and dancing.
It's like, it's kind of, it's a blurred line a little bit.
There's a lot of situations, and I mean,
I think I relate to this as far as the industry goes, right?
When you're, if you're doing a project
of
This thing of like okay if I'm gonna work with friends. It's like I want to like pay you
I like this has to be a professional thing because if it's friends
It's it's a different dynamic sometimes and that can be stressful. Yeah, and bring about a lot of stuff
So yeah, I think with weddings is certainly one you want to like draw that line
Yeah, because they could just for they could just be mad at's certainly one you wanna like draw that line.
Yeah, because they could just be mad at somebody else
and you're like, yeah, take it to Yelp.
I hired them, whatever.
You don't have to personally be upset.
And once the wedding's done, they're out of the picture.
That's true.
Our next story.
Are we ready?
Yeah.
This was from 14 days ago.
Are you ready Kermit the Frog?
Yes.
Okay, so this is recent. Days ago. Are you ready Kermit the Frog? Yes. No, no.
Okay, so this is recent. Am I the asshole for having two twin beds
in my guest room instead of a queen
and refusing to let my in-laws change the room?
Oh.
Yeah.
Let them push it together.
Hi Reddit, this happened earlier this year
and my in-laws are no longer staying with me.
Background info. My husband and I, both 24, have been married for two years.
I am a social worker and my husband works as an electrician. We own a three-bed two bath together.
We have our bedroom, our home office, and a guest bedroom. My state's foster care system is one of the worst in the country.
There isn't anywhere close to enough foster homes to meet the total number of children in care. As a result of this, children often get stuck
at hospitals, psych facilities, group homes, et cetera.
Oftentimes we have children that have to sleep
at the CPS facility in sleeping bags on the floor
because there's just nowhere for them to go.
It's very common for social workers
to bring children home with them, myself included.
It's hard to find emergency placements for siblings.
So if I can't find a place for them for the night
to keep them together,
I will often just bring them home with me.
My husband and I are child free,
but he's super supportive of this.
So our guest bedroom has two twin beds,
both with pullout beds underneath.
This means that I can give four children
their own beds for the night.
Like two separate sets of siblings?
The earlier this year,
my husband's brother and his wife were temporarily homeless.
They lost their jobs and couldn't renew their lease.
They had to scramble to find new jobs and a place to live.
We let them stay with us for two months.
I didn't really want to, but it was the right thing to do.
They were very pissed about the two twin beds thing.
Because of the way the beds frames are,
you cannot push the beds together.
And the room is a little small and oddly shaped,
so you can't fit a queen air mattress in the room
without taking the twin beds out.
We don't have a garage,
so there would be nowhere to put the beds.
They wanted me to get rid of the beds
or put them in a storage unit
so they could put a queen air mattress in the room.
I refused because I didn't want to go through
all that trouble when they shouldn't be staying for long.
Anyways, and I worked hard to get the room to look away that I feel is welcoming to kids, and I don't want to go through all that trouble when they shouldn't be staying for long anyways, and I worked hard to get the room to look away that I feel is welcoming to kids, and
I don't want to change it.
I didn't tell them this, but I also didn't want them to get too comfortable with the
room because I don't want them to be tempted to stay for any longer than necessary.
I would rather house kids in unstable situations than my ungrateful in-laws.
My husband took my side and told them to get a hotel if they don't like it, but otherwise
shut up.
He said that if they keep complaining,
they'll have to leave.
He's a good husband.
My in-laws have been telling everyone who will listen
that we're assholes who made them sleep in kids' beds.
My husband has been telling his whole family
to fuck off basically and don't talk to us
unless you have something nice to say.
Am I the asshole, Reddit?
There's like a dozen people who think we're assholes,
so I'd like some judgment.
How would they, in what world?
I know.
I don't understand that.
I mean, even outside of the situation,
you go stay somewhere and if they have two twin beds,
it's just like, all right, that's your situation.
I'm not demanding you change the layout of your home.
