So True with Caleb Hearon - Josh Sharp is in His Body

Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a HeadGum Podcast. We should do a show together, but you're too busy. You'd never do a show with me. A sweetie pot kettle. Don't even. You'd never do a show with me. Don't even! I literally asked you to do a show before we rolled.

Starting point is 00:00:14 You said no. Sorry to pull back the curtain. You know what I just rewatched? What? The 1990s Disney live action Three Musketeers. Wow. Did you ever watch that? Yes, but not since I was a little boy.

Starting point is 00:00:31 I know. It's like Kiefer Shetland, Charlie Sheen, Chris O'Donnell, Oliver Platt, who I love. I remember though as a kid, there's this, well, Tim Curry plays a villain. Yeah. And first of all, one of the hottest men we have. Tim Curry. Sex. So devilish. Serves sex.

Starting point is 00:00:48 There's like a moment where maybe it's Charlie Sheen is like, enjoy your time in hell, and goes to stab him. And then Tim Curry pulls out a gun and shoots him and goes, you first. And I'm like, why? And I was like, ah! But I remember watching- Keifer Hott, too.

Starting point is 00:01:03 Keifer Hott. You watched 24, growing up in the heartland, I'm sure. I did not watch 24. Oh, down south we were obsessed with it. We were watching 24. You know, the towers had just fallen. 24 was everything to us. Yeah, you were watching 24 in North Carolina.

Starting point is 00:01:14 Absolutely, you had to. You were locked in. What else would you talk about around the locker? The cooler. The locker. The water cooler. That's the place. Around the locker? Surrounding the locker in a tight circle.

Starting point is 00:01:24 Well, I, but both there were two bad, That's the place. Around the locker. Surrounding the locker in a tight circle. But both there were two bad, there were, okay so Tim Curry, big bad guy. One of the biggest and baddest. And then there's like a running gag where D'Artagnan has slept with this guy's sister. Uh huh. And he's trying to kill. Well that's not nice. Well you can't sleep with someone's sister.

Starting point is 00:01:40 That's his sister. No, that's not right. Don't sleep with someone's sister, you guys. That's wrong. Ask first. Ask the brother and then the dad And then any other men that she might especially in that time in that era. Yeah, that was how you did things That's how I still do things now. You might ask their lesbian moms. Yes, not always asking the dad Oh golly and in nuts in not telling yeah now it's now there's now there's two moms instead of a protective brother

Starting point is 00:02:02 You know, I don't sleep with women because I got tired of asking so much permission Mmm, I'm like I don't want to take your dad's exhausting. Oh my goodness. How many hands? I'm I gonna ask for let me just fuck your son Yeah, say that cuz no one's checking in on him the dads don't want to know quite frankly no and they don't always will be boys These dads are saying about that stuff But the guy the guy who wants to kill their tanny for sleeping with his sister his energy is also very like Tim Curry It's always a ham who wants to kill first of all let's say that first of all he wants to kill that's he him behavior Can we just say uh-huh most murder he him he him perpetrated by he him get I don't know Ben Shapiro talking about that

Starting point is 00:02:38 Why why are there so much murder in the he him community? Why is there so much he him? What is it about the he him culture? You know what My mom worked in a women's prison as a nurse. Really? Every woman in there justified. No one in there did something evil just for evil. Oh, are you kidding? Maybe two people. First, I'm the judge, so ends up for murder.

Starting point is 00:02:55 First question I asked, what are your pronouns? Yeah. And not out of politeness. Yeah. To know whether to let you free or not. Yeah, leniency. Tell me this. To know whether to grant clemency.

Starting point is 00:03:04 Clem-in-shee. Clem-in-shee. Women leniency. Tell me this. To know whether to grant clemency. Clemenchy. Clemenchy. Womenchy. Womenchy. I'm granting womency. I'm glad I'm granting womenchy to you. It just sucks that you got clemenchy folks because that was the better one. Yeah I know. I had no choice but to riff in the lower direction. In post you could put that one first. Yeah. That could be what tees up mine and everybody goes well Caleb really set him up for that. Yeah it's just hard riffing with you cuz you'll get the best one first. That's that UCB training UCB. Thank you What was you see these thing character or game? It was game game. Oh, you're thinking Chicago again the Heartland can't help y'all love character That's right. Yeah, honey. That's where I came up. Yep. We're thinking my character down south. We were doing game

Starting point is 00:03:43 down south in Manhattan under a Gristini's. God, I miss that era. Golly, can we bring it back? You were I.O.? I was I.O. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know this.

Starting point is 00:03:53 I used to every fall break, we're rolling, right? Oh, yeah. Every fall break, my college troop would get in on Wednesday so we could see T.J. and Dave leave on Sunday so we could catch and provide shakes. We'd go on fall break and we'd always be like, got to get there Wednesday for TJ and Dave and we'll see Shakes on Saturday and then we'll leave Sunday morning and just for the uninitiated shakes is gonna go ahead and be improvised Shakespeare Yeah, that's beautiful. That's beautiful men in blouses. Why not? Why not at last as a judge me exhaling? Thomas little ditch in a skirt. Do you know something?

Starting point is 00:04:27 I was telling this to a friend recently cause I also identify as charming. I love to be the friend's wingman. Like I love to be the friend that when you're new plus one is sort of like coming out to be the one who's so fun that they're like, your friends are fun. And also little do you know, UCB training, I'm teeing you up all night to look funny. You know what I yeah, that's one of the best things is to charm a friend's date

Starting point is 00:04:48 Yeah, you're into being like welcome to the coven you picked the right one. You know, I mean, I would love to bring simple joy Oh, honey, not only would I be so fun I would make you look so good and they'd walk away the illusion that would never be you know They would not know how much work it took for us to like sort of make this happen Josh, you know, can I tell you something really funny? I haven't told you yet sugar, please sugar. I've been big on sugar lately. I know we were talking about this sugar's good I sort of forgot about it. I sugared a straight man recently and how did they receive it? He wasn't into it. Yeah, but it was just crazy cuz sugar is such a delightful thing, but you can't

Starting point is 00:05:20 Well, you know everybody's against big sugar now. Yeah. Well, it all goes straight to the hips Thank you And what's the problem with that? Well being fat where you bear children? Oh my god, we should bear children together We would be such fun parents with on that note. I have to say so see this is the issue We're gonna get lost a lot. I've already lost the plot on the d'Artagnan there's four. There's six threads We've I've got them all here. We'll circle it back at the end by the way I just did Z-Way show and I said what would be my? And I said, me and some gay guys I'm really close with, cause we'll get so far from reality so quick.

Starting point is 00:05:48 Guess what? We're talking about growing children together. Here we are, absolutely. Okay, but then the other night, you came to a thing that I was going to at a bar. I don't want to say what it is, cause I go sometimes, I don't want people to come. But you came and you met my friend Carly, who's lovely.

Starting point is 00:06:03 I was taken. Oh, everyone's taken by Carly. And everyone's taken by you. When the next day she and I are talking on the phone, she goes, she goes, I loved Josh. Oh, well, we love to hear that. I go, well, yes, I love Josh too. And she goes, I think you guys are in love.

Starting point is 00:06:17 Well, how much do we want to get into it? We were saying off air that this has happened quick. When it's right, it's right. We sort of had a beautiful lunch and knew, well, we're friends now. That's what it is. When it's right, it's right. Yeah. You know, we sort of had a beautiful lunch and knew, well, we're friends now. That's what it is. That's not always how it happens. Exactly correct.

Starting point is 00:06:30 And I thought that was a beautiful thing that she said. That's beautiful. I said, that is my boy. I don't refute the allegations. I don't refute the allegations, I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you, I don't deny it. Hello. I'll say it right to the judge.

Starting point is 00:06:40 Hello. Well, that's another thing I want to talk about. Your judge, Eric, you said that you would give leniency based on pronouns. Will you just go through the pronouns and tell me what sentences you're kind of thinking generally? Great point. Well, he, him is, you know, abolish prison, but only after we send all the he, him's there, of course. He, him's are going right to some island. He, him island. I'm sending them all to he, him island. The carceral state is on one island and it's for he, him's.

Starting point is 00:07:04 I think they have one of those off the coast of South Carolina, don't they? Probably. I mean, I'm basically inventing a men's prison right now is what I'm saying. You're like, I've got an idea. It's called hee-him island. It's like yeah, I think that's called Sing Sing. They've got that. What do you think? Non-binary people. I'm sending non-binary people into the community. Into the community. And it's not for them. It's for the community. Yeah, what are-binary people there? I'm sending non-binary people into the community into the community and it's not for them It's for the community. Yeah, what I mean doing out there. They're just engaging Well, hey if experience is any any measure they're firing for Greenpeace

Starting point is 00:07:33 That's what they're doing. We would all be better to have knock knock at the door. Hello. Who are you? I'm a non-binary person sent here to talk to you. Yeah We should start a program like that. You know how Mormon teens open up those letters and they're like, yeah, you're a way, you know, we should do that with non-binary people. Rum spring, a rum them. Yeah, thank you. I'm coming cheap, but we're working on it. Yeah, them spring up actually probably the stronger one.

Starting point is 00:07:57 There we go. So this time I get the lead on the room. Mm hmm. OK, so you're they them. You're seeing them into the community. Yeah. Yeah. You're going to do a she her. She community. Yeah. Yeah, you're gonna do is she her she was a problem Well guys like us. Yeah, I mean earlier and we're already dabbling in clemency. Maybe they're all free They shouldn't be there in the first place. Honestly. Oh you think women go free? Yeah Really at last. Oh my god, that's for you women

Starting point is 00:08:19 You are crying right now. Yeah, you see this. Yeah. I'm afraid some of the wires are gonna short circuit. Chance, can we get something to mop all this up? Caleb is weeping. Just the idea. There's water everywhere. Oh my God. Just the idea of she her freedom after everything. Baby, have a sip of Sprite Zero Sugar.

Starting point is 00:08:36 Come on, make it right. Zero Sugar? See, you're against sugar too. Here you are saying, oh, nobody wants you sugar anymore. Josh here you are saying oh nobody wants you sugar anymore proudly proudly saying zero sugar right there don't bring this up they're gonna turn on me oh my god oh my god I'm gonna get him Audre Lord Audre Lord thank you Maryam Kaba send the women who did Butler yeah there we go she her freedom there we go are you doing a day no you don't have a day on there at all not a heat not. There we go. Are you doing a they? No, you

Starting point is 00:09:05 don't have a they on there at all. Not a heat, not the slightest touch of a he they know. But I feel very sort of like pronoun agnostic where it's like, it's sort of fun to accept all even though I know it's like, I'm a boy, but if you, if you want to use any, I'm going to be like, sure. Do you feel like a man? Like if someone says like, if someone says like man, do you, cause I do, because I do, I feel like a guy. That's a great question, because then right now I went, I don't really, but yet I do feel like I'm he-him.

