So True with Caleb Hearon - Hoja Lopez Returns

Episode Date: December 4, 2025

Welcome! This week’s guest is the hilarious Hoja Lopez! Hoja and Caleb talk party etiquette, the importance of high quality furniture, queer friendships, caveats, and much more! Join our Substack for ad free full episodes, early access to merch, our community chat, and more! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Hoja! @hojalopez  Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloudGo to https://www.Zocdoc.com/SOTRUE to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. #sponsored Exclusive $35 off Carver Mat at https://on.auraframes.com/SOTRUE. Promo Code SOTRUE Donate to support Planned Parenthood now at PlannedParenthood.org/Defend To get 15% off your unique gifts this year, go to https://uncommongoods.com/sotrue About Headgum: Headgum is an LA & NY-based podcast network creating premium podcasts with the funniest, most engaging voices in comedy to achieve one goal: Making our audience and ourselves laugh. Listen to our shows at https://www.headgum.com. » SUBSCRIBE to Headgum: https://www.youtube.com/c/HeadGum?sub_confirmation=1  » FOLLOW us on Twitter: http://twitter.com/headgum  » FOLLOW us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/headgum/ » FOLLOW us on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum So True is a Headgum podcast, created and hosted by Caleb Hearon. The show is produced by Chance Nichols with Associate Producer Allie Kahan. So True is engineered and edited by Nicole Lyons. Kaiti Moos is our VP of Content at Headgum. Thanks to Luke Rogers for our show art and Virginia Muller our social media manager.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, everybody. The holidays are almost here. And if you still have names on your list, don't panic. Uncommon Goods makes holiday shopping stress-free and joyful with thousands of one-of-a-kind gifts you can't find anywhere else. You'll discover presents that feel meaningful and personal, never rushed or last minute. Uncommon Goods looks for products that are high-quality, unique and often handmade or made in the U.S. Many are crafted by independent artists and small businesses, so every gift feels special and thoughtfully chosen. They have all kinds of amazing and unique things on their website, one of which is their acoustic frog amplifying phone speaker. it's a little frog-shaped thing that makes your speaker louder that's something i've never seen before pretty cool maybe i'll get it for a special friend of mine to spreads a chance do you want

this frog speaker why did you write it uncommon goods has something for everyone for mom from moms and dads to kids and teens from book lovers and sports vans to foodies mixologists and gardeners You'll find unforgettable gifts that are anything but ordinary. And with every purchase, you make an uncommon goods, they give $1 back to a nonprofit partner of your choice. They've donated more than $3.1 million to date. Hey, that's really likable. I like that you guys do that, Uncommon Goods.

So don't wait. Cross those names off your list before the rush. To get 15% off your next gift, go to UncommonGoods.com slash So True. That's Uncomingoods.com slash So True for 15% off, Uncommon Goods. We're all out of the ordinary. this is a headgum podcast people would really like me when they first met me and then the relationship would peak at the beginning

and eventually every single one of those friendships would it was like they would get to know me and it was harder to be my friend why was that you know I was a big liar and a thief and yes ohha what's up my queen

you're gonna pop that water open right at the I don't know what you do? Everybody, watch. I think this can be sexual if you try hard enough. Are you ready? I'm feeling turned on. Oh, never mind. You blew it for me personally.

Woo! What's going on, dude? Oh, my God. There's a word in Spanish called me des velle. Which means that I stayed up late, barely slept, and now I'm here. But I think you did the same thing. What? Why were you up late?

Well, listen, I went to a party last night. What party? Okay, okay, as my friend first down Very well. Yeah. But you guys, I was a hit. You were a hit? I was on fire last night.

I was on fire, but I was also allowing other people to speak. I held court. I held court. I really was at my most charismatic yesterday. It was, I really had the time of my life. And then, of course, everyone left, and I started to ask, like, what's the median age here? She was like 25.

Yeah. And I went... Oh, they don't know what good it is yet. And so I seemed like a shining star. They were drawn in by the expertise and wisdom of an older, beautiful woman. Exactly right. Who knows the world a little bit? Who knows the world a bit?

I've been through at least two, like, you know, psychosexual threesome. I've definitely, like, you know, dated a married person. Oh, I remember this. Yeah. Yeah, I remember hearing about this. Yeah. Yeah, that's huge. There is something so electric about when you go to a party.

and you're fucking on. Like, hold on because... I could cry right now. It is... This is my stage, and it's a three-bedroom apartment in, like, Humboldt Park, and everybody here is obsessed with me. And that's the thing. I'm obsessed back. Yeah.

You have to be obsessed back. I knew what kind of headspace you were in last night when you said I allowed other people to speak. Yeah. I'm like that, because when you're on like that, it's like, I don't really have to cede the mic tonight. But a generous charismatic queen lets the other speak, even when she's killing it. Absolutely. Because also there's a self-interest there. You know that if you keep going, you'll lose it.

Yeah. You're going to lose them if you don't let them in. Oh, something to be said about that. Absolutely. And the host was so lovely. They did paint marbling. So it was like everybody brought a piece of paper and then they did like the ink stuff. And then you kind of dip your paper.

It's a very 70s sort of craft. But that's what the kids are into. It's crafts at parties. Really? Yes. Now, why do you think that makes me mad? That made me mad. Why did you think that made me mad?

I don't know. What dark place is that for you? I don't know. Like, the idea of showing up to a party and someone being like, we're going to marble paper together, it does upset me a little bit, doesn't it? And there was like a corner for it. Oh, it was in the corner. It wasn't sort of a centrally located marbling sort of set up.

Yeah. But I've been to parties recently where there's sort of like, there's kind of like rooms that you can go into and instead of there being like dark sex heroine it's like you know like four guys playing domino together

yeah and like reading a book at the bottom bang club yeah it's like it is kind of the bottom bank club but I think it's only joyful to do a paper craft at the party I wonder why it upsets me so yeah I do I think that's probably a me problem but I'm like that did

that struck that struck anger into my heart do you want to give me like the the, my thesis, I'm really into Spanish right now. I don't know what's going on. This is my second word I can't conjure in English. Isn't Spanish your first language? It is. Yes, it is my first language.

I'm really into my native tongue right now, actually. I've just been in America for 20 years that sometimes I do speak, I think, officially English better than I speak Spanish. Oh, really? And I'm better. I know how to be gay in English. I don't know how to be gay in Spanish. That is so fascinating.

Yes. There's a whole culture in English of being gay that I really, I do. identify with and then I try to be gay in Spanish and it's flat I can only be gay in Spanish in the way of like con lugar sin ligare like who has a place who doesn't have a place passivo activo like I can only do like I've been in Spanish speaking countries on grinder enough to I can do like gay sex you could do gay sex in Spanish I can do gay sex in Spanish and some of the hottest sex I've ever had in my whole entire life has been has been well sure with the guys who speak Spanish but also just with

there have maybe been I would say maybe two to five percent of my sex has been with someone that we didn't speak a shared language and but you did I liked it but you really did

I had fun with those I like that that is so fascinating to me because there is a where there's the ancient ritual of sex which is very different than just you know miss fucking but what I'm doing it Do you feel like connected to your forefathers in any way?