It's not about their home, it's about their situation
and this is what you have.
I mean, it's shitty to say,
but if I was in a horrible situation like them,
I'd just be grateful to have a room.
I don't think they understand the reality
of their situation, it feels like,
because you can't really get a free place
and get what you want inside of it.
Yeah.
I mean, you have to have an I love Lucy situation for a while, that's fine. It's kind of it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you have to have an I love Lucy situation
for a while, like that's fine.
It's kind of sweet.
Yeah.
Kind of cute.
Yeah.
If you know, just figure it out.
I feel like there's information that we're missing.
Probably.
I feel like with every Reddit story probably.
Yeah.
I mean, how anyone could call these people assholes
when what they're using this room for on a daily basis
is like so kind.
I was gonna say, they have such a gold medal
with this excuse.
They're like, well, we're helping kids.
Yeah.
And you're like, okay, well.
What can I do?
Can't argue after that.
Go to a hotel.
Yeah, well, I'm a giant baby.
Yeah, it's like.
So.
Yeah, clearly.
I mean, my wife also a giant baby. Yeah, it's like. So. Yeah, clearly. I mean my wife also a giant baby.
Yeah, we're both giant babies.
Comments here, the verdict, not the asshole, obviously.
Comments, they have a lot of demands
for people who get free housing.
Don't let them come back.
Those kids sound like they need a place to stay
a lot more than those spoiled in-laws.
If anyone takes their side, tell them to house those two.
By the way, I'm happy that people like you
and your husband exist. Someone else said, not the asshole, tell them that it is possible to By the way, I'm happy that people like you and your husband exist.
Someone else said, not the asshole,
tell them that it is possible to have sex in a twin bed.
Draw them diagrams if necessary.
Since they are your in-laws,
use only stick figures in the diagrams.
OP responded, funny enough, I did hint at that.
I told them I'm not trying to cock block them,
but it's my room and they're not changing it.
It's up to them how they wanna use the room, but yeah.
Lastly, someone said, I've been homeless
and I've been put up in box rooms with tiny beds.
Know what I did?
Thank them profusely
because they didn't have to help me at all.
They are choosing beggars.
It's not their room,
they don't get to critique the facilities
and your hubby is right.
If they don't like it, they can go to a hotel,
not the asshole.
They are not.
No. No.
There's no way.
Like, I just can't even find one reason
why it could be rude, because they're just being kind
It reminds me of earlier. It's like you don't critique the food of someone who's cooking for you
Yeah, and you don't like critique the layout of a place that if someone's offering you a place to stay yeah
Those are just situations like I am kind of a believer of like you're in their house like that's for free house
Learn how to have sex on a twin bed.
Yeah, you learn how to cuddle on a twin bed.
But also, I don't think they're probably having sex
because they seem so high maintenance
that they both need to get it in at some point.
So maybe they should go to a hotel.
Okay, our next story.
This one is wild.
I've read this one.
Okay.
And it's a good one.
I've rarely heard you say a story's wild,
so, and I've heard some wild shit, so.
Well, this one's really good.
Oh, fuck.
Am I the asshole for taking my daughter to Disneyland?
Okay.
What else is going on during Disneyland?
What else is going on?
What is happening?
What did she want?
Don't trust.
Sorry.
I kinda already think I'm not,
but my family is convincing me I am.
I, a 28 year old woman, went on a vacation
with my daughter, who's five, and my husband, who's 29.
As a last vacation before, we're a family of four.
I'm seven months pregnant, and we wanted to spend some time
with our daughter before her brother was born.
When I was around 13, me, my mom, my dad, and my little brother
went on a Disneyland vacation.
It was fun and all, until my dad left his phone in the hotel,
and they wouldn't give it back to us.
He had to get a new one, and my mom and dad were so upset
that we never went back.
I thought this was irrational
since it was my mom's favorite place.
We went at least once a year growing up.
After that whole ordeal, my mom hated it.
