So True with Caleb Hearon - Gavin Matts Got Scammed

Episode Date: August 21, 2025

Welcome! This week’s guest is the hilarious Gavin Matts! Gavin and Caleb talk the joys and perils of international travel, Canadian Football, sellouts, knives, and much more! Join our Substack for an exclusive post-episode chat with Gavin and other bonus content!  https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow Gavin! @gavinmattsFollow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloudHead to https://www.squarespace.com/SOTRUE to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code SOTRUE. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to www.rocketmoney.com/SOTRUE today. This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get this new customer offer and your 3-month Unlimited wireless plan for just $15 a month at mintmobile.com/sotrue. About Headgum: Headgum is an LA & NY-based podcast network creating premium podcasts with the funniest, most engaging voices in comedy to achieve one goal: Making our audience and ourselves laugh. Listen to our shows at https://www.headgum.com. » SUBSCRIBE to Headgum: https://www.youtube.com/c/HeadGum?sub_confirmation=1  » FOLLOW us on Twitter: http://twitter.com/headgum  » FOLLOW us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/headgum/ » FOLLOW us on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum So True is a Headgum podcast, created and hosted by Caleb Hearon. The show is produced by Chance Nichols with Associate Producer Allie Kahan and Executive Producer Emma Foley. So True is engineered by Casey Donahue and engineered and edited by Nicole Lyons. Kaiti Moos is our VP of Content at Headgum. Thanks to Luke Rogers for our show art and Virginia Muller our social media manager.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a headgum podcast no yeah but i've a lot of regrets and mistakes i've made what are they what's your biggest regret and be so honest i can't 85 inch TV for football games Not bad That's really good I need a much better TV than I have What do you have?

That's the thing It's been so long that it doesn't even know It doesn't even register You know what I mean? You don't even appreciate it There's been times where I've gone through and been like, oh, yeah, let me look at new specs. What are new specs doing?

What are the new specs of what's going on, but I don't have anything to compare it to. I just know that sometimes there's like, I can see a light that's on in the TV and that makes me so mad. That's not, should not be happening. When we were shopping for TVs for in here, the guy at Best Buy was like,

yeah, the difference, the extra $600 on this one is, there's just more lights. And I guess that makes the picture quality better or something, but I was like, you need to sell me a little bit better. Yeah, I need to understand. Just there's more lights, does not really, it didn't move me. Yeah, I don't get it. Anyway, they could trick me easy.

You could get tricked easy? Yeah, I could go in there and they could just say anything. You think you're scammable? Mm-hmm. I'm deeply not. I've been scammed. Are we rolling? I assume so.

Just like in person once. Yeah. Yeah. How'd you get scammed? Just like one of the top things that if you Google is that a scam. They're like, yeah, that's a scam. just like a classic money order scam in person just felt bad for someone yeah went to the ATM with them i don't know why you went to the ATM with a stranger please walk me through this

you met a stranger on the street yeah and his name was like henry glover which is not real yeah okay yeah yeah which is not real i looked that up with the number which he said he said my name's trustworthy mick and you said let's go to the ATM brother yeah And there's a bit of a story and, you know, everything going on at the time in the world really. Clarify. Just so much. Just so much stuff I was personally feeling guilty about. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Yeah. With like things when they happen. Just in regards to things. You know what I mean? When someone tells you something and you're like, oh. But usually you're at home and reading about that. Yeah.

But this was somebody in person and you're like, this is why I stay home. It's so much easier to do nothing. thing yeah about the world you know yeah when I read about atrocities I go oh that's horrible but it's so far away I would just won't do anything I guess yeah and you know when you're retelling a story about something you've done kidding kidding kidding yeah and people are like ugh no what like they're like being like oh you did that wait what did you do gave man a man money oh I thought you're talking about something to be ashamed of this is like a cool thing you did no come off good in the money story no but I got scammed though yeah but you come off good

Because you, really, when you tell that story, you have to understand, you look sweet because you did something nice and someone took advantage of you. Yeah. Unless an insecurity of yours is being dumb. And then I guess it's a little. Yeah, I've never got taken advantage of her, like, bad shit. What? Like, no one's ever, like, convinced me to do something bad. No one's ever been, like, be a funky in my crime ring.

And you've gone for it. Yeah. I'm like, oh, no. Wait, how much money did you give this guy? Yeah. I mean, like, um, like, $800? USD? Yeah, so like, whatever.

That's not bad. I know people that have been scammed for more, like, off the phone. Yeah, but they're usually in their, like, 70s. You got scammed out of 800 as a young man. Yeah, I mean, this is a couple of years ago. No, it happens. That's really cool of you, actually. I know, I actually heard that thing happens, like, consistently, like, all the time to a lot.

Most people. Getting scammed? Yeah. Not most people. Really? It's a pretty rare. I think it's kind of up there, actually. Getting scammed, especially from a guy named Henry Glover on the street.

I only asked him his name once I was handing over the money, and then I also took down his number in case there's any issues with his money order, which there was, really. If you turned it over, there wasn't really a signature there. Can I say something? And I don't want this, this is not coming from a judgmental space. It doesn't sound like you get scammed. It sounds like you just gave a guy $800.

