So True with Caleb Hearon - Kevin Morby is One of The Boys

Episode Date: January 16, 2025

Welcome back! This week's guest is the one and only Kevin Morby! Caleb and Kevin are coming to you for the first time ever from Caleb’s house in Kansas City! They talk songs vs. jokes, stories from the road, work they aren’t exactly proud of, enemies, and so much more! Subscribe to our YouTube channel for full video episodes! Join our Patreon for an exclusive extended interview with Kevin and other bonus content!   Follow Kevin! @kevinmorbyFollow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to www.rocketmoney.com/SOTRUE today. Upgrade your closet this year without the upgraded price tag. Go to Quince.com/SOTRUEfor 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order!Learn more about FOLX at https://www.folxhealth.com/ Sign up with code SOTRUE to get 25% off your first 3 months of membership!About Headgum: Headgum is an LA & NY-based podcast network creating premium podcasts with the funniest, most engaging voices in comedy to achieve one goal: Making our audience and ourselves laugh. Listen to our shows at https://www.headgum.com. » SUBSCRIBE to Headgum: https://www.youtube.com/c/HeadGum?sub_confirmation=1  » FOLLOW us on Twitter: http://twitter.com/headgum  » FOLLOW us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/headgum/ » FOLLOW us on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum So True is a Headgum podcast, created and hosted by Caleb Hearon. The show is produced by Chance Nichols with Associate Producer Allie Kahan and Executive Producer Emma Foley. So True is engineered by Casey Donahue and engineered and edited by Nicole Lyons. Kaiti Moos is our VP of Content at Headgum. Thanks to Luke Rogers for our show art and Virginia Muller our social media manager.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Yeah, I went up to TechNine and I was like, hey man, I just want to say it's an honor to meet you. I'm from Kansas City and you know, I'm a musician and watching your story as I was growing up always gave me like a faith that I could someday do it. He goes, someday you will. Shout out TechNine. Love that.

It was sick. Oh my God. All right, let's get into that. It was sick. Oh my God. All right, let's get into it. Evan Morby. Our first ever. Tell the people where we are. We're in Caleb's house. You're in my house. You're in her hair on what your last name. We're such good friends. We're such good friends. That's crazy. And yet. And yet. Are you serious?

Is it Marby or Mervy? Caleb Heron, you know, that's crazy. Yeah, Caleb Heron. We're in your home. Yeah, this is your couch your first ever Kansas City episode I'm very flattered to be here. First ever Kansas City episode. It's good to have you here, brother I was supposed to do an episode a long time ago, but you you canceled me for some reason Well, I have very mixed feelings about you oh wait actually I want to do something beginning of this hey Caleb good to see you dude give me a kiss that is the funniest thing Kevin and I decided recently that the funniest thing that we should bring back is

meeting someone and being like the pleasure is all yours your hand out for a kiss? Charmed, I'm sure. And they go in for a handshake and maybe grab it up here? Yeah, but when you do it, I think it's really crucial that you look away. The pleasure is all yours. And you don't want to look at them kissing the hand, you just want to feel the embrace of their little lips. Gavin Morby, so what do you do?

Exactly. That's a great question. I see you around a lot and I'm like, do you do? What? Exactly. That's a great question. I see you around a lot and I'm like, do you work? Do you have a career? What is your thing? Um, I... I don't know. I don't know. I think if you went to my Wikipedia page, you'd say that I'm a musician. Yeah. I want to listen to your stuff.

Yeah, you should check it out. What kind of stuff? It's like... Jazz, I hope. It's like as i hope it's jazz nice jazza sweet jazz that is a you know it's a good question what kind of music to make and always is different out of the last here's like the cop asks but you know i was really wanted on that there's a what do you say to a cop

but your music is a country of o' Yeah, I could be get pulled over country Yeah, I think I've even gone as far to say religious music mostly pro blue stuff. Yeah, bro. Blue pro blue blues Yeah, pro blue blues. Um, I hate the way they're treating our boys in blue Well, but um, yeah a cop you say country music, let's write a country if it's like someone you think is cool Yeah, a cop you say country music. Let's write a country. If it's like someone you think is cool You say like rock and roll. Yeah, and then if it's customs you also say you say folk Yeah, well, but that could be that could also be carrying a message that they might not like so maybe you go back to country music Yeah, Christian country music Christian country music and then like if someone's parent is asking I usually say Like like like folk rock indie rock indy rock indy rock

so that's what i do i make those things that's really interesting actually i was just a comedian i was wondering you know yeah i don't have any other it's a what kind of comedy i say really good the cop ask you just a comedian oh no i would never talk about anything about myself and you followed up with a joke

no i wouldn't talk to the police. The fact that you do is crazy. Well it's because I'm always breaking the law. Yeah, oh that's actually fucking cool. That's actually sick dude. Fuck that's awesome. Yeah. I like your music a lot. Um, thanks Caleb. I'm a big fan of your music. Thank you Caleb. Um, and when did you first hear it? Tell me, tell me, tell me all about that. I was 16. No I don't remember when I first heard it. But I was in a music video of yours. You were, yes. That's kind of how we became friends. That's the beginning of our friendship.

It's funny because I was thinking about how do I know you and I know you from your videos. Yeah. You're a big fan of mine. Your comedian videos. Yeah. During the pandemic I think. There was one where you were talking and like a siren went by and you waited for the siren Yeah, and he started talking in the video cutoff. Yeah, remember what I said. I think you're talking about like something about Trump

No, what are we talking about? Not even close wasn't even going on a little cool I was in my car filming a video and I don't I was trying to film some Front-facing comedy video. I think I was because during that time I would just like improvise and see what I found and I was in my car and a siren started coming by it was really long yeah so I just like paused and then the siren passed and I and I kept the pause for a second I said and you know it's not illegal to be yourself yeah and then it cut out very good people like that one it was very very good that's how I found out about you and then at some point

you were wearing a Kansas City hat and I was like, why does this fool got a KC hat on? Yeah. And then I did further research. And that's how our bromance began. That's how our bromance began. And I feel like it happened in the DMs. Yeah. And then I asked to be in my music video

for my song, Rock Bottom. Pretty cool. And then you came by that. And the whole thing in that music video was like, it was like a bad performer Yeah, I called up the worst one. I know yeah, yeah, that's interesting Yeah, um I would take that personally if I respected your opinion, but I don't it's I'll stop yeah I did have to do a fake bombing set it was so hard to bomb even for a fake

When we were in Paris recently I remember talking to you and your comedian friends about my show that I'd played that night. I was talking about how sometimes I have bad shows and I was like, what do you guys do when you have bad shows? And then you all said, we wouldn't know. And then you guys laughed and there was a decibel reader. There's like decibel readers in Europe for those of you who don't know. And they have to keep the volume of the music that's playing under a certain DB. And your guys' laughs at your own joke just shot through the roof.

