So True with Caleb Hearon - Jack Martin is Banned From PayPal

Episode Date: March 14, 2024

What more is there to say, folks? Thanks for tuning in to another HOT episode of So True! This week’s guest is actor Jack Martin! Jack and Caleb talk gym routines, buying cars, their shared background in political science, mean comments, and more! Join our Patreon for bonus content! https://www.patreon.com/SoTruePodcast?utm_medium=unknown&utm_source=join_link&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=copyLinkSee Caleb Live on Tour! https://calebhearon.komi.io/ Subscribe to our YouTube Channel! https://youtube.com/@sooootruepod?si=Vk13hN1M-FdtlOeJ Follow Jack! TikTok: @jackmartin Instagram: @realjackmartin Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Follow the Pod! @sooootruepodSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I was talking to one of my friends and we were talking about you and I was like, oh my god I love Caleb so much. He's like, oh, I met Caleb one time I was at I think he said he was at a comedy show eating like Kung Pao chicken Yeah, and you walked up to the table and he goes, oh my god Caleb here and you're so funny I love you so much and you just said you're gonna eat that and started eating his chicken What? I have a question for you. Okay, because we have something in common you might not even know I'm a little scared

questions like that scare me they bring fear to me we have something in common you might not even know about obviously we're both young heartthrob actors fresh off of network shows that's one thing that's true about both of us but another thing about us is we both studied politics in college

you briefly studied politics in college and I have a know that. You briefly studied politics in college. I did. And I have a feeling now, I don't know you when you were 19, right? But I have a feeling you were a hell. I have a feeling you were given a hell in the poli-sci classes. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't, I don't know if I'm not hell at now.

You're not hell now. Okay. Now you're my buddy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I can, I can envision one of two modes for you in a political science class when you were 19. I'm thinking either you were the worst, which I also was in a different way, or you were just totally checked out.

Yeah, yeah. I think it was a quick 180. I think I was hell all the way, and then I 180'd within a year into checked out. Maybe not even a year. I actually think within my first three months of being in that major, I was like, I need to quit. Yeah. And figure out something to do. What'd you end up with? I don't

know. Did you get a major? I guess trying in an LA Fitness parking lot is what I decided on. I majored in actually watching your episode 10 minutes before I got here. Yeah. That's what I majored in. Yeah, yeah. And also, as I was saying to you, to sort of get in the headspace, I have this big bucket of pre-workout that's just, it's gorilla flavor. Yeah. That's what they, it's truly what they sell it as.

Okay. And I was just like pouring powder into my mouth. I was just really sucking it down, trying to give me some sort of life. There's some things that hot guys say to me sometimes like my god my hot guy friends who do like gym stuff yeah what you're one of oh my god thank you that you'll say things to me and i'll go i bet that's true you know like like like when just now when you mentioned the existence of a thing called pre-workout right sure right you know yeah yeah you may as well have mentioned a character from like the lion the witch in the

wardrobe to yeah or like dr cynthia sure like pre-workout like what even what is that You may as well have mentioned a character from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Or like Dr. Cynthia. Sure. Pre-workout? What is that? I don't really know what it is either. It's all marketed as just a parody of the most ridiculous masculine stereotypes you can imagine. One of the brands is just called Total War. Not Total War. All the flavors are like blood or like like

gorilla penis i mean i'm being so serious the one that i'm having is gorilla flavor and i don't even like what it tastes like i couldn't tell you i don't really know i just put it in my mouth and i try to move on you just take it so that you can work out yeah basically and it makes me feel like i'm on drugs or something. Like I just have a lot of energy and like, it sounds like a hell of a way to live. Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, it's kind of, it's kind of all I really have to live for. I feel like at this time, do you, I go, I am a member of the YMCA. Okay. That's where I feel most comfortable. Is that where you met Trent? I know Trent, my good friend, Trent i was telling you i don't we'll probably won't have in the episode the part where i talked

about trent oh so now i have nobody's gonna so no one's gonna know what you're fucking talking so i just fucking ruined everything yeah it's like you're the viewers are going like this right now okay and this is like we need them to be up dude i can just leave well i was saying before we got on that my friend trent and i go to the steam room together which is probably one of the like oldest straight guy coded things i do i like to go to the steam room together, which is probably one of the oldest straight guy coded things I do. I like to go to the steam room with a buddy and just sit in there and talk shop. Yeah, and he dumped water on the floor. There was an old guy

that dumped water on the floor. Yeah. I made it real steamy in there. There was another old guy in a steam room. And then another old guy came in and spritzed eucalyptus. People are treating the YMCA steam room like it's a Four Seasons. That's way too much to be doing at a YMCA steam room. I loved it. Did you? I felt like a king. Do you think he

brought eucalyptus from home? Oh, I know he did. I could tell by the canister that he had. That's unbelievable. He went out and got eucalyptus and said, I'm going to take this to the Y with me. Is that going to be something you're doing going forward? Yes. I literally was telling my buddy afterwards, I was like, I need to get a citrus one because I like a citrus. Do you think there's limits on what kind of oils you can bring in there? No one's checking. No one's checking. The why is a very, I'm shocked people weren't having sex in there.

There's probably like a smell limit on what kind of oil. There's probably some sort of disgusting oil you could bring in there that would just like kill the vibe completely. Yeah, I think there is. Yeah. It's a community space in there. Right. You know, this isn't like an Equinox where everyone needs to do a little bit of jail time. You don't think the Equinox is a community space in there. Right. You know, this isn't like an Equinox where everyone needs to do a little bit of jail time. You don't think the Equinox is a community space?

I think people who go to Equinox gyms should be locked up for a minimum of two to five years. A hundred fucking percent. Yeah. I've never been to one.

I'm just guessing based on the kind of people I've talked to. Yeah, it's a horrible place. You're there? Yeah, unfortunately.

God damn it, Jack. I know. Well, are you surprised? You are an enigma, I will say. You are an enigma in my life where I go, I, if, am I surprised to hear that you go to an Equinox gym all at once? Yes and no.

Right. Right. Right. Cause I can see you in there making fun of everybody, but then yet still there you are that I think that is, that says a lot. Yeah. I think that you encapsulated quite a bit there. That tells a story.

It's like, I'm making fun of being annoying and just being annoying anyway. Yeah, you're at the equinox. Yeah, I am truly at the equinox. Jack Martin is at the equinox. I have tough relations with them there because normally what I do is I just kind of sit there and go on my phone. And I take so much of the gorilla pre-workout that I just end up pacing around in circles and being really manic. I'm menacing. pre-workout that I just end up pacing around in circles and being really manic.

