So True with Caleb Hearon - David Gborie & Langston Kerman are Mommy & Daddy

Episode Date: August 27, 2026

Welcome! This week’s guests are the co-hosts of the My Momma Told Me Podcast David Gborie and Langston Kerman! David, Langston, and Caleb talk gym culture, being thrifty at the store, a young golf prodigy and his family, Lugs, and much more! Check out My Momma Told Me! https://www.youtube.com/@MyMommaToldMe Join our Substack for ad free full episodes, early access to merch, our community chat, and more! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow David! @coolguyjokes87 Follow Langston! @langstonkerman Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Visit hin.ge/SoTruewithCalebHearon to download Hinge today! Book your next trip at Booking.com. Book today on the site or in the app. Shop now at https://Fabletics.com/sotrue to get 70-80% percent off everything when you sign up as a new VIP So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Anna Weis. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York. A Wave series. https://wavesportsandentertainment.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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This is so scary for me. One more time. Folks, what a pickle I've gotten myself into. Freeze frame. Probably wondering. I'm wondering how I got here. I've always thought about straight people that the thing was that the woman is beautiful and effervescent and charming and the man is a troglodyte. Just like an ugly, uncharmament.

But that's been my experience. I will say at least where I grew up, that was most of the relationships I saw. In Missouri? Yeah, it was like a woman who was like beautiful and took care of herself and a man who looked like dog shit all the time. Wasn't nice. Didn't have a great job. We had one. But he was hard working, I bet.

Sure. I'm standing up for the truck. But he had a pretty good share. He showed up to work. If you ever seen him hit a baseball? In high school. In high school. That was the last time.

He doesn't do it anymore. He's actually scared to pick up that baseball bat because he's afraid he won't be the man that he thought he was. That happened to us two weeks ago, a month ago. Yeah. You went to hit baseballs. You found out you weren't the men that you thought you were?

100%. Not at the batting. 100%. Not at the batting. You wouldn't believe the lore that. I had built in my head of how powerful I was going to be behind that. With every swing, I thought those balls were going to go flying. If I just chose to pick up the bat.

Yeah. Yeah, but then you picked up the bat. And then you realize how fast the balls are coming and we're on the slowest one. We were not on, we were on the softball cage. We're on the softball cage. Those balls are going, they're zooming past you. High art. High art.

Kind of floating into the pocket. Really landing gently right. You can read the labels on the balls as they come towards you and I'm still missing every time. Big ass pushed you, big ass! It felt like a humiliation ritual. And you should say this was his bachelor party weekend. So I'm meeting a bunch of men I've never met before. And then doing this in front of them.

And then doing this in front of them and taking ales, dog. Everybody was. Because you said the funniest thing. You were like, I'm not going to think about that all. weekend. I've never met these men. His brothers, they're a little tiny bing bong

motherfuckers. Yeah, they're buff. My little brother's so buff. Yeah. They're like little springs. What is the straight guy? I'm wondering if the picking up the bat and finding out you're not the man you thought you were.

In the gay community, there's this idea that, like, at a certain age, you either put on the wig or hit the weight room. Do you know about this? Wow. No. It's like, I'm forgetting the exact phrasing, but it's like you either start, You put on the wig or you hit the weight room? I just hit the weight room.

I think I'm at that age. You're hitting the weight room? Yeah. Yeah. Hard. Are you? You look good, brother. As hard as I would hit a wig.

You're looking handsome as ever. We went to the gym. Trust me, if the wig was an option? If I could. If I thought wig was available to me. If I could put the energy I'm putting into the gym into clothes, I would. I just don't have. My heart is in wig.

My body. Yeah. My body is in gym. We didn't go to the gym. We went to the gym together the other day And we barely We barely saw each other But that's how we both want it to be

I think so yeah I didn't feel any regret about it Where'd you each go? We went So I've been going to this gym That's these old Persian guys Yeah He's been going to a very bad gym

He's objectively been going to a bad gym It's not great And then is now trying a better gym That I've been going to And I thought I could get him in on a guest pass But as it turns out Better gyms don't have reasonable entry.

He's not explaining it well. Langston goes to the hot guy gym. I do go to a hot guy gym. He said half the corner boys from the wire are in here. That's what he says where he walks in. He says, Bodie says hi to me. It was Duky, but yes, absolutely. Duky from the wire, absolutely.

I say, I know this gym is not for me. It's so sexy. And it's, that's, I had a good time. It was too sexy for me. It's the horniest gym I've ever been to. my life. And it was sexy at 6 a.m. That's fucked up. It's too, you can't be sexy at that time, I don't think.

It's an unreasonable time. You shouldn't be in. I will say also, a lot of times there's a fear in the fat guy community that you will be discriminated against if you go to the sexy gym. It's actually way worse. You're going to be cheered on. And that shit hurts. I'll kill you. When they're like, I'll fucking kill you.

They're like, keep it up, big man. I'm like, get the fuck off of me. Two more years of that. Keep it. I'm like trying to say my stats as I'm lifting. I'm like, I have a wife. I'm a proud member of Sag Afterra. Some of us got our dick sucked already this morning.

She's proud of me. Because I don't, that's what I don't like about buff guys is that little brother energy. Yes. And it's like, hey man, I don't give a shit. I'll bear hug you and jump down the stairs. Yeah. I will. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dog. I will find a way to make us equal. Why do you think I got funny? Why do you think I got fucking fun? Now we're both in wheelchairs. Yeah. Now what? Now what?

Great traps. Fucking ass. I will say my biggest fear in the gym is that I'm going to be doing a movement and then a stronger man is going to come over and tell me how to do that correctly. Of course. That brings me so much anxiety that I don't even fuck with certain stuff out of fear that somebody's going to make me do it better. Okay, because I was wondering why you did two rounds of cardio.

Okay. He's in good shape. Malfugher, this is personal. I'm sorry. I was really sweaty. You're like falling on the sword. You're putting trade secrets out. If we're falling in realize this was gotcha media, I thought this was a fun hang with friends.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was the sweatiest guy in the gym. Does that help? It totally helps. And did you get any keep it up, big man? Because keep it up, big man is like. I didn't even get eye contacting.

Really? Caleb, that's how sexy they were. And then I didn't tell you about this. When I went to leave, my fucking lock wasn't working. Oh, no. So I was trying to do the combo to unlock the lock. All these buff guys are just butt-ass naked.

I'm sweaty in my stupid shirt. On the lock, trying to get my crocs out so I can drive home. You can't even use locker. They don't respect you at all. I can't use locker. I was stronger than most of them, though. No, I saw.

you, you were moving weight. I was really going on. Yeah, that helps a lot. I got locked out of my locker. I got a full body of my eye scan recently. Whoa. And I got locked out of my locker afterwards. And there was a woman standing next to me.

I know for a fact, you don't have to get naked under the gown. I know for a fact because I asked. Woman sitting next to me while I'm struggling with the locker. I can't fucking get it. I'm all anxious because I've been in a tube for an hour and a half. I can't get the locker. She's standing next to me. Legit, like, leaning on her dressing room door, full ass, butt naked.

Yes. Wow. We got to get there, though. I'm trying to take that back. We got to get there. You just don't have to get naked under those things. Are you a not a naked person? I don't, I mean, I'm cool with naked.

I'll get naked in the locker room or whatever, but I'm like, this is a hallway of a medical facility. This is not a private area. There are people like coming in. She's butt-ass naked, older woman. And the only reason I knew is because at first she's leaning facing me. So I was like, I was wearing the rope. She turns around to grab something, bends over full spread.

Wow, she wanted you to see. I don't think she wanted me. think she was very in her power. I think that's cool. It was cool, but it was just annoying to me because I'm like, you're having a beautiful moment of transcendent, like, self-empowerment. I'm locked out of my locker. Which is, like, that's got to bring up all that middle school angst.

Yeah, I've been in the tube for an hour and a half. Who knows what they found? They're not calling me back. I'm not kidding. Guys, I'm so anxious right now. I called them yesterday and said, hey, I haven't got my results yet. I think I should have them. She goes, yeah, I have them.

I'm going to email them over. And then a nurse will be in touch. Didn't email them, no nurse and touch. So all I'm thinking is they're in the boardroom figuring out how to go about this. You got that new shit. Yeah, I got something new. You got some new shit.

They're going to call me and go, you have everything. And I'm scared. We never seen this before, but they mixed all the sodas on you. Yeah, yeah. You're doing bad. They hit a couple of Brian Cooleer at the freestyle machine. I was getting involved with everything. I'm in trouble.

I'm in big trouble. No, if she were the hero, she wants to be, she would have helped you get your locker open naked. How is she supposed to help him? Don't be standing there posing. Stand up and pull. Come over and help. Yeah.

