So True with Caleb Hearon - Josh Gondelman Loves Eavesdropping

Episode Date: March 27, 2025

Welcome back! This week’s guest is the hilarious Josh Gondelman! Josh and Caleb talk getting a new dog, their love for independent movie theaters, Sneezing, AI, and so much more! We are on TOUR! Come see So True LIVE in a city near you! Dates/Tickets can be found here: https://www.livenation.com/artist/K8vZ917qN1f/so-true-with-caleb-hearon-events Join our Patreon for an exclusive extended interview with Josh and other bonus content! https://patreon.com/SoTruePodcast?utm_medium=unknown&utm_source=join_link&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=copyLink  Follow Josh! @joshgondelman  Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Book now at Booking.com !Use my code SOTRUE10 for 10% off your next SeatGeek order*: https://seatgeek.onelink.me/RrnK/SOTRUE10 Sponsored by SeatGeek. *Restrictions apply. Max $20 discountStop putting off those doctors appointments and go to Zocdoc.com/SOTRUE to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com/SOTRUE today.About Headgum: Headgum is an LA & NY-based podcast network creating premium podcasts with the funniest, most engaging voices in comedy to achieve one goal: Making our audience and ourselves laugh. Listen to our shows at https://www.headgum.com. » SUBSCRIBE to Headgum: https://www.youtube.com/c/HeadGum?sub_confirmation=1  » FOLLOW us on Twitter: http://twitter.com/headgum  » FOLLOW us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/headgum/ » FOLLOW us on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum So True is a Headgum podcast, created and hosted by Caleb Hearon. The show is produced by Chance Nichols with Associate Producer Allie Kahan and Executive Producer Emma Foley. So True is engineered by Casey Donahue and engineered and edited by Nicole Lyons. Kaiti Moos is our VP of Content at Headgum. Thanks to Luke Rogers for our show art and Virginia Muller our social media manager.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Were there people doing that in like the 1700s? Like it's just someone like scrawled an image of George Washington, like with huge boobs, like spanking King George III. And people are like, verily, how come this never makes it to the printing press? printing press. I always say when people leave New York or move to New York I'm always like nobody should leave everyone should come here but that's not because of New York supremacy that's just I like all the people I like to be where I am. Yeah. It's not yeah it's nothing like oh why would you leave New York it's like

there's a million reasons that make themselves evident every day. Yeah yeah leaving New York makes only sense. But people should be wherever I'm at. Yes, correct. Has always been my theory. Yeah, like if I had to go to Philadelphia for six months or something, I'd be like, everyone should probably move to Philly.

Yeah. By the way, this includes vacation. Yes. If I'm in Paris for two weeks, it's like those two weeks, you need to be in Paris. That's right. Everyone needs to be where I'm at. Get your Google calendars lined up. I don't know what's not clicking about that. Thank you, but I've been pretty clear. Yeah, I want all my people with me

That's right. And as soon as I can afford to just do that, I'll do that Yeah, I'm like I haven't kind of started have started doing that I mean that's tour chance of Virginia with me on every tour stop and I'm like, please I will pay come Yeah, please come big. I'm sorry to do, be silly before the show starts even, but like how big is your ideal entourage? My ideal entourage? Yeah. I would say 50 to 75.

So you're rolling MC Hammer deep. Yeah, I'm saying 50 to 75. I'm saying old friends, new friends, couple strangers that we pick up each night. Guys with like nebulous jobs. You need that next single quick or else that's gonna d it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I need another hit podcast yesterday This one's not gonna cover the 75 flights. It has anyone I know been murdered recently. Yeah, can we do a true crime situation? Can we exploit the families of people who've had someone die?

Yeah, I'd like I'd like to get in on that big time. Yeah, that's that's where the money's at Yeah, if you're exploiting people's deaths, you time. Yeah, that's where the money's at. Yeah, if you're exploiting people's deaths, you're making money. That's right. That's the facts. Normally when people die, I'm just like bummed out. Well, unless they're ugly.

I've been saying this. When an ugly person dies, it's a little like, oh, it's okay, you know? It's like, oh, God bless them. You know, I've been saying a hot person dying is so sad because you just think like, whoa. It's so sad. You remember when Paul Walker died? put the flags in half-mast

So gorgeous no one knew what to do with themselves That's why that's why it's good when you die old not because you've lived a full life But because you're less hot than you you're unattractive. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's your pride You've been you've been stripped of all desirability. So now we can float you off. Yeah You're well cuz then you're beautiful, right? Right, right. Right. It's like you're beautiful in a way that like Like nature is beautiful. I was literally like to say like a wise old tree Like like a redwood. Yeah, you look in a canyon. You're like god a river did that for a hundred thousand years. Oh

I just love that that exists. And if it doesn't soon, that's okay. We had it while we had it. I'm so glad I got to see it. Yeah, oh my God, to get to know it during my life. Pretty incredible. Do you have any artists like that right now that you're like, I cannot believe I get to be alive

at the same time as them? You know, there's so many. One of the things I've really been thinking about is how there's so much beautiful incredible art being made Right now and so much horrible art. Yeah, but like truly and and I'm not like I wouldn't consider myself a Beyonce Stan But it like I just can't imagine How we're gonna explain it to like our kids like people she's our Michael Jackson. Yes Yeah

She's so famous that you're gonna, we are gonna have trouble telling people what we lived through. Right, like her music is gonna be on the radio forever and it will sound like when we grew up and it was like the Beatles and you're just like, oh, this isn't even, these aren't even songs. This is just what life sounds like. Yeah. Because it's so ingrained.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Like that was just what that time felt like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that was a day. It felt right. It was like, like the soundtrack to Forrest Gump where you're like, I guess that was what the sixt time felt like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a day. It felt right. It was like, um, like the soundtrack to Forrest Gump. We're like, I guess that was what the sixties sounded like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's that? Water revival. That's exactly what I was thinking of. Some folks are born. Yeah. Or the fucking, um, the songs when he's just running through the country.

I'm like, that's what running through the country feels like. Yeah. That's exactly right. They made that based on emotions, right? Yeah, that's not even a song. It's just like like when a breeze goes through trees, and it sounds like yeah That's what that's what running through a field sounds like the craziest part for scum is one of my favorite movies And the craziest part of it to me. I mean there's so much to choose from yeah, but when he He's running and he starts giving people ideas Hey man, you have any ideas for a bumper sticker he's like it happens the guys like shit he's like sometimes it's like shit happens bumper sticker I'm like what did

we need that you know there was there was a Forrest Gump 2 book that they almost made into a movie and apparently this this might be apocryphal because the story is like too spectacular but they're meeting there well they're meeting about like Zmeckis and forget whoever else it was but they met to talk about like all right it's a go first it was such a big hit we got to do the second one and it was like September 10th 2001 and then the next day they're like I mean this shit doesn't matter right yeah we can't be making that hey y'all nevermind yeah it's over hey just forget it I got it down yeah god that's so funny forget I said

anything you know what he wasn't in the towers actually they were like should we write him in it's yeah no no no no no no no no no no just let it go was that the only detail that I remember about the second one was that he was crouched in the back of the white Bronco during the OJJs. No, no! Stop! That is unfortunately hilarious

and needs to be made at Meek Mill. Yeah, I think it would be really funny if they made it now with present day Tom Hanks. Yeah. And not de-aged with CGI or AI no just make up present-day. Well, whatever we can do with some blush full face. Yeah Yeah, be it is so fucking funny. What was that? Deaged was it him and Robin, right? Yes, that we're in a de-aged movie together. Yeah recent called here. Yeah, also Zemeckis. Yeah I know it's just like one angle and what in a house and they were de-aged.

