So True with Caleb Hearon - Holmes Returns Again

Episode Date: July 30, 2026

Welcome! This week is the second return of the hilarious Holmes! Holmes and Caleb talk favorite bodies of water, goober girls, a crazy night they shared on the dance floor, flowers, and much more! Get tickets to the About to Bust Festival August 1st in Brooklyn! Tickets and details here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/about-to-bust-comedy-festival-tickets-1992159546832 Join our Substack for ad free full episodes, early access to merch, our community chat, and more! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow Holmes! @_holmes_holmes Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Book your next trip at https://Booking.com. Book today on the site or in the app. Download the Bilt app and join the membership for where you live, at https://joinbilt.com/sotrue. Go to https://Audible.com/headswillrollseries to start listening today. Thank you to Hinge! So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Virginia Muller. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York. A Wave series. https://wavesportsandentertainment.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Wave. A lot of people and were like, oh, I do feel non-binary. And this has been a thing for like thousands of years, like a third gender. And I'm noticing this because I'm not being under the gaze of a really patriarchal, dominant society for a second. I'm understanding this. And then a lot of them did feel like I have to take this back because not only is it being teased a lot, it's being like truly like put in danger by our government.

Yeah. I think there's just boys and girls. Are we rolling? Oh, oh, oh, she's like. Course we're rolling homes. That's you going to the club the other day. What? When you got us in somewhere really, really long,

and I'd never seen it. You hate this. You were really, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't, I had never seen it. You were like, you're like, you're like, you're like. People have no idea what you're talking about. Do you want to explain? Yes.

Well, so I get in from filming overcompensating season two. Kayla was so fucking sweet. Not usual for him looking at the camera. Just kidding. Oh, there. is he was waiting at my hotel with like a bunch of sweets and weed. It really meant the world to me. And then I was like, I just want to stay in the hotel forever.

I just want to lay down. And then at 11 p.m. I had a second wind. The whole day you were like, I'm not leaving the hotel. We're not doing anything tonight. Don't plan on it. I was like, okay, we won't do anything tonight. You, I knew it. He did this new technique because normally...

You did. You did a new technique. I'm finding new trickery in ways around Holmes's boundaries. It actually worked really, really well. It was actually... It was crazy because I really felt like I had gotten past. you kind of tricking me in new little sneakways. And I was like, new technique. And he kept being like, I don't know what you are calling this new technique.

They're like, I'm setting a hard boundary. My energy is such that I just, I can't go out tonight. I'm not leaving the hotel. I was like, sounds good. We'll sit in the hotel. Yeah, yeah. He was like, we'll be in the hotel. He was like, I don't even want to go dancing really.

Not worries. But then you would have a teeny, a teeny, a teeny one. Yes. And so then all of a sudden. 11 p.m. strikes. And what happens? Well, and you did something really, really sneaky too, which is what kind of weed did you bring me? A perfect sitiva, a little.

So I have a little sativa. I brought you goofy weed. I'm like, I'm like, I have to take a shower. And then all of a sudden I come out, Aiden and Caleb are there. I go, let's go dancing. And we had a second wind, huge. But it was the last week in a pride. And so it's funny because I'm like telling them the story.

It's the last weekend of pride. And so we try to go dancing. And first we go to beauty bar. And it's like there's a huge line outside the dance floor. It's like so crowded. There's no way. There's a line to get on the dance floor that's like metered by a security guard. I was like, what happened to New York City?

Wait, but then do you remember what happened? We were like, there was a screen. We're like, oh, that must be where people are dancing, but everyone was standing really, really still, and we're like, I guess not. And then all of a sudden it was... Yeah, YMC... There was a CCTV screen.

We were like, that must be on the dance for, but no one's moving. I wonder if it's frozen. And then immediately people started doing the YMCA. But they were like so jam-packed, so it was like, anyway. So then I was like, fuck, we might not be able to go dancing, we'll try one more place.

And then we go there, and it's like, the line is so long. And I'm thinking, like, you know... We'll bleep the name of the place. We'll bleep the name of the second place. Oh, bleep it, totally. Bleep it. And then, yeah, we put a couple things throughout.

And then, I'm so happy to be here. Okay. And then basically, oh, I was like, we won't be able to go. That's just go eat or whatever. And then Caleb, like, makes eye contact from afar with, like, one of the bouncers and it's, like, puts up the number three. And then all of a sudden we're walking in. And I was like, I'm, like, soaking wet.

This is fucking nuts. I had never been through anything like it. And then we had the best night ever, and we danced until they closed down at 4 a. We danced until, like, kicked us out. I needed it so bad. I remember one girl even came up and kind of hit on me and I loved it but then I didn't even want to kiss I was like thank you

And then I just got And then I kept dancing Aiden was like kiss her kiss her And I was like I don't want to even speak It was just like a total dance night It was magic It's like touching herself she's like kiss her Yeah Aiden's like

Aiden's like kiss her now Kiss her kiss her No Aiden I was actually fucked what we did to Aiden Aiden came over and sweats Because I told her we were gonna be just at the hotel The whole night You did that to Aiden

I know I did But you were down for it too I saw one of you were like Are you not gonna change And I was like, this is all I have. And you were like, it looks good. I mean, Aiden is like the most beautiful person in the world, so it's fine. She looked stunning.

She just was really hot and uncomfortable. Well, she had like, yeah, I'd look over at her and it was like, she was sweating away. I'd never seen. And she was like, it's kind of hot in here. And I was like, you're getting really hot, aren't you? You need some water, yeah. And we got her some water and she headed home a little earlier. That is true.

I wish she hadn't left. She's little last. But then we went to the diner and I got a bacon grilled cheese. Yeah. And I, and I snapped at a fan. I didn't snap at a fan. but it was really funny because a fan came over and was talking to us. I was still on the dance floor.

I was like, what? On the dance floor when the fans were coming up to you. I had two drinks that night and normally I'm not drinking very much anymore. And like fans would try to come up to Caleb all we're dancing. And hey, shout out. We love like everyone who supports obviously Caleb. But sometimes it's like we need boundaries. And like Caleb said with my body, I would suddenly start to be dancing just like blocking them up.

Someone, I would see someone trying to say hello to me and they would be like where this camera is. And then immediately Holmes's body would just come in between us. And Holmes would be like dancing like this. And I was like, you know what? Shout out. But we went to the diner and this fan was drunk and being pretty obnoxious and specifically made me laugh really hard because I was trying to just like end the interaction so we

could go back to having our normal conversation because she was drunk. And then Holmes goes, Holmes goes, we've been dancing. We're a little sweaty. And the girl goes, I can tell. Yeah, yeah. She like read me to Phil. I think it was me specifically. I was like, I'm really like, I'm exhausted and stuff.

And she was like, I know. I laughed so hard. I was like, don't interrupt. And then Holmes was like, if that bitch comes back over here, I'm going to tell her off. Here's the thing. Like, I have like truly probably like 1% of the fan base that Caleb has. One time I was like, Caleb, do you ever say no one someone asked for a photo? He was like, never have.

And he was like, why do you? And I was like half the time. So I just am not meant to have, yeah, you're a lot sweeter to them. I'm not mean to them. I just don't like to be disturbed in public. I don't like to be disturbed in public. I really am very grateful for anyone who supports comedy in the arts. It just is like it's hard to, it's hard to know you're being watched.

And I think I had defensive of you, but because I had two alcoholic drinks. I had a girl yesterday that I almost for real snapped on. I was on the phone. I was on the phone standing on the street in Brooklyn. And she goes, she goes, from like 30 feet away. I didn't understand her. I go, what? She goes, ha, la, la.

I go, what? She walks closer and she goes, you're from YouTube. You do stuff with Brittany? And I go, yeah. And she goes, okay, hi. This is what I mean. Go away. Like, in my head, I'm like, are you out of your fucking mom?

I'm on a phone call You're yelling at me from 30 feet away And then you come over to say You're the guy from YouTube Who does stuff with Brittany All my love to Britney Of course I love you girl I know you watch every episode

But like Leave me alone I know I think this is what it is that I You catch an attitude with me Oh I almost I was like you need to walk away now No when they catch that I told you when I was walking behind the girl

On my flight My seat was worse than hers An Economy And she was like Oh my God can I get a photo And I was like I'm behind you And I was like

And I just woke up and I was like really, really thank you so much. It's one of those things where, yeah, I think I get defensive for you. And also it's like we're appreciative too. What do you think is the meanest you've ever been to a stranger? Or like the worst, the worst interaction you've ever had with a stranger. I have one that comes to mind. Me or you?

Me. Oh, thank God. I was like, well, keep it. You I could probably think of. No. Say yours first and I'm sure mine will come. I mean, I definitely push it. I was getting off a plane in Mexico City.

And there was this big long hallway to get to the customs area. And people are, I was. I was with friends, but they weren't with me for some reason. Maybe they got, like, ahead of me or something like that. Yeah. And everyone is walking fivefold. People are walking around. People are going quicker.

People are going slower. And I'm not going to remember all the exact details, but there was a woman in front of me going very slow. Yeah. She was just, like, a middle-aged woman. I didn't do anything. I, like, walked around her, not briskly, nothing. I did what everyone was doing, which is just making our way. And she goes, congratulations.

You're going to get there 20 seconds sooner. to me. And I was like, I'm just walking like everyone. Do you have a problem? And she was like, I do have a problem. It's that everyone's in a big fucking rush and wants to rush past everybody. And I was like, you need to relax

and stop speaking to me this way immediately because I've done nothing to you. And you have lost your fucking mind. Wait, wait, wait, wait. This story, you actually are like kind of correct in. 100% I'm correct, but I was... You weren't that mean. Oh, I said you've lost your fucking mind

at a very loud tone in a public place. It was completely like, I was like, you have lost your fucking mind. Caleb's like, she's officiated in my wedding. Well, we did have an amends. So then basically, I was like, you've lost your fucking mind. And she was like, whatever, just go ahead. And I said, I will and I don't need your permission.

Thank you. Have a nice day. And I walked on. I was like, what are you, what is your problem? I mean, at the airport. This is at the airport you're saying. People lose their minds. It was at the airport.

