So True with Caleb Hearon - Briston Maroney Doesn't Want to Live Forever

Episode Date: September 12, 2024

We’re so glad to see you! This week’s guest is the wonderful and talented Briston Maroney! Briston and Caleb talk everything from Johnny Cash, the life of a touring musician, private corporate gigs, a unique encounter with Sully from Monsters Inc, and much more! Subscribe to our YouTube Channel for full video episodes!  https://youtube.com/@sooootruepod?si=c70-So0jVOr1WJO3Join our Patreon for an exclusive extended interview with Briston and other bonus content! https://patreon.com/SoTruePodcast?utm_medium=unknown&utm_source=join_link&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=copyLink Follow Briston! @bristonmaroney Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Recorded at Bad Ladder Collective in Los Angeles, CA See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Something that I've tried to think about a lot in recent months, like just the concept of, okay, you going out and doing a heinously horrendous set. Like there's risk involved. I don't know if I said that. This is like a true, like a fever dream. This is an honor. It's so- For me to have you here. Man is an honor. It's so... For me to have you here. Man, it's to be here.

Thank you. I can't believe you agreed to do this. You know, I felt very charitable today. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is dangerous because I'm going to be hard on you. Please, yeah. This is going to be really tough. Do not take it easy.

I have immediately something really exciting to tell you that I don't think you even know. I'm just like truly sweating. I have to ask you, well, no, what order do I want to tell you? I'm 26. So, different years, but I have to tell you we were born on the same day. I can't get it. I know. Can you believe? January 24th, boys.

How did I not know that? I didn't either until I literally read the research for this episode. That is fantastic. January 24th. Nice research. That's my favorite kind of research. Same birthday's fucking huge can you believe that's amazing that makes me so happy three years apart that's okay you do feel you feel wiser than me i do think you're oh i can i will immediately tell you that that is not i can i can make that known immediately

you have a very wise vibe about you thank Thank you. You have a very kind of it's not stateliness. That is certainly not the right word. You just have a very like I think you've been here before. You know over the years of my relationship with substances I think that I've become really somewhat subdued and I

think that that really lends itself to coming off as wise sometimes. That's interesting. You think it's the substances? A hundred percent. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. The long-term effects of the decisions of my youth.

Yeah. I just think you're really, I think you're really grounded and really smart. That's very sweet. And that's what I think. Same to you. Every once in a while, I love our friendship, which is semi new in the world of friendships. True. But I love that every once in a while I can get you to come to my house for 15 or 20 minutes it's been honestly the highlight of my the collective 45 minutes i've

been at your home in the year that i've been in la yeah highlight i'll throw a big party and i'll say briston please come i want to see you and then you'll come for 15 or 20 minutes it's because i'm terrified of the world i get to see you and you're like a social butterfly like killing it and. And then I'm like lingering in the corner, like looking at what's in the fridge. And then I'm like, I should just go home. Like I'm so scared to be here. You're so good. I'm literally running around. I mean, like you guys talk and then I sprint away.

You're like, it's yeah, you're, it's, you're so good at it. Like puppet master, like literally like just setting people up, like making these social, like just like beautiful fireworks happen people sometimes love it and people sometimes hate it but when i'm hosting a party my big move is to walk up to like if i see a group of three that all knows each other and a group of two or four that all knows each other i'll go you guys all hey you guys meet each other and then i go anyone want to drink and then i run away and i go continuing to engineer and some of my friends have been like you know we're actually all adults who are really capable of talking to other people. And I go, no worries.

I am like your dream client. Like me being in your home is like truly like the people that you've introduced me to. And just like those moments are like I live for that shit. Like I cannot operate on my own. I love it. I think it's so fun to be like, you guys be friends. Yeah. Like genuinely, like we've met so many sweet people through those moments.

And like, yeah, it's been really awesome to have. I did want to say this to you on your podcast. Like you have been truly like such a light to us. Like, yeah. Yeah. Uh, your check is in the mail. Thank you. That's what I like to hear. I'll use it to move to New York with you, but. Thank you for getting that in? No, y'all are the best. You and Sam. I literally am so excited. I mean, I met you guys at your going away party in Nashville. I know.

Honestly, that interaction still burns my brain. I feel like I was so weird to you that night. I genuinely like that as a laying in bed crosses my mind thing sometimes, how weird I was. I was in nashville for something i don't even remember what maybe something with annie well definitely something with annie that's my my girl yeah she's my favorite and she was like yeah you gotta come and i was like oh my god i'm a huge fan of of them i would love to come to their going away

party how fun yeah i love your music oh thank you i have to say you know i'm a fan thank you i'm really deep in there i'm honored i'm really listening all the time thank you thank you the liner notes you're on i'm here on the genius i'm checking honored. I'm really listening all the time. Thank you. Thank you. The liner notes. You're on the genius. I'm checking song credits. I'm saying, who wrote on this? Who produced? Was that you who explained the lyrics of every song on the last record on Genius?

Yes. I was happy to do that. You did a great job. Yeah, it cost me a lot of money, though. Sure. I took off work. I canceled gigs. And I charged you.

Yeah, you did charge me for that. I Venmo'd you. I requested $1,000 for your time. You're a very ungenerous person, yeah. Charity is something I do not fuck with. No, it's not you. You don't have that within you. Thumbs down. Yeah, fuck charity.

I'm not interested in that. I've always said that. I will not do for others. I like vanity and I like hatred. I'm a big hatred guy. I'm a big what's good for me and also forget about others. What can I yeah how can I benefit from something while other people don't? Yeah specifically because I only enjoy it if I know that other people are are not enjoying it. You just did Lollapalooza. We just

did Lollapalooza. How was it? It was the hottest day in history but it was like the best day of my life. It was so fun. Outdoor music is tough. It is. It like specifically for the type of anxiety that I have every day, it's like kind of my nightmare. Like not knowing if at any moment something could like completely change the entire day, like weather wise or like, I don't know. It just increases the number of things that can like blow up in your face.

What specific type of anxiety do you have? Do you think? Um, it's a really, it's like a pretty common flavor it's like minute detail anxiety like i freak out about the intricacies of like you know in like the early 2000s movies where it's like the scene where it's like the camera goes into somebody's brain and it's like going through all of their yeah that's like me, but not in a cool way,

not in like a stylistically appealing way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't feel like a movie at all. No, no. More of a,

yeah. More of a just living nightmare. Yeah. It's been a lovely existence so far for me. That is so funny. I feel like you're, how do you feel about earnestness as a concept? I,

I can, I almost asked if I could swear. I can swear. I can like, Oh brother, you can swear on here. It's cool if I cuss. Yeah,

you can cuss on here. Curse words are kind of our thing. I feel like we should totally explore why I asked that question at some point. Yeah. Yeah. At some point in the world, I fuck with earnestness. I think you're an earnest guy.