Like, where's the scam? Usually a scam has some form of tomfoolery or trickery, an angle that's like, oh, I'm going to send it back to you. or what was the scam oh hey like i can't put this in on my like card like would you be able to and you can have it to put in like the money order so it was a money order and i of course know what that means i it's like a check but it's like you know from like you know one of these like check cashing places okay yeah yeah so already it's like yeah i wasn't really paying attention you know i mean yeah yeah so he took you to a check cashing place and then you just gave him an

800 well i went to an ATM that was just down the block okay yeah yeah and you got 800 out of your own account yeah in park slope brooklyn in parkslow brooklyn united states and then you walked i paid my fee to be there i paid that's a real broker that's a real broker fee yeah you paid your community service uh yeah i'm allowed to be here and then you did double wide stroller and then you what did you went to a what a money order place and did what no he just he had the money order and gave it to me but this was a faulty this is not a thing if i had if i had looked at this for like one second and you know what i mean yeah it was it was basically written in crayon yeah yeah yeah so i'm gonna get a big old new tv yeah yeah yeah so basically i deserve that

i think it's sweet to give away eight hundred dollars to that guy i think that's nice that you did that regardless of you not really meaning to and i think you should do more stuff like you that yeah you know you're doing good like get out there give away some money yeah yeah it's fine when you look at it that way yeah yeah it's really nice actually when you think about it like no yeah because you know nice people are dumb so it's like oh for sure yeah so yeah yeah i would never be nice i would never be nice yeah i'm evil and shrewd yeah but wow the intelligence on you yeah but that's because i'm smart yeah yeah have you seen the discourse about um There's a discourse right now about transplants needing to do community service.

Have you seen this? Did that. We just talked about it. That was you with the money order. No, but I haven't, but that makes, that's very funny. Do you feel dumb for coming to America? Yeah. Yeah, I feel dumb.

Yeah, totally. Yeah, I can't really leave right now, green card processing. Yeah. So you're really locking in, actually. Yeah. That's so funny. No, fully. And the door is closed behind me.

Well, you can't go back to Canada? And it's to a basement. Wait. It's you. You're in the glass box and you. Yeah. Can you really not go back to Canada if you get? No, I can.

I have travel authorization. I actually have to go next month, um, uh, to Vancouver and then Toronto for shows. And I am worried about the, um, let me back in. Yeah. You get to the border and they go, hey, man, it's not personal, obviously, but yeah, you're not coming back over here. Fuck. You have a really happy life. in Canada, though.

No, my life is year. No, I have nothing there, actually. No, I'm not moving back to Canada. No, I don't want to go there. Actually, my life is here in the United States. Yeah, you could not pay me to go back. You're a staple in Park Slope. We need you over there.

Yeah. Do you like... I'm out there, I'm giving it money. Can't give you money. Yeah. You're getting, you're getting... I really do hesitate to even call it a scam. I'm over there.

I'm at OS Cafe. You're getting asked for money and then just giving it to someone. Yeah. that happened one and another time somebody yelled at me and then I gave them $20 and then he yelled at me again and then I gave them another 20 dude this happened okay I was at um I was at a restaurant in Bushwick and this guy came up on the patio and he was like talking to my it was me and a table full of women and he was like he was like excuse me everybody and being like a little aggressive and I was like I was like hey come over here I'll talk to you and so we like stepped away and

I was like, what's up? And he was like, I need, I need, uh, I need $24. And I was like, I was like, okay, he was renting the materialist. Yeah, I was like, he's going to get in HD. I said, okay, I've got, let me see what I have. I have a 20. I was like, here, I have a 20. What's your name?

We like, chatted for a second. And then he was like, you know, it's my birthday. And I was like, oh, happy birthday. And then he was like, I had given him the 20 and he goes, you really don't have four more dollars. and I was like, look, I really respect that, but no, I have one, see, I don't carry cash. I'm not a 1920s businessman. I have one $20 bill and I gave it to you. That is so funny that you had given him the money and he was like, well, you know, you gave me this because it's my birthday.

Yeah. No, we like had a full conversation. I was like, oh, where are you from? Are you from around here? You know, we're chit-chat. And he goes, and then he just like kind of in a pause in the conversation goes, you really don't have four more dollars. Like he was like, he was disgusted with me. And did you or not?

I really didn't. I don't have, I mean, I guess I could have gone to, like, digital means. I could have, like, gotten in PayPal involved or something, but then I'd end up probably in your shoes. Yeah. Giving away $800. I should have given him $800. Fuck it.

Fuck it. It was hard. I only had 20. But I did have a student once. I was, when I interned in New York, I worked with high school students when I was in college. There was, like, a college prep program, and we would, like, show them around New York City. And I had this, we were walking through Times Square.

and it's really hard because I've got 20 they're mostly international students so varying degrees of some of them English first language some second and some really good and some it's a little tougher but it's really hard because I've got 20 students who speak varying degrees of English and I'm taking them through New York City one of them like straggled off and I saw him from just far enough away start to talk to a guy selling his mixtape and I was like

hey don't know and then he comes over and he's like I bought a CD and I was like how much did you spend on the CD and he was like he was like well this guy's like upcoming rapper he's like he's got like a he's got like a record deal coming up and he's like he's like gonna be really big he might be on like billboard next month or so he's like telling me the pitch basically my student and I was like how much did you spend he's like I gave him four of these and they were a hundred dollar bills he didn't understand the currency conversion because he is not from here because like I gave him four of these and I was like don't please that's

okay don't do that and don't tell anyone that happened I got scammed in Beijing too so we evened out it does even out yeah yeah the T scam what happened what's What? I went to tea with these girls and I had to pay. I got scammed in Beijing. It was the tea scam. I know. I was only there for 18 hours.

You went to, it sounds like you just went on a date. No, they like picked me up outside of Mao. I was saying what's up to the whatever leader over there. Yeah, of course. At the city hall or whatever. Yeah.

Yeah, of course. The China City Hall. Yeah, you know the big, yeah. So I was at City Hall. And then they asked to go to tea Because they wanted to practice their English And I was just like, all right But I was young too

I thought I was, you know what I mean? Yeah I didn't realize it was a scam I was like wow traveling connecting with people Which is what that international student thought Yeah You know? And then the scam on that one

Was that you just ended up buying two girls tea No but it was really overpriced And I didn't realize also the conversion until later And I was like oh wow I just spent like You know $500 dollars yeah oh you but a Canadian Canadian at the time

oh that's what I was working through were with yeah you spent 500 Canadian dollars on tea with these girls yeah and it was my first time traveling and it was like the first day I'd ever traveled and I was like 21 it was the first day it was a really bad day because I had to like I stayed at an airport hotel at the Beijing airport because I was actually going to Japan but I the ticket from Vancouver that was really cheap was like a long layover in Beijing. It's kind of nice because you get to see Beijing, then, yeah.

