So True with Caleb Hearon - Devon Walker Returns

Episode Date: June 11, 2026

Welcome! This week’s guest is the hilarious Devon Walker! Devon and Caleb talk Forrest Gump’s troubled lineage, a new racquet sport obsession, multi-vitamins, and so much more! Join our Substack for ad free full episodes, early access to merch, our community chat, and more! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow Devon! @internetdevon Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Try Domino's Parmesan Stuffed Crust Pizza today at https://dominos.com Rula patients typically pay $15 per session when using insurance. Head to https://RULA.com to find a therapist the easy way. To get involved, text UPDATE to 22422 or visit https://ImForPP.org Visit https://Quince.com/sotrue for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. Find exactly what you’re booking for at Booking.com. Book today on the site or in the app. So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Virginia Muller. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York. A Wave series. https://wavesportsandentertainment.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Wave. They would say these big, beautiful, grandiose things. They'd be like, God is all-knowing and all-powerful and created the universe out of nothing. And also, he's jealous. Yeah. I remember people commenting on how much we were swiveling in the chairs, which... And I'll be doing it again.

Yeah, happy to report. The chairs are still doing that. I like to swivel. It's nice when you're with your boys to just let loose a little bit. You got to. You got to swivel. You got to get your joints loose. Let's go.

Feels nice. Are you stretching? No. Not as much as I should be. How much are you stretching, be honest, right now? Pretty much not at all. Not as much as I should be, he's going to go ahead and be never. Yeah, and so not as much as I should be like, you know, if I should be at 100, I'm at probably about a 0.5%.

So I'll be honest, there's a gap between where I am and where I should be and that gap is everything. Yeah, it's pretty much as much as you could ever, ever imagine. Yeah, for sure. Devin, you got to be stretching. Are you stretching? Yeah, I started. You're daily stretching. Can I tell you something?

Yeah. Not daily. Can I tell you something? How often are you? Can I tell you, I've started about two days a week. Okay. Is that seven? No.

No. Is it even five? No. But it's closer to where I'm at. It's closer, maybe, but I probably have a longer journey. Here's where I'll tell you. I hired a personal trainer. Oh, sure.

To talk to me about, I put out the bat signal. I said, I want a personal trainer who will never, in a billion years, talk to me about weight loss. Yeah. I want to talk about flexibility and strength. Yeah. I'm already strong. Yeah.

I want to get stronger. I want to get scary strong. I like it. I want to be so flexible. I can do freaky shit. Oh, I like that. I want to put the leg over the head? Yes.

Come on. I want to be at a party and be like, people be like, you're not that flexible. You're 32. Yeah. I'm not 32 yet, but this is later on

when I get flexible. Sure. This is projecting into the future. This is next year. This is one year from now. And they say, you're not that flexible. You're 32 and fat and gay.

You couldn't possibly do the splits right now. Blam. One foot that way, one foot that way on the floor. I do like that in this hypothetical situation, these people think that no gay person could be flexible. Well, I do like this year.

You don't know what homophobophobes might be doing next year. Sure, sure, sure. That hasn't entered the chat yet. That's not a stereotype yet, but when I'm 32... Yeah, that could... Who knows where we could be. It might have come up that gay people can't do the full splits at a party.

I would absolutely love to see that. And when I'm 32, I'm planning on going to a party as well. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm planning on going to a party and being able to do the full splits on command. And I want to be there front row. You will be, but let me tell you, this trainer, this young woman who I loved,

beat my ass. Yeah. It wasn't funny. As they should. It wasn't cute. and I was trying to prove things. And for, I'm not kidding, it's the softball game all over again, Chance.

For six days, I could not walk straight and I had fears about getting off the toilet by myself. I had fears about that. And this is one session? Yes. I had fears. And then I talked to some of my fitness friends, you know, thin people, etc.

Of course. They said, did you take creatine? I said, did I take creatine? No, I don't even know what that is. Yeah, they've got all kinds of stuff going on. They've got all kinds of stuff going on that they're never even telling us that they're up to. Yeah.

I also have been considering getting in with a trainer. I'm not seeing her again. No. That's... I tried, but our schedules don't align. She's wanting me to meet up at 11 a.m. Honey, if I get to 11 a.m. and we haven't done it, it's not happening. You got to catch me in the morning. 11 a.m. seems like the most reasonable time to do it.

No. I got to be into my day by then, because you don't know this, but I'm on 75 Caleb right now. And I'm sorry. And you would say 75 Caleb is... Part of 75... 75 Caleb is a tailored to me, designed by me, by Caleb for Caleb, of Caleb. Yeah.

Routine. Yep. Wherein I do many things. Yes. One of them is I get up before 9am every day. Now, if you have a normal life with an actual job and responsibility, that might sound silly to you. You have no idea what I can get up to.

Please, let's talk about it. We're recording this at 1 p.m. I could have, I don't usually. I could have slept until noon. What time did you actually sleep until? I slept until eight. Well, my alarm went off at seven. Okay.

I snoozed it until 8.53. Okay. Because Caleb, 75 Caleb states that I have to be up by nine. My feet touched the floor at 8.59.5. You know what? I do like that. Wait, now I need to know all the principles of 75 Caleb. Because I also did, I did a 75 day thing.

I called it 75 day soft. Yeah. I called it 75. No, just 75 soft. 75 Devon. Yeah, 75. But I should have personalized it. I do like that a lot.

Well, you got to be branding. Yeah, you gotta always be branding. 75 Caleb, ABB. 75 Caleb, I'm scared to say out loud because of course there is a level of accountability with my listeners. But that's how you got to put it out there. This is 75 Caleb. Okay. I call two people that I love and miss.

Oh. Exactly. How many days have you been doing this? Today is the first day and I haven't made the call. You didn't tell me today was day one. Today's day one of 75 Caleb. I thought you was like 19 days in. And you had worked your way.

Today's day one of 75, Caleb. I texted, I texted all of them last week and said, hey, next Monday, I'm starting 75Kal if you guys went in. Nobody said yes. Everybody was mean to me. Wow. Yeah. Not a single person in this room. Michelle has since said yes.

I will shout out Michelle. Shout out Michelle. Chance has been pretty rude about it. Nicole is considering it. Okay. And I won't say what Nicole's problems are, but they're not small. Oh, I see. They're not small.

Big issues with 75 Caleb. Yeah. Huge, huge. Huge discussions about what's wrong with 75. Caleb. That's why it's 75 Kip. So there's call two people I love that I miss. 30 minutes of Spanish practice. Oh.

30 minutes of reading. Oh, my God. Got to be writing. Too much. I'm not writing lately. No, no. I hear what you mean. I need to be writing.

Get on your writing, Caleb. This is ridiculous. That's how to talk to myself. Yeah. Take my multivitamin. Now, that one seems like a given. Yeah.

I can't get myself to take my multivitamin ever. You got to put it in an accessible place. Because this was one of the one, this was one of the big ones for me. Yeah. I went to the G and. and I was like, I got to start doing vitamins. And this guy was like, all right, he gave me a pack of vitamins called Mega Men.

Yeah. And they come in the... Mega Devon, of course. He gave me Mega Men for Men 30 plus. Yeah. Hell, yeah. Yeah. He gave me the 30 plus Megavin and it comes in a pack, it comes in a pack of 30.

Yeah. And I got a big box and I just put it, like, I put it right by my door. Like when I left for the day, I would grab a Mega Men. Yeah. As soon as I ate a meal, I'd take my Mega Men. That's the thing. You got to put it somewhere that you like, every time you walk past it, you're like, oh, time to take my vitamin for the day. Because if you keep it up in a cabinet, it's locked away, you're not going to think about it.

You've got to put it right in front of you. You've done before you started. Yeah. Okay, 75 Caleb, an hour of movement. I move however I want. Already done that today. I'm counting city bikes. I don't care.

This is not about punishment. No, no, discipline. Yeah, of course. Right? I hear that. Now, here comes the hard part. Yeah. No soda, no weed, no fast food.

Wow. I do, I do know you to be a soda enjoyer. I'm a soda enjoyer. It's over. Yeah. That's in the past. Yeah, sure. That's the past being yesterday.

That's last night. The day before. The past being maybe 24 hours ago. That's over. Depending on what time you went to bed last night. Not even 24 hours. Sure. Try 12.

Are you a Dr. Pepper guy? Used to be. Yeah. I do. I love that we are on day one and you were acting as if you have put an entire life behind you. Used to be. I remember him. We're recording on.

a Monday, that life behind you was Sunday. I vaguely remember him. Sure, sure, sure. I remember who I was back when I was using. I don't know who that man is. I have turned my back on him. That is a shadow of my former self. I don't use anymore. Sure. Dr. Pepper's in my past. Sure. You're looking out the windshield, not in the rearview. No contact with Dr. Pepper. Come on now. I've gone no

contact. Okay. There's a reason. There's a reason the windshield's bigger than the rearview mirror. Hey, I hear that. Hello? I hear that. So now, is weed going to be difficult? Yes. Now, you're asking yourself, why do you have to get off weed? It's from the earth. Yeah. Devin, I want to thank you for asking.

