So True with Caleb Hearon - Ali Macofsky Loves Corporations

Episode Date: September 4, 2025

Welcome! This week’s guest is the hilarious Ali Macofsky! Ali and Caleb talk their favorite relationships, religious upbringings, sweet treats, symbols, and much more! Join our Substack for an exclusive post-episode chat with Ali and other bonus content! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow Ali! @notalimac Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloudGo to www.Quince.com/sotrue for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.Head to https://www.squarespace.com/SOTRUE to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code SOTRUE.Go to www.Dupe.com today and find similar products for less. It’s 100% free to use. Stop wasting money on brand names and start saving with Dupe.com today. About Headgum: Headgum is an LA & NY-based podcast network creating premium podcasts with the funniest, most engaging voices in comedy to achieve one goal: Making our audience and ourselves laugh. Listen to our shows at https://www.headgum.com. » SUBSCRIBE to Headgum: https://www.youtube.com/c/HeadGum?sub_confirmation=1  » FOLLOW us on Twitter: http://twitter.com/headgum  » FOLLOW us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/headgum/ » FOLLOW us on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum So True is a Headgum podcast, created and hosted by Caleb Hearon. The show is produced by Chance Nichols with Associate Producer Allie Kahan and Executive Producer Emma Foley. So True is engineered by Casey Donahue and engineered and edited by Nicole Lyons. Kaiti Moos is our VP of Content at Headgum. Thanks to Luke Rogers for our show art and Virginia Muller our social media manager.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. No one needs to shower every day. Oh, gasped. Yeah. You guys work behind a computer. Why are you stinky? Why do you need a shower? What are you doing? I find vaping very unattractive.

Right? Really. Why? I just don't know. I don't like it. Yeah, fair enough. I find it unattractive except for when I do it, of course. Well, that's most things, right?

Yeah. I don't want to be holding this. I think, yeah, most things I do are fine when other people do them really bad. You and I are locked in on this. Okay, great. Yeah. What do you do that you think other people shouldn't do? Most, my attitude in general.

My countenance, my disposition in general is not... You know that thing in philosophy where is it Kant? Who was it in... No. You already lost me. Who wasn't in philosophy that's like you should behave in a way that if everyone did it, the world would work? Oh, I love that as a philosophy.

I don't do that. I love that as a philosophy. I will behave in a way that I'm like, well, it's okay because mostly only I'm doing it. Yeah. I feel like a good one that comes to mind is like people talk about like playing etiquette. Yeah. Like, de-boarding, like, don't stand up as soon as the plane lands.

And I'm like, yeah, but I want to stand up. Yeah, I'm going to stand up. No one else should, but I want to. They also, I do think with the plane landing thing specifically, people go, there's no reason. There is a reason. I fucking hate that chair, and I've been sitting in it for four hours. And we're trying to get off. I want to move my body now.

Yeah, I want to be. I want to be ready. Because, you know what else is going to piss me off when people aren't standing, and I'm trying to get off the plane. Dude, I've been saying, people also say, there's no reason to rush onto the plane if the seats are assigned yes there is overhead bin space and also let me just sit down let me let me let me get to where i'm going let me just get settled in yeah i love getting settled in yeah i have my little bag i want to pull some things out and if i have a

beverage in my hand god forbid i'm stuck there one-handed i want to set everything down what are you pulling out of your bag i'm pulling out headphones yeah i'm an ipad girl yeah so i love having my iPad What else? I'll pull out a book that I'm not going to read on the flight. Yeah, that's a big one. That's a big one. But I'm pulling it out so people know I am capable of reading. What else am I pulling out?

Some chargers, maybe a sleep mask. If I'm feeling really Virgo, then I'll pull out some, like, hand wipes. What about Virgo makes the hand wipes come out? People, I don't know, actually. But it's my birthday, so I'm just trying to kind of like... When's your birthday? September 8th, Virgo. Oh, okay. Nice.

So I'm just trying to, like, kind of bring it up as often as possible. Like, Virgo. Got you. I thought you were trying to tell me that today is your birthday. No. And I was like, that's crazy. You should not be here. As much as I love you, yeah.

I would not celebrate my day of a podcast. Well, no, I was like, please don't be doing that. Yeah, no. Yeah. I won't be doing anything on my birthday. But I think, like, I think Virgos are like very clean, organized, tidy. Yeah. So that's where it comes out.

And do you relate to that? In some ways, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, in some ways I can be like a clean, tidy girl. Yeah, which ways? Thanks for asking. I'm thinking of the really specific way where you're clean and tidy.

It's like, it's very internal. Like, I love, I love a list. Yeah. I love a calendar. My iPhone calendar, I'll put in there, like brush teeth. Yeah. It's like I'm going to do it, but I want it in the calendar as well. Yeah.

And I'll move it around. Like, if I start my day late, I'm like, we'll move it to noon. Yeah. We'll brush teeth later. Yeah. Yeah, so I like a list. I like a plan. I like that a lot.

Yeah. I really like that for you. But then my house is kind of a mess. There's dust bunnies everywhere. Dust is hard. There's so much dust. It really accumulates in a weird way. And then I bought one of these, you know, when the fires are happening, everyone's getting these air purifiers.

Yeah. So I buy an air purifier. And now I have to clean the damn air purifier. That's the thing. And it's like, I just, I want a device that doesn't need me to clean it. Yeah. I do, there are so many things that I do that require like a follow-up that I just, after its first use, I go, that's the end of it.

Yeah. I'm not following up. I'm not changing the filter. I'm not resetting the set. I'm not, I can't. I keep vacuuming the outside of the air purifier and I'm like, this will have to do. You think that's doing it? No.

Right. But it's making me feel good enough about it. Yeah. Where I'm like, the filter doesn't need to be changed. That's really beautiful. Yeah. It's just making you feel good enough about it. That's a beautiful way to always.

at the world. I mean that. And maybe I'm like a philosopher in that way. I do think you're a philosopher in some way. Well, you know, comedians are. The modern, yeah, the modern philosophers. When I'm talking about how many flaps are on a vagina, it's a philosophy. How many are? A lot.

I mean, I think a lot. Is that standard for everybody edition? I think everyone usually has the same amount, but I think visually it can look like more or less. So it's a bit of an illusion. Because sometimes they're hidden. What?

Sometimes that. I mean, I've been around one, but I was trying not to, do you know when you see a car wreck? Yeah. That, like, I felt like, of course I was curious when I was down there the couple times I was around vagina. You don't want to be around for too long. But I was just, I was like, I was like, ugh, you know? Yeah, you don't want to have to stay to make a statement. You don't want to stare into it and accidentally see something, you know?

Totally. Yeah, I don't want to stick around to make a statement. I just don't want to really be involved. And that's how I probably knew I shouldn't be in there. Yeah. But the flaps are interesting. What do they do? They protect.

