So True with Caleb Hearon - Holmes Returns

Episode Date: October 23, 2025

Welcome folks! This week we’re thrilled to bring you the long awaited return of the one and only Holmes! Holmes and Caleb talk about the many deep corners of their friendship, dating profiles, delivery apps, good vs. evil, and so much more! Join our Substack for an exclusive post-episode chat with Holmes and other bonus content! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow Holmes! @_holmes_holmes Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloudCancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com/SOTRUE today. There’s no replacement for human connection. Better with people. Better with Alma. Visit helloalma.com/SOTRUE to get started and schedule a free consultation today. Exclusive $20-off Carver Mat at https://on.auraframes.com/SOTRUE Promo Code SOTRUE Blueland has a special offer for So True listeners: right now, get 15% off your first order by going to Blueland.com/sotrue. Grab Freaky Good Cider from Angry Orchard at AngryOrchard.Com/Halloween – and while you’re there, watch the new Jason vignette, “Sweet Revenge” and shop the collab merch! About Headgum: Headgum is an LA & NY-based podcast network creating premium podcasts with the funniest, most engaging voices in comedy to achieve one goal: Making our audience and ourselves laugh. Listen to our shows at https://www.headgum.com. » SUBSCRIBE to Headgum: https://www.youtube.com/c/HeadGum?sub_confirmation=1  » FOLLOW us on Twitter: http://twitter.com/headgum  » FOLLOW us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/headgum/ » FOLLOW us on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum So True is a Headgum podcast, created and hosted by Caleb Hearon. The show is produced by Chance Nichols with Associate Producer Allie Kahan. So True is engineered and edited by Nicole Lyons. Kaiti Moos is our VP of Content at Headgum. Thanks to Luke Rogers for our show art and Virginia Muller our social media manager.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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revenge and shop the collab merch. Holmes and I were at a coffee shop and you were being pretty erratic in like a fun way and I'm happier here for sure and you but you were being really like extra erratic and I was like I was like hey did you take your meds today and Holmes goes I don't do that anymore. Holmes what's going on with you um you know I'm really happy to be here it's been like a couple years since I saw you last I guess yeah I've been a avoiding you. Found you, bitch. I've been, how did you?

How did you find me? I mean, zoom in in the back of photos, you'll see me. Oh, you're back there? You'll see me looking at you. You're back there peering. I actually did have coffee with someone yesterday and I was like, I went to college at Florida State and he was like, me too. And I was like, and it almost seemed like he knew already.

And I was like, did you know me before we met up for this, you know? Kind of freaked me out. Did he? He said no, but I couldn't. I didn't believe it. He said no, but like I would bring up a memory. He'd be like, I know. And I'd be like, wait.

too were you there he's like he's like that top you used to wear sophomore year you're like yeah yeah he's like I love fucking you I'm like huh I'm like I know I drank back then but I think I remember who it was you did drink back then I did I wish I would have known you even then I didn't know what actually before the last episode we had I had one drink which now I didn't I had a ton of coffee so me looking at your camera I can't see me at all you had a drink before the last episode not to like not I'm like I'm like I was terrified it's a crazy reveal that was nuts you passed out off so casually you're like before the last time you've never told me that well because I didn't do it for the episode I was out with friends and they were having like five drinks and I sat and didn't have one for a long time and then finally I was like I'll have one and then you know I watched the episode you know I say the HPV thing everyone's mad at me about the washout and I was like well the drink probably did that

I don't think the drink did that you're right that was just me it's so funny for you to be like yeah before I did this last time well of course I had a couple shots I'm like the last episode I had a vodka tampon in I don't know No, I wouldn't do that. No, I'm happy with your drinking these days. Thank you. I'm happy with yours. Thank you. We both don't.

We don't. Well, I don't want to lie to the public. Since February, I've had four drinks, but it's all been one that night. Yeah. One. It's been one at a time. Person who definitely doesn't have a drinking problem. Since February, I've had four and they've been...

Since February, I've had four and I was on my best behavior. I really was. Well, it's one of those things where, like... God, sometimes I'm in a room that is so fucking, like, loud and overwhelming, and it's like on those nights will be the ones where I'm like, oh, I really want to stay, but it would just help a little bit and I try everything else, but then occasionally, yeah, I've had one. And then I'll be like, normally I'm like, this doesn't really do much and that's why I continue to not do it, you know, like it doesn't really change very much, but I don't know.

I think sometimes you know this about me. I'll go like all or nothing a lot. Like I'll be like, I must be done and that will solve it all. And so I think I'm letting myself be like, hey, no one called you an alcoholic. like you called yourself one because you wanted to solve some stuff. And then you stopped drinking and, like, made a whole thing. I went to an AA meeting and I was like, I don't have this. It was a really funny couple of weeks in our friendship for everybody.

When Holmes started sitting people down and being like, obviously we've all been dying to talk about a drinking problem, we all the time were kind of like, no, we thought you were having a good time, but. Well, I mean, I think that it's really, it would be so amazing to find like the one thing that would like you know fix everything god and it i thought that i mean and it has you know it has helped um my depression not drinking less has helped my depression but yeah i wasn't a full-blen alcoholic it was funny um what i'll say about the meetings which i know you're not supposed to talk about but um it's a horny environment you know because the alcohol's not in there people were

staring me down you know what i mean and it was like i was like oh they're like you know people are wanting to get to something else pretty quick addiction-wise. What? Do you know what I mean? No. I mean, what are you just saying? People were staring you down? Like, it felt like if I lingered eye contact with someone long enough, we could fuck right

after. Because it was like, hey, you know what we won't be doing after this? Go to the bar, but we could. Go home. Yeah. Come to my place, you know? That's interesting. I've heard this, I guess, but I didn't, I staring you down feels so intense.

Well, staring me down, I mean, it was one or two. It looks like, I walk in. Everyone's like, I would do you tonight. No, it wasn't like that. It just like, it made, it made sense to me that I was like, yeah, you would shift. And that's something else I felt was I was like, okay, right when I stopped drinking, actually someone did say something interesting to me after because I was like, I don't know if I have this.

And he was like, yeah, but you smoke weed a lot, right? And I was like, hey, don't be rude about that. I was like, I do. And he was like, well, when I stopped drinking at first, well, I would smoke weed instead, but then right when I quit weed, like, I'd have to drink again. So it's one of those things where like, and that did kind of calm me out in a sense. of like I do smoke weed most nights and I'm like if I did quit weed I wonder if I would start to drink more like I definitely am someone who like has a vice I just think I'm pretty

healthy with them now but you know it'd be cool if someday I could lose them all yeah what's yours what's your vice my vice yeah um weed and food food is the most conscious choice that I make where I'm like I'm trying to get better at this but I because I'll do it in times that inopportune like I'll to me I'm like I don't drink I I haven't drink at this point in years I don't really drink I don't do any hard drugs I didn't smoke weed until I was like 27 I don't smoke cigarettes I don't really do like crazy different 27 club right hey come on it's okay that was beautiful I was starting weed at 27 choose to live actually sorry I'm choosing to live after 27 but yeah so I'm like I'll eat I'll eat garbage and be like you shouldn't be eating

this garbage but it is fun yeah but then sometimes you do it and it's like it's 2 a why are you ordering Taco Bell? You know you're going to feel like shit when you have to get up at 8 a.m. The other night I had one big time where I was like I really could have gone to bed and I ordered food just because I was like, it just is like a comfort.

That's the thing. It's like the same as weed. It's like I want something that's cozy and it's like I feel better than when I drink. That's for sure. But yeah, I had like order from. I mean when the place is called something like munchy or something.

You know what I mean? Those DoorDash names get dark quick. Yeah, right, right. When it's like, bitch don't grill my cheese. And I'm on there high as a kite alone on my couch. Like I'm gonna. It's like, you're ready to fuck up your life? I'm like, order.

Order. Like, it really is always really nasty names, for real. Yeah, it's like slutty wings and fucked up tots. Literally, it's like feel shitty. I'm like, ooh. I'm like, add to cart. I know. And I do. And then I eat it.

Well, the other night, one of the items looked so nasty that I was like, that's helpful. So I didn't do all of it. But yeah, I had some like, you know, corn bites or something. And you can tell when the late night ones, they're not making it. They're not, the chef doesn't have passion to it. They're putting that shit in a microwave. The chef, it's a guy microwaving it in his house. Yeah, yeah.

