So True with Caleb Hearon - Jay Jurden Returns

Episode Date: July 16, 2026

Welcome! This week’s guest is the hilarious Jay Jurden! Jay and Caleb talk southern traditions, cooking, their many beautiful friendships in the New York comedy scene, what they would save from a burning building, and much more! Join our Substack for ad free full episodes, early access to merch, our community chat, and more! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow Jay! @jayjurden Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Go to https://www.squarespace.com/SOTRUE to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code SOTRUE. Shop now at https://Fabletics.com/sotrue to get 70-80% percent off everything when you sign up as a new VIP Rula patients typically pay $15 per session when using insurance. Head to https://RULA.com to find a therapist the easy way. Book your next trip at https://Booking.com. Book today on the site or in the app. Go to https://Audible.com/headswilrollseries to start listening today. So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Virginia Muller. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York. A Wave series. https://wavesportsandentertainment.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Wave. I found out this past year, some people think I'm mean. Hmm. You're not disagreeing. I can see how we got there. Jay Jordan, how you doing? I'm doing good. Good to see you.

Good to see you. How you been? What's the news? I've been very good. Last time I saw you, I was in the seat at a theater in Los Angeles. And I said, who's that at that desk in that movie? No. Yes, that's the last time I saw you.

Yeah, I was up there. Yeah, yeah, you were traveling, jet setting. I was up there, I was up there. Now you're in New York. I'm in New York City, New York, USA. Yeah, I'm proud of you. It feels good. Stay put for a second.

Barely. Barely. And if I, if everything is on track, I should be getting strep throat again in the next week or two. Okay, good, good, good. I've been getting strep throat a lot. Wait, do we have that on the calendar for Caleb? Do we make sure? Yeah, yeah.

Let's get that put down. Yeah, it should be coming any second. Good, good, good, good. Yeah. I don't know what it is, dude. I think I'm going to have to get a tonsillectomy. I'm really pissed about it. Whoa.

I know. And I'm not good at sitting still, which I'll have to do for about three weeks. You're going to do the thing where you have a middle school event happened to you as a grown-up. Tom's alectomy. That's coming for me. First cast,

that everyone has this sign. Yeah, I'm going to get braces soon. Hey, everyone, invitations for Caleb's bar mitzvah. Are they going out? They're going out. Yeah. $50.

$50. I still love money and a card. Really? Oh, yes. Sometimes you do a show, and a very sweet producer, sometimes with a dude, they won't just hand you cash and drink tickets. What they'll do is they'll give everyone a signed, personalized card with the spot pay in it, and you go, ah, this is so nice. Those girls are going somewhere. Yeah.

There's an art to producing a show. Yeah, yeah. And those girls who take it serious like that, they are going somewhere. You know, if you want that to happen on a show, you know what you need? Girls with big old glasses. You need some of these joints. And even more than that, a lesbian. I said what I said.

Because the lesbians... What did I say? The lesbians and those big glasses take it very seriously. Yeah, why the glasses are so big? They look in... They have been there. Yeah.

They can see everything. You think you can't miss a clitoral hood when your glasses is big? It's not happening. It's not happening. I love... You love lesbians, and you talk about it all the time. I love lesbians.

We talk about all the time. We both discuss fashion influences and cross-cultural exchange, kind of like the Silk Road, really, if we're talking historically, the cross-cultural exchange between lesbian fits and gay men's fashion and how sometimes lesbians will say,

you're dressing like me, and then gay boys, no, you're dressing like me, when really we should all just be having a good meal together. Right. Because sometimes it is a little bit of a spat. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the reality is lesbians are dressing like men.

That is what's going on. Yeah. But sometimes, sometimes a man sees a lesbian, and goes, oh, I need a dress like that. Of course, which is just a man saying I should dress like a man. No. That's what it is. No, no, no.

These lesbians think they invented a tank top with trousers, baby. I love y'all. You are so important to me. It is not reality. No, no, no. That started with men. Wait a second. No, Christopher Columbus discovered the new world.

I love Christopher Columbus. I'm glad he's finally getting his deal. Big, big, big fan. Caleb really wants, Staten Island is going to love this. this episode. That's just going to love it. All the people who go, what, National Who Day? Is there a holiday?

Is there a recent holiday that you have, like, been going up for? Because, like, we're talking about how, like, Columbus Day then became Indigenous People's Day. Is there a holiday you're going up for, like, a federal holiday that you're excited about? I, no, I don't care about holidays. The only holiday I really celebrated all is Thanksgiving. Okay. I love that. And it's only because I love that meal.

I love Thanksgiving. Do you have stuffing any other time during the year? No. Okay, you save it. No, yeah, it's just for that. Sometimes as a Southern black person, you can have dressing a couple times a year. Of course. You can.

You can. You can have cranberry sauce more than once. No, it's just for that. Yeah, mashed potatoes happening a lot, though. Where do you go for Thanksgiving? I go somewhere. I've cooked in our apartment. I've gone to my husband's place for Thanksgiving before my husband's, like, back home when they go to Alabama on, like, the big.

They had one of his. aunts had like this big house, like big, like big old house on the farm. Not historically big. A big house on the farm in Alabama, huh? And I know you have a white husband, so. I saw the gears turning. What was going on at the house, Jay? Oh, no.

Jordan Peel was there. He directed me. No, it was, you know those, you know how like in the 2000s there were so many, like, the suburban sprawl like really crept out. And so I want to say in that spot between like Huntsville and Nashville, there was just all that land. And so then people started making huge, and so like one time we were on this like big, like, I think there was like a field. And you know when you go to some Thanksgiving events and everyone takes a picture in like the big field, like it was like one of those houses. So we went there.

And when it's that much food, the food is okay. There's a certain amount of people where you have to bring in professionals if you want the food to be great. Yeah. Because it just, you're not a professional cook. You just aren't. I don't know why so many people think they can cook for a lot of people. You can't. It's impossible.

It's impossible. The maximum amount of people, and I've seen this happen, eight people, that's max. Eight people is the maximum amount of people you can really cook for if you're not a professional. Nassi you lost me there. Really? Because let me tell you. Well, you need to understand it. My Thanksgiving at my house, we have, we feed

about 20, 25 people. Oh, okay. But however, we have... Wait, Caleb's kitchen? Two grandmas, a mom, and aunt, and two uncles in that kitchen. Go into town. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, that's enough. And people bring stuff.

Yeah, so it all works out, but it takes an army. I'm saying if you're one person, you can only cook for eight people. Sure, yeah, I understand that. If you got four people. Yeah. Yeah, I say you can get 30. So there it goes, yeah. Okay. What do you contribute?

The house. Oh. Caleb has gone full boomer parent. Caleb said, what did I contribute? The mortgage? Hey, hey, hey. I didn't, dude, my family is full of good cooks and I am not one of them. I didn't get it.

That's funny, but also, okay, I feel you on that. I can cook decent. I can cook like a dinner for me, but I can't, like, the stuff that my family can cook, I don't have like a big, I don't have a turkey, I don't have a big casserole recipe. I'm just helping out. I'll throw in, I'll say, hey, you want me to chop that broccoli for that, I'll do that. Yeah.

