So True with Caleb Hearon - Claud is a Gift

Episode Date: August 14, 2025

Welcome! This week’s guest is the talented Claud! Claud and Caleb talk coming out of the closet, the only places to eat in Syracuse, typing speed, rugs, and much more! Join our Substac...k for an exclusive post-episode chat with Claud and other bonus content!  https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow Claud! @claud.mp3 Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloudGo to https://www.Zocdoc.com/SOTRUE to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. #sponsored Grab an Angry Orchard Cider today. Don’t Get Angry. Get Orchard. Please Drink Responsibly. If you’re a lawyer who feels called to help protect due process, explore our nation-wide provider map and find an organization near you to get involved: acaciajustice.org/defendkids About Headgum: Headgum is an LA & NY-based podcast network creating premium podcasts with the funniest, most engaging voices in comedy to achieve one goal: Making our audience and ourselves laugh. Listen to our shows at https://www.headgum.com. » SUBSCRIBE to Headgum: https://www.youtube.com/c/HeadGum?sub_confirmation=1  » FOLLOW us on Twitter: http://twitter.com/headgum  » FOLLOW us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/headgum/ » FOLLOW us on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum So True is a Headgum podcast, created and hosted by Caleb Hearon. The show is produced by Chance Nichols with Associate Producer Allie Kahan and Executive Producer Emma Foley. So True is engineered by Casey Donahue and engineered and edited by Nicole Lyons. Kaiti Moos is our VP of Content at Headgum. Thanks to Luke Rogers for our show art and Virginia Muller our social media manager.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a headgum podcast. Today I'm telling you about a sponsor on a mission to help those most in need of immigration assistance, Acacia Center for Justice. This is serious. I'm no jokes. If you're a lawyer who feels called to fight to protect due process, Acacia's unaccompanied children program is your answer. Explore their nationwide provider map and find an organization near you to get involved in your city at acaciajustice.org slash defend kids.
Starting point is 00:00:26 In this moment of heightened attacks on immigrant rights, It's hard to fathom, but sometimes children are forced to make the hard journey to the United States to seek safety all alone. Many even begin their journey with their parents only to be separated along the way. That's horrible. America's immigration system does not meet their courage with compassion. True. Instead, these kids are treated like criminals. Okay, I'm actually randomly going to cry.
Starting point is 00:00:46 They are not guaranteed legal representation and many are forced to do the impossible. Defend their own case in immigration court no matter how young they are. The Acacia Center for Justice builds, strengthens, and expands immigrant legal defense programs across the country. Lawyers employed in the unaccompanied children program provide free representation to break this cycle of injustice. If you're a lawyer who feels called to fight to protect due process, the unaccompanied children program is your answer. Unaccompanied kids need a lawyer like you. Explore your nationwide provider map and find an organization near you to get involved in your city at acaciajustice.org slash defend kids. That's ACA-C-I-Justis.org slash defend kids.
Starting point is 00:01:26 I bought a pot that I'm not even sure like is kitchen safe It has like a cute like round red lid With like a blue circle And like you can't sit really on the stove Without balancing it kind of topples over Yeah But it's so cute
Starting point is 00:01:42 So one of the worst qualities for a pot Is that it topples over Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha Claude, you're so cute. I loki love you so much. The only way I can sit on this couch without like fully going toddler mode is if I sit a little bit forward. Well, you're small.
Starting point is 00:02:10 I'm small. You're small. And that's really adorable and honestly perfect about you. And it's what makes us a really funny pair to see out in public. That's true. You just couldn't be smaller and I couldn't be bigger. And like together we form a hilarious odd couple. We're perfect together.
Starting point is 00:02:24 We're perfect. When people see us on city bikes, they're like, look at those two people who shouldn't know each other. Father's son. Father's son. And you're the dad, by the way. Yes. And I'm your giant son. Oh, I just love you.
Starting point is 00:02:37 How you been? I've been good. Will you tell me about your heart? My heart is good. My heart and my soul's good. I just came back from Chicago. Chicago. It was like, it was a lollalo ploosa.
Starting point is 00:02:50 But my whole family. And when I'm back in Chicago, I feel it. another version of me I do love that song I mean it's such a good song Yeah but your family's there you were saying Yeah Yeah I'm hyper
Starting point is 00:03:05 I just had a Diet Coke and some chicken And I'm like ready to go Like an espresso shot Truly when you have chicken After you've been hungry for a while It does feel like you've been infused With energy from God Right but turkey puts you to sleep
Starting point is 00:03:17 Turkey not something to fuck with But chicken We're so up And chicken and Diet Coke is like Honestly I'm alive because of it I mean, that powered a lot of people for a long time. I think that was, like, how they did the covered wagon rides. I think that's how they must have done it.
Starting point is 00:03:34 They settled the West on Diet Coke and Chicken. You've heard it here first, folks. But your family's in Chicago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My family's in Chicago, and it was Lollapalooza, and I had a lot of friends playing. And so I went to visit family, and I went to Lala Pluza. And I got my mom, like, an artist for his band.
Starting point is 00:03:54 And she was running around backstage. Whoa. You got on stage. I did. Shelly performed with Clara. Yeah, well, performed is generous. We, like, danced. Nice.
Starting point is 00:04:05 Yeah, we danced. It was, like, like, sometimes I'll sing with her. But this particular day was, like, there were flight delays, and she got in really last minute. And, like, there was just, like, we just got our headphones on, like, right before getting onto the stage. like singing was like impot like it would have been so I would have sounded terrible Caleb yeah that's okay you wouldn't have wanted to hear that sometimes that happens I always sound terrible when I sing and I do it anyway
Starting point is 00:04:34 for love of the game you're so good at singing no I'm truly around the house you should hear me it's insane we hear a couple bars yeah what do you want me to sing um I don't know there's a song called end of beginning and when I'm back in Chicago I feel it another version of me I was in it Really good
Starting point is 00:04:57 That was so good Actually hit Yeah that was amazing Do you know what Annie and I were singing I made Annie go rug shopping with me yesterday Annie DeRuso friend of the pod Where'd you go Industry City
Starting point is 00:05:08 You were in over there? Oh yeah like like South South Brooklyn South South Brooklyn It's like Restoration Hardware Outlet West Elm outlet Design Within Reach outlet Like all of them are within a block of each other
Starting point is 00:05:19 I keep looking directly into the camera It's fucking rug city. Look in the cameras. That's what they're there for. The audience loves it. They're like, you're a handsome young man with a beautiful smile. Look into our cameras.
Starting point is 00:05:29 We put three of them here to capture you. I made an ego rug shopping with me and we were singing, and I don't want the world to see me. God is the best song. Iris? Yeah. Because I don't think that they'd understand. I'm sorry, name a better song.
Starting point is 00:05:48 Name a better song, Iris, but listen. No one writes it like that anymore. there was a moment in the 90s where music got made before and since there has been very little music being made it's like you and three of our friends I feel like a lot of music is being made no it's you and three of our friends and no one else
Starting point is 00:06:07 is making music anymore that's it it's me Kevin and Annie your three musicians my three musicians friends I only have three and there will be no one that listens to this podcast that Katie Crutchfield's going to send me a few Curious text. Katie. Listens every week.