So when me and my husband wanted to go
on a before baby arrives vacation,
we decided to go to Disneyland for around three days.
My daughter loves the princesses and the idea of magic.
So when we told her she was overjoyed,
I told my mom when we were at lunch together that we were going on a trip. so when we told her she was overjoyed. I told my mom when we were at lunch together
that we were going on a trip,
and when I told her it was Disneyland, she was enraged.
I was extremely confused because I honestly thought
she forgot about it.
She called me a backstabber and just really rude words.
She stormed out of the restaurant,
and I paid and left a few minutes later.
A few hours later, my dad called me and screamed at me
that this family doesn't go to Disney.
If you weren't such a spoiled little B word,
you would understand that.
I was shocked.
It was my money.
And it was my money I was spending
and I thought everyone was over it.
My mom texted me a long paragraph
about how she would go no contact
and wouldn't be my mother anymore if I still went.
The trip was already paid for, so I responded,
okay, I guess you only have a son now, and blocked her.
I've gotten at least 60 calls from my family
and a few texts telling me I'm wrong.
We still went and got back yesterday.
We all had a blast and my daughter
rode her first big girl roller coaster.
She loved every minute of it,
so in my opinion, it was all worth it.
So, am I the asshole?
Wait, what happened with their family at Disney?
This is as confusing as it sounds.
Their phone got stuck in a hotel?
And they wouldn't give it back?
They wouldn't give the phone back.
So because they, forever ago,
they lost a phone at Disneyland,
the family hates it so much that she's like,
oh, we're going to Disneyland.
And she goes, the parents are like, how fucking dare you.
Like the house of mouse is their animal.
We are no contact because you're going to Disneyland.
I still need to know the inciting incident.
Like what happened?
The phone.
Okay, let me reread it.
The phone.
Let me reread it.
The phone.
It was fun and all until my dad left his phone in the hotel
and they wouldn't give it back to us. He had to get a new one and my mom and dad were so upset that we never went back
I thought this was irrational since it was my mom's favorite place. There's there's something there's something missing here. There's something missing here
because they he loses his phone at the hotel and
They won't give it back.
Why won't they give it back?
And it's assuming that they have it.
What's on the phone?
What's on the phone?
I already felt it.
What?
Somebody's, there's something going on at Disneyland
and I don't know what it is.
Somebody's up to no good.
What the fuck is on the phone?
What's on the phone, Shane?
Uh, um, let's read some comments to the phone.
Shane!
No, you have to do-
What's on the phone?
Can you read them as quickly as you can?
I'm not gonna read what's on the phone.
I don't really care, you gotta get to the phone.
Comments, not the asshole, you're well within your rights to take your daughter on holiday to a location you choose with your money.
100% but what's on the phone?
I feel like something else happened at Disney that you're not aware of to make your parents hate it so much.
It seems totally irrational for her to act the way she is,
especially jumping to no contact over this.
What if she fucked the mouse?
Someone else said not the asshole.
And there's a video of it on the phone.
Not the asshole your mom and dad need to get over
their bad experience and it genuinely does sound bad
of 15 years ago.
Sure, they can choose to boycott Disney for life
if that makes them feel better, but they've got no right to impose their feelings onto you like
this, especially to the extent that they're being abusive to you about it. For what it's
worth, I think you did the right thing by ignoring their childish behavior and going,
I suspect they'll get over it in time, but there's no way you should ever apologize because
you've done nothing wrong. OP responded, it definitely was bad, caused a bunch of issues
and a lot of fights, and I definitely boycotted Disney with them
because I do agree it shouldn't have happened.
But their reaction was uncalled for in my opinion.
I also feel like going no contact
and not wanting to be my parents anymore
because the way I spend my money is insane.
I agree.
What's on the?
Update.
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
Go. Okay. Okay. Okay. No! No! No! No! No! No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
No! No! No! No! No! No! My mom messaged her and basically said, I wanna talk, I know that our last fight was really messy,
but I wanna meet up for lunch and talk.
