So True with Caleb Hearon - Dylan Mulvaney is Legally Blonde

Episode Date: August 1, 2024

Welcome back! This week’s guest is the fabulous Dylan Mulvaney! Dylan and Caleb talk about everything from Broadway Musicals, in flight emergencies, the South of France, Judy Garland, and much more! Subscribe to our YouTube channel for full video episodes! https://youtube.com/@sooootruepod?si=v6jSeGm7tdow05Rg Join our Patreon for an exclusive extended interview with Dylan and other bonus content! https://patreon.com/SoTruePodcast?utm_medium=unknown&utm_source=join_link&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=copyLink   Follow Dylan! @dylanmulvaney    Follow the Show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Recorded at Bad Ladder Productions in Los Angeles, CAGo to liquiddeath.com/SOTRUE to check out all their healthy,infinitely recyclable beverages and find your closest retailer! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

And then they put me in like the quarantine at LAX and I have to talk to these men and they're like, where have you been traveling? I think they thought, I think it was giving like Ebola or something. And I was like, no, I swear. I, it was a, it was a Bora Bora Ambien. And then I go, they were like, well, where were, you know, why were you, I was supposed to not, I was going to not be able to fly for like three days or something. And I was like, I have tickets to Hamilton. And they were like, oh shit. And this was like, I'm so nervous. I'm like drinking this green drink. And I'm just nervous that people are going to think that I'm healthy.

But it's like a mint chocolate chip ice cream shake thing. I'm not going to let anyone think you're healthy, babe. Okay, thank you so much. We're going to edit this whole thing to make you look extremely unhealthy. Good. We're going to edit in like cartons of cigarettes laying around you. Oh, that sounds so good. McDonald's wrappers in the background. We're going to edit in like cartons of cigarettes laying around you. Oh, that sounds so good. McDonald's wrappers in the background. Oh my God, when I was 16

my car was just filled with McFlurries everywhere. Really? Yeah. I love her. I love her. How are you? I'm good. How are you, hon? Good. I haven't seen you in a second. Well, you've been avoiding me. Have I? Oh, yeah. I'm a bad texter. You've been avoiding me like the plague. Really bad texter. I can't get it.

No, I'm just kidding. Last time I saw you was what my birthday party yes that was a good party thank you cute venue cute venue a little art gallery wasn't it a muna sister was the dj yeah yeah god they look good in fact maddie gav is maddie gav up there djing um but we first met in fight master's backyard that's so true that that was like a little pre-transition for me too there might have been a skirt involved but true. That was like a little pre-transition for me too. There might have been a skirt involved, but. There was like a big jacket involved. Oh, it's the chunky knit.

It's the chunky knit. Fuck, that was really a staple there for a second. Yeah, pre-transition chunky knit. Yeah, I mean, it is the pipeline. Absolutely. You know, that's how it starts, honey. It is. You get one chunky knit sweater and it's over. It's over for you from there.

Nori Reed was on, recorded with us the other day and she consistently pushes a theory that i'm secretly a trans woman oh well that's why i'm here is that why you're here as well yeah a lot of the trans women in my life are on this train and i'm loving it it's oh my god i get a phone call from a random friend that i haven't talked to in a little while and i know it's coming they're there I call you I go hey Dylan can you come on the podcast I need to talk about some stuff I know it's so funny because I wanted to start making like trans baskets for you know random followers and people and now I can just give them to all my best friends because they're transitioning everyone's

coming on over they are yeah they are they really are the grass is greener the grass is greener over well yeah I think everything is good for trans people. It's better. It's just like easier, normal over there. Yes, healthcare is excellent. Healthcare is excellent. It's like Canada. Wouldn't change it. Being trans is like Canada, y'all.

It is. Yeah. I feel very Canadian. Yeah. Even though I'm in my Princess Diana sweater. I think that was your real transition. You were feeling very American, and then you went Canadian. I did.

Yeah. I did. Now I'm going UK, because I'm going to live there all summer. Exactly correct, which we were just talking about. Tell the people what you're doing. I did. Yeah, I did. Now I'm going UK cause I'm going to live there all summer. Exactly. Correct. Which we were just talking about. Tell the people what you're doing. I am doing Edinburgh fringe.

I don't know how to, Edinburgh, bra, bra, bro, bra, bra, uh,

fringe festival in all of August. I'm doing my one woman show tag and, um, I'll be like in London rehearsing it for like a month. And then all of August in Scotland. I'm probably going to come to see it in Scotland. Come? Yeah.

I've heard it's so fun. I mean, Patty Harrison's going to be there, Cat Cohen, Maggie, is it Maggie? What's her last name? Maggie Winters. Maggie Winters. I've heard she's really cool. Doing Marguerite, yeah.

Yeah, it's good people. Where's your one-woman show? Well, I guess we're writing one right now. This is the beginning. This is the start of my one woman show. No, I did solo shows in Chicago back in the day, and I've thought about doing another one. But I have such a real, every time I sit down to write one, I've written probably like five solo shows halfway in the last year, and I just can't commit to one. Are they giving Broadway?

No, I don't think they're giving Broadway. I don't know much about Broadway, so it can't commit to one. Are they giving Broadway? No, I don't think they're giving Broadway. I don't know much about Broadway, so it'd be hard to say. What's wrong with you? I know. I knew, I literally knew this would come up because you are,

I mean, you were on Broadway. I am the personification of Broadway. You were, and I don't really do it. I don't do it. What's with that? Well,

I don't like when people turn big emotions into song. Oh. So you can see where the tension starts. Yeah. Yeah. No, I would love to. I just never did theater growing up, so I feel like there was a big disconnect. Is it because you can't sing?

You wish. You can. No, I cannot sing, but I would serviceably sing in a show, for sure. I could sing in a show. I think if you could sing, you would like it a little more. Give me a song. Oh, Annie, Tomorrow. Tomorrow, tomorrow.

You're incredible. Yeah. What the fuck? You felt that? Yeah. Even just there, you could feel. Do you not have a theater agent? I don't.

That's weird. That's weird, and it's a huge problem. Well, I don't know if if it is because i've never done we send them that two bars yeah you're done you think i would that would get me yeah tomorrow oh let's go back to the other key no it was half what about this tomorrow up there tomorrow oh wow you like it down there? That's giving like Sam Smith musical. Okay, no worries. I want something just really clean. Just really... Tomorrow. Right there? Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah, Hamilton, here you come. Maybe not the right show for you, actually. Yeah. What would be your dream musical to be in? My dream musical to be in? Me taking over the pod right now? I would love if you took over the pod.

No one ever takes care of me. So true. I want to be small on here uh what my dream musical i'm trying to think of one the legally blonde oh bitch you want to be in my i'm trying to do legally blonde so hard right now um um who's the guy that no not him i want to be the dorky guy oh my god but that's supposed to be a trans man which is it do you like oh in your show yeah in my you're like i was like i did not clock him at all you're like wow what like oh my god no i want to do a version of of lily blonde where um it could be me as l but like a trans woman would be really cool yeah and then you've got like a cis um hetero chaser like warner and

then he's like i can't actually be seen with you and then emmet is like the trans man that's like you're one of us and l's like no i'm not and then um fucking paulette is the trans elder woman who's like giving her all this advice yeah you see it i do see it yeah i thought so i kind of wanted to play paulette when you were saying all this maybe i could play the creepy professor who touches people i mean this is like you obviously transitioning means that you could be Paulette now. The fact that you would have me play the older trans woman

if I transitioned and not the younger one. That didn't feel nice, did it? No, and it's just that like- That didn't feel nice. We will dye your hair blonde if we have to. Yeah, I want to play the younger trans girl. Yeah, you're Elle Woods. I'm Elle.