Starting point is 00:06:24 You and four of your friends. Yeah. So I have four musician friends. Yeah. That's it though. Something about laying back on the couch is making me feel very silly. You could ask me almost anything and you'd probably get away with it. I feel really comfortable right now.
Starting point is 00:06:37 Yeah? This is power. How did you come out? That's gay? Yeah. We'd actually have a real. really good story about it. Oh my, I'm so glad you asked. Hang on.
Starting point is 00:06:55 You bouncing around on this couch. I'm just trying to get comfortable. So I was visiting. I was, well, I mean, I feel like it, you know, it always happens many different ways. Yeah. Wait, should I actually tell you? Was that, I wasn't sure if that was a rhetorical question. No, I'm having fun.
Starting point is 00:07:15 Okay, well, I went to visit Syracuse with my dad where I ended up going. and I was like, you know, visit weekend for accepted students, whatever. And we were, we got dinner that night at Dinosaur Barbecue. Of course. There's only two places to eat in Syracuse. Yeah. Dinosaur Barbecue and Pustabilities. No, it's true.
Starting point is 00:07:38 I forgot about Pustabilities. It's the only two restaurants, the red sauce at Postabilities and Dinosauri Barbecue. That's it in Syracuse. It's really that. Those are the two best. I had to film a movie in Syracuse. I know.
Starting point is 00:07:48 You were just there for wait for a very long time. And so I know a lot about the town now. I love it there. Yeah. You had, you, I went for college. You went for work. I have a complicated relationship with Syracuse, New York. That's tricky.
Starting point is 00:08:01 That's tricky. Yeah, they had us staying in a hotel off the highway. And I, and at first I was like, man, crazy. They're putting us at a hotel off the highway. And then you look around Syracuse and you go, I don't know that they had much of a choice. There's not, there's not a four seasons. But did I like Syracuse? It doesn't matter.
Starting point is 00:08:18 Did I, did I enjoy a couple of months? meals at dinosaur barbecue yes I certainly did I and that is where I came out yeah I had like one sip of my dad's beer and I was like I have to tell you something and I was like I'm I I think I was like had hooked up with one person one time and I like told my dad I was like I'm seeing someone. I was not seeing anyone. What's your dad said? He was like, so does this mean
Starting point is 00:08:55 when you go to like, when you go to Syracuse and then you go to a frant party at Syracuse, does that mean you're not interested in the guys there? And I was like yes. That's exactly what that means. It was like how like it was like
Starting point is 00:09:11 such a sweet way to freeze it without having to be like, I think I'm gay. You know, it was just like, when you go to a frat party, like, who are you interested? First off, no one, because it's a frat party. First of all, I'm not there. I'm not there. I won't, I've never been to one.
Starting point is 00:09:28 Well, you know I was in a fraternity all four years. I forgot. People do forget this about me. Thank God. Thank God they forget this. I feel like you would have been like social chair. Were you social chair? Close enough.
Starting point is 00:09:39 President? No, I was the treasurer. I was the pledge educator. CEO. What's the pledge educator? Yeah. I think we were technically called new member educators by the school, but it was like, when people joined the fraternity, I was in charge of, like, making sure they pass all of their, like, membership requirements, like, tests about the fraternity and getting their community service hours and doing all the requirements to join the fraternity. Because, you know, you pledge for a semester.
Starting point is 00:10:05 Right. So their first semester, it was a lot of their first semesters of college, and it was actually really cool because a lot of them had just started college, and I kind of became, like, a de facto, like, counselor for them. That's a, I feel like you would be really good. it was nice actually i mean in other fraternities it's like this is the guy who hits you and makes you drink right but i was like and don't forget to call your parents you know because you were gay yeah of course yeah well how did you come out to whom like what what's the best story you've got the best story i've got um i did you come out in college i came out publicly in college after my freshman year okay i uh came out in a facebook status as bisexual
Starting point is 00:10:47 I came out to my mom the day she dropped me off at college and then I immediately went and hooked up with a guy, a residence advisor. What's the funniest way I came out? Probably I was hooking up with a guy friend of mine in high school and he really wanted to come out, but I didn't. And so then he outed me to like three of our close friends. No, that's horrible.
Starting point is 00:11:07 And then I was like, I could either deny this or just run with it. I was pissed and devastated, of course. Shut out. But he's a very good friend of mine to this day. And I don't blame him, by the way. It's like I should have just come out to them. And we were all very close. It doesn't mean he should have done it.
Starting point is 00:11:19 But like, it's fine that he did. But then I, to the girls that he kind of added me to, they're like, is this true? This is what he's saying. And I was like, yeah, I guess if he's saying that it's true. And they're like, okay, why didn't you tell us? And I was like, I don't know. And they're like, okay, well, anyway, do you want to go to Applebee's? Right.
Starting point is 00:11:36 And I was like, yeah. Right, right. And then we went to Applebee's, which is fully where I worked. Right. You worked at Applebee's? Oh, yeah. I was a neighborhood expert. Wow.
Starting point is 00:11:46 Yeah. Did you have a job at my school? Yeah, I worked at a toy store. Fuck, yeah. You'd be so good at a toy store. I worked at a toy store called Tales and Toys. Knock it off. And it went out of business, like, as I was working there.
Starting point is 00:11:59 Yeah. Which I think makes a lot of sense. Did you get free toys? I didn't get free toys. It was such a cute store. Like, that's where I got my toys when I was a kid. Like, my toys came from that place and, like, even had the same, like, wrapping paper from when I was a kid. So when I would be, like, wrapping presents, the paper was so nostalgic for me.
Starting point is 00:12:20 Yeah. That's so sweet. I know it was sad when they went out of business. It's a big toy. What's the best present you've ever got? As a kid. Or in life in general. What's the best gift anyone's ever given you?
Starting point is 00:12:31 And you can't say the gift of hope from our friendship. That's... You can't say the way that our friendship has gifted you with hope. You have to say something different. Okay. What's second on my list? Right behind hope from our friendship. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:44 The gift of hope. I have given you the gift of hope via our friendship. What is the second best gift you've ever gotten? Okay, okay, okay, I know, I know. When I was, um, growing up, there was this store in, um, I have no idea where it was, somewhere in Chicago, and it had all these little, like, yard metal little statues at the store, and I wanted one so bad at my dad's like, you don't have a yard. and I was like I really want one
Starting point is 00:13:16 and I think for my birthday that year he got me like a miniature metal pig with wings and I put it in my room I put it in my room no I wonder if I wonder if he does though it really is really hard to like hang on to it's kind of clunky and like you really do need a yard for it
Starting point is 00:13:37 yeah I was in my room like next to my bunk bed like this is the best thing anyone's ever gone on me That's a really sick gift. I loved it. Did you name it? Flying pig. Of course. I think I just referred to it.