I did. Two weeks ago, I got so high that the veil got extremely thin. I felt that I saw through the universe. I had a panic attack and my friend had to come sleep with me. So I am taking a break from weed at the moment. 75 full days. 75, Caleb. This is 75 days of Caleb.

75 days. How much were you smoking before? Not that much. But I had one bad, I had my first ever bad experience with weed two weeks ago, which coincided with a health thing. It was whatever. I have had strep throat four times in the last year.

We are looking into many, many things. Sure. We might do. There's one place we really could start to look. We might do it. We might do a Calebectomy.

Sure. Which is where Caleb gets a tonsillectomy. Yeah. We're looking at all of our options. My eye twitch is kind of off and on. Sure. You got to rebrand everything. Calebectomy.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You had Caleb throat a couple of times. Which I guess. Yeah. Yeah. So, hey, so some other people.

Yeah, go. Hey. But no, in all seriousness. Yeah, in all serious. No, for real, though. All jokes aside. 75 Caleb is on, and you could start 75 Devin today. We could be in community.

See, I just did my 75 joint, though. Did you? I just did it. What was on it? I had, yours is more strenuous than mine was. Okay. That's not good to hear. Because you committed to the reading and the writing.

and the what? Oh, Spanish lessons. Yeah. Yeah, mine was not that involved. Mine was an hour of movement every day. Yeah. Mine was taking vitamins every day. Mine was reducing my screen time to 30 minutes of screen time a day.

Yeah. I bought one of those little brick devices. Yeah. You know, that like shuts off all your social media. Yeah. I guess it was specific to social media, not screen time. I was still looking at stuff on my phone. But it just...

I was texting for hours. I was still looking. I was reading, I was trying to read articles. I was trying to, like, use my phone time a little bit more responsibly and stop, like, looking at it. algorithmic stuff, which is like, I'm getting a lot of, my algorithm now is showing me a lot of, it's a bunch of different macaroni and cheese recipes. Hmm.

Why did you sound concerned for me? Well, I'm just curious, do you have one that you, are you making macaroni and cheese, or how do we get here to do anything? No, but I enjoy it. Yeah. Like, I enjoy it. And I guess I just watched a couple of macaroni and cheese videos, and now it's a big part of what's going on on on my phone.

Yeah. I guarantee you if I open on my phone right now, there will be macaroni and cheese within one swipe. Yeah. Hold on. Mine is one very specific Kurt Vonnegut quote. Oh, what's the quote? Keeps getting served to me.

It's that thing about the envelopes. You know about this? No. His wife is like, Kurt Vonnegut's wife is like, you're a very rich man. Why don't you buy your envelopes in bulk? And he says, because I love to walk and get my envelope one at a time.

I see, I see someone. I smile at someone. I brush cheeks with a stranger. It's about doing things. It's about routine. Oh, I like that. The envelope.

It's really beautiful. And that's really perfect for the moment that journey of your life, 75 Caleb. 75 Caleb. I'm going to go get my own envelopes. Okay. Actually, there's not macaroni and cheese.

I thought it was going to be readily available. There's a bunch of other food stuff, but... Yeah. There's actually no mac and cheese. Anything good? Really tasty-looking pizza. That does look good. Although I think it's just cheese, which to me is always a waste.

Oh, sure, sure. You need an additional. A cheese pizza is a stupid fucking idea. See, I would like to disagree with you here because I think the cheese is like, that's the foundation upon which everything rests. So if a place can do a cheese slice really well, then everything else is going to be...

You're going to buy a house that's just a foundation? I'm not personally. I hear what you're saying. Do you know what I mean? But you do need a strong foundation on which to build everything else. To me, it's just like a pizza with no meat is, I feel, I'm like I'm six. This is a children's endeavor. I hear what you're saying.

Put some sausage on there. I hear what you're saying. But also the beauty of simplicity. Put some chicken bacon ranch on there. Whoa. Ever had it? Chicken bacon ranch. Chance's favorite pizza.

Chicken bacon ranch. There's a place in my hometown called Rockos that is like a Sicilian spot. It is, yeah, it's my death. row meal. Whoa. Okay. We'll take you. I'm a sausage and peppers.

I'm down. On the pie kind of guy. I'm really down with that. Yeah, give me the sausage and the pepper. I will say it's ridiculous that I will, I'll order a meat lover's, which is just like, that doesn't need to exist, but I will order it. You know, something to me, there are certain things about me as a, as a straight man that, like, that I'm like, I can't dive into that part of the committee.

I can't be that, obviously, a straight man and participate. And a meat lover's pizza is absolutely one of those things. I've dated many women in the past who, like, we're, like, ordering a, pizza and like as we're ordering it, they're like, okay, but no meat lovers, all right? And I'm like, well, I didn't say that. I never suggested that we do that. I don't even really like that. They just read your vibe. And it's, yeah, yeah, they were just sort of like, no, I've seen, you know, at a different part of my life, they're like, yeah, I've seen you play fantasy football, so I know what kind of pizza you're going to enjoy. Yeah. I'm off fantasy football and I'm off

meat lovers. You're off fantasy football? Yeah, yeah, for years. But you're still on pickup basketball. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm doing that. I'm doing that. I'm playing tennis. I started playing paddle. No. I started playing paddle. for sure. No. Yeah, not pickleball. And I was going to say, what is paddle? I like that you said no before you.

Because what was going on? I was buying time to figure out if you really meant pickleball and what I was going to do to help us get there. Outside of saying, Devin, I think you mean pickleball? You were like, I like that I said paddle. And in his head, he was like, how do I get this idiot to realize what he's talking about? How do I get him to realize what he has in his mind? I was like, nah. How do I lead him to water in that way?

But I'm the idiot. Who was that clip with that you, that where somebody was really, was it, Zach Zimmerman? What about it? Where somebody was, he really was not understanding.

Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. He was trying to set up like a moral dilemma. Y'all can't, you guys listening or watching at home, y'all can't hear this,

but there's a whole group of people in the back that when I said Zach Zimmerman, everybody went, ah. The moral dilemma that didn't work. Oh, sure, that. His moral dilemma was like, okay, you push a button and you get a million dollars

or you don't push it and a bunch of people die. That's not a dilemma. And I was like, so I'll hit the button. Yeah, so I hit the million dollar button then. And no one does. And everybody lives. So then. And he was like, no, shut the fuck up.

Shut the fuck up. You idiot. I really felt for him in that moment. Because that is tough. When you think you're really doing something. Sure, sure. Wait, what is paddle? Paddles, it's a racket sport.

Not dissimilar to pickleball. but it's really popping in Spain right now and they got a couple spots in Brooklyn. It's like it's a doubles sport. You play doubles. It's all inside of like this cage and the difference between it and pickleball is you can play the ball off the cage.

You know what I'm saying? So it's like it needs to hit on the other side. There's like a net. You hit it and has to bounce once and then it can also bounce off of like one of the walls surrounding you and then you can hit it off of that. Yeah.

It's a lot of, it's me and a lot of guys that probably put a vest on when they go to work. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and we're not referring to law enforcement. No, no, no, no, no. We're talking about Patagonia Vest. No, yeah, we're talking about Patagonia Vest.

We're talking about... Dual monitors. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, big dual monitors. They're the kind of guys who probably watched that show industry on HBO and they know what's going on. Yeah. They hear all those words and they say, oh, that's the kind of words I use as well. This is my life.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's a lot of those kinds of guys. But I'm trying to make it... I'm trying to bring cool people into it. I will say all of my friends are skeptical of it because of the Patagonia Vest's nature of, like, who's in there. brought to play has been like this is a really good time can I tell you something yeah I don't

mind the vest for me it was the cage oh that really kind of you don't want to be inside a cage that really set me back I'm gonna pull it up I'm gonna pull up a video and I'm would you would you okay well now with the way that you're saying it show me the cage wait would you would you play this with me um does it depend on oh I see I thought I thought he was pulling up a video of I think he is chance can you pull up paddle cage paddle cage Oh, I'm not. Yeah, you play inside of there. I'm not getting in that.

You play inside of there. I'm not getting in that. You play inside of there, and then you can play off the walls. Play off the walls. Yeah, yeah. See, it's a lot of guys like that. Yeah, I'm not going in the cage with you, but I'll come and watch your match sometime and cheer for you. Look, yeah, it's that.

It's that. I don't like that. I'm playing that. What about it is disconcerting to you? I don't want to go in the octagon. Oh. I don't, why they need to put up a page, or a cage, why didn't they just let you play normal style? Because the cage is part of which you, it's part, you play, you play with all the elements of the environment.

It's a really exciting addition to be able to play off the cage. Honestly, yeah. The way you're saying that, I'm learning that that's really special. And there's one ball at a time? Yeah, it's one ball at a time, but it's two versus two. Yeah. And how do you score? The ball is to bounce twice on the other side.

Twice on the other side. On the other side of the net. Right. It's like, it's same as tennis. So the, you have to hit it in the opposite square from you? You can hit it anywhere on the other side. Oh, wow. You have to serve to the one opposite to you, like the one like diagonal from you, but outside of that you can, yeah, you can hit anywhere.

