So True with Caleb Hearon - Gianmarco Soresi Returns

Episode Date: May 15, 2025

Welcome back! Our guest this week is the hilarious Gianmarco Soresi! Gianmarco and Caleb talk swimming pools, viral pranks, the concept of Trader Joe’s, punishment, and so much more! Join our Patreon for an exclusive extended interview with Gianmarco and other bonus content! https://patreon.com/SoTruePodcast?utm_medium=unknown&utm_source=join_link&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=copyLink  Follow Gianmarco! @gianmarcosoresi Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloudStart listening and discover what’s beyond the edge of your seat when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at www.Audible.com/SOTRUE. Warby Parker has over 270 locations to help you find your next pair of glasses. You can also head over to www.warbyparker.com/SOTRUE right now to try on any pair virtually! Transform your living space today with Cozey. Visit www.Cozey.com, the home of possibilities, made easy.About Headgum: Headgum is an LA & NY-based podcast network creating premium podcasts with the funniest, most engaging voices in comedy to achieve one goal: Making our audience and ourselves laugh. Listen to our shows at https://www.headgum.com. » SUBSCRIBE to Headgum: https://www.youtube.com/c/HeadGum?sub_confirmation=1  » FOLLOW us on Twitter: http://twitter.com/headgum  » FOLLOW us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/headgum/ » FOLLOW us on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum So True is a Headgum podcast, created and hosted by Caleb Hearon. The show is produced by Chance Nichols with Associate Producer Allie Kahan and Executive Producer Emma Foley. So True is engineered by Casey Donahue and engineered and edited by Nicole Lyons. Kaiti Moos is our VP of Content at Headgum. Thanks to Luke Rogers for our show art and Virginia Muller our social media manager.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. The new McCrispy Strip is here. Dip approved by ketchup, tangy barbecue, honey, mustard, honey mustard, Sprite, McFlurry, Big Mac sauce, double dipped in Buffalo and ranch, more ranch, and creamy chili McCrispy Strip dip. Now at McDonald's. In college was my like big like thinking about death. Yeah.

Constantly. Yeah constantly Yeah, and I think if I could go back the only the only advice I'd give to myself would be like All that racist stuff you said we're gonna cut that don't worry, okay, but I meant it, okay You're in LA, John Marco. I'm leaving tonight. What, okay, what do you mean? You're done with the lease? Yeah, we did like the winter. We did December to now.

Whoa, you did December to now? I did not realize that it was that long. Yeah, but I'm back and forth. I was in New York a little. I don't live anywhere. I live an unmoored existence. Don't you get tired of that? It's brutal.

It's having deep impacts on my health, my psyche. You gonna stop soon? I know. Here's the thing, if I plan so far ahead, so like when I see the warning signs, I go, okay, eight months from now, we gotta make some changes. But it's already set.

I can't cancel. That is just, man. How's, how you been enjoying the touring life? You've been touring? I'm about to move to the woods. Yeah? I'm about to move to the woods and start making folk music. But you go back and forth, you go through these phases

where you go, I'm gonna go away, and then you come back to the heart of all of it. Yeah, New York City, is that what you mean? New York City or LA. You go to your home in Kansas? Not often, but yeah. Yeah, yeah. But that's how you find your balance.

You go like, pshh, pshh. I do, yeah. Well, yeah, I think I need to have nothing. You know what my ideal life is? Nothing is ever on my calendar, ever. Not a single thing. I wake up and I go, today I think I'd like to do a show in Connecticut.

What is that? I understand that that's like your persona, I do. No, I'm being serious. How many podcast tapers are you doing today? Today, just two. Two? Yes. So you filled your cal, you fill your calendar.

Joe Marco. You could live this life that you theorize about. I need money, this is my job. In Kansas City, you could retire today and be the wealthiest person in Kansas City. You underestimate, there's a lot of billionaires in Kansas City. Are there really?

There's at least a couple. Sure. Yeah, well you know what's funny, last time that like Devin Walker and a bunch of my buddies, like comedian buddies were in town for this charity thing. They were all hanging out at one of the billionaire's houses cause he throws this big party. Sure.

And they're like, dude you gotta come. I was like was like I have no absolutely no desire to be in that house sure I'm scared to be in a billionaire in Kansas City's house It's just different. It's different to me because you know a billionaire in New York or LA they have of course a gorgeous home in Kansas City in a state is $900,000 yeah, yeah, you scared of rich people I I feel like I came from enough money that I see them for what they are, but I don't know billionaires.

Upper middle class people. Yeah. I understand them. Billionaires, stay away from them. I don't think I knew an upper middle class person until college. Oh yeah? Yeah, I don't think I knew one.

Because I guess maybe there were some people with a little bit of money In my town, but you never really know where I'm from It's like based on how much acres they have you how many acres you got out there sure my dad had seven acres See that's not a lot where I'm from sure where you're from it is right. Yeah, yeah, Maryland Yeah, that's a lot over there. Yeah, but in Missouri seven acres like oh, I think I grew up in a way that I like I know How miserable you can be even with money, how you can isolate yourself, how you get a pool,

you get your own pool, and that means you have no one to swim with, and when you drown, no one's there to save you, and that's what they're striving for, and I go, you are working against your own interests, and you don't see it. Go to a community pool, it's more fun. Well, you lost me on community pool. You did, you're good at having parties,

I guess, and friends over. I have friends to swim with. Yeah, but not everyone's. John Marco has friends to swim with. Not really. John Marco has friends to swim with. Tova's taught me how to have friends over. I get nervous, I go, this taught me how to like have friends over. I get nervous.

I go, this is a burden to make them come here. No, it's nice. They like it, the friends. I guess so. When are you gonna marry that girl? Listen, I just had fucking, I had Robbie Hoffman on my podcast and I almost didn't release it.

That was the whole episode was all about marriage, marriage, marriage, marriage. Well, okay, so you don't to talk about that. What about kids? Kids true. We could talk about kids. I I like I I people's people say to me they go. Oh, you're good with kids and I go that's nice Yeah, but I don't I haven't been around them enough to like I Need to be with people when they're with their kids and they're having a bad day I always see like the good view of it.

I go over for dinner. And in New York, a lot of my friends don't have kids. I need to witness it when it's a burden, when they need to leave the party early because of the kids. And I can really go, okay, am I ready for that? What kind of temper do you think you'd have? Because that's when you have kids, you start to see like, you know, your real flaws emerge.

Well, you start to see your dad. Yeah. My dad is within me. And what was your dad's anger like? My dad was almost 98% rage. Rage. So we're talking like yelling, cursing. Yelling, cursing.

My dad's cursing and a screamer and. Oh, screaming about every little thing. And my dad had a big, powerful voice and my dad was really smart. So when he yelled at you, you just felt so. My dad was a yeller and a real angry guy. Now, because for me, with me and my dad, he would yell, and then I'd yell louder,

and then he'd yell like primordial, like something deep. I couldn't match. And I'd cry, and then we'd hug. And it was like, that was the journey. And yeah, I think that's what would happen if I was a parent. Dude, I think- That's what I worry.

I just, I loud, I'm loud. I don't think, he was never physical, he never hit. But I don't know, he hit on the inside. Yeah, he hit with his words. He did. Decibel punches. Stepdad, my stepdad, he never did it to me, but with my sisters, he would do, present your hand.

They present their hand. Pardon, what? Hold on, he said present your hand? Present your hand. This Hannibal Lecter ass bitch, what are you talking about? Present your hand, and then he would, it wasn't like a slap that really hurt,

it really was about the shame, but he would do like a. It really was about the shame, but he would do like a...... ... ... Wait, is he still with your mom? You gotta get her out of there. Is he alive?

Yeah. Oh, we gotta kill him. That is crazy. Present your hand and then he taps it? Yeah. What a freak! You don't find that so freaky? There's worse. Things could be worse. I'm not saying there's not worse. There's totally worse. That's some freaky shit. That's crazy. Yeah. This guy, this guy is not right.