Starting point is 00:13:51 Yeah. Flying pig. That's beautiful. What do you think is the best gift you've ever given? The gift of... You can't say the gift of hope via our friendship. Gift of hope. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:09 Yeah, our friendship. No. I go like this. Yeah, I can tell that sitting is a real challenge for you. That's fine. It's not our couch. She's on the couch. Yeah, that's fine.
Starting point is 00:14:18 Don't even sweat it. Okay. Best gift I've ever given. Come back to me. Easily. Anyone else in the room? What's the best gift I've ever given? I'm not good at giving gifts.
Starting point is 00:14:32 I don't give gifts, and I don't really like giving them. I'm trying to think the best gift I've ever gotten. Um, you know what? When I was on tour most recently, my friend Carly, Carly Kane, friend of the product, shot out. Carly went over to my apartment, got rid of my couch that she knew I didn't like, and brought in a new one that I had picked out, put it in there for me, and then, like, hung up some artwork and brought in some plants.
Starting point is 00:14:58 I kind of spruced up my apartment while I was gone, and I came back. It was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. That is so nice. that's so thoughtful yeah really nice i really love that that's really sweet and gifts i've given probably just the gift of hope that i give to all my friends right yeah well it's a very generous gift yeah i infuse it into all my friendships and i think that that's probably the biggest gift i give wait you don't like giving gifts i don't i just don't like getting gifts so i don't participate in giving gifts that often i feel i find it very stressful when people when people are really into like birthdays and gifts and
Starting point is 00:15:32 And like, that just really stresses me out because I don't care if you do it for me. So I'm, I just want you to love me the way that I love you. That's really sweet. You know, which is to not be stressed out about gifts. I love giving gifts. That's beautiful. I like, if my gift is ready a couple weeks before I'm supposed to give it, I'm like, I want to tell you. That's so, that's so sweet.
Starting point is 00:15:53 Let me tell you. That's really sweet. I love that. I love giving gifts. You've never given me one. Well, okay. It's no big deal. The gift of hope.
Starting point is 00:16:01 Just the gift of hope from our friendship. It's not enough. That is enough, actually. What do you think is the least hopeful you've ever been? That one's a joke. Don't answer that. Don't answer that one. Don't answer that one.
Starting point is 00:16:13 No. Okay. Let me ask you this. Fuck Mary Kill. Chicago. New York. Atlanta. Don't say, okay.
Starting point is 00:16:26 Chicago, New York, Atlanta? Yeah. No. That's too easy. I didn't say L.A. Because I wanted to be different. but it has to be LA. It has to be LA. Fuck me.
Starting point is 00:16:34 Can we do, like. No. You have to answer my name. I don't want to. Boston, Chicago, New York. Boston, Chicago, New York. Okay. I feel like I'm going to get like so.
Starting point is 00:16:46 I feel like there's no right way to answer this because everyone's going to be mad. No. I would. Oh yeah, you tour also. I know. Don't answer this. You actually tour.
Starting point is 00:16:54 I tour too, but comedians can be mean to places they tour and get away with it. I've never tried to be mean to the places. You've never tried to be mean. I don't think in general. I've tried to be mean. Really? Yeah, I think so.
Starting point is 00:17:04 To who? Well, when you left the room earlier and you told everybody to be nice to me, I said, you could say whatever you want. I'm still going to tell him you were mean. Whoa. That was mean. That's really nasty of you, yeah. I know. And then I said, just kidding.
Starting point is 00:17:22 Like, immediately. This couch is tough, right? Yeah. Because it's like, I'm not quite comfortable. It's just, like, not really off the ground at all. Do you all need this pillow? No, thank you. though, I think maybe I'll just do like this.
Starting point is 00:17:34 I look bad. God, I look bad. No, Caleb. I'm going to stand up real quick. Don't cut any of this. You look amazing. Well, it's just like, the thing of it is, this feels really comfortable, actually. Should we stand?
Starting point is 00:17:44 No, we can't. Everyone's going to get mad because of the cameras. Oh. But I'm going to try sitting like this. Okay, this is better for me. Is this good? Yeah, my back just hurts. Wait.
Starting point is 00:17:52 Really? Yeah, but I think that's just because I've been moving and then now I've been sitting for a long time because we did Z-way's episode right before this. Oh, okay. And so now my body's like, what's going on? Are you active or are you lazy? Make a choice. Right.
Starting point is 00:18:04 It's retaliating. What's the laziest you've ever been? Summer. Always? Every summer. Yeah. It makes a lot of sense. Summer, I'm like, it's summer.
Starting point is 00:18:17 It's lazy time. I'm on the couch and sleeping a lot. My laziest era was for sure my last semester of college. I, like, truly did nothing. I moved never. I was so depressed. I laid in bed. I took my meals in bed.
Starting point is 00:18:32 Victorian woman who was dying. Wait, where did you go to college again? Missouri State. Go Bears. M-I-S-S-O-U-R-I-State. We love it. That was beautiful. I was beautiful.
Starting point is 00:18:45 Wait, you went there too? That's where we met. Wow. Yeah. That's so nice. Yeah. The people you meet in college are the ones that you know forever. Is that the saying?
Starting point is 00:18:56 Yeah. Chances kind of like a, do you know when you receive a parasite? that you can't get rid of that's what chance has been to me it's just like that but you do begin to love the parasite because you don't know yourself without it and it's causing you to lose weight or whatever
Starting point is 00:19:11 you know you find things to like about the parasite chase that's so nice chance chance I know it's the weirdest thing I'm so sorry don't be he loves it this is only our second time meeting I'm so sorry chance but that's one too many times but you think it's so weird though
Starting point is 00:19:28 that I'm not kidding I have never in my life experience something with The name chance, people cannot get it. Don't be. It's Chase every time. I always say Chase the rapper. No, it's the name. I'm telling you.
Starting point is 00:19:40 It's not the guy. It's the name. I'm kidding. I come from... No, chance the rapper. I come from a really long line of people who, one, get names wrong and two, get phrases wrong. Yeah. Like yesterday I was walking, not to keep talking about my dad, but he, I was like, oh, I'm so
Starting point is 00:19:59 tired and, you know, lull over. And he was like, do you have time to nap today? And I was like, no, I don't have time to nap today. And goes, well, when you get older, you'll die. And I was like, do you mean you'll sleep when you're dead? But hear him out. When you get older, you'll die. But hear him out.
Starting point is 00:20:17 That's what he said. In his incorrectness, he made a brilliant point. When you get older, you'll die. And you will. It was really like shell shocking to hear that. I was like, what, Dad? You're like, I'm a little sleepy day. And he's like, we're all going to die.
Starting point is 00:20:32 And you're like, fuck, okay. But he meant to say, you'll sleep when you're dead. Yeah, that's really funny. He was close. Sheek. Yeah, you should have him on. He's kind of my diva. Like, some people have pop divas.
Starting point is 00:20:44 Your dad's like my diva. Yeah, he's like, kind of like you're like, what, fiance? Yeah, or my like Madonna or something. Right, you're Madonna. Yeah, he's like the diva that inspires me, my North Star diva. He's your Waxahatchee. He's my Waxahatchee. Datahatchee.
