So True with Caleb Hearon - Blair Socci is Being Sincere

Episode Date: May 14, 2026

Welcome! This week’s guest is the hilarious Blair Socci! Blair and Caleb talk childhood pranks, hitting the dance floor this summer, legendary football watch parties, heartbreak, and more!  Join our Substack for ad free full episodes, early access to merch, our community chat, and more! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/    Follow Blair! @blairsocci  Follow the show! @sooootruepod  Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings  Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Try Domino's Parmesan Stuffed Crust Pizza today at dominos.com  Try TruFru today - the Blue bags with fruit found in the freezer aisle! Rula patients typically pay $15 per session when using insurance. Head to https://RULA.com to find a therapist the easy way.  Get bugs out of your house with Pestie. Go to https://pestie.com/SOTRUE for 10% off your order. So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Virginia Muller. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York.  A Wave series. wavesportsandentertainment.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Wave. Hey, babe. I just wanted to confront you really quick on my podcast. I am here with Blair recording, frankly, an all-timer. I hit episode. And I've been led to believe

that you had a karaoke celebration on Monday that I didn't receive a text about. Did you want to speak on that? Actually, you were sent the part of full. Love you. I love you. Goodbye. I love you. Goodbye. This episode is brought to you by Domino's. Thank you, Domino.

I'm sorry. What else you gatekeeping in your life? Is there anything big? It's pussy! No, you're not. Well, actually, you kind of are. What's going to? Yeah, let's get into it.

Oh, okay, we're going there already. Yeah, what's going on with dating? You know, that's the thing about being a single woman of a certain age. Everybody wants to know, everybody wants to fucking know what I'm up to. I'm a busy bitch, though, you know, and, you know, I... You're not too busy to date, though. Oh! You could be dating.

Well, this is what happened, Caleb. You know, I've been deep in grief this past year, so I sort of gave myself the time off because, you know, you go on one of those hinged dates. I say, how many siblings do you have? I say, one in heaven. One on the ground. One on the ground is crazy.

One up there, one in the ground. Thank you. But then I've been seeing psychic medium so I can speak to my brother. This is going to be a really interesting challenge for me. I knew you were going to give me a talk about this. No, it's not a talk. It's obviously, I have to be softer than I'd like to be due to the grief.

I don't know. Let me just say, it's not like I was seeing psychics before. And I'm not trying to get any future predictions. I'm just trying to have a word. Yeah. You know? Yeah. How you doing up there?

I understand. What's happening? You're catching any waves in the ether? Are you getting a connection? I have, there have been some specific things. But this last time I went, it was around that anniversary. And so I was like, let's have a chat. And the whole time this woman was telling me that,

he wants me to find true love. And I was like, all right. And then I was telling my mom, and she was like, well, you know, well, he would say that all the time when he was alive. And I was like, okay, fine. That's really nice. I think that's a great takeaway from that situation. I knew you were going to say that. I like that.

I also want you to find true love. Yeah. No, but what I'm looking, trying to do this year as sort of a reset from the year of grief is I just, like, want to shake my ass. Yeah? And I know you think that you worry about me being radicalized by TikTok, but really, Zara Larson's been coming up on my for you page a lot, and I am inspired. Yeah?

Yeah, she is moving her ass. Is she? I don't know her music, but I know that people like her. I've just sort of, she's just sort of arrives into my awareness, but she's really dancing up there, and that's what I've been interested in lately. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, I want to dance. Are you dancing?

I did on Monday. Where'd you go? Rosebud had some bizarre karaoke thing. That's so interesting because that would have been in New York. And you're talking about, of course, Rosebud Baker, our mutual friend. But, yeah, I don't think I got a text. So. You know what's crazy?

Because I saw Matt and Bowen yesterday and they said the same thing. And, like, I think when your friends get so famous as, I know you don't want me to use that word. But, like, I just expect you to be at Merrill Streep's house. and so then... Oh, Monday, yeah, I was at Merrill's house. Yeah, I thought you... No, I was doing karaoke at Merrill's house. No, Monday, I thought you're at Merrill's house.

And so then I was just like, okay, he doesn't want to... He's probably to... He's got engaged with Merrill. He's probably not hopping down to his little old friend. Oh, skateboard blondeies, karaoke, you know? I would love nothing more. But, you know, I don't... All of you somehow, all the New York comedian's gorgeous voices, I don't know.

You know me, I am just like... I bring the vows. to karaoke, not the pipes. What'd you sing? Well, Rosebud, she stereotyped me, and she said, okay, this is your pitch, meaning skateboard voice, and put on All-American Rejects. And she's like, you can sing this one.

Killer. I'm also loving that at Rosebud's karaoke night, she picks the songs. That's really funny. Well, no, like everyone else there was, I mean, Matteo was pretty much, you know. What do? Opera or Musical Theater. There was a lot of musical theater.

musical theater. And something I love to reveal constantly about Rosebud is that she was a musical theater major and she tries to hide that. Yeah. She's doing a pretty good job of hiding as like a tough guy. Yeah. Where she has like the vibe of like a garage mechanic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, but no, they were singing Sister Act. I would have loved for you to be there. Frankly, she did this a month after her birthday, sent the text and I said, okay, I booked a flight for your birthday and she forgot that she had a birthday. She had to change a flight to make her own birthday. Oh, wow. Yeah. So she's like, I didn't even remember. I just said, sent out a text to a few people and said, invite anyone. Invite anyone is such a tough, obviously,

phrase to fear just based on who I am. Look, I wish if I could turn back time, as you know, the great sheriff said, if I could turn back time. That was beautiful. It wasn't. And I did go to one of her one million farewell tours when I was 13. Yeah? Maybe the first of her farewell tours. What was I going to say to you? It wasn't about Sherry's farewell tour. It was about, oh, you know what?

I was just about how fun it is to be friends with so many funny, cool people. It really is. Like being friends with comedians is so fun. It is. And you know, as the most earnest person in life, I like to say that my younger self would just, like, this was all I wanted, was to just, like, When I go into my friend, my friend Amy Silverberg's, like, book launch and, like, seeing her do a reading. And just, like, that, yeah, that's all I wanted as a kid in Orange County, a culturally barren, Orange County.

The O.C. Beautiful. Beautiful. The O.C. But no books, no art there. Yeah. And so this was, we made it out, baby. Yeah.

We're out there. I have that thought a lot when I'm just sitting around with comics, like, chit-chat. talking about, you know, whatever, invariably talking shit on some comic we don't like or talking about a set that we had that was fun or whatever. I'm just like, oh, wow, this is the coolest life ever. It is. I'm so happy to have so many creative weird friends. No, it's so much fun.

Everyone's so smart, like, from all over the country, all different places. And now you're in the band, Paramour. And I know an actual member. That's so cool. In the band Paramore, yeah. Yeah. It's happening for me. I've been auditioning forever.

I know. when you had a minute away from Meryl's house. Dude, when I tell you, my musician friends will not stop asking me to come on stage. And I, it's funny because I always joke about like, oh, I hate going to concerts because I'm not up there. I really do try to avoid getting up there because guess what? I'm a Paramore fan. And guess what I know? If I was watching a Paramore show or a Haley show, this was a Haley show, if I was watching a Haley show.

Oh, it's a Haley show. And they brought out a gay comedian. I would be so fucking mad. And so I know there were people in that audience that were like, oh, God. I can't get away from this fucking guy. And I feel for them is the thing I'm like, baby, I know, I'm so sorry. But you're going to have to keep dealing with it. I love when, like, some sort of distant past life Republican comes out of you where it just came out right then.

If I was in the audience and I saw this gay comedian come up. I would hate it. I'm sorry. I would hate it. What are you doing at the Haley show? Let me just see Haley. No, but I remember one time I asked you and I hope it's okay to really. reveal this. I said if you could be anything else, you said singer. Oh, I'd way rather be a musician. It's so much cooler. I mean, the number of times I'm at a concert, we went to the Amber Mark show in Brooklyn recently, like me, Michelle, Leo, Sydney, and Marie. So much fun. And I'm just watching and I'm

like, there is nothing comparable in comedy to what these people do. Yeah. There's nothing comparable. Even when you're at the, like, I've played some cool rooms. I've lived some dreams in my comedy life. I've been so lucky. And even still, there's nothing. Nothing it compares to walking out on that stage as a musician and people singing your songs. I, it. We don't have it. No, we don't. No, no, no, no.

Absolutely not. I used to say that. And, like, the relief to be sincere, I think, would be incredible. But you are being sincere. No, of course. I am. And I live that way. But, you know, in our circles, it's shocking to people.

Yeah. I feel like sometimes people can't figure me out for a while because they're like, there's no way that she means everything. Is she saying? Well, I think it's the fact that you'll say something deep and sincere and then you'll like scream with your voice. Like you'll be like, you'll be like, I'm really sad! And it's like, she did me, Matt.