Michelle got so mad when I did that. Shuck her head so big. Yeah, there's no difference when I'm doing it, sweetheart, but tell you stories. Stop! You really become sort of a very forward Italian father sometimes, you know? Just too much, divulging too much information to your children. Yeah, well, I like sex. I like, yeah, I mean, the nice thing about sex with someone,

okay, when you're having sex with someone and you don't speak the same, language yeah hit it there's a beautiful thing of like really you always pay attention during sex if you're if you're doing it well but you really are like locked in because you're like i want to make sure that we're both if i have to pull out the phone to be like wait tell me what's going on you know yeah where do you yeah but you can tell most things you need to know about how it's going by just really paying attention and great sex is just paying attention but wow when you're really paying attention the people who get to have sex with you my friend say that Just bless the people who get to do it with you, Caleb,

because if you have sex, the way that you do comedy, the way that you think about the world, I just genuinely think that they're having a great time. You know, it can be. It can be a great time. Oh my God. How are you and Rachel, your partner, have been together for so long.

Long-term sex. How's the sex going? You know, there is something called lesbian bedding. which I do believe that all lesbians are staving off at every single moment. And every decision that you make day in and day out is to save off lesbian bad death. I think women have this sort of like peaks of desire and they're very like hard to overlap at the same time. And so while we don't schedule sex, there is a level of like, we've got to do it.

Like this is the good for the relationship a lot of times. And then other times is the most natural, fun, organic, easy thing. But we've been together for nine years now. And, like, she has a way, she's so horny all the time. She's obsessed with my body. She's constantly touching it. She's constantly. And I'm going, get the fuck off of me.

Like, we have different drives. And so I think I learned to, like, give in to sex first. And then she's learned more how to let the flirting and the emotional side. come first. Like, we've both had to meet there. Give into sex didn't feel great to hear. I'm so sorry. So sorry.

What do you mean by give into sex? Like, the idea for me is that you start with flirtation and like excitement, but after you've been with someone for a while, for me personally, I don't think it's for everyone. You have to sometimes do sex

first and then get into it as it's happening. You know what I mean? Like... Oh, I understand what you mean. Yeah, like order of Pemdoss. Pemdoss, exactly. You have to sort of decide that sex is happening and that and you have to go with that decision and then eventually in the first you know it just takes a little bit and then you're like I fucking love this

I forgot that I was having a great time with this your brain just I don't know what that is I think your brain wants to continue in the inertia of like your day I think women's brains can be very like what's the next thing what's the like what do I need to work on or what's

you know what does the house need what does my mom need and I think Rachel's brain is very much like literally focused She wants to come And I'm like Yeah I could come Yeah I could come

Yeah Rachel That's my boy Yeah she is She's a horn dog Okay This woman is like Literally I have to like shoot her Like little fucking looks like

Shut the fuck up Because she's like talking about my tits In front of me to our friends I go Rachel Rachel stop Stop! Those are my tits.

I kind of like it a little. Yeah. But I do have to... You guys never did open, right? No. You've always been Monag. We've talked about this a little bit of like the door is open, but neither of us walks through it, really. Yeah.

We just, I think I, we, we, sometimes I think, just don't like, this is great. Don't, let's not add more complications and variables to it. Yeah. I also don't find anyone that I want to make out with and have sex with a lot. Really? Yeah, I don't see them very often. Sex, I understand. If I'm in a situation, if I'm in a relationship with somebody and I am falling in love

with them or in love with them, sex, I'm kind of like, whatever, maybe I'd have sex with someone else at the opportunity. If I was, like, away for a long time or something, I'd get horny. I also don't care if my partner sleeps with other people that much these days, but making out, I'm always wanting to make out with someone new. Oh, making out is delightful. I'm going to cry because making out is incredible making out with someone new oh the the sort of like tickle of the throat sometimes I feel like there's a thing like just coming out of my tongue just like kiss me you know yeah yeah what is that don't fight that I like making out with someone new it's one of the best things that ever happens to me have you made out with a girl like in the last five six years when was the last time I made out earlier I didn't finish that question but you know the last time I made out with a girl um Uh, no.

No way. No. It's, it's been a long time. Yeah. It's been a, I'm not a, um, I will say I have a lot of friends that are, well, I think just maybe more fun and more progressive or advanced than I am. Like, it feels like they're correct that they're like, making out is like a fun, like,

if I'm making out, it's because I like, it's like a sexual thing to me. You want it to lead one thing to another. It doesn't have to lead one thing to another. I'm quite happy to just make out sometimes, but I only want to do it with people that I'm like sexually attracted to. I have friends that are like, oh my God, I'll make out with my friends

just for something to do at the bar or whatever. And I'm like, yeah, that's not really my vibe. I don't do that either. Do you know what I mean? No, I totally understand what you mean. There has to be an electric feeling.

The kiss has to feel spicy in some way. Yeah, I feel that. It feels like making out with a friend. Like, I've done it inadvert. I wasn't doing it to make out with a friend. I've tried making out with a friend that I thought maybe there would be a spark with.

And when there's not that spark of like, we might fuck we could fuck we both want to fuck who knows if we will fuck when that spark isn't there it just feels like making out with someone at work like like acting or on camera or something where it's like oh it's like this just isn't the same it's the there's some like spirit of making out removed from it and i'm like now we're just touching faces yeah it could be any other body part as well it might feel the same totally i think it's cool though when people are like that i wish i got joy if I could get like a if I could get like a um like of the same feeling from just making out with a friend god my life would be so easy yeah do you when you walk into a party do you like

scan a room and do you go who can I make out with here like what's the when you walk in what is your like prime directive not really I'm not going out with the intention usually I'm going genuinely I'm usually going out for two reasons either I'm going out to have fun with my friends and feel alive and it's a I really want to be out or more often, I'm going out of some sort of obligation that I need to be out, I have some reason I have to be at this thing, I told someone I would be there, whatever.

It's funny, we've been to a couple parties this month for the movie, and I, every time, have said, I'm staying for 45 minutes, doing my obligation and going home, and then I have fun, I stay out for four or five hours. But, yeah, I'm not, I'm not really ever walking into a bar or a party being like, who am I

gonna? Who is it here? But when it happens, it's so great. It is. I definitely don't scan for that, but I am doing little taste and bites of who's fun here? Yeah. Who's interesting here? Who's going to say something crazy to me that's going to be fun and entertaining to hang out with? Yeah. And then

I am at times when I'm in that mode last night dropping people like flies too. Yeah. A little bit. Yeah. I can be a little cutthroat at a party that I'm trying to have fun at. Yeah. Oh yeah, I'm moving on. I got to move on from this conversation. I'm moving on. Yeah. I got hit.