Starting point is 00:20:58 That's so sweet. Yeah. Waxedadachi. There we go. Yeah. What's his name? Todd. Todd.
Starting point is 00:21:05 I told him I was... Todd Ahatchy. Told him I was going on a podcast today. He told me to kick ass. I think you are. I think you're totally kicking ass. It's not a soccer game. It's not a soccer game,
Starting point is 00:21:17 but you're totally kicking ass in a way. Thanks. Don't you feel? Yeah. This is only the second podcast I've ever been on. What was the first? I don't know if that's true, but the second one I remember being on.
Starting point is 00:21:26 What was the first? Girls Rewatch podcast. Oh, nice. What did you talk about? What episode did you do? Did they do specific episodes on that? We were on Broad City, which Broad City is like my favorite show ever. And so, which I was really excited to do.
Starting point is 00:21:42 And it was the Shania Twain episode. Fun. And like Rupal's first appearance on the show. Really fun. It was a really good episode. Really fun. And Wanda Sykes' first appearance on the show. Wow.
Starting point is 00:21:54 Big episode. It was a huge episode. Those two are great. And I still just managed to talk about myself the whole time. Yeah. Instead of Abby and Alana. That's okay, though. Sometimes we're just supposed to talk about ourselves on podcasts.
Starting point is 00:22:05 That's kind of the point. Really? They can be whatever we want them to be. Really? Yeah. Are you working on any music right now? I'm trying to. How's it going?
Starting point is 00:22:14 It's good. It's good. I have a lot of clarity on planes, I'm realizing. Like, I'll be writing for weeks and then I'll take a plane ride and I've been like, this is terrible. This is amazing. Like, it's just, it's so clear to me for some reason. when I'm on a plane
Starting point is 00:22:30 but when I'm writing I'm like it's like very cloudy and I just don't know what's going on kind of yeah yeah what about you are you writing music
Starting point is 00:22:38 are you? Yeah can I produce your album yeah are you kidding if I made an album for real you could definitely produce it really yeah I don't see why not
Starting point is 00:22:47 I'll tell you something I'm being really good today I'm moving I'm packing I'm doing all the things I'm supposed to I'm being very responsible tonight I'm going to get a type of high on marijuana
Starting point is 00:22:57 that they frankly might outlaw soon. Like I am going to get comatose high on marijuana tonight in a way that you can't even almost believe. I'm going to FaceTime you tonight and screen record it and then post it. And put it into this episode. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:13 We're going to retroactively edit it into this episode. You edit it right here. Yeah. I don't get, do you get high? Not really. I smoked a lot in high school and I think that changed something. Do you know that theory of like you only have like 11 good smoking years in you or something?
Starting point is 00:23:29 That really scares me. Nine. Seven. That really scares me. Eleven. Sorry. Which one? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:23:36 I think it might be seven because 11 feels like a lot. Seven. Or maybe even four. I did those seven, I could say. I didn't start smoking weed until I was 26 or seven years old. Oh, really? Maybe 27, yeah. Wow.
Starting point is 00:23:48 I never did before that. Oh, you missed, like, smoking weed in high school and, like, going to 7-Eleven and getting a slurpee. I think that's really good that I missed that. It was so fun. I know, but I didn't eat it. I think it was good that it didn't find me then. We would see like a cop in the 7-Eleven and be like, just getting our slurpy.
Starting point is 00:24:09 Sir, and we're allowed to, by the way. That's so fucking funny. Oh my God, my God, oh, my God. That's so funny. Now I'm just getting, now I say I get high like maybe twice a week. That's a good number. It feels okay. What do you do?
Starting point is 00:24:24 Do you watch a movie? Sometimes watch a movie, go on a walk, go out, to a bar with a friend hang out hang out i don't drink that's over for me i'm not drinking oh really okay cool i think we might need to end drinking in general i i think we might need to end drinking in general i i i'm hungover right now i would agree with that yeah yeah yeah yeah today you're on board i was out until three in chicago last night i'm really sorry i didn't want to say it claude i know but but like it's fine it is i'm doing amazing it really is you never would have known you're kicking ass this is how i am when i'm not hungover too so i will say you
Starting point is 00:24:59 you seem very normal to me. I didn't really drink that much. You seem like yourself. Hung over from the night of just being awake. That's just the gift of hope you get from friendship. Being up too late, exactly. The gift of hope you get from friendship is the theme of the episode I've decided. Can we title it?
Starting point is 00:25:14 The gift of hope you get from friendship. Too long. Too long. Yeah. Fuck. Fuck. What'd you say? Chance.
Starting point is 00:25:26 I don't know if the mic will pick it up, but Chance just off. in the corner of the room going, it is a gift. Shut up. Wait. One time, one time, one time that was me, I was on mushrooms and I was,
Starting point is 00:25:41 I had a duplex apartment. It was like two bedrooms. I had three roommates. It was like two bedrooms on the top floor, then a staircase that went like right into the living room kitchen and then two bedrooms on that floor. And I was on mushrooms and I was sitting on the top of the stairs. And my two of my roommates were like,
Starting point is 00:25:59 having a conversation in the kitchen and they were talking about like this these people we knew from college and like the guy was like always leading the girl on and I knew these people from eight years ago or whenever at least I thought I knew them I actually am not even sure if I really do and I was sitting on top of the stairs and I was like right like does lead her on and I was like crying it's so true like and she's so true like and she's so so sweet and he like I just don't think he even knows he's doing it and then like five minutes later hear them go hello hello they're like someone there no god for five minutes that is so funny oh my I'm crying I was like responding to their conversation yeah thinking they heard me and I was part
Starting point is 00:26:56 of it one time I was helping a friend of move who was on my bad side and so I was talking negatively about them while we were helping them move and I had moved I had moved the mattress a mattress that I was on the front end of carrying a mattress behind me like kind of like this and my other friend was behind and we were carrying it together right out of the house and then we're walking down the street to the car to like put it in there and I start talking shit on the friend that we're helping move not realizing that that friend had taken over the back end of the mattress from my friend so I was talking shit to them about them without realizing it so i was like i was like yeah i just don't know what
Starting point is 00:27:33 the fuck he's thinking like god he's like he's like he's like totally like i don't know even what i was saying but i was talking so much shit and then i turn around when we go to put the mattress and he's just like hey and it was so fucking awkward that sucks but also i wasn't wrong so i was just like i literally went sorry went back and grabbed more stuff from the house what's your friendship like down uh really strong he's but it's complicated because he's he has a really important job he's he's the president which is like so random yeah of the country and so it's just like hard because he's like obviously I don't feel like he's switched up but he's just gotten really busy right right like so he's
Starting point is 00:28:14 been the same as he's always been no he's like still my friend is in there somewhere but it's like he's busy and like yeah he's just been like we don't talk as much on the phone as we used to as much as you'd like I bet that's really hard but I remember the good times and I have hope that when he's not in this job anymore, like, will, like, kind of get back to the way things used to be, but sometimes you can never go back to the way things used to be. Right. I mean...
