So True with Caleb Hearon - Amy Miller Wants to Be Invisible

Episode Date: November 21, 2024

Hello, folks! This week’s guest is the hilarious Amy Miller! Amy and Caleb talk about turning 30, Amy’s mother’s questionable financial choices, Last meals, Time Travel, and so much more! Get tickets to see Caleb, Waxahatchee, and more at YeeHaw: A Benefit Show for Kansas City Presented by KC Tenants on November 23rd at The Midland in Kansas City, Missouri: https://www.midlandkc.com/events/detail/670783 Can’t make it to KC for the show? Donate to KC Tenants here: https://kctenants.org/donate Subscribe to our YouTube channel for full video episodes! Join our Patreon for an exclusive extended interview with Amy and other bonus content! Follow Amy! @amymillercomedyFollow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud For thousands of unique gifts & 15% off your first order, visit UncommonGoods.com/sotrue Go to Zocdoc.com/SOTRUE and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today About Headgum: Headgum is an LA & NY-based podcast network creating premium podcasts with the funniest, most engaging voices in comedy to achieve one goal: Making our audience and ourselves laugh. Listen to our shows at https://www.headgum.com. » SUBSCRIBE to Headgum: https://www.youtube.com/c/HeadGum?sub_confirmation=1 » FOLLOW us on Twitter: http://twitter.com/headgum » FOLLOW us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/headgum/ » FOLLOW us on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum So True is a Headgum podcast, created and hosted by Caleb Hearon. The show is produced by Chance Nichols with Associate Producer Allie Kahan and Executive Producer Emma Foley. So True is engineered by Casey Donahue and engineered and edited by Nicole Lyons. Kaiti Moos is our VP of Content at Headgum. Thanks to Luke Rogers for our show art.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a head gum podcast. She's always been a great cook, but she just like wasn't around when I was a kid. Do you like that she was. She was. Partying. I know it's really sad. Yeah.

My dad died and then she used his pension to buy a red Mazda Miata and two seats, four kids. Um... Um... Um... Um... Um... Um... Um... Um... Um...

Um... Um... Um... Um... Um... Um... Um... Um...

Um... Um... Um... Um... Um... Um... Um... We're on the move. So you never see me and I never see you. What do you think that's about? I'm two hours late. Yeah, you're very late to the recording. I wanna see you so much more. Why don't you? I'm gonna be in town more in the next few months. I moved.

I know. Okay. So I'll see you out there. So I'll see you out on the road. I can see you out in Kansas City. You can come to Kansas City. I'd love for you to come to Kansas City. I have family there, as you know.

I do know that, but you don't like them. I love them so much. Nice, nice. Yeah, yeah. I was just making something up for fun. But I typically don't travel when it's not for making money Yeah, well you love money. I Don't have any. I've always said about you. You love money. I think I would really enjoy it in the Abstract of me ever having it. When I think about me having money, I see a person who enjoys it You do it looks good on you.. You know, money's been nice. Can I have some? Yeah, of course. Oh, good. Okay. You guys are showing up on time though. It was tough to park. Traffic.

Oh my God. I'm pretty sure we have a spot for you. I think- And that comes in the invitation as well. No, no, it was taken. What? I know. Oh my god. I read all the instructions. I know that about you. First thing I'll buy with the money- When the money comes?

The abstract money, a helicopter. You'll get a helicopter. Just to get places on time in this town. Could I convince you to buy property instead? Oh, well it is, you can live in it. The helicopter. Yeah. And you would knowing you.

That's the first, I've bought one new car in my life ever and the first thing I did was crawl into it to lay down at the dealership. Oh. And they were like, are you planning to live in it? Yeah, they were like, Connie. I just wanna see if it's feasible. Right.

Just in case. Seems like a lot of money to spend you got that tattoo At my party. I got this tattoo at your party. What does it mean? I don't know couldn't tell you by Geo It was the one that I picked though by howdy cowboy Yeah, it's it's and this one. I just really like television. You do love television I love one thing about you. Oh, you love television. I'd love to work on it. I would love. One day. Someone give us a ring.

I know. God. Brother, sister comedy. Me and you. Constantly fighting. Do you think brother and sister, me and you? What, would it be a romantic involvement? I was kind of hoping.

Mm-hmm. It would be kind of good. A May December. A gay December. A gay December. You've done lesbianism a time or two? Yeah. What got you out of it? Yeah, I haven't rolled it out.

I told my boyfriend that he would probably be the last man I ever dated and he was like, aw, that's sweet. And I was like, you missed. You missed a word in that. You missed, yeah. Yeah. Current boyfriend. Yeah.

Still boyfriend. Yeah, we live together. Really beautiful. Oh, thank you. That's nice. How boyfriend. Yeah, we live together. Really beautiful. Oh, thank you. That's nice. How is it? He's really sweet. Um, it's good. I'm, you know, I'm readjusting to having a man live in my space. But, as men in spaces go, pretty good one. Because men in spaces can be so tough.

Oh my god, like living with a wild animal. Yeah. Mm-hmm. But you've caged one. You got one you like. I keep him tied up and he likes it. Do you know I was just talking to Chance about earlier today? Was that the question came up, how did I meet you? And I was like, oh, Amy helped me set up my first show in LA.

That's right. At the Lyric. Wow. You helped me out and then you- Still waiting for my commission on that one. You want your $200? I'll send it your way. And then have me on your podcast with Steve. Wow, you helped me out and then you're waiting for my commission. Oh, no, you want your $200 I'll send it your way And then have me on your podcast with Steve. Yes, we met in Chicago. We did

and Fell in love right away. Don't have deeply and quickly. I knew you'd be a great success Oh, when do you think that's gonna happen? It was a good investment. What do you think that's gonna happen? We're watching it. Give me I want to I want to someone to make us trust to a statue of me Who's gonna make a statue of me? It's a supermoon tonight. This is a good time to like tonight's supermoon manifest What does that mean? I don't know. Oh, I Know that people who want to see the comet are very frustrated by the light of the supermoon It makes it harder to see the comet.

Fuck. I know there's a lot of celestial shit going on right now. I don't know anything about any of it. Yeah. I don't know about astrology. But you're happy to sort of repeat it. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Well, I do love a super moon. I, I know that it does change when my period starts. The moon. Yeah. Never feel more like an animal. The moon changes when my period starts. The moon. Yeah, never feel more like an animal. The moon changes when your period starts? Well, I'm not the only one. I'm not a werewolf. Yeah, periods are so fascinating to me.

I know. Bad deal. Oh, it's awful. I mean, I've known for years I wasn't going to have kids. So what do I need any of this for? You don't have any kids. No. Not for you. It's a little late. Not for Amy Miller. They would have needs if I have them now. And don't they all? And how precious, right? But it's just a little late for me. I don't think it's ever too late. Thank you.

Why, because of Edie Falco? Exactly. Oh yeah, the Edie Falco rule. Lest we all forget. If you have success from the Sopranos, you can have children later in life. That's, hello. Ever heard of it?

In your 50s. What are you gonna manifest with this moon? Hopefully like a very relaxing winter of gaining knowledge, seeing friends, and doing fun activities. Are you gonna stay in town? Oh, well, most of it, yeah. Yeah.