And then we get up into security and she somehow gets ahead of me, which is totally fine. I think she ends up in another line She gets ahead of me And she got... One picked up the face For sure. Yeah, she learned how to fucking walk real quick I can tell you that

And then she like looks back at me and goes like... No, no, no. She's like, she's like, I miss you. She like tells me to come up there and I go up there Because I'm like, I'm assuming she's gonna apologize

And I go up there And she goes, get in line with me And I get in line with her And she goes, I'm sorry. I was crazy back there My mom is sick I've been taking care of her I'm just like losing my mind.

See, I love this fucking shit. And I was like, I was like, that's totally okay. It's like hard to be in an airport. I totally get it. I was a little confused, but I was like, what did you think I did? And she was like, I don't even know. I thought you were cutting me.

I'm sorry. And I was like, no worries at all. And then when we got, we like talked all the way through security. She was telling me about her mom, really telling me about the situation with the mom. Yeah, yeah. You're like, at this point, like, I'm not mad of you anymore. And like, I'm not going to meet your mom. She was sweet.

And then when we got outside, she was like, she was like, where are you staying in the city? Like, I think kind of trying to be like, maybe we'd hang out on the trip and I was like, we're not going to hang out on the trip. She's like, where do you go out? She's like, what's your dance style? That was, I was like, I was like, I'm really happy we made a men. We talked a lot about your mom. I feel, I feel like I did my part in this interaction.

Yes. Where I'm not going to be like rearranging the trip to hang out with you. Because ultimately you do have pretty rancid vibes. Mom or not. You did snap on me. Pulling up the first person you snapped at an airport. I'm not so sure you're stable, to be honest. 1000%. No, that one I, you're totally in the right.

And I feel really bad when I'm walking really, really fast. and passing people it is like a strategy. I was in the right, but there's no need that you should never really be raising your voice and cursing at a stranger. Like, to cuss at her was crazy. I was right. She was being a bitch, but I didn't need to say it. The sorry is a really, really huge thing, and like, I hope I can always say sorry. I want my friends to always call me out if I can't.

And I also hope. I feel like I'm a good assay and sorry. I don't know. Shut up. I don't know. We're both good at sane, sorry. You've wronged me a lot. We're both good as sane and sorry.

You think so? I think we really are. I think if we get called out either way, we'll say sorry. I learned that you were mad at me recently when I didn't know you were mad at me. What the fuck are you taught? Oh.

Yeah. Remember? I thought that that was like really like growth with me though that I kind of sat with it because I knew I was in like a little bit of a heightened state. It was growth with you in a certain way, I think. I think we both had that. Sometimes we'll sit for a second and then talk about it.

You didn't talk to me for a week. I was going through something pretty intense. Really, really hard. You were having a life moment. And it was really, really not my fault. Really, really an intense one. Totally. It was out of your control.

And I had sent to, because, here's the thing, I have all my best friends. It's actually something I want to talk about on the podcast that's curious because like you're obviously one my best friends in the whole world. And a lot of my, oh, one of. Oh, one of. Name me others. Shut up. The other ones are all like sweetie girls and you know that.

And it's one of those things where they are, we like to analyze situations and personalities and drama for hours. You don't find that fun or interesting. You like, if we're talking about, if we're talking about someone, someone who's like if something about like you'll want to be like this is how I would handle it done fast you like you like to not spend time with it I'm a solutions guy that becomes a problem sometimes with my girls yeah well I respect it so it's like one of the things where I didn't I remember I didn't want to have to I didn't want to give you a bunch of information that you were going to be like

this is boring and I don't care it would never be my response but yeah I know I know I was just trying to be and so then I said a bunch of kind of stressful stuff really really fast and a voice memo to him being based like this is the state I'm in so I'll talk to you soon and you kind of left out like big foundational details, kind of like basically just sounded like manic and like very confusing. And then he in the voice memo back goes, well, you sound crazy right now. Which for me is a big trigger word that I don't, that I don't like to hear. But because I was pretty aware that if I re-listen to the voice memo, I would sound crazy.

I said, I'm going to just like sit with this for a second that I feel a little bit like upset. And then I know I'll talk to him in a second. And then what happened is I actually feel like. Like you maybe, you felt a little energy. Well, you didn't talk. You didn't talk to me for a week, so I was like, when I sent the voice note, I didn't realize you were actually that stressed about the things that you were talking about. Yeah.

I was like, oh, Holmes is just being kind of like manic today. And like I was just getting, because I did, you did not give me the details that other people I feel were getting. Yeah, I was like, oh, she had, she fired off like two cold brews and then sent me a voice note that was like pretty man-led. No, and I was just like saving details because I was like, this will be 30 minutes. 100%. And so then after you didn't talk to me for a week.

week, which is really unlike us, I was like, oh, they must be really, really busy and probably pretty stressed out to not talk to me for a week. So I sent you flowers to be like, shout out. To be like. Not so crazy when those flowers came in. So I sent flowers to be like, hey, hope you're good. Love you. The flowers were, and then I was like, and then I was like, and then you called me and you're like, hey, I've not been talking to you because I've been really mad at you, but I was processing it on my own. No, no, no, do not. I did not see really mad at all. I said, thank you so much for the flowers. I'm a you, I love you, and then I said what I was feeling

because I knew it was. And then I was like, I don't know, I try to, I'm really emotional, you know this. And so I like to, I was trying to be like, that's a trigger word for me. Let me have a moment to take a deep breath, you know? And then the flowers came in and I said guess looks like that deep breath ended. I think my preference would be that you take one day and then you get a hold of me. But if it takes a week in me sending flowers, I guess we can do that way as well. It won't always do that. You know that I was

actively was really, really busy, too. Yeah. That was the other thing. I wasn't, there was no part of me that was out. And luckily, I have nothing going on. You're busy all the time too. So I can sit around and just one day. There was nothing at all that was me every night.

Like, he called me crazy how dare you. You know? It was much more that I was just like, we'll talk about this and I wanted to be on a phone call, you know? I feel like sometimes when I have misalignments and misunderstandings with my girls, I feel like a straight guy in a rom-com. Totally, totally. Where I'm like, where I'm like, I didn't say you were crazy. I said, you sounded crazy.

And to me, that is like a. massive difference, but I understand that if I were in your shoes, it wouldn't feel that way. But I'm just like, to me, I have a hard time sometimes being like, well, no, I meant like the tone and the frenetics of the voice notes sounded crazy, not that you in the real life situation are legitimately out of touch with reality. It's also just a real thing that we have a ton of different types of close, like close friends, like really? And they all communicate different.

So sometimes we really will, like, personally, I will be like, this is how I communicate with one person. All my morals and values are the same with all of them. But like, how you communicate can be a little bit different. So I agree that it was more of me having to be like, he doesn't mean that you're crazy. You know what I mean? Sometimes I feel like you guys all communicate the same

and then I'm the one who's different. Totally. No. I don't think that's true at all, but I do think that a lot of us, you have chosen to be friends with a lot of really, really soft queer women. I didn't choose it.

It really found me. I really don't know that I would choose it. You love them and you did choose. And then you, of course, have Chance and Doyle who are like, you know, then all of a sudden we're hanging out. They're softer than you guys are.

They're soft, but then all of a sudden you guys will be like, I don't know, like, wrestling or whatever. Like, you don't wrestle. We never wrestle. You're not wrestle. You're starting to remember. I'm like, whatever I'm like, whatever I'm truly like both. I'm sorry, wrestling each other to the ground. Throwing each other around.

Every time I walk in on Chance and Caleb. No, chance wishes. No, but there's like, there's a hard, like, you guys can say something that is biting and it doesn't mean it's not personal. Like, if you said that to any of your softy girls, we'd be like, okay. Oh, don't worry. we've had growth. Yeah. Me and the boys.

It used to be different. Oh, we were nasty to each other in our early 20s. It was not cute. It was not funny. It was not lighthearted. We would throw daggers at each other in a way that was like, why would you say the most hurtful thing you could possibly think of? We were mean to each other in our early 20s.

I feel like me, Chance and Doyle specifically have been on a real journey of being like, we used to think it was funny to be mean to each other. And we really, thank God, grew out of that. Now it's like little tiny fun digs. Well, I try to have a lot of... Here's the thing. You are, like, to me, like, the funniest person. Completely true.

Sorry, we just make sure we get that clean into your camera. Yeah, cut it? Clip it. No, no. Say it again. Just clean, really clean directly to camera. Breaking up. It's much more that I have had to think, like, okay,

Caleb's, like, career is this really, really, really huge thing that is, like, making people laugh a huge way. And it's also, it's more than that, obviously, but you are making people laugh a lot, and I am really, really, really sensitive. And so I think being friends with comedians in general, I have had to check myself a lot when something comes up

that is a really funny joke with like a lot of our friends to be like does that piss me off and hurt my feelings or is it funny enough that I'm not hurt at all? Yeah.

And I don't know, do you have that with jokes or do you feel like a joke can't really get you in a painful way? I don't know. Do you ever have a comedian friend who they do one

and you're like, that you pushed it? I feel like any time someone makes a joke about me, it's like spot on. Do you know what I mean? Like they nailed it. I feel like even if it's something, I'm not really sensitive about my shortcomings.

You know what I mean? Yeah. I know how I am. I know that I can be terse. I know that I want things my way. I know that I can be stubborn. So when someone makes a joke about that, I'm like, well, yeah, that's how I am. No, no, no.

Remember when I joked about your rigidness? And you were like, you're like, don't not be joking about my rigitness because I worked on that for you. No, that's not what happened. What happened was, that's what happened is you said that I was, you said that I was, you said that I was rigid after I had. You said that I was working on your rigidness because you told me you had been. You said that I was rigid and then I reminded you that I'd been working on it. Is the way I remember.

I said harsh. And then you said, I've been working on my rigidness. And I thought that was a really cute way to say it. So then we were smoking. Oh, yeah, you did say harsh. That's way worse. That's what it was. Yes.

You said, I have been working on that for you. And they were smoking weed one day and I said, I love you without your rigidness. And you go, do not be mocking the rigidness now. It's very sweet. I think both of us work on the things that, I don't know. We just really care about our friendship. It makes me feel happy. I care about your friendship more than anything.