I'm Paulette now. You're Paulette. I am your Paulette. Oh my God. That's crazy. My North girl. Yeah, you're Elle Woods. I'm Elle. I'm Paulette now. You're Paulette. I am your Paulette. Oh my God. That's crazy. My North Star? Yeah, I've never, I like never really had like a daughter in the dollhouse yet. So.

I want to, yeah, I want to be in there. You're in it. Put me in there, coach. You're in it. Put me in, coach. Yeah. I start talking like that for some reason. Put me in, coach.

I want to play that guy in the thing. What guy? Like a guy who gets to talk like that. Oh. Oh, wait, can I be the one who's, no, I want to be, I want to be the one in the thing What guy? Like a guy who gets to talk like that Oh Oh wait can I be the one who's No I want to be I want to be the one that's That she's like Ammonium phycoclimate

But the one that's being Chutney I want to be Chutney Chutney Can I be Chutney? Oh what a turf I want to be Chutney Is Chutney a turf?

I feel like she is She's not a nice person And Vivian Vivian's giving major turf energy actually Oh god Vivian Ew Yeah I want to play her But I want to play a villain Oh you like that? I do want to play a villain That's my worst nightmare He's not a nice person. And Vivian. Vivian's giving major turf energy, actually. Oh, God. Vivian. Ew. Yeah.

But I want to play a villain. Oh, you like that? I do want to play a villain. That's my worst nightmare. A villain would be so fun for me. I just don't think like, well, actually, now that you're a trans woman, I don't know if you're going to actually want to be playing a villain because we don't like to be villainized. We can't. We don't have that ability right now.

It's too scary. Well, maybe I'll stay cis just to play villain. Yeah. And then you transition. And then I transition. This is your last. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be my redemption arc. Yes. It's too scary. Well, maybe I'll stay cis just to play villain. Yeah, and then you transition. And then I transition. This is your last. Yeah. That would be my redemption arc.

Yes. It's like, he's not so bad. No, he's great. He's not even a he. No. That's, we're wrong. I think the two roles I've been most excited about

that I've gotten really close to, didn't book either of them, were both villainous. Ooh. I got really close to two big villain roles on TV. I want to be the first girl dead in like a like a horror film i can do that because you for me i can write that for you okay that'd be good because hear me out it gives everybody what they want all my followers get

to see me in a movie and everyone who hates me the conservatives get to watch me die yeah i love that that's so beautiful i know i know how to give people what they want you think about everybody well i'm just also just trying to figure out how to navigate a very hateful world, Caleb. And I want to be a little actress in a horror film. I would love to see you in a horror film. I think you're... You're getting Final Girl. Final Girl?

Yeah, like you're the last one. Or the one who dies at the end. No, I think you kill the killer. I kill the killer. Or are you the killer? I'm definitely the killer. I want to be the killer. I want to be evil in something. If anyone out there is casting something evil, I want to play evil. Also, I want to say I think you're the killer i kill the killer or are you the killer i'm definitely the killer i want to be the killer i want to be evil in something if anyone out there is casting something evil

i want to play evil also i want to say i think you're much more i think you're i think you're overall very beloved really yes i think there's a loud minority and they're not these people don't matter they're not real it's so crazy it is crazy but you're getting the brunt of it in a weird way i think you're very beloved i think i need to come with you to Kansas City and I need to make the people. Are they cool there? I have trans friends in Kansas City. Okay. Yeah.

Love. It's tough. I mean, look, we fight legislation battles in places like that. So like overall, is there a hostile state government that we're working on? Yes. But also if we all leave and ignore it, will it get any better? No. Right.

And so I have conflicted feelings because I do. My trans friends do come visit me in Kansas City and they go, go oh what's going on over here with the laws and i go well not all good yet but we're working on it yeah you now being the press secretary is so crazy i want to fix it you're very nuanced i want to make missouri better love it and that's why i'm running for office would you ever i don't know i thought i could for one day. Yeah? What day was it? I was interviewing Joe Biden at the White House. And I was like, oh, this is awesome. I was like, they have cookies in there.

And it was so clean. And I just felt so – he made me feel so special. And then I left and I no longer felt that way. I think what you're describing though is why most people run for office. Instead of, like I don't think most people who run for president are like, oh, I want to change the world. I think they're like, God, the amenities. Top notch. They're crazy.

Better than Google. Yeah. You can put any button on your desk and if you push it, someone will bring you something. Yes. I would put a hot wing button on there. What button would be on your overall office desk? Oh, if I could get anything, grape zevia. What?

You never had a grape zevia? I don't even know what it is. Honey. Grape zevia? Zevia. Zevia? You ever heard of stevia? Yeah.

Put a Z in front of it. The creation meeting. Well, what really throws me is that it's grape soda. Sure. No sugar, no calories, anything like that. I'm out. But it's clear. And so if you're making a purple cow, do you know what that is?

No. It's a grape soda with vanilla ice cream. Okay. It does make you uncomfortable because it's not purple. It's clear. And so it doesn't make you feel the same. But it's really good. I have like four a day. You have four of these a day yes i'm once you said no sugar i

was out really i love no no it tastes sugar i bet baby guy like me you know guy like me would see through that in a heartbeat the guy like me knows what sugar tastes like you could just exchange that with water and then you could drink like a real grape soda after what wait what i wasn't very good at math you're saying are you pitching that i chase water with real grape soda i know i was gonna say chase zevia with grape soda okay yeah you don't like grape soda i do like grape soda i purple cow is something i've never heard of have y'all heard of a purple cow bring it out where are you from san diego the home of the purple cow are they doing purple cow I don't know where I got that from but my family yeah we lived um very far from the beach the farther from the beach you get

the more they don't like the gay people LA is like a like sort of uh no San diego is like a trumpy la kind of i yeah i feel i think so you been to san diego the zoo i haven't been to the san diego zoo but let me tell you something last time i went to san diego to do a show first thing i saw was a dead body no yes no pulled into san diego rental car from the airport got a rental car pulled pulled into the city dead body the only dead bodies i've seen are in san diego hey people are dying in san diego honey i i mean i can't get it burned out of my brain i was like nine years old and we were um it was a summer and i was there with like my cousins at the beach and we're like looking over the pier and a man had washed up in a suit like with like literally

full suit still not a breath coming out of him. I still think about him. And when I was on my second date with my first boyfriend. Oh, am I allowed to say that? Yeah, that's fine. Let's take that. Let's just take his name out. When I was on my first date. No, when I was on my second date with my first boyfriend, he was an Eagle Scout.

We were driving and we saw another dead body. So that's two. And then with yours, that's three dead bodies in San Diego. When was your first boyfriend 14 he was 18 very scandalous that is very scandalous yeah but he was an eagle scout so it doesn't count yeah they get to do whatever they want yeah they've mastered things obviously there's an innocence within him yeah you know well broke up with him at disneyland you broke up with him at disneyland i can't believe you were dating guys at 14. California is so different.

It was my first, but it is like- But you were dating a guy at 14? That's crazy. You weren't? No. Oh, shit. In Missouri? Honey, no. Craigslist?

I was, I didn't, I think I started hooking up with guys when I was like probably 15 or 16, but no dating. I mean, there was no dating going on. I don't think I've actually been in like a serious, serious relationship though. Nor have I. What's wrong with us? with us honey i just we have my mom on the podcast oh and my mom would never we really got into this really my mom pitched that i'm the problem i was re-watching i don't know what order these will come out and i'm gonna come out before you have good things like they were valid points i guess according to her but she really pitched

that i was the problem. She was like, I fucked you up and now you're the problem. And she was like, your friends tell me that you bring good guys around and then you're not into them.

And I said, don't listen to these people. They're mentally ill drug addicts. My friends, these are not trustworthy sources. Look at these people. No. They're here.

They're here. And look at all of them. Way too much time on their hands. Yeah. Only, there's like seven people in here. Only two of them are getting paid. The rest are just here because they like this. I know.