Well, listen, they might listen to this, but I got hip with a couple of duds. I'm so sorry if you were at this party It's okay I've been the dark Yes we've all been the dud We've all been the dud Sometimes everyone has to play the dud

Thank you Caleb for this perspective We've all been the dud, it's okay And last night they were not on their best Like they were not the shiniest that they've ever been I have felt myself at parties I have felt myself in a conversation Being like this person deserves to be talking to someone Better right now

I'm not on right now Yeah that's okay I'm looking around the room I'm going there's more on people in here I'm talking to somebody who's on right now And I release them I release them I go you go talk to someone who's on And that's your power too

That's just to hold on to someone When you're not at your best Tonight I'm the Dug Is a torturous thing to do to someone Yes It is let them go And you know what? Let me tell you something

Release them Release them And if their eyes are glazed over Release them That's why it's so nice When you're around people Where you don't feel like you have to host anything where you don't feel like you have to make it fun

other people make it fun too and you can volley and that is I feel like all of my bones just settle I go oh thank God I know it's electric It's electric and that was me at the party last night You were in it last night I was so in it

Oh something else that happened Somebody made a delicious shepherd's pie That was passed around Because she hates cakes So no cakes were allowed I think I'm getting mad again She was so hardcore about not wanting a cake

and so they passed around a delicious shepherd's pie with a joint lit at the top of it. I'm back. I'm back unfortunately. I kind of them now just rage waiting you. I hate that that brought me back, but that brought me back. Oh my God. Do you ever have moments at parties where you need to take little breaks? Like you'll go to the bathroom so they'll totally be quiet. 100% also.

I'll go to the bathroom and I will just stand in the bathroom sometimes and do this. I'm cold. Yes. I sat in the little back like stair area. You know how like Chicago houses have that. Like enclosed stairs going up the back of homes and I sat there by myself and a woman walked out and she saw my face she went oh I'll come back later yes I'll be God bless that

she read that sign God bless the person who sees you having a moment and lets you have it and just goes amen get out you do whatever you need to do there let the church hear it that is so beautiful yeah you just need to regulate you need to calm down nothing like a silent moment And cold, I can't be hot and have a silent moment. That's like, that's a prison. That's a hell. One of the most exciting things that ever happens to me in my entire life is when I'm in a hot space feeling overstimulated

and I can step out to a cold outside and be quiet. And I need that. You have to have it. Because when I go back in there, I'm back at work. I'm back at work. I'm going to service those people. When I went back into the party after that, at what I'd call a 10-minute sort of like sensory deprivation chamber in the back of the house.

I walked back in, killed. Yes. Killed. That's so beautiful. Yeah, I will say, and not to talk about this every single time we're together. Yeah. No chairs in that house. God damn it.

Not a one-a-chair in that fucking house I consider. And I knew there was something about the crafting and the Shepherds pie that did let me know. It wasn't going to be a comfy seat house. Banana's not a comfy seat house. I want to tell thin people. I'm going to try not to cry Yeah Thin people

I'm going to try not to cry when I say this to you Yeah Thin people When you're buying seats For your home I want you to think of the fattest person

You've ever seen Thank you I want you to think of the fattest biggest Chunkiest motherfucker you've ever encountered And I want you to think

If I had them over Would they enjoy this seat And if the answer is no I'd like you to skip it Thin people Thin people if you can hear me. Thin people, if you can hear me right now, thin people.

But they can't. You have a lot of thin fans, I feel. I do, and it's concerning because they are small. And thin people, your seats aren't working. No. And I'm not changing. No. I'm not going to lose weight to come over.

No. You need to get different chairs. And I'm going to tell you something right now, your little mid-century fucking furniture that you purchased, it's a hazard to me. I will break your beautiful things. Mid-mod. It doesn't mid-mod. More like good God.

I gotta get the fuck out of here She had their dining room table It was so cute It was a bench that has the seats attached to the table So you can't move the bench out In order to sit So you literally have to be a certain diameter to fit it to it Anyways

Antique More like I think I'm gonna break this fucking thing Have you ever broken a chair? Of course Oh, my God. Are you kidding? That's how I got my strength.

I'm going to tell you right now. Yeah. Not by physically breaking a chair, but the dignity that you have to have. Yeah. Coming back up after breaking a chair. To get yourself up. In front of a group of people. Yes.

Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes. Absolutely. Yeah, pulling yourself out of the rubble. Absolutely. Just a hand first. And then you come out ash driven. When you face covered in ash. As a fat person, when you break a chair in front of other people,

the way you have to roll off the wreckage. Because you can't get straight back up, baby. You can't get straight back up. The way you have to roll off the wreckage onto your elbows and knees and then begin to ply your, like a phoenix rising from the ashes, you have to pry yourself off the ground. Slapping away the hands of helpers. Don't fucking touch me.

Like Lieutenant Dan and Forrest Gung. Absolutely don't touch me. On New Year's Eve when he wants to put himself back in his chair. You have to get yourself up. Oh, it's humiliate, but then you stand tall. You said I can go through anything. Yes. I can do anything.

One, absolutely, it is invigorating to fall off a chair, come back out, break it, and then just be you again. Yeah, to stand in the rubble of the chair that you broke with your, just by having a body that you put on it. Yeah, absolutely. And to look around and go, everyone sit with this. Yeah. And to watch the apologists. Yes. To watch them all feel bad.

They said we should have thought of this. And I go, yes, you should have. And to watch the chair owner, and if it's a good chair owner. If it's a good chair. To watch the chair owner go, oh, there was something already kind of off with that chair. There was already a little screw of loose and wobbly. And you go, when I sat down on it, it felt fine. It felt good.

There was nothing off with the chair when I touched it. Yeah, no, I broke out. One, there is a succession of chairs that are terrible for fat people. Number one in my mind is the bad bunny Puerto Rican chair, the Latino chair. it's the plastic white chair with the corona brand on the back of it that you see. Oh, that's so interesting. I didn't think of that as a Latino chair. Oh, well, that's... I thought of that

as a white trash chair. Isn't that beautiful? And you, we're not so different. We're not so different. That's so beautiful. This is race relations. Bad Bunny uses it. It's the cover of his album. Is that chair? And as soon as I said, this man is fatphobic. Yeah. And very beautiful and good at what he does.

I don't care what his... I need to see... I need to be with him. You need to be his body. I need to see with him about some stuff Mother fucking So Add with the little tattoos His little facial hair You know what sucks about me

Well no Guys like like okay Yeah go off I'm gonna be sick Wait Wait okay Straight guys And I'm not saying he's straight

I'm just saying straight guys I don't know if he's straight Straight guys who Think they've got it going on They usually do with me Do you know what I mean Like when straight guys have like little tiny tattoos And wear like a fucking key chain on their belt loop

And like unfortunately like when they leave the house And they're like I'm fine shit Unfortunately I usually agree They get you And that's stupid of me Yeah but it's like are you the Are you the kind of the person that like liked the main jock guy Like the main football player

Not exclusively but yeah Yeah me too It's like I was liking other things as well But yes I was sometimes into that Yeah I'm not gonna lie about that It's the confidence and I believe it

I believe it with them yeah I yeah spad buddy is a real I feel a trickle on my neck with that one also I'm just gonna say it a lot of the sport like when I when I was developing crushes for the first time my life a lot of the sporty guys

were nicer than like the theater kids you're so fucking right the theater kids were mean as fuck I would talk to the theater kids and be like I've never heard someone talk like this I was like I really I feel I feel in my soul that I should be connected with you but I've never heard such a hateful and beautifully, like, put together string of words. Oh, 100%.