I like to say, I'm never joking. Never ever joking around. Yeah, but see, it's that cadence that makes people, it's that cadence that's going to go ahead and make people think that you're not being sincere. And I know that you are. I've been around. I know the Blair story. You know what I was saying is how I met you.

You and you are like 24. And now you're a goddamn girl. You are, and now you're Ann Hathaway's friend. You and you in the cast of Domper's Prada today. No, I am the biggest, I am losing my mind over this. You're having a moment with it. When I heard the news, I was like, okay, this is, this is huge for me. This is going to, I can't wait.

I can't wait to get my ass in that theater seat. Yeah, you're going to be seeing me for two to three minutes in that movie. It's going to be huge for me. Look, I'll never forget where I was at the Burbank Theater when I saw you in the Jurassic Park. I was on a date with a guy I didn't like it all. And I said, it was worth it. There's my buddy.

He saw him in the control room. Yeah. In the control room for 23 seconds. Blinking, you'll miss him. It was huge for me. It was huge for me. What's going on with you this year? You're over the year of grief.

You're into the year of shaking your ass. Yeah. I mean, the grief is still there, but you know, you have to remedy it with shaking your ass. And I'm just on tour. I'm everywhere. you know, just traveling around delivering this medicine to the people.

An apothecary, really. Yeah. I'm traveling, I'm doing comedy, what else am I doing? I'm trying to act, you know, that's ultimately where I want to land. I wish to be sort of another iteration, but uniquely myself of Melissa McCarthy,

Jack Black. There's something missing. What? Well, just those being the two people you picked, obviously, I think. I don't see, they don't seem to think anything is missing. I think they all think what I'm thinking, which is that you're going to need to put on some weight. Oh. You're picking fat icons.

Well, you know, that could be done. That's fine. I just think, I'm just saying if that's what you want, it might be time to get a little fat with it. Okay. I love to eat. Let's get there. No, you've never been fat, though. You've always been like an athlete.

You're like playing volleyball and college and stuff. Were you ever fat? Were you fat as a kid? I had a few years there. where everyone called me fat Everyone called you fat But were you fat? I don't think so

Right Like third, fourth grade You know Yeah Before I had braces as well But you know Orange County was a prison back then Yeah

Might be time to get fat Yeah But anyways It's not about the outward appearance To me Yeah Really That's all everything's about to me

Oh yeah I know I don't see the inside Yeah I've always said that about you. Remarkably shallow. I only see fat people and thin people.

That's it. You're either fat or you're off my radar. I stay on your radar, baby. Well, that's because you have obviously a fatness in your heart. I know, I do. And that's why, like, it really, you know, because when you pose that question to me that you see something missing, I couldn't think of it. I was like, I don't understand.

You couldn't think about fatness. No, I couldn't. It was making you ill to consider. No, I just didn't cross my mind. I was like, I feel like we all three, me, Jack, Melissa, the same personality. Yeah, no, you guys are a lot of fun. I would love to see you.

What's the one role of either of theirs that you would kill to have taken from them? Heat, I love. I'm not seen heat. Oh, it's so good. It's a classic. With Sandra Bollick, another favorite. Now, I do love Sandy.

Yeah. Now, I do love Sandy Bollick. How could you not? Oh, my God. She's a talent. Yeah, oh, my God. I mean, she's like one of the most likable people on the earth. She's an incredibly charming talent.

And I don't think we have a Sandra Bullock anymore. No. And if you think that I am not losing my god damn mind about practical magic coming out? Yeah. Oh, I can't wait. Over the moon about it? I'm over the goddamn moon. I am in the stratosphere.

I'm in the galaxy. Time is ticking. Let's go. It's taken forever. When's it coming out? I don't know. Hopefully soon. Time is ticking.

kind of can't wait. Don't know when it's going out. No, well, you know, I know TikTok will tell me, but one thing about practical magic while we're here. Yeah. Nicole Kimman with that red hair, the long straight red hair and the bang. She's never looked better. Like, I need to have her in that hair. Oh, well, she looks so hot with that hair. She looks hot in most things. Oh, no, of course. She always looks hot. Yeah. I just think like a redhead. I like when they have, they stay with the red instead of going blonde. Yeah. My personal opinion. Yeah?

You know, take it or leave it, baby. You dating girls? No, but I should. I didn't think you were, but it's just kind of baffles the mind. Really? Thank you. You should be dating girls. Thank you.

Whenever I consider, you know, because on the OCD test, one of the questions is, do you worry that you're homosexual and just don't know? And I said yes. That's really funny. Also, yeah. You say yes? I said yes, yes. But then I was like, how will I know if it's a OCD thought or a real gay thought?

fake disease gay thought, real gay thought. You know? And then I'm like, I'm worse off than before I started. Yeah. Well, have you just, have you thought about just like running that down for a little bit? You ever thought about? Yeah, no, I think. Taking a couple girls home and just seeing what sticks?

Seeing what sticks, throwing it against the wall. You can tell her, hey, I don't know if this is OCD or if I want to eat you out, but let's try. This might be, this might be an intrusive thought. Let's see. Look, there are some people that I have had a crush on, like, Dakota Johnson, if you're, watching this, you probably are. I do have a crush on you. And I know that you're already

in it. You've moved on with that Sally man, but I find you attractive. She's got a lot of of Janais Sequois can't look away. She's got a twinkle in her eye. You know?

Yeah. I like her vintage car collection. She's a vintage car collection. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Her and Kendall. I think so. Yeah, I think so. Maybe she does. Are you about to tell me that Dakota is like your close personal friend?

No. Oh, okay. No. Because that would be crazy. That would be crazy. Yeah. Yeah, that's definitely not what I'm going to tell you. If you were going to like dial her right now or something.

And I'm like, I'm not there yet, but okay. I'll ring her up. Okay. I'll ring her up. Yeah, so that could be in my future. I really want it for you. Really? Yeah.

Every time I bring it up to one of my friends, they're like, no, you're so straight. Well, you are and that's unfortunate. I mean, I do the number of, The sort of things that you tell me you want out of a man and the men you're willing to put up with, I do find to be like a deeply heterosexual. Really disease. Look, I wish I could argue with you, but I can't. Yeah.

At this moment, I have to take that one on the chin. Absolutely right. It's really baffling to me because so many men are like, I just want a woman who like, woman who's fun and wants to like, like, cares about sports and like wants to like have babies and settle down. And like, that's really what you're kind of putting out a lot of the time. I know. I'm not a casual sex guy as like a deeply sensitive, deeply sensitive person. Yeah. I don't have that thing. I know, which I envy men. A lot of men don't have it.

Yeah. You know? Yeah. You're able to separate holes from the heart. That is true. Holes and heart are find the distance. Yeah. Not for me. My heart is in my hole.

Yeah. Can you imagine? So what happens? Like what happens? if you have sex with someone that you don't like. I just wouldn't want... You don't enjoy it. I wouldn't want to do it. I'd be uncomfortable and I wouldn't enjoy it.

Yeah. Yeah. I hate that. Yeah. Yeah. But that's fine. I don't mind it. It's totally fine.

Yeah. Yeah. Life is long and complicated. Right. I've just started... My friend Amy always says life is long and I always thought life is short. Like, that's the way that I've lived. Yeah.

Life is long. It is kind of long. Amy Silverberg? Or Amy Miller. Silverberg. It sounds more like a silver. Silverbird. Yeah.

It didn't sound like an Amy Miller quote to me. No. I love that girl. Oh yeah. She's a kick. She's the best. She's a real kick. And talk about someone who's a fun time.

Amy Miller? Yeah. The best. Yeah. Like if like out in the world. Yeah. Out in the world as opposed to. Like on a night out, you know?

Yeah. Like she brings the fun, I feel. Oh, she's the best. I love her to death. Yeah. What was I thinking of? having, um, we're talking about, oh, life is long.

Life is so long. We really have to be, like, I mean, okay, it can also be short. Let's hope that it's long. But you really, I feel like, I don't know, once I got to 30, I was like, wow. Basically, when I turned 30, I just start being like, you might actually have to,

like, face the consequences of some of your behaviors someday. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I do know. I will say, like, the 30s felt really fast, you know? I mean, I'm not out of them yet. I was just going to say you're in your 30s. I know.

I started saying I was 40 when I was like 32. Yeah. But I feel like they just went by in a blip. That's my biggest fear. Yeah. I don't know. It kind of means you're present though, no? I guess.

I just don't, I really don't like, I have a real, I'm going to throw up. I saw the other day, a perfect example. It was a fucking Instagram reel of this guy who was like 42 and he was like just talking about. He was just, it was like a voiceover. He was like running on the beach and he was like, uh, my 30s completely flew by. I don't know where they went. Now I'm 42. And I'm just like, I don't like the idea of time flying.

That really stresses me out. I know. And I guess. It's not about aging, by the way. I know what you mean. I like aging. Yeah. I love every year I like myself more.