They protect. They cushion. From what? Life's elements. Yeah. My jeans right now. If I didn't have those flaps, ee. Oh, scrapy, scrapy, scrapes.

Yeah. It'd be so sensitive. Well, my situation is so external with the penis and balls. Totally. And I envy that. I love what you have going on down there. I haven't seen it, but I've seen others. Really. And I just think it's so ergonomic.

And it's like, I don't want to make this like a binary like men versus women thing. No, but there's only two, yeah. But there's two, which is easy. Yeah. It's simple. Yeah. And I just think the penis is like so perfect. Yeah.

I really have to agree with you. Yeah. It's like there's no confusion. Yeah. Like you don't need an IKEA manual for it. No, it's just a straightforward thing. If you were to pick up a penis from IKEA, you'd be like, I don't put the manual away. Yeah, I don't need this.

And it's a one-person job. That's vagina, by the way. What is vagina? IKEA furniture. Totally. Yeah. You need the manual and you need an extra person to help out. You need a task rabbit.

Yeah. The person who owns it has to be there to tell you about it. And you need a truck to pick it up. Yeah, you need a truck to pick it up. It's like a whole, you have to clear like an afternoon to figure out what to do with it. Exactly. Yeah. I find it so common.

complicated vagina. It is. Sometimes though when I say things on this show like I'll say like just a second ago when I said there's only two genders. I really will get called a bigot online. Oh my God. Can you believe that? I can't wait for the comments. It's really funny to me. I'm like you guys are 12. Well it's also that it's so funny because you've built an incredible fan base. Oh, knock it off. Your camera is there. You've built such an amazing following. No, they're really great. But it is. But it is. Yeah. You've built such an amazing following. No, they're really great. But it is baffling when some people come along and they don't understand. It's like, no, like these people like me because of this. Yeah. And you're like, why are you here? Well, I've seen, I see. If you're taking it.

I've seen the, the, the, I've been called the bigot a couple times. I've also seen like, he's a mean gay. It's like, you're 12. You are a 12 year old child. You don't exist in the real world. If you think I'm mean, you have got a whole lot of other stuff coming. Yeah. It's really just not, I see that stuff and I go, you cannot.

possibly think I'm being serious. Totally. About vagina, et cetera, you know? Yeah. You ever do vagina? Sexually? Someone else's? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Still to this day? No, I have a boyfriend. He won't let me. He won't let you. He won't let me. That doesn't, and I know your boyfriend, that doesn't seem like him at

all. I know. But men can be so complicated. Yeah. Yeah, so selfish. Men are quite selfish. I'm like, here's the thing. He has his, you know, penis. Easy. Easy to use. That's awesome. I have vagina, complicated. Yeah. Why not let other people help me out with the vagina? Yeah.

It's like, oh, you think you're doing a good job? Yeah. Oh, you think you got it nailed down. Yeah, of course. Yeah, of course. You let someone else get in there and tool around. Yes, please. And just, you know, get another set of hands under the hood.

Yeah, get an Allen wrench. Yeah. That might feel good. That might feel good. Putting a wrench in there? Yeah. So, Allie, you recently. you recently started taking improv classes huh stop the word is traveling i did say it publicly

yeah the word is traveling i've been talking about i've been talking about it i won't stop talking about it's so fun and where are you taking it groundlings groundlings yeah oh so you're not fucking around i'm not fucking around this is serious yeah but also like the schedule like scheduling wise i haven't really been taking as many classes lately yeah aren't they like a set time per week that you're just supposed to go to? Yeah, yeah, but there's so, there's like, I mean, I don't want to get into the minutia of the Groundling scheduling program.

I think they'd like it if you did. Our listeners are dying for it. Okay, so if anyone's interested, you go to the website, you go to, you hit school, and you have to start at the basic level. You know, no matter how good you think you are, everyone starts in basic. Which we can all agree is stupid and silly.

So stupid and silly. Because obviously you can tell from the basic classes that I'm a star. Yeah. Yeah. You look around, you go, Jerry, who's 80 years old. Yeah. Oh, the lawyer. Yeah. There's always a lawyer. There's always a lawyer. And by the way, a huge part of taking improv classes and pursuing that training is making friends. And I'm sure you saying that on this podcast will go a long way. Well, you know what I realized. Say it now. I was doing, I was doing cool girl in improv. Which is not good. And I learned that quickly. Yeah. Because in basic, I was like, you guys are freaks. Meanwhile, I'm in the same class as you guys You know, here you are rolling around on the floor Yeah, yeah, barking like a dog Yeah, yeah

So How did you have the realization? Well, so then I advanced I got to the next level And I show up and I'm like Some of you are still freaks However However, there's some cool people here

Yeah But because I had this walled off mentality Of like, I've got my stand-up community Yeah I've done Marin's podcast And others that I won't name I don't need you guys I've got my community

I've done Marin you know et cetera Et cetera You can Google it Yeah there's Marin and plenty more And others Yeah So I was like I'm good

Yeah And then there were like actually like These cool girls But because I had this like walled off thing took me so long to like initiate like you can't be friends with you yeah what'd you do it I think eventually I was like that was really funny what you did and they were like thanks girl yeah and then we hit it off um so now those are my girls my groundlings girls if you if this was taking place in Chicago in 2017 you guys would already be an indie team trying to set up shows

right now I would love that that was the move back then as you'd be like I found a couple people I think are funny we hit it off in class now we're an indie team our name is fucks dick what bar will have us yeah i love that energy i'm like i'm nostalgic for an experience i haven't even had i remember i remember the like the first thanksgiving i went home after moving to chicago i was like updating my my family on my life and i was telling them it was like oh yeah i got i left that job i'm doing this for money now and they're like how much are you making and i was like oh like 28000 a year and they're like, whew. And then I was like, I was like, yeah, but I got this indie team I'm really excited about.

We're kind of working the indie improv circuit in Chicago. And when I said we're working the indie improv circuit in Chicago, when I tell you, everyone just kind of went, anyway. And they all, like, found something to do. They were like, those vegetables need to be cut. You know what I mean? Like, no one was interested in that. Also, you know that they had no idea what the indie improv circuit was,

but they also did not want to ask. Yeah. Well, because it's barely a circuit. it's like bar shows it's like circuit like what do you it was crazy you know what i love say it tell me how you feel about this say it now um the show in chicago at the green the green mill yep paper machete paper machete it's my favorite well virginia and i uh did paper machete together several times as a duo wow that's kind of how we solidified our friendship in chicago wow yeah she's sitting right over there she runs all the social media if for people watching listening if you've ever enjoyed a clip from this show

Virginia made it and posted it for you So we just love her Virginia Shout out to Virginia The only person who works on this show Big laugh from Casey Hard swallow from chance Silence

Yeah no but I love the paper machete It's a great show It's so fun It's a great show you've done it And I love now that I'm an improv girl I love all these fucking improv freaks Yeah there's some guy

There's some girl they were great you don't remember their names no one of them I know his Instagram's like I would have to look Will Will Will

Will and Jen Will and Jen Oh my goodness Yeah I don't know who they are But I'm sure they're fabulous Jen is choose Jen Con on Instagram Okay

She does like musical improv And it's so funny That's good Because that's usually pretty hit or miss. Oh, my God, it's so good. And then this guy will, I love him. Yeah, what's he do?

