So True with Caleb Hearon - Jack Martin Returns

Episode Date: July 2, 2026

Welcome! This week’s guest is the hilarious Jack Martin! Jack and Caleb talk Pizza Movie, New York vs. LA, a certain new piece of scary technology, bad boys, and so much more! Join our Substack for ad free full episodes, early access to merch, our community chat, and more! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow Jack! @realjackmartin Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Go to https://www.squarespace.com/SOTRUE to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code SOTRUE. Find exactly what you’re booking for at Booking.com. Book today on the site or in the app. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at https://RocketMoney.com/SOTRUE Shop now at https://Fabletics.com/sotrue to get 70-80% percent off everything when you sign up as a new VIP Go to https://Audible.com/headswillrollseries to start listening today. Get 40% off select Lola Blankets products at https://Lolablankets.com by using code SOTRUE at checkout. Experience the world’s #1 blanket withLola Blankets. So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Virginia Muller. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York. A Wave series. https://wavesportsandentertainment.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Wave. What is the biggest change you've ever made in your life? Like, what is the best thing that you started doing that improved your life? Do you have one? Oh my God, I don't know if I do. Come on, Jack. Do you have one? Well, I was going to think while you were answering.

You and Derry, so there are little pills you can take. What are they, lactate? Oh, yeah. You doing that? I've done it before and it has helped so I guess that's my answer. I really genuinely realized in that moment that I am lactose and tolerance.

Yeah. I always have a revelation on this podcast. Is that true? Well, last time I came on, I remember I was looking at the YouTube comments and there's one comment that said something like, this guy's never had a friend. What?

Or like I've never seen someone who needs therapy. be more, which I am in. Whoa. It felt like a read. It felt very... You can't be reading that stuff, Jack. Well, it was interesting because it wasn't a hate comment. It was like someone looking out for me.

No, that's how they get you. That's how they get you. They put on, like, the concerned citizen hat, and then they read you to fucking fill. That's one of the ways they try to get you. Well, I think it's because you give me revelations on this plot, like the lactose. That's beautiful. I think the thing that we always have to remember about people commenting on podcasts on the internet is they're commenting on podcasts on the internet.

And I send my love to the fans, to the people who are being sweet. I'm sure I love you. I appreciate you. I'm not reading. But you just have to remember like when someone puts like a, you know, I've seen like two paragraph hate comments about me on something. And I go, you took time out of your day to do that. You can't have a very good life. I genuinely couldn't think of one thing that's hateable about you.

Oh, there's plenty. I'm just saying to take time. to write it is crazy. I was having this conversation with someone recently, and I think where we landed is that it's not... Everyone always talks about it with comments. I actually would go so far as to say, maybe this should have been my so true.

Is that having an opinion about anything on you is crazy. To me, it's committing to actually just writing it and posting it. Yes. Like, I have opinions about everything. There's something wrong with me. I can't stop having opinions about everything. Things have nothing to do with me. I have opinions on.

Yes. But I am never in my life on an in... on a comment section on the internet sharing that. Right. Like, I have the show and I have stand-up, and I have, like, ways to talk about my little thoughts. But I'm never sitting down and typing out two paragraphs in a comment on Instagram.

Right. Mostly because I have an interesting life that I enjoy. Yes. Which is my point. It's like, taking time to do that as a real, like, whoa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Were you in therapy at the time that you saw the therapy comment? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, of course. Okay, yeah. Yeah. But, I mean, they were correct. Yeah. Correct. Read of me.

What are you working on in there? Anything you can share or not really my business? Definitely your business. I mean, clearly the lactose is on the list. We're going to work on therapy. We're going to work on lactose and therapy. Yeah, I mean, the problem is like there's such an overlap between the physical problems and the mental problems.

Yeah? Yeah. Well, like, you know, this is like the least funny topics I can be bringing. The sleep apnea is like diabolical. Yeah, the lack of being able to breathe. The sleep. You know what? I'm keying in on something here.

Me ceasing to breathe in my sleep is not working. I was really shocked. We stayed together at South by. We went to South by Southwest for the art house film pizza movie that we were both in. Yes. And for which I auditioned for your role famously. Have we talked about this on here already? Did we talk about it the last time?

I don't think so. I auditioned for the role that Jack played in pizza movies. I thought it was so interesting, totally, and then they said, well, we're going to give it to Jack Martin. I said, that's correct. That's my boy. He'll do great with it. And then they said, but we have something for you. And then, and then they sent me a role that they created for me, which is very sweet. Shout out to Nick and Brian.

Not so sweet when you read it, though, because the first line after they rejected me playing a college student was, I am 31 years old. And I have taken a gap decade. So it was, we're talking about a movie. that it imagines that people can get so high that they get a chainsaw shoved up their ass wasn't able to stretch the imagination enough for me to be 21.

Right? And so those are my dear friends. And we went to South Five for the movie and we stayed together. And you, your sleeping patterns were quite interesting to me. Yeah, that got scary. I was like, this is a sleepy guy.

You were like, do you want to go in the pool at 2 p.m.? And I was like, oh, I can't. I'm going to be asleep. Yeah. And then what was interesting about it is I was like, I was like, it would be kind of like, do you want to do breakfast at 7 a.m.

and you'd be like, I got to sleep. And they'd be like, do you want to do pool at 10 p.m. And you'd be like, bedtime. And I'd be like, hey, we're going to stay up late. It'd be like midnight. And I'd be like, I think we're going to stay up for another couple hours. And you'd be like, ah, it's just the sleep I got to do.

And I was like, this guy is getting his fucking, I was actually, I left that situation being like, I'm not taking care of myself. Jack Martin is a health guru in my life. and I need to be getting sleep. It's good that I gave that appearance because the real explanation behind is that I just haven't seen a doctor

in an unbelievable enough time. Yeah, well, there's, do you know there are surgeries you and I were talking about last night? Yeah. Well, you're great at seeing the doctor. You sort of lined him up. Oh, I'm getting good at it.

Yeah. Jack, this is, how old are? 27. Right. When you said that, I forgot. Yeah. I don't know why. Four years from now,

you might find yourself in a position like I'm in. And I don't know what. I am grateful. I'm grateful for things you can't even imagine thinking about. I'm expressing gratitude for my body. Turning 30 really shifted something for me. Right. But yeah, I'm going to the doctor all the time now. If something's even slightly wrong, I'm hitting the doctor. And this is, of course, guy who has good health insurance privilege. Sure. I'm exercising it. I'm going in there. I'm telling him, I went in for an STD test, and I said, take some extra blood, run everything. He said, what for it?

I said just in case. Just like as a tip? Yeah. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, take some mix of blood on the top. Don't spend this all in one place, shit. I, yeah, I'm going to the doctor. I'm thinking about getting a colonoscopy just to see what's going on in there.

Michael Cruz came was just telling me about it. What's that thing you can get where they, they just sort of suck it all out? Lipo. Jack? Jack? What? No, I meant, I meant, of your colon.

Oh. It's like a... Yeah. Is that an enema? Yeah, that. Can't they do those with coffee? Yeah, probably. Chance Google...

That's what's happening. That's not happened to me after DIMSoms. Chance Google coffee, Inima. Yeah. Jack and I had DEMSum last night. And the truth is that I, when I walked back to your hotel with you, and I had to spend some private time in the lobby bathroom. Yeah. The DIMSum hit quick.

It moved in an unbelievable pace. It moved an unbelievable pace. And the dim sum was very good. It's excellent. I messed up a little bit on ordering for us. It's okay. It's not, dude. I love ordering for the table and when you don't get it right,

it's a nightmare because you take that burden on your shoulders. You want to take care of the people you love. Well, it is a talent of yours ordering for the table. You've put together some incredible orders in our time. Usually, but last night. The Thai food in Liverpool, New York. The Thai food in Liverpool, New York, I did order for us there. You know, filming a movie in Syracuse can be such an incredible thing that happens to you.

you can you can really live somewhere for three weeks and do nothing you can go to Denny's you can go to Denny's which we did you can go to the one Thai restaurant which I will say I was pretty stoned

for but I got to say it was a better one of the better ones It was magnificent. Chance coffee enema Yeah it's a coffee enema involves introducing brewed, cooled coffee into the rectum and colon to promote bowel cleansing

and purported liver detox. High quality clinical evidence is minimal. Why is he still going? And major liver guidelines do not endorse it. Why didn't he put it on the screen, Jack? Why didn't he put it on the screen? I was expecting a visual. I know. I wanted to see maybe a diagram.

Yeah, well, I really wasn't expecting you to say that the anima goes in that route. I thought it was like you drink it and that's just what happens because that is usually what happens to me, frankly. Okay, no, no. This is an interesting picture. There was an interesting picture.

was an interesting picture where it was just a coffee cup in front of a bowels. And this is why I just read. TLC. And you're supposed to figure out the rest. Click on Try a Coffee Inima chance. Would you please? The pink one on the next row. Okay. For detox and wellness, remove toxins, improved digestion and boost energy. You know, people lived for a very long time before any of this stuff ever came up. But Inima may be good. Colonoscopy, I'm just hearing raving about.

