So True with Caleb Hearon - Grace Kuhlenschmidt is a Good Kisser

Episode Date: July 18, 2024

Welcome back, friends! Today’s guest is the hilarious Grace Kuhlenschmidt! Grace and Caleb talk everything from kissing techniques, their shared love of Trey Songz, The Eras Tour, Spongebob Squarepants, and so much more! See Caleb Live in London July 19th and 26th! https://www.leicestersquaretheatre.com/show/caleb-hearon/ Subscribe to our YouTube channel for full video episodes! https://youtube.com/@sooootruepod?si=Z1bPmDvoiGhvfOBV Join our Patreon for an exclusive extended interview with Grace and other bonus content! https://patreon.com/SoTruePodcast?utm_medium=unknown&utm_source=join_link&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=copyLink   Follow Grace! @gkuhlenschmidt    Follow the Show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Recorded at Bad Ladder Productions in Los Angeles, CASee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I was born to be fat. Yes. In every life, I'm sure of it. It's not soda. It's not anything that's making me fat, guys. I literally was born this way. In every single universe, we were going to be fat. That's actually only true of you.

I shouldn't be as fat as I am. Of course not. I'm definitely adding to it. I know. I will say. That's my personal truth, is that I was maybe born to be a little chunky, and I've let things go. maybe born to be like a little chunky and I've got I've let things go it's so funny to be sitting here with my ex it's so weird because we had such a traumatic breakup we've kind of come back to friends you know what that's my first time hearing you actually call me your ex are you okay well we

never really made things official so it feels like a little bit. I'm just like, we are exes. Yeah. I'm so sorry, dude. I thought you knew that we were official. Like we were officially broken up. I didn't know that you knew that. Are you kidding me? You never even saved my number in your phone.

I can't save your number in my phone because then I won't be able to get over you you have fucked me up so bad you've ruined me for other women so that's why you're gay you're why i'm gay i'm actually getting pretty close to getting keep going keep going keep going keep going how long is this supposed to be no casting directors might watch this casting directors might watch this keep going keep going grace hi i'm so happy to see you i'm so happy to see you it's actually sick no lisa you can't lisa trager just recorded her episode of the podcast before grace's. And she has phone calls to make. And we explicitly told her, you cannot take phone calls in the studio. And she's taking the longest. That was shocking.

That was shocking. That was literally crazy. That was so crazy. And disrespectful. And disrespectful. To me. Lisa, no. Get out of here.

I think she's gone. I think she left. Jesus Christ. That is so funny, dude. Guys, that's gone. I think she left. Jesus Christ. That is so funny, dude. Guys, that's a big podcast no-no. Yeah. Don't get on a phone call. Truly, in the next room, that is so fucking funny.

Damn. It's so good to see you. It's so good to see you. I miss you terribly. I miss you all the time. I want to bring up something just right away with you. Grace Kuhlenschmidt, on September 29th, 2009, you posted this on Facebook. So there's an all caps Trey Songz concert tonight.

Only problem is my mom won't let me go. It's truly sad that me and my husband will never get to meet. Whoa. Okay. So I was 14. Whoa. I almost thought for a minute there's going to be irony somewhere. Maybe that was a joke, but no, no, no.

I was in love with Trey Songz. Me too. Actually, when I was trying to pray the gay away, when I was like, oh, I don't want to be gay. Let's pray about it. I'm sure we can fix this. I'm negotiating with God. I'm like, there must be something we can do

no definitely the thing that kept pulling me back was that Trey Songz shirtless album cover do you remember that yeah I know exactly what you're talking about

he's like dripping wet every time I would see it on my iPod touch I'd be like fuck I'm never gonna get out of this hole that I've dug myself

it's so sad that that's what that was doing for you for me it was like fully convincing me I was straight yeah like couldn't have worked better and you're not straight right what year is it again 2024 i'm not straight this year okay this year we're off right yeah off of

dick this year but i was like i mean do you remember the can't help but wait music video oh my god i was like just watching that being like he'll sing that about me one day for sure. Not Trey Songz being both of our closeted types. I know. How weird. That's really beautiful for us. I'm not surprised at all. And a testament to his power. I was actually re-listening to him like truly six days ago.

Which one? Can't Help But Wait. Can't Help But Wait. Because that was my favorite. But I know every single word. My favorite was Neighbors Know My Name. Oh, I wanted the neighbors to know his name so bad. Has that ever fucking happened to you guys?

Where you're fucking so good that literally the neighbors know your fucking name. The neighbors are like, damn, Caleb's laying it down right now. Is that Jessica? It's gotta be. Oh my God, Jessica's back in there. No, Trey Songz was, was I mean like Really huge for me I just was so Like that's the difference I think

Between your and I closeted stories Like you were trying to convince yourself That you were straight I didn't need convincing Yeah you were like I'm straight Without a doubt I was so sure of it Weren't you on the softball team

Yeah and I thought it was ironic that I was the coach. I was like me, the straightest girl on the team. You were like, how funny that among all these dykes, I'm somehow the leader? I was designated hitter because I was slowest on the team. So that means that basically once you get on base, they take you out and they put in a little skinny girl to run the bases for you. And so then I would get back into my catcher's gear and I'd like be up on the fence, like spitting out sunflower seeds.

Let's go girls. Be like, where is Mr. Right? I'd be like, I'm just trying to figure out how I'm going to ask Nick to prom. And you know how, by the way, how I ended up asking, I thought about this guy today. How I ended up asking him to prom.

I wrote prom on a 40 ounce of beer. Please. You hit him with the brother treatment? You said, hey, big dog, I'd love to take you to prom. And I was like like this is genius he is definitely gonna want to come on and like see my tits after this i am fucking dead dude and that was high school that was high school and then you went to you went to skidmore i went to skidmore because you grew up in la near la and then you uh you went to skidmore and you studied psychology

studied psychology and it didn't go well there did it no no i think you know i've heard you talk about this before 2.7 gpa yeah which actually now that i look back on it i'm like that's not that bad no it's actually a c that's no worries that's no worries but i like truly like i had to withdraw from a lot of classes throughout the years yeah i withdrew from intro to acting no i was doing so poorly and now look who's on tv and now look who's on tv it's unbelievable five full credits on imdb yeah hey ever heard of it ever heard of it acting teacher that's like one of those moments when people are like my acting teacher actually failed me i love those i actually think about this a lot because i was thinking about a a lot when Phoebe Waller-Bridge won a bunch of awards for Fleabag.

You remember? There was a picture of her holding all of her, maybe they were Emmys. Oh, I love photos of me like that. Oh, I love. All my photos of me holding trophies. I'm like, those are the best. Yeah. But all of her fans were posting.

