So True with Caleb Hearon - Caitlin Reilly Believes in Ghosts

Episode Date: February 22, 2024

Well well well, look who decided to come back (literally thank you so much.) Today's guest is actor/comedian Caitlin Reilly! Caitlin and Caleb talk growing up in LA, her family's small business, internet fame, Henry the Eighth, and so much more. Join our Patreon! patreon.com/SoTruePodcast See Caleb on Tour! https://calebhearon.komi.io/ Follow Caitlin! Instagram: @hicaitlinreilly TikTok: @itscaitlinhelloFollow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Follow the show! @sooootruepodSubscribe on YouTube! http://www.youtube.com/@sooootruepod See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Dude! Dude! When I tell you, when I tell you this happened to me recently! Like I thought- This is not fair! Listen. I thought that my British accent fucking ate. Like I, like in college, I literally went to London in like 2011 and I was at a bar with some British guys and they were like, where are you from? And I was like, Sussex! And like I had them all fucking night.

Stop talking shit on people because we're recording now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Except for me. You can talk shit on me. Actually, what do you think of me? Oh, I... Be brutally honest. I really like you.

Like, like, like? Or just like friends? Like, well, hmm. I like you. Oh my god. I like you. Oh my God. I like you. I'm gay. I want to be, oh, okay.

It's a reveal. Gay reveal. Uh-oh. Sexuality reveal. Wait, you are? Yeah, I know that your politics don't align, but. I don't like gay people. I know that about you.

And it's funny because my whole thing is that I'm for the gays. Yeah. But I'm not. It's crazy because you are, you're like, you're like chum to piranhas with gay men. You're like a talented woman actor. They love me. That's what gay men love. And I fucking hate them.

And you hate us. Yeah. You called me the F slur. I did. I like to accuse my guests of being right wing. I think it's very funny. Even though all my guests are like liberal, you know? Yeah.

And so that's probably what I'm going to do to you all episode. Great. Great. Sounds good. Sounds good. Sounds good. No, but I love you, and I want to be like your real-life friend, but I don't know how to make friends as an adult.

As an adult woman who's 23? As an adult woman who just graduated high school. I am struggling to make friends. I'm 19. I'm 19, but I'm wise. It's so hard right after high school, which both of you and I are in that era right now. We just graduated. Yeah.

And we're going off to college soon. Yeah. I think about this a lot, what you're talking about. This like, I made a lot of my adult friends by moving to Chicago and immediately joining an improv community. Sure. Now, that's obviously humiliating, but true.

Yeah, I sort of built the foundation of my entire adult life on clown college in Chicago. And I met the best people I've ever known. Yeah, I kind of had a similar... I had a lot of friends when I went to theater school.

You went to the American Academy of Dramatic Arts? Look at your research! Honey, I don't play around about this podcast. Listen, it sounds fancy, but I'm going to be real with you. It's a weird looking building off of La Brea and Sunset. Sure. Okay. That's where I want to be learning.

Hey. Hey, hello. So I had friends there, and then those friendships kind of fizzled out, because it's a weird bunch over there. It's a weird, it's kind of like a, it's a three year quote unquote conservatory, but there was so much riff raff. What do you mean by that?

And I was like at the time, I was like a serious actor. I was like, no one can fucking teach me anything. And I was right. Right. And hello. And let's just,

the proof is in the pudding. How about? Hello. No, but there was one, there was like a kid in like my first day of class going around the room talking about ourselves. And he's like, I want to be so famous one day I can't even fucking walk down the street. I want to be so fucking famous that I get shot by a fan in Central Park. To death until I die.

Like, okay. Yeah. fan in Central Park. To death until I die. Like, okay. Yeah, and even at like my squishy 18-year-old brain, even then I was like, I don't know if this was the right choice. Like, maybe I should have done better in school and like gone to like Tisch, you know what I mean? Something. But then I started doing Groundlings, and that's where I met a lot of my friends. I know a Groundlings girl when I see one.

Ooh, don't you? I know a Groundlings girl when I see one. Me up,'t you? I know a Groundlings girl when I see one. Me up. It just jumps out. Yeah. Constantly ready to perform. Ready to do a voice. At all times.

Ready to do a voice. That's my girl. I have all the wigs. But yeah, now I'm finding like I, so I'm convinced that people don't like me. I'm convinced that. Wow, okay. I'm convinced. And I'm not trying to be cute and be like, but do you like me? Yeah. I'm convinced that I'm convinced and I'm not trying to be cute and be like, but do you like me?

Like I'm convinced that I'm off putting and that when people get to know me, I somehow fuck it up and they're like, Oh, okay. Oh, Caitlin's coming. Oh, okay.

Yeah. I don't feel that way about you at all. I think you're quite likable and I would tell you the truth. Thank God. I didn't right here right now. I would tell you the truth on this podcast and put out the episode despite your wanting me not to. I would say, no, the truth comes out. But do you find it hard right now in your life

to really make new friends? Because that concept to me is very scary. I think about it a lot. I think, no, I find it pretty, not easy, but I think the thing that works for me is I have such a life outside of LA and entertainment. I do spend a lot of time in Kansas city and I do make friends, um, there just like, I'll go out and be like, I want to meet friends tonight.

I'll meet friends at bars and like make new friends and things that way. But in LA, I don't know. It's just different in LA. And it's also different at the stage of life that we're both at. We're like, you know, we're doing our thing. We're on the cusp of greatness. We're on the cusp of greatness. And you and I are both, well, you're nominated for an Oscar this year, right?

Yes. Yes. Yes, I am. Two. Yes, I am. And nominated for two. And it doesn't mean a fucking thing to me. I'm not even going to go.

It doesn't even mean a thing. But we're, yeah, we're a little bit into our career. And I think it's so much easier to make friends when you're in this like college age, like that early twenties thing where you're just this like college age, like that early twenties thing where you're just out in the world, you're trying to do anything. Anyone will work. Yeah. And it's like, it's like, listen, this isn't who I really am.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Whereas now you're like a fully cooked person. But I also grew up in LA, so I feel like I have rot brain. You know what I mean? I have noticed that about you. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. What do you mean rot brain? Like, um, like LA is a very specific thing socially. Yeah. And so I've sort of found like, let's get lunch. And then,

and then no one ever gets lunch. Yeah. And it kind of kills me. A lot of like, a lot of like backing away from each other on sunset. Cause you ran into each other on a Saturday being like, we need to get together. Yeah.

Okay. We're going to get to like jingling the keys. Coffee. Yeah. Coffee. Oh, I love it. Yeah.

And then the coffee never comes. Everyone's busy. Everyone's kind of cooking something up. And then the coffee never comes. Everyone's busy. Everyone's kind of cooking something up. Yeah. And I hate it. It's so much. Everyone is enterprising. Right.

They're scheming. I had a different, it's funny that your college experience with someone at an acting academy being like, I want to be really famous because I went to a medium-sized state school in the South. I wish that I had that experience. I loved Missouri State.

Go Bears, Chance. M-I-S-S-O-U-R-I State. That sounds like, I feel like I would have fallen in love with a really cute guy with blue eyes and black hair. I saw that for myself as well. And I would have been that girl, and I would have gotten okay enough grades, and maybe done marketing. Who knows?