Can you play the net real intense? Spike it at the net? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you can do that. That I like. Yeah, yeah, okay, so it sounds like you'd like to come play with me. I like playing the net. It is ungodly expensive, I will say that. Why is that?

I don't know. I mean, because of the vests, the best guys who play there. Also, there's like a, somehow, for some reason they decided to add, like, a social club element. There's like a coffee shop and like a smoothie place and like a, a, a lounge and like there might be a sauna of some sort. So that's what you're paying for. Rich people are always just inventing towns where poor people can't come. Yes.

And that is a thousand percent that. Because the actual sport doesn't need to be that expensive. Yeah. But you're paying for all this other shit that I'm personally not using. Well, pickleball was too easy. There was no cage. And then the rich people said we should put up a cage. Honestly, I just played pickleball for the first time.

Not for me. No, me neither. I don't like seeing it. I, to me, I mean, I got into playing tennis in the last like year or so. and I like, I mean, tennis is incredibly hard and I'm still like really trying to figure it out. These sport, these like paddle sports are a lot easier, but I do like, I need to run around.

I'm still young enough that I can move. I feel like I'll get into pickleball when I'm 70. How old are you? When I have like a hip replacement. I'm four years older than you. Okay, this is interesting. And this came up last time. No, no, no, I'm interesting.

And I was really shamed for my age. I was really shamed for my age despite the fact that we were probably born during the same president. What presidency were you born in? Bill Clinton. as were you. Okay, nice. No, no, no, that's not where I'm going with this.

Sure. What has happened to me recently, and I feel that by you saying I'm still young, I can run around, I should be doing it, I feel you might be in the same place. I have unlocked an appreciation for my body that was not there before. Oh, that's beautiful.

I've unlocked an appreciation for it. I've always liked my body, but specifically the fact that I can move, I'm moving my body and going, oh, fuck, this won't be here forever. This is sick. Yeah. I'm like, literally, I was biking over here 30 minutes ago.

And I was like, God, this is awesome. I hope that this lasts for a really long time for me. Whoa. I'm, like, very conscious of my body being, yeah, like, being young and being able to move is something I'm thinking a lot about. Welcome to your 30s, my brother. I know. It's nice.

Welcome to your 30s where you start to really realize, like, oh, this is not, when your when your knee starts to act up a little bit. Yeah. When you were, like, one time I was, God, what was I, I was playing tennis and I, like, swung weird and my back hurt and I couldn't walk for like 36 hours or I could walk but it was like a challenge and I was like oh I need to start doing some stretches. Did I have I started? No, no. But it's in my heart now. I learned about dynamic stretching recently. Sure. You know and that's where I learned that you're supposed to do that before a workout. Okay. Where you're kind of bouncing in the

stretch a little bit, not too much, but we're kind of doing movements in the stretch. Static stretching is for when you're done. That's for the cool down. Now I'm been doing stretching all wrong, if at all. Yeah. And I need to get into it. I want to get into yoga. I'm scared of Pilates. I don't think I can enter those spaces.

That's a lot. But yoga, I need to speak with Adrian. You can get involved. Yeah. I need to speak with Adrian. I've heard she's doing good things. You could get involved. You know what a really nice time to get into yoga is on a vacation.

Really? Yeah. Do a little, because it's like you're in a different environment. You're somewhere new. Pop on one of them YouTube videos. Yeah. Pop on one of them YouTube videos. Hit one of them poses.

Yeah. Feels good. You know, earlier you were talking about girls not wanting you to order me. lover's pizza. Yeah. And I keep thinking about I never feel more distant from my girls than at dinner. Speak on that. Because all my girls will be like, why don't you come over for dinner?

I'll make us something. I'll go, okay, and then I'll go over. And their idea, and I love girls. You know that. Girls are my whole life. Girls mean everything to me. Girls pay my bills. They're the whole reason that we're sitting in here right now.

I want to thank you to girls. Thank you, girls. That being said, a girl's idea of dinner is butter noodles. That pisses me off. Yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? I hear what you're saying. I don't like that.

I hear what you're saying. And they're like, girl dinner, girl dinner. I'm like, first of all, that's a snack. Second of all, don't make me be involved in it. Yeah, it can be, it can be tough sometimes when you're with certain homegirls and you realize, especially when you're with your home girls who are like on TV. Yeah. Your home girls who are on TV, they really not trying to eat what you and I would probably consider a meal.

No. And it's like, and I understand the pressures and like where that's coming from. Yeah. But it's also like, I'm trying to get the spinach dip. It's like the only reason I want to dismantle misogyny. It's so that I can go out with my girls and have a regular meal. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, I want to get the spinach dip and I want to eat it together.

Yeah. And now we've established a situation where you're like, oh, no, no, no, no, because of society. You're like, I'm not touching the spinach dip. And I'm like, I don't want to eat it by myself. I really wronged a fat friend recently. Speak on it. I was in Los Angeles retirement community for young people. And I went out with my friend and we ordered the guacamole.

And I did ask for the chips to be replaced with vegetables. You die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain. Interesting. I couldn't do it. I didn't think we were. see? I couldn't do it. Why not?

Because I eat too many of the chips and I can't stop and then I feel so bad. Yeah, it's tough. I need you to bring me the carrots. It's a whole situation with, it's a whole situation, you're right. It's a whole situation with tortilla chips

as a Texan, like who grew up in places where that's just like customary. You don't even have to order the chips in the sauce so that just sort of comes with it. Yes. Once I pop, that fun don't stop. You know what I'm saying? It don't stop.

And you bring me carrots, I'm having two and I'm done. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. Because the carrots never really, it's not giving you that rush. It's not giving you that satisfaction. And you know what? I will say, chilies, Chili's does something nice for fat people.

Okay? Fat people who love dips. Sure. Chili's makes their chips really thin. They do. Authentic Mexican places, they're making the chips thick as fuck.

So I'm having two chips and it's like, that was half a tortilla. Right. You know, but the thin little chilies chips, now granted they are covered in salt. Yeah. Lots of it.

And the sauces are 3,000 calories apiece. They don't even think about that. That's a different thing. Yeah, that's something else. And my fat friend looked at me like I had hurt them. I'm kind of with them on it. I am too.

I'm kind of with them. I didn't like that I had to do it. I'm starting to think about shit. Yeah. My body feels different. No, I get it. And it does. And then when you start making certain changes, you're like, oh, like, I actually do feel, I feel better.

Yeah, we had the guacamole Caleb style. I can't wait to learn about other things that are done Caleb style. I'm excited about this. I'm excited. Everything's a branding exercise. You know, the K-Leberties, the K-Lexbians. They know what I'm on. I still haven't named my podcast fans.

No? No, we're working on it. I really like your podcast. Oh, thank you so much. Loki accused me of racism when I came on last. I believe it. Yeah. I stand by it. I believe it.

Hey, and if you come on the pod, you could get accused of that as well. We'll see what kind of, it really depends on what kind of lyrics you bring me. Yeah. I saw you in Austin, Texas. Yeah, South by. At South by Southwest. I saw you interview Randall Park. Yeah.

And it was a fucking delight. Yeah. It was an incredible episode. That was so fun. He is, I was really blown away and impressed by how good he was at being a podcast. guest. Yeah, he was awesome. He was very prepared. I'd never met him before. That was literally that was the first time we'd ever met. You guys were electric.

It was so nice. He also like, my podcast, my favorite lyrics, check it out if you can. Check it out. Wherever you get your podcast. Randall, it's like a rap and music lyrics podcast and Randall writes his own raps as you saw. And so like he came with like 32 bars. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? It went on for a long time.

It was going on for quite some time. Maybe that's part of his 75 Randall is he like writes. 75 Randall? Standing 5 Randall. Yeah. Yes, he writes, he writes bars every day. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, he must be, because he said him for a long time. He did. He did. And he was also rapping, you know, just based on how somebody wraps, you can tell, like, you can tell their age. And I'm saying that not in, like, a derogatory way. I can just say, like, you can tell what era they came up in. You could tell what, like, sort of inspired, you know, their style.

And when I was listening to him, I was like, oh, you were a teenager in the 1990s, for sure. Yeah. You were, because you're rapping, like, Rayquan right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're rapping, like, the Wu-Tang Clan meant a lot to you, and you were there as it was happening. Yeah. Because I was looking back on the Wu-Tang clan being like, oh, like, you know,

it was, like, cool to get into that when I was, like, 16. Yeah. He was clearly, he was there. Nickymanage wasn't on the scene when you started. No. And there is a clear delineation. Sorry to invoke Nikki. She just changed a lot for a lot of people.

Sure. Now we're obviously not listening to her about a lot of things. But to me, to me, there's a really clear moment where Nikki Minaj started rapping and everything shifted in a way. Sure. Sure, sure, sure. And Randall wasn't there for that. No, I think if he was, he was looking at it with his arms crossed.

You know what I mean? Like, I do think he was present when it was happening, but he was like, these kids in there. Yeah, he was like, he was doing that. Yeah. Yeah, he wasn't happy when the BBLs came on the scene. What's up, you guys? It's Caleb, Gen Z correspondent here.