Starting point is 00:09:31 Maybe I'm somewhat going like, I just feel like y'all have all decided I'm he-him, so I'll take it. Yeah, well that's interesting. You feel like a guy. I do, I think I feel, but I don't really know what that means. It just, it's never felt dysphoric to me to be a boy.

Starting point is 00:09:44 I guess that's true, I don't feel dysphoric being a boy. I just feel like a certain type of slinky tim currie boy You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, you're you're like, uh, you have like an ethereal queerness. Thank you I really don't my queerness is very just kind of like My queerness is just kind of you know, yeah I don't see that really but I guess maybe it's the heartland of all. You lead with heartland. I lead with heartland. You think I lead with heartland and not queer.

Starting point is 00:10:09 Yeah, don't you think? I think so. Do you think you lead with queer or North Carolina? Because to me, I see the North Carolina in you so presently. I find it's all malleable. Do you find that? Interesting. Like I'm around certain people, and I don't mean to,

Starting point is 00:10:23 but the North Carolina like slides jumps Jump jump song out of you. It is that thing where I guess we all naturally mirror each other But there's certain times where I catch myself and I'm like, oh well first of all I look at videos and me as a little boy and I'm like you were such a little hick. Yeah, where did that go? Yeah, you know like it because it wasn't really a choice. It just sort of went away It's so clearly it's still there cuz there's times I'm talking to people and I end up being like this I'm talking like this and I'm like what happened to you? You know what I mean? Yeah. So it's all reflexive. Don't you think all of our- In the same way we clean out with certain people you know it's like I guess we do sort of- You hick out. Hick out. I'm hicking out. Yeah we're hicking out. There's a great line dance to that Jason Aldean made some great country music in the 2000s and then where'd he go?

Starting point is 00:11:09 Well, I think he put answers bleak. I don't want to look it up. Isn't he the one that put out Spitting a cop's face burn the flag try that in a small. He's that one. I think that's him Oh my god, I know we are line dancing to his song right now I've got reclamation or should we be not I don't even know his old songs were so good Yeah, and then he got in the it's team of Toby Keith Toby Keith was making all these guys They make such great country music and then they get obsessed with like their own iconography Yeah, and the like who they're for yeah, and then they start doing this weirdo like fascistic like fucking creepy shit Yeah, like fucking what was that? What was that Jason Aldean song? It was like why do you? Like fucking uh, what was that? What was that jason all these songs? It was like why do you

Starting point is 00:11:47 What is it was like one of his really Got what I got burning it down. You make it easy try that in a small town sick. Yeah, I forgot I didn't put those two together that he's the guy that was because I remember that kerfuffle Yeah, I never really listened to the song. I just remember it like being in the news. Oh my god tattoos on this town You know that one? No. Well, okay. I'm I grew up in a what kind of country were you listening to growing up not a lot because I was listening to radio country but I didn't really like it yeah I'm like reclaiming radio country now as I'm getting into queer line dancing and there's a lot of like good stuff happening right now but I was big into like folksy bluegrass stuff yeah there used to be the public radio station 89.3 whatever the like

Starting point is 00:12:24 Asheville Booneys public radio station on Sundays.3, whatever, the like Asheville Boonies Public Radio Station on Sundays was called Coming Round the Mountain and they just play like old folk and I loved that shit. Yeah, that rocks. And my brother plays mandolin, so I like that stuff. Your brother's a very talented musician. Yeah, you know the first concert I ever saw was? Actually, let's take it back.

Starting point is 00:12:41 First concert was Contemporary Christian Act, The Newsboys. Does that mean anything to you? Thank you. Does that mean entertaining angels by the lot of my TV screen? They were Australian. And they loved Christ. Sort of more than anything. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:12:56 But the first secular concert, Nickel Creek. Wow. On their first album at the Asheville Civic Center. Wow. Like, Lighthouse had just come out. Country boy. Yeah, but I feel like I was more into that sort of side of it, because I was still like,

Starting point is 00:13:09 I was an emerging music snob. Yeah. So like even in that climate, I was a little like, country's bad, but like, have you heard, have you heard bulk? You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I didn't grow up on a lot of country,

Starting point is 00:13:19 but you did have to sort of speak the language. How'd you get into queer line dancing? You're doing that all the time. I can't, oh my God, I can't get you to go to dinner. It's true. Half the time. I'm afflicted. Cause you're doing queer line dancing

Starting point is 00:13:31 17 times a goddamn week. I own that, I'm afflicted. I've had it. I need to be, send me to He-Him Island. I need to be locked up for my crime. He-Him Island and there won't be any line dancing on He-Him Island. No ma'am.

Starting point is 00:13:42 No. Just some gay people I knew in LA were like posting videos and I was like, that looks fun. And then I went in the spring with some friends and then I kept going and my friends don't go anymore and I made friends who do it. Do you know what I mean? I was like, y'all aren't as down bad as me.

Starting point is 00:13:55 Yeah, you were sick with it immediately. I'll see some of my friends who went early and be like, have you learned the dances? And they're like, yeah, I think I know four or five. And then in my head, I'm like, shit, I think I know 90. You know what I mean? So I'm like, not a joke. Like the other day I checked the playlist

Starting point is 00:14:06 of every one I know and it's almost 100. And I was like, you're down bad. Yeah, you're sick. You're sick of it. Do you wanna get into that? Cause you've gone. I have, I went to, I went to Stud Country in LA a few times. I dug it.

Starting point is 00:14:16 Fabulous. And there's a whole ecosystem now of like that party and all these other things. Yeah. Clearly something's happening. Yeah. And it's like, cause you know, like Western is in

Starting point is 00:14:25 in the culture broadly. You know what I mean? Like everybody's making country albums. Like Western wear is in, in fashion. It's very Devil Wears Prada. Like you think that's blue? That's Cerulean. Like this was chosen for you.

Starting point is 00:14:35 This was chosen for you by us a long time ago. Western has been chosen for this moment. So it's like no surprise that the and Bushwick are like line dancing to hit down, wearing wraparound sunglasses. Like it's all a part of a broader thing, clearly. But it is hitting spots for me. Like it is making me go, and clearly there's something in the air before this,

Starting point is 00:14:53 like Beyonce put out 16 carriages. Did I tell you this? And when it came out, I was playing it in the shower, like weeping, like remembering little like Hick, seven year old me. Like it was like making me like revisit parts of my little like closeted Southern past in a way. Not that I had like, hick seven-year-old me. Like, it was like making me like, revisit parts of my little like, closeted southern past in a way. Not that I had like, I don't actually don't have much shame for

Starting point is 00:15:10 that part, but certainly it's things where you feel like, I've moved on, I'm this hip New York person now. And I was like, living in some of that old stuff in a way that I hadn't been in a while already. And so then when this thing came in my life, I was like, one, I like being in my body, and I love just like, turning my brain off and putting information in my body. And it's very queer to have this thing where it's like I, because some of them you can find YouTube's online, some of them you truly can't. And you have to be like, hey, do you know Stetson?

Starting point is 00:15:33 Will you meet me in the park and teach me? And then some is like, I have this information in my body I will transmit to your body. Something about that is very beautiful and queer to me. But then also there's an aspect where I'm like, I don't know why, but like reclaiming a little bit of that country fried, southern, western thing is feeling right.

Starting point is 00:15:49 That's beautiful. That was a diatribe. It can be, no, it was a beautiful diatribe. We'll be keeping it in. I think it is half the time beautiful, half the time devastating that no matter what you do, you can't escape who you were when you were seven. Yeah?

Starting point is 00:16:02 It's there. It's just like a huge, it's a huge massive. And right now I'm living in the beautiful era. And I'm often in the beautiful era personally, but only in the recent years. Like I would say in my teens and early twenties, I was so annoyed by where I was from. Me too.

Starting point is 00:16:15 And I was like, oh God, this is such an un-chic like thing that I was just fucking born into. I wish I had been born somewhere cool. Like my friends who were like born in Manhattan and went to museums as kids. But now I'm so grateful for it. Exactly correct. Now it's my favorite thing about me, but it took some work.

Starting point is 00:16:28 But clearly I'm in some sort of like Saturn returns about all that stuff. Well, and also now that we have to get into it, but like, you know, I had this like weird accident at the beginning of the year where it was like a near death type of thing. So I think it was like coming off of that too, that I felt very like, I need to be in my body.

Starting point is 00:16:41 That was like the first move was I was like, I started taking dance classes cause I was like, I want to be in my body more. And then I think it became a sort of trickle down where then it led me to that. And then it was hitting all these like emotional spots that I was like, oh, I didn't expect this to be a part of it, but it's a part of it. On the body of it all,

Starting point is 00:16:57 do you know what I've gotten really unhappy with? What? I don't like when I'm on Grindr and someone wants to send me 15 pictures of every angle of their naked body before we meet up. I don't need that. I don't want to share. I want to make a shared album for vibes. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:17:14 I don't want. I don't need to see all that body. I don't need. I need like one picture to get like a general idea. Yes. I want to know what's going on. But I like just just mostly so I'm not surprised good or bad. I want to get to know your body better than I expect. I'm also like, oh no, like I get scared. Yeah I don't know the fucking album, but I don't need all that. I want an album. That's vibes. How do we get vibes?

Starting point is 00:17:33 How do we get vibes in the album? I want to know what it's gonna be like to chit chat with you before and after I want to like figure out your body Together and I want you to figure out mine. I don't do ever send voice memos on grind. Oh, absolutely I don't really do that. But maybe I should because that's the best vibe check. Yeah, to get someone's voice. And just like, because you get all the intonation, you get context, you know, I mean, you get you get tone, you get timing, you get jokes, like, in 15 seconds of you talking, I'm going to learn more than an hour of us texting, don't you feel? Absolutely. There's so much subtext there. I'm gonna figure out what's going on with you. Yeah What your vibe is. I had a delightful, I messaged with a guy on Grindr last week. We messaged like four messages and then he came over and I was, we didn't exchange any nudes which I love. That's my favorite kind of hookup. I don't want to know really beforehand personally.

Starting point is 00:18:16 And then he came over and I was so shocked by his vibe. I thought he was going to be like, I thought he was going to be very femme, which I was, I'm down. I thought he was going to be very femme and I was like, cool, I thought he's gonna be very femme and I was like cool cool That's what's coming over and then he got there. He was like pretty masculine and pretty low-key I thought he was gonna be like pretty erratic based on some of the messages. Did you like that too, though? I love that. I love it all. I love it all I was down with it. I was like that's hot. That's cool Yeah, cuz he was nice and fun. We talked they give too much boy. It doesn't work for me. That doesn't work for you

Starting point is 00:18:41 Yeah, I mean everything has huge caveats, of course. I'm painting with a broad stroke, but like, man, something where I go, I don't know what to do with this. I don't know what to do with this. I'm down with whatever. But I love that for you. I'm down with whatever, yeah. Are you finding, well, this is so boring.