He does, he'll do like kind of a monologue, a topical monologue. So the last time I saw him, he was talking, I don't remember and I don't want to talk about it actually. I'm not having fun. So what's the plan with, What's the plan with improv? You're going to put up a show? No, no.

Okay, I will say. Yeah. I thought I was crushing it. I thought I was so good. Yeah. I had my big show. You know, I passed my advanced level. We put on a big show for the advanced class.

Yeah. And I dragged my boyfriend there because he doesn't want to support me in any way. But I dragged him. He's there. And he was like, honestly, that was good. And I was like, if he's saying that, he's a certified hater. Yeah, he really. is he is a certified hater i love him down but he's the last person i'd want to bring to an improv show

totally totally totally so he's like that was actually good and i know that he would not gas me up he wouldn't he would not not like that no and so i'm like okay and this girl in the class she's like i'm gonna set up a camera to film the show and i was like okay but don't i don't i don't want you to post it i have a career to uphold yeah of course and then after you've been on marron and others i've been on Maron and others. Yeah. And so after the show, I was like, can you actually send me the video? And thank you for recording.

And I need to change my attitude quick. And so then I watch the video. It does not translate over a video. Yeah, of course. It's not hitting the way that I thought it was hitting. Well, the magic's meant for the room. Yeah. As you know.

Yeah. Yeah. I know now. Yeah. But now I'm waiting to do like the writing classes because I want to, yeah, I want to do the writing part. Nice. To write sketch or to write? Yeah, to write sketch. Yeah, because then, yeah, in the writing class,

then at the end you put on a show with your writing. Hell yeah. Yeah. Hell yeah. What inspired you to start doing this? I, um, that's really, you're a great interviewer. Ali, I want to just note that no fewer than five minutes ago, you said, I don't want to talk about this, I'm not having fun.

But I brought that upon myself. That was me. I don't know why I want. I think because I think I actually have no idea. No, come on. What feeling were you having that led you to do this? Okay, I know that people start improv when they're at a low moment. That was not what inspired this.

I'm not a lawyer. I'm not an 80-year-old man. Here's what it was. I wanted to, oh. Oh, no, this is sad. Yeah, of course. I'm not surprised to hear that. Of course.

Tell us about it, come on. Well, okay, so I had submitted, like, an audition for S&L, like a, you know, a tape. Yeah. And it was so bad. Because I decided against, I'm sure, everyone's best wishes for me, I was like, I'll do impressions and characters. I've never done them before, but surely I'll master them quickly enough to send this in. Yeah. And then I watched it back, and I was like, why would I do this?

that. Why would I do that to myself? It makes sense. Yeah. So then I was like, you know what? I actually want to challenge myself and to like learn how to do this. Because with stand-up, it's so, it's like, it's me. It's this voice the whole time. Yeah. It's like, and this is what I think about that? Yeah. And I was

like, what if I let a little bit of fun into my life? Yeah. A little bit of whimsy. What's your favorite kind of relationship, you think? Hmm. Dog human. You think? Wow. That's a big swing. No, recently I've been loving my dog more than normal. Okay.

But I'm not normally someone who's like, dogs are more, I'd rather talk to a pet than a human. Yeah. I'm not one of those people. I think my favorite relationship would be customer service me. Yeah. It's like vulnerable enough and intimate enough that I like, but it's not like, I could potentially go back to, like, said coffee shop or restaurant and, like, continue the relationship. yeah but it's kind of on my terms yeah anything else is a little bit too close yeah yeah that's interesting do you have a problem you have an intimacy issue i think so yeah that's okay yeah i'm working

through it but yeah i think i like i like um i like distance yeah yeah i have intimacy issues only in romance i'll be so intimate with like a stranger on the street exactly and then i'll be like so in love with someone i'm dating and i'll be like what are we doing you know yeah yeah so i that's a That's my situation with it. Yeah, stranger on the street. Friends, co-workers. You know what my favorite relationship is? Huh.

Police officer and person recording them who knows the law better than them. That's a good relationship. Isn't that a good one? Yeah. I like, I like when that happens. That's very fine. And the cop's like, do you want me to arrest you? You can't stand here.

And he's like, oh, per subsection 387, you can't, bitch. Yeah. And then the cop's like, okay, okay, all right, all right, man. It's awesome. The cop never knows the bylaw. No, never. he never knows the subsections or anything and so it's and I almost you know you don't want to feel for the cop of course but it's like it is impossible to know the law like that it takes like a really autistic person with a YouTube channel yeah to know to fully know the law you have to be autistic and have a YouTube channel but I it is a very fun dynamic to watch that play out you know what this just reminded me of say it my favorite symbol well whatever the symbol is that is in the sections do you know the symbol I'm talking about oh yes in the contract What's the word for that?

It's the little squiggly. It's like half ampersand, half infinity sign. It's gorgeous. And is that to denote addendums? I have no idea. What does that denote? Chance Google, contract symbol, denote. What do we got?

I don't know. It's just a really fun one, isn't it? Yeah, it's got like three lines. And I love that you just don't see it often. Yeah, it's very rare. in court. It's very rare and sexy that symbol. You know, paralegals probably,

you know what's funny? Paralegals probably don't find that symbol interesting at all. They hate it. They're probably so sick of it. Yeah. But then for someone like you and I who doesn't ever get to see it. It's a treat to the eyes. Isn't that funny? And I don't even think it's on the iPhone.

I think if we were to try and text it to each other. Yeah. It might be. I don't know because it's so out of context. Yeah, it's feeling weird and such bold, aggressive. Yeah, I would need to see it on a contract But it feels almost right That one below it

Almost feels closer Like yeah, when it's like kind of No, no, no That's really interesting Yeah, see, it's hard to find Yeah, you don't even really know about it You don't even know how to begin to look for it I might have to like after this episode

Try and pull up a contract Oh those ones are right Next to legal Do those feel like it? Those feel like it? Those feel Those might be it. Now, what does this mean?

Law concept. No one cares about this, by the way. This is not going to hit for the fans. It's going to hit for, like, three other people. There's going to be like three paralegals watching this being, like, tell them. Finally. Anyway, we'll move on. But that is a great symbol.

Yeah. Now, I want to think of my favorite symbol. Probably, oh, you know what? And I hope this is okay to say with the disability community. but when they have the bathrooms for the handicapable bathrooms and they have the wheelchair guy but he's going fast as fuck

when he's like racing because they used to have the wheelchair person just sitting there kind of laxadaisical like I'm in a wheelchair but then now for the bathrooms they're like progressing with they have him like leaning forward and like racing because they are

can be very fast with like wind the chairs yeah yes and that's what I'm saying I really like that I think that I think the disabled community likes that New chairs, and I hope they do, because I really like it, and it made me think, like, they could be going really fast. Yeah, all those, it's like, um, at the, like, country western establishments, when the bathroom's, like, a little girl.