You know what? I love it. I don't care. You're all in? I don't care. I fucking love it. If you're gonna do something weird and get away with it, I think go nuts. I do think go nuts. The one angle of it all. The de-aging. I'm like, okay. Oh yeah. I'm so all in on the one angle. The de-aging. I'm like, come on. I know. It used to be they would get different actors. They would do make- or they'd just be like, come on. I know. It used to be they would get different actors.

Or they'd just be like, fucking imagine. Yeah. Well, I think personally for me, any film that uses AI for any piece of the process should be disqualified from awards. I really hate that shit. And I know I'm such a, I'm like beyond reason being a hater with AI too.

Oh, I'm pathologic. You can't get me out of this. Yeah, same. Yeah. They'll be like, someone will be like, but it could be useful for medical technology. And I'm like, probably just kill people. Yeah, I don't fuck it. I'd rather die.

I would rather die. I don't, I also don't like that they're like- AI AIR. They're like, oh, we're only- I don't even spell AIR with an AI. I won't do it. I just call it oxygen plus. Yeah, it's R for me.

Dude, I can't, they're also like, we're only gonna use AI to like fix up, you know, we're just gonna fix up the accent work a little bit. I'm like, oh, you mean acting? That's what acting is. That's the whole thing. You're not doing the accent well. You didn't act well.

Austin Butler hears that and just like loads of guns. Like, you'll pry my accent from my cold dead hands. Do you know what's so, I actually, speaking of accents in Austin Butler, that, in that biker movie he did, Yes. The woman, what was her name? I don't know.

The actress, I forget her name, but she's so great. What is her god dang name? Jodie Comer. She did a ridiculous accent in that movie, and people came for her and were like, this is so over the top, and then they put out videos of the woman she was playing

sounded just like that. That's great. It was like no she didn't do an over-the-top job she did the truth and that woman is ridiculous. We gotta tone down that real lady. She's just walking around all day meeting people. Yeah truly they're like no the real lady's much more cartoonish we actually had to do one of these with the accent. So fucking funny. We took out the racial stuff. I don't know if that lady was racist, I have no idea. It's a safe enough bet.

I just feel like any accent strong enough, there might be a slur. Or a word that's a slur that you didn't know was a slur. If you have an accent, you're problematic. Is what Josh Gondelman thinks. And I think that's not just American French accent you're gonna say some shit I don't want to hear yeah Boston accent oh I mean that's my birthright you're from Boston yeah yeah yeah yeah you grew up there I grew up in the

suburbs lived in the city for a while after college yeah you went to Brandy's but to Brandeis how do you say it Brandeis yeah Brandeis take yeah. Brandeis. Take out me getting it wrong. Take out me getting it wrong. Is that in Boston? It's just, it's like eight miles west. So I'll say, people, most, many people haven't heard of it. And I went to college just outside Boston and then I see their face and I go, not Harvard. Yeah.

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Don't give me that face real bad. Yeah, would never be me. Is Brandeis like, what is it, gay or? What is it going on out there? It's, I guess it's kind of gay. It's very Jewish. Yeah, okay, rock on.

Yeah, in a way that sometimes is nice and sometimes I'm like, I don't know about that. What do you mean? Just, it's, I learned a lot about all the different flavors of Judaism. Like, I went to school with a kid who was like, Orthodox Jewish hippie, big, like, I seemed like a hallucinogens guy, psychedelics guy, and on his birthday one year, he blindfolded himself for the whole week before

and then had his friends lead him around so that on his like 21st birthday or whatever birthday it was, he would see the world with fresh eyes in the new year. And so that's like a kind of Jew there is. Pardon my ignorance. I didn't know that Hasidic folks were allowed to be stoner hippies. Not Hasidic, like modern Orthodox.

What is modern Orthodox? So it's like you can like live in the world and Or you can take acid. Yeah, it's like you can like live in the world and you it's less. Or you can take acid. Yeah, it's less like small, I'm trying not to say like offensive stereotypes about Hasidic people. Maybe I'll just do it in a Boston accent. But it's less,

the communities are less self-contained. And so it's like people who are very religious and observant but like are out in the world doing world stuff. Nice, oh yeah. Yeah, but it is like I mean it's Not to not to get too deep into things, but it is like Because there is every flavor of you. There's like a lot of super

cool progressive people that I met like of all kinds of religious Faiths and stripes and then there's like a lot of stuff. That's like I'm gonna go over to Israel right now to help. You're like, what are you talking about? To help what? Don't finish that sentence. What are you tapping in on? Do not tap in, do not tap in.

Why are you wearing goggles? What do you think the goggles are for? And so it is like a real, it's interesting. Going to Israel right now to help. Yeah. Do not say for what, it's so funny. Don't finish that sentence. Hey.

That's enough, that's enough. That is so funny. Don't finish that. Hey. That's enough. That's enough. That is so funny. Yeah, I mean, I only ever knew I didn't grow up around any Jewish people. And then I learned about Judaism in college. And then only ever was around very progressive, modern,

liberal Jewish folks. That was very like, I took an intro to Judaism class in Chicago when I lived there and had a woman rabbi. We talked about trans people. So it was the third rung of learning about Judaism that I even learned about orthodoxy and Hasidic people. I think that's such a beautiful thing about Judaism is the expansiveness of the faith to be able to be like,

we had a woman as a rabbi for a while when I was a kid, and then a gay man who had converted from Southern baptism. So he had like, he was Scottish by like of Scottish descent. So he had like a tartan plaid tallis that he wore. Yeah, that's just like, this is sick. And so like how expansive it is in that way, and like really kind of pushing in a social justice way.

And I think that's like a nice malleability to be able to go like, I belong to this religion and there are people that practice in a way that I don't agree with, but I don't feel like I have to be like, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Like, I don't know. I feel like whenever I'm being from Boston being Catholic and there are people who are Catholic who will be like,

yeah, I mean not like those guys, you know. Not involved. Those fucking guys, yeah dude. That's so funny. Do you think you'd ever move back to Boston? I don't think so, I don't think my wife would want to live there. She's a New Yorker.

Yeah, she's from Jersey, she went to college in Philly, which Philly is just Boston. Yeah. It's insane. They're both, not that one is better or worse than the other, but they're equivalent. Yeah. Except for my family isn't one of them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're the same except that I have deep roots and loved ones in one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Interesting. Yeah. Why do you think she wouldn't want to go to Boston? She's just so in on New York.

She likes New York. I think she would do LA. Yeah, whoa. Would you do LA? I would. I love our life here though. I'm like not itching do LA. Yeah, whoa. Would you do LA? I would. I love our life here though. I'm like not itching to move. But I do, I enjoy visiting LA.

I'm not a hater. We're getting a new dog. We are getting a new dog. You have a New York dog coming. New York dog. New York dog. Hey, she's walking in. She's barking over here.

She is in Massachusetts right now. She's from the, I don't know if I'm supposed to say, she's being fostered in New England in Worcester, Mass. And so we're joking about her being like a little Massachusetts dog, like off, off. She's voiced by Seth MacFarlane. Just straight up Brian Griffin. Yeah, that'd be sick.

Honestly, I would love that for y'all. That would be great. What's going on with you these days? What are you up to? Oh my gosh, that is a loaded question. No, come on. It's mostly the dog thing. Yeah, I've been on the road a bunch I'm gonna special coming out eventually stand up. Yeah, I'm really excited. I shot it last summer at the bell house, which is the best I love that place so much. Although can I say, and you don't have to cosign this, Live Nation Relax on the green room changes at the bell house.