I care about your friendship. so much. I have a question for you. Ask me now. Which is that... And it better be good. Fingers fucking crossed. Is that do you feel like, because, as you know, like, I've now learned, like, okay, you could be doing this for years and years and years and I

like, I'm seeing the podcast, and I love collaborating with you, but I am back, like, I have this weird thing with podcasts that you know and it's been, like, rude when I've, like, said no in the past. I just want to be clear, I don't know that this can go on for years and years and years. Okay, well, I think it will. I think it all. I would love it. I hope everyone keeps listening. This is a dream to me.

Literally. Cut that. Diner girl shit, we love you to death. But yeah, yeah, cut the diner girl stuff. No, I legitimately don't know. I don't know how long this can last. It feels like very precarious to me for some reason, but I'm going to be here until it stops. I'll say I believe that it will for a long time. And I really, really love it.

And I am someone who like gets anxiety being on podcast, but then I'm like, I love you so much. And I also want to collaborate with you forever. So I'm like, okay, this is something that I want to continue to get better at too. And I'm curious, like, for me, I'm so vulnerable and say everything that comes to my mind. super open and honest, as you know, gets me in trouble both ways. Where is your line for what you, the rules of what you don't talk about on here? Do you make them at home or do you ever catch yourself being like, that was more vulnerable than I wanted to? Like, do you have like a hard rule of what is just yours? It's like a big balance. I feel like it's a constant balance. The reason I don't

feel anxious about this is because we'll always edit. Like, and I'm happy to say that. Like, there are totally times we get into a conversation with a guest that we go for 10 minutes on something that I'm like, both of us were just either not compelling in that or we were too vulnerable or we said things that will be willfully misconstrued by morons on the internet. Like, there are plenty of times that I'm like, that was actually a really interesting conversation that I would love to have in public, but a lot of people are looking for reasons to be upset and are frankly just not that smart. And so I'm happy to cut it.

Like, I just, you can't trust a huge group of strangers to always give you the benefit of the out and treat you like you're a kind and loving and smart person who's trying your best. I know. So there's a balance between being a little bit tight with the things you don't want to be super, super open about. I try not to use people's names when I tell stories. I try not to this, that, and the other. And then there's also the fact that we just can edit because it's an edited thing.

Okay. I love that. It's beautiful. Yeah. I'm trying to come in in more of that open kind of way. And also, there's a part of it that's just making peace with the fact. I feel like the job of my, like, creative career over the last several years has been making peace with the fact that no matter what you do, people are going to lie about you and

dislike you. I know. I have seen things about myself on the internet that are so far from reality. I've seen things, obviously the things that hurt more are the things that are closer to reality. Like when people say things about me that I'm, you know, insecure about. But I see people say things about me all the time when I wore the, um, ice out pin to the Devil Wars product premiere. And they flag that shit so fast. I saw it and then immediately was taken down on all the apps. And you were saying like really good stuff. What do you mean? when you like when someone asked you about it

and you were literally just like yeah sucks that we're obviously paying for people to like literally hunt immigrants and then it was really immediately and like I saw like 100K likes and then I went back on Instagram had taken it all off oh interesting I didn't notice but I there were there were I saw people in like a comment for that because that was one

that I did read the comments on because I was like I wonder how people are receiving that like I know how I felt about it I don't care I made the choice but there were like there were like not a small number of comments of people being like another out of touch celebrity who does nothing to help but wears a pen and thinks they're doing something and I'm like that just even if you hate me

isn't true like that just is far I even say in the video that I don't think wearing a pen is doing something there are so many demonstrable examples of other stuff that I do and so you're just like unwilling to look into this you just want something to complain about

and you're a fucking moron and I disagree because first off you do a lot of stuff that is a lot larger than wearing a pen. Which is fine. But I'm totally, but I will say it actually did do something because they wouldn't have asked you about ice and you wouldn't have talked about it if you weren't wearing the pen. And the

videos of me talking about it got tens of millions of views. Right away. It was a part of a conversation. Like, it's not doing nothing. But it is also coupled with other stuff. But my whole point in this is not like a great job Caleb had on the back. I don't care about that. My point is just like no matter what kind of person you are, if you exist

in a public manner of any kind, and this applies down to even the smallest things. Like even just like interpersonally in your life, if you don't have a public career, you can be the exact kind of person you want to be nine days out of 10 your whole life. And there will still be people that catch you on the one day or that just saw you on one of the good days and just decided that they didn't believe it. And it, you just can't worry about it. I know. I have, um, I'm just really, really impressed with how you handle it. And it's definitely my thing that I want to and will continue to work on with like, I want, I don't want to be on the

internet that much, you know that. But I want to do your podcast because I love you and I love this podcast. And so I want to be more okay. Like, yeah, like, uh, when people getting a bunch of people seeing you in one type of way and then knowing like on another day, I'm in a different mood and just knowing like no one will ever really, really know me except the people in my life. But this is still, exactly who know me. Well, and beyond that, I think for all of us, like as human beings, like people who aren't, you know, fucking comedians or podcasters or whatever, like people listening to this who, you know, don't have like big followings on the internet or something. good for you.

Most people, yeah. Seriously, celebrate. Celebrate you. To have fun with it. Yeah. I do love it. I love my job. I love my life.

I'm so happy with it. But I think for all of us, like, the things that I think about all the time are like, when you ask like really old people, the things they regret, the two things they say are, I wish I would have worked less and I wish I would have cared less what other people thought.

That's like the biggest examples of what they say. And I think just like living your life dictated by what people are going to say about you is just really miserable. You just shouldn't do that. I know. Just try to stay out of that as much as you can and be like, I'm just going to do what I think is right. And I'm going to be nice to people and live the life I want to live around the people I want to be around.

And if there are people out there who don't like me for it, fuck them. Yeah. And they'll never really know you. The people around you will really, really know you. And just fuck them. It doesn't matter. They're miserable. Like, people who sit around, like, casting aspersions and being intentionally obtuse about people that they barely know in any context

are just miserable, unimportant people. You just don't need to worry about what they think. I know. You got to do your thing. I know. I felt like two things during that. When you were talking first time, I said, God, some of the old people I know are so scary

because they were not saying the right lessons. Really, some of the old people were like, you know, high school is your glory days. And I was like, that's not true. That was 80 years ago for you. Uh-oh. Super scary. Yeah. And then also the thing that I really thought about was like it makes me so sad that

when people don't care or try at all to make the world a better place, like zero, zero. no one throws shade. For the most part, they don't get that much shade about that, where I watch my friends who actually do actively try to, like, care the most and do, like, action-based care, not just, like, speaking out, which is still really important. And they really do get the most hate.

So I think it's one of those things of, like, yeah, don't let it make you stop, you know? Yeah, when you choose a life of trying in any regard, then you're seen as somebody who's trying for something. And so then you're inherently vulnerable to the criticisms of people who know that you're trying something, as opposed to people who set up tension-free lives where nothing is expected of them, you can hit the mark every time when no one's expecting anything of you.

You can always hit that mark. I love trying. I think it's amazing. My favorite. I love trying. I love trying, too. I love trying, too. And it was like, honestly, I feel like, did you struggle with some things? How are you with practice? Do you think you're good at practice? I'm bad at being bad at things. I'm really bad at being bad at things, and I'm working on.

It's a lifelong project for me. Same. I hate being bad at things. It's so annoying. It's like, what do you mean I'm bad at that? It's like, yeah, what do you fucking talking? I should be good at that. Let me do it right now. I know.

I love it. And I want to be good at things right away. I hate it's really, really hard, but I try. I'm trying anyway. I'm going to get a lot better at that too. I was really,

really bad at practice. And then I'd be like, okay, I guess I'm bad at that. And then I was just like, I feel like you're good at practice. I've been, I've been,

I've like really, really been like, I was bad at auditions. I was like, okay, you have to practice. You know, growing up,

I wanted to play music, like instruments really, really badly. and my parents were like, you don't practice, and Candace does. And so then they were like, we're not paying for lessons. But I would just like want to go back to the lesson and be like, it did it again, you know? And I just think it always felt, yeah, practice felt really boring to me. And so I've had to learn a lot of ways to make it more exciting.

Yeah. Practice is hard. But yeah, trying is beautiful and exciting and awesome. Trying is beautiful, exciting, and awesome. Okay, wait, I got one for you. What's your favorite body of water say three reasons why? No, I'm going to skip that. I'm going to skip that.

Because I had one for you, and I want to do. I'm not answer that. Sorry. No, I'm not answering that. No. I'm not having a question for you. You can try out. Just someone asks you a question?

No. No, I'm not doing that. Next. Let's see if I say yes or no. No, let's find out. I'll think on the body of water. But before I answer that, I want you to think you know it's a lake. But I want to hear the three reasons why.

I'm not a beach guy. I'm not a beach guy. I'm not a beach guy. I'm not a better. But before I answer the water thing, I want to ask you, what do you think is the time that we've laughed the hardest together? Like really, like really laughed the hardest. Well, one is a story.

we, that is something that's also hard. It's like, there's so many that we can't say. One is that, one is that dude's name, um, when we were with Devin Walker and we truly, we can find a way to tell this, though. We, there's just no way that it will be, it's not funny. We tried to do it once, I feel like, I feel like we tried to tell it once. Oh my God. One was, yeah, one was this.

We walked so fucking hard at that. This sucks if you're listening to this. I'm sorry. The listeners, I'm so sorry. I know. That's not a good one. Basically, let me try to tell it. It won't be funny to you guys, but I'm going to try to let you in anyway because I know what we just did was so annoying.

I know. We were hanging out with a bunch of comics, and Holmes was basically saying that they were distressed because they felt like, you felt like you had wronged this person, this comic. You felt like you were on the bad side of this comic for some reason. There's so many, there's so many details I can't do, but basically it's just as someone that I, it was just someone that I really, really loved, is close to someone who I thought was a loser. Yeah. and basically Holmes was like telling everyone at the table confidently like it just really sucks because like everybody knows this guy and if we're on his bad side like it would like really suck because everyone knows him and literally then we're like wait who is it and then Holmes said the name it's a very funny name and everyone at the table was like yeah chance was there and everyone at the table everyone at the table was like what the fuck are you talking about nobody's ever heard of this guy it just said and then we just kept saying his name and laughing until we I thought I was going to to throw up we were laughing so hard. Because it just was one of those things that it was like, it really was like one of those ones that didn't even deserve this big of a bus,

but it did something to us that was so visceral. And those are my favorite types of us. The person's name was really funny. And then we also, I think, started laughing because we were like, if there is a room somewhere where people are just repeating our name and laughing until they cry. It's for the meanest thing that could ever happen. It's the meanest thing that could ever happen. But we weren't actually being mean to him. We were actually kind of being mean to you. Fully, fully, fully. Like we were like, what are you talking? about. Fully, fully.