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Would you ever get a BBO? Man, what a question. A Devon B.L? Honestly, you can't. Honestly, people don't know this because it's just like stylistically we're in a place where all the pants are really big. But I got some cake.

Really? Yeah, I got cake. Damn. Yeah, so I feel, you know what I'm saying? I'm built lower half. I'm built like my mom. So it's like, we're set. Shout out to her.

Shout out, shout out my mama for real. Shout out to your mom. Shout out to my mom as well. I hope to meet her one day. Shout out to my mom. You and my mom will have a very fun time. I believe that. She seems like a blast.

My mom is a lot more fun than I am. Oh, sure. Don't chance laugh too hard at that. Yeah. But yeah, she's a lot of fun. I feel like does your mom drink? Everybody. Yeah.

He's right about that. I asked if Caleb's mom drinks and then Chance just goes, whoa. That woman? Oh, does she ever? She would drink a frat house under the table. Oh, my God. Yeah, we would have a drink.

Blast. She's a lot of fun. My mom's a party. She's way more fun than I am. Sure, sure, sure, sure. At my last benefit show, she was super drunk. And Kensi, she was super drunk in the front row, and I gave her the mic for two seconds.

And I said, Mom, you know, I'm thinking we'll have like a cute mother's son moment. I hand her the mic, think she'll say something sweet. I go, mom, how you doing tonight? She goes, what's up, bitches? I said, go ahead and give me it back. Go ahead and give me it back. That's not how we're going to be like, look at how much running we raised for the hospital.

I thought it was going to be sweet. I thought it was going to be something cute, you know, like a mom thing. All these kids are saves now. What's up, bitches? All right, give it back. Give it back. Mom, mom, mom. Give me the mic.

Come on, we can't do that, Mama. Yeah. Yeah. She also, yeah, she's doing way too much with my fans. Oh, is your mom online? Oh, she's online. She's meeting my fans out at the bar and taking them back to her house to hang out. What?

She's like, why don't we continue this back at my place? I'm like, why don't we not invite people that you don't know back to the house? No, please don't do that. Yeah, really scary stuff. If y'all are listening, stop going to Caleb's Mama House. You're not supposed to be over there. Stop. You're not supposed to be over there.

Some of y'all who are listening, y'all been to Caleb Mama House, shame on you. Stop. That's not where you're supposed to be. You need to go back to your establishment, hang out with people at your age bracket. If you see my mom at a dive bar in Lee's Summit, Missouri, you hang out with her there very briefly. Yeah. And then you make sure she gets home safe without accompanying her. That's right.

She's going back to school right now. For what? She's got more nurse. What? She can become more of a nurse. What? How much more of a nurse can you be? They're going to make her more of a nurse.

How many levels of nurse are there? I know there's regular nurse and there's like nurse Prack. There's like LPN, RN, there's like BSN, I think. I think she's getting her BSN right now. And then you could just keep going at nurse forever. They have many, many nurse. This is brand new information to me. Yeah, nurses can really be different kinds of nurses.

What kind of nurse is she right now? She's an RN. Oh, and she's about to level up nurse-wise. She's about to go B-S-N mode. Do you want her to retire? Yes. My mom and I, I'm constantly asking her, this is so funny. I've been asking her for like three years.

Where do you want to go in the world? Like, what do you want to do? What do you want to do? You want to go to Spain for a week? Do you want to like, do you want to go to fucking Tokyo? And what do you want to do? And she's always like, I just, I'm, I'm happy here. I like it here. I'm like, no, we got to, this is, come on, man. Like, you know what I mean? Let's go do stuff. And then finally, like two months ago, she goes, I've been thinking about your question

about what I want to do. And I think maybe we could do 23 in me. And then, which I'm like, God damn it. She's like, we could do 23 in me. And then when we find out where we're from, we could go to there. And I'm like, first of all,

we're not going to be from somewhere interesting. Second of all, we're probably going to learn some shit we don't want to know. Sure. Because all white people in the Midwest are like, I think there's some Native American in there. There's something else in there. Okay?

And I don't want to be involved with it. I don't know. So I'm guess we're going to do 23 in me. Oh, that's not. I don't want to do it. That's not like a trip. I don't want to do it. Well, no.

We're going to do it and then we're going to find out where we're from and then we're going to go to there. I see. So it's going to be like, you're 13% Czechoslovakian and then we're going to, I guess we're going to go to the Czech Republic? I guess. This is what she, this is all I can get her to do. Yeah. What do you think is in there? I don't want to know.

Yeah. I am scared. We are straight up white people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't think there was no, you didn't, you didn't, because you know, like some white people have like one picture of their grandpa and he kind of had like, he had like a little texture in his situation. It's not like that. And they'll be like, oh, like. It's not like that for us.

Your great-great-grandfather was half a slave, like that kind of thing. I don't think it's going to happen. I think best-case scenario. Yeah. Best case. We find out that there was way back, maybe we're from some cool white people who did some cool stuff. Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure.

Who were maybe like, maybe they were some of the white people that were like, we're not really down with everything that's going on. Oh, they were fighting back against what was going on. That's best case. That's what you have to hope. Biggest case, we find out we were involved. Yeah. In the stuff.

Yeah, biggest case, y'all were leading the charge on some of the stuff. Biggest case, we were innovating in the space. Yeah. Yeah. Sir Archibald Heron

was on one of the first, one of the first ships over and guess who came with him? Yeah, yeah. He wasn't doing stuff alone. And they were not his friends and family. This is a guy who looked just like him. Yeah, yeah.

It's going to be like my exact face, but he's got like a mustache. Like fucking forest gum. Yeah, he's got a, he's got a muster. He's got a muster. He's got like an African that he's grabbing by the wrist. Just out of frame. By the wrist.

By the wrist. That was slavery. He was like, get over here. Come on. Devin, come on. Do you remember that in Forrest Gump when they randomly decided to make his family the clan? No. Do you remember that?

There's so many little pockets because, like, I saw Forrest Gump a lot of times, but I feel like I mainly saw it from it being on TV. So I, and, you know, they condensed, they condense that version. Yeah. And so it's like, I feel like they cut out a lot of the stuff that's like the, like the thing about his mom fucking the principal. So he could like get into school. Yeah. Which also, I was talking to my buddy about this.

And my buddy was like, yeah, it's really funny because of the school that his mom like fucks the principal for him to get into is a public school. Yeah. You didn't need admission. Crazy. Crazy. You didn't need admission. So it's like she just kind of, I don't know. I very specifically remember seeing Forrest Gump for the first time as a kid and being really confused when she was talking to that guy.

And he was like, yeah, Mr. Gump, Ms. Gump. And I was like, why do you say it like that? I remember watching as a kid and being like, why the fuck did he say it like that? That was a normal question. And then when they were doing the screaming sex thing, I didn't know they're having sex. I was like, what the fuck is going on? Sure. But yeah, there's a moment in Forrest Gump where he just Forrest, I mean, Forrest is so, you know,

he doesn't really understand stuff. Right. So he goes like, my great grandpa like to dress up in sheets and ride horses. It's just like, what? They legitimately do that. His grandfather could have did anything. Anything. They could have gave him any kind of job.

He could have been the milkman. Could have been awesome. You know what I'm saying? He could have been doing like nice stuff. He could have been giving back to the community. He could have been going to like Native American reservations and like teaching classes and stuff like that. Yeah.

Nah. Yeah. He was in the clan. Yeah. And then they show like old timey footage of like forest. It's like Tom Hanks and like a mustache and he like pulls down his hood and like rides off on a horse. And then they move on in the world.

Yeah. It's crazy. And that's what you're fearful love. That's what 23 and me will do to me. In terms of your lineage. Yes. Sure. How long has your family been in Missouri?

I don't know. We stay out of that kind of stuff. That's when you get into a sticky situation. Yeah. That's when you get into a sticky situation because it's like Missouri. I'm scared. I already know what was going down over there. There were a lot of cool white people in Missouri, Devin.

Well. The border wars. And I'm not saying that there weren't a lot of cool white people. It's just a real coin flip as to where those your people. I know it. I'm scared to give the place. my saliva. I'm praying for you. Well, and also that was my dad got really into 23

and me like seven or eight years ago. And I was just like, hey, well, so dad, where does this spit go? And he was like, to the people, the 23 and me people. And I was like, yeah, but who owns them? But yeah, I'm like, yeah, what, who's that tied into? And we never got to the bottom of it and God knows. They probably knew, who knows what they know about me. Yeah, I'm scared.

Yeah, I spit in the thing. You spit the thing for your dad? I spit in the thing. Hey, yo. Older people, older people are really into this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They do. They like to know.

they like to know their lineage. I think that's in the same way that we're now in our 30s and we're getting into stretching because we're thinking about like the the finality of our bodies and stuff like that. I think that's old...

I think there hits a point maybe when you're in your 50s or 60s where you're like, I gotta know where I came from. Yeah, I know where I'm headed. How'd I get here? Exactly. Well, I don't know if I've asked you this before.

I forget if we talked about this last time you were on. God, yes or no? What are you doing with God? Great question. Is this something you're not? I'll talk about on the podcast? Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure.