It's a ghost kitchen. It's like a comedian we're friends with. It's like a side hustle for real. I know that I'm never going to like truly lose a bunch of weight because most people who do, they have like a lowest of low moment. And I've had one so many times and just blown right past it. I got tricked. I got tricked once. I got tricked once on DoorDash into ordering Red Lobster.

And when it came, it came nothing like Red Lobster. Why would you even order that? I was just high. I was enjoying the idea of it. It was just, and then I looked at up some guy at his house. It was like a ghost kitchen on Yelp.

No, no, no. It was a guy who just like, somehow they can make it look like red lobster sometimes. God, it was a lobster. It was a lobster, but it was called like funky chunky or something. No, dude.

It was called Red Lobster. I'm telling you, they do this with Cracker Barrel too. It would be like, Cracker Barrel kitchen, which is not for me, but other people. You're one of my thin friends

that's like the most annoyingly supportive of fat people, actually. I'm like one of the thin friends who's like the anti-fat bias. Yeah, you're like, I'm just having like a regular Tuesday and you're like, the way we treat fat people is sick. And I'm like, wait for lunch, you know what I mean? I really mean it. I mean, it just, well, honestly, I grew up when my mom was fat.

And it was like a thing that it's like, I remember so much like it being this thing that made her feel bad not because my mom was like stunning. And I was always like, why have my mom so beautiful and hating herself? And I was like, oh, because people are like being horrible to her. And so then it made me, like I remember one time we were playing this game growing up in, it was like, imagine if. And we're with her, our extended family. And someone, there was a joke about like blimp or something, like a blimp. And everyone, like, you have to say, like, who's the most like this or whatever? And everyone writes a name at the table.

And it was like, who's the most like a blimp? And everyone put my mom's name. And it was like, they all kind of laughed, right? Okay, whatever. They all kind of laughed. It's horrible. You know? Well, I was like, 11 and I started sobbing.

And I was like, you guys are cruel. And my mom was like, it's okay, Chelsea. It's okay. And like, it was one of those things where I was like, I did get really passionate about it. It pissed me off. You're like, you're like, I would have voted Kathy for Blimp. No. I wouldn't have put Kathy as Blimp, but I'm telling you right now, if I was in the game

and everyone wrote Blimp for Caleb, I would laugh. No, we would. I would laugh. No. Well, first off, it's like, who the fuck wrote Blimp? It's like, the writers of this are like, fat bitch is going down. Like, you know what I mean? Like, ruined some woman's Thanksgiving.

Literally, what the hell? No, but I just remember it always had made me mad because my mom was like, honestly, like, kind of the most stunning in the family. So it just like did it, yeah, it made me really, uh, and it also ruined a chunk of my life. everyone like three really good years of my life that I had eating disorder that was I was so boring and disgusting during those years and um yeah I just think it's like taking some of our best yeah also like I mean whatever look you get me started you're like she's a thin friend who's annoying about it I'm like don't get me started you're like watch me prove it I mean it just is

like I think that the main thing that we're mad at is all the same which is like fucking billioners and stuff and it's like a lot of this it's the shame that is around uh weight stuff for me is really just tied to money like once I learned that that was this big freedom of like when I learned like Weight Watchers didn't start their kid program until they were going bankrupt. That was like a big freedom for me. Because growing up like, yeah, I was being put on diets left and right and stuff like that. Also, you said I think we're all actually mad at billionaires. I wish that were true.

I actually wish we could get more people mad at billionaires. I will never in a million years understand why so many people who should be mad at billionaires, the way that some of us righteously are. Yeah. Are still doing this fucking like, they're like going off about these stupid. Like they're like, oh, I don't want, you should have to have the right papers to run a taco stand in my city and you shouldn't they shouldn't have male cheerleaders at the football games where well you're so fucking far off track dude it's crazy i agree no i think that

that is the thing that like makes me the most mad is that i'm like i know more people actually don't want to just like people don't want to just like have sex or be friends with like really frail people i know that that's not reality but now it's tied to money that's why most people i know are even engaging in it like the people i know who are engaging in weight loss who like don't want to engage in weight loss are doing it only because they're like i this will help me make more me. And I'm like, what a nightmare. Yeah. And it's true. And it's true. Yeah. And it's true. And it's true. Have you ever do a crazy diet that was like so stupid? Uh, no, I'm, I've never. I'm like really, I know that I'm not

cut out for trying to lose weight because I've never done like a crazy diet. I've done like, I've done yo yo-yo diets, but nothing insane. Like I'm so fucking jealous of that. I can't even get to the point where like, like, I'm not even kidding. There was a time like two years ago when I, I know that I would get more work if I was thinner. Like that's just a reality. and there was a time like two years ago when I really considered it and like the second time I was supposed to go to the gym

and have a really hard workout I was like I got distracted thinking about how I was going to talk about it when I lost all the weight and then I didn't go to the gym like I was like when I lose the weight I'm going to like really

this is how I'm going to talk about it and next thing I look up and I had missed the gym so it's like this what the extreme weight loss thing is like not for me it's never coming for me we did

you, did you, were you kind of, like, sad when you thought about talking about it? Like, you were like, my fans are going to be, like, kind of, like, sad that I did this. No, I just think that when people lose a bunch of weight who were fat, they often change on a dime and go to this very, like, a lot of people have, like, a fascistic cop within them that will come out whenever the time is right. Yeah. And a lot of people who lose a bunch of weight, access that part quickly, where they're like, I was fucking miserable.

It's disgusting what I was promoting. And it's like, and I know, I'll never go back. Yeah, and it's like, no, actually, I think you were quite happy. And then you made a choice. to lose a bunch of weight. And that's what, so for me, I'm like, when I say how I would talk about it is, I just don't think I would talk about it. And the reason I go is like, okay, but you were wanted to talk about your body when you

were fat. So then if you were thin, you wouldn't want to talk about it. Why is that? And I'm like, oh, I actually know why. The reason is because it's interesting to talk about being fat in a society that hates fat people. So I find it compelling to talk about my weight in my body right now. If I were for some reason to lose a bunch of weight, if a medical reason came up that I

needed to or if anything like that were to happen, which I don't currently have. Or would you naturally lose some weight and then everyone's like, good job and it's like shut the fuck up yeah if that were to happen i would just not talk about it or engage with discussion about it because i don't view it as an accomplishment and i then it wouldn't be interesting because then you're talking about a body that is closer to or in in alignment with the beauty standard and the so then it's like why would i talk about that right do you know what i mean it's not interesting now yeah i mean i really understand i mean i i feel like the reason that i would ever talk about like you know uh any type of womanhood on stage is oftentimes related to like oppression

you know like it wouldn't come up as much I feel like if it wasn't like scary to live as a woman more you know yeah I think what happens is so many people so many people do so many people that are fat and then lose a bunch of weight especially in the public eye they have they do have things that they should have fixed about themselves that weren't white related and then when they lose the weight they feel all this gratitude and validation and so they want to honor it and they want to be like thank you for the validation thank you thank you thank you and it's like actually what you should do with that validation is laugh at it because you don't deserve it It's silly. It's silly to get validation for losing weight. I'm sorry it is. Oh, I mean. It's like whatever. That doesn't matter. To me,

it actually matters in a way that's like, it's really upsetting. And what I'll say is like, I've lost weight for reasons that are like, when I stopped drinking as much, I like lost some weight. And I, yeah,

wasn't trying to. And then like it makes, I think it's the darkest part. It makes me, I think if it should make you feel anything, it should be like devastating and I don't like those people anymore. Like when someone compliments me on a weight loss

and I'd never have said anywhere publicly that I'm like, that's a goal of mine or something. I like like you less immediately. See, and that's the difference too is like I feel like when that happened for you, I remember us talking about we were kind of having two conversations at once where you were like, people that aren't close to me are complimenting my weight loss and it's making me ill.

It's making me really depressed. And then I was like, yes, also I would love to check in on your weight loss because I know you and know that you're not trying and do have a passive eating disorders, et cetera. And so it's different when if I were to lose a bunch of weight, I would expect the people close to me to be like, hey, no worries, but is there anything we need to talk about? That's exactly what I mean? 100%. And I think a lot of people don't feel comfortable asking, are you okay?

Because they think that that could be like a triggering or something. And what I would say, and I'm sure people will disagree, but I say if a friend is losing weight at a, and you notice, when you are one-on-one, like, have a check-in in that way, I would say. Yeah. I've had a check-ins with friends and they're like, no one has brought this up at all yet. Yeah. And then they'll be like, I am not okay at all. Like, I'm not eating. You know, and oftentimes it doesn't have to do it trying to lose weight.