You guys are hating this free woman. I don't like her energy. I am a little bit. That's going to be me. But when I get older, the more I come into my body, I'm going to be naked more. You're going to be way more naked. You think so?

You can be a naked old guy? Because naked old guy is a very particular type of old thing. I'm pretty naked in my private life, but it doesn't transfer public at all. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? But like around the house and whatnot, yes. Even pool, Jim, you're not.

I'm getting better at the pool because I've been swimming. Okay. And gym, yes, but not like I'd like to be. Like when we went to the spa, that was a big day. But we went to the spa. Yeah. It sounds like we're going on dates. It's just like we.

And I've been enjoying out. And I've had a nice time. Yeah, I've been having a good time. We went to top golf on Saturday night. That's good. What are you? Y'all hang out a lot. Yeah.

Yeah. That's beautiful. Yeah, no, we're not tired of each other yet. No, it's crazy. It'll come. It'll happen. We had dinner with our wives the other night, and my wife was like, it's crazy you and Lankson can still have stuff to talk about? It's so fucking funny.

Yeah, we're not curious about them at all. No, walking them out of it, yeah. No, no. We were just kind of telling each other about our weeks. We're just kind of going over Top Golf. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At the dinner. No, I didn't mean.

I didn't even talk to her about Top Golf. No, I didn't bring it up, but that was because I wasn't, again, wasn't good at it. You were okay. You were not bad. That bumped me out. You won two games. I won two games. Yeah, but the way you won felt like you earned it and the way I won felt like I got lucky.

You're in your head, Doug. Yeah, you're in your head. I can feel that you're in your head. You guys are playing against each other? Because you have to. Is that how it is? That's that the top golf is designed to be Bullshit competition

Because everybody is drunk and nobody knows what they're doing Yeah except for that one kid who was next to us We were next to a young Latino prodigy He was going so nuts He was hitting them boys to the Gulf of Mexico Tigray Woods Just the idea of everyone else drunk and this kid Walking the fuck in

No literally he was crazy His drunk-ass parents, his drunk-ass mom was betting him, was being like, I'll bet you $20, you can't hit it over the fence. He'd be like, give me the money. And then, flat. Who? Damn. Crazy.

His older, you know who couldn't hit was his supportive Cholo father. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That man, this is the first time he had held a golf club not crime-related and it showed. He was so bad. And you could tell that. He had his sunglasses on and top golfing day. It's 10 p.m. It was so late.

He's hitting the balls. And they've been talking shit to each other the whole time. He's talking shit to people. The kid is talking shit to people. When the dad hits, nobody talks shit. Everyone goes not too much. Relax, relax. And the dad's hitting bad.

Like shanking straight in front of our shit. It's scaring us. Yeah, he's so bad. He's so bad. But he was strong. He was a man. He was a man in forever there was one. Steve Fernandez has an incredible joke in his hour.

I don't know if it, I don't think it's come out yet. Steve's hour, but I was at the taping and he was like, he was like talking about how, uh, he was, they were at a Dodgers game and some guy was like racist to them. And his dad turned around and like, punched, like, hit him really fucking hard. And Steve's like, it was incredible for us. We were so excited. It was the first time we'd seen him hit someone that wasn't our mom. I was like, Jesus, Steve. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's really, really doing that show. That's really funny, though. Yeah. It's a great joke. It's a great joke. I love the jokes where we go. It's a great joke. I don't know what's going to happen.

I have no idea the results of the audience's reaction, but we all agree that is a well-written. It's a great joke. I'm sad for your family. I'm sad for your mom. But ultimately, I'm going, that's a great joke. Those are the bits we should all strive for. I think so. Those are the bits I do in life.

Yeah. I'd be sending shit out, not knowing if it's going to land. The ones that scare you a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, all of the time in mixed company. Have you had one recently that you were scared wouldn't work out and it did? Oh, I feel vindicated because on our podcast I talked about having deli meat at the movies and people have really rallied behind me in some comments. You do what?

Yeah, thank you for asking a follow-up question. I was worried you were going to let that keep free flowing. No, I'm interested. Well, I'm a free man. First of all, let's start with my freedom. Yeah. You're going to want to check the emancipation proclamation because I am a free man. Let's open it up and know that I can't be controlled and contained, boxed or bottled.

Yeah. I sometimes take deli meat to the movies. Okay. So what kind, how much are you- Boershead? Boershead turkey ham. I like the Cajun chicken, but I, you know, I go to the deli counter and I kind of do whatever I'm feeling in a moment. And then you're taking it in just in the boar's head baggie?

No, separate baggie. He transfers it. He's not unreasonable. Because I get it like two pounds at a time. I'm not taking two pounds of deli meat. That would be crazy. To see the Odyssey that's nuts. How many slices are you genuinely taken in there?

It's more of a loose grab. I get it deli sliced, but once it's in the pack. The chicken especially. You're eyeballing the amount of deli meat you're bringing in. You can't even get it in slices when you're trying to make a sandwich with the chicken. You just have to grab it in hunks. Okay, see, he knows. I know what you mean.

So what do you grab him, half a pound? No. Come on, man. I'm asking. I'd say for a long movie, the last time was Spider-Man, I was probably five ounces. Okay. Five to six ounces, I'd say.

And you're just out of the bag, straight to the mouth? Yes. No, like cheese crack or anything like that? And that's the troubling part for me. That's why everybody's so mad. I've got no issue with deli meat in the movie theater. I'll bring bullshit in the movie theater.

You do have an issue with deli meat in the theater. You're very crew. We do. You hate it. It's the exclusivity of the deli meat. That's, I want you to have something else. Why? Explain to me why.

Propriety. Prospect for others. I think he's right. Respect. Crackers is respect. I think he's right. I have some crackers and now I'm respectful. Crackers is class.

We've all agreed on that. That's what a charcutory board is. You bring pad tie to the movies and you're giving him shit? I, I've brought a full meal. Oh, listen. I'm not on your food. your team. Thank you. Thank you. I brought a full meal. What's so true to me, Langston's a psychopath. That's so much crazier and you make me try to feel bad for deli me. That's crazy. I'm saying,

that's crazy. That's actually way crazier than lunch meat and I'm not kidding. I don't, I don't agree. I think that now movie theaters, now movie theaters have become dining experiences. We have had full meals at movie theaters. I'm just bringing them full meal. They serve like chicken tinder. It's like finger food. That's what I'm saying. And I'm saying we can elevate. There's not a Michelin star at AMC.

Yet. That is completely fair. That is fair. Yet. What I'm saying is that Thai food versus deli meat. Deli meat is a lower lift. It's quieter. It's less messy.

The smell is less. I think that he is vilifying me. And I don't think it's fair. I'm at villainizing. And I actually have a note for the Thai community as well. Oh, ambitious. We've all been waiting for white-guide notes on the Thai community. You've been waiting and it's time.

This feels like one of those Steve Hernandez vicks. Yeah. A little dangerous. I want to speak to the Thai community here. Here's what I want to say. I'm a massive enjoyer of your food. I'm in your restaurants all the time. Thai people, I'm in your restaurants.

Ask any Thai restaurant in America. If I've been in there, you're going to have a foot. You're going to have a pretty high hit rate. The picture's on the wall and it is signed. I have been in the Thai restaurants. I think that allows me to speak on what I'm about to speak on. Yeah. When we're putting shrimp in a noodle dish or a curry, go ahead and take that tail off for me.

Yeah. I like what you're saying. What the fuck am I meant to do? Yeah. It's going to kill you to take the tail off. Just slice it before you because now I'm grabbing into the curry. And yeah, you can take a fork and knife and you can cut it off. I know.

I'm in too much for curry. Let's not make concessions here. you're absolutely right. Take the tails off. Take the goddamn tails off. You think you leaving that tail on is making me believe in the authenticity of this meal. I already believed in it.

That's why I came. I believe that fucking tail off. I believe you the whole time. Chop the tail. Because you're only saving us this much meat, right? That's right. I'm only getting this much extra meat because like when you, you know what I mean

when you kind of... If you do that wiggle, you can get that little... You can get that little extra. But how much protein is that at the end of way? I don't give a fuck. Give me that little extra. I'm tracking macros. But you know what you could do is when it's raw,

you just squeeze it so that that little extra piece comes out. I can actually still get that meat. And I'm asking you, and it isn't just Thai folks, really. That's just where I end up the most. This applies to all people. I was going to say that. I think don't even just put it on Thai. I think across the globe.

I'm realizing that this is mostly, I address this to the Thai community because that's where I eat all the time. I'm really never not at Thai. But I'm guessing maybe there's Italian restaurants that do the same thing. Oh, allow me to pick up the ball you just pass and say steakhouse community.