I would say, man, I think I've oscillated. I grew up super, super Christian, which I think you did as well, right? Youth group and all that. Oh, yeah. But I never, I didn't really like it. Like, I didn't enjoy, I didn't enjoy the church part of church. Yeah. I like the part of the church.

I don't know if you ever, did you ever go to, like, church summer camp? Of course. Did you ever go to church summer camp? And, like, I kind of was going for the water slides. Yeah. And I was so excited about the water slides. And they'd be like, ah, ah, ah, three hour service. No.

Three-hour service, and then you can get on the water slide. I can't believe y'all got water slides. Did we, the last time I was on here, did we talk about the camp that the summer camp I went to in Missouri? Yes, we did. Okay, okay, okay, yeah, yeah. We did not get water slides. We went to Tennessee and, like, we, like, built some woman a house.

What? Oh, sure, sure, we did stuff like that. This was not fun at all. In, like, Mexico. And then my pastor washed my feet. That was a real turnoff for me. Oh, sure. That was a real turnoff for me.

I didn't like that. Sure, but it probably did something really awesome for him. He was like, I'm a servant. I was like, you don't have to be, brother. Stand up. You know, the washing the feet, that's a big part of the... I don't like it. You know, that's like Jesus was...

Yeah, I know why he did it. But I was like... But you just didn't enjoy it as it was happening. You're a grown man and a leader in the community. I need you to unhand my foot. Yeah. Also, it's like... Scary.

Yeah. But today, present day. Present day. Water slides aside. God, I would say, I would say I'm leaning yes. I would say I'm leaning yes, God. That's big. Yeah.

I like that. Christian God. Yeah. Nice. It's just because that's the one I grew up with, you know? That's your guy. You know what I mean? It's just like, in the same way I'm an Eagles fan,

it's just like, well, that's what they were giving me at the house. It's not like I didn't actively. So it's like now as an adult, I've sort of grandfathered into Christian God. I guess I could look into some other ones, but I just haven't yet. Shout out to everybody's God, whoever you all got. Shout out to all gods. Yeah, whatever you got going on. Do you think man in the sky?

Do you think physical man? No, no, no. It was never, it was never man in the sky. I think, I don't know. I don't know how much I've interrogated my relationship with God as an adult. as a grown-up, but I do think that it, like, I do think that I do like to think that there is, like, a greater plan to all this.

I think it comforts me whether or not it's true, who's to say? Who cares? But it, like, does, it does make me feel good to, like, know and, like, put my prayers and thoughts out into something and, like, hope that that manifests into something positive in my life. Yeah, I've gotten so bored of correct. I don't care about it. Yeah, I don't know what it's actually going on,

but it does, in this world, you've got to find comfort where you can. Yeah. You know what I mean? everything and it's like yeah that does it like feels nice to me to like feel like I have like a relationship with God you can be right and lonely and sad and scared or you can be uh wrong and happy uncomfortable I'll take the second one wait where are you at God yes or no sure yeah oh sure I think so I mean man in the sky no uh but I'm down with I what I think is no hell I don't believe in hell I really don't I hope I mean I hope not I just don't get I think I think every I think maybe I could

understand nothing happening that makes a lot of sense to me sure I could understand everyone getting to go to a good place, I cannot make sense of eternal suffering for absolutely anything. I don't think there's anything you could do on earth that would warrant eternal suffering. Nothing. Nothing. Wow. There are horrible, horrible things you can do, and you shouldn't. But eternity, to me is like, that doesn't, that just doesn't clock. There's nothing equivalent. Sure. I don't think eternity makes any sense to me. I wouldn't, I wouldn't wish eternity on the worst person you can think of. I would wish very bad things. Sure. which is bad of me.

So it's like, it would kind of be nice in your mind if there was like, if you could sentence someone to like, to hell like prison, where you could be like, all right, so you got eight, you did X, Y, and Z, you get eight years in hell. I don't know. And then after eight years, then you can get out and you can go somewhere else. How does that sound to you? I don't, I would be down with it if that's what God wants, I guess.

Four years in hell for. You serve a little hell. You know what I mean? You do a little hell because you did some hell on earth. Yeah. And then you do a little bit of hell and then you get to, you do your time. You know, I've said this before, and this makes me sound really bad. Can't wait.

But I think if man in the sky, Christian God, like, really the way they've talked about, it turns out to be real, I low-key believe that when I get to the gates, no matter what, I think I could win him over. I don't doubt that about you. I think I can make my case. I don't doubt that about you. I think he would be like, you were supposed to confess that my son died on the cross for your sins while you were on Earth, and I could be like, that's seriously my bad. I really

Hey big dog, that's on me I really admit that I fucked up on that part but I really did try to do good and be good to people and I think you play my tape so you can see my work. Yes, and to me that's I don't know. That version of it seems so much more realistic

than the version of it than we got sold or at least the version that I got sold when I was a kid. Yeah. Which was truly like, I don't know. I feel like I still have residual shame from like the type of shit that they were doing. They were always like, did you ever go to one of those

like church services where like a guy who used to play like college football like comes and talks to you? Yeah. Did you ever have this? This is a very classic if you grow up Christian. And I remember being a kid being like maybe like 10 and we had like a spring break church thing and they brought a guy in. He used to play like a wide receiver at like Texas Tech.

Yeah. And he was like a high school hot shot and he came in and he was like man I remember you know I remember I was like the number one recruit in the country and I had a D1 scholarship and I was hooking up with a different woman every single night and I had a motorcycle and I like, you know, and I, you know, I was getting cash under the, and I remember hearing, he was saying this like, it was a bad thing. And I remember hearing all that stuff and being like, man, that life sounds awesome. Yeah, fuck yeah. That sounds fucking sick. What do I got to do to live like that? You're like, I'm kind of interested in sin. Yeah, and I'm like,

I don't really know if I'm rocking with what you got going on right now. So what do you do right now? You sell insurance. You sell insurance and you go to church gymnasiums to talk to kids. That seems, that's less, that's less fun to me. Yeah. And so I don't know. I feel like I was always sort of sold this version of like, all right, well, you gotta have like boring fun if you want to, you gotta, you gotta, like, boring fun. You gotta, like, not do trick or treating if you're gonna be a Christian. And I feel like that version of it I, like, really reject as an adult. Well, yeah, it started to really not make sense to me when they were, it was just very inconsistent that they were like, they would say these big, beautiful, grandiose things. Like, they'd be like,

God is all-knowing and all-powerful and created the universe out of nothing. And also, he's jealous. Yeah. And I'd be like, what? He can't overcome jealousy? And I'm supposed to, like, give up my life. I just felt like, I don't know. My guy might not be jealous. That can't be, because if he is, then he can't be as grandiose as you're describing.

He gets mad and punishes. It's like, I don't, he's no better than, like, a dad who, like, watches football. I just, I don't, it doesn't make sense. Like, which one is it? It can't be both. He can't be, he can't be the originator of all beauty in the universe and also be, like, mad at you for little things that you've done. And also be mad if you jerked off when you were 13. Yeah, I'm like, no. It's got to... It doesn't make any sense.

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takes like five minutes. No, I'll come back to this when I'm emotionally prepared moment because getting help should be easier than taking yourself out of it. So head to ruble.com. That's rula.com to find a therapist the easy way. I remember very, in terms of sex when I remember like, you know, obviously, like there were always like being like no porn and no sex. And I remember, I was just like, ah, well, even at my most Christian,

I was like, well, I'm just not going to listen to this stuff. I'm just like I'm just gonna reject it and if that means hell for me then I guess I guess I'll go out with a smile on my face The rest of it sounds good but I am gonna play with my shit

Yeah I'm gonna be having a good time When my parents go to sleep on the on the family computer I'm gonna be on the family computer uploading all sorts of images My playlists are gonna be good Yeah because it's like We only got one live

My parents were very like Yeah they were very like my dad was like, I don't want you listening to know, like, music would know, like, cuss words and, like, talking about this and talking about that. And I was like, no. I was just like, no. I'm doing that stuff. I'm going to do that stuff. I just never, I don't know. I just never bought into the, like, really restrictive version of Christianity. It just like never clicked for me. I was just like, I just don't know how much time I got left. I can't live as boring as y'all are describing you want life to be. I can't do it. It's not for me. I will say, though, look, the constant question, like, that I think you have to ask yourself when you were raised religious and you turn out, a good person is like, well, I don't know, it kind of seems like it all worked out. Like, I look at, there's so many things I learned in religion as a kid that I'm like, that was fucked up and really traumatized me. But then overall, I really think I turned into a, I'm turned into a person that I'm proud

of. And I'm like, oof, well, fuck, I guess it kind of. Oh, I guess it stuck. Do you know what I mean? It's like something worked. I don't know. Maybe. I mean, who's to say?

Maybe without it, it still would have worked, but I don't know. Who's to say? Yeah, I don't, yeah, I guess chicken of the egg, but like, I don't know. I'd have to imagine you wouldn't have ended up like a piece of shit. I can't have to imagine. We'll never know. Yeah, I guess we won't. We'll never know.

I'm not saying there aren't, there are good people that weren't raised religious, sure. But I'm just saying, for me, I'll never know because it was part of my thing. You want to have a family. You were talking about this. I do. You want to have a family. Would you raise your kids, Christian? No, I'll raise my kids universalist Unitarian.