It'll have to do like a death or, you know, a breakup or something like. like that yeah my favorite thing that you do one of one of my favorite things that you do there's a long list is that sometimes if there's something in a group of friends that desperately needs to be said completely wrong place wrong time wrong place wrong time homes homes just in the group will go like you have an eating disorder like dinner six people not the right time not the right place well you know what and i say that is really true that is so true to me homes will be like you're being weird to everyone in the friend group lately because of your dad I'll be like people think you're mean everyone's scared to say it it'll be 100% true

and everyone else in the friend group be like homes god damn yeah and then they'll be like I'll be like later are you proud of me and they'll be like it was really the wrong place this happened the other day actually I literally ran into someone I hadn't seen for a long time and I was like my friend is dating your ex homes and everyone was like hey like but I was like that's how I know and that's how I thought of her or whatever and anyway she handled it really well, but my friend after it was like, I feel like it should make people feel safe. Like, I'm not going to lie to you. Yeah.

I feel that you won't lie to me. Do you, do you feel safe around me? I don't know. I don't, I don't think, yeah, I guess so. I don't like think about like you being safe. I feel safe around pretty much everybody. There's no, what do you mean? super me who do I feel unsafe around we can't I yeah you're right we can say names we all we all

look at chance I want to know no no I'm like he does he does he is quite mean to me off camera more than safe don't you feel like it's like more than safe don't you feel like you you love that about me in a real way like you said it's one of your favorite things because you like sometimes sometimes sorry I just want to say I don't love it because you make me feel safe I love it because I think it's hilarious and you love it because it needs to be sad and sometimes shit is boring well I get tired of doing it. Yeah.

I'm the one who I'm actually. Yes. There it is. I get tired of doing it when you're not around. So when you come around and you're like, everyone's being weird because she's being a bitch. I'm like, thank you. I know. No, we both are the people who do it.

Well, it's also like, I don't know, like it's that thing of sometimes I'm bored of us not talking about it. When we talk about it, we get to somewhere really interesting fast normally. Yeah. And we just talk about the thing. That's true. You know? Yeah.

Whatever. I did, I was laughing really hard this morning thinking about the other day where Holmes and I were at a coffee shop and you were being pretty erratic in like a fun way and I I'm happier here for sure and you but you were being really like extra erratic and I was like I was like hey did you take your meds today and Holmes goes I don't do that anymore and I was like okay hell yeah I don't do that anymore I was on zolaf for 10 years I'm here to say I'm not on zoloft anymore and honestly it's well okay here's what I'd like to say I think I'm also prescribed Adderall which is so crazy that like I could be this insane and they're like actually go on an upper because we want you

to work more. It's like you want this bitch to go to work harder. Like that's crazy to me. But for the Zoloft of it all, I think that, hey, if you need to be medicated for your mental health, be medicated. I support medication. I also think this thing is going on where like our country in the world are in like pretty fucked places and like groups are getting more and more scared for their life in like really, really fair ways. And then we're going to like a therapist about it or a psychiatrist, which I love therapy, but you'll go to a psychiatrist and they'll be like, okay, you know what the solution is? Let's get you medicated. So you don't have to feel sad about

this. And I understand that. And if it's in a place where you're going to kill yourself, please take the medicine. But I think it does bother me a little bit that like a lot of feelings of sadness I am having are like really not chemical imbalance are like really valid because I'm like, no, billionaires are, like, taking money from everyone. Like, everyone I know doesn't have enough money, you know, like, we're having, like, black and brown people taking off the streets all the time for doing nothing. And so I think that that has been bothering me lately because I've had more and more friends who've, like, never been medicated are starting to get medicated right now.

And it just is like, yeah, I think that chemical depression is a thing, bipolar, you know, OCD, please, like, take your meds if it makes your life better. I just do want it to be like, hey, let's have, like, a long-term solution, which is, like, fixing these things that are making everyone really depressed. Yeah, it feels like gaslighting at a certain point when it's like there's this there's this thing that I feel like has always been in conflict, which is like the societal push on everyone to be happy all the time. Happy as like a state of being and happy as like a happy as like a, happy as a description of a person. Like are you a happy person? Right.

And it's like, well, no, that's not a description of a person. I am sometimes quite happy. I am sometimes quite sad. I would love to be happy more often than I'm sad. But there's that there's that push from society and messaging to be a capital age. capital P happy person, which doesn't exist, and that's not how people work. Right. And then at the same time, it's coinciding with really bleak, sad, dark, fucked up realities of

immigrants getting rounded up in the streets and a billion, like, too many things actually to keep track of. Too many things. And then it's like, they're like, hey, so don't actually ignore all of that and take this medication. So maybe you don't even feel anything at all. And it just is like, once again, I can't say enough. Please take your meds if you need your meds.

I just do want to validate the people who are like, I wish I wasn't spending more. I think it makes me upset too because meds cost money. So I'm like, we're telling like broke people to pay more money to feel less sad about things that like shouldn't be going on at all. Yeah. Well, yeah.

And it's like, look, but this is the constant give and take, right? Of like, what we can do is get you on meds if you need them right now. Take your meds if you need them. What we can't do is wake up tomorrow and have a better country for immigrants. Right. So like we can't just,

we actually can't like if you were my therapist, you and I can't make that happen much as we would like to. Therapists are not doing well right now. No. So it's like we have to find the solution that's going to help you work through all of it as you work. But there has to be some kind of like acknowledgement that being sad is a natural response to. Yeah, I am a happy person and I'm trying to be happy at the same time that I do the work and hold the despair. And like I want to I want to like work on the things that I think I can help make better while also being sad about them.

Me too. And also having fun. I'm trying to balance all of those. Yes. But it does feel crazy sometimes when people are like, oh, well, the point is being happy. And I'm like, right, but everything is stacked against us right now, it feels like. Right. And I think that even like, I don't know, we're talking about weight loss or a second ago.

And for me, like, movement was really like taken from me at a young age. I felt like like running and any type of working out, which is something that does actually give me chemicals to feel happier. But it was so associated with like, lose enough weight. so this guy wants to have sex with you. And I was like, I don't like that guy. So actually, no things. And now in the last, like, I don't know. And I don't know, the last like 10 years, I guess,

I've gotten better and better at being like, oh, I really like exercise because it makes me not want to kill myself. I think really the last four years, too. I've gotten to, yeah. I think you've gotten really, really good at being like, I've heard you be like, I have to move my body or I'm going to feel like shitly. Like, I've heard you like say it out loud more, you know? Yes, I will because I think I want people.

to, I think it's so associated with weight loss and it really bugs me because it's so, like, even like Pilates, for example, is like so associated with like white, bougie girl who is like, you know, like, get Gracie Abramabs or whatever. And it's like, or like, don't kill yourself. You know, like, for me, it's like very associated with like, no, that actually was meditative to me. I couldn't look at my phone. I was in a class like with a group of people and we all like got stronger and I got some endorphins and it doesn't have to do with what my body looks like at all. in fact my boobs lost two sizes which has sucked oh i know i've hated looking at your boobs since well it has sucked because it's like i used to love them because they were so big and fun i didn't know how much i was relying on them

i didn't know how much it was like a little tool to if i just like wanted like something just like big boobs like boobs like boobs have a hold on people in a way that people aren't addressing like i know like i've been saying this since childhood you shut up i'm like what is the thing with boobs what is the thing with i feel like even for gay guys it does sometimes i did stavi's podcast yesterday and he was talking about how much he loves big tits and i in the moment I had to say, stop. I've never felt further away from you. Like, I was just like, to hear you talk like that, and I know that you're like that, but I'm like, to hear you talk like that is so upsetting. I feel far from my friend. Folks, with prices going up on just about everything lately, being smart with your money

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because like growing up bean dipping my mom was like a huge pastime for me. Like I loved to beaned at my mom in a way that like she like really didn't like it but I thought it was so funny. You're like, do not call my mama blimp, B-D-D-S. Kathy's like, are you a friend or a foe? I was like, my mom is fucking stunning.

Oh, yeah, it was really, really bad. Well, one time I was. She's fat. Look at this. I'm like, she's going to lose weight. These are going to be gone. No, my dad one time did it, I guess, because he, like, when I was out of town, he did it because he was, like, missing me.