I'm enjoying getting older. I actually feel the exact same way. Like, I feel happier, prettier, more relaxed. Uh, yeah, just, I feel like, I feel. much more at home in myself. And I feel cooler, by the way. Yes, every year that goes by, the one thing is, like,

if you don't hit potential, like, societal markers, you know, where people, you know, start to worry about you, like, as you start to worry about me. You think I'm worried about you

because you're not married with a kid? Yeah. Yeah. As my mother and my brother and the psychic. But my problem is that, like, I have built a lot of, life that I'm genuinely fulfilled by.

I'm busy as hell. I love all my friends. I put so much heart and soul into my friendships, my family, and I love comedy. And so there's not like this huge gap that feels like it's missing. What I love to be in what I love to meet the love of my life in a coffee shop. And then like I'm like, oh my God, this guy has so much integrity. He's dripping with integrity. And yet I just want to bounce on that thing.

Yeah. You know? Would that be sort of an incredible situation to stumble on? But do I want to on my night off, go out on the hinge date? Got to do it anyway. Sorry, got to do it anyway. I know, all right. All right, I'm gearing up.

Tough love time. You're not going to bump into a man dripping in integrity that you want to bounce on his dick at the coffee shop. You're going to have to take 45 minutes on that night off and go get a drink, baby. Tough love time. I can't. It's the number of my friends that are like, I just don't. I don't have the time. I can't imagine. Yes, you do and you have to.

Well, speaking of someone who will utilize every minute of time, you are incredible. Not really. I'm pretty lazy. I just, you have to have to have boundaries. 45 minute first day. It's 45 minutes of your day. You can do it. Right. You can do it. Do you do, are you one of those psychopaths that does a day date, like a coffee date? If that's what I have time for, yeah. Oh my God. And I'll just be really clear. Like, hey, I have a thing after this. But how do you catch attraction at coffee in the daytime? in a 45-minute window. It's not about catching some sort of like terminal long-time attraction.

It's like you go for 45 minutes. You talk to someone for two minutes and you know if you like their vibe or not. That's what I'm saying. So you talk to them. You talk to them for a couple minutes. You go, oh, I like this person. They say something interesting. You float some like, some bait.

You go like, oh, what do you think about this? You know, you get their opinions on things. You find out a little bit about their politics, a little bit about their worldview, whatever you need to know. And then you leave. And if you enjoyed them and you feel yourself wanting to hang out with them again, you make time again. But yeah, this, I mean, it's mostly lesbians I have this problem with, but they go, I don't, I don't know how I go on a first date.

I don't have five free hours in the next week. Oh, I do have five free hours. It's getting the will. It's getting the ambition. It's stirring up some sort of any, even just a modicum of genuine motivation. Yeah, well, maybe do false motivation. Maybe just make yourself do it. Yeah, okay.

45 minutes. All right, 45 minutes. Once a week. A drink. One drink. He wants me to go get a drink with some strange man instead of, moving my ass at that dance class. I do. Well, I want you to do it right before or right after the dance class.

That's what I want. Both, all the above. This guy's freaking crazy. I do like that. You will schedule your day down to the hour. I know that about you. I used to do that a lot. I mean, these days I'm pretty, Michelle knows.

I'm canceling shit. I'm canceling shit. That's good because I didn't know where you were getting the engine for all that. Oh, I'm canceling. I'm rescheduling. Yeah. I'm kidding. I also now I have a very, I used to schedule my day down to the hour because I,

had to work a lot more to make a living. Yeah. I was broke and so I was busy. Like it was like these huge hours the day where I had to be working, which is being an only person in the world. Right. And now that that's not really my, like now I have more free space. Like things have to get done, but they can kind of get done when I want them to.

Right. And I can kind of cancel most things. Wow. And so I will. I take, now I take the liberty, but I didn't get used to get to do that. And what are you, and what are you sort of, are you, you're at a lot of concerts, I feel like. Is that like your idea? God, I love going to concerts.

My ideal is like, oh, I love going to a concert. Yeah. I love seeing my friends, mostly my friend shows. I want to see my friends do their thing. I like going and seeing my friends, like, do the thing they're really good at and then hang out with them for a little bit afterwards and make them feel supported. That's so much fun. I love going to a dinner. I love a dinner.

I love walking. I've been walking to Manhattan a lot from Brooklyn. Love walking. Huge. Huge. Huge. Standing, no, thank you. Walking.

Walking. Walking. Love it. It's the best. It feels so good. It's the best. thing. It's really the only exercise that I prefer to be involved in. I know. That was my big burden. Are you out here dancing? Oh, yeah. I went dancing the other night with Carly Kane.

Oh, I love Carly. We went dancing. I haven't seen her in forever. Oh, God. But yeah, but my ideal day, concert, biking. You're biking? You're not, you're not finding me on a bike. Oh, I love to bike. Oh, wait. In New York, that's like a death sport. Yeah. Well, there's a thrill in it. Are you really biking around these? Oh, yeah. Whoa. I remember the first time I moved to New York, or no, the only time I moved to New York, I hadn't been here. And I was like, oh, yeah, I know how I'm going to die. It will be impaled by cyclists. Impaled by a cyclist. Yeah, because, like, they go careening by, like, they don't worry about the walk. You really, as a pedestrian, you have to have your wits about you. Like, in L.A., there's people walking on the five freeway and you just have to dodge them. Yeah. You know, that's on you.

I would say cyclists, in my experience, are pretty, the thing. to me that I think about cyclists is they are the perfect example of a community that's mostly right but suffers from being too fucking annoying like they are mostly correct cyclists it's like drivers completely disregard them pedestrians will stand

in the fucking bicycle lane doing nothing on their goddamn phones like I understand the cyclists that are putting out like head cam footage of them screaming at people because people are fucking idiots right but because cyclists are so goddamn annoying we don't want to hear their correct message and that's that's the burden and now we're circling

back to politics. And that's their burden. They have the correct message, but they are so all goddamn insufferable. Yeah. No, but sometimes, and I have experience at this trip, I will be candid with you. There's a walk sign, and there's a cyclist

that said, no bitch, absolutely not. Yeah, of course. I just think generally cyclists are more in the right than in the wrong. There's going to be a cyclist who blows a walk sign every once in a while. Yeah. But most of the time, cyclists are following the rules

in being safe because they're in a vulnerable position. and drivers and pedestrians are ruining it. And so what we're doing, God, I didn't know that you were doing this around here. Are you doing that only in the daytime though, right? No, I'm biking at night. Oh, my God, you're a wild man. Yeah, people don't love it.

You can't be corralled. Well, I think it's fun. Also, I know what I'm doing. I think a lot of it's just paying attention. Oh, couldn't be me. Couldn't be me. Couldn't be me. No, I love it.

It's the most magical thing. That's really nice. I'm so happy you love New York as much as you do. I love New York. Moving here is the best decision I'm so glad about that. I love that. Are you going to move back? No.

I know. You love L.A.? Oh, no. I'm such a... I need my trees. I need my son. Yeah. You know, I wake up and this was a tough year this past year.

And when you guys were having that winter from hell, I was like, yep, too fragile. Every day I wake up. Thank God this on is there for me today. Oh, it was beautiful, though. Yeah. It was beautiful. It was so awesome. You know, you have a much more robust constitution than me.

You know, so yeah, it's perfect for you. You got that grit. The grit has left me. I don't even think it takes that much. I mean, here's what I'll say. I leave a lot, so I'm not a good, I'm not a good advocate for how beautiful the winter is. I'd be leaving. I'd be going other places.

I don't have to commute to an office in Manhattan every morning. So other people, I don't begrudge anyone complaining about it. But I will say, God, I missed seasons. Yeah. I woke up after four years in L.A. And I was like, what the fuck happened? Where am I? What did I do?

I did nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Four of the most prime years of my life, the last four years of my 20s, I was in LA doing almost nothing. Right. And I woke up and I was like, oh my fucking God. What happened to me? I know. I can understand that sentiment.

I am quite glad that I started comedy in New York. I feel like there's nowhere like it. You know, I'm glad I was out all the time. I was running ragged, going to multiple shows and I go and drinking, you know, not sleeping the entire time I was here. Now that's why I'm catching up. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm glad I did it. Yeah.

Yeah. We miss you. Thanks. We miss you out here. I stopped by and, you know, next time we'll be doing the karaoke, so. I'd love to get a text. I'd love to get a text. All right, well, now that we've covered it, like, you know, again, I'm not, I don't want to intrude on Anne and Merrill and Stanley.

Ann and Merrill and Stan. And Stan. Is he just a dream? Yeah, he is. Of course. But it is funny. The thing you're mentioning. is like a thing that I've heard a lot

in the last like two years of people being like, I just, I didn't want to bother you and I'm like, bother me. I know. Am I giving that vibe? Not at all. Not at all.

You're not giving that vibe at all. Like you are the most receptive. Like you text back immediately. Like you never give that vibe. Matt and Bowen said the same thing. And they were like, wow. But I was like, this bitch. Wow.