Thank you. I, you know, Yeah, at some point in the world. I fuck with earnestness. I think you're an earnest guy. Thank you. I think humility is a thing that I've really analyzed a lot over the past few years of my life. It can definitely be weaponized. And I think where I came from, I'm from Tennessee, and there's kind of just a general pressure for humility to be a part of your everyday life. And I think people kind of become addicted to that. And it can be as heinous of a thing as like being overly confident and being an asshole.

So I've like really in the past few years tried to like analyze moments where I'm like, am I trying to be humble so that people like me more or something? You know what I mean? As opposed to being like, well, no, I like generally i'd want i want to genuinely have like a grasp on my relationship to art i'm making or things

i'm doing that isn't based in like outward validation you know what i mean yeah does that even like make fucking sense it absolutely does okay i think it's a balance between we all have to do like perception management all the time yeah about like how are people perceiving me and what do i seem like and and like that is something we're all always thinking about to some extent yeah like oh did i seem like a nice person when i said thank you just then or did it seem fake or whatever that's all on some level for some of us much more consciously which i think is usually anxiety and some of us much more subconsciously which is less anxiety um but yeah we're all doing that and so like humility can become this thing of like,

especially in, um, yeah, a place like Tennessee or a place like Missouri, like places that are like, um, pretty white or pretty Christian or pretty, it just, you're like, you're, oh, I think it, it, humility can become yes, a weapon, like a thing of like, um, it's more important than anything else. It's more important than um it's more important than anything else it's more important than being honest or more important than like you're not supposed to like you're almost not supposed to like yourself totally you know oh a hundred percent yeah that's crazy to me it like fucks you up so much yeah then you like start questioning your motives internally if you're like especially if you're predisposed to any type of anxiety, you start questioning your motives on everything you're doing. And then like genuinely awesome moments in your life become like these weird

mirrors where you're like, well, who like, what am I allowed to be happy? Should I hate myself? Should I not hate myself? Like what the, like,

what do I do? Like, should I hate myself? It's such a funny question. Oh, I asked what y'all think. Should I hate myself today? Yeah.

Let's do a poll. I regularly doing that poll with Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm regularly doing that poll with myself and other people verbally out loud. It's so funny. It's true. Well, anxiety is a particular, I mean, it's so,

dealing with anxiety is such, I've gotten better about it over the years personally, but it is such a, it's such a killer because a lot of times it manifests at least for me and like just doubt and and decision paralysis like how to like how to be or what to say or what to do or what to wear or how to feel about a situation i can never quite make a decision when i'm feeling super anxious because it's just like this thing that's like beating inside of you being like well it could be the wrong thing totally that sucks i mean nothing

beats it though like just doing the thing yeah we were kind of talking about that earlier like honestly when you like turning point in my life was when you asked me to do that show in new york like i think i told you that night and it maybe it seemed like i was like just being silly but i was like oh i'm gonna i'm gonna die like i'm so nervous that i'm going to die right now tonight and like i was so scared to like just, just be in an environment, like, with someone like you who I, like, look up to and, like, you know. I just, like, had to face that fear and went out and, like, played a couple songs and, like, ended up, like, riffing maybe a little too much.

No, you killed. You killed and they love the riffs. But, like, just, just like i don't know just facing the thing and like getting through 10 minutes of like physically like shaking and like confronting this anxiety that things were gonna go wrong like really set me free and like my time in la has been full of experiences like that like that's so funny because as a as a cool and successful musician being on a show of mine, you are like objectively the coolest person

within a square mile. You know, like me and my fans are such humiliating little figures. Caleb, I talked about Baldur's Gate 3. Yeah, they loved it. I literally described my Baldur's Gate 3 build to an audience of people. It's like a nightmare and a dream come true.

It was great. I do have a tendency of anyone who will go along, like I did tell you, hey, I think you should fly to New York on a whim and do my show. Yeah. And you did it. And I also, that's how I got, that's how I got Annie DeRusso hooked into my little world as well. I was like, I think you should fly to New York and do my show. Y'all were like cosmically meant to be in each other's lives. Annie is my soulmate.

Annie DeRusso, listen, girl, I don't know if you know or not. Annie is really, I met her and I was like, when we first met, it was so rushed. And so we met at like a party at South by years ago. But really when we started hanging out after that, I was like, oh, this is a person who I'm like truly like meant to be friends with yeah i feel the same way like her and the whole squad eden and everybody oh the boys my family dude yeah especially like just meeting them in nashville which like i have a lot of love for nashville but in the last year that i was there it just really felt like the walls were like caving in intensely and meeting

someone like Annie, who's just like so open-minded and so like just a great reminder that the world is so much bigger than whatever tiny spot you feel like you're in when you feel stuck. Yeah. Like such a, yeah, such a beautiful presence.

The Nashville crew, everyone doing like, there's so many incredible people doing well comedy too, but just making art in nashville yeah like yeah all those eden levi and jose and and all like all those fun like i just love everybody that i've met there in the past couple years i'm just like damn nashville starting to feel like i feel like i'm as i get older i'm like um collecting new homes totally like i'm like not physically no just have one of those portfolio yeah i feel like i'm almost collecting real estate

it's kind of like a game of monopoly that's fun to me and i don't mind that other people have zero i want to have more well as we discussed uh yeah i want my happiness at their expense no i only have one house y'all but i i feel like i'm collecting new like i nashville i've been spending more and more time because of annie and and just other friends I've had there and doing shows and stuff. And I just feel like Chicago was the first place after college when I went there to do comedy that I was like, this is a new home to me. I feel very at home in Chicago. I didn't know you lived there. For three years.

Really? For three years I lived in Chicago. Oh, my God. That genuinely makes me nervous because I'm such a fan fan of the chicago comedy world like chicago comedy baby goodness gracious i love chicago yeah it's kind of the best it's kind of faded into the background for me as i've been away from it longer because there becomes more and more reason to go other places and less and less reason to go to chicago sure and not in a spiritual way there's always a reason to go to chicago which is that i love it but in like the little

practical, legitimate way. Yeah. But I did like the last time I needed to test shows, I went and did like a three night run at Zany's Old Town Chicago. No way. Chicago is like always where I end up back when I feel like I need to creatively find something. Totally.