And I'm kind of missing hanging out with the football guys right now because they're stupid, but they're nice. They're like more in their bodies, you know? They're more just about the experience of sort of goofily walking around and touching things. Yeah. Theater kids are thinking too hard about every single fucking little thing. And I'm describing myself, by the way. Also, Rachel is, in this case, she is the experiential body jock, and I'm the theater kid. This is our relationship.

Rachel's like truly showing love by like fixing your friend's transmissions and shit. And you're like sitting in the house analyzing. Oh, absolutely. I got mad at her the other day because she was going to help a friend on a car. I go, what about our car? What about our fucking broken car? She's like, this is your friend, babe. It is.

It's true. Yeah. I think you can be a little, I wouldn't say more stupid, but like you can engage with the world in a lovely sort of like open easy way it doesn't always have to be um a criticism not in a bad way but just a uh a sort of decryption of every little fucking interaction and every little thing you know yeah um but we've reached a lull in the conversation are you feeling it right now like where do we go from here well i just thought what's next that's so interesting i was thinking in my head what do you think is the best and worst thing about you that's what was going on in my head about yourself about myself about myself

Yeah. The best and worst thing about me. It's a really good question. Because I only think of good things when I think of you. That's so sweet. Based on my deep love for you. Boy. I'll start with best because, yeah.

It's just the number one good thing. Let's start with that one. Because, yeah, that one's fun to answer. That one's fun to answer. And the other part sucks. The other one, we'll see if we get to it. We'll see if I can sort of prolong that one. Let's both do best and then see if we get back.

Back to worst. Do you look funny about me? I, speaking of worse things about you, not about you, about worse things about me. Okay. Sometimes I can't help, but when I picture people criticizing me, I can't help but to imagine that they had caveats. Have I said this on here before? Like sometimes, like, sometimes I'll be like, oh, I wonder if that person doesn't like me and I'll be like, what would they say if they didn't like me?

And then I'll imagine them saying like, he's so annoying, but he is funny. So it's like the worst thing comes with still positive. Like I imagine caveats sometimes when I imagine people criticizing me. That I'm like, that I'm like, they would be right to say that I am annoying. But I think they would have to admit that I am fun. You know what I mean? Or like sometimes my brain will just naturally create caveats. Yeah, you want to now.

My brain needs it. Well, there's no absolutes. You're not always bad. You're not always good. Well, and I think it's because I think it comes from a place of even the people I disliked the most in the world. I do caveats for them. Oh, yeah.

Even in my own brain, I go like, God, that person is such a fucking asshole. But credit to them, they are a good painter. You know, or whatever the thing is. Whatever the thing. I do that. I totally do that, too. I definitely, I was just, not to brand, but I was just reading a nun's book, Helen Prejohn's book.

Yes. And prison abolitionist? Yes. I didn't bring up prison abolition right now. This is good. All that to say is that if the worst fucking dude who's a fucking murderer and that she has found a way to unconditionally love that person, I go, okay, what can I bring about that in my life? How can I look at an asshole and be like, okay, I know why you're an asshole. The explanation helps.

We don't need to hang out, but I see your value as a person. Oof, that's hard. It's so hard. It's, I mean, especially now, it's so fucking hard to look at people and think of, like, what you love about them when you hate them. they seem to hate you. Look, your sexual and reproductive health decisions like abortion, whoa, this one always sneaks up on me, belong to you, not some unqualified lawmakers, not some anti-abortion rights organization, and not some transphobic group.

As the nation's leading provider of sexual and reproductive health care and sex education, Planned Parenthood is committed to serving people from all walks of life, no exceptions. But the attacks on our health care and our basic rights, they just don't stop. But you know what else doesn't stop? Plan Parenthood. Every year, Planned Parenthood Health Centers provide over 9 million services to more than 2 million patients. They get patients' STI testing and treatments, PAP test, breast exams, birth control, HPV vaccines, and more, aka essential super important health care.

Despite serious threats to sexual health and reproductive care, Planned Parenthood never abandons their commitment to care. And together with people like you and me, they can fight every day to build the future we deserve. One, where everyone can get the care they need, no matter who they are or where they live. Supporters like you power this work. Donate to Planned Parenthood now at planparenthood.org slash defend. Folks, I say it all the time. ORA frames is the answer to every holiday gifting moment?

Yeah, I can't stop saying that. Who wouldn't want the gift of seeing their loved ones smiling every single day? Never struggle again to find the perfect holiday gift. The great thing about giving an aura frame as a gift is it just makes the whole process so easy because they cross all the boxes. You want something thoughtful? ORAFRAMS. You want something functional?

Orra Frames. Something timeless. Stop me if you've heard this before. ORA frames. They give you access to unlimited free photos and videos. Just download the ORA app and connect to Wi-Fi. And to once again make things easier for you this holiday season, every frame comes packaged in a premium gift box with no price tag. Don't wait. Win the holidays. I'm always trying to win the holidays. Win the holidays now with Hora Frames. For a limited time, save on the perfect gift by visiting OroFrams.com to get $35 off of ORA's best-selling Carver Matt Frames, name number one by wirecutter by using promo code so true at checkout. That's A-U-R-A-Frames.com promo code so true.

This deal is exclusive to listeners and frames sell out fast. So order yours now to get it in time for the holidays. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Remember that doctor's appointment you were supposed to make a while ago? You sick, f***. That one you meant to book, but you got sidetracked and completely forgot about it until now. You know that dentist appointment for your bi-annual cleaning, overdue annual checkup that's been three years in the making, dermatologist appointment for that rash that's been looking a little off.

Ugh. Why not book it today? Zock-Doc makes it easy to find the right doctor right now and it's all online. You'll probably be able to book an appointment before the end of this ad. You probably will. It's a long one. Zoc-Docq is a free app and website where you can search and compare high-quality and network doctors and click instantly to book an appointment. With Zocdoc, you can book in-network appointments with more than 100.

thousand doctors across every specialty from mental health to dental health primary care to urgent care and more you can filter for doctors who take your insurance or located nearby or a good fit for any medical needs you may have and are highly rated by verified patients once you find the right doctor you can see their actual appointment openings choose a time slot that works for you and click to instantly book a visit boy if i was ever in the market for a new primary care doctor or any other type of health care provider zoc doc would be the first place i would go stop putting off those doctor's appointments you sicko go to Zocdoch.com

to find an instantly book a top-rated doctor today. The best thing about me, just to really move through to that. I think I'm someone who is very inclusive. I really want to bring people close, and I desire that intimacy with everyone, and I'm not afraid to go for it with people that I meet, with friends, friends, friends, I'm a pursuer of intimacy and care and love, and I love that about myself.