Not probably for Christmas. I don't know, there's a lot of drama going on in my family. In the Bay? Yes. A lot of drama in the Bay? Yes, always. Now, for those who are uninitiated, you're from the Bay Area.

Mm-hmm, born in San Francisco. Born in San Francisco, there for a while, then you lived in Portland briefly. Yep, three years. Three years, and then you moved to LA. I moved to New York York and then I moved to LA. You moved to New York? Yeah. I didn't even know that. How long were you in New York? How are you liking it? New York, I'm loving it. It's not eating you alive. Well, it couldn't eat me alive. I never felt that way either. Yeah, it would have when I was 20. Toughen up. Toughen up and also I gotta say, if you have

if you have any kind of financial stability, New York is wonderful. Yeah, of course. Because these things that people are people are stressed out about they're like, oh the trains delayed. I'm like, yeah, I'll take a car I'm sorry. It's just gonna be fine. I'm gonna be okay on the train. I know that not get on the train if it's delayed I'm not waiting on it. I would rather walk. I'm biking everywhere. I love it bicycling everywhere Wow, which I used to do in Chicago and I kind of forgot that I loved it Yeah, because LA is a nightmare city. Where you always, Oh, too scary. LA is so beautiful, but you can't bike anywhere.

The people who bike here are crazy to do it. It's really, and people think it's more dangerous in New York, but everything, biking, walking, driving there, feels safer and more logical. They're more European in their deference to bicyclists and walkers. They do stop a little bit more. They'll honk, but they'll stop while they're doing it.

LA, I saw myself, I noticed how I was driving in LA yesterday and I said, this isn't right. This isn't me. The way I'm driving is not safe. I could have killed that person. But it's just something about LA. I might've, I really, no I didn't. I saw how I was behaving behind the wheel in LA.

As soon as I touched back down and I said, this isn't right. There's a coordination in New York where, because most of the drivers are professional drivers, right? So if you like get in there with your amateur driving, there's like, people are working together. Yeah. You know, even the pedestrians,

you're coming through an intersection, New Yorkers are waving, keep going, we got it. I'm not gonna let you hit me You're not gonna. Yeah, let's just keep everything moving and in LA. It's like every Motherfucker for themselves if you were a car what kind of car do you think you'd be? Probably a Jeep Grand Wagoneer really? Wood paneling older forest green older with the wood. Oh, yeah, yeah tan camel leather seats.

Ooh. Yeah. I'd love to be in there. Something John Candy would be seen driving. Well you know I'm- I'm John Candy. I'm trying to be John Candy. Would you mind not doing that?

I'm trying to take over- You're not pure enough. Whoa. I know. I know. You don't think I'm pure enough? No, he's so pure of heart and mind. You don't find me to be pure of heart and mind?

I think you're motivated by sex, drugs, and money. Two out of three ain't bad. Yeah, two out of three ain't bad. I think I'm pure of heart and mind. I think, yeah, I don't think you're gonna turn, like have a heel turn, but I think that John Candy was, I don't know, he was more guarded and just innocent.

Wow. Yeah, and you're like, can be scary. A deviant, you find me to be scary. No, no I don't. No, say more about that. Who do you think is scared by me? Whoever you decide should be. That's really nice. I like that actually.

We're the same that way. You can be scary. Thank you. I would never fear you, but I could see why one would. You have no reason to. I wouldn't. Not ever ever. I'm on the good side. I'm here to protect you. You'll protect me. Yeah. Of course. You're my guardian angel in many ways. Yeah. And during the Supermoon, you know, I pray for you. Yeah, of course.

Of course, when the supermoon is here, you pray for me. Like a good friend. Because your period's getting weird and you've got things to think about. It just starts early when the moon comes out. Really? Yeah, it's gonna start tonight. I'll text you.

Send me a pic. I definitely will. Send me a pic. I do keep track of all my friends' periods just in case any of them try to lie to the government about their moves. Someone's being a bitch. I go, I go, someone says I'm bitching, I go hold on May 12th. I do track

But there's not there's no apps for like people who want to track because we don't want children. We just want to know what's going on. So the app will often be like, congrats, your period's late. And I'm like, no, that's not the goal here. No, thank you. No, yeah. Does it tell you when you're ovulating? Yes.

How does that feel? What's it like to ovulate? Okay, you know those nights, days, whatever, where you just feel like I'm so hot today and I could convince anybody to do anything? Yes. Yes, most of your days. I have a lot of those days lately.

Last year or so, I'm raking those days in. Ovulation is peak that. You feel just sexy and on top of it? Yeah, and you can feel when it's happening even if you're not tracking it. There's some period habers in the room, yeah. Yeah, oh, the best sets I've ever had. I'm like, I'm a puppet master.

Yeah. Like this audience doesn't even know, they think I'm extra funny because I drop a fucking egg. Yeah. And they can smell it. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

That part, I shouldn't have said that. Yeah, I didn't have said that. Yeah, I didn't like that. But they can sense it and they want to fertilize me. That's another, yeah. They're getting stronger and more powerful because I don't have that many left. Right, okay. I have rare precious eggs.

At 27, yeah. You did just turn 27. Thank you. Congratulations. Thanks, I feel good. Yeah. Yeah. Beautiful. I feel good. Yeah. Beautiful. I can't wait to start working on my 401k.

Yeah, well, get to work. Yeah, I love that. Yeah. No, no, I have a latent 403B floating out somewhere. You worked in tech. I worked in nonprofit. You worked in tech as well, did you not? Yeah, but I don't have that 401k anymore.

Nice, you've spent that. Entertainment is expensive. It's expensive to perform. Yes. They take our money. You should see the way musicians are living. Have you paid attention to the way these people are touring? I know, I have one in my house.

Not making a dime. They don't make a dime. I know. My musicians friends go, oh, we're not making anything on the ticket sales. Hopefully we make it up on merch. Make it up on merch! You gotta buy merch, you gotta. Merch is supposed to be the fun part. Hopefully we make it up on merch. Make it up on merch! You gotta buy merch, you gotta. Merch is supposed to be the fun part.

My t-shirt drawers are packed. Yeah. With shirts I'm never gonna wear. You're so real. I should've just handed the cash to my friend. You're one of the realest people alive. I love to buy friends merch. You're really very real.

I don't have any Caleb merch yet. Yeah, yeah, it's sick. You know, cause I like to get it in person. I refuse to go online. Yeah, well it's not like I haven't had a show in the last couple, yeah, it's sick. You know, because I like to get it in person, I refuse to go online. Yeah, well it's not like I haven't had a show in the last couple years that you could have come to, eh? Well, we're in different towns a lot of the time. Yeah.

