So True with Caleb Hearon - Charlie and Natalie Are in The Queue

Episode Date: July 3, 2025

Welcome! This week’s guests are the hilarious Charlie Bardey and Natalie Rotter-Laitman! Charlie, Natalie, and Caleb talk waking up early, Americans watching soccer, Mind Palace’s, the pronunciation of big words, and much more! Join our Patreon for an exclusive post-episode chat with Charlie and Natalie and other bonus content! https://patreon.com/SoTruePodcast?utm_medium=unknown&utm_source=join_link&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=copyLink  Follow Charlie! @chunkbardeyFollow Natalie! @natrotlaitFollow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloudGo to www.Quince.com/sotrue for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.Transform your living space today with Cozey. Visit www.Cozey.com, the home of possibilities, made easy.Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/xvjndanx #CashAppPod About Headgum: Headgum is an LA & NY-based podcast network creating premium podcasts with the funniest, most engaging voices in comedy to achieve one goal: Making our audience and ourselves laugh. Listen to our shows at https://www.headgum.com. » SUBSCRIBE to Headgum: https://www.youtube.com/c/HeadGum?sub_confirmation=1  » FOLLOW us on Twitter: http://twitter.com/headgum  » FOLLOW us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/headgum/ » FOLLOW us on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum So True is a Headgum podcast, created and hosted by Caleb Hearon. The show is produced by Chance Nichols with Associate Producer Allie Kahan and Executive Producer Emma Foley. So True is engineered by Casey Donahue and engineered and edited by Nicole Lyons. Kaiti Moos is our VP of Content at Headgum. Thanks to Luke Rogers for our show art and Virginia Muller our social media manager.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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with a paranormal twist? The entire Oracle trilogy is available on Audible. Listen now on Audible. She goes, all the cars are spoken for, people are coming for them. I go, hey, listen, it's just me and you. Those people aren't here yet. Why don't you take one of their cars and just give it to me? And then when they get here, you can just upset them and I'll have made it to the airport already and I bet neither of us will even get in trouble.

And keep in mind, we had been having so much fun. She goes, she goes, yeah, I'm not doing that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wait. Is there any, by the way, do we need to know anything? You guys are supposed to prepare a show. Have you guys listened to the show? Be honest. I have. You've never once listened to the show.

But I've watched clips. You've never once listened to the show. No, but I don't really listen to talk podcasts because I'm afraid I'm going to steal the demeanor of the people. I don't listen to podcasts either, but's like Charlie you know why I did why because the clips were so funny you mean that I mean that I needed more but I love that Custards my gay community doesn't like he doesn't listen do you know what

it is though I will say gay guys refuse to support me I am completely fucked lesbians will. What am I going to do? Charlie, I want you to speak on this actually. Not for you. I know that we're getting, I have an opportunity to get closer all the time, but what do you think it is about me

that makes gay guys run away, repellent? But have you, let's just make sure we're doing this all the way. Have you listened to ours by any chance? Well, I think, huh. This is good. It's an interesting question. It's definitely an interesting question.

It's the way you worded it threw me off a little bit. Yeah. What do you mean? It's just confusing, I get that. I think it's more like, you know, we're all professional, we're in the back of the club, you know, someone's up on stage, we're chatting. Yeah.

You know, we don't need to be watching all the time, we respect. Were you asking if I've need to be watching all the time, we respect. Were you asking if I've listened to a full episode of your podcast? Was that the question? I guess I was trying to ask the same question. Oh, back to me about yours. I have not.

So maybe, but think about how you love us, and you still. Oh, I love you both, but I don't listen to podcasts. So that's what Charlie has. So imagine now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. So just for me, like for you, like exactly. This was good.

Yeah. This was really helpful. This was really good. This was very healing. You really saved me. So I really, and I would not have. By the way, I look like a fucking simp, but I'm down for that. Like I really stand in my desire.

Can I take it again when you ask? Yeah, but I do want to get back to my thing with you guys. OK, OK, yeah. Oh, yeah. No, that's a separate, I do think we get to this. Yeah, yeah, and I want to get into that. Well, that's a separate thing that needs to be gotten into. I want to ask both of you questions about me on this episode. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, no that's a set. I do think we get yeah And I was a separate thing that needs to be gotten into I want to ask both of you questions about me on this episode

Yeah, okay Listen to my show yeah, really I love it. What's your favorite episode? I love the one you did with Brittany broski Save that really safe that that's beautiful. I love yours and Brittany's because I love your chemistry together Yeah, and I thought it was funny, and I laughed and I thought at times it was really poignant. Yeah interesting and It made me feel warm Yeah Yeah, you're killing this. I commented on the I commented on the YouTube video. I just said loved it

That's all you said. Just cuz I didn't want to take up too much space So I just said loved it on the YouTube video. You can check you want to leave room for other commenters Yeah, I want to take up too much space. I had a paragraph. I listen This is what happened. Yeah paragraphs and paragraphs thought about you know you said this you said this you said this Deleted all that just said loved it. I think you did worse on this Great and then I it did not and it got more Like yeah like you did because you started saying things

that were factually, provably false. I'm like, I'm listening to it now on my phone and I can show you right now, it's the last thing off on my phone. And you're like, and I texted you, I texted you this and I called you. I called you during it and, cause I was listening to it live from the door, fuck.

I have to tell you guys when we get off mic and the listeners hate when I do this, remind me to tell you a story about someone who did something so psychotic to me at a party recently But I can't say what it is because it's so specific they would know this is called the podcasters tree So that's when we get to know a secret off mic story And then sometimes the listeners will be in the comments like don't bring shit up if you're not gonna fuck you I'll do what I want. It's my show. I'll do that one want. You have a very, I really admire your relationship with your fans. Yeah.

You're super stern with them. It's like they need to know. It's loving, it's firm, it's like a type of motherhood that's like, I'm not your friend. I'm your podcaster. I'm your podcaster. Like it's a different, I have a life outside of you. This is not a democracy. Hi, I'm in charge here. Hi, it's a cheer-tatership.

It's a what-tatership? It's not a cheer-ocracy, it's a cheer-tatership. That's right. What is that? You from Bring It On? Do you know what I'm referencing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. That's a what-tater? It's not a cheerocracy, it's a cheer-tatership. That's right, that's right. What is that? From Bring It On, do you know what I'm referencing? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, that's what I asked. I'm flopping with you guys today.

Don't even say that. Wait, I did wanna ask you a serious question. So far. So far. We could change it. We could change it in a moment. We could do really well from here on out. My tummy really hurts.

No! I had a poke bowl from Bondi. I knew it. Bondi, Bondi, which, how do you guys say it? What, sushi? Over there? I would never say that. Not that one, but yes, you have said it to me before. would never say that stuff. You see you ordered it in front of me

Bondi really good poke bowl, but my tummy is hurting right now What it's coke. Oh, yeah, I'm having a coke. I'm hoping it'll sell. Oh, you're doing medicine I had a I had a whole bout of nausea this morning. What happened? I don't know it just came I mean, can you even believe that? I do. But how did it go away? Exactly, and it just did. You have tummy issues sometimes.

I know that about you. But who among us, do you know what I mean, doesn't? I think there are people out there who don't. My friend Caleb has a tummy ache right now. I do at the moment, but I wanted to ask you guys, I brought you here to ask you, what is it that gay guys but here's what I'll tell you I've noticed. If I see any lesbian on Instagram,

like if someone tags a lesbian friend in an Instagram story and I click on their page, there's a 95% chance they follow me. They're following you. When the same thing happens but it's gay guys, gay guys don't follow me. You're blocked. They don't support me, basically.

Yes, yeah, yeah. What do you think I'm giving that's not welcoming to gay men? Um, I think there is a competitiveness among gay men. And it can be for a sense of limited resources, a sense of, especially when there is like a kind of outspokenness or confidence that people are like, okay, what you think you're better than me? And do you? I don't know. I don't, but I wonder if that's why I don't like certain gay guys. Cause they think you're no than me? And do you? I don't know. I don't, but I wonder if that's why I don't like certain gay guys. Because they think you're. No, me to them.

I wonder if I'm being, I wonder if I'm being, what's the word I'm looking for? Scarcity mindset. Well, you know what? I think sometimes how I respond to that, because I do sense that too in me sometimes where people are like,

or like a little cold or like kind of tough, and I just meet it with kindness. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's so true about you. You're laughing because you mean it. You're laughing because you mean it, you mean it with kindness completely, and people will be like,

oh, what are you, how do you know about this party? You know, and I just say, I'm so happy to see you, I love those pants on you. Yeah. And say that kind of stuff. That is how you get guys to warm to you. Kill them with kindness. Actually, you do have to kill them with kindness.

You say, ugh, you look so cute today. Say that kind of stuff, That is how you get gay guys to warm to you. Actually you do have to kill them with kindness. You say, ugh, you look so cute today. Say that kind of stuff. And people just melt like that. It works for you, Charlie, because you are so charming and likable, and I mean that. But there are gay guys who try to do this stuff. I'm thinking of at least three prominent gay men that I don't like.

And let's just name them really quick. That have different social situations, tried to charm me into liking them And I'm like this only makes me more convinced that you're the sociopath. I thought you were yeah Yeah, because it's so calculated right being like oh my god. Love me like I'm mom I'm like we have barely spoken and when we have I've been cold to you This is actually very I think this is very astute, and we're getting to something really good here And I am gonna moderate in some ways

And I am gonna moderate in some ways. No, you're gonna, you're a panelist. You're not a moderator, you're a panelist. Turning again to Kayla. I'm just saying, I feel like I study gay guys and you guys are them. So I'm like, I can come in, but I can only say so much. It's researcher subjects. Exactly. I've anthropologically put myself among them. Can I just commend you real quick?

You clearly almost stumbled on anthropologically, but the way you persevered and pushed through, knowing that you were up until 5 AM, I don't know if we got that on recording, but that was bravery. To be honest, I fought for every syllable that came out of my mouth. Yeah, and honey, they fought back.

They fought back, they did. They were swinging. If you're listening, I would just hit the reverse 30 seconds and go hear it again. Just check it out, run it back. I think I didn't know when the word was gonna end Sound I was doing the voice of it being the last sound yeah the cumulative sound But I don't want to distract from what you were trying to say yeah well basically

I think there is a sweet spot first of all I do think you guys can be cagey with each other as a default Wounded yeah, let me say that to camera And second of all I feel like it's like a sweet spot of like warm but not not but but respectfully like Like sometimes people just act like they know you and And it's like, it's okay to be like, I don't know who you are. I'm giving you warmth, but we don't know each other. It's warmth, not over familiarity.