And she, like, called me. And she was, like, you've created a huge issue. She was, like, Tom just being dead to me. I wish people knew your dad. Your dad, like, Tom, like, Holmes's dad is one of my favorite people on earth. And his energy is very, like, hey, guys, how's it going? Well, he has three, like, woman lunatics around who, like, all have, like, really big feelings. I mean, we're all, like, very smart and cool, too.

No, I remember the first time that I was around and he got to talk about football with someone and I thought he was going to cry. It was crazy. I told you one time that we found him. We lived in, but at the time my parents lived in like a high-rise apartment, like an apartment building, no backyard high up.

And we went to the bathroom and my mom and I saw that he was like searching grills. Nowhere for a grill. It was like one of those things where I was like, he wanted like a whole different life than we gave him. He wanted to be like playing football and like grilling with the boys. Truly. And instead of we were like,

I was like really, really bad at sports. and I was like you will be going to musicals and we will be lashing out. I remember the first time I really connected with your dad was that it was all of, it was you and your sibling and Kathy

and I went over to Tom he was like sitting off somewhere on the side and I was like, I was like Tom, what do you think of the chiefs this season? He was like, uh, well, I'm feeling pretty good. You know, it was like he was going to cry.

He's like, we can talk about wicked if you want. No, he's so, you say, well, my favorite again? He's like, Dobby doesn't talk about sports. Dobby talks about wicked. I mean, he does love a fantasy book. That's why he's very surprising. Like, it's really, really cool. He just retired.

He just retired and he's finally, like, letting himself, like, think about, like, larger ideas, which is really beautiful to watch. But I do, I want to give my dad credit because I talk about how much I love my mom so much. I'm obsessed with her. She's so funny. Where my dad, like, the thing I love the most about him is he changes his mind.

Like, I remember when I went to college, I was like, we've only been to three fights my whole life. And I remember when I went to college, uh, we, oh, I came back to visit him. mom for a second and I was like oh my god we were drinking IPAs together that was like a big thing we had in common and he was I was like everyone at college is getting sad like all the girls are getting all the time it's out of control and he was like he got really upset because like he would never and he was like he was like really heated he was like he was like no he was like the cops would catch

him you know and I was like they're not catching them and we got in like this huge fight for real and then literally uh like two weeks later he called me and he was like honey I'm so sorry the cops are not catching them. And he, like, fully, like, admitted that he was wrong. He was, like, I read some articles. It is a huge problem on college campuses. Like, I did not know. And it's like, he's always been, like, that, like, Republican to Democrat.

He has always, like, just, like, he had two daughters who, like, want to talk about, like, who want him to learn. And, like, we learn from him all the time. And he, like, actually learns and changes his mind. And I just think that, like, was the most beautiful thing I could ever learn from a dad. Yeah. It is beautiful. Well, shout out changing your mind.

I know when's the last time you changed? You know, I love to ask this. When's the last time you change your mind? I don't need to. You have all perfect views? Yeah, I don't need to. What's the last thing you learned that excited you? I'm trying to think if I have changed my mind.

What have I changed my mind about? You would know. Last time you said ice cream. Last time I asked you, it was you liked pistachio ice cream. What else is there? You would know, what would have I changed my mind about? You would know better than me and maybe. What have I changed my mind about?

I think sometimes people, which I wouldn't name any of them. I think sometimes like a person will like, we'll change our mind on people sometimes. rarely. I'll admit it though. I will say I'll admit when I'm wrong about somebody. Like I think sometimes yeah, we can get a bad impression and then. Yeah, but I'm almost always right about that is the thing. I really am. I really am. I will say, I admit, I've come to you and been like, hey, that person I told you I didn't like. I was wrong about them. They turned out, they turned out to be very cool. But I am almost always right about that one. I think more often than changing my mind about someone, I get proven right and that's really fun. Shut off. You do change your

mind sometimes. Sometimes, but I'm saying every time, every person I've tried to think of that I had a negative opinion of what I'm thinking of is the time I learned more that I was right. There's a hole in my sock that I know is going to come up. And my socks are like, these are clean socks, mind you, but they have just like a bunch of fucking lint on them. I really understand. I mean, my washer and dryer is a nightmare. Like, why do my socks always get fuzzies on them?

They get fuzzies on them. Mine will randomly all pull them out. They'll have like, I told you like my clothes will have like oil on them. I'll have like, oh, they'll have oil on them. I live in a place right now, washer and dryer. And it just has a, behind the camera's chance. Hey, chance. It has a mold to my.

obviously we'll cut this. It's just like, it gets to a point. God, fuck, Chance. Thank you, Chance. Yeah, not doing the bit. Fuck. Holmes's me, Hey, Chance, give me a kiss.

Yeah, it's okay. What is, I think I'm actually maybe not very good at doing bits on podcast. Have you, what? Like, I feel like, like, Like, I think sometimes, all you do is bits. Like, I just, like, want to talk, like, I think I'm just, like, talking to you as a friend. Like, I think if people would be surprised about how much, like, our relationship is actually serious and then how we do comedy like like we laugh all the time yeah but like we also like you know what i mean like we're

like doing bits all the time us no i don't get to a lot i have to field a lot of crises shut up with you we're like we're i mean whatever i mean maybe i'm wrong do what i mean when someone's like i have a new bit i like i look when people are like i have like i have a new bit i want to do and i'm always like i'm never we're not doing that in our friendship maybe i'll just do it i mean you'll trust fall on me or whatever what i'm just confused about what you mean specifically on podcasts or like in life just in like day to day life like I'm like I don't think I'm like super bitty like I think I'm like kind of wild and weirdo all the time but I'm not like this is my new bit that's going around okay I guess I do know what you mean you don't have like yeah

yeah sorry I was just was really I'm just saying like I'm like maybe it's like you're like you're like you need to be medicated again to scratch everything we said I'm not sure that you don't need to be medicated again I'm keeping tabs I'm looking into things for you I don't have you ever tried medication no I'm strong kidding kidding I'm really strong and I don't I haven't tried meds. I consider it, though. Yeah. I just, the issue for me with meds is that I'm like, sure, do I think that I'm just,

it's hard because I'm not depressed anymore and that was my big thing. That was like my big, like suicidal depression was my big thing. And that's fucking huge. And I got over it on my own. And that's, there's no, there's, if you get over it with meds, if you get over it without him, it doesn't matter. Getting over it with meds is also getting over it on your own, just in a different way. How much do you think is tied to money?

Being less depressed. Uh, I fixed it before that. I fixed it before money. But money, I have said many times on this show, anybody who tells you that money won't fix your problems is a lie. I know. Did I think about this a lot? I got some money and pretty much everything went away.

I mean, it's crazy. And I, now I know what they mean when they say that. But it's like, yeah, any idiot would know that. Like, they're like, it won't make you not, like, deal with regular stuff that humans deal with. It's like, duh. But it did fix, like, most of my material problems. Like, being able to help my mom with her business.

She doesn't need help, but being able to help her with her bills, knowing she's taken care of, knowing that I have a place, like, even having a house that, like, I don't stay at all the time that I can let people stay at for free. Like, that kind of stuff gives you an amount of, like, security and worth as well that, like, yeah, money fixed pretty much all my problems. But I worked on my mental health. Luckily, I got to replace my mental health before that that was good. You did. And also, I don't, I'm glad that I loved my. before I got attention because attention is we really don't have to talk about it. I talk about it simply too much, but attention is a really insidious force and it's very

poisonous. And I think I've watched so many smart, charming, lovely people fall prey to fame. And they become so boring and psychotic and out of touch and crazy that you just see how poisonous it is. And if you don't love yourself before you get it, it'll destroy you, I think. Totally. I feel like I mean, you know me. I've actively hurt my career multiple times from trying to run away from attention because I get so scared of losing myself, I feel.

Yeah. Do you want to put your finger in my sock? I do. Look at that. Oh, I can't. Actually, it's not big enough yet. You can. It's just there's a toe right there. There's a toe right there. Look at this. Do whatever you want to do with this footage. Okay. Ew. No. Don't make it sexual while you're in there. Whatever. You're in my crevasse. Don't be sexual when you're in my crevasse. Whatever. Stop. I know we're going to hook up someday. It's like, like not necessary to talk about. I wanted to bring it up because I was like, no, I wanted to bring up that I think sometimes that something that people don't always know about you is how you romantic you make your friendships.