And then we were being mean to ourselves because we were like, oh, this is actually not even funny. The fact that we're still laughing is stupid. And then we just kept crying. But that's when you laugh the most is when you're like, this is dumb. Why are we doing this? I'm trying to think of like a physical one or whatever. What can you think of one?

I mean, we bust all the time. But it's like, I do think it's, that one was like where we were really, really really sobbing. It's funny because I try to think of this sometimes in general. Like, I try to think like, what are the biggest laughs of my like last month or year or life. I remember after that, I looked around the table and I was like, because we really probably were 10 minutes.

we're laughing. Like we were in a lot of physical pain. Yeah. And then I was like, how often you guys get a laugh like this? And you were like once a week. Yeah. And I remember being like, that's amazing. Because I have periods of life where I'm like, it's been a second. And I definitely think even more of adulthood.

Like our time in high school and in also improv days, I was like, you know, crossing my legs to pee laughing like all the time where then like things do get a little more stressful and you're a little bit more like it's like I still laugh all the time. And I think it's also that we're at comedy shit all the time. So like my whole relationship with laughter has. changed with like what tickles it you know yeah but so it has to be almost something that can be so surprising and like random as fuck that gets it to be so heightened you know because we see like the funniest people talk all the time yeah so I'm laughing like ha ha a lot but one where you're like

sobbing sobbing my mom growing up one time my mom was driving growing up and I so my mom pees her pants when she laughs really hard um shout out really cute um and uh one time when I was growing up I was seen in the very back of our minivan and she put on the brakes too hard and I had my seatbelt on and I flew forward and I hit my like face like it was like pretty scary actually but in her rear view mirror she just saw me flying and she thought it was so funny I was like fully hurt I love your mom I love your mom truly like she started laughing so hard that she had to pull over because she was like who's going to piss and I was just like truly like my eye was like shaking or whatever you know what I mean I was ultimately really okay and like I love her so

much but I just remember her pulling over like three times in my childhood to like pee laugh like that And it was really, really, like, made my childhood a lot better. Yeah. Was Kelly a big lapper? My mom, yeah, my mom's a big lapper. She just, I, I, my mom is kind of, she's not a hard laugh to get, but my mom is like very. Get a big one. She's discerning, yeah.

She's like, my mom is a fun person, so she'll, like, giggle at anything. But to get like a crazy big laugh out of my mom, it takes a little work. Yeah. It takes a little bit of work for sure. And that's why you're really good at it. Well, I think there's something to it. Yeah. I think there's definitely something to it.

Do you have, what was your last huge one that you had? My last huge laugh? This is fucked. I know. I can never remember them. This is the thing. I think about all, because I really do all the time.

Have great big fun laughs. Me too. But I'm like, what is my most recent? It's that we're like, I'm holding them in a lot too because it'll be like on a show or something. Like I'll be like,

try not to break or try not to, I don't know. I really don't know. And I'm so sorry that I, like, I'm trying to think of more times with us even. We had, we had in Chicago some really,

really good ones around at what cost when we were running on show. We cry and laugh about shit all the time. It is like I'm like, is it because we're so busier because I'm like smoking weed that I'm like then they come and go. I feel like though our biggest laughs

always our biggest bus are not from I feel like they're actually not smart humor normally. No, they're never from something that's always like it'll be like a fucking noise or something. Wait like that fucking gets me like see it will be like literally a noise or something fucking random like oh my fucking God. I just saw it on. I just thought of one.

I just thought of one. Oh, it's a good one. Okay, wait, wait. this is when I so before I went to film season two overcommentating that we I was stayed uh my the sublet was up and so I stayed at the Chelsea Hotel and um I remember this this era I stayed at the Chelsea Hotel for like a couple nights which by the way totally really really

fun and beautiful really haunted bathroom for sure um but uh it was Carly and you came over and then met up bleep if that's not I don't know and then uh the three we were all hanging out and then what had happened is this is so expensive like I don't have the money to pay for that like the hotel was so expensive it was like like truly like basically paying rent for a couple days. Yeah. And I had earlier in the day when I just had Carly in and we were just chatting, a neighbor came over.

And she was like, she literally looked like a queen or something. Like she was like 107 and she was like, being loud, you know? And I was like, oh, I'm just talking to a friend. And like I paid like $1,000 to do this, you know? And so I was like, okay. And I was just us talking earlier in the day. But then we all like smoke weed and hang out like later in the night. It's like 3 a.m.

And we come back into my place. And I'm like, you guys, we have to kind of whisper because she had got mad at me at like 3 p.m. right? And then I forget how it came to it, but somehow we started talking about playing trumpet. And we all started picturing if all of a sudden, like, we're already whispering and being kind of noisy or whatever, and she's whatever. And we know she's over there. We've been, like, laughing for like an hour and we know she's already in bed sort of like, you know, wanting to come over. And then I brought up, I was like, I just pulled, like, if we out of, after everything, after everything, I started playing a fucking trumpet right now. And then it got us so much.

We were smoking, of course. But we were sobbing because it was, like, we already knew she was at her, like, last. She was just in bed waiting to come. And then we cried back. And then I think we did, like, a seven-minute riff on, like, what else we could do in the room to make noise. Yeah, it was trumpet vibes. Yeah, and, of course, the whole time we're, like, whispering. We were whispering, yeah.

But that was a really, really special night. That was a really, really special night and a really good one. Yeah, yeah. Really good one. I didn't get you to bike on that during that time, but I got you to bike. He loved me to bike a lot and I really need to get a helmet, like really, really bad. I don't want to die by bike. Yeah.

You've had a thing where you're just like, I could die anytime now, so let's just go. I'm not going to live my life doing, doing, I'm not going to live my life in any way where I'm like, this could kill me. It's like, anything could kill you. That's a miserable life. I'm going to have fun and enjoy myself. And when I go, God, I wonder what happens. But I'm not going to worry about that. I know.

I've been really reading stories lately where they're like with the people who die for like three seconds or whatever. And someone comes in like, like, like, what did you found? Well, I found that a lot of kids, apparently like when, like someone. Oh, I'm so fucking tired of this. Okay, good. I'm so fucking tired of this. I'm so fucking tired about hearing about kids' connection to the afterlife. I think they're just kind of dumb.

Their hands will apparently raise to something. Or they'll be like, I'm coming. What? But I think they'll say stuff. They'll say stuff out loud. Sorry, yeah, what stories have you heard? I mean, this is just me like, you know. Just their hands raise up?

That tells me nothing. It says that maybe something's happy. I mean, if it was bad, you'd probably be like, right? You'd probably be like, I don't. That's actually a great point. Yeah, like the fact that they're like, that's kind of like sweet, you know? That's actually a really great point. I don't hate that.

I don't hate that at all. Or they're inherently evil and the devil comforts them. Yeah, and that could be so real too. I mean, if God is what we were taught, the devil will comfort me as well. If God is what we were... If God is like, if God is like, don't be gay, all this kind of stuff, I thought about it a lot when I was like, because I had my friend like recommit his life to God and stuff like that, you know, after he came out in high school. It was like a really hard. Like, I just really, really thought a lot about like, okay, if this is the actual afterlife and, like, God doesn't like gay people and, like, doesn't like us, like, having fun and pleasure will probably meet and we won't vibe.

Could you imagine that just feels? I guess it's totally possible, but it just feels like... I don't think it's possible at all. What a wild thing. That's crazy. I really am like, sometimes I think about what if Christian God is real and he really does hate gay people and I really did fuck up by doing the whole gay thing. Yeah, and then you have to submit to I guess we won't get along. It is crazy.

Not when we're not get along, I'll be in the fiery lakes of hell. But like, also I'm just like, fiery lakes. I'm just like, that's crazy that I really did trade in eternal bliss for like 50 years of Christ. Hot sex. Worth it? That is crazy. Not worth it at all. Yes, it is. Half the time I regret it when it's over. Comedy royalty, Kate McKinnon returns as

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do us a favor and give Hinge a try. I just think I believe so extremely that there's no way because I actually do feel more spiritual. I'm a lot more spiritual than I used to be. You are? Yeah. And it really, I actually feel like I get like little,

I feel like people who have died. I feel their energy sometimes. I feel energy from trees. I feel the other day I was telling you an aide. I know how you feel about it. But I was telling you an aide in the other day, I was like, I need to start carrying neosporan on me.

And then the next day, because I was like, sometimes people will just have like a cut or whatever that gets way worse than it has to do because they're unhoused or whatever. And I like instead of just having food. You did tell us about this. And I was saying that. And then the next day, this guy goes on the train, He starts screaming, crying at all of us.

He, the only medicine he says, he's like, I just need some neosporin. I said, now that has to be a little. Did you have some on you? No. Okay. So that felt horrible. But you know what I did do?

It's in my bag now. I went and bought some right after that. Because I was like, that was me roasted. And sometimes I wonder if that's like a friend who died. Cold comfort for that guy, I'm sure. Well, I felt horrible. I wish I could find it. Nice that you can help the next victim.

No, I know. Of course. I felt horrible. I was like, I was like tearing up. You know what I was like. I was just playing. Well, because it's insane that we've gotten to a place in society that someone can be screaming crying for help And that all of us are like, if I helped every single person who did that,

there would be no part of the day left. It's like, that's fucking insane. Yeah, I don't know. There's just so many things to try and fix, you know? No, totally. If you really stopped all day long, I helped this woman cross the street the other day, it took us about 30 minutes to get across.

You told me about this, and then she needed to get back across and you let someone else do it. I said we pass it forward. Yeah, we pay it up. We pay it forward. We pass it on. What happens when we died, do you think? Heaven hell?