Don't be overly familiar with us. But you know what is a problem, I think, is that you're kind of known, because you have a podcast. So I think it really confuses people. They think they know me. They think they know you, of course. They know my podcast.

I was like, wait a minute, what is this? When did you get into podcasting? I mean, fair enough. No, but it's, yeah, They know my podcast's not yet charged. It's like, wait a minute, what is this? When did you get into podcasting? I mean, fair enough. No, but yeah, they know my podcast, not my story. They know my swag. I honestly have a really hard time being around people who I know from their work, and I don't know them. Yes.

Because you actually don't know, it's so hard to calibrate, you're like, do I go really familiar? No, do I like pretend I don't know who you are at all? No, there's something in the middle, but it's easy to misfire for me. It's impossible. I'm like I love your recipes But whatever like I don't care. I'm like, sorry, and then you're like stressed out. I get really freaked out I feel like in that situation. I'll just be like obviously I know a bunch about you from the internet

But it's nice to meet you and then I behave cool sort of Is that crazy to say no, I I do that default to like, oh I know you, I know who you are. I know of you, I love you, I'm a fan. You do just have to name it. You have to be like, well obviously I know you're from the internet, but I love your hair. Shit.

Wait, can I ask you guys something? What's your guys' romantic life updates? Holy shit. I haven't seen either of you in a minute. Oh, you know. You're kind of 30, flirty, and thriving. That is actually what I'm having. I'm 30, flirty, and thriving.

I'm going on dates, seeing if anything sticks, trying to love myself. Nice. And it's trying. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Nice, Charlie, nice, nice, nice. Nice, nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like figuring it out. I don't think I have a clean narrative yet on what exactly is going on in my life right now. It's odd to be single. It's like I've been single for an extended period for the first time since I was like 23, honestly.

And I'm legit like, where is my little friend? I was just feeling an energy from you that maybe you were kind of seeing somebody right now. Whoa, maybe that is an energy in the future and I am soon to be seeing somebody. A premonition. Maybe you're walking into it. Holy shit.

What's your situation? I just smell like that. My situation, my situation is look, I'm a guy who has a lot of fun. So true. I have a lot of fun out there. Let them know. You sound like the guys from Summer House.

Yeah. Honestly. I'm like looking for a good time. Yes, yes. No, I didn't. Look, look. Look, look, look. I mean it's like everyone's here to have fun. I thought I want to have fun

We have amazing connection. I really value you you and I are bachelors. We're bachelors. We're bachelors Let's just name it. We're bachelors. We are bachelors and it's cool because it's like I now live alone So I'm like I have a bachelor pad. Yeah, and I really feel that like I get home and I'm like, so this is my bachelor pad Yeah, I don't have a kid. I don't have a wife. Yeah, not yet yet. Not yet fingers crossed You know what I mean? I did move to New York to find love But I wonder if I'm capable of it. I just cried out. Yeah, you Well, it made me happy because first of all, I love love yeah, I love New York Yes, so that's combo and second of all, third I think, actually, I like that it's like if you're just saying that,

first of all people are so afraid to say that. Second of all, it's like then you're in a movie. And that I like. I will say, I did move here with the intent of finding love. And I am facing, the problem is it's still me. And so I'm so good at dating in romance. I'm really fun to date.

I'm really good at picking dates. I'm really good at sending flowers. I call a lot. I'm an incredible person to date. I can't lie to you. I doubt that for one second. Like you're so creative. You're so nice.

I just could see that being really good. Honestly, I feel like you're like, and by the way, like I'm like, I'm saying a bunch of stuff like about you. I'm not like positive about it, and by the way, I'm saying a bunch of stuff about you. I'm not positive about it, but let me know if I'm wrong. It's fun. You work laughing and having a good time. You're very independent, you really have a fun life,

you enjoy your life, right? And so you're gonna get your bachelor style, enjoying your life, throwing it down. Can I say something after you're done? Great. So the cue has been set. If anyone else wants to get in line, you can. I'm gonna put me up after that.

Okay, and then I wanna get after Caleb. So it's gonna go me, Charlie, Caleb, and Adam. And let's just go round robin like that. And I almost said Jacob, and I don't know who that was gonna be among you two, but. Probably me. Okay, no worries. Oh, probably Caleb because of the B at the end.

The B is what I was going with. That's cool, I never thought about that with Jacob and Caleb. I mean, how about the whole, a love. How about that? Oh no, it's a cup. It was close though, I is what I was going with. Yeah, well, I never thought about that with Jacob Yeah, I mean, how about the whole a love how about that? Jay, I know it's a cut was close though. I like what you were trying a love a cub you were reaching for something beautiful We shot for the moon and we landed amongst the stars With Caleb and Jacob, I'm going so what's what I would say is it's not that I'm Sorry, I was just laughing because I was gonna ask you, have you ever met anyone named Jacob?

No, I would love to. I'm like, I think I could find, I haven't either, but I bet you we could find someone for you. I've dreamed of it. That's not true, we have one. We do have one. Don't even say it. We should introduce you to our friend Jacob.

Single? Yeah. Gay? Yes. Attractive? Yes. Fun? Yeah. Nice. Gorgeous. Yeah. Warm. Yes. Successful? So warm. Love in his life? No. Yes. Attractive? Yes. Fun? Yeah. Gorgeous. Nice. Warm. Amazing. Successful?

So warm. Love in his life? No. Yes. Or what do you mean? Not romance. I just meant, whoa. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, I just meant like a lot of love surrounding him. I'm like, no. No one loves him. He doesn't have anything. No, he has nothing. He has nothing. He lives in dark cold. He's lonely.

He's lonely. I'm scared. He's like a monk. You're going to love him. He lives in cold darkness. He's in a cave of emotion. OK, yeah, connect us. He won.

He was in eighth grade. He placed in the statewide Pummel Horse Competition. So he has really big arms. It really took me a second to understand that we weren't talking about a present day eighth grader just now. And I was like- No, we are, we are. I was like, hold on. We love him, though, he's adorable.

Whatever, okay. Whatever. There's an agent. There's... Wait, are you guys tapped into the Bradley Cooper age gap relationship? Uh. Gigi?

With Gigi Hadid. I never thought of them as age gap. She is 30 and I believe he's 63. He's quite a bit older than her. I actually have a little lot of things to say to them. All right, I wanna say something about me messing up my words today. Okay. So yes, they wanna say something about me messing up my words today.

So yes, they are getting the best of me. And I'm swinging my fist and they are swinging back. But that's opening me up to finding out new interesting things about the words. So I'm grateful. Like, a love, a cub, remember that? So that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't of had all that trouble.

So I can't, yes. Sometimes when you stay up really late, it actually opens up a new way of thinking, genuinely. Staying up really late and getting really caffeinated can really generate creativity. I will say there have been- That's not my thing from the queue, by the way. No, that's not your thing from the queue. We're still working back to the queue. I will say that the number of times, it's funny how many times in my life

I have accidentally stayed up until 6am and been like, you know what, I'm just going to start the next day and stay awake. Really? And then at like 7 or 8am, I've gotten a million things done, I've cleaned the house, I've gone to the grocery store, I've taken a walk, and I'm like, I'm going to start doing this every day. I'm getting up at 6am every day, tonight when I go to bed it'll reset me forever. Right, the reset. Fall asleep. And then at 10 a.m. I fall asleep for five hours. I wake up so depressed I want to **** myself. The midday nap you're like, I don't exist anymore.

That's one of the worst wakeups. Waking up from a five hour daytime nap, it's already dark out and there's no text on your phone. I don't even know how to find That's not happening to any of us right now Specifically no text on the phone. I know specifically no miss text no miss calls. No, no Just like take your meds Notification from my door dash that's like, we will deliver food. Like it's like, oh my god. A reminder about like the existence of Uber.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Somebody, I don't remember who did it, but somebody online once said the funniest thing. They were like, how come every time you get a notification from your bank, you have to click in 17 times to open it, and then when you do, it's just a letter that says, we are your bank. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Hey, we are your bank They're like face ID they take like a blood sample Inbox Yeah, but we I think in the queue we were with you now yeah, I Don't got it y'all nothing Yeah, this don't got it y'all nothing Yeah, I'm going to Charlie's going back to talk ready. I feel like yeah, sorry I had it I did a little mind palace, so I remembered what my cue item was do you remember the other thing in the mind palace? You started it the other day. Yeah, I'm there

Me I'm like in a wig. I feel like I don't remember Everybody's there in the mind palace. Um, this is is okay I was talking about you're making me do something disgusting just so I can remember that we need to get our nails done or something yeah exactly correct this was talking about oh being bachelors mmm and the this is what I was gonna say something that has helped me like make sense of being single is I reframed instead of being like having a gay standard of like having a gay standard of like having sex where it's like,

you know how gay guys like sometimes have sex like twice a day? And so if you're like not doing that, you're like, what am I even doing? Like I'm basically, I started reframing sex like a straight guy. And that straight guys are like, they talk about like, they're like, I got laid.

And I'm like, that's cool. Yeah, it's like a big accomplish. Yeah, I got laid last night. And it doesn't like happen that often. And it was like, so when it does, you're like, I got lucky. Yeah, and that has really big converse girl. I got laid last night. And it doesn't like happen that often. So when it does, you're like, I got lucky. And that has really helped me and feels good. And also it's like, it's more comfortable wanting as a straight guy. You're allowed to be like, oh man, I'm so...

It's like actually Bruce Springsteen kind of helped me get into it. He's really just like, I'm so horny, fuck! And I'm like, that's kind of how I feel, it's cool. I didn't know that about him. Yeah, yeah, he's been really helpful for me in accessing a part of my honestly masculinity, it's cool. Do you guys treat sex like a twice a day medication? Yes, exactly.