That's not people you trust. No, I don't trust me and I'm here. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. And you're probably not getting paid for being here. None. There's a chance you do though. Oh.

Yeah. What are we promoting? You know what? I'll do it right now. Why not? This is a natural segue. Dylan, I've got a segment for you. Okay.

Here's what's going to happen. I'm going to read you 15 statements. Oh, this is one of the segments. This is one of the segments. I'm going to read you 15 statements you stand. Standing out of camera. Oh, say can. Okay.

So I'm going to read you 15 statements. They have an objective true or false answer. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can after each one. I'm talking rapid fire. If you think it's true or false, and Dylan, hear me on this, if you get 10 or more correct, we're going to give you 50 US dollars. Oh my god. Absolutely. Okay. Harold Prince holds the record

for most Tony Award wins at 21 total. True. True. John Cena is a 16-time world wrestling champion. True. True. Dr. Seuss had a doctoral degree in dentistry. True. False. He's not an actual doctor. Fuck. Humans have the same number of neck vertebrae as elephants. False adina menzel is a black belt in judo true false fuck sacramento produces the most avocados in the u.s yes false san diego not my people paul bunyan was a real

person false false stewie from family guy wears red overalls. True. True. The first Instagram DM was sent in December 2013. True. True. The most expensive shoes ever made are worth $19.9 million. False. True. Chicago is the longest running show in Broadway history. False.

False. It's Phantom of the Opera. YouTube's original slogan was tune in, hook up. True. True. Anton Chekhov wrote an actor prepares. False. False it was um oh my god um an actor prepares is stanislavski uh sabrina carpenter's aunt voices bart simpson false true wow the

chargers have never won the super bowl um oh true true how'd she do? Nine. Oh. Oh. That's okay. You have so many other things. I'll bend on myself $50 later. You have so many other things going on. You don't need to win that. Thank you. You're winning in a lot of other areas. I got the Broadway ones.

That's what's important. Yeah. You're a big Broadway girl, Lena. I love it. I was going to say Indiana Jones. Idina Menzel. She's got the black belt. The wickedly talented Adele Dazeem i love that clip i watch it

all the time oh it's still like you what's your tiktok for you page like because i get those all like you know the um they do like best of compilations i see that one every day really yeah i have a question for you yeah i don't really know what my for you page is i don't i don't i guess if i if i am scrolling i'm getting Southern people. I'm just getting Southern people. Just in general. Four likes per video. Just literally like a woman being like, hey, y'all, today we're going down to Walmart. We're going to buy lunch for my working class husband.

Are they like eating in their car, like telling you about their day? Sometimes, yeah. Single mom who works two jobs. Oh. It's too hard. Too hard? Who loves her kids and never stops with gentle hands you know in a heart of a fighter i'm a survivor it's beautiful thank you i have a question for you what musical

would you want to be in i legally blonde i would love to be in wicked i would love to be in oh sweeney todd one day um as mrs love it but that's like she's like 20 years away from that um what does she do yeah make pies in sweeney todd's pie shop that's her only thing her pie shop wait i thought he was a barber he's the barber he lives upstairs but he has a pie shop no his girlfriend does and you're the girlfriend duh so what the fuck is that thing about sweeney todd's a barber who lives above a pie shop and he dates the pie girl yeah yes i'm falling asleep a little bit there's a lot of murder okay a lot of murder now i'm in and you want to play pie girl i'm pie girl you're you're barber i'm barber you're barber i'm you'd be so good yeah you want

to be evil is he villainous we can't book movies but we can get broadway i want to be villainous you oh the most i want to be so villain such a dick oh i want to be i want to i want to play that you're close i do want to play something you think in real life yeah what do you think of me i think you're one of the funniest people i've ever met. Okay. When I met you, I knew that you were going to be a star. Stop. I think you were a little intimidating at first, to be honest. No, me? Yes, you.

Because I think you're, like, someone who's, like, you know, knows yourself really well, really knows how to, like, what I like is that you don't, like, take from other people in the room but you do know how to command like the stage and like when you're telling a story your people are with you you have that really absolutely thank you yeah i know what you guys are thinking caleb why are you drinking that delicious looking beer slash energy drink you guys dream on i'm not doing that stuff okay i'm drinking liquid death and one thing i love about them genuinely is they donate a portion of profits from every can sold to help kill plastic pollution. So what? These guys are murdering your freaking thirst and then they're also murdering the single-use plastic bottle? Yeah, sign me up.

I absolutely love Liquid Death for real. They've been very good to me. Low sugar sodas, low sugar iced teas. They're doing natural mountain water. And I drink the regular spring water. The mountain spring water. The normal water. It's just in a can. And I love it. And I'm drinking it all the time. Hard days in the coal mine here at the podcasting coal mine where I clock in every day and I break my back for my family, my wife and my kids. I'm drinking this stuff. You can get free

shipping of Liquid Death's Mountain Water Flavored Sparkling and Iced Tea 8-Packs with Amazon Prime or grab a can or a case at your local 7-Eleven, Target, Walmart, Whole Foods, or Instacart. Go to liquiddeath.com slash sotrue to check out all their healthy, infinitely recyclable beverages and find your closest retailer. That's liquiddeath.com slash sotrue. Liquiddeath.com slash sotrue. My For You page is not a lot of comedy right now. It's a lot of sort of appalachian mountains lore that's you a lot of backroom yeah you ever been to the backrooms before backroom you know what the fuck

i'm seeing a lot of heads going like this the backroom is there the backrooms there it's basically a different dimension that is potentially under us and um there's people that like will go down there and it's it's almost like a place that you've only seen in your dreams. Wow. I'm really sounding like a conspiracy theorist wearing a princess Diana sweatshirt. And that makes me really nervous. I don't,

I don't support the princess Diana conspiracy theories. I don't think let's let her rest. Okay. Um, but I do think that, um, the back rooms really scare me and the people that live in the Appalachian mountains that,

you know, people go missing a lot and we're not talking about National Park people going missing all the time what is the I still don't understand the back room okay the back room I don't honey oh that's what it looks like oh my god I feel like it's like the fucking the grudge or whatever it's like um the ring where you've like seen it

you have seven days to live now like you're it's over for you your for you page that's just a hallway exactly what exactly someone help like you've never seen that in like a sleep paralysis before no i don't that's not happening to me well it's like a it's an online phenomenon where it's like the idea of liminal spaces. Yeah. Oh. Offices, abandoned children's playgrounds, McDonald's, like play places, things like that. That eerie feeling you get that there's a dimension where it's just that all the time.

There's monsters that live there that'll kill you. Uh-huh. I flew him in. Yeah. You brought him in to do that. And I, tonight, sleep with one eye open that's all i gotta say you're not gonna be happy with this response from me i don't think but i've never the liminal space thing like people post a picture of a loading dock and they go isn't this eerie and i

go no it's just like a loading dock terrifying do you know what kind of things go down at loading am i one of the bravest people to ever live or am i a total idiot well it's i feel turned on right now i hope that's what the listeners are getting from this the fact that that did that photo of a hallway did not just scare you the fact that you want to jump your bones well get in line honey but that picture it should not be scaring people okay i'm feeling judgmental about you're feeling fear when you see that yeah well because i know what that means you don't know yet but you have to really get deep i have to get i have to get submerged yep yep interesting and what so what's the idea there's monsters in there i think so who knows your worst fear is probably will you tell me

honestly is this like an inside joke no it's real it's like a hundred percent real and people are really good seeing that and going i think so well at least those of us who are silly enough to believe and let me tell you something Dylan you have clocked me to hell and back because I am not silly enough to believe oh you aren't that is what's lacking on this set I don't do silly very often

thank god I'm here there's silliness on the set it's just not coming from me I am so or like i i truly am the most um uh the least sarcastic i i'm so i i believe everything at face value yeah you told me there was a monster there's a monster yeah you told me that you know i should join a cult i'll do it whatever you want yeah i'm opposite really if someone says there's a monster in there i go what are you six

and that's the first person dead in a movie i would get killed in the movie i'd be the person that's like i'm gonna go grab the beers from the haunted garage i want us to do like um like a scary movie reboot you know with like where it's like uh like you know when anna ferris did like scary movie those are the best i love those i those. I miss them. Let's make one. And then there was one, Vampire Suck, which maybe didn't get as much press, but it was like Twilight themed.