This just feels like something that would save me. You think? Don't you think? I want you to get into this kind of stuff. I like when my friends get kind of rich in Hollywood and they start telling me that they're getting like ivies to the house. I like that stuff. I think that's nice. There's just something about like, I don't know, maybe I'm like with the goop marketing or something,

but just like removing everything out of me in this way through like a bag. Yeah. It just feels like it's going to fix all my problems at once. Yeah. I'm very susceptible to marketing. I do know that about you. Yeah. I will say, speaking of goop.

For all my questions about Goop, for all my fears about Gwyneth Paltrow, I have a lot of questions for her. I hope she's well. I just, she talks about supplements and wellness in a way that I'm like, I want to talk to her and make sure everything's okay. She's beautiful. She looks great. For all my questions about Goop, Goop Kitchen in L.A.? You ever had it? I've heard a lot of things about it.

It's actually working. Okay. It's actually working. I was in a writer's room in L.A. that stopped doing Sweet Green and started doing Goop Kitchen. That's an enormous change for them. It was massive. And it changed everything for me. And it was really good, actually.

What kind of things are they serving there? You know. I really can't begin to imagine. Salis. Sure. Terriaki chicken bowl. Which I had a lot of fun with. Yep.

Yeah, I had a good time. And then, yeah, of course, several times a week, they would say, we're doing a goop order and I'd say, I'm going to go across the street to a fried chicken place. Yeah. You guys go ahead. Well, when I hear the name goop kitchen, I'm picturing something that serves like Nickelodeon slime or Play-Doh. Which? You know.

my friend Doyle says all the time he wishes that we just had like a meal pill You just take your meal pill And then you're just done it I don't feel that way But I do understand the desire I heard Glenn Howard and say that That he wishes he could just exclusively drink

Like a liquid once a day And then just be satiated Really? Which is a scary which is scary But that's scary Yeah that's a really specific And futuristic kind of eating disorder I personally wish I could be eating all the time

Which is my existing literal eating disorder I just love the stuff. I think it's a lot of fun. Hell yeah, brother. I love sharing a meal. I love it. Literally. I absolutely love it.

It's the best there is. It is the best there is. How's New York treating you this trip? It's going pretty good. You're trying to convince me to like it a lot more than I do. Yeah, I mean, I will say we're walking through beautiful, gorgeous New York City last night after I text. Jack texted me and said, I'll see you tomorrow for the podcast. And I said, are you in town?

And he said, yeah, I said, meet me at this dim sum spot in 30 minutes. I'm going to get on a bike right now. meets me. I bike from Brooklyn to Manhattan. I meet my dear friend at Dim Sum. We share a gorgeous meal together. We talk about life and art and what it all means. And I say, I'll walk you back to your hotel. We're walking through this beautiful

city. Middle of the night. Business. Everything happening. And what does Jack say to me? I love L.A. I was like, what? He goes, yeah, I just love the sunshine. It looks like, well, it's 11 p.m. I'm just like, like, what? And I did try to convince you to love New York.

It really seems like such a grave personal insult when you put it like that. And in many, in some ways it was. No, it wasn't. We talked about L.A. I gave you L.A. book racks. You did. But you also, while I was asleep, sent me an Instagram post that said reasons you should love New York. Well, actually, I sent you an Instagram post of a city, a New York City Council person, Chiosay, who just posted all caps on grid.

New York is the only city in the world. Yeah, that. And I believe it's tied to the Knicks winning some sort of basketball game. Sure. They're going to the finals. Yes. Which I love that for them.

I'm ecstatic for them. I believe it's the first time in many years. Yeah? So I shout out the Knicks. Yeah. I shout them out. Sure. But yeah, I do, I have fallen in love with New York.

I've always loved New York. Right. Since moving here, I've become one of those guys. And it is not a cute look. I just love. like a road trip, even if the road trip is like Santa Monica to Silver Lake. You know what I mean? Yeah. I just love getting in the car. Every time we've gotten in a car together, we've had such a great time. We sing songs. We roll the windows down. That's the best thing in person can experience. Isn't that what you said happens after death? Yeah. Nice to drive home on your own? Yes. Oh, it could just as easily be a bike over the Brooklyn Bridge. It could just as easily be a bike ride home after a night out with friends. In fact, it might be. I really thought I had you back into a corner with that. No, what you said was beautiful and I do love getting in your Jeep. I love having, do you still have the Jeep?

No, I got rid of it. I thought you got rid of it and that scares me. It was, it was a painful experience. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, why'd you do it? It's not a car that was ever meant for me. I really misinterpreted what was going on there. What do you mean? I was just never meant to be a Jeep guy. No? No. You didn't never get into the rubber ducks? Well, I will say the first time that happened to me, I thought there was a serial killer tracking me down. Imagine not knowing what that is. Yeah. And going back to your car and seeing a rubber duck placed on the hood of your vehicle. Like, that is the mark of a killer.

But in fact, it's something very sweet. It is something very sweet. Which is the Jeep community, while certainly contentious, while certainly some crazy politics involved. Sure. They are, they're very communal. Well, and here's something I'll say about that. They always say that you can do the Jeep wave. Yeah.

Where you see a Jeep in traffic and you wave. Yeah. there I was, probably dozens of times in my Jeep, doing that, never once getting a wave in return. Yeah? Not one time. I played the fool on that many times as well. I'm always trying to connect and people are not really...

I just, when I landed back in New York a couple days ago, I think I told Michelle this, it was raining really hard. And I got in the car and I was like shaking off the water into my driver. I go, why do you turn off the rain for me? And he, in the river mirror, he just goes, and I went, no worries. Yeah, people are not really trying to connect with me a lot of times, and I'm putting it out.

I'm begging. I would have played that even worse. I would have assumed he didn't hear me and said it like three more times. Oh, sorry, turn it down. Why didn't you turn off the rain for me? Dude, I miss you being a Jeep guy. What are you driving these days?

I got a Mustang, which I guess is like optically even worse. That was tough to hear. Yeah, I'm sorry. You driving top down around L.A. with that thing? Yeah, unfortunately. Fun but tough. Well, maybe we could ride together in it and sing some songs. You change your mind.

I would love that. Change your whole of you. I'll put on this kiss by Faith Hill. Yeah, I know that's right. I know you're on that right now. Yeah, I am. Johnny Burke told's influence. And the chicks, come on.

Come on. Come on, dude. I need to actually get in the Mustang with you. I need to get out there. Cowboy take me away. Cowboy take me away in many ways. And in many ways. tonight the heartache's on me.

I've been saying it for years. It's like these women, the chicks did something that no one else has ever done which is make music. Literally. No one ever made music before or after. That is genuinely how I feel

when it was just the chicks. In the sunshine. Hey. The Los Angeles Sunshine. Come on. Come on. Jackie, you need to have some love for New York. You're in a show about New York.

You're right. You're right. I am actively promoting a show that is celebrating New York. We're going to get you there. There are, there's a lot to like about New York. Yeah. I think the times I have in like New York, it's been my fault.

I'll admit that. What's your least favorite place you've ever lived or spent time? Are you scared to say that? Yeah, I have an answer, but I feel like they'll be mad at me. That'll be for me. That'll be for me. Yeah. Okay, and is your most favorite legitimately L.A.?

Yeah, it is. Really? Because I think I would, you know what I think I would have a lot of fun. If I moved in with your parents in Michigan for a little bit. You would love that. Those are my boys. Your mom is my boy. Your dad is my boy.

They text me about you all the time. That's important. to me. When your special came out, they took a picture of the picture of it on Apple TV and texted to the family group chat and said, that's our son. Yes. And in many ways, I am. And I need to get over there.

It's true. I want to go with them in Michigan. I haven't been to see them there at all. Yeah, I mean, you would adore it. And they're riding bikes over there. Your dad's retiring like next week. Yeah. I know he's going to be looking for some good times. Yeah. Oh my God, you guys could hang. You could like walk around the water

and wave to people. Yeah, and I don't want You or Maddie to come. I understand that. Do you know what I mean? I understand that completely. Because then it would be about, like, they'd have to really lock it on you guys. I'd feel like I'm intruding. I want my time.

Of course. With your parents. Yeah. You got that a little bit on pizza movie. I'll get up there. I did. Yeah. I did.

We had the giant green room, and then I would leave to shoot, and it would just be you and your boys. Green room. Yeah. The classroom. Yeah. Classroom. It was a really scary situation. It was a really scary.

We were in a condemned high school. outside of Syracuse. I mean, I can't say enough. I'm grateful for the opportunity. Thank you guys for having me. I think pizza movie number two, if we do one, it's going to need to be set somewhere different.

I think this time they're at... Let's do it White Lotus style. This time they're at a resort. Yes. Why could Pizza Movie not be at the four seasons of Thailand? It should be. I can't think of one reason why not. They become the staff at the four seasons, Thailand.

We just literally do White Lotus. White Lotus, but with the pizza movie cast. We'll kill Gaten or something And Gaten would love that Gaten would love that You'd be so happy to be the guy who gets killed We won't kill him right away Or we'll kill him right away

And then the whole season He'll be him playing a ghost or something Yes Because I want him there Yeah yeah yeah I don't want to lose him He's killed immediately And then it starts from the beginning

And takes you all the way back Yeah Yeah killed immediately and then flashback vibes Yeah Do you think you'd still be the Grinch at times? No Okay I don't think I'll get in that costume again

Right For any reason I mean I want a different kink I want a different kink for my guy if we go forward. Yeah. Well, wasn't Grinch originally your idea or no? It was part of it, but I guess I thought it would be more of a face paint situation.