Oh, it's very different. I don't like, there's a big buffet in there now that takes up too much space. I don't like the metal detectors very much. I'm kind of pro bringing metals. But the metal detectors- I like to, when I get into my seat at a show, I put an anchor down.

Yeah, I anchor myself right there. That's right. No, it slows down the process. Hey, would you mind moving so me and Mike- Nope. Sorry. No, my anchor's gonna be here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, the slows down the process. Hey, would you mind moving so me and Mike? Nope. Sorry. No, my anchor's gonna be here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, the metal detectors are fine, but I don't like the green room changes. They took out a lot of the seating. They did. And I'm mad about it, Live Nation, fix it. I like all the seats. One thing that changed there recently, and this I feel a great fondness for and attachment to,

is when we did this special, we shot a little intro through, there's a door that's to the side of the stage and goes right backstage, and we were just shooting through the open door, and the wall was just a big beige wall. It didn't have to be anything else, but they were like, oh, it'll look nicer.

The production folks were like, it'll look nicer if we take the little B and H that are bolted in the green room and put them on that wall. And then the bell house people were like, ooh, we like that there. So it stayed from my taping. And I'm like, so every time I go now, even just to watch a show, I'm like, oh, that like that there. So it stayed from my taping. And I'm like, so every time I go now, even just to watch a show, I'm like, oh, that's nice.

You enacted a change at the Bell House. Yeah, it's such a special night for me. And then just seeing the letters there, I'm like, yeah, we did that. Yeah, that's me. That's my impression of my dog. Yeah. I'm already really proud of it.

That's actually sick. That's your mark on the Bell House. I feel really, I don't know. I feel like I've lived here a long time, and I like those little things of like knowing which subway car to get in for my destination to be like, I'm going to get out and then climb up the stairs right there. I feel like Jason Statham. Like I could avoid being assassinated or could assassinate. You're just like Jason Statham. I'm a lot like Jason Statham. I've always said that

about you. I'm bald. Uh, that's it. I've killed a lot. I'm running around. Yep. That's so fun. So you recorded it last summer. Last summer. And when's it coming out? We're still waiting. I think like I should know in the next couple weeks, but I'm very excited. Hell yeah. Yeah. I'll ask you questions off mic about what's going on because I'm curious. I want to know all the details. I'm really excited. That's exciting. But when it comes out, everyone has to go and stream it. Thank you. And watch Josh Connellyman's stand up hour. Yeah. Stand up hours. Two hours. I did four. Yeah. It's a four part series. Remember comes out everyone has to go and stream it and watch Josh Connelly stand up our stand up our two hours for yeah it's a four part series remember what Dane Cook was doing in like the

late aughts where he would just talk until people fell asleep yeah until people started walking home he's a guy I guess that's it yeah like the subways are gonna close man we can't get back to Jersey they're shutting off the path yeah which is both it's like a, that is obviously what the name of the train is, the Path Train, but that also just sounds so, that's like something Gandalf would say. Yeah.

They're closing down the portal, yeah. Thou shalt not pass! Yeah. Honestly, you should be in charge of the trains in New York just so you can make announcements like that. I think that would be fun. Hey guys, this is Josh, thou shalt not pass. I love when people have fun with it. Yeah, oh yeah. Like when they, especially when you can make announcements like that. I think that would be fun. Hey guys, this is Josh that shot not path I love when people have fun with it. Yeah. Yeah, like when they especially you can hear him when like a subway announcement starts with like

All right, everybody listen here's the deal yeah, yeah like or someone just goes you've got to stop standing in the doorway when they're closing Like you're like their child. Yeah. Yeah, they just admonish. It's so, and it's like, you can't, obviously they can see cars that you can't see. So you're just like, where is that happening? She's really mad at that guy. Yeah, I love that. It does make me feel like very in community

with the conductor. Oh, it's great. I'm like, yeah, we're just two people. You're at work on the train and I'm sitting over here. I love, one of my favorite things in the world is encountering someone at their job where they're not putting up any pretense, where they're just like being a person. Yeah. And I like, there's a guy that used to work at my Duncan and in my neighborhood and I would go, how's it going man?

When I would come in to pick up even when I order from that, I'd be like, hey what's up? He's always very friendly. And then he would go, dude, I wanna fucking die. And like, obviously I want the best for him. I don't want him to die. But like, I really appreciated that he wasn't like, I'm great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All good here.

Never better. And you're like, what's wrong with you? Yeah, no, I do kind of like that sometimes. I can't remember the exact one, but there was one time in Kansas City, I went into a quick trip, which was like my favorite gas station, and there was this old guy working the counter,

and I said something like that. I was like, hey man, how's it going tonight? And while he was checking me out, and he said something to the effect of like, he said something like, I'm overworked, I'm underpaid, and I'm over the hill, how about you brother? And I just, you know he said it a billion times, and it's like his go-to.

But I liked that, I think stuff like that is cute. I love a little bit that's just out in the wild. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like he does that and people are charmed and it's like a nice moment for him. That's his daily bit. Yeah, people should get to have bits, it's not just for us.

No, it's for everybody. That's right. Bits are for everybody. Bits are for everybody. And that's why you're running. I'm democratizing bits. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're doing universal bit care. Everyone gets bits under Josh. Would you ever run for office? I don't think so. I think you'd be good at it. Thank you. I did. I'm like in the WGA elected leadership and but elections stress me out. Yeah, I don't like Having to prove that I'm bored or attempt to be more popular than other people

Yeah, yeah, yeah to be like, please I'm better than the other guy. Yeah, like thank you this this guy vote for me That guy stinks. Yeah, he's gonna do a horrible job and like I that's I do a bad job when people are like Why should we vote for you? I don't know a lot of good people. Yeah, I do a bad job when people are like, why should we vote for you? I'm like, I don't know, a lot of good people. But like, I'll try really hard. You're on the WGA, what is it? The East Council. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. So I do, I'm, but I can't imagine doing, being in an election where the body is larger

than like people, like a few thousand people who all do the same job. Yeah, who I like know a lot of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like really genuinely, intimately know many of them. Like running for mayor, like mayor of New York seems like such a bad job too. Yeah, oh yeah. You have to be such a madman,

like you have to be Andrew Cuomo to wanna do it, or Eric Adams. You have to just be like, I wanna be the city's dad. I wanna be reviled. Yeah, everyone. You know, people in my district hate me, some of them, but I would like America to hate me. Yeah, I wanna be hated by every talk show host

in the country. I'd like to be like if the president had no power outside of 10 miles from my house. Yeah, many questions? Like why? Yeah, why are you doing that? I have a question for you. Please.

The WGA strikes. Yeah. How'd we do? Did we win, technically? I think we did. Did we get, technically? I think we did. Did we get good stuff? I think we did a good job. It was obviously a really hard time,

but I thought the solidarity of the membership was really beautiful and inspiring. And I think there were a lot of things that came out of it that wouldn't have, a lot of groundwork that was for future stuff that wouldn't have happened without the strike. Like the offer, you know, the contract that was on the table before the strike

was like pretty insulting. Yeah. Yeah. And we won. I think we did. Yeah. That's what I've been saying. I can never really tell. I'll tell you what, I'm still not working.

So this is huge. I'm like really sticking with it. Yeah. Not my choice at this point. But. That's what I'm like really sticking, sticking with it. Yeah. Not my choice at this point. That's what I'm like. I'm wondering, because I was so pro-strike. I was so pro. I was on tour during the Picket Line,

so I didn't get to be physically there a lot. But when I was in town, I was on the Picket Lines. I supported. I donated money to the different things and really believed in it. I turned down a couple big gigs in support of trying to be a good union member and I felt like I'm a pro-Strike guy.