I'm sure it's better than whatever his dad did. Well, that's the thing, isn't it? My mom once, like she was mad at me, like way too late in life, like tried to give me a spank, like a punishing spank, and we both burst into laughter. It was so pathetic. It was so meaningless. I think I was maybe 17 when I put together,

the thing you said about it was probably better than what his dad did. My dad, it was real bad for him, and I was like 17 when I figured that out, and then I had that really horrible moment of like empathy for him. Do you know what I mean, where I was like, oh god, that out, and then I had that really horrible moment of like empathy for him. Do you know what I mean? Where I was like, oh God, now I feel bad for you.

Yeah, did you know your grandfather? No. No, me neither. Died before I was born, I think. Yeah, mine definitely died, but I don't think he was in the picture regardless. Yeah. But having to have empathy for someone

who gets on your nerves so bad is really, like finding out your dad contains multitudes is so sad. It's brutal. It's like, oh God, now I'm picturing you as a kid and I'm sad. Ugh. I know. It was easier to just hate you.

It was easier when I was just mad at you. Now I'm like, empathizing with you. I mean, at least yours isn't still around. I gotta deal with it every fucking day. Well, your dad will die someday. I have to see him in a week. Really? Yeah, I'm scared.

You think he's gonna yell? No, that's what's sad, is you hit an age where you're like, now I know he couldn't yell louder than me, or he'd die. So there's like, it's just a feeling of, now I just have to hold it back. I have to continue to let him, you know, win. Really? I don't know, his anger has really, as he's 72 now. So his anger is really... God damn, he's old. You know. Yeah, so his anger is really am he's old. I you know

Yeah, geez, I'm 36. You know he didn't have me that way. He had me at 35 Yeah, so it makes sense well where I'm from everyone has kids like 19 so ours to feel a little different Yeah, it's like a 20 year difference. My mom's 50 one That's that's good young that is young, but that's what that's your dad your dad could be my mom's dad Sure my dad could be your mom's dad yeah in Kansas sure in some universe in some you well and that would make you my Hold on it would your dad it would make you my half brother No, no, no god. No my mom would be your mom your dad. So I would be your nephew. You'd be my nephew. Yeah

That'd be a fun dynamic. I'd have to take you for a walk. You'd be like left is right. We'd be like that music duo LMFAO We'd also go into music in this full scenario we We'd be like that music duo, LMFAO, me and you. Well, wait, what were we talking about? Oh, dads. I don't want to talk about that anymore. What else is going on with you?

Sure, sure. I could not talk about dads all day. You think you'd be, I know, parents stuff is, you really get into it. You're talking about me being dad. I mean, we're talking about, you really think you're gonna have kids? Well, I thought for a long time

and now I'm like on the fence about it. I guess it depends on what happens in my love life if my love life goes a certain way Maybe if I settle down with a guy who really wants kids I do it and maybe alone kids alone Yeah, that would be hilarious. It would be but I don't think good Not necessarily bad. I'm doing a great job of parenting. Yeah, um Few Sabrina Jalis and her wife Shana one parenting yeah um very few Sabrina Jalisse and her wife Shana one who else is doing a good job parenting the Cosby's in the show in the show yeah sure yeah in the show the Connors I was thinking about you know that Cosby guy

they who works at Trader Joe's yeah and and they always they always like they like to do articles about him and like oh he used this, and now he works at Trader Joe's. I think about being the person who has to work next to him. And every day someone comes in with a camera crew to show how far his life has fallen, and you're like, oh, I was excited to get this job. Yeah, this is a good job. It's a great job.

Trader Joe's scares the hell out of me. I don't like going in there. They wanna have some of the conversations that I just don't know, where they'll be like, oh, this bar, this is pretty good. You tried the blueberry? The food is 3D printed, the people in there, I don't like the Hawaiian motif.

The friendliness feels forced, and I like friendliness. But to me, Trader Joe's is a very dark space. All the Trader Joe's, it's just I've lost the ability, like all the meals are pre-prepared and whatever, so now when I go to a regular grocery store, I'm overwhelmed. Yeah. It's like I went to a furniture store

and it was just two by fours. Yeah. And I'm like, how do they go together? I'm gonna put this together, what, at my house? This makes no sense to me. Someone should do this for me. Yeah, I don't like that everything, I don't like that everything in Trader Joe's is fake food

There's no real like it doesn't make any sense you have to go to another grocery store to get the shit you actually eat It's like it's like novelty, and it doesn't make any sense to me, and it scares me I'm actually getting upset talking about it short Trader Joe's no dad's no Trader Joe's parking lots No, I want to talk about it part the parking lots are horrible the uniforms don't make sense the uniforms They're like Hawaiian shirts. Oh yeah. Ick. Yeah, it feels like it should be good in theory.

It's kind of like a commune. Like there's a feeling of like community, but you're not, I'm like, I don't want to be part of this. Now we're talking. Commune? You in? I've always thought I would want to be like an artist. I always have my fantasies like, because I

didn't grow up with neighbors or family or community, it's like we all live in a big complex. And we all have our own spaces. Yeah. But the kitchen area, it's very communal. Well, you know what you need. That is kind of my fantasy. Well, I'll tell you about my commune idea.

Yeah, tell me. OK, get a big plot of land, maybe 15, 20 acres. OK. Outside of a city that we all love. Maybe Kansas City. Or whatever works. We get a big plot of land and then everyone gets their own individual dwelling, of course. You get your own house, you get your own golf cart or gator.

I'm going gator. You get your own little vehicle to drive around the property. And then everyone just get your own stuff. It's not shared wealth kind of thing. But then we all go in on a communal building like a Morton building uh-huh And that's where there's like a big dining table a big like huge Many many couches screening area to watch movies and stuff together Yeah

There's like board games which everything communal building for everyone to hang out when you want to and then when you don't Back to your house sure tell me that's not perfect You have you have you have to be maybe we have some shared set of values Would you let the power go to your head would Sure. Tell me that's not perfect. You have the means. Maybe we have some shared set of values. Would you let the power go to your head? Would you end up being like, cause you could be a cult leader. Totally.

You have the DNA, you could. You have the confidence, the ability to speak. Would you join? No. Not at all. I'd visit, I'd stop by, I'd say, oh what a nice cult. That's how it starts. That's how it starts. No, I'd visit, I'd stop by, I'd say, oh, what a nice call. That's how it starts. That's how it starts.

No, I could never, I've had, What? I've had enough teachers who were cult-like growing up. I had a voice teacher who I admired, I thought she had all the answers. And I was spurned. And so I feel like I got it out of my system. I no longer could believe that someone has the answers. I don't need you to believe that I have all the answers. Yeah. And I was spurned. Yeah. And so I feel like I got it out of my system. I no longer could believe that someone has the answers.

I don't need you to believe that I have all the answers, John Marco, I would never espouse to. Maybe we all have the answers together at my commune. I can't, I'm not susceptible to it. I don't desire a cult. Do I think if I ended up in a cult situation on accident that I would take advantage of it and let it go to my head no Yeah, no, I think I'd be I think if anything I'd be uncomfortable with it

I think once I realized because what I think what would happen is I would be trying to do commune normal style Everyone has almost everyone has autonomy No one's getting any weird culty vibes and then the day that I figured out like oh no everyone's looking to me as dear leader I think that day I would go oh What have I done sure now? We're in it. Yeah, you know, but the power you'd feel I Guess but power just I think power is just a lot of responsibility. Don't you just kind of want to be left alone? Sometimes but then sometimes you want everyone to look at you while you speak on an elevated stage Yeah amplified you do that every once in you while you speak on an elevated stage.

Yeah. You do that every once in a while because you have to. But yeah, I don't think, but that's the thing though. The stage is such a specific thing. You don't want it at dinner. Sure. That would feel stressful. You don't want it in your house.

It's like at work, sure, everyone looks at you, everyone claps, they have to clap or else it's bad. They have to laugh really loud or else you fail. That's fun work. I'm sure that's why most cults end with them trying to get everyone to kill themselves. They're like, I don't want this anymore. Yeah, you think? This is too much stress.