They're like, wow. Would have loved to be. invited to that. That sounds like so much fun. Now, would I have come had I been invited? I don't know. I can't tell you that. That's not for me to know. I, I, all my decisions about where I show up are based on a, a minute to minute hour by hour assessment. Same. But even if I've said I'll be there. It doesn't, it just has to, we have to see. Right. We have to see. But I do love to be invited places. Yeah. Well, this, I was actually stunned by this. This bitch forgot that she had a birthday party and forgot who she invited, that she invited anyone.

Everyone came out on a Monday night. I would say 94% of the people there were sober too. And it was just an absolute rager. And I was like, New York is crazy in that way. Sober rager on a Monday night. I'm sorry, I'm calling Rosebud. Oh, no, I'm not. He's going to love this?

No, I don't have her number. Oh. We talk on Instagram. Do you want me to call her? Um, yeah, we call her. Sure. Claude text me. Hey, are you going to be at your studio in like 30 minutes?

I forgot my key for the building and need to get buzzed in. Who's Claude? Claude's a musician. Oh, pot? Yes. Dingle? Give me this. Help me.

Hello, Larry. Hey, surprise. It's Caleb Heron. Hello, Caleb. Hey, babe. I just wanted to confront you really quick on my podcast. Um, I am here with Blair recording, frankly, an all-timer.

I hit episode. And I've been led to believe that you had a karaoke celebration on Monday that I didn't receive a text about. Did you want to speak on that? Actually, you were sent to a part of all. And if you love you. I love you. Goodbye. I love you, goodbye.

I love you, goodbye. Yes. No! Do you know, oh my God. No, not our Dakota Johnson Ellen DeGeneres moment. Not this. Actually, Ellen, that's not true. Actually, Ellen, that's not true.

Dakota was the villain in that clip. That's crazy, but you know what I will say? Not in my defense, but just as a point of reality, I'm not clicking partifles anymore. Stop fucking sending them to me. I'm not clicking part of those. I hate them. I don't want to see the guest list.

I don't want to RSVP. Text me the goddamn address and time. I'm not clicking your partifle. It's over with partifle for me. No more partifle for Caleb. Don't send me your fucking partifle. I'm done. I'm not replying with a gift.

If, stop. So you want to go back analog? You want individual text? Yes. Yeah, okay. You know, and I could be so bold here. I love an email. I love an email.

I love an email because then I just search it right up. And when I get the email, I actually input it into my calendar, whereas for some reason the text to calendar doesn't happen as easily. I love an old school email. The part of fools have gotten out of control. The partifles are out of control. People are doing them for like, they're doing them for like movie nights. Yes, that's exactly the problem.

Stop. There's an oversaturation. There's an oversaturation of particles. They're not, I don't like it. I don't like it. I'm getting upset with them. Yeah. Don't send one to me.

Right, don't send one. That's why Caleb wasn't at the Monday Night karaoke. That's on me. And I'm reaping what I sell. Right. And honestly, I'm my problem. Yeah. Open the partifle if you want to go to karaoke, you whinyy bitch.

You missed some joyful, joyful from Sister Act. No Lesson 3. times. That's actually really beautiful. I wish I was there for that. Yeah. I'm going to start opening the particles again. Take everything I said back. I'm opening particles. Send them to me. Send me your particles. Come one, come all. Y'all, when it's time to order pizza, you know who you got a call? Our friends at Domino's. And they are, they're not really friends so much as family. they have an incredible lineup of toppings to fully customize your next pizza to your heart's desire or if you want to stick with one of the trusted staples like a large pepperoni domino's has you covered

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Go to Pestey.com for an extra 10% off your order. That's P-E-E-D-C-I-E-D-com for an extra 10% off. So you've been biking outside of hanging with Merrill? I feel bad that I hung up on Rosebud. Why? But I just couldn't let her do that to me. No, she loved that.

She tried to come for me on my show. Yeah, no, she's... Nice try, bitch. Well, she posted all... She was posting about it crazy style. I was getting messages about her post from disgusting men. She was... What?

They're like, I can't believe you went to karaoke brawless. I was like, honey, look, it wasn't my most supportive bra, but... I'm not out here swanging in the streets. brawless on the Monday night. I know. Men are crazy. You wouldn't believe the DMs I get. Yes, I would.

And I feel, yeah. I've seen some of this stuff and it makes me shocked. I know. But it's like, Rosebud didn't, as like a non-single woman, doesn't get the same shit. It's like if the only thing keeping men from being gross is another man. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah, that is true.

Yeah. I got an awesome DM. I got an awesome message on Grindr the other night. Really? Yeah, do you want to hear it? Yeah. I really screenshot it because I was like, this is actually, this is actually to me the best case of a message I can get on Grindr.

Okay. Let me find this. One of my goals this weekend, and it wasn't to go on a date, but just to redo my dating profile, and I asked Rosebud to hold me accountable. Uh-huh. What is your say? My Grindr? Yeah.

Well, my grinder... That's just a fuck app, right? Yeah, pretty much. My grinder, not that interesting. My hinge is good, I think. Really? Like, you go all in? I'm bringing hotties. I'm bringing hoddies. No, but I mean, like, do you write a lot or like...

Yeah, I write some stuff on there. Okay. Do you want to see my hinge? I'd love to, thank you. I wish I could find this Grindr message. I thought I screenshotted it because I thought it was so cool. This is awesome. He said, what is this? This is four in the morning.

I had just gotten home. He said, I don't know a different way to say this. Can I please suck your dick? Before we even start, yes, I have seen your work. You're hilarious. And I want you to fuck me. if you're into it.

Awesome. That, what an opener. Really awesome. Yeah. That's like, you, like you dream of a way for someone to talk to you

and you're like, wow. No, he nailed it. Fan of my work. Sure. Wants me to consent. Right. Love that. Want me to have sex with him.

Yeah, offering a great service. Yeah. No questions. Sure. Like zero preface. No, like, dumb little game we have to play. Right.

That's awesome. I really like that. Pretty cool. Did you meet up with him? Yeah, we had great sex. We had a fun night. Wow. It was an awesome time.

I really have a lot of respect for that young man. I just love how you close the deal. It's great. It's not much of a deal to close. Usually I'm having to be, you know, usually there's a little more work involved. That was just a lay up. That was offer only.

Wow. Offer only. No self-tape. This is my hinge. Oh, okay, sheik. Oh. Would you date him? Oh, 100%.

Why can't you be straight? This is so sexy. It would make my life infinitely easier I would give anything Oh my God I love you I would give anything

To be straight If you would I would fucking move mountains No I would give anything Do you understand The way that I mean men are so pathetic

Straight men are so pathetic Because No you would If I were straight The way I would Fucking like I actually could cry Thinking about it

Like I would Clean up Dude It's so easy I just I feel that We are so People are so stupid

Yeah Like it really is Like our society is so stupid at this point that so many people I hear from, I go, I just don't even know how to seriously engage with you. Right. And I'm talking about on the internet. In real life, people are mostly lovely, even when they're dumb. But yeah. Yeah.

I just feel like we, I don't know how to seriously engage with a lot of people anymore. Well, I don't think you have to. And I feel like that realization is keeping you at some semblance of peace with all the people like, because they're projecting. they're making a huge projection on you based off of one little short clip, refusing to consider context ever, refusing to consider nuance ever. And also, by the way, refusing to shut the fuck up.

Do you know how many times in a day I see something I don't like online? I just go, oh, that's annoying. And move on with my life. I scroll. The option to shut the fuck up is there. And so many of these people just won't take it. Shut the fuck up.

Yeah. No one cares what you think. I know when I get these straight men, like, hateful straight men that don't think women should do comedy. And it's like, well, you're free to not like my clip. It's not for you, dumbass. Yeah, have I ever gone? It's psychotic to go on a stranger's video and write something hateful. But that is the same thing.

And it's that so many people, especially online, imagine that they imagine that they would do what you're doing better than you. Yeah. But we'll never know because you'll never know. because you'll never have the chance, babe. I know. We won't ever know how you would do it because no one wants to hear from you. Right.

And they think they would be a better comedian than you and it's like, then go get on stage. You can't. No one would book you. Yeah. We are never going to hear from me because you don't have anything interesting to say.

And so you're in Blair's comments talking about how women shouldn't be comedians. Brother, you can't make the people at your office life. I always say that. I'm like, that's fine. You literally never said one funny thing in your whole goddamn life. There's a reason we don't know who you are.

Right. Commenter. If you were so otherworldly funny, We would know who you are. Move on. Go find something else. Try being kind. Maybe that's your lane.

I know. Well, also, it's like, the funniest people aren't spending their day, you know, in Instagram comments on strangers' videos. They're out doing it. Yeah, they're not. And also,

a lot of the funniest people are not famous comedians, but they're also not in the comments of famous comedians doing fucking theorems about comedy and what's funny and what works. And, like, I see these guys sometimes back when I would read the comments more, like when my Comedy Central set came out. Yeah. And it was like a big deal for me to have a Comedy Central set.