Yeah. You into Twilight? I never saw it. Oh. Oh. Cries, falls out of the chair, dies.

I knew there was a reason I didn't want to come on this podcast. Yeah. Yeah. Why? I didn't see it, but I understand. Two very different trans women

sitting at this chair. Two trans women sitting before me. You go watch. Type in ContraPoints Twilight on YouTube. Watch for the two and a half hours. You will know. I think I got the gist of it. Through osmosis, I got the Twilight gist.

There's Team Edward, Team Jacob. People were talking. You didn't read the books? I dated a girl. I dated a girl who was really into twilight and i got her a twilight poster for christmas one year as her boyfriend i said here you go chica you want to make out at kate's lake party or what and we did it was awesome i liked i just really liked kissing and i thought that was heterosexuality

i love kissing kissing is huge and I thought that I was heterosexual. You did? Oh, for sure. Did you not think you were straight ever? No. I was like six, like swimming under the dad's, like different stranger dad's legs

in the swimming pool, like looking at their butts with my eyes open under the chlorine. They were definitely pulling you down the side and being like, hey, Dylan's being weird in the pool again. But then I was like,

am I heterosexual now? Which is crazy to think about. Always complicated. Not fully. Sexuality starts to really fall apart when you get enlightened

about gender. Yeah. Because then it's like, what are we talking about? Exactly. And that's what we're going through with you right now. I would love, I now. I wish.

I wish. I would love to be cooler. I just was listening to the Trixie Mattel pod with the both of you. And I'm like, there seems to be the theme on these pods. What is the theme? That you're trans. Would be cool. I think I could rock a he-they.

I could rock a he-they at some point. Oh, I loved that. That was so fun for like three months. Yeah, he-they. Yeah. Did could rock a he-they. I could rock a he-they at some point. Oh, I loved that. That was so fun for like three months. Yeah, he-they. Yeah. Did you do a he-they? I did a he-they quietly in the bio. Thank you.

And then we did a real hard launch of a they-them on my birthday like two, three years ago. Quietly launching a he or she slash they in the bio is such a move. And you just, you know, right after. after and you go someone might see this someone might i clock it sometimes when i haven't seen a friend in a while and they've been getting more and more experimental with their haircuts i check the bio just to make sure that hasn't popped up and then they often maybe they took their pronouns out yeah when they got that hair and you go well now what the fuck am I supposed to do? No, when the haircut gets too experimental, I go, has a they popped up in the bio or not?

Because I want to start using it. It's a good gauge. Well, that's just how you know. The haircuts start getting a little different and you go, there's a they floating around. You could dye your hair. Me? Yeah. What would you like to see?

Blonde. Now, see, I would get dragged to hell if I went blonde. No, because- People would accuse me of being mentally ill, which I'm not. No, you are, you're obviously doing the legally blonde reboot. Yeah.

And you, you got to commit to the bit. I'll commit to the bit. What is it? Okay. You told me that you told me you'd most want to be pie lady and Sweeney Todd. Yeah.

What is, I just asked the, I guess this earlier. What is, if you could snap your fingers. Okay. Oh, you did it.

We're done. If you could snap your fingers and get all the money in the world, all the support in the world to make a project tomorrow, what would you make? Oh my God. I would make- It can't be the Legally Blonde remake. Okay, deal. I want to do like a trans rom-com that is basically a spoof of like every early 2000s

film where like I have like a Princess Diaries makeover. I've got a wedding. I've got prom i've got like i wanted to be all of them thrown into one and just to really like check the boxes of like because what we didn't get to see like trans girls do in the early 2000s yeah that's what i want oh i think that'd be a lot of fun i know or oh a spy movie oh that those are expensive so i should probably ask for something that costs a little more that's the thing you have to dream big action is expensive it really is what did you already say what you what yours would be mine would be no i didn't um what would mine be all the money

in the world i think i would make something i would just make something psychotic i would basically cast myself as the lead in like a star wars-esque, like huge tentpole, like science fiction film. Really? And you wouldn't be funny in it? No. Ugh. No, I would just go weird. I just feel like,

you know, it's like you've got your moment. You've got to make people laugh once. Once? Yeah. For the first time? Yeah. Make people laugh for once?

For once. For once make them laugh. I just, yeah, I would want to do something so big and crazy with big costumes and world building. Yeah, I love outfits. Something like Dune, but but interesting how is dating apps going for you you're liking it on there actually just this week it totally turned around me too really negative way for me though oh it was started going bad three guys canceled on me funny how you just turned it to the negative

again i did a conversation but it's going three guys canceled i'm saying but it's going well for you yes what's going on in your world well number one Raya was a lot of DJs And CEOs which I didn't know that That many CEOs could exist in the world So it makes me question the validity Of their CEO-ness I think you're spot on But I have connected

With like oh my god One of my like long time crushes Like from many years ago Actually two of them One was like celebrity crush and one of my like long time crushes like from many years ago actually two of them one was like celebrity crush and then one was like a friend crush so um it's good i think i'm getting a little fishier i think i'm getting a little you know i was just trying to take myself from cute to fuckable and that's we're getting closer not there yet but it's it's happening what do you think those like if someone listening is like I want to go from cute to fuckable, what do you think those changes are?

I think anything where nip slips are great. I think cursing can help. Cursing ads. Yes. I think controversy is good. I think any way that you can kind of sandpaper your image is a good thing. I've been through a few now.

So it gives permission to people to fuck me yeah or at least touch themselves and think about me yeah yeah because i'm sad because i'm sad sometimes yeah what's your favorite song or piece of media about people touching themselves oh well mine is xo the cover by john mayer though um Your life is bright as a fire. Yeah. You know that one? I sure do. Yeah. That one makes me really going. What's yours? Mine. It's a tie. It's either that Divinals song. And when I think about you I touch myself. Oh that's hot. That's like really bouncy though. That's bouncy. And then the other one is Touching Yourself by Japanese House. Oh you're pretty on the nose

with these. Just how it goes. Not a lot of imagination. Oh, you're pretty on the nose with these. Just how it goes. Not a lot of imagination. Why do you think these people ghosted on you? Why did they not show up at your dates? Yeah, I mean, fuck. I don't know. A lack of imagination about how good our life could be together?

Exactly. Probably. Do you think you're just terrible at manifesting? I don't believe in manifesting, so probably. Yeah. Forget your troubles, happy days. I was going to ask you, but I didn't think in manifesting, so probably. Yeah. Forget your troubles, happy days. I was going to ask you, but I didn't think you were a singer. You guys sang Forget Your Troubles, Happy Days. Get Happy, Happy Days Are Here Again, Barbra Streisand duet.

I don't know it, but that's beautiful. Do you know that one, Judy Garland? Okay. It was really great. It was from Glee. Had you ever seen? I've seen clips online, but I never watched the show. We have very different tastes.

I got jumped in a gay bar once because I didn't know what Judy Garland looked like. Now, I know Judy Garland in general, but I was in a gay bar in New York City. New York! New York! I was in a gay bar in New York City. There are dozens of pictures of women on the wall,

and they said, look at her. She looks so beautiful. I said, who is that? They said, that's Judy Garland. Are you kidding? I said, I don't know what Judy Garland's head shot. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Don't hold my hand.

She's beautiful. But I don't remember what she looks like. I haven't seen that movie since I was a kid. The Wizard of Oz? I'm not re-watching it all the time. Do you remember what she looks like? You aren't trans. Thank you!