Right. I didn't really fully understand what would be happening with Grinch. I'm operating in a way of like, what's the funniest? And then I'm not realizing that I've made my life hell. I will say I think one of my favorite moments in my life was when I was on set and we didn't know exactly what time you were coming, and we knew you were coming directly in from your, first ever HBO special and it was a very big moment for you and you were coming to pizza movie just to grace us with your presence in the movie.

I was very excited. And you FaceTime does as the cringe with a diaper on and full green face paint. Just what the fuck is going on? You didn't know you were going to do that. It's really funny to think about how seriously I try to take this job. You know what I mean? Like I thought about that character. And then it's like you just sometimes have to step out and be like, we are we are clowns yeah we are clowns me particularly i mean you got to play like a i mean i was screaming at a butterfly you were screaming at a butterfly for sure yeah that was voiced by daniel radcliffe yeah yeah and nick's note for me was lycander the butterfly is your first worthy adversary yeah i do love those guys i love them nick and brian they're good boys they're the greatest boys they're good boys they're wonderful boys what's been what's been exciting you lately what's been

your mind? What's life outside pizza movie? Aside from pizza movie and lactose intolerance? That I am worried about. I have to say, actually, on that note, I am, was really concerned when you said that your lactose intolerance is coming up in therapy a lot. Because I'm not in therapy, so maybe I'm like,

maybe I don't understand really what goes on in there. But I thought it was supposed to be more like emotional stuff, but maybe it's the emotions of lactose intolerance. Right. Well, I have really bad OCD, so I think it's probably them being like, oh yeah, you're fixating on the milk. when that's really not the problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Which probably should have been evident to me earlier. Yeah. Do you talk about your OCD much? A little bit. Not really. Yeah? But, yeah, I mean, it's the worst. It's horrible.

Is it just, do you fear, like, well, talking about it trigger stuff? Like, do you, like, what trigger spirals if you talk about it too much? Or do you feel like you can talk about it? No, I feel like I can talk about it. I think what it usually is for me is, like, I get an idea in my head

and then I can't stop thinking about it, and then I need to talk about it. So I guess basically what you just said. Yeah. But, yeah, it sucks. Yeah. It sucks. When did you,

how long have you been diagnosed with it? Well, I wasn't diagnosed until I was, like, late in high school, but in retrospect, it was, like, incredibly obvious. Like, this is so depressing. But when I was a little kid, I would come home,

like, I would be in school and I'd be taking a test. And I was, like, I was so worried about cheating on a test. And I remember I, like, looked over to the clock, and I accidentally graced a kid's paper on the way. And I was like, wreaking the fuck out of it all day. And I came home to my mom crying. And I was like, I swear I didn't mean to look at the paper.

I promised I didn't use it. Like, I just felt, I felt so horrible. So it's just that over and over again, but about different things. I'll probably do it about something I said about on the podcast in like 30 minutes. Well, if that's the case, then everyone on this podcast has OCD. Everyone who comes on this show must have OCD. Because I will tell you, the text messages and emails that chants, and I get after every recording of this show.

And we have never once let someone look bad. Yeah. Not on purpose. I mean, of course, there's times that you think something's slowly fine and then it turns out everyone hates it. Yeah. Which happens to me constantly.

But I, really, it will be like, if we record someone in their episodes not coming out for three weeks, I would say Chance, Virginia and I, we're getting emails two, three in the morning every couple days. Wow. For most of our guests.

Who's expecting a 3 a.m. email to be opened? No. they're just like, hey, I don't think they're expecting, like, feedback in real time. Right. But that's when they're thinking about it. Yeah.

They're going like, they're going like, fuck, I think, I think the, the thing I said about, like, it'll be the most, it'll be the most benign thing you've ever heard. Sure. It'll be like, when I said, I don't really like going to the grocery store alone.

I just feel like, maybe, maybe the going to the grocery store alone community would be upset. Just to be safe. Can we cut it? I'm like, Jesus, fucking Christ.

I can't make fun of that person at all because it's completely me. I make fun of them. I mean, we always cut it, but I make fun of them while we do it. Well, yeah, and I also think I deserve to be made fun of for it. Wouldn't make fun of you for it.

Okay. Not to your face, but probably because of the OCD stuff. Sure, sure. If I didn't know you had a diagnosis, I'd go ahead and go in on it. Yeah, yeah, the diagnosis would change things for me. That, yeah, that sounds really fucking annoying. Yeah, it sucks.

I hate that for you. Yeah. Is there, like, medication, or is it, like, mostly just, like, therapy and talking? Yeah, so unfortunately there's a very specific kind of therapy, which supposedly fixes it and I still haven't done it. Jack.

Why? Why? Why? What's holding you back? I'm scared of it. Scared. What's the fear? We also don't have to talk about that if you.

I don't really want to go into it. Well, yeah. I mean, I feel like it probably just will be depressing to talk about. Yeah. And not funny. Actually, my medical diagnoses are not a lot of fun for fodder. Yeah. Therapy, I'm not in therapy.

I consider it sometimes. And then... Every time I'm just like, I don't know, I got a lot going on. I feel like you're also like the most well-adjusted person I've ever met though. So I really, I think if anyone doesn't need it, it's you. Well, you know, I'm taking matters into my own hands anyway. I'm on 75 Caleb. I'm so excited about 75 Caleb.

Do you honestly? I don't know if you fully grasp this. I'm a big fucking joke to everyone who works for me. I mean, these are people I've been nothing but good to. And I'm a big fucking joke to them. Well, yeah, chance is. just taking advantage of you all the time. I can't even really get into

Chance and I's dynamic. The way that he yeah, disrespects me and refuses to show gratitude. I mean, I took this guy from the gutter. I know. You understand what I'm saying? He had nothing. And that was last week. Yeah. I pulled this guy out of nothing. And now he's riding

in limousines. Living in a gorgeous luxury apartment in New York. A private jet. No fucking private jets. Wim and drugs. Caviar, diamonds. No fucking respect at all I get from these people. It's crazy. I saw him make eye contact with you during the episode, which is crazy.

Which he knows I don't like. Yeah. Yeah. It's been established. It's like how hard is it? You know? Fuck. Yeah, I don't really think that's hard at all.

Yeah. Thank you, Jack. That's because you're a good guy. And I wish I had guys like you in my inner circle. I know. You know? We're just like internet. We're just friends for the public.

We never hang out privately. was the arrangement. Yeah. It's contractual. I just wish I had guys like you in my circle because these guys don't respect me they're not nice to me.

I asked them to do a book club with me. They told me no. I know. I said, do you guys want to do a book club company book club? They said,

no, you're stupid fat and ugly. I told them that 75Kalb was changing my life and they, and Michelle texts back, it's day one, by the way. Someone's life can't be changed

in a day. It's just the dish, yeah, it never stops. Yeah, I mean, it's just unbelievably crossing a line. It never stops. What is the biggest, what is the biggest change

you've ever made in your life? Like, what is the best, what is the best thing that you started doing that improved your life? Do you have one? Oh my God, I don't know if I do. Come on, Jack. Do you have one? Well, I was going to think while you were answering. Comedy royalty, Kate McKinnon, returns as Queen Mortuana in Heads Will Roll.

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an heir apparent, and facing her greatest challenge yet, produced an air before her 40th birthday, or lose everything and spend eternity as keeper of the minstruary. part medieval mayhem part razor sharp social commentary heads will roll era parent is fantasy comedy for the ages it has everything trad wives polycules saskatch mercenaries milk people toad on mole romance a child named barbara seriously everything don't miss a moment of kate mcinen and a killer cast and heads will roll era parent seed a child or seed the throne. Listen to Headswill Roll era parent available now on Audible. Go to audible.com slash headswill roll series to start listening today. This episode is brought to you by booking.com. Picture this. You're sitting in the backseat

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It's easy. Booking.com, booking dot, yeah. Something about summer always makes me want to be out and about doing things all day long. Whether it's going on walks with friends, pick up basketball games, concerts, or just being outside more in general. And every year when summer hits, I realize I want clothes that can actually keep up with all that.

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No more 2 a.m. DoorDash changed everything for me. That's a change I need to make. I was ordering some of the most fucked up things you've ever heard of at 2 in the morning while stone. So I could, you know, have like the superpower of a stone stomach where I can eat more. of it. Of course. And just waking up feeling some of the most disastrous feelings you've ever felt in your life. Well, that's intensely relatable. Depression, anxiety, not to mention the physical, literal stuff that was happening in my stomach. You know, like, yeah. Sort of like eating dim sum and having two large protein shakes before and after. So yeah.

You did, you did let me know that you had a protein shake before and after dim sum last night. Yeah. I'm wondering why. Just filling myself with milk. I, I can't explain it. I did come to dinner with a large CVS bag. It's unforgivable. That's what was in there? Yeah. I didn't know that's what was in there.