They're like, let's just. Aliens are coming, we gotta kill ourselves. Do you think you'd be a good cult leader? No, I'm far too insecure. I have flashes of, you know, oh, I got it. And then moments where I would turn to them and be like, do you think this is what God wants? Do you guys like my interpretation of God?

Do you think we should poison ourselves? And that's when it all crumbled. I don't have that like, yeah. If I had a partner, I think like, you see the master? Yeah, yeah. I think like the partnership that El Ron Hubbard had with his partner, I think Tova and I kind of have that dynamic.

You and Tova definitely have a partners in a cult leader Yeah, we could be a cult week together We could be an occult thing and and I'd be the cult leader, but it would be her sometimes I shudder thinking about your guys's private conversations Sometimes I just think because Tova I can't get her I called her the other day for those the uninitiated Tova is my manager in show business, and also John Marco's girlfriend, in that order. And I called Tova the other day about a problem, not an urgent one, just something I needed sorted. She answers me, loudest place I've

ever heard. I go, where are you? She goes, I'm at a bachelorette party, but I can talk what's up. I go, hang up the phone, I'm going to call someone else, there's other people that work on this stuff. She goes, no, no, no, I can talk what's up. I go, hang up the phone, I'm gonna call someone else, there's other people that work on this stuff. She goes, no, no, no, I can talk, what's up? I go, goodbye. This is a person who will, just I think about that level of commitment to work and then your level of commitment to work and how much you guys love talking about comedy

and I just think about your pillow talk sometimes and I go, man, it might scare me. Well yeah, we were talking about you calling her while she was at the Bachelorette party last night and just, you know, it was, I'm not gonna share it on here, it's personal, but. I hope you got it sorted out. Sounded like it was pretty urgent.

Yeah. How was I supposed to know she was at a bachelorette party? I hung up as soon as I could. John Marco. No, no, that's fine. Yeah. I think it was one of, like, the earliest, before we were dating, it was still during, like, COVID and we were stoned and we were just chilling and someone called her and she

went in the other room and, like, snapped into it. Yeah. And spoke eloquently and I was like, I was so high, I was like, how are you doing that? Yeah. But she could do it she can yeah She's good She's very good, but you two together. It's power couple vibes. It could get very scary very quick Do you guys ever have to impose a no work talk rule I?

It's evolved it's evolved In terms of like it was more like me like I've learned to Have to be better about if I have a bad set or if I'm stuck on a joke not to bring it up. Yeah. But we struggle with it. We struggle with just like,

sometimes in the morning we go on our phones so quickly. Yeah. And I, especially in LA, because we're three hours behind New York, so it's like, everything's happened. Shooter's on the phone, it's going. Yeah.

In New York, you at least have a couple hours before things really get moving. So it's tough, but we are both workaholics. So that's another thing with kids. It's like, can you have kids when you're both addicted to work? I'd want that kid to be open and for me, I'd be- That's a good life for the kid.

Sure. I think Nate Bargazzi, all his specials now opens with his daughter, like introducing him onto the stage. Tour bus baby. I would do pranks with the baby. I really Nate Bargazzi, all his specials now opens with his daughter like introducing him onto the stage. Tour bus baby. I would do pranks with the baby. I really like pranks. What? Whenever there's a TikTok of like, what's one that we looked at recently? There was one where like the mother put the hand in the teddy bear, so the little girl's sitting there and then the bear like looks at her and she goes...

And then, you know... Mother's moving the teddy bear? Yeah, but secretly, and so the kids think that teddy bears come to life. You convince the kid the teddy bear's alive? Oh, it's amazing. And I laugh so hard. There's a recent one where I love these little prank videos where you tell the waiter to come over and like after,

while you're in the middle of the meal, they just take your plate away. That's kind of fun. I like that one. And these little pranks that are innocent, it's really, it's a joy to, or you see the one recently, it's someone, it's like a barber, and as they're cutting the guy's beard, he's wearing a glove, he just like puts it in the mouth and they're like, as he shaves,

or while they're shaving, he goes, and it's so funny. That would turn me on. Yeah, well I think that it does. Someone does that to my lips while they're, I'd be like, stop. Yeah? I've had a sexy barber before, it was tough for me.

I'm so interested in what caused you to go contemplative on that. So, okay, so I had this barber once in New York, and he was like, and I was young, I was in high school, and he was hyper flirtatious. Whoa. Just like, he was just like, if you had this barber once in New York, and he was like, and I was young, I was in high school, and he was hyper flirtatious. Just like, he was just like, if you had hair on your shoulder, he'd go over two years ago.

And it was in a- You were in high school? Probably. And this person is an adult? I assume. Yikes. But here's what it was, it was like, it was definitely inappropriate,

but there was something about it that was like, interesting to me. Yeah, sure. And I remember, I went back to New York the next summer, and I saw him again. Like I went back into the lion's den. And I remember, then it crossed a line. It crossed a line of like, there was a couple, they blew me a little too much.

Yeah. And I said. No matter. And it was just this thing where I was like, it was intriguing. I don't mind it. It's like, you know when the yoga teacher says, raise your hand if you don't want, be touched for an adjustment. And I'm like, who's raising their hand?

Yeah, touch me. Please, touch away. Touch me. Touch me. Anybody who wants to touch me, go ahead and touch. But then it was too far. I may have seen him three times actually, and then the third was too far. But there was some that I remember.

So on the fifth time I remember I was like, this is not, I can't keep. The fifth time. Me and him start hooking up, and then I'm like, this has got to end. But there was, yeah ya I just remember that haircut It sounds like it was really inappropriate, and you were like a kid kind of nobody I like so it's nice to go to haircut And they do a hand massage for some reason like at a veda or they do a little shoulder massage And yeah, I like to be touched do you like a massage? Oh, I love a massage see I actually for all the joking about touch

I don't like a massage really I? Dude, I've tried everything. I've gone to nice places. It's not ticklish. I'm unsettled. If you knew them, do you think it would be, could I give you a massage? I've gotten, we could try. I've gotten massages from people I know.

And it was the same deal. What do you like about it? Do you feel physically uncomfortable? Are you turned on? It doesn't, no, I'm happy to be turned on. Being turned on is wonderful. I like when that happens almost any time. The, what it is, is it's supposed uncomfortable, you're turned on. It doesn't, no I'm happy to be turned on. Being turned on is wonderful. I like when that happens almost any time. What it is, is it's supposed to relax you.

You're supposed to feel better afterwards. And I feel so, I don't know what it is, I don't feel better. My body doesn't feel better. I feel more tense after every massage. That's so interesting. Or I feel ill. I feel like, I'm not kidding, I got a massage once. Me and Zoe Lester-Jones, we were going to

Europe to travel around for a little bit, and we landed in London. And she goes, hey, when I land in London, sometimes I like to go straight to a spa and get a massage. Do you want to do that while we wait for our train or something? So, she goes, I'm going to call in the car, and we'll go straight there. And I was like, oh my God, this is so chic and fun and cool idea. So we go straight to this really nice spa place off of like, you know, whatever a 12 hour flight or something. Yeah to London so we get there and the woman massages me and Zoe comes out I'm telling you I've never seen someone look so refreshed. She looks like she just slept for a hundred years. It looks beautiful peaceful I come out

Haggard Haggard my whole body ach peaceful. I come out, haggard, haggard. My whole body aching. I've gotten sick during the massage. Now I feel like my head hurts. I'm feeling like I think I've died. What, I'm just imagining on the table, like tensed up. I'm not tense, I'm loose on there. I'm loose on there.

It doesn't make, I know it doesn't make any sense. It defies logic. I'm loose on there. I let them touch me wherever they want. They go more less I go whatever you want they go more they go less I try some more I try some less they go harder They do everything they touch and touch and touch when they ask me that with like how hard I'm like I kill me kill me Yeah, go really hard. Oh Make me I want to feel sick. Yeah, make me feel

that oh well Yeah, I part of me is like a premise like promise like you know like, you know you need to keep trying. I know, and I do. I've tried so many times. And you know my sister is an esthetician and she runs spas. And she's had a spa in Illinois that she was running for years. And she was like, you gotta come. You gotta come to the spa.