And I watched the decibel, it was really funny. God, I love that. I don't know if I knew the decibel thing. Were you holding that in? Was that your own secret? I just thought, I thought you knew. You mentioned it. It's like the big like number reader on the wall. I mean, I knew it was was a decimal reader, but I didn't know that our laughs in that moment spiked it

What if it was just every dollar that place had made they just like every time someone buys a new drink it goes up It just shows how much money they've made over you know what I think is actually kind of chic in that vein Which is the restaurants now that have this is so Corny and base and stupid and embarrassing that it kind of has circled back to yeah restaurants that have the follower count oh yes I'm saying yeah they have the little sign that's like we just got another Instagram followers like ticks down or ticks up that is so stupid in cornball that it actually has circled back to being chic yes sure something that can happen is it like the Facebook like thumbs up like yeah yeah if you go too far into corny and self

involved and insane you circle back to she'd go through the looking glass and just yeah yeah the other side yeah yeah yeah what about what about the tip what about the tip reader you know that song what's it for you hold on where it says like well you got to type in what tip you are like 25 30 or 35 percent or whatever yeah but the lowest ones starting higher and higher they're getting higher and higher they are really though it used to be 15 18 20 yeah now they start at 22 when i see i respect one when it starts at 22 i'm like you fucking crazy people this is great yeah you know what i mean well you don't tip i don't tip that's right so for you it's just funny

i actually have a story about not tipping but we'll get to later well I was gonna was it oh have you heard that song that song that's like maybe when you said through the looking glass I'm looking at you through the glass don't know how much time has passed I don't know it I don't know is that it feels like forever who sings it I don't know it was from like are you plugging your own song no you were you were you're quite a bit older than me. So it was popular when I was like young. Yeah, I was doing other things during that time like experimenting with psychedelic drugs and things like that.

Yeah, you were experimenting. Living on my own. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Experimenting with scarves in Brooklyn. Yeah, experimenting with scarves in Brooklyn. By the way, how old are you? Me? Yeah.

Let me just ask you a question. True or false? True or false? You're still in your 20s. True or false? I am still in my 20s, true. question. True or false? True or false? You're still in your 20s. True or false? I am still in my 20s, true. Okay, true or false? In two weeks from now, you'll still be in your 20s. What's the day of my birthday?

Fuck. I wouldn't do these bits if I were you. The 25th. You're backing your... No, sir. Well, that's the day of your birthday party. That's my birthday party that you're skipping. Well, that's confusing.

Yeah. Confusing to hold all these days. Are you gonna come to my birthday party? Maybe. Kevin! We'll see. Did you realize what I do for you You want me to get on an airplane from Tulsa, Oklahoma? Yeah, which is where I'll be yeah and fly to New York City for your party on a sell me on the party other than

I love you, and you're one of my best friends and you're turning how are you turning I? Don't recall, but I'm turning 30. I'm excited to turn the big 3o excited-0. Excited to turn 30. Now here's what I'll say. Okay. I love the way that you're aging. You've been doing it for so long. Thank you so much. And you're aging really beautifully. You're handsome. You're talented. You're a great guy. Everyone loves you. So I want to take some tips from you because a long time from now when I'm in your position. Yeah. I want to be where you're at. Well, how do I age gracefully like you have? I think, you know, I've told people this recently

who are in the boat that you're in, which is about to turn the big three out. Yeah. You know, when you turn 30, you're still 29 up until 35. Yeah. The moment you turn 35, you're 40. Which someone who's 40 is gonna watch this

and call bullshit on it and say that I'm a young man. Cause I'm only 36. man cuz I'm only 36 Yeah, I'm only 36 probably 37 this year. But how do you age gracefully? You know, you just live laugh love Yeah, live laugh love. You just gotta laugh. You laugh a lot. Yeah, you gotta laugh. That's why I hang out with you You're a silly guy. Yeah, you're so what do you think's our best bit that we've had? Oh, man. We got some Alzheimer's We've got some all-time One in the car, okay I knew this would be I some all-time the one in the car okay I knew this would be I don't know we should talk about it is a beer one yeah what

you're for this isn't bad yeah the one you're referring to it's pretty bad the one you're referring to where I this thing yeah the gun right yeah it's basically a dance move that I like to do yeah where I cock a gun and start pointing it while I dance yeah we're doing different violent acts to the beats of songs I guess that is bad yeah it started out somewhat innocently as just the gun yeah it moved on escalate we shouldn't talk about how I'm trying to think of other bits we've got I mean I know there's a bunch of them but and then more me yeah I'm a hot mic yeah I don't know what that's about they think as i don't worry about it

uh... everything's cuttable yet remember that everything's cuttable as an apartment are we live or what what's a podcast live were live to the viewers right now why why a podcast why podcast money money next question i use now i like to connect with the people i'm trying to run for a camera to look do I look into for the people? This one?

That's gonna be yours. Okay. Yeah. Hi guys. Say what you have to say to the people. Address them. Um, Happy New Year. It's 25 days off. Why the waves past the New Year? You know, I just checked. What? Our Taco Bell's here. What's your Taco Bell? It's here. It's freezing outside. It's 9 degrees. Can anyone grab it? Lexi! My king! What um, what is... What is your Taco Bell order? Also, by the way, I don't think I ate Taco Bell for 2024. And I've already had in 2025.