I really like her a lot. This is not about her. This is about the reaction to her. lot this is not about her this is about the reaction to her but she posted that picture or someone posted that photo of her and all of her fans were being like they were posting it next to a screenshot of a review that she had gotten when she did the fleabag show at fringe they got three stars and it was kind of panned by a reviewer absolutely people were being like wow i bet this guy feels like a fucking moron and i'm like is it possible that between the time she did a an edinburgh friend show to now that she got better well and that the show grew is was it like a one-woman show yes so i'm gonna go on record

and just say most one-woman shows are pretty fucking three stars they really are and it's like no offense to anybody sometimes you need a little help you need a cast sometimes you need women we need someone to pop in there right maybe a man in it grace don't say that there should be a man in there we're not recording yet right we're on what the that mic is hot dude oh my god no that is really funny i do i do find myself trying to write a solo show because i used to, you remember, I used to do characters in Chicago forever ago. I'll never forget.

No one knows this is coming now. That's why I fall asleep thinking about it. Yeah, me doing characters. You putting on a wig. But every time I find myself writing one, I get caught up being like, this would be better if other people were here. That's how I always feel. That's why the internet is so,'s why like How we started our career

Is so weird Just talking to our phones Yeah insane Yikes But before we started Talking to our phones We were doing shows Together in Chicago

I know And that was beautiful It really was Back in the day You and I I'll never forget Improv 2 Improv 2

I'll never forget Improv 2 Well I was gonna say Was it Improv 201 Like what was it called What did they call it It was like level 2 like what was it called what do they call it it was like level two level two yeah they called it level two when we got in that class together and i remember thinking frankly i remember thinking finally all bets are off it literally

i remember this because i was such a fan of yours already i thought you were so funny and then we got in in two and i was like because i had heard from level one people were like this grace girl is so funny damn and then i heard and i heard nothing about you no one was talking about me in the chicago scene i don't think so but you know what i will actually say it's because i had no friends okay like at that point my only friend was andrew okay obsessed no worries thank you thank, Andrew, for your service. Thank you, Andrew. But I was so excited. And then we got in that class and I was like, oh, it felt spiritual.

I was like, we're cooking. And then I remember a first time that you and I went to, God, I love this restaurant, Chipotle together. Oh, that's so beautiful, Grace. It was so good. Yeah, that's beautiful. Chicago local. And we really bonded there. Yeah.

I'll never forget. me and you back in the day i wish we were still close i don't know what happened between us i mean so many things i really when i look at our friendship i can just track the downfall almost immediately what are the steps i'm really interested because i want to do better right so i think that first of all we were both gay when we met i think that's a really bad way to start a friendship. That's tough. Yeah. Yeah. It just is dishonesty from the get go. Yeah.

Don't you think? Yeah, 100%. Gay people are liars. By the way, I actually thought earlier today when I was thinking about you, what would have happened if we met when we were closeted? I think you know what would have happened. Come on. I think I would have been holding the 40 ounce can of beer that said go to prom with me. I also think so. And I think we would have been holding the 40 ounce can of beer that said i also think so and i think we would have been at prom damn you think we would have enabled each other to the

degree where we would have been at this age still closeted but but maybe like 30 times more famous and it kind of was like everyone talks about how we're each other's beards and stuff i think we are currently in in this reality right now in our physical bodies in this space, we are living in the singular of the millions of realities. We are living in the singular reality where we are not each other's beards. I know. This is the one lifetime where we are not doing that.

I know. And that's tough. Did you ever have a beard? Of course. Really? You had like a girlfriend? Wait, where she was in on it? No.

No, I didn't ever. You're laughing. This clip is going online somewhere and someone's going, it wasn't very funny for me. Oh, God. When I was madly in love with him. God, yeah, yeah, yeah. A girl with like my pictures and articles about me up in her room. Just being like, I'll never fucking forget. No, I no i can we talk about the comments how are your internet comments going

mine are fucking annoying are you just talking like in general in general my comments are real bad right now mine have gotten worse with the podcast because now i'm like back online in a big way right can i just say shut the fuck up these people are so annoying i hate unless you're being nice to me and then keep it up how how is it for you being being plus size on the internet is it good or bad i want to say it's great i want to say i'm having actually the time of my life i really am having a time of my life but you know what is the thing with us is we're so fucked in the head because we are fat but we we somehow are deranged enough to think we're hot. Uh-huh. That is the worst part.

It's really a crazy disease that we have. We've essentially shallow-halled ourselves. Yes, dude. That's what I'm saying. You and I have shallow-halled disease. I look in the mirror and I see Gwyneth Paltrow. Yes. But that's crazy because I look at you and I see Gwyneth Paltrow.

And I look at you and I see Guy Gwyneth Paltrow. I thought you were going to say Jack Black. And I was terrified. I was so, I was prematurely hurt. Because he's so sexy, but it just wouldn't be fair in the circumstances. I know, it wouldn't be fair, no. He's so hot. He is so hot.

It is nuts the number of people who get mad at me online for being a fat person who looks in the mirror and sees worth. Like, just the fact that I like myself. I know. I'm not even getting on there and being like, everyone should want to fuck me, which I believe. Right. I literally get on the internet and be like, yeah, I just think when someone dates me, they should be nice to me. And the comments will be like, fucking think again, fuck it. They're so mad.

So are you thinking of switching it up on them and just becoming immediately insecure? See what happens in your comments? No, I'm getting lap banned. You're getting no i'm getting gastric sleeve today actually wait please let me pitch in we know they're gonna come they're gonna do it i just want i just want like a steak in it you know what i mean so let me pitch in like 10 just so that i can say i i kind of help no we're gonna let you get your hands in there they're gonna come do it here on the pod and we're going to release it as clips.

We're going to, it's Caleb Gets Gastric Sleeve because that's what's so true to me. And is that going to be Patreon only? No, we're going to put this one out. That is so nice. You have to walk the balance with Patreon. Some of the stuff that's really good, you have to put it out to draw them over to the paid site. And this is one of those things.

Because I've heard you talk a lot about the surgeries you plan on getting on this podcast oh yeah oh yeah lap band and then i'm gonna get lap band and then gastric sleeve get lasik i'm gonna get dick enlargement and then i'm gonna get height enlargement is dick enlargement real by the way is it oh that's so interesting let's look into it chance where do they do it and how much does it cost? What do penis pumps do, though? Do they put air in there? It stretches the skin. Just a little bit? You know a lot about this.

Yeah. Off the top of your head. Wait, can I say something? I wish you would. If I had a penis, I would look into a penis pump as well. Really? Well, why not? Because I'm kind of blessed with big, big old perfect boobs.

Yeah. And I think I often think about if I were given another hand in life where I had a small dick. Yeah. Of course I would look into a penis pump. You have great titties. I have great titties. God, that sounded so natural coming off your lips. You have great titties.

It's so clear they've been in your mouth, hon. Yeah. Oh, I've had those titties all around this area. Left and right. In the eyeball. Off the eyeball. No, I wish I would give anything. But we don't have a sexual element to our relationship.