Who knows what you might have done? Who knows, right? I saw myself also falling in love with a cute guy at Missouri State, and instead I discovered improvisation. enough grades and maybe done marketing. Who knows? Who knows what you might have done? Who knows, right? I saw myself also falling in love with a cute guy at Missouri State. And instead, I discovered improvisation. And that's something so dangerous to our youth. But what happened to me was my version of the guy who said he wanted to be famous in your class was in my religion class. I didn't.

You had a religion class, too, because so did I in high school. Babe. Let's talk about it. Stop. Look at us. Stop. Look at us. I loved it. There was a non-traditional student in it, an older guy who wasn't...

He was an adult that was taking the class. A loser. Furthering your education later in life. I'd rather jump off a fucking building, my friend. I do feel that way about him, but because of what happened. I didn't grow up around a lot of Jewish people, so I wasn't familiar with anti-Semitic tropes.

And he just kept saying in class, I thought Jewish people were cool because a lot of comedians were Jewish. Sorry to say. And he just kept saying in the class, Jews run the world. Jews run the media. He was saying this? He was saying this in our religion class. And I was literally like, I agree. I was like, yes, go on.

Because I thought it was in like a girls run the world Beyonce way. So I was like, he was like Jews run the world. And I was like, I know that's right. You know, I was like with him because I liked so many Jewish comedians. I was like, oh, he's spitting, you know. And afterwards, my professor had to be like, hey, I'm just getting the vibe that you don't actually feel that way. And I should explain to you. So that's the stuff I was kind of processing through.

That is, so you were like accidentally anti-Semitic. I was an accidental Nazi for 12 seconds. That's amazing. And it's because he was like, Jews run the world, and I was like, speak. You know what I mean? I was like, yes, King. That is so funny.

What is he now? He is a senator. Yeah, he's, that man is Donald Trump. Wow. Yeah, he's... Love that for him. That man is Donald Trump. Wow. Yeah, we went to the same business school. So we've both met Donald Trump.

Yeah. You hang out with Donald Trump a lot. I do. So my family is white. And thank you. Thank you. My grandmother, my Irish grandmother claimed she was Italian. Okay.

A little bit of spice. So I might be a little Italiano. So not all white. Thank you. But now they're good friends with Don, Uncle Don. Yeah. I know something about your family from the research that we did on you for this episode. What research did you do?

Honey, we do research. Okay. And I found out something about your family that I'm dying to ask you about. Let's talk. Okay. Yeah. And it's that your family owns a children's store

called Flicka. Yes. Now what is this? Okay, so. Go off, queen. So it's on Larchmont. Do you know Larchmont? You've been to Larchmont?

I live near it. Me too. Whoa, we need to talk offline. Okay, let's be real friends. Come on. So this store opened when I was two years old. My mom, instead of wanting to stay home and take care of her new baby,

wanted to get back to work immediately. She said, kind of get the baby away. Yeah, right. She was like, I need to not be home. And I see that. So she and my older sister opened up a children's clothing store called Flicka. And Flicka means girl in Swedish. My mom's from Sweden.

And so opened up the store. And then it was first it was just girl clothes, then it was boy clothes, then it was like big girls and big boys. And then there were toys. And it's been open for like 32 years. And was like a huge popular store and there's a second location in Bel Air. In Bel Air. And my mom's retired now,

but now my sister owns it. Wow. And I'm the princess of Larchmont. You're the princess of Larchmont. I'm literally the princess of Larchmont. The princess of Larchmont. Yeah. You're speaking of Bel Air

made me think of something that I saw recently that I want to tell you about. Okay. I had to go to Beverly Hills. It happens to the best of us. Beverly Hills is the fucking worst place in the world. I do not want to ever go there.

The west side, West Hollywood on is just not where I want to be ever. I'm like almost at peace with global warming in a way that I'm like it will eat up Beverly Hills. You know what I mean? That does bring me some amount of peace. Yeah. I hate it over there. Yeah. And they have now.

I was driving into Beverly Hills. I think I was going to see Yeah. And they have now. I was driving into Beverly Hills. I think I was going to see a friend's show or something. And I drive into Beverly Hills. And there's a sign, one of those big traffic signs, you know, that says, Welcome to Beverly Hills. Enter, enter. Police drones in use. What?

And I was like, I have not been able to stop thinking about it. I'm damn near writing a book about it. Like, I, welcome to Beverly Hills police drones in use. Police drones? The paradoxical nature of it all. No one's welcome in Beverly Hills

first of all. That's the whole point of the community. Right. If you don't have money you're not welcome here. Right. That's like that's the reason it was built. That's number one. Number two is police drones? What? The sociopaths that walk around with guns have robot helicopters now? Absolutely insane.

Also, can we just like read the people of Beverly Hills? No taste, their houses are tacky, and so are their clothes. I kind of like them. Some of my closest friends are Beverly Hills power brokers. Some of my closest friends are rich and live in Beverly Hills. Let me say this. Everyone in Beverly Hills who doesn't have the power to help my career, Beverly Hills power brokers. Some of my closest friends are rich and live in Beverly Hills. Let me say this.

Everyone in Beverly Hills who doesn't have the power to help my career, tacky and disgusting. Exactly. Everyone in Beverly Hills who could help me get ahead, keep it up. That's true. I love you. That's a good point. I love you, love you, love you. That's a good point.

And I want to help you too. So maybe we should just stay on that path. You can help me. Yeah. Great. Yeah. I actually want to help your career. I would love that.

What do you want to be in? I can probably just make some calls. Oh, God. Star Wars. Done. The next Paul Thomas Anderson flick that is well-received. Done. Oh, God.

A Greta Gerwig-adjacent story. Thank you. Now, can you tell me what Greta Gerwig adjacent looks like? Like 20th century women? 20th century women, Mona Lisa's Smile, but if it came out today. Right. You know? I do know.

I'm going to ask you an annoying actor question because we've entered into this space, whether we like it or not. Ask me all of them. I feel like I'm supposed to be asking you questions but it's your podcast you can ask me questions anytime you want okay but but don't also I have two other bearded

men staring at me while we're having this conversation the team is men the team on the podcast is men I'm the only woman I'm the only woman here you're the only woman here want you

to make me feel like I'm the only girl in. You're the only woman in the world. I'm the only woman here. Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world. That used to be my ringtone. Calls or texts? All. But so I had a Blackberry that I was obsessed with, and my ringtone for an entire summer was that song. Thank you. I fucking loved my Blackberry.

We need to bring them back. God damn it. I loved my Blackberry. There are two inventions in back. God damn it. I loved my Blackberry. There are two inventions in the world that I think we should have stopped before and after. Okay. We should have stopped directly as soon as we invented the Blackberry. No more tech after that. No more.

Should have never gone further than the Blackberry. That should have been the end of it. Sure. AI never comes. iPhones never come. Should have stopped at Blackberry. We should have stopped directly before we invented Pickleball. I don't know what the fuck is going on with that.

Pickleball is because, is because, uh, like coastal, uh, old money, rich wealth became an aesthetic. Yeah.