That's all I got. That's okay, something. I'll chop. Okay. I'll chop. I try to stay away from the, I'm not interested in the dishes. I'll do them if I really have to,

but I'm not interested in it. Hey, hey, you know what this dinner is coming with aside of gender roles? Yeah. Because you just say, the dishes. Well, here's the thing. You say, I'm not talking.

The women in my family love to be martyrs and I like to let them. They like to be in their school. You go, can I help with the dishes? Because you know you have to offer. Yeah, yeah. No, sit down and you. and you go, all right.

I do a little bit of... Because, yeah, and they wave you off. You just want me washing the lines. I watch the lines. No worries. Oh, I forgot. Oh, I forgot. I forgot ever since our last chap.

Now you're kind of... What's going on with you being... You're a Kelsey now, unofficially. Hmm. Right? What do you mean by that? You're part of the polycule, right? What do you mean by that?

Say more to me. You're... Your brother husbands with Jason Kelsey. That's your brother husband. Am I making this up? In what way? Y'all married. Me and Jason Kelsey.

What is giving you this impression? Where's this bit stemming from? How comfortable you are with his wife. Now, I love Kylie. See? Don't say it like that. No, I love Kylie. That's very Brooklyn of you.

I think I'm more of a fun gay cousin to both of them. Okay. All right. I was getting brother husband. Every time I watch y'all, I get, once again, that's me. being southern, I go, I wish y'all can figure this out. Yeah. I see y'all laughing,

having a good time. She has a gay husband and she has a real husband. Straight husband. This is the role of the gay cousin, though. It's to come in, you wish. You're trying to push your freaky poly agenda on everybody. Your alternative lifestyle that you and your husband live.

Kissing strangers in Mexico city, who has that hurt? Who has that hurt? Right? To that I say, Keen. Yeah. Y'all don't date other people. Y'all just fuck other people.

We have dated other people. We could date other people. Wow. I see no reason why you shouldn't at least have the most amount of fun that you can handle. You, Caleb specifically, you don't want to do that.

I would never tell anyone to open up their relationship if they didn't want to do it. I would tell people, to close theirs. Yeah, yeah. Close it. Close it.

Nobody. I'm very comfortable telling people what they should be doing. Yeah. I think it's an exciting, I think it's an exciting opportunity for me. I think it is, it is fun when you get to tell people,

I don't like that. And they go, we're going to do it anyway. But also, I live, so because I live in Harlem, I can be silly and escape all of this. You have to be in Brooklyn with all of it.

Yeah. That's a difference. You almost don't even recognize it anymore, like a fish in the ocean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is water to a fish in the ocean? Yeah, you are a hostess and you're going, there's so many three tops. Yeah.

Why is every? Everyone's a three top. Or a four or five. It's a logistical nightmare. Yeah, it's bad news. I also understand that like because, because, like, I have a joke in my current hour where I say, me and my husband, we are not Polly.

We are not Polly. We are not open. We are what's known as cool. All right? You remember? People used to just be cool. Yeah. And so, like, sometimes I think we are in a bit more be cool territory than, like, spreading the gospel of being Polly.

Yeah. Because being cool, that's fun. Being Polly, now it's capes involved. Yeah. Okay. Being Polly, now you got to say, hey, do you want to meet my lizard? That's different. That's how it gets weird.

Jay, what do you've been up to lately? What's going on with you? I just got back from Portland, Maine. Uh-huh. My second time in one and a half years, proud to report. saw even more black people this time. Hey! That's right.

They were just walking around. And I shouldn't have been stopping them the way I was stopping them. Yeah. But I was. I said, hey, you have a moment? Come here. Come here.

Come here. Come here. Hey, take a picture. Real quick. All of us. Okay. Have you seen those videos that have been making it

across my desk of the black guy who goes up to black people that are with all white people and checks on them? Yeah, yeah. Have you seen these? You should do that.

One of my favorite, I love the. these videos. Because what you have to do is you have to let him know you're okay, but also give him like some, hey, I see you fellow black man. I'm good. Thank you for checking out, by the way. Because you know who usually does that?

If you're a black comedian around the country, the black person who checks on you in white spaces is usually the bouncer at the club. Like if you do a club or if you do a room or if you do a show, and you know, like sometimes comedy, it's just like comedy is still sometimes very segregated. You do a room

that's a lot of white people. You're goal as a black comedian is usually to be like the black staff who work the venue, whether that be bouncers, bartenders, servers, you want to be like, oh, I want me, man. Right. Because I got, thank you for coming.

Thank you for buying a ticket. Right? Yeah. When you go, oh, okay, that's Leroy. You're good. I feel the same way, by the way. Oh, yeah. I'm working.

I'm trying to get, not just because the black folks in the room, but everybody working. Yes. I want to get everybody working at the club to laugh because I'm like, they see this shit every single night, and I know they hate most of the comics who come through here. If I can make them laugh, it's whatever.

We had a beautiful moment like that in Kansas City where two of the people who were helping with transport from the venues into the airports, when they liked any of the jokes, when they remembered any of this stuff, we said, I was like, yes. Oh, when you did y'all? Yeah, of course.

That's one of my favorite things is making sure that this happened. I was in Jersey. This young black girl bought tickets to see me and she brought her two older parents. These two fun but very church-going black folks. It was Sunday night. I was like, I knew y'all went someplace before. And so they came to show, they loved it.

When you get older black people to enjoy your stuff, especially as a black community, especially if you're from the South, I'm like, oh, thank God. Thank God. Because you can only tell so many jokes. where like you like the fact that people are laughing but you're like, okay, I want to make sure this could like,

I want to make sure my mom or my auntie could laugh at this too. Sometimes that's just like what I want out of things. That's why I still write from that vantage point. Like I have two jokes like in the thing I'm touring right now. One of them is a, I tell a big dig joke. I tell a joke about a very big dick. And then I say when my mom first heard that joke, she went, you just like me.

Because that's what I want. And you get that. Like there's a, there's a, when you're, queer comic there's an older female companionship and a kind of rubric for funny that like you do want like were you making your mom and her friends laugh

when you were younger? Yeah. See exactly so that's like kind of shit that I'm also still like I still want that. I love making everyone in my demographic laugh and all the people who love my stuff but like if you can get an older black woman to laugh or you if you can get her to be like you know you're not supposed to say in that. If you can get one of those

you're like yes. Yeah that is the best. Yeah so I was in Maine. Where else did I go? Oh, I went to D.C. I was in D.C. during the UFC thing. Did you go to the UFC thing? So me and Nate had tickets.

And then he... I'm kidding. I'm joking. I'm joking. I made a very good hockey joke about Nate Bergotsie. People were mad who was at the White House. I said, he told you he was a Predators fan. Hey, that's a great joke.

That's a great joke. Hockey boys love that joke. Yeah. I didn't go. I passed by where you could see the archway over the... the White House. And how can I say this in the meanest way possible? Everyone who was there for that event, you knew it.

Yeah. You knew it from the shoes, from the shirt, from the smell. You saw a person go to that event. They didn't have to tell you they were going. Yeah. You were like, oh, good. That's how most of those things are, yeah. You went, have fun.