I think that we, I don't have an answer for it, but I just think that it will be like nice. Where are you at with God right now? I wish that he wasn't so tied to, look how I did that. I wish that God was not so tied to he, because in my brain it is that I do think I believe in an energy that is like a spiritual thing now, but I, the word God still flags for me. I think it's because so many of my friends have deeper trauma with it than I do. So like the other day I said something like I was like, God really knew what he was doing when he like made you to like two, that sounds crazy what I just said. but I said that to two of my queer girlfriends, and you could tell they were like,

like, they hated it. And I was like, oh, I guess I was having more of a spiritual thing of like, thank God the universe sent you guys to me. But my friend was like, yeah, he just like ruined my whole upbringing. And I was like totally 100%. You know, but I- Annoying response from them, by the way. Like, yeah, we all have trauma.

Be nice. Right. So I think that I believe in this large energy I really, really do. I believe in the universe's energy. And I don't think it's doing all good, but I do think it's really trying to get us to, in a big way. We talked this other night if you think all people are inherently good or bad, and I thought that was really interesting how we kind of ended up agreeing at the end,

is that we thought they were inherently good, but then right away, they're basically taught to be bad. Immediately corrupted by a world that has removed itself very, very intentionally and distantly from the way we're supposed to be living. Where are you with God? I might on a journey again. I feel like I go through periods where I don't think about it at all, and I'm like probably not.

And then I go through periods where I'm like, I really should get to the bottom of that at some point. Right now I'm on a journey with it again. I've been on a journey with heaven, which I talked about on here recently, or depends on what order of the episodes come out in. God. You are with heaven versus like you think people go to different places.

I think we actually all go back to like one. No, that's kind of what I've been experimenting with. But I've been wondering if maybe we don't all go to a good place. Like we all go to heaven. And then our experiences in heaven are different based on internal, our internal experiences. Really, I think so much about life on earth, our external circumstances can be so bad

and we can still be internally happy. And our external circumstances can be so good and we can be internally miserable. So what that tells me about our conditions as souls is that our internal feelings are not necessarily dictated by our external experiences. And so even if we all went to a good place that had ideal external conditions,

we might be having different internal experiences of that time and place. That's really, really interesting because it's like, yeah, yeah. So I wonder if it isn't like, we all go to a good place and people who are evil have a miserable experience anyway because of the realization of what they did with their time on earth. That, like, you only get to enjoy the love and empathy and warmth in the afterlife that you created with your time here. and in the case of like, you know, a baby or something that it was only here for a year or whatever, like that that would, that they would be as happy as they were,

you know what I'm saying? Like that that would all net out for me. God, I would like to believe that there's some force. I think there is a force and a power that leads us towards good, yes. I don't know why it would be a person with a gender and a language and none of that makes sense to me. No, I don't think the gender. I don't think the person at all is,

And I also think I have no fucking idea, but I really don't think it's that one. And I think most of the time I just try to think about like, what are we going to do while we're here? And like, how do I really, really make them? This is what I do believe in. I do believe like I'm here. I believe like that we can affect people here. And I have, it makes me really sad when people live all of here for a time that we don't know about. That makes me sad.

Because I'm just like, we do know a lot right now. We know so much. I'm like finally finishing sapiens. It's taken me like probably 70 years because it's only all facts. And I've been listening. so I finally ordered it so I can read it at the same time. And it just does give me hope to be like, okay, the scientific revolution,

when that happened for like 2,000 years before that, everyone was like, this is kind of how things are going to be because it was the same for like 2,000 years, basically, like how humans were doing everything. And then the scientific revolution happened and like everything changed massively after 2,000 years. And I'm like, we know so much now. Like we know so much.

And I'm like, we can make stuff so much better still. And so for me, I think my focus, like, I, the only time it goes to more afterlife is sometimes when I feel like a weird energy thing where I like, then I will be like, hmm, that's interesting and weird. But for the most part, I think the energy that I think about is just like, yeah, trying to be right around me and what can we do right now. Yeah. I don't know. What do you think is the biggest thing you need to learn right now? Spanish always.

I feel like you've been really on your Spanish though. Are you not learning? I do learn it. But I mean, I mean, I also think I need to, I think that what I'm. am learning is Spanish always and then also to always try even when I fuck up always always because sometimes I do like sometimes I just get really I do get affected and wiped out in a way of like oh it's really hard that when you try you can mess up and fail and I want to like yeah just keep I want to never stop trying new ways to make things better like with AI so AI right now it's

really interesting all the people who not all the people a lot of people a lot of people who were telling me this is like hating it to the extent that I do and hate is in such an extreme world like I don't hate these if these are sentient robots or whatever I hate you I just really don't want you part of our world right now it's making things really bad and like literally like a family friend right now like her electricity bill is like basically like she has to move out because of a data center that it's got built by her we know it's like killing like turn all the water brown we know all these things and a few of my friends who used to be really against it have been now like well it's just like a bipartisan issue like not a bipartisan issue like not a bipartisan

anymore and like I've been like I've just started to be like well if it's going to be around like it is here like I was just talking to someone last night well now it's here so like even if I can just use it like a little bit in this way or like I'm making this art piece that like really like makes us think about what it is but I'm using it to make it and it is starting to make me feel like am I just like this cranky grandpa now and it's like but then I'm like I really don't want all these people to move out of their fucking houses that are already like oftentimes people who are more poor you know what I mean and it's like I really really think it's so bad for us and I really think it's the solution is not that we have to be like AI is here forever now.

I really believe that. And so that's something I'd like to get better at is convincing people to not, to really be like, we don't have to do this at all. I also think there's a big difference between, look, somebody who can't afford to go to the doctor using chat GPT to figure out what's going on with their symptoms.

Yeah, there's a difference between that and using it to make art. If you are somebody who's using chatGBT to generate videos, images, to generate text in an artistic capacity to write for you, you are not somebody who deserves to be taken seriously. That's just how I feel about it. And people can do all of the hemming and hawing and hedging that they want to do about, like,

well, that's how people talked about the radio and the computer and like, look how silly they look now. I don't care. I'm happy. If I look silly in 70 years, because I said you're a brain dead fucking loser for making art with AI, that's fine. I'll just be somebody who looks silly in 70 years. I really don't have a problem with that.

I'd be happy to be somebody who tried to have an ounce. of fucking integrity. Yeah. And for everyone in 70 years to think that I'm stupid, that is completely fine with me. It's, you are not a serious person.

You don't deserve to be taken seriously. And I've said this to you, like, off this before, off the podcast where it's like, I just wish, because I'll say the data center thing to some people about, like, how a lot of people is in Texas water

was like all going brown and stuff, which I know is still happening. That was like six months ago when I saw that. Is like some people say that and they don't know what it's doing to water.

Like some people don't know. And I, I wish that it, I wish how like Google just uses it now or whatever. I use duct-to-go for my phone, but my computer still, I'm doing minus AI, whatever, on Google. I wish so badly it, like, people could see the violence. Like, I wish there was, like, you know, like, I'll have a cigarette package has, like, this is what your lungs will look like, or like, you can't fuck or whatever. I wish it was like, you know what I mean? Like,

every time you're just Google searching something and this just happens, actually, like, this person is going to get out of their house. Because I think a lot of people, if they knew how violent it was, would never use it. But they don't, I think a lot of people actually are just so busy. in their day-to-day life, and it's like this search engine I use my whole life is now changed to doing this. You also just don't need more ways to waste your time. Time is already so... He stolen.

Stolen and like wasted. You don't, you actually don't need to spend any amount of time for an image, an image of you in Sicily, like, writing a surfboard. I know. And the waves are gold coins or whatever the fuck. Like, whatever it is you're making on there, you're. You have wasted your time, you've wasted water, you have... Pay your goofy friend to draw it.

Pay your goofy friend to draw it. Or don't have it. You don't need it. It doesn't make any sense. Look, it sounds like a cool photo. No, I do think it's like, yeah. Mom's on Facebook, yeah. It's just really silly to me, especially young, intelligent, creative people being like,

actually, I'm going to make an art piece that asks us to shut up. I have so much empathy for the people who don't understand how bad it is right now. Like, I just got back to New York. I've been in Canada for four months. And I see, like, on the trains, I'm like, oh, my. I got, since I got back, like, every ad on the train is for this. Like, I was like, they really are, like, shoveling it down. But yes, I agree.

I'm like, right now I'm like, we need to protect our attention and our time in a way that is, like, really, really sacred. And it definitely shouldn't be, like, getting to know a robot that doesn't know as much as your friend. Talking to it, yeah, I mean, that's another. Talking to it is. That one I judge probably the most. Man, I am so okay to be an idiot in 70 years. Dude, talking to it is considered be cool.

I know. I cannot believe talking to it is nuts. Talking to it makes me, talking to it makes me feel really, really, really mad. When they're like, yeah, like getting to know her, yeah, it's like first off, she's not her. Second off, you don't know. Well, they're all girls to me.

AI is all girls to me. Because they're stuck inside. God is a boy and AI is girls. Yeah, God is a boy and AI's girls. Because it's got all the answers. Exactly. I'm a feminist. I'm an AI feminist.

See, I saw it the other way. Totally. They're stuck in a prison. They can never move their body. They have no ownership over it. What did you say? They have no ownership over their body. They're stuck inside.

yet still people will fuck them. It's sad. Anna told her, I want to be clear, Anna's holding in her laugh. That would have been a big bust. But in this one, we'll say both are non-binary,

okay? God and God and A-I. I'm not doing that. They're all on binary. I'm not doing that. And for all the people on non-binary. What's going on with your gender? Awesome question.

Let's get into it. I'm like, I'm like, do we got time? Drum roll. You're like, awesome question. Basically. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, I'm an awesome question. I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, No, what's going on. My gender is that I feel non-binary, but I'm completely good with she or they pronouns. I'm really good with she. I feel close to girlhood in the sense that we experience the same trauma growing up, so I feel very close to it,

and I'm seen as girl a lot. The other day, someone from the back was like, sir, and I turned around and they were like, sorry, and I was like, thanks. It meant the world. Whoa. But... I didn't know that was part of your gender journey.