Starting point is 00:28:38 But we used to have so much fun. Yikes. Yeah, it's hard. Sometimes you think it's a really big job, and they're like, I don't want to say he's changed because that doesn't feel fair, but like, yeah, he's just, like, going through with something right now. Like, and that happens, and that's, like,
Starting point is 00:28:51 sort of the cycle of friendships, like... Yeah. But, you know, when you get on the other side of this, your friendship's going to be stronger than ever. I had somebody tell me once that when your friend gets famous you have to give them three years to be really weird
Starting point is 00:29:02 I think I know who told you that Yeah? Yeah Who? Grace. Maybe. Or did I tell you that because Grace told me that?
Starting point is 00:29:09 Someone told me this. Someone in our friend group is spreading this And yeah That's what's happening with DJ. Okay. Oh, this, Donald's...
Starting point is 00:29:19 Yeah. I just call him DJ It's like from back in the neighborhood Right, no, totally. Yeah, I just hope that like he'll I don't know, I just hope he'll like come out on the other side of this job
Starting point is 00:29:28 like the guy that I used to know. He's not taking the fame well. No. It doesn't seem to it. It's gone straight to his head. He's gone straight to his head and he's being like, yeah, I don't know. We just like, we used to joke about stuff. Like we'd be like, oh, you know, like, whatever.
Starting point is 00:29:44 But like now it's like he's really doing really crazy stuff. I thought we were kidding. But it turns out he was serious. That's really, you thought everything he was saying was a joke. Like you'd be like, oh my God. No, like, yeah, we used to hang out back in the day. be like, I'm going to do mass deportations, and I'd be like, DJ, but then, no, he straight up is, which is crazy.
Starting point is 00:30:06 Oh, Caleb, I'm sorry. I know. It's hard. But sometimes your friend succeeds and, like, things change. I can't even remember why we started talking about this. Well, that's because it's gone on for so unnecessarily long. It's like, everyone was over. I'm going to be like, he cannot still be doing this.
Starting point is 00:30:22 Yeah. Anyway, no, let's change the subject. You're right. This podcast is sponsored by the crisp, refreshing, angry orchard. Listen, guys, there's a litany of things that we shouldn't get angry about. But let's be honest. Sometimes it's hard not to be. For example, don't get angry that your beloved sports team keeps blowing leads in the fourth quarter.
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Starting point is 00:32:36 That's Z-O-C-D-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash so-true. I'm very forgetful. Yeah. And there's always something I forget to say and then I really don't forgive myself. Yeah. Because I really want to tell you things. Maybe instead of trying to be better at remembering, you could get better at forgiving yourself.
Starting point is 00:32:56 One time, Caleb, I asked you... My God, Chance, don't cry. It's okay. Chance is crying now because I'm so profound. Chance. One time Caleb said to me, one time you were like... I was like, Caleb, like, you're so good at making decisions... Do you remember this?
Starting point is 00:33:12 I was like, you're so good at making decisions. How are you so good at making decisions? And you're like, it's not that I'm good at making decisions. It's that I can handle it if I make the wrong one. Yeah. I have a lot, I tell a lot of people this in my life. That is, I tell so many people of that in my life too because you told me. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:28 Well, that's what it is. It's, people say this to me a lot. I have a lot of friends that are indecisive and struggle with decisiveness. And they ask me the same question of like, how do you, how are you so good at making choices? And like, it's not that I never make the wrong choice. It's just that I know that if I make the wrong choice, there will be consequences and I'm prepared to handle them.
Starting point is 00:33:46 Right. And that's just what, that's, you just have to get, you don't have to get better at making choices. You have to get better at accepting choices. in consequences. Right. That's all. It's just so good. Thanks.
Starting point is 00:33:55 And then I was like, my response was like, I can't handle it when I make the wrong decision, which is why I can't make a decision. That's really fair. Anyway, I'm going to get into my story. Yeah, tell your story. Okay, so I was, it was like really, really, really hot day. And I was, the trains weren't working. And I was running late to a meeting.
Starting point is 00:34:19 And I had to take an Uber to the, the West Village. Yeah. Do you know this story? Yeah, yeah, I love this story. Wait, how do you know it? Did I tell you? You told me when we were biking.
Starting point is 00:34:27 Oh, yeah. Is it okay if I tell it now? Of course. It's for them. Not me. I'm nobody. I'll tell you guys. I was in an Uber and I was, so I was heading into the West Village from Brooklyn
Starting point is 00:34:39 and I was heading up like sixth Ave and sixth Ave turns like one, the far left lane goes to the Holland Tunnel, which goes to New Jersey. And it's always like so back to. up and I was in this Uber and the Uber we like I was the whole ride was supposed to take like 25 minutes and I had been in the car for like 40 because he was like kind of not
Starting point is 00:35:05 just he wasn't driving great and so we were in the city and I was like oh my god like I've already missed the first like 20 minutes of this meeting like this is horrible and we're sitting on 6ab and I'm like okay finally like it looks like the traffic's like breaking up on sixth half like the hall and tunnel lane is like standstill traffic but there's three other lanes going up six that are just like flying i was like okay like all i'm texting like be there soon and i'm like texting texting i look up and i'm like we're sitting in the hall and tunnel lane yeah
Starting point is 00:35:35 and i was like oh no like if we go to new jersey like my whole day is over like yeah i'm in the super for another hour so i was like excuse me god i cannot imagine you trying to do this i know because i was like I'm not like I never say anything ever yeah other than like how's your day going you know but I was like excuse me like I think this is the Holland Tunnel lane and we're already we've been sitting in this lane for so long it's already like the dotted lines are gone like it's a single line like we're about to turn left into a hall and tunnel and I was like a fucking nightmare it's a nightmare it would have added like an hour yeah and I think Uber charges me for that so I was like excuse me like I think
Starting point is 00:36:18 you might be in the wrong lane. And then he just starts, like, yelling at me. And he's like, you think I'm in the wrong lane. Why don't you drive the wheel? Like, whoa, blah, well, like. I'm sorry. Like, I'm sorry. Get in the passenger seat.
Starting point is 00:36:31 I'll drive us. And he's like, I'm in the right lane. This is the right lane to be in. And I was like, I'm so sorry. I said anything, like, totally, like, keep going. And he's like, I can drive the car. Like, I'm going to drive the car. I was like, okay, okay.
Starting point is 00:36:42 And then his phone rings and he answers immediately. And it goes on the car phone and it's like, happy birthday and I was after like 40 seconds of like back and forth and then we went to New Jersey and that was my birthday present to him
Starting point is 00:37:01 it is so funny for him to be screaming at you get a happy birthday call and then do exactly what you were worried about I was like King I was like look what we've done now where we ended up There are people missing me in the West Village right now.
Starting point is 00:37:19 I missed the entire meeting. That is so funny. Did you get forgiven about the meeting? Yeah, it was fine. I'm like early. I'm always early. Yeah. And so when I'm running late, it's like a fighter, like my whole body starts like freaking out.