I never made it up there, but now she's about to run a new one in Kansas City so it seems like I'll go. You gotta go? I wanna go because I wanna support her. I gotta come to the spa. I never made it up there, but now she's about to run a new one in Kansas City, so it seems like I'll go. You gotta go? I wanna go, because I want to support her. I'm very excited for her. But the massage stuff, I'm like, can we do something else? Maybe can I lay in mud or something? Yeah. Is there a mud thing? Because I know people do mud at those sometimes. Sure. Maybe you could put cucumbers on my eyes.

The mud stuff, you always do this and you go, what was this? This is bullshit. Yeah, or mineral bath. Mineral bath. You could put cucumbers on my eyes or something like that sure, but you cannot massage me more you can But I'm not gonna enjoy it. I don't think cuz I've tried I'm so sorry. I know you know I saw a prank once too. I didn't mean to get off of pranks I saw a prank the other day. Yeah on my phone Baby, baby playing with her mom and maybe she reached for food or something and the mom goes mom goes

I bet you want that don't you fat ass to the baby. And then the joke was like that the baby looked all sad and I was like, I don't think you should do that to the baby. Wait, what's the prank? Like you could tell that a prank that's just abuse. But the baby is so little it's not supposed to know what fat ass means but I'm like, no it can tell by the way you're talking to it. I was so shocked. Yeah. People were in the comments like LMAO me when I'm trying to get that blast place pizza pizza So I was like I've lost the plot Baby was fat though

There's one where you was three plates and you you they're covered Yeah, and it's the mom the the baby and the dad traditional household and Basically, it's revealed the mom has a cookie, the dad has no cookie, and the baby has two cookies. And you see if the kid, it's usually like two or three, is he going to give a cookie to the dad? Or no, you don't have any cookies, that's too bad. At a certain point, these are the Stanford Prison Experiment. Like, at a certain point we get into a level of psychological warfare and understanding that is almost unbelievable. It feels indicative of who you're going to be though. If you had a kid and they said, sorry, you don't have any cookies, then I have two. My kid's a winner.

Maybe. I said, that's a CEO. Sure. That's someone who's going to take care of me at my old age. They're going to look out for them, and then they'll look out for the rest of us. You have to get your two cookies to build a life where you can provide cookies for others. You give all your cookies away right at once. Yeah, that's an optimistic look, or it's a serial killer.

It's a thief. No, obviously it's concerning if the kid doesn't give a cookie. I would want, and then what do you do? What do you do? You try to teach them ethics. It's, and some kids do, some kids don't. It's like the marshmallow experiment.

I always liked that one. You know that one? No. You leave a kid with a marshmallow and you say, hey, don't eat this marshmallow, I'm gonna come back. If you don't eat it, I'm gonna come back, I'll give you another marshmallow, so you'll have two. And then they leave and some kids, they wait two seconds and they just snap and they can't wait.

And it's about, do you have the patience? Can you reward yourself more later? That doesn't feel like it's morality though, right? You don't think there's morality in the marshmallow. No, it's more just like do you have the ability to like think more about the future? Yeah. I mean maybe the kid with the one marshmallow's happier.

Well that's the question. Do you eat the marshmallow or wait for two? Because in the waiting they could have been lying to you or you could never get the two. Who knows what might happen? Sure. You might wait so long you don't even want marshmallows anymore but if you really want one marshmallow

and there's one in front of you, there's something to be said. It's an imperfect experiment, all those experiments, those psychological experiments. Experiments, yeah, TikTok content, yeah. Well they used to, I mean probably TikTok content now, but they used to be, there's something that's happened recently in psychology, what I'm told,

is that they tried to recreate a lot of the classic psychology experiments and only like one third of them held up. So many of like, just so many of these old kind of early psychological experiments, they weren't that accurate, they weren't, they didn't test enough. So a lot of our like base knowledge, our Malcolm Gladwell type stuff, it's all bullshit.

But we all still think it's kinda true. The same way we go, oh, red wine's better for you, and it's like, it's not. That was a study that was popular once. It's not. And now, and I still, even if I'm out, even though I know it, I'm like, oh, the red wine. I'm going healthy tonight.

Really? I didn't know that it was supposed to be better for you. 60 Minutes did a big thing on it, and it was a faulty study. Y'all know how much I love a comfy couch, or a comfy chair. Having the right furniture is a key ingredient to turning a house into a home. So I want to talk to you about my friends at Cozy, whose motto is everyday home furnishings made easy. Cozy is built

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For all their on on this side that side on all the, for all their own, on this side, that side, on all the sides, for all their own little special interests and reasons, they have allowed themselves to degrade the public trust. And they chipped away at the public trust because it was gonna help us get healthcare, it was gonna help us get lower taxes, or it was gonna, whatever,

and they justified it all along the way, Democrats, Republicans, alike. And then now, no one believes anything, and there's no ultimate truth. But even the doctors, like my sister, I guess she went to some dentists where like, you alike. And then now, no one believes anything and there's no ultimate truth. Even the doctors. Like, my sister, I guess she went to some dentists where they're like, you've got to get this electronic toothbrush, this one. It's because they get a kickback from that particular company. She goes to someone else and they're like, you cannot

use that electronic toothbrush. And they're both getting kickbacks. And you understand why she, as a consumer, goes, fuck doctors. Eventually, that's where it gets to. I hate my doctor. What? I asked him, I said I needed sleep, I wanted sleep medication. I said I need sleep, he said no, no. He's in with Big Awake.

He's in the pocket of Big Awake. I asked for Xanax, I was going to Australia, and I wanted just to sleep on the flight. And I had an ambient prescription. But he said, before we talk medication, this is words, he said, have you tried giving your brain permission to fall asleep? Have you? I was, it was pathetic, I tried it that night, I was in bed, I was like, that's okay. Did not work.

Really? No. I wanted it to work. Really? No. I wanted it to work. No. Cause that would have been so cool if you were like this quack and then it worked immediately. Nothing works except for heart drugs. Really? For you to sleep?

Oh yeah. You think slurping on those might be part of it? Maybe, but no. No. It's general anxiety. It'll happen any moment. I gotta say, I'm not even a doctor. And if a guy like you walked into my office

and said, I need Xanax, I'd say right away away sir. Yeah. Yeah, you you move with an kinetic energy that suggests the need for Xanax Mm-hmm. I say if this guy tells me he needs Xanax. I believe just by his gait Yeah, just by the way he strolled in here and it's not a bad thing It's just you operate at even seeing you on stage. I'm like I'd dose that guy sure I'd give you some time off Why I got it eventually you got the Xanax. Not for me, but basically I got a referral to a psychologist, is that the one who gives prescriptions? Oh, I believe it, psychiatrist.

Psychiatrist. And this is where you go, oh you are, I'm paying you an absurd amount for this appointment and you will give me whatever I ask for. That's the deal, yeah. And to really witness it, I asked, because it was for Adderall, I was getting Adderall and Zay. I was getting the full slate.

Jesus Christ. And I asked, I said, hey, after taking Adderall, is it okay to smoke pot, like just in case? Yeah. And she said, we're on Zoom, she said, let me Google it real quick. And I was like, Google it. Not Google it. She Googled it in front of me

and read whatever the AI synopsis was. And it is safe, according to Reddit. But it's, you just go, you see how people eventually go, all of this is broken. I don't trust it anymore. I'm scared of all pills. I don't do pill. I don't take anything I you know I have horrible dentist anxiety because I've had some bad dental experiences Had a doctor I had a dentist who couldn't figure out how to get me numb and operated on me anyway once and ever since

Them which is of course like literally something they do in movie for torture. How old were you? This is a couple years ago. This is like five years ago. Oh my god Why you didn't you didn't I did and he was like he was like yeah yeah, he was like, we've given you 14 shots, and we can't get it numb, but the work needs to get done. So he just did it anyway. It was horrible. So I have really bad dentist anxiety now. And then I found a really great dentist that I love who can get me numb, etc. And he gave me... But when I come in, I'm shaking, sweating, my whole body is... Really? And I have a high tolerance for pain, genuinely,

but I truly, when I go to the dentist, I'm like shaking, because it's like my body remembers. Yeah. And he gave me a prescription for clonopin for when I come in, and I just can't take it. So I'm just in my- Were you scared it's gonna? I just don't, pills freak me out.