I'm menacing. The other day I went and I stayed there for five hours and I didn't even work out because I was just so like out of my mind. This is, I should probably stop today. I don't know. This stuff is not even working. You need to get off this shit. It's not working. And I went to leave and the guys who ran the parking garage

were making fun of me as I was leaving. One of the guys looked at the other guys and goes, five hours. That's like a slur to them. Yeah. They're like, hey, five hours over here. They validate, but they only validate up to two hours, so I still owed like $30, and I didn't bring my wallet. And I was in shamb only validate up to two hours. So I still owed like 30 bucks. And I didn't bring my wallet.

And I was like, I was in shambles. I was like sweating. I'm like, I don't have my wallet. And they're like, I don't have to tell you, buddy. You owe $30. And they kept it down. I had to convince them to let me leave. I've gone toe-to-toe with those guys before.

Yeah? I lost my ticket at a Target garage once. Okay. And people who don't live in a place like LA might not know. They charge at Target garages here. I lost my ticket. You only can get it for free if you have your receipt. I lost it somewhere between the store and the car.

And the guy goes, that's going to be 50 bucks to get out of here. And I go, no. And he goes, I'm not letting you out without it. And I go, great. I'll hold up this entire line. And I hate to do it to a working class guy,

but he goes, I can call the cops. And I go, go for it. By the time they, but he goes, I can call the cops. And I go, go for it. By the time they get here, this line will be up the building. Can you call the cops in that scenario? I have no clue. You call 911 and say, hey, there's a guy in the parking lot? There's a guy who won't pay our extortion rate.

We have a gun to his daughter's head and we want 50 bucks. I was like, I'm not doing that. You look at my backseat and see all the groceries I have from the store where I'm supposed to be allowed to park. I was just like, no. And you know what he did? He lifted that fucking gate. He literally goes, all right, asshole, and lifted the gate.

And I was like, great. Did he say, all right, asshole? Yes, he sure did. I'm learning a lot about myself in this moment because I submitted to everything they said. No, I'm an asshole who's going to keep his 50 bucks. They were like, you owe us $30. I was like, I guess I'm fucking sleeping in the parking lot.

I'm just not going home tonight. Yeah, I just couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. And I'm inspired by that. I'll make them call 911 until I leave Target. Make them call the police. Yeah, why don't you call the LAPD on me? Call the National Guard

if you have to. The president himself could come down here, and I'm not moving from this fucking garage. $50 lighter. I'll tell you that. That's an inspirational story that you just told me. I'm trying to write a biopic about it. Really? Yeah.

With the Target parking lot? Yeah. I want to write a biopic starring me as a hero who finally stands up to big business, and it's because I won't pay the parking garage fee. Are you going to let me be in it? Yeah, dude. There's some really interesting stuff for you. Really?

Cashier number three. Yeah. Guy in background. Yeah. dude. There's some really interesting stuff for you. Cashier number three. Yeah. Guy in background. Yeah. But that guy wears a fun shirt. That's actually what I just auditioned for. You had to cry for it? Big emotional scene in the background.

Yeah, yeah. Just wearing a fun shirt. No lines. I just started crying because the fact that I was doing it. Because you can. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanted to demonstrate that. I love that for you.

Here's a clip of me in a Hawaiian in full tears. I I'm I have something I want to bring up and you can tell me if you tell me, no, we'll cut it. But when you were filming La Brea in Australia, you at one point had like six surgeries or something. Yeah. What happened over there? That, that was a disaster. All I know is I said, i said i said jack do you want to hang out soon you said can't i'm going to australia to film and the next time i talked to you you said i've been in an australian hospital for a while and i said what yeah this is something that keeps happening i posted a picture of me in the hospital the other day and i wasn't really thinking about it a lot and every i was getting so many dms being like are you okay are you alive and only then did i realize like i should probably stop posting scary things and not giving any explanation.

We worry about you. There's something sort of... I mean, and you correct me if I'm wrong, I feel like there's something a little bit sexy and mysterious about that. About a guy who's continuously going to the hospital? I'll correct you, yeah. Yeah, I don't think you need it, brother. I think you're doing okay without the hospital arc. Okay. You don't think I need

a little bit of adversity and mystery in my life? You definitely need adversity. That's what I'm saying. At this point, the bar for adversity for me is having a conversation with the parking lot guys at Equinox. Yeah, that was tough for you. That is the extent of it. What are you doing in the hospital all the time? Tell your medical history to the people. Tell your extremely personal medical history.

One thing about this is going to be funny. Okay. It's not. I just have completely non-functional intestines, basically. Fuck yeah. And nobody told me that until I was like 23 years old, which is really sick. Yeah, I went to the hospital like four times because I was writhing in pain. And every time I went there, basically like you're being a pussy and you're constipated,

go home. Yeah. And, uh, the third time I think, I think the Australian doctor like actually called me a pussy in the hospital. And I'm not even kidding about that.

Yeah. And, uh, then the fourth time they were like, Oh, you have a birth defect. All of your intestines are out of place. They're tying on themselves and you're losing circulation to your organs

and you're going to die if you don't get surgery. And I was like, Oh, okay, Cool, so the other times I came, we couldn't press the button? Yeah. You couldn't figure all that out. What was holding us back from getting there? Yeah, no, they didn't really check on it particularly. I don't trust doctors for these reasons.

Yeah, no, me neither. They don't listen. Yeah, they don't. They're like psychopaths with God complexes. 100%. And they're like, I've decided it's gas. I'm like, run the fucking thing. Run the test. What's crazy to me is everybody that I knew that wanted to be a doctor was in pre-med, in class 19 hours a day. And then the people that I actually speak to at the hospital, I feel like have never read a book in their lives. Yeah.

They're vibing. Yeah, they're just kind of there hanging out. They're completely vibing and they don't listen half the time. And they were going to let you die in Australia. They were ready to do that. One time they told me it was kidney stones and so I started frantically Googling what to do when you have a kidney stone

and it said drink lemon water. And so I got six full giant bottles of water and eight lemons and was just cutting up the lemons and dumping the lemons into the water and sucking all of it down. And then by the time I got to the hospital, he's like, you've borderline drowned yourself.

Yeah, I think that's bad for you as well. Yeah, it turns out it is. And then by the time I got to the hospital, he's like, you've borderline drowned yourself. Yeah. I think that's bad for you as well. Yeah. It turns out you shouldn't be doing that. Also, I think that much acidity is kind of bad for your, probably bad for your intestines. It's actually probably the worst possible thing I could have been doing. Yeah. You're like, you're like, yeah, I read that you should drink a battery acid.

So I was doing that every day. And wouldn't you know, it didn't work out. Yeah. It turns out it was bad. Really? Gorilla powder that I take is probably also additionally bad. There's probably a lot of things that I'm doing to not help myself. Yeah.