And I think the friends that I have come to me in a lot of different ways, say how much they appreciate that closeness that I almost like demand of people that are in my life. It's like, I want to know everything about you. I want to know everything, like what you're thinking about little things and big things. And I, yeah, I pursue it like rabidly. It's where I get all of my energy is that. I think that's true about you. I think that's deeply true about you.

I think that's a beautiful one. Thank you. Yeah, I love that about myself. And then I would say maybe my worst quality. Oh, we're doing it. Okay, wow. No, we're going. Oh, okay.

I love talking about myself. So this question is perfect. I would say that the worst part of myself is I can be on the other side of the coin, very judgmental and critical. Wow. And that sometimes I can take away the judgmental. joy of moments by criticizing

things through the lens of my insecurity, my lack of knowledge, my like desire to feel better about myself. And so sometimes I can tear shit down in my brain and in my heart because I'm not feeling good about myself.

Yeah. So, and I have to really I have to quiet that voice down quite often. And it affects people negatively in my life. that criticism and that like yeah that's interesting I don't see that about you very often I hide it so well I know well that's nice but that the the worst thing about you being like a bad day scenario rather than a constant through line is a nice thing that means you're doing good work that means that you're like you're establishing yeah you know your stuff and you're like working on it and doing good yeah and I don't um I for I don't know if you had this but for many years thought I was terrible and a bad person and Really? Oh, yeah. I spent, probably until like maybe 27, really thinking the worst of myself.

Like, I was, oh, I, I, it was, uh, peaks of like, uh, sort of delusional charisma and then, uh, couldn't back it up with any real substance of friendship. It was really hard. People would really like me when they first met me. And then the relationship would peak at the beginning and eventually every single one of those friendships would. It was like they would get to know me and it was hard. to be my friend. Why was that? You know, I was a big liar and a thief. And, yes.

I, I, um, yeah, they, all of my lying and stealing, of course. Yes, yes, yes,

I was a big liar, a big sinner. Yeah. Um, no, I was a big, like, uh,

I think just toxic ass, full toxic bitch, you know? And I was, it was also mired in a, in a lot of charisma. Yeah. In a lot of,

like, dictatorship over my friendships. And, uh, it was, uh, yeah until i was probably about 27 or 28 uh truly uh thieving and making excuses for it babes stopped stealing oh i stopped stealing i think there was a little klepto style stuff going on

you know uh i i'm i want to ask though how did you i i'm sure i'm sure there are people listening to this that are relating to at least some piece of this i don't know about the lying and the thieving but uh how did you i think more broadly like you identified that that your relationships weren't going the way you wanted them to. Yeah. Then you did probably the harder part, which is, I think many people can identify, like, I kind of isn't going the way I'd like it to go. Then you did the harder part of identifying your role in it,

which is one of the hardest parts of self-improvement and happiness, is realizing that you have a shared creation in every dynamic you're a part of, whether you like it or not. You're not a victim. You are playing a role in every dynamic that you're in, whether it's allowing bad behavior or participating in bad behavior. So you recognized your role in it, and then you made a change. Was there a person that said something to you or a thing you read or a, like, what happened that helped you change the behavior that was making you unhappy?

Do you know? Oh, yeah. I was. Is it really dark and deep? No, it's not dark and deep. It's not dark and deep. It's, I, my friend James, who I love so much, he, I, he had this amp at my house, and I couldn't pay my rent and I sold his amp. and took the money and paid my rent.

Yeah. And it caused a ripple effect in my friend group at that time. People that were very close to me and all of them were like, hey, we just can't abide by this behavior. Yeah. We're done. And so. Right.

That sucks. Yeah. And so I lost my entire kind of close circle of friends in that moment at 27, 28. And they sort of created a lot of boundaries around me and it was barbed wire boundaries too. It wasn't just like, you can't come around. It was like, get the fuck away, you know? And that really, you know, you're alone in a fuck, like in a room.

And, you know, who do you call your mom? You know what I mean? You call your fucking mom because it's the only fucking person in your life that is going to still talk to you at that point. And so I called my mom and she really honed in on this thing that I really have taken very seriously ever since, which is like the forgiving. yourself and then you can move on yeah like and i always got stuck the wheels got stuck in the forgiving myself part god this is so self-helpy caleb but like truly now i fuck up i go i forgive

myself you fucked up move forward you can make amends from that point on if you stick around and you're like i did this thing and it was so fucked up like of course you're going to think about it and figure out what your part in it was but don't let that get in the way of like actually making amends with people and changing things i find that if you get too stuck in the like I'm a fuck up and I'm bad yeah that was the shift it's like actually I'm not bad I forgive myself even if no one else does yeah and that really started a whole new era of my life um that was so much fucking fun well you have such beautiful deep rich varied friendships in your life now absolutely so it obviously worked I think the thing you're talking about though

of am I a good person am I a bad person I think about this a lot with am I a happy person or not et cetera, the line of thinking of am I, X, Y, or Z type of person is, to me, inherently negative. I don't really worry about if I'm a good or bad person. I worry about if I am doing good or bad. Sometimes we will all do bad, and sometimes we will all be mean, and sometimes we'll all be negative, and sometimes we'll all be critical or selfish or whatever. Those behaviors occur naturally, like, in human life. Yeah.

That doesn't mean you are behaving selfishly on a Monday doesn't mean that every day thence forward that you are a selfish person, capital ASP, it just, you were selfish on Monday. And I don't know, the focus on, I think shifting the focus from what type of person am I to how am I behaving is way better because it allows you to be like, oh, I was kind of bad yesterday or I've noticed that lately I've shown up an X way in my friendships or whatever. Oh, and to have a lovely friend who calls you and goes like, hey, I noticed you've been interrupting me a lot lately. I had a friend called me

about that, like, a couple months ago. Oh, my God. She was like, hey, I just want to let you know. I feel like you've been interrupting me a lot lately. She goes, I'm not mad or anything. I just want to let you know it's happened four, five times. Yeah. And that's it.

I just have that for you. I'm six, one, half dozen the other on that, because did you feel like you were interrupting them a lot? Do you feel like it was based in truth? Yeah, there was something going on between us. Right. That, like, I'm going to be honest, I felt like she was being a,

she was just talking to talk. Yeah. Talking to talk. Talking to just to say stuff. Yeah. And sometimes when I feel like people are just like wanting to hear their own voice a lot. Yeah.

And I told this to her. I'll be like, let me redirect this a little bit. And this is my organizational skills and benevolent manipulation. I could probably stop doing that. I don't need to do that all the time. The reason that bumps me is because I think always you're welcome to voice

any relationship I have in my life. I would welcome someone voicing their concern. I just have been in friendships sometimes that I've had to like, not cut off, but like slow down or pull the brakes on a little bit, that like I just won't engage in like constant evaluation and criticism. And so sometimes those things I'm like,

I feel like you've been cutting me off a lot lately. It's totally fine if I'm doing that. And if I recognize the behavior is true, I'm happy to hear it and we'll change cores. But sometimes I've been friends with people that are so therapist and so critical and constantly evaluate. that I'm like, you're not wrong, but if it comes up all the time, I'm going to eventually

get the vibe that we just aren't a fit. Like, there are just certain times that I'm like, I don't want to hear from you anymore about your little evaluations and criticisms of our dynamic. At a certain point, you might just not like talking to me, and we should stop doing it so much. Yeah. Like, not every relationship is worth so much work. That is such a hard thing to learn, too, because we, right now, especially I think, are taught, preserve the friendship, keep moving, move through stuff, work through stuff.