Last summer, I think. Yeah, it was last summer. And so everyone was getting, unfortunately, a Bob. I know I have one,

but it's okay. I make it look good. Yours is different. Thank you. It's different when we do things. It's different when we do things. It's different when we do things. But pickleball was we do things. It's different when we do things. But Pickleball was sort of like,

no, my family's rich. Pickleball was like, it was a weird summer vibe and everyone was doing it and I don't even know what it is. I don't even know what it looks like. It's a shortened tennis court and what it is

is it's an intergenerational freak show. Cool, losers. Yeah, Pickleball, it just, I don't, there's a real culture around Pickleball that's evolving. They've got like championships that aired on TV now. No. Losers. Yeah. Pickleball. It just, I don't, there, there's a real culture around pickleball that's evolving. They've got like championships that aired on TV now. We should have stopped before that came about. No. But the actor question I was going to ask you was this. Yeah. Who is the director that you're like most dying to work with? Oh my God.

You. No, I'm kidding. Oh my God. This podcast. I don't know. I don't know. Like I'm such a movie nerd. I don't know. I know mine. Um, fuck. I need to have an answer. And, and so Steven Spielberg.

Spielberg. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I love that. Because to me, he is, there's like a,

a fuzzy like childhood comfort there. Like he's an icon. Yeah. You know what an icon. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And it would be, fuck. I want to say like, I want to have a more interesting answer than just like the top. No, he's movies.

No, I know. Spielberg is movies. Like that's the, yeah, that's the thing. But yeah. And it's like, yeah, I'd love to be in a Tarantino movie. I'd love to, you know, be like a bitchy blonde in a Scorsese movie. But if I had to pick. How would you ever play a bitchy blonde?

You're so sweet. Mine is. Now I have a. Yours is going to be like way cooler and fucking deep cut than mine. And then I'm going to want to change my goddamn answer. Like I'm already fucking annoyed. You're going to hate mine. Okay, mine's Greta Gerwig.

Okay, hold on. No, wait. Hold on. Mine. Hold on. Wait. No, no, no. Mine's.

I'm wondering if you'll get to mine. Mine. Fuck. Did you keep shuffling through? God damn it. No, mine's Ari Aster. No. No, mine's.

Hold on. Mine's John Waters. Ooh, no. Oh, God. I don't want to work with that freak. Kidding, John. I love you. Kidding.

Kidding. I love you, John. Kidding. Mine is Yorgos Lanthimos. Oh, God damn it. Yeah. Yeah. And I hate to do it love you, John. Kidding. Mine is Yorgos Lanthimos. Oh, goddammit. Yeah. Yeah. And I hate to do it to you.

Yeah. Yeah, and he likes comedians. He does. Okay, that's mine too, Yorgos. And he has like 90% good taste in comedians as well. He really does. Yeah, there's only been one misstep. Only one misstep.

And I'm not saying who it was. We're not gonna say who, but we all know which one it is. But we all know which one it is. And actually, when the mics are off, you and I will be discussing that. Yes, we will. Let's make a note of me. I spent an entire day talking about that with my boyfriend. Sorry.

You have a boyfriend? Yeah. What the fuck are we doing? I don't know. You guys. You're supposed to look into this stuff. I'm sorry. Is it serious?

Yeah. Great. So everyone's just got one but me. We've been together for six years. Six years? But he hasn't proposed. He's not serious. Get rid of him.

I know. Six years is so long because you're 20. So you guys got together when you were, what, 10? Yeah. Wow. That's crazy. Can I say something? You're mad about my math?

I think, no. I think couples that have been together since high school, and it's like, yeah, and it was that we met, and we've kind of been together ever since. I think they're fucking psychopaths. Like, never in a million years will I be like, oh my god, I want that! Like, I, psychopathic behavior. When I was in high school, I was a founding member of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes.

And I was heterosexual, so that was just never an option for the kids. Were you heterosexual in high school? Yes. Did you have a girlfriend? Yes. What was that like? It was thrilling. I love that. I was like, this is my girly. It was so much fun to have a girlfriend. And then when it came time to get physical, it was weird. Right. Yeah, it was weird. Because when we were just hanging out i was like okay blast blast when we were just like hanging out listening to music i was like why do we love all the same stuff right and then when it was time to hook up i was like oh god what is that i'm one of the i am unfortunately one of those gay guys who really i've talked about it in public a lot but um you hate vaginas vaginas are hard for me

yeah really girl i get it and i've been there i've done non-binary i've done trans guys i've been Talked about it in public a lot. But... You hate vaginas. Vaginas are hard for me. Yeah. They're really hard. Girl, I get it. And I've been there. I've done non-binary. I've done trans guys. I've been... I've seen vaginas since high school. They're just not...

Listen. They're not delicious to me. They're not... Well, for them to be delicious and for them to be good... And let me explain this because I'm very judgmental when it comes to vaginas, okay?

I'm really judgmental when it comes to vaginas. I will bully you. No kidding. Dave Chappelle's here. Oh my God. We summoned Dave. Why am I sweating? I make you nervous.

That's cute. No, I think if it's not smelling good, and there's a lot of stuff going on. Stuff going on! In my experience, there always is.

But sometimes there isn't. Sometimes it's right and tight and clean, like a little convertible. Thank you. Like Stuart Little's car. clean, like a little convertible. Thank you. Like Stuart Little's car. Yeah, like a little like, oh, boop, boop, boop. There it is. There's not a lot of stuff going on. You know what I'm saying?

Let me tell you something else. Speaking of Stuart Little. What my mom would call it would be box of cow tongues. Oh. Oh, my God. Your mom calls pussy a box of cow tongues? Okay, icon alert. And we let her open a children's store.

That's crazy. That's nuts. I have, I said this once on Twitter years ago, but I think about it often. If my parents brought Stuart Little home and I was the human boy child, I would have killed him with a gun. You are not going to embarrass me like this.

Hold on. What? Is Stuart Little the mouse? He's the mouse. He's the talking mouse. Yes. Who's like loved by everyone. He's loved by everyone and that's fine.

Imagine being the human boy son and your parents go, hey, we're running out to the adoption agency and what they bring home is a mouse who drives a convertible. Yeah. So, oh, oh, awesome. So I'm already figuring out this thing called life. And now on top of that, I have a brother who's a rodent. Right. That's awesome.

Who fucking talks. Who fucking talks and drives a cute little car and has like a rivalry with like the cat in the house. Right. Give me a fucking break. Yeah. How about raise me? Oh, awesome.

Yeah. How about raise me? And also I'm going through puberty soon. Right. So I've got actually enough going on. I would have killed him. I would have stomped on him. Sorry to say, I would have stomped him to death. I get it.

Thank you. I get it. Thank you. What's it, isn't there another one like, oh, Paddington Bear? I've never liked him. Never. He feels, Paddington Bear, I'm certain is a CIA asset. Yeah. Or what's the British version of that, MI6? Is it a little bear or is it a talking stuffed animal bear? Paddington?

Yeah. What is he? He's a little bear. He's a little bear. Fuck that. Fuck him. Get that out of my house. And it's wearing a raincoat?