You aren't. I don't know what you are. Cis allegations confirmed. Scary. I think she's beautiful. Judy Garland. You think she's beautiful? I thought her picture was beautiful from the wall.

Thank you. She's going to look many different ways. Also, put 17 women in black and white on the wall and tell me you know who Judy Garland is. And they're all doing that old school. Yes. That's Cola Scola in O'Mary all I'm saying is I got jumped these gay men were

furious with me do you like Xenon the sequel or what about the first one I know the names but I don't think I saw them

zoom zoom zoom make my heart go boom boom boom is that from the Supernova Girl you are really talented you should be in Xenon they I don't I don't are they still casting Is that from the Supernova Girl? You are really talented. You should be in Xenon.

Are they still casting? They might make a new one. What about Lizzie McGuire? Oh, love her. Okay. Go off, girl. It's not all bad here. But I don't always know the reference points with Lizzie McGuire either. They'll be like, oh, not her being a brunette in Spain or that episode.

That's a pretty good reference. You knew. But I know it now because I've heard it enough times that people go, oh, you have to be on a moped. It's the movie. It's the movie. And I didn't see that. But I saw some of the episodes. Okay.

I was watching like a lot of Julia Roberts movies as a kid. That's crazy. It is. It's insane. This is how I was acting. What's your favorite? My favorite Julia Roberts. Oh, don't do that to me, Dylan.

My favorite Julia Roberts movie. What do that to me dylan my favorite julia roberts movie what do you want sad yeah the saddest one that i love probably stepmom oh i was gonna say steel magnolia oh god steel magnolia drink your juice have you seen stepmom never now who's a fool now who's a fool dylan you play the fool you haven't seen stepmom i've had a lot of stepmoms so it's a little on the nose for me, and it might make me sad. It will definitely make you sad. If you've had any kind of mom, it'll make you sad. It really gets on all the mom stuff. As many of us have.

Many of us have had moms. Susan Sarandon, star performance. Oh. Ed Harris. Wow. She's busy. He's just kind of there. But yeah, incredible.

Julia Roberts, Susan Sarandon. Oh my God, Stepmom, I cry. If you ever need to cry, if you need a good cry and you're looking for a reason other than your real feelings, take a shot at stepmom. I'm going to write it in my notes. Julia Roberts can do no wrong.

Everything she's ever been in, she's so talented and I could actually cry talking about her. Would you kiss her? Julia Roberts? Yeah. For sure.

For sure. Yeah. I don't think it would be sexual. I don't think she would take it there. Okay. I think, but I think she would think it would be consensual. Is it okay that that was hurtful? No, no.

No. No. I really think it would be more about the sort of mother-child dynamic of just like a sweet little kiss. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. I just don't think she would want to ruin that for you. Mona Lisa smile.

Never heard of that. Really? I have a question for you hey we have you're really good friends uh are we have a really good mutual friend lady j oh my god and we haven't even talked about her yet oh she's my favorite isn't she the best oh my god my mentor an absolute genius living she's the she is the the moment she's the blueprint without like not everyone even knows that like all the things that they love is it's because of her our lady j is an absolute trailblazing pioneering genius she is my like bff and mother how did you guys meet we met watching kiki boots at um the hollywood bowl do you ever see a musical at the hollywood bowl no didn't think so um and we kind of got put on a friend date by our

um a friend of our steven and she you know has been transitioned for a very long time and and i think was like oh god who do we you know who who's this new girl yeah and um we made each other laugh and and i think like the theater that you know there aren't that many people that love theater in LA yeah so we kind of bonded and now we're like doing a bunch of projects together and um it's just cool to like I think in specifically in this industry like for a trans person there's only so many um you know people like in high power like like she's one of the few I think trans people right now that that could show run something and and in that caliber and she um really helps me navigate those kind of conversations of like who you know who has my best interest who doesn't that kind of stuff yeah how'd you meet her we got connected in a work setting i was i had uh had pitched a show

with my friend holmes who you know i love uh to jack's media and we were about to take it out and start pitching it and they were like hey we need a show runner and i had pitched some people that i had uh worked with and and liked and uh jacks was like we really want you to meet with our lady jay and i was a little annoyed because they were already working with her on something and so i felt they were just giving me the convenient person that they didn't have to make like a tough phone call. No bitch. You were getting the best of the best.

And I was, so I was a little going into it. Like I'm excited to meet this woman. I'm a fan, but I, we will see if I was prepared to be like, we can just be friends and it might not be a work fit. Like I was like definitely vetting. Cause I, I just felt like they were taking the easy road. Yes. She's one of those people though, that like you like know her for something, but she can

do a thousand things just as well. Yeah. Whereas you and me, you think we're good at something, and that's all we're good at, truly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, interesting. Yeah. I think that's not true for me.

But Lady J is amazing in a million things. And we met, and I was just completely taken with her. And I was like, it couldn't be anyone else. We have to work together. And then we became very good friends. and didn't you go to like Berlin or something we went to uh Berlin together for New Year's yeah she speaks like like fluent German fuck you just learn things about her constantly I can't do that can you don't need to why why not why wouldn't I need to speak German I don't love Germany

so I'm like I don't need to be German you know what I do need to speak I'm in Spanish classes right now okay I love I want to speak Spanish very badly and I'm like, I don't need to speak German. You know what? I do need to speak. I'm in Spanish classes right now. Okay. I love, I want to speak Spanish very badly. And I would like maybe, French, I would like to know. Oui. Oui.

Oui. Bonsoir. Un adieu, père, et du fils, et du saint-esprit. Amen. Je vous salue.

Prends de grâce, avec vous, et bienvenue, toutes les femmes. Do you speak French? Just the prayer. Just that one prayer. I also know,

I want your dick, which is, je vous torpite, I believe. prayer. I also know I Want Your Dick, which is Je Vous T'En Pite, I believe. I might get dragged for that. But I'm going to Paris tomorrow. And I've got some cute outfits, so be on the lookout for that. Can I ask what airline you're flying? I'm on Delta. Are you doing Delta 1?

I'm in business. Okay, I love that. That's going to be nice. I've got my little Xanax ready. Ooh. 10 hours. I've never done like Xanax or weed or anything for a fight. Oh my God. You haven't heard my Ambien story?

No. Oh no. This is a good podcast one. Y'all focus up. Everyone focus up. I think the year was 2015. focus up i think the year was 2015 and um i was like probably 21 i um was getting on a flight from la to new york and i my dad had given me a bora bora ambien which is an ambien that you get from a random doctor in bora bora so we don't actually know what it is.

Yeah. And so I was like getting on the plane or no, I was at the bar. I made some friends at the airport. As you would. And I had like a little, you know, I had a beer to wash it down with. And then I get on the plane. Are you supposed to do that? What's that?

Are you supposed to do that? No. Okay. But I thought that was kind of the fun part of being like well you're not you know you're supposed that's what you know my I thought that's what my mom told me yeah but um okay so I get on the plane we start kind of like taking off whatever I've got a very sweet old man next to me and um I felt a little funny my stomach and um and then I saw I all I was looking at my phone and all the letters started floating off the screen and then crumpling into themselves. Yeah, you hate to see that.

And then I just saw the color purple and not the Whoopi Goldberg version. Right. Nor Fantasia, actually. No, I saw like pure purple out of my eyes when I opened them and then black. Jesus Christ. purple out of my eyes when I opened them and then black. And then I projectile vomited all over the flight. And it's, we're going up in the air. We're like literally like, like taking off. And so then all of a sudden, I mean, I couldn't see anything.