That's crazy. Yeah, and I don't really know it's in the drinks either because it's like it's a yogurt brand that makes the drink and it's like the yogurt company makes milk now and I'm just really thrown off by all of it. Yeah, companies are doing everything these days. Yeah, did you see the thing that one of the, the Prego is making a device that records you in your home?

Can we This is a real thing You're lying I swear to God You're making this up I swear my life I'm gonna cry Can you

Can you can you Can you Google Prego home surveillance I'm so pissed off And sad No we're amused I were yeah yeah Yeah yeah I do want to tell people

What you came up with Yeah I saw a TikTok That said your life Will be so much better If instead of your default staying being slightly annoyed You're instead slightly amused

I will say I think do that. You do do that. I mostly am like trying to, do you know what's funny? I got way too high like two weeks ago. I think I told you this. And I was having a panic attack and I kept forcing myself to laugh and my friend who I called over to take care of me during my panic attack was like, what's funny? And I was like, nothing. I'm trying to make it funny. I'm just picturing the monologue from the end of Pearl and just a smile on your face while tears are coming down. I haven't seen it. What kind of monologue is it so good. It just, it's just on Mia Gauth for like eight minutes

straight and she's just completely losing her mind. It's incredible. Really? I want something like that. I have a really embarrassing story related to that movie that I'll tell you when we're not on the air. Prego has a dinner conversation recording device. Capish. What the fuck? The pasta sauce company has partnered

with the nonprofit story core on a device designed to record family conversations around the table and save them for all time. For all time. For all time. is nuts. Prego, no.

Why did they have to add for all time? Why is StoryCorps entering the chat? By the way, there's nothing you can do to ever delete it. It's recorded. It's recorded for all time. That makes me fucking ill. Who do you think of the at the pasta sauce company said we need to make this? You know, I almost bet it was StoryCorps.

I almost bet it was StoryCorps. Does that sound crazy to say that I think StoryCorps? cook this up. Oh, they got a bundle. You get free sauce. It says easy for kids and adults. So, okay, this is fantastic. It says screen free by design. As if that's fucking doing something. Well, that was the hurdle to be getting it. Family controlled privacy.

Rechargeable via USBC. Oh, it's built to last. It's built to last. It says durable design that withstands the chaos of family demos. You cannot destroy it. What the fuck is going on at Spaghetti Night? This thing needs to be titanium. Don't worry. It's the indestructible crucible. Yeah.

Don't worry. It's a device that never turns off, saves everything you say, and can't be destroyed. Oh, sounds good. Why is it written in riddles? Yeah.

It's fucking, it's, it's the Terminator. I take it away, chance. I'm upset. It listens to you always, but it can never be destroyed.

What is going on? It knows your family, but you can never know it. I feel crazy. I feel crazy all the time. This is the kind of shit you see. I'm a,

I feel amused. I feel amused. I don't know. Sometimes I can't get to amusement and the tech stuff is really getting out of control. Yeah, I mean, that's so tough. I really, yeah, I have some pretty, I have some pretty severe ideas about what we need to do. But I can't say them on air. They are amusing to me as well. I'm amused. Because I've heard them and they do amuse me.

I can't believe you don't have a life thing that has changed your life. Oh, I stopped drinking like five years ago. Did you? Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah. I've been putting alcohol in your drinks. Well, I don't count those times.

Wait, did you have a problem or no? I don't think so. Well, it's always interesting. People sometimes just get sober to be like, oh, I just kind of want to. And there's the version of getting sober where it's like, you hurt some people. I did just sort of wake up one day and I was like,

I really don't want to do this anymore. Yeah. It was just not having fun at all anymore. Yeah. And I do feel like I feel good about that decision. I feel like that was a very valid decision. Yeah. Because now if I go to any bar or party or music festival,

no one's dancing, no one's seeming to enjoy themselves, everyone's sort of staring at each other, maybe filming each other. Yeah. Very weird, horrible energy. That might just be Los Angeles, I don't know. I'm not here to talk about stuff like that. I'm not here to make guesses about those kind of things. No, I, yeah, I've never been into drinking either.

I really love recovered alcoholics. They're some of my favorite people on Earth. Sure. Because they are, there are people that lived like really hard, intense lives, and then got super spiritual, like, pretty much overnight. Right. And there are a lot of fucking fun to talk to.

Yeah. Like straight up, I'm enthralled by recovered alcoholics. Come on, the power of now. I love the power of now. I love the 12 steps. I love making amends with everyone you've ever wronged. I think that's deeply fucking cool. Yeah.

I love it. Yeah? I also think it's kind of, and I don't know if this is, like, fucked up to say, and so I just alcoholic community, let me know. I think it's deeply chic to be like, I gotta get to a meeting. Yeah.

That's cool as fuck. Yeah. I want that. Yeah. I don't want to be an alcoholic. I'm not sure. I know it's really serious. I'm just saying like being anywhere in the world and being like,

I'm gonna find a meeting. It's like it feels like... Objectively cool. Spy shit. Yeah. It's really cool. If you're struggling with alcohol, get sober now.

It's fucking awesome. Go spy mode. Go spy mode. Go to spy mode. Go to meetings in a city you've never been to before. Yes. I think that's cool as fuck. Yeah.

I kind of want a problem. Yeah. you know, not a drinking problem. What problem would you like to have? I've really thought about getting like a public Coke problem. I think that would be deeply chic for me. Can you give me an example of like the video that leaks of you doing Coke? Wouldn't be leaked, dude.

It would just be stuff I'm posting myself probably. I want to get really, I want to like, I want to spiral in public. Sure. I think it's the next step for me. Yeah. I'm such a good guy. Yeah, it's like your bad boy arc. I almost said good boy, but that has a sexual implication.

but I'm just such a good boy I do want to be I'm such a good boy I do want a bad boy arc I want to be like I want to show up I want to show up to a late night appearance and be fucking rude to the host do you think you're dropping an EP in this arc you're for sure I want to show up to set three hours late

and then be like Caleb you can't do this and I'll be like I'm a fucking star Caleb you can't do this can't do this well I did bitch and it's Martin Scorsese I want that I've heard your pop punk voice too I think your EP would go crazy.

Yeah? Do you mind? Give me a song. That I know. What's, I chime in. I chime in with the average you people ever heard of. Do you know how I like to do?

I like to send my musician friends voice notes of me covering their songs and pop-on voice. Like I'll just voice note wax a hatchie in the middle of the day and be like, in the lilacs drink the water! I like that. Aren't you friends with Boy Genius? Because their songs would go crazy with that voice. I would love to. to send them motion sickness. I know that's

Phoebe, but... Dude, let's fucking go. Come on. I have emotional motion sickness. That plays so well. Day up in Kyoto. I'll call Phoebe right now. Oh my God. I did have a year of motion sickness

was in my Spotify top five and your pop punk remix would be my number one and I can say that with confidence. Look, everyone has to go through a Phoebe boy genius depression era. I had to stop listening to Phoebe because it was ruining my life. Yeah. I was getting too sad. And I'm not joking.

Straight up. It's a really, really tough thing that she's done. It was making me cry in the car. And I was like, I can't listen to this anymore. I was just crying to Kevin Morby's new album the other day. And with my friend, we turned to each other and said, he can't keep getting away with this. So he has a lyric on his new album that says,

May all sinners be forgiven by Jesus Christ because it sure would be nice to see all my friends again. So don't fucking... Yeah! It's fucked up! Don't write shit like that. fucking nuts. Yeah, it's insane. And then to record it and put it out. Oh my God. Go to jail, bitch. Oh my God. That's crazy. That is crazy. Yeah, I saw. I weep, I weep, I weep. I weep. I love, I love music. I love

music. I love music. I love. I love. I love sad. I love sad. We need even both together. Yeah. Do them together. I'm there. I did you won't believe this. I bet I will. I did Iris at karaoke the other day. Whoa. Yeah. Where and with who? With my castmates at a bar in the Lower East Side in a room in a little one of one of those rooms. Yeah? And it was emotional. Yeah?

Yeah. Hearts were touched. Fuck. I know. I literally wish I was there. Yeah, I did that. We did lips of an angel. We did creep. Okay. Yeah. Am I losing you?

Yeah, it started to get. It's like one like pretty sad song felt like funny, but three is like, what kind of night were you all having? Not a little bit like, what's going on with the crew? We also did year 3,000. You have been to the year 3,000.

That's a fucking great song. That's a fucking great song. It is amazing. I've been big on Don't Forget About Me by Mariah Carey. Yeah. Oh, Moriah. I love her.

What are your karaoke go-toes? Locky by Britney Spears. Yeah. Oh, what's that Panic of the Disco song? I always do, chance. I write sins, not tragedies. Yeah. I write sins, not tragedies.

Oh, my God. I would generally do that at karaoke a lot. I would genuinely buy tickets to see you. Do that. Oh, yeah. Trash Mountain Rap Party. I went fucking bananas on the karaoke. I went fucking bananas on the karaoke.

I was up there, dude. Michelle and Chance can verify they were there. I went really big on any man of mine by Shania Twain. Now that'll bring the fucking house down. People sleep on any man of mine. Yeah. Because man, I feel like a woman's right there. It's right there.