And you know, the stuff of my period being weird, it's. Oh. Hard to get out to a show, huh? Some nights it is hard to get out to a show. What, all nights for me, what comedians do you have merch for that you don't have, but you don't have mine? I have Blair's merch. I heard best selling extra Hernandez that hurts a lot. I'm way funnier than him. I'm way funnier than him. Yeah See the fucking hack I can't believe you have his merch. I know I love you Steve. I'll sex stuff and yeah, oh yeah Marie

Yeah, God, would you ever do Polly?? Uh yeah. I'm trying to do it right now. I'm trying to get my boyfriend to do it. Just to give my pussy a break. Okay. I know. Your boyfriend has a big dick. We talked about it. I don't know if there's currently a word for that. Or you just want one person to Polly. So what's the plan? And then I'll just like. He's gonna fuck other people

and you're gonna just relax on those nights? Is that the idea? Yeah, yes, yes. Watch Selling Sunset or whatever. And just like let my pussy breathe. I'm so exhausted. And my skull. By knowing progressive people.

You would never, you're a monogamous. Your skull is tired? Yeah. Well, I, yeah, I don't have that big of a head. You know. What's he doing to your head? Skull. He's skull. No, he's gentle.

He's wonderful, but you know, I like to do a good job. I love him. He cooks and stuff. So you're, yeah, you're yeah, you're you're tossing some neck his way after yeah I have started to feel like um And I'm sorry that I started to do a bit about it I'm not doing a bit at you, but I have started to feel like blowing man is a little old-timey. Yeah antiquated how do you mean just seems like a little old timey. Yeah.

Antiquated. How do you mean? Just seems like very antique and animalistic. Like we should have a solution for that by now. That's not my skull. Yeah, okay. Like. I'm waiting to hear more, yeah I like this.

I do it, you know, I'm a good girlfriend. I do it for the exchange or whatever. Yeah. And cause he deserves it. He's a wonderful man. Yeah. But like, I don't think, you know, I think men should blow each other.

That's great. That's awesome. Agreed. Please. Please, you deserve each other. Big agree. Think you'll marry him? Yeah.

I think, thank you, Mariam. Thank you, Mariam. He's a suitor. Yeah, I think we will get married. Nice. Yeah, but- Don't invite me. I'm not, please come.

Do it in a private ceremony or something. I've had it with these weddings. Please. I've had it. I have to fly, I have to come to North Dakota because you fell in love, god damn it. I know, give up a weekend of work. I have just had it. I have to fly. I have to come to North Dakota because you fell in love. God damn it I know give up a weekend of work. I have just had it. They're always exactly when stand-up happens I'm like no, but they're really beautiful. I have to have dinner with your aunt because you fell in love You know awesome and when was the last time you flew in for one of my shows by the way never

I've had very big career moments. You've never flown in for but now I'm saying I give cuz you fell in love I do think we should I do you've never flown in for, but now I'm supposed to buy a gift because you fell in love. I do think we should get gifts for another occasion. I just think it's not likely that I'm necessarily gonna have a wedding or have kids, maybe I will, I would be open to both, but I just think it's really silly that people get, heteronormative people, but now gay people have started doing it,

people who, they have a wedding and they expect you to drop everything for it, and I go, when have you dropped everything for me? I know. Like really, when have you spent round trip flight money, bought a suit, like come and spend a whole evening having dinner with me and my people, and given your whole weekend, sometimes your whole week,

to an event for me, I have events all the time. I'm gonna do that. You're gonna come to one of my shows? Yeah, just for like a chief's game or whatever. You've never come to my show? And I am gonna wear a suit. I'm not coming to your wedding. I've seen you. I've been to your shows, but I'm saying I'm gonna get a plane ticket. I'm gonna come to Kansas City.

What's your favorite joke of mine? What's up guys? It's me, Caleb. November 23rd in Kansas City, Waxahatchee and I are co-hosting a bunch of our friends, comedians, and musicians at the Midland. We are in the middle of the city. We're gonna be doing a show. We're gonna be doing a show.

We're gonna be doing a show. We're gonna be doing a show. We're gonna be doing a show. We're gonna be doing a show. We're gonna be doing a show. We're gonna be doing a show. What's up guys? It's me Caleb. November 23rd in Kansas City, Waxahachie and I are co-hosting a bunch of our friends, comedians and musicians at The Midland. We are doing a benefit show called Yee-Haw to benefit the Tenants Union. Tara's episode is out and she talked a bunch about the Tenants Union. But please, please, please, if you live in Kansas City or nearby, Omaha, come on down. Chicago, come on down. November 23rd at The Midland, we're doing a show to benefit the Tenants Union that we're so excited about it about me Waxahachie bunch of other fun people that will announce but yes please come

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Don't miss out on this limited time offer. You're gonna be sick if you do. Uncommon Goods, we're all out of the ordinary. I know mine of yours. You do? I do know. Well, I love all your jokes. I think you're, I do think you're one of the funniest. No, I think you're one of the funniest names we have working right now. Period. Thank you. I think you're an absolute genius. You know this. My favorite joke of yours. Well, I had to force it out of you, but my favorite joke of yours is really hard because I love so many of them. But one that I come back to often is you, the homeless guy.

Because I have a house. Yeah, yeah. Do you want to tell the joke? I'm not, no, because I'm not proud of it. I love that joke. Why are you not proud of it? Because of the unhoused of it all? Yeah.

Well, he shouldn't be mean. But I haven't changed the terminology. They don't get to be mean. I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. God bless them. I feel like- Hate their circumstances. They don't get to be mean. I know I'm sorry god bless them hate their circumstances. They don't get to be mean They don't get to treat me bad cuz they're I'm sorry no you could be mad they shouldn't be fat shaming

No, you don't get to call me. I've had that had on house people call me, and I'm supposed to react with love No, I'm gonna call you a slur Which one I'm gonna call you a slur Which one? I'm calling him the H slur I'm calling him the H slur. House less. House less I don't I yeah that joke has been widely circulated and I don't feel like the most proud of it I'll ever feel on my deathbed when if I think about it I'd be very proud of that joke in the next few years Did you want to say what a joke of mine that you love or did you want to just be one-sided? from my deathbed if I think about it. I'd be very proud of that joke. In the next few years.

Did you wanna say a joke of mine that you love or did you want it to just be one-sided? I think as we're running out of time, maybe. Yeah. No, we do have voicemails though. Do you wanna listen to a voicemail from one of our fans? Yeah, can I also just say one more thing about weddings because I just went to one.

I'm not gonna say whose it was because I feel like her feelings might be hurt but I swear to God, during the most touching family speeches, entire table of comedians nonstop talking. Well, they're annoying. I was like this, shh, shh. Whose wedding was it? I'm not gonna say.

Tell me. There were a couple people at the table that were scared enough of me, just by a look, to shut up. Few people didn't give a shit. Father crying, my baby girl. And a thick southern accent. You can guess. All the comedians talking. Whose wedding was it? Drunk. Screaming. What can I tell you?

Tell me off camera? Yeah, of course. Say it now. We'll believe it. No, you? We would, but I'll hear it off camera. What's the voicemail? Hi, Caleb. Love the show. My question is, what do you think about time travel? Does the butterfly effect work? Why do movies have their own variations?

Can't they come to a consensus? I'm having the same idea. Is it possible to achieve in real life? Yeah, I'd love to know. My name is Mikayla. My big three is I'm a Libra Sun, Virgo Moon, and Torfizing. Or big three. Bye. Now, mind you, we don't ask.