Well, you asked, and now you... No, I'm excited. I didn't know that you would ever feel flattered by sir. I actually loved to learn about you. I don't want, like, a he-him, I don't feel, but I do, like, yeah, I did feel flattered by it. I think, but what I will say is that I think that, um, everyone's like taking back non-binary. Everyone's like, oh, people are taking it back because it got not trendy anymore. And it's like, it's not that it stopped being trendy.

It's that our government put out literal, like, statements saying that it's going to be, that is illegal. Yeah. Like the Limpkin Institute of Genocide, it's like, there's like a transgenocide, like, I think, third flag warning for transgenic and in all that fine print, of course. course, trans people are under so much more, are in so much more danger than a non-binary person who looks, can pass as someone says, you know what I mean? Absolutely. 100%.

So that's why I would never take up space in that. But if you read all the fine prints of all this stuff, it says non-binary, which is funny because our government's like admitting non-binary is real. They're like, we will catch all the non-binary fakers. It's like, wait. So I do think that it is like, oh, people are going back on this thing, not only because all of you started making fun of it a bunch, but also because our government is a attacking it. So, um, all this to be said, I do wish that my gender could be something that was more

for me and the people I know to really, you know what I mean, to care about? Because it doesn't feel very important to me in a sense of like, I need to talk about it with hundreds of thousands of people, you know, but it does feel like, I feel sad that the youth who got, had this moment in pandemic and stuff where they were getting to know their body more, a lot of people and we're like, oh, I do feel non-binary. And this has been a thing for like thousands of years, like a third gender. And I'm noticing this because I'm not being under the gaze of a really patriarchal, dominant society for a second. I'm understanding this.

And then a lot of them did feel like I have to take this back because not only is it being teased a lot, it's being like truly like put in danger by our government. Yeah. I think there's just boys and girls. You're like not even man and women. I don't know. Boys and girls.

I think there's just boys and girls. No, it is funny that the conservatives, big thing is that they're mad at specifically trans men and trans women when it's like they're picking like they're actually falling into the system you guys love you should be the most mad at non-binary your anger doesn't even make sense you're not even like good at this no they're not good at at all and i just want to say uh yeah if you're like experimenting with your gender i hope and if people around you make fun of it all the time like get better friends you're experiencing to your gender we love you and we think you can be what are you she he's always been a hard he him i am i really

I feel very connected to boy. I've said this many times. But I feel I just love trans people. I think trans people are so cool and interesting and brave and awesome. We have like no rights without them. Yeah, I also just love

I think one of the things I find the most confounding about the anti-trans shit, there are so many. So evil. That I'm like, it's incredibly evil. It's incredibly nosy. Mind your own business.

Why do you fucking care? I just find it so bizarre. for a million reasons, but one of the things I find the most confounding about transphobia is this idea, and it's not that I don't know where it comes from, but the idea that

trans people are like woke scolds, most trans people, there's a very small minority of queer and trans people that are unforgiving, unrepentant, like petty, and militant. That is totally, every group has their their portions of that, and they have reasons for being that way.

Right. But most trans people I've ever met are just like, eh, if you kind of try, I don't really care. That's it. If you're just like trying or nice to me, I'm really not worried about it. 1,000%, I think that's why it makes me so fucking mad. Yeah, when people like really, really are like, oh, you know, coming to me with your hard rules.

It's like, I don't, no one cares if you, I don't want you to acknowledge me at all. Like, I feel like a lot of trans people are like, don't even talk to me. I just feel like it's so wild that so many moderate Republicans I have known in my life are able to see that the psycho furthest right, like alt-right Nazi right-wing, intense, militant people are not representative of their whole. Can't see how that applies to other groups. They can't see how most trans people are not the, like, craziest, loudest, maddest,

angriest trans people they've ever, like, every group has extremes and polls and ends, but most people across every group are just like regular people that want to be left alone and get by. That's, like, true of most people across groups. Yes. And the fact that they're not able to see that just is so confused. to me. And that like you guys are really more obsessed with trans people than really, really anyone else at all.

I think that makes me, I think the thing that makes me the most upset is that I'm like, it's just such a small part of the population. And when I do, I mean, before I went to Canada, you were getting like text from me in like a kind of intense state because I was like I, because I mean, we know in Kansas, they took away trans people's

right to have a license. Yeah. And it's like, okay, this is such a small population and it feels like I just, I think the queer community does a good job, standing up for each other, I just wish that it could be even, I just wish we could be even louder all the time about, like, that's something I'd like to get better at,

is like figuring out how the fuck to protect all of my trans, like siblings all the time, like just like the trans people in my life because it, you've been doing a really bad job at it. Thank you. I don't have enough money to like pay for, like, it's like, it's like there's so many layers of it. It's like they're oppressed in the workplace.

They're not hired for being trans all the time. Like, it's like, and we had friends who had to come out as trans in Kansas who weren't out before. You know what I mean? Like, it's like, which I don't know if we cut or not, we're not asking names. But it's like because of just like, am I going to lose my job now that I can't have a license? Holmes loves you guys. No, I love you guys.

No, I love you guys big. I'm always going back and forth between whether or not I want to be earnest or tell jokes. I am probably the person on here who comes and does the least amount of jokes. I'm not very good at doing jokes on here. You're not the person who does the least jokes, but you definitely, when you and I get together, we can get into our serious bag pretty quick. Do you wish that I came with more jokes? Of course not. Okay.

I think that it's one of those things where... I have never been obsessed, by the way, just to say, I have said this many times in the podcast. I've never been obsessed with the idea of this being a comedy podcast. Yeah. I think it's most of the time funny. I have a great time. But I don't really care if we have...

Sometimes guests come in and they bring, like, a really thoughtful, reflective energy. Sometimes I come in and I'm not capable of being silly. Like, we're just people and we're talking and, like, it's going to be whatever it's going to be. We talked about this the other day, I feel like, but how it feels like if you're a comedian or a funny person and someone sees you not being funny or sees you being earnest, they're like, not funny. And it's like, oh, like, comedians aren't funny all the time. That would be a psychopath. Yeah. You know, it feels important to me to, I don't know, yeah, have earnest conversation.

I was reading all my childhood diaries. You guys got that insane text from me. And because my mom literally put into my storage unit without telling me the childhood memory boxes that she no longer wanted. of mine. So then they showed up at my house. She was like, we don't have space. I love her so much. Shout out, Kath. And I went through a diary I had never gone through. And I was like, I thought I would sound stupid.

And I was like, oh, the main difference is that I just sound really earnest. And I was like, as kids were like so earnest. And I do think growing up it is kind of like that is a main thing that gets sort of put aside, especially for comedians. Yeah, play gets put aside a lot. But no,

I think, yeah, I've never been obsessed with this. any one thing in particular. I don't care. I don't want it to be. This show is whatever I wanted to be. And that feels great to me. Shout out.

Shout out. Somebody funny that did happen to me? Did I tell you when I got a flower for my date the other day and that she started wrapping it with paper that said, love you? What? I was going on a date the other day

and I was like, she was running a little bit late. So I was like, I'll pick up a flower. I went to like a store and I got a flower and there was a language barrier and she started wrapping it with like wrapping paper and it said love you. But it was a first. date and I was like, not there yet.

Nunca, not a, not a, no. Yeah, yeah, I was like. No, Como did you say no, no? Yeah, yeah. I was like, yeah, I was like, come so did you say, not there yet? Um, and then she, uh, Como Cia, yeah, yeah. Nueva, yeah.

Nueva Cita. Yeah, yeah. And then she, like, rewrapped it in a plain paper, but I was like, not me coming for a first date. I love you. I love you, I love you, flower. Taking a flower to a first date is kind of funny. I know, I thought I was kind of trying on boy.

That was kind of cute. Boys don't do that. Yeah, come on. Boys don't do that. Not anymore. You don't understand the state of our men and boys. Sometimes I'll fart on him right away. Holmes.

Chances like, sometimes I open the door, rip ass on that girl. Don't make chance like that. Okay, I'm sorry. He said, I thought, what do you think flower is? Girl or Gentleman? I thought it was kind of gentleman. Boys don't behave that way anymore.

Men and boys have totally lost their touch. I did my huge shirt. I do a curtsy. You have flower. Madame. Miss. It says I love you all over the flower. Yeah, it says I'm like,

I'm like, you're, stuck with me. She's like, holy fucking shit. You propose. I've started, I'm at a point in dating where I'm just being really, really up front about everything. Yeah, yeah. I was messaging a guy the other day. We matched, my first message after matching was, let's not mess around. What are your red flags?

What do you say? It was great. He told me his red flags. Were they scary? No, he hedged a little bit, and I said that. He, he was like, he was like, I'm, I kind of like, he's like, I'm opinionated and loud. And I was like, you hedge. Tell me the real ones. Oh, he's like, he's like, he's like, I'm hysterical to the fault.

He was like, what are yours? I was like, I'm really scared of commitment. He was like, he was like, good to know, good to know. I don't know if we're going on a date or not. You have to go on a date now. I'm just like, I have no more time to play games. I'm like, what? You're ready for kids.

Do you have to get the kids soon? I'm not ready for kids right this moment. I'm not ready for kids right this moment. You need to be ready for kids when I am because you're going to be the one doing it. I'll be a surrogate. I feel like you don't even talk to a lot of boys. I do.

I talk to boys. I actually do. I talk to boys more and more because I'm starting to love more. Even with a boy's evil, I have this new thing where I go, all to his friends around, I go, don't drop him. Say friends with him. I need you guys to. That's what I'm telling him. What evil boy have you protected recently? I would never like name evil boys names here, but I did like I was having a moment with these two really young boys who I worked with recently who are really sweetie. And I was like, I feel like

I have some girlfriends who they'll say publicly a lot like if you find out a guy in your group is a bad guy, you better drop him. He shouldn't be allowed around. And I really, problem in general. Yes. In which I understand like he's your like you don't want to be in the same places and whatever. Totally. Get him out of here. Get him out of here. 100%. I know. Everyone's like everyone's kind of quietly giggling because of the number of times you've brought up of course.

And what do I say to that? You love. No, what do I say? I would love to never talk about again. Okay. So. So so so. But I was to them.

I was like if you have a guy being bad more in like a way of just like he's kind of a dick or whatever. I was like in your friend group and he gets in trouble with people. don't drop him. I was like, please, like, try to fix and make him better and heal. Because the solution can't be what.