Yeah. Well, I love the U.U. Church. I think it's so fucking cool. and it's no dogma and it's people of all different kinds of faiths and it's really is shout out to everybody's God like it is like there's Muslim people there

there's Jewish people there I really like you you and I think it's so community centered and cool yeah I'll have my kids in something though I can't I'm I've got baby fever right now bad Really? Bad Have you thought about like what's What route are you going for baby

I'm gonna take a couple of them Okay I want to take a couple of them okay I want to have like three four kids Whoa yeah oh my God Yeah. And it's like, are you going, are you going straight up, you're going straight up adoption? Are you like, you having a surrogate? What's the, what's the vibes?

Surrogacy I have questions about it. I need to do some research. I still don't fully understand the ethics of surrogacy and like, which is no shade to anybody. I just have heard differing opinions. So I don't know. Maybe what I, here's my ideal. Yes, I'm going to adopt a couple kids. Couple kids out there that need a home.

They're going to hit the, they're going to hit the lottery. They're going to end up with a real cool gay guys. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. They're going to have a lot of fun. We're going to really hang out and have a good time. and I'm gonna get him lots of gifts and toys and cool shit. They're gonna have a good time being my kid. Okay?

I'll adopt some kids, no worries. And then what would be ideal is if I find a gay man that I want to spend my life with and he feels the same way. We'll call that step number one. All right, we are still in the R&D phase of that. Are you open to being a single dad? Absolutely not. Hell fucking no.

Hell fucking no. No way. Someone's doing this with me. Sure. I don't care if I'll settle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I won't. Okay.

But. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, Kevin, I won't do it. Cool, and I won't do it. I won't do it. Okay. But me and this gay guy. Yeah.

Okay. Or a guy or queer guy, whatever his deal is. No worries, I'm open. This guy who's really into me, his sexuality, he really should be Caleb sexual. Of course. You know? Caleb sexual. He should be honest.

Caleb 75. He wants to be on Caleb's, he wants to be on Caleb Life. Right, of course. So me and this guy, we find two lesbians that really, really want to kind of go in split style on a baby. I see. And so then as a unit, you would all be co-parenting. Yeah, we have a couple. The four of us have a couple.

Oh, that's nice. He gets one of them pregnant. I get one of them pregnant. I get the other one pregnant next time. He gets the other one pregnant. And then we all just have a couple kids that we're just kind of, we're all raising the kids. So now, I mean, now in this one. version of it, it sounds like you have like six kids.

Well, I could do, yeah, I could do up to seven. Oh, my God. Minimum, I think minimum three, maximum seven. If there's a couple lesbians involved in the mix. If there's no lesbians, I'm out on seven. Sure, because you're going to need to be able to trade some of these little guys off. Yeah, I'm not going to seven without the lesbians. Yeah, one, you know, one of them homies is going to have some behavioral issues and you

don't have to, you go to mom's house. Yes. I'm not, I can't even look at you right now. You're going to your mom's house. Yes. Sure. And so I'll do seven with the kids. the lesbians, no lesbians, I'm out on seven.

I could cap it at four. Three or four? Three or four without the lesbians. Oh my God, you're living like our ancestors, for real. Yeah. Four to seven kids. I'm interested. Oh, my.

It'd be fine, dude. God, you better get started. One is crazy. You better, you better go ahead and load up. I'm ready. You better. I'm ready. Interesting.

Who are you looking for? Uh, in a man? Yeah. Oh, God. I'm, well, I've been kind of looking at everybody. Yeah. I've seen, I've met a few of your, My mind is open.

Yeah, I've met a few of your people. You can attest, I don't have a type. That's, uh, that's true. I haven't met that many, but I feel like of the ones that I've met, I'd say there's slightly a theme. What's the theme? What's the, I'm genuinely asking. What's the theme?

Because I don't remember who you've met. It's black, black guys. No! No, that's not true. Sure, I did a lot of black guys, but I'm dating lots of other guys as well. I didn't say exclusively. I'm just saying of, of, of what I've known, of what I've been familiar with. I haven't seen everyone that you've been involved with.

I just want the listeners to know if you are a gay black man, yes, of course. Give me a call. But if you are a gay man who isn't black, you also could maybe get in the situation. Maybe. See, there's a skepticism. You're hearing it. You're hearing it. He said, if you're black, ring my line.

Bring my line. I'm available right now. If you're something else, we'll have a conversation. Send us your resume and your cover letter and we'll look over everything and then we'll see where we lay. We'll see. Yeah. Mostly it's just there's less. white guys.

Less specifically white guys. Oh, I see. You're kind of, you're out on the white man. Not out. It's just, there's more research that gets done. Sure, sure, sure, sure.

Depends on what kind of. Because what, we're both going to be white. There's a, there's an episode of Seinfeld where Elaine is going out with this guy and she can't tell his ethnicity. Yeah.

She, like, can't tell if he's black or not. He kind of looks like logic. He's got like a really, like, you know, whatever. And then by the end of the episode, uh, he tells her that he's just white. And he thinks she's Latina. Yeah.

And then they both discover they're both white and they're like, oh, so we're just like two white people together? Yeah. Yeah. That don't seem right. Doesn't feel right. No, no, no, no, no. That's not, uh-uh. It's just, yeah, I'm not, I don't know about that.

Sure, sure, sure, sure. I see. Okay. All right. I see. But again, because I guess it can go a lot of ways with white gay guys specifically. White cis gay guys. It can go.

It can get yucky. Those are a law cap and Republicans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not interested in that. I hear what you're saying. No, but if you're a cute gay white guy and you want what I want. I think feel free to hit me up and we'll check out everything. I mean it.

I mean it. I mean it. Everybody, everybody come through. This is like, this is like the way that I respond when somebody asks if I want to go like lift weights in the morning. Because it's like I don't. It's like I really don't.

You don't call me. You know what? You know, yeah, just hit me. Hit me when you wake up. And when you wake up, I'll see if I'm up. If I'm up.

If we're both up, then maybe. Yeah. Then maybe we could do that. But it's like, I don't know. If it's raining, I probably won't make the walk. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We could see.

No, it's downstairs. Yeah, this is like when somebody asked you to work out on vacation. Yeah. You know what I'm just like, ah, well, we, we drive. I had some drinks. Let's see how the morning plays out. Yeah, yeah, we'll see what's up. Yeah, because my stomach could be with the flights and everything.

It's, we'll see. Yeah, that's like you and white men. We'll see. Look, I'm open to it. What, I mean, you know. I am tired. I am tired. Are you, are you?

Do you do apps? Of course I do apps. Okay, got you. And I have to put in my Grindr bio, do not talk to me about my job. These gay men hitting me up. Oh, because you're famous. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I forget about... Low key. No, no, no, no, high key. Don't want to be necessarily. It's something that's happening. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. But they're messaging me two in the morning.

I'm clearly on here to get late. Yeah. Messing me, yeah, I love your clips, King. If you don't get the fuck out of my DMs. I'm trying to get sucked off. I'm trying to get sucked off. Do not talk to me about TikTok. I don't say it that graphically, but yeah.

But that's what's at the core of your message. Unless it's I love your clips and I'm coming over. Yeah, I'm on the way. There's no need to let me know. Sure. Put it in the Instagram comments. I see. Yeah, that's truly, that does belong in the comments.

Check with Live Nation about it. You know, see when I'm in your city. Yeah, no, I totally hear you. I didn't even, I've never even thought about the way that that must, you know, kind of get in the way of your whole situation. Well, a lot of gay guys that have a public life. they get off grinder or they don't put their picture on there, but I'm hornier than them.

Oh, I see. I'm much more serious about this. What, okay. Would you date another person who's a public person? Would you ever do that? Oh, if I ever met one, I could stand. I mean, you beat these people. You know.

I do know. We know. Yeah, we really do. And it really is like a big part of working at SNL was really getting to see famous people really up close and being like, I don't want to be like that. I'm good on that. I don't want to be like that.

I don't envy what you got going on in any type of way. At all. Yeah, that is, yeah, there's a lot to that. I'm just, if I could, if I met a single gay guy who was not interested in Polly, who I enjoyed being around. And he happened to have a similar life to mine. Sure, I would consider it. Interesting.

But I'm asking for the world. That's a lot of. I'm asking for a monogamous gay guy who wants kids. I might as well be asking for a trip to fucking mall. from my experience. Sure, sure. You've done the research. You can have kids?

I would like to, yeah. Nice, how many? I would like to have kids. Two tops. You want to do three? No. Okay. No worries.

Because it's like, what are we doing at that point? I just, I would like, because it's like, I want to, I do want to have a kid, but it's also like, I want to, I'm not an only child, but all my siblings have, like, we have huge age gaps. So we all kind of grew up only children for, like, big sections. Like, I'm, my older brother's 12 years. older than me. So when I was finishing kindergarten, he was graduating from high school. When I graded my little sister's 10 years younger than me. So it's like when I was graduating high school, she was in like third grade. So it's like we all kind of like, we all sort of grew up separately. You know what I mean? We're never in similar stages of life. And I feel like I would

want to give my kid like a proper sibling. It was like a few years apart. One is crazy. One is, to me, one feels crazy. You're an only child, right? Not really, but it's complicated. Oh, sure, sure, sure. Similar. Similar kind of. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is similar. And it's like, one just to me feels crazy. And honestly, because my brother and I were so not in the house at the same time really, I'm like, I think a couple more would have been nice. Yeah, it would be nice to like have that.