And I was like, do you, I actually was curious to ask you sometimes. Like, do you do that intentionally? Like, are you, like, are you aware of that you make sure your friendships have like a level of romance to them? Like sometimes I have more romance with you than like I will have a crush.

So that's actually a different problem than you think it is. No, I'm not. It's really sweet. Like, it's like, I don't know. Like, it feels like this thing of like, uh, I don't know. Do you only consider romance in romantic relationships?

I mean, and that's, that was done to say only in, like, sexual relationships? No, I think life is romantic. I have, I think that there are romance in my friendships, but I don't, I think that what you're keying in on is just that you're kind of, um, our friendships is romantic. Our friendship is romantic. And then also you get around someone you have a crush on and behave in a way that like, you, you're like, Nell from the movie Nell. don't fucking bring Nell into this

you start acting like Nell No, it is actually so scary Because I love the trees as well It's really nuts I'm fully Nel mode I have so much in comment I have more comment with Nell than Alex Cooper I made

I made Holmes show me their hinge profile The other day And it wasn't horrible No it wasn't horrible One of the slides was just a video of trees with no context and I was like... And they were like frozen. Yeah, I was like winter trees

and I was like, hey, so this is the kind of thing that's gonna not make a ton of sense to somebody who doesn't know, like, I know what the trees mean to you, but I'm like, maybe we put like at least a joke caption on it or anything at all to make the trees make sense on the profile. I need them to know that they're going to come up, you know? No, I'm totally agree. The tree, it's something to know about you is the thing with the trees,

but... Is the thing with the trees? But I'm like, we need to include some context. Otherwise, you look a little bit. like a serial killer I would never I would never kill were you ever obsessed

with a serial killer like growing up would you like research them a ton oh sure plenty of them I think they're fascinating right because they had to have a charisma

they'd have a charisma and also you used we used to have so many more serial killers before the like surveillance state for DNA testing too yeah now that we live in the Panopticon

you can't really have serial killers much anymore but which is like look with surveillance we're getting some goods and some baths we're getting rid of serial killers that's cool

We're also living a life that none of us recognize. No one's eating, no energy to kill. Quite sad, yeah. But before the Panopticon, you used to have really interesting serial killers. It was crazy. I remember Florida State that was said Bundy's last stop. And I like went to school there. Last stop.

Last stop. Last stop. Hey guys, I'm coming through Talonasty. He kind of did a campus tour, yeah. He did a campus tour and it was a scary energy. People talked about it. It was a nightmare. And yeah, I researched it so much that I was just like,

you should like study other things you're into, you know? I'm just like Ted Bundy over and over. It's just scary too. Now we know so much and we're so distrustful of each other because it really used to be like, I feel like in the 70s people, a guy with like his arm in a sling would just be like, can you have me put these rugs in this van?

And it's the middle of the night and like a single woman would be like, absolutely. Now we don't trust each other because it turned into and killings. I know. My aunt, Carol, you still literally a hitchhike to work every day. That's cool.

They'll tell stories like that. And I'm like, every day. You should be able to do shit like that. Well, something that we're not talking about enough is that I actually think like 80% of people are good. I really actually think like 80%. Like people think it's like we're in like 50, 50, we're so divided. I'm like, no, I really think these like, there's like a 20% lunatic pocket and they're like really, really, really making the 80% like everyone mad at each other. I don't think it's that many.

I think the 108010 rule is true about most things. And in terms of people, I think it's 10% of people are truly evil, like truly, truly evil people. Shout out. 10% are truly angelic, like undeniably good. and the other 80 are just floating kind of somewhere in the day-to-day. That seems more correct to me. You're angelic? For sure.

No, I think I'm probably in the 80. I'm probably in the 80. We know some of the 10s. We know some of the 10s. We know some of the 10s. We do. I think you are one of the 10. Thank you.

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Copyright McDonald's. No, I don't think it's probably with people. I don't think it's probably actually 1080-10. I think it's like really truly evil, horrible people. I think it's really truly like less than a percent. Like, I just don't think most people are like that. I think it's really, really small. And I think that they've done some really good work recently.

I like making us think it's a lot more. Well, also evil people have just done some good work recently. They've done some good work recently. If you like evil, you got to love. We're living through, like, the 90s bulls right now. You gotta love this shit, exactly. Stephen Miller's evil freak ass is like, he's in power somehow and he's getting his shit done.

I know, but they're starting to be upset. Like, I saw Curtis Yarvin the other day was like, this is a mess. I'm going to leave the country. And I was like, oh, you guys are fighting. Okay, the girls are fighting. The girls are fighting, which means the world, you know. I don't know.

I would say, if I said what I thought about Stephen Miller on this podcast, I would be in one of those old-timey medieval town square stocks by tomorrow morning. Let me ask you this. Okay. Would you live in a world with no phones if you could, even though this is such a part of your life? Do I have to be poor in it?

Do you have to be so crazy? I'm like, and you have to be living in the streets. No, no. You don't have to be at all. I get to have the life I have now, but none of us have phones. I didn't say that. You get to, I don't know that your financial situation.

it could be, but there's no phones, phones never existed, versus they existed. Yeah. I would undo them. I would have, if I had my power, no matter what it did to my life,

I would stop us at the BlackBerry. And the BlackBerry was should have been the end of it. Yeah. The BlackBerry should have been the end of it. People were emailing on there. They were texting, but it was kind of hard. I don't even know who created it.

They had phone calls. We didn't need to. We didn't need to know about these freaks. Like that rocks. Like I love that I didn't know that. We didn't used to know about fucking CEOs. I know. It's probably like Sierra Blackberry. She's, like, walking around minding her own business.

Probably not, but that doesn't matter. It's like... It was a girl. It might have been a girl, but I don't think her name was probably Sierra Blackberry. We'd know who she was. It was. We'd know, we'd know Sierra Blackberry. I miss her.

Yeah, I love her. I miss somebody I never met. All the time. The other day, the other day we were talking about missing people and having to be like a person, like having to be like missing someone versus like a specific person versus just like the feeling of like longing for love, you know? and I quoted Florence in the machine and Caleb said never do that again to me.

Well, we were having like an earnest conversation about like missing a person versus missing a love and when they're the same and when they're different and missing like a routine and we were being very vulnerable and then Holmes goes, I want you so badly you could be anyone. This is exactly what Holmes did to me.

Holmes goes, I want you so badly you could be anyone, Florence in the machine. And it stopped me dead in my tracks and I went, okay, don't ever do that again. but absolutely well okay so there's there's a book called I believe it's called

they can't kill us until they kill us by Hanif Adiraki he's amazing he's amazing I love that book and I love that book and I wasn't a big

Florence person and he talked about that in it and I really stuck with me because I feel like I feel that feeling a really a lot and I used to let that have me be in

romantic relationship sometimes when I wasn't ready because I had that feeling so strongly and yeah I just like that book is just so good because i'm just like i don't know because i want music all day long but it was you're right i should have just locked in and not brought up a quote i'm like dr seuss it was beautiful no i do love that book

his his uh his reviews are incredible he's so incredible and i just like uh you know like live shows uh comedy music they mean so much to me in every single way i think they've i think live performance has like saved my life i really believe that and uh yeah he does such a good job at like talking about it while also like connecting it with our day to day life yeah What are you excited about right now? What's making you excited? I'm really excited that I live here. You moved to New York.

This is huge. I moved to New York. You kind of fought me tooth and nail every step of the way, but we got it done. I feel really, really happy about it. I feel really lucky about it. And I also feel really excited about the fact that, I mean, I feel you're going to make fun of me, but I feel really excited about, like, the people power right now. Like, I feel excited that I know.

that we are going to get through this. I have like hope finally again. Like I had like, I would say this summer I was lacking hope. But I was doing, I was, you know, I was doing everything I could with people. And I was like, you know, ICE was going to be in LA so much. And I just didn't, I didn't have hope. I was just feeling really, really, really down at the same time. And I have hope again in a real way. And I think it's because I, um, drove across the country. I've been to, uh, to move here. I've been talking to so many people all the time. And I'm just like, I really, really, really believe that 80% thing that I talked about. And I think that in the next, I think in my lifetime, I'm going to see like us not be run by billionaires. I think I'm going to see that.