Right, so we didn't ask, hi Mikayla, love you, shout out. you we don't ask Right, so we didn't ask hi Michaela love you shout out, but we didn't ask Michaela to list their big three didn't prompt No, what's your big three? What do you think of time travel? Yes. No, I Think anything's really possible. I don't I can't okay I don't really believe in anything anymore because I got roped into so many stories Early on as you know the arc etc. Yeah Believed it all yeah, you fell for hook line and sinker they got you saw yeah, you know what you say Jacob and he saw oh Yeah, I thought you said sexy story I thought you said Jake and Benny saw and I mean who the fuck are Jake and Benny Jake and Benny saw yeah

No time Sexy story. I thought you said Jake and Benny saw. I mean, who the fuck are Jake and Benny? Jake and Benny saw. Yeah, of course. No, time travel not real. It's possible, but it's just not my business. If anyone in this room is from another time, congrats, you chose a weird thing to come to. And just don't tell me. Where would you like to travel if time travel was real? Ooh, can I change? I mean, probably 40 years in the future. Really?

Yeah, I just wanna be old, old, official old, invisible. Oh. A sexless being. I'm not saying that old people are that. But that's how old women get treated, and I personally cannot wait. Yeah? To just be like a ghost amongst us.

That's a pretty sad answer. Titties out, a lot of kimonos and robes. I don't think old people are allowed to have their titties out. You can do whatever you want. I did not know that. And you can just be like, I'm crazy. Yeah.

I've been alive too long. Doesn't that seem nice? That's yeah. The pressures of being young and I'm not that young anymore, but like being on a journey somewhere instead of just comfortably at the end of it. Yeah.

It's too much. It's too stressful. You know, you're like, what, what? We're working towards something? That's so exhausting. To what, a better future? I wanna be in that future already and know what it is. And then just fucking chill out.

I will be houseless, but my titties will be out. I will be houseless, but my titties will be free. I will be free from my cage. And so will they. And I'll definitely call you the upslur when you walk by, Mike. Amy. I don't say it, but I think I'm allowed,

but I don't. You can say it. No, no, no. I don't want to say it. I don't want to say it. Come on. You want to say it. What is the rule? I think if you've never been called it.

Say it. No. One time. It's not fun for me. We'll bleep it. I try it at home alone all the time. No one's gonna get mad. No one's gonna get mad.

No, I don't say it. Listeners are very cool. Say it once. No. I say, oh what about this, I say you say good. No. Oh. Do you think you would call me a slur?

Were you houseless? And I mean maybe, let's get in that time machine and go find out. I don't think I would go 40 years in the future. Where would you go? Colonial Williamsburg. Mmm. Gorgeous. Would like to see what it was all about. Would like to see what it was all about.

Yeah. Or I would- Turn some butters in it. I would stop Hitler. That'd be fun. I'd love to be the guy who stopped Hitler. I wouldn't stop him before he did any bad things Yeah, I would stop him when he was maybe like two bad things in stop him before he kills that dog

Before the camps and stuff, but like I would write when he comes to power and everyone's like, oh fuck What are we gonna do? This guy's probably gonna be bad. Yeah, I would show up right then and be like Just kill him. Yeah, you're gonna tell him why and where you're from? I would probably say something... He's definitely going to call you a slur. Untr... He says right as I raise my gun. No...

I would kill him for sure. I think you'd be surprisingly charmed by him at first. Hitler? And have to remind yourself you've had a kill him. You think I would be sway charmed by him at first it were and have to remind yourself you they'd kill you think I'd be swayed by Adolf Hitler Like if he showed you his art and stuff yeah, I don't think so Fashionable you know no he's not he wore one uniform pretty much the whole time. He had a horrible little haircut No, what's the thing with his penis again? You'll have to tell me it

Does it have like an extra hole on the side or something? Hardened? I think so, isn't this correct? Yeah, he's got one of those penises where the little urethra is like took a detour and it goes out the side. Okay, yeah. Hitler himself is believed to have had two forms of genital abnormality, an

undescended testicle in a rare condition called penile hypospadius, in which the urethra opens on the underside of the penis. Okay, by the way, Washingtonpost.com. Alright, let's talk about Hitler's penis. Wait, wait, go back, go back real quick. And it was micro as well. There's another one from Live Science called The Science Behind Hitler's Possible Micropenis. And then of course, Quora, is it true that Hitler had a micropenis?

We love Quora. How big was Hitler's single testicle? Someone needs to know. September 23rd, 2020, a few months into the quarantine. It did not take long. It did not take long of COVID lockdown for people to say, you know what, what was going on with Hitler's dick? The immortal myth of Hitler's deformed genitals. Oh my God. I didn't even know about the testicle thing. Having a small penis does not make you evil. I love to see Quarra's from mid 2020. Having a small penis, you don you evil. I love to see Quora's from mid 2020

Having a small penis, you don't necessarily are evil with that. No, no, no, I don't think so either Some of the best head I ever got was the smallest penis I ever saw. That's the thing, guys with average to small penises Chapstick. Working around in there, pardon? Like a chapstick. His dick was like a chapstick? It was about those proportions of a tube of chapstick. Nice. Yeah, but wonderful man. He's a teacher. Well, and if he's a pussy like Kobayashi, then I guess, you know, rock on.

Yeah, I came in like 13 seconds. You came in 13 seconds? In a bunk bed. The Chiefs beat the Bills in 13 seconds once. That's when I think of 13 seconds, I think of the Chiefs-Bills game. And now I'll think of you coming from head. I hope you're thinking about me coming during all Chiefs games. Oh I am in many ways.

My sports fandom is not like the normal male sports fandom. It's very female, orgasm centric. Thank you. Yeah, I'm happy to do it. Have you forgiven a woman in orgasm? Oh God, it would be hard to tell if they were faking or not because I didn't like what I was doing. Yeah, I didn't like sex with women.

I was like, ugh. Yeah. I've given somebody with a vagina an orgasm for sure. Okay. Trans guy, for sure. I love that. Yeah, he loved what I was doing. But you know, sex with vaginas in general,

I find very uncouth. Old timey, if you will. Sex with vaginas for me does feel very of an older age. From the past. Yeah. It feels like blacksmithing. It's silly that we do it at all. You ever been to Silver Door City? Oh yes. How they're all dressed like that and they're like blowing glass and shit? That's what it felt like to me when I was pussy. I was like this is from an era of bygone era Oh, that's a blowjob blow glass blow job blow class blow job Yeah, I don't like pussy just a really out-of-date skill you like pussy. Yeah, I do nice. Yeah. Yeah

That's nice. I don't know that I'm particularly great at it. How not but I just pretty simple stuff Do you just root around in there? I mean I just like yeah, okay, you weren't good at it. Yeah They weren't coming You don't know at church camp at church camp. No never a church camp I didn't do anything sexual at church camp either because that's so sinful. Yeah, that's bad. I would hold hands at the campfire, max. You think heaven or hell? Were those real or fake?