Yeah, but then the airport hotel was not really the airport, and it was really hard to get to, just because no one would take me because it was, like, just far enough. Yeah. Yeah. And then you had the T scam, of course. Yeah, and then the T scam was a major thing that's happened to me. So what do you think the scam is on that one, that the girls maybe get a kickback from the place?

Yeah, they're getting like, yeah, they're kind of like an agent manager, kind of like 10% kind of vibe. Yeah. Like, hey, if you bring in some guy who's, it's his first day ever, traveling we'll give you a percentage of whatever they how do they find me i was just looking around like this place crazy are you i'm going to say this with love and i mean it with love you know you're my boy you do look like an easy mark you've got sweet eyes and you've got a vibe that says this guy will take me to tea yeah i think the problem is is my thing is that it feels like i've always

like just like taken out an air like air pod or something yeah yeah but that's my like general like what's going on yeah um but once you get to know me i'm like really mean and true yeah you're harsh yeah yeah i've said that about you for years now really i've said yeah i've said this guy seems sweet seems like a nice guy uh you get to know him villain fucker he's a fucker he's a fucker he's a he's a fucker he's a scary guy meet the fucker he's a fucker and he's like i've said like he'll scam people i've said that about you he's a scammer you he's a scammer you heard that? Yeah.

Chance knows. This is how I talk about you. Before you came in today. No, yeah, but I have a lot of regrets and mistakes I've made. What are they? What's your biggest regret and be so honest? I can't. I actually can't really.

Actually, you know what? Forget that. I've actually been reckoning with that for a while and I haven't come to grips with what I've done, but to everybody, I am sorry to all involved. But know that I'm the most affected by it. Yeah. In all situations I've been

involved in, everyone just take solace in the fact that I'm the most affected. Yeah, because, you know, you have lives, like you've moved on. But me, I'm kind of stuck in that. Yeah. You kind of look back like, what was that? Yeah. But me, I'm still there, you know? Yeah. I'm trying to think

of my regrets. So apologize to me. I will. And I'll tell other people to as well. Thank you so much. That'd be such a weight. I start going around town and being like, do you know Gavin Mats?

Could you shoot him an apology? I've never been in a room with this many men before, I don't think. It's straight up, we've got everyone in the room right now is a man. I assume.

I, fellas. I like that kind of shit. I like shit like that. I fucking actually love shit like that. Yeah. You're a boy. Yeah. I'm a boy. I'm a boy's boy, but I have sisters. You know what a good? A bad guy trying to seem good.

I've, seriously, I've said, do you have sisters? Do you have sisters for real? I know you do. Yeah, three. The two sluttiest things that a straight man can do is have a sister that he loves and post pictures with a puppy. When straight men post pictures with puppies, it's like, you're fucking up to something. Kilty. Lock me up. I'd be doing photos with my dog. a bag. I know. That's what I'm saying. And that's so, that is slutty. And I love my younger sisters. That's really, yeah. That's, that's, it's good. But it's like, there is something about it to me that really rings as like, that guy's a little untrustworthy. You know?

Like, if you hated your sister, I'd be like, now that's a guy. Hmm. But younger sisters. Older sister, I'm not as, you know what I mean? I'm not. Well, I love, she. just visited me so that was nice and and uh i knew this i'm just surprised so like yeah yeah yeah yeah hell yeah she's cute as hell the niece yeah what's her deal she's just like starting to talk bangs you know what i mean three-year-old with bangs yeah awesome really cool when they do that yelling a lot more sweating what yeah yeah she's she okay i phacetime no the other day she was just like yelling help and like pretending to be hurt it was awesome i was like that is number one top favorite bit so far you that i've seen over face time how do you do be funny

over that you saying yeah my niece is so cute she has bang she's always sweating and yelling for help like what i mean real kid shit that is cool i do wish i wish i had an opportunity to be distressed more often yeah in like a funny way you know to be i wish i was more i wish i had more like flustered like what I mean by that is like I wish I was carrying like 17 pizzas on one roller skate you know yes I don't have any slapstick moments and when's the last time you were frazzled I don't get frazzled I'm like a pretty I'm like this I'm like real even you know I need well I get upset that's not the same as frazzled no I get I pissed off you need to be on like your pink panther Steve Martin I'm talking what do you think we're going to do

about men and boys like what's going on with them what is yeah what are we gonna do like well look you know i feel like i'm in like a good place emotionally with my friends pretty vulnerable guy but then at the same time we are like playing like a we all got a video game together that we're playing and it's like a right wing uh like police game what's the game it's called like ready or not and it's like you have to stop like terrorists and stuff what yeah so it's like yeah so it's like yeah we're like tell each other that we love each other but then it's also like

we're 30 years old and we're trying to stop pedophiles in a bad in a video game. Yeah you're playing police in a video game. We're like slowly being like we're creating a new like kind of red pill where it's like it's like a combination of like red and blue where it's like a purple pill. You know what I mean? And that's kind of how we're fighting back is like we're blending the two sides.

Yeah. I asked you kind of jokingly what we should do about men and boys and you told me that you and your boys are creating a new red pill so yeah it's kind of like it's like Rothko it's like a new color

it's like you know what I mean yeah it's a square but it's beautiful because it's detailed so to answer your question I don't know I don't know wrong person to ask I gathered that really quickly

I thought you might be the right person to ask but now it turns out you're playing the police in your free time yeah yeah that's crazy yeah i went from acab to like you got my six yeah you got my yeah yeah you're doing this i only i play i play one video game you probably don't even want to know what it is madden yeah you already knew that see not a football Canada well that's the candidate we have it yeah but it's even bigger there what the field okay the field is huge yeah i

I don't, what's a Canadian football team? BC Lions. They've never heard of that in my life. G. Roy Simon. What? Watch the highlights. Is it eight man or 11 man? I don't know, but the field is so big.