Yeah. And, like, a dress. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you can get really creative with simples. Yeah, it's almost always conservative the way that they, specifically, like, a restaurant I'd like to eat at. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, low hanging hog. It's like, all right.

They've gone further into gendering the bathrooms in a way that's like, no one needed it. And it's kind of sexual and threatening. Yeah. Really weird shit. Yeah, I do like it, though. But then I do too. I like to be able to just pass through. Yeah, and be like, now I'm a part of this culture for a moment. And then you go into like a leftist place, like a cool late night pizza join or like a coffee shop or something.

And then they've gone too far in another direction where it's like, we don't give a fuck. Just wash your hands. And it's like, okay. Like, we took the door off because we don't even care. what you're doing in there. We want to watch. And we want to see. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like they're all perverted in different ways. Yeah, the ones that are just, I've ever seen the lefty ones that are like, it'll be like three different aliens in different sizes and it's like, who cares, be nice? And I'm like, where do I pee? Yeah. Yeah. No, symbols can be very powerful, huh? Yeah.

What's your least favorite symbol? It's like such an obvious one. Oh, swastika? Yeah. Okay, least favorite symbol Gotta be swastika Yeah Yeah, it's down there, yeah

Well, I was thinking symbols Like that I could find on my iPhone I wasn't thinking like grand In that scenario, I guess Yeah, swastika's up there Although they said that This is every guy You know, back in the day

It actually was a symbol for peace Yeah, there's actually a Japanese symbol That's really similar It's like, well, I think we all know I did hook up with a guy who had a swastika tattoo and that was his reasoning before we go on are you going to want us to keep this in

I feel comfort yeah okay cool because I'm I didn't see that I didn't see his body see that tattoo and go I gotta have that I need him oh I need him it was revealed later and the reason I feel okay is because I'm half Jewish

you know so I feel like mom or dad dad and don't even you know you're setting me up You knew. And what difference doesn't make? Isn't it a pretty maternal lineage on that faith? That's what they say, but I'm like, okay. That's none of my business, by the way.

Yeah, thank you. I was Jewish for a couple weeks once. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I was Christian for a couple years. How was it for you? I love it. Oh, my God, youth group.

I don't want to go to adult church, but if I could go back to youth group, I would be there in a heartbeat. It really was fun. I love worshiping. I love Hosanna. I love Hillsong United Hill Song United Oh my God Oh I could just do it

Yeah Too bad about all their beliefs But the music is good Their music is good I love getting baptized I would do it again This was me wanting a bar mitzvah I also wanted a bar mitzv

Okay so you just like to hang out I love community Yeah yeah yeah yeah I love community Yeah you're not Christian You're just a good time Yeah Yeah I went to Christian sleepaway camp

Whoa Yeah I was always really really jealous of Jewish camps. So then... Summer camps. Yeah. And do you want me to keep that in?

And do you want us to keep that in? I was always really jealous of Jewish summer camps. Yeah. Yeah. Specifically. Jewish sleepaway camps, so fun. Yeah. And getting to have the experience of both, I will say, the Jews know how to camp better.

Really? Yeah. I never went to Christian sleepaway camp. It's like God is too involved. They're so obsessed with Jesus that it infiltrates every element of camp you can't wear a two piece bathing suit why because jesus yeah like what's he doing like why is he a fucking perver if he's going to get worked up about me in a two piece bathing suit i have no tits i'm in middle school yeah let me wear a two piece bathing suit totally i'm with you

jewish sleepaway camp you could just wear pasties little tassels on your tits they don't care they're like have fun yeah because you're a child yeah your child yeah who cares live it up that makes sense to me Oh, no one gets, no one was getting fingered at Christian sleepway camp. Really? Yes, because God is watching. Well, it's such a scary faith. Oh, my God. Someone cried at Christian sleepway camp because they had already had sex.

Yeah. And I'm like, tell us about it. I want to know. Oh, my God, it was so annoying. Yeah. But there was a lot of, there was a lot of stuff going down at the Jewish sleepaway camp. Not for me, but for other people, yeah. Okay, other people were loving fun.

I was observing that people were having a good time sexually. Wow. Yeah. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out online. And we know a little something about that. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business. You guys are all scaling some kind of business, right?

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know if that's true because i recently got oh she was spreading she was yeah yeah yeah people were like people were like she gave two hinges on the bowling island she's like they did like she loved it oh that's cool yeah she was cool because i met up with a friend from high school recently and she's like oh yeah you were like you were you were the girl who did anal and i was like excuse me what was that yeah dude there was a I vaguely remember there was well I know there was there was like a makeout spot in my hometown that was like an old cemetery yeah and everyone called it paradise

and it had been around for like generations like people's grandparents made out of paradise you know and one one year when I was in high school the cops the cops were like no more paradise you guys can't make out at the graveyard and the whole town got so mad that they just like backed off of it the whole like the adults were like let the kids make out of paradise. Why, why didn't they want people making out of paradise? I guess the cops were just like, we shouldn't be letting teens just go to the cemetery and like, and fuck around up there. It's like dangerous. They're leaving alcohol bottles or something. And then the parents

were like, come on, man. Cemetery's are a third space. Yes. We need more third spaces. Yeah. I think do you, okay, and I think you used it correctly. But do you think people, that was my first time using it. Yeah? Yeah. Okay, I was wondering because people, I don't think people are using it correctly. I don't know if I used it correctly. I've heard it. Well, you used it as like a joke in the correct way. People were being like, ugh, I love a third space. And then they're like out of restaurant. I'm like, is a restaurant a restaurant?

I think it's a restaurant. Yeah. I think third space is supposed to be like a place where you don't have to spend money to hang out, isn't it? I think so, yeah, like a place to gather. Yeah, like a gazebo in a park or something. Sure. Right. Yeah.

I also don't. A library? Yes. But you can be loud. No, but I don't think that's a requirement of third space. I feel like libraries need to do. from rebranding. Oh, yeah?

I feel like maybe, because I feel like people, you know, the third space is a term coined by U.S. sociologist Ray Oldenberg in his 1989 book, The Great Good Place.