Um, I think fake, but sometimes I wish for hell for certain people. I also wish for heaven for certain people. That's really beautiful. Like, I have to believe there's a possibility possibility of heaven because sometimes like, I don't know, just like encounter someone with like the saddest fucking story in the world that still believes in God and like is a wonderful person and is just like, I don't know. You know, this like sad stories of people who are tragically murdered and like in their last moments They like pray or I'm like you deserve a heaven. Yeah. Yeah, I hope it exists for you

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That's docdoc.com slash so true. ZocDoc.com slash so true. I don't deserve it. I think I've been to heaven. Yeah. That's right. It's what's going on right here. It's called Silver Dollar City.

Podcasting with your friend Amy. Feels a lot like heaven to me. Celestial. Celestial. You feel that moon just swelling? Well, according to you, I can feel that you're dropping eggs. You've claimed that you have a presence about you during this time. I'm in my luteal phase.

What is that? It's in between ovulation and menstruation. What happens there? Just like, it's just like, um, horny but tired. Oh I'm in that. He's in his luteal phase. Oh I've been in that for like 15 or 16 years. And it's your body's kind of last ditch effort to get this thing fertilized. Yeah. So you're still appealing, you know, but like in a more, like a lower tier of person is now noticing straight up animals. Yeah. You know, dogs are sniffing.

Well, Amy, I'm turning 30 soon. I can't believe that. Any advice? I feel like you were a teen when we met. I wasn't. Well, you were in your mid-20s. I'm not very young. When we met, I would have been, I can tell you exactly how old I was. 26?

I would have been I can tell you exactly how old I was I would have been 25 Okay, I think just like the lore of you is more interesting when I you're 19 to me So impressive what you're doing what you effectively just said out loud to me is I like the idea of you better than the reality That's what you said to me just now on my show that I invited you on. No, I just think it's so amazing what you've accomplished already that it's turning into true fairy tale mode. Where I'm like, what is this kid like, 13? I just keep getting younger in my head. Like a full grown adult who should have it together probably.

You do. I think I do. Are you excited to turn 30? I'm very excited. I'm just looking forward to it You know, well So one thing that's been on my mind about 30s is maybe I'll start doing a I think I said this before on here I'm gonna maybe start doing fuck. No

I'm not a fucking freak pickleball people Sorry, there's a couple of men in here and y'all need reform. I just don't, it's like- Well you just need other ways to make friends. Play tennis or fucking stay home? Like what is going on? What's with the in-between?

No one wants to cosplay P.E. Yeah, I don't like it. We hated it. But my 30s I'm thinking maybe tailored slacks with cowboy boots. Oh, I love that. Big buckles? Yeah, oh yeah.

Okay. Oh yeah, some camp shirts. That's gonna be hot Yeah, and then maybe like three buttons down on the shirt. Yeah, what's your chest hair situation? Are you more of a Jacob or an Esau? It's for the Bible heads. There's not much, do you see? Oh, that's good though. There's a little bit, I think it could grow in more. No, that's plenty for like a big chain. Yes And the nipple hair, okay, I love this. Well, I had surgery on one of these nipples.

Okay. I don't remember which one. Well, it's flawless. But what do you think? I think it's perfect. Of my body. It's gorgeous, I'm soaked. Nice.

I think I just got fertilized. Nice, oh. Yeah, well. Distantly. This was so much fun, huh? That was it? This was a good time. I've had a blast.

I've had so much fun. I just think the world of you. I just miss you. I miss you, I wish you would talk to me every once in a while. We can talk off podcast. We're not good at it. Yes we are.

We're not good at it. We're in different places all the time. You're always doing something weird. I'm a mild agoraphobe. Yeah. But I'm getting better at not making, like not flaking. Here's what you like to do.

Make plans and don't go. You love that. That's one of your biggest things. Yeah, my passion. And then you love to go, you love to leave town for three days to do standup in a city I am not in. You love doing that. Right.

And then you love to take like a four or five hour walk by yourself. I do that a lot. Yeah, so these are the are the I fit into none of that you can get in on the walk you think I also Love beach days. You're not a beach person with this body. I don't know what is the issue don't like the beach It's not the body. It's the Experience the sand the experience of the beach is bad. It's so nice hot everyone else is allowed to be there. I Hate that everyone else is allowed to be there. I bring... I hate that everyone else is allowed to be there. I know some good chill spots and I bring good snacks and... I want a private beach.

Okay. Don't bring anyone else over here. You're going to have one one day. No, I don't think so, but I just want... Why don't we go to Mexico? Ben, you want to go together? Yeah, that's what I mean. I'm going to Mexico next week. Where? Cancun. Okay, with who? A a couple my friends. Okay. I just hadn't heard about this until just now

Are you saying we're there's a new no, but are you on Tell me your idea of the no boo resort. Yeah, okay. I'm not paying for it. Don't worry about it Don't think I'm paying for it. Who's paying for it some company I? Don't ask questions So I'm not doing any sponsored content. I'm just showing up to the trip okay with two of my favorite people in the whole world All right, well, that's nice, and I would love to see you guys there. I Am flying from LA Okay and I would love to see you there. I'll see you guys there. I am flying from LA.

Okay, Delta? Always. Always, you're a Delta girl. Yeah, I am, sometimes Southwest. The real, sorry, that's gonna chill up my spine. Sometimes you just can't avoid Southwest. I know, it's unavoidable sometimes. I always have credit with them. So I have to go to Colorado Springs, Caleb, I'm sorry.

Yeah, no, I had to go like Raleigh to Milwaukee once and the only direct airline was Southwest and I was like, we're Southwest today. Yeah, it's I do like Raleigh to Milwaukee once and only direct airline with Southwest. I was like we're Southwest today Yeah, it's fine direct. I'll always do over a stop. I'll leave Delta to not have a stop You know, it's those experiences that I hate having a stop Yeah, I'll leave Delta to not have a stop makes you so much more grateful for a Delta first-class experience Yeah, if your last flight was on Southwest. Yeah. Let's talk more about travel.

Let's. Go ahead. That's my comedy wheelhouse. Go ahead, what do you wanna talk about? All my favorite jokes of yours are airplane related. Really? You could not think of a single joke of mine that you liked.

I'm really bad at remembering stuff on the spot. No, it's just I wanted to point out that I thought that was a little crazy. I love your comedy. Nice. I watch stuff on the spot. No, it's just I wanted to point out that I thought that was a little crazy. I love your comedy. Nice. I watch it on the internet. Nice. I watch it. I've seen it in person several times.

Really? Yeah, in Chicago, LA, and maybe New York. Have you seen it in New York? I don't know. I feel like I have. What's your death? Or I've tried. What's your death, Romeo?

Probably like my mom's enchiladas. Oh, okay. Nice, is that it? Usually people kind of go all out, but I... Green sauce enchiladas with chicken. It would definitely be something someone in my family made because you know, it's what it's a wild card. Otherwise Yeah, what if your death row meal is just ordered from the bad spot? You know, I don't want to say pepperoni pizza and then they bring in fucking Little Caesars

although those pizza Those pizza pockets. Have you had them? Pepperoni crazy puffs. Are they good? I'm trying I want to get sponsored Yeah, it's just a little can someone can someone order some of those here right now. That'd be awesome. So good We'll try to get some in here pepperoni crazy puffs. It's just like a little tiny hand pie I want to know about it, But they're big pizzas, disgusting. Yeah. Right?