And then after it, no one's working in either thing and I'm like, oh, did they win and I just didn't know it? My impulse with that, my inclination is just like, they're doing the thing they were gonna do anyway and the strike was like a Convenient thing to blame for like for them to make money. They should have to make stuff Yeah, yeah, but they're like, we found a trick if we just don't do anything then we're not spending money Yeah, well what then what goes on TV and they're like the office

Ever heard of a show from ten years ago? How about watching it once again? Yeah, totally. And that's like, I don't know, it just feels all that when something when the companies get that big, I'm just like, well, there's no way because they're, they just need to intake too much money to exist. Well, there's yeah, there's there's the show from 10 years ago that we can rerun. And then there's this new fun trick called We're making it in London. Yeah, or or ever heard of Toronto Yeah, and so then you go there and they don't have to follow the rules and they make it somewhere Their crew is children. Yeah, just like a child labor child coal miners camera up They're like, I don't think that baby's old enough to see color yet. How is he operating the camera?

Don't worry about it. Netflix loved him for it. Yeah, they actually Netflix actually doesn't care. They don't see color yet. How is he operating the camera? Don't worry about it. Netflix left him for it. Yeah. Netflix actually doesn't care. They don't see color. Actually, they're not allowed to say that anymore. They do see color, but they don't care if the audience is see color. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I've been thinking about that a lot because no one is working. So I'm like, what's going on? And I don't know the answer. I think the rest of the country is catching up and they're like, I don't think anyone's going to have a job in like six weeks. Yeah. I don't think anyone's working anywhere. And I'm like, not just in our industry, I think the rest of the country is catching up and they're like, I don't think anyone's gonna have a job in like six weeks. Yeah, I don't think anyone's working anywhere. Yeah.

And I'm like, not just in our industry, I'm like, what is going on well with the world? Yeah, totally. What's going on in the world? And I don't know why we keep going back to the price of eggs. Like eggs are the barometer, we're like, God, have you seen eggs? They're like $17 a piece.

Yeah, well, it's similar, the eggs thing to me is so similar to the trans people in sports thing where it's like, it's just like, this is a fucking thing they latch onto and for some reason, most of us are dumb enough to go, yeah, I ate that and then they're all pissed off and it's like, no, of course groceries need to be cheaper. Making ends meet is difficult.

But I'm like, how are we letting them convince us that it's about the nebulous price of eggs which they have no plan for and not, like I don't know, the price of rent which they're actively avoiding talking about because they're gonna continue letting real estate criminals do crime against us yeah I don't understand that that's it's brutal and yeah let trans people play sports and let let eggs be let eggs be when I'm the mayor, bits are for everyone.

Eggs can be. And trans people will be playing sports. Actually, they're not gonna get an option. If you're trans, you have to enlist in sports. You have to play sports. You have to play sports. And I'm gonna pick. Yeah, I'm picking who plays what.

Dude, well you know what's funny, I get, do you know what an egg is in the trans community? I don't know what an egg is. An egg is something that I get called a lot. An egg is when, like trans people will cost one an egg when they suspect that you are trans but you don't know it yet. Interesting. Or like you're gonna hatch eventually. Oh, so like an embryonic pre-hatch. Yeah, they're like, you're an egg, like you're trans and we'll give you five years basically.

People say that to you often? Yeah, I think it's because I hang out with almost exclusively trans people and talk about it so much that I think a lot of my trans friends are like, you gotta be. And I'm like, well, no, I don't think so, but I guess only time will tell.

I'm open to anything happening generally. I feel pretty locked in on boy right now, but if I woke up tomorrow and it was giving girl, then I'd start giving girl. That's beautiful. Yeah, I don't care, whatever. Why the fuck not? Who knows what's happening in the future?

I fuck, I don't know. There was almost a forest gump too, and then there wasn't. And then there wasn't. I could be planning to go trans, and then 9-11 happens. All of a sudden, I'm kicked out of the Bronco, nothing's happening.

You're like, it would actually be disrespectful to America to destroy another tower. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can't. But the tower that has me being a boy. No, I don't. I don't understand people's, like, obsession with certainty and saying what things are absolutely are and absolutely going to be. I'm like, I don't know.

Well, who knows? I don't know anything. Nothing. That's a fact. I barely know anything about the present moment. No. Let alone the next one. Yeah, that one.

We haven't even been there yet That would be like me knowing a lot about Taiwan a place. I've never been you've never been to Taiwan. That's so true about you Thank you. You sort of I keep asking you to go with me and you'll never go I thought honestly, I wrote it off as part of your bigger thing of everyone should be where you are So I did consider it a personal and always in Taiwan'm always in Taiwan, yeah. I'm always saying, Josh, come to Taiwan. And you're going, no, I don't want to. I've been declining all these requests to go to Brazil. Yeah.

Yeah, dude, I would love to actually go. Do you know what's big on my travel list? Hanoi. Ooh. Have you ever been? No. I just keep hearing amazing things about it. I would like to go.

I'm so poorly traveled. Really? Yeah. Do you have any interest? I do why don't you go a great question? No metal detector here, yeah, you can take your anchor on the plane you shut the minus seat yeah You know, I'm like I'm I'm very self-conscious about Going places where English isn't where where I speak a little Spanish like not enough But enough to put my yeah, it would poke it though. Just enough to put myself in a bad position. Yeah

Just enough to insult someone without trying. Yeah, or to like get to the hospital and just be like Help already got a gunshot wound. Yeah, and they're get to the hospital and just be like, ugh. Help, or you got a gunshot wound, yeah. And just like so proud that I remember like, abrazo. Abrazo. Ajudame, ajudame. Yeah, exactly, and then it's like, como? And then ugh, don't know anything.

Yeah, you can't travel, you're right. Can't, and then I get self-conscious about like, so many of my friends have gone to Japan, but don't I don't know Japanese like we didn't and that was fine and it's like but it wouldn't be fine for me I do think you'd be fine but I worry about I worry about traveling in Asia in general and it's why I haven't gotten around to it quite yet because I'm so big and I've heard how small things are there just like tiny tiny little restaurants and tiny little cars and I'm worried that I'm going to I don't know be hunted for sport

or something Forced to like join the circus or something So tall and fat that I'm like, there's no way I get out of this unscathed I don't I don't think they're gonna just let me go into the ramen place that has two seats and I need three of those The restaurant the whole restaurant is two seats and I need three. I'm not getting a bowl of ramen, you know what I mean? So I'm worried about that, but I wanna go anyway. Yeah, it does seem exciting and different. Everyone I know comes back and is like,

oh, it is a worthwhile place to travel because there is a culture that's so different from American culture that it's worth visiting and learning about and enjoying. Yeah, well some people don't wanna travel at all. My dad is like that. Yeah. He's not a traveler.

Some people are just like, I've got everything I need right here. Yeah. And I don't desire to go anywhere. And you, but you like to travel. I like to travel. Same. But you know what's interesting,

I have always been someone that if I had any free time and money I was going. I was like, I'll go anywhere. I'll go, when I lived in Missouri and I was broke, I would go to New York anytime I got the chance. And when I got a little bit of money, I was like, I'll go to Europe anytime I get the chance. And just this year, I'm thinking about this summer,

I need to go on a month-long vacation because I've been burning the candle at somehow more than both ends. And I'm like, I need a vacation pad. This sounds like a menorah. By the way, I'm burning the menorah at eight ends. Happy Conica. Happy Conica.