Starting point is 00:18:58 No, it's not, what is it? I'm not asking is dating better in New York than LA. What I want, but it's gonna sound like it, but I wanna find like, are you finding an energy shift as you're swimming in the New York pool? You asking me if dating is better in New York or LA is like, it would be equivalent to you asking me, is it better to go on a long, beautiful walk

Starting point is 00:19:16 or be shot in the head? Yeah, exactly. That's what I figured. Which is why I was trying to like think of like, there's something more interesting than that part of the question. It's like, what energies are you noticing that are different?

Starting point is 00:19:28 Here's what I will say. There is, in New York, I love LA as a city, I really don't, I do not subscribe to LA Hate. I think LA is a wonderful city with some drawbacks and every city has them. This one has profound drawbacks. This has profound drawbacks. They're both insane and if you don't own that, you're delusional.

Starting point is 00:19:47 My friends are being so annoying to me now in New York that are like, all that shit you talked on in New York, and I'm like, everything I said about New York is still true. It is still prohibitively expensive and small and loud and gross. It's crowded and smells like piss. And it's also lovely. I mean, I'm living and I'm existing in many realities as we we all do LA versus New York dating. There are a lot of differences here. The two that stick out to me. Okay. Uh, New York, they love a big boy. Yeah. New Yorkers are getting down with different body types and truly genuinely in LA people are not getting down with different

Starting point is 00:20:19 body types. People are actively the vibe around body in LA, even in people I like friends of mine who I'm not trying to fuck, friends of mine, the way they talk about their own body, I'm like, do you even realize the implications that that has for the people around you? Really? I mean, that doesn't surprise me, but of course you're getting like a different point of view on it than I am, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:20:38 Of course, and they're being, by the way, these are even people I like that are being careful because they know how I feel about body negativity, but they're being so gross and negative about their own body, even in ways they don't understand. I'm like, you don because they know how I feel about body negativity But they're being so gross and negative about their own body even in ways. They don't understand I'm like you don't even know how much hate the idea you hate your You hate your physical form and you you actively hate fat people and you don't even realize it and that's kind of sad New York less of that not to say there's not body hatred and weird shit in New York

Starting point is 00:20:59 No, and certain and certain spaces especially human spaces, of course Yeah God God help me if I had to go to some of the houses on fire island with some of these people. Truly. But that's one. And the second is I think there's a higher premium in New York on intellect. I think people want to, I think in, I think in New York, there's a little bit more

Starting point is 00:21:16 of like, what are you listening to? What are you reading? And like a genuine, like, I want to know what you're, what are we going to talk about after we've got, yeah, after we come? Yeah. Once we come, once we wipe the come off with that little towel. I do a cursory come wipe. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:21:27 I'm still a little sticky pre-shower. What are we talking about for 15 minutes? Yeah. What book did you read recently? Now that we've come. Yeah. Uh, but then, uh, nobody's asking about books in LA kind of know. And I'm, it sounds like I'm like, I even saying this, I'm like, it sounds

Starting point is 00:21:43 like I'm working from some stereotype that was told to me of like, they don't like fat people and they don't read books. No, it's lived. But I'm like I even saying this I'm like it sounds like I'm working from some stereotype that was told To me of like they don't like fat people and they don't read books. No, it's live I'm like, it's live just telling you what I've experienced. It's lived. It's real. It's true and genuine So yeah higher premium on intellect and they like fat people which is good for me. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely Better for me the body obsession. I was about to say it's like so funny because we're talking about being in the body and in some ways, they're like incredibly in their body, but like to the, to ill effect. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:22:10 Yeah. It's weird. And I've gotten tired of the LA face. I've gotten tired of the work. I've gotten tired. I'm sorry. I know everyone do your own thing. It's supposed to be whatever makes you happy. Lizzo says love for yourself.

Starting point is 00:22:21 Everybody, everybody with the face work, the actors, everybody in movies looks ridiculous now. They look insane. I am begging people to just let yourself age, my God. Or I sort of like if you go like full Madonna. Go crazy, sure. When people are trying to read her for it as if she's trying to not look like that,

Starting point is 00:22:40 I was like, she's not trying to like hide her age. She's trying to look like Amanda Lepore. She's Madonna. And I sort of celebrate that. You're like, I've created myself as art object, really. I think go nuts, do's not trying to like hide her age. She's trying to look like Amanda Lepore. And I sort of celebrate that. You're like, I've created myself as art object, really. I think go nuts, do whatever you need to do for you personally. I think we don't need to have every actor in every movie look like that.

Starting point is 00:22:53 It's the uncanny valley. It's insane. Do it or don't. Yeah, go nuts. Don't do this like, I just happen to be this way. No, you don't. No, you don't, that's fake. No, you don't, that's fake.

Starting point is 00:23:02 You fixed your face up, Jane Fonda, a lot of work. Looks great. Yeah. Go nuts. Looks like a fake face, but it's like she knows what she's doing She likes it absolutely get her back on top of a tank with that with that new face. Yeah, why not? Well be careful up there though be careful this age. It's not the same. That's true. I don't like the work The work is bothering me. I don't like seeing it on my screen every fucking movie trailer now I'm like, that's not that's not a person. Yeah, they're like this woman is like, this woman is a downtrodden gas station employee in Kentucky.

Starting point is 00:23:26 I'm like, she's got veneers. Yeah, exactly. What's going on? Insurance ain't covering that, I know. Honey. So she's got money. No, it can't be. It can't be.

Starting point is 00:23:34 Veneers, veneers are hard for me. I get it. I'm not saying I wouldn't do it. I'm just like, does everyone need to have the same teeth in cheese? They do look like big chiclet horse teeth. Of course they do. I see them a mile away.

Starting point is 00:23:44 I kinda like my fucked up teeth. Yeah, mine like minorly fucked up, and I'm down for it This one's pushed back these ones are a little crooked my bottoms are crowded I kind of like it Dennis keeps telling me you know your bottoms are getting crowded. I go sweetie. Yeah, hello Hey every party every party in New York crowded with bottoms Horse meat disco come on now come on, but I'm cool with it crowded bottoms is this horse meat disco? Come on now. Come on. But I'm cool with it. Crowded bottoms. Is this the Eagle?

Starting point is 00:24:08 Do you go to the Eagle? Your dentist goes, oh, very fun. Oh, Josh. I love that. Oh, you gay guys. I love to get in that mouth. Your dentist has to pull back. Line up.

Starting point is 00:24:22 Oh my gosh. Josh, knock it off. Back in. Calls to the hygienist. Cancel my next three appointments. We're running long again. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha voice. Oh god. Oh god. It's a maroon canal. Josh wants to do a top five. He's Margot Martindale. I'm trying to clean your teeth. Sweetie, shut up and let me scrape. Honey, if I wanted to hear you talk, I'd shove my hand up your ass and work you like a

Starting point is 00:24:56 puppet. Hush. Okay, when people are like, you know, that question of like, what role on Broadway? What do you do? I'm going to now say Little Shop and I'm the dentist, but he's a Yeah, dentist from Little Shop. Do you have any questions? If so, direct them to my publicist. I'm not talking to you about it until I'm cast.

Starting point is 00:25:21 What is your dream role? I don't actually have an answer for that. Oh, stop it. No, I really don't. That's why I was thinking of it recently get why it came up where I was I was like, I don't have a go-to In the theater space. I like a lot of theater, but there's not one that I need to have that answer Don't I you have one's no? Yeah. No, I'm just the interviewer what exists somewhere, but I haven't found it sound off in the comments I guess in the comments of what Josh should play on Broadway. Yeah, but I don't have a I don't have one I'm trying much of a theater queen

Starting point is 00:25:47 No, I enjoy I go when my friends are in something But I'm not it's never been I'm not I I didn't do it in high school And then when I got to college I started hanging out with a lot of theater kids chance included Y'all know each other from that from college. Yeah chance was a BFA musical theater. I went to all those little shows. What's your dream role chance? You have it then Sure Yeah, he was great in it bottom of midsummer. I went I mean it was a dentist whatever you're funny

Starting point is 00:26:17 Not gay enough though Yeah, you're not very good at gay You're not very good at gay. No. You just- I don't wanna try. Okay. Come on, give it one try. Chance.

Starting point is 00:26:26 Come on. But I don't know. Do you wanna do that gay voice we were doing earlier just one time? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't wanna say f*** like you do in private here on the pod? Get him cancelled. Get him cancelled. Oh god, the pod would fall apart?

Starting point is 00:26:38 Oh, the pod would fall apart without chance. Think of the pod without chance. I don't even want to. I don't want to. Well, it makes me sick. It makes me sick. Makes me absolutely sick. Think of your dentist without your jokes. Oh honey. I don't want to. Well, it makes me sick. It makes me sick. It makes me absolutely sick. Think of your dentist without your jokes.

Starting point is 00:26:48 Oh, honey. I don't want to. Oh, god. Structural. Beam. I'd be caked in plaque in that instance. I wouldn't go. Oh, goodness. I hate it. I hate it. Alright, everybody. You know the drill. Today's episode is brought to you by none other than Alma. Alma believes that therapy is more impactful when you feel heard and understood, so they help you find a therapist who really gets you the right someone to talk to, not just anyone. Look, you guys know I'm not currently in therapy. It's been discussed on the show. when you feel heard and understood, so they help you find a therapist who really gets you, the right someone to talk to, not just anyone.

Starting point is 00:27:05 Look, you guys know I'm not currently in therapy, it's been discussed on the show, but I do know the importance of having someone in life who just kinda understands where you're coming from, someone to listen to you during tough times if you're not as strong as me, maybe. You've been considering finding a licensed professional to help you work through your life's challenges, okay?

Starting point is 00:27:20 And that's important, life has challenges, give Alma a try. When you browse the directory, you can filter by what you want to focus on from anxiety to Relationships and other big things your big life transitions your gender your sexuality And if I know anything about my fans y'all are transitioning your gender and sexuality Over 95% of therapists at Alma accept insurance and people who find in-network care through Alma Hey on average you're saving 77% on the cost of therapy

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Starting point is 00:28:15 What's up y'all? Today's episode is sponsored by, you guessed it, Twisted Freakin' Tea. Twisted Tea is a refreshing hard iced tea. It's perfect for all kinds of events, okay? During the cold winter months, you got it. During the warm summer months, you got it. And spring in certain regions,

Starting point is 00:28:30 who knows what the weather might be where you live. But anytime a cold delicious beverage after a nice walk or a flag football game, yeah, sometimes that's literally the only thing on earth. You need to take your day from, let's just say good to great. Now there's just a few things you guys need to know. I'm clearing the record.

Starting point is 00:28:46 I'm getting it all out there about my friends at Twisted Tea and what makes them so darn special to me. First of all, tastes like real iced tea because it's made with real brewed tea, okay? But it's not just real brewed tea. If that was all it was, we would just call it tea. Ha ha ha! Okay, it's twisted.