It's very platonic. No, we almost never have. It's very professional between you and I. It's always been like work, work, work. Right, right, right. We only ever talk. When we get together, all we do is pitch. I know. We go to coffee and it's very professional between you and i it's always been like work work right right right we only ever talk when we get together all we do is pitch i know we go to coffee and it's just pitching we're always pitching the same thing too yeah that we fuck you're dating right now you're single i'm single you're out there i'm single for the first time in eight years

and you're hitting the streets i'm dating as many as one girl at a time. Come on. Up the number. Up the number. As few as zero, Caleb. And as many as one. Do you have a strong prospect right now? I do.

Yeah? But is it such a strong... You know I've been in the single game for a minute. Is it such a strong prospect that you're ignoring the others on the roster? Of course. Or are you keeping the place? i'm a lesbian i know i know sometimes you're so cool you don't want answers to sometimes you're so cool that i forget you're a lesbian dude if i could be a player like i would yeah i can't i'm not a player i just crush a lot

type shit god you nasty good song yeah it is a good song i yeah i wish like so badly that i had i tried having two girls like on a roster and i was like who the fuck am i hanging out with tonight again you were like a disney channel original character team's assistant so i'm like do you guys remember who i'm seeing at seven you're calling uta yep please guys who's my date with i want to make sure i come prepared i'm being i told one of them i was like sub femme the other remember who I'm seeing at seven? You're calling UTA. Yep. Please, guys, who's my date with? I want to make sure I come prepared. I told one of them I was sub femme, the other one I'm mass top.

I don't know. Honestly, it's a very funny idea to me that you're being sub with one of them and butch with the other one. I would love if that were the case. God, that'd be hot. I know. I mean, I should, if I'm really, really single again, I'll go full femme. Really?

I'll go full floor length dress. You're going to go Jessica Rabbit with it? Yeah, I want to go big hat. I'm going to tell you right off the bat. I think you might be too butch to be femme. Because the first thing you had for femme was you're like, I'm going to put snapback i'm gonna wear a tank top and high top converse it's like no baby i'm getting a big hat dress with air force one that's like when the butch lesbians are doing like they're going to prom tiktok

exactly and then i get you someone who can do both and then they just look like a butch in a dress it's so funny what do you think i am uh chapstick this shit that right there amazing reveal i hope you put that reveal in slow-mo i think you're a blistex yeah it's blistex now i've been thinking because I've been doing a lot of kissing lately. Thank you. I've been thinking, is it unsexy to have someone immediately have just put on chapstick before you kiss? I don't love it. I would like it to be a little settled in, or I would at least like it to-

Okay, so then I need to chill, because I'm literally like- I need to chill. No, I'm serious. Chris' full body lubed in chapstick. I'm serious. Yeah. Chris' full body lubed in chapstick. I'm serious.

Yeah. Also, when I was kind of seeing two people at the same time, people are going in the comments, you're a horrible person. I think it could have ended at you're a whore. Yeah, thank you. You don't need to go horrible person. They would just call you. Basically, I was like, all I was thinking about was kissing. Yeah. And so I was just like, my lips were like becoming inverse they were like really i was

like i needed this chapstick to save my life yeah are you good kisser yeah i know that's right i for sure am i practically invented it i have to be honest with you i'm such a good kisser it's my specialty okay and why do you have a reason yeah well i have beautiful big lips you do actually have stunning lips i have beautiful big lips i have i have great rhythm i think Do you have a reason? Yeah, well, I have beautiful big lips. You do actually have stunning lips. I have beautiful big lips. I have great rhythm. I think if you're a good kisser, you're a good dancer. Damn it, well, fuck my life. I have good rhythm.

I have good timing. And I care a lot. Right. And you're like, and comedy comes in threes. So you always do three pecks. Yeah. There you go. The boys always do three pecks. Yeah. I'm like, there you go. The boys faint.

They love it. No, I care a lot. And I also, here's a really important part of kissing for anyone who isn't good at it is you can't, the kiss should not be, if you're kissing, it should not be,

it should not be, it should not be the same place over and over again. You should be moving. This lip should be up here. This lip should be down here. There should be a little bit of teeth every once in a while. It's so important to switch up your placement. You gotta switch up the placement. You gotta switch up the placement.

Real kissers know. I'm a real kisser. I'm a real kisser. You know why I think I'm a good kisser? Tell me. I've never said this publicly. I spent like eight years before I ever kissed anyone

making out with my hand every single night of my life. years before I ever kissed anyone making out with my hand every single night of my life every single night I cannot lie to you and I hate to say this because you're a dear friend that is humiliating absolutely absolutely but is it because I was closeted and sad and and you know what if you're if that's humiliating to you then maybe you guys should talk to the guys who i went to school with and ask them why they never had crushes on me yeah that's really fair cut to them being like she was an obvious lesbian and she wouldn't stop making out with her hand yeah yeah she was she was at school every day

being like hey hey, boys. No, that's really good, though. It's good to be prepared. One time I made out with the mirror in my bathroom, and I had showered, and then I like, I hate, I'm saying this, and I left the bathroom, and then my brother went into the bathroom, and he went, ew, mom, dad, and he was like, it looks like Grace made out with the mirror. Oh, my God, Jack, what the fuck? Because I guess there were like lip marks all over the mirror. Like the fog had settled.

Also, just like, literally, like, I should have been like, we're never talking again right then. Yeah, yeah. I should have been like, you're literally not my brother anymore. That's so uncool. Disowned. As siblings, all we're supposed to do is help each other get better and get laid get laid literally protect each other all you have to do is and also team up with me against mom and dad don't tell them that i'm a horny little freak

making out with the mirror exactly also yeah there were some really ugly years in my life too and it's like i just know i was looking like a little fucking freak when I was making out with the mirror. Yeah, I totally, I gave up my brother's porn stash to my mom. Are you talking like physical porn? Yeah.

I don't really know why he was doing it. So Oregon trail, like analog style. Cause we had iPod touches, but I, so I was on there, you know, doing my thing.

I was in my shit. Right. I was in my shit on the iPod touch, but yeah, he had physical nudie mags and he had a big stash under his bed and one time him and his friends were playing his friends were such little fucking burnout losers and i know you guys listen but it's true right and they were playing uh they're playing playstation and they wouldn't let me play and i was like i want to play i'm sick of this you guys been playing all day and they're like no fuck you you don't let me play. And I was like, I want to play. I'm sick of this. You guys have been playing all day. And they're like, no, fuck you.

You don't get to play. These are the rules. And I was like, okay. And then I just, I left. I left the house. I went and did something else. You closed the door like this? Yeah.