Mostly nice comments, really, but a couple of straight guys that were just like, oh, this joke would have worked better if X. Get on stage. Yeah, or like. Let me know when you get on stage. And they're like, good concept, but need to work on the delivery. Do it. I'm like.

Show me, send me your 10. Yeah, I'm like, send me your 10, you pathetic bitch. Yeah, okay, Seinfeld. Like, I, you don't know. Oh my God. It's so, it's just like, you're, you know, you, yeah, you've never done this and you never will. And then I feel like sometimes when you say that, people are like,

oh, so they have to like you? I'm like, no, they don't have to like me. But they certainly shouldn't be criticizing the way I do something that they don't have the balls, talent, skill, or courage to even try. Sorry to bring it back to Bray Round, but if you're not in the ring, baby. Get out of here. I think it was Renee Brown who said, get out of here. She said, I don't know her quote.

This is a non-texting paraphrase. but um what she said if they're not in the ring with you their criticism doesn't get to be in there either hello hello

I think that's word for word but no also the idea that it never considers it never crosses their mind because they feel like everything whether they're aware of it or not is inherently for them

that if they don't like something that it could be actually for an entirely different audience yeah Like, I, you know, when I think about straight men, sometimes I'm like, I literally have nothing in common with you. I don't know how I'm supposed to go to bed with you. You know, like, we don't, we don't have any of the same interests, ideas. Keep following that.

I'm going to. I know that's your wish. Keep following that. Dakota? What's up, girl? Chase that down. Yeah. No, I think sometimes I do prefer, though, me personally, and obviously, this probably wouldn't speak to your experience.

But for me personally, I sometimes prefer the straight guys that are just like, he's unfunny, his jokes are bad, to the, like liberal queer people that don't like me that are like try to make me like a moral failing or try to give like an academic analysis of what is supposed to be silly and absurd where they're like where they're like he he's it's problematic that he said that and it's like no you just don't think it's funny shut the fuck up you don't think it's funny shut the fuck up you're insufferable problematic i hate problem if you say problematic to me i will never take you seriously again it's also just so crazy because i mean especially you like you're out there and you were way before even you

achieved these like great levels of success like doing the work like you are very heavily involved in charity giving your money your time I do the bare minimum I do the bare minimum I do not I do I do I do what I think I'm supposed to do I don't even want anyone to be like he's such a great activist I know that you don't want that I just mean like

and I know that that's not what you're going for but it's like to go after to not have the awareness that who you're going after is actually like putting good into the world and doing and like as opposed to so many other people that are either actively harming or just not doing shit. Yeah, I think my, I don't need anyone to think that I'm a hero. I don't think that. But problematic to me is such a specifically stupid brain dead worthless accusation against someone, not even just me, in general in the world. Yeah. Problematic is like you either need to find a real problem in your own life, go find something to be actually worried about. Yeah.

Or you have to actually say what you don't like about this person. You probably, Problematic is like, really sit down and think about that. What does that mean? It means nothing. Think about a real problem and try and assess the text or the content through like any kind of lens at all that has any kind of merit. Problematic is just like the dumb person's way of being like, I don't like this and that means it's morally wrong. No, it's not. You just don't like it.

And you're not a serious person to engage with. Yeah. And also it's like not, it's a comedy podcast. Or a stand-up set. Yeah, or a comedian. Whatever. Yeah. It's just like it doesn't matter.

The point is to have fun. Like we're not, I mean, look, I'm not trying to be like, I'm pushing the boundaries. And look, on the last bastion of truth. Like, you know. I'm a fucking poet and philosopher. I'm a poet. And look, if you don't like it, then, you know, just get the fuck out of here.

Leave the country, you know. Immigrate. Fucking immigrate. Yeah. But it's also like, then we go. the other way too far the other way, you know? Yeah.

And you're just like, God, can anything be remotely fun anymore or just like silly? And can you just dislike something quietly? Yeah, can you just? Must you be so, so, like, vigilant about the things you don't like? I don't like plenty of things and I just mostly keep it to myself.

Oh my God. For the most part, except, well, when it comes to, like, movies and TV and stuff like that, there are things I definitely talk about not liking. You're in the Netflix comment. I'm in the comments on Netflix. God, if Netflix had comments, it would be such a nightmare. Could you imagine if streamers got comments?

God. We're probably close. Now there's commercials. We're basically back to paying for 70 different cable packages. I know, I love it. You do? Yeah, I'm really happy about it. I think it's good.

Yeah, I know you do. I'm glad it costs way more and it's way worse. Right. I think that's awesome. And that's happening with everything, by the way. I know. Everything costs more is worse. Nobody does customer service anymore.

Everyone's customer service now is fuck you. It's fucked you and it's some, like, hateful robot. that just has three. It's a hateful robot that has like A, B, C, D answers. And they're like, did A, B, C, or D meet your, answer your question? It's like, no, bitch, not even close. Not even the same galaxy. And they're like, thank you.

Have a nice day. Everyone's customer services, you type in your question and their little bot sends you back a link to an FAQ page. Yes. Why don't you mail me a knife and I'll stab myself to death? What do you talk? This is so unhelpful. Nobody has good customer service anymore. everyone's product is getting worse.

It all costs way more than it ever did. And it makes no sense. Yeah, it's crazy. It makes no sense. And I feel crazy all the time. I do too. What are we going to do? I mean, the flights, the flights, it's crazy.

I'm going to personally do nothing except for complain a little bit. Sure. But I do think somebody should do something. But at least it's on your own forum and it's not in someone else's video. Hello. Also, if you want to complain about an airline, go nuts. Yeah. Well, I will say the one boundary I have for myself is I will not do, I've said this before on the show.

No matter how bad travel gets for me, I will not do. On stage. On stage, maybe public Instagram story tagging the airline. Oh. When people do this, it is the most humiliating base behavior. When you see someone with 8 million Instagram followers and seven houses posting on Instagram being like, at JetBlue, you're over! I'll never fly you again. It's like, why were you in the first place?

Like, do you not have a contact? Like, call the, you must be a status with them. Call the people. Like, what are you talking about? I love that you find that to be the lowest level of gauche because I'm always like, I'm glad someone, I'm like, I appreciate it because I'm like $8 million. Maybe they'll listen to them. I know. I just think it's so humiliating. It is. I think it is and I get where you're coming from. And I've been in the place. You know what I mean? Where you, you've had a day where an airline pushes you to your fucking edge. And I get why they do it because again, everyone's customer service now is fuck you, sit on it and spin.

But I just can't bring myself to do it. Not when my life is the way it is. Remember, like, several years ago when Nicole Beyer opened one of, like, the blankets and there was shit in there. And then she, that was unbelievable. She, like, talked about it on, like, the couch on, like, late night. In her special, she got, like, a huge settlement from them. It was really incredible. Yeah. And I was, like, go, Nicole, like, do it for the rest of us.

Yeah. You know? That's a really, really good perspective and point on it. And I'm going to sit with that and think about it. And maybe I'll change my mind. Yeah, no, if you could reflect and sort of, sort of if you could. maybe open your heart a little bit and let something else in, that would be good. My heart is somewhat open.

There are little windows where my heart is open, and I'm finding myself in one now, and I'll hear what you're saying, and maybe I'll change my mind. For now, I find it to be one of the most humiliating things you can do. Hey, I'm Frank. Before, we don't even need to talk about it, but I love your work. Can I suck your dick? Hey, can I suck your dick? Cool as hell.

Awesome thing to say to somebody. Awesome thing to say to somebody. I appreciate when someone will cut the fat like that. No need for a long runway. We're all busy. Yeah, we're so busy. We're busy. Cut to the chase. What are we doing here? How was your day? Are we fucking or not?

I'm trying to think what I would feel is like really charming to me. It's like a way that a man could like get in my heart. Yours would be like, yours would be like, hey, you're so beautiful and smart and I really like value your personality. And I don't even want to hook up with you yet. I'd really like to take you to a nice dinner. That would, I think that would, I would get like a phone call if a guy said that to you. I'm so sorry. I just felt like a. a huge rush under this. I am so sorry. Does anyone have a paper towel or something?

Can someone mop this up? Is there like a mat? Especially if he was like five years older than you with a good... With a good job? Oh my God. I just know. I know. Also red too?

What'd you say? There's also red books. Yeah. I thought you said he's red. I was like, I guess he could be red. Yeah, he could be a little sunburnt. No worries. I love how you tried to just allow that.