So that's, I just feel like if my mom's cooking my death row meal, surely before she watches me get executed. Yeah, you're going to make her cum. Think of the love that's going in those enchiladas. I bet she's putting her fucking foot in those. Your daughter's dying enchiladas? Yeah. Sorry, you're fucking cranking it up in the kitchen

Maybe like she does this really good blueberry cake with cream cheese frosting. Damn. You have like a real mom Oh, yeah, you have a real mom Oh, I do I do too But yeah, you have like a mommy mom like my mom doesn't have a special cake kind of mom. Okay But it's late in life. Oh, she became a cake. Well, she's always been a great cook But she just like wasn't around when I was a kid. Do you like, that's sad. Partying.

I know, it's really sad. Yeah, my dad died and then she used his pension to buy a red Mazda Miata. And two seats, four kids. Um... All fat, by the way. No space in a Miata to go grocery shopping. She was just really living it up. So now she has to bake.

We, I still know the number to a bar. It's called Dick's in San Leandro, California where she would be yeah, I had to call my mom. Hello You tell her to bring fries home And she get behind the wheel of the Miata come home, please I Had to call my mom at bars. Yeah. Yeah, that's some pretty classic Midwestern shit Oh for sure, but as a bartender, how cute is that? I'd probably be pretty sad about it. I was a bartender if there were six year olds calling being like, please send my mom home My thing we just wanted her to bring snacks. We were fine with her not being

We wanted her to bring snacks. We didn't, we were fine with her not being home. You just wanted the fries. That's the thing about drunk parents, better when they're there or gone. Depends. Who's to say? Depends on if they've had a drink or not. It's a roller coaster. For me, it was chicken wings.

I was like, if my mom comes home from this bar without chicken wings, there's going to be hell to pay. We got a lot of ribs. God damn that rocks. Those silver tops. It was like all sweaty inside. Yeah damn that rocks. With those silver tops. It was like all sweaty inside. Yeah, fuck yeah. That's awesome. Those circular- Bar ribs?

I know. Sweet. So good. Let's go. And just like creeps would use the claw machine and like get us little stuffed animals and stuff to try to get into my mom's ... Like, here's a pink elephant. and stuff to try to get into my mom's. Like here's a pink elephant.

Sorry, just so I'm clear. Your, your claim is that creeps at the bar who wanted to, and I'll just use your words, get in your mom's, would win you toys at the claw game to send them home with her and then how often were they six, was your mom sleeping with these folks? Oh yeah. Queen. Queen. Of course. If they want enough stuffed animals for her fat little kids.

Of course. But of course. Oh my God, I love that. Do you have any of the stuffed animals still? No, no, no. It's like the story animals still? No, no, no It's like the the story of my dad dying. It's really it's really sad But my mom was like like no one could find her. She was out with a suitor

They were married. She was cheating on him. Yeah, was she cheating on her too? Yeah, well there was the whole joke that you were the milkman's kid You've heard a lot of my material and then you you actually were someone else's kid, but yes in marketing not milkman Yeah, he worked in marketing nice until he died. He's dead now Yeah, he died when I was 19. I never met him damn. Mm-hmm. That's horrible But isn't it crazy that I used to work in marketing? That is crazy. Wow, it's in your blood. When you're good, you're good.

I can't use it for my own shows or career, but I'm great. You're a second generation marketer. For a tech company, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What were you doing in tech? Marketing.

You were doing marketing. Yes. At tech. Yeah. Uh-huh. You were marketing at tech.org. At marketing. You were doing marketing. Yes. At tech. You were marketing at tech.org. At startups. In San Francisco. Damn.

The whole thing with like the, with like the foosball tables and the, and the cold brew on tap. Were you making on them honey? A sexually harassing CEO's, like classic stuff. Was he cute or did he ever harass? Oh no, they're all disgusting. He wasn't, did he harass you or were did you ever hurt him? Oh yeah. Okay. Oh getting harassed was just part of the deal. Peek Tech San Francisco you're getting grabbed. Yeah. You gotta ask for more stock options. I'm serious. Pe Pink Tech in San Francisco, you're getting grabbed.

Yeah, but you can drink beer at the office. Yeah. Well, to trade off. That's beautiful. I hate that you went through that, honestly. Oh, thanks. Did you get some stock options out of it? I did, yeah.

Yes. I made a little bit of money. Okay, good to know. I gave my mom a lot of it. Why? I already had the Miata. Why? That's a great question. She already had the Miata.

You know, you're... You're generous with your mom. I am. You gotta always break something off for mom. You gotta break off a little piece for mama. Ugh, for what? Send a little home to mama. They weren't even...

They didn't do that much. I think it's best that they didn't do that much I Think it's best that you don't have kids Kids though, I'm so good with kids yeah, but I just and they love me as well, but I don't yeah I'm not doing it. You know why cuz I spent too much time with kids. That's where people fuck up Yeah, you can't spend time to try kids out before having them. Yeah, and then you know too much. I know way too much. Amy, I have a question for you. What do you want out of all of this?

I just want peace and happiness. Globally or for you? Yeah, well me mostly. Of course globally, yeah. I just want to like chill out, do fun stuff, go to amusement parks, eat good food. You're going to the amusement parks? Come.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to get a Universal season pass tomorrow. Really? Oh, beautiful. Yeah. Solomon says it pays for itself in two visits. Solomon Georgio? Yeah.

Our dear friend. But he's rich, so I don't know. I'm gonna kick off 2025 with like no money or plans, but several season passes. And then who's gonna be on top in 2025? That's called a millennial savings account. Yeah. You don't stash the money away. Yeah. you put it in investments. You park them in fun investments Yeah, you part load up that Dave investors card. Yeah, you know, I don't know if that's great advice Property you're saying I'm saying property and I can't savings account maybe high yield I can always sell the season pass if things get tough next year. Can you? Yeah

And this since I'm getting it Halloween season, it'll include like Christmas stuff fourth of July Have you ever seen the decorations at Universal Studios Hollywood? I can't say I have. During the holiday season? I can't say that I have. It's gorgeous. Worth it? Yes! What's the season pass run? Like 180. That's not bad at all. That's what I'm saying! Yeah, it might pay for itself on one trip. It's like 150 to get into the park. Yeah. Do you get guest passes with it? Yeah. Discounted guest. Nice. We'll go. I'm not gonna come but I want you to have a lot of fun over there. You haven't seen Super Mario World?

It's just not the kind of stuff I do. Oh, I just got asked to go to the Ren Fair Maybe this is why we never hang out never been so insulted We like to go to the Ren Fair look at these gorgeous trees. That is beautiful It's beautiful. Yeah, and you're gonna be calling me up. I don't think I will I don't think I will I don't want to go there There's a lot of like the grand disgruntled families now Yeah, well you got to go at night. They serve and they serve beer there. Yeah, there's minions. That's kind of fun I love a minion you do I never saw any of those movies till like last year. I was laughing you liked it

Well, they're just funny little guys. They're really funny little guys. And they're just, yeah, dancing and singing. You know, I love fat kids. There's nothing cuter. That's what a minion is to me. It's like your overalls are really tight and you talk weird. Yeah.