But yeah, I just keep collecting. Nashville's a place in the last couple of years that I've been like, this feels like a home. Good for you for like taking those trips and like going to those places. was like a home good for you for like taking those trips and like going to those places like it's so important to have places where you can like just restore your soul like i was freaking out honestly had a horrendous day yesterday just like you know the days where you just like get the call from the manager that you're like instantly you're like oh is going to be like a thumbs down situation. It's just inevitably when you're doing an artistic based career, like there are just days that are so unpredictable as far as like when you feel great,

things could just turn on a dime. So I had one of those like phone calls and then was just talking to Samia about how bummed I was to be here. And she was like, dude, you should just go back to Nashville for like four days and get your roots back. I don't know. Like it can be that simple. It's just really easy to feel like you're drifting when you do a creative thing. Like because so much of the appeal of doing this

is the variety of like every day is going to be a little bit different. It's up to you. But that can also, yeah, just put you in this really like detached place. And it's so important to like have a also yeah just put you in this really like detached place and it's so important to like have a place where you can go and be yourself and like reconnect with what you why you started doing all this shit like where what's going on with you artistically right now

i mean i know you're touring but are you working on a new record or i i we just got mixes back on a new ep that i'm like to me so i'm straight to me as soon as we in this episode i'd on the drive here like visualize the thing where i'm holding the iphone to the thing and everyone's going fucking crazy it's like that was that's what caffeine does to me i just visualize playing people my music through a microphone on my iphone um yeah i'll totally send it to you it's fucking ridiculous it's like the goofiest craziest shit i've made in years and i'm so happy about it i'm so excited yeah what's the plan for when's it gonna come out um that's like kind of the vibe of why the phone call yesterday was really hard there's like all this bullshit with our label like going down so we kind of don't know um but i'm trying to kind

of just hold on to the fact that i'm really stoked about the music and letting that steer the ship and just knowing if it's supposed to get where it's supposed to get, then it, it will. But Hey, if, if I, I'm friends with a couple of musicians and if I know anything about the music

industry as an outsider, it's that there's always something going on with the label. Good Lord. There's always something going on with these people. Lord. Yeah. They love, honestly,

it's like kind of a dream job because they're just like, it feels like to someone who doesn't work at a label, working at a label, just like you wake up and you're like, how do I fucking fuck this day? Like, what can I do? Like, to what extent can I make everything that this like kid that I've promised the world to feel like it's all fucking flipped upside down. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's awesome. It's really great. And that's with all the love in the world. Yeah. To my label, please. I only have a couple more records on the deal. Please. We love you guys.

Let's just like we can get through this together. We just need to talk. It's great. I'm just kidding. I genuinely am so lucky. I do love my label a lot. And I love my people on my label a lot. No, you've said that a lot.

You really do. Yeah, you really appreciate them. Truly. I had dinner last night actually with a friend of mine who's head of A&R at a label. And it was interesting that she was talking about going to shows all the time and how much it does become work. I'm like, oh, I've always viewed that job as something that I would be really good at and really love. And I'm like,

Oh, if I had to have a different kind of job than the one I have, like maybe I would like to like work at a record label or something. But I'm like, Oh, I, I do always do this. I do always forget that when you try to turn the thing you love into work,

it becomes work. And it makes so much sense to be like, Oh, that would burn you out very quickly. Oh my God. Yeah. It's so, Oh, it's so crazy. like we were touching on that earlier but like the idea of like i got into all of this like any any creative adjacent thing that like rules my life now

i got into it because i felt like i couldn't explain to the people that i wanted to explain who i was like i had no language to tell them who I was. And then I found music and it felt like that was my chance to be like, Oh my God, in this community, in this world where I felt like maybe a little misunderstood, I like finally found my way to explain what I care about. But now I rely on that thing to like keep the lights on you know what i mean and it's

a really strange combination and my time in la honestly has like really shined a light on how to my detriment i like put all that pressure on myself to like make music my career like and i've really tried to take a step back and make music from a place of like just true emotion like which like is nothing profound like that's not a new idea but like it's crazy how distant I was from like the joy that I felt when I was 14 and I had started playing guitar like this is the thing that everyone who gets really good at a thing and it becomes their career that I, I'm,

I have heard so many people talk about this. I feel a version of it in my own work and creativity that like the thing, even you're saying about like, Oh, this isn't profound. It's like the most basic thing. It's like, yeah,

that's the problem is that like you get so far from the fundamentals and the basics of it. Like I remember when I was first in Chicago and I was first doing comedy I just had moved there fresh out of college like really like Everything was an option to me I didn't know if I was gonna do stand-up or improv or theater or acting or like any everything was an option and I would Put up material that was so bad. I Would put up I would do shows that were like genuinely like criminally bad Yeah, the idea that people paid money to see it made me physically ill.

That's so awesome. But I was happy to do it. I was like, I can't wait to do a bad show tonight because I'll learn something from it. And now if I have an incredible, if I do an hour of standup and it's an incredible show and I have one bad joke, I feel so much guilt that these people had to see me do a bad thing. And I, it's's so I've gotten really I'm really having kind of a creative crisis recently honestly where I'm like I've gotten so far from creating from the place I did when I started out which was such a pure place to create

from but yeah now it's all about like well if I'm gonna spend time on something it needs to make money because now this is how I pay my bills and I have a mortgage and people depend on me and like it does everything starts to get muddied. The most basic thing of just like, I would like to make something that has an emotion. Yeah. It comes like so far removed from what I'm doing. Oh my God.

Do you know what I mean? A hundred percent, a hundred percent. It is the basic things that I'm like, I would love to get back to making something that has an emotion. Yeah, totally. I mean,

which is like kind of just like not, it's incongruent with like profiting on something. You know what I mean? Like it doesn't make sense to combine the two things like they just genuinely are not. They don't belong in the same category. But something that I've tried to think about a lot in recent months, like just the concept of, OK, you going out and doing a heinously horrendous set like there's risk involved if i said that i don't know if i've ever had one of those one of the i don't know potentially the worst standard so you go out and you do something that makes people suicidal it's so unfunny you harmed your community yeah yeah yeah yeah makes people suicidal. It's so unfunny. You harmed your community.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. With your early material. Yeah, you took it so far. You go out and you do a set that's like someone's never been on stage before. And then. This is my nightmare. No. You have a hard night.

You have an unideal evening. Yeah. night you have an unideal evening yeah there's like risk involved when you're young and excited and like new to doing a thing that is like honestly the best part of what we do and i think the longer you get to do this the risks become more apparent and the pressure becomes higher but i think something people people lose touch with a lot that I've really tried to get myself connected with again is the risk is what makes these shows exciting. And we have been doing this long enough now

that we have the ability to take those risks and maybe still fall, but not fall as hard as we would have when we were 18 you know experimenting with this stuff for the first time like it's so important to like hold on to the um i don't know just like the the hours you've put into this like it's not nothing you know what i mean like we we become refined versions of ourselves over years and years and years of doing this that like, doesn't go away.

Like I talk with the band about that a lot. Cause we're all so like predisposed to just being so fucking like hateful towards ourselves. Like right before we play a show, like we are constantly questioning whether or not we're going to remember the songs that we have played thousands of times, like classic shit like that and so i don't know like at a certain point like it's it's beyond your cognitive like you're

you don't have to think about it to go like you could totally go do a set where you like tuned out and you could totally like just still it's in your body and in your soul at this point like and holding on to that and allowing that to let you take risks is like everything like you can't like that's what the hard work is for that's why you go up and do you know heinously horrendous yeah the worst comedy anyone's ever seen as i do as i do uh what's inspiring you lately like what's you just did an ap what's what's on your mind what's making you feel good anything that makes me feel like i'm like 14-year-old me. So just like goofy shit.