And she responded.
She said, yes, and we're meeting up today.
My dad is also coming because I want an apology from him
for what he called me.
I truly can't even process the phone call that happened.
I wanna get answers as fast as possible
because I've seen so many comments
saying this wasn't over a phone.
I have a really bad memory and this was 15 years ago,
but I remember most of it because that whole situation
was very messy.
I will definitely be updating you guys after the lunch.
I've also seen people saying my parents might not like Disney
because they are more liberal.
I don't think that's the reason though.
15 years ago though was very different as well.
I'll ask that when we meet up,
but I don't see it as a real reason.
I've also seen people saying it's very unreasonable to go no contact,
very limited contact because of this, which I agree with.
I think she was just saying that to scare me, which is still very gross,
but we still went and she messaged me back. So I guess we will just see.
My husband also might come with me because I don't know how my parents will
react when I ask them my questions. They know we still went.
So I'm not too scared, but I can't be sure.
I'll update with how the lunch goes soon.
Okay, and now?
And about the no contact thing,
about the threat of no contact thing,
you don't unsheathe the sword if you're not ready to use it.
What happened at the restaurant?
Boom, boom.
Chance, let's talk about that.
Yeah, no, no, no.
And the original question is don't pull out the gun.
What's he like watching porn on his phone
or something in line?
And they took it away, like, my brain's going nuts!
Ooh, okay.
Like snow white porn or something?
All right, final update.
Place your bets, what happened?
It was Shane!
I don't wanna hear what you think,
I don't wanna hear what you think,
I wanna hear what happened.
Okay, fine.
Well, here it is, fellas, your final update.
Around 1 p.m. yesterday, we went to lunch.
My husband didn't come because he had an important meeting at his work.
Great for him.
I wasn't that scared anyway because we were going to a pretty popular restaurant,
and it wasn't like I would be alone with them.
I ordered the rainbow roll. It was delicious.
It wasn't too warm. I ordered the rainbow roll, it was delicious. It wasn't too warm.
I ordered the rainbow roll, it was delicious.
We got there and I sat down.
I started talking to my mom and dad
and started asking my questions.
It was mostly just, why would you get so mad?
And it's my money and I wanted to take my daughter
on a fun vacation with her parents before she has a brother.
And I was met with them gaslighting me
and thinking because they don't love Disney, I can't go.
I was on the verge of tears and leaving.
So I asked my final question
that I really wanted an answer on.
This can't be over a fucking phone.
There has to be something going on
to make you blow up like this.
They then told me what really happened.
Okay.
So my dad did actually leave his phone.
When housekeeping went to clean the room
for the next family to arrive,
the woman who was cleaning took the phone
and took it to Lost and Found.
She saw my mom's contact on my dad's little smartphone
and called her and we went to pick it back up.
But the woman also saw another contact that said, baby.
I knew it.
My dad was cheating for a good year to year and a half.
She told my mom and my mom blamed that woman
for ruining her marriage by telling her.
That's why they hated Disney,
because it ruined their marriage.
I walked out after that.
I didn't pay either.
I don't think I'm gonna talk to them after this,
only if my daughter and son want to.
They betrayed my trust and never apologized either
for what they called me a few days ago.
I don't know why we never got the phone back.
Probably we'll never know.
But here's the official ending of this crazy ass story.
That's the amount of deflection is...
So you don't go to the house so mouse?
Because the, oh, she's not even mad at the girl
he was sleeping with.
Because that's usually what people do
when people are mad, wrongfully mad at cheating situations. They get mad at the girl he was sleeping with. Because that's usually what people do when people are mad,
wrongfully mad at cheating situations.
They get mad at who they're cheating on.
You're getting mad on the setting in which you found out.
Not even the place they were fucking.
The place that you found out they were fucking.
Yeah.
You know, it's like, oh, the worst thing
that could have possibly happened to me happened.
You know what we should do about it?
Never go to the happiest place on Earth ever again.