Yeah. I'd love to. Yeah, man, I would love to. Just as somebody who's your buddy, I'd love to get you out of the gym in under two hours. I'd love to get you off of the gorilla cocaine. Yep. And I think I would cool it on the lemon juice. Yeah.

These are my big. And the drowning. These are my big notes. Yeah, and drowning yourself with water. Yeah, yeah. Honestly, that's iconic. I see where your head's at. I think what's tough is I'm hearing those steps,

and I don't know how to get there. It's a lot to overcome. I can help you. Okay. I can help you. What would you do in my position? If I were you, I think I would just stop with the lemon water. Right.

Probably cry cold turkey. Yeah. Every time you see yourself reaching for a lemon water, I'd say every 17th time maybe let yourself do it. Yeah, okay. That's number one. That'd be a big turn. That'd be a huge turn.

I think maybe set an alarm at the gym, and once we hit two hours, it is time to go. You know? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. It sounds difficult. I can't do it. I can't make any promises i i don't know it sounds it sounds difficult i can't do it i can't i can't i don't have that in me what's your um here's a good question for the pod okay listeners

might like this what's your favorite memory of us i i my favorite thing about you is actually not a memory i was there for okay yeah that's really scary that's really concerned because now my mind is racing about what this is. Because I'm thinking, we shared some beautiful meals together. But you're going to go with one you weren't present for. Yeah, it's something that I was actually not a part of at all. If you can believe it, I'm constantly just sort of like waxing beautifully about you and how much I love you. And that much is very much true.

Yeah, I can. Yeah, I get that. And I was talking to one of my friends, and we were talking about you. And I was like, oh, my God, I love Caleb so much. He's like, oh, I met Caleb one time. I was at, I think he said he was at a comedy show eating Kung Pao chicken. Yeah. And you walked up to the table, and he goes, oh, my God, Caleb Heron,

you're so funny. I love you so much. And you just said, you going to eat that? And started eating his chicken. What? What? Is this true? That's what he said. And he was like, yeah, I didn't even acknowledge anything I said and you just fucking had my chicken and walked away that was my reaction it's I

figured that's just like something you do it seems like now the first part seems like me to completely ignore the compliment and keep it moving. That sounds like me. Yeah. I don't think I've ever gracefully accepted a compliment like that. Every time someone compliments me in public, I just go, oh, thanks. Anyway. Yeah.

You know, but the eating of the chicken is such a I think your friend might be lying and trying to paint me in sort of a Bill Murray caricature. Well, he was saying it in an admirational way. He was like, that was so fucking cool. That was so much better than if he acknowledged me. I was like, wow, he's so funny. He's so awesome. I wish he did that every time. I am dying to know if I actually did this.

And I think that was the only interaction you ever had with this man as well. I have no recollection of this, but the thing is, I won't say I didn't. Because I can't say I didn't. I honestly, I thought I was going to tell you this, and you were is, I won't say I didn't. Yeah, yeah. Because I can't say I didn't. Honestly, I thought I was going to tell you this, and you're like, yeah, I do that all the time. No. I'll say this is the only thing that's coming to my mind.

I wonder if it was this show. I did a show once at Genghis Cohen. Are you familiar? No. Chinese restaurant, a Jewish Chinese restaurant off Fairfax in LA. And I was doing a show there. Blair Saki, a comedian that I absolutely fucking adore. And I can't remember who she had the show with at the time.

Might have been Rosebud Baker. But anyway, Blair had a show at Genghis. And she was like, we come to the show. And I was like, for sure. I'd never done a show at Genghis at this point. They have a little theater off to the side. I thought it was in the theater. I get there.

It's not in the theater. I'm up dead last on the lineup, and it's in the dining room, and all of the audience has eaten a bunch of Chinese food. Oh, so this is 100% where it was. The mic is cutting out, the room is hot, and people are falling asleep. And they go, we've given you the honor of headlining. And I go, oh, some honor. So I get up, and I just spent an entire 20 minute set ripping this show apart yeah i was

like to have me up after the kong pao chicken to have me up in a room full of people those people have so many plates on their table yeah it's like going to be impossible to clean it off you guys are all in food comas and i was just the mic kept cutting out i was like this is a fantastic show we're running you know i was so i was just ripping into it, and I blacked out during that whole set. Yeah, so that's definitely where it was. Might have been there. Yeah, that's absolutely the only place it could have possibly been on the planet. You're going to have to ask your buddy if it was that.

It is unbelievable to me that that is a place that exists. Yeah, a Jewish Chinese restaurant with a theater. Well, like, let's host a comedy show where we're just, like, serving fried rice and Kung Pao chicken. And, like, that's going to be the main event. I'm not going to be listening to the comedy, and I'm also going to be falling asleep. Their food is delicious. I asked the staff from the stage. By the way, stage. I'm standing in the dining room. I asked the staff from

the microphone. I said, when I leave here, can someone just have some of the cilantro shrimp ready for me to go? I'll be taking it with me. You know what's amazing about the story, though, is the way he described it to me, it wasn't about being hungry at all. It was a pure power dynamic move. You had one bite and walked away. Oh, good. Well, it wasn't about being hungry at all. It was a pure power dynamic move. Yeah.

Like you had one bite and walked away. Oh, good. Well, that makes me sound like a sociopath. Oh, you're a fan of my comedy? Give me your dinner, bitch. Like I just had to sun him in front of his family in the feed. Yeah, absolutely.

That's horrible. Like it was a big table of a lot of people and you were just like, you just, yeah, kind of laid it all out on the table. I have never once on a podcast asked someone their favorite memory of us. And I might have to start because that's one of the craziest things I've ever heard about me. I mean, it is my favorite thing I've ever heard about a person, I think.

That's one of the craziest things I've ever heard about me, and I read comments on the internet. What's up, y'all? A few quick things from me. I'm going on tour. I'll be in New York, DC, Philly, Chicago, Nashville, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Dallas, Houston, and Fort Worth in the coming weeks. So please go get tickets and come see me live. If you're enjoying the podcast, there is so much more of it exclusively on Patreon, including monthly bonus episodes from me and additional segments with every guest. So go check that out if you want more so true and finally if you're enjoying the show please tell your friends subscribe everywhere leave a five-star review and all that stuff okay love you ciao i mean i'm a guy who goes through the comments if you want to

hurt me keep staying in the comments because i'm on there. What's your favorite comment you've seen about yourself? Oh, God. I'm trying to think. There was a recent one, actually. There just was, and I'm happy to tell this one because it also paints me in a cool light. But there was a guy who clearly hates me. I just had an article come out about the movie that I wrote and I'm starring in that Lily Wachowski is directing. Hell, yeah. I don't know if you saw it.

Absolutely. I don't know if you're reading the trades. I texted you congrats, but I guess you fucking forgot. Thanks, dude. It's fine. It's actually fine. Thanks, buddy. Aren't you making fun of me for not preparing?