Starting point is 00:29:02 It's got a nice kick of 5% ABV. Same great taste as a typical iced tea, but with a fun little bonus to help get the party started a little bit. Okay? It goes down smooth. I'll tell you that much. There's no carbonation, which makes it easy to drink all day long. You could literally drink this stuff every second of every day.

Starting point is 00:29:20 Twisted tea is the perfect alcohol slash beverage to keep the good times going all year long, all day, all month, all year. Whether you're hanging out at a friend's house, okay, you're at the stadium, the bar, who knows where you might be drinking. Maybe you're at one of my famous watch parties for the Ken City Chiefs football organization, or you just see where the day takes you. Maybe you wake up, you need a twisted tea before you can start your day. Twisted tea is there to turn your day up a notch and make a good time into, well, let's just say a great time. So grab a refreshing twisted tea today and do me a favor. Keep it twisted. Well, I would love to see you in any show and you and you, what should we do together? I guess. Oh, let's do waiting for Godot. The two of us. I mean, that could be fun.

Starting point is 00:30:02 What's two waiting for Godot, the two of us? I mean, that could be fun. Waiting for Godot. Us clowning around. Waiting for Godot. Waiting for homo. Waiting for Godot. We should do a show together, but you're too busy. You'd never do a show with me.

Starting point is 00:30:12 Sweetie pot kettle. Don't even. You'd never do a show with me. Don't even! I literally asked you to do a show before we rolled, you said no. Sorry to pull back the curtain. Actually, it's even worse. What I said was, I'm free the whole day. I might come and watch, but I'm not performing.

Starting point is 00:30:28 My answer is even worse than no. It's, I can come, I might actually be there, and I'm not getting on stage. That is so funny. Life is long though, we'll do a show. We'll definitely do a show. I'm a seer, I have sight, and I've seen that, you know? I mentioned yesterday, we recorded Jay Jordan, and we were talking, it was-

Starting point is 00:30:47 Wonderful person. Oh, wonderful person. God, ugly guy, ugly body. Oh, disgusting creature. Nasty, ugly guy. Disgusting creature from hell. Conventionally ugly body. Jay Jordan, you sick, sloppy, messy individual

Starting point is 00:31:01 who can't write or tell a joke. No. Jay, get out of here mad Oh, I hate he's one of those who he's like, um, how about three jokes when one could do? Yeah, like in one breath There's always like four laugh lines. I'm like leave some for the rest of us. Yeah He's like what if this what if every word of the setup was also a punch line? No, it's not what I you fuck off. Yeah and let the rest Packs, okay. Good God. Oh, and you're one of the most ripped individuals alive.

Starting point is 00:31:25 And you're in a healthy marriage and you're open. Well, open people. No, I'm sorry. I know everyone's doing it. You know, it's good or bad, depending on the situation, just as monogamy is. How's it for you? Good.

Starting point is 00:31:36 Yeah. Wait, what were you gonna say about Jay Jordan? I was gonna say that on his episode, it was really rainy and so he had an umbrella and I was telling him about your umbrella bit that I love from your latest show. Oh, you're people in Manhattan should have to have sometimes I feel like that's hack but New York crowds like it. I love it I feel like there's a version of it that's hack that I'm trying to make not hack by like sort of adding too many Monosyllabic words, right? A lot of my comedy is that it's like what's the dumb version and how do you say it with big words?

Starting point is 00:32:04 Yeah, yeah, I like that. I like that. You know what I mean? I love that show Josh. Hey, thanks. I love your show It's so good. I'm very excited for you to do it again. When are you doing it again? I have no plans yet because it seems in an I can't say things officially yet way that it will have a long run next summer Yeah, I think that I can't say things officially yet way that it will have a long run next summer. I think that I can say. So we're not really doing any more one-offs because we're waiting for that to solidify. But I bet come next summer, you're gonna have eight chances a week to say it.

Starting point is 00:32:33 Let's just see it. Let's just say that. You know what I mean? That's where it feels like it's going. Spoiled with riches we would be. And if that doesn't end up happening, that sucks for me. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:32:42 Just know if you hear this and months from now, that doesn't come true. Know that that's bad. Something went wrong and that sucks for me. Yeah. Yeah. Just know if you hear this and months from now that doesn't come true. Know that that's bad. Something went wrong and that sucks for me. My life crumbled in that area. But the thing that I was told was happened fell apart. Yeah. And that sucks for me.

Starting point is 00:32:55 Yeah. Don't come for me. What happened on that show that you said was gonna have a run? Yeah, well, I guess it didn't and not by my choosing. Yeah, I didn't decide not to do it. No, no. This is one of my favorite energies online, by the way, is when people, people in our world try to try to

Starting point is 00:33:11 like, they think the general public is so stupid that they try to play off a clear loss as like a choice. It's someone like, it's someone like tickets aren't tickets aren't selling to their show, you know, and they'll go on Instagram stories and be like, Hey, you guys, last few tickets available, like go get them right now while you can and it's been on sale for months We know you can tell that it's not the last few tickets. I genuinely I'm not being mean because we've all done it I love that energy. I think it's so awesome. I think it's hilarious. You like that that smoke screen I think it's funny. I'm like this is funny that we all do this Yeah, because by the way partially when you do that you're doing it not even for the general public

Starting point is 00:33:43 You're doing it for your peers. Yeah, to make my show's selling really well, you know, yeah, that's funny. You have to sort of um, I guess that's true This business it is it is funny But it's also a shame that you have to sort of like at all times be projecting that things are going pretty well Of course, it's it's an it's an actual where our space is to go. Actually my career is only okay It's this podcast You can do that and I'll tell you my other favorite thing that I love is when someone gets an objectively hurtful review of their project and then they go, you know what?

Starting point is 00:34:11 This bothers me so little, I'm posting it. Well, we did that, but it was so funny to us. If it's funny. Me and Aaron got some like really hysterical like bad reviews of our film, which we knew would happen. Dick's the Musical, stream now. Stream now on Mac. But it was so funny, because in the lead up,

Starting point is 00:34:26 everybody was like, oh my God, I bet you're so excited for like Fox News to find this. And we were like, first of all, no, I'm not excited for that. Right, I'm scared. And we were like, and second of all, I don't know that that's gonna happen. I think we've made a rather niche film that's gonna, and I think people in our bubble are gonna dislike it.

Starting point is 00:34:40 And people like, no, conservatives are gonna rip it. Of course it was like, well, a ton of liberals hated it. Yeah. And those were the funniest hate reviews to us. There is one we posted where this person just kept as a refrain, because she was ripping it. And she kept like every fourth line going, and again, all caps, I am a lesbian.

Starting point is 00:34:59 She keeps coming back to this. See, but to me, there's a subtle difference between- That was so funny to us. There's a subtle difference between one that's actually funny and one that's pure vitriol. Like sometimes people will share, like I'll share one that's like someone for Sweethearts, I, the, the during the festival period.

Starting point is 00:35:13 Stream on Max. Stream on Max. During the festival period. Great double feature actually. By the way, stream on Max, Dix the musical and then stream on Max Sweethearts. What order do you think? Is there a first then a second?

Starting point is 00:35:22 I would go, I would go Sweethearts first just in case they don't make it to a second one When you go to sleep because I could use the fraction of a penny, you know what I mean? I don't care if you keep your eyes open, but least press play. I don't think I get points on sweethearts Do two dicks first and then get to me if you have a chance But I've read the reviews only during the festival period on letterbox I read a couple of them and then did it again. And someone during that period said something that which I posted something to the effect of, um, please put Caleb Heron in more movies immediately. He doesn't have much time left. He's like 40. And that to me was so actually

Starting point is 00:35:57 funny that I was like, I have to post it. It's hilarious, but it wasn't on multiple levels because one, you're not almost 40. If, I'm not. And two, if you were, you'd have tons of time left. Yeah, it's funny on so many levels, and also it's like- Did Letterboxd like Sweethearts? Letterboxd didn't really like Dix, but again, that's a thing where we knew it wasn't for them. I've heard-

Starting point is 00:36:15 They didn't hate it, but it's just film people. I'm not reading it, I don't care. Like, H24's accounts did not like our film, because it was like, well, yeah. Yeah, I'm not reading it, but I've heard that it's like, it's not like a 4.5 on there. Like it's not killing it. I should say also, I sort of don't read it.

Starting point is 00:36:31 Like I actually don't, but it's impossible for things not to get to you. Oh, they come. But people, even when you're like, I'm not looking at it, it finds a way. It comes. You have to sort of make the choice to not look at it so that you can then look at it less.

Starting point is 00:36:43 Right. Because there's no rebuking the Lord. Yeah. You know, like it's gonna get into you can then look at it less. Right. Because there's no rebuking the Lord. You know, like it's going to get into you. It's coming to you. People give it to you and you don't want it. And it just like bleeds. It permeates. Yeah. So we were like, I would see some, even though I was choosing to not see any. Yeah. And the choice to not see any meant I just saw a little. Yeah. You just saw a little bit. Some of them were funny. A little bit through. No, some of them are funny. And I'm being genuine, by the way. I think it's hilarious when people do that.

Starting point is 00:37:05 I do legitimately love the energy of posting like straight up vitriol and being like, actually, this didn't bother me at all. And it's like, clearly it did, but that's funny. I like that. I really like that. I'd like to make shirts of some of my hate comments. Do you have any, which one would you put on a shirt

Starting point is 00:37:20 right now? Because we would do the full like, you know, Willie Norris? Uh-uh. Willie Norris is fabulous um Fashion designer and she's sort of known for Willie Norris work She works for some big fashion house that like straight guys like that. I literally can't remember the name of I'm probably getting all of this Wrong, but what what I know her for is Willie Norris workshop where she does a lot of like screen printed t-shirts She used to have these socks that were like Nike socks that said love me tinder on one side and fuck me hard on the other

Starting point is 00:37:44 Stuff like that Yeah, she's the one that say um Promote homosexuality those t-shirts you've seen those yeah, but she has this one where she's just screen printed this like awful review of Think like a fucking Denny's or something, but when this I'm a lesbian review came out She was like I'm gonna make a t-shirt of that. I'm realizing out loud. I need to make her follow through on it But anyway, this is that was so cut good God, all preamble to say, what is the one you would put on a shirt first? I don't remember it word for word, but there was a DM we got on the podcast account a couple months ago

Starting point is 00:38:12 that was from like a very concerned Christian right-wing person that was like, you enabling like devil worshipping, like you're going to hell. Clocked. Clocked and owned, first of all. Enabling devil worshipping. you're going to hell clock clocked clocked and owned first enabling devil worshipping I'm like just that alone. I feel incredibly enabled Yeah, just say that and and the devil would feel incredibly worshiped were she here. Come on Yeah, leave a chair for prophet Elijah. No for the devil for the devil who we worship and we Frankly need in here. I would put that on a shirt. I think that's really funny. Um and we frankly need in here. I would put that on a show.