That'll solve it.
It's almost like a spell.
It's almost like I'm gonna redirect all of this energy
into this magical, magical place,
because it's the only place that can probably save it
or ward it off.
I don't even think it has to do with its magic or not.
I think it's so fucking random and bizarre.
I don't think so.
But people do this all the time, right?
What?
They take it out on the land?
They take it out on just all sorts of things
other than the actual problem.
I just.
The land.
The land.
They take it out on the land.
Fucking bizarre.
It is so weird.
No, she blamed, specifically she blamed the housekeeper.
The housekeeper.
For going through the phone.
For being like, oh, you told me,
don't tell me that because you told me
you ruined my marriage.
And so it, I think the mom can't go back to Disneyland
and can't think about Disneyland
because it makes her have to confront this thing
that she clearly hasn't confronted.
They clearly didn't deal with this after.
No, because their logic-
They really just shoved it away.
Their logic is so fucking twisted.
They did leave it at Disneyland.
I don't trust these people.
They pulled a Vegas.
They go, what happened at Disneyland stays at Disneyland.
So we never go back.
There is so much energy there
that's been built up for 15 years.
That is now being blown up immediately at the daughters.
This is crazy, because it's not even like Disney proper.
It's the whole town.
It's literally like, can they not watch Disney movies?
Like, what is that, Frozen?
Get that off the TV!
That also reminds me of when your dad
was fucking another woman.
Like, what are you talking about?
I want so bad that their Disney trip,
like the girlfriend that he was sleeping with was there
and they interacted multiple times in line
and they just don't know it.
I want the universe to work like that.
This is so fucking wild.
It always blows my mind when the cheater
is not the one who gets blamed.
100%.
It always blows my mind, but it happens so often,
because I think then you have to deal with it.
You have to really acknowledge, oh, my reality's gone.
Oh, I'm not grounded at all.
There's nothing about this A plus B equals fucking C.
To go after the daughter makes zero sense.
They're like, she went on her first big roller coaster,
and they're like, well, I went on my own fucking roller coaster,
and I was fucking betrayal.
You know what's wild about this, too,
is the parents, both of them, are telling her this.
Yeah.
They're telling her this as if she's in the wrong.
I'm sorry it's insensitive, I'm laughing,
I just cannot believe this took that turn.
I thought we were mad at Disneyland
for something they did.
Can I tell you, I knew it, I felt it,
I was like he's cheating at Disneyland.
I thought it was gonna be at Disneyland.
Yeah.
It's not even there.
So that there's a cursed memory to it.
I mean there is a bad memory to it.
You just found out that he was cheating at,
like he wasn't cheating at Disneyland,
but you found out there.
That doesn't make any sense.
Once my dad was really, really hungry
and he was in a grumpy mood,
and we went to, for some reason,
we were going to this sandwich place, Togos.
Togos? Togos, Togos.
And they fucked up our order and my dad got so angry, he said,
we can never go back there again.
And I feel like I haven't been since,
because I'm loyal to my father,
because they fucked up his tuna.
But like,
but this is like, this is like,
Next level.
I just will never forget the image of my dad going,
we're never going to Togos again.
It's so funny. That makes sense though. Yeah, that is somehow makes more sense. This is just
Man, that's that's that gets the award for the best. I'm glad she still went
Oh, yeah, imagine being I say she might not she might not talk to her parents again
But you imagine being isolated by the people who raised you because they're lying to each other
Yeah, and nothing has nothing to do with you,
but their lack of communication and like honesty.
What a bombshell of like, oh, you guys are stupid
and like really mean to each other and to me.
Well, moving on.
That was one of the most wild ones I've read.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's unfortunately really funny.
Like very dark, but very funny.
Like the reveal of like, oh, you guys are both this stupid.
Yeah.
It's like you got dumped at a restaurant
and you're like, that restaurant broke my heart.
Yeah.
Honey, that didn't even get.
We're never going to Olive Garden again.