No, fuck. I wouldn't worry about it. Anyway, fuck. Yeah, so the article came out, and I was, of course, reading the quote tweets. Because most of the quote tweets were like, oh my god, Lili Wachowski's doing her first solo film, and I'm excited because Lili's a friend of mine. I love her to death. Yes. So I'm like, pump.

People are as excited as I am that she's doing her first solo film and I'm excited because Lily's a friend of mine and I love her to death. So I'm like, pump. People are as excited as I am that she's doing the movie. And I read one of these quote tweets that goes, so the article is like, the first two lines are about Lily doing the movie and the third line announces me as the writer and star. And he goes, insane monkey's paw on the third line.

For any of the listeners who don't know what that means, a monkey's paw is like a fable where you get everything you ever wish for and it brings about unspeakable evil. So basically what this guy's saying is, awesome that Lily's directing a movie. I would rather die than have this fat faggot star in it. And I just, I really felt for him. And there's like three guys in the responses being like, wow, catastrophically bad. Hate that this fat star in it and i just i really felt for him and there's like three guys in the responses being like wow catastrophically bad hate that this guy's in it and i really genuinely it didn't even hurt my feelings i just feel bad for those guys because i'm like there's

people on the internet that i hate and if my favorite director was going to do their first solo film ever their first movie in a decade and one of these people was in it i would be fucking livid so i was like I feel for you guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that is an unbelievable comment. Oh my god, it's hilarious. It's so funny. Unspeakably easy to be the bigger person when you're winning. You know what I mean? Absolutely.

I'm gonna be mad at the guy who's like tweeting about me. Baby, you're tweeting about my film that I wrote. Oh, you won over him so many times, it's insane. I think that was probably the Chinese food guy. Yeah. Yeah, he hates me now because I stole his dinner in front of his pals he's just waiting for like any deadline update about you and he's like oh this fucking bitch uh yeah he's like he's had insane monkey's paw just loaded and ready to go with whatever line my name was on practicing into the shower he's like oh that's good fucking monkey's paw fuck yeah monkey's paw that's good

that's good kind of obscure a lot of people have to google it that is like that is like an unbelievably obscure insult it's like a rumple stiltzkin type legend yeah those are always my favorite ones yeah there's always the classic many of those uh i will say some of my haters are pretty smart and they've got points you know what i mean i actually did not know you had a single hater alive i really did not know that they're rare and they're idiots and losers like the thing about people who hate me is genuinely i've looked into most of them they are genuinely losing so much can you give me like an example of like a caricature yeah guys who hate me are just like um loser is the best kind of encapsulator like they just have like nothing going on like one of the guys who there were like two negative comments you know how this goes yeah there were like two

negative comments about the movie announcement and one of these other guys who, there were like two negative comments. You know how this goes. There were like two negative comments about the movie announcement. And one of these other guys who said something mean about me, I go to his page. And I want to dislike him. So I'm trying to find something. Because part of your brain immediately goes, I'm a good writer. I'm about to ruin your life. You know what I mean? I'm going to go find something about you and make a joke so good that you're going to be humiliated you got in the arena with me.

Absolutely. And then I get on there. And he posted like two days before that about how proud he was to have his first solo apartment and he's 32. And I was like, oh. And I'm like, that's fine. But then I also saw he started two years ago, he started a movie reviewing blog and there's one post from like the month he started it and none since then. Oh, my God. And I'm like, oh, God.

To dunk on this guy would be like setting a children's hospital on fire. Absolutely. It's just like. I children's hospital on fire. Absolutely. You know what I mean? It's just like. I think you have your response. I'm like, to make fun of the people who don't like me is really like pushing down a person who uses crutches. It's just like, oh, things are already so bad for you. It's like beyond punching down.

It's just like kicking someone on the floor. It's beyond. Like punching. I actually believe in punching down. I think a lot of people beneath me need to be put in their place. Punching down is not something I have a problem with. I think that's a bad rubric for comedy. Yeah.

It would be so much worse than punching down. Right. You know, right. It would be like leveling a senior citizen's home for low income old people or something. You know what I mean? It's just like low income old people. You guys are in a tough spot.

But yeah, I think, I think you should tell him that. I mean, yeah. I think what's crazy about the movie blog isn't the fact that he started a movie blog and only posted on it once. It's that he still has that linked in his bio. Has the link up. Aspirational. Look at this.

Yeah. Has the link up in an aspirational way. Yeah. Obviously, good that he focused less on the movie reviews and focused more on his living situation. Absolutely. Obviously, good that he focused less on the movie reviews and focused more on his living situation. Absolutely. But yeah, just things like that where I go genuinely.

A lot of times they make me laugh. A lot of times the people that don't like me make me laugh because I'm just like, I actually genuinely don't care unless I'm having a really bad day. But then sometimes I go to try and maybe dunk on them or something because it'll be funny. Or I'll screenshot it and sometimes I'll post it with a show announcement or something because I think they're funny. But sometimes you go find somebody who's so sad you go I don't even want to give you like jokingly bad attention right I don't know how close to the edge you are you know I think what's far far worse than this is when you get a negative comment and then you go to their page and they're a respectable individual yeah you go on there and it's like someone with their life together their most recent post isn't about just getting their first apartment

it's like I just did a charity walk. I just ran a marathon for cancer. And they're on your video being like, you fucking suck, dude. It's like, you're right. I've gotten some hate from some leftist girls like that before. I go to their page looking for something to tear into, and I'm like, this bitch is solid. She's solid. She's just graduated a master's program.

She's awesome. She's a genius. She moved to Iowa to canvas for Bernie when it was time to do that. I'm like, she's like just graduated a master's program she's awesome she's a genius she's like all she like moved to iowa to canvas for bernie when it was time to do that like i'm like she's awesome i hate that she doesn't like me she has a blog of like pages and pages of like really good poetry yeah those are the ones that those are the ones that do hurt when it's someone that yeah that's i tweeted about this actually when um i made a joke about this once where uh you know you post any like i was posting jokes about Bernie when he was running I was pro Bernie I voted for him twice

I love Bernie but I was posting jokes about just about Bernie and how kind of cartoonish he is sometimes and people were being leftist people were being so mean to me and I was like it's so funny that I'll post like Bernie have a funny haircut you know and then someone that I would definitely be good

friends with in real life will be like, the death penalty is too good for you, bitch. I'm like, we would be buddies meeting you. Why are you being mean to me? We'd be friends. We would be literal pals. That might be the worst possible response to a hate comment. We'd be friends.

We'd be friends. What if we hung out? Yeah, it's literally the truth. What if you just met me in real life and we went and saw a movie and we like talked to each other and stuff? That's how it is, man. I'm telling you.