Like it's like a thing you just have to do. It's like a probiotic. It's necessary, it's boring, it's systematic. It's like for my gut, fauna, like I just need to do it. And it's like, are you hooking up, are you seeing anyone? It's like, no, I mean I had sex this morning. I'm seeing someone tonight, like I just need to do it. And it's like, are you hooking up? Are you seeing anyone? It's like, no, I mean, I had sex this morning. And I'm seeing someone tonight, but I'm not. Yeah, it's like you just message them

when you're like, what do you like? OK, come over. And then you do the act. It's barely even an act. You do the chore. Yeah, exactly. And then it's like, what? You can just sweep, have sex, do the dishes.

Yeah, it's like wiping down the counter. Yeah, exactly. It's like, I just fuck someone. Yeah. And then they leave. And yeah, but straight guys will really be like, oh, man. There's this fine girl I really want to beg

That energy into my life because you're acting like it's like so girls don't want to have sex allegedly and guys do And by the way, it's true That's what you're alleging it is true as are your words you were right when you said them You're alleging it is true. As are your words, you were right when you said them. So you're like, you're scoring. But you're scoring on like, the whole thing is the goal. Like it couldn't be easier. It couldn't be easier, so it's like making myself feel really good.

It's like whenever I like... By the way, it's still so hard. Yeah, whatever. It's like that's the goal. In my opinion. When a straight guy convinces a woman to have sex with him, it's like from 300 yards away he shot a can off a rock with a BB gun. When a gay guy has sex it's like you were five feet away from a barn and you kicked a soccer ball and hit the barn. It's like it is such a different game.

And by the way like bumpers all the way there. So now imagine if you were playing soccer against barn but you treated it like BB gun from 300 yards away. You're like BOOM another one. Got it. You're like I think I'm being I have a protector about I'm with divine problem yeah you're like feeling so good springsteen guided my dick you take the ball doesn't even go but then someone just comes in is like oh Bruce Springsteen guides me into a man. Yeah, it's really beautiful. No, but I think that's awesome because.

Yeah, that's my idea. That's like, it is, it's great. Thank you. It's great to have sex. I think you have a beautiful mentality. It's great to feel that way. Thank you. I really wanna commend you for it.

And that was my cue item, and now I relinquish my space. Back to me. Yeah, it's up to you. What do you guys think is the most important thing going on right now, and it can't be serious? Oh well I don't know but can I say something else? Of course. It is important about Gigi and Bradley. Can I stop you really quick? You guys can say anything in here. This is your time and space. This is your episode. This is about you. I'm happy. I don't want to get you confused just because I started out asking you questions about me. That's just how I am.

This is about you guys. Right. This is our big day to shine. I'm going to answer more questions about you. I'll ask more later. Okay. I do want to do that actually. Yeah. I'll ask more later. Sounds fun. I do wonder what you guys think.

Miranda, Carrie. Let me say, let me say. Dude. Okay. Hold on Charlie, because I'm going to fucking cry. Uh-huh. Be careful. Okay. Because as the listeners know. Oh my God. It's fra. Be careful. Okay. Because as the listeners know. Oh my God, it's fraught.

Okay, okay. Ooh, okay. I just, I like put this to my followers once on Instagram and I really could cry because like a lot of people said I was Charlotte and like. Wait. I'm not a virgin, I'm not a tight like that. I don't know, sorry, like that is completely wrong.

I'm not preppy in that way. It's like no chance, you know? I'm like, no way. Yeah, I don't like it. No, I mean, I have two options for you. I'm not preppy in that way. It's like no chance, you know? I'm like, no way. Yeah, I don't like it. No, I mean, I have two options for you, and I hope it's okay. It's okay. Here's my first, Miranda.

Okay. And second is Carrie. Thank you. Oh really? I was gonna say Samantha first. Thank you. Because it's like, you always have a joke, you're going out.

But I think your life is a little more serious than hers. Serious? She gets cancer. She gets cancer. Yes. And honestly, it's a great plot line. And I'm sorry for her. So you liked it? But sometimes in the show, it's like she's

a little bit sidelined, where it's like they're going through such real shit until the very end. And she's like dating a guy who's making her have sex in a dump truck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like, you take your life pretty seriously. You're like, that's not nice. She's like, I love a big cock as much as the next gal.

But yeah, it's like, Samantha. I know a dump truck, but this is ridiculous. Exactly. I know that's not how I see you. I see you as being a little bit more serious about your life. Thank you. Oh my god. Is there an iPhone charger in here?

Oh my god. Can I plug my phone in? That was crazy. I just remembered I'm gonna have to leave here my phone is on 6% No, that's not right, I feel like it can't work in that we don't have one no I see it dangling I feel like it's isn't it right there Yeah, isn't that feeling it There's one dangling. Caleb, you see?

Oh, it's maybe this one. Yeah, doesn't that feel like it? Wow. Is that the correct one? Is it correct? Oh, that's also not correct. All right, that's my bad. I have one in my bag.

No, it's not worth it. I'm gonna handle it later. It's not worth it. It just came to my mind. What are you talking about? You're gonna be screwed. You think this one will work? Oh.

Oh. I have to unplug the keyboard. Oh, do you need the keyboard? Not right now. Oh, okay, beautiful. I have to unplug. You know what? And leave this all in.

Because I want people to know that I'm real. This is how you're treated. Yeah, well, it's a bit like, oh, that's your job, your job is podcasting. It's not that easy. No, I have to do it. Okay, beautiful You know what this all in because I want people to know that like I'm like yeah Well, it's a people like oh, that's your job your job is podcasting. It's not that easy No, I have a lot of stuff that's a phone I feel like that was more of like a your top of the call sheet moment Oh, you're like I need a charger and we were all like You're right I would have done the same for either of you. I know.

Well if I had to leave a place and not have my phone. You what baby? What? Itching my thumb like this. That's cute. And this whole podcast is filmed. Oh yeah! We put out the full video guys. So what I want to say about Gigi and Bradley,

something I've said before, which is like, when people are like, he's gay, it's a beard. Can you say that? It's a beard. That's why I got really silent on the issue, because I don't know what to say besides that. Well, my thing to say to that is like, no, it's not, because when you see the two of them together,

they have no chemistry. And if you ever put a gay guy in front of a girl that pretty, they would have chemistry Yeah, it would be a little on Fucking way gay guy in front of a girl that beautiful Smelling good that I'm like getting horny That fucking pretty that gorgeous you're like flexing for some reason yeah Cozy.

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Just saying like that's catnip and it would be like, hey on the lower back, you know, it would be like when gay guys just hold a girl so close and it's like so sexual. So that's why I think he's straight. That's a really good idea. I've actually had someone in my life tell me to cool it. Cause I flirt so much that they've been like, hey, it's like, it's like really actually.

Because it's not a joke for them? Well, yeah, it's like homes gets goose bumps, you know? It's a thing we've had to honestly navigate. Yeah, cause we, on tour we share actually. Because it's not a joke for them? Well, yeah, it's like homes gets good spots, you know? We do that. It's a thing we've had to honestly navigate. Yeah, because we, on tour we share bands. I would say navigate is. Is like a swash. Yes.

No, it's not. Remember my Bruce Springsteen thing? Yeah. I'm like a straight guy. No, I know you are. But it hasn't so much been navigating as much as like every once in a while. I'm like, Charlie's bi, he will have,

he would have sex with me if we weren't working together. I've placed both of you on different watch lists. I've got you on my watch and I once in a while, I'm like, Charlie's bi, he would have sex with me if we weren't working together. I've placed both of you on different watch lists. I've got you on Bi-Watch and I have for a while. And me? And I've got you, do you already have a they in the mix? No. Is it just she her at the moment? Yeah.

I've placed you on they watch. You're on Bi-Watch and you're on they watch. They watch is funny because it rhymes. You're on Bi-Watch, you're on they watch and that's where you'll remain until something happens. Oh my God. It's not they watch. They's what you'll remain until something happens You know I do get

Shows and I'm like, okay, and I got served the other day for the first time Whoa Congrats, I was like what in this society that can be really hard and he was like, oh my god. I'm sorry Like a lot of friends I have as you all the time and they're just kind of like whatever but since it was like, I mean, like a lot of friends I have with you all the time, and they're just kind of like whatever, but since it was new, I just kind of like really looked at him and I was like, me? He was like, yeah. You were like, okay. It was awesome.

But sometimes, yeah, some specifically with Holmes, sometimes I'll like touch their lower back or something and they'll get goosebumps and we'll have to have a talk, you know, and that's really actually sad and scary to me because I'm like for me it would never be like that. I'm so exclusively strictly gay. Yeah. But they just can go that way.

No they can. Right, right. That's the thing. They have that versatility. It's too awesome. So you're never even? No, not in a long time. I just, it's not for me.

But not even like for thinking about it? No, it's over for me. I love men. But not even for thinking about it? No, it's over for me. I thought about it for a long time really intensely. You were doing that though? In high school, yeah. In a religion. You were putting in the work, you were like, I would love for this to work out.

Oh I did, yeah, I did all this stuff and I didn't enjoy it, it just wasn't for me. I'm so gay, I love men, and I just wanna be with men. Cheers to that brother. I'm saying, I just love sex with men. You're here. You guys love guys. I do, actually. What'm saying, like I just love sex with men. You guys love guys. I do actually.

What's your fave part? Curve of the balls. No. Thank you for positing that, but that was a good place to start. Let me guess. My fave part of guys? Oh God. Their eyes are their mind probably.

Stop. Okay, making me look like a pervert. Probably just their brain, the way they think. For me, probably their eyes or their balls, probably. Yeah, specifically the curve. The eyes or the curve of the balls. The curve of their eyes or the curve of their balls. Or the hang of the balls.

I like small orbs, and I always have. Yeah. It took me a really long time to learn what was going on inside the ball sack. Okay. Like I was like, so I know there's two, but I'm only seeing one. to learn what was going on inside the ball sack. Like I was like, so I know there's two, but I'm only seeing one thing. So.

You didn't notice that they were hanging on either side of a, like a frenulum, is that a frenulum, what is that thing? Is that what that's called? The little ripples down the door? Is that a frenulum, Chance? Would you Google ball sack terminology? No, frenulum, can I say what it is?

Can I be the one to say it? Sorry, just because I read Cosmo like every day for 20 years as a child So I all I read as a kid. I didn't read catcher in the rye none of that garbage It was just like what to do to the front and you know them Which is by the way, Robert Any of them will work that's annoying. But this one's probably close, one's probably best for you. Rob it.