I was like, okay. Yeah. I was like he's red, sure. Actually, sun protection's really. important to me. Yeah, I was like, oh, he's red. Yeah. No, at first I thought you meant like a gender. I was like, that's cool. No, because my first boyfriend ever, or not my first boyfriend ever, like my, in my 20s, like my real serious, like post high school college boyfriend, he was from my hometown and he was literally like the first man. I had met what like knew about

literature. Yeah. And, you know, that led me right in there. Yeah, I got you in there. I overlooked a lot. Opened you right up. Open me right up. It was an unsafe, you know, scenario. And because he was talking to me about, you know, Charlotte Bronte and stuff like that. And then later I found out he lied, but he still was very well read. That's really awesome that you lied about that. Yeah.

That's a real, I'm sorry, but that's a ball knower. Yeah. That's a real player to lie about reading Charlotte Bronte to get to mass. That's like, sorry, that's awesome. I hate that he did it to you, but that's a pretty, like, that's a student of the game. No, honestly, I wish that I could just have one shred of calculation in my life. I mean, one, I would love just one morsel of nefarious behavior, of thought to sort of try to trick someone. It's never crossed my mind to trick someone.

You know, when I was on, one time I was on a, for one year of my life, when I was two years in a comedy, I was on a prank show. Yeah. And I was the only cast member that liked the pranks. And I think it was just because the sheer, the one moment of me sort of getting. one over on someone for the first time, first and last time ever. Yeah. You know, someone orchestrating some a little bit of conniviness. Do you know what Michelle said to me recently?

What? That really fucked me up. Michelle told me recently, we were, I don't know, we're like in a car from something. We were like, you know, working. And Michelle goes, I think it was a dream? Michelle goes, I had a dream that a vision. Yeah, worse. Michelle goes, I had a vision that you're going to get your heartbroken this year by a red-headed man.

and now every time I'm attracted to a red-headed man on a dating app or if I see a cute red-headed guy and I'm like, I can't talk to him. Whoa. Michelle had a vision. Number one, she had a vision that I'm going to get my heartbroken.

Horrific. Right. Number two, by a ginger. It's very specific. Crazy. And now I'm sorry, if you have red hair, don't talk to me for a while. Michelle, what is the genesis of this vision?

Were you sort of a deep, um, binaural beats meditation or mushrooms or... Thank you so much for asking. I just like have vision. Sometimes where I look at someone and really be something. We're also high. That's not. We were stoned.

We were stoned. We were stoned. And I made it scarier for me personally. I'm stoned to Michelle's like, you're going to have your heartbroken this year. And I was like, what? Third eye opened just out of nowhere. And Rupert Grynt came into your awareness. Yeah.

Rupert Gryton. Like, yeah, something similar to that. To break my heart. Because I, one thing about me, I love a redhead. Yeah. I mean, not every redhead. Just like, not any one thing of anything. but like 50% of redheads, I'm super attracted to.

Back when I was a really ill gay man and I would still hook up with like closeted straight guys. Really? Which is a journey you have to go through as a good guy. That sounds so scary. Of course, it's horrific and you'll really assign meaning to it. I mean, it really, some gay guys don't grow out of it. And to those, to my brothers, I want to say,

heal yourselves. But I was in that for a moment and I will say one of my most challenging straight guy situation ships was a ginger. Oh, so maybe your future vision was actually. A past vision. Because, you know, parallel realities. Maybe being stone blurred the timeline. Right.

Maybe you didn't understand that actually my heart was already broken by a ginger, so I'm actually released from the curse. Yeah, you went back and forth. You were all, you were experiencing all everywhere, everything, everywhere at once. All the planes were, yeah, all the planes were, the veil was thin in that moment. The multiverse. The multiverse. Absolutely.

Of ginger heartbreak. Ginger Heartbreak is a cool name for something. Absolutely. Maybe a drag queen. That one guy, I'm so attracted to, that was the star of homeland. the Redhead I've never seen that show okay he was also on billions

I know you caught every episode of that show I've never seen billions I'm so sorry no no I know you've seen it all seven Any other ones? What's his name His name's like Dominic or something Damien Lewis he's so hot I think he's so hot and such a good actor

He seems he has very kind eyes I think he's so attractive Oh my god You remember this oh I have to tell you something off That when we This was like four years ago and I had a crush on this comedian and I told you guys and you're like, all of you were like, nope, I don't see it. And I recently told him that I had a crush on him. And he was like, no.

He said no. He doesn't want to hear that? Who is it? What, wait a bit? Oh, yeah. What? And you told him? And he said, he said no?

I mean, men are diseased. He should be bending over backwards. I did tell him that he would regret it. And he was like, I already regret it. But, like, you know, we're really close friends. Yeah, whatever. And I do have to see him almost, like, every night. And I, and I, and I, but I'm never, like, I don't see comedians as sexual beings.

So that was just, like, a real rare thing. Yeah, you don't really see comedians as human. I see the female and gay and they're. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Male comedians are not human too. And actually, I like a lot of male comedians as a friend. Yeah.

But nothing past that now. Yeah. I'm like, oh, we get a flat tire. I'm going to have to call in some sort of SWAT team. I mean, you know, like, I was like, oh, like these fuckers know how to operate a grill? What am I? You think they're weak beta male cucks? Absolutely.

That's what I call them week beta male cucks. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we've all used the same excuses when it comes to avoiding seeing a therapist. Things like it's out of my budget. I don't know if my insurance covers it. Or that classic, what if I can't find someone who's a good fit for me? Lucky for y'all.

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Thank you, True Fruit, for sponsoring this episode. What a tasty treat. Oh my God, I texted Claude. Yes, you can buzz us. We'll let you in. And they said, never mind. Someone let me in. Thank you, though.

Wow. Wow. No respect. Claude. Yeah. Claude has a, uh, works at a studio in this building. And Sarah Squirm has a studio in this building. Oh, really?

We're kind of making a revolution over here. I love that. There's a Brooklyn Revolution that no one's talking about. I feel like everyone's talking about it. There's a Brooklyn Revolution in this building. No, this is. This building kind of sucks. We've made it nice, but the guy totally liked me.

I think it's gorgeous. The guy totally lied to me. The guy when I rented this place to, for, to be the studio, he was showing it to me. and I go, there's like a bus depot across the street. And I go, you know, we record podcasts. So just shake my hand and promise me that during the day it's quiet. And he shakes my hand and he goes, it's quiet, man, you're going to love it here. Let's sign a lease.

And I said, okay, I trust you. Cannot be louder. There's a drummer? I've never expected. Drummer, I wish. I fucking wish it was a drummer. Instead, it's a bus depot that operates all hours of the day. I don't even know where they're taking the buses.

They're seemingly going into the parking lot. You know what makes those loud beeps when they back up? Yeah. Beep, beep. I think they're going out there backing the bus up 10 feet, driving it forward, backing it up 10 feet. Like an Austin Powers scenario in that hallway with the golf cart. If you told me that what happens over there is that it's their job to test the beepers on the buses to make sure that they're working, I would believe you. All day testing.

It is completely insane. I had to pay tens of thousands of dollars to soundproof this like curtain over here that soundproofs the room. this guy fucked me and I believed him based on a handshake because I'm what like a 1950s rub I'm a fucking moron from the Midwest no that's I trusted this man's handshake right no that's that classic first date you're not gonna kill me right yeah no okay let's go yeah and now I'm dead in the woods right you're dead in the woods he killed me so loudest loudest loudest room I've ever been in when those buses are doing their thing and where are they right now right now they're not beeping we've actually with records recently got pretty lucky they're not they're not

operating so much I think it was maybe Passover for a second Sure the buses were busing. Well, I think all the Hasidic guys who run the bus depot were maybe busy with other stuff. Do they ask you if you're Jewish? We need to record. No, they do not ask me if I'm Jewish. Oh, because, you know, they would ask me if I was. I would love if they would talk to me at all.

They don't speak to me. Oh. I would love to be in community with them. Right. I try to smile with them. I try to be in community. They're not interested in speaking with me. No, they said just take our buses.

Totally they're right. Yeah. I wish I could take their buses. I'd put them somewhere else. I tell you, if I was in charge of all the Hasidic buses in the city, You know what I'd do with them? Move them out of the bike lane. I would move them out of the bike lane

because my brothers are putting them in the bike lane. Gosh, I had no idea before I arrived here how pro-bike you've gotten. I've always been pro-bike, but I'm telling you, between the Hasidic community and the NYPD, the parking in the bike lanes is at an epidemic rate. Wow.

And the NYPD, of course, I'm more about that. And they always said there was going to be another epidemic. It's so funny, I get, like, I'll be biking and I'll come up on a row, hello. I'll come up on a row of Hasidic buses, and I'll get so mad. Yeah.

I'll be like, God damn it. And then I'll be like, Caleb, you can't. They're Hasidic. Which is not true. I can definitely be mad at them for parking a bike lane. Right. And then I come up on one where the NYPDs park. They might legitimately be doing something.

Sure, but probably not. But I allow myself to get mad at them and that feels nice. No, I think that's important. It's really nice. The other night I was on the road in some town that I never want to attend again. And this man who I was speaking to sort of, you know, having a cheeky little back and forth with on the stage. He didn't answer at all.