Yeah. Have fun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I was in D.C., but I was in D.C. I was in D.C. just for shows, and they were wonderful. I had, like, this moment. where a guy who like I like remembered from something,

he came up to me afterwards. And as a queer person on the internet, sometimes gay men, please remind us of where? It doesn't have to be the full story, but if you just, hey, we talked a little bit, just hey, we flutter a little bit. You know my friends, so, because you see them come up for the picture and then you, I'm,

I'm rocking my, I'm going, what, how do we? We didn't, but in my head I was like, how do we know each other? So just gay men, just, I don't know. What would you say would be the best way to be like, hey, we messaged for a little bit or hey, this thing? I think just saying that. Yeah, right? I'll say I got a really annoying one the other night where I was out at gay bars

with my friend, which I don't usually do, but I'm trying to get better about saying yes to stuff that I don't necessarily want to do. Except for being Polly. We keep asking them. Not doing that. We, the collective. Not doing that. But I was out and this guy messaged me that I flirted with for a long time.

We've never been able to meet up. He was on the Upper East Side. I live in Brooklyn. It's probably not going to happen. Yeah. So it's been like months of us being like, would be really fun to fuck. Wish we didn't live eight miles apart or whatever the fuck the distance is.

Yeah. And he messaged me. In New York, everyone who doesn't live in New York, don't think Kail was being a flake. That is so far in New York. I'm not going to the Upper East Side. It's so far in New York. I came from Harlem to Brooklyn to do this podcast.

I left. Yesterday. Yes. It's been. And this is work. It's is work. There's ass in Brooklyn. There's people to fuck on the Upper East Side and in Brooklyn.

There is so much ass in Brooklyn. The ass in Brooklyn. Now, listen, it's not always washed, but the ass in Brooklyn. Hello. The ass in Brooklyn. Sometimes you go, hey, rinse this off again. Yeah. Step in there for me.

Hop in the shower. Hey, hey, you know what we're crazy if we shower together. Yeah. Let's start it out. Let's start it out. You know what? I'm feeling like I need to shower. Yeah.

You want a shower? And then they go, no, you go, I think we should. Well, fuck, if you go from Brooklyn to the Upper East Side, that's like given. Right? You're going to need it. That's a commute. Yeah.

You basically, you took, I mean, this person had to take the literal underground railroad. Jay. They had to follow the drinking gore to get to. Please. Please. But this guy that I've been fording with forever He messrs me the next day on Grindr and says I think I saw you last night at this place

Was that you? And I said, yeah, why didn't you say something? And he goes, oh, I was pretty fucked up And I'm like, okay, that doesn't mean we have to go home together You come say hello. Yeah. Are you like, what's not? Click that piss me off.

Well, because that's a fun, serendipitous moment where you go, oh, we've been messaging for a bit. Hadn worked out. Holy shit, are we finally in the same bar? I'm a little fucked up. but you can steal some kisses. You can smooch a little bit in the club. And you can also just say hello.

And then we could have met in person for when we do actually. And then he's, and then he's messaging me, what are you doing this week? Can we get together? I'm going to get together. You're crazy? Because you were like, I can't meet this week. I'm going to get strep throat.

I got a lot of strep coming up. That was your strep appointment. I got a podcast for Jay. That was your strep appointment. You were supposed to catch strep throat from him. Yeah. Yeah. That was what was supposed to happen.

Would have been beautiful. Yeah. Would have been completely beautiful. I'm trying to think the last time I had like, like a fun running in the club. I went to a friend's birthday party and a guy who used to like, you know, some gay boys you flirt with

and you're flirting, but man, you go, damn, how many pictures you got saved? You can send me, you're sending me new stuff every day? I don't, I don't got new pictures to send you every day.

Yeah. I can take one, but then that's a whole different thing. But like, they just got a gallery. They got movies. I'm immediately turned, well,

there's two things they turn me off. 17 different angles of your naked body and everything. I'm like turned off. What's left to discover? Why am I doing this? And a video of someone else fucking you, I'm like, ah. Sometimes. I didn't need it.

Sometimes the video, sometimes the very sexual kind of do-it-yourself porn video is always like, you have to request that. In my opinion, if you're sexting with someone, you have to be like, hey, I want to see you get fucked. Please send me the video you might have. Yeah. Yeah. Because if you just send the video of like active sex going on, now I'm looking at everything. I'm going, it seems like there's a lot of people in this room.

This can't be the only one of these videos you have. Yeah, I mean, clearly, you know, there's a boom operator. There's a lot of stuff going on in some of these videos. And then you go, wait a second, we don't know each other that well. I got this. Yeah. I know, tell everyone gets this. Yeah.

I go, this is out there. See that? I go, this is not, this is not bespoke. Yeah. This is not, because this is what people used to say. They used to be like, oh, well, you know, I got to go in my hidden folder. If the hidden folder is that full of stuff, that's crazy. Why is it hidden?

Yeah. If everyone's been in here. Why are we hiding folders? It's not hidden. Yeah. So funny. Oh, I also, I also feel bad for that guy because clearly he's a bit, maybe, maybe I'm psychoanalyzing. Maybe he's like, maybe he likes the long, drawn-out tease of all of this.

Because if we're talking and I see you in a club, this is my personality. I'm going to go say, hey, what's up? Hey, how's it going? Isn't this crazy we're here? Yeah. Even if I'm fucked up. In his defense, I think he was, I think he was, he was probably feeling anxious because he was on some shit.

I don't know. I don't do that, so I don't know about it. But I'm not actually mad at that guy. He seems lovely. I just, it is confusing to me. It is, I'm like, I would every time had I seen you, I would come say hello no matter what. Yeah, yeah. But I also wouldn't be super fucked up at that far.

I'm notorious for saying hello and then leaving. I love a good, hey, I'm going to go back to my friends. See it, yeah. Because that's me going, I got friends. Yeah. Just so you know. Just so you know what I'm up to. You see these people over here who are mad that I'm this fucked up?

Yeah. Yeah, these are my friends. Yeah, they're about to put me in a car home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're scared. They told me not to come over here. They're worried about me. They actually, they got mad because you're the third person I've come up to.

to the night. Yeah. Hey, we've been talking for a while. You see those people over there? Pretty soon I'm going to walk into a room. They're going to be sitting in a semicircle of folding chairs. Kay, they think I have a problem. I came over to save me.

Save me. I'm also notorious for like not going out enough. This is public public apology. Caleb is one of the kindest people you will ever meet. I'm so happy to have him as a friend and he throws the best parties, the best events. my dumb ass is usually doing something stand-up comedy slur related

so I do apologize because I want to compliment you on the costume parties and the get-togethers there was even a point this is what happened last week I'm gonna you actually gonna be like for real so I was in Union Square and you were gonna go to beauty bar beauty bar they said you gotta come back here

they closed the back room yeah I was going to show up. I was going to pop up and be like, Hey, I was like, hey, I know I never come out. I was right there. You said, oh, we probably can go to someplace else? I said, can't make it. Hey, that's it.

That was your one shot. I love beauty bar. Yeah. I think it's so much fun. Yeah. It's one of the first places that I was, like, partying and doing, they would do comedy sometimes there, but then sometimes you just go to drink.

And it's like this silly kind of, it's fun. It's a fun little gimmicky spot. I love it. I was going to show up. I was going to show up. I know this is me being, this is me being. being though my biggest fear is me turn into my dad.