And it's like, actually, you just have a nicer time if we hang out less. To a point. Less. There are some relationships. I think there are relationships. You'll identify them. You'll know what they are in your heart. There's no hard and fast rule, which is why I would never be like, don't tell me I'm interrupting you.

Sometimes it's nice to hear those things. And I have friendships and, like, Holmes and I are very honest with each other. Holmes is the type of relationship that I've had for long enough and has been beautiful enough and we've been through enough that anything Holmes says to me about my behavior, I'm going to listen. But then there are more like tertiary friendships that I'm like, damn, the last like six times we've talked, you've had some weird gripe about our dynamic.

And whether it's valid or not, I just think we need to spend less time together. Like maybe we're just not a match. And that is so fucking fine. It's so fine. Have you been able to say that to people and them react positively? I've done it both ways. Like there have been times where I've naturally put distance between a relationship

and we've kind of tapered off a little bit. And I haven't put words to it because they haven't asked. And I feel like sometimes that's generally. Like sometimes it's like it's your little white lie. It's a different version of that of like the distance can be enough. You don't want to hear about it. Also, I don't owe you a thesis on why we're not talking as much lately. Everyone's busy and we're adults. Anytime someone asks, I will tell. If someone's like, hey, I feel like there's distance. I will absolutely be like, yes, I'm putting distance because you've been on my nerves. And every time we talk, I feel like it's a criticism. And I'm just really not feeling it. And so that's what it is. And I've, I've distanced friendships and been like, hey, I just really think we're not on the same page. and it almost really never spawns from a criticism of our dynamic. It almost always is a recurring thing that I'm like, I'm not really digging the energy lately. And that's okay.

Cold mornings holiday plans. This is when I just want my wardrobe to be simple. Stuff that look sharp feels good and things I'll actually wear. You know what? Maybe that's quince. And the bonus, quince pieces make great gifts too. This season's lineup is simple but smart and easy with quince. $50 Mongolian cashmere sweater.

that feel like in everyday luxury and wool coats that are equal parts stylish and durable. Their denim nails the fit and everyday comfort all at a fraction of what you'd expect to pay. By partnering directly with ethical factories and top artisans, Quince cuts out the middle. You don't partner with artisans directly much anymore. That's nice. Quince cuts out the middleman to deliver premium quality at half the cost of other high-end brands so you can give luxury quality pieces without the luxury price tag.

Before all the busy holiday travel, be sure to snatch up one of their Napa leather passports. holders. I got one last year and I have been living large ever since. Get your wardrobe sorted and your gift list handled with Quince. Put your hair in a messy bun and handle it with Quince. Don't wait. Go to quince.com slash showtru for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's QI-N-C-E dot com slash so true. Free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash so true. Yeah. I would say by the way, Maybe this has happened six times in my life? Yeah, not that much.

This doesn't come up a lot. Yeah, I feel the same way. It doesn't come up too much. I feel like I've gotten good at being like, I'm going to take a little step. You're a dinner friend. You're not to come over to my house and hang out friend. Yeah.

You're a hang out with a group of people friend. You're not a one-on-one friend. It's so fucking cool, though, to know the difference because I feel like you can get along with so many more people and enjoy so many more people by keeping them at the right sort of like, Yeah. Distance sort of.

And also there's a real art and importance, I think, to learning who you should be taking notes from. Yeah. Like, what do you mean by that? I don't need notes from everybody. Yeah. I don't need to hear what everyone thinks of my art or behavior or work or attitude or disposition. I don't, not everyone's notes are valuable. Yeah.

Like, there just are people that I meet and we get into, like, we're in a work relationship or a friendship or a romantic, like, entanglement. And sometimes you hear the note and you go like, oh, I actually. don't need to hear notes from you because I actually don't like the way that you're moving, or I don't think that your notes are valid. I think about this a lot more in a work context. Is it? Oh, direct it, bitch.

Really? Oh, absolutely. We've made contact. We've made contact. It is like vibrating inside of me right now, and it's literally, I'm going, I know what to do about this particular situation I'm going through. Very helpful. Well, you think about it. Why would every note from every person be valuable? Would you let a

stranger on the street tell you about yourself? No, no. Every note is not valuable. Although they do. They do, of course. Strangers love to say a little thing to me sometimes. Same. Sometimes it's nice. Sometimes it's mean.

Sometimes it's mean. Sometimes it's me. I go, I don't need you have video, but thank you. Yeah. Thank you for sharing it. Thank you for sharing that.

I think it comes up more for me in a work context where I'm like, sometimes people want to give you notes that I'm like, well, you haven't made anything that I love. So I actually don't want to hear from you about my work. And there's zero malice in that. Yeah. It's just like you're doing something different than I'm doing. Yeah.

I'm not going to take notes from somebody who hasn't made something that I love because in what world would that make sense? And I think sometimes when you're a nice person or you're a kind person, we want to be like, we want to hear everything with an open heart and keep the heart open. But sometimes openness doesn't mean, sometimes openness means letting a thing in and letting it walk around for a second and then releasing it. Openness doesn't mean that you hang on to anything that anyone says to you. Yeah, it's, I think that, you know, when I always said, the thing that I like about myself, the intimacy piece, is that, and the inclusivity piece, my, like, DNA, my brain waves are, like, want to be open to everyone. They, I want to let people in, because that's how I sort through, like, who can be close. But I do think that, that there is a level of, like, exhaustion that comes from that, like, desire and from letting people into that way. And I do, I very much, what do you think? What do you need? What do you want? And, and. it causes me trouble, of course. Yeah. Not big trouble, but a little bit of trouble.

Well, that's the other thing is like, I don't know. My life is pretty, not big trouble, but a little trouble. That's the story of my stuff where I'm like, my life is pretty cool. My relationships are like in really good places. I mostly don't have conflict. God, in my early 20s, I had some friendships that I really had to let go. Like those six people are all pretty much from my early 20s. Yeah.

That, like, I just had really turbulent relationships. and now I'm at a place in my life where I'm like, that was crazy. I actually don't have turbulence in my life like that. If there is a level of turbulence or discomfort in my life, it's like because I don't have it that often, it's like a fucking light focus on the discomfort and the problem. And it becomes like, I go, why is that happening? And I have to figure it out and try to push it away

or try to solve it really. But yeah, I feel the same way. See, that's interesting. because I, because my work life and my love life and my family life and my friend life, pretty much mostly cool. Like I really don't, like I said, I don't have a lot of, like, huge conflicts or crazy mess. So I do sometimes feel myself getting sucked into a small thing and getting really upset about it. And I have to stop myself and go like, wait, this actually isn't that big of a deal.