Yeah. Oh, so he can't get rained on? Oh, and my parents are yelling at me, telling me to be nice. Be nice. What the fuck are you talking about? Do you wish you were British in a way? Yes. Yeah, I can feel that in you

I can feel in you a desire to be British Every single time they talk about anything It just sounds better So I'm just going down to the post office, love I'm meeting my friend for a podcast Like that just sounds like chocolate, does it not? Yeah It's like butter on the tongue

Butter? Butter It's like butter Please, butter Do you know what you would murder in? What? The Favorite. God,

I loved that movie so much. Can I tell you something though? My British accent is very bad. Go ahead. I auditioned for a TV show that I said that I auditioned for previously. That was the eighth or ninth time I auditioned for it. And it was for a lead part where she was British.

And I'm like, why are they even auditioning American girls? They're going to give it to a British girl. And so I did the whole scene, and this has never happened to me before, but my manager called me and was like, I'm not going to send that in. Dude, dude, when I tell you, when I tell you this happened to me recently. Like I thought, I thought that my British accent fucking ate. Like I, like in college, I literally went to London in like 2011 and I was at a bar with some British guys and they were like, where are you from? And I was like, Sussex. And like I had them all fucking night.

I had them in the palm of my hand all night. I fucking put the self tape together and it's like, I just don't know. It's so hard to understand. Like it was so bad. I completely like lost the muscle memory for it. This is so brave of you to admit. I sent in a tape about a year ago for a lead in a movie that I was really excited about. I sent in a tape about a year ago for a lead in a movie that I was really excited about.

And the guy had like a, he was Italian and Jewish in 1970s New York. Now, put a gun to my fucking head because that. So I was like, you guys, I just don't know if we can do it. Stop it. Stop it. By the way, I did not think that I ate, but I went, you are being too good enough. I went, you're being too hard on yourself.

You hold yourself to a standard that other people don't hold themselves to. You're being a perfectionist. It's annoying. You're going to send in that fucking tape. You're going to book it and you're going to start believing in yourself. And I sent it in and my managers called me on a joint conference call. And they said, they said,

so, um, there's like no world where we can send this in. It's probably going to go straight to the shelves. Well, whatever happened with it, all I can tell you is my managers have never had to have a conversation like that with me. And they were like, here's what we're going to do. We're going to have you redo the audition with no accent. And then we're going to tell them if they like you, they can hire an accent coach.

That's exactly what I said. But I remember, and I love my manager to death, but he, and he's so nice, but I was like, listen, I know that I can do it. And he's like,

I don't think you can. He's like, it has to be like backwards, forwards, flawless. You can do it in your sleep. Like she is a London girl. I was like,

no, but like I can tap into that. But I'm a London girl. I'm a London girl. Yeah. It's tough, but I can tap into that. But I'm a London girl. I'm a London girl. It's tough when the people whose entire livelihood depends on cheering you on when they have to come to you woman to woman. And they go, hey, sister.

Yes. That day was hard for me. I considered quitting acting. And then two hours later, I decided it was funny and moved on. And this is getting taken now. Whoa, yeah. And if you guys want to see what we just talked about, you won't, because it's not even going to go on the Patreon. It's not even going to go on Patreon, I don't think.

I have something exciting for you. What? Which is that we have voicemails from our listeners. And basically the prompt that I ask them is, what is something you want to know the truth about? And we're going to listen to a couple of them, and we're going to try to get to the bottom of it. Are they for me? Well, they're for me and my guest. And you're the guest for me not for you oh good let's do it kayla congrats on your new podcast i'm super excited to hear it um besides like the big question of why are we all here what's the

point of all of this something that i think about a lot that I want the truth about is does manifesting actually work? So like if you manifest some professional success, for example, and that comes true for you. Oh, and we lost her. Is there, is there, it's just's just gone oh it's probably buffering

wait hold on hey kayla some professional success for example and that comes true for you is that actually the universe rewarding you for that or are you kind of uh subconsciously um doing well and achieving your goals so let me know what you think and go bears thank you okay so first of all first of all i love her love her love her love her and go bears for real go bears for real. Go Bears for real. Chicago? We love Chicago. No, Missouri State. Okay. Go Bears. M-I-S-S-O-U-R-I State. B-E-A-R-S.

Bears. Isn't that fun? Yes. What was the song for the American Academy of Dramatic Arts? I want to be so famous I fucking die by the age of 30. A, C, A, D, E, M, Y. Oh, my God. What do you think?

Manifesting yes or no? I'm going to have to say manifesting is like toxic positivity for me. Wow. Where it's like, I will get the job. I will get the relationship. I will. Like it's like you're playing like Russian roulette with your feelings every day. You know what I mean?

And it's like I've been manifesting. I've been journaling. I've been self-mapping. It's this weird. I'm trying to gain the system of life by just thinking thoughts like i think people get really weird about it yes so no i think uh yeah i i i align more with you on this like literally like steal and cheat to get what you want always have yeah and you've always said that which i've always said that yeah to me the way more important thing because people who manifest

really set their heart on things and they believe that's going to work. To me, the more important thing, the most important thing in life to me as a quality, if you want to live a healthy, balanced, regulated life, is endurance and the ability to bounce back. So to me, balancing your expectations of everything is better than assuming that things are going to happen for you. of everything is better than like assuming that things are going to happen for you. It's, it's what you're saying of like, you're trying to game the system and be like, if I just believe hard enough, that'll happen.

And then it doesn't. And then it's like, well now what? Right. Your whole thing was, if I believe it'll happen and it didn't, I think for me, yeah, the,

the ability to balance, to regulate your emotions and just say, this might happen. It might not. It's a good, it's a great thing if it does. It's protecting me from something if it doesn't, et cetera.

Yeah. That's my thought. And feeling good about yourself. Cause I, I have, I get in modes where i'm like i'm a talentless hack i'm a fucking who has a thin upper lip i'm first of all ugly and no but i think um i think also generally people need to go through more shit. Yeah. Okay. Because if you have enough time,

no hate to this girl, but if you have enough time to sit around and be like, I've been journaling every morning for months and months and I'm just sort of in the same place. Like you need to go through some shit. You're coming for the journaling. Yeah. You need to go through some shit, you know?

Because then your mind isn't like, I wake up every morning at the same time in my beautiful bed, I have my coffee at night, and I have my taterini, and then I do the journaling. But I still kind of feel like, is that manifestation correctly? Or is that something? You need to go through some shit, girl.

You need to go get your heart broken. Get your heart broken, have someone you love die, get your identity stolen, completely eat it in front of the entire company you work for, fail publicly, like, go through

some shit. No one's gone, no one's going through shit anymore. No one goes through shit. Yeah. Like one of the worst periods to be alive, probably. Right. Like right. No one's going through shit anymore. No one goes through shit. Like one of the worst periods to be alive probably. Right. Like right now. There's like a global pandemic. And the white girl's like no one's going through shit anymore. Get off your ass and fucking

work. No one wants to work anymore. I know. That's us. That's me and you. I do think yeah I think the manifesting stuff is hard for me but I have friends who really believe in it and I love that for them. I think it's. Are they rich? Believe it or not, I know some poor people who really believe in themselves.

Oh. Yeah. That's admirable. It's the resilience. It's the resilience. Wow. Resilience is a huge strength to have. It's a superpower in a way.