I've always loved comedy, but I'm like a huge kick right now. And like, I don't know, just like literally watching like funny movies. Like I have such a tendency to like when I'm like watching movies or listening to music or like reading books to like feel like I need to be like really like gaining some gigantic thesis out of all of it but lately i've just been like no i'm watching fucking scooby-doo dude yeah i'm watching that live action scooby-doo putting on scooby and i'm gonna love every fucking second do you know what i put on like two nights ago tell me i was doing i had to do a bunch of like it was like i was like fuck there's all this like logistical shit i need to do like there's like five emails i need to respond to there's this that and the other and i was so annoyed and really dreading it and i was like here I was like, fuck, there's all this like logistical shit I need to do. Like there's like five emails I need to respond to. There's this, that, and the other.

And I was so annoyed and really dreading it. And I was like, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to order a dinner that I like into the house. I'm going to sit on the couch while I do the laptop stuff. And I'm going to put on the stupidest, most vile thing I can think of to be in the background, which usually is Family Guy. And, and I, but I can't do Family Guy anymore because I'll stop and watch it. Like I literally love it. Like I literally love Family Guy anymore because I'll stop and watch it like I literally love it

like I literally love Family Guy so much and I you know what I put on Dumb and Dumber no way and it was awesome it fucking ripped

it's the dumbest movie I've ever seen it's so good we used to really take like comedy movies too used to be like now they're so ruined by execs

sorry I love you guys but they're so like tightened and and all like everything has to have a purpose and a fucking... Dumb and Dumber, canonically, when he's driving the limo, he causes an explosion

that had to kill at least four people while he's driving her to the airport. And that's how it should be. And that was what comedy movies used to be. Yeah. And now, no. No, none of that. I need two hours of complete like, complete, complete bullshit.

I don't want anything to make sense. Like, some of my favorite comedy movies, like, it feels like they take place in, like, 40 different locations over, like, a 45-minute period of time. Yeah. Where, like, every joke just feels like they were, like, writing and then took, like, six days off and then were like, hey, I thought of a funny thing.

Another place they could go. Another stupid thing they could say.'s the best dude like that's uh yeah there's something so sacred about like that style of thing like i i'm so into that same with music like i love records that are just like you just feel like you're hanging out with somebody when you listen to it like yeah there's so so much inspiration in that for me one of my favorite genres of music is the funny country song oh totally i'm talking about i'm sure i've talked about it 17 times on this podcast but i do love that brad paisley song that's like i love her but i love to fish oh yeah are you kidding me i had the like guitar chord book for that album let's go it's still like in my childhood was that the album that had celebrity on it too yeah i think so it's like the red one with him

like with the hat yeah right i mean i could be totally wrong yeah i think so yeah there's some absolute bangers on that one god damn he was making country music has a uniquely like they're they're alex edelman a comedian that i'm uh friends with He and I have talked a lot about this Specifically funny country songs No other type of music has really captured the funny song as well as country has Undeniably so There's some funny rap songs But funny country, they're really getting into it over there

It transcends, everybody is into it And it's such a naturally goofy ass Like, what is into it. Yeah. Like, and it's such a naturally goofy ass, like, that's, like, what the hell? Like, I think it's really funny that that also is, like, attributed or, like, associated with some of the most, like, badass, like, artists of all time. Yeah.

Like, Johnny Cash, the shit, so cool. But, like, that shit's goofy, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why it's cool, though. Like, I love it because it's so weird. He's such a weirdo. It's amazing. So uniquely himself.

And a character. Yeah, dude. Yeah, a cartoon. The way that people, the way that artists in general, I mean, I love an artist who takes on a persona. That's why I think drag queens are so cool.

But Johnny Cash being the man in black is like, that's silly. it's why I think drag queens are so cool but Johnny Cash being like the man in black it's like it's like that's silly that's literally silly it makes me want to go like aww look at you get out there and do your thing it's so silly to take on a persona

in like a fun way 100% those are like my favorite people like the people I look up to the most are just like primarily artists who like earnestly, I had to come back to earnestly, like people who just like adopt the like most refined and intense version of themselves. And it like is so serious that it becomes like this reflection of how not serious everything is like johnny cash being the man in black is like the world is so gigantic the the like minutiae of the insanity that is occurring on this planet is fucking crazy but that dude is like my world is me

wearing my little black shirt you know what i mean and i'm singing about the fucking railroad like yeah you know what i mean it's such a like it's a very i that's just like what i love about music is like it's such a relief like you can you can go into that world for a little bit and like yeah it's just there's a lot of a lot of joy in that do you think you would never ever do another project like an alter ego project that's's kind of what this EP is. Really? It's not like a full outlet character, but it's very influenced by... I grew up between Tennessee and Florida, and so it's very influenced by the typical capital F Florida man. You were born in Jacksonville? Close to Jacksonville.

It's Amelia Island. It's like this tiny little island between. It's on the Florida-Georgia line. Yeah, speaking of. Wow, I didn't know you were born on an island. My mom moved there when I was in elementary school. So my stepdad is from

there. So it was a big moving back home. There's like 10,000 people on this island. It's like the Goonies. I would go there in the summer and ride ride my little bike around and like smoke weed out of a sprite can and at that age yeah no that's not true i was like damn you were cool i was 13 the first time yeah we the first time i smoked weed was there it was in it was on the island i knew these twins named the snyders ben and zach shout out shout out snyder twins they're the shit i think i'm gonna see them they're gonna come we're

playing in orlando i think i'm gonna see them soon but they um they had an older brother who like bought us a bong and they hid it in their closet behind this big stuffed animal of sully from monsters so i have like a fantastic memory of just like hitting this bong and then like looking over and like seeing sully like unblinkingly just like i was gonna say nothing nothing like getting high in a closet with a giant monster that's exactly yeah that's how you want to do it that's so funny undeniably yeah and then like their parents were there or something and i like oh my god i like fell asleep in their bathroom. I like went to go and I like laid down on the floor.

I can't believe that I didn't remember the story until now. I was laying on the floor and then their mom came in and started shrieking because she was like, who the fuck is this kid? Because I was like from, I would like go in the summer. So I would just like show up and I was like the summer friend to everybody. And I was just like on their floor. And she's like, Ben, what the hell? Like I'm like in like a full like fear and loathing Las Vegas, like Hawaiian shirt.

No pants like sprawled out on their ground with like a McDonald's hot cake in my hand. Like, yeah. Wow. This is really fun to talk about. Completely obsessed. I love that. Yeah.

I hope, I hope that, I hope that I have kids someday and that they do insane weird shit like that. Like I do want to go home to some madness. Oh, absolutely. I do want some, I do want to be,

I want to be the straight man to their goofy little bullshit. Absolutely. I think that'd be a lot of fun. Yeah. That's a very important dynamic. I want that. Yeah, that's like the greatest joy. Because if they're not going to do it, I'm going to have to be goofy dad and I don't want to be goofy dad.