I get taken, thrown into a bathroom by a flight attendant. And you just hear nine, seven, three, four. We're turning this aircraft around. And, and so I'm like, oh my God, what happened? Like what, what what there's a mechanical failure and and i so i got it all out of my system i felt amazing like never looked or felt better in my life and then i peeked my head out and i was like excuse me and then i realized oh my god maybe they're turning around because of me and i was like hi um i um i i was just

wondering what's going on she's like you are getting off this plane Sir transphobic I wasn't a girl at the time but definitely It felt pointed She knew And then I was like I made this up I was going to New York and I was like I have a big audition And she was like you're going to have to cancel that audition

And then So then we land And then the two men in hazmat suits come on with the tiniest wheelchair you've ever seen that fit between the seats they throw me in the wheelchair and then i like roll by this like older man who um now has towels all over him and um and i was like i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i still wish i had his address just to send him like an edible arrangement or something yeah and then and then they put me in like the quarantine at lax and i have to talk to these men and they're like where have you been traveling i think they thought i think it was giving like ebola or something and i was like

no i swear i it was it was a bora bora ambien and then i go they were like well where were you know why were you i was supposed to not i was gonna not be able to fly for like three days or something and i was like i have tickets to hamilton and they were like oh shit and this was like and they were like this was peak of hamilton they charter you a pj obc yeah obc do you know what that means um oh that's an it's an initials of an actor fuck you original broadway cast okay obc and so they're like well that changes things and so they're like wins to the show and it's like tomorrow night i got on the next flight out same airline that's nuts yeah that's nuts i felt so good after it never took borobor ambient ever again well i can see why yeah you took one and

did eco-terrorism briefly yes but they do turn the plane around in case you didn't for sure yeah yeah i think they were right too but i don't feel safe that they let you get on another one i'm kind of team them not letting you get on a plane oh i just i yeah that charmed him that one was just like a just like a little beer and a snack it was fine that's crazy dylan that's nuts that poor old man you ever turned a plane around can't say that i have can't say that i've had the pleasure no i don't i'm trying to think if i've ever i'm about to get in the i think i'm gonna get in a fight with a flight attendant soon you know like a verbal argument because they're really getting testy i think we let i think covid i think covid just took them to covid took them to a new place they're being very mean now good no i don't think so they deserve the world why because think about

people put them through so much well now they're putting me through things i don't want to be victimized i'm nice to them they yell at me about the bag they what is what about your bag they just yell at me about the bag they tell they yell me about how to turn the wheels when i'm already doing it me and flight attendants we're not yeah fuck her then thank you oh that was crazy thank you oh i didn't oh did that feel nice to yell at her i don't know dylan i guess what is your most negative opinion oh oh fuck hmm what do i not like oh i hate monaco what did what did monaco do what didn't it no dylan so i just i went there i was so excited took the entire day me and my best friend lily we were going like we like made a plan

i was in um on tebe and um we got it's a different country than france so we get an uber it was very long uber to go across the border to monaco and it's just it's not very lovely all it's all condos yeah not a house in sight yeah beaches full yeah everyone they're there that's beautiful no not a spot to stand oh no and um and it's a lot of gambling you know which i my my um i just i i don't want to spend my money that way right it's not but it felt pressured it felt that was the thing to do yeah um and then i found out that i don't think the trans rights are so good there and i started getting a little nervous yes and then try to book an uber to go back you can't book an uber to go back so i had to walk across the border and um it was it was

not a good day you had to walk across a border yes what's going on i will say the monaco france border isn't a particularly like um cuckoo one to try to get over but it's my feet hurt yeah yeah yeah it was a lot i was wearing heels i think i'm on your side thank you fuck monaco yeah oh get them out i kind of feel like that feels weird now like you need to like it oh you want me to be oh i love monaco yeah i think it's good when the beach is for you are you a big gambler i don't gamble i don't gamble sometimes i'll have friends put a little money down for me. Oh, you make them pay for your bad habits? Yeah.

I'll throw a friend like 50 bucks and be like, put this on something for the game. Oh, okay, okay, okay. And then I'll be like, whatever. If I lose, I lose. And if I win, we can split it. We could go to Vegas one day. Do you want to go to Vegas? We'd have fun.

I want to go see the Maroon 5 residency. Oh, I want to see Gaga in the jazz residency. And I also would like to go to a Sphere show. I want to go to a sphere show but yeah who's marine five no maroon five and she will be loved that was nice that was nice that was really good what did you who do you like you i mean you like gaga we know that i love gaga i love um oh iron and wine from twilight the oh yeah Bird. Yeah. You know that one? Yeah. Oh, that's my wedding song. Really?

Yeah. Give us a little bit. Have I found you, flightless bird. Those are kind of the only words you can understand in that one. Beautiful. And then I love Carole King. I love Joni Mitchell. Oh, of course.

Abba. Oh, my God. Chaperone. Chaperone's killing it oh my god I feel like I found her first she's a Missouri girl really

that's right oh I love that and Rene Rapp love Rene Rapp good singer good singer love a good singer really good singer

who did I who um you said Carole King and it reminded me of oh I went to see a friend of mine play Colbert and the interview you know you never really

know who the interview is going to be and the interview was with Carol Burnett oh my god and it was really special that is so crazy it was really special it was it was beautiful I mean the the yeah it was just so it was so sweet and it was a really good yes really good questions you could tell everyone in the room felt how special it was and steven's questions were so good you could tell he was real like it just it was it was awesome and that was really cool so glad you got to experience that caleb thank you he said carol king and it reminded me of it okay same name same name what are your favorite movies? Breakfast at Tiffany's. Okay. I love Up from Disney. I love Bridesmaids. A classic.

I love The Color Purple, speaking of. And what's like my favorite, his favorite, his favorite? Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion. Classic. Yeah. That really tracks. It gives my my aesthetic that makes

sense yeah yeah it's like fun and and they they're they're dressed so fun in it it's a good image it's funny escape yeah yeah who are you who's your favorite actress oh my god you have to pick only one only one yeah only one oh shit fuck i reese witherspoon won't leave my head she's just she Oh, shit. Fuck. Reese Witherspoon won't leave my head. I love Reese. She just makes me feel so safe. You seen Election? Duh.

Duh. Some people haven't. Some people haven't seen Election. And I find myself being surprised by that. And now she's really getting serious. She does a lot of serious acting now. And she's a serious actor to me. I love her. I love her.

I've never not liked her in something. She's so charming. Who's your favorite? Julia Roberts. Oh, there we go. Probably overall. I probably overall i mean i have yeah obviously we all have a bunch but i think julia roberts is the main thing she was my mom she's my mom's favorite actress and so growing up anything julia roberts my mom was like going nuts for i also am in a big sarah jessica parker phase right now because of i'm doing a sex in the city rewatch everyone is everyone is everyone i'm talking everybody just did girls they're like done with that they're on sex in the city now i was ahead i did a sopranos rewatch before everyone started doing

it and a girls rewatch before everyone started doing it i was behind on sex in the city i've just started and everyone's been there for a second i feel i was behind on that but i'm in it now i'm on season like three i think who do you feel like well god this caused a whole this caused a whole drama because i asked my instagram followers recently it went south everyone said i was samantha for the most part really yeah i thought maybe i'd be carrie miranda see that's really hurtful yeah obviously that's hurtful like i miranda and charlotte are such like not i don't want to be them i'm kind of a charlotte do you think you're a charlotte i was i was and as i'm getting more fuckable yeah that's shifting moving from cute to fuckable takes you from charlotte to samantha yeah and there's some carrie actually in that that

pipeline crossover what part narcissist um yes smoker um yeah wow hey yeah um and just um i think a little boy crazy boy crazy yeah carrie is very i mean i know that about her i know that about her cannot stop talking about it but i just feel like you're giving like you're like can't we just talk about something other than relationships like that's you yeah you think i'm like an uptight lesbian you said it not me yeah i know i understand i definitely those votes came in no but like actually there it's a it's a good thing to be a Miranda. She is the most level-headed. She sees things realistically. I think if when I die, people say about me, God, he was level-headed, that will have been a waste of time.