It is the wrong time of year, but I like that you're getting into the spirit. Yeah, all year round, I'm an ally. Yeah, all year round I'm an ally. You can't stop me from being an ally. But I need a vacation. And for the first time ever I'm thinking about just staying in the States, which is a new thing. Where would you go in the States?

Well, I've thought about just getting a house for a month in Wyoming or Montana. Or I've also randomly, I went to a movie premiere in Savannah, Georgia recently and just loved it down there. And I was like, I could spend a to a movie premiere in Savannah, Georgia recently and just loved it down there And I was like I could spend a month down there just like writing and walking to restaurants and wearing shorts That sounds beautiful. Yeah and sweating and getting a tan there is so much America Yeah, and I have seen a lot of America, which is cool I like I've done a lot not as many national parks as I would like and I think I should do more of that But like Grand Canyon, pretty spectacular.

We got so many different weird cities. Oh, and fun little ones too. I'd like to do a big, and I don't know if you relate to this or not, but you tour, and so I get really sad that I go to these cool cities for 16 hours. I show up, I go to the show, I do the show, I sleep as much as I can, I leave.

Totally. And that is weird, because then I'm like, yeah, technically I've been to Charlotte five times, but fuck if I know anything about it. They'll be like, what's your favorite thing to do in Charlotte? Well, I know this one hotel, and then it's like a nice walk to the venue. Yeah, I'll tell you, there's a Thai restaurant

that delivers at 2 a.m. to my hotel I stay at. And it's fine. And it's okay. But it's the best place I've been in Chevrolet. If you need to know like the best venue chicken tenders. Yes. Boy do I have some things to tell you. Sometimes I'll go to a city,

especially if it's just for one night, and the folks there will be like, if you need any restaurant recommendations, I've printed out, like I made you a list, and I'm like, I can go, none of these places are within arm's reach right now, so I can't go to any of them. Yeah, I will go to whatever is across the street.

But on the other hand, if I'm in a place for like three days and I have two friends there, and they're like, oh, this is a great place to get brunch, here's a place to have a drink before the show, here's a place that's open late, I'm like, Dallas is the best city in America. Yeah, I can see my life here, and I like the way it looks. Totally, it's all unfolding in front of me.

Yeah, I do this every city we go to on tour. I literally at one point say, I could see my life in Toronto and I like the way it looks. Yeah, totally. I love the way my life looks. If we get more than 16 hours, I see myself moving there. It's like, God, I went to an art museum one out of one days I was here.

I'd probably go to a museum every day. Every day, yeah. Yeah, it's totally sick. Yeah, it doesn't scale. No, I think that way too. And then I'm in New York meanwhile, I haven't been to a museum in months. Can't get me in the door of one.

I'm like, it's my day off, what am I gonna do? If they're trying to bring you in, you're like, stop, stop. I will not. Get back. The path is closed. The path is closed, you cannot path. Yeah, I'd love to take a, also I'm kinda thinking maybe for my summer vacation, The path is closed. The path is closed. You cannot path.

Yeah, I'd love to take a, also I'm kind of thinking maybe for my summer vacation, I'd like to take a road trip through the South. Oh, I love a road trip. I've been to a lot of places in the South, but I'd like to do a very specific road trip where it's like, I'm going to stay in, I'm going to go to New Orleans for five days, I'm going to go to Birmingham for five days,

I'm going to go, I'm going to be out there. Yeah. Get a little house in each one. That's fun. That'd be fun. New Orleans is one of the most fun places in America, too. Yeah. I'd like to be out there. Yeah. Get a little house in each one. That's fun. That'd be fun. New Orleans is like one of the most fun places in America too.

Yeah, I'd like to go spend some actual time. It's so fun. Yeah, it would be fun. What's your favorite place you've been to? What's your favorite place you've been to in the States that like surprised you? Oh, that's a great question. I love the Twin Cities.

I love Minneapolis especially. We were just there two days ago. Isn't it great? Yeah. It's so nice. Yeah. Like it's fun. It like, it it is a real city like I think people kind of gloss over because Chicago is wonderful too and and people are like oh the Midwest that's like Chicago etc but like I love Minneapolis I'm always audiences are

great there I always have a great time doing shows people were so nice yeah the the comedy scene because I've been through enough times I like know a bunch of comics so it's like one of those places where from there for a few days. I There's enough friends to go like oh, let's get lunch and catch up and we haven't seen each other forever And so I yeah, that's one of the places I love visiting. We had a bison burger. Ooh in Minneapolis. That was life-changing So back to you. Oh, wait, you know, I love is um, I really like Iowa City. I love a college town. Big time. What college town was I just, oh, Fayetteville.

Fayetteville, I just did a show at University of Arkansas. I love a college town, dude. Bloomington, Indiana is like that. So fun. Jesse Eisenberg lives there. I know. You know that? I've met him there.

Really? He was so nice. He's so big on the Bloomington play community. Oh, that's really cool. He's involved big on like the Bloomington play community. Oh, that's really cool. He's like involved with like a play workshop there or something, I think. That must be so nice and so intimidating for them.

For him to just be there. He's sitting in the audience and like, that guy was just nominated for a bunch of Oscars. Yeah, I think that guy's cool as fuck. He's really nice. I like the movie. Yeah. A Real Pain.

A Real Pain. I saw it at my favorite Indie theater in Kansas City. Oh cool. I'm like so on the verge of sneezing Armors Greenland, I'm okay, baby. Thank you Armors Greenland in Kansas City is this really cute little art house theater in North Kansas City that has like Like kind of I don't know how you say it. Like what are those old like Atari and stuff? What are those like the oh the and stuff? What are those? Like the big-

Oh, the arcade games? Yeah, the old arcade games, like a basement themed bar around those. That's really fun. Isn't that fun? Yeah. Yeah, I like that a lot. I like a weird little art house theater a lot.

Me too. It's pretty much my favorite thing. It's getting, like, I feel like such a cranky old man where I'm like, oh, everything is now like movie with like cocktails they bring to your seats and stuff, which I'm not against, especially it's like a fun date night for like a fun movie or whatever. But I do miss like the charm of like a one of one

independent theater. Yeah, I think my rule for those kind of theaters you're talking about, like your Alamos and stuff would be, they can only play certain types of movie. I'm sorry, but it's distracting when someone two rows in front of you is getting Buffalo cauliflower bites during Triangle of Sadness. talking about, like your Alamos and stuff would be, they can only play certain types of movies. Yes. I'm sorry, but it's distracting when someone two rows in front of you is getting Buffalo cauliflower bites during Triangle of Sadness.

Yes, that's right. You know what I mean? It's like, hey, let's keep it, let's just stick to Marvel. You're like, I know the zone of interest has such intricate sound design, but all I can hear is your celery sticks. Yeah, only during a Superman movie should you be getting Buffalo chicken tenders.

Yes. And then yeah But they've gone the other way where it's like a little towards the art scene It's like no, that's where you should go to see Fast and Furious. Yes. That's where you see the big dumb Studio hundred million dollar movies and then I want to be in a place like, you know, some tiny little I want to be a fucking armor screen land when I see Triangle of Sadness. Yeah, yeah or Zone of Interest Yeah for sure. Because those are movies where you're like, I couldn't even think about Buffalo Cauliflower right now.

No, I couldn't think about being hungry. I'm so into this art. What was, did you have one growing up, like an art house that you went to? We went to, I saw like, there are a few around Boston. We would go to this second run theater called Hollywood Hits, and that's where we would see the slightly weird movies, because it would be $4 and they didn't check IDs.