This is me being my dad. Because I'm going, hey, hey, hey, sport. I was going to be there. Yeah. I had every intention. Hey, hey, Kayla. Hey, Caleb, look at me. I'm proud of you.

Couldn't make it. I'm proud of you. Yeah. I saw your, um, your, um, your, um, not the snaps. I saw, what I see. I saw your Netflix special on HBO. Is that what they call it? Not the, not the dad who couldn't make it snaps.

I saw you, I saw you, I saw your Netflix special on HBO. And I'm proud of you. Please. I'm proud of you. Please. Can you, I want, can you give some information to somebody for me? Because I got some, they could change it up. Uh-huh.

But happy birthday. Yeah. For the year. Yeah. Couldn't make it. Not happening. I was hell bent. I was going to bring a friend.

You can't be hell bent. I was hell bent. If one location changed threw you off the scent. I said, I don't know where this is it. It's, mind you, it's a 20-minute walk. It is a 20-minute walk. I was hell-bent until something came up. I said, I'm going to move heaven and earth.

I can't do it. I can't be there. Really, really wanted to do it for you. But then that night, I did get to hang out with, you know who's notorious for making me hang out longer than I expect? Lisa Traker. She'll do that. She will.

This is what Lisa does. You have a thing. Y'all hang out together. You start packing your stuff up. She goes, where are you going? She's a person who goes, where are you going? I'm about to go home. She goes, I got a blind.

I got a joint. That's it. You go. Well, girl. It's always the blunt. I have to. If I don't, I'm, first of all, I'm being rude. Secondly, well, now this is worth staying.

And so then you start smoking with Lisa, then this is what she's going to do. She's going to tell you who she got in a fight with that week. Yeah. Which I always want to hear. Which I always want to hear. Because I'm like, damn, what they do. I'm always like, yeah, get up, get up.

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She was at my house recently, and I was about to kick her out. And she said, should we smoke a joint and order some food? And I said, yeah. And you know it's the framing. She knows when to deploy it. Yeah. And she says it as if it's your idea. Yeah. She basically, one time I was walking.

We were walking from a gig. She said, where you got to go? I slow down. I said, wait a second. You're right. You're right. It's that scene and love Simon where Jennifer Garner says, Simon. You can breathe now.

That's what Leaser Trinker does for me. And it works because I never do want to stop hanging out with Lisa. I don't. I'm always into it. Because guess what? We're going to smoke a little bit. We're going to have some french fries. Yeah.

Oh, God. To be high right now and eating some French fries would be so fucking beautiful. Okay. You know what I have discovered now that I've come in. to the tiniest amount of money. French fries at a pool? Yeah. Oh my God.

French fries at a pool with a drink. Oh, my Lord. Wow. You think being rich is having the upstairs. That's why you think. In Mississippi, someone be like, we're going broke. I go, two stories, I believe it. You're fine, yeah.

Yeah, why don't you sell that story? So about the house. Yeah, won't you rent out that top room? You can have a tenant. So. So now, I think, and then because I have done this a few times, you go on vacation, or you go on a gig and you spend an extra day there, you go, oh, I'm a stay on Sunday. If you have French fries, I don't know how they do this.

No matter the fry, it could be double fried, it could be battered, you know, the exsculma fries. The fries with the skin. Okay. Or it could be like the McDonald's, like copycat shoestring joints. fries by a pool I feel the best But you know what they're never doing That they need to get into

Curly fries Okay These places are never doing curly fries And I'm glad that you brought this up Because one of the last times That I had curly fries By a pool I think it was on a gay cruise

Really? I did a gay crew I did my first gay cruise They Okay Now I'm realizing They weren't curly They were just gay

But I wouldn't I have curly fries I had curly fries recently that I got happy about There was a restaurant that had curly fries They had tots and curly fries Why does the places do that? Why is it places they'll be like Oh, we have regular fries, curly fries, and tots? I'm never complaining about blessings.

No, no, no, no. You shouldn't have those regular fries. Yeah, yeah, I'm with that. Get the regular fries out of here, that's fine. Because who's seen the curly fries and the tots and then going, there are people, Jay. Could I? There are people that do this.

Sickos, we walk among sickos. Okay, this is, okay. It's a sick world. The way you feel about poly people, that's how I feel about these folks. Yeah, just a little confused, but ultimately okay with it. Well, if God gave you curly, yeah. No, I'm ready to punch somebody. Yeah, yeah.

All three of you, if God gave you curly fries and tots, this is when I become a Republican. Yeah. Why are you also trying to include these straight fries? Do you know what they need to be doing is putting, someone, to serve curly fries and tots, shaken up together with some seasoning on them. Serve that. Bring me that.

Someone must be doing that. If you're doing that, hit the comments. I'd love to come patronize. What do you even call that? Heaven. Because, like, textually, it's a fun. It's reminiscent of when the onion ring sneaks into the fries.

Yeah. Burger King used to do that. Yeah, on purpose. They didn't have a lot of quality control to some of the Burger Kings in Jackson, Mississippi. Yeah. You'd be like, there's a couple onion rings in here. Yeah.

You'd be like... And no worry. I'm not bad. Burking's onion rings make me so sick. I have tried them in many cities, many times. Every time I go, I think it'll be different this time, and every time I feel horrible. Out of all of the problematic things you've said today,

that's the one that legal's going to be like, hey. Hey, we got to get that out of here. They're trying to run some ads. Hey, just so you know. No more. You almost lost it all today. Yeah. Almost lost everything for that one.

No, they do make me sick. I can't do it. Onion rings in general, actually. Maybe there's something up with that. Do you like a blooming onion more? I'll do a blooming onion. I'll do the onion rings. I'll just feel bad.

Yeah, yeah. That's one thing about me. I'll feel bad. No worries. If I need to, I'll feel bad. There are two places in New York that I know I'm going to, if I order these wings, the next day.

Yeah. I got to build some time in the schedule. Morning can't be booked. Morning can't be booked if I'm having this tonight. You know those things My husband That's how long we've been together If my husband sees me eat more than a handful

Of cashews He goes, now Jay He goes, Jay I'm like Fuller and Fulner What's that? Is that Home Alone? Yeah. Kieran Culkin Sipping Pepsi?

No one I'm going to piss the bed That's how I get with cashews, I go You're pissing the bed off cashews? No, no, no No, no, I'm not pissing the bed It's just that like I'm gonna complain I'm like, why my stomach hurt? Yeah, I had cashews

And I don't ever just have like a few cashews because I love them. Cachues, they're so good. But I think it's like the amount of oil and I don't know. That's like my dietary restriction. They're hurting your tummy, huh? Yeah, but my taste buds, they told me

I can have these all the time. Do you cook? Yeah, I cook a lot. What do you cook? What's your number one meal? What's your signature meal? The thing I can make better than a lot of people? Better than a lot, if I came over, you would make it to impress me. Ooh. Well, I would want to show off something southern, and I can guarantee you that I can make you a fried chicken thigh sandwich

that will be better than you have had in anyone else's home. I need to get involved. Fried chicken thigh? Yeah. Okay, we're also talking, I can give you a slaw if you want on top of that. Yeah. Also, we can make fries there too if you want.