Rob it. So I believe the frenulum is the part at the tip where it's like it has that slope and then on the other side, that's the frenulum, right? I think that, just so before Chance says it, I want to say, and I'm willing to be wrong, I think that you're wrong, and I think the frenulum is the little suture that kind of goes through the center,

the ripple of skin that goes through the center of the ball sack and kind of creates the two sides of the ball sack. Am I right, Chance? Oh my god, I'm annoyed. I feel like that's right. Well, the answer is, so if you think of a male penis as a nose.

Don't mind if I do The head is a nose the frenulum is like the nostrils. It's like that piece of skin. That's like directly beneath the head Is that what you were saying yes, what is the seam on the ball sack called the parent knee? I'm seeing is scrotum. I don't know if there's a no wait wait wait wait. I'm bored The parent niche. All I'm seeing is scrotum. I don't know if there's a, oh no, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm bored. Either find it or don't.

You're wrong. There doesn't seem to be a word for that seam. They're definitely. Oh, the Caleb. There's no chance there's no, wouldn't that be amazing? Would the medical community had no choice? Yeah. Because I'm the first one to bring it up.

Yeah. Maybe the Heron. Wait, do you think we could do something about that? Of course. The Heron. Call the medical community. Wait, how do you say your last name? It's Heron, but don't worry.

I loved your take on it. Just knowing how things are say your last name? It's Aaron, but don't worry. I loved your take on it. Woo! Just knowing how things are going today. But remember, I knew the frenulum. Yeah. You know you did so good, and I want to say that. Yeah, but by the way, not that I would really know how to.

I'm sure you guys could work it in a way I couldn't. Pardon? You heard me. What'd you say? You said that we could work the frenulum in a way you couldn't? I'm sure you guys know how to work it. Yeah, I'm saying, like, even though I knew it,

I don't want you guys to get intimidated. No, I would never like even though I knew it. I don't want you guys to get intimidated No, I would never be intimidated. I'm intimidated by you in many arenas, but yeah, not when it comes to like cock play and stuff I'm intimidated by you intellectually spiritually emotionally, but when it comes to like servicing cock, etc. I don't have so much I love her stand-up like I feel like maybe she did better I mean that show but like then when we were doing cock play like I feel like her stand up is like, I love her stand up. I feel like maybe she did better on that show, but then when we were doing cock play, I feel like I was kind of better. So it kind of evens out. It just evened out. The industry has room for all of us.

It was rude of me to even say as a joke. There's room for all of us. That you did better on that show than Caleb. I would love. It would never happen. When people refuse to put us on a show together, that's number one. I know, it's never happened.

So we don't even know who would rank where. We should do one more show. You guys won't invite me. The only time you guys invited me to do your show was once in the back of a bar in like 2019. Oh yeah, and you came. And I came and I think I murdered and then you guys never had me back.

Well you said some pretty offensive stuff. We always do that. We would love to have you back. I actually think we've had you, we've actually have asked you. And you've been busy doing your other projects. Movies. Yeah, you're booked and busy. TV shows. Books. You know, books, touring. We've actually have asked you and you've been busy doing your other projects movies TV shows, you know books touring

Opera you guys know I'm shy writing projects engagements. I like to see you like that me shy I get you know I get I get a lot of the auditions I get are for characters that are like so like a lot of of I think every audition I get is for a character who's like Hey guy, like it's very like I'm just like like really looking for friends right now and like it's Like very like sweet like almost dumb saccharin, you know, I mean, that's so funny. That's not your vibe No, I love playing. Yeah, it's not it's I don't think it's really my vibe, but I think it's fun. You can finally relax and play. Play.

That's why it's called playing. Get to be silly. Most people refer to acting as play. Yeah. It's play. Wait, you were going to say something before, oh, what's the most important thing going on right now? What do you say is the most important thing going on right

now, and it can't be serious? It can't be serious. So don't say, like, immigration law or something. It's like, no, it can't be that kind of stuff. Not our place to weigh in. Okay. What? Can you go first? You don't have anything?

This being the thing that stumps you guys is crazy. It's like, my honest answer is like random stuff going on with me. Yeah, tell me about it. If it's not serious, it's like, okay, I want to buy a tree for inside my apartment. What kind? A big tree. I want a citrus-bearing tree and I a tree for inside my apartment. What kind? A big tree. I want a citrus-bearing tree, and I want it for inside my apartment.

Now, I have not been invited to your place systematically, and I think it speaks to all three of our friendship. What do you can you? That'll be fun, though, now that you said you want to come over. Yeah, do you want to come over sometime? I do, but how's the tree going to work in there? I have, like, kind of tall ceilings. Not to brag, it just happens. happens seriously it just happened like that my apartment

is rent stabilized In the old hospital I live in an old hospital. It's haunted. I overlook the old morgue Legitimately did you know that which is now a diner? That's beautiful. That's the diner. Is it Kellogg's? No that'd be cool. I love Kellogg's I actually shouldn't talk to myself. They made it too slick though. I already did. I know.

Kellogg's, now there's someone with an iPad at the front. It's like, whoa. Things are completely different in there. Once an iPad enters the picture, a restaurant can be so ruined. And luckily, Kellogg's is still in the play. Like, it's not ruined, but it's like, when a girl with an iPad popped up at the front,

I did say, whoa. Things felt different then. Yeah. It's a harbinger of something. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Thank you.'s a harbinger of something. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Thank you. A girl with an iPad fundamentally changes every space.

You can't have a girl with an iPad somewhere and not change the vibe of the space. So true. I would love to see what it's like to have an iPad someday. I'd love to see what it would be like to hold one and use one. I'm just curious what that would do to me.

I wanna wield power with one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like look, I mean, because it's cool to have a clipboard. Yeah. Right? But that, there's not so many opportunities. It's also dorky a little bit. It's dorky, yeah. Do you have an iPad?

No, a clipboard. No. Yes. I want to have an iPad that has the hand sleeve on the back so you can hold like this. I want to stand in front of a crowd of expectant others. Do you want to say no to us with an iPad? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys come up.

This is like a fancy restaurant that you're really hoping to get a table at. Yeah. Okay. Oh my gosh. Thank you. Oh my god. Hi. Oh, it works too. Hi, one second. Sorry.

Oh god, I'm changing things on the actual screen. Okay. Oh, that's fine. Hey, what can I help you with? We were hoping for a table for two. Hoping. For tomorrow's seating. As in you don't have a reservation.

We don't have a reservation. No. It's my birthday. It's her birthday. It's your birthday. People usually make reservations for for their birthday I'm an Aries though it's just two of you yeah we love this place yeah a lot of people do um you said you don't mind the bar. Mm-hmm. Uh. Sorry. I'm going to drop back in. She'll hold on. I'm going to drop back in.

OK. You said you don't mind the bar. I could get you guys in at like, it's 715 now. 1045. I could do two seats in the kitchen. If you want to give me a phone number. In a pot of boiling water. Yeah, it's like the best I can do. Yeah, I think we'll do that.

That sounds fine. Just let us know if something opens up sooner than that. Yeah, that's fine. It'll probably be the 1045 seat in the kitchen. And it is one seat. It's good. One of you will be pitching in. Can we get a drink at the bar in the meantime?

No, ma'am. What's your name? Natalie. Natalie, N-A-T-A-L-I-E. L-I-E. Last name? Thank you so much. Oh, you can just do Rotter.

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And also I'm glad that we worked something out. Yeah. Like I'm glad that it wasn't just like no fun somewhere else. It's like, okay, we'll make that work. And it opened up a different thing, which I don't feel like I've really gotten to share about myself yet.

Which is like that when I'm logistically giving a last name and I only use Rotter. Yeah, I didn't know that, honestly. That was beautiful. It's like, who cares? But then you're like, is this gonna be a thing later? Are they gonna not be, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So they see your ID, they're like, we just, it doesn't matter, we can serve you alcohol. But like, who checks your ID? I just don't know, so anyways. So that was cool. So you want your hands to be iPads, I feel like, is your thing. Kind of, wait, can I tell you guys something?

One time I was at a rental car place, basically the back window had blown out of my rental car on the highway and I had to get a new one. Oh my god. It was crazy, but it was in the middle of this tiny little town in North Carolina, the closest town to me that had an Avis, and my friend had dropped me off over there. And I had such a good rapport going with the counter lady,

we were really vibing, and I was like, God, I'm so sorry to bother you. And she was like, Oh honey, it's no bother. All. She's like smiling at me. We're having fun. I was like, I was like, look, I've got to get to the airport. I have a flight in Charlotte in like three hours and I don't know what I'm going to do, but I can't miss this flight. And I totally could miss the flight, but we were, we were really, I was going home, you know, we were really vibing, and then she was like, honey, I am so sorry, but every single car today is spoken for, and people are coming to get them later.

And we were having such a vibe that I tried a charm move, and I did a charm offensive. You went, whoo! And I was like, yeah, I put my arm around her, and I gave her a little kiss on the cheek. No, I was like, um. That's what this shirt made out of. I love this texture.

Yeah, yeah. I'm like, I love this song. Do you want to dance? Uh. No, I go, I go, I go. She goes, all the cars are just working for people are coming for them. I go, hey, listen, it's just me and you.

Those people aren't here yet. Why don't you take one of their cars and just give it to me? And then when they get here, you can just upset them. And I'll have made it to the airport already. And I bet neither of us will even get in trouble And keep in mind we had been having so much fun. She goes she goes. Yeah, I'm not doing that Thought you were the cutest patootie I just thought like oh we're gonna like she would consider it. I said no worries at all. She realized in that moment Oh, you don't give a fuck about me. Yeah

Like she was like Fun and games like you don't give a fuck about another not your bedpost Yeah, you're some nice guy your window blew out. Yeah, the person who's coming could be the meanest fucking lady I've ever met in my life and you would be willing to put me in that position. Yeah, yeah. I'm proud of her honestly. I am too.

She said it's all fun and games until Avis Corporate comes down on me. And you won't be here. You'll be off to the next town. This is my fucking job. Yeah, by the way. The thing she ended up doing for me, she was like the best I can do honey

is an hour and 15 minutes from here there is another Avis that has a 15 passenger van. So if you can get over there, keep in mind we're two hours from the airport. So she wanted me to find a ride an hour and 15 minutes, pick up a 15 passenger van to go the last 45. And I said, I think I'll have my friend just take me to the airport. You should drive a 15 passenger van though.