I think so we could go to rated R movies. And we would see, I saw Oh Brother, Where Art Thou There. It didn't have a super long run at the AMCs and stuff. And it was cheap and it was fun and the seats were horrible and there'd be like, there'd be like four people in there. It was great. That's the best.

I really loved it. Yeah. And it was like right near the mall. So you go there, go to the mall, hang out. Real good teen spot. And it felt like I was getting, I was like, oh, this is like a little more cultural. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, cause you lived in the burbs. I did live in the burbs. Yeah, I lived in the country. Like out for an hour and a half outside the city. Yeah. But I would drive into Kansas City, same thing, and go to this place called the T burbs. Yeah, I lived in the country. Like an hour and a half outside the city. But I would drive into Kansas City, same thing, and go to this place called the Tivoli. It was like a two room art house theater. And one of the rooms was massive.

And it's where I would see all the weird stuff. We had a theater chain in my town that wasn't like a big one. It was like a regional one. It was called B&B Theaters. But they wouldn't play. It was the movie theater where you could sleep over and they'd just make you breakfast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because there's a big bucket of popcorn. Yeah, yeah, over and they just make you yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah exactly the bed sheets are

made out of like curtain like red velvet curtain it was awesome I like the Airbnb theater which is just the screen in the back of those yeah yeah yeah but it was it was not far off from being that zany and they wouldn't play any of the cool movies yeah like I like that it was nice was not far off from being that zany and they wouldn't play any of the cool movies Yeah, like I like that. It was nice to see I would get so jealous as a child when they'd be like Opening in select theaters this Friday I'm a loser. Why don't you select the Kendall Square Cinema in Cambridge, Massachusetts? Dude that I mean that I really did feel like when I would go to the city, Kansas City, and get

like Thai food, getting Thai food was like, whoa. Like we are culture. I mean, even in the suburbs where I grew up, like my mom still doesn't trust sushi as a concept. She's like, I just don't know how people do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just can't be right. They're not cooking it. They're not great. She's like, I just don't know how people do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, just can't be right. Yeah.

They're not cooking it. They're not great. She's like, I just worry. And it's like, but you've like other, nevermind. And they, when they start, my parents started eating Thai food when like a place opened up, they're like, well, I'm trying it, but like. We'll see.

Well, we're using forks. Yeah. Yeah. Not xenophobic, but like strangely adamant, yeah. No, I, it felt so, like it's so funny now, living in New York and stuff, but as a kid in rural Missouri, it was like getting like, yeah,

having an oyster was like, it felt like going to the moon. It was like, we just don't do that. Totally. And my parents are, they're very like, inclusive and they are excited about that there are other kinds of people, but my mom is so worried about getting stuff wrong,

which I guess I've expressed the same thing, but she was like, is it okay if I use the fork? Like that kind of thing. I was like, are they gonna be mad at me? Well, no, that's a totally, it comes from a totally nice place. Like there is an, I definitely have relatives like that who there's an uneasiness to being like,

I don't wanna come embarrass myself in front of you. Totally. I don't dislike you. I want to be cool and try new things, but I'm like, it's embarrassed. I'm shy. Which I think is, especially growing up pre-Google, it was like a kind of thing where you like didn't always know the customs and you had to like know someone who knew

how to be ushered in and like what was the way to do things and like I almost I was out at like a fancy restaurant with some friends recently and two of us, they brought those little cube towels that like expand when they're a little moist. Two of us almost ate those. Like that's where I still am. Yeah, no, it's you used to need like a weird cousin who listened to alternative music

to teach you about like chopsticks. Like you needed, that used to be. But now there's so much access, but nothing feels, it's funny, there's so much access to everything but about like chopsticks. Like you needed that, that used to be. But now there's so much, there's so much access, but nothing feels, it's funny, there's so much access to everything, but nothing feels accessible. Now it feels accessible. People get too comfortable.

We're like, I don't think you were supposed to do the accent when you were. Yeah. That is so, yeah. It's like a white guy who is obsessed with a certain culture. Yes, totally. Usually Asia. And it's right, and it's like, just because, you're with a certain culture. Yes, usually usually Asia and it's right

It's like just because you're like your ponytail is not a passport. Yeah Hey, Konichiwa should not be coming out of your mouth. Yeah at this suburban Japanese restaurant. Yeah, right with all in a whole Italian stuff Your ponytail is not a passport. Let's take that to heart, boys. Boys, let's take that to heart. But when I'm the mayor, your ponytail will be a passport.

Yeah, ponytails will be passports. I don't, yeah, I think give everyone passports. I don't care anymore. I don't understand. Some of the fights we're having right now, I'm like, am I the only one who just doesn't give a fuck? Yeah. I don't care.

Well, there's bad stuff that's going on that I was like, I didn't even know things could be bad like that Yeah, it's like the opposite of when you try a new cuisine You're like, I didn't know food could be good in this way. We're like the government now I'm just like you can just like tear out all the chairs at the Supreme Court and sell them Yeah, or the stuff that yeah the stuff we're supposed to be mad about that they're like trying to pitch it, like get us pitched into a fever about. They're like, well, we can't have the federal government sending money for special needs kids

to like jump on trampolines at recess. I'm like, we can't. Why not? I'm supposed to care? I thought that that sounds kind of cool to me. Yeah, and it's just like, how much does a trampoline cost? Yeah, they're like, oh, it's 20 bucks.

I'm like, that's crippling the debt. I don't understand what's going on. It's like, you already have my 20 bucks. Yeah, you have it. That's what I wanted. All this stuff like we can't do it. It's like you already have my money and now you're just telling me cool stuff. You're not doing with it anymore. Yeah, they're so that's the other thing they're trying to get they're trying to get us being like they're being like, yeah, Biden started sending like a billion extra dollars to food banks and we're cutting that waste. I'm like, no, I like that. Yeah, do that. Don't do the other stuff. Yeah. Stop sending guns to people. What the fuck?

Wait, do you want to do what? Does everyone just get to send a list of priorities? I have some thoughts. I've got ideas. Yeah, that'd be sick actually. We should start a government where once a week everyone gets in a room and just goes, okay, someone with a marker at a whiteboard goes, what do we want to do? Everyone yells things out. We go, okay, tally for free food. What else? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. Um, who thinks we write guns? We should, uh, guns on the moon. You're like, I don't know, man. They have a lot of votes for guns. I don't know. They really want guns on the moon this month. Let's give it one month. Where it's like, yeah, oh, it's

ridiculous. We're like, we're sending foreign aid to stop people from having malaria. And it's like, I don't think people should have malaria. That sounds great to me. I think that also benefits us. That's the other thing is they keep the conservative argument right now is trying to pitch that like, why are we, why are we the world's peacekeepers? And it's like, well, okay, maybe that's a perspective that you're allowed to have. But hey, if malaria gets really bad, guess who that's going to come back to? Fucking us, dawg. That stuff can come over here too. You're not gonna fucking keep malaria out at the border

with more guards. Yeah, it's like your tight borders thing is not gonna keep AIDS from spreading. Right, you can sneeze across borders. Yeah, and I will. Which is not how you get AIDS. I understand that. I understand that's not how AIDS is.

I was telling the other thing. I'm giving people in Canada AIDS. I'm sneezing at the border. We're sending our sickest Americans to the border to sneeze into Canada. Everyone get to Niagara Falls now. Oh, the tariffs aren't working. We're giving you, we're just gonna come syphilis

across the border. Everyone touch your eye and start rubbing it on door handles. Bring your toddlers. We're giving a whole nation pink eye. We're fucking these people up. We're going to war with Canada. It's biological warfare. Yeah, we're going nuts.