And so that, of course, kept provoking me. He just kept doing a light smile. But then after his parents, they're hammered and they're like, they're like, you got to meet our son. You want to know what he does for a living? He's a cop.

Like thinking I was going to be like, who! Sounds good. Take me here in front of your parents. He's a professional candy crush player. Then he DM. me like multiple times and I was like I didn't I didn't respond but I was just thinking you literally couldn't say one word in person but you're also a police officer and now you're DM me on here why am I airing him out like this but still it was shocking to get a DM from a cop air him out I've been trying to stay away from you guys for a lifetime be careful he might be running a sting operation trying to bring you down I don't know I don't know what for but he might be trying to get you for some kind of financial crime or something if you're doing any of those well are you committing crimes the thing is if I work committing crimes. I know everyone would immediately assume financial because I sort of have that

feel of like day trader, you know, like industry. Lock them in on that, lock them in there. Yeah, penny stocks. What is that person? What's her name? Who? What's that bitch's name? Um, I love that show. It's been too long. Sorry I had a Zikwill last night. That's okay. Yeah. It's pretty late in the day, but yeah. Zikwill maybe still has some lingering. Well, Rosberg gave me two and I'm more of a one guy. You took two Ziquel. Yeah. Okay. Because that's a correct dosage.

Yeah. Yeah. You ever take a Zika? Are you a good sleeper? I'm a pretty good sleeper. That's an incredible trait. Yeah. That's going to give you a really good life.

Okay. Yeah. I love that. For me, sort of not my strength. Sleeping? Yeah. From the womb. Two Zquil's a lot.

Oh, honey. That was like a trinkylizer. Yeah. That is their scheduled dose, but I think they should knock a down one. Me and my friend Kevin played in a baseball game recently in Texas. And then we were driving back to Ken City together. and we stopped in Oklahoma City and our big, like, relaxing night

was that we went to dinner, shared a steak, stopped at a gas station, got Advil PM, both took a double dose and went to fuck to bed. Oh my God, that's me and Rosebud's, like, that's what we do every time we see each other. Also, the Advil PM was because we had played in like a pretty lighthearted game of baseball. Right.

Like, it wasn't even that serious. I ran really fast one time, and my body is straight up still recovering, and this was weeks ago. No, I know what you mean, though. When you play like a fun, uh, You have like a sports romp

When you get to it like a certain age And you think that you your body wants to And your heart you just want to click back into what was Once was Yeah And it says no and it's like crazy Because you still go for the moves that you had And it's just a different world

I kind of thought like We stretched a bunch I like I walk like multiple hours a day I bike like I thought Well I just thought like I'm good I'm good. I'm, I'm younger than a lot of these guys. I'm like, I move my body a lot. Sure. I'm good. Yeah. So, running as fast as you can.

Yeah. Just running as fast as you can for three bases, it's just a different kind of thing. No, it's crazy. When are you ever going 100% run? Like, as fast as you can. And mind you, I'm a big guy. So it's a lot to ask of the body to run like that. Yeah. And I did score. Okay, bitch. What were we working with? I scored. It was awesome. Okay. But yeah, I'm paying the price. My legs are still feeling a little funny.

Right. I can't tell you how long ago this was. That's fine. And so, so are, do you have a pretty, a good swing on you? How what? Oh, yeah. Really? Oh, yeah. You've been perfecting that thing. Oh, yeah. I used to play baseball. It's no problem. What position were you? I played at one point I played first base. At one point I played third base. They knew not to put me in the outfield.

Yeah, same. I played one year on the Toronto Blue Jays. And I was first base. You were first base for the Toronto Blue Jays. Yeah, I mean the T-ball team. Thank you. Yeah, no problem. And then once in a while I get into shortstop,

and I think that speaks to my agility and the way that I can move quickly, anticipate. And be a leader. Yeah, be a leader. And there's only three girls on the team. and this kid Brett ever Always used to burp in my fucking face Yeah I hit him with a bat

That's appropriate Yeah that's really appropriate But I had to carpool with him still After the bat Where did you hit him? Just like on the arm or something Did he get really hurt? This is the last time you're burping in my face

motherfucker You said that? Yeah And did he get really hurt from it? No But he cried Of course Yeah that's what you get

You shouldn't have been burping in your face Yeah and that's what if I see it any of you internet commenters out in the wild. What's going to happen? I hope you square up, motherfucker. If you say anything about Blair's voice, she's going to hit you with a bat in the arm.

Actually, it doesn't hurt me, and I want you guys all to know that. So just keep at it. I feel nothing. Nothing. But if you call Caleb problematic, I will get my bat out so fucking fast. Problematic. Yeah.

I want you to have a bat out at all times. Thank you. I want you to have a Louisville slugger with you at all times. Louisville slugger. I want that. Did you hit a home run in your baseball career? I never hit one. Maybe I hit one.

I think there was one game when I was in like fifth grade that I might have hit a home run. I'm forgetting if it, I got home on the run. I'm forgetting if it was in the park or out of the park. Sure. Because they might have just fucked up throwing the ball back. But I got home on it. That was kind of cool. Hell yeah.

No, that's huge. I miss the good old days. Yeah. I miss my glory days. Sandlot. I miss high school football. Right. I would give anything to be back under those lights.

God. Those boys don't realize how good they have. I just love that you play high school football. God, I'm missing everything. It's so chic. There's nothing like it. I would have been in love with you. There's nothing like the way those lights hit you when you're out there with your boys.

Absolutely. It's you and your teammates against the world. When I was rolling up to that of a field, I had like my best glitter, eyeshadow on on a Friday night. My mom probably told me to take it off. And it was just so exciting. Gave me a couple of bucks for, you know, just like a nice popcorn. I miss you.

Go out there. Look at those asses and those tight ass pants. Yeah. The NFL, you can still do that. I know. that and that's sort of something when you used to live in LA that I enjoyed with you. Yeah. I became a cheese fan with you, even pre-Taylor Swift.

You did. It was very special. That was bizarre. Yeah, huh. I really like the community. I really like the passion that you guys had going around there. Yeah, it was fun. We made good food.

The food was unlike anything. I was like, oh. Most of the point. Well, I was like, football parties in California really pale compared to a Midwest football party. Like, there was a, what is that, like, canned cheese? called that's so good. Oh, Rotel. Rotel!

There was so much Rotel, and I was like, this is where I'm supposed to be. Rotel with spicy sausage. Rotel with spicy sausage is my dream. Homemade chicken wings and ranch. Food. It's half the reason. The biggest part of the reason

to watch football on Sundays is to eat the... Oh, I'm so hungry. I'm thinking about Rotel. Eat the delicious food, and then another big part of it is to objectify them in. Yeah. Look at their arms and their little uniforms. Yeah, they're hot.

I want them. Also, your shrewd sports analysis is pretty impressive. They should let me be a gym at GM or a coach. Yeah. Caleb gets so serious. This is my, he's like, everyone get ready and, you know, quit running the ball. We got us up running the ball.

Well, why they ever, yeah, I get, so the chiefs piss me off so much because they will run, they will do some tricky, stupid bullshit on like third and four. Yeah. They're like doing like a fucking pitch behind the line of scrimmage. What are you doing? Yeah, no, they need a, you need a, you need a, draw the goddamn ball. You need a direct line because they're not, you have such. I was going to say court awareness, but I have to switch it to field.

Field awareness, you can see a direct shot that they're not utilizing. Well, here's a deal. I am, like every man who came before me, an unathletic Midwestern man who thinks that he could coach the Kansas City Chiefs to another championship. Sorry, but I... And that's a beautiful delusion. It is a beautiful delusion. And I have to say, as an elite athlete myself, former, former.

I won't be so bold. A former, a long time ago, many years ago, say, I've... I've met many a straight man who believes in their heart, every cell of their body that they could be an elite level NFL coach, NBA coach. And I do have to say that you're the only one that I think could actually do it. I've long said I would bring intrigue to the, if they would give me one, I'm not kidding,

if they obviously never would. I would drop everything else in my life to go coach the NFL, any team, give me the worst team in the league for one year. And I don't know if we'll win, but we will be talked about. Right. I would make it so fun. Oh my God, I'll make it so fun. No, this would be incredible.

This would be like Ted Laso with Flair, you know. Ted, Ted, no offense to Jason and the whole team over at Ted Lassau. Sure, and the whole team. He doesn't, Ted Lassau doesn't hold a candle to what I would do. I know that. He's too cutesy with it. Right. I would rule with an iron fist.