When I got knee surgery, I didn't take the pain pills they gave me, I just took Advil. Lean in, try it. I'm scared to try. That, lean in, try it. I'm scared to try it. That's the thing. Were you scared you're going to have a bad reaction to the pill itself?

I don't like not feeling in control, and I am scared that I will like it a lot and want to do it forever. I get that fear. But do you have an addictive personality? Yes. Sure. Yeah. Anything I like needs to be happening pretty much all the time. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I didn't smoke weed until I was like 27,

because I was scared that I would, and actually I've been pretty good with weed, I have a pretty good relationship with it, but I was scared that I would just have to start doing it for every single thing, like to wake up, to go to sleep, to eat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't, I've never been nervous,

because I just don't have that, it's always like I started taking this Adderall and it was so strong. Like, I mean, I really felt, I felt like this is, this is crazy, I got this at CVS. I should have gotten this behind CVS. You know, like it was, I was tearing up. I felt like I wanted to cry, but like in a happy way.

Adderall did this? Oh my God. Oh, see now I'm interested. And I think I needed to do the slow release because I basically stopped taking it because it just felt like, oh, on Tuesday, am I ready to get high as fuck? Yeah.

And I was supposed to, I got this to help like it worked, hon. On Adderall. Oh yeah. I didn't know it could make you happy. I thought it made you study. That's what I thought. I mean, it just made me,

it made me really hopeful and like, it didn't focus me at all, to be honest. It's a hope pill? It more just made me go like, I got it all. Oh my God, there's so much in front of me to get done and it's gonna be great and I can do it. No one's ever made me wanna take Adderall until this moment and now I'm like, I might need one today.

I got them with me. What are they, what do they do? Their speed, what are they? It's speed. Oh, it's 100% speed. It's what I thought cocaine would be. I only took cocaine twice. Didn't like it. My heart beat just too fast. That's all I felt and I couldn't

get it up. Anything that's too good to be true, though. You tell me Adderall makes you feel hopeful, and I love feeling hopeful, so I'm interested. But I'm like, what's the side effect? What's the crash? What cancer is it giving me? What neuron is it firing too hard that eventually it won't hit anymore and then I won't be able to get it. The atoma says to me that whenever I go like she's like she's I'm like I'm worried this can give me cancer I have cancer she goes well this is we're all gonna get cancer eventually there's stuff in everything we're getting cancer like that's her version of hope.

That's how I got out of hypochondria. Is that it's hopeless. Yeah. Oh yeah? I was a really bad hypochondriac and then I just started telling myself everything is killing you move on you have everything Yes, you're gonna get you're gonna my big thing was blood clots. I was like you're gonna get blood clots It's just gonna happen. I called my dad and

He's like he's he's 72 he's always getting tests for something and it's impossible to splice the hypochondria versus the Reasonable concerns of a 72 year old when you get old. Yeah, I Call and I go oh you, you had a test last week that you were stressed about, how'd it go? And he goes, well, I have cancer. And I go, fuck, okay, so what's the next steps? He goes, well, I have another test this week

that will determine if I have cancer. And I go, I go,, And I go, And I go, And I go, I don't know what to do with any information anymore I don't know what to do with any information anymore until you're dead. Until that point. When I see you on the slab

and I have death certificate in hand, that's the next time I'll trust your diagnoses. Yeah. If he's about to take his final breath, he'll be like, I meant final breath, one day I will take it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's coming up. Yeah, I don't know if your mom's like this,

but my mom is the opposite. My mom will call me and I'll be like, hey, how's it going? She's like, oh good, I went to work, I had a nice salad today, I got that tumor removed. And then I go, part, what, what tumor? She goes, oh, I've had cancer for a couple months, but but yeah I didn't want to bother you but they took it out and they think it's fine but I'm gonna go hang out with your aunt Gina tonight just like we'll drop it in nowhere some crazy harrowing medical things she went through

didn't want to bother you I'd like to know thank you that sounds like heaven to me that no I'm like having to me scary that's scary behavior I know every every medical appointment of my dad's, it's a nightmare. But yeah, I don't know. I'm sure it's stressful. My dad's always been a hypochondriac and it's just he never dealt with it. And now we, his kids, have to just kind of hear about it

and don't know what to take seriously or not. Yeah. Hypochondria, yeah, I got myself out of it by telling myself it's gonna happen. Kind of similar thing with- What would you fix? Say it on like like I had I certainly when I was like single STD hypochondria like that was where it would always be it'd be like oh, there's there's is that is that a bump? I never worried about STDs because I just as a gay guy, you know

Protection was from the very beginning like a very serious thing to me, but you do what you were anyway I've always been frankly shocked at the people the number of people not using protection they I was like Oh, I thought we all were yeah, I thought we all were doing this yeah, and I hear my friend I hooked up with someone last night. I was like do you have a condom? Nah, and I'm like are you crazy? That was me in college when my friends were like oh, yeah We I had hooked up with this person last night, and night and we did it with that one. I was like, whoa, I can't believe you're so casually telling me that. That feels insane to me. Especially if it's a stranger.

If it's someone you're in a relationship with, it's this that or the other. But a stranger is nuts to me. My hypochondria, it always centered around things I certainly almost couldn't know, like blood clots or cancer. The real thing of it was like oh If I went to the doctor right now and got every single test run and they found it they could save my life But if I don't it'll get too far gone And I'm just it was always that thing of like early early detection and being you just check all the time Nothing can get past it, and it's like right, but that's not feasible and also

There's something deeper going on and what deeper was that I was scared of death sure, but The fear of death was causing all my problems when I was younger. It was causing my depression my randomly my ideation Kind of like oh, you're not gonna get me. I'll get me first and then my hypochondria And then once you just go oh, you're gonna die someday. Don't worry. It'll happen Then it kind of was this because I in college was my big thinking about death. Yeah. Constantly.

Yeah. And I think if I could go back, the only advice I'd give to myself would be like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Stop thinking about it. No! Like, truly, that's all I've come up with. There are moments, especially when I used to get high,

it would happen, and now truly, if I feel my mind going there, I'm like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Same. And that's it. I have one every- That's my religion. Maybe every seven, same, every seven months, I will get struck with a random moment

of thinking about my mortality in a genuine way, and I literally just go, ah! And I just move on, because I'm like, there's no point. But I do think I wouldn't take it back, because I do think if I could just force the knowledge of mortality on a lot of these psychopaths who are running around in our culture right now, if I could force that on them for a second,

I think the whole world would be a better place. But that's what I feel like all of, I feel like whether as Joe Biden not retiring, or that billionaire who's trying to live forever, where I guess you see a world without, you start going, oh, maybe religion was necessary to give people some kind of hope because they're not confronting dying.

And so they just wanna keep going. If I keep working, I can't die. And it's awful, the consequences of it. That billionaire guy, I think about, because I'm like, if I had a lot lot of money certainly the hypochondria When I'd have your Jeff Bezos why not have a doctor who does a little check once a day they a lot of them I think do I'm sure they do president certainly does I mean they get yeah, they get checked on all the time and when that guy who wants to live forever dies

Yeah, sometime in this week. Yeah, it's gonna be hilarious and it's unfortunate for him. Funniest thing imaginable is that that guy while filming a video about how he's gonna live forever just gets hit by a bus. It's the funniest thing imaginable. Mm-hmm. He, cause he, there's no, like that's the thing is he's like oh I'm making my genetics this that and the other. You're gonna die brother, it's gonna happen. I remember being younger and thinking to myself well surely technology they'll be able to reverse aging by the time I'm around getting old. Oh, you thought that?

That's what I would tell myself when I was in high school, when I had those fears. I mean, I've been thinking about it for a long time. Your mortality. My mortality. It was, when I saw scary movies as a kid, that's what they triggered, was seeing, I watched Final Destination in high school

with this girl that had a crush on it. She came over, we started watching Final Destination. Cause people would say, oh you wanna hook up with someone, watch a scary movie and then. Not that kind of scary, yeah. Not with me, like maybe the other way. No, they didn't know you.