It wasn't that cheating didn't even happen at the place.
I know.
No, there's so many layers of it not making sense.
Also obsessed with the woman in the hotel
that goes through his faunces, baby.
Obsessed with her.
Who was doing her a solid, by the way.
Yeah.
Obsessed with her.
No, the housekeeper is a legend.
She was like, hey, by the way.
Yeah, just so you know.
I clocked this.
I'm curious how she came across the other contact.
I know, she was going through it.
What was the mom under, like wife?
Like how would-
Probably her name.
But how would the person know that that's-
It's probably a scandalous text under a different name.
Yeah, it had to have been pretty obvious.
Yeah.
Oh, if I was in people's hotel room,
I would read their phones too.
And you know what, can I say something too?
It actually makes sense that the evidence would be
so obvious because it was probably obvious during it
and the mom is just like not like acknowledging it
because if after getting caught, she's not mad at him.
Yeah, and I.
She's mad at everything else.
He knows like he can get away with it.
He's probably continued to have affairs since.
I bet, I hope that, they would make more logical sense
if their blowout after this happened at Disneyland,
that blowout that happened either in the parking lot
or just associated with that place was so bad
and so hurtful to both parties that they were like,
we won't go back here anymore.
Still though, that doesn't-
Why does that affect the daughter?
No, 100%, 100%.
It's great.
I'm now imagining just other,
if it wasn't a housekeeper or someone else,
which is like, Gorsh, your husband's cheating on you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There you go.
Tug on the seatbelt while you're ready.
You're fucking, I don't know.
All right, we're gonna be pulling the seatbelts and who's that contact on the phone? Ooh, yikes, all right. Oops, okaybelt while you're ready. You're fucking, I don't know. All right, we're gonna be pulling the seatbelts
and who's that contacting on the phone?
Ooh, yikes, all right.
Oops, okay. And you're off.
Pfft.
Okay, moving on to our final story here.
Wow, okay.
This comes from Best of Editor Updates, just so you know.
The title, Need a Fake Kid to Piss Off My Wife.
That's awesome. Oh yeah.
I'm in. I'm in, man. I'm so in. That's awesome. Oh yeah. I'm in.
I'm in, man.
I'm so in.
It's a Robin Williams movie and I'm watching it.
Yeah.
My wife and I are watching Elf together
and we saw the part where Buddy's real dad
tells his wife about Buddy
and his wife gets excited about this surprise adult kid
that pops into their life
from a time before they knew each other.
I point out to my wife that it's a little unbelievable
that she would immediately be on board.
I then comment that she, my wife,
would actually be mad at me in this situation,
even if I genuinely did not know this kid existed
and it was conceived before I had met her.
She denies it, but I know my wife.
We're in our early 40s and have been married
for 10 years together for 12.
So I need a 20ish kid to knock on the door
and tell me they're my kid
and that they just wanted to meet me.
Gotta be convincing and really talk about
how your mom and I were once really happy
before she died of something tragic.
I'm fucking in, I'm 20ish.
Dealers choice. I'll do it.
Dealers choice of death, he says.
Throw me in.
Job pays $100, gender, race, etc.
don't matter so long as you can pass for early 20s.
Shouldn't take more than an hour of conversation
then you get a call or something and have to leave.
I wanna do this soon after the new year.
You come up with the backstory and I'll play along.
I'll give you a little info up front after you take the job.
This is-
Has the job already been filled?
This is awesome.
I think the story already happened.
There's some comments here.
This sounds like a bad idea,
but please post a follow-up once you go through with it.
OP says, worst case scenario, okay, yeah,
this could go badly, but sometimes being right
in a marriage is worth it.
Someone said, I don't think this is one of those topics.
No, I don't think that's a quote.
No, I don't think anyone's ever said that before.
I don't think anyone's ever said that one. I don't think anyone's ever said that one.
That's like some guy's stand-up tagline for his tour.
Sometimes being right is worth it.
Yeah.