You'd be good goofy dad. I would, but it's like I'm goofy at work. I want to be buttoned up at home. I want to be Mr. Serious. I want to be like, guys. Boys. Do you want kids? Yeah, I do. Hell yeah. I want to be like, guys. Boys. Do you want kids?

Yeah, I do. Hell yeah. Yeah, I got a lot of little siblings on my dad's side. They're all like half siblings. And so I just like grew up around babies and it's so much fun. I love kids. It is so, so much fun. Yeah, me too.

I feel like there was a point this year where I like genuinely thought I wasn't going to do music anymore. And was like really asking what I wanted to do. And like preschool teacher, that's like it. I feel like so good at that. I have so much peace like within me now knowing that like whatever happens with like my dreams, I can like,

I don't know. That's something that like would genuinely fulfill me so much. Like just being around kids. Yeah. The only downside if you stop doing music, though, is that I'm going to kill myself. Why would you stop doing music? The stakes are high.

I would never stop doing music, but like... No, what did that feel... Because I will say, not to cut you off, but to tell you where the question is coming from, obviously I'm a fan. I would hate to hear that. But I do the same thing all the time where I tell myself like,

hey, we don't have to do this forever. I can go do something else. Yeah. What is inspiring you to even think about that? This year, particularly just like a really hard tour. Like we were on the road. It's just so easy.

Like, I don't, I don't know if touring makes you feel this way, but it's just really easy to stop being able to see beyond like the day that you're in when you're on the road for fucking two months like you're on show like 37 and your brain just like as a survival tactic is like okay this is your life now it's really easy to just get so sucked into that bubble and like not be able to i don't know i just like have these like flashes of me being like 45 with like chronic back pain like trying to do what we're doing

right now and it like freaks me the fuck out but then i come home for two weeks and like i'm like oh my god i would give anything to go back out and do that again but yeah i've never loved a show until it was over i've only loved a show that i did back in the i've only ever loved a show that happened a while ago but you have fun when you're performing, right? Like, I have, here's my trajectory with shows. First of all, touring as a comedian

is so much easier and better than what y'all are doing. We did have the sound check conversation. I have to say, the sound check, the fact that y'all show up to a venue seven hours before, that alone could make me

jump off a building. Yeah. Y'all are really at the venue. Your job is really so much harder and you, I will get to a venue, I've gotten to a venue when the show was supposed to

start because I just walk up there or you really can come later the opener's already up there I mean not me because I host but like your guys's touring is so much harder and then the amount of people you have to pay when I went on tour with Annie Annie and DeRusso and I did a you know that like seven city tour just for fun the coolest tour which was so fun and cool and I'm really glad we did it it was such an experiment and like it really was so much fun to do a co-headlining tour, a band, and a comedian. It was tough and interesting and weird, but it was great. But when Andy was like, yeah, a lot of musicians just like merch is where they make the money. Ticket sales are kind of a wash.

I was like, ticket sales are a wash? Hell no. I was like, what? No, 100%. I just can't believe it. gosh, I'm hell. No, I was like, what? No, a hundred percent. I was, can't believe it. You were like, yeah,

you're always, I mean, it's, it's fucking ridiculous. It's just designed to be, it's crazy. And the, the 20% of the merch from the venues to my comedy venues.

Don't do that. Fuck that. Yeah. Touch our merch. It is crazy to me. That is like, there's some really amazing interviews online with like, there's this one journalist.

I like have to find him and share that shit again. But he like specifically has that conversation with just like reps at venues and like a face to face interaction where he's just like, can you explain like genuinely, like, can you justify why you guys are taking this percentage of merchandise that like you have nothing to do with, especially like at shows where the bar sales are great and ticket sales are great like seeing a person have to like verbally explain how that makes any sense like not a single person can do it keeping in mind all of these people know that we pay our managers 10 our agents 10 our lawyers a percentage our publicist our publicist our publicist a percentage are fucking business managers, a percentage. You're going to take 20% of our merch. I have been saying for a long time and I will stand 10 toes down against any venue in the country about this.

If you want to take 20% of merch, I get 20% of the bar sales. And if you don't want to do that, it's because you inherently know that that's crazy. And then you shouldn't be taking anything out of my merch. A hundred percent. It's fucking nuts. A hundred percent. That is so crazy so crazy but my trajectory with shows every show i have felt this way i dread it every single second from the moment it gets announced until the moment it happens i dread

every show i've ever had to do right i don't want to do it my body physically rejects the idea of it what is that are you dreading your experience or like what are you dreading? I dread having to go. I can't believe I have to show up at that place. I can't believe I've given myself a place I have to be. I would dread. The thing about me is someone, I said this once on the podcast, and someone told me there's a term for it. Apparently I'm mentally ill.

But it was like, no. Someone was like, oh, my therapist told me that this is called like it's like um i don't know like they anyway they said i was fucked up but i dread everything that's on my calendar it doesn't if i if someone if someone put on my calendar three weeks from now you have to go to a free blow jobs and uh money money convention where they're still they're just gonna like blow you and give you a million dollars but you have to come at 3 p.m right i would be i would be like i don't think i can make it right like i can't go to that i would be sobbing the entire way i hate having

an obligation but i'm so great and by the way i'm grateful for it i love it i prepare for it i take it very seriously i have a very a very very serious sense of responsibility about what it means to get on stage in front of people. I think if you disrespect that, I think if you don't prepare for your show, if you get on stage too drunk or high to put on a good show, I sincerely really do not fucking like you. I think you're a,

I think that's a bad, that's something a bad person would do. Sure. I don't know if there are bad people or not, but it's not a good, it's not nice and it's not respectful or responsible. Yeah. I really respect my audiences genuinely and like appreciate that they gave up a night of their life to be in a room with me.

And I love the time I'm on stage. From the second I start talking on stage to the second it ends, I have an amazing time. Even if it's going badly, I think there's a thrill involved in knowing that I can get it back. I just have to work at it. I love that part. And then the second I'm off stage, for at least a little while, I go, you fucking fool. You idiot. Why did you do that?

Why did you put yourself out there like that? And then later on, maybe like a day or a week later, I go, you're the king of being up there. You're the best at doing that. You should do that all the time. That was amazing what you did. A hundred percent. That's crazy. Okay.

Now, do that that is fucking insane that that mental roller coaster is like your job like that is so wild what a wild wild thing to do routinely like that is crazy that is the hardest job in the world no one has it difficult no one has it worse agreed No one has it worse. Uniquely difficult. No one has it worse. Agreed. Coal miners couldn't do what I do. No. Let's see a coal miner do a tight five. Bust of luck, buddy.