Any man of mine. I pull out, man, I feel like a woman. Who's bed of your boots been under? I'll pull those out. I'm stomping. I'm clapping. Yeah, I love to do that. But you got to understand the room.

Yeah, there's some rooms where you can't stop and clap. I looked around before one of my karaoke submissions at the Trash Mountain Rap Party, and I said, the girls have all stepped outside to smoke cigarettes, which they're doing again. Girls are smoking cigarettes again. Yep. Which is really, really concerning. Yeah. And it's mostly boys in the room.

And I said, it's time for a pop punk song. You got to understand. Is it boys? Is it girls? Is it gay people, straight people? You got to understand what you're working with. You felt my presence. Yeah.

I felt you there. Yeah. I felt you there. Yeah. You were not there. Right. But I felt you there. I was whispering in.

I was over your shoulder like cronk. Yeah, in some ways. Yeah. Yeah, I had no set crushes on that movie. So it was a really fun time for me to just let loose and be myself. Sure. If I had a set crush, I'd have to behave completely differently. Yeah, but I feel like that would also work really well with the set crush, no?

Be myself? Yeah. Well, it just depends. You know, there's something about, there's something about letting loose on a night where you have zero intention of getting laid. Do you know what I mean? Where it's just like I'm always myself. But when I'm out on a night where I have zero intention of getting late, I'm like, yeah,

I can sweat quite a bit during I write sins, not tragedies. Yeah, of course. I can afford to flop around the stage. That's sort of me always. So I guess that's why I'm doing Iris and... See, when I think I'm getting late, I'm acting different. When I think I'm getting late, I'm kind of in the corner like... Type shit.

I'm just like type shit. I'm being like a little cuter with you. it, you know? Yeah, you're nonchalant with it. Yeah, you have to be a little nonchalant. Yeah. On the night you think you're getting late. Yeah.

You're in a relationship. This stuff doesn't even occur to you anymore. It doesn't apply. Yeah. Can I see your nonchalant look? Nonchalant look? Yeah, like, give me a context. You're at the bar.

Set Crush just walked in. You're posted up. A few people around you, like trying to start a conversation with you. Okay. This is, I'm just going to, do my nonchalant look like I'm just cool because I know my because I'm the one walking in. Oh, hey, hey, hey, good as you. You're not.

Caleb is? I just get a really dirty look. It would work sometimes. It just depends on who he is. I will say the... Or she? The message I was receiving was fear. Yeah.

Oh, you thought I was scared. Yeah. Interesting. Everything's kind of falling into place now. It looked like, oh, fuck. He's here. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Do you know, it depends on how much the crush has developed. Sure. Because there's a, when you know, the really nice... Oh, God. I love a crush. When you know someone's... into it when you know you're both into it and you get to be so brazen sure do you know like when

you have an unspoken crush but the vibe has been so clear that you're both crushing and you can just be like hey don't flirt with me tonight i've got other stuff going on i mean that's amazing you know what i mean that shit's fun that was a crazy line that shit's oh that works yeah yeah you don't have to worry about this stuff you're married but you know some of us are still out here i've no doubt that that works it's a lot of fun telling people they're not allowed to flirt with you i like to tell guys are not allowed to fall in love with me. On a first date, I literally on a, I literally on a first date two weeks ago said, we were like having a good time and like, you know, joking around.

And I go, hey, I can just already feel you're kind of starting to catch feelings. And I'm no good. I feel like that only works because you're saying it. Like I feel like that's a line that I've had to say in a self-tape about 75 times. And it's not sounding quite the same. You've got to say it ironically. You got to say it like it. You got to say it like you're in the self-tape.

Sure. Also, just to be 100% clear, you and I have different circumstances. I have to have an arsenal of little lines. You have a sort of a beautiful wife. Your situation is already handled. I'm out here. I'm like a traveling salesman. I'm going town to town, ringing a bell.

Does anybody want me? It's really tough. It's really, really tough. I mean, that would, I feel like that would work if you did that in a literal way. Ring a bell? and say who wants me. Yeah, it would attract. I know who it would attract.

Right. It would attract all the, like, yeah, there's, there's a, there's a crew of, there's a crew of types of guys that are in to me that, um, would respond to the bell. Yeah, they would respond to anything. I mean, it's really, you know, it's always, it's always, um, the interesting thing about attraction is it's always, you always want someone and someone always wants you, and it's rare that all those things are aligned. Right.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. There are a lot of 60-year-old gay men in Southern Missouri that don't fucking play about me on Grindrinder. There are a lot of, A lot of 60-year-old game in in southern Missouri that would drop everything for me. Unfortunately, I see them as more grandfather figures. And so that's my cross to bear.

I was into old guys. It would be beautiful. I would have owned a home when I was like 20. In that other universe that you're not in. Yeah. Not into old guys. Just into guys, my age-ish. And not into women, which would also be beautiful.

Ca, being into women, I think of it all the time. How lovely it would be. Sure. Yeah. Well, you're going back home soon. Do you think you'll run into this? some of these grandfathers, or do you have a strategy to avoid? No, no, they'll hit me up.

Yeah. They'll hit me up. You know, there was one guy. I don't know if I told this on the podcast or not before yet. Stop me if I have. The guy, there was a guy in my neighborhood who messaged me every single day on Grindr for three weeks. Did I say this on here? I don't think you said it on the podcast.

He said, hello, hello, every day, hello. Just hello? Every day, hello for three weeks. Like he's answering the phone? Three weeks straight. Hello? Hello? Okay.

Then something's, crazy happened. On like the 26th day, Ola. He said, I'm going to switch it up. And I, and then he never messaged me again. And I think,

I think every single day about what happened. He said I got one more tactic. I think, I've thought about many different ideas of what he thinks happened, but my favorite is that he woke up on the 26th day and he was like, he's Mexican.

Like he was like, oh, that's why it's not breaking through. This guy's Mexican. I just love thinking that that's what happened. I wish you, like, let it work. And you were like, Ola. You know, Ola, I mean, really? Shout out. Ke tal.

Ke tal in many, many ways. Ke tal, signor. You know, I can't, I can't. But I do, I did message with an older guy who lived in my building. for a little bit because we saw each other in the building all the time and ignoring him felt so mean. Right. But I knew he wanted to sleep with me and I just wanted to know about his life.

And then the more I tried to get to know him, the more it was like the sexual overtures continued. Right. So I had to end that friendship. But I do want to be friends with older gammon so bad. Is Spanish coming up more often? Because I'm noticing that the Spanish is in 75 Caleb. Spanish, so part of 75 Caleb, as everyone knows, is that I do my Spanish lesson every day.

And it's embarrassing to talk about with Jack because he's fluent. and yeah, I want to know Spanish. It's not part of my love life necessarily, but I would love for it to be. Ooh. You know? That was a bar. I find a Spanish.

That was beautiful. That was beautiful poetry. Are you reading poetry? What? Are you ever reading poetry? Not often? It's hard to do, but I found some. When I was in Portugal, I found this poet, a Portuguese poet.

Okay. And I started reading his stuff. It was really fun. I kind of, I was like, I like poetry. That sounds incredible. It was great. I think I don't know where to look. I didn't either.

I had to go to this bookstore and I had to tell a woman, give me a book. Wow. And she picked this for me. And that's poetry. That is poetry. That is. I'm considering myself a bit of a poet. A million percent.

Yeah? I thought of you as a poet forever. You ever writing earnest notes in your phone? All the time. Yeah. All the time. Poetry song lyrics? Be honest.

Yeah. Yeah. Would you ever show me any? Yeah. You would? Yeah. Really? Yeah.

Jack. I would never show you mine. I would be so scared. aired to show you mine. Why? What would I say? My earnestness is a secret. That's not. What? What? Folks, we're all about being comfortable over here at So True Studios. And everyone has been loving our incredible new blanket from Lola blankets. People are coming in off the streets and saying, what blanket is that? It's so soft and pairs perfectly with your big comfy couch. Lola is the world's number one blanket. Lola is the world's number one blanket. Lola is the world.

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I know we already discussed it. So we're sort of revisiting it. But my so true really is, if you're a good singer, you shouldn't be doing karaoke. Wow. I really believe that. Wow. They're not allowed to do it at all? You can do it. You have to dumb it down for everyone else.

Yeah. You have to come down to our level. Yeah. Intentionally sing a little bit badly. I know you know how to do it. Yeah. Don't give us the full voice. You know, go out of your range.

Be a little bad for us. Yeah. Scream a little bit. Lose your voice. Yeah. You can't be seeming like you're about to get an agent at the karaoke bar. Yeah. That is just, it's just upsetting.

setting. Can I say I almost disagree? Sure. Not because I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm right. It's all they have. Yeah. It's, like, going and killing at karaoke is all they have. And then I go, damn, maybe we just let them have it. Yeah. You know, kind of like when you give a dog a cheeseburger, the day you're going to kill it. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, when you, your dogs, obviously, that was more fucked up than I realized. It's like on the day that your dog gets euthanized, you let him have McDonald's. Or a different fast food cheeseburger.

It's kind of like that with people. It's like if you're a professional singer, yeah. It's exactly like that. But if you're a civilian and this is all you got, let embody a musical theater tune. If they're never going to step foot on Broadway. I agree. I think it could just be beautiful.