Not with me. And I went to my dad, I believe I went to his room and I said, hey, can you like count to ten? I want you to come back in the room and go, you're not allowed to watch this movie and take it out of the VCR. And he did. My dad walked in and was like, is this Final Destination? He knew it too quick, like he did a little too fast. He didn't like wait to like see it. Turn off that Final Destination son, you're not allowed by my rules. And he walked in?

It was a horrible scene, yeah. Because I truly saw that first person die and the concept of death chasing after you, and I was like, I cannot watch this movie. Horrifying. That is so funny. Yeah. Oh, I love that. The horror movie to hook up pipeline is good.

I've never understood, I accepted people like watching horror movies. My little sister would watch them to go to bed and I go, our brains work differently and I'll never understand what you're getting out of this. Life is so scary to me. I don't know why I would introduce the concept of a girl coming out of a TV on top of cancer and dementia.

I got enough on my plate. I had a... I had one straight guy friend in high school. We were kind of like, we had like begun to like wrestle and then it kind of turned into a hookup. Okay. We were like wrestling, we were like watching a movie and then we were like wrestling, like kidding around and then it turned into a hookup

Okay, and it was one of the coolest things at that time that never happened to me So then what kind of who was winning like was there how does a wrestling evolve into that were you doing like WWE style? Everyone was winning No, we were just like we you know we were just like fooling around and then we like we were just like I Don't know how else to say it other than. I tell you, paint it. Paint the picture I wanna see. Was it a headlock?

Kinda. And then you give a kiss? Okay, no. No, it just kinda, we're like messing around, we're like wrestling around, and then someone gets hard and then it turns into a hookup. Is that what happened though? You're like, you got the headlock.

Well, I wanted it to be a hookup the whole time. Of course. Because I'm secretly gay. I don't really think, I don't really think I don't know what all your moves are very crotch No, I wouldn't when things are being touched. I'm not getting upset. You know yeah, and then after that I was like oh, this is the key to hooking up with guys so then every time I was hanging out with someone I was like Y'all want to wrestle I? Was like wrestling is the hookup move it was like it was like the horror movie, but it was wrestling You know I'm saying sure that was the thing is being like if we wrestle someone's gonna get hard and it was like wrestling is the hookup move. It was like it was like the horror movie

But it was wrestling you know I'm saying sure that was the thing is being like if we wrestle someone's gonna get hard and it's Gonna turn into a hookup. I Wrestled a friend in middle school, and I just accidentally made him cry. Oh you heard him. Yeah. Oh, that's not fun Yeah, who knows maybe he was trying to hook up and I I misread Maybe you never know boys are weird sure But sometimes it is just about, hey, I had plenty of wrestling that just ended in someone losing. Yeah. God, I think about those WWF, WWB guys,

like they must be a lot of hooking up. With each other? Yeah, it's just very, wrestling is very sexual. Yeah, also there's such a, among a lot of those guys, any of those kind of, any of the, any of the like hyper testosterone-y masculine guys that are obsessed with body, I don't know how you could constantly be sizing up

your own body in comparison to other men's bodies and admiring other men's bodies and not, yeah, sometimes dipping into a little bit of sex. Sure. And that's cool, that's maybe one of the coolest things those guys do. You sleep with another guy, you like the way his traps look or whatever the fuck I don't know what those freaks get in I wonder if they're hooking up and it leads into wrestling Yeah, it goes back. They start with sex. They start to go back. Yeah. Yeah. Well

Maybe and that could be beautiful. That sounds wonderful. I'm very supportive. What do you okay? You're not you're not a hypochondriac you still fear of death still still within you year-on-a Yay, but so much more controlled. I was so obsessed with like trying to find Some kind of answer. Yeah, I would like look up all these you know Whatever scientists thought there might be a God I remember when you were you were searching for the proof of God That was one of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Absolutely, I was looking, here's what it was. I'm a skeptical person by nature,

and I was looking for some explanation that didn't make me go, that's bullshit. Yeah. And I remember the day in college where Stephen Hawking would always refer to, by the way, I'm too dumb to understand any concepts Stephen Hawking is talking about. But he used to to like, and by the way, I'm too dumb to understand any concept Stephen Hawking is talking about.

But he used to be like, oh, we see the fingerprints of God. That would be the metaphor that he used. And then I remember it was on Yahoo News. It was like Stephen Hawking says, there's no God. And I'm like, why did you have to say it, Stephen? But I remember it sending like a, oh, I thought this guy believed in God and he was smart, so that meant he was all fine,

and just being shaken to my core, like the proof had been taken from me. I remember looking up, it was just anyone I admired, if they were an atheist, I'd go to their Wikipedia. And even if it was just an actor whose work I thought was good, I'd go, oh, they're an atheist and they're a good actor, that must mean they know something,

and I wanted it to be real so bad. whose work I thought was good. And go, oh, they're an atheist and they're a good actor, that must mean they know something, and I wanted it to be real so bad. And ultimately, I think it was a mix of getting older and just accepting that no person had answers, number one, number two, everyone was compromised. Everyone had, their belief in God stemmed from some childhood experience, whether positive or negative

Yeah, they they no one is to be trusted I I was very attracted to certainty when I was younger and so Christianity I latched on to for a while because they were certain And they're like this is definitely what happens and I found that very attractive and alluring and then when I figured if at least For me when I decided that's all bullshit These people are nuts the the fanatical Christians that were dead set on telling you like the evangelicals, I was like nuts. And then I got very attracted to militant atheism and I did that for a while. You did like Richard Dawkins?

Oh dude, you have, you have. I would love to have known you in your militant atheist years. I was so fucking annoying. How would you bring it up? Like if people said bless you, you'd be like. It didn't matter. I would do anything.

I would do anything to bring it up. And I was on Facebook, I was heavy on Facebook sharing like, I remember specifically there's this one image I must have shared 15 to 20 times in my life. Ricky Gervais with the thing. Basically, it was a bunch of, it was a bunch of atheists. Ricky Gervais was certainly on there, George Carlin,

like a bunch of people, like a bunch of their headshots that you're talking about, like a bunch of different like religious figures, actors, comedians. And it was all their headshots put into this little square graphic. And then the the text was like if all atheists go to hell I'll be in pretty good company Sharing that on Facebook where all my like former youth group friends were I was like eat that bitch like I loved it

And then I got to the point where I'm pretty much at now where I'm like actually anybody anybody pitching certainty atheist Christians, like Muslims, super, super religious Jewish people, like anybody saying that they certainly know what's going on, I'm like, you do your thing, but I cannot be involved. We're living in post-truth, nothing's true anymore. Now it's all just takes. Everything is just, nobody believes,

there's hardly anything that you can get most people to go, yeah, that's true. And I think we also live in a place where no one can apologize without then being defeated by it. I think it would be great if Fauci or the government said, hey, remember when you wiped off your groceries? That was a pain in the ass. And we found out later, if they came forward and said,

we thought that might help. And later we said, it's probably not that important. But they can't ever like cop to errors because then people go, well then fuck you, you failed. But then if no one ever apologizes or takes accountability, then people just start getting resentful and write you off. We live in a very unhealthy time

and I don't know if there's any way back. I feel pretty hopeless. Well, there'll be truth on my commune. I don't feel hopeless actually. You don't feel hopeless? I really don't know if there's any way back. Yeah. I feel pretty hopeless. Well, there'll be truth on my commune. I don't feel hopeless, actually. You don't feel hopeless? I really don't. I've said that on here. You know how one of the theories

of the reason there's no alien life is that intelligent life always reaches a stage where it destroys itself. Yeah. That feels, that resonates with me in terms of with social media and the ways we've become, our information has broken down that I'm like, I can see us destroying ourselves

and that's why when another humanity, they're alone in the universe. I have real doubt and troubles believing in our systems of information. I have real doubt and trouble believing in necessarily, like maybe the systems of democracy that are supposed to be acting. I think I have ideas about how we can handle that and who is the problem, rich people. Most of all, hope for me comes from people. Most of my interactions every day are mostly

fine. Most people are nice and normal. I think most people are not hateful. I don't think most people in this country or elsewhere are bad or ill-intentioned. I think most people are pretty much just trying to get through the day and have fun with their friends and family and that gives me hope that we can figure something out. I don't know if we will. I agree with you. It's the rich people but it's just no one seems to be doing anything about it. Yeah, I was going to and then I started making some money. And now I'm like, those guys aren't so bad. I like hanging out with them, they're nice.