Yeah. Rich people I don't listen to. Me neither. I don't care what rich people have to say me neither i just don't i'm like when a rich person gives me advice i go one of my favorite things that rich people do is like jim carrey's a big uh big one of these guys you can get everything you ever want it won't make you happy let me fucking find out for myself yeah yeah give me the money you have and i'll be the one doing the interviews when i started like when i when i paid off my debt and like could get a new car and afford my rent,

I was like, life is good. Yeah, sister. Life's real good. I'm not rich. I have money now. I grew up very poor. Right.

Money changed my life. Yes. And I don't have it in droves. Same, same. It is the best thing that's ever happened to me. It fixed damn near every problem I had.

Same. So when rich people do that thing where they're like, it won't fucking fix you, brother. I'm like, me and you are different. Yeah. It'll fix me. It has. it's like fixed so much of my

those are like power hungry success hungry people where it's like i have this but i need more i'm like i'm i'm okay i'm good yeah i'm pretty good i'm good i just like yeah that really is the it's i think that's longing is a huge problem that we have. Yeah. That people just want. Because you see too much of other people. Yeah. I like, I will lie in bed awake at night for hours and just think about the nineties. Thank you. Yeah.

Thank you. And just how like, and listen, every decade had its fucked up thing, but like, I think social media is so awful and we just see too much of each other. I agree. And I just think if we didn't, we'd be way happier.

I think social media is, yeah, it's ultimately bad and we probably should all be off it. But that having been said, please like and share this video, you guys. And sub to the YouTube. It would be massive for me. Yeah. And next time I post a video, please share it. Make it go viral, baby. No, it is an interesting paradox that almost,

I would say probably, and I'm sure you've had a similar experience, 95% of the people I know who have careers because of the internet or on the internet or internet is a huge facet of their career, like you and I, we all hate it. Oh. Some people won't talk about it in public,

but creators- I'll talk about it all the time. Creators, by the way, just call me a faggot. The creator's a slur. Creator's just a slur. It's a slur. Creator is a slur, honey. When someone calls me a creator, I'm like, oh, I'm going to kill myself.

Content creator? Why don't you slit my throat with a dull knife? That's the worst thing I've ever heard. But people who exist on the internet as part of their career absolutely fucking detest it. Hate it. Just a fact. Yeah. And yet, we need another voicemail.

Chance, you got that second one for us? I absolutely need to know if God is real. And if so, what's the vibe? What's the gender? What's your gender? What are your pronouns? Do you fuck with queer people? What's going on there? Wow.

So this is incredibly awkward. But speaking as God, he, him, love queer people. And I am real. Yeah. Yeah. God reveal. God reveal. Love that.

Yeah. I'm God. And it's been really difficult on me because everything's everyone's getting weird yeah everything's getting weird i get that like here's a lot of people don't know this adam and eve when i made them oh i'm christ so it's christian that's the one unfortunately and'm the guy. But your son is you as well? Yes, Jesus. Technically, but not? I love him. Yeah, so it's me, him, and then. The father, the son, and the Holy Spirit. Are you the Holy Spirit?

I am. But so why is it external to you? Just like different ways I like to play around and express gender. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I'm non-binary in that way. But Adam and Eve were fucking cool and like chillers.

Like we were chilling other than the following instructions part. And now everybody's gotten very weird. I see. Can I ask you one question since you see everything? What happened to JonBenet? JonBenet, the brother. That's what I thought. That's what I thought.

It was the brother. Burke did it. It was Burke. Burke. Burke did it. Yeah, what about you about God? I think, well. brother. Burke did it. It was Burke. Burke. Burke did it. Yeah. What about you about God? Um,

I think, well, uh, so me, me doing a bit where I'm God aside, what do you think about God? Um, I love these questions.

I am, I, I, I didn't know we were going to get so real on your podcast, by the way. Can you tell that my listeners are in total existential spin-out? The first one was like, aside from why we're all here and what's going on with that, what about manifesting?

This person's like, no, straight up, what is going on with God? My hands are spinning out right now. The K-lebrities. K-lebrities are spinning out. The K-lebrities and K-lesbians are in crisis, love. Stop it. That was a really good British accent. They're in crisis, love. They're in crisis, love. The Kate-lebrities and the Kate-lesbians might also be in crisis, love. Stop it. That was a really good British accent. They're in crisis, love.

They're in crisis, love. The Kate Lebertys and the Kate lesbians might also be in crisis. Oh, my God. Yeah. I forgot I have fans. No, I think I hate organized religion. I remember. Thank you.

I was in a relationship with a man I met off Tinder. Thank you. That can be so powerful. It seems like it wasn't though. For two and a half years. Yikes. He broke up with me. Whoa.

Anyway, I went to Virginia to meet his family. I talk about this motherfucker on every podcast, and I don't know why. It's like starting to get a little weird. Something to look into. But anyway, long story short. Mm, yeah. It's like starting to get a little weird. Something to look into. But anyway, long story short, yeah. It's called trauma. He traumatized me.

Yeah, that's what it was. So yeah. Got through that. Anyway, so long story short, I went to Virginia to meet his family. He said to me several times, you know, my family is very religious. And I was like, I went to a Catholic high school.

It's fine. No big deal. It's different in Virginia, baby, yeah. and so lovely very nice family um but uh uh his uh sister was a youth pastor i was like that's cool and you know his parents you know just simple people like their whole community was a part of the church i've never heard people literally talk about God or Jesus so much in the span of five days to the point. No, literally. And mind you, I grew up liberal. I grew up in LA. Okay. My dad was an actor. Like I lived in a bubble, but I've never, like it was the constant point of conversation. Yes. Um,

and then at one point I was driving with his sister, uh, to Chick-fil-A to get dinner for everyone. And so we were driving and she's like, give me the gospel of the church. Cause I'm like, give me the gods. Like what's going on?

Like, do you like the new pastor in town? Like, do you hate him? Like what's happening? And she's talking to me and she's like, well, you know,

we were sort of iffy about him because he had a girlfriend and he lived with this girlfriend and obviously they weren't saved. And she said it so like such a passing flippant comment. Of course we're worried about his eternal resting place because he lived with a girl and they weren't saved. Yes. You did it, girl. Anyway. Yes. That's what it was.

And I like chills went up my spine. I'm like, that's crazy. To me. Yeah. That's what it was. I like chills went up my spine. I'm like, that's crazy. Yeah. To me. Yeah. And, um, yeah.

Then, then we went to the church and it was like, get up at 7am. Like, I don't want to. Yeah. And we're standing there in the, I think it was Nazarene.

Thank you. Right. And, um, I don't know. I don't even know what the fuck that means. Cause it's none of it's real to me. And we're standing in this church and this older man is sitting on this stool singing Bible hymns, but they're all like very vaguely sexual.

And he has like a very specific drawl, right? So he's on this stool with the guitar and he's like, fill me up with your love, Lord. Fill me with every hell. Like he is just singing to this Lord. Okay. And so I'm thinking to myself, I love this church because it's open to everybody. And I love that the main singer they have on this little choir is an openly gay man. Nice try. I love that for him.