Starting point is 00:37:34 It makes sense. That's not your nature. No, it's not my nature. I have a problem where anytime I'm early, my friend will inevitably be late. And so it, that's just my luck in the universe. Yeah, yeah. So it creates these wait times for me that are like 40 minutes where like I've come I've come 15 minutes early And they've come 30 minutes late and it has amounted to me sitting here for 45 fucking minutes
Starting point is 00:37:56 That's tough. And so then I'm more upset with them than I even deserve to be because I exacerbated it by being early. Right, right, right. And the whole thing is just a nightmare. That is really hard. And I'm not European, so I'm not okay with this. No. I think being on time is really nice.
Starting point is 00:38:10 I love being on time. Maybe this is my hot take. Yeah. Being on time is like, I think it's really rude to be late. Yeah. I really do. I think it's so rude to be late. I know.
Starting point is 00:38:22 I try not to care so much because things happen, but it's like, man, I really don't. I feel bad when I do it, and I really don't like it when people do it to me. I don't like it. I don't like it. I talk to people when I'm running four to five minutes late. Yeah. I'm saying, I say like 10 minutes before if I know I'm running like five minutes late, I say I'm so sorry I'm running five minutes late be there soon.
Starting point is 00:38:44 To me, it's seven minutes. minutes seven minutes is the moment where it's because that's 10 almost that yeah seven's where it's like now I'm looking around going where the fuck is this person right five minutes I go of course seven minutes is when you need to say something 20 minutes is when you need to be very apologetic 20 minutes is like you've done something crazy to me yeah yeah 15 you didn't plan correctly exactly or someone died in front of you like something has to have happened that was crazy if you're regularly 20 minutes late to stuff I do feel that you're rude I think that's really rude but And some people have, like, really, like, bad time management skills.
Starting point is 00:39:14 And, like, it's like, it's like, it's like you're born with it. Like, they just don't know how to get somewhere on time. Yeah. I don't, I struggle with empathy for that. Me too. I really do. Because we teach it to kids. Cheers.
Starting point is 00:39:26 Cheers. We teach it to kids. Sometimes adults tell me things that they struggle with that I'm like, for sure, but we, you do have to solve that now. Yeah. Like, I'm so sorry that that doesn't come natural to you, but it is time for you to go ahead and solve that. You understand that, of course.
Starting point is 00:39:39 You know? It's been 50 years. They're like, I'm impatient and I can't read a clock. It's like, fix it. Yeah. Read a clock. Fix it.
Starting point is 00:39:47 I don't know what to tell you. There's a certain point where like you just need to work on that. Yeah. Yeah. It's tough. That's a tough one for me. I could practice more grace though. I can't.
Starting point is 00:39:57 I could stand too. I should. Okay. I should and I should, but I can't. I know that I can't. Yeah. That's crazy. I'm like a ball of fury sometimes.
Starting point is 00:40:08 Really? no i'm acting i was going to say that sounded really adorable i'm like i just get so rageful if you were ever sincerely mad at me i think i would cry i would cry if you were mad at me i don't get mad i i just get really worked up internally yeah just you know and then i like eat something and i'm fine yeah what do you think is your best quality uh that's such a good question and it can't be like a professional thing it can't be like how good you are at making music because i already know that uh well that is i'm i don't know my best quality i can type really fast nice yeah like on i keep seriously yeah i can type and i can do it without looking do we have a
Starting point is 00:40:55 computer in here that's not being used chance can you pull up the w pm test will you do a w pm test for us right now i've never done that before i just think i can type really fast do you want me to do it first and then you can do it so you can watch me do it. We are on the podcast going to do a WPM test right now. Chance did you pull it up? What do you type? You'll see. Sentences?
Starting point is 00:41:15 Chance, bring it to me first. I just remember this one time. My mom, I think I get it from my mom because one time I was telling her a story. You have to keep telling the story and narrate while I do this, okay? Wait, okay. One time I was telling my mom a story, I was like, my teacher is being so crazy, giving us all this homework. And she's like, uh-huh, uh-huh, and I look, and she's going like this.
Starting point is 00:41:36 like she's sending an email and she's looking at me oh she's sending an email and she's looking at me while while I'm telling her the story and I don't think she's listening because she's sending an email but she's able to look at me I thought that was really cool that is really cool I was like when I grew up one of these days yeah exactly do home keys home keys like your fingers are all on like the home keys and like the middle
Starting point is 00:42:00 and then you just know or is it all just free finger no no no no that's crazy wow no it's it's ground it's planted it's can i see what you're doing can i hear it's the one oh my gosh am i allowed to say oh my god on a podcast no all right i'm taking over my name's caleb you need to hear me i'm i'm going rogue this is going this is so true are you going to edit this out no this is all this was really slow and then the
Starting point is 00:42:48 timer began the timer begins. In today's increasingly hectic and stressful world Claude is taking their typing test now so far they have gotten through two words it's not looking good for their speed what can I tell you guys about me why Claude takes their typing test Well, we're hoping to get a new studio for the podcast soon.
Starting point is 00:43:08 Guys, I think that would be really neat. We're going to see if it happens or not. I'm moving into a new apartment at the moment, which is very exciting. The address is, just kidding. You wish, freaks. Go on. Chance moved to New York. I did.
Starting point is 00:43:22 Hello. Welcome to New York. Chance, how are you feeling about your New York City move? I feel great. I really love my place. I'm excited to explore the neighborhood a bit more, but I've just been spending a lot of time inside, setting all my shit up just so I and, like, you know, be free for other things.
Starting point is 00:43:37 Yeah. Yeah. That's really, really good. Yeah, it's really proud of you. Thank you. I got a piece of chicken stuck in my teeth. I'll deal with it later, though, no one worry. Claude is nearly done.
Starting point is 00:43:45 Just a couple seconds left here on their test. Okay. I believe that they've already beaten me, but we'll see. It's hard to, okay, they got their score. What did you get? Let me see. Three words for a minute. Who, but your accuracy was 96%.
Starting point is 00:44:02 53 words, that's bad. What was yours? mine was in the 80s and mine was also bad just so you know 53 words per minute I thought I didn't know we like I'm better when it's I'm just free flowing this one had rules this wasn't fair this wasn't a fair test we should have tested you on your own writing like yeah yeah just to see what you could have done yeah yeah I'm gonna up with it on my own you're still really fast I would have been really fast if I also if you had a desk and like a setup I just feel like an actual keyboard I just feel like an actual keyboard I just I just like an actual keyboard I just know that I personally would have done better in that situation. Right. So I can only imagine what you would have done. Amazing. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:41 A hundred. Probably even more. I think I've done in the hundreds before. Really? Like, I think I've done like 118 and 120. You were really fast. I was moving. I will say that was really bad, what I did.