It looks like I could do it. You think? Because there's so much, they look tinier. Yeah. Because the field is bigger. Yeah. You know, it's like 20 yards every other side. what yeah it's like it's like the and the and the field goal thing is like close to the you know what I mean so people can run into it yeah wait what yeah because it's at the front of the end zone the field goals at the front of the yeah so you could be like you could like YouTube like Canadian football uh running into field post like the field goal post yeah and like you know wide receiver cutting across the middle hit in the post really getting blown up that's crazy yeah do you guys not feel like that's a liability I think they should add more

stuff to the field. Yeah. Trap doors. Actually, this would be sick. Ball pits. Ball pits. A spring. Shoot them way high out.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Or like, um, they should have jet packs. Yeah. They should, the guy should wear jet packs. And then only like once, maybe once every couple plays, you can use your jetpack, but not all the time. Yeah. Obviously.

I like that you love football. It's like a nice thing about you. You think so? Yeah. I think it's like, you know, it's like, it's like another extra layer. It's like if you were like good at math. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. You know, like, if you're, like, really good at math. I think I'm pretty good at math. Give me a problem. I see, I don't know enough. You don't know enough about math. You don't know enough about math to give me an equation? Yeah, I seriously kind of tuned out at, like, long division.

Do you know, would you know your time stables, like 12 times 12? Yeah, that, yeah. What's 12 times 12? No, it's 144. Nice. See, don't play with me. You know what 12 times 12 is. I needed a second.

Yeah. Yeah, for sure. It's been a minute, you know what I mean? For sure. I haven't stretched in a while. Kind of tight. I got really serious about times tables when they drop those. When you got to the point in school where it was like, okay, we're doing like speed, like race times tables. I got real into that.

Oh, my problem was I was in a three-four split. What? So when they dropped that, I was like kind of, I was too young, really, to, you know what I mean? What's a three-four split? Like half the class is grade three, half the class is grade four. What? So I was grade three. Is this the thing we do in the U.S.?

No, that's probably Canada. Why is the class half and half? Does that make sense? You know, you get some full classes, but then you get some, you know? That's why I like older women. No, I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, no, no, I don't know. Say that. No, that's probably no. Why? Wait, because I need to be, like, stable emotionally and financially. I'm not going to actually be able to get past it. Half the class is third grade, half is fourth grade. For what reason?

Probably due to like, amount of kids like it would like equal that of like you know there's like two and a half full classes of like you know uh 30 kids in one 30 kids in one and then there's only 15 other kids but then there's also 15 left over so it is math yeah this is really good yeah yeah yeah i'm really confused by that but i love it actually yeah because yeah and i've i've really been thinking about class sizes a lot lately because i saw weapons and in mrs gandy's class you know know what I mean? There's only 18 kids. I go, this is America. Like, this looks great. Like, what is this neighbor? Yeah, what is this? Maybrook school district is really great.

Yeah. Unless, of course, you know. Until 2.17 a.m. or whatever. Yeah. Every kid. They ran out of the class. Did that actually happen? In real life? The weapons thing. Did that actually happen? No. Nice. No. Wouldn't that be cool? That'd be much better than what happens for real. What do you mean? What do you mean by that? Oh, did you guys understand that? And I didn't.

He was talking about, like, the fact that we have mass shootings in the United States. Yeah. I didn't understand that. You're not supposed to say it out loud. Mass shootings? Yeah, it's a secret thing that happens every day. You're not supposed to talk about it. Don't bring that up.

It's our thing that happens every day that we keep in secret. Yeah, you're like, what's the list of things going on right now? And then for some reason, it's like, oh, we're not going to talk about the other mass shooting that happened in a day? Yeah, we have a lot of those, huh? Yeah, like, no, every day. I've been thinking about getting a gun. Yeah, I can't. I can't.

You can't have a gun because you're in... No, because if I hear the default iPhone alarm... Okay, this is what we were talking about. Default iPhone alarm makes me... Yeah, it triggers something in me that I can't even really describe to you. It makes me so angry and ill. Yeah, and people just have it, and sometimes you hear it in public. And you just lose it.

Yeah. Wait, in public you're hearing it? I've heard it, like, I've heard it, like, when I've, like, been on a plane. I've heard it, like, is somebody's, like, reminder alarm. You know what I mean? It's just, like, so depressing, actually. It's like, oh, your alarm you're picking is default. Also, radar.

It's like, it sounds like a bomb shelter, like a fallout. Like, it really sounds like, like, there's a bomb dropping as we speak. You need to get underground. Yeah, Chris Evans' character in materialist. Chris Evans is in material. Oh, never mind. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it was like, I think it was like, and his character is like poor. So I was like, oh, she's like, it means like that's like the poor alarm. That's like the alarm for poor people is like the default iPhone alarm. I didn't see materialist. There's an alarm for poor people. No, he's poor and the whole thing is rich poor class intersectionality of feminism. Damn, I should have seen that movie.

It sounds good. Yeah, I bought it last night. You watched it last night? Yeah. It was 1999 to rent or $25. to buy, so I own it. You said you own, you own materialists. Digitally, yeah.

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Limited time new customer offer for first three months only. Speeds may slow above 35 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Taxes and fees extra, see MintMobile for details. Chance does research on our guests for the show, and I was reading the stuff about you before the show today. And one of the things, it's not on there. find it. I already threw it away. I didn't want you to see it. But one of the things that it said was that, and I don't know where a chance found this, but I guess one time you bombed so hard at stand-up that the next day you watch Requiem for a dream.