Knock them dead. Try doing a callback 45 minutes into your hour, pal. I'll take whatever's going on with your lungs over my job any day. Sorry. Obviously, we'll keep it in, but I don't. That's not. Obviously. That's not. What a crazy community to attack.

The coal miners. Guys, to me, that's funny because my job is so silly. Of course. I really respect coal miners, and I love what they're doing to the world. And I want those West Virginia Electoral College votes when I run. I love what y'all are doing to the environment. To the world. Oh, my God. Yeah. It is so, so, so...

I think the toughest part and like maybe i romanticize it because i'm like grass is always greener kind of thing but like the music world is small and there are elements of it that feel really tight-knit but like the just the isolation like there are times where like i was saying earlier that you get a tough call from a manager, get a tough call from the label or whatever. And I'm like, I don't even know who I can talk to about this. Like, even though I feel like, like the people I play music with,

the people in our crew are like my family. It's like such a specifically intense position when you're like fronting a project or like, you know, not to fucking, I don't know. I'm not saying that it's like, it was what I'm saying.

Making sense. I'm not trying to be like, it's really hard. No one understands, but like, it's just tough to like try to have conversations about a really specific personal experience with like folks who like, no matter how well intentioned they are, like maybe have not experienced that thing. Like, and that goes to anyone in any position in the creative world.

Like, you know what I mean? There's also to me some shame because it's like, there's some shame if I'm having a bad day or I've gotten bad news or things aren't going my way specifically in the career sphere. I don't know who to talk to because my friends who are doing, who aren't having a bad time, my friends who are up, who are,

I know they're only winning. They're on a, they're on a huge project right now. They're feeling great. They're making a lot of money, whatever, whatever. I don't want to talk to them about it because I don't want to bother them.

They're busy. Number one. And number two, it's only going to embarrass me more. Anything they say is going to feel like, well, easy for you to say, you're fucking up right now. You're on top. You're winning. So, of course, you're going to be like, oh, just stick in there.

Fuck you. It's going well for you. And then if I talk to someone who is maybe like doing a little worse than I am right now, like they don't have as much going on as I do or something like that. A buddy who I know is like, oh, they haven't gotten a gig in a while. Or they've recently told me that they were dealing with this out of the other. Well, that feels mean. Sure.

It's like, I'm going to go and complain about my little thing to somebody who I'm like, you would kill to be having the annoying call that I just had or whatever. Yeah. Always. It never feels like you're exactly in lockstep with the people that you would normally confide in. Sure. And so it just starts to feel a little lonely.

Like, oh, who do i even especially with like so much of your communication with those people like when you're just really busy like it's through the internet like catching up with people in person like becomes like this rare like foreign experience and like yeah i i really am trying as i go forward to like just like go so old school like i don't even think i think i'm gonna like delete all my social media shit before this next tour and like try to just go full like grateful dead style like i just want to be like on the bus with my friends having fun like seeing my friends in cities that i don't get to see a lot like just being present like that's why honestly lala was like so so amazing for that reason like i felt like these kids were just like so present and like honestly i think it may have

had to do with the heat like people were just kind of like like they couldn't even move to like fucking phones out of their pocket but like they... They were having a heat stroke, yeah. They were paralyzed. They're present. There's nothing going on behind their eyes. They're sweating. They're falling down. They're being airlifted out of the thing.

They're so relaxed. They're dizzy. They're walking in circles. They're falling to their knees. They're chanting. They're yelling. They're screaming. Their skin is warm to the touch.

They're red. They're very pale. I don't think they're offline, brother. I think they're really sick. Those people are passing away. They're throwing up., they're very pale. I don't think they're offline, brother. I think they're really sick. Those people are passing away. They're throwing up. They're on their back. No one's turning them over.

They have every symptom. I will say, when you said just now, I think before the next tour, I'm going to delete all my socials, I was like, I'm starting to understand the call from the manager. You know what I mean? I'm going, hey, uh-oh. I'm going, hey, me and the manager might need to get on a call as well. Because I don't know if we can have that. But I totally feel the exact same way.

Yeah. It's so hard. Like, it's so, so tough. It's so confusing. It's really, really confusing. It's also a really interesting balance between – I've talked to several friends about this, specifically with, like, things that feel like selling out,

balance between I've talked to several friends about this specifically with like things that feel like selling out where it's like I grew up with so little money and so many people in my family if I like I'm like I don't want to I don't want to post a TikTok talking about this shoe company for $50,000 or whatever yeah that's that's not cool and I'm a cool guy yeah if I told my grandfather, who can't walk upright because he worked on the railroad his entire life, if I told him that, he would shoot me with a gun until I die. You know what I mean?

No, I know. He would not care about how cool I feel doing it. He would be like, dude, shut the fuck up. I said the same shit. Yeah, I just did this private event a couple weeks ago and same vibe where I was just like, it doesn't really feel like it's aligning with my current brand it's like my my fucking uncle would punt me like a football yeah like and yeah 100 which i got yeah there's a

balance there i think that like it is a weird conversation of like sometimes you do have to preserve your sanity and like not do the weird like birthday party thing but then sometimes it's like well i am like working like this is like a thing i gotta gotta work for and like those opportunities i'm trying now to like turn them into really good times to practice the shit i was talking about earlier like go do the private event but do it as if i was like mentally i don't know just like 14 year old me again just like go have a blast and like fuck up and make a fool of myself and like learn from that shit i did that private event and i forgot the words to one of the songs

and i i literally was like i could already tell like people did not want me to be there kind of event really it was like not in like a negative way but they were just like who the fuck is this long-haired hippie boy that's like preaching to us right now but i forgot some of the words to the song and i in front of all these people was like you know what i'm going to make sure that i never make this mistake again so right now in front of you all i'm gonna take my phone out and'm going to Google the lyrics to my own fucking song. Like crickets, dude. Like not a single reaction to that. And I stood there and using Siri, I said, Siri, genius lyrics, Briston Maroney, small talk.

It's one of my older tunes. Yeah. And I looked up the lyrics and I read them out loud and then I played the song. You know what? I would have loved to see that. I miss my truck. I sold my, well,

do you hear how I just said truck? I miss my truck. Yeah, I saw it come out. Woo. Full body truck. That was beautiful. I really do miss,

I had a truck in Nashville before. It was a tiny little GMC. Exactly. Yeah. Very small. Exactly. Really fucking cute. And I want to thank you for that.

It was my pleasure. It had a cigarette lighter in it. Of course. It was like a 2000. I wouldn't have it any other way yep how it should be i uh ask people on this podcast a lot what do you want um and i and i want to know that from you what is what what is where's all this headed what is all this what do you want a grammy that would be cool i don't know i mean i wouldn't say no yeah they invited me to come hang out would be cool. I don't know. I mean, I wouldn't say no. Yeah. If they invited me to come hang out for the evening. Would be cool if you did.

Would be cool if you did. Yeah. Honestly, oh, my God. This is going to be so, like. Good. Is he doing this? But, like, what we're doing right now is what I want. I just, like, the fact that we're hanging out and, like, I'm getting to have a conversation with someone that I admire and look up to and have for a long time.