Starting point is 00:44:50 Yeah. The work I did. Yeah, your work there was tough. That's, it's all so funny that the, yeah. The intro to this was you voluntarily saying not your best quality. you volunteered that that was your best quality overall as a person and they did one of the slowest oh my god that's so funny dude
Starting point is 00:45:20 wow I don't know myself at all no I think you do because I think you're faster I think the circumstances were rigged against you I don't think so oh yeah it was rigged so you come not looking better. It was rigged. Just lie on the podcast. Sorry, keep moving this couch. No, it's okay. You and the couch have a complicated relationship. I can feel it. Oh, my God. You look amazing. Really? Don't ever worry about how you're looking because you look great.
Starting point is 00:45:44 Thanks, Caleb. So do you. It's really about whether or not you're comfortable and whether or not you enjoy your life. I am totally enjoying my life. That's awesome to hear. I think run with that. Keep enjoying your life. What percentage of the time do you think you enjoy your life? Okay. So that's tricky because lately I am really busy. and I find it hard to be busy because I get really stressed out about that. Really? Yeah. I get more stressed when I'm not busy.
Starting point is 00:46:08 Opposite. Wow. I have total belief that I will be busy again and that things will come my way. I do not have the thing where I'm like, oh no, I need to be busy. It's healthier. What percent do I think I'm enjoying my life?
Starting point is 00:46:22 Percentage of minutes in the day, I would say I enjoy my life 92% of the time. That's a lot. Yeah. That's awesome. I think I'm really in the pocket of enjoyment of my life. That's really awesome. Yeah, I try to really only, I try to only do things that I like.
Starting point is 00:46:40 But sometimes you've got to do the dishes. Sometimes you have to, oh my gosh. Or take out the trash or whatever. I have to do the dishes right now. I know. Like literally, I'm not speaking figuratively. No, I could feel that. I'm literally having to do my dishes.
Starting point is 00:46:52 I could feel that there's a dishes problem going on with you. There is. They're not dirty dishes. Well, they are. I should say that. Well, then you do not know what we're talking about. they are dirty but they're not like i i rinse them and then i don't have a dishwasher so i rinse them and then i put them in the sink so there's not like food on them yeah but
Starting point is 00:47:12 they should be you know properly washed no having a dishwasher is really tough it sucks you're living a really hard life but i only have three plates so it's not that hard that's smart that's how you have to live when you don't have a dishwasher you have to limit yourself i never i don't even i don't have like a table like so i never host so i only need three plates yeah just you just you And I've actually only ever used one or two of them. Wow, one plate unused. Yeah. For sale, a plate, never used.
Starting point is 00:47:41 For sale plate, never used. I have a red plate, a yellow plate, and a blue plate. The red one I use the most. Why are they all different colors? Well, I thought that was cute. It is cute. Right? It is cute.
Starting point is 00:47:53 I just didn't know if maybe there was some other reason I wasn't thinking of. It's very cute. Primary colors. Yeah, that's really cute. Because when I moved into this apartment, it was my first time living. in my own apartment without roommates. And it was the first time I was like, I have to buy plates, you know, because usually I just been using my roommate's plates.
Starting point is 00:48:08 Yeah. And we need quad plates. I need my plates. So I went to the store and I, I had so much free, like, I didn't have pots. I didn't have pants. I bought three plates, red, yellow, blue. I bought a pot that I'm not even sure, like, is kitchen safe. It has, like, a cute, like, round red lid with, like, a blue circle and, like, you can't sit
Starting point is 00:48:31 really on the stove without balancing, it kind of topples over. Yeah. But it's so cute. So one of the worst qualities for a pot is that it topples over. There really needs to be stuff in it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:45 So I do have this pot. Now, the one thing about it is it topples over. But the pan matches. That's nice. And that topples too. Okay. That's not good. You got the toppling set.
Starting point is 00:48:56 But it was so exciting to buy it. Yeah. It is fun to do that stuff. So fun. I have some plates of money. own. Really? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:02 What do they look like? Oh, yeah. Well, my ones in Kansas City have a big red set. Oh, I like that. All red. The red plates, coffee mugs, bowls, smaller plates. I feel like you have really great interior design style. That is very kind of you.
Starting point is 00:49:16 I've never seen it with my own eyes, but I feel like you really do. I want to thank you for speaking on that, and I don't think that I do. I think I have decent. Okay. But it's not, I just, there's some things I can't figure out spatially. I get that. I can figure out like a couch and a rug sometimes, but sometimes I end up having really basic taste on accident. Sometimes I'll like something and be like, you're a low-key basic.
Starting point is 00:49:39 With what? Give me an example. Like the things I like. Totally. Like I'll like a rug and be like, that actually is an ugly rug and not in a cute chic way, but in a way where like a woman from Ohio would have this in her house. Like in an Airbnb. Identically correct. You have Airbnb style?
Starting point is 00:49:56 Sometimes on accident. Okay. Like I really will like something because it's. I don't know. Sometimes I just feel that my interior design taste is not what it needs to be. I think, I, like, really pride myself on having stuff that is kind of really random. Yeah. And I recently went to a friend's house in L.A., and they had the same rug as me.
Starting point is 00:50:18 And I kind of had, like, an identity crisis. That's really scary. I was like, that's my rug. Yeah. But you're a rug, my rug, that's my rug. Where did you get it from? I got it from, well, an ad. I got it from an ad
Starting point is 00:50:32 on Safari website internet I got it on the internet I got it from an ad on Safari website internet absolutely brother like really it's tassel honestly I bet a lot of people have it
Starting point is 00:50:49 probably it was probably like some horrible website like rugs.com or something rugs USA it wasn't that because I know that one but all those like rugs U.S.A. Waf Bear, Target, even, they all have the same rucks.
Starting point is 00:51:04 Have you noticed that? Yeah, and they advertise to people like us. They do. They advertise to queer people in Brooklyn because they're like, you don't want to spend 3,000. I'm telling you, I went rug shopping yesterday. Some of them were in the $7,000 range. That's insane.
Starting point is 00:51:15 And I said, you just have to be kidding. It's really crazy. Obviously, I won't do it. I had a budget that was, I had a high budget. But I was like, I will never in my life spend even a half of that on the road. Rugs are really expensive. They are. It's crazy.
Starting point is 00:51:27 And the lower budget you go, the more people have. that rug. And the more that the rug actually sucks. You get a cheap rug and you're like, this is ugly, looks bad, feels bad, slips and slides. I'm sliding all over my apartment with this rug. It follows me into the kitchen.
Starting point is 00:51:46 This is a damn rug. This gosh darn rug. Think about rugs is. You should do stand up. About your rug. Think about rugs is they slide. That was that. By the way, I would laugh at that. I don't, I, I, I'm horrible at stand-up.
Starting point is 00:52:02 I tried it one time, but don't ask. But sometimes I feel like, I have this, like, recurring dream that, like, oh, no, I have to do stand-up. Like, the opportunity, it's not even an opportunity, it's like, I have to do it. So sometimes that anxiety comes into my real life. So I, like, have to practice jokes on my partner. Of course. Yeah. And they are so lucky.