Oh, yeah. How was that experience? That's a weird deep pull. That's a really weird deep pull, isn't it? He pulls the strangest stuff. It's that ice cream truck? That would be so sick right now, actually. I'm going to need the cherry dip in a waffle cone. Is that your order? Yeah. cherry dip waffle cone the cherry dip is so like waxy and nice that when you break through that later and you finally get to the ice cream I don't I can't do cherry like that

I can do cherry ice cream I can't do like cherry dip like the cherry hot I don't like I don't like cherry in that way but cherry ice cream with actual cherries in it no you do no I promise you I don't no you do Gavin please because someone else told me this too like they're like, I don't like that. And it's like, you don't know. Yeah. You know what I mean?

I had not thought about that. You know what I mean? Like, when's the last time tried? When's the last time try? Cut word out. Get to point. When's the last time try? Cherry ice cream topping.

Honestly, that's a really good point. You backed me into a corner because I would say it's got to be at least years. Yeah. Last time try was years. Taste bud change. One more time? Taste bud change. Taste might change

Since last time try What do you think you would be if you weren't a comedian That just came to my mind The Rizzler 2 You think you would be the Rizzler 2 Part of his whole thing is that he's extremely young I would be like a teacher Oh

I was kind of hoping for something more crazy I've never really thought about it But I think that's the only job I could do because it's pretty simple. What kind of teacher would you be? Like something inconsequential, like, social studies. Something inconsequential. You're going to get so...

The social studies teacher community is going to come for you so hard for that. Social studies teachers are on this show. Yeah, but like a social teacher for, like, like, fifth grade or something. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. What's anybody really retaining from that? States.

You guys probably didn't have to do this. I know the states. You don't know provinces. I do. Ontario, Quebec, of course, there's Alberta. Of course. Of course. Of course.

And look, they'd like to not be there. Ontario. What did they got mad at me one time for the way I pronounce this. It's Ontario. Yeah. So the second way you said that is probably what they're... That's what I did that got them mad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

When I know that it's Ontario. Yeah, you know when you pronounce a place wrong and then people act like you're doing it to them on purpose. Yeah. Like Louisville. Louisville. Yeah, sure. Yeah.

Well, there were freaks about that, though. Yeah, but it's, and it's the most complicated way to say. There are freaks about that because it shouldn't be Louisville. It should be Louisville because it was named after a fucking King Louis. Right. This is how this Midwest and South in this country is, though. There's a town of Missouri called Versailles, Versailles. They have just decided to pronounce it for sales.

And how's a, uh, how's the uh real real estate in missouri and for sales chance chance knows when i look at him i want an applause for the guest would you ever buy a house in kansas city or no i don't know where i'm going to buy a house yet yeah yeah you know yeah i'm still thinking about where So that's kind of like what's stopped me personally from, you know. Because you've been back and forth. You were under contract on one in like Bora Bora.

And then you're like, no, I don't get over there enough. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Borobara. Yeah, I don't know.

I would. I would like to, Kansas City seems nice. I have no connection to it personally. Although I know things are happening there led by you, sir. I'm over there. I know, but is that enough for me? Yeah. Because you got mom there.

Yeah, right. I don't got mom there. My mom being there is actually a deterring factor. Okay, that makes me feel better. People think I am in Ken City because my mom is there. Her being there is a deterring factor. Okay, good. Just kidding.

Shout out, mom, love you. No, and I love mine as well. Well, you don't want to go back to Canada, though. We already tried that. I do not. I tried to send you back to Canada earlier on the episode, and you got mad. You know what? It might be done for you.

Yeah. It might not let me back in. Do you really think? I don't know. That's scary. I don't even want to think about it. I'd come get you. Yeah, it's hard for me.

Yeah. You are the most put upon immigrant, I think, that I probably know. Yeah. Personally. You're like the face of immigrants to me. Yeah. I'm like, New Titanic. Yeah.

Yeah. I'll accept that. Yeah. Oh, my God. I just watched a documentary. documentary on Netflix about I don't remember her name Amy something, 1998. Have you guys seen

this? The girl who went missing on the cruise ship in Kurosau? Where'd she go? Well, that's the question on everyone's mind. They couldn't figure it out. Is that the Poop Cruise one? Poop Cruise? What's Poop Cruise? I don't know.

Poop Cruise is, it's a Netflix doc as well where a carnival cruise ship lost power in the middle of the sea. I don't want to hear about this anymore. No, thank you. What you're talking about is Amy Lynn Bradley. I don't want to talk about the poop cruise anymore.

So she went missing. She went missing. Not funny. They don't know what happened to her. But then here's where, okay, so this is the crazy part of. Well, she's probably falling off. Well, that's what you think, right? And then.

But then the parents do like a big search and rescue thing where they're like, okay, they couldn't find the body in the water or anything. And then, but then. months and months and months later people are having reports in the nearest town of like she's here we've seen her alive like she's in the town and they couldn't try they have they still to i don't know i didn't finish a documentary because i had to go somewhere but i don't think they've still tracked her down but they were getting like verifiable reports of people that were like yeah i saw a white woman that kind of matches her description did she have a tattoo on her upper shoulder of the tasmanian devil oh i thought she was like a child no she's a grown woman whoa yeah and then they're like yeah she does have that tattoo oh maybe she faked her own death i don't think she faked her death i because she did well do you think that's what she was trying to do maybe yeah let her live you know there was a bass player on the ship in the ship band who she was seen with last yeah and there's a lot of speculation about his role in the whole thing

wow i don't know if the bass player was involved gavin but i'm very concerned about the situation. And it turns out, by the way, that the girl, the woman is a lesbian who had recently come out to her parents and they had a bad response due to homophobia. So then you think did they throw her overboard for being lesbo? Or maybe she was punishing them. That's a really good point. And I know that you might not have been being sincere, but I like it. No, I'm being positive. I like that idea. Yeah. She got lesbian revenge by being like, fuck it. I'm to jump off the boat and live in Curisow. Curisow.