That sounds fun as fuck. I almost did it for the bit, but then I was like, I did ask her actually, I was like, if I go to that location, will the van definitely be handed over to me? And she goes, we can't guarantee. No, it's not a guarantee. And I said, I can't go for the chance.

The opportunity to get a van? You're like, I'm willing to risk it. Yeah, let's do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's do it, I'm willing to, let's do it. Sign me up. That's awesome. Just for the opportunity to maybe get a van, no doubt.

I have such a contentious on and off. Me and Avis employees, it can go either way. We were just trying to chat up a car rental employee the other day. I don't know. Remember? Yes. That guy?

Oh, yeah. It was cute. We actually never, you didn't even talk about it. We never talked about it. But we were both, I don't know why, but yeah, we were both trying to score, basically. We were literally both trying to get laid by this car rental guy. Because he was, we were like, nice day. He was like, yeah, this is a nice day.

We were like, hahahaha, that's so true. And then there was like those things that take the cars up and down. And I was like, do you ever ride on that? He was like, what? No, no, but my friend did. Or what did he say? Yeah, he was like, no, but I've operated it while my friend rode on it.

We were like, you should do it sometime. He was like, maybe I will. We were like. That is also, by the way, such a straight guy response. No, no, but my buddy actually did. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, kind of, I did it for my friend. It's like, you're not him.

Dude, I want to fuck you. Stop with the ending. No, I know. I'm like, don't be so beta. You're the operator? Get in the thing. Get in the thing and ride the car machine up and down. Also, I'm like, where's he?

That sounds like a fun loving guy. You know what I mean? Well, then connect me with this dude. Where's the friend? But that was not our energy. We were like. Yeah. No, wait.

That didn't even approach our energy. We were so happy. And then we both got in the car and we're like, all right, let's go We're like we were on a little drive It was nice. I feel like I started chatting him up and you were like got it. We're chatting him up And then you took it. It was cool to watch you do it. Yeah, actually I'm like, so are you interested in like gay guys or like lesbians or like bisexual women or like what? You want to watch us or what do you want? What do you want? Anything can be worked out. I just need you to say. We don't play those kind of games. Tell us what you want from us sexually and then we'll just do that. Do you know how sometimes there's randomly like a German or like Swiss word for some crazy thing. Like you'll read

on the internet. It'll be like, it'll be like, you know, the Germans have a word for when the wind hits you just right at the burger stand or whatever, and it's like, get Darf and flooped or whatever. They should have one of those words for the specific joy and horniness that is watching your friend kill a social interaction. Yeah, totally. You mean like watching your friend nail a social

interaction? They should have like one of those words that's like, dar-dift and flooped, you know? And you're like, that's the joy and horniness of watching your friend murder with Actually smooth. Yeah, and there should also be the word for watching your friend blow it. Yes with a stranger You know like to be like, oh, haha, like how's your day and it's like silence. Yeah, like She hates you that sucks you bombed

Saying something they don't respond you say it again Bro, she hates you. Dude, that sucks. You bombed. Saying something, they don't respond. You say it again. Then they kind of, like, because you're like, maybe they didn't hear me. And then it becomes clear that they didn't respond because they don't give a fuck. Wait.

Guys, I just had a memory. Yeah. Can I share it to you? Of course. OK. Share it to us. Hold on. That's fine.

You can share it to us. Is that OK if I share it to you? You're my memory. Yeah, we decided that's fine. I don't want to say what city because I don't know if either of them are listeners. I was in a city recently I Had message a guy on tinder in the afternoon. Okay, I checked tinder when I got in And I had messaged this guy. This is a while ago and I messaged this guy

We had floated a little bit and he said I'm going out friends tonight. I said, oh me too I think we're going to this area. Maybe I'll see you out. He goes. Yeah, maybe I go cool Then I'm out that night and I'm at chance. Do you remember this out? We'll find out I'm out Out at the bar where we were going with a bunch of our friends it happened to be that Anyway, I don't want to give details cuz anyway, so I don't want to give identifying information, but you'll know soon. I think We had that really great burger with that really off-putting person afterwards You know I'm talking about? So I'm like, so I'm like,

no, well that person can know, cause they actually need to like be, they need to figure some things out. But they were like, they were like a sex worker and they were like, I feel like people are weird to me sometimes cause I'm a sex worker. I'm like, we love sex workers, you're annoying. You know what I mean?

But anyway, I was at the bar and I met a guy at the bar and I started flirting with him and then we like made out a Little bit and then he was like he was like, yeah, I'm I have an early morning tomorrow. I gotta go home I was like, okay, I mean fun that we made out but I was like flop in terms of getting laid Okay, okay flops that he go home, you know He's like I'm gonna go home and then I kind of have to go Okay, you flopped

Get it out of here. Um. I kinda have to go home. Go! Oh, go, you're flopped. I don't wanna hear it. Go grab your flop pad, get the fuck out of here. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la.

Flop. Works best start. Yeah. Sun's coming up. Get out of here before you flop. Get your wrist on. Yeah. So, but then, like an hour later.

So I go back and hang out with my friends. Hour later, I'm like about to go back to the hotel for the night. I'm kind of horny. So I message guy number one from Tinder, and I'm like, hey, where'd you guys end up tonight? And he's like, hey, we actually ended up at the bar that you were at, and I did watch you make out with another guy.

So I was like, hey, just so you know, that was so not personal. And I'm trying to make a joke of it. And he was like, LOL, yeah, we kind of like know each other. So maybe it would just be a little weird now. I was like, rock on. Wait, him and the guy know each other?

Shut up. Small city, small city, small case scene. Small city. And I was like, rock on. I hope you have an amazing night, King. My main message to you is peace. Hey, it's this all day long from me to you. Peace, love, unity, respect. Peace, love, unity, respect.

And my way also like that is like okay, so so you're so you don't want to hook up with me after the guy the random guy Made out with me at the bar like okay. Why don't you walk over and punch him like Why don't you bring back men? It's also like that's but also like imagine his life It's like awesome gay guy comes to town and then he finds you on tinder. He's like man, yeah, like bring back men. It's also like that's, but also like imagine his life, it's like awesome gay guy comes to town and then he finds you on Tinder, he's like ah. And then he's flirting with you and then he looks up at the bar.

Party on you, party on you, party. He won't even fight for me, it's like men used to be men. I bet you the two of them have a really fraught history. I bet you it's like there has been a long term, unrequited, one way, intense crush friendship that have only obliquely talked about. Or guy number one has lost out on past romantic partners to guy number two, which is what I fear the most.

They always go to guy number two. They always want Fob. They always want the mirror fucking Fob City that I made out with briefly. No, it sucks. And you're like, by the way, They always want to have. They always want flopp. They always want the mirror fucking flopp city that I made out with briefly. No, it sucks. And you're like, by the way, I wouldn't have done the make out

if I had known it was totally disqualifying for the other guy and that he was gonna flop. That's why people have to tell you if they're gonna have sex with you right away when you meet them. Yes. I totally agree. Yes.

Just disclose, just disclose. Put it on the table. By the way, it's a no, you're like, great. Now I can make an informed decision for me. How easy actually would life be if we all behaved that way? I know. It's too bad. It's too bad.

That's a good way. By the way, also when you're talking to someone, so please, please, let me have this. Definitely. When you're talking to someone, they should tell you who you can't make out with if you, you know what I mean? They should say, hey, if you see a guy six, three dark dark hair tonight at the bar don't make out with him if you want

Any chance with me? Yes, exactly six three dark hair six three dark hair. Oh, that was just an estimate Oh, it was tall though. It was nice. I mean making out at the bar is rarely ever a flop for me No, that's honestly thinking that's just cool that you did that. It's hardly ever that I even want more than that honestly I'm like make out making out the bar is so much hotter than hooking up. Hooking up is like base, and I hate that I have to do it. Actually, like making out at the bar, you're like, I'm full of vital energy and spirit. Joyeux devis. Yeah, I'm like part of something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like life force is like coursing through me right now. I'm part of a deep history and community. Because also it is a little, it's like, oh yeah, people make out at a bar. When you see people make out at a bar, it's like, you notice. Like it actually is, you're like, I'm being watched right now.

Actually, there were people making out after a show in Boston the other night really yeah I walked out in the lobby it was like I was like my cousins Yeah, and they were I mean seemingly by the way every time I've ever seen people make out in public I've wished that it was happening to me as well Every time I've been like I wish I was doing that making out in public is the most chic thing I need to get there sometimes when I see it. I'm like Making that in public is the most chic thing. It's so chic.

I need to get there. Sometimes when I see it, I'm like, ehh. It's just, you know what's cool about it is like, when you're doing it, you're like, I don't give a fuck. Yeah. Like you're like, maybe this is weird. Yeah. I feel like.

But you're like, cool. Like, I don't give a fuck if this is being weird if everybody's looking at me. I think it's awesome. It's awesome. Yeah, it's awesome. I think it's so awesome. I think kissing is such a black box.

Like, unless you're actively doing it for me unless I'm actively kissing I can't remember what it's like. Yeah, so every time I do it. It's like Which is like cool You're like, how would I do that? Like it's like I know our mouths are open and they're touching and our tongues are involved But it's not only tongue and like but it's like what it's not like teeth but like where did the teeth go like I don't get it but I can do it perfectly but I don't know but it's complete like back of the spine yes cool yeah I think about kissing pretty much all the time it is a special thing

to me that we do it's so cute cute, and it's no reason, right? It's very sweet. It's no reason. I read that once. What? Well, they're just like, why do we do this again? And the scientists are like, we don't know. We don't know why we do it.

We like it. We just like it. Because it couldn't be cuter. Because we're sweet. But it also feels so good. We're like sweet little creatures. Do you ever give yourself a kiss on the shoulder? No.

Let's try it right now. I do that sometimes. But I will. I'm going to do it now.'m gonna do it now with the arm yeah my god really sweet yeah you can do that whenever you're going out or coming in or whatever you do that whenever yeah wait do you know what when you guys are talking I'm like watching a tennis match boom boom well our Ted a tet is like no other it's so electric it's a shame that you and I will never be. Don't do that!

Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean? It's a shame. You're playing the fuck out of me. Do you want to hear something, Kath, that I think is so sweet? Yes. I was in Kansas City recently,

and I was on a walk with my old gay guy friend, and he's like 60 something. Right, you have amazing intergenerational friendships. I have been so blessed. And we walk past a restaurant that's not a restaurant anymore, and he goes, okay, back when this was such and such restaurant, when I was 20, I got hired there by an older gay guy who ran it.

It was a really busy restaurant, it was like lying out the door every weekend. I got hired there as a prep cook, and I said, oh, were you like, had you worked as a prep cook before? And he goes, honey, no, the guy wanted to get in my pants. And he goes, so basically, my job. I love getting in my pants. It's not so.

It's like arcade anyway. Let's bring that back too with getting laid. And he kinda said it in a dirty way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like he said he wanted to fuck me. He was like, he wanted to get in my pants and it felt dirty to him. It's so much dirtier because it's like,

you're gonna shove the dick in the pants? Get in his pants? When you're in pants, you're like, wow, so that's really where all the stuff is. That is where all the things happen. It's actually totally like this role of an image. And he's like you're gonna shove the dick in the pants. You're like, wow, that's really where all the stuff is. That is where all the things happen. It's totally like this role of an image. And he's like climbing in. Yeah, because it's an image.

Yes. Fucking, you're like, that's so abstract. Fucking is an image as well. Fucking can't be an image. Come on. Tell me you see nothing. I wouldn't even, it's not conjuring up anything for me right now. Fucking can evoke an image sometimes.

But anyway, after the conversation, I was like, you have to send me a picture of you from this time period. I need to know what this guy was seeing. And he did, and he was cute. Really? You can evoke an image sometimes. But anyway, after the conversation, I was like, you have to send me a picture of you from this time period. I need to know what this guy was seeing. And he did, and he was cute. I was like, he emailed it to me, because he doesn't have a cell phone. And I emailed him back, and I said, I would absolutely hire you as a prep cook in my kitchen.

And it was cute. That's so cute. Isn't that sweet? I love that. I thought that was so sweet. I've been thinking about it a lot. It's like, to be like, when you're like, oh, like this person

like looked hot in these different ages. And then it's like some of us are going to be so hot when we're older. It's like we don't even know where we're at right now. Yeah, in terms of our journey. Yeah, our journey. We're right. Because some people, right, they really

do actually like peak at like 60. Can happen just like relative where it's just like, holy shit. Think about Bradley Cooper. Think about Bradley Cooper and his girlfriend Yeah, Vanessa Hudgens Vanessa Hudgens. I was distinctly on a ring when I was like 20. I was not It's only getting I'm like my thing is probably in the 40 area. I'm like working Yeah, I mean I I pray to Motherfucking God you're both gonna be hot in 40s. You're both gonna be hot in 40s, I can feel it.

I hope mine's like... You're thinking 50-60? Yo, yo, yo! I don't get that. He's throwing it to the back of the room. Yo, yo, yo! Yo, yo, yo! Way later.

That's beautiful. I wanna say something. Go ahead. We have a podcast. So I'm promoting it on your podcast. What are a podcast. So I'm promoting it on your podcast. Uh oh, uh oh. What are you doing? We're promoting our podcast on your podcast.

I don't think you can do that without like an illegal agreement or something before. Well let's get the teams together. Usually those kind of things happen at the end of the episode. You wanted to do it right now Charlie? No. No it's okay, go ahead.

I mean your plaque is like behind, your little thing is like. Oh my God, true. That's you guys. My brother's girlfriend made that. Well it's beautiful. Isn't it so sweet? It's really beautiful and it sits there.

During all the episodes we do in New York, you guys sit right there. Oh my god. So cute. We've always had a presence on this podcast. Your guys' energy is inherently and inextricably a part of everything that I do. Charlie and Natalie are right there with me.

Lying as bitch. We get that all the time. People often are like, Caleb, is he ripping your stuff? No, I'm protecting myself. I'm building up a wall. From Natalie. Natalie.

He's flirting with you. He's flirting, I know. That was really hurtful. No. Would you guys wanna play a game? Yes. Oh. What's that?

I was wondering what this was. Guess what? Well, if, Charlie, if you'd ever watched the show, hon We have a segment called true or false. I know oh the segment broski episode I'm I'm gonna read you 15 statements. Okay, you're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if you think what I just said is true or False if you get ten or more correct, we're gonna give you 50 US dollars Each on this one 50 each

Oh my god I'm gonna start with Charlie and then we're just gonna go back and forth, okay? Okay We have to answer as quick as you can Okay Just true or false? Okay Okay

Bamboo can grow up to 35 inches in one day Uh true That is true, it's invasive, don't plant it in your yard I knew that, I knew that Don't plant it in your yard It was in my friend Lauren's backyard when I was growing up That should have been mine, like sub-dog millionaire stuff Yeah The Pope is required to be an organ donor No False, they cannot be an organ donor My friend Lauren's backyard The Pope is required to be an organ donor no false they cannot be an organ donor after new pope American yes Yeah, after water after water coffee is the most consumed drink in the world true false. No, it's tea. I knew it

The verified oldest man to ever live yes of course the verified oldest man to ever live. Yes, of course the verified oldest man to ever live was 116 years old no true Yale's mascot is handsome Ron no false false. It's handsome Dan nice Well, I wish you okay, so that one could have been fun. Yeah, switched anteaters have no teeth That's true. Glenn quack Meyer from Family Guy is an airplane pilot true true Jennifer Aniston is 5'11". No, she's shorter. False, she's 5'5".

The liver is the largest organ in the human body. False. False, it's your skin. A group of frogs is called a ribbing. No, ribbing is something you can do to someone. False, it's an army. Chorus Leachman graduated from Columbia University. Oh, that's cute

True false Northwestern mine Starfish don't have brains They don't have brains. They don't it's true carrots were the first food to be grown in space They don't do that. That's not your question. You can't answer that one. I don't that's a chart That's a distinctly Charlie question, please, if you don't mind. False. False. It was potatoes. Yes.

Natalie? McCrack. I was right for the wrong reason. Exactly. Correct. The largest bowling alley... But it's a big 10. What? I'm having fun. I can't have a little fun. The largest bowling alley in the world is in Japan.

Yeah. That is true. The first iPhone to include Siri was the iPhone 4S. True. That is true. 12. 12! Whoa! What were you going for?

What? 10 or more. You had to get 10 or more. And this is the other thing, for every additional point you get above 10, Caleb throws in an extra $200. Do you know what you just did? Is exactly, my little cousin, we were in the park. Charlie is like your little cousin by the way. than an extra $200. Do you know what you just do? You know what you just did is exactly

my little cousin. We were, we were in the park. Charlie is like your little cousin, but a little bit. Sometimes we were in the park last weekend and I told him if he could catch a football that I threw that I would give him a hundred dollars. And then I was throwing it so far and I kept raising the price. We got to like $3,000 and then towards the end he ran the ball back to me and he was like, okay, well there's new rules this time It's if I catch it I get a hug But if I if I get the ball from where it is and bring it back to you, I get three thousand dollars And I said

Absolutely not and then yeah, we were arguing over the rules and it really cracked me up. It's funny He's like no, no, no, no, I'm not budging on this He's like I'm in a huge opportunity moment, no, I'm not budging on this. He's like, we negotiate. That's what I deserve. He's like, I'm in a huge opportunity moment right now and I'm not going to blow this. Yeah, you should have seen the way he's, I forget sometimes that he's so on the spectrum that he can't let shit go like that. So he was, he's 10.

And he was running after the ball in a way that was like, brother, you have to see the pattern here. You're never gonna catch this. I'm throwing it so far beyond you. But he did, he just kept being like another one. And I was like, dude, it's like getting one and I was like dude. It's like getting sad I was like buddy. It's been like three hours first of all I woke up the next day my whole right side of my body hurt Yeah, I was chucking that Seriously be careful about the rotator cuff don't fucking play don't mess around I did get a cute picture of us playing catch though

That's don't worry. I'll show you later. That's very you will probably sell that picture for $3,000 and you'll get not a penny I'm gonna say something about this game. Excuse me. I'm such a high from winning $50. You guys did really good I feel like I'm a billy on the street. You are Billy on the street I feel like I'm a Billy on the street recipient. You're a bit you are Billy on the street. Oh, I wish he's so funny Okay, this is what I want to say about this game. I feel like I don't know that many facts necessarily, but I've learned to understand the nature of a fun fact, or just a fact, and that is what allows me to win.

Do you know what I mean? Like the largest bowling alley is in Japan. I'm like, okay, so obviously I don't know diddly squig about that But I'm like that is it's just too random. There's nothing tricky about it. Why would it not be Japan? I was just like yeah. Yeah, so that's my story I wrote fucking thank you for dissecting that a little bit because you really did both that you Both of you exhibited such a competence in that can we go through it and we can talk through our reasoning

for each of them or does that fucking suck? I think that's really boring for the listeners. But I think we should do it anyway even though it's boring for the listeners. That's celebrity status. Well, let's do this. How about Patreon exclusive? People pay $50 to listen to us going through our reasoning

for the devoted fans. Guys, subscribe to the Patreon. I will be going through with Charlie and Natalie to go one by one, their reasoning of why they answered how they did on the True or False. Each one, we're like, I don't know, just a guess. That one. Oh, the last two were true, so this is false.

We just guessed that one too. Yeah. You said carrots in a way that I thought was kind of funny, so I said false. Nice. I do always wonder if my reads are giving any hat tips. Like when I'm reading it, I'm like, oh, did I read that in a way that made it seem one way or the other?

Oh, no. You know? You're very, yes. I try to be measured. Yes, you're measured. You're like this, you're like. And when you say no, you guys got it wrong, it's so mean. But when you say yes, it's not that nice.

Do you know what I mean? You are against us in the game. It's us versus you. You're like this, you're like this, like a carrot is the first thing they planted in space. I was actually, it's a testament of how much I like you both that I actually wasn't being very trick, I wasn't being very tricky this time. Sometimes people answer and I'll go, are you sure? And that really throws people. That would have really been hard for me

I know you would have struggled with that and I would have never put you through that well You would have been fine, but that's because you and I have a special connection stop I'm not allowed to play on my own show and we and I wouldn't have been fine because I'm very vulnerable Are you yeah to what to like mind tricks and things or like really very very very gullible Do you guys find yourself susceptible to cult type of things? It shouldn't be that are reason we're taking time is because we care about you and we care about the question Yeah, I'm not you don't think listen. I'm very open. I'm seeking, I'm wanting a lot of advice and lifestyles, but I am really thinking about who is acting weird

at all times. That's right, Natalie is. And I'm bringing it to everyone else. So I feel like that would stop me up in a cult way. Like whenever- If someone's being weird, you're not gonna let it, yeah, you're like- When we walked in here to the office today I was like Emma. Can I talk to you for a second?