I can't help dying. He was level-headed. No, that's beautiful. You really are such a good singer. That's why we're here. Are you singing in F***ing Cake? Oh, yeah. What is that show about?

Will you tell me more about it? It's sort of like the twink to straight woman pipeline it's um i i feel like what i did throughout my transition was try to strip every piece of myself away that alluded to any of my like gay man stereotypes that i used to lean into and then realizing oh my god no matter what i do these people are it's never going to be enough so i'm just going to like be a woman and a f***. Yeah. And I think that's, it feels so nice to like not have to adhere to whatever people think that my womanhood should be. Totally.

I love that. Yeah. I had a very different version of that, but I felt very like when I, when I came out as gay, I think I stripped away a lot of things about myself that felt like um anything from the closet anything masculine anything like anything that felt acceptable to people where I was from that I would play up to make sure no one thought a lot of crop tops baby I mean I definitely wore like pride merch for a year or two and that was tough but yeah I think I definitely stripped away a bunch of things and then I had another reckoning where I was like actually some of those things are true about me.

Do we think pride merch is now not for gay people? I think it's been not for gay people for a while. Yeah. Yeah. It's definitely for our moms. It's for moms. It's for allies. Yeah.

Pride merch is for allies. Yeah. And gay people who wear pride merch are definitely, I feel, a disconnect from. If you're earnestly wearing an HRC shirt, I'm like, I love you. I support you, but I don't feel connected.

Yeah. But that's, that could be your audience. It definitely, some of them are out there for sure. And they're listening. I love your shirt. I love your shirt.

But that's another thing is it depends on where you do it. I think if you, I've said this before, if you have an RBG tote in Brooklyn, it's a little chuggy. If you have an RBG tote in Memphis, it's different because the climate is different. You know what I'm saying? Like things are just, I think there's just.

Geographical. Yeah. I think I get to be on the coast. I get to be like a jaded, disaffected liberal. And then when I'm back in Kansas city, I'm a little more like, I'm a more. Target pride collection. Exactly. Correct.

And I think it's completely acceptable because I think it's different. It's needed. You know? Yeah. You need... Target pride collection. Exactly correct. And I think it's completely acceptable because I think it's needed. Yeah. You need the Target pride collection. In Missouri, the Target pride collection is needed. That is your version of activism. Yeah. That's the extent of my activism as well.

That's all I'm doing. T-shirts. That feels like enough to me. Just T-shirts. You're showing up. Kale Perrin, how to be an activist, just T-shirts.

Activist T-shirts are kind of cute. I don't wear a lot of t-shirts. You don't. That's because you're high glam. I actually, I came a little more casual for you today. Thank you. Thank you for knowing that. Thank you.

That I would want that. Because I really, I love a casual moment. Yeah. Do you like being in, do you like, you like. I love full glam. Yeah, you love full glam. Oh my God. You're like comfortable in it or you're uncomfortable but you don't mind?

Oh no, I feel way more comfortable in that than this. Really? Yes. Because if I, if I look good, everything's going to be okay. Yeah. That's how I feel. That's really interesting. You don't like to wear tuxes?

God, no. Okay. I don't like dressing up. I do acknowledge that I look when I really like when I shave and so hot, I look not. Yeah. Okay. I know. I admit that I look handsome, but I don't enjoy it.

I'm never excited to put on a suit. Oh, my God. I'm always a little like for real. Really? Yeah. Get me in a dress. But you're even even in a comfy look. You're doing like big glam.

Like you're doing earrings and makeup and nails done and you're accessorizing it. Soft. You like it. I love. It's my favorite. I do think there will be a period of time where I enter like a really hot butch sort of you know yummy androgynous thing but that's like three years away what is that gonna look like do you think um slicked back hair oh probably short like really short hair yeah maybe a little like eyebrow piercing um maybe like like maybe i'll probably by then i'll have gotten fake

tits and then we'll probably get top surgery again to then get them taken out. Yeah. And I'm just like taping down. Um, and you know, maybe like some wide legged jeans could do me some good. Yeah. You know what I mean? I see you in wide legged jeans. Yeah.

I see that for you for sure. I can't wait. Is that butch though? Wide legged jeans? Some could say. Yeah. For me? Very.

Depends. Yeah. Maybe like a carpenter. What would your idea of me as butch be? You as butch though? Wide leg jeans? Some could say. For me, very. Depends. Yeah. Maybe like a carpenter. What would your idea of me as butch be? You as butch? Yeah. Oh God. I'd love to see you in like a business suit.

You as butch. I don't know. What is butch? I mean, when I think of butch, I think of like a denim vest. Oh. Like a flat top haircut. What else is butch to me cargo pants yeah a nice work boot timberlands i think of like leah delaria wow that's butch to me yeah i mean she's the og

but like these are the she's the butch blueprint right she's the butch brand and then i think i'll end with like a diane keaton sort of aesthetic god coastal grandmother largeal, grandmother, large sun hat. Yeah. Pinstripe tee, yeah. She's really nailed a vibe. She's really created a niche that is like, that's the Diane Keaton look. Yeah, we're not going to go after her today. I'm so glad that Diane Keaton is our common ground. Oh, I love Diane Keaton.

Oh, thank God. I couldn't handle it. First Wives Club? Are you kidding me? You don't know. Why am I singing every single one reference? You can't help yourself. Can't stop.

You can't help yourself. Well,'t stop. You can't help yourself. Well, that is the big thing from that movie, though. She's so sweet. She's so good. I love Diane Keaton. And someone joked the other day on some – I saw something online about some movie poster with her, and they were like, does she write into her contracts

that she has to wear her personal wardrobe and everything? Because she does her big look in everything now. She probably does – I feel like she styles most of it. Probably. And she looks amazing. She should. I get so nervous that if and when I'm on a TV show that I'm not going to be in cute clothing.

My biggest fear. Oh, well, I've lived that nightmare. Oh, have you? Oh, God. Every TV show I've been on, they put me. The last TV thing I did, they put me in a polo and a leather jacket. Neither of them fit. A polo and a leather jacket neither of them fit a polo and a leather jacket yes and they had me driving a suburban it was for uh killing it season two and they thank

you guys for having me i loved being on but it i do i will say when they put the clothes on me i was like wow i would kill to be in anything other than this it was a really tough look it was tough you didn't take it home no no i don't think they would have appreciated that but i do it's not it's not always their fault i will say there's just not a ton of like very fashionable stuff for big guys so a lot of brands my favorite brands that i can actually wear um my favorite brands that i can actually wear i mean john there's a brand called johnny big out of canada that's like men's big and tall like suits and dress shirts and stuff you should do a pride campaign with them.

Johnny Big pride campaign. Hit me up, y'all. I'll do it. I'll do it. And then say it says, I will only wear this in Kansas City. Yeah. Or in the mid... Yeah.

Will not wear this in LA. Honestly, what do you... I think if there's one brand that I could get to make stuff in my size, it would probably be LaVey. Oh. I love their men's stuff. That feels like it should already be a thing, but i love their men's stuff that feels like should already be a thing but if not now if not if not now when if not now soon when we need to make it happen what are your favorite brands oh i love um i love prada i love um uh oh um i love alice and olivia Oh, I love Alice and Olivia, Sandro, Valentino.

And then I did used to like Brandy Melville, but they went way downhill. I used to work there actually. It's a sore subject. The girls know. The girls fucking know. They were like, girl, you did not just. But it's, you know,

they had nice quality cotton shirts for very cheap. But I'm trying to think, like, I just love clothes. I know you do. I do. I have a question for you. Yeah. Dylan, what's so true to you? What's so true to me?

Yeah. Like, oh, like, true to me? Yeah, like, what is so true? Like, what's a hill you would die on? What's so true to you? Oh. Or, like, what's a thing that you just believe is like universally true um oh that if everyone just like had a day full of jet skiing no there would nothing bad would exist in this world

a day full every day or just one a year put You put all the problematic ones on a jet ski. Yeah. They'll figure their shit out and they'll come back with smiles on their faces. How often should they get to be on the jet ski? Once a quarter? It's like, honestly, it tides you over for about four years. Really? And then you get the itch.