It describes a place outside your home or work where you can relax and hang out. Your first place is your home, a private and domestic space. So maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm wrong. But I do think this happens

every once in a while. The culture gets really, the culture gets really hooked on one idea. Yeah. You just have to hear about it forever. Yeah. Like right now, this thing and I've been part of it and I actually really like it but there's I'm sure you've

heard the bunch that like the cost of community is inconvenience that's like everyone's on that right now yeah and then I don't see many people acting differently but but I like that phrase I think that's true but it's just got it's getting ubiquitous to a point now where I'm like all right now I'm feeling the need to be contrarian and annoying about it you know yeah yeah yeah and I feel like sometimes like phrases like that will be weaponized yeah where it's like you'll ask someone to like I I don't know, do something for you, take you to the airport, and they're like, oh, so you don't want community. I'll remember that when your house is burning. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, I was there when your baby was sick. Yeah. So, maybe take off work to take me to the airport. That's the cost of community. Yeah. Yeah, I think, I really like it as an idea. I wonder what it is in me that wants to stop hearing about it, though, you know? Because it's an idea that I do like.

Yeah. Maybe the phrasing. It feels like it would be on a wooden, like a wooden, it would be etched in wood and sold it Cracker Barrel. Yeah, not anymore. How you feel about that? I'm sad. Yeah. I love Cracker Barrel.

Really? I do. Oh, wow. I love, I love, I grew up in Southern California. I grew up in Long Beach. And so franchises and chains, like Cracker Barrel. yeah just didn't exist Waffle House and others

Marin Cracker Barrel Others others yeah They didn't exist so I feel like when I Travel and I see one I'm like I must go Yeah I must go That's really beautiful opposite for me Chain restaurants only existed And then when I got to like

Chicago and there were restaurants that were like farm to table Like cute chic restaurants I was like whoa that's crazy At first I hated them because I was like I don't know what none of these these are a blooming onion. Sure. I truly, when I first moved out of Missouri as like a 22-year-old, I was like, why would

we go to a restaurant that has tapas? Like, I don't understand how to eat that. I get an entree, we get a nap. Why would we have a restaurant where the menu is changing seasonally? Yeah. I want to have a familiar favorite. I want my favorite dish. I pick it out of season.

I don't want to look at the menu. Yeah, see, that's not a good way to eat, though, right? Totally. But that was my life. Yeah. Yeah. You understand? Yeah, I do.

Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do. Cracker barrel, here's what I'll say. And they have games at the table. By the way. Here's what I'll say about everyone getting bent out of shape about the rebrand.

Do I like the rebrand? No, I think it's ugly and hideous. But all these, like, left-wing people, the right-wing people are upset about it because they're like, we like when America was white, or whatever. That's their thing. They're like, it used to be okay to be a white man in a rocking chair or whatever. They've got the whole own thing with it. But then leftist people, when I make fun of the right-wing people, they're going,

they're going well you know stripping color and character from branding as part of fascism they're all really on that right now oh interesting they're like McDonald's being brown and gray now that's fascism I'm like you know we have actual fascism going on yeah it's not just your favorite restaurant looking a little bland there's like actual shit I'd like you to tap in on yeah but leftists are like taking up the mantle as mad as they're like no it's important that cracker barrel is a guy in a rocking chair I'm like we actively have troops going to cities you know what I mean yeah this is the only thing about fascism they want to talk about and I'm like are we this stupid Yeah, people who work for ice aren't walking into Cracker Barrel being like,

there's a charm. Oh, fuck, yeah. No, but I'm like, of course I agree. I miss when Taco Bell was goofy, you know, or whatever. But I'm like, you guys are only watching onto this one thing, and I find it annoying. Yeah, I think that's fair, and I support you finding that annoying. Thank you, dude. Yeah, I get that.

Thank you so much. I want the play pit at McDonald's. For sure. I miss birthday. at McDonald's. I had a birthday at McDonald's. It was like one of the best birthdays ever. It's really cool to do that. Ronald? When you get Ronald at your birthday?

Yeah. Oh my God. Kids are going crazy. That's really neat. And you play. We used to hang out at McDonald's in high school. Really? Oh yeah. We'd drive over there. It was right on the edge of town. Like after school? No, it was more like we'd be like a Friday night and we'd have nothing to do. So we'd be like, you guys want to walk around

Walmart and take pictures on our digital cameras. Fun. So we'd like put on like a moo-moomit for an old person and be like, And so we take a whole album of digital pictures. And then we're like, should we go hang out at McDonald's for a little bit and like share fries? Yeah. It was truly growing up in Missouri in 2012 was like living in the 1950s. That's amazing.

You guys want to have, you guys want to like drag down the strip and go have some milkshakes? See, Walmart's another one that I didn't grow up with. Whenever I see it, I'm like, I have to go in. And it is, it's gorgeous. I'm feeling so sad for you right now. In high school, I got my groceries, my tire. changed and my haircut at Walmart like every every time I needed those things that's so incredible haircut at Walmart yeah wow it was neat and the girls in there were sweet to me and is there like a

doctor at Walmart as well there's eye yeah I doctors I feel like doctors should start going into Walmarts and Costco's probably we probably should be putting doctors in Walmarts yeah just based on the clientele I would love to be able to see a doctor I just video chatted with a doctor yeah And it was so fun, and I'm like, doctors need to be more accessible and, like, outdoors. Actually, literally the least that Walmart could do for all the evils that they've done in this country, the Walton family is all in so much trouble when they die. But for all the evil they've done, the least they could do is put a doctor in every store and be like, hey, four hours a day, free checkups if you need them. I would love that.

That would cost them almost nothing and would be actually like such a, we actually, I think all of us would be like, nice, you know? What is this? Walmart health is close. Oh. June 2024 permanently closed. They're no longer seeing patience. I'd like to know how that program worked and why they closed it. There's no chance that the customers at Walmart didn't need to be getting the blood pressure checked.

Yeah. Ooh, I used to love that as a kid. Put my arm in the little sleeves. So fun. Isn't that fun? So fun. Feeling it squeeze and legitimately getting stressed out. Yeah.

I've been like, I'm going to be stuck here forever. Yeah. I live at CBS. Yeah. That's really scary. Yeah. But in all seriousness, corporations, I like. like you don't no I do but I think you're making a joke and I'm being serious you like

corporations I love corporations which ones are your favorites all of them all of them I think I'm so impressed by by teamwork and by like making something work efficiently even if it's through horrible ethics awesome perspective yeah yeah what's your favorite corporation you think For real. Really think about it. I will. I am. Name a couple corporations. BP Oil, Walmart, Apple. The oil ones, no.

Oil's gross to me. If gas stations were like a sexy place to be, like if it was like old school where people are filling up your gas and like everyone had like a fun outfit and maybe it was like the children urine for New Jersey. Yeah. Yeah. They're doing that out there. But they're not like being sexy about it.

No, you're right. They're actually pretty put upon. Like if it was kind of. like um sonic vibes where like they're on roller skates coming up to your window and you could also get like a milkshake then maybe i would love it but as of now the oil the big oil companies are not like doing it for me yeah what else did you say walmart apple target trying to think of the big corporations like black rock um i like i um i guess walmart yeah that's your big one yeah I guess so. I really am charmed when I see it. I love how many things they have. Yeah.