You wanna bite on my Taco Bell? You didn't order any. No, I'm full. But... What's your order at Taco Bell? Chicken quesadilla every time. It's a great quesadilla. Sometimes you add other stuff. I like that one. But every time I get a chicken quesadilla. You know,'s a great quesadilla. Sometimes you add other stuff. I like that one. But every time I get a chicken quesadilla.

You know, I'll go hard. And I used to like, there's this thing with me and a lot of my musician friends when we tour Europe and then the day you fly back from Europe, you have to go get Mexican food because they don't have that over there. Yeah. And sometimes like, I know Taco Bell's not

like great Mexican food. Yeah. But it's like, it's a step further. You know, like sometimes you get these weird cravings for like great Mexican food. But it's like a step further. You know, like sometimes you get these weird cravings for like certain fast food or for like Chipotle or something. Which I think is just this sort of American luxury. Get it from McDonald's which is so humiliating. You get McDonald's in Europe, it's great over there.

It is, yeah. It's really good, but McDonald's is good. It is, but it's not, it's very, it's not a cool thing. Like when it comes to fast food, cravings are a cool thing to crave is like means are like something a little bit too far payment dollars is very disgusting i actually don't think so anymore i think the dollars is weirdly

but i think it's i think it's really becomes like i see again really i swear to god mcdonald's yes well i think it's becoming this cool thing really yes or that Yeah, there you go There you go. Let me say on the other side of 35. This is what's cool eating McDonald's. I'd McDonald's recently is great But what I wanted to say about Taco Bell was Sometimes I'll come back from Europe jet-lagged out of my mind and I'll drive Back from the airport and I've just been to all these amazing places and I would go to like the most disgusting Taco Bell that I

Can find and order so much food like $30 worth of Taco Bell yeah then I'll eat it all and then I'll take a jet lag nap and then I'll wake up full of gas yeah if I eat Taco Bell and then take it go to sleep or take a nap I'm waking up with different parts of my body feeling like lava that have never felt that way I'm talking like a four-hour randomly wake up with like a calf pain he's so wrong with me yeah but it's way. I'm talking like a four hour. I randomly wake up with like a calf pain. Something will be so wrong with me. Yeah, but it's good stuff. I'm proud of you that you got it tonight. I'm experimenting with sitting like this. What do you think of it? I like it. Nice. This is what's cool for those regular viewers of

your podcast that were in your home. They can like look at all like the little like you know knickknacks and see what you're really like. I'm worried about only the rivers are peaceful. Hart, Bitton's Missouri Mural. That's nice. I hope we won't catch anything going on. I'm wearing sleep pants right now which I've never done on the podcast. It's a very casual episode for me. Yeah. And I'm worried about that and then also my little cousin made this truck out of Legos. Oh that's beautiful. Isn't that kind of cool? Yeah. What else is cool to you? What's in and out for Kevin Morby?

What's in and out for for me? I don't know. I'm always I'm really into hoodies right now. You look great. No, thank you very much I think it's cuz cold, you know Sometimes I go I'm like try I try to dress like loudly and I want to wear like cool clothes like cool Designery clothes not us and then there's times it's not us It's not me and you simple Midwestern guys You've got like like got like your own shirt on with a lot of loud colors on it. I see you trying to, I see you trying to posture in La Hueva.

Well, sometimes I just wanna wear, it's like a uniform, so easy to just throw on a hoodie. And it just feels good, you know? So that's one good thing, hoodies. What's out? What are you not vibing with? What's out? That's a great question. You know, I've been? What are you not vibing with? What's out?

That's a great question. You know, I've been wearing Birkenstocks for the past couple years. I haven't been wearing Birkenstocks for a while. Why? I don't know. They're just a little out right now. Look. I think they're a little too heavy.

My stomach just dropped. That made me sick. They're a little too heavy, which at 36 you'll experience stuff like this too. You need light footwear. You need to just, like your whole body's so heavy to pick up, you just need light footwear. Is this real? Yes. You told me something about- It's absolutely real. It's absolutely real.

My ankles started to hurt really bad, like two years ago. And the cage was like, you need some lighter shoes. And I was like, oh dude, yeah, I've been wearing these like rubbery boots. My ankles are really weak. It might be because I'm a runner. That thing happens where like my whole body just starts to hurt from running. Yeah, but it's beautiful that you run. It's beautiful.

I love you're also a tennis player. I'm a tennis player. I think a real tennis player would be mad at that statement if they saw my game. Yeah, are you bad? I think I'm getting better. I'm getting better all the time. The problem with tennis is,

it's like playing the violin or something. If you did it as a kid, you've just got it in your bones. Yeah. But I don't know. I kind of make a fool you've just got it in your bones. Yeah. But I don't know. I kind of make a fool of myself out there but I do my best. What's your least favorite song of yours? My least favorite song? Your least favorite song you've ever put out? That's a great question. You know... Do it for the Morbheads. Do it for the Morbheads. Alright for the Morbheads. My least favorite song. I actually want everyone to drop in the comments their least favorite song of mine. Don't. Oh you don't want that. Well there would be no comments then.

Well what, you don't have a least favorite song of yours you've ever put out? It's hard to, it's probably just one I haven't thought about all the time. Okay I think it's probably like my second record, my second record is called Still Life. Yeah. And I never fully loved that record or connected with it. It just, it had a lot of filler in my mind. I wanted an album out you know i mean so really songs uh... his uncle drowning on it sometimes a little embarrassed by but you know i said that recently and i got like that's on my personal that's

on that's great i mean is it one thing i love about you you know you manage to turn that prompt into a compliment you're like i don't know if i fuck with it but it did save a guy's life did save a man's yeah that's some really start singing my song drowning to him yeah here

and i think it was like your most stream song ever after this episode that is like a little money group trying to get my streams upon drowning was harlem river out of the water uh... summer for your biggest no pun intended i think it's on couple people strange my biggest but harlem river right close behind you know and both of those songs are, I just go into like documentary style about, like yeah, it's so weird when I wrote them. You know that's what I want.