Are you gonna have Elon on the pod? He's scheduled. Yeah, he's next. We're gonna move that couch out so he can just sort of jump in place over there. God, I hate that stupid bitch. His whole arc and the whole thing is just like, it's beyond cartoonish at this point. Yeah. It's just, I don't know if I hate him.

I don't know, there's nothing, I just love the guy. The video game thing, it's always like, you wanna be like, even that alone, to paying someone else to play video games for you and like claiming that it was you playing them. To me like, that's enough that if that was a friend of mine, I'd go, we need to stop hanging out. There was a guy I went to middle school with,

and he always, he, there's when Pokemon cards were super popular. He pretended like he had these never before seen Pokemon cards at home, like Pokemon we had never heard of. If you give Eevee this stone, it becomes this thing that no one's ever, and we believed it. And we were young enough that we couldn't quite look it up and every day he'd say, I'm gonna bring it tomorrow,

and every day he'd say, my mom said I couldn't bring it, it's too precious. He's a genius. And- My mom said I have to keep it in the glass case where it lives. It's too precious and valuable to her. And that was enough to be like, oh, you shouldn't be in charge of slashing government programs.

Yeah. To me, the craziest thing of it all is that the idea that I don't understand how we got to this point where working people believe that guys like that give a fuck about them. I just don't understand that. I don't- I think it's just the belief of surely if they got this money,

they must be good. And I go, sometimes I wanna say is like, do you know someone who makes a little bit more money than you and you think they're full of shit? You think they're an idiot and you think there's no way they deserve that? Okay, so you can understand it doesn't correlate to the person's worth.

Now just take that, take that example and go, it can happen at this level. And that's the thing, you just gotta meet him. If anything, the biggest solution is to like, have lunch with Elon, just go have lunch. I think you can do a lunch one on one. You would think, but he every single day talks in public and is so annoying, so uncool, so like.

But the spin is so good, they go, but he made that car. To them, he made that car in his backyard. That's how they perceive it. I remember it was, Bill Burr always had a good joke about Steve Jobs, because I feel like Steve Jobs was one of these early people where it was like, he made the iPhone. And Bill Burr's point was like, he pointed to a box

and said, put a thousand songs in there, and someone else did that. And then we think of him as he made the thing. And I think it's that the spin is just so effective that people look at this guy and they go, he did all these things, he made the Rockets. He made them. Same with Trump though, all of it doesn't make any sense.

They're all grifters, Trump's a horrible businessman. The only thing he was ever good at was exploiting people. We have so much evidence, and it's crazy to me how many things we know about him that just don't factor anymore because it didn't work. Like the hits didn't work, so now we just don't talk about it. We have so much examples of him

just straight up not paying contractors. Hardworking people that like built things for him. Can I tell you something? I went to a rally. A Trump rally? Uh-huh. Where? It was, so it was two days before the election, maybe three days. I went to a rally. A Trump rally? Uh huh. Where? It was two days before the election, maybe three days.

The vaccine stuff is adding up now, by the way. Um, it was, I was in Raleigh, North Carolina, and it was like three days before the election, and I got a notification on- You're gonna get cooked for that pronunciation of Raleigh, by the way. North Carolina heads in the chat are gonna come for you, just so you know. Raleigh, North Carolina,. North Carolina heads in the chat are gonna come for you, just so you know.

Raleigh, North Carolina. And I got like a Twitter notification that was like, Trump rally, and it was the city next door. And I, this was like in that moment where I was like, I think it's done. I think it's over, he's gonna lose and this is gone. I'm not gonna pretend like I knew what was coming. So I go to this rally and I want to go like,

undercover, so to speak. You know, sometimes I'm recognized, I don't think this is my circle, per se. But all I brought with me were musical theater t-shirts. It's not a good color. All I had, and so like, I picked Oklahoma, it felt the closest, you know? Trump likes cats, apparently, I should have gone with cats.

But so we went there. We got a hat there You know I got a man's gunning in-hat country no nose It was like a little bit like it was a cooler like more alti version. Do you want us to put this out? Because I was curious. I thought I was like doing what like you know I was like I maybe I'll like to see something I'll all I'll learn something all I'll see an insight to why this thing is continuing. Yeah. I was pretty on board until the hat. Until the hat, what was it, you wanted to go in wearing

what is so true, a podcast hat? Ideally, yeah, but no, I think just no hat would have been fine too. Buying merch is crazy work. It was not the official merch, it was a local person, so I was helping small businesses. It's a local vendor. It was a small business owner in the parking lot.

And I just remember, first it was way smaller than I thought it would be. It was way smaller. He was very late. And it was like, when you see this person, like in person, 100 feet away from you, you go, this guy is old. And he was doing three sets that day, essentially.

And he flies in, they played the Undertaker's theme music as he got out of the plane. And I was like, are you serious? The Undertaker? It was ominous, that was the vibe. It was like this, here he comes to destroy whatever. And he went up there and he was like, people started leaving after 10 minutes

because it was so boring. It was so not engaged and that's when I thought, oh it's done. I had this crazy sense of optimism about Kamala winning because I think people were leaving, he didn't have the juice, he was talking about lowering grocery prices where they were selling jerk chicken for like $45.

And I was like, why don't you lower the prices of this jerk chicken to start off. Yeah, why don't you lower the prices of these mega hats? I spent a fortune. A fortune. Yeah. And then I left, and I left feeling like, ugh, it's done. It was that same confidence I had

the day I voted for Hillary Clinton in 2016 when I voted and I was like, ugh, thank God this is over. Yeah. And I fell for it again. Well, he won by very unstatistical margins in a lot of swing states, so who knows what happened there. But he won North Carolina, I truly, I said, well, he's not winning North Carolina.

I thought I was so, it was just shocking how much of a non-event it was and how old, so old. That is strange, isn't it? That he's so boring and it seemed so bad for him and yet he won every single swing state by like a pretty big margin after talking about stolen elections for a couple years. That is interesting.

I think it just goes back to, it's the hatred, they did a good job branding or collecting the idea of the woke person and this is not about anything other than hurting that person and people wanted it. It's a bummer. Yeah, who knows what happened? Who knows what happened in those? Who vote for who'd I vote for yeah?

It doesn't matter who we individually voted for yeah, you know it's like you won by one vote It's so much bigger not in Missouri where I vote. It's it's so much bigger than that But of course I voted my conscience, and I voted for change But when they when they when they worry about a third term or whatever I'm like I'm like he's older than He's older than you you think yeah, like you really you really seeing the highlights I think the third term thing is genuinely so horrifying. It's horrifying, but I really don't think I do I think father time Will save us from this one. It's not about whether or not he serves the third term or even tries for it It's about him. We haven an we have a United States president

This is another one of those things that I'm like I feel like I'm fucking like living out or something like am I like democracy now or something that I am like We why we have an American president talking about genuinely Wanting to explore options for a third term and everyone's just like oh, yeah, that's part of it now that is fucking insane Sure, that is fucking insane. This person is fucking insane. Sure. That is fucking insane. This person is fucking insane. I feel crazy. My only hope is that it really,

there's a big chunk of it tied to this one individual has so captured some version of America and no one is going to fill in for this person. This person has a charisma, I understand, I just said that he was watching him live, it was like watching a Las Vegas comic who was like done. You know? But ultimately, we're a celebrity based culture,

this person had a unique celebrity that's been cooking for, since the 90s. My dad had the art of the deal on his shelf. You know, I watched The Apprentice season one when I was what, in eighth grade? Like there's such, no one's gonna fill in for this person and it will fracture and break down once he passes away. I really, that's a hope that I do have.