Prices are good. Yeah. You know, have you ever read the book Nickel and Dimed? it's written in like the late 90s early 2000s this writer from new york went undercover as like a low wage worker in like in like florida minnesota and maybe like road island a couple different states and she set out these rules for herself that she's like i won't dip into my actual money savings i won't i won't take my nice clothes i'm gonna go like really try and like make a living as a low wage worker she was kind of like i'm in new york and everyone talks about these like working poor people like these people that are like working full time but are still poor you know because it was at that time becoming kind of a new

thing and she went and did it in one of the places she worked maybe it was in florida she worked at a walmart and she uh wrote about she it's a really great book people should read it if they haven't but she wrote about all her different jobs and the part about the walmart was probably my favorite because it was so effed up it wasn't the most fucked up job she had but it was the most fucked up job she had was for a cleaning service i would say um but the walmart was just so like i mean that was in the 90s and they've only gotten better at their like exploitation of workers stuff they've like really perfected it. Do you think Superstore is propaganda?

Superstore. Superstore. I never saw it. I just started watching it. Ooh, was America Frera in that? America Ferreira. Nice. It's cute. Yeah.

And I'm so susceptible to propaganda. I'm like, I would love to work at a super store. Yeah. I do, I'm worried that you're susceptible to propaganda because you did just tell me you love corporations. I love corporations. Yeah. Oh my God.

Yeah. I'm not a good person. Yeah. But not because of my heart. Yeah. It's because of the world around me. I do think you have a good heart, and I would love to see you different. In terms of the corporation thing, you know?

No, and totally. No, and totally. You think you have a good heart and soul, and you're just in an evil world? Is that kind of what's going on? Yeah, totally, yeah. Yeah. Do you feel genuinely susceptible to, like, do you feel susceptible to, like, peer pressure? Yeah.

It depends what peer is pressuring me. Yeah, what could I get you? If it's a cool ass peer. What could I get you to do? You got me to not vape. You did still do it. And if I didn't respect, well, you allowed it. You gave me one free pass.

If I didn't respect you, I'd be like, well, I'm going to. I wouldn't have even asked. Yeah. You wouldn't have even come, probably. Yeah. We're recording this at 9 a.m. Yeah. Which I don't know if that's tough for you, but.

Well, I requested earlier. Yeah, you did. It was originally 930. Yeah, I noticed that. Yeah. Good morning. Good morning. Hey.

The morning princess. Are you a morning person? I can be. Okay. Nice. Yeah, I woke up at seven. Why? Because I had to walk my dog.

I had to put my gorgeous face on. Yeah. Well, you do look stunning. Thank you. I am as I get older, getting better at, like, I used to, like, if my first thing was at 10 a.m., I'd sleep right up until I needed to get up to shower and do the thing. I am starting to understand old people a little bit as I get closer to them of, like, getting up two hours before you need to be. To be like, let me have my time.

this is my time. I'm going to read. I'm going to do my coffee. I'm going to be slow. Because you know what happened? I'd need to be somewhere at 10. It means I got to leave at 9.30. It means I got to get in the shower by 9. That's all if I rush. So I get up at 8.55 and then guess what would happen some of the times? 20 minute poop? No. You know those mornings where you planned everything down to the minute, especially when you need to go to the airport? Yeah. You planned everything down to the minute and then you wake up and you sit down to poop and you're like, oh no, this isn't a four-minater. This is 23 minutes and I'm out of emails.

I don't want to, like, brag, but I'm a quick pooper. No, me too, normally, but I'm saying sometimes, does the long one ever sneak up on you? Occasionally. Like, your tummy really hurts? Occasionally. And you, like, smoked weed and ate a little something you shouldn't have before bed. But I'm also, I can hold one in for a long time. I won't do that.

I love it. I love, like, poop edging. Oh, my God. I didn't like the way it came out. Yeah. But I mean what I said. Yeah. You like holding in.

your poops. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, like building. Okay. What else you want to talk about? Anything else. Anything else. Well, you're a woman in comedy. Yeah. How's that? It's good. The guys cool, or? Guys are fine. Yeah. I feel like I've aged out of, like, being, like, creeped on. I feel like when I first started and was doing open mics. true and really sad but yeah it's definitely true you did your first open mic when you were 17 i think so yeah yeah but then but then i didn't actually start again until like a year or two later so i was like 18 or 19 when i actually started yeah and the only people who were really actually like legitimately gross for like other loser open micers yeah except for a few other like actual comics yeah and you feel like you've aged out of that um yeah i've aged out of it

That sounds like men, yeah. Yeah, I feel like I've gotten too smart. They're like, oh, she knows how this works now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That you don't seem like an easy mark. Mm-mm. Yeah, that's really scary and crazy. Yeah.

It's kind of sad. More than kind of, yeah. No, I mean, like, no one's pervin on me. Oh, okay. It's a little bit sad. Totally, I would love for you to get on. Also, the actual purving is sad. I've talked about this on here before, I'm pretty sure,

but I have gone through this phenomenon with several gay guys that I know that when they were 20 everyone was trying to fuck them all the time free drinks, free food, free trips, free whatever just like attention, attention, attention. And then you age out of that because we have a sick society that's like age obsessed and body obsessed

and that's all, yeah, it's a million different phobias and weird things wrapped into one. But then you age out of it. And the aging twink who's not like in mass desirable anymore is one of the, it's like a cornered rat. Yeah. You have to be very careful.

They could go any, They're very scared and they're out of resources. Yeah. It's very scary for them. And I'm being half kidding and half sincere. They don't know how to operate because they're like, I've always been so desired. Yeah. And that was my lifeblood.

And now I'm not desired. And I'm like, oh, well, I never got that kind of attention in mass. I got it plenty here and there. But I never got it as like my constant everyday thing. So I'm chilling as I get older. That's so true. My thing's only getting better and better. And it's been interesting to watch.

And I don't say this in any way of being happy about it. I'm really, like, worried for some of these people that I like. But it would be very hard to deal with that, to deal with, like, the taking away of, like, it's like that study they did where you smile, if a baby smiles at you and you don't smile back, they start crying. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? It's like you're getting this positive feedback all the time.

It's a positive feedback loop of, you're so sexy, we want you, we want you, we want you. And then all of a sudden, you're the cryptkeeper. Yeah. Yeah, because it's like when you're the hot person, it's like you're getting invited on boats. literally you're just but but it's like it wasn't even in the plan like you just happen to be near body of water and someone's like get on my boat yeah and then you age out of it or whatever happens happens and then you're like booking yourself a carnival cruise yeah to have just a semblance of what once was yeah and that yeah i love a cruise that's a corporation i can

get behind carnival any cruise line you ever not carnival carnival's a little bit two commercially. Like, they almost... You're like a DIY cruise. I feel like they give away free tickets. Carvel? Yeah, I feel like they're like, buy three, get one free. Oh, are they?

Like, there's a little bit too much of a discount happening. I did just see a Japanese cruise I really want to go on. Yeah. I saw this article that was like small luxury cruises. Yes. And there was this Japanese one that goes down a big river in Japan. And it was like a boutique cruise. Like a boat that's like, but it's like a five-star hotel on the boat.