I went, I went, all right. I left the house and did something else all day. And as soon as mom got home, I was like, Colton has a bunch of porn magazines under his bed. And then she took them and he got grounded, which actually is really sex negative. And my mom should have been better. And we've talked about it as adults. And she agrees that that was not the right move right so don't don't come for kelly please see that is the hard thing that is going to be so weird as a parent yeah what do you do i don't you just have to let it slide when your kid's horny as fuck you

have to let it slide i think you have to let them make out with the mirror like a sex pest? Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's like such a specific example, but yeah. Yeah, but yeah, you have to let that slide.

What do you think about, what do you think about rainbow gay people? People, like gay people who really do the rainbow merch. Here's the thing, I'm not surrounded

by them at all. Nor am I, but I know some. I don't even, I don't even know if I know a single rainbow gay person by name. By name. Here's what happens. I don't even know if I know a single rainbow gay person by name.

By name. Here's what happens. I will say, in New York and LA, I'm a jaded, coastal, fed up gay who would never do rainbow merch. But in the middle of the country, when I see a gay person wearing a rainbow tank top and a Love Wins bracelet, I'm like, that's my sister. Yeah, definitely. That's my brother. That's my cousin. Right sister. Yeah, definitely. That's my brother.

That's my cousin. Right. That's my mother. That's my father. Because it means something different. So I know a lot of them in the Midwest. Yeah. It's the same as carrying like an RBG tote.

Like if I see someone carrying an RBG tote in New York or LA, I'm like, okay, you fucking nerd ass loser. Right, but in Missouri, it'd be like. But in Kansas City, I'm like your sibling. Yeah, of course.

It's different. That makes sense. But I'm not a rainbow gay person anymore. I was for a bit, obviously. No, I mean, the gay people I hang out with are wearing all black. Thank you. And it's like Pride Day. And we're wearing all black.

I know for sure I'm going to be wearing basically all black on Pride Day. Yeah. I don't know what's wrong with me. You're going to be wearing neutrals. I'm not proud enough. I need to listen to that Taylor Swift song more. Which one? What's that one?

Oh, Shade Never Made Anybody Less Gay. Yeah, I need to listen to that more. She ate with that. It's so cool how vocal she is about things. You better be very careful. I know. Because you do not live a protected enough life.

I actually listened to Taylor Swift today. What did you listen to i listened to the song enchanted it was enchanting to meet you well the thing is you know in a way i feel like i could be falling in love right now and so i am listening to this song thinking yeah that's my life do you know what um do you know what taylor swift song i think of when i think of gay people the one where she says that's fine i'll tell mine that you're gay yes and by the way i hate that stupid old pickup that thing yep eight you know she took out that lyric i yeah i know because i mentioned it on hell is that girl doing clearly we're not on her team i mentioned on stage once that i liked that lyric and was joking about how homophobic it is and how funny i think that is and a swifty screamed out at me from the audience she removed it oh i was like i know put down the machine gun jesus christ it's really crazy they

go it's they go to war for this woman right but here's the thing i went to the heirs tour i had time of my life it's a great tour did i black out yeah sure do i remember most of it maybe i remember 30 of it yeah but it was so long that that's actually basically a full concert that i remember yeah yeah yeah yeah the 30 you have i remember one hour yeah it's long of the 17 and a half that she performed i went to two nights in a row wait you did in missouri in kansas city and it was wonderful i will say i had i've always appreciated taylor's music i i genuinely have been a fan of hers when she was country when she came out when she was first country and i liked her then i've enjoyed all the eras i don't think i'm a super fan i'm not the way that people like are analyzing the lyrics and stuff i've always

enjoyed her stuff and thought she makes cool good poppy music i like it the eras stuff. I've always enjoyed her stuff and thought, she makes cool, good, poppy music. I like it. The heiress to her, I have a newfound respect for her. Same. That show is nuts. I know. She puts on a fucking show. Right.

And to do that, I'm like, I do, if my team asks me to do two headlining hour sets in a night, an early and a late show, I'm like, I'm a coal miner. Without, I seriously agree without i'm the hardest working person i'm the hardest working person in america i'm literally doing like underwater like i cannot believe also the way i complain when someone asks me to do 20 minutes at a show i'm like what am i sure i'm richard prior what am i doing crazy i can't so to see her do back-to-back nights of one of the most strenuous shows I've ever seen,

I'm like, I would not last a minute. I do think she's a full robot. Yeah. There's a reason she's a billionaire and I never will be. She earned that. That's not true. She earned that. You will be a billionaire.

She earned her billions. Billionaires earn their money. Every single billion of that one billion. Every single billion of the one billion she earned. Billionaires earn their money. That's one billion every single billion of the one billion she earned billionaires earn their money that's my hot take i obviously don't think that i know but you do and you are always on the record saying that who's your favorite billionaire mine's mark cuban oh my god i actually do love him yeah is he a billionaire i love mark cuban god he's a bill if he weren't i would go whatever you guys make on this episode, send it to him. Send it to him.

We probably make like $200 or $300 billion. Yeah, $100 billion. Sorry. Is it weird that I think if Mark Cuban ran for office I might hear the pitch? No, I think that would be interesting. Is that crazy? I know. It's like I think he's got... Mark Cuban,

I think you've got a sensibility about you. He seems real to me. You should have him on. Yeah. Yes, that is so cool. Cost Plus Drugs. It's a pharmacy that Mark Cuban started. He sells medicine at cost, right?

I think he's a good guy, Mark Cuban. Also, I love being like, he's a good guy. He's selling medicine at cost. That's how bad our bad guys are. Yeah. He's selling things for exactly what they're worth. Yeah. For life-saving stuff.

Yep. That's how bad our bad guys are. That is such a funny point. Yeah. That is so funny. Yeah. I think he's good. I think Mark Cuban, if you wanted to run for office, I would at least hear the pitch. I would have to hear about some other things.

Morally, I don't know about her, but I do love Barbara Cochran as a vibe. As a vibe, yeah. Yeah. Is that her name? Barbara Cochran? So she doesn't matter. Of course a girl's not a billionaire. Girls can't be billionaires. They can't. They're not allowed. I've been watching so much Shark Tank lately. Have you? What do you think any good ideas in there no anything we should scoop up they're getting worse they're getting worse well yeah we're really scraping the barrel on inventions and it's funny that they're like every episode

they're like and now let's hear again from bombas and it's the socks every time and it's like i can't you ever had a pair of those bombas i don't even think i know what they are you don't know what bombas are what's bombas there's their socks thank god i knew we'd have one bomba in the room i don't know bombas it's a sock bomba babes um i had one pair but they here's the problem with bombas is and i'll say this to them they're ugly socks okay no worries they're good for your feet but I'm not gonna wear some

I couldn't do it anymore you get to a party and they have you take your shoes off and you go oh fuck now I have to reveal that I'm a bomba diva can I just clean the bottom of my shoes? I'm wearing Bombas.