Is that how it is? Some of my haters, I look at these people and I go, me and you, we're not so different. Me and you, I would charm you at a party. It's actually banter. It's the start of a friendship. Some of these people are horny for me. It's a buddy cop movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know if you've noticed that. Some of the people who are mean to you are horny for you. It's part of it. Do you look at the people who are mean to me? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. who are mean to you are horny for you that's that's part of it do you look at the people who are mean to me yeah yeah yeah what no but what sticks out to you i'm saying i don't say i have i genuinely haven't seen people be mean to you i don't watch your stuff right now that makes sense but i'm guessing there's a psychosexual element to it it's like you're being mean to me because you want to you either want to be me or you want to fuck me

something's going on that's what i tell myself to make my feel better myself feel better i think that that might be the best possible response is like someone just leaves the meanest possible comment, like go fuck yourself, you should die. And you respond like you want to have sex with me. Keep dreaming about how I look naked. What are you thinking about how fucking hot I am right now? You want to kiss on the lips?

Keep thinking about what it would be like to lay with me for a long time, sicko. To spend hours together in a warm bed cuddling. To just get to know me intimately in a way that mostly only my family does. Yeah, nice try. To stare into my eyes and forget where your body ends and mine begins. Okay, yeah, keep commenting, sicko. Yeah, big guy.

Oh, I have something for you. Okay. A gift of sorts. Okay. Some of my fans, homosexuals, you know, just cool, cool people from the internet. Amazing. They leave us voicemails. Oh, wow. And I ask them, what's something you want to know the truth about? And we can help them maybe.

Okay. So here comes one. I'm outrageously excited for this. I wish I knew the truth about how to handle finances. Could this be louder? Yeah. Absolutely no education on it wait we started over chance i didn't catch it damage that i've done i wish i knew the truth about how to handle

finances absolutely no education on it parents taught me jack shit and the amount of damage that i've done to my financial life which i will take years to recover and recuperate from and trying to figure out how to fix this whole mess right is it's just it's insane to me some of the things that are taught in school and yet finance is not even one iota of getting political yeah and i'm phoning from Canada, and I expect better from us. Right. Twist. It is what it is.

I'm glad she included that. Yeah, that's what I wish I knew the truth about. It's like a basic skill that feels like nobody has, or very few people do. Help me, Caleb. Well, this is the forum for that. Yeah. This is the right place to be. Some crazy points off the top.

Number one, I feel like no one has their finances in order. I hate to break it to you, sister. Some people do. Some people really do. And that's number one. And number two is it's crazy to have money troubles in Canada. I think they give most stuff away up there. Yeah, I don't know how that happened.

Yeah. I was going to say that's an irrelevant detail, but you make a really good point. I don't think anyone in Canada has that problem. It was relevant only to make her case worse. It's actually just you. You're actually completely alone in this. Also, I want to know what your financial situation is, caller, because I'm like, you make it sound like you invested your pension with Bernie Madoff. It sounds like you are in a dire spot.

Yeah, that got really bleak. That was way beyond just like, I'm not budgeting. It was like, I have lost any sense of what to do with my life. I don't know who I am anymore. I have completely lost any sense of purpose. I've spent myself into a void of purpose. Like I don't know what I'm doing here anymore. It just completely wasn't even about finances anymore. It was just I'm not even conscious most of the time.

Are you good with your money? No, I'm horrible at it. I feel like I sort of have the aesthetic of maybe being good about it, and I'm possibly one of the worst people ever at it. Yeah. Yeah, it's probably the same thing that makes me pace around on a gym floor not working out for five hours. Yeah.

I'll tell you, this is one thing I know about finances. Invest in a Roth IRA. If you have a substantial chunk of savings that you can not draw on frequently, put it into a high-yield savings account, okay? You're talking a couple hundred, a couple thousand dollars a year, depending on the amount of interest that you wouldn't get in a regular yield savings account, okay? And the other thing I can tell you is this. A common piece of financial wisdom is if you're bad with your money when you don't have much,

you'll be bad with it when you do, and that is bullshit. I had no money for a long time and was horrible with it. And then having a little bit more of it allowed me to be foolish and still be okay. So they're lying to you about that. They are. They're lying. They are. Because you can fuck around and be like, oh, fuck, I accidentally spent $500 on changing this flight because I didn't think ahead enough.

Not that big of a deal when you've got a little bit more money. That is the kind of stuff that I waste money on. I don't buy anything cool except the Jeep. I just like change flights because I forgot I had one. I order like rush Instacart because I'm starving and I don't want to get up. I just like get dumb. Convenience money. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And like I fucked something up. This was an accident. And so I need to pay several hundred dollars to make up for it. Perfect example of this is today I waited too long to eat. I had gone to the gym. I had showered. I needed to come here and start recording episodes. And I was like, I've got to eat in the next 30 minutes because I have to go to the studio and then I won't be able to eat for a couple hours. So I spent $50 getting Chick-fil-A delivered.

How is that possible? It's damn near impossible. That's an unbelievable stat. Between the nuggets and the sweet tea and the fee, and I will say a big part of that 50 was a handsome tip because I'm that kind of guy. Yeah. I'm that kind of guy. Yeah, you are. I'm sorry. It was a $5 meal. Sorry. Yeah. Sorry. I always tip 300%. Sorry. I tip great. No way around it. Unless it's the Target parking lot, but I don't fucking pay you at all.

Yeah, fuck the guy in the Target parking lot. I'm going to get in a standoff with you actually until the cops need to be called. Call the cops? Also the most white privilege thing ever. I'll stay right here until you call the cops call them you actually exposed yourself pretty horribly call them

I'm friends with them what's the worst that could happen call Rick who my dad call the LAPD chief and see if he wants to get dinner with me next week again, bitch. We're close. You said that about Denver one time. Denver is not a serious place.

Yeah, you were like, it's a mental health concern if you move to Denver. I thought that was a very true point. Thank you. Everybody I know who's ever moved to Denver, many of my close friends, love you guys deeply, have been on the brink of something horrible. Absolutely. They're just not. When people start talking about moving to Denver,

it's you need to 5150 them. Yeah. It's a scary thing that they do. It's a, it's, it's desperation. It's a plea. Yeah.

And there's just, it doesn't have the same ring as like when someone talks about moving to New York, it's like maybe there'll be in theater, you know, or when someone talks about moving to LA, it's like maybe they love the beach. When someone talks about moving to Denver,

it's like there just is, there's something that rings true about you're going to kill yourself soon. Absolutely. It's just scary. I don't know why. It's just scary. It's like I didn't have a shining type experience hiding away in a mountain by myself or with my family, potentially. My family. Yeah, there's something. It's also

the illusion of it's like a place where wellness is like people pretend that they're well, but you're still living in a major city. Yeah. People do that with LA as well, I will say. I mean, Austin would be worse. That's much scarier, I think. Austin, yeah. Austin is where podcasters go to get worse. Yeah. Yeah. And more and more horrible. Yeah. Austin is a, I love Austin the city and I love Austin audiences. I have some of my favorite times in Austin, but comics who moved to Austin, I'm very scared of. I've never been. I've just heard people talk about going there

and those conversations are always the most excruciating conversations I've ever had. Including what we just had. No worries. I just kind of have to do that because I sell really well in Austin. Oh, that's awesome, man. I can't fully put them down the river.