Steakhouse community. They're putting tail on shrimp in the pastas They think it's so cute to put it on a skewer It's garlic herb with the with the tail Here's what they're doing And I know this is true When you cook shrimp If you take the tail off

They get smaller faster Yeah So they leave the tail on to make them Stay fucking plumpin shit They're padding the stats They're padding the stats But take you have the ability To take that off before you serve it to me

Post cook preserve Come on There's a window And also Before you hand it off Take that tail off Also, corporate America, why are we so greedy? Just give me one more littler shrimp.

Yeah. Just give me one more smaller shrimp. Well, this is what Chinese restaurants, Chinese takeout restaurants and neatly understand. They'll give you 100 small shrimps and they have no qualms about it. Guess what? Not a tail in sight on the small ones. No. Yeah.

I'm into that. I was shocked when I found out that shrimp could be as big as they are because I was exclusively getting them out of Chinese food restaurants. Yeah, shrimp get big, dogs. Shrimp are fucking huge. Yeah. It's kind of scary. I thought they were like little itty bitty-bitty muff. Oh, man.

Them things... They get big. They can be even like this. Way bigger. Way bigger. This guy didn't know how big strip can be. Way bigger, David. A walnut's like that big.

No, they're way bigger than that. Also, dude, there's shrimps that good. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Like the long ones? Tiger shrimp. Is that what they're cool? I don't like it when they got the legs on there. Yeah, that's a bummer.

Here's what I'll tell you. If you're a restaurant that's serving head, tail, legs, and skin on shrimp, you were not interested in serving shrimp. No. I'm not doing all that. Yeah. It's also, but they know what they're doing. Like, you ever get a boil and then you get down to the bottom of the boil, that's like a pound of shrimp carcass. Yeah.

Like, you charged me for that. They're padding the stance. This is weight. 100%. It's like when they do bone-in chicken wings. We should start an ethical boil restaurant. Oh. I'm actually very interested in that.

It's a good idea. True measurement of the meat and not the shells and shit. We count, we don't even put the other stuff in. We measure your seafood. Then we boil at the potato. potatoes and sauces. Yeah. Let's go.

There's no water weight. No water weight. And that corn's coming off the cob, by the way. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God. A cobb is two pounds. It's mostly Cobb.

It's all Cobb. And they're giving you a lot of Cobb is fucking trash, dog. You can't even do anything with that. Yeah, yeah. It's all Cobb that's running the scale up. Yeah. No, that's like, that's the equivalent of putting baby laxative in your cocaine. Yeah.

That's what Cobb is. I do really like the idea of you all being, like, defiant at the register. Like, I, I'm going to be honest with you. There's a lot of Cobb. That's all Cobb. That's all Cobb. I don't even buy food by the weight no more, really.

No. Isn't that sad? Same with like, yeah. We've lost our way. It's fucked. Same with yogurt. There's a yogurt spot by my house. And it's like, oh, yeah, you greet me.

You're very nice. You say hi to the dog or whatever. But you're charging me too much for these topics. Yeah. No, the shenanigans with the yogurt spots are intense. And I don't even believe you're making money. I think it's a front. Oh, you don't think any yogurt spots are making money.

How much yogurt does anybody? sell in a day. That's a great question. I think prime location, you talk a Menchies on a good corner? But before Menchies, it was Pinkberry was all the... There's always been a Menchies. I don't think it's a lot of money in yogurt. You don't think so? You think this is the same vibes as like

mattress companies. I think it's the exact same thing as Mattress Companies. Something's going on at mattress companies. Yeah. And frozen yogurt shops. I think they're in cahoots. Dude, when I moved to New York, I went to a mattress store in what the fuck is that? Like Atlantic, Brooklyn Atlantic, terminal that area. Like the Atlantic mall or whatever. I went in there. I said, hey, I need a mattress

for my guest room. I am not going to spend more than $500 on this. It needs to be a queen. I'm not spending more than $500 on the guest mattress. When I eventually get a new mattress, I'll put mine in there. Mine's very nice. For now, it's going to be that. And he goes, cheapest one we got's $1,400. It's really nice. I go, all right, well, I'm not spending that, so have a good day. He goes, hold on, hold on, hold on. What if I can get it down to $600?

I go, $500 is my budget. He goes, I'll give it to you for that's not so exchange. You're not running a business. No. I should have walked out of there with a mattress. You're just saying shit. 300% price height. It was like 1400's best I can do.

But if you need five. I don't like that. It's like buying meat in a foreign market. Have you ever been? I haven't done it. We got them. We got them folks. He called me a psychopath, but guess what?

Bigot. Bigot. He hates foreign markets. I'm not a bigot. This is the King Jimmy Market in Sierra Leone, West Africa, Free Town. They just say numbers, and then you say numbers, and then you walk away with some fish. Self-hating. I've never been to a...

I'm self-hating. I'm not self-hating. I'm thrifty. Yo, you really be trying to get on me for being thrifty. We were talking on the phone yesterday, and I was in Smart & Final. Yeah. And I was like, oh, that's a good deal on Gatorade. And he was like, we got to get this guy to the suburbs.

Because I spotted a good deal. Yeah. No, I'm like you in that way. Yeah, because I spotted a good deal. It wasn't the spotting a good deal. He's post-economic. He doesn't know the price of anything. It was the exclaiming on the phone that was more troubling for me.

Oh, I can't share what I'm going through with my friends. I can't be excited about my life with my buddy. I can't talk to my friends. We were in the middle of a business conversation. He'd be like, whoa, half off on Gatorade. And it just wasn't. $199 for a 32 ounce. It's a great deal.

It's a great deal. Did you grow up poor, Kingston? He didn't, he forgot. I grew up in a very complicated situation where half the week I was poor and half the week I was not. Yeah, that's complicated. So I had, I always had money in my mind but then would have time where I didn't. I've always got money in my mind as well. I'll tell you that.

Grind never stops. You had a grind never stops. I've never slept a day in my life. One thing I love about doing business with you guys is when we were figuring out, my mama told me coming to wave. And boy, are we grateful for that, by the way. I'm so glad we did that. It changed a lot for us.

I was to say I got a couple extra grader age yesterday. I was surprised to see the, they sent me the press release, and you guys had commented first, and then they asked if I wanted to add a comment, and your guys' remark in the press release was that it didn't really make sense that we were friends. Yeah. And that hurt.

I'm not going to lie to you. That stung. That's how you read it? I read that on my Google Pixel, said, wow, wow, these guys don't think it makes sense. I think it makes perfect sense. And I thought that was great brand placement.

Excellent. They're not going to notice it at all at home. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me check the time on my Apple. Oh, no. I forgot. I switched my Google Pixel 10 Pro. No, they actually offered us.

We get some of those since we're on the team now? Yeah, you can have one. I'll get you a Google Pixel if you want one, no problem. Do you really want a Google Pixel? I want some free shit. Fuck yeah. I'm a Google Pixel user. I'm on Green Text, dude.

You believe in it. Yeah, I was surprised when we're on there. It's because people leave me alone more. I like that. And I like that. I get put on less group texts. Whoa. A lot of people from my past that really, some of them shouldn't be reaching out.

Some of them should. I love people from my past. But some people who shouldn't be reaching out are texting mutual friends and then going, I think Caleb changed his phone number. That's good that you think that. That's for the best. The presumption is somebody with money always has an Apple product and therefore the fact that you don't means that you are not yourself. Something has changed.

We're talking, like, when I say that I'm talking, like, person I was in one study group with freshman year of college, I've had this phone number since I was in sixth grade. Wow. So there are people reaching out sometimes that I'm like, you don't really have any business reaching out to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's for the best if you think I changed my number. No, you've got to switch that shit. I've had, I've probably had seven phone numbers as an adult. Really?

Wow. I'm on the same shit. Yeah. I haven't changed my phone numbers since I was a kid. That shows me a level of stability in your life that maybe. I didn't have. Yeah. No one thing my mom made sure of.

I've had so many phone numbers. Damn. I used to wait. When it was Metro PCS, I just wouldn't pay the bill anymore. And then you would pay the bill back and they'd have already given away your number. Sorry, brother.

We had other plans for that number. We actually didn't think we were going to hear from you again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we already ported your shit. It's some guy selling weed in Oakland now. Yeah. And then you're getting like wrong text messages all the time. Yeah, I've had so many.

Because I don't like to be contacted either. I really don't love it. It gets to be too much. It's too many. It's the, it's Instagram, email, phone call, text message. It starts to be, and there's a, there's a version of it that's like, oh, it's beautiful that I have so many, like, people in my life. But it gets to be too much where it's like people are reaching out for stupid crazy bullshit. Yeah. And I'm like, you got to, I got to, you got to leave me alone.

All my day is correspondence. Yeah. Responding to shit. You don't respond to the right things. Speaking of which, hey, could I put in a sandwich order for this? I did not respond to that. A sandwich order for today? Yeah.

Have we ordered yet? What's do another order? Fuck! No, what do you want? It's not too late. It's not too late. Can I get the roast beef as well? Thank you.