Please, please. Please, fuck, don't make me fucking do this. Please, God. But see, you're wearing tennis shoes, so it's fine. Okay? Thank you. Everyone in the studio audience is crying. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It is the show we're getting so many people in here now to watch the pod that it's almost becoming every show's a live taping. Have you thought about maybe having like a Patreon tier where people can pay, what do you think, 20 grand to come in and watch an episode? It would have to be a number like that. To bring in a stranger would have to be a number close to that. And whoever's paying that, woo!

20 grand a month, you can come and sit in the studio and Grace can insult your socks. Yeah, they're... Hey! Hey! I'm not insulting socks. I'm actually giving constructive criticism to a brand that needs help. Yeah, I'm helping a small business thrive. I am Mark Cuban.

Grace, do you watch any sports? So that's going to be a no for sure. Just so you know. Not at all. Like, no. You're not even watching women's basketball now that everyone's doing that? I'll go to a New York Liberty game. Yeah.

And I'll watch it on TV. I'll watch sports. I'm just like, if you said to me, oh God, the Rangers are doing bad this year. I'd be like are they like i would there's nothing i wouldn't believe you know new york liberty is such a there's a thing i love about new york culture new york city culture that like my sceny new york friends i'll see them start popping up at something and i'm like oh we're trying to make this a thing now are you talking about the wNBA? No. No.

No. We are trying to make the WNBA a thing now. My trendy friends trying to make women have a living wage. The WNBA is something we're trying to make happen now. That can't be argued. And I'm very happy about it. I love when women pick up a ball. No worries.

But my New York friends will specifically show up in little groups at things together. And I'm like, oh, so now this restaurant is a place I'm going to have to hear about. I mean, I have to give you truly the WNBA in New York right now is very trendy. Yeah. And it's kind of like I'm going to get my group of the hottest gays anyone's ever seen in their lives. And we're going to a fucking Liberty game. Yeah. And they dress like shit and they show up at the thing. And I see it and I go, oh, my New York friends have.

It's like when the white smoke billows from the things and they picked a new guy. Yes. You know? Yes. Yes. That's how I feel. I go, oh, when I see my worst dressed New York friends, but they're doing it in a hot way because they're hot.

Of course. When I see them and they're like, oh my God, you guys have to eat it. You have to eat it at fucking Pizza Slut. And then I go, oh, Pizza Slut's a new thing I'm going to hear about. And they're all at Pizza Slut. Right. Are you watching sports? Yes. But what's your main one again football football yeah you know this about me don't pretend you don't know this about me but it's funny because like i grew up watching

baseball thank you i grew up being a dodgers fan thank you i like i'm like what's the last baseball player i can even say in my head um rand randy johnson i for sure thought you were gonna say rand paul so just the way that you stopped randy i was like she thinks rand paul is a baseball player rand paul he was a catcher just like me yeah you know i always had that in common uh no i i'm football is my only thing and it's really just the Chiefs. I don't even watch. I used to watch college basketball when I was younger. I loved college basketball, but I got out of it.

Right. Do you think it's more or less gay of me that I don't watch sports? I think it's a hit to your credibility as a lesbian. Definitely. Yeah. Does it make me a little more femme? Yeah, it actually does, because you're not very handy either. No, I am.

Woof, woof, woof, ow, ow, ow. I'm like hot to the touch. is because you're not very handy either. No, I am. I'm like hot to the touch. I've just never seen you build. I've never seen you build something. Baby. Baby! All I got the last two years for Christmas, two years ago,

all I asked for was a toolkit. Okay. Full on electric drill, everything. Then last year, all I asked for was a toolkit okay full-on electric drill everything then last year all i asked for was a meat thermometer okay please i want you to ask for a little bit more just i know you're really going that's the family doing okay i'm like that's it damn i think there could be an argument to be made and i'm not going to make it right now but i want the listeners to know if you'd like to defend me and come after grace right an argument you guys could make is that a truly handy lesbian a truly who's really building would have had a tool set before two years ago at christmas so i i just had a shitty one okay i made my dad kind of go in on a nice one yes i had like a um

electric drill that i got from a walgreens in chicago years ago thank you and boy i really was using it a lot yeah okay that's why i'm not making the argument and now see your reputation my fans should know don't make that argument i know people are gonna start zooming in on my hands and they're gonna go there's no way she's handy there's no way she's building pristine and perfect yeah they're gorgeous haven't had a manicure in 10 years really i get my toes done all the time nice what about you never either never either never had a manicure or you gotta get your toes done my toes are gnarly i'm afraid i'm afraid my toes my toes are just um they're not they're not ornamental. My toes are work toes. My toes.

Yeah, yeah. They're on a salary. They're working overtime. Any questions? Yeah. My toes are work toes. They get me from A to B. The thing is, it's like I find myself shoeless around people a lot. Do you not? I'll pull mine out. I'll pull mine out. So you don't fuck i'm working i have working class feet and that's a that's a proud part of my heritage that i want

to hang on to right it's a place that it's i can i like to keep the feet working class my hands are beautiful my skin is lovely i've got gorgeous hair couldn't agree with all that's all for the industry but the way i stay connected to my roots and my people is that when i take these socks and shoes off yeah i've got a situation under there. Right. It's absolutely working class. And I, I've always,

you always tell me about how many, um, toe ring ads your team has had to decline for you. They decline left and right. Cause I've got blue collar tootsies, hon. I've got, I've got Fred Flintstone fucking knobs.

Yeah. Yeah. You've been trying to do the, um, the Cartier. They've been trying to get you. Cartier has been trying to get you to do a touring ad but no can do yeah my feet look like the way that they do up the geico uh sasquatch guys back when they were doing that my feet are just tough they're actually not that bad i don't know why i'm this is a podcast where i actively

try to get gay guys to fuck me and now now i'm doing five minutes on my feet being disgusting it's not working very well right now yeah i need to stop i'm kidding my feet are normal they're just not like beautiful right right they're just like a normal girl i think you'd have fun at the spa with me i would go okay you haven't invited me you're right you avoid me a lot when you're in la this is unfair because i do know you feel that way no you do feel that way no here's what happens you your family is in la they're on the westest side the most western side of la they are in the ocean effectively yes and i don't see you a lot when you come to town and that is because of the fact

that you're from here well and here's what i'm gonna blame it on i have the most fun mom in the world she's awesome so it is just hard like truly like you have to give such a good pitch yeah for me to choose you over my mom and you don't think i'm giving a good pitch well last night i actually did go to yours at 11 30 p.m i threw an 11 30 p.m house party last night and it's been sort of all the rave people are talking people are saying and by the way this is not something i'm saying but if the fans in the comments want to take this up people are saying that i am single-handedly reviving la house party i do believe that because last night was actually crazy for a monday i don't think it's fair to say that i'm single-handedly doing it because my roommates pitch in and they're lovely and they allianz and your landlord my landlord pitches in. Thank you, Pouyan, for your service.