And I'm kind of giving it more weight than it needs to. And like, actually, everything's pretty okay and I can relax. Yeah. But I have a tendency to get like. It's almost like you want to be invested in something. You're like, oh, I... Well, drama is like fuels. Yeah.

A little bit of drama when I don't have any... When I'm drama dry, I will lock onto that shit and try to... You feel yourself on your seventh phone call to a friend about it, and you're like, I'm not getting anything from this. That is how you know it's too much. Yeah. You go, wow, I've talked about this five fucking times in the last like three days. Yeah.

But that is a way of you're exercising the problem. You're just like framing it over and over and over and over again until you get fucking tired of yourself and then it gets removed from the dog. There's an interesting thing when you're retelling drama. The first like three or four people you talk to about it, you're finding the beats. You're finding the beats, babe. You're like, you're like finding the beats where you're like, okay, that part needed to go a little later and the reveal will seem crazier if I do it this way. And then like the fifth or

six person you talk to about it, you go like, I found the story. Yeah. I know what the drama is. And you know what the most fascinating emotional parts of it are. You know who's the villain, but also you have caveats for the villain. You have Caviotes for the villain, that's always important. Cavios for the villain. Yeah. Yes.

You've made yourself the most reasonable character in the drama. Yes. But you admit to some fault because it's not perfect. That's right. Maybe that's how you become, that's it. You have found the way to tell the story. God, it's sickening. If you stop right there, if you stop and let it go and move on or go to the person,

or if you stop right there, life is good. On the seventh or eighth retail, when you've already nailed the story, you've already figured out your feelings about it. There's nothing else to really discuss. You're telling the same person again. Yeah. You're telling one person And that person was on the other end of it

Just Like just taking it Yeah You gotta stop That's when you ideally You stop before that But if you catch yourself there Then it's like you really got to move on

Yeah And if you write it It only takes like one or two times Which is sickening too Yeah It's like just write it Yeah But

I've definitely told friends I can't talk about this anymore Oh yeah me too I've said hey I'm so sorry I don't want to hear about that conflict anymore I can't hear about it's over Your coworker sounds like a bitch I'm done hearing about it.

I love you to death. I gave, I did my part. I nodded so emphatically through the first telling on the fifth one, we're going to have to do solutions or move on. They find little colors, little flavors, though, in the fifth telling. They're still not landing on the story. But I need to move on. We've got to move on.

Yeah. Do you find yourself, are you good at knowing if you're talking too much? Do you ever find yourself in that situation? I don't think that's one of my problems. I have problems, but I have, I don't think that they're, I don't think that me talking too much is usually one of them. Yeah. Yeah.

I do, I have talked too much, but I think I'm pretty good at, um, asking questions and moving on. Yeah. At least I hope so, because it's one of my biggest pet peeves. When other people talk too much. When somebody is on like the, I'll say 23rd minute of a story that should have been six minutes. Brother. I feel myself being like, right, right, right, right, right. And anyway, anyway, what's everyone's favorite color?

I'm like, let's get the fuck off of this. It's the redirect. Yes. You have to redirect because you are counting the beats in the room and you know it's been talked about for too fucking long. And I'm like, the craziest thing to me is I'm like, how are you not feeling? How are you not feeling?

That person checked their phone three times. That person just went to the bathroom even though they were in there 10 minutes ago. It's the eyes glazed over at the party. Release them. Release them. We're releasing them. We're releasing you. The power of release.

The power of release. Yeah, but again, the caveat. Yeah. I'm trying to think of the last time I talked to. much. Oh, yeah. The last time I watched someone's eyes glaze over when I was talking, I don't know if I can place it.

When was it? When was it? Did I have, I know, I remember this. I don't know why I'm thinking. I'm going, when was it? When did he do it? I remember the sensation sometime in the last two months. I remember I had the sensation of saying something that didn't go over and feeling

embarrassed. But I can't remember what it was. But that's a nice thing about my brain. Yeah. My brain will move on. Oh, yeah. I've trained myself to be like, to be like, that didn't happen. Do you do that little thing where you could, yeah, you're kind of trail off right at the end?

Or do you go, I'm fucking losing them, but I'm going stupid. It depends on if I've locked in, because a lot of times what will happen is you realize you're in a circle of seven and you realize you've lost six of them, but you find the one person. And then you will hone in on that one. But, but, but anyway, and you're like, and so then there you're your target. Oh my God. Can I, okay, this happened to me recently. And, okay, I was in a group of seven or eight people. Yeah.

And there were two very powerful speakers who did not want to stop speaking. I remember you talking about this. Okay. And I want to tell you this because this is so stupid. But these two people would then realize that either of them were going to stop talking, right? And so they would each individually attach to the person closest to them and continue speaking, creating what I can only call a fractal of division in which now half of the group is talking. is holding court with this person and the other half of the group is holding court with this person essentially

and I'm observing the entire thing happened going I just want to be together guys and I keep trying to push the two groups together they were too powerful. They were too powerful and they did not notice that they were doing it over and over and over again. You know what? Can I say

I'm happy for them. That sounds like they had a beautiful evening. They had a great time. I bet they went to bed feeling like what a night. What a beautiful evening. Isn't that nice? It is, well, I do think delusion is correct. And there are ways in which you and I are delusional and we don't totally know about it yet.

And I can't wait to find out. I know that I'm delusional. Oh, it's part of life. And by the way, I know that I'm annoying. Yeah! You think I don't know that I'm annoying? Oh, annoying. Of course I'm annoying.

Listen to me. Yeah. I'm fucking annoying. Yeah. But it's awesome the way that I'm annoying. Yeah. And it's a beautiful type of annoying. It's gorgeous.

No, I am annoying. I'm happy to be annoying, though. I'm fine with it. because if the alternative is being boring. Like, I do need to remind myself sometimes that when people are annoyed with me, I'm like, only boring people are like unobjectionable all the time. I don't want to be a boring person. I would rather be annoying.

Yeah. That's my take about me. That's really beautiful. The best thing about myself is that I am loyal. I think that's maybe my favorite thing about myself. I'm so sorry I didn't ask it back. You don't have to. I'm giving it because I felt bad for asking you and you being the only one who answered.

your hand so many times. I just feel very close to you today. Today? Yes. I mean, yeah, especially. Say it today. Okay. Stop it. Beautiful. I feel I like that I'm loyal. I think that's something nice about me. I feel like I really give people, I give people chances, maybe to a fault sometimes, but I like it. I wouldn't change it. And then my least favorite thing about myself oh there are a couple or maybe the the most difficult thing about myself um i'm rigid about what i like things need to be my way oh wait that's what i'm mine too i know well you want to have a lot of the same ones things need to be my way and it's tough because it was really good for me at my job i have taste and so it really works for me at work sometimes

not for you guys but shout out yeah it's really hard but we my things that i make work because because I know how I want them. But then it carries into other aspects of my life where I'm like, I really could be less rigid. And I'll feel myself being rigid. And I'll feel myself being like wanting things my way and being annoyed that it's not going exactly my way. And I'll feel myself in it being like, God, you're being annoying right now.