And then I was like, why are they watching soccer? Like what's going on very affronting to see the man watching soccer? What's going on Emma's like I'm not even recording with you today Like I can't she was like I have a meeting like I was like, I just feel like the vibe is so weird Like did everyone just eat to lunch. It smells like food. She's like, yes who all was watching soccer That was a really intense the main the head guy. It was like Jake mostly right and he was going It was really is it an important game or something chance we open that door for me briefly On our podcast recently, let's just ask Jake. Why are you guys watching soccer? Is there something important going on?

Jake, why are you guys watching soccer? Is there something important going on? There's something important going on to be. What is it? The semifinal of the Europa League. The semifinal of the Europa League? Shut the door, shut the door, shut the door. It was very upsetting. European-identified?

It's kind of gross. The semifinal of the Europa League. This is a thing that happens with soccer people. What about them? They become European-identified. Yes. No, but you speak on that, because're on to something. Like they literally do They're like they are like I, Bristol is important to me. Yes!

And their team matters. Yes! That's weird. That's just something that I really care about. I feel like that's kind of fucked up. Manchester is always something that's really spoken to me as an identity. Yes. Right. American guys who get into soccer, they start smoking cigarettes in a very gay way. They start walking with a swing in their hips. They transition to European in a very serious way. They have health care. It's nice. They do.

They get health care immediately. They get health care immediately. It's one of the big draws of being an American soccer viewer. Yeah. Suck a dick. It's like one of the, and they kind of, it's like, yeah, they start drinking beers in a really weird early hour.

Yeah, right, right. It's like, yes, that's right. American soccer fans are terrified. No, it's like, yeah, they start drinking beers in a really weird early hour. Right, right. American soccer fans are terrifying. That's so true. Like, you can have a beer at 11 a.m. if you're watching soccer. It's like, no, you can't. No, it's like, for the morning. Have some coffee and like eggs and stuff. Well, did you guys ever do kegs and eggs in college?

Yes. I hated that idea. It pissed me off even in college. You know what? For all of college, like, people would be like, we are are gonna get up at like 7 a.m. and start drinking. And I was like, no fucking chance. No shot. Because I wanna sleep the fuck in.

Yeah. It took me so long to ever be like, I'm not gonna fail a class, I'm not waking up early ever. And then I would wake up and be like, where is everyone? Before the big game. I was like, you guys are already drunk? I could not have been me. First of all, that's what the nighttime is for.

630. Beep, beep, beep. Ah. Ksh. That's a Coors Light. Rise and grind. You were doing that or you were not doing that? Of course.

The truth is you have to do what everyone is doing. Exactly. You actually have to just follow the herd. But you didn't. No, no, and I learned my lesson. See, now they're clapping really loud. And also this is a workplace, so it annoys me. And if you're going to have gay podcasts, then it's like be a little more amenable.

It's also like, it's not just any gay podcast. It's a very gay podcast. And also to be a recording space and be clapping out loud. Like, the listeners might not know this, but they're clapping and screaming like banshees out there as if we're not doing. Successfully clapping and screaming like banshees out there. We're doing business in here. We're doing business in here. I heard it. No I heard it too. It was completely distracting. And it disturbed my guests and it's like these are my guests. And by the way he had his feet up on the table out there. I'm very sensitive and I'm totally scared I'm back in my shell.

You should be. I don't feel comfortable speaking. Do you know Jake came into this office recently and I told him what? I said he had his feet up on the table out there when he was watching, which is rude, and I know I have my feet up right now. But that's a different thing. But that's my performance for recording, I'm being the role of the kind of like.

That's a character study. And by the way, you're a guest. Yeah, and by the way, I'm on They Watch. He's not. I need to be comfortable. You are on They Watch in a very serious way. Can I just say one thing? I wish you would.

About the They Watch, which is so funny. Totally, and by the way, all I mean by that. No, I know it completely. That's not what I'm gonna say. It's just like if the pants get any baggier. If the haircut gets any shorter. Well, this is what I wanna say. When my older sister had a child,

oh, I just remembered I'm not supposed to talk about her. Wait, I'm not supposed to say her name. Okay, so we're good. She wants privacy. Close call. Boundaries. Boundaries, boundaries. Having trouble with that. Okay, when she had good. She wants privacy. Oh, boundaries. Boundaries, boundaries. Having trouble with that.

Okay, when she had a baby during COVID, it was like, are they going to let people see the baby? Not. It was still early days, not that early, whatever year, and blah, blah, blah. They made a numeric system where you had to equal five or more points to be able to see the kid. And it was like a negative test, hold on. Sorry, I'm just getting upset. Five points right away. Masking plus outdoors, masking is like two points, outdoors is one point, you know what I mean?

You put it together, that's the they watch. There should be a numeric system because to seem to other people that you should be they themed, it's like, and I'm talking about like the public or whatever, cause you will just get they themed. It's like, and I'm talking about like the public or whatever, cause you will just get they them depending on your like, so what is the point system that I put together today that tipped the balance over?

You're like I'm wearing basketball shorts and a beret and I have like a visible tattoo and I'm holding a coffee. Yeah. Exactly. I just wanna say, the specific they watch that you're on You it's less about it's like not like it's not like it is a point system for sure I totally love that system, and I love the way that that's how they did their baby It's more an energy. I think you're so

Smart and advanced that I find you, but I would never I'm not worried about you becoming they them I'm thinking she they see they of course obviously. Oh, yeah, I'm thinking she way the entire way 100% Yeah, I mean I'm worried about you becoming they them. I'm thinking she they the whole way. She they, of course, obviously. Oh, yeah. I'm thinking she way the entire way. 100%. Yeah. I mean, I'm with you, beyond. And if you popped out with he him, I would be obviously so supportive, but terribly shocked.

Of course. Well, by the way, if I was gonna do that, I would call you. Yeah. I would 100% give you a heads up. You would not find out about that from online. 100%, or you wouldn't get the clue for my clothes first. I was he they for a second. Were you? In college, yeah. Did you know that? That doesn't surprise me but what I find even... On some Google forms I was like hiday. Yeah. Let's just test it out on this

Google form. Yeah. And it was honestly more of like a political stance, genuinely. And more of like a cultural signification than it was. Although obviously it also was like an expression of something true to me as well. Yeah. Saying that to camera. You can be the judge. Truly, you- That's me like eating pussy. Yeah. It was political but it was true to me.

Like it's more of a cultural political signifier. Yeah. For me, in college it was, yes. I did it on a Google form once. I feel humiliated by how often I am on HeHim. It's like humiliating in this day and age. I'm like, I does feel at least they, don't you feel, that I should?

But I don't feel that way. No, and to be honest, like as much fun as we're having, like I'm pretty sheer, like in the sense that like, it just is not like, ob, like my gender's more like something, but it's like, it's just, it's right now, I like don't like, it's not where I'm like, ugh, I need movement there. I do feel like the pronounosity is not like the

One way to have gender variance honestly yeah like like that it doesn't have to be I mean It's like an amazing tool, but it's not the only tool you have to like express or like think about your gender Yeah, it's so fun though. It's so fun. It's Yeah, it's so cute and gender and like everyone is just like Humping and they're changing the way they look and they're humping other People that are changing their humping the changing their humping the change of their humping. I think it's sweet It is sweet and some very people say things about boys. I'm like I do just relate like I yeah Yeah, I am competitive. I love violence

Fucking take my train when a movie's about war, like I'm simply watching. Really? Oh, I love it. One of my favorite movies is Angorius Basterds. Are you for real? I didn't know that about you. It's just like that's the kind of stuff that's like, that's a boy.

And I feel very girl, because like I've never seen any of those. And mine are all like Miss Congeniality, Leely Blonde. But I also love those, That's the Gay. You're gay. That's the gay guy. You're a gay guy. You're a gay guy.

I'm like, there has to be some kind of social niche for a person like you. Are you gay guy or are you guy who's gay? No, I'm gay guy. He's a gay guy. I'm like, there has to be some kind of social niche for a person like you. Are you gay guy or are you guy who's gay? No, I'm gay guy. He's a gay guy. I'm guy who's gay. Whoa. I think.

Don't you feel? You tricked me. Football. It's football in its image. Ah, football. And like Midwest. I was saying that it was like my arm hurts, I can't do that.

What's funny is with my family, which is mostly, on my dad's side it's mostly boys, and they'll play football, I'm like, no. But then they'll play frisbee and I'm like, yeah, you know what I mean? That completely tracks as an ideology. Well, they're also Jewish. No. Okay.

So. No, stop. No. Stop it, stop it. I feel like you're getting. Jewish. Testing it out, trying. Well, they're Jewish.

No, no, different. That's mom, stop. That's fine. I was gonna say, I feel like you're very gregarious. That can be guy sometimes. Guy first is like. I'm loving by the way that that called me a Jewish gregarious, I'm loving that.

The Jewish was like, that's why they can play Frisbee and not football. But they play football, I just don't do it. Do you know what I mean? Your family? My dad said, yeah, they'll play football together and that's when I'm like, it's why they can play frisbee and not football. But they play football, I just don't do it. Do you know what I mean? Your family? My dad said, yeah, they'll play football together and that's when I'm like, it's actually just too straight for me to get in and that's why you're a guy who's gay

and I'm like a gay guy. But I can do sports with it, I go on bike rides with them. You know, and I like to be athletic, which is, can be a gay guy trait. Totally gay guy. But sometimes, but with like the football of it all, I'm like, this is just a sticking point for me, I just can't do it. It's just too much, I'm like this is just a sticking point for me. I just can't do it

Yeah, it's just too much. I'm like I'm just too flouncy. Yeah for me to really feel comfortable in it. You're a gay guy I'm just I'm like I literally throw up a bomb like Fuck I threw it too short. Yeah, exactly. Do you think you're gay girl or girl who's gay? I think I'm a girl Who's gay nice or girl who's gay? I think I'm a girl who's gay. Nice. Or what? I don't remember. Don't worry about it. But I am Natalie.