Starting point is 00:38:43 I think that's really funny. Well, now here's the thing though, cause I hear you, that part where people like share the vitriol and they're like, this didn't affect me. And you're like, well, clearly it did. But there also is a doubling back where sometimes, like I'm not convinced the self exists.

Starting point is 00:38:57 And so sometimes there's a thing where you have to sort of like subjugate yourself to that to be like, I'm not real. It's like, all these people are thinking this thing about me, but it's not about me. I don't even know if I'm real and whatever you're saying is not about me. So it's like, it doesn't affect me, but it does affect me because it helps inform my worldview of like, I have to decentralize myself.

Starting point is 00:39:14 Like I have to be like, say whatever you want. It doesn't, it can't matter. First of all, it's about you, not me. And second of all, even if it were, the self you're talking about perhaps doesn't exist. There's a person I need you to meet I went to a Dinner for a Jewish holiday and I forget which one Oh shoot, I went to a dinner put it in in post. I went to a dinner for Rosh Hashanah

Starting point is 00:39:34 it's like 80 hard in at my friend's mom's house in Brooklyn and there was a wonderful gay professor there Who was love already, obsessed with the idea that the self doesn't exist and he and I got we were sitting next to each other while everyone else was over in the living room kind of chatting and I just at the table and he's going into me about he's like he's like the self doesn't exist and getting over yourself is actually the biggest thing you can do for happiness like getting over yourself in the literal getting over the sense that

Starting point is 00:40:02 you even exist. I think that's true. And I was like, that's beautiful. And he was going to hate. I tried to be on that journey. You're right, I gotta talk to this guy. Yeah. Did he have any theories on what forms consciousness? I'm sure he did and we didn't get there. I'm sort of into Hofstadter's strange loop theory.

Starting point is 00:40:16 Okay, tell me about it. People should read. It's one of those things that is like, you read it and you're like, this is so true. And then someone's like, summarize it. You're like, couldn't if I tried. And that's like why it feels true. It's because you're like, it's so layered

Starting point is 00:40:30 and nuanced and complex. It essentially is sort of saying, I'm gonna give the most dumb gay guy version of it. That like, we as entities are sort of incredibly small, but also big. Like you're this mass of individual particles that are all like uniquely motivated and yet somehow they come together to be this thing. You know and it's and like where one ends and the other

Starting point is 00:40:50 begins is very porous. It's like we shed all ourselves every seven years. It's also like the atoms that make me end in the chair begin like literally are trading. So it's like that is already weird. He's like basically your brain is sort of oscillating between being individual small things and this mass of big things. And he believes that the quick oscillation of that, as if you're like filming a TV and you know, you see the TV and the TV and the TV and the TV and it creates this thing that's not real.

Starting point is 00:41:15 It's a full illusion, but it feels very real. He's like, that's what consciousness is. It's like, you're oscillating between the small and the big at all times. And so it creates this sort of like infinite loop that becomes the self. Again, does that make any sense at all? No, and yet it's beautiful, it's poetic.

Starting point is 00:41:28 I don't wanna think about that stuff. No, I understand that. Do you know what I mean? Like, I- And me, it's all I wanna think about. Yeah, that is a one key difference between us, is you're thinking about stuff like that, and my happiness is based in stupidity.

Starting point is 00:41:40 I avoid and deny. Well, I like that kind of science that's so so like I'll read stuff about like quantum mechanics and stuff Because it's so highfalutin and theoretical and nonsense that it is stupid to me Yeah, like some of the hard sciences where it's like I measured this thing and it was true I'm like boring when it's like we have no way to explain this So I've designed the most insane theory of all time. It might as well be Tolkien. It's like full dumb It feels like fantasy and I love that it feels stupid to me how smart it is because it's like we've we've blown past the limits of

Starting point is 00:42:10 what we can understand and we're just like sitting in in fucking you know tenured rooms offices and just like doing thought experiments like coming up with this cockamamie nonsense I love it yeah that's gay guy shit really yeah that's gay guy nonsense oh yeah theoretical math That's gay guy shit, really. Yeah. That's gay guy shit. Cock make me nonsense? Oh yeah. Theoretical math, gay guy shit. Gay guy shit. When gay guys talk and chance is like, what did one word of that mean? When we're like down the house boots, honey mama. It's like that's what these quantum physicists sound like. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:42:37 It's like it's all the same. It's just been mad-libbed differently. It's two silly bitches telling each other exactly. And it means something to them! Yeah. It means something to them. Yeah. And so I love that. Yeah. I love that. That's gorgeous. Thank you. We should come up with our own theory of the universe. Yeah. A fan message. How much time we got left on the pod. Oh, we could do it today. We'll find it. A fan messaged me yesterday and said you should rewrite the Bible. Oh, that's a good

Starting point is 00:43:00 idea. I'm thinking about doing it. Can I ask? And it's fine if you don't have it yet, because sometimes you figure things out in the writing. What's your take? My take on the Bible? A lot of it's gonna be the same. I think they nailed some pretty key concepts, murdering everyone because you're mad at them, to exit flooding the earth

Starting point is 00:43:16 because people weren't being obedient. That's sick. P-Him behavior. P-Him, P-Him Island, creating a P-Him Island via the floods, literally. Literally. I think my version of the Bible, I would just go like there's definitely some cuts You know what? Here's the big thing about the Bible and Christianity

Starting point is 00:43:29 I would just cut the idea that like the mandatory part like you have to believe in my version to go to heaven I'm like, yeah can't be that's what lost me from Christianity. I go you're telling me there's no Jewish people or Muslim people in here. You can't shut up about grace. Yeah, and yet and yeah, I mean Exactly, I don't buy it a hot Muslim guy doesn't get into heaven And I've seen some hot Muslim guys, and I've seen some hot guys of all faiths and they belong in heaven I'm getting to heaven come on you're seeing a hot person who's bad at kissing Yeah, I think I've been big on this lately. It's a bummer. I kissed one of the hottest guys I've kissed. And he was such a bad kisser.

Starting point is 00:44:10 I thought, how did you get here, brother? Have you ever, well. How did I get good at this and you didn't? I feel like we've talked about this. I feel like you don't go to the club as much as maybe I do. But there's moments where you're at the club and maybe someone wants to make out and you make out. And in that moment

Starting point is 00:44:25 I go you're on a different drug journey than I am. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, tell me about that I wouldn't know just mean just mean well actually I find I don't use much drugs in the club really cuz I like to A lot light touch. You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm there for the music ultimately. I'm in communion with the DJ We're on our own frequency. Yeah, but sometimes you kiss someone you go you've been doing something I know that much this isn't the kiss of a person who's on planet Earth. Yeah. But sometimes you kiss someone you go, you've been doing something. I know that much. This isn't the kiss of a person who's on planet earth. Yeah. And I have to go, well, good luck and God bless. What are the characteristics of that kiss? Usually. Like I'm trying to tell the drug. You know what I mean? Sometimes the kiss is outside of time in a way that you go, that's, you know what I mean? Like you are not, you are not on the same sort

Starting point is 00:45:03 of natural rhythms of what a kiss should be. Parts are too slow, parts are too fast. You are not on time in the way that I am experiencing time. You know? You're not moving the lips in the right way. Sometimes it's, and you're like, you want in to something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:45:18 You're trying to penetrate with the lip. You're trying to get in there. Crazy. You know what I mean? Yeah. Hot person who's bad at kissing is just such a confounding phenomenon to me. It's not right. Do you think is that a feedback loop? I'm hot so I never learned to kiss. That's what people are theorizing. Like some of us who

Starting point is 00:45:32 are less hot, you got to get scrappy out in these streets. I don't know. I just got to earn your keep. Kissing to me is like, God, pay some attention, focus up, have some care. Kissing is the number one. Kissing is the number one thing. If you're a bad kisser, I don't care what else you're good at. Non-negotiable. You could be a saint, and if you're a bad kisser, I want you dead. I don't want you to ever come around me again. Kissing is everything.

Starting point is 00:45:52 It's number one. Kissing rules. If we spend four hours kissing and three minutes having sex, I'm happy as a clam. Honey, zero minutes having sex. Yeah, fuck sex. Literally. Fuck sex, marry kissing. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:46:04 Marry kissing, fuck sex. What? I guess we need a third kill. Oh wait, hold on. I want to think of what I really want to kill. I really, I kind of want to kill frantically looking for a comment. How, cause you didn't, you didn't want to thinking of it. Yeah. Do you know when, you know, when you weren't planning like someone's maybe over in your, are you're somewhere that you didn't have the come to and then now, especially if you come at the same time or around the same time. And now it's like, so someone's gonna have to like this just happened to you. It's so vivid this

Starting point is 00:46:34 description. This happened to you. You're describing something from the last 72 hours 72 from last three hours. Yeah, okay. No, I'm kidding. I but yeah desperately looking for a cup It's 11 in the morning. Let the viewer know When you're playing back the last three hours towing and trying not to spill come Being like where's the towel? Oh god. It's so though. There's something funny about that I mean is that not the marks brothers right there? So and try not to spill caught is that not buster Keaton tell me that's not

Starting point is 00:47:05 Carol Burnett show original season clown is back clown is bad. I'll know this I'm trying not to drip come while I look for the come town, sweetie If that's not a Zack Zuckerberg, I don't know what is oh, I mean goodness you put Zack sucker in there even Suckers getting put in the in the the mix of references. He deserves it So I feel good guy sweethearts sweethearts and Zack suckers feel? Zach's a good guy. Sweethearts? Sweethearts and Zach Suckers in there. Zach Sucker's a good guy. Zach Sucker dancing a lot. Dance? I know. I want to go to a class with him. Okay, you gotta get in there. I sometimes go to classes too and I don't even want to say where because I like that it's my little secret, but then the line dancing became more the thing,

Starting point is 00:47:39 but lately I've been like I want to go back to the classes. There's one class I go to that's like a house music class and it's so fun. Well's one class I go to that's like a house music class. And it's so fun. Well, one, I just like that type of music. And I like to dance to it. And the style of dance is so fun. And it's a bunch of footwork. Also, I'm the worst one in the room.

Starting point is 00:47:54 And I think it's so good for your character to be bad at something and keep going back. I'm always the worst one in the room. And I love that feeling. But he's very good about this guy where, at the end, when you're doing the thing that I guess is The norm in dance classes now where they're like we're gonna run the choreo you learn and everybody sets up their damn phones To film themself. God bless rock and roll they do it one time and then he's like, okay

Starting point is 00:48:14 We did that now we're getting in a circle and we're doing it at one another because this is ultimately house music It's like a social dance Like you're doing this to be in your body and be in communion with other people So it doesn't matter if you get it right like do it to have joy with other people and I'm like I I transcend I'm like I'm in heaven. This is church. Yeah, this is what we should be doing it for you should start a religion Yeah, I like your ideas. We should would you you gotta be an acolyte you got a good not quite of your faith Absolutely. Thank you. I'll be going knocking at the doors. Hi. I'm David. Hi. Absolutely. Hi, I'm non-binary. And I want to talk to you about Josh Sharp. Do you do dance classes?