Like the Navy. Worse. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no, I just know that team. I can see the whole movie. I can see the whole timeline passing before my, this,

Remember the Titans and it's you know you start out I love Remember the Titans It's such a good movie Incredible movie Denzel We're not grateful enough We're not grateful enough Yeah

We're not grateful enough for Denzel Yeah I love Denzel I don't care how celebrated he is It's not enough It's not John Q? Have you watched John Q? I haven't

One of the last movies I remember I mean movie dreams Dreams that I remember Because I don't remember a lot of dreams Because I take a night I take a night before I do my TikTok every night Yeah

That's probably not but you want me off that, I know. I want you off tick. Nightgummy we can keep. I do want you off. Only 5 milligram and I never up and and in my tolerance never increases. And I get blasted to the moon every night. And that's how I make a lot of, I get a lot of presents for myself on there, TikTok shop. Yeah, sure.

You're doing TikTok shop? Sometimes, yeah. Okay. Yeah. No worries. You seemed to peace with it. So I was going to let it go. Well, I oddly purchased like endless beauty products.

And a lot of the first, they launched their. for sometimes. Like, you can't get them. They're launching beauty products exclusively to TikTok shop. Yeah. That's, I don't know why that feels so dystopian to me. It is.

It is just dypian. Of course. You know, or the stuff that I buy off the ads because they like get inside your brain, like they really know your algorithm, you know, off Instagram ads. Yeah.

I'm like, oh yeah, that is exactly something I would like. Yeah. It's sad. It's very sad. They do sometimes get me with the Instagram. I've never ordered, but they do sometimes get me with the Instagram ads. I will see something and be like,

you figured me out. Yeah, well, I'm like, I've never heard of that brand before. I've never seen this before. Yeah. So intriguing. So intriguing. Yeah.

What's so true to you, Blair. What's so true to me? What's so true to me? Should I be, um, is this supposed, sorry. Nobody ever has it ready. Don't worry about it. Well, I cannot tell you. There is not a single person who has ever come on the show.

I almost went super earnest, though. That was my inkling. Is that what you want to do? I don't know. Let's try it. What's so true to me? friendship is true to me I love friendship

I do too and I like an appropriate appropriate level of loudness in a car that's really true to me say more about that I think if you have a loud car that

oh I thought you meant inside of the car you mean of a car loudness of a car oh I feel murderous no this is so so true to me in every waking cell of my body. If you have a loud car, what happened?

Why are you doing this? You're going to hell when you die. You don't have to do this. You're going to hell. You can trade in that car. You can take that muffler off. We, like. They put it on to make the noise.

I know that. They like it. I know. No, they are out here, like, thinking that they're cool guys, you know, really doing something. And then to us, it sounds like nine-inch nails in Guantanamo Bay. Yes. And we are all, it's ruining our days.

My mom, I'm on my walk, talking to my mom on the phone. She can't hear a fucking word I'm saying. The loud motorbikes that zip through traffic. Yeah. I don't want anything bad to happen to them, but. No, I don't want. It pisses me off. I don't want anything bad to happen to you,

but I just want you to consider what it would like to consider one other person one time in your life. For even a moment. Or one second. There's old people out there, you know, they could have a startle. I'm not even going to pretend this is about old people for me. It pisses me directly off. Oh, it upsets me. I don't even really care about the elderly in that way.

I'm telling you it's pissing me off. Turn the car down. If you're putting stuff on the car to make it louder on purpose, you will go to hell when you die. You will be there for eternity. They will. You're a bad person. Well, it's that thing in psychology where they only know how to get negative attention.

Right. You know? Yeah. They don't know how to get attention in a positive way. So it's just like that's their only way is to get people mad. Yeah. You know? It's working.

It's like those kids who are. ding-dong ditching as kids, but they just continued on. Dude, can I tell you something? To adulthood? One time, me and my friends were, like, camping in his yard. We were like, we were like, can we put a tent in the yard? Fun? His parents were like, sure.

Wimcical. So we're out there in the tent and, like, I mean, I have a, I feel like it was like 4 in the morning. The truth is that it was probably like 11 p.m. Sure. Just based on being a kid. Yeah. And we were like, okay, let's go ding-dong ditch this guy's house.

Right. We went and ding-dong, we didn't know them. But we went and ding, we rang the doorbell and ran away. And of course it's like, hey, there's a group of kids giggling in a tent one block away. I wonder who did this. And we rang the doorbell and we go back to the tent. And then like five or ten minutes later, we just hear an adult voice outside the tent that goes, hey, guys, open up the tent and come out here. So we open up the tent when we come out and we're like, what's up?

I'm sorry. What's up? We were sleeping. And he's like, you weren't sleeping. I just heard you laughing. And I know that you rang my doorbell and ran away. Then we were like, no, we were sleeping. We would never.

And he's like, guys. He was so, like, actually kind of cool. I'll never forget it. He was like, guys, I'm really not mad at you. I know you're trying to have a good time. I have a newborn baby, and my wife and I are, like, trying to get a little bit of sleep. Please don't do that again. That really sucks.

And we were like, oh, my God, yeah, we didn't do it. But if we see whoever did it, we'll tell them. Those culprits, we will relay the message. And he was like, no, you don't understand. You're not in trouble. I'm just telling you, don't do it again. It really sucks. And we're like, yeah, well, if we were ever thinking about doing it, we won't now for sure.

It was so, I think about this guy like twice a week. The lies that you tell as a kid that you just commit to, even though there's holes everywhere. Like, we, the same thing. We had this house, like, there was an empty lot next to us for so long and then a house got built. And it was like, I don't know, whatever was crazy. And we were assholes. And one time from our driveway on the specific side. egged their house.

Yeah. Look, we were really young. Yeah. And then they were like, did your kids do this? Because it's the only could have come from your driveway and no other angle of like a regular person out in the world.

Right. And we're like, no, that's crazy. Why the fuck would we do that? Why would you even say that? Who would be dumb enough to egg the next door neighbor from their driveway? Crazy. I mean, the funniest thing about it. And I think why I think about it so often was him just like being very reasonable and

nice about it and us still refusing to level with him. Yeah. And just being like, no, dude, yeah. We didn't do that, but whoever did, they're fucked. They're fucked. Yeah. And him just like being like, guys, come on. I just being so over it. And now as an adult, I'm like, oh, I don't even know if I would have the patience to be as cool as he was about it. I think, you guys suck. I'm going to spring with a water hose or something. Your kids are so fucking annoying. Stop it. I have a newborn baby. And that newborn baby is probably like 50 years old now or something. God. Just based on how time goes.

Time is crazy. Can't talk about it. You want to play a game? Yeah, I love games. Okay. I'm going to read you 15 statements, but you're going to tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true or false.

If you get 10 or more correct, we're going to give you 50 U.S. dollars. Whoa. Okay. You ready? I'm ready. Name of the game is speed. Sydney is the capital of Australia.

True. False, Camberra. The sun rises in the east and sets in the west. False. It's true. Fuck! The atomic number for hydrogen is one. True.

True. The Atlantic Ocean is the largest ocean on earth. False. False. It's the Pacific. Costco is C-N-Wan Capistrano's largest employer. True. False.

It's the unified school district. Jay Robert Oppenheimer invented the theory of relativity. False. False. It was Einstein. Yep. The liver is the largest internal... Einstein's wife, actually.

Right, so... The liver is the largest internal organ in the human body. False. True. Fuck! Joan Rivers lived to be 90 years old. True. False, 81.

AMCA lists... I knew that. AMCA A listers can see four free movies a week at any AMC location. I thought it was three. It's three, false. True. UCLA's motto is let there be light. False.

True. The Coliseum. That's not their goddamn motto. It is, I think. I don't know, chance right? The Coliseum is located in Athens. False. False.

It's real. Elephants can't jump. False. True. Everybody loves Raymond Rand for 13 seasons. That's not what those TikTok videos of those little babies do. Everybody loves Raymond ran for 13 seasons. reasons?

False. False. It was nine. Nike is the Greek goddess of victory. False. True. Fuck! I wanted to say true.

Volleyball was invented in Massachusetts. False. True. How'd she do? Michelle, why are you laughing? Yeah, Michelle, that was fucked up because I wasn't going to laugh until Michelle did, by the way. I felt serious about it. And you know what?

I learned a lot is that I went against my intuition a lot on my first instinct. You doubted yourself. Yeah, I doubted myself, and I learned a lot, and I'll call. come out stronger. And I hope my parents know that those multiple advanced degrees I have are paying off. Yeah. Player, thank you so much for being on. Caleb, it was my goddamn honor.

Thank you for fitting me in outside of Merrill's house. And I just had the time of my life. I can't wait. Look, the karaoke tech's coming in advance next time. Thank you. I love you. Do you want to tell people where they can find you how they can support? Oh, please.

I would love to. I have a brand new podcast out that I'm really psyched about, coach-based out. Haven't been asked to be on it, by the way. Keep going. I'd love to have you on literally any fucking time you're available. Space out with Blair Soki. I think you'll love it. A lot of fun.

And I'm on tour ongoing the rest of the year. I post everything at Blair Sochi, B-L-A-I-R-S-O-C-C-I, Blairsocky.com. Love you. Thanks for doing it. Thank you.