Woo! You're so Natalie that it's crazy. Again, none of the camera's pointing at me. Wait, did you guys prepare a So True for you? I am needing stores to not anymore play music with lyrics in them. So true is I am needing stores to not anymore play music with lyrics in them. Charlie's so true as I am needing stores to not anymore play music with lyrics in them. It's like a lock in that kind of phrase.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're gonna hold on that. Yeah, we're just like printing that out. I confuse you. Why? Because I get really like overwhelmed and already being in a grocery store or something, it's like, it's distracting. And there's so much great like ambient

and instrumental music, but I'm in stores Sometimes I'm going through a hard time occasionally. Yeah, and the stories are playing music. It's like oh, I miss you so bad Whatever that's very distracting or the stories playing they're playing Loud loud music with lyrics and I'm trying to read the back of the bottle to understand what's going on with the bottle Yeah, and the bottle well, I wouldn't know. You name it, sister. What? You name it, sister. Who knows?

Anything could be good. Any bottle. I'm with you on this, I guess. Thank you. Thank you. That's right. It cost me nothing. Totally sucks.

No, it's good. What you did was a good So True. It's your trepidation that's making it sort of slide off. Right, because actually, what I had to do is be like, direct to camera, like, this. I mean that. Yeah. Oh, I do have a So True, actually, this episode. OK, great. I'm going to do another one. Yours to camera like this that I mean that yeah oh I do

have a so true actually this episode I'm gonna do another one I will go yours was really good thank you Kava the fact that I cannot order a Kava wrap ahead of time unless I am a loyalty member is fucking insane let me order a wrap I mean that is crazy like why are they trying to limit their sales I'm trying to buy food from yeah right right I'm waiting in a 30 person line in Manhattan. It's an artificial scarcity thing for them Yeah, they're like we're gonna be a little more in demand. We're gonna reject you arbitrarily. No, I don't want it's like you are not that in demand and you're you don't need to be like Reserve what a wrap what a wrap ahead of time so I can walk in and grab it

It would also do you a favor you're over playing Kava. You're overplaying your hand. You're playing cards you don't have. You're playing cards you don't have. You're not Burgine. Wait, I saw a really funny Trump clip today. What was it? Sorry, I know I hate to say it. It's okay. He was talking about Pete Buttigieg and he goes,

this guy, he doesn't know what he's talking about. He rides his bicycle to work with his husband on the back, which is a beautiful and loving relationship. But he literally said that. And I was like, he's a genius. I'm sorry, he's one of the funniest people alive. I don't know what we're going to do about it. You know what?

I want to show you that I know your work. It's so surprising. I love what you said about him being like he'd be such a good Joan Rivers. Thank you. That's so true. Thank you, Charlie. That's what he always wanted anyways.

I know about stuff Caleb said. I like that. OK, I have one. Say it. I'm going to do another. Thank you. That's so true. Thank you, Charlie. That's what he always wanted anyways. I know about stuff Caleb said. I like that. Okay, I have one. Say it. I'm gonna do another. Thank you. Okay.

Okay, because I'm watching Summer House right now, which is a show about straight people, I'm learning something from them. Oh my God. That straight girls, they go into dating like war, and the people they're dating are not their friends. And they have their army of their little friends behind them.

And they are ready for things to go south. And when they do, they're like. It's the anger of a thousand failed hookups comes out on the guy. I like that. And I think gay people could learn from that.

You know what I mean? Instead of like a kind of kumbaya like hey That's it when you're dating. Yeah, like it's helpful to have a little bit of a like a fuck I like the properness of it They're like taking me out on a date and then the guy doesn't do it and it's like you're not getting my flower Like I like that. Yeah, I will say I just said on maybe maybe today's episode Which will mean nothing in the context of when this comes out But I just said on a recent episode of the show will mean nothing in the context of when this comes out,

but I just said on a recent episode of this show that I think people who tell themselves that they're watching reality TV anthropologically are fooling themselves. You are the only person who I think, I genuinely think you are one of the only people who is actually watching reality TV and learning anything from it.

I think you might be the only person applying lenses to reality TV viewership. Everyone else is kind of like a fool who's kidding themselves. You're like one of the only ones. That's not all she's doing. You are watching it for fun, at a vacation. Yes.

Of course I enjoy it. For fun. But it enriches my life more than any relationship I've ever had. I do think you learn things. I've watched Real Housewives with Natalie and it's like she is pausing every four minutes to be like, so the thing with her is that she does that, she has this lack of self-awareness that makes it so that when she's in conflict, she doesn't understand her tone. She put she positive She's like women make ourselves smaller

Yeah, it's just fun on housewives cuz there's no men on the show actually like the men are just like little puppets that they put Their hands up. Yeah, it's like a world without men. Yeah. Okay, not you guys No, no, no, I'd be in there Here's. Yeah. Okay, not you guys, obviously. Okay, of course. No, no, no, why be in there? Here's the other one. You don't need to do another one. What? You don't need to do another one.

But I want to. Okay, you're welcome to. This is my other one, which is, you know, I miss when in texting and in chatting and online chatting, there was a clearer, more defined state of when you were available and when you weren't. And I want to be able to bring back G2G and BRB. Yes. Because I find it really frustrating and difficult that you can be chatting with someone

just like kind of dynamically and fluidly, and then all of a sudden they drop off because they're understandably not able to be on their phones all the time. But the way the language works is it's kind of assumed that you are just a little bit available. And I think there should be clear available and a way message.

Actually, we should have an away message and available for chatting, on texting. Because I find it so, sometimes I'll throw in a BRB and people act like I'm crazy. Well, when you do say, not you, but like, When one. If you, like I've tried to do a thing where we're like, okay, you're talking to someone and then you're like,

okay, I gotta go. They're like, fuck you. I'm not trying to marry you. You think I'm so desperate. Yeah, exactly, exactly. It comes off as a like, sorry, I know you kind of wanna keep chatting. Yeah. I know, anytime'm not trying to marry you. Yeah, you're like, you think I'm so desperate. Yeah, exactly, exactly. It comes off as a like, sorry, I know you kind of wanna keep chatting. Yeah.

I know, anytime someone says that to me, they'll be like, oh, I have to go. I'm like, I have to go too. I'm also having to go. You think I don't have to go? Yeah. I'm literally in, I'm about to start a Pilates class right now.

What are you even talking about? I'm going as well, everyone's going. Everybody's going, that's the trend these days. Yeah, everyone's gotta go. But it is still what I want. And you can choose one of my so trues and you can vote on it Text either what text either one or two to eight seven seven Caleb Guys we we have to finish the episode because we still have to do the bonus content Wow, so we've got bonus content to do

So if anyone if anyone wants even more of this, what have we been recording for an hour in 20 minutes? Yeah, so if you guys want even more you can head over to the Patreon. Is there anything I want to plug? You're obviously your podcast. Yeah, let's plug Charlie and Natalie's podcast Exploration Live on the Headgum Network where it's basically just like this. Yeah except a little bit less Caleb. All the time there's sometimes when I come. That's true. Well, you have invited me and I've come when I've been invited I Keep being like why have you not come to my house? Yeah, it's like either of your homes, but I've been invited on the podcast and I have come that's true And I did your live show six years ago

And that was beautiful to me ending like in a super tense place, but I kind of like it No, it's not tense to me at all. These are just the facts I feel a deep love towards both of you, even if whether or not it's reciprocal is obviously the jury's out, but like, I have a deep love for both of you, and that'll never change. Oh yeah, let me do one. We love Caleb.

We love Caleb's fans and audience, and in the comments, feel free to say, hey y'all, if you made it this far. Yeah, say hey y'all. Are you gonna- Do the hey y'all challenge below. Are you gonna talk about sorry, baby? Yes Yes, okay. We're on this no, okay. Yeah, well basically I have a Part small part in a movie that's coming out in the end of June. I think that's okay to say right

It's called sorry, baby. It's written directed starring my very close friend Ava Victor. It's It's written, directed, starring my very close friend, Ava Victor. It's really good. It honestly has so much buzz, so it's honestly like, ah. Yeah, it's really cool. The movie's amazing. I saw it.

So you guys should go check it out. Period. I think it's like New York and LA, and then onwards from there. So Coastal, you all gotta show up. The Coasts have to show up for once. Please. I know you're probably busy with your gallery openings and whatnot, but try to make some time

Charlie and Natalie we love you. Thank you for doing this That was a hate gum podcast Hi there, my name is Allison Williams If you know who I am at all it would probably be thanks to my job as an actress on shows like girls and in movies Like Megan recently when I was having a moment of gratitude for my group chat, I thought, I wish everyone could have these geniuses at their fingertips like I do. Well, now you do. Hi, hi, it's Hope.

Hey babe, it's Jamie. Welcome to our podcast, Landlines, where we share our life-sustaining and shame-extinguishing friendship. We have known each other and we've been friends for a very long time. Hope was my first best friend, but it wasn't mutual. I mean, it wasn't. I asked, I distinctly remember I feel so bad about this. calling her on the phone

and asking if she'd sit next to me on the bus and she said, maybe. At least she didn't say no. I was, yeah. Maybe he was meaner. She wasn't sure. Maybe he was like discerning. When I was pregnant, I started this group chat to prepare and crowd source and it's

been such a delight to troubleshoot with our friend group. And we just had this thought, should we invite other people into our group chat? I'm a therapist. I'm a trained early childhood educator. And I'm well, you know, whatever I am, I guess someone who has the vibe of having it all together. And still the three of us find it hard to be moms, partners, friends, family members, professional women, and just, you know, adults.

The stuff we're talking about, whatever the recent fight was with our partner or the parenting concern we have or a funny thing with our kids, or it's like, what's going on with my body? I feel like I have like a family of squirrels living in my lower abdomen. Like I feel affirmed, I feel normalized, I feel like I'm not going fucking crazy. And I had to talk it out with you guys

with different perspectives and different identities that you're juggling. Totally. Lifelong friendship has been our lifeline. We sincerely hope our conversation makes you feel less alone in whatever you're going through. So subscribe to Landlines on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes are out now on Headcom. Love you!