I love those songs and I love hearing about that stuff. Well sometimes Harlem River, it's funny, there's no like chorus or anything and it's just a vibe and I think people really relate to that. Become a big song so I can tell on my Instagram and what I get tagged in in the yoga community. In the yoga community? Yeah it's like because they just put it on and they like stretch to it and it's like in the Pilates community people like oh and then also in like the pole dancing community like like people who did that as sort of like I'm telling you I get tagged in these videos all the time. Next time you get tagged in someone pole dancing to Harlem River send it to

me. I could send you something many because Nathaniel our buddy shout out Nathaniel Rateliff. Missouri King. Missouri King one of my best buds good friend of ours he he and I we get tagged in a lot of because he's got some of his songs get tagged in them a lot as well yeah and it's so funny so we send them to one another so our DMs is basically just like us sending each other pole dancing videos that our songs have been tagged in. I love that. That and sandwiches. Because we're just always talking about sandwiches.

Sandwiches. Yeah. I was in a strip club once when I was 18 years old. Freshly turned 18. Where at? Kill a Coffee? In City. KC, wow.

Totally nude girls. You know it? On Broadway? No, on, across from the record bar? Main or Grand? Yeah, record bar. That one, whatever that's on. I went there with my friends. We road road trip here from our hometown to the strip club

because we thought we were so we didn't it was a little horny thing is that we took our girlfriends with ya they took their girlfriends they were dating i took my girlfriend so i think my girlfriend you know uh... uh... but we went to the strip club it was so depressing in their the u n years eighteen where the us for sir i think that we want right or call them on a sent sorry guys like a bar back then it's pretty stuff yeah

okay uh... but they let me in and i have a fake i was not a cool kid uh... let me mean eighteen and i said to my friends i said the vibe in here is off i've been pretty sure someone's gonna do it in still looks of an angel soon so was big at the time and if they do we have to leave and I'm not kidding you two songs later

yeah blue lights wash the stage lips of an angel Wow stripper comes out starts doing a sad little dance honey can you voice remember it I actually don't but this is like you don't know lips of an angel now in the lives of the need to uh... hinder hinder i believe i don't know any of this was a very good and there and sad little dance this girl does this young woman you for young woman yeah you're a sad little pop was there did you get money which you got a chest out do what you give money

i was not a position to give her money at the time like like like it's too far away i'd spent all my money they were honest reprimand candy I was not in a position to give her money at the time. Like, she's too far away? I had spent all my money on a stripper named Candy. Oh wow. From Iowa who I really connected with. We, you leave it to me to make a connection with the stripper. I mean we really got into it. She had two kids at the time.

Candy, I hope you're well, darlin'. But yeah, sad little dance to Lips of an Angel and I said we gotta go boys. Wow. We got out of there. Rally the troops, got out of there. We can't, Lips of an Angel at the strip club. I'm sorry to say, you know I love your music. Harlem River at the strip club. I would love it and it would be funny to me but it's not making me horny. Sure. Not getting you horned up? Not getting me

horned up. It's a beautiful song. Well thank you very much. But I don't want to see somebody, Shao Yoga made a lot of sense to me strip stripper strip or a three-mile word well i wonder it's a great question word is it's a great question i'd i'd though i cuz i feel like this is more of a lake like sports that you are doing i don't know if it's a quadratic like pole dancing people do it more as a sport you know i'm saying yeah the kids sort of like seems trendy on instagramers and you know i wonder if it's been blasted in

uh... in a strip club i wonder from river let us know that the only part in the if i was to play one of your songs in a strip club but there's a lot of funny options yeah i'd be easy pieces would be hilarious would be funny uh... nice i could see some in some of the song for kate is a pretty that's on the planet's group club is that is the the the woman's name is katie be very funny before i cry in the

circle uh... i would the thought the song i would pick play in a strip club. If the woman's name was Katie, it would be very funny. Before I cry in the strip club? I would... the song I would pick though, in a strip club, from your music, I would... if I was dancing... were I dancing? Yeah. Were I one of the girls, tits out, doing my thing? Yeah. I'd go rock bottom. That would make sense. Rock bottom is fun.

But it's also got like a... it's rock bottom. Yeah. You know? Rock bottom is fun. Yeah, word also got like a, it's rock bottom. Yeah, rock bottom's fun. Yeah word. I like that. Thank you. I'm glad that that's what you strip to. What one of my jokes would you strip to?

I would strip to, that's a great question. Which one of my jokes would you strip to? I was thinking about this the other day, not what, I was thinking. I was thinking about your comedy the other day and me getting naked and stuff like that. Well, because you've met some friends of mine recently and they were asking what you do and i was like

is a comedian and date there was some jokes and what what what jokes of the like was this people we met uh... michael michael for a lot michael was great yeah michael sick tattoos sick tattoos are called what what i should see that's a great question that what what of your jokes which is just a good you know you can't even one of my jokes. Can you I'm too I'm on the spot

I'm on the side. I'm on I could name like deep cut lyrics of yours. I know oh no okay Wait, I hope this is sick. This is completely sick. I'm actually the road No, no, I know I don't know. It's not straight. I know your jokes. Oh my god Okay, the other night at Largo when you said the thing I know your jokes. Oh my god. Okay the other night at Largo when you said the thing So many your shows I know I know your bits I know all you okay great one I love this one. Oh, the guy was gonna kiss you and he said smooches or something. Oh my god He said smooches like no What? Kevin! He said smooches?

No, dude! This isn't something. I know, I know. What do you mean this isn't something? This is not a joke of mine. You're thinking of a- No, it is! And then you run away. You run around the stage. There is a bit where I talk about a hookup and I run around the stage, but you've not nailed any of the concepts of it. Yeah, he says smooches. Then what's that joke? No, I'm not telling you the joke. You have to come up with a joke of mine.