And then you might start back up again around year five. One day on a jet ski tides you over. One day. Somewhere really beautiful too good weather uh-huh yeah oh shit i love that it'll do it every time i love that do you have a jet skied yo yeah well i thought so you're here i'm out on the lake you're thriving clearly thriving i've been on a jet ski can you imagine i would love to be on a jet ski right now oh could you a pod on a jet ski really hard to

record be careful someone might steal it i know audio would be tough audio obviously the fun of it how about um i don't have a jet ski i don't know own one though well you like to jacuzzi though i believe you got access i like a jacuzzi i also think a jacuzzi could do a lot of people some good a jacuzzi could do it basically luxury you're like if we could get these but a lot of those a lot of uh, a lot of- Water. Water. Healing water.

Yeah. I feel that. I think I feel healed by the water. Big jump in the lake. So true. You know what? It's so true. You know what I don't like though is when you try to jump in a body of water before it's

seasonally appropriate. Like you try to force it. Oh, I cannot stand ice baths. I don't. I would never. Hell. I would never. My showers, scorching. Absolutely burning hot. I hate that when people try to push that on you. I don't. I would never. Hell. I would never. My shower's scorching.

Absolutely burning hot. I hate that when people try to push that on you. It's horrible. It's good for you? Yeah. Why?

I don't. Not for me. We stayed at a house in Mexico City that had a real real water problem. Like cold water? Yeah.

It was like freezing. There wasn't enough. It wouldn't come out. There wasn't enough of it either it either it wouldn't come out it would sputter out and it'd be freezing cold and it was already it was it was in december january so it was already kind of cold so you just stand in the corner and like splash water and stuff like fuck and just like you were trying to take the quickest shower you can you're trying to get your hair cut it was truly and i messaged the people because it was a very it was a nice place i mean we paid for paid for it. And I was like, hey, this is basically unacceptable. And then they started, it was too cold at night too. The heating wasn't working.

So I was like, can you guys bring extra blankets? And they're like, we'll try. And then they didn't, they brought like one extra blanket for like six rooms. And then what happened is there was like a spa around the corner that we started going to to shower. To just to shower. Just to shower. We were paying to be like, we're going to do the steam room and the shower. I would love to be in that right now.

Virginia and I did it together. We're in there naked. It's meant for one, really. And we're just in there and I'm like, so, Virginia, ultimately this is my nutsack. You ever been to We Spa? No. Oh, that's like the Korean spa downtown.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, I just don't know which side to go in anymore. They separate it by gender. I think it's pretty clear what side you should go in. Yes, in theory. But I don't think that... When I used to go in the male side years ago, I saw trans women in that side.

So I just don't know where I stand now. Well, what side would you like to be in? The women's. Well, get over there. Let's get you in there. I'll call them up. I'll say, when dylan comes in she's going on the women's side you set her up i don't want any questions asked um i just love i love to i love to be in warm water yeah yeah it is nice i love a steam room conversely hate a sauna oh i hate the dryness a dry heat for

what torture bad bad but wet But a wet heat fun. Wet heat fun. The YMCA in LA has a great steam room. You do that a lot? Not lately, but overall I'd love to be in there, yeah. What happens there? Nothing you would think. I thought it was going to be potentially gay.

Okay. Not equinoxy? Not equinoxy. Nothing gay going on in there. You seen anything about this aloe gym online? Huh? You seen the aloe gym? Anybody that like, it's like all these celebrities are going to the same gym now it's weird that we haven't been invited i'm i would love to not be invited that sounds

or what is it just a celebrity gym it's like i just keep seeing all these tiktoks of all these people in the same pilates class yeah not but i didn't see you in it that's we need to get you in there i don't know do you do pilates i don, we need to get you in there. I don't know. Do you do Pilates? I don't think I'd like it. Pilates. Yeah. I don't really like to move my body. Yeah.

That's, hey, sister. You like to, I like to lay. I love being sedentary. It's one of my biggest things. Oh, bed. Motionless. I don't even do couches. Flying, really?

Yeah, this is hard. I get out of the, I get out of the bed to go to the couch. And you know what's crazy and really sad is it makes me feel like i've done something if you're like oh now we're on the couch when i lay bed and go to couch i'm like this is a business businessman's afternoon oh my god cosplay yeah i get right back in bed really i get up shower get dressed bed wow eat my food in bed i get up do nothing no shower coffee couch long I can. You're not a morning shower person? No, I shower an hour and a half before I have to be at a thing.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. Hop in there. So if I have to be somewhere at noon, 10.30. Baths? You like a bath? Absolutely not.

Oh, no. Can't tolerate a bath. So Diane Keaton really is the only common thread. It's all we have. Do you want to try and find some other ones? Dr. Pepper, what do you think? Love. Oh, my God. Yeah. Huge. Do you eat meat try and find some other ones? Dr. Pepper, what do you think? Love. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Huge. Do you eat meat? No. Okay. Do you like God? No. Well, as a person who lives in the sky and rules down negative or positive for people or as a force for love? Because I think I have an...

If you're like God is an energy in the universe that moves us towards love, I could get down with that. I think I like that definition. I can get down with that. I wouldn't... I don't know if the word God is very loaded for me, but I... Maybe not capital G, small. Little g God?

Yeah. Yeah. What about the devil how about you devil i believe do you believe in the devil i don't think i'm trying to let go of that yeah that was my catholic upbringing i think the devil you believe in devil devil no no devil no hell for sure these things i'm certain of okay i can maybe you know what i'll go in on that with you yeah yeah no devil no hell. You like quesadillas? Yeah, sister.

We're cooking with peanut oil now. Actually, in college, I ate a lot of quesadillas because there was a bar. Chance, what was that bar called? Was it The Roost? There was a bar in our college town that would do like every day from 4 to 6 p.m., they would do $2 quesadillas and they were big. I ate that thing a lot. It was The Ro roost i don't like them with too much cheese i like a nice thin quesadilla well that's because you're not doing meat mine i'm doing a barbecue chicken quesadilla i'm doing a steak and peppers i'm doing a whole i'm in there we have a lot me and you

we're not so different we're not and now you could probably come over to your house yeah i'd love to be invited i know people are getting invited over there people it was actually done by the um trixie mattel girl she designed it really very cute you could get content that'd be the only reason you could do characters you could do comedy characters for tiktok in my content house yeah i'll come over i'll do content i'll do comedy characters like the museum of fucking ice cream in there yeah i've seen clips i've seen you getting ready and i go i can't wait for the day where where i see a little video of you going hey everyone just throw out some ideas for me to to to do for you on here hey y'all i'm in dylan mulvaney's house let's go and then i come in and do comedy characters you make a million dollars off all your comedy I will say deals with pride campaigns there's nothing I'm more certain of than the fact that I'm leaving money on the table I know that to be true I don't know what that

means money on the table it's like if I I'm there's money to be made that I'm not chasing because I'm not doing more content yeah I can I could make you someone yeah i can would you please i'm a little tired of this would you please make me somebody i would love to dylan thank you so much for being on caleb i had a really nice time we just love you here you just made me think about things different well i'm trying to do that i think we should crowdsource to get you to monaco yeah get me to monaco i would go i want to see what's going on over there do you want to tell what's going on over there. Do you want to tell the people where they can find you? As if they don't know.

Hey, please don't find me, actually. I'm Dylan Mulvaney. That's my handle. Come see my show at The Fringe if you happen to live in Scotland. And if not, I hope we'll find each other again somewhere else. Yeah. Yeah, we love you.

Thank you for being on. Love you. Oh, this was so great. Yay, Dylan! Yeah!