I love this. I love seeing this. Yes. Yes. We talked to him afterwards and he's like, you have to meet my wife, surely. Yeah. And I nearly fucking fell over.

So, baby, there's a whole brand of Southern man. I know. That is just like sassy for Christ. Right? And they're going to come up to you and be like, I love that top, darling. Let's get on in there and dance. And then they're straight up going to try to? And they're going to come up to you and be like, I love that top, darling. Let's get on in there and dance. And then they're straight up going to try to tell you they're hetero.

Right. And I'm sorry to say, they're gay. They're not bi. It's not like, oh, people are different in different regions. These are gay men that are lying to themselves. That's how I feel. I did see this argument. You know Pookie?

Pookie on TikTok? Oh, God, yeah. It's like Pookie looking at- Pookie looks absolutely fire in that pair of jeans tonight. So everyone was like, he's gay. Yes.

Everyone thought he was gay and then I saw a couple videos where they're like, actually, let's talk about this for a second. And it was a whole fucking diatribe about how there is a breed of Southern man

that comes off as gay but actually isn't. And see, that is true but my opinion is that deep down they are just gay. Right. I mean, right. I'm not saying they've ever done anything with it. I'm just saying it's how I feel.

Right. So, yeah, I don't, like, that trip, I felt like I was, like, in a hellscape. Like, actually in a hellscape. And I went to, oh, my God, Todd Chrisley. Yes. Todd Chrisley. that's another one for me but i i also went to an all girls catholic high school with dakota johnson um but um yeah like like liturgy religion class yeah like studying the bible yeah at one point i raised my hand because apparently it was a very progressive school and i was like so so basically essentially the bible is a book of fairy tales that are good for you, right?

And you could have heard a pin drop. People weren't, I imagine, thrilled with that one. Yeah. Have I said too much? I'm wondering if you believe in God. It's no for you, right? I'm like, well, I'm trying to piece it together because I'm interested now. I believe, I believe in, I believe in like energy and science based. But I do think that there's a level of science that we can't perceive and understand.

Like I believe in ghosts. Yeah. Okay. I've seen them. I fully fucking believe in them. I don't know how that shit works. I don't know what the parallel universe looks like. I don't know what's going on there.

It's different with every ghost. It's different with everything. There's so many different things going on, but I believe in ghosts. Just so you know, just what I've heard so far, when you get to the pearly gates, they're going to count this as a no.

Just, as soon as you said energy, I was like, so that's going to be a no. Right, right, right, right.

Yeah. But so, so I, and I believe in an afterlife. Thank you. So I, but as far as like a God and the Bible and Jesus, I think Jesus was a really cool guy. Yeah. That was very respected in his village and had a lot of really cool shit to say. Of course.

And I'm sure Mary Magdalene was like, give me some of that. And you know what I mean? But I don't think that he was the son of God. I don't think that his mother was a virgin. Um, I don't think that Noah built an arc. I don't think, um,

I, I think maybe Moses was real and did that shit. I don't think that he parted the seas, but I, but I do think the other stuff happens. Yeah. You know, um, I don't, uh, I don't think they'd be part of the seas but i but i do think the other stuff happens yeah you know um i don't uh where you out on hell i don't think i think that i think that hell is like dark energy yeah you know what i mean yeah uh i think hell is like i don't know i i i don't think that hell exists, but like much like, you know, depression and anxiety and I think dark energy. Like, I don't know.

Yeah. I don't know. I think I think it's all level of energy and neurons and trapped energy and parallel universes that we don't understand or can see or can comprehend. But I think that organized religion, the Holy Bible, Catholicism, Christianity, all of that, I think is so toxic and evil and detrimental. And please get out of it. That's what I think. I agree. I'm big on like... so toxic and evil and detrimental and please get out of it. Yeah. That's what I think. I agree.

I'm big. I'm big on like, like I like Judaism because they're like, Jesus is not the son of God. And they're also, I love Judaism because it's, they're like, they're like,

yeah, that's a great question. Keep asking them. Right. I'm like, yes, dude, that's fucking real.

And I'm baptized Catholic. And so my grandmother is not happy with me right now. And then in another world. Um, thank you. And, um, I have a dead dad and now in the netherworld. Thank you. And I have a dead dad, and he was Catholic too. Thank you. You know what I mean?

But I, no, it's a no for me. It's a no for you. It's a no for me. I am big on rebirth. I'm big on like we go through a million births and rebirths in a life. Do you believe in like several lives reincarnation shit? Yeah, but I don't think I believe in reincarnation. And, you know, ask me any day of the week and you might get a different answer.

But lately I've been on a kick of like, I think that death is actually just the biggest rebirth that we experienced in our physical time on earth. Yeah. And that actually death is just the transferal of our energy from our physical body into different sort of vessels for that energy. So I'm like, do I think necessarily that it works one for one? Like I die and if I had a good life, I become a billionaire in the next life or I become a dog if I was, but no, I think that it's not one for one.

It's like my energy goes into all the separations between us and everything that we see, like the separation between you and I that you're sitting there and I'm sitting here. In my opinion, it's all artificial. It's just, it's illusions. It's the human experience.

So our lives on this planet, and thank you for tuning in, my opinion, it's all artificial. It's illusions. It's the human experience. So our lives on this planet, and thank you for tuning in, is the... Me forgetting we're doing a podcast and being like, no, Caitlin, listen. Our energy is the same as what goes into the cheese. And our bodies are illusions.

The listeners are like, you can just go and watch the YouTube numbers go like, Why did Caitlin Riley's episode do so poorly? But no, no, I'm agreeing with you. Like, I think that our time on this earth

is a human experience and then we, have you ever seen the movie Soul? No. I think it's a lot like that. I need to watch it. Well, great,

now I need to watch Soul. No, but it's like about the afterlife and different lives and second chances and stuff like that. I think it's that simple. There's one singular thing in all of this conversation about religion and spirituality and God and all this other stuff.

The only thing I'm certain of, I think certainty is the enemy of progress and enlightenment. Wow. Mark that down. The only thing I'm certain of is there's no hell hell is just not real to me it's like there's no there's no place of physical eternal suffering for anybody like you said hell is a dark energy i think i do believe that if you spend your your limited time on earth doing bad and putting bad out that you will not it's kind of like a bank you deposit

energy into this yeah it's karma. I believe in karma. You transact on the things you put into the world. And it benefits you sometimes in the life you have here on earth. And for some people, it does not. But if it's bad, you will get bad back in some lifetime. Yes, yes. Hell no. And in several different ways, too.

Like, think of someone like Donald Trump. Like, his karma's fucked. And like, it's evident. Yeah. You know what I mean? Well, that's the problem with the prosperity gospel, right? Is that so many people think like- The prosperity gospel?

A huge thing in Christianity is like Joel Osteen. Oh, right. He's a prosperity gospel. Fuck that guy. If you work hard and you worship God and God loves you back, you will have money on this earth. Yeah, fuck that. And it's like, actually, I think people like Donald Trump, people that are bad people that are doing bad things are, they are,

they are getting their bad karma right now. The level of hatred towards that man, the level of like, uh, just the level of like nastiness surrounding his name and energy is his repayment for his bad. Like you're getting everything that you deserve already. Just cause you have money during this lifetime, that, that will fade.