No, of course we'll get you a sandwich. That was one I realized I didn't. You just in this moment. I was like, no, I brought it up in the car, but then I was like in my head about it. I was like, it's too late. You can always ask. And Langston didn't help. He was just like, ha, ha, ha, ha, you fool?

No, Michelle loves helping other people. She doesn't love doing anything for me. But she would love to get you a sandwich. It's probably healthy though, right? That's actually the way it's supposed to be. Yeah, I think that's, you guys have a fun thing. I could feel it. No, she loves that energy.

Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah, talk shit on me on your huge podcast. That's awesome. No, yeah, don't give me a microphone. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't allow me to defend myself. No, but this actually brings up a good point, which I was going to say earlier, which is doing business with you too is very interesting because it's kind of like,

do you know how when you have your friends with a couple and there's a correspondent partner? and then a shows up partner. This is going to hurt. No. It's not intended to hurt. Langston hits that fucking phone. David pops in just at the key moments and I picked up on that.

But here's the thing. Behind the scenes, it is constant communication. I felt that. He's a better face for this thing that we got. He's a much better face. I would say something and then I would, there would be a break where I was like,

they are conferring. And then Langston would say, that sounds good to us. And I would say, They talk. He's so eloquent. He types so fast. He's coming from us.

Someone has described our relationship as I am the mommy and he is the daddy. Who did that? I don't want to talk about it. It's not important. That means it was somebody close to you. I said, you shut up, woman. You're always saying that. It was his son.

You shut up woman to your son. It's the only way I can take the power back. That sucks. It must have hurt you because, yeah, you never told me that until just now. No, yeah, it stung really bad and I'm sorry I got vulnerable. That's so fucking funny. But we are on the same page, though, much like a relationship should be. But it's just you are so much better.

I feel like when I try to respond to things, it comes off clunky. I think you're in your head. Okay. You're in your head. That's my top call. I also know that I'm quick on the draw, so I don't mind being the person. I will say that was when we had keeping records, my first podcast way back with Shelby Wolstein, Shelby was the communicator.

Yeah, yeah. It would be like something from whoever and Shelby be the first one. It'd be like, hey, Caleb, like she was on it. Yeah. And I was like, thank God for her. Is that not your, that's how I feel now? Yeah. Your natural instinct, you, because you're juggling so many people, is that where you start, stop wanting

to respond quickly? or is it your natural instinct? No, I'm a responder. I do a lot of things. I'd say I'm mostly... I err more on the side of doing things myself than I do asking for help, but I'm getting better and better.

I'm getting better and better at asking for help, I think. I think. I'm looking. I'm checking. He says to his associates, both with no microphone. Yeah. No, there's a microphone over there. Chance gets one. Oh, Chance gets one.

Chance laughed but did not affirm, and that is troubling. Am I getting better at asking for help or am I still annoying and, and I do things my own, and I do them badly, and then everyone gets annoyed with me. You're the most perfect man on God's Earth. See, but then sometimes you get that.

I tried to get my managers yesterday to tell me a moment that I had been a diva on episode in a funny way. And they were like, I mean, you're great. And I was like, whoa. Yeah, man. You've been in show business. What did you think was going to happen?

I didn't think that was my setup. I will say they called back two minutes later and they found one. So that was a nice balance. Okay, so they did come up with something. They came up with something, but they had to get it. off the phone and kind of figure out what was safe to say.

That's the thing. That's what it was. Because they all had a thing immediately in their head. They knew exactly what it was the second you asked the question. But then they had to confer with each other to make sure that it was okay to say the thing that popped in their head. I mean, I will say within this business relationship that we've all entered in now, I want some of that. I don't have any diva, I don't think.

You want to be a divo? We don't have much of it. No, there's not a lot of diva behavior. Thank you for no honor bottles. This episode is brought to you by Hinge. Look, dating can be a goddamn nightmare. It can be a daunting and difficult thing to navigate. But thankfully, our friends at Hinge are here to help.

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This is a limited time offer So don't wait again, that's fabletics.com slash so true For 70 to 8% off everything as a new VIP Wait so you want to start taking up some diva I think we need to start taking up a little more space I want to talk down to a few people Somebody, man We can arrange that

Somebody, it's just the dog right now And that's getting tough. You can start with chance honestly Like if you ever need to talk down to somebody We already hugged to me Yeah, we opened it up I bow. I'll be a good person.

She's really, you know that, come on, she's in the back. Nicole's a right or die. But Nicole, Nicole has been doing such beautiful work for us.

We'd be fools to build the bridge with her. That's the problem. We're really in bed in a way that's, it stinks. You guys are in with Nicole. That sucks. I don't know who you could talk down to

because it's going to need to be somebody who works with you. Otherwise, you're talking down to a stranger and that doesn't. I think I've been doing that more since I started driving in traffic and stuff like that.

I'm talking down to strangers. Yeah. You're doing it. passenger side too. Okay, yes. All right, all right, good note. I would say in this relationship, I do most of the driving. He does do all the driving, yeah.

And if somebody walks in front of the car, David will roll down the passenger window and be like, boom! Boom! Very confrontational in a way that I'm not ready for, but he's here. It's not if somebody, it's, there's been a transgression. I'm not just doing it. No, they don't want to move people. I will boo people out of the car. I get, in Kansas City in particular, the drivers there are so,

Kansas City is becoming, first of all, it's a lot of drivers from the suburbs or the country. Right. And they come in and are unfamiliar with how to behave in an urban place. Right, right, right. Like a city that has different things going on, like pedestrians and cyclists. And Ken City is getting more and more, like, pedestrian lanes and bicycle lanes and stuff, which is awesome. I spend a lot of my time in driving in Kansas City. I'm stopped for a, it'll be a busy street where people go 40, 45 miles an hour.

And then there'll be a crosswalk and a pedestrian trying to cross. I stop at the fucking thing. It's not a stoplight, but it's the crossing. Cars zipping through there. Just like would hit a single mother with a fucking, I'm laying on my horn for like full minutes. Just being like, do you see this like woman trying to like? And they want, they just can't. They're like, they're looking at me going.

And I'm like, what do you mean? That's a human being. I get so pissed off. I'm like, we need to be a real place. Is Casey pedestrian heavy? No, that's the thing, but it's getting more and more as it gets denser and denser. And we have this street car that started to, we have a free street car. And so people are using public transit and bicycles more and more there.

I have a question being from Denver. Tell me. Do people hate bicyclists in Kansas City? Yes, and it's so fucking stupid. In Denver, that's a personality. Yeah, hating cyclists. Oh, hating a cyclist is a. They hate the culture.

It's like that. Because I got into bicycling the last time I was living in Denver. And yeah, they don't like you. They don't like it at all. Holy shit. It's like being a motorcycleer. Yeah. Well, I'm, fuck the motorcycle people.

That's where I'm at. Oh, really? These motherfuckers, especially in L.A., they are splitting lanes going so fast. And then they have the fucking audacity to be like, watch out for motorcyclists. Bitch, you watch out for you. Stop doing that shit.

And here's the thing. internationally they're splitting lanes but there's so many motorcycles everywhere that you just know to be ready for a motorcyclist. Are you talking about Asia? Yeah, but even like I went to Greece and they're like always in the middle lanes and shit. They love the motorcycles out there. That's their shit. More than Taziki, I would say. They're all motorcycles. They're not really splitting lanes at 90 miles an hour. But that's the thing. They're going at a reasonable pace and they are constant. so I know they're coming.

Out here, it's a motorcycle splitting lanes every, like, 10 minutes. Yeah. So I'm not even prepared for you like that. And now suddenly I got to not kill this man. He comes zooming by on a... Yeah. And you're going 90. You're going like 80.

You're going so fast on this thing. I'm like, it's crazy. They drive me nuts. You ever had a motorcyclist scold you? Oh, yeah. When they're splitting lanes and then they get mad at you because you weren't over enough or started to go and didn't see them type shit? Yeah. I've had one stop and bang on the hood.

It's nice. And I didn't even roll my window now. I was just like, get the fuck out of here. I just literally did this. I was like, I'm not going to fight with you on your motorcycle. Now you're standing still in a highway. Go. I'm in a car.

I'm in a car. You're wearing a helmet. I'm not going to know. I'm more successful than you. Yeah, yeah, that's what it is. I got a whole vehicle. That's what it is. I'm a man.

You should be scared of my car. You're the Air Force. People who like bicycle. I'm just kidding. What branch of the military you guys think you'd be in if you were in the military? The Air Force! What's the scariest, catiest one? Do you think so?

I always heard that the Air Force was more like you use your brain to get out of things. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I don't want, I don't think I'd be a Marine, that's for sure. I don't think you'd be a Marine. I appreciate that, I guess. And I don't want that for you. No, no, no. I think Air Force or Navy is probably where I'd end up.