Selling live tickets is kind of like my NBC's La Brea. Totally. Begging people to come see me at a comedy club in Austin is kind of like that for me. Right, yeah. No, I see that. I see that completely. I need it. When I was listening to your episode in the parking garage, you were talking about ice baths and how they turn people bald and purple.

Yeah. And I just wanted to let you know I took that really personally because that's something that I enjoy. You're an ice bath guy. Yeah, regrettably. Not an ounce of me is surprised. Right. Now, I don't think you're going to be bald or purple. Right.

But once again, you're kind of enigmatic in this way. Yes. Where at the same time that I could see you making fun of these guys, I do see you in the ice next to them. What happens to me is I hate these things, and I relentlessly make fun of them. And then it's like, I got to try it. Yeah. And then I do it, and then I like it. Often.

Not always. Yeah. And then I just start doing it. And then about a year in, it's like, I hate myself. And then I got to pivot out completely. And I'm in stage three on the ice bath thing thing where it's like, I'm still enjoying it. Yeah. What you just said to me might pull me out.

It might be the end for me. I feel like the universe pre faded that you were going to be a guy I would never hang out with, but you, by virtue of like having a good family and a cool sister and just like, maybe like three pivotal experiences. Yeah. You became a guy I love.

Yeah. And I feel like every day you're at war. And I want you to know that I feel the same way about myself. There was a, there was a hair's difference between me being who I am and me being like a closeted youth pastor in Missouri until the day I die. So you and me, I see this,

these warring worlds. We're teetering on the edge. At any moment. Yeah, it could all fall apart. Could get pushed back. Don't you feel? Yeah, no, I know exactly. Don't you see that in me? I know exactly what you mean. I see it in myself for sure, just sort of like hanging off the edge of a cliff. I see God in you, brother. Hell yeah,

brother. And I see God in me as well. When I look in the mirror, I see God. If you say anything in that kind of cadence, it'll work. It's you doing it. It just makes me excited. It makes me fired up. I just want to, I don't know, I want to do something. Well, that's the other part of me that's hidden,

is that I was an inch away from being a football coach. Oh, yeah? And I can get people there. Can you give me an example of that? We're down at halftime. We're down at halftime. We're down at halftime? By 13. What's the stakes? Talking college, football, high school football?

It's the state championship in high school football. High school state championship. Missouri? Yeah. Thank you. Of course. We're down by 13? Two possessions. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. But they're frontrunners. They're good when they're up. We're good when we frontrunners. They're good when they're up. We're good when we're up, or they're good when they're up?

No, they are. They're good when they're up and we're behind. It's going to be a tough sell to get back. Yeah. And you've got to inspire the room. We're feeling down. We're feeling bad. Okay.

I'm not going to sugarcoat it, gentlemen. it gentlemen it looks bad no one believes you can do it let's get out there i think that would work that it worked on me right now i'm not gonna sugarcoat it gentlemen it looks bad and no one thinks you can do it i I'll see you out there. I think that we would win by 12. I couldn't be more serious. I was so along for the ride on that. We go on a 25 to nothing run in the second half. Absolutely.

And I think we win. Yeah, we do. We do. When you said I'm not going to sugarcoat it, I felt so fucking bad about myself. Yeah, yeah. I was like, I'm letting the steam down. Well, that's the thing as a coach that I know. You know, as a man who's in the coaching profession in an alternate universe.

Sure. I know that sometimes you got to be the inspirer and sometimes you got to be the disappointed dad. And on this particular halftime, I went disappointed dad. Yeah. That's kind of the Andy Reid thing. I feel like he's kind of a disappointed dad all the time. Could you imagine Andy Reid walking into a locker room and

just saying to you, I don't know what the hell we're thinking. I don't get it. The line between the advice I imagine he gives his players and what a dad would say when he gets a report card full of C pluses, there's no line. It's the exact same thing. He's also just such a Andy Reid,

head coach of the Kansas City Chiefs football organization. A lot of gay people who aren't going to know where we're going with this. Andy Reid, head coach of the Kansas City Chiefs football organization. He is just like the most wholesome guy ever. So you know when he gets fired up in the locker room, he's just like, holy moly.

He's just like, he doesn't, I don't think he curses. Gosh dang it. Gosh dang it, guys. Travis, you almost knocked me over out there what in tarnation that was scary that was scary

I feared for my life a little bit not as scary as the Ravens performance in the championship game I'm not gonna be able to acknowledge that yeah okay

no worries dude I flew to Baltimore to watch that game and I returned home deathly sick. Two of my favorite people in the world are Ravens fans. Am I one of them? You? Yes.

And what if I was like, and Jim Harbaugh? No. You and Stavi Stavros. Oh my god, yeah. Love that guy. They put him on the Jumbotron about ten times at the game, which was incredible. Stavi is one of the funniest people alive. Absolutely. He is such a killer,. Stavi is one of the funniest people alive. Absolutely.

He is such a killer, and Stavi is one of the rare people who does it all. Like, he's a dude who, he knows sports really well. He can do sports comedy. He knows politics really well. He does political comedy. He does the internet. He's an actually good joke writer,

and he kills in the room. Stavi is like a very rare uh a very very rare comic he's so fucking funny and what i also think is amazing is that raven's bit that he does is really not like like something that should be allowed on television like if you see the bit in its true form yeah and the raven's team loved it so much they put it all over their social media they put it on the jumbotron but But the bit in its true form is like, my wife left me because I like defaulted on payments. And like, I just bought a gun.

And it's really like, it's not even about. He's like, my bitch fucking wife likes Jalen Hurts. Jalen Hurts has nothing on Joe Flacco. Just fucking going off. I wish so badly they put that form of it on the Jumbotron for all the children at the game.

I would love that. Maybe the team would have come to play. I have said a lot, especially in the last couple years, what the NFL needs to do is hire me as a head coach,

give me one year to do whatever I want, and I will create a level of intrigue and drama that has never been seen in the league before. What's the first thing you would do? First thing I do is I fire everybody talented.