And it's not for, like, big deck parties with pools and shit. It's, like, very sleek. It's luxury. Luxury, like, quiet. Like, it's meant for, like, reading and eating incredible sushi. And, like, there's maybe, like, 30 people on the boat or something. Yes. I want to do that.

That's, like, the boat on the triangle of sadness. Triangle of Sadness I did not see. What happens in that? They're on a boat and everyone's hot and it's good. There must be something more based on the title. There is more, yeah. It's been a while, though. Okay, well, don't spoil it, because maybe I'll see it.

It's good. It's chaos ensues, let me tell you. Yeah, I believe you, too. Yeah. And Harris Dickinson isn't it? So, that's actually a young man that I need pretty bad. Yes. Oh, I thought you were going to go in a different way.

Yeah, he... He's so hot. He, I... Oh, my God, yeah. Yeah, he's really hot, and he knows it, and it's great. My mouth is salivating. That's okay. I've spent time on his Instagram.

He's in a beautiful relationship. He's had this girlfriend for a long time. I've spent time on his Instagram is so funny, dude. I've logged some hours on his Insta. He's in a long-term relationship. Yeah. You know, I'm a real Harris Dickinson's Sand because he, my favorite movie of his is Beach Rats.

Do you know this one? Really, really good indie movie that he did before. before all the other stuff. And he's incredible in it. Of course he is. He's incredible in it. And what's so annoying about him is I feel like I have a chance. Well, you, he should want you, but I just, you guys don't know each other and he has a

beautiful girlfriend that you know about. So I'm like, what do you mean by that? Like him as a person, like, also I picked off my lip and it's bleeding. Let me see. I don't see anything. I can taste it. Well, it's probably just not much to you, but there's no, you don't look like it. You didn't even have to say it.

I just, okay, I wasn't sure if I was, like, just fully bleeding and you guys were like... No, if you, if you, well, don't worry. We just put out an episode where I have fucking donut on my face the whole episode. No. No. No one said anything to me. No one said anything to me. Giant chocolate chunk of donut on the side of my face. Yeah, no one says anything to me.

Everyone getting paid. Everyone getting paid to work on the show. Wow. No one says anything. People, people getting paid plenty of work on this show. I know you would have, and you don't even get paid here. My friend sitting across me doing the interview. But maybe that's why. Yeah. Wow. Complacency. They're on the government teat.

They're getting complacent over there because they're on the government teat. They're just getting fat off of government bread and cheese. And now they don't want to tell their they don't want to tell their old friend, because now I'm boss. You know? Now they want to see me, they want to see me look foolish in front of everyone. Because they don't remember when we were just friends. Now I'm their boss, you know? And they fear and revile me. It's really sick stuff.

I think you have a chance. Good wake up call, though. I know. Good wake up call. Well, I don't have friends anymore. Mm-mm. You have, you have employees. I have employees.

Everyone's on the payroll. Yeah. And they want to see me look stupid. Mm-hmm. I don't watch your fall. I look like a fucking fool and they delight in it. You're the next cracker barrel. They're taking away all your shine.

Yes. They're going to, I'm a white man in a rocking chair, and they're going to replace me with a letter. Yeah. You're going to replace me with a typeface. Uh-huh. It's sick. I've been nothing but good. to these people you know it's really sick why were there donuts i got hungry okay it's

there's no donuts today oh i it's not like a in studio like so so i would be happy to get you a donut number one when we finish this and number two this isn't like i brought donuts for the guest it's like on my way over to the studio i ate a donut while i was walking yeah but i'd be more than i just wasn't sure if there was like donuts somewhere in here and i just hadn't discovered them yet you know maybe i don't treat my guests and my staff well enough maybe i maybe that's why that people let me look like job of the fucking hut on the last episode maybe i maybe maybe that's on me you're a chocolate donut guy um starting with the man in the mirror yeah i'd be happy to eat many kinds of donuts but if there's a chocolate donut i'm to have no problem going into that what's

your first pick donut my number one donut all time glazed plain glazed really because when you do it Right. It's the perfect donut. It's a classic for a reason, Alie. Yeah. But I also like a cake donut, a chocolate cake donut. Okay. With like sprinkles? No. No sprinkles. Sprinkles pissed me off. Okay. Because guess what I did recently? Purely a nostalgia play. I'm at the ice cream. I see the ice cream truck going by. I go, ah! He stops. I run over there with my friend. We get ice cream. And I go, you know what? Vanilla comb with sprinkles.

Because it's classic. From an ice cream truck? Please, dude. Hey, like a vanilla cone. Dude, please, please, please. I'm trying to explain to you. It's an iconic image, Allie. The vanilla cone with the sprinkles is like,

that's what you think of when you think of ice cream imagery, right? Yeah, but not from an ice cream truck. I think popsicles. Bondike bars. Spongebob with a fucked up face. Right, right, right. But this is the iconic image, and I was trying to be classic, you know? Yeah, I get it.

And I know, but what I'm saying is the reason I'm feeling so upset towards you right now is because I agree with you. I fucked up. It was disgusting. Yeah. It should, just have a vanilla cone probably would have been great, but those sprinkles tastes like shit. Yeah, I bet it all tasted like plastic. I can like, I can like taste what a ice cream truck cone would taste like, and it's not...

No. It's not going to be good. And it was upsetting to me, because the sprinkles are such an iconic image of play. Do you feel like you ordering that cone with sprinkles was, like, performative? I think it was. That's what I'm gathering, because you're like the imagery of it, whatever. I was trying to have a moment. Yes.

You know? I relate to this. I'm always trying to have a moment. Do you know? Yes. I relate deeply to that. I'm always trying to have a moment. I'll order something or like do something that's not in my best interest or what I want.

But I'm like, but it will look cuter or more fun. And it'll feel. Like I can't even listen to music normal. Like if I'm driving and the windows are down and I'm listening to a song, I'm not even, sometimes I'm not even capable to just listen to the song. I'm like, God, it's so beautiful the way that this. all looks and feels that you're doing this, you know? And I'll sometimes in the middle of a song

be like, I really want to hear a different song right now, but this one feels like what it's supposed to be playing for this. Yeah, totally. Do you know, I'm trying to like, I'm trying to feel like I'm in a moment at all times. And along those lines, if my windows are rolled down and I'm listening to a song, I have to put my hand

out the window and maybe do one of these. Yeah. Just so people in the cars around me know she's having a good day. Yes. Yeah. I love that. I do have to do that but it's not as i've it's not it's not um it's hard it's really it's not easy it's like you have to put effort into doing this well i feel like a scientist sometimes so i put my hand like this yeah and it's really hard it's pushing my hand then i'll go and then i'll go and then i'll go

switch up yeah and it gets a little easier and then i'm like i'm a low-key a scientist yeah yeah yeah yeah or i'll be like this and i'll be like ow wow you've mastered physics yeah and then i feel like whoa you're so smart what do you think's going on inside of a dog's mouth when he's Out of a car window. I don't know. Probably, it's got to be fun, wouldn't you think? Yeah. Because they love doing it.