I really do really envy like siblings who have like, like, oh, remember when, you know, remember that one Christmas when we're like, I envy siblings who got to live in similar stages of life together. Yeah. Like I always, it makes me happy to like hear people's stories when they were just like, yeah, like we were growing up. Our dad used to always fucking slip on this role.

roller skate. Your dad was never slipping on roller skates? Well, but it's like if he did, I couldn't laugh. I had to laugh about it to myself. You know what I'm saying? I really do. I really, I really my heart does get warned when siblings have

like together memories and they're like oh yeah, remember like oh we were doing this together because I like I didn't have that. And so if I had kids I would want to give that to them. Yeah, you slip on the skate in front of them. They get to laugh together. And God knows I would. Yeah. My dad would like, I guess I had to have that with mom.

mom. My dad's whole, like a big thing that me and my mom will rose my dad about is like, he, like, wore a suit for work, so he always looked nice when he stepped out of the house. In the house, couldn't care less about what he looked like. My man, ashy as hell at all times. Every Christmas morning, we have pictures of him, his knees

bright white, bro. Bright white, like Casper the ghost. That's how my man was looking at a suit and providing and you guys are giving him shit on Christmas? You got to. You got to. Leave my guy alone. Brother, we got plenty of lotion in this house. We live in a, we live in a black house So there's all sorts of Vaseline's and cocoa butters of various varieties.

Like, you have no reason to look like this. And he would constantly. Oh, man, I feel for him. Yeah, he's fine. He's fine. He's good. Actually, don't worry about that. Don't actually worry about it.

He's fine. Two kids I see for you. Three, I think would be nice. Maybe you'll open your heart at some point. It's just like, I don't know. I already live in New York. Everything's always. Yeah.

Everything's so pricey. Yeah. Everything's so pricey. The taxes of it all. Yeah. Now I'm adding kids, but I guess then you get tax breaks. People don't want to hear us talk about this. Oh, they do.

Oh, they do. I stopped caring what people want me to talk about on here after about the third week of having the show. Oh, that's nice. I'm just like, y'all are going to get what I give. That's a thing that I admire about you a lot. I admire a lot of things about you. But a thing that I admire, maybe the most,

is that you really kind of do what you want all the time. We were talking about, like, TV stuff, and I was like, oh, would you ever, like, what do you want to do? Do you want to, like, write on a show again? And you go, I never write for somebody else's fucking show. I did. I didn't love it. You go, I'm never doing that again for the rest of my life.

And it's like, I think there's, I was like, oh, that's so tight. Because me, I feel like, I'm like, I don't know, I'll take a job. I'll take a job. I'll go do a thing. And you're just like, oh, no, I don't want to do that so I won't do it. And that's, I do admire that about you. That is not, thank you that's very, very kind. I don't think it's admirable.

I think I have a real problem. I think I have a real attitude problem. I have an issue with authority that is like clinical. Same. I do not like being told what to do. Same. Even by myself. even by a doctor.

Oh. I don't like being... Last time I said this, people started telling me I have autism. Not everything's autism. They are trying to make everything autism right now. I don't like being told what to do and I'm autistic. Look, I send my love to the community.

Shout out. I just don't think that's necessarily autism. Maybe it is. I don't know. But what I'm trying to say everything's autism now. I can't do any. When you tell me to do something, I don't like it. I have that same thing as well.

It makes me sick. Yeah. I'm like, no. I don't want to do it. It doesn't matter. I've said this a million times on here. but even when I tell myself to do something, that's why 75 Caleb is so important.

And I'm excited to see, we don't see each other as much as I'd like because you're, you know, we're both running around. But like, I'm excited to see you next time and see how many days through 75 Caleb you made it to. Before you leave here today, I'm going to put a check in on your calendar.

Please do. We're going to go to dinner. Let's maybe like halfway through. Halfway through. You owe me a dinner, by the way. We're going to, pardon? Yeah. The Chiefs and the Eagles played each other.

The Chiefs and the Eagles. played each other and me. Keep going. And we made a wager. We made a dinner wager like during this last NFL season. I vaguely recall. Where would you like to go?

I don't know. I'm going to look through some stuff. I'm going to look through some options. I'm going to store four dollar signs and up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got it. I really want you to take advantage of this. And I would like to.

I mean that. Wait, wait, I wanted to ask you this. We both have a real authority thing. Yeah. Your dad, what was he like? My dad? Yeah, like, what was he like? Was he like a real authoritarian type of old school dad?

He tried sometimes, but he wasn't in the house and I didn't respect him. So anytime he would tell me to do something, I'd be like, you're not really my father in most ways. I mean, I love him very much and shout out and rest and peace to him. But he would try to, he'd be like, he'd be like, the important thing about being a man, and I'd be like, you're not in the house. You know what I mean? That's one of the big important things about being a man. One of the big things is being in the house with your kid or being great at being a dad outside of the house.

Sure. You are not very good at this. Sure. So I'm not really going to listen to you about almost anything. He had some cool lessons. He had some good moments. My dad was brilliant. So I really respected his intellect.

But yeah, as far as telling me what to do, it was like, I don't really think so. Wait, where do you think it comes from then? Because mine directly comes from having like a military dad. Opposition to your dad. Yeah, yeah. Mine's, I can directly tie it to like, I really don't like people tell me what to do. And if you tell me to do something, I'll probably do exactly not that. Yeah?

Yeah, I have that. I think mine was that I grew up with a single mom and I had to grow up very early. my mom is a great parent but she was I had to do a lot of stuff for myself very young and I was a very like parentified child

and so I became very self-sufficient very young and then anytime after that I'd be like I'm basic like I don't know teachers would tell me to do stuff

at school and I'd be like I fucking do more than you do like I'm sorry but I like get myself out of bed and get myself here and I keep track of my own homework and like I do all this shit so anytime someone

to tell me to do something I'd be like what the fuck do you know you're gonna tell me what to do I already do everything I had that too, but I think mine was much less earned. Yeah, okay. I don't know if mine was earned, but I was certainly doing stuff.

You were like, you had like adult responsibilities as a kid, so you kind of wanted the adults to kind of meet you at that level. Yeah. And like talk to you as if you had like that level of agency, right? Yeah, and also just leave me the fuck alone. And stop with these bullshit. If you realize at too young of an age that adults are full of shit, they'll tell you shit, they'll be like, you can't do that.

And you go, why? And they don't have a reason. And then you're expected to do it. Anyway, that would get me a lot of them. I'm like, fuck you. I'd just be like, okay, look, I'm down to do what you're talking about, but just tell me why it's important. Yeah. If you can tell me in a way that, like, tracks to me, then it's like, I got you.

Yeah. If you can't, then I'm probably going to do it in a way. I'm out. I'm probably going to do it the way I want to do it. I get so mad. My little cousins, they, when they get told to do stuff at school and then they get in trouble for not doing it, I'm like, I want to go down to the school. I want to go down and be like, what's your fucking reasoning?

Sure. Why? It's not because I think they're right. They're kids. I just don't, you're not doing a good enough job of explaining it. And I don't, they're not supposed to be like little robots for you. Yeah. I don't like it.

I'm with you. It makes me mad. I'm with you. I'm excited to see the little, the little non-rule following kids. Oh, no, they're going to fall in line. My kids?

No, they'll be going to do what they're told. Yeah, no. I mean, I don't know. It'll be interesting to see, it'll be interesting to see because everybody has ideas about how they'll parent in theory. Sure. And then when you're an actual parent, I, yeah, I'm sure my theories will go out the window pretty quick. Yeah.

I'm curious. I mean, if we're going to do it, we got to start. You a little sooner than I. Jay, look. I get on this podcast, and Caleb talks to me like I'm 56. No, it's just the timelines are, they are, you know, objectively a little different. Sure, sure, sure, sure. No, you're right.

I do, I'm thinking about it. Time to get started up. I got to figure it out. Yeah, especially if you're planning on doing it OG style. That's true. Original recipe. That's true. But it's also like, I don't know, it's also kind of.

She, do you think it's kind of chic to, like, have a kid at, like, 45? Completely. Yeah. Like, there's something kind of fly about that. I won't be doing it. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know if I want to do it with my, like, who knows what's going to happen

with my back? Yeah. Yeah. I can't be throwing out my back, picking up my, my, my baby son. Yeah. Yeah. Not your baby son. Not my baby son.

I'm not throwing my back out playing tennis. Exactly. I've done it. And I'll do it again. Yeah. Yeah. I want you to get started soon. I really do.

I think what I, my ideal is that I'd have four kids within about two years. I'd like them all to be just right at that same. Oh, I see what you're saying. Like, wait, not two years from now. Within the same two years. Four children in two years? Yeah, I wanted to all be about the same age. Like, maybe two in each grade.