Yeah, no, I'm trying to bring back house party culture. I think here, I have something, and other people are saying this as well, I'm not alone. This summer is going to be the summer of our lives. We have got to spend money. We have got to party. We've got to blow it out, because in November, I think something really bad's going to happen.

I think something really bad's coming in happen. I think something really bad is coming in November. I think you're so right. And so I think this summer we need to blow it out. I think you're so right. Yeah, summer of our lives. I do really feel this is going to be the best summer of my life. It might be the last. I have unbelievable, I'm like tingly all over thinking about it.

I'm teeming with anticipation. Oh God, I can't wait. I think I'm going to fuck. I think I'm going to make money. I think I'm going to spend more than I make. Yes. I'm goingeming with anticipation. Oh God, I can't wait. I think I'm going to fuck. I think I'm going to make money. I think I'm going to spend more than I make. Yes. I'm going to be in the hole. One of my favorite things to do by the way is go in the red. Come autumn. I'm in the red. Yep. I am going to have a, I'm going to have a broke boy autumn because in the summer I'm going to be doing so many things I shouldn't do. I might experiment with new drugs. I want new tattoos. Yep. I want to have, i want to have crazy sex yeah i might sleep

with a woman again did you get a tattoo last night by the way no i had a tattoo artist at my party last night um i'm just this is the kind of guy i am i'm a fun fun loving guy who will do this kind of stuff he was doing flash my friend geo who did this caleb also had an ex had an exotic pet zoo yeah at the party last night yeah but we just called they were all like illegal animals it was so cool to see maybe those are just straight people i i i had a touch towards i didn't get to get a tattoo because i was letting everyone else go to be a generous host and really sweet you can never take from me that i'm a generous and beautiful host but i wanted one bad yeah and i didn't get to get one. Yeah. I was really thinking about it.

But I'm so not a risk taker. Like never have been, never will be. Yeah. It just simply wasn't in the cards for me. That's okay. I know. But it's like, you know, I have enough tattoos. You'd think I'd be okay with it, but I can't.

You're not going to do it impulsively? I'm not going to do an impulsive tattoo. I was telling this to someone at the party last night. They were telling me, oh, I'm a person who only gets tattoos if i i have the idea and then i make myself wait a year and if i still like it i'll get it yeah and i was like opposite i think a tattoo should only be gotten the moment you think of it interesting you should never think about a tattoo for more than an hour who i am so glad i do not take that advice i have had some horrible tattoo ideas. I think that's awesome. I at one point really, really wanted, oh God,

I was sick in the head. I wanted a tattoo from a Regina Spektor lyric. Aww. Yeah. What was it? Do you remember? This song,

I saw her live alone in Nashville. I was there for like four days for work a year ago and I like was not doing well mentally and I was alone. Was it the Ryman? Yes. Oh, I love the Ryman. One of the best theaters was not doing well mentally. And I was alone.

Was it the Ryman? Yes. Oh, I love the Ryman. One of the best theaters I've ever been to. Love the Ryman. And I like paid money. I sat front row balcony. It was incredible.

But I was sobbing the whole time. She sang a new song that is on one of her new albums called Loveology. Anyways, thank God I did not get that tattoo. I think it would have been better if you did. The word Loveology on my body? I think it would have been better if you did. No, no, no, no. I'm a very big proponent of bad tattoos being character tattoo. I think it would have been better if you did. The word loveology on my body? I think it would have been better if you did. No, no, no, no. I'm a very big proponent of bad tattoos being character building.

I think it's beautiful. I think it's a fun story. I think it would be really fun if in two years you had to say to someone that you're hooking up with for the first time, sorry, I went to Nashville. Because you would get to tell them that. But then I'd have to go, this is a Regina Spektor tattoo. Don't look at her Instagram. You wouldn't be scared by her political beliefs.

You telling someone, I got a tattoo that says loveology because I spent four days in Nashville for work. tattoo don't look at her instagram you wouldn't be scared by her political beliefs you could you telling someone i got a tattoo that says loveology because i spent four days in nashville for work i was in a really bad place i went to a concert alone at the ryman that's a beautiful reason to have a bad tattoo yeah but i still have that with tattoos i waited five years to get sure exactly so why not just get it in the first place the outcome is the same i have a fucking i have a giant fork running down my arm that i got so sexy by the way is it yeah oh i didn't know no i really do i got it at a woman's apartment in pittsburgh she she had been giving tattoos for two months and this is the kind of stuff i'm doing

to my my precious one body that i get interesting it looks really good and frankly purposeful she did really good i like the placement of it carly kane our friend yep got the same tattoo as me the same fork in the same place and she got an infection that i would describe we got it while she was opening for me on my tour my big us tour last year so this is recent this was last year she got an infection that was so gnarly that the entire tour i had to like lie i had to lie to her she She kept being like, she kept being like, she kept being like, how's your tattoo healing?

And I was like, I think the same as yours. Oh my God. Wait, you're just not showing her? Mine was, no, mine was still under the thing,

but she was, you could tell hers was like bubbling with different colors. It's a black ink tattoo. And she was like, she was like, she was, she, she's had tattoos before, she was like, she was. She's had tattoos before, but she goes, she goes, my skin.

She goes, my skin is really hot. No. Do you think it should be? It's like five days after. And I was like, oh, I think that's normal. She was so, it was so, it was so red and weird. And and i just kept being like i think this is a problem i was like i don't know i think we have a show tonight let's just focus up oh my god oh my god it was so funny it's funny because i actually i think i remember you guys even posting like we need pitts we need pittsburgh tattoo wrecks and also like posting them after uh-huh

yeah yeah so she got a pretty gnarly infection and mine was just normal mode. So. That's brutal. Where's hers? Same place. Same exact place. God, that's cute. Yeah.

A lot of my tattoos are matching. I got this one's matching with Shelby Wolstein. Oh. We got them when our dads died at Grim Reaper checking his watch. Amazing. This one's matching with Claire McDonald. Love it. Milkshakes from when we used to get milkshakes after the Chicago shows.

Remember BYOT? Oh, yeah. BYOT at the crowd theater. Yeah, so bring your own team to do an improv show. To do an improv show. Yeah, classic, iconic. We had some good, first of all, we're incredible at improv comedy. We really are.

And what is it worth? Absolutely nothing. Say it again. Come on. We have a skill that is worth absolutely nothing. I know. Isn't that so crazy? Long form improv is at this point like being good at wagon making.

Okay, but you know what? I'm going to go ahead and say that there's actually a lot more skills that are equally as unrewarding that get better praise. Yeah. I'll say one dance oh here's hear me out oh that's not hear me out no i thought about this a lot yeah okay basically basically we're taught as little kids you gonna get your kid. You know, there'll be a professional dancer one day. How many professional dancers do you know making a living wage? A couple,

but not, not a, yeah, not a million. Yeah. And how many improv comedians do you know who are now comedians who make a lot of money? Okay. Point taken.