Everyone get out there and open mouth, cough on their pastries. Honestly, if that was all the funding our military got, I'd be like, all right. If all we did was send people over to cough yeah that's got to be cheaper probably not the worst time we've done that in American history yeah I think we have a history of that yeah what was what's one what's one law you would pass if you were in charge of the whole world silly not serious one lie yeah silly actually you know women

know, women. Get them out of here! No more women! Actually, there are so many podcasts where that is just what they say. Yeah. Gosh, what is the law? I think... Josh Gondeman's silly law. I know. Okay, I think we need a caveat to the First Amendment. Nice. Yeah. It's not feeling silly yet, but let's see. Free speech, and then it's like, where you can, you should also, it's also freedom of like, hey man, shut the fuck up. Yeah, yeah, fuck yeah, and we should be able to, we should be able to, I think that in every public space,

you should be able to vote on kicking one person out. I love that. Like if someone on a plane's misbehaving, everyone on the plane should be able to click a button and go eject their seat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, parachute, they're just done. Or like a restaurant, be like, that table is being annoying and we all think it to an extent that they need to leave. I love that. And maybe it's like just like a quiet thing where like everybody hits their button

and once it reaches critical mass, then they're just kind of quietly escorted out. Yeah. It doesn't have to be like an, like, aye. No, it's not theatrical. It's not violent. I think they should get their bill paid for, or whatever. They should get a Visa gift card. And we say, hey, everyone voted for you to leave the space. I do think though, in certain places,

you should, there should be an opposite vote. Like not just yay or nay, but a vote of like, let them cook. Yeah, yeah, yeah, keep them. Yeah, I wanna see where this is going. It's up votes and down votes. You. Yeah, you should be able to up vote the behavior Sometimes a person's being crazy on the train and you can tell three people want him to leave but everyone else is like I don't know. It's kind of breaking up the computer remote. Yeah, you know what? Fuck. Yeah, they're cooking a little bit Yeah, especially like my my wife is such a good eavesdropper

And so she'll like clue me in because i'll be i'll just like be thinking thoughts or like when I hear what she has there I want to say something to her and then it'll just be like a guy being like, I don't know It's just like I think my ex is gonna get mad if I have sex with this one I'm working with but it's like we broke up four hours ago Dude I'm so eavesdropping is my like Olympic sport. It's so good. I'm locked in on it. It's so good I'm always listening. Have you had a good eavesdrop lately? Yes. Have I told this one on the actual pod yet? I had a we'll find out there to trust the fans will let us know. Anytime I anytime I repeat something I fucking hear about it. But there was a I was on the I was on a rental

car shuttle from LAX to the airport from the rental car place to the airport. And the southern woman is sitting with her husband and they clearly don't like each other. And she's like, being like, babe, look at my phone. And he's being like, you know, ignoring her. And I have my headphones on, so they think I'm not listening. And then at one point they're silent for a second and she goes, oh my God.

And he goes, and then he even, he was like, what? Like he knew it was something good. And she looks at her phone and she turns to him and goes, how could a child this beautiful come from a woman so ugly? Ha ha ha! And I was like, whoa. I was like, I need a meeting with everybody. That's really good.

I need a one-on-one with him, her, the ugly mom, the baby. I need to be brief with everyone. Yeah. I just was like, that's good shit. I love that. We got one, a sliver on our block the other day that was like so mysterious And I wanted to stop the lady and ask follow-up questions because she was on the phone as you just went and it was just so Fucked up that he did that and then we walked past and I didn't hear anything else and I was like

That's just a mystery forever. I would give anything to know. Yeah. We heard something recently, I feel like, that was like a business guy being like, I don't care if they want to be home with their kids for the holidays. It sounded like he was doing business man foley. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he was like, if they want to be home

with their kids for the holidays, they need to get the work done. It was like, out of like a 90s movie about a guy who's about to meet a ghost of Christmas meaning. Yeah, Bill Pullman's going to learn a lesson. Christmas meaning. Bill Pullman's gonna learn a lesson. Yeah, truly Bill Pullman. The movie's called Bill Pullman, Bill Pullman Learns a Lesson, yeah.

And he's played by Bill Paxton. And he's played by Bill Paxton and it doesn't matter. That's why people are so confused. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, it was, yeah, that was a nutso one. Oh, I love it. I wish, I also, when you had the headphones on, just, he was dropping, I was picturing, instead of connected I love it. I wish I also when you had the headphones on just eavesdropping I was picturing instead of connected to your phone. It's just gonna take one of those spy microphones

With a fucking like I'm just like inching the thing closer to them. Just my out of frame. Okay, trying to get more of it closer to them. Just try, am I out of frame? Okay. Trying to get more of it. Yeah, I'm boom-miking the worst kind of eavesdrop. I would love, I wish, broadcasts get three speakers for the rest of the show.

I wish you could do, I wish that could be a podcast where like when people are doing, you're like, hey, would you just tell me the whole story? Tell me exactly what's going on. Yeah. Actually, that's a great idea You should start that show. I'm gonna do it. You'd have a hit. I don't I'm not assertive enough really public Yeah, you know, I think you but that's why I think it would work for you You would you would sweetly be like hey, I just I overheard what you said

I've got a podcast. I'd love to talk to you about what was going on if it's okay, and I think they'd be like yes Yes, sweet man in great shoes in a sweater. I like to talk to you. She'd be like, yes, yes, sweet man in great shoes and a sweater. I'd like to talk to you. She'd be like, I mean, that baby was really ugly. Or the baby was beautiful. That lady was really ugly. We'd get to the bottom of it. Yeah. Josh, I have a question for you.

Please. What's so true to you? What is so true to me? Oh, I alluded to it before, but I think that this is something really important is that I think we're in an era where there's so much wonderful, beautiful art and so much of the worst dog shit that's ever been produced by human or computer minds. And it is so baffling to me how popular the second thing is

where it's like, was there stuff like that? There's like stuff that's AI, right? Or it's just like an old man at a birthday cake The whole building behind him is on fire and it has a hundred candles and it's like it's my 40th birthday It's just all made by AI and people like why does it this ever go viral and it just makes me what if we like just were there people doing that in like the 1700s like it's just someone like scrawled an image

of George Washington like with huge boobs, like spanking King George III and people are like, verily, how come this never makes it to the printing press? Like. Like. Like. Like. Do you think people were just ravenous

for dog shit back then too? I don't know. I don't know. I mean, they were certainly stupid and we're dumb. We're dumb now too, but we're dumb in a way that's like more pathetic because we have all the answers. That's right. All the answers are available. Yes. But people are so stupid. Yes. Yeah. It's insane. We're like people like, okay, we this is a B or C. All of them are great options. And they're like, you're not going to make me use the

first three letters of the alphabet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know. I do wonder if there was like, yeah, what the shit-stirring political scene was like back before all the technology. Yeah, or even just like entertainment. Do you think like when Shakespeare's plays, which were obviously very popular

and not like high brow art, do you think there was a guy with like way worse plays that was way more popular? Yeah. Where it was just like Romeo and Juliet and they're like, oh, well, neither of them dies. Any fingers are in the third scene. And you're like, what?