That's so cute. You're a fat kid. Yeah. I don't know if I'm happy that my sisters and I didn't really have YouTube or really bummed because what would be cuter than having filmed the things we were doing? Yeah. Coordinated dances to a Mariah Carey song.

Do you know what I mean? I want to see that footage. When I see a little fat kid at an amusement park where I am often and or the beach I'm like buddy if you're getting bullied it's cuz everybody knows you're the most charming motherfucker out here and adults are giving you what you want because you're so cute yeah and that's why other kids are mean yeah if you're currently being bullied and you're fat and in elementary school it's cuz you're the cutest kid there is there anything else you want to say to kids getting bullied they might be

watching? Fight back and if you can't visit fight back just steal from them. Yeah. Steal from the bullies. Your advice to these fat little bullied kids is to fight back and steal? What else? That's beautiful. And accept the candy and gifts from adults. Oh my God. Because they wanna give them to you because you're so fucking cute. Yeah. Huh.

Okay. I actually wasn't really a fat kid. Really? But I wanted to be. Stolen valor? Yeah, I did it later. I was fat as fuck. My sisters did it and then I was like kinda chubby but not not really like. Your sisters did it as in they were fat?

Mm-hmm. I Think I might have some fat little kid pictures of me in my phone somewhere. They did it so much. They were so cute. I was a fat little kid. I worshiped them. Look at this guy. I mean that's what's cuter than that. I'm giving that kid cash candy and gifts people liked him People did like him. I mean, I know yeah, of course. I just want to cry seeing it Look at him that and you said I'm not pure. You don't think he's pure of heart No, I do you was what Something changed along the way

Amy I have a segment for you. Mm-hmm. Don't read these don't look at these don't look at these don't cheat Okay, I'm gonna read you 15 statements Tell me as quickly as you can if you think they're true or false. Okay speed is of the essence Okay, if you get ten or more correct, we're gonna give you 50 US dollars. Who decides what's correct? The answer. Don't piss me off. Are these facts or feelings?

They're facts. Oh, okay. They're not feelings. Okay. Chauncey Billups is the current head coach of the Portland Trailblazers. Correct. True. The movie The Iron Giant came out in 1999.

True. True. There are no reptiles in Sweden. False. False. Oakland is the third most populous city in Alameda County. False. False. It's the most populous.

Neil Armstrong drank Pepsi on the surface of the moon. Yes. False. Lance Armstrong's nickname is Big Tex. False. True. Only four US presidents have visited Antarctica. True. False. None of them have. Squirrels mate for life.

False. False. A female picks a new mate each year. Burger King is older than Wendy's. True. True. Earth is gradually rotating slower each year. True. True. Box mucking is the national sport of New Zealand. True. False. Rugby. Last comic standing ran for nine seasons. True. True. There are over 1,000 bridges that crossed the Amazon River False false no bridges cross it Aretha Franklin was the first woman inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame false true Anteaters are extinct false false. How'd she do? Wow? You did it. Wow. I'm so smart. You did it. You really are so smart. Thank you really really are that's beautiful

Well, you know we ask a lot of people, we ask everyone on this show, it's the title of the show, So True with Caleb Herron. Okay. What is so true to you, Amy Miller? That you are actually pure of heart. You didn't prep this answer, did you? No, no one told me.

You're winging it. No one told me to prep anything, which I loved about it. Time out. Time out. That's not a good one? That's a really beautiful one. That's a really beautiful one.

I do wanna know what you think of me. Are we timing out or are we still going? No, we're never timed out. Are we recording? We're always recording. I just am so proud of you. No. I am. You wouldn't possibly be earnest right now. I am. I'm proud of you. I'm usually earnest. Not in my experience. Oh, what am I?

Sarcastic? That's the worst person. No, I think. Oh, okay. This is so true to me. Sarcasm, not cute. Whoa. Nobody wants to be around it. Oh I like that. Say more. I don't know if I'm maybe on the spectrum undiagnosed. But I hate it because I just assume people are telling the truth at all times and I am mostly earnest and sincere but people don't always know. Yeah I love that you're like I might be on the spectrum and then you're like what's so true to me is bright lights have gotta go. No more being loud in public and also I can't read facial expressions. Stop counting on me to do it. Better not chew around me. What's so true to me is that I really love model trains. Okay, sarcasm is a wall, it's a boundary, it's communicating that you don't wanna get close

to anybody and you want to trick people. Trick. I never expect, like, it's so exhausting when someone's just like, oh, I'm so sure, or whatever, like I don't. What was that, your, that's a sarcastic person. As if, you know, that kind of person. Yeah, you're kind of doing me.

No, no. You're sincere. You're earnest. You're the earnestness. Ernestest. Ernestest. Ernestest. Yeah. No sarcasm for you, huh? It's a real panty dryer.

Yeah. And we like when the panties are wet. I just believe what people are telling me, and so, I don't know, I'm just gullible, and I feel like when people are doing sarcastic stuff, or trickery, like trickery with low stakes, I hate nothing more. Like, I just had just met a comic, and I was in out of town town and I don't know.

I just like showed up to the club and this, this kid was just like shows canceled. And I was like, Oh no. And he's like, just kidding. And I'm like, fun. Why? If that had happened, I wouldn't have been able to pay my rent this month. So, but it's not funny or interesting or helping us get to know each other. I just never want to talk to you again

Yeah, how the rest of the night? Just kidding. Do you guys make friends? I absolutely know what you mean. You want to stay alone be sarcastic No small-stakes trickery around you. Is that a good so true if you want to stay alone be sarcastic. I like that Are you being I love that? Really seems like you're prepared for you voting for who you voting for I'm Larry's really yeah well Tim waltz Come on Harris and JD Vance else. Kama Harris and JD Vance. She's from Oakland, you know, I have to. Yeah, no choice.

That's the only reason. That's the only thing. I love that. That's beautiful. Yeah. Tim's from Nebraska. It's like, you know, it's like me and my dude kind of, except they're not fucking as far as we know.

Who's not fucking? Harrison Walls. Are they? I don't think they are. He's her type. Definitely. Who's not fucking? Harrison Walls. Are they? I don't think they are. He's her type. Definitely.

You think so? I think if anything is happening, it's he. So if anything's happening, Tim and Doug are fucking. Oh, and Kamala's watching. If anything's happening, but I doubt anything's happening. Hut. Wendy might be. Is what's her name? Wendy Gwynn?

What's his wife's name? Gwen? Gwen? Gwendolyn? Gwendy? Gwendolyn? Gwendy? Gwen?

Gwen Walls. She wouldn't watch. She would condemn. She would condemn her. This is a fun, see, this is a fun, like, hypothetical, jokey situation we're talking about. Maybe if Harrison Walls were fucking. That's fun. If you were like, I read an article today that Harris and Walls are fucking.