And I can't stop. I'm like, I don't care. It should have gone my way. But you also, there is this thing, right? Which is that you're right a lot. And I'm right a lot. Listen, we can't fucking help it. It's just disgusting.

It's just shocking. It's disgusting. Thank you so much for coming back. This has been so true with O'Haw. It's disgusting that we're right a lot. But you know what? Okay, yes, I do identify as someone who's right a lot. It's the most of the thing in the world.

But I will say it's not that important to be right all the time. Agreed. And I need to relax. Yeah. Here's the deal. Sometimes when you're right, you could also just shut the fuck up. Yeah. And Caleb has to internalize that note.

Yeah. Like sometimes you are right and you also could shut the fuck up. I have absolutely in an era right now where I'm not giving feedback to people about even sometimes when they ask me. Really? I'm going opt out. Really? I'm opting out because I don't, the energy that I can't spend it on that. They're going to learn that lesson on their own.

Eventually they will get there and maybe another person will help them. Today it won't be me. Do you know what I feel like in this conversation? Oh, what? Did you ever see, I talk about this a lot. Did you ever see that clip of Maya Angelou and Oprah Winfrey in pajamas in bed together? Do you know what I'm talking about? There's a clip of Maya Angelou and Oprah Winfrey wearing pajamas in bed together.

And it's that clip if you've ever seen it where Maya Angel goes, when people show you who they are, believe them. And Oprah goes, believe them. And they're like being so girls at a sleepover in the most beautiful way. And I sometimes when I'm really locked in with a friend, I feel that way. Yeah. And that's us right now. I love that.

We're in PJs in the bed. We're in the bed. And it's, by the way, that conversation is beautiful. If anyone hasn't heard it, you should go listen to it. But they're like so, that moment between them is so awesome and electric. Then you really feel like they're locked in. And that's how I feel with you today. That's how I feel with you.

Oh, what's so true to you? Lesbians can say. Thank you. Thank you. We can say it. We can say it's the funniest fucking word in the dictionary. Yes, you can. It's the greatest word that's ever existed.

Lesbians can say, we've done a lot for. you guys. Yes. We were, okay. You guys were the age. We were at the hospital. We were the nurses, which we could say, okay? Yes, you were at the hospitals. What do you think made the quilt? Yes. We made the quilt. Lesbians were at the hospitals and made the quilt. We've done a lot for you guys. We are the emotional backbone of all of us. We can say. You can say it.

We can say it. We can say it. We're bleeping all of these, of course. But yes. You have to be pure of heart to say a slur now. That is how I feel. Yes. If you're going to say a slur has to come up from a place of pureness of heart and I am pure at heart and I am allowed to say. say, and I can see those little gay boy's eyes twitching when I say it. No. And I say, take it. Do you know how warm?

Take it. Do you know how warm I feel when I hear you say the F slur? It warms me. And by the way, I'm not going to stop doing it even if you say no, but do you mind that I say the D slur? I would love for you too. It is a beautiful word. It's been retooking.

I love saying it. It's been taken. Queer people, here's what I want to say to queer people. Go off. Tell them. Queer people. Queer people. We talk to thin people.

Now it's queer people. We talk to you. now queer people, we are supposed to be making fun of each other. The other people are not supposed to be making fun of us. We're supposed to kill them when they, when straight people make fun of us, we're supposed to kill them. When we make fun of each other,

that is what we're supposed to be doing. That's right. That is what queerness is. I'm like a little tired of these Tinder queers. The preciousness is exhausting. Who can't hear a single thing about themselves. No. They're like, the way that you invalidated,

shut up. I'm going to do it again. Shut up. Like, we're supposed, I love you. I want to grab these tuesday. genderqueer's by the face and I want to say, I love you and that's why I'm doing this. I am seeing you and I'm making fun of your outfit because I love you. That's right.

By the way, the first thing you said was to me when I walked in the room, wow, I've never seen you in clashing patterns before. It's all you wear. That's, I fucking know. It's all you wear and I love that about you. But that's a love. It's a love. And I never feel more seen than when somebody is roasting me well.

If I walked into a room and you said, and you called me and you're like, hey, here comes this fat. I would be like, oh, God, it's so good to be back with my friends. I would feel so seen by that. And it feels like an ancestral communion with queer people before us. It really is. That's beautiful. Thank you. I have a game for you.

Yeah. Hit it. Maybe, by the way, maybe my favorite so true of all time that you just did. Oh my God. That's so sweet. That was beautiful. Are you ready? I'm ready.

I'm going to read you 15 statements, oh-huh. And by the way, we're looking for a sponsor for this. segment if any brands out there want to contact us we're considering branding the true false segment and why i love that because i have a mortgage okay i'm going to read you 15 statements you're going to tell me as quickly as you can ohaf what i just said is true or false and if you get 10 or more correct we are going to give you 50 u.s. dollars my god okay amazing i could use that and imagine if i had said like we're going to give you a Hyundai sonata you know that could be a good brand i actually do need a Hyundai sonata you do yeah Hyundai reach out okay you ready yeah

The main character in the Land Before Times name is Littlefoot. True. True. Gordon Ramsey was born in Scotland. True. True. The microwave oven was invented in 1845. False.

False. It was 1945. Friendster is older than Myspace. True. True. Pringle is a Greek word for tube. No. False.

The movie 8 Mile is three hours long. False. False. A hour and 50 minutes. Houston was once the capital of Texas. False. True. The Chicago River, the first one you miss is a Houston question?

I know, and I'm literally from Houston. I'm so. sorry boys i love you guys so much the chicago river is longer than the missouri river false false you don't actually need a stamp to mail a letter false false six vice presidents have been from illinois truth false nancy pelosi has been to every continent false false burger king was originally called insta burger king false true lemons float but lime sink Are you sure? False?

It's true. Fuck! Ann Hathaway's mother invented the Bowflex machine. It's false. False. The longest English word is 189,819 letters long. False. True.

How'd she do? Wow. Hyundai Sonata. Come into your driveway. Handai Sonata. Say that. I have a wife. Say that.

No, that was beautiful. Thank you. Oh, ha. We just love you so much. I love you back. I think we've done a podcast, my love. We've done it. Thank you guys for having me.

Do you want to tell people where they can find you and how they can support you? Yeah. You can find me at OHA Lopez on Instagram, H-O-J-A, L-O-P-E-Z. I think it's Aloha, OHA, right? I changed it. You changed the handle? Stop. You're calling me out.

No, I thought you were just saying your name, but you changed the handle. No, I changed the handle because I'm not a Pacific Islander. Right. I have no claim on Aloha. is sending shockwaves it's sending shockwaves i've had it since i was 19 years old and literally two months ago i changed it to at oha lopez oha we love you so much thank you for doing it i love you i love love you chabella love my love we would make beautiful babies together oh i've told you this yeah let's end it here and talk about a laugh camera that was a hate gum podcast