You swayed me. No, no, I want you're so true to stand. I do think. I will say, there are some famous musicians I know that go do karaoke full out. And I go, come on, man. Yeah. You have literal shows for this where this happens. Right.

Don't do this. Well, it's like, and I feel like the beauty of it, I feel like most people have my experience, which is I'm a bad singer. Okay. And then I try my best to sing well at karaoke. And that is the exact sound you're wanting. Yeah. Someone who can't do it trying their best to do it.

Are you a bad singer? I think I'm a bad singer, earnestly. Yeah. But you saw me sing in pizza movies, so it's actually up to you. That was... I'm fishing for this. That... I didn't like that.

Yeah, it was terrible. I didn't like filming that scene, actually, because it took forever. I was like, I was like, oh, Chuck's doing such a good job, but I wish it was over. It was really long that singing scene because in the movie,

it's like they get like animations and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the filming of it, we're just like... Yeah, you guys all had to sit there while I sang the same few lines over and over. Really listening to it. No, it was beautiful. It was beautiful in that it was so...

Not sounding. Right. But it was beautiful in that you did it so perfectly for the character. The earnestness. Yeah. But that's not your best singing. Um, I don't know.

I think it was the first time in my life I've sang in front of people, which is crazy. Really? Yeah. I didn't think it was comically bad, Jack. Hey. So I got to tell you, you might be wrong about your singing abilities. Maybe, I mean, I want to, I guess now we need to go to karaoke. Yeah.

And I need you to do your best. I have been begging you to go to karaoke with me for a really long time. You have never asked me once. That's, that's actually not the truth, Ellen. When did you ask me to go to karaoke? Listen, if I have to pull up the text, I'll pull up the texts. I've been dying for karaoke with my point. I'm tempted to let you...

You've asked me to go to a lot of Creed concerts. Yeah, that's true. That's come up a lot. But I learned last night that I really didn't understand anything about Creed. So I want to tell you guys, last night, Jack and I are walking through Chinatown, and I don't know how it comes up. Jack's sort of always bringing up Creed. but it comes up

and I don't know you said something about like it came up that basically I was like oh yeah Creed's a Christian band and Jack was like no they're not

and I was like Jack they're one of the most Christian bands that has ever done music I was floored and then Jack just walking through China time was like I can take you higher like like putting together

all of the Christian Creed lyrics it was really funny Zach Alfanac's gift Just putting the numbers To a place where blind men see Really funny My genuine entire exposure to Creed Was when it was like a meme on TikTok

And they were just playing like a few words Of that one song And I was like oh that's funny Was that your first exposure? Oh see I grew up white trash Bah I grew up white trash in Missouri So I actually kind of was

Died in the wool I'm not gonna pretend I'm above this When I say my first concert was Dottry I fucking love Dottry Awesome. I to this day love Doughtry. Yeah, well, I really, really badly wanted him to win American Idol. Yeah.

And I had the American Idol GameCube game where you sing along. Yeah. And I would pretend to be Dautry. And I would try to win on his heavy divorced dad rock music. Yeah. Who won that the year that he didn't win? I don't remember. Do you remember?

I think I blocked it out. It was really upsetting. Yeah. Trauma for you. Yeah, genuinely. I love Dottery. I love, and also people love to clown on white guys making music like that. It's a lot better that we have him doing that.

Yeah. It's a lot better that we have them doing that. That's what we need to have them doing. Including myself. Every one of those kind of white guys should be in the studio, screaming into the mic. Yep. Don't let them out in public doing their other stuff.

Yeah, it's an outlet. It's an outlet. It's like a rage room for their voice. Yes, let them have it and let us listen. I like listening. I like Puddle of Mud. I like all that stuff. Chance who won the year Chris Osprey lost?

Taylor Hicks. Unreal. Don't say that. Don't say that name around me. Just fucking cut that. Yeah, I can't have that out there. Damn, I love knowing this about you. Where did you see Daughtry live?

So it was in Maryland at the Meriwether Post Pavilion, if you will. I don't know it. And I apologize. And he was opening for Nickelback. That sounds awesome. And as soon as Nickelback came on, we went home. What? Yeah, we were there for Daughtry, and I really wanted to see Daughtry.

And then he got off the stage, and I was like, okay, I think that's that bad enough. Jack. It's time to call it in night. You didn't stay for Nickelback? Well, I was also like 10, and I was, like, getting pretty scared. What was scaring you? Just the noise? Yeah, I was getting dark, and there was a lot of people.

It was getting dark. I made my parents take me home. See, guys, I got to get out of here. Your parents are secretly like, fucking, too. Fucking kids. It's afraid of the dark. We don't get to see Nicol. back.

That would do picture, but whatever. Not your parents vibe at all. Really funny. Can you imagine my parents out of shape? A bit out of shape over missing nickelback? Really funny. Damn. Maybe that's what you guys can do in Michigan.

I would do anything with them. They're special to me. And I know that's true. They're very special to me. I would do anything. Literally. With them. They're so nice.

It makes you wonder. Yeah. How does this happen? How you and Maddie turned out to be so toxic. Yeah. Toxico. Yeah. Well, it was the internet that corrupted us.

Yeah? Yeah. What was your relationship to the internet growing up? Were you really on there? I watched your sketches on TikTok from an early, an early age. People, you do forget, I was, I was an original fan. I was a very early fan. They were very early.

So, um, what you said to me just now. Because what really hurts is you were a teenager when I started making content. And so there's some viability to it. I actually, comedy moves so quick. And I remember when I started kind of popping off in comedy, I remember the look on, I won't say their names because I don't want to make them sound. They weren't being mean. But there were a couple of comedians that I really looked up to that were young and like still starting out in their career.

But they had been making stuff for five, six years. and I was like a teenager watching their stuff. And I remember the looks on their face when I told them like, I used to watch you in high school. Like I love your stuff. Oh my gosh, is that what I just did? And they were like, well, kind of.

And they were like 27 and they were like, uh, thank you. And this happened to me recently. A former improv teacher of mine texted me and was like, I go around my class and ask everyone like their biggest comedic influences every semester.

And like three of my students this year said you. And I was like, I know you thought that was sweet. but to me that was just like you're rapping on the door of death, Caleb. You're almost done. Well, I do say it sincerely because you really are the funniest person alive.

Jack, come on. And I mean that, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Come on. I love you to death. But you know what did happen to me recently? Tell me now. This past weekend, I was at a wedding and this guy I really don't know very well.

I met him one other time. pulls me aside and he says, hey, man, I meant to tell you, my sister really wanted me to say to you that she's been a fan of you since 2020 when you were funny. I was like, thanks. So I'm going to kill you.

What? You pulled me aside to say that on behalf of his sister who wasn't there. That's my least favorite always. When some straight guy is like, dude, my girlfriend loves you. I'm like, well, either call her or leave me the fuck alone. What are you doing? I also had another instance where I was out with a group of friends and they brought like a guy along who was just like kind of a nightmare objectively, never met him. and he pulls me over when I get in the room.

He's like, dude, I love your videos, man. I was like, oh, thank you. He's like, all right, chill. Not like that. Not like a fan or something. It's like I said thank you. I was just being polite. In 2020, when you were funny, is crazy.

It was really crazy. It's a brutal read. Yeah. It's also, yeah, I mean, whatever. But that's really fucking funny to say to somebody. Have you ever had an interaction like that? Oh, plenty. But the thing is, my most hurtful things are almost always from my actual fans.

Right. Like, I think I've said this on here before, but I played like, I think it was maybe after I played like the Chicago theater. A fan of mine saw me like the next day and maybe it was Chicago, maybe it was a different, it was my last theater tour, which was only for the story, I will say, completely sold out. And she like stopped me at a coffee shop like the day after the show. She was like, I was at your show last night. I just want to say like, please, please, please hang in there.

Like, I really think you're going to make it. was being so earnest and I'm like I'm playing theaters I was just like what are you talking about I just got out of the theater I was like baby I think I did I don't know what your version of making it is but I'm like I feel really good

but it's so crazy the thing is she was a sweetheart she meant it she was she was legitimately like you fucking do it brother yeah I mean that's brutal my fans are always humbling me in that way which is good and for the best but it's always it's never really

hate comments. But I feel like you are a very humble guy. Well, you know, and there's a reason. It's because these are my fans. How could I not be? With fans like these, who needs enemies? They're making sure. Yeah, but all the time stuff like that. Are people, I feel bad too because I think people don't know how to behave when they meet someone that they know from their phone. Right. And so, yeah, it's stuff like that. That they'll say something and I'm sure, maybe not him, but I'm sure oftentimes people who say things like that feel kind of badly. Right.

I think of fuck I mess that up Yeah yeah Yeah I mean Yeah when you were funny in 2020 When you were funny in 2020 is actually merch You should get you should legitimately tell your team right now Get on the phones We need merch that says I was a fan of Jack Martins when he was funny in 2020

I'll wear it immediately That is so fucking funny Yeah that does feel like something that a controversial celebrity would wear in like 2015 Really cool and that we would bring back now maybe. I got industry plan allegations recently. Really? Oh my God.