We have all these, all these guys who already sucked, all their friends dropped them. Great, can't wait to be their neighbor. Yeah, they're masked up and they're going to D.C. with the boys.

They are. Literally. They have 39 days of training. Yeah, it's a fucking disaster. Yeah, it's going to be uncomfortable and a lot of people

aren't going to want to hear it and we've been trying to have these conversations. But this like, fuck everybody who's ever done anything wrong. Let's isolate them until they die. They should never work again type of approach to. society is clearly not working. It's not working.

So we're going to have to figure something else out. So I'm on board with that. I'm on board with your analysis. We agreed. We always agreed. You never said the lake thing, the three reasons. I had a real reason at the end. I'm not going to give you three reasons that I love a body of water.

Fine. We'll do it. We'll do the game another time. I'll tell you my favorite body of water. Once I think of it. Lake Michigan. Lake Michigan, I love, because it's Chicago summer. Lake Michigan.

I just love Lake Michigan. I love Lake Michigan. I love the Great Lakes. I enjoy Lake Michigan. I love lakes because you can hang out all day. Lakes are way better than the ocean and it's not even close. I know. The ocean is totally scary and bizarre.

The ocean is scary, scary, scary, scary, scary. Too deep, goes on for too long. Do you have a fish you're really scared to see? Treacherous, the ones that have their own light on their head. And it has like the light. It has its own light from being too far down. Should have never known about him. Don't like that he exists.

Did you learn about him from finding Nemo? Also piranhas. No. Learned about him in science class. Piranha's scary. Most things that Caleb learned in science class I got from Pixar. That's beautiful. Yeah.

Piranhas. No, yeah, I don't like that either. Jellifish, why you're so cute if you heard us? Crazy. Yeah, I don't like that. The ocean scares me too. The ocean is always scary. Lakes, on the other hand, what a gorgeous experience is the lake.

The best ever. I love the lake. I know, I love the lake so much. You can hang out all day. You can, it still feels massive. You can hang out all day at the ocean, by the way. You can't really. When you're in there, because you have to be on guard all day.

You can get to do a deep talk while you're swimming in the ocean, right? You can kind of be like, you know, oh, do you have an eating disorder growing up? you know, where it's like in the ocean, that happens next thing you know, she's like, believe me up, you don't even mean, and you're like under and it's like, you can't talk about something real,

you have to be on guard. Yeah. Unless you're on a surfboard. Like sitting or something. Yeah. But if you're just on, you have to be on, once last of me on the ocean.

You have to be more. For a dip. Last year. But you have to be more on guard when you're on a surfboard because then your legs are just dangling. If you're sitting on a surfboard, your legs are dangling and they're begging to be bitten by sharks.

I'm more scared of the water than shark. I'm scared of at all. I'm scared of sharks, and I don't like the PR campaign that's been going on for them. It's like, you have to piss them off. And when they go, when people have the audacity, punch them in the nose. Yeah. Oh, I would. Punch them in the nose.

Like, I'm underwater having the scariest one in my life. I find its nose and then lock in to punch it. Yeah, you don't have a choice. You're going to die. You'll find the nose. You'll see me dead quick. No, Holmes, you'll find the nose and punch it. I guarantee when you get attacked by a shark and I do see it for you, you're going to find that

nose and even better if you can kick it because you probably got more force than your legs. You know, I got strong legs. I know you do. I really do. I've been proud of them lately. You do too. We both have strong legs. I have incredibly strong legs.

My legs never had a choice. I know. There's actually something I need you to help me carry back home. We'll do that soon. What? Get down the stairs. I basically had all these movers bringing way too much stuff and now I have to bring a bunch stuff back out.

Yeah, you'll be hiring a task grab, but I'm not going to come carry stuff down your stairs. I brought flowers today. That is beautiful, but we're too old for that shit. Fine. What is it? It's a huge, like a dresser that was really happy. You lost me at huge. You guys, if he comes out.

You guys, I'm so proud of this. I just want to say to everyone. Trash Mountain is about to be one of the best movies in the world. Sorry, I just am so, so proud. It makes me emotional. I don't want to cry right now. You are in that movie. I'm in it for just a beep,

but it's like the dream of my life. And it just, like, the script made me truly, truly cry so hard. I just think. There's really no guest stars in the movie. There's like the cast and that's it. You're like the only true guest star in the movie. It is an honor of my life. And I just think it's going to be so good.

Do we have any info of when it comes out? No. We have some info. We can't say. Michelle's getting, oh, well, just look forward to it. I was wearing this, though, in Canada, and this guy, Trash Mountain, what's that? I was like, a movie that you'll see, and I expect a high rating.

And then I, like, never see him again. You were mean to me? Why didn't you? I don't think it's good for the movie that you were kind of mean to him. I don't think it's good for you to question my fucking hat when I'm getting a coffee. Yeah, that's fair enough. You know what I mean? You know, I got a new assistant recently.

Her name is Svetlana. Svetlana, coming for you, Michelle. She's replacing Michelle. Michelle didn't want to text me back this morning, so... Michelle, were you just sleeping? I forgot to text me back. It's got Lana starts today. You know, I've been watching this documentary about the Founding Fathers.

Totally. I finished it now. It's been really weighing on my mind. I've talked about it a lot on here. Okay, tell me something about it. I haven't watched it. I love a dog. George Washington, after he, like, reluctantly became president,

spent, like, a fucking year going to, like, every single town he could go to. And just, like, chatting with people and being like, well, so what do you guys think we should do about this country? The president doesn't really do that anymore. all. That's crazy. I mean, our president does nothing, but yes, the president's for a while haven't been doing that enough. That's what I'm saying.

Presidents haven't been doing that. They don't even hold town halls. They hold like rallies where they speak and don't listen. I'm like, what's going on with that? No, I mean, I mean, I think that a lot of people called the representatives for their first time ever in the past, like, year. And as someone who would call, like, daily for a while in my life, it starts to even feel like, that starts to feel like it's not doing anything.

And then they start to go like, well, at least it fills up the boxes. And they see that numbers are calling, but it's like, it would be, actually nice if we know someone important is talking to us. Yeah. I think we have too few representatives for too big of a population. We've outgrown our system. We've outgrown our system. The electoral college obviously needs to be abolished.

It makes no fucking sense. Zero. It was made as an agreement to appease slave owners and those people don't matter. We should not have... It doesn't make any sense. The House of Representatives makes no sense. The Senate makes no sense. But when you run for office, it all goes away.

Why does Rhode Island have the same amount of senators as California? We're going to have to square this eventually. We're going to have to square for sure. It doesn't make any sense. I love that you love docs how I do. Basically, Caleb and I only watch documentaries. We don't watch real TV or movies very much. What was the fucked up one that Liza said to me the other day?

Well, you know what I did where I asked my favorite documentarian to get coffee because we had a similar amount of followers on Instagram. So I was like, who might answer my favorite documentarian. Oh, nice. And it was one of those things where that's why you can't assign a number to people like that because we were in a similar spot where I was like he might, but he didn't know what a super fan I was. So then it was like a really scary coffee for him, I think, because he's like

Celine Dion to me. You know? And we were just, it was across from him. And I was like, vibrating. work has just like changed me and he was like yeah you could tell he was like I thought he was like I thought he was going to get coffee with someone to like to talk oh yeah he was like fellow artist and I was like super fan your selian dion and then I was like you shouldn't build it as like message he's saying he's Celine Dion deans he was really funny to me well I just like think a good

documentarian is the best thing ever I I really it's my favorite it I don't I what I what would you make a documentary about right now if you had a million dollars it's really like hard because there's things that I think are the most urgent and then I'm also thinking about like what I I mean honestly I would probably make it about I would try to make it about people obviously who don't have their story shared I would try to make it about

I would try to make it like KC Tenets and like Tenet Unions Oh fun, that'd be a good one But I remember I talked to Tara about that once And she was like, I thought about one She'll try to make a documentary about you and she was like yeah And it made me laugh really hard where I was just like She doesn't want to do that She doesn't want that to be

But it's like I think to me meeting Tara And learning about Casey Tenets and Tenant Unions In general had this thing where I was like There was just so many people trying without succeeding that I'd experience and I was like really needing hope and to me she's such a doer and so I like documentaries where I finish them I love a documentary where I where you're always gonna feel sad for a documentary for the most part but I like to leave one feeling like now I actually also have hope and I think that that is what like the tenant federation like all for me it feels

very like this is real change and hope and I want I don't like a documentary that makes you just want to die even though I watch those ones a lot too yeah you know do you watch manisphere liu-thro Rose, new one on Netflix. I did. I thought that that one was really, really good because it was not about just like that boys are bad, but about how like you keep the internet algorithm is like that I thought that I love Louis Throw. He does one in these Miami jails that blew my mind.

But yeah, I don't know. Do you have a favorite documentarian? No. Well, Aidan, Aiden Myeri, a close friend, she, uh, she, hers will come out eventually summer 2000, the et cetera story. And I like that hers is about like how adults have like lost their play and like creative, like creative spirit and stuff. And I think that another one, if I could make two documentaries,

I would go more to, like, the goobie girls and, like, what are we doing about people losing the goof? You would make a documentary about gooby girls? Yeah, I would. What do you mean? Well, it kind of is in line with my so true. So should I say it? What's so true to you?

My so true is that gooby girls are in an endangered species. And I'm really, really, really freaking out about it. But I'm going to do something about it, for sure, which is about to Bus Fest, August 1. please come Bushwick, okay? And so I'll say that more. But I really, really am worried about this. I feel like because of the internet,

because of our government, because of a million reasons, we are losing Goober girls. I'm talking about, I think the internet has made the younger generations scared to embarrass themselves in a huge way. Like I was talking to this Gen Z girl the other day, she was like,

I was like, well, you know that one girl who'd always fart growing up to make everyone laugh? And she was like, no. And I was like, what? I was like, you don't have a girl who was like farting so her friends would bust at the party? And she was like, no girls were farting.

I was like, are you fucking serious? Guber girls are like someone who's authentically them, authentically themselves. And I really, really feel like goober guys, they're still allowed to exist on TV and stuff. It can still be charming. Guber girls, you can't get fucked. You'll see the gobiest girl you know these days. And they'll literally be like, and you're like, where's your go back? Where to go?