Like I'll talk to some people and they're like, I don't think that I'll see that in my lifetime. And I'm like, I think I'll really see it in my lifetime. So those are the things I feel excited about. I feel excited about like general humanity for real. And then I also feel really excited to live in York in a way that like I couldn't have afforded when I got right out of college. And like a lot of my friends moved here right then. And I couldn't afford that. I lived in Chicago, which was the best decision on my life. And now I get to live here, and it's just the best ever. And I've been out at, like, shows all the time.

It just, yeah, it makes me really happy. It's so funny the things you think I'm going to make fun of you for because you right before you say for instance, the machine, that doesn't trigger in your brain. But right before you say you're, like, inspired by people power, something that we talk earnestly about, like, every day of our lives. Well, I just, like, I didn't know if the wording would. I, like, I just, yeah, I feel really, really inspired about that right now. I do and I feel um the New York I feel happier about too because I'm going to make myself like dance more and stuff like that's something I've like lost in the last few years like I don't go dancing at all anymore and like I was here the other night and you know we were talking about that like we're good places to go out like I just feel yeah I feel happy about being alive me too I like that for you I'm glad you know that way is there something else coming up for you that you're excited about oh man insanity insanity it's I'm I'm I'm talking

I'm tired and I got more tired coming up. You're working so much. I am. I'm just working too much. And I don't really see the end of it kind of at the moment. It's like technically I'll get a break in like a month and a half after a really, really tough coming up month and a half. And I would like to, I'm excited for that, hypothetically.

But now I'm getting to the point where every single week since the beginning of this year, I have felt excited for the break that was to come. And then it's been taken away from me. And of course, sort of snatched away from me. Snatched away. And so I don't, I'm like, now it's hard to even get excited about a potential break because they just don't come in the way that I need them. So I'm really, really hoping that I get the end of the year off and that would be exciting to me. You're going to get it off and you're just going to have to say it.

You teach me to say no all the time. You just are going to have to be like, don't, I won't do anything. I said no so much this year and it didn't save me. That's the issue. He's too successful, bitches. Well, it's just, it's a good year. I'm excited. I'm grateful.

It was all good things this year. It was all things I wanted to do and I'm so grateful. I'm just like. No, it's like we, like you need time to rest. It's work. It's work, honey. It's work, honey. Boots.

How did you feel about Diane? What? Passing. Did that affect? Did she mean a lot to you? Diane Keaton? Yeah, I just thought about her when you just, I don't know what that. When I was, us playing reminded me of her.

I love her. I love her. It meant a lot to me. I know. Do you know, actually one time, I do love her. I'm so sad that she's gone, obviously. But what an inspiration. She really is.

And there's something I think about all the time that I think about her constantly where I was in LA one time and this guy I was like next to him at a coffee shop and he was talking to his friend and I knew his friend but I didn't know him and they kind of got into that point in the conversation where they were kind of catching up while I was ordering and he goes like hello I was like I'm here and no no it was sweet it was nice they were like catching up and I was kind of listening and the guy goes the guy goes um a tree fell on my car I'm so pissed and I'm my head I was like oh damn that really sucks and his friend goes oh fuck I'm so sorry and he goes yeah it's kind of cool though it was Diane Keaton's tree

and I to this day it occurred that like I was ordering the coffee and I had to lock in and then they kind of moved over to the table and there was never a natural moment to find out if he was being honest or not that's but to this day I don't know if that was a bit or like a very fun but he literally like lit up he was like it was Diane Keaton's tree it was like Diane's pain for my heart to be fixed well also you know

Diane would, would she'd be like, she'd handle that. Well, she, her insurance would have to, yeah. Her, I'm like, she handled it. She did it. She came out. She's a, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like fixing the window. I will say, because like, as you know, like, I start, I, I, after, honestly, A, I was

like, okay, I need some type of higher power. I don't believe in, like, this God people talk about, but I am understanding that I would, like, one. And so that's when I decided that it's going to be trees. And it's been going well. It's been going well. And, but I will say they have had my back since it happened. He, like, rolled his eyes a little, but I'm like, it has.

I didn't roll my eyes. They've had my back since it happened. Like, this girl who I do not like a tree fell on her. And that was after I started praying for them. I know. I remember that. I know. When I was like, I couldn't believe it.

I couldn't believe. When it happened, I was like, you guys, you don't have to be like that. Like, I was like, I love you back, but, like, you don't have to hit her. It's obviously, you know that it's hard for me when you say, when you say that the trees have your back. I struggle and I come from a place of love. They do. Well, you have some type of higher power. Yeah.

You can't put it in an object? It could totally be clouds. You're more cloudy. You love a cloud. You look at the sky and admire a cloud. I like a sunset, yeah. I don't think, I mean, I think every, yeah, I think God is in the trees as much as God is in anything. Sunset takes someone out.

That would be really fucking nuts. Yeah, it does sometimes. This guy takes people out. And I never think that it's like the earth acting on my behalf. But I loved when the tree fell on the woman and I'm happy for you. And she was okay. she was okay if she got hurt at all i would be like they would never do that though they decided they'll teach her a lesson yeah if a tree falls nearby like just know like they got Greg abbott

wait what did they a tree got Greg Abbott did you know that there's so much news that i don't even know this well did Greg Abbott the governor of texas he got hit by a tree he's in a wheelchair because he got he was on a run when he was in like his 20s and a tree fell on him big god guy by the way big god guy but you know what you know what you know what not a big tree guy yeah well he should have been praying to the trees yeah god god might be mad at me but the trees they love me every fucking day yeah let me tell you that people got so mad at jasmine crockett when she called him governor hot wheels then i'm like hey when you're that evil everything's back on the table sorry she's also a legend i love her so much jasmine crockett yeah i love her yeah she cracks

me up pretty often i just love her so much i just think it's like being i i am someone who has never been a big like i don't i didn't study political science i don't understand the government that much i've had to learn way more than i would have to like to i'll tell you that much and jasmine is like I just love that she'll like pop online and talk to us like a person because she's like okay if we're all online right now then I'll be talking to you guys too like it feels like so many people in the government are still like wearing the wigs or whatever you know I do I like yeah she is a very approachable nature which I like I like it a lot yeah she looks smart as hell and it's like yeah I wish that she would do a little less clapping back and a little more like I think

the left has an issue with policy in general and it's not a Jasmine Crockett problem it's a left problem yeah but I wish that more of our firebrands would get on message a little bit harder and to the point but that all is to say I'm saying all this to say if she were to run I would have some real notes for something like bigger

but as I love I love what she's doing right now yeah yeah same with AOC AOC is actually I love her on the opposite end of the spectrum for me sometimes

where I'm like we're a little too mired down in the message there has to be kind of a happy medium we need like a firebrand who does the message really well for me because like I said you get me in the government

everything's worse than it could be you can only imagine so I'm like the people who are calling out the things that I think are horrible and are around really, really scary men all the time who hate them. I'm like, I love you. I support you. It's not, I'm not going to definitely not going to donate to your campaign like you text me to all the time, but I will support you and I'll heart it every single time. That's like the one, if we could really fix, if I could do one, if I could snap my fingers and have one thing, it would be getting the fucking

money out of politics. Gavin Newsom texting me every single day to donate to him. I'm like, bitch, you have more money than me every single day and you always will. It's crazy. Yeah. And I have more money than all my friends. I'm like, like, and you're texting them too. I'm like, stop texting us. Like, it is actually out of control. Him acting like, that's the only way. I'm like, you have more work than I have done.

You know, I like, I use more like fancy lotion than my friends. Like I'm like, we're like in a bad state if you keep asking us for money. Dude, I'm torn because I think two things are true. Like, number one, I'm not voting for Gavin Newsom. And that's where I'm at. That's how I feel in my heart. And then I see people being like, why does the left always destroy our, uh, our candidates before they even have a chance.

And I kind of understand what is being said by that. I understand that. But he's not the left either. Like he's like backpedaling on trans rights. He's like been horrible about homeless people. Horrible. He is not our guy and I don't want to vote for him and I won't. But yeah, I'm torn on all that.

I mean, we're not there yet. But I'm just like. I'm trying to not think about like for me. I'm like, okay, what can what can happen in my community right now? What is like the next thing right now versus like? Well, for sure. That's my actions. I'm talking about my beliefs.

Totally. Totally. I'm saying that I keep seeing this discourse, you know, on TikTok about him. And I'm like, yeah, I disagree with a lot of stuff he's doing. But I also do like anyone right now, or like I do support in a soft way, anyone right now who is like going against full dictatorship. Yeah. I wish we could just get, I wish we could get a fucking person. I wish we could get a working person.