It's possible when you're a gay guy because you don't have to wait on the reset time, respawn for the girl. Sure, so you're kind of... Respond time. Do you know what I mean? Talk about pregnancy like it's Halo. Do you know?

There's a refractory period. Sure, sure, sure. Now with gay guys. It takes you a second to bounce back. Yeah, you got two. lesbians that you're doing business with? Oh, sure. And especially if you can get two sets,

bang, bang, bang, bang. Bing, bang. And then you do adoption as well. All of a sudden, four kids, maybe they're three months apart. That sounds like a lot of work for yourself. Really nice, though. Yeah, but I guess you kind of got it all out the way. Because it's like, let's just get them,

let's just give them. They can share cars to school. We're buying one car for the lot of them. One year, in like 2009, Lil Wayne had like four different kids with four different women. Yeah. In the same, like, calendar year. Sure.

And that's how you were kind of, trying to live. I feel that were I heterosexual, I feel that I would have two babies by now. Really? I'm not on purpose. Sure. You think you would have slipped up like in high school or something like that? I think for sure. Yeah. It would have been really tragic story. Or would it have been beautiful? Or would you have been doing this version of your career as a, well, I guess no, you're still you're a straight man forever in this, in this. In this scenario, I never stopped being straight. Oh, I see. Yeah. Yeah. Well, then I guess, yeah, I guess everything would probably be different then. I don't know that comedy, I don't think comedy works out for me as a straight guy.

No? I don't think the way I am really works. I don't think it plays. Yeah, it'd be, it'd be an entirely different. I think I'd get a lot of passes for gay. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. You know? Yeah, I'm curious.

I talk to people a little crazy. I guess. For straight? If a straight guy, I don't know. Yeah, people, it's not coming off as charming. I don't think it's so cute. If I'm a straight guy with children and a wife. Yeah, they're like, yeah.

Also, people, you know, when a straight guy with a wife has like our lifestyle, you're like, hey, man, you got to. Time to walk in. You know, you got to lock in. Go raise those children. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Go to the oil rig. You can't be creating content.

Exactly. Yeah. But as for me, when I'm like, oh, I'm doing 75 days where I get up before 9 a.m. I think it's kind of cute. It is funny because we live such unsurious lives. Yeah. We live such unsurious lives. I work, man, especially now that I'm not on the show this year, like collectively, I've worked like, like real, like work.

What's six, seven hours? Man, maybe the equivalent of one week. And we're about to be in June. Like, if you add it all up, like in hours, like the amount of hours I put in, probably one full week of work. Yeah. You know, and I'm doing fine. And that's fucked up. Yeah.

That's really fucked up. It's legitimately wrong. And like, it's not right the way that we are allowed to live. And I do feel like I, yeah, it's when you say that, like waking up a four nine, every time I do it, I'm like, I mean, it's pretty nice. And I forget that, like, people, like, people. I used to have to do that every day. A lot of things are nice when you are choosing to do them. Yeah, totally.

Do you know, like, when I had jobs that I had to get up at 7 a.m., I was like, this is fucking ridiculous. Terrible. And now I get up at 7, and I'm like, this is the actually definition of luxury. Well, and also, like, our version of, like, waking up for 7.8, like, at 7 a.m. It's like, all right, well, I work out at 8, and then I, like, have lunch with my friends at noon. Yeah. And then I, like, maybe do a show at night, and then maybe I, like, type a little bit in between that.

See, but a lot of these comics are not getting up at all. They're sleeping until three because they got four spots at 2 a.m. True. That's crazy. I'm glad that I'm not in that. I've never been in that. I'm not in that. Maybe I should be.

That'd be a fun era. I'd come watch your spots. I wouldn't even want you to do that. Devin, what's so true to you right now? What is so true to me? I don't know. I think just like leaning on your community, leaning on your friends and your family and like, you know, in a way that's like, you know, in a remembering, I think

as a straight man, I think you forget that you can like lean on your homies when you're like going through some shit. And I think, yeah, reminding myself of that. And then, like, doing that. Lean it on the homies and, like, getting uplifted in that way. Yeah. That's so true to me. You can call me anytime, Devin.

I know. I always assume you're gone. Well, to call me anyway. Yeah, fair enough. Because I might not be, and also I'll come back. Fair. And I'll remember, but you can call me anytime. I would do anything for you.

Oh. You can lean on me, brother. Damn. I got you. Lean on me. Come on. Say that. Yeah.

Should we start a band? We should do something. We should do something. We should do something. You should do something. We should do something. Yeah, for sure. We should do a show together.

Okay. Okay. I'm down. Oh, you want to play a game? Yeah, let's do it. You know the deal. Devin, I'm going to read you 15 statements. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true or false.

If you get 10 or more correct, we're going to give you $50. Yes. Yes. You ready? Yeah. The Walking Dead ran for 11 seasons. True. That's true.

Lacrosse has been played since the 12th century. True. That is true. The average lifespan of a goldfish is three years. False. It's 10 to 15 years. St. Paul is the capital of Minnesota. That is true.

That is true. Ven Shung threw more touchdowns than interceptions in his NFL career. That's false. That is false. The movie 8 Mile came out 24 years ago. Ugh, that's false. 24? No, that is true.

It's true. Hippos can run at a top speed of 11 miles per hour. I feel like they might be faster than that. I'll say true. False. 19 miles per hour. Fuck. I know.

I was right. I was rude for you. I got to trust my gut. The Navy is the biggest branch of the U.S. military. I'm going to say true. False, the army. Ringworm is a fungal infection.

That's true. That is true. Torchie's taco's slogan is damn good. That is true. Corrine makes plants green. That's false. False. It's chlorophyll.

Infinity is a number. That's false. That is false. Camel store water in their humps. That's true. False. It's fat. What?

Oreos are a type of dolphin. Orcs, sorry. Orcas. I eat water in camel's humps. No, it's fat. It's all fat. It's a room. Where do the water go?

Where's the water go? Man, this, somebody fucked me up. I'm glad you went back to that because I said orios are a type of dolphin. And my brain really thought that was the sentence. Orcas are a type of dolphin. False. It's true. What?

The current mayor of Flugerville, Texas is Chad Harris. Oh my God. I actually don't know the mayor of my hometown. I'm going to say, I'm going to say true. False. It's Doug Weiss. How do you do, Jim? Oh, fuck.

Ten. Ten, let's go. $50. $50. Of course it's Doug Weiss. Doug, the Weiss family and the Flugre family started Flugerville. Yeah?

So, like, the Weiss is, like, I didn't grow up around Flugers, but I grew up around Weiss's. I went to high school with Brandon Weiss, Courtney Weiss. Damn, shout out. And yeah, I'm sure, and that is clearly a relative of theirs. Of course, they literally, like, own the town. Like, they are, like, millionaires because they just, like, had all the land first.

I don't like that. Vote him out. I'm calling on Flugerville citizens now. Vote out the Weiss and Flugger families. Get them out. They've both been in power. That's so funny. Of course it's a wife.

That makes all this more. Yeah. I like that your town has that too. Yeah. I'm working on a will right now. Whoa. I'm working on a will and testament. Early.

Yeah. Well, my business guy was like, you need to get your shit in order. And I'm not leaving this to me as well. And I'm not leaving anybody anything. Whoa. Specifically because of this. I don't want my little cousin sitting around going like, he's cool, but would be nice. Think again, bitch.

All to charity? I'm giving everything to my aunt and she will distribute it. I'll tell her, I'll give her some general ideas. I'll say pay off a couple bills for everybody. Whatever that is, and then give the rest away. Nobody's going to be sitting around waiting on me to die. Whoa. Y'all aren't getting anything.

And another thing for any interested young gay men, pre-nup. We're signing a pre-nup. Sure, sure, sure, sure. We're signing a pre-nup. That makes sense. I think everybody should, honestly. An extensive one. I think if you think you're going to have anything for real,

I think it's like, it just makes more sense. I think someday I might, and so we're signing pre-up. You're doing fine. We're signing pre-up. Is that from an actual song or is that just an original note? It's a song I'm writing right now. They're going to play at my wedding. For any potential suit.

You're electric sliding down the aisle. Pre-up. Me standing up the wedding. You're going to pre-nup. You're going to need to sign that pre-nup. I can't wait. I hope. You know, I'm excited to be at the wedding.

You'll be there. Yeah, I'm excited to meet this beautiful fellow black man. If he's out there. God, God, if you can hear him. me, Devin's God and all other gods. Send me whoever. I'm interested. Yeah, of course. Devin, it's been beautiful to have you. I can't wait to have you again.

Tell the people where they can find you. Follow me on Instagram, Devin Walker, Internet, Devin. Follow the podcast. Caleb has been on for an episode. It's called My Favorite Lyrics. It's so fun. We're legitimately building a, we're building a base of guests that I don't think any other podcast has ever had. We've had both Cash Cobain, the rapper, and Chloe Troost.

Nobody can, nobody other podcasts can say that. Not doing that. And yeah, check it out. It's honestly a blast. And somebody that you like has probably been on it already. So go peep. Yeah.

Oh yeah.