And then people are like, we love that. Yeah, that rules. Yeah, that's sick. They've made 20 of them. We can't wait for the 21st. Yeah, there's 20 Romeo fingers Juliet plays and we're going to go to it. Yeah. And it's like, I just don't know. But I think there's 20 Romeo fingers Julia plays and we're going to go to it. Yeah. And it's like, I just don't know. But I think there's so much because people talk

trash about comedy all the time. They're like, oh, comedy. It's not ever since George Carlin died. I've stopped listening to things. So I don't think anything good. And it's like, there's so many wonderful, brilliant, diverse voices that are like doing amazing work. The kind of stuff that like people in the 1950s, like you watch like an old, I don't wanna name names because they were doing the best they could back then before they invented good jokes. But people just would be like,

my mother-in-law, she is a bad cook. And audiences were just like, can you believe this guy said that? Just like screaming and crying. And now there's so much good stuff and people are like, no, we just wanna hear jokes that were written in 1992 that people stopped saying in the early 2000s and now have gone back to saying.

Yeah, and it's those, yeah, the, we love comedy crowd, like that's one of the funny things about the right wing movement right now is they're all, so like we gotta bring back being funny. And I'm like, you haven't done it once. Yes. JD Vance being like, I don't know. To me being a guy is just about telling jokes

with your buddies. I'm like, tell one joke. You stupid pathetic loser. You're, he's the guy that like, and I have a friend that does this and he's gonna know that I'm airing him out for this. But JD Vance's idea of the joke is like when he walks into a room and his bar and his three friends are there They're being like, what's up ladies?

And he's got the one for this fucker you talking to yeah Yeah, true that is identically their version of like we're bringing back joking with the boys Yeah, that's right. It's like not a joke not interesting. You're a fucking loser Yeah, I just don't I don't I don't get the like their obsession with comedy because they don't they say they're obsessed with comedy But I'm like you're just actually obsessed with being mean. Yes telling anything funny. Yeah, there's somebody funny Yeah, and it's not there's no formula to it. There's no craft, there's no, the jokes are never funny. Yeah, it's just I wanna be able to say a mean thing

and then when people are like, that hurts my feelings, to be like, ha ha, that's what I wanted. That's comedy, baby. Or like Elon Musk too, same thing of him being like, oh, we love comedy and then every single comedy thing he shares is like a meme being like, when it's illegal to own the libs but you do it anyway and then it's like him with muscles or something.

And it's like, you like praise, that's not a joke. Right, his like idea, like, it's all this stuff that you're like, we're laughing at that. We're like, I truly, there is a chance, I would, I think this is gonna happen. This is my only political prediction. I think before this Trump presidency is over,

which is like 12, 13 years from now. 14, 15, 16 years from now. Yeah. Yeah. Elon Musk is gonna be at a rally and he's gonna do the Ace Ventura talking with his butt thing. Yeah.

Yeah. I think that is a lock. That's coming. If I could bet on that on Fandil, I would sign up for an account. I would bet my life savings on it. That's coming bet on that on Fandil. I would sign up for an account I would put my life savings that's coming down the pike everyone get ready Yeah, prepare your prepare to laugh until you cry. He'll be like it and it'll be like the first it'll be It'll be the Mark Twain Awards and Donald Trump will be receiving it because he runs the Kennedy Center

He'll bend over and he'll be like, uh President Trump may I ask you a question? It'll crickets and I think must like, uh, President Trump, may I ask you a question? And it'll crickets, and he'll be like, must be a bunch of libs in here. Yeah. I just got really sad. I know, I'm sorry. No, no, it's not your fault, Josh.

It's everything that's going on. The idea of him running the Kennedy Center which is happening yeah it's so unbelievably funny and sad yeah it's unbelievably funny that he was like I'll run it I'm the president he literally did it for Literally did bits are for everyone. Yeah, he said a bit so for everyone have at it Yeah, but they're deporting people who are citizens Which is really not good yeah, I hate it all yeah, what are we gonna? Do you think me and you what are we gonna do? Yeah, we're gonna do to stop stuff well once we get back from Taiwan We're gonna ride ride motorcycles into Taiwan until we figure something out.

Just you and me shirtless motorcycles. Me on the back. You have one of those 1950s helmets. It's leather. I'm at the barn. Hey. We're just over there. This is what it sounds like when you're on one of those motorcycles.

Come on. That's not even a song. We get the idea. I idea go oh my god Josh We're driving this motorcycle back to DC so we can get on the ballot Now that's a movie I'd watch Things I also think things should be stupider for fun and not stupider for real Yeah, like the government is so stupid, but more movies should be about like two guys riding a motorcycle.

From Taiwan to DC. From Taiwan to DC. To get on the ballot. Yeah, to get on the ballot. Unclear what get on the ballot even means to them. Wait, dude, the election's like next week. Should we go to DC and get on the ballot? Yeah, we gotta get on that ballot.

Yeah, it's a dumb and dumber road trip to get on the ballot. My favorite, I love how, I love how like anytime you have a meeting, right, for this maybe is too inside baseball, but any kind of entertainment meeting, the notes that they give you are so suffocating. They're like, we just don't see this going 13 seasons.

Like nothing goes 13 seasons. Yeah, that's why we're not making this. And then like in the 70s, 80s, 90s, the movie premises are like, what if a dog was the Prime Minister of Canada? Yeah. And they're like, how's 12 million? Can we do it for 12?

Which in today's money is $113 million. That guy wrote the one script, he retired, he lives in the top of Mount Everest. Yeah. In a mansion that costs $28 billion. He paid for it with residuals by the way We used to have something called residuals. He his back end was so good. They're like if anyone goes to see it We'll give you 75% of the profits

Grossed a billion dollars 81 money, and he's chilling. He's chilling God, I'm so jealous Josh. I have a segment for you. Please. This is the true false segment. I'm ready I'm gonna read you 15 statements. Okay, You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if you think they're true or false. Okay. If you get 10 or more correct, I'm going to give you 50 US dollars. Okay. Okay. It's kind of huge. Okay. Here we go. You ready? Hens do not need a rooster to lay an egg. True. True. Boston is named after a town in Ireland. True. False. England. Hawaii is the only US state to never report a temperature of zero False true the tongue is the fastest healing part of the human body false true an alligator can go through 3,000 teeth in a lifetime

True true McDonald's is older than White Castle False false the Fig Newton is named after Isaac Newton false false Newton, Massachusetts. Hell yeah A suction cup will not work in outer space False true a pearl can be dissolved in vinegar a pearl can be True true the average raindrop takes an hour to hit the ground Huh? False false two minutes Harvard was the first university in North America. False. True. Oh. Stoneham High School does not have a hockey team. False. False. Seinfeld first aired in 1989.

True. True. Riverbans last longer when refrigerated. True. True. Carrots are technically a fruit. False. False. How do you do? Ten. Whoa! Let's go! This is huge! Josh! Wow, I feel amazing. Yeah, and you did amazing. Thank you. 10's hard. 10, I was worried. I blew a couple easy ones. You did? Well, you were, there was a little, there was a run there where I was worried about you. And then I really came back. You came back in historic fashion. I got the ballad. And that's the city of Boston, baby. Woo! That's Boston blood. We were down 3-0 to the Yankees in 2004. And then lo and behold, Kennedy. Ha ha ha ha ha! Lo and behold.

I feel like that's, I love the guy that like, oh Boston accent and it's just Kennedy. Ask not what Josh can do for his country. What the country can do for Josh. Josh, anything you wanna leave the people with? Where to follow you, what you're up to? Oh my gosh Yeah, I'm at Josh Gondelman on social media. I'm Instagram and tik-tok and Blue sky now and I have a newsletter called that's marvelous that I write every Monday and it's free and it's full of pep talks

And jokes and it lets people know where to find me and it and I'll have the information for my new special there soon Hopefully hell. Yeah, I would really like people for people to watch it. We just love you, Josh. Thank you so much for having me. This was so much fun. Thanks for being here. Of course, my pleasure. Josh Kahneman, we did it. That was a hate gum podcast.