I don't necessarily want the fries. I would like something. I would like something green. I know you have a whole... There's the famous clip. Let's get a green crunch. But I would love a green crunch. Tell me bun to bun what you're doing

on this fried chicken sandwich. Okay, bun to bun. All right. So we start with Martin's potato rolls. Yes, we do. You understand this? Yes, we do. There's an inherent sweetness to the roll.

Amen. It's wonderful. Toast up beautifully, do the sugar content. So that's at the very end. So this is what we get. We get a boneless chicken thigh. I know.

I'm going boneless. I'm not taking the bone out. I'm going boneless, skinless chicken thigh. Yeah. Okay. Lay them flat. Pat them dry.

Okay? Of course. So we're going dump. We're going, uh, the dredge will be like, we're just regular flour. And then there'll be some panko in there and some corn starch. And then for the spices, salt, pepper, garlic powder, garlic powder, onion powder, white pepper, probably then some oregano and cayenne. And then for like the, the, the dred.

or as far as like the wet doing buttermilk because you but people go oh i got to buy buttermilk when you buy buttermilk it's this much buttermilk yeah you are buying buttermilk to either make biscuits or fried chicken the people who go i don't want to have in my fridge it won't be in your fridge a long time yeah so you do that you do a little bit of hot sauce in the buttermilk okay what kind of hot sauce so you we have louisiana yeah okay at the house you could do Louisiana you could do crystal you could do trappies you could do what do you what do you like crystals but i would go Louisiana and I fuck with, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, you know ball. Yeah. So basically, you dip it in the buttermilk and then you dip it in the flour. And then you dip it in the panco and you wanted to get very craggily. And then Dutch oven, La Crosette, 375, a lot of oil, canola oil, seed oil. Sorry, RK Jr. So we're going to canola oil. Canola Oil, a beautiful name for a baby girl.

Yeah. So. Love her. Love her. I think that's who, that's who, that's who, that's who, that's who, um, isn't that who Lawrence got pregnant on that final season of Insecular Canola? Yes. Yes.

So. Condola oil. Yeah. What's that baby girl? Not the snaps. But it's hard snaps too. Yeah. When you get old, your hands get dry.

Them snaps. I don't got it yet. I don't got it yet. When I finally get to it, rough. Sandpaper. Nothing with the whole hands. It's like the whole thing's involved. Or then they start getting mad at you.

You know what I'm talking about. Yeah. You know who I'm talking. That's your cousin. Caleb, what's that girl's name? Yeah. So canola oil. So then we fry probably two thighs.

We're going eight minutes. Eight minutes? Yeah, because I want to, because you, listen, I'm going to say black people, fry it hard. Hello. Fry it once and fry hard. Yeah. Don't have to, don't, you never have to be like,

this is a soft fry. If a black person says they want it fried hard, they want it fried to smithereens. You know who fries their wings hard? First try. D.C. Improv. I had some wings, Obey on the wings, Mombosauce on the side, fried hard. Who was that? Have you had the chicken wings at Union Hall?

No. Me? I think it was Sydney, Washington. Me and Sydney were going the fuck in on the chicken wings at Union Hall recently. We're backstage. I had joked on stage. I said, someone on staff, please bring an order of chicken wings of that back. stage because I hit someone from the audience's weed vape

got way too hot. And then I saw a girl, I saw a girl with a babe. You're because you're missing out we don't come to shows. I'm saying, and then I got in that green room they brought those chicken wings and me and city were we were going, we said, we flagged the server down and said, please bring another one. They did a second basket. They were eating so loud someone on stage, say, hey, you two.

Yes. It's not like we were, it was, they were so goddamn good. Are they are they, they do those there? Yes. Okay, shout out to Matt Kelly at Union Hall. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. Not shout out Matt. If you're involved with the chicken wings, you can have a shout-out. He thinks Matt's back there frying. But then we fry the chicken thighs.

We let them rest on a wire rack. And then you could do like, we could do mayo base or we could do a yogurt base slaw with some cabbage, red cabbage and carrots. And so then you could also go hot honey on the end of that or whatever hot sauce you want. And so then you present that to Caleb and he has a good time. Yeah, I'm really into this. I'm putting a slice of cheese on there as well just so you know. What kind of cheese? Cheddar American. Really? My husband, you know what he's into now?

He loves Pepper Jack. We can't keep it in the house. Pepper Jack. My husband loves some pepperjack cheese. We can't keep it in the house. I actually had Pepper Jack cheese recently. A couple nights, someone sent me a block of cheese as a gift, and it was Pepper Jack, and I ate the hell out of it, actually.

I was really into it Listen, when you have some crunchy ass fans You got some crunchy fans Yeah They're gonna see these cheese Someone sent me pepper jack cheese And I ate it with some little crackers and sausage What's the craziest gift that

What's the gift that you've got That you're grateful for But you go, why would you, what is I wouldn't know this Oh someone, to this day we don't know To this day we don't know Someone sent us an espresso machine What?

We do not know who sent it No one will claim it What? We've asked everyone we work with, we don't know how we got it, and it has not been used. We do not know how we got this espresso machine. Wait, because you don't know how to work it? Poor Michelle runs out and grabs coffees every single time we do a show.

Michelle! Shout out Michelle. This was amazing if you made this. Shout out, Michelle. With the espresso machine. I wish she did. I wish she did. No, we have that espresso machine.

We do not. No one will tell us if they sent it. Wait. No one? No one will speak up. Not even the brand? No, we don't know who did it. Is it one of the, what's the brand?

It's necessarily, like, the, the, like, the, the, Creamy or whatever. Oh, can you make ice cream from it too? Well, so that's the thing is they also sent us an ice cream machine. What? And two vacuum cleaners. Well, okay. I didn't know all that.

I need one of those vacuum cleaners. It's not as the folks from Thanksgiving, me like, hey, look. Yeah, yeah, something happened. I don't know who sent them. To this day, if you sent the So True team, an espresso machine, two vacuum cleaners and an ice cream maker, I'm begging you to speak up. We want to thank you.

And if you sent the partridge and the pear tree. Thank you for that as well. We appreciate that as well, but we want to know who did it. No one will speak up. No one will claim this victory. That's a lot. Yeah. That is quite expensive.

I know. It's expensive. Did they write it off? What they didn't do is write a letter because we don't know who sent this shit. God. I actually forgot about that. That's crazy. Comedy royalty, Kate McKinnon returns as Queen Mortuana in Heads will roll.

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booking.com is a super easy way to get there. Go on. Book that trip. It's easy. Booking.com Booking. Yeah. Espresso machine? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, think about it. The crazy, what they will, what have I gotten? That's like, sometimes, you know when people like make a little, everyone was making the Taylor Swift bracelets. A lot of people at shows were making me bracelets.

And sometimes they'd say, like, my name. Sometimes they would just, like, say a reference to a joke. So one of them, like, says, slut. And I was like, well, okay, okay. All right. Thank you. But now I gotta I gotta wear this. Not out of thought. Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to, uh, people bring comic books for me to sign because I wrote a comic

once. Yeah. So that's very sweet. I like a slap bracelet for you. I think that's cute. Yeah, yeah. I would see, I would like to see you wearing that more often. Okay. Maybe I will. I think that's a cute look. A little slutted bracelet. Yeah, slap bracelet. Why not? Yeah, crafted by it's not children making them.