I prefer you in the Air Force. Yeah. I like that for you. Yeah, I think in my heart, of hearts. I wish I could be a Marine. But I think ultimately, not in real life, I think that shit's awful, but

not a fan. Not exactly rooting for what we got going on. I don't love the missions we're going on, actually. Not a big supporter of what we do with that. Let's see what Steel Team 1 is up to. I don't know. We've seen what 6 is doing, and I don't care for what work. You're like, let's, because one

better than someone might be better okay uh point being i think i'd probably end up in navy that feels more accurate i think you guys i'm just in this moment yeah thinking you guys would be so sick in a war movie as like guys in the trenches together it would have to be a war movie but at the it would have to be during a time that they instituted the draft right i don't think anybody would believe that we both willingly signed up but it would be me and you like in a kitchen like damn i miss Kansas City. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got a girl back home?

A little picture in your helmet, yeah. You guys would be sick and all of a movie. She's a beaut. Bullets flying. A woo-ha! I would actually love that. If anyone out there's a screenwriter, I would write a script for these guys to be war buddies.

and I'd love to be in there if I could, but I understand mostly about them. We could all work in a kitchen or a galley. I could be a small role. I could be a small role. Okay. It'll mostly be about you guys and they'll just maybe throw me in as like, you know, the dumb guy off to the side. You're handing in that memo to the general that then clears us from being court-martial. Yeah, I do want to interject.

I don't think you could play a dumb guy. Yes, I could. I don't think so. David. This is a compliment. I can't. Do say a dumb guy thing right now. You're blowing it.

Almost totally the way a dumb guy starts. Not the way that you did it. Not the way that you did it. Yeah. You can see your eyes searching for information. Yeah. There's so much thought. There's so much thought behind you.

You said dumb guy. If they went cross, then we would have known you were in character. If you said, uh, I can play a dumb guy, David. You say a dumb guy thing. Fucking. Like, it's like, you say a dumb guy thing. I think the Pats are going to win. That's really funny.

That's really funny, but you're not a dumb guy. That was pretty good. I want to be a dumb guy. I cosplay dumb, though. I hit a pretty sweet lick in some of the, in Chicago, right at the end of me being in Chicago. I got to play the dumb white guy in a lot of, like, diversity showcase sketches. That was fun.

I think that I think that black women are so talented they can make anybody look like the dumb guy. That's actually true. That's like the easiest place to do it. Yeah. That's the dumbest I ever look. Okay.

That actually really does push up against my narrative a little bit that I was a good actor. Maybe I was just part of a good company. Fuck. Maybe Tisha was carrying the whole thing. Fuck, okay, okay, let's cut for a little bit. We'll come back after lunch. This has been really, really informative.

Do a lap? Everybody do a lap? You edit out the whole dumb guy thing. Just cut back into me saying the pets are going to win. I think you can play a dumb guy. I think I don't think either of you can play dumb. I think I would struggle with it, but I think it is all possible if you are handed the right circumstance. It's the right flavor of dumb.

Okay. I don't think we give enough credit to how dumb you can be while also being articulate. And that. Now it just feels like you're campaigning for yourself. I'm a dumb guy. You're not a dumb guy. I'm a not smart guy more than you realize. You guys are brilliant, charming, lovely people.

Both of you. Have you ever huffed paint? Have you? Yes. And oven cleaner. I could play a dumb guy. You're huffing oven cleaner? Give me some paint.

Why were you huffing oven cleaner? Because it was a snowstorm. I'm Caleb. You're being unreasonable. You're asking the wrong question. That's on me. That's one 100% on me. Hey, if you want this show to work,

you're going to have to ask better questions. This show does not work, first of all. The So True podcast does not work. It's a miracle that people listen to this garbage. I can't believe it. Every week we put on episode, I go, people are listening to this? We feel the same.

Yeah, you think we feel different? Almost every time. And we're like, I can't believe that this is, this is even getting a little bit of traction. How did you, how did you guys start the show? Gregson started the show. I started it, uh, in the pandemic, uh, as we all did with podcasts, the desperate and alone. Um, and assuming comedy will never come back. But, but ultimately it was just, um, black conspiracy theories and conspiracy theory in general is my favorite thing.

And so like it, it just became like a great, uh, fun premise. but I was doing it alone and it did not work. It was like truly a, you're sitting down with a stranger and I'm a silly billy. So I'll talk about conspiracy all day, but I don't mean any of it. And then I'm talking to grownups who are either taking it very seriously or not at all. And I don't know how to manage that behavior. And it wasn't until he came on that I think it really figured itself out. Hmm.

Yeah. I see that. Yeah, I'd say that. I see that. A home needs a dad. It can't just be mom. Who said this? Who said this?

Somebody fucked you up. Somebody fucked you up. And I feel like we gotta just talk about it to get past it. A home needs a dad, they said. Who said this? I can't get over who said this. It's so, it's so scary to think about who said this. It's like, there's.

There's no way the answer would be anywhere near as scary as just everyone I meet for the rest of my life could be the person who said this. They walk among us. Anyone could be the person who said this. It's like that movie Fallen. So scary to think of who said this. They're all demons. How long ago was it that they said it? It was fairly recent.

I could tell. It's sitting at the front of my mind. We talk a lot and you've never said anything. And I know I wasn't going to bring it up ever. And I don't feel like it's inaccurate. assessment of our relationship. What do you feel like it misses? I feel like

because I'm checking my spreadsheet. It's in all the numbers. I feel like you're trying to drag me into deep waters to drown me right now and I don't appreciate it. What does it miss? How does it not get right? I don't think that I have the daddy energy.

Like, I don't think people are looking at a relationship. Like, David pays all the bills. I don't think anyone. I think you're assuming a very specific version of mommy, daddy relationship. That's fair. That maybe you got to unpack. Oh, maybe I'm outdated. Maybe daddy doesn't have to pay all the bills.

My mommy paid all the bills. Same. Same. Yeah. That's interesting though. Your mom paid all the bills and yet you said that it was dad that would pay all the bills. That's interesting. I wonder why. Well, there was not a dad to pay the bills. Say that. Okay. I assume had there been one,

too-s-shay. I assume that's what daddy's do. Hold on, good point. Three guys with moms who paid all the bills A dad Let's talk to us about what dad's true So if a dad were around I guess what would you pay the bills Yeah

A gay guy, a poetry major And a soft boy Let's tell us Let's really get into that dad shit Yep The Manosphere just got bigger folks Yeah Yeah

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Search free until August 31st. Visit ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. Langston, you told me not to have kids recently. You've been having a rough week. I don't remember saying it, but it does sound like me.

I was like, I don't even remember how it came up. I was talking about like, I don't know, wanting kids or something or how beautiful it is to have kids and you think you were on vacation and you were like,

there's not a moment of fucking peace. All it is. It's just parenting somewhere else. That's what vacation is now. I do remember we were in Greece. Yeah. And you were saying how beautiful the vacation sounded. Yeah.

And then I said, my children go to bed at 8.m. And therefore I have to go to bed at APM. Yeah. And in that way, I will never know a vacation ever again. And I don't recommend it. You don't ever sound rested when you come home from vacation. I'm not. No, I'm not.

I'm not. I was working. I remember when you guys came back from Hawaii, I was like, oh man. And you were like, it's just. Yeah, no, I'm keeping people from drowning for eight hours of my day. It's not rest. It's crazy.

It's anxiety. But they're having a blast. And in that way, I go, I did it. I did everything I was supposed to do. You did? Because your family does seem so happy. They're so happy. They're so happy.

That's all I need. Yeah, man. That is my pleasure is that they're happy. And sure, I'm going to write nasty things about them. Yeah. I'm going to say nasty things about them. to say nasty things about them on podcast. That's the only freedom I have.

Yeah. Because otherwise I serve them. If that's what it is, that's not going to work for me. Yeah. If parenthood is that their joy is enough. Yeah. That woman will have to find a different way to do it or skip it altogether because that one's not going to work for me personally.

That's not my idea of how it'll go. And so in that way, I was giving you great advice from me. Yeah. But maybe somebody else is going to do this better than I am. From the heart. Yeah. But he also loves it. So it's like interesting.

It's weird. Yeah. No, I really like them. They're good people. Are you going to do it? You're going to be a dad? I,

yeah, probably. You think so? Okay. Yeah. I see that. You're going to be, you're going to be,

I like that. I like, I like, I like, I'm more worried about the dad's stuff. I like packing. You like what? I like packing and stuff.