100%. I send everybody talented packing and I clear up so much cap space. And I pay a bunch of loser psychopaths like The Replacements 2000 starring Keanu Reeves. I pay a bunch of losers millions big contracts that they would never get otherwise. And I tell them our

only goal this season is two things. Headlines and hospitals. I want us on the front page of every newspaper, and I want our opponents hurt. I'm talking. I'm sending them out there with brass knuckles. First game of every play, we're doing it longest yard style. And then I'm having them.

I'm having them. By the way, I'm fucking some of the players, and I'm starting people based on who's having sex with me. And I'm cutting people who won't sleep with me. Are you keeping that open? Are you putting up a chart? Yeah, I'm telling people that. He's fucking me the most.

Yes. This is second place. He's moving up the rankings. Yes. They're going to go. People are going to see me play at coach, and they're going to say, what the hell is Russell Wilson doing at cornerback?

Not quarterback, his position. Cornerback. I'm going to say, he fucks me and he wanted to try it out you know i'm gonna be really open no one's gonna be able to question that either no one's gonna be like that makes sense and it makes me uncancellable i'm gonna say everything i'm doing up front you're invincible in post-game interviews i'm gonna say i am siphoning money off the top and you would win as well i we will win we will go to the super bowl my friend and i we will win the super bowl and then next season, you know what I'll do? Disappear.

I quit. From the sport or from the country? From public life. Yeah. From public life. I quit. I don't ever do an interview again. People ask me, what was that season about?

And I go, get out of here. I feel like this is a good plan as the head of a studio as well. Yeah. Just like what to do creatively? I think in terms of being the head of a studio and only letting people work if They fuck you. I think we've tried it And I think it wasn't good I think it went really bad I think that guy's still like pretending to be on crutches at trial

Sort of like it's been done in the NFL maybe has it do you? Do you think so? You think there was an evil gay head coach in the NFL? Greg Williams. Now you've gone too deep for me. And I know football, so I'm really wondering who you're talking about. I'm just talking about Bounty Gate, when they really told people to injure other people on the field. Yeah. What you were saying. That felt gay to you.

Just your plan about the brass knuckles. Yeah. Yeah. The violence were saying. That felt gay to you. Just your plan about the brass knuckles. Yeah. Yeah. The violence. Sorry, just so I'm clear. No, no, no, just so I'm clear.

It felt gay to you when an NFL coach broke the rules and tried to hurt people. That's what you felt. You know, I don't feel like that's what I said exactly.

Kind of what it sounded like. I guess we'll see it when it comes out. Yeah, well, the edit's not going to be very generous to you. The editors work for me, and they're going to tell my story. Yeah, I should have known whose turf I was on. That's why I tried to get John on my side when I walked in here. I'll protect you. Hell yeah.

John would do almost anything for you. And I believe that fully. Yeah. That's a man who would die for me. What is, hey, here's a question for you. What is something that's so true to you? You know, this wasn't something that I prepared. Okay.

But I just sort of wanted to acknowledge this. My real name is John, and your real name is John. I don't go by John, and I was actually banned from an entire financial institution over this. And that's true to me. Chase or Wells Fargo? PayPal. Okay. What happened with PayPal?

Well, I signed up as Jack, and then they had me send in my ID, and I sent it in, and it said John. And they were like, this is fraud. You're banned for life. And I was like, I didn't think that. That's fraud? Is it crazy that I'm on their side? Yeah, no.

Put your legal name. Yeah. Yeah, I was young. Yeah. young yeah oh man that was the old days it's a different time you know damn that was back when we could do that kind of stuff yeah we used to be able to have fun in this country to be able to have fun and put the wrong name i should be giving advice to uh callers about finances i think yeah yeah let's get some advice from the guy who got banned for life from PayPal, which I think even drug dealers can't do. I did something they can never do. I made,

I made a really sad video that I think I still have up. That was just sort of like me begging them to change their decision. Yeah. I made a video tagging PayPal. I was like, I, I go by Jack and I was like explaining it. And I was like,

there's a lot of John Jacks. I put up the Wikipedia article for like the John and how JFK is like, he was John, and he went by Jack. And it was radio silence. They didn't want to hear from me on that. Yeah. I'm still banned for life. I don't think there's anything I can do. I hope they never let you back.

I actually. I want you to grow from this. I had a friend who worked at PayPal, and I texted him, and he was like, there's nothing I can do for you. Yeah. You're done here. He was like, first of all, don't lose my number. Yeah, pretty much. You're going to get me in trouble, too.

Get out of here. I can't be talking to you about this. You're a fucking pariah in this building. Truly. I don't know if we've spoken since. And that was your so true was that you're banned from PayPal? I just sort of thought about it on the spot when I was looking in your eyes and having a bit of a moment of connection there. With John? Yeah.

This hurts so bad that you guys are connecting so hard. Well, you lost me a little bit, and he won me. I don't know how else to put it. Yeah, that hurts horribly. I'm really happy for you guys, but it's just like my show, so I'm kind of trying to connect with the guests mostly. Well, at the halftime speech, when you say you didn't believe in me, that's just like I really lost a lot in my heart, you know?

Yeah, it was acting, dude. Okay. Well i well sorry i believed it sorry you're good at acting wait we're back we're so bad wait we're so back and seen i've got a so let me tell you some of the so trues i've got written okay let me tell you one i'll tell you i've got a little list that i keep of them what have i and i forget to mark off which ones I've done before. I've got a list. Don't worry. I did prepare this. Oh, man. Here's one. Okay.

This, to me, I've been thinking. I've been thinking about what the most devastating sentence in the world might be. Okay. Because you know that thing that's like for sale, baby shoes, never worn? No. You don't know about that? I don't know about it. Don't fuck with me right now.

I don't know what that is. John. Come on, John Jack. What the fuck does that mean, Caleb? You don't know for sale baby shoes never worn? Not even a little. I'm in no mood to be messed with right now. This is what it is. It's the saddest sentence ever written.

If you were in no mood, then why did you say something like that to me? For sale baby shoes never worn. I heard you when you said it. Is a poem by a guy. Okay. And the challenge was to write, or maybe he didn't initiate the challenge. Maybe the challenge was based on it. Write the saddest story you can in six words.

Okay. And he wrote, For Sale, Baby Shoes Never Worn. Now you get that. It's like, okay, there was a baby that would have worn shoes, but he died before he got the chance to put on the shoes. Yeah. I have been working on one that is like a modern one that I experience sometimes,

and it is, okay, thanks for letting me know. That's tough. Okay, thanks for, you know what I mean? Yeah. Like I sometimes will have to cancel on a show or something because I thought I was going to be in New York, and now I'm not, or I have to, you know, you have to email someone and be like,

oh, I'm going to pass on this or whatever. Okay, thanks for letting me know is so brutal. Because they could have gone with no worries and chose not to. Right. That's a very intentional choice. Well, also, okay, thanks for letting me know exclusively follows a good conversation. Yeah. It's like you're having banter.