Maybe it's really scary that they do that kind of. Because that's kind of, that's a lot of wind coming at you. Wow. And it's not a this or a this. It's a this. Yeah. Ali, um, we got something for you here, my friend. Okay.

Oh, okay. Chances started to phone it in a little bit. I've got multiple papers on here. Uh-oh. All right Virginia started to phone it in a little bit Oh, that's so funny No, you know what's so funny

This is different than it usually is And it's because Virginia did it today And by the way, the reason is I may chance be late Because he was, I was his ride God, you know what? I'm the problem I'm the reason I had the donut on my face

So, Allie, we're going to play a game with you This is true or false Don't look at these, okay? Okay Did you already look at some? No, I can't. I can't read. Okay.

It's not, my eyes are fine. I just can't read. This is true or false. Okay, I'm going to read you 15 statements. Yay. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if you think what I just said is true or false. And if you get 10 or more correct, we're going to give you 50 U.S. dollars. Oh, okay.

Yeah, huge. Okay, you ready? Yeah. Okay. Verbo is older than Airbnb. True. True. The world's first animated feature film was made in Argentina. True.

True. It takes a drop of water 90 days to travel the entire Mississippi River. False. True. There are no Olive Gardens in New York City. True. False. There's one in Times Square. Cal State San Marcos' mascot is the Bobcats. I went there.

So answer. No, we weren't the Bobcats. False. False. It's the Cougars. Oh my God, you scared me. That's right. Limes don't float. What? Limes don't float.

False. True. Filled of the Future ran for five seasons. Oh my God, true. False, too. What? A cow bison hybrid is called a beefalo. False.

True. Of course. Of course. There's only one laugh factory location east of the Mississippi River. I don't know. False. True. Bert and Ernie are characters on the Muppet show.

Yes, true. False. I'm not even listening. False. Sesame Street. Bees can fly high. higher than Mount Everest. True.

Yeah, of course. You're getting so mad at me. Courtney Cox is a former Miss Alabama winner. True. False. Arizona was the 48th state admitted to the union. I don't know. True.

You hate giving away $50, don't you? Abraham Lincoln owned and operated a bar. Yeah. True. The song Pink Pony Club. came out in 2023. No. False.

False. It was. It was 2020. How'd she do? Okay. Nice. That's okay. You wanted to piss me off.

Yeah. I've never seen someone get so mad. I don't think. Maybe Ego. Ego got mad. I love games. Yeah. And I love winning games.

Do you want me to tell you something? You're getting paid regardless. So don't sweat it. Don't sweat it. You won. I want to win. You won regardless. Do you have any more games?

Do you have games on your phone? I'm not going to have you play games on my phone. Well, I can't vape. I can't play games. You got one game to play, and you did really bad. Yeah, I want to play. I want more. Can we do quip-lash or something?

Do you have heads up? I actually would love to play quip-lash with you, for real. Oh, my God, I would love to play quip-plash with you, for real. Oh, my God, I would love to play. I think we'd have a lot of fun with that. Yeah. Get stoned and play Quiplash? Oh, yeah.

Come on. Okay. Or what's the one where you make shirts? What? Oh, that's like draw lash or something. It's like part of the Lash family. I like those. Someone always draws 9-11.

That's crazy. I've never played the draw one. Or I think I played it once. I don't like. I like Quipash. Yeah, you're more of a cerebral player. Yeah. Yeah.

Wait, who? Oh, okay, yeah. What? Nothing. Allie, what? Nothing. Allie, what's so true to you? I don't...

I feel like I've really set myself up to be viewed in a certain way. But, like you said, it's kind of like I'm doing this to myself. Like, I have to look in the mirror. I don't... No one needs to shower every day. Oh, gasped. Yeah. You guys work behind a couple.

Computer. Why are you stinky? Why do you need a shower? What are you doing? I agree with you. I think if you don't work a job with your hands, if you're not part of like a union of some sort, you're probably fine to skip a day of showering. Yeah. I don't do a lot during the day. Totally, dude. What do I need to wash off? Yeah, I get it. I'm with you. There's no need to be embattled. You're totally safe here. Thank you. You're totally safe here. I don't know. know what the internet's going to do to you. I can't speak to that. I think my stinky girls will find me.

Yeah. I bet you know what's... And they'll stand behind me and support me in my sweaty pits. I bet there's a lot of people that feel this way and do this, but don't want to speak on it. You're probably giving voice to millions. Thank you. You're probably giving voice to millions right now. It's, yeah, it's not going to be good for what is said about white people.

No, and I know that. Yeah, this has been levied against us quite a bit. Yeah. So you're taking white people back a step, but... Yeah. whatever. This is a, this is a particular type of white person. Hashtag not all white people. Yeah. Me.

Yeah. Not all white people, just me. Just me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that. That's beautiful. Well, Allie, it was a delight to have you on. It was so nice. I really, really, really like you, and I'm really glad you were able to come in here. Thank you for having me. Go Cougars. Cal State San Marcos forever. What would you like to tell people about where they can find you and how they can support you? Ali Makovsky.com or not Ali Mac on social media.

Nice. Thanks for coming in, dude. Thanks for having me. We did it, Ali. That was a Headgum podcast. What's up, everybody? I'm Kyle Mooney. And what's up, everybody?

I'm Beck Baun. And man, we got something to tell you. Oh, yeah, we definitely do. Yes, it's a brand new podcast on HeadGum. That's right. And it's called What's Our Podcast? Yep. And that's because we, we.

don't have a single idea what our podcast you'd be about. Yeah, we don't. So we actually have guests come on and they tell us what they think our podcast should be about and then we try it. Yep. Guests like Mark Maren, Jack Black, Brini Brosky, Caper Lan, Bobby Moynihan, Meg Stalter and Tim Balls.

Landon Axler. Jony McGrath. And Dender. And Dender. New episodes release every Wednesday. So subscribe to what's our podcast. On YouTube or any of your favorite podcast platform. Yeah.

I'm going to go do it right now. Hi, I'm Alana Hope Levinson. And I'm Dan O'Sullivan. And this is The Outfit, the new podcast from Higher Ground and Headgum. We're two journalists who are slightly obsessed with the mob and organized crime and other nefarious stuff like that. Every week, we're going to bring you a story about a mobster. Some you've heard of. Some you definitely haven't.

But all of them are going to help explain why America is like this. See, the mob explains all sorts of things, from milk expiration dates to why we got into Cuba to Las Vegas. Gay bars. Who knew? Who knew? The mobs involved. All that and more. Subscribe to the outfit wherever you get your podcasts and watch video episodes on YouTube. New episodes

every Thursday.