I wish we could get an organizer, a fucking like union organizer from the south. Like I wish we could get a person who has an actual job who's not a fucking fake figurehead for a company who's. not a politician who's not super rich a real working person who lives in a real place that understands the issues and has some charisma i wish we could get them pour all this fucking money that is always being thrown around behind them and do something like that instead i think that we will i would love that i think we will i mean i think that zoron shows i mean i remember when i followed zoron he had like i don't know like 27000 followers or something it's like what he's that like almost like over four million and it's like he's just one example of like how hungry

everyone is for exactly what you're saying i don't think he's like this i don't think he's one a million people. I think there are more people like Zoron. And I think that Zoron, the movement behind him right now has shown how hungry people are for exactly that. I think he's great for New York. Yes. I think he's great for New York. I'm very excited about him for New York. And we need to find the things that work about somebody like Zoran. For the other places. And make it work for everywhere. It's like here, Zoron is perfect for New York. And now we need to find like, I think Graham Platner is that person in Maine probably. He's like an oyster farmer from over there. Yeah. Very cool. I think like a teacher is probably that person.

for Iowa, like finding who that is for every place. I would love to get teachers on a mic more and more, is what I would like to say. My teacher friends were already not doing well, and lately it is worse than, yeah, worse than I can imagine. I'd love to get a teacher on the mic. Would be fun. Yes, 100%. A good one.

Not one of those annoying ones. Gavin's your teacher. He would never. Some teachers are annoying. Who's the worst teacher you had? I'm not going to say her name. I won't dignify her with that. But she knows who she is.

Who's the best teacher you ever had and why? Pam Constant, my high school English teacher. Pam Constant. Does she come to stand-up shows? I don't know if she's been, I don't think she's been to one. When we first started doing shows together randomly, like afterwards, someone would be like, I taught Caleb in high school and I'd be like, they're coming out to shows. I have some teachers that come out.

I had some great teachers across the board. Pam's just the, Miss Constant is the person I connected to the most. And we've had quite a few lunches since I graduated. We like keep in touch. That's beautiful. Yeah, she's just great. She was never, she was just like, she was ally in a fun way where she wasn't like, she wasn't like trying. to be that thing

like some teachers were like some teachers were trying to be your hero and she was just like well they were like had like a rainbow flag like no not even that but just like trying too hard to be like cool with the kids

where Pam was like I'm not your friend but if you need anything let me know right it was very like boundaryed and like I just and she's a great teacher too she cares about writing

and reading a lot and she taught writing in a way that I thought was really beautiful oh I love that yeah she's like I'm your teacher not your friend

yeah it's always like a parenting style that I think is really interesting like some people will be like I'm your mom not your friend where some parents want to be like, we're friends.

Yeah, which one, which one do you think you'll be? I am leaning towards that I probably won't have kids right now, but I'm always down to change my mind because I love kids so much. I just am aware that I'm 32 and I, it's not happening this year for sure. Yeah, you might not keep one if you carry it. You might carry it for someone else. There's a lot of options. You know that I actually really, well, because I want to be pregnant so bad.

I just think it sounds so incredible. Can you imagine the love for your body that you have being pregnant? Like, it's insane. That's some people's experience. Also, I would literally be such a divo with it. Like, anywhere we'd go, I'd be like, like, I would, like, want to be lifted and stuff, you know? Come on, because it's just like, sorry, I'm growing baby. I really, and it pays well.

It really does. Two of my friends, one I went to high school with, like, they're, I don't know all the terms. One of their things didn't take, one of the eggs didn't pop or whatever the fuck. And then, so then, like, they're, the person who's going to carry it for them was, like, her schedule was getting where it maybe couldn't happen. And I really debated it for a second. And I told them, I was like, I need to get one more acting job that, like, I feel like I'm in a place in my career that is okay. And then I would maybe do it for y'all.

You won't be getting paid when you do it for me. Stop! It'll be for the love of the game. Which is crazy because you said you wouldn't have sex once for it to happen. No, I'm not going to have sex. If you're not paying for a pain, then you better have sex. I'm getting like kind of threatening. Yeah, really, really interesting dynamic.

Cut that, cut that. No, we're leaving. You won't let me talk about it sound square. Pay me or fuck me. Really fair. That is fair. Yeah, thank you. I've always said about guy.

When I'm into a guy, he either needs to fuck me or kill me. enough with the friend stuff enough with the friend stuff and it works no but um what i do the friend thing i think that i would be i think i would explain the nuance to my kid and i would be like i would love for us to someday be friends when you get older but i'm gonna probably be more of like a parent figure during this age my baby six six years six months six months i'm like so someday i think in a different stage we'll obviously have a different relationship but the nanny right now is giving parent and i'm glad if i was your friend i'd say you look like a sloppy little bitch, you know?

Homes. No, I would never, that's why I do parent and so later. Thank you. Yeah, I think. And then I would, the reason that I'm going to be jealous of my friends who have kids is deeply,

deeply because of when they're adults. I think that is the coolest part. Like this age with my parents is everything to me. Yeah. Like I just feel like it's like you get to, yeah, like do you feel like your relationship with Kelly has changed? Obviously.

For sure. She got on anti-anxiety medication and that was big for us. She had so, we were friends from most of my childhood. And then there were a couple years in my teen years where I was a nightmare because I was a teenager, but she was also untreated anxiety disorder. Yeah. And even she will say, like, getting on anti-anxiety that's changed her life, made her so much.

But there were a couple years there where I was being a nightmare because I was a teenager, but she was being so unreasonable about everything because of her anxiety. Yeah. That I would just be like, you're being fucking crazy. And she'd be like, I'm not. And it's like, you are. And also I could tell I was being annoying and she was, it was hard. Well, a big thing for me that you just talked about, which is the big.

switch that happened with me and my parents is not living together. I don't ever want to live with my mom. Like, I don't want to live with you. And when we don't live together, it's amazing. And when we do live together, like, I've done stints of it again. And I go, uh-oh. I go, when we back and we back, you know, I do not enjoy living with my parents. It just is not the, we, we live on a different pace, you know?

That's true about you. Yeah, it really is. What's this? A segment for you. Is there a photo of me on there? Don't worry about what's on here. You know what this is. You've been on the show before.

I know. It's been a long time. Holmes, it's time for the true or false segment. Okay. I did it really bad last time. It's been a long time because you've refused to come on. I don't. Just so everyone knows.

I wish I could say what you said to me about it once, but I don't know. What I say? You go, you go, you go, it's bad for your career and mine that you want to the podcast. And I said, I know, I said, I know it's best for me. And then guess what? We actually didn't fight. We left it at that. And I said, it's because I wanted to get here.

Yeah. I can know what? Keep it in. Keep it. It's funny. And I'm back. Of course, I'm keeping it in. That's hilarious.

I love when I say shit like that. Okay, go. All right. This is the true or false segment. I'm going to read you 15 statements. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can. If you think what I just said is true or false, if you get 10 or more correct, you're going to win 50 U.S. dollars. Okay.

You ready? Yes, I'm ready. Water is the only substance on earth found in all three forms, liquid, solid, and gas. False. True. Potatoes are grown from potato seeds. False. False.

The International Space Station is closer to Earth than San Francisco is to L.A. False. True. Wait, wait, wait. Say that again. The International Space Station is closer to Earth than San Francisco is to L.A. Okay. Florida State's, Florida State's biggest rival is the University of Miami.

False. True. What? I thought it'd be U.F. I don't follow sports, but I did go there. Go Seminoles, but not really. Change the name. Oh, my God.

Fruit loops are all the same flavor, just different colors. False. True. Rose Byrne. This is the worstest ever gone. Rose Byrne was born in England. True? False, Australia.

I don't even know this girl. A group of caterpillars is called an army. I hope that's true. True. It's funny. False. True. What the hell?

No, I get that one. Yeah, you get that one. It's only two. Come on. The Home Depot is older than Lowe's. Um, false. False.

Campbell's Soup's slogan is, mm-mm, good. True. True. Your MCL is in your shoulder. False. False. Your knee.

The first known cat video was recorded in 1894. What? Um, True? It's true. Every odd number contains the letter E when written in English. Every what letter? Every odd number contains the letter E when written in English.

You're so fast I have to do this fast. Every odd number. The point of the segment is too fast. Yeah, you're right, you're right. Okay, false. True. I'm like dumb kind of. Ms. Frizzle from the Magic School Bus's first name is Courtney.