How do you feel about that? I'm just over the moon about it. I'm over the moon about it. I'm over the moon about it. I can't stop. I'm just like giddy. Sometimes when I think about it, I kick my feet. Who planted you, you think? I don't know, but I just love the idea.

It would be so much better for me if I was an industry plant. My actual story is so much more humiliating. I like, I post it on this about this on subsect, but I'm like, it's actually way worse. I took improv seriously. It would be so much cooler to be planted. But I love that. I was like, wow, industry plant allegations really feels like that's the good stuff.

Yeah, I think it's an awesome, like, alter your ego to develop. It means the world to me. And I hope that people will continue to propagate that. I'm picturing the guy who's, like, one of those characters in the biopic that turns out to be like the super evil guy that's, like, actually trying to ruin your career. Yeah. He's just, like, planning out the So True podcast and special and everything, pizza movie. Pizza movie's in there. Yeah.

Yeah, part of the plan. Pizza movie, part of the plan. Build me up to break me down. Build me up to get me high off pizza movie and then bring me back down to life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right back down. Yeah, where I got to play the only 31 year old in the movie.

Can't stress that enough. I do, every time I talk to Nick and Brian since then I bring it up. I mean, it's the funniest thing ever. It's objectively one of the funniest things that's ever happened to me. Just the character needing to be introduced as, so you understand,

I took a never before invented gap decade. First words, he says. It's so paramount to his being here that we can't see him for an instant without him having mentioned it. It would completely take you out of this movie where people time travel and go into other dimensions. There's a, what is it, 17-minute segment of the film where their heads explode? Because they say curse words. I couldn't be 27. There's a fully sentient robot that goes into space.

Best part of the movie, by the way. Oh, my God, icon. Best part of the movie. Snacketron? Need. Come on. Need. Felt attracted to.

100%. Snacketron. My type. My type. There's your king for the sequel. Delibri robots. To be into the Snacketron? Yeah.

Yeah. Being into robots, I do think there's something very special about that. Do you ever watch Lars and the Real Girl? No. Great film. You actually should watch Lars and the Real Girl. Okay. Actually, all jokes aside, I know we kid around a lot on here.

You should watch Lars and the Real Girl. It's kind of beautiful. Okay. It's Ryan Gosling. Yeah. And basically the whole town endures his delusions until he gets a over it. It's fucking awesome.

It's completely fucking awesome. It's a great Ryan Gosling role, one of his best. That's what the girl who said, I hope you make it to you thought was happening. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like, we just got to keep making him believe he somebody. Until he comes out of it. Until he comes out of it.

I just don't understand how that happens because if she's a fan of you, she sees, like, you're like in Devil Wears Prada at the premiere. Like you're crushing it objectively. I mean, in her defense, this was a year ago. So none of that had happened. Maybe she really, look, I love it. I think the two, the coolest things that can happen to you, if you're me, are industry

plant allegations and ozimic allegations. I think those are the chicest things that can happen to me. And I'm just loving, I'm just loving that. What about Secret Nepo Baby? Secret Nepo Baby, no, that erases a lot of really bad stuff I went through. Yeah, that's fair. Being poor is the worst thing that ever happened to me, and I want people to know that it happens. Right, right, right.

Yeah, I'm not interested in erasing that. Yeah. But I think Secret Nepo Baby I kind of like nepo babies. I think they're a lot of fun. Sure. I really do.

I think it's chic. I met a nepo baby once who was writing a script about how everyone was hunting down and trying to kill nepo babies. Yeah. And the point of the movie was that you feel really bad for them.

I like that. And he was going around just pitching it to everyone that would listen. That's the cool thing about nepo babies is they're legitimately most of them fucking insane. And I also love that most of us are so jealous

punishing and petty that we've stretched Nepo Baby to be like the most, the widest, broadest definition you can imagine. Right. Like I remember they were really trying to come after Allison Williams. I was like, I don't know. Her dad has a ton of pole.

Just to be honest, I don't think he was involved in the casting of HBO girls. I just love how it's such a broad because we're such an envious, like, mean-spirited, kind of nasty society. Sure. We will extend any insult we can to anybody that'll fit it.

Yeah. And Nepo Baby is getting really. funny. It's getting really funny. My character in the show is an info baby. Really? Hey. Crazy Tying. You never told me that. Yeah, his dad's a billionaire who owns a media company

and he can't get a job at the company until he named drops his dad and that's how his arc starts in the show. So is part of it that he tried to do it without the dad? Yeah, yeah. He gets kind of sweet. He goes into his interview he's like very excited. He's very earnest. Gets brutally rejected in the room. sees the guy who's the boss in the hallway

and shakes his hand and names drops his dad's name. Wow. Isn't that cool? Yeah. I wish I had that kind of situation. I mean, would be incredible. I'm not above it at all. I would love.

More power to him. Yes. Yes. Go get that job at the company, brother. Go get it. No worries. When's the show come out? June 2nd?

June 2nd, hell yeah. Are you excited? I am really excited. It was really, really fun. I mean, shooting here was insane. That was so cool. I feel like nothing shoots here anymore. I know.

So that was a gift. That's cool as fun. And we're all friends, which is amazing. I'm literally running a campaign to get you in the show. See, tell me to give me a call. Not one, not one phone call came through during season one. And that's... So I want to say...

And I don't stand by that at all. Mindy, you're asleep at the wheel. Just kidding. Just kidding, girl, love you. That's so fun, dude. I'm so excited for you. Thank you. You deserve the world.

I'm excited for you, King. Are you kidding? You're so amazing in Delaware's brother. How dare you? Try to slick turn that back on me. That's a disgusting habit. That was a sickening, sickening move that you did. Don't do that.

I'm very excited for you. I can't wait to see the show. Is there even one person you worked with on it that you didn't like? No, genuinely. Do you imagine? I really love them all. I wrote every single person a card. Every person who worked on it?

Yeah. How many was it? A lot. It was an insane amount. I didn't even get some to some people because I missed them and I couldn't find him. So I just have these cards in my bag. I got to say I did that after Trash Mountain.

Yeah. I wrote 137 thank you cards. Okay, well, you got me beat in that. No, no, no, no. Let me tell you something. It won't be happening again. I found the limits of my gratitude and I passed them. From now on, everyone will be getting a very sincere handshake.

It is funny when you see those sayings and like inspirational quotes on Instagram that are like, there's no limits to gratitude. The more gratitude you have, the more gratitude you get. And then, you know, that happens. You're like, actually, that's not true at all. It went in waves. it was like the 25th thank you card i was like you're killed you're one of the best guys you know i was really i was really building myself up i was like this is you know that is how it feels

it was it was like you're just one of the you're just different man you're just one of these guys that like you don't think about this stuff the way that other people do you're in gratitude you're in your gratitude bag in a way that's unbelievable at about card 70 i was like you don't have to be this good and legitimately when i hit 100 i'm reading fucking quotes about uh Martyrdom. Like, yeah, suicidal empathy. I'm like looking for a cross to nail myself too. I'm like, you do not have to crawl through the desert.

You do not have to be good. Yeah, so that's exactly how I felt. Yeah. It's fucked up. I won't be doing it again. Everyone on Trash Mountain, I hope you enjoyed you, thank you cards. Didn't hear back from most of the people that I wrote to, which makes complete sense. No one gets it more than I do.

And yeah, in future projects, it'll just be a, thank you guys. Yep. I don't be writing cards anymore. Yeah. to happen. Can't do it. I mean, I guess the movie about my dead dad was the time to do it, but

not again. I am very excited for that movie. Thanks, dude. I'm excited too. Okay, June 2nd, show comes out. Yes, King. June 3rd, your life changes forever. Forever.

June 4th, you switch up on everybody. Yeah. I have a list of my day ones that I'm never going to speak to again. June 5th, you switch up on people that you haven't even met yet. June 6th, my mom's birthday. And I know it.

So you give her a call. And that's in the calendar. 75 Jack. You switch up. 75 Jack is where you switch up. on everyone but my mom. It's going to do wonders for me. I can't wait for your switch up, dude.

I've been waiting on it, and I felt like you deserved it a while ago, to be honest. Thank you. I was ready for you to switch up after Libreya. Yeah. You didn't really do it. Right. And now I'm ready for the switch up.

Yeah, now it's time. I want to see you go off on people. How would you like me to switch up on you? You can switch up on me however you want. It won't phase me. I'll bring you back. I'll get you back. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm going to let you go for. Well, you know, someone said, I can't remember who, but someone a couple years ago said that when your friend gets really famous, you should give them three years to be a psycho. And if they come back, you accept them. And if they don't, they're gone forever. Right. I'm going to give you your three years.

Thank you. Just June 3rd, 2026 to June 3rd, 2029. On June 4th, 20209, I want you back. The switchup is over. Switch up. We're switching back. To the way things were before. We're switching down?

We're switching down. We're switching down. And I want you to come back to me. I want you to be the old Jack. But I want you to have those three years. I want you to go to all those nauseating parties we get invited to. I want you to wear weird shit. Yeah.

I want you to be in couture that does not look good or make sense. Develop a British accent somehow. I want that. Yeah. I want you to develop a voice for a character that you can't get out of. Right. I want that. The beard's the beginning.