Divorced the comedy special.
Someone said, LMAO, this is a terrible idea,
but I'll do it, mid-20s.
Producer note, lots of similar comments to that one.
This subreddit is rharrisonburg,
so it is posted in a local subreddit.
There's a subreddit for just about every city in town,
right, so you can post there being like,
hey, say people post on subreddits being like,
oh hey, I have a spare guitar I'm trying to sell,
anyone here wanna buy it, or you can do anything.
Or like, I'm trying to organize a thing this weekend here.
So this is what this guy's trying to do.
He's trying to find someone in his town to be his child.
Okay, update.
But first, do you think it's gonna be good or bad?
I don't know, that'll be a shame.
Kind of both.
I think it's gonna be funny.
Yeah.
Like I think no matter what, it's gonna be funny.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like I don't think it's gonna be too bad.
Yeah.
So the very dramatic naysayers,
one of which compared my prank to spousal abuse,
several diagnosed me with a number of mental illnesses
and at least as many said I was childish and cruel.
To you I say, you're probably right.
However, na na na boo boo, stick your head in doo doo.
This guy's awesome. This guy's awesome.
This guy's sick.
We've been married for a decade.
We know each other well enough to know what's over the line
and what's funny.
That said, it was harder than I thought
to secure a fake child.
Sure, I had a large number of interested parties
and even a couple of fabulous candidates,
one of which actually looked enough like me
that I started wondering if one of you got to my wife
and were pulling the ultimate Uno reverse card on my prank.
Oh, that's in the movie too.
Unfortunately, interested and committed
are two very different things.
Multiple potential sons and daughters made it
to the planning stage and found one reason
or another to bail out.
Let me be clear, I do not blame these folks at all.
I don't think I'd have the courage to send the first DM,
let alone actually go through with the prank orchestrated by a complete stranger. But I did find a suitable actor
with the courage to come through and I still think it was money well spent. So here's a
synopsis of how it played out. No, there's not a video. Saturday afternoon, my doorbell
rang. My dog lost his mind as he is one to do. And my wife answered the door since I
had pretended to take a call moments earlier. My son, looking about 20 to 25 taller and better looking than I, asked if I was home.
My wife motioned to me.
I had conveniently just ended my fake phone call and I came to the door.
My son, who even shared my first name, his idea, not mine, said he had something kind
of strange to talk to me about.
I asked if he wanted to come in, which literally almost blew the whole thing
because I would sooner saw off my own foot
than invite people in my house.
But my wife didn't think much of it.
We came to the living room, I offered him a drink,
he declined.
My son is an excellent actor, by the way.
He would later say it was the anxiety of the situation
and not wanting to mess up
that made his nervous demeanor so convincing.
This is from memory, but it's pretty much everything.
I'll let my son chime in with details
should he feel like outing himself.
Do you remember old ex-girlfriend I mentioned
at least once in my 10 year marriage in front of my wife?
Yeah, that's my mother.
It was my wife who reacted first with, oh, no way.
So I looked at her feigning ignorance
and then back at my son and said, is she okay?
Yeah, she's fine.
That's not why I'm here.
My wife was nearly busting out of her chair,
totally engrossed and completely consumed
with two strong theories.
One, her husband had a long lost son.
And more importantly, two, her husband hasn't figured out
yet that he has a long lost son.
So I say, out with the kid, what's going on?
He goes, I'm 22 years old.
My wife's eyes essentially bugged out of her head,
having now confirmed her theories in her mind.
She looks at me, seemingly annoyed
that I hadn't put these obvious puzzle pieces together
and interrupts my fake kid.
Nearly laughed, but I held it together.
I think he's telling you that he thinks you're his father.
My acting is not so great, but I gave it a shot with,
wait, what?
My look of shock could use some work,
but it played out for the audience.
My son looked at me, she's right,
and I'm not here to ask for anything.
In fact, I don't have a lot of time to stay,
but I just wanted to meet you and maybe exchange numbers.