No. No. because the person who strung it together made it. Yeah. But it is like a childlike arts activity. Yeah, for sure. One time I had to craft during a podcast, and I loved the comic who I was crafting with, but everything fell to pieces.

It was two, I'm going to say it. There was two boys. We were bad at it. Damn. Two boys crafted. Gender rolls strike again. Listen, I don't like it. I wanted to be good at it.

Yeah. And we were trying to, we couldn't tie it off. Everything fell apart. Yeah. The bracelet's terrible. Yeah. His bracelet was all loose. No, ew.

You know. That really gave me the heby-jibis. It's a bad feeling. The way you felt, that's the way I looked. He put it on. He said, do you like that? Do. I'll say, we can't do this.

Yeah, this isn't going to work. This is bad. Yeah, not a loose bracelet. We look silly. A loose friendship bracelet. Yuck. Right? Who, but that's telling about the friendship.

Yeah. Doesn't fit. Doesn't fit. Isn't right. Won't last. Won't last. Not long for this world, the friendship and the bracelet. Oh my Lord.

I think that we were talking about friendship earlier behind the scenes, behind the scenes. I'm trying to be a better friend. I know I talk about this with the party. I'm trying to show up more for friends. I'm trying to also just be aware of how I come off. You don't get this from me because we get along. I found out this past year some people think I'm mean. You're not disagreeing.

I can see how we got there Now do I think you mean? Absolutely not. But I think this happens to a lot of opinionated people that are loud. Yeah, yeah. I get this all the time. I'm like, I'm actually not being mean.

I just disagreed with you. One time when I was doing a show with Jar Marco and Tova, I said this. And this is another thing that let me know. Wait a second, Jay. Maybe check in. I said, who says, oh, Jay's the nicest person in the world.

And then John Marco goes, no one's saying that. He goes, no one is, love him. No one, no one's saying that. Love him. Now, say what you want to say. But no, that first part, no one's saying that. Because I was trying to be like, I can be very direct. And he was like, no, people know that.

No, we know. People, people, people, like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we've seen the directness. So can Joe Marco, though. Oh, yeah. Yes. It can get him in trouble. John Marco loves to say something with like a raised eyebrow and a curled lip.

Yeah. You know, like he's, there's a cunning. There's a cunningness to John Marco that you're like, what are you angling for? He'll say something and you're like, what's the note behind the no, John Marco? Yeah. Every, you know, I, you can. It's part of why people think he's gay. Yeah.

Is that he's beguiling. You know what it is? There's a level of subtext that a lot of straight men sort of don't ever try to engage. engage with that he, because he was raised up in the theater among people who basically had double meaning their entire life. Yeah. So he gets, he's, sometimes he comes off very Captain Hook, very scar, very Jafar. Because a lot of, a lot of straight men will run directly at the wall of the point they're trying to make.

And John Marco will do this sort of queer-coated thing where he's like, what don't you think would be interesting? Yeah, yeah. You know, it's just a kind of like, there's a touch of the ear or curl of the lip that's like, oh, that's a little queer. And it's a trailing away of the volume of the thing. Yeah. Every time.

What don't you think it'd be interesting if, you know, it's like, oh, okay. You can tell that's the way he was given notes by a queenie director in all of his productions growing up. I like the choice, but I think if we did the choreography as blah. Yeah. What? What, uh, you were talking earlier about friendship bracelets and it made me think of jewelry and you've got some good jewelry on. I want to know, what is your most prize possession? Oh, my most prize possession?

Most prize possession. Oh, my God. Like, what is the thing that you're like, if you're like, If I was running from a burning building and I could only grab one thing, what would you grab? Oh, shit. The burning building is my house, not some place I sell fire. Okay, yeah, yeah.

Because sometimes I'm just running from a burning building. Yeah. Because I don't want to get caught. Well, you're always, yeah, you're always in a burning building. That's one thing about you. Well, let's stop going to gay bars. Yeah. So I, hmm.

A thing in my... Well, I love my wedding rings are on me. So is it something on me or is it something? Because these are like almost all. always on me. Are those your most prized possession? No. And I love him and I love him. He's very special to you. Yeah. Yeah. And he does buy me nice stuff. Ooh, there is a, there's a photo of me and my mom that there's a photo of me, my mom and my sister and my brother that I love that I really, really would want to hold on to for a very long time.

I'd be very hurt if that went away. Some of my husband and I's wedding photos. We have a, I mean, but like everything's digital now too. So like I don't, I'm trying to think of like physical, physical thing. You have, you have a cue card in there from late 9 with Seth Myers. My first cue card from Fallon, I would really like to keep that. That's a pretty cool thing that I'm happy about. Yeah.

Yeah. That's hard though, right? Because everything is digital now. Yeah. So those things that used to be like, it's like, I feel like our grandparents used to be like, oh, the box a picture. Yeah, yeah. I'd grab the box of pictures.

I'm like, I really don't have, like, things that matter that much to me. Because the box of pictures also has, like, the birth certificate for who that boy's real daddy is. Hello. Right, exactly. That's the evidence. Old people actually don't tell you this. They'll be like, what's that? Oh, that's back when I was a mercenary, but we don't got to, you know, old people, when old people talk about the stuff in their house, they'll be like, you'll go in one closet and you'll be like, what's this?

They'll be like, oh, yeah. So, I don't know how to tell you this, but you have an uncle. People used to have secrets. Oh. We don't do that anymore. I mean, they still do. Old people had secrets in a way that's crazy. They had a whole secret families, jobs, lives.

Yeah. You learned some crazy shit. Old people's secrets, it was because of the pressure cooker that was, I guess, the times. Like, older, when an older woman would be like, oh, I can never talk about my first husband. It's because to be a woman who was a divorcee and then marrying a second man, people be like, what a slut. She's had two men inside of her. And she'd be like, and that's not counting when I was in high school.

You know those older women who would be like, I never talked about it. Or they have an affair because like the guy, I don't know. When all those women would have affairs because grandpop was in Korea or in Vietnam and they never talked about it. And then, you know, that one uncle always did look a little different and you never said anything. And like they didn't, we didn't have 23 and me. And then 23 and me happened. And now everyone's like, wait a second.

I'm 116 black. and you go, well, like, so those, those used to be secrets. We don't have those no more. We don't have that anymore. I, I have, do you have, we don't have to discuss them on here, but you have secrets. Do I have secrets?

I don't know if I have a secret in the world. Yes, you do. I'm trying to think if I have a secret. You've got a few. Do I? Yeah. Are they bad? No.

Chance, one of my secrets, we can cut it if I don't like it. No, this is, I, this is, these are your, one of my secrets. Like if I, let's say crazy enough, hypothetically. Let's, when you kiss a famous person now, that's a secret. Oh, I guess. That's a secret. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a secret. Yeah. What famous person are you thinking of right now? Of you kissing? Of you kissing. And you know what we'll believe it. No, no, no. I'm thinking of who you've been kissing.