You will be gone. Yeah. And then your energy will still be bad. Yeah. You will have given bad and gotten bad. Like Henry VIII, who I'm currently obsessed with right now. Thank you. Do you ever, do you ever hyper fixate on different things?

Like I have sort of a, a Rolodex of things that I hyper fixate on. And just so I'm clear, Henry V eighth is what's up right now for you. The tutors queen. Yeah. And I don't even know who Henry the eighth is. Okay. So Henry the eighth was the king of England and he had six wives. Okay.

Okay. So his first wife, Catherine of Aragon, he divorced for, uh, Anne Boleyn and then he beheaded Anne Boleyn because he was like, I don't like this bitch anymore. And,

and she just gave birth to a girl and I don't want a girl. I want a just gave birth to a girl. And I don't want a girl. I want a boy. Yeah. So then he married another one, got a boy. She dialed it. She died in childbirth. Fuck. Okay.

Karma. Then got, then married another one. Didn't like the way that she looked, sent her home, then married another one. She cheated on him. He beheaded her. And then the very last one, he was like too old to give a fuck. And then he died. And then his uh he's the father of queen elizabeth queen elizabeth the one that

just died no that's queen elizabeth the second queen elizabeth the first is henry the eighth's daughter the one that he didn't want and she was like the most revolutionary monarch in history. Whoa. Yeah, so that's my hyper fixation right now, but it's also Titanic. Thank you. The JonBenet case. Of course.

And anything having to do with ghosts. You're big in on ghosts, I'm getting that. Yeah, but not in like a Jack Skellington kind of a way. You know what I mean? Not in like a purple hair Jack Skellington, let's go to Fright Night kind of a way. You know what I mean? Not like that. Here's my thought on ghosts.

Mine's like history. Like, oh, that's interesting. Oh, intriguing. Mine is fake. Ghosts are fake. You think ghosts are fake? Ghosts are fake. No way. Ghost stories to me are always just some like... I think a lot of them are fake. I think ghosts are fake? Ghosts are fake. No way. Ghost stories to me are always just some like. I think a lot of them are fake. I'm not saying. By the way, what I'm about to say does not apply to you.

Cool, we're never going to be friends. No, we're already friends. We're never going to be friends. What I'm going to say does not apply to you. Do you understand that part before I say it? No. Say you understand it. Caitlin.

I feel judged. You are not judged, but what I'm about to say might make you feel that way. Okay, okay, okay. I want to make sure you know this is not about you. Tell me. Most ghost stories I've heard in my life are just a girl begging for attention. And that's not what you're, that's not you.

I agree with you. That's not you, girl. I agree with you. But most ghost stories are a girl being like, listen, I used to be like you. I used to not believe in ghosts, and then I was walking down a street, and what overcame me was...

Wait, can I make this a video? Can I make this a character video? Of course you can. I'm not gonna do it. Go nuts. Oh, fuck yes, because I need to make a video. It is every time I've ever heard a ghost story,

it's a girl being like, you can watch her scan the room, realize that everyone else is getting more attention than her, and then we'll literally be talking about our favorite appetizers, and she'll be like, well, the thing about ghosts is this. And it's like, got it, girl.

Got it. I love that. An old-timey prospector met you in the bathroom at a YMCA. You know what's really interesting about that is I had a paranormal experience while I was there. Yeah, I know that bitch. I'm not that bitch. I know you're not that girl. I'm not that bitch. I was there. Yeah. I know that bitch. I'm not that bitch.

I know you're not that girl. I'm not that bitch. I know you're not. But I did have an experience when I was six years old. Thank you. And it was a cat. Okay. And you have to understand

why I'm not really going with you. And there was another person that saw what I saw. I bet. And children can see ghosts more than adults can. I bet they can. Children also can't count, right?

So there's like a... Yeah. So there's like a yeah so there's like a kind of it's a difficult to go along with them sometimes because when a child says you know there's a seven foot man standing in the corner he wears a fabulous suit you go well you can't spell right you know when an adult does it you go you needed attention bad at this dinner party right okay but what you saw a cat to filth sorry sorry you saw it no you saw a cat? Red to filth. Sorry, sorry. Red to filth. No, you saw a cat. Yeah. Who else?

Who else saw the cat? My friend Alessandra. How old were they at the time? We were both six. Okay. My boyfriend, I will talk to my boyfriend about this for hours, like, blue in the face, like, why don't you believe in ghosts like he's the same way he doesn't any experiences

with the paranormal since your brain fully developed or was it just that time with your friend at six I've had yeah I've yeah I've yeah I've had some name them name them name them name another one I can't recall right now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I don't want to put you on the spot. I think that it's fascinating. I do think they're fascinating. It's fascinating to me. I will say I always listen to the ghost stories because I like, you know, like Paul Bunyan. I like that kind of stuff too.

I think that Paul Bunyan's a ghost story. No, but I'm saying like any, I view ghost stories like that where it's like, sure, you saw a man with a giant ox. Why not? You know, I think it's fun to just imagine for a second. And that's how I feel about the Bible. I know it is.

Fun, make beliefs. How do you feel about the Bible? Hey guys, if you want to hear that next part, go over to the Patreon and subscribe to get the bonus content. I have a question for you. What is something that is so true to you? Oh, for fuck's sake.

Oh my God. One that's, while you think on it, one that's working for me right now and I was just thinking of it today. You know that Oscar Wilde quote, everything in life is about sex, except for sex, which is about power? Yeah. Do you know that?

Yeah. Think of it often for different reasons, but I've been writing one of my own that kind of plays off of that, and it's everything in life is about food, except for food, which is about sauce. I love that. You know? I love that. I'm like, everything in life is about food, but food is ultimately about condiments.

And the best restaurants and meals in the world understand this. Yeah. Everything is about sauce. I love a good aioli. I need a good aioli. I need an aioli. I need a good reduction. I need a good, it's everything, all food comes down to its sauce.

Yeah. Show me something delicious and dry. You can't. Yeah. I love that. There's nothing delicious and dry. My, sorry, I'm literally mentioning my boyfriend again. Yikes. Like a knife

in my fucking heart. I'm so sorry. Like I'm single. Okay, great. So number one, I don't have a chance with you. And number two, I'm single. Sorry. Horrible. Sorry. What is it about him? He doesn't do sauces. You're not safe I know You're legitimately not safe I know

You're Wow get out He will raw dog fries If I ever meet him I'm gonna fight him Fries And there's sauce available He's thin

Yeah I know he's thin No he's not He's not thin He's not fat But he's not thin He's he's thin yeah i know he's thin no he's not he's not thin he's not fat but he's not thin he's like medium size yeah how did he get that way i don't know just like white food everything's white damn unseasoned white food no sauce soci Like, we'll get a chicken wrap, you know? The driest thing on earth is a chicken wrap. Yeah. And a chicken wrap in any restaurant usually comes with a sauce.

Yeah, he's going to dunk it in a Caesar or something. Right. He will not touch the sauce. I am actually, I don't think I've ever been so taken aback by some news. He will eat a burrito, no salsa. The way I feel in my body is that picture of the guy whispering in George Bush's ear on the day of 9-11. I feel like I've just received something so devastating

and unfathomable I have to stop reading to these kids. That's another hyper fixation for me. 9-11? Yeah. Yeah. You're like, well something that's so true to me. It's 9-11. The government orchestrated the events on September. Oh, my God. What is something that's so true to you? Stop lying to me.