Starting point is 00:48:48 No. Have you ever? A dance class? No, I've been to like a stud country and done that thing. Which is a class, but also sort of a party. Yeah, no, I've not done a class class. It's sort of the hybrid space. I'd be open to it.

Starting point is 00:49:00 I guess it's just never, I've never done it. Let's go. Let's go to one. I'll take you to this one if you want. I'll do anything with you. It's sort of hard, but I like that It's not supposed to be supposed to be like open level beginner, but then I get there and I'm like, well, this is hard This is for hard. Yeah, that would be me for sure. I like to think I have rhythm Maybe I would be a do I like I feel like you have rhythm. I'd like to think I actually have great rhythm

Starting point is 00:49:20 But do you find I'm just such like an oaf. Like, I look stupid dancing. In a way that I, no, I say that with love. I appreciate it. I watch myself and I'm like, you have such like sort of like goofy dad energy. Like other people look cooler dancing. And I'm like, but I sort of love looking like a dweeb. Like still doing it.

Starting point is 00:49:38 Yeah, oh, that's beautiful. I think it's fun. But I'm good at picking up stuff. I don't think I look good doing it. I think I'd need a lot of training to like get that out of me and be an actual like dancer Yeah, which maybe that's my journey, but um I have a question for you anything. What's so true to you? Oh God You I had something earlier, and then I lost it

Starting point is 00:49:57 I feel like I should either remember it or just come up with something on this don't worry We can cut anything we can cut this whole moment here You can really think on it if you want. Oh You know what came up to me earlier? So true to me you tell me if this is a good example for the prompt, okay It should be the law that every martini comes with a sidecar. Oh Goodness, I assume the listener knows what a sidecar is where it's like They only pour in like a sip of a martini in the martini glass and the rest is in a little goblet on ice. Yeah, I mean, yeah, that should be the law. Here's a law. I'll add to that I love that so true and I'll go a step further and say I don't really care about martinis

Starting point is 00:50:33 But if I was gonna get one I'd want 17 olives. I'm down for that. Bring me 17 olives Here's the thing about a martini. It really goes to prove that um The way we feel about drinking is contextual. If you were drinking straight gin lukewarm out of a Mountain Dew bottle, I'd be like you have a problem. Make the gin very cold in a classy glass and we're like nothing is more refined. Nothing to think of. It's the same exact drink. Martini is just like booze but cold. But we've decided it is like the pinnacle of class when it's drunkard behavior. So if the whole thing is

Starting point is 00:51:04 like I'm only permitting this because it's drunkard behavior. So if the whole thing is like, I'm only permitting this because it's so fucking cold, then I'm like, sit it on ice, baby. I want every sip to be as cold as it could be. That's why we're here. You know what? The only thing you're offering me is a certain glass, check, and that it's cold.

Starting point is 00:51:19 So put it on ice, mama. Baby. Or else I'm an alcoholic. Put it on ice or else I have a problem. And I don't want to do that. When were in college you ever do eggs and kegs What's that kegs and eggs kegs and eggs? This is when I knew a lot of my friends have drinking problems I remember kegs kegs and eggs is when you would do a breakfast keg And then you would do like eggs and then you would go to a we didn't do that

Starting point is 00:51:40 They would drink they would drink at 6 7 in the morning to go to a game and I'm like legitimately y'all are ill Yeah, I'm like I can't this is not this is insane to me. Where'd you go to school again, Missouri State sure There's shout out bears go bears love Missouri State and shout out tar heels UNC Chapel Hill Let's shout out shout out tar heels UNC Chapel Hill. Let's go public funded sports. Let's go for it Shout out Missouri State shout out UNC sister schools sister schools. Yeah schools. We just founded by sisters actually Yes, two sisters. Yeah, two sisters. That's this episode is less than two lesbian sisters Two lesbian sisters is this episode of so they didn't date each other weirdo that'd be freaky stop That's not what they did you think they stole glances and eventually kissed. Yeah, no, that's weird. That's gross

Starting point is 00:52:20 Are you in Bitcoin at all? No, I have well no, but I have something oh Are you in Bitcoin at all? No, I have well no, but I have something. Oh, you're giving me Bitcoin No, oh my god, Caleb's giving me Bitcoin November 19th to a coin November 19th 2013 you posted on Facebook. I Can't answer the question. What is a Bitcoin, but I do know I bought 25 bucks worth of it in June and now it's worth $200 so that's something that's cuz of my friend CC now? I have one friend who I ended up selling it soon after. I think it would be so much money, because at the time I was like, I don't buy this. But I have a friend who's really into Bitcoin,

Starting point is 00:52:53 and twice he's had me buy stuff. That one turned into like $200 soon after I sold it. And then a little while ago, he had to sell one that like tanked, or buy one that tanked. But that's like what he does. And you were in it for a second. But not. I bought it. That probably posted that cause I remember forgot about it for years. And at one point was reminded I had it and had to like figure

Starting point is 00:53:12 out how to get my wallet. It was like, I'm going to sell this cause like I'm never checking on this. Yeah. So I did. I have twice in my life bought a cryptocurrency chance. Love still looks through thanks to my friend post CC, shout out CC, shout out CC on March 15th, 2010. You posted so wild. cuz I forgot I had a face You know me like I'm so out of that space Anyone want to know it was still live March 15 2010 Josh Sharp anyone want to get Pearl Jam tickets damn And I and no one did No one did

Starting point is 00:53:41 2010 to this day. I've been like damn. I wish I saw Pearl Jam Every time they go on tour, I'm like, who would want to see Pearl Jam with me? And the answer is always no, buddy. I would go to Pearl Jam with you. Really? My goodness. Put it right there.

Starting point is 00:53:52 I love Pearl Jam. Pearl Jam rules. Let's go to Pearl Jam. I would go to Pearl Jam with you. Yes. This is why I posted this in 2010. Yeah. You needed this community.

Starting point is 00:54:00 So that 15 years later, you would bring it up on a HeadGum podcast, a phrase I never would have known in yeah Yeah, and then we could go see Pearl Jam. Yeah, I think Pearl Jam rules me and do you know Jack Martin? No friend of mine been on the show great guest we're going to see Creed and Creed was huge Creed and I think it's dotry and It's it's an I can't wait. Creed was huge for

Starting point is 00:54:26 me. A person whose first concert was Newsboys. You know what I mean? Cause that was secular music. You know, you know, you'd go to youth group and you would do the like, let's find the Christian themes in a Dave Matthews band song. Like we were doing that down. Creed garbage out. Easiest assignment you had. Cause Creed was putting it, making the subtext text. He was literally like, yeah, this is secular music, but it's about Jesus, baby Jesus. Wow. You're cuz Creed was putting it making the subtext text. He's literally like, yeah, this is secular music but Baby Jesus Wow Come on now. I love Creed. Oh my god Creed set summer of 99 2025 American tour three doors down and

Starting point is 00:54:57 Dottry vivid memory of Creed three doors down at the county fair on that one Where you're the spinning one where you were up it and it would like go sideways and because of the central force you can like you know slide you know what I'm talking about yeah that one where you sort of felt like you were outside of gravity vivid memory of them playing three doors down and me doing that that's great fucking awesome yeah I can't wait to go to this concert I will be there I don't know what I don't know what night Creed Creed three doors down in dotry if any of you were listening I'd love to be on the list I'd love to come backstage Pearl Jam as well you can get two noted comedians on the

Starting point is 00:55:31 list you get two gay comedians I'll even throw in a post I'll throw in a post I'll throw in a social media story and grid story and grid and I'm guessing for all four of these bands getting two noted gay guys is probably a bit of a struggle. So fun to go to a concert like that and open your grinder and like sand comes out where you're like, I'm the only gay guy within an eight mile radius. As opposed to like when I went to sweat and it was like, Oh, every profile was one foot away. Yeah. Like the sweat tour was grinders.

Starting point is 00:55:58 I can't imagine how many people got laid at sweat tour in the bathroom, in the bathroom. Wow. I can't believe no one went to Pearl Jam with me in 2010. I'm going I just went to New York You had just moved to New York from North Carolina. Mm-hmm. Oh my god, what month of 2010? Did it say that? What'd it go ahead and in March? Yeah. Okay. I was about six months in that's crazy Well, we got to see Pearl Jam. I love this. Were there any more good Facebook finds or that was it? Chance really good Really good stuff chance. I have a segment for you. Do you find?

Starting point is 00:56:29 Do you probably find some really damning stuff on people and that you don't bring to the pot? I assume because you have conscious only fun Yeah, but there's probably some gnarly stuff You that's the thing you can say. Just like show me my comments. Like there's a filter or you have to like, how do you find them? Oh my God. Crazy.

Starting point is 00:56:51 Crazy. I have a segment for you. Let's do it. It's time for the twisted true or false segment brought to you by twisted T. Now Josh, twisted T these folks reached out to me and said, can we spawn to the true false segment? And I said, yeah. Yeah. You sure can.

Starting point is 00:57:04 And they specifically for me, they wanted to do it with you. They said, make it a gay True False segment? And I said, yeah. Yeah, you sure can. And they, specifically for me, they said- They wanted to do it with you. They said, make it a gay guy. Make it a gay guy. And, because they think you're gonna win. And what's gonna happen here is, I'm gonna read you 15 statements, okay? Then you're gonna tell me if you think they're true

Starting point is 00:57:14 or false, all right? Yeah. And then if you get 10 or more- Thank you for allowing me just to say that. By the way. I was worried it would be like, say Twisted True or T False or something. You don't need to do any of that.

Starting point is 00:57:24 I just was worried. You don't need to do any of that. I that's true if it's true say that's twisted yeah and if it's no if it's true go that's t that's t it's false go so it's twisted yeah you want to do or not making me do yeah well hey if you get ten or more correct we're gonna give you 50 US dollars okay baby that's a game you can get behind and I might have to fill out a W9 for twisted Yes, you are. What's more twisted than that? No, I'm gonna do it under the table We don't believe in taxes around here. You heard it. You heard it here first. The lifespan of a taste bud is 10 years I actually think it's less than that. So I'm gonna go false false. It's 10 days

Starting point is 00:58:00 Yeah, the average Wow, not only was I right, I was right. You were big right. The average human blinks- I wanna unpack each one, there's so much to say. We're gonna have to circle back, I know it goes quick. Josh, you gotta circle back. I know, we'll circle back. Hold your favorite ones in your head. The average human blinks over four million times a year. True. It's true.