You don't need to worry about who I'm kissing. Because I just saw your eyes light up. Well, but no, because now we run in enough circles. And this is connected early conversation. there's like people there's your level of fame and then basically when you talk to people who are more famous

than you and like let's say you get a famous person's number and the first text they send was like do never share this and you go I would never share this and you go oh we got it's a secret yeah that's a secret or if you see somebody this is actually even juicier

when you see people add a thing and you go I'm not telling nobody yeah because it could people One thing about these famous people, they are fucking each other silly. It's crazy.

Okay. They're stepping out of these relationships. And we can never say, well, it's not even stepping out. You'll just be like, you came to this party with him? It's both. Some of these people are cheating. They are fucking each other crazy. Almost every famous person you can think of has fucked each other.

I'm dead serious. I will hear and see things that I'm like, I can't believe those two are fucking. Or you'll go, you'll go, you go, I'm happy. You go, yeah. You go, yeah. Look at y'all. Kiss him, holding hands.

Yeah, that one's fun. That is a fun part of having access to that stuff is getting to know other people's secrets. I do like that part of it. It's a fun place to be. I can ask a serious question? Whenever do you fear, do you fear that? Do you fear the loss of Caleb?

happen already. Do you fear the further loss of any and all anonymity? Yeah, absolutely. Regarding your friendships and your intimate relationships. No, it's not really about the, I fear the loss of anonymity just in terms of being able to move through the world and being like, left alone isn't the right phrase, but just be like trusting that people are being nice to you because you're nice to them and not just because they think you're somebody or, I don't know, yeah, anonymity is something. that's very important to me and a difficult part of this job, boo-hoo, is definitely the dissolution of that thing that I love. But do I worry about, my last relationship I thought for the first time about whether or not I should post this person and how I should talk about this thing.

And I honestly kept most of it pretty private. Yeah. But yeah, I don't, my sex life is whatever. I don't really care if people talk about having selective. with me. My friendships are pretty, that's cool. I don't know. It's not really tied to that.

You do a very fun and good job in kind of a post-internet fear-mongering era where you will make a joke about a guy talking to you a lot on Grindr and then it didn't work out. Like you have the hilarious story

about the French hookup. You have fun stuff because like, I guess this is the first time that like queer men have been able to. Like for the past. 10 years people can kind of like, there was a time when like if you would have been

semi-famous non-grinder, people would be like, what are you doing on Grindr? People were like, why are you messaging people? And you're like, because I'm going fuck them. Oh, they still do that sometimes. Really? Oh, people go, what are you on here for? And I go, what do you think? Are they puritines? What is, what is this bullshit? They imagine that there's some

echelon where you won't want, like they go, why aren't you on Raya? And I go, I am and it fucking sucks. Yeah. Grindr is for gay men who want to fuck. Yeah. That's what I'm interested in. I'm going to be on here until I either get monogamously married

or die. You know who's in? Yeah. Yeah. And guess what? Sometimes Grindr can help you die. Yes. They will kill you.

It's not going to help. It'll help you die before it helps you get monogamously married. If you want to die, baby, get on grinder. Yeah. Get on grinding. If you want to try meth accidentally, boy, have I got a sight for you? Yeah. They're cooking up stuff.

They're doing stuff over there. Well, they want you on Raya, but they don't know. These people, sounds mean to say what they think Raya is they think Raya is something fancy you know who's on Raya Army Hammer like that's

you talk about you talk about someone wanting to be on Raya Raya the fact that they know about Raya means Raya ain't Raya no more and Raya is so much like Raya is too ambiguous I don't like I mean

Raya's like sometimes people are trying to network sometimes people are hitting you up because you've got mutual friends. What I like about Grindr is you can set your boundaries. And honestly, shout out to gay guys. Most of the time, I feel like they, once I put in my bio, I do not want to talk to you about my job. Yeah.

Most gay guys stopped hitting me up about my job, and I really appreciate that. Shout out gay guys. Shout out gay guys. Y'all don't get celebrated enough. If you tell a gay guy, don't ask about my job, he's going to be like, I'm not, I'm going to ask about it. For the most part.

For the most part. For the most part. Afterwards, they might go, hey, okay. Well, that's different. Yeah. That's different. Hey. I mean, this is too personal.

How many gay boys afterwards been like, Caleb, I really want some wax and hatchie ticket. You know what? One of my favorite... But that's a gay guy with taste. Hello. Hey. I like that you like good stuff.

One of my favorite guys that I'm sleeping with right now, we started hooking up because he messaged me on Grindr and was like, I'm a huge fan. I would love to sleep with you tonight. And I was like, great. And we have a super fun relationship. That's beautiful. I love that guy.

That's wonderful. He stayed at my house last night. Shout out to him. He's a great guy. He's a member of my beloved community. Caleb said, them dishes better be clean. There better not be no dishes to sleep when I get back. Please, gay guys don't do anything.

Gay guys do dishes. My husband does the dishes all the time. Does he really? Yes. I need to find a gay guy who does something. Listen, my husband, he does a dish. I cook. He does the dishes.

And we both cheat. No, no, no, no, no. I'm kidding. But you're not. He doesn't. He doesn't. You do. No, I don't.

I don't. I don't even cheat. I go, baby, hold the camera steady. We got, we got some clips to make. Don't talk so loud. People don't like to hear the director's voice. Yeah, okay. Leave that on the DVD commentary.

I want someone to do that for their sex tape. I want someone to be like, so what we were going for here, you kind of see. So you can see. Yeah, the themes present. I do get pissed off when I'm watching porn. And it's too. long on an angle I'm not interested in. They're like from underneath, like the point of view

of the sheets. I'm like, stop. No, like... Move back to some faces. Yeah. Some of the angles now, I go, this is neither sexy nor impressive. This is kind of just a static shot that's weird. Yeah. And sometimes

if you see, like, you know, millennials, our brains are ruined. So now if you see enough porn and it's not feeling sexy at all, it feels close. It feels clinical. And you just go, okay, that's a thing going in the thing. Super tight shots on that as well. Get a face

involved. I kind of need to, I don't know what I'm looking at actually. I'm either looking at something really regressive or really progressive. I don't know yet. It's hard to tell. It's hard to tell, you zoom out. You go, oh! That was armpit. Gay sex. In the armpit. Cool. I like, I mean,

I'm trying to think of like, what wait a second, what are we talking about? Porn. We were talking about porn, but no, there was a beautiful point you were making earlier oh the fear of anonymity I think that like the fear of my fear when it comes to like any sort of loss of like privacy I'm okay with that as long as the people who are asking for stuff do it in a respectful way like I got off the train I was kind of I was kind of pissed because it was high I was getting off the train I was kind of stinking someone said hey are you that

comedian I love a hey are you that comedian I don't I don't I I don't love people saying crazy stuff when they haven't established that I am the person they're talking to. Because now some people will say stuff I've said or they say a joke. They're like pointing to say a joke. They're like, well, okay. It took me a, because you were just pointing at me saying a thing. Right. And I'm.

And I don't move through the world every second thinking about me being someone you might recognize. Yeah, yeah. So you walk up to me on the street and say something insane to me that I might have said at one point. That's nuts. I don't know anything about that. I love are you blank? Do you know what I can't stand? And I don't want to have this conversation for too long

because I do think it's probably boring to people that aren't us. No, no, no. Aren't you famous? Walk into traffic. Leave me alone. That is such a useless waste of my time and yours. No, that's a bad thing you say. Or do I know you from something?