You know where that's at? Because I don't. No, I don't. I know it's a four-hour flight from New York because I looked it up because it looked beautiful. Cool. In the documentary. Let's go. In the documentary, they were like telling all the horrible story about how she wasn't found.

And they're showing pictures of the beaches. And I started, while I was watching, I started Googling flights, New York Curisale. And then I started Googling Resorts, Curisow. Oh, anything good? No, the resorts didn't look. No offense to the community there. The resorts didn't look great, and I also don't really really love resorts. The beach was beautiful, but then they were talking about all the crime.

The documentary immediately turned into how dangerous the island is, and I was like, okay. Okay. You start to see why I maybe shouldn't go there. Maybe it was like a curse out, like, anti-tourism propaganda. Yeah. By Big Bora Bora. Big Boer Bora. There was a really funny part where the,

the family like woke up realized that she was missing on this cruise and then they go to the they go to the cruise director and they're like hey you need to do an announcement across the whole ship that we can't find our daughter and he goes it's 7 a.m we're not going to disturb the guests dude they were water sliding all night i thought that was pretty sick they need to get some sleep he was like that's crazy but we're not doing 7 a.m yeah yeah yeah god forbid sorry that you're like confused right now but yeah she probably just had a couple too many drinks and is hanging out on the pool deck. That was what they thought. Now, can I ask you a question that's related, but really almost a separate path we would go here? Do I think I'll ever go missing? No.

See, that wasn't going to be my question, but yeah, that's great. I was thinking if you would ever think that you would be in anything like true crime related, you know? Do I think I'll be a victim of a crime that gets spoken about? Or like in the general... Do I think I'll perpetrate a crime? Or you'll be in like a talking. head. Oh, like, I'm like, oh, Gavin really lit up a room.

I'm an arsonist. Yeah, when you, Gavin, don't get me thrown off. I'm trying to think about the crime that might happen to you. Yeah, I'd be, I'd be in your documentary. Well, I wasn't going to try to make one. What if someone like John Lennon did you? Shot me. Shot me in the park? Because they, like, loved you. I have thought about this in terms of ways to die. Being shot by a fan. Oh, but you were my fan. You know what I mean? What was his last words?

That's it. Yeah. He got shot in the head and then he went, oh, but you were my fan. And then I think he dipped the blood out and died. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. No, I don't want to get shot ever about anything. I get so scared about that.

Guns. Yeah. Yeah. Knife is worse, though, don't you think? A hundred percent. Knife has got to be the worst one. Yeah, knife is tough. Because I don't like anyone, like, close to me.

You know what I mean? Like, I'd almost rather be shot because I'm like, ugh, get away. Now you have to look into my eyes. Knife is tough while the life leaves me. You're saying that knife is tough because of the proximity of the person killing you? Yeah, I just don't like anyone, like, so close to me. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Like, at least if it's happening far away, I can kind of, like, let go of the situation. Like, oh, it's far away. There's nothing I could have done. But knife is like, I could have moved. Yeah. Could have moved. Could have got out of it. here. Well, this is what I've always felt about getting stabbed, is that I'm like, how am I

not just moving? Yeah. Like, you're going to stab me, but I can move over there. Yeah. It feels like a way harder one to believe, unless I guess your knife is really big. Yeah, you know, last month I was getting, like, I was going through like a, like, my hand was getting cut a lot phase. Like, I was just like, you know, like making food and shit and like accidentally cutting myself like all the time like my mom used to have that like you know there's like a three month span where she was like trying to make guacamole and every time she used an avocado like was cutting an avocado she would just like scream and you'd like run into the room like what happened and she was like she was like just trying to make guacamole but it was like every time it's like

Kathy please girl like stop like uh open holding an avocado while you try to cut just cut it in half you know what I mean? Put the avocado down. Kathy. I'm still. So that was happening me a lot and I, you know, I do have moments where I'm like,

oh man, I'm my mother. You know? I'm still really not over you saying I've been going through a hands getting cut a lot phase. I didn't know how else to put it. Like articulate that.

As if it's like a cycle you go through. Yeah. Like, you know, like there's just one little cut scab like here. But, you know, yeah, it was worse. It was like all over my fingers.

I do think the craziest thing about it, though, and it does always blow my mind is like, you can heal. What? Like, you heal. You know what I mean? Like, this was way bigger. It's going away.

Yeah, your body's fixing it. And we never really are like talking to this. We never talk about the power of the human body to heal. Yeah, like skin, epidermis, whatever. Where's the cut? Let me see. Well, this is just like nothing but like. You know, there's, yeah, how are you, I'm all kind of healed.

How were you getting your cuts from cooking, you said? Oh, this one time I grabbed a knife in the sink by accident. Oh. And, fuck, that really made my body jump. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I was an accident. But I, I thought it was the other way around. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That really scares me.

Yeah. I don't, that makes me really scared. I'm sorry. No, it's okay. It's just like, fuck. So you grabbed it and cut your fingers? I wasn't like looking and I was like, I needed that night. knife and I was going to wash it and for some reason I just like and then I was like oh what the

hell I got to do stuff today I'd like three band-aids wrapped around my fingers looked insane you got you know what I mean like I look like I dislocated my fingers bowling yeah that's really scary yeah I don't like that that's why I don't do dishes yeah I love it to do dishes yeah do you really piss me off I'll go do them really yeah it's like soothing to me that's actually really I hope I I hope I have somebody like you living in my house someday in that regard that's kind of the perfect

kind of when I dream about like the perfect life partner I think of somebody who wants to do all the things I don't want to do and vice versa yeah you know it's annoying is when you're doing something that you know someone

that doesn't want to do they like go ahead no find it hold on a second I actually got lost for a second I feel like that that damn lady on that ship

but you know when you're You do something that somebody else doesn't want to do. And you know that you kind of like doing it, but it's hard for you to explain to them that you like doing it. You know what I mean? So it comes off you doing it as like passive aggressive. Yeah. You know what I mean?