Starting point is 00:58:20 Lizards communicate by doing pushups. True. it's true Morganton, North Carolina has a population of 17,474 people that sounds true. That's true. Diet Coke is older than regular coke False false The pupil and a goat's eyes are rectangular False that's true. Oh, I was on a streak.

Starting point is 00:58:46 You want a big streak. There are more people than chickens in the world. False. It's false. North Carolina state motto is to be rather than to seem true. It's true. Patrick Mahomes attended Duke university. True.

Starting point is 00:59:01 False. Texas tech. Who is that? Patrick Mahomes. Yeah. He's a sports guy. Oh yeah. That hurt. He's the quarterback for the Kansas City Chiefs. False. Texas Tech. Who is that? Patrick Mahomes. Yeah. He's a sports guy? Oh yeah, that hurt. He's the quarterback for the Kansas City Chiefs. Understood. Very important in my life. Understood. Very important man in my life. Thank you for the call in, brother.

Starting point is 00:59:13 I'm calling you in, brother. I'm calling you in and we will talk off mic about it. Sugar, I love this guy, Patrick. I love having him in my life and I love knowing he did not go to Duke. He's a huge part of my life. My arrival. He did not go to Duke. He went to tech sec. Eddie Vedder is the lead vocalist for Van Halen. True. We know this false. It's Pearl Jam. Well, I literally didn't get to the end. Oh, that's it. Got your ass. There it goes. Got your ass. My sponsorship. Damn. Listen, Josh. Listen, listen, listen, Josh. One fourth of the bones in your body are in your feet. True. That feels true. That's true. Wicked opened on Broadway in 2003. True. True.

Starting point is 00:59:55 A pelican can hold more food in its beak than its belly. True. True. Fire was discovered in 1745. False. False. It was two million years ago. Elaine Stritch was a medic in the U. False. False. It was 2 million years ago. Yeah. Elaine Strich was a medic in the US Navy. Oh my God. I hope that's true. I bet it's false, but I hope it's true. True. False. Yeah. I mean, wouldn't that be incredible? Amazing. Wouldn't that be incredible? How'd Josh do? 11. You did it. I get 50 bucks. You get 50 bucks. Okay. Elaine stretch. Hey, and guess what? What? Grab a refreshing twisted tea today and Josh keep it twisted. Oh brother. That's

Starting point is 01:00:35 on T that's on T that's twisted. Isn't that twisted? What's your favorite song in the whole world in the whole world? Number one ever. And don't you dare lie to me. I don't know what number one is Do you know what there you know what I think more than having a number one? There's like a class of there's like an echelon. Yeah, and there are songs that to me feel like do you know what? I think more than an echelon what a number one. What is your number one? What there is is there's a level of songwriting where I go damn if I wrote that song that one song every day I would wake up and go life. Well live. Yeah, I don't need anything else. I did the life yesterday. Um

Starting point is 01:01:13 Tears for fears everybody wants to rule the world came on. I said that's one of those songs if I wrote that 40 years ago, I would go we're good. We're tired. We did it But of course, my number one favorite song is a star Spangled Banner because I love my country. Thank you You've always been a countryman. I've been a countryman and a country boy a country boy. Do you have a number one favorite song? I really don't that's like so impossible. You know what I will say all things considered I'll just say Godspeed by Frank Ocean. Sure. It's a song that came at such an important time in my life when I was massively depressed. And I, I think it's so beautiful and it has, it has continued to mean so much to me that I'm like, why not?

Starting point is 01:01:56 Why not be my number one favorite song? And that's one of those you love when a song in the modern era, you go, this is in the song book. This is in the great American song book. Yeah. A hundred years from now, you know, James Blake's already covering it like, because we understand it as it is text. You look down on where you came from sometimes. Yeah. Beautiful. Yeah. Wishing you Godspeed. Come on. I love it. You know, I really, I've been into lately though. This artist called Billy Ann has a cover of simply the best. Do you know this?

Starting point is 01:02:22 No, simply the song, but I don't know this cover. Oh, she murders it. She murders it. I think that Billy Anne uses she, but if they use something else, I'm so sorry to Billy Anne. But I love that cover. I've been listening to it on repeat. I'm gonna be listening to that.

Starting point is 01:02:35 And also on repeat, I've been listening to Jealous Guy by Donny Hathaway. Oh! Love. Yes, you've listened to that live record? Uh-huh. Oh my God. Yes. That've listened to that live record? Uh-huh. Oh my God. Yes.

Starting point is 01:02:45 That's one of the best produced live records because you put headphones on, mama, listen to Donny Hathaway Live. I think it's called Live, right? Mm-hmm. There's the one, I forget what club it's from. It's from some club downtown that doesn't exist anymore that was like, had one of those great names

Starting point is 01:02:57 like The Boyland Point or something, you know? Right. But you are in the room. I've like never heard a live album that most, you hear the room, you feel like you are in the room. It've like never heard a live album that most, you hear the room, you feel like you are in the room. It's crazy good. It's timeless.

Starting point is 01:03:09 I was playing it for someone the other night at my house and I was like, can you believe? That live record I think is one of the, that could be like number one live album. You know what I mean? That stopped making sense. There's a couple that it's like, again, upper echelon. But that, Donny Hathaway rules. Number one live recording for me.

Starting point is 01:03:25 The girls don't put enough respect on Donnie Hathaway. You listening to Lauryn Hill's MTV Unplugged? Absolutely, brother. That's probably my number one live recording. Lauryn, I'm sorry. I know you don't make music for white people. You put it on record. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:03:36 I'm not listening to your creed. I am listening to your music. I'm listening to your music. I'm defying your intentions, and I'm listening to it. I'm not going to get the tattoo. I'm not going to do and I'm listening to it. I'm not gonna get the tattoo. I'm not gonna do anything crazy. The summer do-op that thing came on, I remember being at the pool.

Starting point is 01:03:51 Yeah. Oh my God. You were at the pool. You were at the pool that summer. I remember that about you. And that was one of the, there are songs like that I associate with like, you know, a classic song of the summer. But when I was like, if it came out like that era,

Starting point is 01:04:05 middle school, they are, I remember being like going off the high dive here and like do off that thing. You know? Ugh, that's beautiful. Like, soak up the sun. Oh my God. Sheryl Crowe, Missouri Girl. Exactly.

Starting point is 01:04:15 Oh yeah. Did you know that? Missouri Girl she is. Apparently she's lovely. Sheryl Crowe? She is. I know people who've like worked with her and opened for her and stuff and are like, she rules.

Starting point is 01:04:24 I have. And you love that. I have met her and she's lovely that's a person that could if someone was like she's off by back Yeah, sure. I guess I hear that but like she's she's wonderful. She's a she her music. She wouldn't know she wouldn't remember me from Adam I'm certain of it, but I love her music. Mmm, and a lovely person Adam of and Eve fame Would do you know that phrase that saying what doesn't know me from Adam? But I but is that the Adam we're referring to when we do that phrase? Of course, yeah. Yeah, because prototypical he-him, number one he-him. I used to think, well, he's the blueprint.

Starting point is 01:04:53 He's the blueprint for he-hims. Adam from the Bible is the blueprint. That's true. I'm rewriting that though. I'm wishing you Godspeed, Adam. I'm gonna rewrite the Christian Bible. Are you keeping it that it starts with a he-him in your version?

Starting point is 01:05:04 Oh, he-hims will be centered, just cause that's me. But is that the first still? Are we still pulling that it starts with a he-him in your version? Oh, he-hims will be centered just because that's me. But is that the first still? Are we still pulling a rib out of a he-him? Do we originate from a he-him? Well, you look at how bad the world is and you think a he-him had to originate, don't you? Well, here's a question, because rib made she-her. In your Bible, what bone has given us non-binary people? Um... Everyone knows exactly what I'm saying. Rib makes she her, what bone makes a non-binary from the he-him body? The big G has just pulled the rib out of Adam. He got this great idea for she hers. He says, I know what, I need a rib. Then he goes, wait there's got to be something else too. What's the most... Well of course, because we all know how things go, I got to pull another bone out of

Starting point is 01:05:41 this he-him to make this non-binary person my best idea yet, my greatest invention of all time. Right. Femur. Femur. Femur. Femur. I'm going femur. Sure?

Starting point is 01:05:55 I'm going femur for sure. I'm going one of the 25% of our bones that are in the feet. Yeah. Just pick one at will. Just grab a foot bone and make a non-binary. Let me tell you this, there's a lot to choose from. We know that much. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:06:06 One fourth of your bones are in your, those little feet. Grab a foot bone and- Makes sense, they're what keeps us up. Make a neurodivergent person. You think that comes easy to keep your ass up all the time? Yeah. It takes bones to do that. It takes bones, mama.

Starting point is 01:06:19 Mama. It takes bones, sugar. It takes bones, sugar. You think you're just standing up without bones? That's on T. Think again, sugar. If you didn't have those bones, you'd be getting all kinds of twisted. Oh, don't get twisted. You need your foot bones. Foot bones. The foot bones connected to the more foot bones. There's a lot of them girl. The drinking bones connected to the party bones. That's a country song right there. You know this one? Wait. Connected to the

Starting point is 01:06:43 staying out all night long. Oh I do know that one. There's gotta be a line to that one. She won't think it's funny and I'll line up all alone. The lonely bones connected to the drinking bone. Yep, there's gotta be a line dance to that one. Great song. Is there not already? Not that I've learned, but you know, I'm still. You know almost 100.

Starting point is 01:06:59 I know, but it must exist, but it hasn't been taught to me yet. We need to go. You know what you and I should do? Anything. We should do a. You know what you and I should do? Anything. We should do a honky tonk road trip where we just go and hit every big honky tonk we can find. Absolutely. One a night, every night.

Starting point is 01:07:14 Only one? Don't limit us. One a night? Why would I want to experience them? Let's do multiple a night. You think? My nights are sounding longer than yours. Your nights are longer than mine.

Starting point is 01:07:22 I can tell you that. No, one a night's good. We want to live in the space. And you want to see it journey beginning to end. Yeah. I want to see the people who show up and the people who don't leave. Save that.

Starting point is 01:07:32 I want to see the people who- Now that's a lyric. I want to see that all. I want to see the people who show up and the people who don't leave. That's what I want to see. That's beautiful. That's just what I like.

Starting point is 01:07:39 That's just what I like. That's that should I do like. That's that should I do like, mama. Yeah, let's go on a honky tonk road trip. Wouldn't it be fun or a travel show? Are you kidding? You and I should have a travel show. Pearl Jam, if you're listening.