Okay. You see where I'm going with this? Point taken. I'm just saying it's a stepping stone. That was a beautiful thing you just did. Thank you so much. You really shit on dancers in such a beautiful way just now. Well, because I'm just saying it's a stepping stone. That was a beautiful thing you just did. Thank you so much. You really shit on dancers in such a beautiful way just now. Well, because the thing that shocks me about it is how much money I know people put into dance.

Yeah. And how the reap is low. Yeah. They're not getting out what they put. The ROI is low, low, low. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Well, they get to be, a lot of them turn out to be, you know, they have an appreciation

for art. Sure. They have a cool thing to do at a party. Well, that's actually going to be the biggest factor. What? That's the best thing you get out of it. Being cool at a party? Yeah.

You know what really cracks me up? And this is a little mean, and I'm sorry, because some of my friends are implicated in it. But in LA, the culture of going to that playhouse place where they do the dance videos. Oh my God. And you'll just randomly... I have never seen a more surefire piece of evidence that one of my friends is going through something

than when I see them pop up on my TL in a baggy pair of sweatpants. Completely agree. Drenched in sweat in Air Force Ones in a dance class where they do high 4K video. It's such an LA thing that they'll be like and I'm like oh. That was good.

Oh so you're going through it. By the way we have to go and get a video. Yeah actually. We have to go and get a video. Well you know what's funny is there is a part of me that would like to

and that's the thing about how I'm a hater. I'm a hater in the way that like everything I'm willing to hate on like the way I just went after dancers right now for no reason.

People who are finding joy in their life. At least 5 to 10 to 90% of me wants to do it as well yeah of course that's just me that's just right i hate on things that i would like to have and that's the easiest thing to hate on obviously yeah there's a thin line between love and hate and i like to walk it uh-huh with my gnarled with your gnarled my gnarled feet. That you won't put away for some reason. Yeah, actually, you know what's funny?

I put socks on for this episode for you because I just knew. I knew the feet were going to come up somehow. You weren't wearing socks in your last episode. I was wearing Birks with no socks. Oh my God. It's LA, baby. No, I mean, you can do that. I do find it really funny that you put them on.

Yeah, I put on socks. A full outfit change. The last episode recording. We bank the episodes, you guys. We're in here a lot. Oh yeah, sorry. Yeah, I put on socks. Full outfit change. The last episode recording, we banked the episodes, you guys. We're in here a lot. Oh, yeah, sorry. No, they know by now. Reveal the secret. Trade secret.

It got so hot in here last episode that I was sweating to such an extent that I worried that my feet would smell. So I put socks on just in case I was smelly for you. Okay, it's horrifying when you think your feet could smell. Dude. Because it's really hard to know you don't know and then all of a sudden what'll happen is someone will be like whose feet fucking stink i know and then you'll know specific smell yeah and then you'll know because you'll be like

i know i've been sweating i'm the stinky foot guy it's crazy we need all right two things that scientists need to work on one a breathalyzer that will tell you if your breath smells and two a uh something goes in your shoe lets you know if your feet are gonna smell can i tell you something what i have a friend who has such consistently bad breath and she is a beautiful woman and she is so creative and wonderful and lovely yeah and every time i have to hug her i feel like i would almost rather be stabbed because her breath is so horrific and she doesn't seem to know and she was at she was at my party last night and she gave me a hug and i'm telling you the way i had i'd forgotten because

i hadn't seen her in a bit she came in for the hug with a big open mouth smile i want to remember do you remember in spongebob the yes the ship captain no even the ship the ship captain who is made of green you remember him the flying dutch yeah that her breath embodies that to me oh my god just lingering obviously i feel bad bringing up spongebob because obviously there's a more clear reference to make about bad breath and i didn't know that yeah because you you started to go down an alley that everyone was really interested in everyone was really everyone was really interested what there's a breath thing in spongebob? Yeah, isn't there?

Right. Yeah. Kind of a perfect... Do you like Spongebob? Totally. I don't like it. Really? I think that Spongebob is... I think he's an annoying f***er.

And I think Patrick is a fucking idiot. You know he says that about you, by the way. I don't care. I don't care. I literally... I wish he would that about you, by the way. I don't care. I don't care. I literally, I wish he would. I think he dresses like shit. I was just on his podcast. He said the exact same shit about you.

I hate his outfit. I think the fucking, the pet snail is a weird choice. I don't like Patrick. I think he's a fucking moron. I think Squidward is one of the realest people to ever live. I think Mr. Crab should be murdered. I think Pearl is ugly as fuck fuck i don't like the way she behaves i think plankton is one of the realest fucking people to ever live yep i think plankton

is real i love that he has a computer wife i think squibber is awesome i think they treat him like shit and he's literally just doing his fucking thing i think he's vibing out i think sandy's a i think she is and not in a fun way No I don't like the way she behaves Sandy is By the way That type of That Sandy is

Yeah My least favorite type Yeah she's She's a fucking Don't know I can't even describe it She's a hey mama's So fucking annoying

She's a hey mama's And I don't like her I don't like And I don't like that she lives in that thing No me neither And the fucking lifeguard The big Lobster

Oh yeah What's his name larry the lobster die bitch yeah i don't like larry i literally think that show is demented as fuck i don't like it the guy who hides pickles under his tongue to fucking confuse the staff yeah who the fuck invented that in the same way that that earlier caleb was like careful what you say about taylor swift they'll come for you i'm like spongebob heads get off i want death threats in his dm caleb reducing lesbians circle me circle me i need to tell my truth circle me y'all truth or circle me now no i just don't i think that show is fucking demented i truly re-watched an episode recently maybe a couple months ago and was like yep this is genius so we're really not going to be able to agree on this no worries well what's

so true to you soda is actually fine and if you want to hate on soda you're fat phobic wow hey i'll cheers to that any day of the week what okay you know what we should do you what you should do for this clip is have your video editors make us skinny yeah so that it actually goes viral and people believe yes so that it hits harder what uh what is the biggest soda hate that you're hearing just that it's i'm just keep hearing people be like no diet soda is worse than regular soda i'm like i'm pretty sure that like everything that we can eat basically is bad for us and it's literally fine.

Also, I think if I want to have a Dr. Pepper every couple days, every once in a while. Yeah. That's, I don't,

here's what I'll say. On your, on your so true of that being fat phobic, gay people who say things like, oh, I just want to be with someone

who takes care of themselves or the no fats thing, like the anti-fat thing they do. These are guys that are doing meth. Right. They are doing meth at circuit parties and they want to talk to me about I eat Popeyes too much?