If you're not sure, move on with your day, sweetheart. Leave me alone. Don't waste your time. You hate that. You know, okay. So you don't like a, are you famous? I will see a person who is of a note. in various fields.

If they even look the tiniest bit busy, I ain't even going over there. That's actually a bigger fear. It's like interrupting someone. I saw Jason Williams, the basketball player, white chocolate. I saw Jason Williams at the airport. That was his name.

Don't laugh. That was his name. People called him white chocolate. Why? Because they said he played like a brother. So Jason Williams, I saw him at the airport. And you know when you see somebody at the airport and there was a delay.

There was a delay. The phone. Stress. Not good? Yeah. I saw people go up with this man. I said, oh, well, that's not going to be a good interaction. Yeah.

He's clearly working with something. Yeah. I hate that. I never want to do that to anyone. Jay, what's so true to you? What's so true to me? So, ooh. I've said this before.

We know it's so true to me. I love bad Photoshop. I hate AI. Yeah. If you give me the option between horrible, bad, Bad photo. I'm talking Microsoft paint. Bad.

I'm taking that over AI every time. There's soul. There's humanity. There's flaws. It's fucked up a little bit. It's actually more interesting than AI because AI kind of smooths everything and reduces us to nothing. I love horrible Photoshop. Horrible graphic design.

I mean bad. I'm talking. Caleb, I cannot stress how bad I want it to be. Versus AI. That's what I want. I agree. with you. Okay.

I can put, because also, by the way, AI half the time also has fuck-ups. So now what have we done? Right? Yeah.

I'd rather, I'd rather you be able to see the outline of the event I was actually at on the poster for the different event. Then for me to have six fingers, right? I would much rather you'd be like,

was, okay, that is clearly taken from a birthday party. Yeah. I can see the H in J. I can see the flames from the candle. I'd much rather see that. I want that out in the world. I'm so,

sick of this AI bullshit and so many comedians are being like, but I need to pay your friend $20 to make something for you. It's gonna be bad. You only pay $20. Put that out. When someone says, oh, I love how bad this is, be like, yeah, that's an idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I like that. You always get to do that.

Yeah, I'm doing that on purpose. Right? DIY. This is beautiful. It is beautiful. Because AI, I hate it. So bad Photoshop is so true to me. AI is terrible. Oh, bad. Yeah. It's It's so false. Hey. It's, okay, so I love comic books.

I truly love The X-Men. And I know, I know. I get it. I'm listening. No, you don't like it. I'm listening. Don't do this. I don't care about it, but I care that you care.

That's beautiful. That's how you know I'm a good friend. Listen, if you would have said this, I would have shown up at Beauty Bar. Hello. So, I love the X-Men. And one of the X-Men's big final villains is AI, primarily because the X-Men are mutants, and mutants are all about... The differences in humanity and the difference among people.

AI is a smoothing over of differences. And AI first wants to get rid of mutants, then it wants to get rid of humans who could possibly have mutant children, and then it wants to get rid of humans in general. And we're not taking that lesson away because we think, oh, AI is fine. They keep making robots that can fight. Have you seen these robots now that can kick? A robot kicked the child.

Yeah, I saw that. And the kid looked pretty hurt, actually. put that in the code. The robot didn't wake up and say, oh, I'm going to kick somebody, but someone said, 0-1-1-0-1-0-0-0-1-0 kick, and the robot kicked the child, and now we think it's cute because we got a video.

Yeah. No. It's not cute. It's not cute. They can't be kicking kids. You'll watch that clip, and then the next thing on TikTok will be, you know how you watch movies on TikTok now.

It's just like every movie is in 17 parts on TikTok. So it'll be like, you know what I'm talking about Michelle? People are watching movies on YouTube. on TikTok? It's crazy. There'll be like a whole TikTok account dedicated to a movie that they've split into 23 parts.

Okay. You'll be like, oh yeah, that is Anchorman. Yeah. And so now you could see a robot kick a child on TikTok and then the next ad will be like, don't you want to do more AI? You just saw a robot kick a child.

No. Yeah, I'm good. Yeah, but I, you know, but AI is terrible and horrible and I hate it. I'm also really interested in like what the plan is with these data centers. People are taking, like it's not only taking all the water,

but it also is making crazy amounts of noise. Have you seen? Yeah, yeah. There's like videos on Instagram of people being like sound meter in their yard. No. 18 blocks away from a fucking... There was that woman who got this beautiful house out in the country in Georgia,

I think, or Tennessee. She like was like, I'm finally going to get a little bit of peace and quiet from my husband. And the horses. And then the AIS centers Waw All day.

Yeah. And we're running that just so we can make posters. Yeah. Just so we can be like, hey, Grock, can you take Caleb's clothes off in this image?

Well. Hold on. Hold on. Don't bring me back around. No, you can send that, Caleb. Yeah, you're right. You can send that. You're right.

That's my bad. Jay, you won't play a game? I would love to play. Whenever people play this game online, I try to see if I'm smart in them. And how's it go? Uh, you know. Yeah.

Jay, I'm going to read you 15 statements. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said is true or false. If you get 10 or more correct, you know we're going to give you 50 U.S. dollars. He's trying to make me go fast. I'm going to go slow. What? No. WWE stands for World Wrestling Empire.

No. False. World Wrestling Entertainment. Abe Lincoln was shot on the same day the Secret Service started. False. It's true. Starfish don't have brains. False.

True. The Parthenan is in Sparta. No. False, Athens. Ole Miss's motto is for knowledge and wisdom. No. That's true. You don't have to go to law school to take the bar exam in Vermont.

You don't. It's true. The moon has no atmosphere. What? False. True. Okay. Tross.

It's true. Count that one wrong. He doesn't like non-binary people. Chuckie cheese is older than Courtney Cox. Of course. Say, there's two words. Say true or false, I dare you. I dare you.

False. An acute angle is greater than 90 degrees. No, an acute angle is less than 90 degrees. No, an acute angle is less than 90 degrees. Uptoe's angle is more than 90 degrees. False. The current mayor of Jackson, Mississippi, is John Claw. No.

False, John Horn. A group of camels is called a caravan. Oh, yeah. True. False. The Roman Republic ended in 33 AD. No. That's when Jesus died.

False, 27 BC. C.S. Lewis wrote the Chronicles of Narnia. Yes. True. In humans, the liver's on the left side of the body. Which way is the camera facing? False, the right side. Bush Gardens, Tampa opened in 1959.

I work there. I don't know. False. True. How do you do? Hard to say. You didn't win. Oh shit.

Jay, tell the people where they can find you. You can find me at jayjurden.com for all tickets. I'm on tour. Whenever this comes out, I'll be close to you. And if not, I eventually will be, unless that restraining order still stands. Yeah. But you can catch me online, on tour,

Jay Jordan, on all social media stuff. come to see a show. I'm doing a completely new hour. It's different. You can watch my special on Hulu. Comedy specials. We both got comedy specials. But watch Jays on Hulu.

This was very funny. Thanks, babe. I love, out of Hila. Good stuff. Y'all got to watch this one. But I, I don't know. Online, you can catch all the stuff. Yeah, follow me.

That's it. Appreciate you. Thanks for doing it.