Oh, my God. Hey, guys, if you want to hear that next part, go over to the Patreon and subscribe to get the bonus content. I'm a really good actor. You're an incredible actor. That's true. That's actually true. Don't joke about that. Don't ever come on my podcast

and joke about how good of an actor you are. I don't care what your British accent sounds like. You are valid in this studio. Thank you. I had a concept for a bar recently that I want to tell you about. Love that. Okay.

The concept is this. Have you ever been to a Brazilian grill where you have a little marker on your table that says, keep bringing me meat, and then you can turn it and say, don't bring me any more meat? Oh, my. Like foie gras de chow. You ever been to a foie gras de chow? Oh, I've been to foie gras de chow. So you know that you turn your thing, it's green or red, green come or don't come, bother me or don't bother me.

I have been thinking a lot lately about the epidemic that I think is loneliness. That people, we live in the most connected time we've ever lived in and people feel more lonely than ever. Right. And I have been thinking a lot about, um, just when I'm writing and just when I'm thinking about like standup and things like that, I'm thinking about connectedness and community and how like hard it is to come by. And I think a cool bar would be this. Okay. And I want to know if you think it's a good idea or not. I think a cool bar would be this. Okay. And I want to know if you think it's a good idea or not. This is a cool bar to me.

I opened up this bar. You go to the bar, you come with whoever, come with strangers, come with friends, come alone. And when you walk in, you're given a,

like, um, you know, when you go to a restaurant that's counter serve and they give you like a pole with a number on it. So they know to bring your food, you get one of those and you get a set of cards and there's different cards that say like green.

Me and my friends are open to meeting new people tonight. Pink, I'm here and single alone and I'm interested in being flirted with. Orange, me and my friends are not really trying to talk right now, but maybe later. And it just has different things in every table, every group of people, or every single person has a placard up so that you know.

Because I think one of the reasons that we're struggling to connect right now is it all feels so embarrassing. People are buried in their phones, people are doing their own thing, people come out with their own friends, and like it or not, the phones and the internet

have ruined our ability to have spontaneous connection with strangers. So I think what this would do is remove that barrier where you could say, I'm trying to meet someone tonight and those people have their thing turned around, I'm gonna go say hello.

And maybe every table has some fun little question game cards where you could say, I'm trying to meet someone tonight and those people have their thing turned around. I'm going to go say hello. Right. You know? And maybe every table has like some fun little like question game cards on it or something. Do you think that's fun or so stupid? I think that's fun. I think the bar should be called Friends. Friends. It should be called Central Perk.

Oh. And all the waiters are dressed like Gunther, hair and all. You know he passed. Gunther passed? I did not know that. I did not know that. I did not know that. A second plane just hit Gunther. Okay.

Hey, guess what? What? I have a game for you. And this is actually something I didn't tell you about, so you don't even know what could happen for you today. I love that for me. But here's the deal. I'm taking these off for one second.

Of course. I feel like I'm the only person in the world where these headphones hurt me after a while. They do. And I think it's because I have, like, sexy little ears. You have sexy, gorgeous little ears. I've always said that about you. Thank you.

So the game I want to play with you is this. Okay. I'm going to read you 15 statements. Okay. You're going to tell me as quick as you can after each one if you believe it to be true or false. Is there a right answer? Oh, there's a right answer. These are objectively true or false.

Okay, okay, okay. If you get 10 or more right, I am going to give you 50 US dollars. There's cash on the line, babe. Oh my God. Yeah. Okay, okay, okay. Now what's really funny is I started- I'm trying to buy new plants.

I started to say babe and honey at the same time, so I almost called you bunny. There's cash on the line, bunny. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Can you call me? So the main character in The Land Before Time's name is Littlefoot. True.

True. Gordon Ramsay was born in Scotland. False. True. The microwave was invented in name is Littlefoot. True. True. Gordon Ramsay was born in Scotland. False. True. The microwave was invented in 1845. False. False. 1945.

Friendster is older than Myspace. Friendster is older than Myspace, Caitlin. True. True. Pringle is a Greek word for tube. False. False. The movie 8 Mile is three hours long.

False. False. One hour and 50 minutes. Buffalo Trace Whiskey is older than the United States. Buffalo Trace Whiskey. I don't fucking know. False. False. The movie 8 Mile is three hours long. False. False. One hour and 50 minutes. Buffalo Trace whiskey is older than the United States. Buffalo Trace whiskey. I don't fucking know. False. True.

Vampire moths exist. True. True. You don't actually need a stamp to mail a letter. You don't actually need a stamp to mail a letter. False. False. Los Angeles is the only American city to host the Olympics twice.

True. True. You're from LA. You'd know. Nancy Pelosi has been to every continent. False. False. Burger King was originally called Insta-Burger King.

False. True. Lemons float, but limes sink. True. True. Anne Hathaway's mother invented the Bowflex machine. False. False.

The longest English word is 189,819 letters long. That's probably false. That's probably true. How many did she get? 11! Caitlin! Caitlin! Caitlin!

Caitlin! Yay! Congratulations, dude. Thank you! I know this is going to change everything for you. It really is. Thank you. You came in here. You asked me for $50 when you came in.

You didn't even know about the game. I did, yeah. I just wanted to know, you know, you have a podcast. You said times are tough. Yeah. We're in my beautiful studio. Yeah. In gorgeous Hollywood.

I'm not booking. So, thank you so much for being on, dude. Thank you for having me. This was an absolute delight me I love that we're close dear friends now we're close dear friends do you do you want to look

directly into your camera and plug anything yeah In The Know is on Peacock right now I'm one of the leads of the show

and it's a stop motion animation television program starring Zach Woods and Mike Judge and myself

and Jason with Cameron and Carl Tart and Charlie Bushnell. And I'm also going to be in a show on Netflix called Dead Boy Detectives coming out this spring. Do you play Dead Boy

or Detective? I play, I can't, I don't know if I can talk about this at all. Let's get out of here before you do something really bad. Let's end the episode, please, guys.

Hey, guys, thanks so much for listening. Please like and subscribe on everything and leave reviews on Apple and all those places. You know what to do. Do all the things. Follow it everywhere. Also, please come see me live in person. I'm doing live shows as always. I'm doing New York City on March 28th.

March 29th, I'm in Washington, D.C. March 30th, I'm in Philadelphia. City on March 28th March 29th I'm in Washington DC March 30th I'm in Philadelphia oh what else April 1st I'm in Chicago April 5th I'm in Nashville April 9th I'm in San Francisco April 10th I'm in Los Angeles and this is the first time I'm saying these on here um May 1st I'm doing Houston May 3rd I'm doing Fort Worth may 3rd, I'm doing Fort worth and may 4th, I'm doing Dallas. And on those three shows in Texas, I'm running my hour before I run my hour, may 6th in Los Angeles as part of Netflix is a joke at Hollywood forever cemetery spooky. Um, so please go buy tickets and come out and see me. Love you.