So people are like, they almost feel like offended by you then doing the dishes. Yeah. I've had like roommates where I'm like, I've had to be like, I am not doing this because you don't do them. This is not a note to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I like this. Yeah. I don't want to be over there. they're watching TV with you. You know what I mean? That's probably the part that feels passive-aggressive. I don't want to watch TV with them.

That's see, but that's, I'm just going to tell you that's the part that seems passive-aggressive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's going, I don't want to kick up and relax.

I like doing the dish. That's, I'm just going to pinpoint for you. That's the part that feels. I don't want to do nothing with my life and just sitting around. Yeah. I want to do dishes.

That feels different. That feels aggressive in a different way. That doesn't feel passive-aggressive. That feels- I'm doing a nice thing, and I don't need you to appreciate that in any way. Yeah. Okay. Nice. I get it. I feel for you. You know what I mean? But some people, like, you would then take it the right way, which is nice. I think if somebody is like cleaning or something, shut the fuck up about it.

Yeah, let them clean. But it's hard because we're like conditioned by like, uh, like anytime I was like there was cleaning happening around me like growing up and this is why I think like this is like, it would be like a warning. One more time? Like, it'd be like a warning. You know what I mean? I thought you said it would be horny. No, no, no, no, no.

And I was like, whoa. No, not horny. Cleaning is horny. Okay, I'm new to that. No, no, I don't think that. But that I think for some people, they like a maid costume kind of thing. French made idea, yeah.

Yeah, I'm not into that. Yeah. Because cleaning makes me like, it like makes you feel like a good boy. Yeah. Well, people are really into that. There's gay guys on Grindr that that'll be their whole thing. They're like, I just want to come over and clean your house. Make me clean your house.

Oh, right. Or you could go do that for them? You could, but I've never. That's why I was on there for a while. I tried to get one over for a minute. You did? There was one guy I was messing with it. His whole thing is he was like, be mean to me while I clean your house.

And I didn't want to be mean to him, but I did need my house clean. Yeah, yeah. So I was like, come over and clean my house. Did he clean it? No, he was like, he was like, what time, sir? And I was like, now. And he was like, I can't come over. He's like, I can right now.

He's like, I can't come right now. He's like, I can't. I'm at the hospital with my mom. I cannot. Please don't be mean to me about any personal stuff. Just about my cleaning. Yeah. No, he was like, I'm at work right now.

And I was like, I literally thought it was part of it. And I was like, no, you're not. Get over here. Yeah, you like, come get my dust bunnies. You little fuck. Yeah. And it didn't work. So I didn't get my house cleaned.

But I thought it was going to be so cool. It's like, here's this gay guy who wants me to like be mean to him while he cleans my house. And here I am having a house that needs cleaned. Do you imagine somebody coming? and cleaning for free. And you have to... The hard part is you do have to be mean to them, which obviously feels really bad.

What would you do? What would you say? To be mean to him, why he's cleaning my house? What would you've done? I'd be like, you're pathetic. Oh my God. Clean my house.

God, he would have cleaned so good. That's what he wants. I would have been like, I would have been like, I would have spat on the ground. Really? You're going to make it more dirty? And I wipe it up. Well, I think he wants you to make it more dirty, Gavin.

Jeez. That's horrible. Oh, you miss a spot. This plant? You're throat. Yeah, you're throwing. throwing you're throwing like wine glasses against the wall he's like okay that's actually not a guy i was on i was filming something last night of a commercial for an overnight for a commercial crazy

and a guy broke a bottle near me like he was like moving a light and he tipped over like a glass water bottle and it broke all over the floor and everyone's like whoa because the noise was loud and then he goes well that wasn't a good place for that to be i was like you knocked it over no that's the best thing to say yeah i was like what no that's cool no i was happy for him i was like good for you He genuinely seemed to believe that. Yeah, that's not the good place. And neither is this for this thing. Look over there.

Throws smoke. Smashing a window and being like, that shouldn't have been there. I just come and break stuff. I need that guy to recruit me for that to do bad stuff. Yeah, to get into his crime ring. Yeah. Gavin, what's so true to you?

Okay, what's so true to me? Off top, off zone is, the entertainment industry has started to suck once we stopped calling people sellouts. Whoa, interesting. Yeah, and I hate to bring this up after you said you did a commercial last night. Oh, yeah, I am a sellout.

No, no, no, no. But there's no offense. No, I take it. No, because you're funny and good. I don't mind being called a sellout, actually. We're not doing it, so I'm not worried about it, of course. Yeah. But I'm like, if someone told me that, I'd be like,

that's no worries. My bills are paid. I'd be fine with that. You know, but I don't even mean that. I just think like, like, because now I think it's okay to sell out. Yeah. Like, it's fine. And it's like this thing that it's like, you almost are like, yeah, I'm going to do that.

Yeah. Because we've almost like, we let go of this thing that existed in like the 90s, like where your like cousin would call you a sellout. And you're like, okay, I'll never do that. Yeah. You're like, this is bad. Yeah. And now you, people exist now where it's like, you know, they've benefited from like, nepotism but then they'll still do like an ad for city bank yeah you know what i mean do you know what

okay i'm going to say something about your point that i think is a little different but i was inspired by your point i think that we can't call people sellouts anymore because the entertainment industry sucks i think we have to sell out because there's no you used to i don't know if people fully grasp us or not people who don't work in our industry a staff writer for modern family was making so much fucking money if you staff write for a tv show now you're making like like not that not not much residuals if any and you're making like scale for like six months these people used to write 20 episode seasons for a lot of fucking money we used to have an actual industry now there's full on TV writers that they they can't make a living to even live in

LA right and I mean and if you were a TV writer then you could have like six kids and they will be like the only new hires for a year yeah yeah it would like all yeah there's no like The reason so many people are turning to doing content creation and like brand deals is because a lot of the money that used to exist for people to just be actors or just be stand-ups is really not there anymore. I know that we've lost like people who are like on like, you know, the edge of everybody's periphery that when they pop up, you're like, I love that person. You know what I mean? There's no like integrity anymore. Yeah. And I think that's, I think it's sad.