You're having fun. You guys are friends. And then it just falls apart. Off a cliff. Off a cliff. Okay. It's worse than like, fuck you. Thanks for letting me know.

Yep. That's all. That's all I can give you. I got a worse six words's worse than like, fuck you. Thanks for letting me know. Yep. That's all. That's all I can give you. I got a worse six words than both of those, though. Go ahead. Insane monkey's paw in the third sentence. Now that's a writer. Someone get that guy in a room.

That's so fucking funny. Unfortunately, he did say that. that okay thanks for letting me know yeah horrible that's devastating it's it really okay thanks for letting me know as a kin too because you know if they could say what they wanted to they'd be like you have massively fucked me over i will never think of you the same yeah enjoy. Enjoy your bad karma. Right. Rotten hell. Right. Evil bitch. Yeah. It's like, I have so many horrible things to say about you. I could say them for a fucking hour straight,

but you're not even worth it. So I'm going to pretend to be pleasant with you. Uh huh. It's cutting, it's cutting to the core. Okay. Thanks for letting me know. That's,

that's made me have chest compressions before. Oh yeah. That's the word for it. Sure. But whenever, you know, like there's pain in your heart. Yeah. whatever that is. Yeah. Heartbreak. Yeah. That's made me have heartbreak before. Yeah. That's made me have heartbreak before.

I was trying to sort of figure out the concept of heartbreak in that sentence. Yeah. Yeah. You're always trying to figure out the concept of heartbreak. Every time I hang out with you, you pull out a notebook and you're like, so basically you want something, but you can't have it. What the fuck is up with that? I'm just taking notes and riffing. Trying to get you to explain it to me. Okay, hold on here. Oh yeah, okay. So basically

my heart made a wish for a dream to come true and then it didn't. What do you do about that? That's kind of our dinners together. Yeah, I got a couple pitches centered around that. Yeah. Yeah. What about that idea?

Has anyone ever talked about this? Anyone ever talked about when you want something deeply, but it doesn't want you back? I feel like that would resonate with a lot of people right now. I think you should make that. It would be for the moment. At this time, more than ever, people would want to hear that. Make that short film, John.

Yeah. Sorry, John. Yeah, thank you. Make that short film, John. It's important to clarify, as we've discovered. Yeah, thank you. Make that short film, John. It's important to clarify as we've discovered. Yeah, well, you're going to get banned from the podcast if you don't start telling the truth about your name. Yeah, no, and I understand that.

We're going to kick you the fuck out of here. He's shaking his head violently. We're not banning Jack. Yeah, no one is on the same page as you, apparently. Yeah, these guys are a lot of fun, but I'm in charge. So you guys can be buddies all you want. Wow, the energy in the room really shifted. I get a blank look in my eye.

Turn black. Let's just be fucking done. I walk out. Okay, thanks for letting me know. We have an Ellen DeGeneres Dakota Johnson moment. Oh my god. You out me as a fucking psychopath. But in like a cute way We have an Ellen DeGeneres Dakota Johnson moment. Oh my God. That's a little, you,

you out me as a fucking psychopath, but in like a cute way or whatever people liked about her. That's what I was trying to do with the Kung Pao chicken. You're trying to, I hope that they caught on. Oh, that won't be put out. Okay,

good. Yeah. That story will be cut. Yeah. Once again, you're in charge. Yeah. Yeah.

Don't fucking forget it. This episode is basically gonna be cut together to where it looks like I'm asking a bunch of insightful questions and you're just responding, you're awesome, dude. That's what this is going to kind of look like at the end. Wait, I love you. Wait, you're literally a king to me. And people are going to be like, this episode is fucking weird. This is bizarre.

Did he really say that? Did he really do that? Just cut up where they don't even match. It's like ADR. I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do like a deep fake of you the whole episode. you really do that just just cut up where they don't even match it's like adr i do i yeah yeah yeah we do i do like a deep fake of you the whole episode being like not only are you talented but you're kind that's like all your responses to my questions that is how i talk about you constantly truly prove it and i wish i had video evidence well next time that is so true to me that i love

you that you love me yeah i love. And I love this next segment. Okay. Do you like that transition? I'm scared again. Don't be. I have a game for you. Okay. Don't be scared.

This is good stuff. Okay, the game is this. I've got to find the document first. And we'll cut this out so I don't look like a fucking idiot. You look like a fucking idiot. Jack, I've got a game for you, brother. Okay. I'm going to read you 15 statements. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can after each one if you think

they're true or false. Got it. There are right answers and wrong answers. If you get more than 10 of these correct, 10 or more, I will give you 50 US dollars. Wow. Yeah. You'll do something for me you couldn't do for Target. I can't stop thinking about that.

Put it towards paying off that Jeep. You ready? We'll give you an easement right out of the gate. The earth is flat. True. You don't want $50 at all. False. The small intestine is the largest internal organ in your body.

That's true. You should know about that. Yeah, I know all about that. The Hollywood sign originally said Hollywoodville. False. False. Hollywood land. Russia has only three time zones.

False. False. 11. Leonardo DiCaprio's first role was on the kids' TV show Romper Room. False. False. Hollywood Land. Russia has only three time zones. False. False. Eleven. Leonardo DiCaprio's first role was on the kids' TV show Romper Room. True. True. Darth Vader says, Luke, I am your father. False. False. No, I am your father. Bats are the only flying mammals. True. True. Two presidents have been born in Virginia.

False. False. Eight. A chicken once lived 18 months without its head. True. True. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. True. True. Almonds once lived 18 months without its head. True. True. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. True. True. Almonds are a member of the tree nut family. False.

False. The peach family. Maine is the only state with a one-syllable name. False. True. Fuck. John Williams has the most Academy Award wins. True.

False. Walt Disney. Damn it. Nazi. The word burrito means from one comes many in Spanish. True. False. It means little donkey. Why the fuck did I say true? I have no one comes many in Spanish. True. False. It means little donkey. Why the fuck did I say true?

I have no idea. I speak Spanish. Georgetown University was established in 1789. True. True, dude. Let's go. I mean, he got a lot. 11.

Woo. And I gave one away at the beginning. And you gave me the opportunity to say something I love saying, which is that Walt Disney was a Nazi. Yeah. Fuck that guy. That should have been that true or false. True, dude.

True, he's how it was. Oh my god. Jack, hey. You have anything you want to plug to your camera? Intestinal malrotation. Yeah, thank you. Look it up. And check you out online everywhere. Yes. TikTok, Insta.

You name it. Not John. Not John. Not John. At not john not john not john at not john at not john dude thank you so much for doing it i love you more than life itself i love you more than i love the air i breathe every day i love you more than that whoa yeah more than whatever you said let's get this guy out of here that's really that's yeah that's toxic