Starting point is 00:52:25 I'll be like, like, like, but I'm shh. And then they're like it. Do they laugh or no? I think it's like 70%. That's a good hit rate. I know. Many comics would kill. I'm like, I am so funny in private. I believe you.
Starting point is 00:52:44 And then you put a microphone in front of me and it's like, I have three plates. And that was your big, yeah. And no dishwasher. Three plates was your big closer. Yeah. Oh, I have a question. Claude, what's so true to you? I think that if you're canceling plans,
Starting point is 00:53:02 I think we're, like, past the part. Like, I think we're past the age of, like, you don't have to say why. You can just say so sorry, can't make it anymore, have fun. Yeah. I don't think anybody should expect a novel of, like, why. Oh, my God, you know, there's chipmunk, you know, you can't. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:19 Traffic. Yeah. You know, squirrels. Like. Yeah. Squirrels are always part of it, too. That's the hard part. I, like, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:53:27 I don't, it's not helpful to anyone. Yeah. Because there's always a lie involved. Yeah. I was like, oh, I just had the longest day. You know, and I don't want to, I don't want to get a paragraph about it. And I trust my friends enough to be like, I can't come and know that it's for a good reason. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:44 Or even a bad reason and that's okay, too. Yeah, I just also feel like if someone does it to you enough and you're annoyed by it, you can stop inviting them to things or whatever. But it's like, yeah, I'm with that. I'm like, don't send me a reason, whatever. Yeah, yeah. Don't come. And if I'm, if we're close enough, I'll be like, why not.
Starting point is 00:53:58 not yeah yeah or like if we're close i'll ask do you want to talk about yeah i'll be like what's up everything cool yeah but i don't think people need to you're right i feel like too another thing i'm thinking of i think you said it on here once is like the nicest thing you can do is go to someone's birthday party the nicest i really stand i think that if you don't go to a birthday party then maybe give a little bit of an explanation yeah it's hard though because everyone's always having one i know think about how many birthday parties you get invited to in a year and only one of the best things ever happens to me is when I get invited to something I don't want to go to and I'm out of town, the way I get to text back to that, no, no, get yourself comfortable.
Starting point is 00:54:39 I'm really far away. Okay, I'm ready. You feel set? Yeah. The way I get to respond to a plan when I'm out of town for it is so gorgeous to me. I get to respond so like, I'm out of town. I respond like an heiress who's like going to be, I'm like, oh, darling, I so would kill to see you then. Right.
Starting point is 00:54:56 Unfortunately, my travels have taken me elsewhere. I love the way I get to, like a magnanimous, like, I get to respond like somebody I'm not even. Have you ever responded to a text? And then in your head of the Osrat had been like, oh, I should respond to that text. I'm going to say, like, oh, no, I'm out of town. And then you look and you've already responded. Oh, no, I'm out of town. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:17 Has that ever happened to you? Yes. I often go back to respond to things that I were, and vice versa. Well, I often go back to be like, why didn't they ever text me back and realize I had not responded to them? Right, right, right. I think I have like automatic brain responses to texts like birthday party I'm going to be out of town it's oh no a sad face yeah I'm out of town I hope you have so much fun and I think that's a beautiful response to send but that's like I know that's what my fingers will just start typing yeah it's just gonna happen it's gonna even when you're in town and you're not sad exactly it's like your brain's like oh no I'm out of town I have a segment for you what I have a segment for you what is it it's true false Oh, okay. Okay, I'm going to read you 15 statements.
Starting point is 00:55:58 You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if you think what I just said is true or false. Okay, okay. Please use the words true or false. Okay. And then if you get 10 or more correct, I'm going to give you 50 U.S. dollars. Okay. South America has more nations than Africa. Wait, do it again.
Starting point is 00:56:14 South America has more nations than Africa. True. False. The average human body consists of 30% water. True. False, 60%. West Side Story is based on Romeo and Juliet. False.
Starting point is 00:56:25 True. there are five original teenage mutant ninja turtles false four the ostrich egg is the world's largest bird egg false true there are always even numbers of rows on corn ears what
Starting point is 00:56:45 what there are always even numbers of rows on ears of corn true Edward Smith was the name of the captain of Titanic true true Syracuse University's mascot is Captain Orange true false Otto the Orange I went there the NFL has 30 teams true false 32 Alaska has the most active volcanoes of any US state that's true true my chemical romance has released six studio albums false false false four Justin Bieber was born in London Ontario Canada true true the Dewey Decimal System is primarily used in libraries true true the world's party girl what oh nice me too the world's longest coastline is in China false false it's Canada Highland Park Illinois was the headquarters of the solo
Starting point is 00:57:33 Cup company until 2009 wait I'm from there did you know that oh that's why is that true no that can't be true true true true true the solo cups until 2009 headquarters oh my goodness how they do really bad
Starting point is 00:57:50 that's terrible no it was a beautiful attempt that was full of spirit and you really committed to the time which i thought was beautiful thank you you're quite welcome claude what what else do you want to tell people where can they find you uh the internet um i have like instagram and stuff it's i have no e at the end of my name claude and sometimes it's like my last name claude mince or sometimes it's claude dot at p3 is that what i was supposed to say yeah you did great i hate doing that you did so great thank you so much for doing it we love you Thank you for having me, Kaelan.
Starting point is 00:58:22 We love you, dude. That was a HeadGum podcast. One, two, day. Hello, I'm Joe Mercosuraci. And I'm Russell Daniels. And we're the co-hosts of The Downside. Now on HeadGum, we are a safe place to complain, be negative, Kvetch. We don't like toxic positivity.
Starting point is 00:58:41 No. Because it's toxic. We're not going to sit there going, hey, look on the bright side. Enough on the bright side. That's all anyone's talking about these days, the fucking bright side. So tune in to some of your favorite comedians, some celebrities like Caleb Huron, Brennan Lee Mulligan, Alana Glazer, Busy Phillips, and Dan Soder. We let them come on and we let them share what shitty about their life.
Starting point is 00:59:04 We look at the things that seem nice on the surface and we go, why is it shitty underneath? It's a fun time, but it's a place you're going to listen and go, oh, thank God, I'm not any of those three people on that show right now. Yeah. I feel better about my life. So please subscribe to us on Spotify. Podcasts, Pocketcasts, or watch us on YouTube. New episodes every Tuesday. This is the downside.
Starting point is 00:59:26 Hey, I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I have a new podcast on HeadGum called Next We Have. Now, this show is for people with short attention spans, which is everyone. I mean, you're probably trying to skip this ad right now, but don't, because you now legally have to listen to the show. That's how law works. Next we have is very simple. Each episode has three short segments. For instance, Lisa Gilroy and I write insane revenge, Yelp reviews for callers who had bad
Starting point is 00:59:49 experiences with a business. The Do Boys play a game called Meal or No Meal, and Steph Tolliv and I go head to head on a thought-provoking game called Guess That Sound. The show is as dumb as it sounds, and we probably have more fun than we should. But it's a great time, and you should listen or watch new episodes of Next We Have every Thursday on YouTube or your favorite podcast app.

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