You know what I mean? you have this show like you know black mirror that has like people will be doing like it's like we've kind of like become that yeah you know what thank you for saying that you know i'm trying to be a sell out with integrity well the reason why just the black mirror sentence was just so incoherent was because i was about to talk shit where it like didn't matter but i mean if you need to i'm mark marron you are mark maron i'm on a mark maron podcast run i actually don't think of you as mark marron i think of you as mark marron i think of you way more as, like, uh, Louis. Yeah. C.K. Yeah. Yeah. I know who the fuck you're talking about.

I pre-ordered his book. Yeah. Hell yeah. But he's using a pseudonym for his book. It's Louis C.K. rolling. Oh, my God. That's beautiful. Yeah.

Is that funny? That's a really funny idea for the pseudonym to be another thing. Like, yeah, that's not true. Oh, I don't, I don't want. I'm in. I'm in hot water right now. My pseudonym is Charles Manson. It's like, they do something even worse.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, I'm going on tour. And I'm changing my name to Jeffrey Epstein. Oh, my God. Yeah, come out to a show. Yeah, come on out. Well, I'm doing matinees. What do you think of the Epstein list?

Does it exist or no? Be honest. Well, I've got you here. The one thing I'm like, okay, list. Is it like BuzzFeed? Yeah. Top 20 pedophiles who visited Jeffrey's Island. Which pedophile are?

you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God, the Epstein quiz. Yeah. Yeah, that's fun. But thank God we don't we live, we live in America. You know what I mean? We're like, we don't have to say pay to file, you know? Oh, that's what the Brits do. Yeah. He's a paytoe. Yeah. It's so much, it's so much grosser than so I hate you and them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hate you both. Petafile is really, really nasty stuff. I do wish that people would have a little, I'm trying to be a sell out with integrity. I wish people would say no. Like when you realize how much, I'm a money people are making you're like you could have said no to at least three of those brands the really evil ones you know people that will just do anything i'm like that's crazy yeah it's

nuts but then i feel like i'm just splitting hairs to make myself feel better about the fact that i do ads you know yeah ads you ready to play a game or what love games true or false segment i'm gonna read you Gavin are you ready I'm gonna read you 15 statements you're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if you think what I just said is true or false. And if you get 10 or more correct, I'm going to give you $50 U.S. dollars. Oh, crap. Yeah, it's huge. You ready?

There have been three Toy Story movies. False. False. Four. The first ever Starbucks in Antarctica opened this year. True. False. Fuck.

Calvin Klein is still alive. False. True. Winston Churchill's mother was born in Brooklyn. False. True. Tug of War used to be an Olympic event. I've had so many wrong answers that...

True, true. The Vancouver Grizzlies were the first NBA team to have a website. True. True. Roku was founded in 1989. False. False, 2002. Dr. Pepper is older than Coca-Cola.

False. True. The Great Cup predates the Super Bowl. True, true. Seth Rogen is 6 foot 3 Don't be wrong about this He's really powerful in this industry False 511

Blood donors in Sweden He should have that like a leg surgery From materialist Seth I know you're watching Get the leg surgery Blood donors in Sweden receive a thank you text Anytime their blood is used True

Freaks Chinese checkers was invented in Germany True True The Wood Frog can hold its pee for up to eight months. True? True. Arkansas's nickname is the show me state.

True? False. It's Missouri's nickname. Arkansas's the natural state. I'm Canadian. It's okay. A newborn giant panda is the size of a stick of butter. True.

True. How do you do? Oh, damn, dude. You were so close. What do you need 10? You needed at least 10. Yeah. Sorry.

It's okay. I went on a bad run at the beginning and, And so I had like a couple false in a row that were kind of embarrassing. Yeah. No, it was humiliating, but our fans are very forgiving. Okay. And most people fail?

No, I think you're only like the second or third person to fail. And who else failed? A lot of people. I'm just playing with you. It's pretty hard. Yeah, some of them sound like they would be true, but they're false. And then also some of them sound false and they're true. Yeah, it's fucked up, right?

I hate it. I hate it. No, I'm sorry. I didn't like it. Is there anything you want to tell the people that we didn't get to? We've got time. I'm doing really good right now, and I'm like, just in terms of, like, personal life, I'm, like, pretty happy and, like, doing a lot of stuff for myself, so that's pretty good.

Yeah. Dude, that's really good to hear, for real. I'd be in Vancouver and Toronto in September. I don't know when this comes out. This will be out by then. I'm doing stand-up in Vancouver and Toronto Where are you doing where?

Vancouver at some new club and in Toronto at the Randolph Theater which is a church where I was actually going to film my hour but then they told me that they actually have the Little Mermaid musical coming in a week later

so they don't know if they're going to be able to take down the set design so I'm a little confused by that so if I do have a kind of Aquarian theme special come out? Just know. Just know the set deck wasn't really like first choice. I think doing your hour at a church in Canada that refuses to take down the Little Mermaid set

is actually really fucking funny. Yeah. We'll do a bonus segment after this and when we do I'll tell you about my idea for my next special. Okay, great. I think you'll like it. Tell people where they can find you, Gavin. Thanks for being on. At Gavin Matt's on social medias. Hell yeah. Thanks, Gavin. That was a hate gum podcast.