I want you to be really strange in public. Yeah. And during this, by the way, during this three years, I'll be on my bad boy era. Yeah. I'm going to be fucking mean to Jimmy Fallon.

These are very complimentary, by the way. On his show. Do I? These are very complimentary. Yeah. You're being like an obnoxious prick. I'm being like a druggie, you know. It's fine.

And they're like, they're like, what happened on the set of pizza movie? Yeah, whoa. You know? And they'll point to that is where it all started. And there's like an E-True Hollywood story about both of us and our mutual tailspins. Yeah, there'll be a photo of you

as the Grinch in a diaper in black and white with like the flashing effect coming on the screen. Yeah. Yeah, I want that. Yeah, the Ken Burns pull out on the Grinch. Yes. Yeah, with the blues. I see all of this for us.

It's going to be so good. I'm very excited for the show. I can't wait to stream it. Thank you, King. I would watch it in real life if they would let me. If they were putting it in theaters, I'd be there. I mean, should we put TV shows in theaters? Is anyone doing that?

I would love it. That'd be cool as fuck. We need to open a theater that only plays TV shows. Oh my God, imagine a Sopranos marathon in a theater. Ooh, I'm going to cry, because actually that's not fucking funny to me. One of our fattest of all-time TV shows. Some of the fattest people you've ever seen. And it's perfect.

Some of the fattest people you've ever seen, and they had, I mean, they did beat gay guy to death with a pipe. Sure. He was gay for a while before that. He was gay for a while before that and fat. God. And they all had cool as fuck names.

Extremely cool names. We should reboot Sopranos. Yeah. You and me? Yeah, you be Tony, I'll be Polly. Yeah, I think we could do that. Who would be Carmella? I guess Lily.

Yeah. So Lily's Carmela. Mm-hmm. And then, oh God. Christopher. Timothy Shalame. Yeah, he'd do good at that.

Yeah, he'd do good as Christopher in our Supreme Boot. Okay, wait, hold on, on, on. That's Christopher. And then who else do we need in there? Well, I'm worried about AJ. AJ? Yeah.

Oh, uh, Gaten. Yeah, it's obviously... Oh, he'd be so good. And Meadow, I think we go... I think we go interesting. I think we go way older. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we just make a different choice

and go, she's a way older sister. Yeah. I think we're like Lori Metcalf. Yes. Yeah. Lori Metcalf has Meadow and our soprano's reboot would legitimately, sorry, people would tune in. Who changed lives? Who changed fucking lives.

I want to be Polly, but I want to be less pathetic. If that's okay. I know that's his whole deal. You could be Polly and just a completely different guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm never going to say, instead of saying,

do you hear that T? I'm going to say like, I don't care if you heard that T. I'm going to say stuff like that. I'm actually secure. or myself, T. I actually like my joke, Tee. Yeah. Stuff like that. I've been reading a lot of books, and I'm really not worried about your opinion. Yeah. And you'll be Tony. Yeah.

We'll kill people together. And I'll be in cold cuts. I'm keeping that. Oh, yeah. That was cool when he would do that shit. So sick. He was doing some of the coolest fact guy shit ever. Just right out of the fridge with the hands. Taking down like a billion cold cuts in his boxers. I am going to be honest. When I saw that show, I started doing that. Oh, yeah. I bought a bunch of cold cuts.

I bought, like, all the ones he mentions in the show and I put them in the fridge and I would get up and I go downstairs. I mean the other fridge. You're one of the coolest guys I know. You're one of my best friends in the whole world. I really would die for you. Because the thing is, I know you're not kidding. I know you did, brother. And I fucking love that.

Hell yeah. That's the coolest shit I've ever heard. Hey, what can I say? You want to play a game? Yes. Okay. Stay put. Don't go anywhere.

Can you tell me before we play the game, am I supposed to take this game seriously? Or am I supposed to play it ironically? Because the first time I was on the show, I played it ironically, and then halfway through, I realized I was supposed to take it seriously. You can play it however you want, buddy. Okay. It's your life.

I'm just living in it. Life-changing answer. What I can tell you is most people really, really try. Okay. And most people don't succeed. Okay. I'm going to read you 15 statements, Jack. Got it.

You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said is true or false. You get 10 or more correct. We're going to give you 50 U.S. dollars. I know. I know. I know. I got some protein shakes. You ready?

Yeah. Okay. Jupiter has 115 moons. Sure. True. Japan's headquarters, or sorry. Well, no. No, it's okay.

Tokyo's headquarters is in Japan. True. This is true. Halsey's real first name is Ashley. Whose? Halsey. True. It's true.

Lead is denser than gold. True. It's false. Damn it. McLean, Virginia currently has a population of 50,773. McLean, Virginia? Where I'm from? Yeah.

Has a population of what? 50,773. False. True. Fuck. Fuck. Russell Crow has been to all seven continents. True.

That is false. No way. I'm horrible at this. There are six types of taste buds on a human tongue. True. False. No. Five?

That was like, no. Osterishes have the largest eyes of any land animal. True. That is true. Yes. The chemical symbol for potassium is P. False.

True. False. K. Fong. You can't do that. That's me. Georgetown's mascot is John the Bulldog. Jack the Bulldog.

False. It's Jack the Bulldog. Potatoes originated in South America. True. That is true. Dexter's Laboratory is older than Jimmy Neutron. True. True.

Tetagon has ten sides. False. It's a Decagon. Vampire bats are real animals. True. True. Let's go. Only seven Hall of Famers have played for the Baltimore Ravens.

True. It's true. Yeah. I'm going to hold on this one. Ten. Yeah. Wow. You want no reaction at all.

Wait. I won. You won. Jack's reaction to winning. I forgot what the number was. Was it 10? 10 or more. Unreal.

Oh my God. By the skinnier teeth, brother. If you had gotten me with that psychological trick at the end, I would have been cooked. I get a lot of people with my eyes. You do. I get a lot of people my eyes. I also give a lot of way by reading the question wrong.

What chance? Can I just editorialize here? You said Tokyo's headquarters is in Japan. It's Toyota's headquarters is in Japan. Well, Well, it felt true to me. So he got it anyway. And yeah, I'm not really always good at reading the questions.

And you know what? I'll go as far to say Tokyo's headquarters is in Japan. Hello? Tell me Tokyo's not headquartered in Japan. You can't, bitch. Come on. Chance don't ever chime in. Chance.

Chance. Don't ever chime in like that again. Chance. God, you see, it's impossible to find good help these days. It's unbelievable. And I've known this guy since we were kids. He's so out of line. He's completely out of line.

He needs to be hit, but you're not allowed to anymore due to woke. You can't strike your staff anymore due to woke. and other social ills. It sucks. Oh, my God. I miss the day when you used to be able to just member of your staff, just get one of these. I miss when Chance wasn't woke.

I know. You actually, you actually haven't been on Chances Woke Journey like I have. Chance has been woke, unwoke. He's been up, he's been down. This is a real sick individual. Yeah, yeah. Chance was more woke than me at a certain point.

Really? Yeah, certainly not the truth anymore. I know. He outflanked me from. the left at one point. Do you actually know what Chance said before this recording today? Tell me. He said, he said, I'll admit it. Something I do when I think someone's lying about a GoFund me is I check to see how little

money they made. And I get happy and I go, told you so. That's the kind of guy is. That's, yeah, that's, that's, that's despicable. I got chills. I got full body chills. You can't, yeah. You hire a hillbilly, heterosexual from Missouri like this and you get, you get what you

pay for. He was saying some stuff to me about you that I can't repeat. About me? Yeah. Oh, I don't. If I respected his opinion at all, it would probably hurt. No, Chance is a good boy. He's a good egg.

Love you, Chance is a good egg. Chance we love you. And I love both of you. Hey. Don't just, we're on the mics. Yeah, sorry. Won't happen again. No, Jack, that wasn't a note for you.

It was a note for chance. He'll receive punishment later. I have a bucket of ice water I pour on him when he misbehaves. No, no, no. Jack, is there anything you want to tell people where they can find you, et cetera? Not suitable for work, June 2nd. Hulu and Disney Plus. That was good. It was good.

And on Instagram. The heck. Real Jack Martin. Real Jack Martin on Instagram. Are you still on TikTok? Yeah, that's just Jack Martin. Real Jack Martin started as a joke. And then it was too late.

And now you're a public figure. Yeah, now I just look like a dude. We're completely fucked. Yeah. Oh, don't worry. I started Caleb says things as like a blog when I was like, 18 and then everything just happened too quickly and there was no way out. Right. And now I'm Caleb says things.

Disgusting and humiliating. I have had friends of mine in real life be like, oh, you know Caleb says things? Yeah, that makes me fucking sick. Yeah, that makes me completely ill. On Instagram, by the way, which is a photo sharing app. Right, right, right, right. Rarely a word is spoken. Yeah, so I'm a fucking roob, and I've paid a massive price.

I love you, dude. Thanks for doing it. Well, yeah, that's what I want to say to you is I love you more than anything. I would die for you. I would die for you. I'd die for you. I'd be the funniest person ever. I can't thank you enough for having me on.

You're the greatest. It's too much. You're too kind to me. It's true. Jack Martin, everybody.