False. False Valerie. Rosie O'Donnell is an Egot winner. False should be. False should be. The average credit score in the United States is $5.50. Probably is slower than that. False. False. 705. How'd they do? Really bad. Really strong comeback, but nine. Yeah, one of the worst. One of the worst yet, though, I would say. No. You have some weird conceptions. No, I don't. I really like myself, but I don't think I know that much. I didn't say it was about yourself, was the interesting part.

What I'll say is this? Let's talk. The number part is crazy that they all have ease. Now I'm like really thinking on that. Okay. God, I really could have just locked in on that. Chance gets a lot of these wrong just so you know.

So feel free to research because people in the comments. Wait, wait, wait, we'll be like that's not true. People in the comments will be like, we'll go toe to toe with chance. And he always claims he has it right. But sometimes I've seen them prove him wrong. The cat video always like, what camera are we on? You know what I mean? He's fuming right now.

Yeah, yeah. He's so mad. You get into it with the comments. The biggest one was the bears can't swim. and people really went after me on that way. Everyone was like, I've seen a bear swim. Yeah. Chance has a type of anxiety that's really prone to being spun out about something like that specifically.

Well, it's also really funny because it's just like anything's going to swim if you toss it in the water. That's not true. I mean, like a bear like probably can't swim, but it's like he's drowning and like he's going to figure something out. A lot of people I feel like who are like can't swim. It's like they really like, they drown. Some drown, but most your body starts to do some stuff. I cannot tell you how. wrong. I think you are. What if I say the age is like 14 up? Of course I know if you like throw a baby

in there, they're not going to be able to do it. No, most people who can't swim when they end up in swimmable water, they drown. Whatever. I almost died by fire. I do know that. You're trying to make it. I'm like, I'm like, I know that people have died by water, but I've almost, have you ever almost died? Have you ever almost died? Yeah. What was it? I drove through a tornado. When I was like 18. You're chasing it? No. It chased me. Unfortunately, I don't fuck with storms like that. I'm not. not one of those people who chase tornadoes there's a really that's a special type of breed they're scary they're really really scary it's a scary type homes what's so true to you

what's so true to me so i thought about this and was like oh you're a comedian you should be funny and then i was like no i'm not going to so what is so true to me that i've been thinking about all the time lately is that i fucking love getting older and getting older and aging rocks and i want that to be like more a thing i think like so much about me was like getting older is going to suck. Everything everyone told me was like getting older is going to suck. Your body's going to hurt. People are going to like, you know, you're going to lose work. Like try to be young forever. And every single year, I'm like, I love this more and more. Yeah. And you are still young, which is another part of it. It'll be interesting to see how that

feels like 4550. I'm still young, but you really hear some like women in their 50s, 60s be like, God, 60s are everything. Or like, you know, 70s are everything. And I'm like, I really think there's a, I know more. And I know more of like what makes me feel about. better. I know who I like to spend time with more. Um, yeah, I think, I just think there's so much focus on the couple. I'm not, I'm not naive enough to be like nothing is hard about getting older. Like it's like, yeah, it sucks that maybe you're like knees hurt more or like, you know, that your face looks different or whatever. But to me, I think there's just so much focus on those ones. And I'm like, I would say 95% of everything, getting older, it just is amazing to me.

I think so much of life is perspective. And I think that it, I think that it, I think it people, people just dwell on, I don't know, aging is one of those things where I feel, I feel very far away from people who are really intense about it sometimes because as much as we kid, I'm like, I feel the same way about people when people talk about being fat. A lot of like former fat people especially, speaking of earlier, we'll talk about they're like, yeah, when I was fat, no one looked at me. I couldn't, I was ignored. People treated me horribly. And then I lost weight and the most surprising thing was how nice people are. And I was like, that kind of sounds like a you problem because I light up the room. So. And hear that. I don't know what to tell. I

I'm like, I just feel very distant from that. And sometimes when people talk about aging in the same way, where they're like, I turned 30 and everything got worse, I'm like, I feel like you have a bad attitude. Well, and not only that, but it's like, everyone's so nice, those people who just switch on you are the worst people in the world. Right. Where it's like, what we've talked about a lot is like, I don't know, as I've gotten older, like the guys who used to hit on me when I was 18 and they were like 34 or whatever,

yuck, you know? And it's like one of those things where I'm like, now I can see that where if someone doesn't talk to me because I'm like, you know, maybe look older than someone that they'd want to date or something. I don't want them to talk to me. Like, I think the things that come with getting older that make people upset are like the things I actually love. Yeah, I think getting older is so cool. I've liked it every year. And I also acknowledge that we're still very young. And so I'm like, I leave space for like, maybe in our 40s and 50s, we will feel different. I don't think we will because I think we both also are people who choose, we choose the positive

perspective anytime that we can, even when things are negative. Well, and it's just like literally I mean, it's just such a gift to be able to get older. Like, I mean, someone was doing a joke the other night about how, like, the prince of Egypt was like nine years old or something like that. And I was just like, they used to have princes at nine because they were all dying by like, you know, 18 or whatever. Like I was like, we get to live in this time period where we get to live to like a hundred maybe or whatever. And I'm like, yeah. That won't be my story. Covey.

I'm not living to a hundred. I could see you being 100 and just being so fucking funny. I'll tell you one way or another, I'm not living to 100. What age will you be like, absolutely not? I don't know because I haven't gotten there, but I know that probably if I get to the 70s, 80s situation, there's probably a day in there where I go, it's been fun.

I'll be running to see. I'll be dog, no. There's no chance I'm doing that like 98-year-old, like, wheeled out to their birthday party. All my love to those people. But you see some of these people who aren't like that anymore. It's like crazy. Yeah, but they live in ways that I don't.

They like do yoga every day for two hours. Sometimes you see a hundred-year-old and she's like running an Iron Man and you're like that. You're like, that's her story. Yes. And I'm like, I can't do that either. That's her truth. I won't be doing that. I can't be doing that. No. Yeah, I'm not doing that now. I'm certainly not going to do it then. What's your least favorite part? Of getting older?

Yeah. The oppression in our industry. Nice. But that hasn't really happened to you yet. It does sometimes. People will say it like it happens in ways that it really genuinely does sometimes. And it happens, but I'm so lucky. I'm like, I'm like, I'm fucking snuck in. You know what I mean? Like I'm very lucky with my path in. Like the fact that I got to be, well, and you know what I mean? it happens brainwise from things I read and that's I think why I said also that I love aging

because I want there to be more like rhetoric around that because that is my truth in my day where I was reading Wikipedia pages of actors and stuff growing up being like how the fuck could I do this growing up in Nebraska and Florida like how could I do this and they would all be like I I you know got in my first movie at 16 or like lots of times it was like five years old or whatever and so a lot of it is like the storytelling from other actors oh for sure it's happening yeah so that's my least favorite part which is like like, like I said, going to change. I don't feel like that is a forever thing at all.

Yeah. What's your least favorite part of getting older? Probably all the people dying. Holmes, guess what? It's done already. We did it. We had an episode. Probably all the people die.

It's so fucking funny. I love you so much. I love you so much. I love you so much. Tell people where they can find you. And don't be a coward. I won't be at all. You can find me on.

line underscore homes underscore homes but more importantly i'm going to start a monthly show at union hall so look out for that and of course overcompensating season two we will film soon but yeah just going to be back into live performance uh coming up so look out for that on my pages and also when you're not doing that or listening to this get offline throw your phone tell them your address oh my god you really did that's we'll put it on the screen in case people couldn't hear love you so much thanks for doing it love you baby that was a hit gum podcast What's up everybody? I'm Kyle Mooney.

And what's up everybody? I'm Beck Ben. And man, ooh, we got something to tell you. Oh, yeah, we definitely do. Yes, it's a brand new podcast on HeadGum. That's right. And it's called What's Our Podcast? Yep, and that's because we don't have a single idea what our podcast she'd be about.

Yeah, we don't. So we actually have guests come on and they tell us what they think our podcast should be about and then we try it. Yep, guests like Mark Maren, Jack Black, Bernie Brooskey, Cape, Lan. Bobby Moynihan. Meg Stalter and Tim Balls. Landon Axler. Jolie. Joni McGreeze.

And Dender. And Dender. New episodes release every Wednesday. So subscribe to what's our podcast. On YouTube or any of your favorite podcast platforms. Yeah. I'm going to go do it right now.