I think he's going to be, he's going to be like, he goes to the beach with like a cooler and like, he brought a shrimp cocktail to the beach. Did you? I'm scared what did you said you like packing so you're worried about being a dad I don't know if I'm not worried I think I think that I think that I think that I almost have stolen valor with being a dad where I like all the stuff but with no kids oh not in a weird way but just like you know what I got what you mean you're good at dad tasks yeah yeah he brought a kite and it was great right it was a great I tried to find a kite the other day I was having park hang with my friends and I was like we do need a kite Caleb get you a kite kite. It's pretty cool. I was in Big Five the other day. They got all kinds of stuff. Yeah.

They got lugs in there. The boot? Yeah. Are you familiar with lugs? I know lugs. Okay. Yeah. I wasn't sure how much lugs had made it into the white community. That's a good question. Okay. It seems like a certain type of white guy who was wearing lugs for sure.

I knew white guys that wore tims, but white guys that wore lugs, they seem like they'd be terrifying. Yeah. White guys who wore tims scared the shit out of me in high school. As they should. They were fighting on the Votech bus crazy style. They went to Votech for sure. They were rain and punches.

He's about to make 100K a year welding. Yeah. After this is over. I was going to Votech for Holmeck mining my business. I remember Denver. Yo, what a name. That is the name of a guy who would beat your fucking ass. Denver.

I didn't want to get in a fight because I didn't want to be in trouble. But Denver white guy in Tim's and a South Pole jacket. Oh no. He would walk past me minding my business. He'd go, what are you looking at, pussy? and I'd be like, Denver, go away.

He always wanted to fight somebody. It was crazy. I was like, Denver, I know you have a challenging home life, but get the fuck away. He has to. He did. It was fucked up.

Were you bigger than everybody else even in high school? What did you say? You're a tall person. You're a tall person. This is so scary for me. One more time. Folks, what a pickle I've gotten myself into.

Freeze frame. I'm wondering how I got here. So you were bigger than everyone in the building, including the adults, right? Caleb, they're big as hell. Tell us more. Yeah, more tales from your big-ass life. My life is a house. I had to get that one in.

Yeah, that was beautiful. Yeah, I was bigger than everyone. Yeah. So did that keep them from wanting to fight you? He never really fought me. He always wanted to pick a fight with some. but he never actually swung on me. Yeah.

I don't know who would have won. He was scrappy and had a way worse life than me. I don't know what he's up to these days. Those are two huge factors. Yeah. Scrappiness and having nothing to lose. In a winning a fight. Yeah.

Like I have things to lose and I'm not particularly scrappy. Like if you're fighting like, don't fight guys who are outside a lot. I say that too. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Like if he seems like he's just fighting to keep warm. Skip it. Get out of this.

Skip it. It's his second fight this week. You've got to move on. Put your ears back on. Outside guys are scary, scary guys. I think that's how Shia LaBuff has really been able to maneuver as, like, this version of himself. You think he's outside a lot? He's just outside a lot, so we can't tell if he can fight or not.

That's a good point. He's also pulling his shorts up a lot, which is a... It's so confident and scary. When a guy is acting crazy and he starts pulling his shorts up, do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Exactly what you're saying. Yeah. Exactly.

Like, oh, I actually don't want to fight. Exactly. If you adjust your clothes at all, I assume you know what you're doing. Yeah, you're getting ready to do something you know about. You don't want this in your way. I've false flagged a pants pull up before. Yeah. Like to see more confident like I wanted to fight that.

How'd go? I didn't fight. Nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was at public house. This wasn't nearly as long ago as it should have been. Yeah. I false flagged a pants pull up.

To get out of a fight. It's so fucking fun. You knew you weren't going to win this fight. No, I knew I didn't want a fight. Because I never want to fight, ever. No, that's real. But sometimes you just let enough shit slide every now and again. You're like, all right, I got to stand on this one.

Yeah, that's very real. Go to bed tonight. Yeah. You're more of a lover, really, I think. Yeah, I think so for sure. I think so. 100%. Three Lovers.

This is the Three Lovers episode. Lovers. This is the Three Lovers' Lovers' episode. This is a Three Lovers' episode. This is a Three Lovers' Episode. I'm not really a fighter. Lovers and Daddies. Lovers and daddies.

Some of us like it. Some of us don't. Who said it? Who said it? I come back to it. I continue to wonder from a journalistic point of view. Who said it? And we're never going to know.

That's the great part. Who fucking said it. If it doesn't come out over sandwiches after we press stop on this record, I'm killing myself. You need to know who said it. I want to say it was Mandel. It feels like something Mandel said to me. That feels like a cold take Mandel would have. Yeah, Mandel says stuff.

I don't know him. You don't know Mandel? Really? We got to get you guys in a room together. Well, I've seen him on you. He's very funny. Yeah. I don't know him personally.

Oh, I would love to see how the... You what? None of us do. No. That's the beauty of Mandel is that he's, he is almost like a cryptid. Yeah. He's sort of like strange lore that lives behind the whole aesthetic. Yeah.

Yeah, he's wonderful. I love him. No, he's like a tall tail. Yeah. Exactly. He's our Paul Bunyan. I was about to say he's Paul Bunyan. Yeah.

Yeah, he's got a big blue ox somewhere. Yeah. Running around. Damn. That's a fun way to be described. I'll never, that's, see, any kind of like mystery or anybody who gets described as like, no one really knows what that guy's thinking, I'll never have that. You don't think so?

I'm certain. Yeah, you're such an open book. All I've ever done is talk completely honestly about the way I feel. Yeah. I've ruined any chance at mystery. That's right. Have you ever noticed? Because mysterious people, whenever you get too close, it is usually a letdown.

For sure. Like there's so many people I've been like, oh, you hear so much about this person. You're like, they're so interesting. And then you talk to him and you're like, oh, I think it's just a person who doesn't say a lot. But then. And it's handsome. It's like an attractive person who doesn't say a lot. Yeah.

It's shrouded in mystery. But then you look at like how long Johnny Depp thrived and you go, well, that was worth it. Yeah, we did not want to hear him talk. Because otherwise, you find out he's been, he's at boo-boo on his chest, the whole. whole time. Yeah. This wasn't the first time somebody's shit in his bed.

Yeah. This is just the first time we're hearing of it. Yeah. You know what I mean? Previously, the emperor's shit was invisible. Yes.

And it came into vision and we said, we don't like seeing that shit on your chest. I sort of think the harder you are the less you should talk. Is that complicated? That's actually really, really compelling.

In a very, I'm not kidding, Wayne. I like that as a rule. I think so. I don't disagree with it. Yeah, like, it's like, you know,

you're only going to disappoint us. Yeah, it's all a let down. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't have a choice. I had to start talking a very young age. I've been blabbing since I came out. I had to start, the only reason I talk so much is because I had to start controlling the narrative. I'm from a very young age. I know what you think this is? Yeah. I was fat and gay in Missouri trust. I was getting my message out first. Folks, you're going to hear some nasty rumors about me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Some things are going to come out. I want to get ahead of it now. I was my own Olivia Pope. First of all, I'm not gay. That's called.

school spirit. Let's start there. I'm setting the parameters of the discussion. I'm actually the person who looks the most like the president. Yeah, so, what now? I really, yeah, I was, I started talking so quick. I remember getting in trouble for talking in school all the time, and I was like, well, you guys are being boring as fuck.

I'm not allowed to talk, but you're being boring. School is boring. Teachers are so boring. Teachers are boring. I'm sorry, I respect teachers, but the teachers, I had a lot of them. I had some good ones, but a lot of them would give us stupid little bullshit assignments that took me like three minutes. And then it'd be like 17 minutes of accompanied silence after I was done.

I'm like, I can't, this is torture. Well, the problem is, as a former teacher and I, I will stand up for us a little bit. You are the only one finishing that fast. Right. And everybody else really needs that full 17 minutes. And I don't know what the fuck to do with you. It took me all day to put these worksheets together. Damn.

Just chill, bro. What you should have done is talk with me. Maybe they're all still working on it. You and I go chit-chat. That's right. Me and the teacher. That's fair. Mr. Kerman tells you about Greece.

Mr. Kerman tells me about Greece. Tell me about your trip. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell me about some things that are going on. You're more talented than the rest of these kids. You could go to Greece. And I go, no, because I make a teacher's salary, I certainly will only go to Greece once I become a comedian and escape this.

I have nothing to talk to the child about. None of your life's adornments were when you were teaching. Bro, I was riding. the train and drinking cracking. Man, that sucks. It sucks it. You see what we do in this country? Our teachers have to drink rum.

Yeah, I was drinking rum. Gimic rum. Make the rum as black as can be. Our teachers have to ride the train. They have nothing to talk to their kids about. Yeah. No, I have nothing to offer. You never had Cracket?

You shouldn't, but if you have, we could talk about it. Do you think you would have been, do you think if teaching paid really well? Do you think you would have ever become a. comedian. If you could have got the same money. Yeah, I wasn't. I wasn't fulfilled. Oh, okay.