So I said, this is a lot to take in.
I knew your mother a long time ago and she never said,
I mean, I didn't know him.
I'm paraphrasing, but this kid deserves an Oscar.
She never told you, she only told me on Christmas morning.
She didn't say anything bad about you,
just that it was over and she was already dating my dad
when she found out she was pregnant with him.
So I say, wait, does your dad know?
He goes, of course, and I've always known
he wasn't my biological father.
He's a great dad, but lately I've been wondering
who my real father was, so I asked my mom and she told me.
Well done.
I say, wow.
I freely admit I had the easy part.
My wife, not saying anything, just taking it all in.
Not much else to tell in terms of the production.
We exchanged numbers, then he got his own fake phone call
reminding him he was late for something or other,
and I walked him out.
The rest of the production was just my wife and I.
I came back to the living room
doing my best bewildered act.
We talked about it,
covered things like paternity tests, et cetera.
And it turns out I was way wrong.
My wife wasn't mad, miffed, or even slightly annoyed.
She was full on amazed, excited,
and entertained by the whole thing.
Is she doing this on purpose?
I waited a few hours before I fessed up,
but before I did, she kept saying how cool it was
that I might have a son.
When I told her it was all a bullshit lie
I made up to prove a point, she laughed, a lot.
I can't decide what amused her more,
the effort I put into the ruse or the fact
that I ended up proving her right in the process.
Here are a couple gems from the wife
after I told her the truth.
Where the hell did you find that guy?
I'm glad your son wasn't a serial killer.
I might have been mad if he came here looking for money.
Next time you can save $100 and just assume you're wrong.
You know I'm going to get you back, right?
The last one has me a little worried.
That is it. End of story.
Shane?
Yeah?
Is there another update?
There's not another update.
What are you worried about?
I want the revenge.
It worked out.
Well, we might get a Reddit story eventually from this guy.
Oh, wow, that'll be awesome.
This woman is awesome.
She's awesome, yeah.
She sounds like a really dope girl.
Their marriage sounds really fun, too. She sounds like a really dope, dope woman.
Their marriage sounds really fun too.
The fact that you're like,
like I want in, like are they looking for a third or what's the?
There is something sweet,
there is something sweet about this
of like putting this much effort and creativity
into just like something in your relationship, right?
I think there's something sweet about it.
Of like, oh my gosh, I wanna pull this huge,
elaborate prank on just my wife.
Like not for another audience, just my wife.
I just wanna do this experiment.
This wasn't an episode for something?
Yeah, it's like, oh you weren't trying
to make money off of this?
It's like, no, he just really wanted to
like go through a bunch.
It sounds like they have a fun dynamic
with each other in that way.
It's very playful.
I honestly can't believe she fell for it
because right off that conversation,
I feel like I would be like.
We don't know how long it took.
It might have been a month or so
and you're not gonna think about that.
Yeah, especially if the guy did a great job,
good for him getting a good actor in there.
Yeah.
He found someone off Reddit.
So that means someone showed up with a fedora and a katana.
And they're like, I'm thinking you're my father.
Yeah, I'm about 22 years old.
But honestly, you heard it there first.
You can book acting gigs off of Reddit.
Wow. Yeah.
If you're in Harrisonburg, Virginia,
there's acting opportunities. Just for local listings.
That's so funny.
Yeah, it's great stuff.
Well, this has been a blast.
Thank you for having us.
Thanks for being here.
I always say thank you like you invited us.
You didn't.
Okay.
Damn.
Okay, well.
All right.
Well, that was funny.
It was like funny, like, ha, peak behind the curtain.
I'm never going to Disneyland again.
Yeah. I can't get over that.
Well, thank you both for being here.
And I should say, keep an eye out on the Smosh socials.
Check out the Smosh Instagram this week.
Keep an eye on it.
There might be some fun Reddit updates about our show.
I just keep an eye on it.
I don't know.
Something special might be coming. but we'll see you next Saturday
Goodbye