I'm getting to have a conversation with someone that I admire and look up to and have for a long time. And like, just to even get to be in the realm of all these other creative people that I just like really genuinely love, like that, that's all I could ask for. Like the fact that I can pay my bills and like be present in my life and have the fucking luxury to like, I don't know, talk about things and feel all the feelings that I want to feel. Like that's, that's all I could ask for, dude. Like I, I genuinely could not, I, and do not want anything beyond that. Like I, yeah, it is the best part. It's awesome. I just talked about this on Devin Walker's episode.

I was like, you know, if the only thing that ever comes from all of this really in the long run is that I get to meet like a bunch of cool creative people who are like, in my opinion, the most brilliant artists alive right now. My cohort of the people I'm friends with, everyone we've talked about, you and Annie and Samia and all the comics that I'm friends with,

and Devin, of course, included. If the only thing that happens from all this is I get to meet and be friends with a bunch of brilliant people that are trying to make art. Right. And succeeding. That's cool. That's good with me. I would like that.

A hundred percent. That's a pretty nice thing. It just feels like, yeah, I mean, it's like you said earlier, like talking about spending money to move and shit. Like you can't, I don't know, like this stuff, our lives are just like a blink of an eye. Like we are truly like here and then we're gone. And it's like at the end of the day,

I'm obsessed with this like article that's like become, it's very like Facebooky, but like just like some dude was interviewed on his deathbed. He was like 98 or something. And people just like were asking him what he wished he had done differently. And he just straight up was like, I wish I'd eaten more ice cream, man.

You know, that's getting a lot of like thumbs up on Facebook that kind of vibe but i genuinely like i love that shit like it's just like yeah like it's there will be a moment where all of the pressure and all of the constructs that we have like placed on ourselves as creative people completely fucking vanish and that day is inevitable for every person who does this thing and like i just want to when that day comes for me i want to like be able to look back and smile about the fucking great times i had with my friends like truly that is what i care about my favorite is the you know people are so obsessed with living longer and extending life even if it's

a not quality life not me people are obsessed with extending life they want to live as long as they can and they so they always like to find a not quality life. Not me, dude. People are obsessed with extending life. They want to live as long as they can. And so they always like to find a really old person and ask them, like, what's the secret? And my favorite is every fucking time, without fail, if you ask someone who's like 106, what's the secret? They will give an answer that is so disgusting. Oh, my God.

Like, every single time, they will be like, every hour, on the hour, since I was 11 years old, I have eaten a cigarette. It's so fucking true. And I only drink Mountain Dew. It's true. And I have never taken a shit. And literally people will be like, wow, really?

That's the secret? And they're like, yeah, that's what I've done. It's never something profound. It's never like I ran a mile every... Never. Never. I did some heinous shit. Yeah, I lived a truly fucked

up life I didn't want to make it this far every day I pray God will take me he just won't I wasn't some like sociopath yuppie who only drank spinach drinks every morning no dude no those people those people flame out from skin cancer at 63 it's so real only a psycho living in the

Appalachian Mountains who like truly eats a steak for every meal can make it to 102. And God love them. They really... They do. I don't know what to tell you guys. I'm sweating. Sweat is pouring down my head.

The people who are obsessed with living, they never do. It's true. It's so real. I think I'm going gonna live to be 200 fuck yeah that's my prediction a boy can watch me die next week we put out this episode and i immediately die no that'd be horrible we would all hate that say in the comments we would all hate that we would all hate that everybody in the comments say that we would hate if I died young.

That's every episode I start asking people, would y'all just please in the comments say that you would hate if I died young? I feel like tired. You know what's funny? I get so sweaty in here, but the AC is on. I always say this every episode. I'm dripping in sweat. It's a good sweat.

It's a good sweat. It's a really, really like. It's because I'm hard at work. Fucking awesome sweat. Yeah. I'm the hardest working man in America right now. Damn right. Damn right, me and you. Damn right.

Two hard working guys clocked into the factory right now. That's what I'm saying. The Laugh Factory. Wow. That's a real. Yeah, that's a real place. Oh, shit. Yeah.

This isn't the Laugh Factory. There's not a 30-year-old guy with a 17- old girlfriend in here sure tag them tag them hey get them get them tag them would take not enough room in the comments to tag them that's what i'm saying you know well i ask everyone on the show what is so true to you bristan what's so true to you what is so true to me i feel like i've said so true like not even knowing that i've said that so many times on this episode and i really know it's kind of catching on yeah i will say a fucking great phrase did you was it easy for you to name this podcast were you like i know exactly what i want to call it no i knew that i kind of wanted it to be a gay little phrase

cool like i did um like i i actually have somewhere i wonder if I can find it. I actually have somewhere a list of titles that I was thinking of for the podcast, and that would be kind of fun. That would be fun. I'll try to find it later. We'll probably do it on the Patreon. Check out the Patreon if you want to hear that list of names. But no, I was like, I want it to be a gay little phrase of some sort. I want it to be something that would just kind of roll off the tongue.

It's so good. It's such a great name. Thank you. I didn't want it to be like The Caleb Heron Show. Sure the tongue it's so good it's like such a great name thank you i didn't want it to be like the caleb heron show sure that felt a little too like sure yeah no i feel you what is so true to me um it's crazy how much my internal voice is going say good vibes there's like a man in my head who's like on fire screaming that say good vibes bro say good it's what you fucking you love good vibes yeah um what is so true to me i'm gonna try to find a better way to say good vibes um what is what what does good vibes mean to you good vibes are so

true but in one way no i do not not like this hole that I've dug. What is true to me? What's so true to me? Having a good day? I don't fucking know. I don't know. I believe in nothing, I guess. But the truth of the matter is the listeners don't know you. That's true.

Like personally, probably a lot of them. No. But good vibes and having a good day is so true to you. That's extremely brist encoded. Unfortunately've i've probably said stuff that's more like hopefully more profound than that within this episode so um i'm gonna leave that there if you want to check that out but my answer to this will be having a good day and good vibes yeah what's your favorite day what's a good day to you i'm a classic saturday boy you're a saturday boy i fucking love saturday yeah because you're you're fresh off a friday where you had some fun sunday is like the sabbath

sunday well we all know what we do on sund. Well, Sunday we worship the Lord. Sunday we work, you know? Yeah. I like Saturday a lot. I feel like in the past five minutes, my brain just shut off. I just got really stoked. Like when you were saying all this stuff about people living a long time, it just made me laugh so much. And then I kind of forgot that I was like on a podcast.

I was just watching you. And then now I'm like. Well, you got blissed out on the idea that you and I might live forever. Yes, I do. The magic we created here today might even live longer than us. I like that concept a lot... Well, you got blissed out on the idea that you and I might live forever. Yes, I do. The magic we created here today might even live longer than us. I like that concept a lot. Yeah, you got blissed out on that. Yes.