Now it's not even what would you strip to now the game is name one joke of your good friend I I'm I'm oh this is sick I I saw I saw I saw you do a whole standup in Boone North Carolina you came to an hour of my standup yeah it was great I killed my ass off I killed in Boone North Carolina I love you guys so what's going on with you I murdered what's going on with me is'm murdered what's going on means you need to name one of my jokes did uh... so sick that night did you see your tummy hurt that night real bad

oh from the the restaurant i too much restaurant was great we would do this restaurant north koreana called lewis and clark restaurant or was called is called listen clark something like that like that i was in clark restaurant or is respond to it uh... it was really fucking good but I ate so much that I thought I was like fried chicken out on like a like AV sort of yeah they had like a cart of food that they brought around it was sick the waitress is very cool biscuits

and ham yeah our waitress was awesome she was 375 years old which I thought was tight hated to see her working but she was got good vibes she was great she kept asking us the same questions over and over in a great way yeah well in a great way and also yeah her mind is going she's quite yeah old but it was beautiful it was beautiful hate to see her working you wonder if she wanted to what's her name Barbara sure I believe it yeah you know any jokes of mine I'm I'm trying to think of them yeah um actually tough I actually speaking of jokes of mine yeah I did fine today

I was cleaning up the house a little bit. Yeah, and I found an Oh, how an old comedy notebook of mine. Let me read one. No, come on. I'm gonna tell you some though Do you want to go do you want to know some of the things that are in here? Yes, I found some pretty funny stuff when I was going through here through here uh... news i remember to hear us something about being thirty five and how you never turn thirty five

what would never do that that's not yet so they go i just need a joke kind of but ideally you know some intimate details you just start that's what i was tripped you because it would be and thirty six and it would be like i would never turn thirty five yeah that's yeah. Yeah. Okay. There we go got there. This is pretty humiliating This is a page that I just wrote some affirmations I actually just want to see what your handwriting like and everything like that One of my affirmations is I'm a unique and compelling writer

Another one is everything I want is on its way to me Oh, I was clearly broke when I was writing this, because I wrote, money will come, parentheses please. That's all good stuff, huh? That's really nice. Can I see, because I was journaling today, do you ever feel self-conscious about your journal? You want it to look cool,

because if someone found it when you died? Yeah, like when they find it after I die. Yeah, you want it to look like the great American journal that gets discovered. i used to be really good at journaling in like aesthetic ways and then i got let me see as you age like here's here's uh...

here's something i wrote while we were filming sweethearts every day i wrote this at beachwood cafe in jerseys book at a one is first now i will you read it i wrote this uh... the week before i started filming sweethearts ok i'm really just came out in november saw a great movie thanks for seeing it

i wrote this this the week before filming i sat at that beachwood cafe in jersey city new jersey okay and i wrote out my intentions for the film kind of what i wanted to come from the movie and i wrote this sort of this little thing okay but that's you can see kind of how i like to spread things out this looks great you beautiful handwriting thanks dude each would have a Jersey City you could read what if it's not too humiliating okay so read the first one okay I'll read the how about I read the last one

something not humiliating oh this is nice and I will work with Jordan Dan Keir Kiernan and Nico again yeah that's nice affirmation yeah also I want to go back to not know not knowing your jokes, which I'm being burned for on your podcast right now. Yeah, because I know all your work. I do know your jokes. I know like the bullet points to them. That's like asking you to recite my lyrics. What's the second verse of Stop Before I Cry? No, no. It's the same shit. That's not what that is. That's not, no, you can do the verse. 100 100%. Please stop the song now. Stop before I cry. If we could go out dancing soon as the world returns.

Um... We could go out dancing soon as the world returns. Dude! This is not the same! Are you checking the fact that I can say your lyrics in order almost in... That is pretty good. Off Dome. I almost got the melody. That's pretty good. Off Dome. Not gonna lie. And you don't fuck with me like that the way I fuck with you. Yes, I do.

I can name five of your jokes right now. But let's move on. This is another idea of an example of kind of how I like to write. But don't read this one. I think this one's embarrassing. That's nice. I like that there's drawings. I was drawing pictures of mine.

I'm scared to show you this. I kind of want to take the next step in my journal and have like, I want to like print out things that inspire me. Sorry what were you saying? I just found something hilarious. Let's see it. So this was not, this was not, this was an exercise in character. Okay.

I was working from a character place. Okay. But I have a page in here that's, it's headlined everybody who's ever wronged me. It's a list where I was gonna write this very vengeful comedy piece. And it's like, yeah, there's like real names in here. And then there's ideas. Okay, I'll read you.

I'll read you. First and last names? Oh yeah, I'll read you three in a row that are not people specific. Okay, but these are just like deep in the list. Guys who don't like me back, guys who like me, but I don't like them and then my

dad lol. Now that the fact that those ended up together. That's interesting, isn't it? Yes, that is interesting. The fact that they ended up together. What's it say the beginning of your journal? Like if if you read this, you you will die.

No, it says in case of loss, please return to Caleb Herron, my address at the time I was living in Los Angeles. And, oh, this is actually kind of funny. There's an as a reward, and you can list an amount of money. And I just wrote, ultimately it's up to you, I guess. That's really funny. That's kind of funny. That's pretty good. Who's that for? That is funny. I thought I lost a journal recently. That was a pretty personal journal with a lot of like ideas that i like to keep secret like by like upcoming album title something that i thought it was lost but found recently and i was very very excited you're just reading your journal now in front of me

she'll ignore the one saying you found your journal recently you were excited to get into it i got super to well i've it's been like about accusing him not listening when i repeated back to exactly what you said we are this was that make you feel bad uh... you accuse me of not listening and i totally know how to sleep tonight about a few of our for you know if i can sleep you're saying uh... i'm so happy to find this journal

is is it's a special for me uh... a lot of ideas and lyrics and like like ideas for like the title of my next record stuff like that Personal stuff some personal diary entries nice anything about me a lot about you. Would you ever write a song about me? Yeah, of course nice. Absolutely. I know I already haven't got a lot of new songs, dude That's what it's called dude. That'd be sick Sick it would be sick. Hey guys Just wanted to briefly mention before we do the ad reads that I will be donating my portion of these ad sales