Yeah, I knew from the beginning, I was like, these kids, I'm not going to be permanent in their, in their lives. This is, this is me figuring it out. But I want to, I want to have as much impact as I can while I'm here. Yeah, I wasn't. I imagine while you were in it, you were very, I wasn't being a piece of shit. I was giving them my all, but the whole time I was like, I got to get out. of this. I remember one time.

That's how I felt when I joined the Air Force. It took me one millisecond. There was a split second where I was like, David was in the Air Force. Allow me to process that for a second. Paint cleaner. Air Force. I remember one time we got in trouble. We were being too talkative one day

and one of our teachers is like fifth grade. She was like, you know what? After class today, we're all running wind sprints. What? She was like, we're going to run wind sprints as upon a school. She was like that? She said She said that. And as soon as she said it, I turned to the kid next to me. I was like, we're not doing that. I was like, we're not running windsprins.

And she, the whole day, she kept being like, no, keep it up. Do whatever you want. Act however you want because we're running wind sprints. And then she took us out to the playground and was like run. She's like, getting in a line. And then she had a whistle. And she was like, start running. And I didn't run.

Whoa. And she was like, you were powerful. She was like, run. I was like, you're not the gym teacher. I remember saying you're not the gym teacher. That's like, that's what the gym teacher does. That's where you drew the line. I was like, gym teacher can tell us to run.

You're not that bitch. Yeah. And she was like, do you want to go to the principal's office? And I was like, and she sent me to the principal's office, and I didn't get in trouble. Wow. Which was the start of this whole evil empire that I would have been so scared of you as a kid. I just was like, that doesn't make sense. The level of power that you just talked about wielding.

God. It was laziness. I think you're a daddy. Hey. I will say you were the scariest type of kid that I ever faced. The kid who doesn't buy him. the program. Yeah. The kid wasn't good. The kid who doesn't know that there are other rules. Do you know what I mean? Like, or that knows that there are other rules that like I have to abide by?

That's dangerous. The kid who knows that you have a boss? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's actually not chill to just make kids run and you can't do that. Crazy. Actually, still crazy of her. It is really crazy. I think also like in her defense, whatever, she was, she was, I'm sure she was having a really bad day. But I think the issue with me and a lot of teachers was, I was doing a lot of stuff for myself. at home from a very young age. So I was like, why are you treating me like an idiot? Like I do so much of my day by myself. And now I'm in trouble with you because I talk a little bit. Keep in mind, I'm making myself dinner tonight. You know what I mean?

There was a disconnect where I was like, you're treating me like I'm an idiot and I'm like actually like, it bothered me. And that's, that's- Wow, you took a lot more, you drew a lot more power from being a latchkey kid than I did. I never thought about it that way. I know, I didn't think of it as a powerful tool.

in my arsenal. I was embarrassed. Yeah. So that was a source of shame for me. I wore, we had, our back door had a skeleton key. It like literally was just an old enough door that a skeleton key was,

and so I wore my key around my neck. Of course. And it was like, yeah, but that was, that's how I got in my home. Yeah. Did you lose a lot of keys? No,

because I had to wear it around my neck. it was like a fucking, that was all I had. I stayed losing keys outside all the time, bro. I bet your mom was pissed. Dog, it would be like, sometimes it'd be like, all right, you just can't have a key for a while then. You just got to be an outside kid. What were you doing? What do you mean?

Like, how were you losing them so often? Damn, I was just outside, cutting up. Yeah. You know? Outside playing around, rolling in the dirt. I was throwing my key. Yeah. I was in the apartment.

Let my friend eat it. Taking it out of my pocket, rolling around. Daring other kids to eat it. Daring other kids to watch me eat it. You want to play hot and seek key style? Yeah, I would just lose it all the time. And then I'd have to have like two weeks where I didn't have my key. Fuck.

Your poor mom just being like, I can't get another key, man. I feel like your dumb kid losing a fucking key every day. Okay, I thought I was going to pay the card note this month. But I feel like at some point she had to be like, where are all these keys? Because I also had nothing as a key. I was, I even rarely had my. backpack on me. I was truly like a loose child. You were going outside just wrong.

Bro, I was loose outside. I was loose outside. I feel embarrassed leaving the house without a backpack even now. See, that's nuts. You have a family. Yeah, I need stuff. And that's why we're so similar, but we're so opposite on other things. I don't like

leaving the house with ID now. That's good though. Yeah, I don't like you. It feels like I'm too what do you need it for? And I'm sure there'll be reasonable. about you not having ID. Who's they? Exactly.

Yeah, exactly. When was the last time you had to have ID? I don't know, man. More and more now. It's kind of coming up. Yeah, almost like it's a problem. Almost it's like that's not how people should live. It is crazy.

The things that like the right wing crowd is getting cool with all of a sudden, just because they want to do racism against immigrants. They're like, yeah, I should always have my ID on me and be able to prove I'm a citizen. It's like, what? I really didn't do in that shit. I really didn't realize they wanted. it that bad. You know what?

I knew they loved it. Like, listen, we all know you guys love this shit. Clearly you love it. You got these jokes or whatever. I didn't know they were willing to put themselves down to keep it in place. They are going through hell. It's really embarrassing. They're taking everyone down with them.

They're like, yeah, I don't mind constantly having to prove I'm a citizen. Yeah. I do. I do for sure. I'm not giving my ID to some fucking random cop. I hate giving my ID. I hate giving my ID. I don't trust. I hate fingerprints.

I hate it all. I don't trust bouncers enough to believe that they are. they're calculating the age and dates. They're looking at it too quick. They don't know that math. You don't know that math. Because they always go, yep, good.

Bro, it's the Connecticut idea. You don't even have it memorized. You don't know where the date is. Yeah, the date is in a different spot. Yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? And I've gotten into places with wrong ID so many times. It's like, no, this is not.

Yeah, you don't give a shit. I've gotten into a lot of places I shouldn't have been by lying confidently. Yeah. Walking up to, walking past a huge line and going, we're on the list. Thank you. Just walking. works. Once again,

it works these days because I'm famous, but it works before that. But that's the same energy that you entered the, I'm not doing wind sprints thing like. Well, the wind sprints thing is I'm editorializing from the future. You know what I mean?

In saying what I was thinking, I wasn't saying out loud to my teacher like, I actually make dinner for myself, I will not be running. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I do think there's a, I've also been turned away many times doing that,

so you'd be comfortable with rejection. That's got to be a tough L to take though, too. Huge L. And I think that... Especially in front of your press. Yeah. The type of people that have that have that ambition ahead of time are the type of people that then

when they become powerful are able to actually To abuse it off. To abuse the power. Congratulations. That's the type of chapter that I'm in. That's good because I worry about that. I always think like if me and you get power, I don't know if we're going to be great about it.

Bro, we don't get to talk down to nobody. Dog, we were, man, remember when we were, this is embarrassing. You remember when we were playing Mario Kart at the arcade? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we were both like, yeah, I'm kind of a Luigi guy. And we both had a moment we were like, damn, that's maybe not great. No, somebody's got to be a Mario.

Who's our Mario? Fuck, we need a Mario bad. Caleb, you're our Mario. Dude. You're our new Mario. I'm fucking jumping down the pipes. Looking for brand deals. Follow me.

This way. What is so true to you guys? Did you prepare a joint one? We did prepare one. That was what we were talking about at Smart & Fondon. When he was at Smart and Final, we were having a hefty debate about what our so true would be. And we landed on this. I, we, we, mommy and daddy believe that it's not your fault.

Who said it? Who said it? Who said it? Who said it? That if you wear sunglasses inside, you. you should be treated with the same harshness and judgment that we treat sex perverts. Really? That's right.

Oh, wow. I think we have to start being a country again. We got to tighten up on that shit. Looking people in the eye. It's getting way too loose. We are doing dark shades. Especially in Los Angeles. In dark rooms, it's nuts.

Yeah, okay. I've worn sunglasses indoors recently. Okay. It's a change that I've made. I've gone in that direction. Why? I've experimented with that because I was outside with them on. Yeah.

And then I went inside. And you weren't. That's usually how it works. I agree. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Okay. I think we're talking different.

I think we're more speaking of like you go to a nice dinner. It's dark outside. Yeah. Like you wear them at night inside. He's not fighting this. He likes this. I've done that. I've done that recently.

That's something I've got involved with. Wow. We might need a new Mario. It felt kind of cool. Mario got awesome fast. It felt kind of cool. You guys really hated that much. You said I'm a sex pervert.

Well, you're the same. Yeah, I'm the same as a sex pervert. Yeah. Nobody gets hurt. You don't think that it creates a disconnect for you and the people that you're sitting with? You don't find it incredibly off-footing? I didn't even think about it.

I've only done it probably twice. Okay. I've only done it probably twice. But it happens to you, when you encounter someone wearing sunglasses at night inside, you don't find it off foot. I don't mind it at all. I don't mind it at all. That's beautiful.