That can be really blissful. Indeed. I like bliss. My podcast will live long after me. Isn't that wild? My podcast, for better or for worse, my podcast is going to outlive me. Maybe the next... Because remember they sent the gold record to space or whatever?

Boy, do I ever. Have you talked about it? I had a whole podcast about that. Are you fucking kidding me? I did. Wait, what? Keeping records. It was back in the day, but it's Shelby Wolstein and I had a podcast called Keeping Records

where we only talked about the golden records that NASA sent into space. Are you kidding me? No. Oh my God, that's amazing. I became obsessed with them. I can't believe, I have not ever talked about that. I read books about it. I became obsessed with the golden records for a while. is that something you would like want to do like would you want to

like have a record with one of your episodes on it blast it off into i wouldn't do that to the aliens i wouldn't send them a gay podcast i probably wouldn't allow a gay guy to talk on there sure um i would i would allow a gay guy to paint or sing or something. I would never allow a gay guy to speak to the aliens. No, no, no. Um, unless they think that everyone down here is like that.

Yeah. We don't want them to get the wrong idea. Get the wrong idea. Yeah. Um, I would probably be the only gay guy I trust to talk to the aliens. Sure. Um,

and actually maybe the only human in general. I do think me and the aliens, if we could get in a room together, I think we could figure some stuff out quickly. Sure. I do trust my ability to, to interface with them in a room together, I think we could figure some stuff out quickly. Sure. I do trust my ability to interface with them. 100%. I think they would like me.

I think they would see me as real. I think the aliens would understand that I am a man of the people. I love that in your alien world, they value real respects real. They value realness they have like the most complex technology like in all of history but they're like we just fuck with the dude who's like himself yeah yeah yeah they're like no this dude's like fucking down to earth yeah that dude's chill as hell he's cool as fuck he literally he has like humble midwestern roots he's cool they like that about me he has really good music taste i legitimately think if i was in a room with the aliens and they were like

we want to destroy humanity i'd be like they're not even fucking worth it dog like focus on you like you don't want to get your own stuff together like focus on what y'all have going on yeah bliss out we can hang out but like don't even like destroying them would like literally make you it would bring you down to their level you're better than that about humans yeah yeah 100 and i'd be like take me with y'all i hope that that conversation gets to go down yeah i really hope that there is a day where that conversation is had and straight up you know how most people who get abducted by aliens come back and like tell everyone about it and rat out the aliens sure nah i wouldn't tell anybody you are not a snitch yeah if they were like what happened up there i'd be like there was no up there

i never saw an alien and then i'd like look at this guy and wink and the aliens would be like smiling at me and they'd be like he fucking kept his word yeah dude they just go yeah fuck i'm gonna start crying that's okay i really want the aliens to love and respect me they will i don't believe in them it's a matter of time i hope they're real i 100 am so into it you think they're out there yeah i'm like we don't have to do that. I don't have to talk about that. Now expose your beliefs. I do like it.

I'm like, it's just so fun to me, dude. That's such a fun option. Of all the ways that we will inevitably crumble, I really dig the concept of there being an intergalactic battle kind of situation. I do think we would lose so bad. Oh, it wouldn't last long. Because we're not good at coming together.

No, we're not. And yeah, that's one of our greatest weaknesses. Do you know that song, Earth is Ghetto? No. It was like a big, wasn't that a big TikTok song? Do you all know that one? It's like a young girl and she's like, Earth is ghetto, I want to leave.

And she's like asking the aliens to come and pick her up. Do you know what I'm saying? Okay, we have to listen to it later. But it's really, it's actually, well, no. We're going to have to cut it anyway because of the, we have to make money on this show. We can't just put our music wherever we want. Aaliyah Sheffield, Earth is Ghetto.

I love that song. Aaliyah, if you're watching, I love your song. I'll listen on the way home. I'm going to play it in this room the second this episode ends. I asked you what's so true to you, and now I have a segment for you. Oh, fantastic. I'm going to read you 15 statements. Okay.

And you're going to tell me as quickly as you can if you think they're true or false. If you get 10 or more correct, Briston, I'm going to give you 50 US dollars. Like cash? Cold, hard? Yes. Cold, hard cash. Nutella was invented during World War II. True. True. Winston Churchill's mother was born in Ireland. False. False, cold hard cash. Nutella was invented during World War II.

True. True. Winston Churchill's mother was born in Ireland. False. False. The United States. Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas voiced Charlie Brown's sister Sally. False.

True. Fuck. Mike Vrabel is the current head coach of the Tennessee Titans. False. False. It's Brian Callahan. The Arctic Ocean is the smallest ocean in the world. I saw him at a cava one time.

Side note. Can you say that one again? Mike Rabel? Yeah The Arctic Ocean is the smallest ocean in the world True True ATM stands for automated teller machine What was the first?

You said automated? True True Orca whales can speak fluent English False False Mr. Potato Head's real name is Longshanks Von Tuber As much as I hope that was true

I'm going to say false Captain Crunch's real name is Horatio Magellan Crunch False That's true Guitars were invented in 15th century Spain False Johnny Cash was 6'2 No

Salt Lake City has never hosted the Winter Olympics True False Lipscomb University's mascot is Lou the Bison. I went there for one year and then I left there. Sorry. True. True. Uber and Lyft were founded by two feuding brothers. That's really cute and hopefully true. False. Fuck. Twister was the first movie released on DVD in the United States. False. Fuck. Twister was the first movie released on DVD in the United States. False.

True. I thought that like being confident would change. That is an approach that people take. I was trying to sway you into lying. People take the confidence approach and people also will take the like litigating the math out loud approach where they'll be like, well, Chevy is a car company. And then of course trees exist in the woods. Uh,

true. And it'll have nothing to do with it. Yeah. There's a bunch of different approaches to that. You got, you got, you went on a pretty good run there though. Thank you.

Yeah. I love that kind of shit. I like, I kind of love being wrong in those games. It, it makes me feel like there's like hope to like learn more. I love true. I'm super bad at it I'm super bad at a lot of things but I like being bad at them because it's like well maybe tomorrow

I'll be better at it give me something to do Briston there's this dreamy quality about you that's very lovable and it's the having a good day and good vibes being so true and doing really bad at trivia and walking away. I'm just happy to be here. Walking away positive that you have more to learn.

This is what makes people fall in love with you. Thank you. Thank you. I'm trying to just be honest. I'm so, so glad that you came on the podcast. Thank you. This is like truly one of the best days I've had in a long time. I literally love you so much. I love too thank you for being on thanks for having

me and i can't wait for your ep i'm a huge fan of your music i'll send it to you please do anyone who if you haven't listened to bristan's music which i would find surprising go and listen to it um you can find bristan on the internet for a little bit longer and and then maybe never until my fall tour until the fall tour uh thank you so much thank you for having me