Starting point is 01:07:53 Pearl Jam or Creed or Three Doors Down or Doctrine. Give us a travel show. Give us a travel show. We'll talk about your music and then we'll eat some stuff. Pearl Jam, I love everything you've done in Van Halen. And I think it would be great if you gave us a travel show. I'm talking you've done in van Halen and I think it would be great if you gave us a travel. I'm talking to Pearl jam of van Halen fame. I love what you've done. Eddie better might as well jump baby. Let's go. It's well jump into our travel

Starting point is 01:08:15 show that we're hosting. Thank you. I went to two great restaurants this week. Say more Gertrude's you been no, is the neighbor. Oh, you want the public to know what neighborhood you live in? Please, please, please, please that bleep that great lot. Cause great lot. Cause her truth and an incredible Rob are what neighborhood? I want to say it was like further south. Maybe it's closer to Park Slope, but I don't think it was Park Slope. There's Gertie's and Williamsburg that has great lock. This is theirs. This is their sister. There we go. I was about to say, cause they have, they have great luck cause at Gertrude.

Starting point is 01:08:45 Gertrude amazing. And then strange delight. Strange delight. New restaurant. It seems full of whimsy. In Brooklyn for a New Orleans food. Oh, come on now. I had hush puppies.

Starting point is 01:08:56 I had crab dip with house made saltines. Oh, come on now. I had a fried shrimp sandwich. You're a guy who loves New Orleans, right? Like I am. I haven't even been to the city of New Orleans. You're joking. It's one of the only cities we have! I know. I'm not joking. I know. I think that's so true. Actually, I take it back. My so true is New Orleans is one of the only cities we have in

Starting point is 01:09:15 this country. Name the others. Name the others. I can't. It's one of the only. Oh my goodness. You want me to finally give a number one and not an echelon? Number one city New Orleans, I think. Really? Well, actually, what I think is true is that there's a lot of great cities in this country, but a lot of them are sort of different versions of the same thing. You know what I mean? Whereas New Orleans is only New Orleans. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:09:34 You know what I mean? Yeah. Someone takes you to the cool neighborhood in insert fun city here, and you're like, yeah, I understand what natural wine tastes like. You know what I mean? It's like, it's got its own energy, but it's sort of like,

Starting point is 01:09:45 this is versions of the cool parts of the city where we live. Yeah. It's beautiful and unique in their ways, but it's like, they're drawing from a blueprint. Yeah. New Orleans, you're like, damn, ain't nobody doing New Orleans but New Orleans. It's French.

Starting point is 01:09:57 It's French, it's Southern. It's just Creole. It's like, so only it, in a way that no other city is to me. I've been dying to go. You have to go. You have to go. I want to go. You would love it.

Starting point is 01:10:06 I really want to go. They do love to drink there. I'm certain I know. And that's part of the issue for me. New Orleans and Vegas. But they love to eat too. That's why I wanna go. You can eat right there.

Starting point is 01:10:14 I wanna go to eat and I wanna go, my friend does burlesque there. I wanna go see her shows. Oh, and great queer scene there. Like every aspect when you're going to like the great restaurant, it's just like feels so New Orleans. You're like, this is like nothing else. And same with like burlesque queer. So you're like to like the great restaurant It's just like feels so New Orleans like this is like nothing else and same with like burlesque You're like this queer bar doesn't feel like any other one. I've been into in United States of America

Starting point is 01:10:30 Yeah, star spangled banner number one song. I want to do a voicemail Oh Let's do a listener voicemail and see what they've got for us. Maybe something good. I bet they got something nice Wait, these have a side, right? I can't tell do these have a site. I found it. I have to be on the right But I like it. I have to be on the right side? Well, I like it. I like to know but I guess it doesn't really matter. This is mixed. It's mixed. Yeah, this voicemail is mixed. This is not mono.

Starting point is 01:10:55 No, no mama. Hey, I have a quick question. I need to know why fast food breakfast is so delicious. Why is the cheese so good? Is it because it's plastic? Is it because it's too melty? Who knows? Thank you, wow. I can't remember the last time I had a fast food breakfast.

Starting point is 01:11:19 So I'm about to be out of my league and yet I have thoughts. Isn't the whole point of American cheese that it was sort of like engineered to melt right yeah it was made in a lab to melt yeah like I'm not joking that is what it is yeah I feel like that's the answer right that's part of it and also it's the grease and the carbs and the grease and carbs is what it is and I'll tell you McDonald's breakfast you the most the most stuck-up person in the world couldn't tell me shit about a hash brown at McDonald's It's just fucking good. It's everything has its context a sausage McGriddle

Starting point is 01:11:50 There's a context with a slice of cheese is just sometimes correct. You don't always want it No, sometimes you want a beautifully Fresh pastry with the hand-cut fruit and a cup of orange juice It was immediately squeezed out of her sometimes you want that breakfast But sometimes you want a McGriddle with cheese and a hashbrown Don't you feel like you're eating it in your car always? No, I'm just feeling like when I'm having when I'm wanting that I'm wanting a diner. I'm wanting to sit down. I'm wanting that ambiance in addition to that grease and carb But you're you're having it in the McDonald's. I'm having it in the McDonald's. No, no, no never in the McDonald's

Starting point is 01:12:20 I mean, you're having it in my home. You're taking yeah in the city of New York. You're doing that I haven't had McDonald's in the city of New York, but when you're in the Heartland, but if I'm in the Heartland You're gonna make that way I've had McDonald's many many times. I've stayed out until Two three four in the morning with my friends in LA cool guy cool guy Well, that wasn't the bad school Josh. That wasn't the point we have to give that you know I don't want to go on here already two in the morning That's a cool guy, but then when you follow it up with three three comma four But this is what you need to know is because the later you stay out the bars close in LA at 2

Starting point is 01:12:50 So what is he doing at three and house you've gone to an afters what we call an afters your only cool guys get invited You're a sick individual. That's cool The point is you stay out late you have to sleep in late And then when you wake up you need something horrible to put in your stomach. And that's McDonald's. That's when you call. I'm there in LA, same exact circumstance. Two, three, four in the morning.

Starting point is 01:13:11 I've been at the afters. God, I've had the time of my life. New friends, old, new, silver, gold. You understand? I'm waking up feeling this exact type of way. You know what I'm getting? Going to all time? Yeah, or I'm doing breakfast tacos from, what's it called? Homestay. Yeah. You know what I'm getting going to all time. Yeah. Oh yeah. Or I'm doing, I'm doing breakfast tacos from, um, what's it called? Yeah. Yeah. I'm getting

Starting point is 01:13:29 home state home state. You're going to, I'm going to tell you, I'm going to tell you, you want to raw, raw McDonald's. You want a breakfast and you're going to say, Hey, you're going to raw, raw McDonald's. Let me tell you something. You want a breakfast burrito in LA. Yeah. Cafe Los Feliz. Oh, I've been there once that they're good. Cafe Los Feliz on Hillhurst. Is it cafe Los Feliz or Los Feliz've been there once. They're good. Cafe Los Feliz on Hillhurst. Is it Cafe Los Feliz or Los Feliz Cafe that one? I always forget. My guy Arson, who works behind the counter. What a name.

Starting point is 01:13:52 Arson like sets fires. It's Cafe Los Feliz. Cause there's two of them. Cafe Los Feliz. I hope he makes it spicy. With a name like Arson. Sojuk. So they have a sojuk one that's spicy. Wait, what's sojuk? I don't know. It's probably what they name it. But, they have a spicy one. Is that a thing? Should I know what that is? I think that's just the name of their spice. Okay. I don't think it's a thing Okay, but my trick there is you don't get the spicy one

Starting point is 01:14:10 You actually get the regular one and then you get a bunch of their spicy chipotle sauce and fucking I love that Are you spice Queen? I'm a spice Queen me too. I'm a spice Queen and make it hurt. Okay. Do you like to go like um Like szechuan style like the peppercorns that numb you numb that's such its own you know ecosystem within the spicy ecosystem i love it you've been to alhambra wait what is it called alhambra neighborhood in la oh yes yes yes i thought this was a restaurant incredible szechuan food incredible honestly pretty good spicy asian food at birds of a feather in williamsburg actually yes and um yes yeah there's another one I like too, and I'm forgetting the name. So I'm just gonna affirm Birds of a Feather.

Starting point is 01:14:49 Birds of a Feather, pretty good spice on that stuff. Pretty good spice. They have a spicy Szechuan okra at Birds of a Feather that numbed my mouth real nice. I love okra. I do too, in every form. Bring it to me in any way. I want it. Pickled okra, come on.

Starting point is 01:15:02 Fried, of course. Fried, of course. Fried, of course. Pickled okra is really good. Pickled okra is really good because there's so much texture so much crunch so much slime. It's fun Yeah, I like the slime for some reason doesn't sound enjoyable does it but it is it is in that context it is it is Joshua it's been an incredible treat to have you on this bit an honor. We love you here Well, it's you know, thank you for welcoming me into your home. Yeah. I don't know when we're going to start rolling. This on air has been off the whole time.

Starting point is 01:15:28 I assume that lights up when we start. Oh, we're not putting this out. No, this was just, I wanted to hang out with you. It's just sort of wild to have that there in front of me. Not on. Yeah. We're not recording this. I can't stress this enough.

Starting point is 01:15:39 We're not recording this. You'll never see this come out. I was just like, I want to hang out with Josh. I wonder if he'd come to Midtown Manhattan. Good. Hey Chance, do me a favor. I'm trying to hang out with Josh. I wonder if he'd come to Midtown Manhattan. Good. Hey Chance, do me a favor. I'm trying to hang out with Josh. We got to put on this whole stunt like we're doing it.

Starting point is 01:15:48 Book him on the show. You guys can play on your computers. That's what producing podcasts is, right? Playing on your computers. Just play on your computers. I'll pretend to do a podcast with him. We'll just spend some time together. No, it was a blessing.

Starting point is 01:15:59 I feel blessed, Sugar. Thank you for having me. You are blessed, Sugar. And you can come back any time you want. I'm going to take you up on that. OK, love you. I'm making a copy of the keys. Thank you. Bye That was a hate gum podcast

Starting point is 01:16:13 Hey, hey, I'm Lamorne Morris and I'm Kyle Shevrin and we're interrupting your workout to tell you about the morning after podcast now on Head gum. That's right. Every Wednesday a new episode drops and we... Wait, Lamorne, what are you doing over there? It's nothing, just abolishing my Emmy. Why? Because we're now the only official HeadGum podcast hosted by an Emmy winner. Is that true? Probably not. But Jake Johnson's on HeadGum.

Starting point is 01:16:37 Does he have an Emmy? No. But he has been a guest on the Lamorne after. Which might be an even bigger honor. I mean, and we have other amazing guests like Glenn Powell, Raven Simone, the cast of New Girl, and many, many more. Plus, we play games, we tell stories,

Starting point is 01:16:52 we poll the fans for questions. We poll them for questions, Yancey. Polling them constantly. Up and down, sideways, backwards. It's a lot less weird than it sounds. You'll see. Subscribe to the La Morning After on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Starting point is 01:17:09 And watch video episodes on YouTube. New episodes drop every Wednesday.

So True with Caleb Hearon - Josh Sharp is in His Body

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