to Relief efforts for the LA wildfires mostly where I've been donating is K town for all If you want to hop in on that as well, they're doing a lot of work for unhoused folks in LA. Obviously living outside is really hard anytime, but especially when encampments have burned down and the air quality is so bad and resources are being focused elsewhere. I'm really, really excited about the work that Ktown4all is doing. They're great. And there's also a big master grid of displaced black families, mostly in historically black Altadena that you guys have pitched in on and we did some donations together

and I'm gonna keep donating there and hope that you guys can join me if you can. But yeah, thank you so much for listening to the episode. Hopefully, if your mind is heavy with the LA fires and all the other shit that's going on constantly, all the time, seemingly more and more Yeah, hopefully we make you laugh a little bit or at least distract you for for an hour and some change But yeah, here's some here's some ads the start of a new year is the perfect time to get organized set goals and prioritize What matters most for me?

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That's quince.com slash so true. Let's cut. I saw you do a concert in Paris. You did, yes. At Laetrie and An. Paris, Paris, France. Paris, France. Paris Paris. You did, yes. At La Traianonne. Paris, Paris, France. Paris, France. Paris, France.

Pauli, France. Pauli, France. And it was so fucking great. It made me so happy to look into the crowd and see you. You were like, because it's funny, they told us there was like boxes, because like a theater. Yeah, I know there were. And they told us. That's where I wasn't.

I wasn't in a box. They were like, oh, we're going to give you a friends like the gold, the gold seats or something. And I just figured that was a box. And then I saw you and your friends sit like direct front center seats. It was great. But it was because like literally I could like take in the whole place. And then you were just like right in the middle.

And it made me so happy. And you were singing my lyrics. I saw it. I'm singing every word. Yeah. That's like me at your stand up. I'm like I'm like saying the words. Yeah. What, what words? Actually, one of my favorite, one of my favorite bits of yours. Do you remember you're doing something to ship and then you were like, you were like, uh, uh, something about like who was here last week in my show or something.

And then this woman said that she wasn't and you're like, why weren't you? And she's like, I got mugged. And you're like, oh, no, you're like, what with what? Yeah, she's like a knife. And then you're like oh no you were like what with what yeah she's like a knife and then you're like you know what I do if I saw someone getting mugged with a knife and she's like what and you started to walk towards it and then you see you see them and they just walk away well well you're I wouldn't intervene I'm not a I'm not an intervener you know what I feel like you would fight I feel like I could see you I could see you fighting I think that you would fight one of your friends getting fucked with.

Sometimes I try things on yeah on the podcast like I'll say something I don't even really believe just to see. I was so yeah. Bites me in the ass sometimes. What do you mean? We don't always have this moment you know what I mean like just now I said I'm not an intervener I'm totally an intervener. Yeah. I was trying that on for like a perspective like a kind of well that could be funny. Yeah. But sometimes we don't have the moment where I acknowledge it and then it just seems like I think that There you go. You know, yeah, you would do that. Yeah, sure. You just throw some out and see how it feels Yeah, absolutely. I do that casting a line. Yeah, I don't believe in health care. Yeah. Yeah, see just see what someone says

Yeah, and see if you believe it. Yeah, does it really believe it? Yes, even brings your body joy Yeah, yeah, this is why I can't how to say how to feel about the health care thing the health care just now uh... there's a part of it that felt deeply profound no so i coughs when i'm out there justin okay interesting you didn't come up all across my you're a pilot

yeah you were invited to need income i guess i didn't how was it was the best dish to be honest with you and this is gonna sound so fucking sick and stuck up and conceited of me it was my dish I made meatballs everyone else did good they bring like like fucking well all just sometimes hard because you'll just be like oh I brought crackers people brought like store store-made brownies which is like I told everyone to phone it in sure she did some people brought like you know cut up vegetables which is like I told everyone to phone it in sure she did some people

brought like you know cut up vegetables which is like you know fine like it like a veggie tray not even Wow not even they made a rider food like what's on like a rider in the green basically it was beautiful but I told everyone to phone in I told everyone to wear pajamas I said don't this is easy going yeah as I put it together the night the day before yeah remember cuz you got the text before you didn't come and then I made I made barbecue and grape jelly drama as a dog this is easy going yeah that put together the night the day before yeah i remember to get tax free income and i made i made barbecue and grape jelly meatballs

that sounds great and i ate a lot of myself that sounds really good yeah frank norton you're frank he's a designer's right rick is a brilliant designer he designed the shirt i love that shirt and he uh... is designing my tour merch for this year

Oh nice. Tour is getting announced by the time this comes out. Super soon. Tour is getting announced next week. Super soon And I'm going to a lot of places. You're playing some great venues. I'm playing some theaters. Playing some great theaters. It's really crazy That's amazing. I'm excited. I believe it brother. I believe it. He's doing my merch for it. My poster and stuff for it. That's me. Am I on the merch? Frank came. You frank came you're not you do a collage of like your friends for the march really dot you think yeah you can't name one of my jokes i've been like four but frank came last night in he may keep two kinds of cookies and make cookies

and your jokes that's pretty good that's great shout-out to frank shout-out artist shout-out frank and shout-out ultimately ultimately for the meatballs or we're talking about before you were going to compliment me you said you can say i want to compliment you compliment you so handsome that's nice you know beautiful

uh... i know she's been getting we think i am on a scale one to two looks like you can tend to everything encompass like my penality ten ten What were you saying? Well, what's a thing to me same question? Well, you are really handsome, thank you very much told you that you have great style Thank you, and you're very talented and you know something I love about you You have a quality that I love which is a duality between you're very earnest And and poetic and deeply serious

about things when you need to be, but you're also very silly and goofy. I like that. I think I'm sillier and goofier than people think. Nobody would expect how goofy you are. Because I think people think my persona, my songwriting persona, which is a big part of me, but it's like this mysterious troubadour guy.