I would never talk to you again. I want you to look into that spectrum stuff. I want you to look into that spectrum stuff because you just said, okay, you and I are joking about a topic and that's quite enjoyable. That was one of the most spectrum things I've ever heard. We are friends sharing laughs. Yeah, it's fun. That was pretty spectrum-y. I like that.

Thanks. My little cousin- This would explain the amusement park stuff. Yeah, I would also explain that. My little cousin's on the spectrum and he's a lot of fun. He takes things pretty literally. Oh yeah, same with my niece. She's hilarious though. He's spoken, we've, he's taken really to like, so I have, I have an on the spectrum

little cousin and I have a gay little cousin and gay little cousins an icon. We love him but spectrum on the cousin, spectrum on the cousin. On the spectrum cousin he's gotten really into percentages and so he'll see he'll tell people like he'll be like sorry I'm 50% paying attention to you and 50% thinking about something else. I want to do and he'll say that out loud to you It's fucking awesome. It's fucking awesome. I love that the honesty. Yeah, it's gotten us into some fun situations My my niece was asking me like why I broke up with my last boyfriend whom she knew obviously and I was like Oh, you know sometimes you just have to like move on if things are more negative than positive or more like conflict than peace or whatever.

And she was like, yeah, you don't want to end up like my mom's hating each other every day. And I was like, okay. No way. Moms? Yeah. yeah yeah two moms she was her dad's in Kansas City her sperm dad and his partner to mom to mom to dad's and she really will just... Sorry, is that sick to anyone else? Yeah, her dad's family. Yeah.

Who excommunicated him. Sick. That's awesome. For giving a baby to lesbians. Nice. That's fucking awesome. Yeah. But he's allowed to be a gay guy?

No, they don't like that either. Okay. I was like, he's allowed to be a gay guy, but he can't have lesbians have baby? That's crazy. No, they don't like that either. I was like, he's not a gay guy, but he can't have lesbians that baby? That's crazy. No, no, and now she's, you know, autistic, so they're like, see? See what happens when you don't have a child under God? They think autistic baby is because they weren't, okay, got it. It's not. Outside of the realm of possibility.

Yeah, I'm just glad they didn't like him being gay either. I want it to be consistent homophobia. Oh, they hate it. They hate hate when anyone does it you the most. Yeah, they wouldn't like me I'm doing it all the time I'm being gay like most of the time. It's so like I don't know. It's just so silly. It's so funny I mean, I grew up obviously around those Christians. Yeah, I never bought into that part not liking gay people Yeah, that's cuz you're a little gay. I know. Why am I in choir?

Like who am I going to be friends with? Yeah, we need to like gay people. It's the only people we ever talk to. No I think it's really, I really do think homophobia is so funny cause it's just like gay people are the most like delightful, creative, wonderful people and you're mad at them. Okay, not all of them. No, all of them. Amy, all of them.

No, but as a community, overall most gay people are like, it's like, oh, that's funny. Fun. Yeah. I know, it's really silly. Yeah. Because for what?

Big hand movements. Where stuff's going in holes. Their little voices. It's silly to put anything in any hole. Like, we're all just animals. Yeah. Old timey. Old timey even.

Do you think the dick sucking robots are gonna come soon? I don't want them. You're not gonna use one? No, because if you program something to suck your dick, that removes the whole purpose. It's like, I don't, I can't do sex workers. All my love to them, I hope that they're well. But it's like, if you're paid to be here, the fun of getting my dick sucked is that you want to be sucking my dick.

Whoa. Or that I want to be sucking your dick or that we want to be sucking each other's dicks. It's like, if you're paid to be here or if you're programmed to be here, well, that's not fun. It's like, there's a consent piece of it that I have questions about, but you know, can come around on like sex workers. It's like, there is consent there, but it does still feel to me like, I don't know,, like sex workers, it's like there is consent there,

but it does still feel to me like, I don't know. I don't like, there's the enthusiastic consent to like only being here because we both wanna make each other come, that's the fun part. To me. Yeah, yeah, to you. To me. You disagree, you want the robots.

I don't know that I would engage with a robot. I just need help. I need help. Yeah I need help with the dick. I love that the through line of this episode Is you're being like someone else has gotta suck my boyfriend's dick. I can't keep doing it. Damn me Well, also, I think people think oh dick sucking robots might fix incels But it won't because incels problem is not that their dick isn't being sucked The problem is that they're hate women they're they're disrespected because they're losers Yeah, like they don't actually just need their dick physically sucked. They need something spiritually different to happen with them. They're such losers Yeah, they're sarcastic. Yeah, they're sarcastic

It's yeah, it's something else going on there. There's walls up. I hope we get there's Tim walls up I hope that we get dick sucking robots just so that you can have some peace in the home. Yeah Yeah, it is peaceful in my home, but you know, it's just I just need a little hand You just your skull needs a break Which I'd be fine with a sex worker as well. But I don't know, am I heartless? I'm fine, not with my boyfriend, but I guess when I was hoeing around, I was okay with some just get the job done sex

that wasn't connecting. That bad? I don't understand what you mean. Maybe because I don't respect straight men. Well yeah, none of us should. But if it's just like sometimes they're just a shell to me. Oh. Yeah, it means to an end.

Yeah, I don't think the language is great. But I think the politics are probably okay, yeah. And they make sense. Yeah, a little bit of taking back the power type thing. Yeah. Yeah, that's beautiful. I guess, yeah, I don't, but I've had casual sex with women too. I don't know it's all fine

How did it feel to have casual sex with women did that feel disrespectful? Oh great? No, no, I wasn't disrespecting them Just kind of a sisterhood moment Traveling pants girls growing out. Yeah That's beautiful I often look at my lesbian friends and I'll just be in the middle of a dinner and I'll be like God I would do anything for us to want to fuck each other. It would be so easy. You're the only person I want to hang out with. Yeah. It would be so nice if we wanted to fuck each other. I could just wrap everything up with a bow and be done. I know. But instead I have to go out and forage every day. I feel that about my gay friends sometimes as well.

Gay guy friends? Yeah. Nice. But they don't want to fuck me. Solomon? Oh yeah, are you kidding me? What a catch. Yeah. I would do anything for Solomon. I would fuck his dick right now. He wouldn't like it. Yeah. Would you? Probably. Really?

Well, yeah, why not? Because he's not enjoying it. You think I won't? I gotta get mine. Fuck you, Solomon. I'm get mine fuck you Solomon your dick well Amy your dick friends at Universal at Universal with our season passes and pay off in two trips I love you so much tell the people where they can find you oh yeah just follow me on Instagram Amy Comedy, and I tour all the time. You can come see me. You should go see Amy. You do tour all the time. Yeah, and I'll see you at Caleb's next show.

I'll be wearing a suit, and I will have bought a plane ticket. And some merch. And a gift. And some merch, I hope. Yeah. I can't believe it. The fact that you have Steve's merch and not mine is so sick.

Well, I need to get it. Yeah, you guys have been friends for a lot longer on that type of thing, but man, that hurt. I'll buy some, but I wanna buy it in person. I'm not gonna pay shipping fees. Okay. All right, well, I love you. I'm gonna might get lost in the mail.

Yeah, nice, nice save. I love you, thanks for being on. I love you so much. That was a hate gum podcast.