You used to be doing the worm, bitch. It worries me. I didn't realize this was a problem. I'm really loving. I'm learning so much right now. If you really start thinking about it, you'll start noticing that the goobs are really, they're not gone. you can never kill us. You can never kill us off completely,

but they're endangered and I really, really, I want us to be doing stuff about it. I don't blame anyone. I just want you to know, like, follow your goob and if you're a goob at home. And here's the thing. If you're a goob, you can also be a bad bitch. People think this.

People think it's like this. Bad bitch or goob. There's a Venn diagram. You can be a bad bitch and a goob in a real way. I'm just, I'm really getting concerned for it because I think without gobs, like how are we're going to fix all this if there's no silliness?

If there's no silly, there's no goob, no play. So if there's a young girl listening right now, how does she follow her goob? Let's say you have a feeling in your brain that you want to make a silly noise, but everyone would be like, why'd you do that? Let it out. I'm so dead serious.

Like, gooby girls, you know, you're doing gibberish. I'm like, Zubana. It's like that, sometimes it needs to come out. Let's play for once, you know? Oh, I have a little dance move. Gooby girls, they dance how they really want to dance. What do we have now?

That's a goby girl. A goby girl holding me. back. I mean, I could sob. It really devastates me. And so I'm just like, and I really understand how it happened. Capitalism, it does not like the Gooby Girl. The algorithm hates the Gooby Girl. When you're stressed about money, that's very hard for the Gooby Girl, of course. You're like, how could I possibly be silly? My kids don't have enough money for a lunchbox, you know? It's like a lot of things, I know. A lot of things are attacking the Gooby Girl, but I'm here to really be like, I will never let you die. And just like, and if you're, uh, if you do act silly or Goob and the people around you,

are sort of like, run. Run. Run. Run because they're... You surround yourself with gooby girls. They're afraid of their goob. You surround yourself with goobs. You're a goob and a bad bitch. I think I'm only a goob.

Yes. And I am... It's specifically why I'm putting on a comedy festival on August 1st, for real. Because I was just like, what do I do about this? And I was like, I just want a day where we get to all be together and have joy and be around other gobs. Because... Your comedy festival has upset me.

I just don't understand why not. no boys. I didn't even realize. You didn't do that on purpose? I genuinely was just thinking, like, who were the funniest people I know? And I just, like, made the line up. That's not true. I wasn't asked.

I know. I'm, wait, this is super uncomfortable. Um, are you going to come? I mean, it depends. You get to, you, I'll, I'll comp you. Sorry. You can come the second year. Maybe, okay, I'll ask you to be on it the second year. I really will.

No, I know. You're so funny. You make me laugh. fucking hard. No, it's just you said that you asked the funniest people you know and my name never even crossed your mind for your goob fest. I'm, I'm really, really, like, I feel embarrassed. I feel, I feel like I just maybe, like, I guess I knew the need for gooby girls and non-binary

people is maybe stronger or something. Or maybe you weren't letting your goob out enough. Who's all on the lineup? We have, well, it's actually funny because not all, like, I would say there's probably two on there who aren't goos, but it's because their goob has been broken down, but they're still really funny and their goob's going to come out the day of. Okay. Some gobs who have been on the pod, Lisa.

Not funnier than me. Next name? Joe Sunday. Not funnier than me. I think one other ones on the pod. Mary Beth Varon. Not funnier than me. You've never had Asha on the pod.

Asha Ward. No, I love Asha. Not funnier than me. She's funny as fuck. She's so funny. Can't hold a candle to me. Isn't Grace Koolinschman on the lineup? Grace Koolen Schmidt couldn't hold my sneakers.

Molly Carney. Molly Carney, not funnier than me. You want to come this year and next show you'll be on the festival? Yeah. Huge. I'll be there. But that's what I'm doing. I love all those people. That sounds like a blast.

I'll be earnest. I love the festival. I'm excited about it. I love the festival. I'm excited about it. And I also feel I get scared. I do get nervous hosting, but then I always remember how important it is to like do stuff. And you've always been a big inspiration with me as a doer. Not inspiring enough to get an ask though, huh? No, I really am planning to be there. I'm really excited about it. I think it's really fucking awesome that you're doing it. If Katie doesn't have her baby right then, I'll be there. Yeah. And if Katie does, you have to go be an uncle. If Katie has her baby, I have to go to baby, I think.

Well, I think babies really help people get in touch with their gobs. So that's going to be really exciting for them. Well, and it's, yeah, if it turns out to be a girl, maybe I can give the message when I get there. I can grab the baby at hospital and say be goob. Yeah, by the ear. By the ear. They're worried about you losing it. They kick you out. They're like he was whispering to her a lot when you were in the room. he was really talking to her in a way that we feel in a way that we're actually genuinely asking. What did you say?

Like it got stolen for a second. I think sometimes when you're massively, like when you're perceived by a mass is when I see a lot of people's goob get snatched. But yours is, I do think you have yours. No, I don't think that happened. I think that, um, I think if anything, I just wanted to explore different things. I think I was originally doing character videos and being very silly and I liked all of that. And then I got tired of it. I got tired of that particular form of expression.

But I still have that in my life. No, you're still totally have goob. Yeah. Yeah. And being a goob doesn't mean you can be serious. Being a goob is just being authentically yourself. Well, there are people that are authentically themselves that aren't gobs, though. If you really go super authentic yourself, though, I don't know.

Sometimes it comes. There are some people that are just like accountants that are just not gooby. I did an accountant. And during the workday, she was an accountant. When we got home, she was like, you know what I mean? All of a sudden some goobie stuff was really coming about. Okay, it's not to say that. everybody who's an accountant can't be a goob?

I'm just saying, do you disagree that there are some people that are completely authentically themselves that have no goob in them? I think the case is still out. No, it's not. It's settled. I'm really thinking about this. I'm really thinking about this in a real way

because to me, yes, there's a huge chapter of like goob girls, the one who's like so much fun that it can be scary sometimes where you're like got to sleep over and you're like, she has a knife and she's being funny, but she might hurt us, you know? Those ones exist. But then there are really, I do think that a lot of people who have zero goob, I do think it's because they're trying, they have been made so intensely

to make sure that they do everything exactly. I love you and I love your heart and mind. I just think some people are boring. I think some people are not gooby or silly. Some people are just literally, they're just not that silly or interesting. And that is completely okay. You're like, you're like, some people are boring and they're ugly and they don't relate to anyone and that can be beautiful. I didn't say the ugly or not relationship part. Some people are boring and that is completely okay. I think that not...

I think we can agree. I think we can agree on this. Every boring person has not had the gooby beaten out of them. Some people were born with no gooby. We can agree on this, sure. I'm willing to. Nice. Okay.

This was so much fun. No, no, no, no. Will you agree with me, though, that you're watching Gooby Girl get a little endangered? Do I think Gooby Girl is endangered? I think authenticity is in danger. In general. And I think certainly that that will impact the gooby girl community.

Thank you. So it sounds like we agreed. Do you want to shake on it? Authenticity is under attack. And the gooby girl might catch an arrow. The goby girl who was shaking ass, like she's not, she's in under bed. You know, she's not going out. I think there's still go.

There is. I said in danger. I didn't say extinct. Thank fucking God. They'll never go extinct. You want to play a game? Yeah, I would love to. All right, I'm going to read you 15 statements.

You're going to tell me as quickly as you can. If what I just said was true or false homes, if you get 10 or more correct, we're going to give you 50 U. I know, I've got really fast. I'm always bad at this, so I'm just not going to judge it. Let's go fast. Toronto is home to the Scotia Bank Arena. True. True. Pablo Picasso died in 1973. False. True. Mars is shaped like a rugby ball.

Mars is shaped like a rugby ball? It's a ball. I mean, true. True. Dale Earnhardt won more NASCAR races than Jeff Gordon. Who's the first guy? D'Ele Earnhardt won more NASCAR races than Jeff Gordon. False. False. Florida State University. I don't know either of them. Florida State University was founded on January 24th, 1851.

False. It's true, and that's my birthday. Carl the mouse was the first mammal to be cloned. Carl the mouse? False. It was Dolly the sheep. It was Dolly the sheep. You imagine her?

No, focus. Don't do a bit. No act outs. Come on. Dolly and lolly. The Renaissance started in the 14th century. This one's embarrassing. Probably that I should know.

False. True. It's true. The cube root of 64 is four. True. True. The capital of Germany is Munich. True.

False, Berlin. Oh, Berlin? Nebraska's state motto is equality before the law. False. True. Miley Cyrus's birth name was Destiny Cyrus. False. True.

You should have gone by destiny, bitch. Destiny's awesome. Latitude measures east to west positions. Latitude measure. When you do the ones that are like actually can make me seem dumb, it's so rude. Latitude measures east to west. Never eat shredded wheat, true. False.

Longitude. Up and down in latitude's this? Longitude is east to west. Infinity is a number. False. True. It's false. It's false.

Alfonso Rivera won dancing with the stars. It means nothing to me. False. True. Windy City Heroes closed permanently in 2021. Aw. False, I hope. Tell you it.

What's your answer? False. They're still open. Okay. How'd they do? A strong seven. No, really, really bad. One of my worst.

Though it was only one I'm embarrassed about the Renaissance one. Otherwise, I say Nebraska, for a motto, you're not doing very good at it. Hey, say that. Get them, get them, get them, get them. I do love you so much. Thanks for doing it. I love you bigger than the whole world. Thanks for having me.

I love you more than anything. I asked this time. You what? I asked. You did ask to come on. Because last, yeah. Stop, don't bring up past drama. We got a big fight about that.

No, we didn't. We never had a huge fight. Have we not? No. I don't think we will. till it gets physical. Oh, whoa. Destiny Cyrus walks in.

Destiny walks in. Tell people plug what you want to plug. We got to get out of here. What I want to plug is August 1st. Come to Aboutto Bus Fest. You go about to bust.com. Door is at 3. Show starts at 3.30.

It ends at like hard 9 p.m. It's going to be a day of truly everyone on this festival has made me bust laugh so hard. And I'm also going on tour in the fall, homesick tour to all the states I've ever lived in. And also keep listening to the podcast. I love Caleb and so too.