Yeah, I know. Fuck you, bitch. Also, I just want to say something. I was born to be fat. Yes. In every life, I'm sure of it. It's not soda. It's not anything that's making me fat, guys. I literally was born this way. In every life. I'm sure of it. It's not soda. It's not anything that's making me fat, guys.

I literally was born this way. In every single universe, we were going to be fat. That's actually only true of you. I shouldn't be as fat as I am. Of course not. I'm definitely adding to it. I know. I will say.

That's my personal truth is that I was maybe born to be like a little chunky and I've let things go. Here's what I'll say. You know how semis aren't allowed to go too fast down a hill? That's what you're doing. I was always going to be a semi going down a hill, but I didn't have to let off the brakes. You know what I mean? I definitely went to a new place with it, but I love where I'm at.

I think I'm gorgeous. I think you are so hot. I'm just saying God gave me an inch and I took a mile. Yep. And that's your right to do. God gave a gave him also cookie and i said where's the rest freedom of speech freedom of fat honey yeah absolutely no i think you're right soda is delicious and important well it's just like if you're we're gonna hate on soda then we have to go after literally every single thing in the entire world absolutely i'm so i'm and i i'm so sick of people just like really only

hating on diet soda. It's like, let me just choose where I want to put my sugar. Let me just choose that. How's that? Like if I, to me, I'm just like,

I should be able to have a diet soda and then be like, great. I've had no sugar today. That's where my, how my brain. Absolutely. That's how it is. I'm allowed to do that.

Scientists have discovered this. Right. So then it's like, I can do whatever I want the rest of the day. You know, it's interesting. Soda haters haters they're always real quiet about the conflict in the middle east why don't you speak up on something that fucking matters bitch i'm like you're right you hate diet coke thinking about every single person i've heard talk shit about diet coke yeah yeah they haven't said anything yeah i checked all their instagram stories today they post they post nothing about the middle east no it really is the funny thing

about people who come after any any vice that fat people have that that other people come after it's the only vice they've ever given a fuck about right they don't they don't have anything to say about thin people who smoke weed so much that they can't fucking function they don't have anything to say about people that are doing cocaine to an extent that they're certainly going to die soon they don't say anything about people who are uh like that cancel all their plans and sit in their fucking house and do absolutely nothing but watch reality tv yeah any of these things that are not in excess healthy for you i know that are fine and in measure any of those things they don't want to talk about they only have things to say about what fat people indulge in. Yes. Also, the people who I know who never go to the gym, like ever, are the skinniest people I know.

100%. So, I'm running for office. Yeah. I would vote. If you and Mark Cuban were on a ticket together, the way I would be in the booth. It's kind of beauty and brains. He's beauty. I'm brains.

Absolutely. He's got that chiseled older man jawline and i've got that just like just so much experience in politics yeah you're the policy money money money money money yeah he's kamala you're joe right absolutely i need that bad yeah i love that so true that was a perfect so true to me okay was it yes thank god and i'm we're gonna keep the train of talking about truth trolling because i have a segment for you okay and here's what it is i'm gonna read you 15 true or false statements okay they have an objective true answer or false answer uh we're gonna read them all to you you're gonna tell me as quickly as you can which is an imperative part

of the game if you think they're true or false i have extended time for adhd and dyslexia by the way you do not um we do not do we do not do accommodations here um no of course you do and if you get 10 or more correct we're gonna give you 50 us dollars okay mary poppins was originally released in black and white false false fireworks were invented in brazil true false china the oldest cat ever lived to be 38 years old. False. True. Saratoga Springs' official slogan is health, history, and horses. True. True. The Chicago flag has five stars. True.

False. Four. Tom Sawyer was a real person. True. False. Alligators can survive in salt and fresh water. True. False. Only fresh water. Palm trees had to be imported to Los Angeles. True. True. Harold Ramis directed Animal House. True. False. John fresh water. Palm trees had to be imported to Los Angeles. True. True. Harold Ramis directed Animal House. True.

False. John Landis. A standard box of Ritz crackers comes with four sleeves of crackers. False. True. All Treasure Island grocery stores in Chicago are permanently closed. True. True. There have been 11 theatrically released Star Wars movies. False. True. Law and Order Criminal Intent is the longest running primetime american drama

series false false svu hummingbirds are the only birds that can fly backwards true true the burbank airport only has one public restroom false false it has seven and she got seven oh can i tell you though you won in your own way because you are the first guest out of i don't know how many records we've done at this point 15 something like that you are the first guest out of, I don't know how many records we've done at this point, 15, something like that. You were the first guest to ever really commit to getting that speed down. Really? You got that speed down, baby. That's the whole point you said.

Well, I said it. I think we learned something here today. Me saying it maybe helps because you went fast. You guys see how I closed my eyes? You were locked in. You guys saw that? I have seen commercial airline pilots that are less locked in than you were just locked in and absolutely wait do you want to hear something bad that just happened to me yeah i was doing uh i did sabrina breyer's hotel cafe shows for

nephritis is a joke fest i guessed it on them and i was talking to the audience and i wanted to try out this new thing about i was talking about my experience on a flight and I was like talking about, I only fly first class. People know this about me now. And it's because I'm, you know, one of the biggest people alive. And also because I've got a little bit of money. I don't know what to tell you.

I fly first class now. No, literally, literally. Cheers, cheers. Cheers, cheers. And I was talking to the audience and I was like, you guys know, I was like, I feel so jealous. I have existential dread

when the flight attendants push the cart out to block the galley so that the pilots can come out and pee you guys know about that no one in the audience knew about it and i realized in my joke that it's because none of them are flying first class and it was the first time i have ever on stage i was in the moment realizing that i am telling an unrelatable story about my stupid little life, and I thought it was going to be relatable so much so that I got on stage and told it. And I literally was like, do you guys know about this? Have you seen the flight attendants do this? And everyone goes, no.

I was talking to a room full of Spirit Airlines divas, and I'm a Delta first class king, and it was really, really crazy. Wait, that is crazy because so many years ago, I must have been like 10 or something, my family and I went to see Amy Schumer and Judd Apatow, and they did a stand-up show. And I remember Judd Apatow told a joke about getting his daughters something that was like five grand yeah and after my dad my dad i was like how did you think of judd

and my dad was like just was really unrelatable i wish i could get my daughter something that nice and i was like oh my god that's what it is that was, Grace, that one was tough. That was a moment of sadness. Parents can only drop that kind of stuff. I know. So anyway, that's just something for the listeners to chew on. Oh, my God. Thank you guys so much.

Thank you. We love you. Yeah. Is there anything you want to plug to our millions of listeners you can follow me on Instagram at G Cool and Schmidt just figure out how to spell it and that's the block y'all I have a podcast with my friend Joe Castle

Baker called Finally and that's it I love you so much thanks for having me thanks for doing it. Wait, come here. Should we kiss? No.

Cut.