God. You remember the way LA felt when he lost to Biden? Oh, you weren't in LA. I wasn't in LA. Oh God, it was, there were parties in the streets. We were cars. Oh, no, we were, Tova Filny, there was dancing. Oh, there were cars breaking.

Cause it was delayed, remember? Yes. But then eventually one day someone finally called it. Yeah. Oh, the people were embracing strangers. There was, it was, oh, it was beautiful. And I think the day that he remember the day he got COVID, we were all we were all still

in lockdown. But I was like, I was calling my family. Yeah. I was like, my sister, he's got crazy. He's old. And it's doing it to old people. He's kind of fat, too. Reading tweets to each other. Just like, this is amazing. Yeah. The day he leaves us is going to be a really special day It's gonna be fair I'm how I want nothing to do with it one motherfucker if one motherfucker And I have a couple friends who do this goes guys. It's we shouldn't celebrate someone dying I'm gonna go you can go to the fuck shut up. It's fun shut up shut up. It's fun

Anyway, Joe Marco, what's so true to you? um I Shut up. Shut up, it's fun. Anyway, John Marker, what's so true to you? I was thinking about this. Good. Good? Hey, you're bound ahead of most of our guests already. You're ahead by a country mile if you've thought about it at all before walking in here. So I've been thinking a lot about,

I might, one of my openers on the road, his name's Liam Nelson a good comedian And he's seven feet tall And why would you take him out? Take him out. Why would you take him on the road on the road? I know it's gotta be logistically complicated stuffing him in places. It's it's Flying's brutal for him sometimes with the bathroom. He has to keep the door open if he has to yeah So I'm to the circus. Why are you taking him on the road? I mean, what am I but a traveling circus? That's the life.

You're right, my bad, yeah. So when I'm with him, I really experience how many people have to ask him how tall he is. And the ways that they do it, and there's a lot of like, you must hate it when people ask you this. I'm sure you get asked this all the time. I'm sure if someone asks you today, you're gonna put a bullet in your brain. But.

How tall are you? And I go, we've lost manners. We've lost manners. And I don't know when I was taught that. I don't know what, like, whether it was a kid's TV show or school or my parents just said like, don't, or mind your business, some version of mind your business. But everyone, older guys, they're the worst.

This one guy came up to him recently and goes like, he goes, and just sits there waiting for him to have to initiate. Seven foot. Yes, seven feet. And you know, he deals with it and he has like cards now sometimes that he gives and he's like, you know, it's a good way, it kind of ends the conversation.

Just giving a card and he's like, follow me, you know, whatever, he's trying to get something out of it. But I remember one guy said, I know what four letter word you like, D-U-C-K. And I'm like, shut the fuck up, leave us alone. That kind of rocks. That was a banger. But it's everywhere, it's everyone,

and it's older people. It's not the kids usually, it's older people. And I just go, how do you not have it in your mind to go, oh, I want to ask him that. How many people have wanted to ask him that and have? Yeah. Shut up. Why is he doing comedy and not playing basketball for real?

Because he has Marfan's. Oh, what's that? That sounds bad. Marfan's, I mean, it's, fuck, he said it so many times. Fuck. But basically, there's hard stuff oh Where you can't do super physical activities? Yeah? Organs are longer and stretched out longer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's fuck

I forget the word he always says it but a lot of people if you're tall I was checked from our fans because if you're taller lanky they go Maybe it's because you have more fans you can't fans because if you're tall or lanky they go maybe it's because you have more fans You can't have it if you're fat. I Think you can do I have like I'm not a medical professional. Do you think have it? It's mercury in retrograde. Mmm, we might be you never know you have to check then you if you're feeling odd You might be yeah, then you might have more fans check on it. No, I don't know what that is But I'm I wish that he could play basketball. That's so sad

Yeah, I think he did it like at some point as a young kid, you're tall and they're like, I mean they threw me in basketball because I was tall and I was terrible. To have to be a comedian when you're seven feet tall. I'm shouting out Liam, he's strong. He's really strong and beautiful. Marfan most commonly affects the heart, eyes, blood vessels and skeleton. They're tall and thin with unusually long arms. It can be mild or severe. Cool. So, well, shout out to Liam. Osama Bin Laden had Marfan's. He did, was he tall?

Oh yeah, he was very tall. Oh wow, I didn't know that about him. Jonathan Larson, who wrote Rent, he had Marfan's and he actually died because whatever happened with his heart, they didn't know he had Marfan's so they treated him in like the incorrect way. Yeah.

And that's why he died. They treated him like a regular guy whose liver was normally chance printed your acting resume for me My college actor resume. Oh, thank God. I don't go over it. I don't want to talk about that I want to do a segment with you I want to do true or false with you Okay And I want you to know that I'm gonna read you 15 statements and you're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if you Think that each thing I said was true or false if you get ten or more correct or Marco

We're gonna give you 50 US dollars. It's kind of big did I do this last time. Oh, yeah, everyone's done. Did I win? Remember I don't remember getting money you ready Wow The human skull is made I was on stage recently and someone heckled me and they said When is Caleb coming to Indianapolis? First of all I just went to Indianapolis and second of all don't do that Yeah, don't do that. Don't yell out about me at someone else's show. I don't like that I've gotten multiple reports from friends about stuff like that. That does not make that does not please me Listen to the show enjoy the idea that I'd call you and be like, hey, you gotta go out to st. Louis

Hey, I don't know right. You gotta make the trip. You gotta get to Muncie quick. They need you over there. Yeah Well, how do you feel because people always want you to tour more and they get frustrated They go they go they want you to come and so they take it out on your fellow comedian friends Well, I would say stop taking it out on my fellow comedian friends and also you're probably gonna stay frustrated I'm on tour right now, and it's a beautiful, amazing tour. It's wonderful, we're playing these incredible theaters. It's so nice, they're all sold out. You couldn't ask, people who want a tour,

you couldn't ask for a better situation than mine. I'm ready to quit. You should do it in Kansas City, like a Las Vegas residency in Kansas City. You'll help their economy, you can share the money, and that's the only place to see you live, and people will travel from all over the world to do it That's a beautiful idea. I think you should the human school is made of 29 different bones True that is true the lifespan of a taste bud is nine months

True false about ten days baby bunnies are called pups false false kittens Ray Liotta graduated from the University of Miami True true scorpions can glow True true the largest desert in the world is in Antarctica False it's true Georgetown day school's mascot is the wasp false false It's hoppers the grasshopper earth sky is purple human. Our sky is purple human eyes. Just see it as blue True true there are more chickens than people in the world False true Don Knot's real first name was Edward True false was Jesse the Sega Dreamcast is older than the Nintendo 64

true that is False oh kangaroos can't walk backwards True true Mars is the closest planet to Earth false false. It's Venus the monopoly guy wears a monocle true false camels have straight spines True that is true. How do you do? What a horrible nine is the worst one nine is the worst number and The best number frankly is ten to get exactly ten is great nine is the worst one nine is the worst number and the best number frankly is ten

To get exactly ten is great nine is the worst anything over ten is boring you know at all Anything under nine is humiliating your moron yeah Nine is nine and ten are the only two numbers that count in this game good in my opinion So mark it was a pleasure to have you do you want to tell the people where to find you etc? I yeah, I'm on tour. I'm gonna be in Europe. I'm gonna be all over American cities that Caleb would never, would only fly over.

I'll be there. And then listen to my podcast, The Downside. We've had Caleb on three times. Looking for a fourth. I would love to have you for a fourth. Looking for a fourth. We'll make it happen. Has it been three?

Yeah, it has. We did one just you and me way back in LA. One in LA and then one in your current studio or two in your current studio in New York. I think two in different iterations of that studio. Anyway, looking for a fourth. I would love to have it. Have me on. Anything else you want to tell them?

Jamarcus O'Reilly, the downside podcast. There it is. That's all I do. We love you, thanks for being here. Thanks for having me. We did it. That was a HateGum podcast. Hey, I'm Tony Hale.

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