Yeah, your stage presence is wonderful and I love it, but you're so much sillier. Very silly. In real life than that. Katie always says before we did this tour together that we met on and then became boyfriend girlfriend for now, like almost eight years, she, boyfriend girlfriend?

She said, I always thought you were like this cool mysterious guy and then I met you and you're just kinda like Jonah Hill. But she's only, you're not like Jonah Hill. I club jona but that's a little is graia i've never met the guy i'd i love his work to silly for that to the comp i think i'm pretty silly your personal he actually might be more serious than you isn't that funny i think at this point at exactly medians are actually on stage serious in real life sad people on stage

well if you're bad people you're such a bomber on stage but in real life exactly it's we switch which is actually low-key fun uh... time uh... here oh yeah we're back you know what do you think of the intent nine

well let me just see you i love you so much it's hard to say anything less than ten one to See, I love you so much that it's hard to say anything less than 10. One, two, three. What are we doing? I'm just counting the numbers on the scale to see which one I respond to. No, it's hard. I love you so much that I think I can only see you as a 10, which is, but that doesn't feel fair.

Well, there we go. I want to be objective. There we go. What do you guys think Kevin is? Get a good look. Yeah, we'll just be under the lights. No one wants to play. If you do a five and you do a five, is that not 10? you. Get a good look. Under the lights. No one wants to play. If you do a five and you do a

five, hey, that not ten. Lexi and Danny don't want to play. Eleven. Pop out. You got eight. Scream. I'll take an eight. Eight's really good. I'll take an eight. So many messages. What's Caleb? Oh, we don't have to. Somebody messaged me on a

dating app once and said, they unprompted, Kevin, I did not message them, I did not like them, they messaged me, it's one where you don't have to match, I don't remember if it was Grindr or what, but they messaged me and they said, you're probably a six if personality counts. And that haunts me to this day, because I wanna know,

what was her name? Do they, you love that joke. What was her name? You love what's her name. It was boy, Kevin, but it haunts me to the state is i want to know do they know who i am and they think my personality deducted points but maybe they're into my physical appearance and ask them i had to block them because i wanted to kill them where where it's going to be

there are a little list of years of of people you know yeah i have to be so clearly everyone is ever wrong to be this i'm really not a vengeful person yeah i was writing from a place of trying to imagine someone who thinks like that. Okay, do you know I mean? Yeah Yeah, that's yeah, that's like what you tell like you're in the handcuffs being led to the car. No, no It was it was a bit. I was imagining a guy who would do that crying in a serial killer Oh what it was was I actually remember exactly what spurred that thought process which was people were because of the show before obvious is you think this actually

febi waller bridge had won a bunch of enemies for her show was a golden lead a great show had one of a bunch of these for show issues while there's picture for holding all of them right and someone posted that picture on social media is going viral posted that picture next to a three-star review that she got when she did the fringe uh... which edinburgh friends with with feedback originally yeah and they were like just proof that the haters are always fucking wrong i didn't

do your thing yeah and i was like so angered by that going viral because it's such a week loser mindset to be a key one who's ever criticized you as wrong is it possible i don't know if you haven't seen the show i haven't seen the stage show or the live show frankly but is it possible that the state show was three stars

and she received criticism in the back and improved it and now it also deserves a bunch of enemies of course i mean it is everything have to be the haters are wrong maybe that was a good review it's a funny thing do you you watch the nba you know the what what it is it's about all of the people you do you watch the NBA? No You know the do you know what what it is? It's a basketball in the hoop. Yeah Yeah, I get the idea of it. Well, there's got Yannis who plays for the Bucs Yannis. I just amazing him neither Denim popo it's like it's a pronounce his last name, but he's he's what is he Greek? He's Greek He's Greek. He's Greek and he's a man. What do they call him the Greek freak?

I think but he's amazing But he there's this really funny thing cuz you know,'s this whole show with the announcers are shack and charles barkley and i'm sorry i'm adjusting and i keep looking at the camera when i do it because like to change when i do it it's fine i love shack and charles barkley also there's this thing where yannis they get knocked out of the playoffs and he is asked this thing in the postgame and the guys like do you consider your season a failure he goes on this like really impassioned really beautiful speech where he's like it's

not a failure you know you work for a magazine or whatever like you consider if you don't get promoted every year you consider that year to be a failure Michael Jordan played for 15 seasons he only won six rings do you think every other season was failure no you learn you know through every season and through every hardship you learn and that's how you build upon year after year and then it cuts to Shaq and he's like I come from a military family and if you didn't win the ring, you're a failure.

It was the most like crazy thing. And then Charles Barkley, who famously never won a ring, but Shaq won a couple, Charles Barkley is like, I totally disagree. I think what Jan is saying is totally valid. And I think that like, yeah, your season's not a failure. And he's like, well, you never won to ring Charles. Like, it was so savage.

But I love those two together. It comes to critics. I've been all over the map with the critics, Caleb. You know, sometimes they love you, sometimes they hate you. Sometimes the worst is when they just think you're OK. And you're like, oh, love or hate me. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Strong to deal with. I'm not saying that we should all embrace every criticism we get. I'm very pro ignoring some criticism. I'm just saying the, I think particularly of the moment idea that all criticism is invalid is counterproductive to making good work. Yeah. And is silly, I think it's silly.