I certainly don't think of them as equivalent to sex perverts. I'm open to that. I'm very open to you guys. You don't say, what are you hiding? No. I imagine that they're just sleepy or they have a bloodshot eye or they were a little too stoned or something. Because that's what happened to me. The first time I did, I kind of liked it, I was too stoned.

And I knew that if my eyes were out and the... the open that I felt that people were going to see that I was too stoned and start making assumptions about me. I was in a place of fear. What assumptions? That I was too high. And then what? I'm the kind of guy who gets too high.

Oh, okay. You have to understand. I'm in a high anxiety moment. I hear you. He's a stoner. So I was going to say you are. Yeah, I was. I've been off weed for a while now.

Oh, wow. How do you feel? Fine, but I miss being numb. That's where I'm at. Always know. baby i'm feeling i'm like i'm not i wasn't even a huge stoner but i smoked maybe a couple times a week yeah and i'm like oh this is a time of this is like oh it's a wednesday night and i'm in the house of two hours before i'm going to go to bed this is the time where i normally just

get stoned and go ahead and zoom those hours right by yeah and i'm like feeling those hours and i miss i miss just kind of zipping these apart what do you fill in the hours with i'm trying to do productive stuff i'm trying to do productive stuff what are you actually doing tv television documentaries. I watched a six-part documentary on Teddy Roosevelt. That's productive. Oh, was it the PBS one? Yeah, he's a very interesting guy. Do you have the PBS pass? No. Oh, okay. No,

I don't know how I got it. I also watched a six-part documentary. He keeps asking, nobody's saying, yeah. Yeah, he keeps, everybody talks to. I watch a lot of those PBS. I love them so much. Really? The Roosevelt. You watch the Teddy one, not the one about the Roosevelt. Yeah, Teddy Roosevelt. Call this guy, Kim Burns, Jr. He fucking loves it.

You know what's a fun one? to watch is the denim one. You should get the PBS pass. I might. And then you can watch them all. It's really a good time. I just did one on the founding fathers as well. Oh, you know what else is good is the Gilded Age one. I haven't seen it. They just invented society. New York Society is

so fond to watch. Gilded Age invented society. Yeah, and then like talk about how these guys were all monsters. Vanderbilt used to spit everywhere. It's really fun. Yeah. You see the rich people have always been trash, and I like that. That's cool, man. Teddy Roosevelt in many ways a bad guy.

But in some interesting ways, very good qualities. Really wanted to prove that he was strong. Wanted to prove he was strong and also was kind of like would go into like child coal workers' apartments where they lived after work. Oh, to like shake their hand and be like, we're going to fix this. Whoa. It was racist. So you know we give him we take on that. Oh, is that what his bad guy shit was?

Was that he was just racist? But then he would, he also did some, like, he was racist and did some really racist shit while he was in office. But then at the same time, you know what I mean? Thank you. Thank you. That means the world to me. Who was the black? Barack Obama.

Yes. There was a black, like, thinker or poet that he had Eddie Griffin. If he had Eddie Griffin to dinner. That's my guess he was coming in. He had Eddie Griffin to picture them at dinner together. Eddie Roosevelt just being stressed out by Eddie Griffin. It'd be funny because they'd be using a lot of the same slang terms. he was an interesting guy

yeah he was an interesting guy who do you have to dinner Booker T Washington yeah Booker T Washington at the White House I've been to his house who's Booker T Washington's house how was it

he was pretty cool yeah he wasn't there right no there is it you can go to his house at Tuskegee if you go to Tuskegee yeah he still have his house preserved

he was a complicated guy too though Booker T I think all those I don't think that you get to be any level of like the best guy without having pretty fucked up positions somewhere in the middle of that. I personally believe I don't think that,

and we talked about this, I don't think that we should learn anything else about people after they die. Yeah, no more news about them. What I know, I know. That's it. What are you hiding? Exactly.

Langston, what are you hiding? That's for me to keep this is my point. Right. And if you don't find out... I think he's going to take it to the grave. I don't think we're going to do it. Yeah. If you don't find out,

win the game. Yeah. That's what Prince was on. You know what I mean? Like he was like, bro, I'm out here doing wild shit. Y'all know I do wild shit.

Keep my name out your mouth. I think Prince kind of did win the game. He won. I think if anybody won, I think Prince, like the game of like, uh, entertainment and success,

I think Prince probably won. You guys have heard about the documentary they made about. Yeah, that didn't come out. Yeah. Yeah. They had a whole Prince documentary that's supposed to be the greatest documentary, documentary ever made.

It's like a beautiful, complicated exploration of this dude that we know so little about. And then through them attempting to get the acquire it and then the family sort of are like the remaining folks, the estate, protecting it. Now the documentary is deaded. It will never see the light of day. That's good. And he won. Yeah. He wins.

He didn't want that shit. Prince one. Prince won. Prince won. Blouses game. Checkmate. Checkmate. Houses. Checkmate. Game, Prince. He won. He's the only one, I think. Yeah, he's the only one. Because, yeah, when you die, everybody's like, oh, you pissed his pants that time.

Yeah, we know what Teddy Roosevelt was up to. Yeah. You don't play a game? Yeah, let's do that. Okay. I'm excited about it. You guys decide how you handle this, but basically as a duo, I'm going to read you 15 statements. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true or false. If you guys get 10 or more correct, we're going to give each of you $50. Wow. Back and forth. Just you mean, yeah, that sounds good to me. All right. Ford is older than Volkswagen. False.

True. Komodo Dragons can have virgin births. True. That is true. Ashley Tisdell is Canadian. False. She's American.

Yes. Yes. IKEA has no stores in Brazil. True. That is true. The Denver Nuggets have only won the NBA championship once. I wish that had been lynxing.

God damn it. It is true. The Titanic sunk in 1929. True. Was false? 1912. Damn. False.

It was 1912. Fertical angles are never equal. False. False. They're always equal. There have been three theatrically released Narnia movies. True. That is true.

Lazzania Day is August 14th in the U.S. False. It's July 29. Wow. Summertime Lazzania Day? Crazy. That's nuts. That's fucked.

I hate that. And it's so close to. fucking fourth of July. Why would you want Lazzania Day during summer vacation? I'm still stuffed. Put that shit in January, February. It should be February for 15th for everybody who's sad about Valentine's.

You're 100% right. I know. That's totally it. Come on. February, we should start campaigning February 15th. Yeah, New Lazzia Day. Let's tell our wives first. Baby, we got new traditions.

Mommy and Daddy got in the lab and figured something out today. Langston's wife goes, I'm God, that's catching on. Bringing that up was very vulnerable. So you're sharing, okay. Betty White was born in Oak Park, Illinois. True. That is true.

He's from Oak Park. I know. Some of these I should have, it's a, I should have chosen who they went to. The factorial for zero is one. False. That's true. The Motorola Razor 2 was released in 2007.

True. That feels right. Yeah. That feels true to me. The Razor 2? The Razor 2. No O, R-A-Z-R? Yep.

That feels true. That feels true. It is true. Yeah. Wendy's has discontinued the Baconator. False. That is false. Got my little brother a Baconator.

Three weeks ago, this dude's an animal. Cuddlefish have blue blood. True. That is true. Fuck. You guys are amazing. There's nothing you guys can't do together. We really feel that way.

The My Mama Told Me YouTube channel currently has 799 videos. Oh, no. True. False. False. There's no way we have 800 videos. Okay. False.

It's true. Yeah. You knew that? You knew that? I thought we were. You don't even pay for YouTube premium. Yeah, no, I never will. How do, Chance?

11. What? Yeah. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Let's go. That was so is that? A hundred total or 25 each?

It's 50 to each of you. totaling for a hundred. And the sandwich? Let's go. Let's go. We up. And Wave water bottles and Google pixels. This is the best day in my comedy career.

It's a good day to be a part of the family. It's a beautiful day. Thank you guys for doing it. This was so great. Thanks for having us. You want to tell people where they can support you, find you, love you? My mama told me on all platforms, right? Yeah.

Follow us. YouTube, Instagram. We're part of the Wave family now. We're under Caleb's banner. It's all beautiful. and yeah, follow us on all social media platforms. My mama told me. You've heard of 7 p.m. in Brooklyn.

This is 6 p.m. in downtown L.A. Weird vibes. I'm going to be honest, weird vibes. Weird, strange energy. Our studio's not located in a great spot. Carmelo's not showing up, and we'll figure that out. Hey, he wasn't the one who won us that one championship. So, I don't know why I said that.

No, that's no worries. He's down in the hall, dude. And I also really love it. I just always felt like he didn't like our city, and that made me sad, but I really do love him. Yeah. Shout out. Two and five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters.

On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear. of cancer. Register today at pmcf walk.ca.ca.