Do you, well it's interesting because, you know, there's certain critics, I won't name names, or certain publications that sometimes I found myself being like, I wish I just fucking go away or something but now is like journalism especially music journalism is dying and I see them start to go away I'm like well no don't actually go away it's like it's in the game you know what I mean like you got to have some enemies you gotta have some frenemies you got to have like they're it's an ecosystem and now that some of these you know like

critics are dying you're like well no that's terrible because ultimately you know that's bad for everyone. Yeah I do I regret and I want to apologize to you now on the pod I wrote a very popular review of Oh My God that said you used Oh My God too much. Oh wow well I apologize for that. What'd you write it for? Uh I wrote it for uh the Wall Street Journal. No the Wall Street Journal did not say that they give me a review pitch for

getting better today yeah i just remember you say i remember you saying once that someone said he's done my god too much and i would like to know what it was the guy it was it was it was this guy is pitchfork and they wrote this this guy wrote this article i don't remember his name but then like two years later he got fired by pitchfork is like i hate pitchfork in that was funny

It's really funny. I was like he you you hate it probably more than I do they fucking fired your ass you suck at writing Damn so you got real beef with that guy, huh? I don't even remember his name Yeah, whoever you are think of you whatever you are. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god Wait, what was I gonna ask you? I was gonna ask you about getting recognized because I feel like your recognition has been ramped up because of this fucking podcast. Yeah?

You know what, the viewers out there, if you see Caleb with me, one at a time, that's all I gotta say, one at a time. Oh, it's really ramped up, Caleb, and as someone who gets recognized every once in a while. You're quite famous, Kevin. I'm so fat, I can't even walk out the fucking door your music people love But you know when you're an indie rocker and you get recognized the people usually have like a good decorum And it's it's usually it's every once in a while

I would say the most the max that i'll ever get recognized in like a day Would be at like a like at south by southwest or something. Obviously it's a bunch of you know fans from all over the world and it'd be like six times that would be like a really that'd be a really good day for me but you man sometimes we go out and people are just it's like Beatlemania out there do you enjoy it your recognition your recognition yes it always depends I've had some like somewhat scary ones and I've had some like somewhat annoying ones but for the most part if you like everyone does a good job just like

love your work thank you so much yeah today that's nice do you enjoy yours uh... he i'd never mind it i i'm not mad at anyone for doing it i'd i'd sometimes it reminds me that i am not anonymous sure and i quite like it anonymity i think being a stranger is is really what i think i think it's fun to be a stranger i think it's fun to be an

honest i think it's fun i don't like about being the one being perceived all the time which is funny cuz i do this i mean we actively set up like a lot of lights and cameras and your back right but i don't get out of some of the takes me out of some of the put me in my body almost yeah it makes me remember that I'm a person

who people know, and that's weird. But I'm never mad at it. I think it's very sweet. I think it's very sweet. That's great. One at a time. Love you guys. One at a time.

And also, maybe they'll say hi to you from now on too. There was something recently, yeah. They'll say, I love your song. Well, there was a thing recently when that guy came up and it was like, we had like walked into a restaurant, me and Tara, and it was like, we sat down at a table, kinda out of view, but this table had seen us walk in, and this woman had said,

I love this guy, Caleb Heron over there, and she sent her friend, but he didn't know who you were, so he thought I was you, and he was like, hey, I know you from somewhere. And I, remember that guy? I do. He did- It was awkward. He did too much. He did too much, he was drunk, I think he was like and know you from somewhere and i think it were like i think that that he did work needed too much you did too much he was trying to use it did way too much he would

he would have run i feel okay well how it is a question who have you recognize instead hello to uh... one person ever really who will set rich that recently that's it that's great i've never done it before and i only did it because the perfect opportunity presented itself We were on a plane. She was sitting right behind me. Was she cool? She was awesome. That's great

We were sitting on a plane. I didn't say anything when I got on I don't say I don't I do not do it as a kansen, baby I love her and she I'm just such a huge fan and we got off the flight I was like I'm not gonna say anything and then we were stopped standing right next to each other because people passing dates and i was like it you can't now it would just be like honestly rude not to so i turned to it i was like trying not to cause a scene in case you know something i was like and the trend about you

and i turned away that's great she hit me on the shoulder and she goes not a bother at all i love your hat that's great so we started from a hat that was the hat uh... that that i have that happen i have that says um... that's why it's called fishing not catching fishing thing uh...

but then i posted that i met her and like maybe her daughter's friend or her daughter must be in the it's great was like we're all freaking out all my god can't believe you matter and we're now we're texting her that she may you out at that time i was a relationship was like i'm a comedian. I was just like, I'm a huge fan. But sometimes you wanna say like, people know who I am too.

There's an impulse. So I should, yeah. That's great, that's a good one. You guys should've. No, it would be absolutely insane to do that, but there have just been times when I'm gonna bother someone where I wanna like preface it with like, sometimes people ask me too.

So therefore, you should be cool to me. No, that yes yeah wink wink yeah um but i have a really me here uh... heroes syndrome i don't i get really freaked out about going up and saying hi to somebody but i've done it a few times who was the most memorable michael k williams r i p uh... from you know things over he was amazing is one of great and he came in he loved i worked at this my last job that I had before Music was was at this Cafe in Midtown Manhattan called culture I don't know why this is my friend one of my like best oldest friends runs this sorry Johnny

but it's called culture cafe, yeah, and I just worked the register there. Yeah, as you know, I don't drink coffee and I didn't know how to make coffee Yeah, but he would come in we have these like how to make coffee. But he would come in, we have these like famous chocolate chip cookies and he would come in and get those cookies. And he had like a manager agent with him at all times. And so like, I would never talk to him. I'm just like talking to this guy.

And it was my last day working there. And I thought to myself, you know what? I'll never be in another situation where I can say hi to this guy. I know this story and I wanna ask you to remind me and also tell the listeners listeners was it your last day working there because you were going on tour or moving to LA? I forget. I was both actually because I went on a tour that did like at the end of that tour I

flew to LA and moved there. But I had made the decision like because I live in New York at the time I was maybe like 24 at the time and I like moved there when I was 18 and I was like I'm going to do whatever it takes to just survive off of music and I have a job anymore and LA believe it or was 18 and I was like, I'm going to do whatever it takes to just survive off of music and not have a job anymore. And LA, believe it or not, at the time, was like the cheap country, like going from New York. It was like this very cheap place, 2013.

And it was just like no one had really moved there yet, like in, you know, my whole scene. And it was super affordable. So I was going out there to do that. This was my last day. And Michael K. Williams. I took it as a good omen that he was in there, and that I said hello to him. And he was standing there, he had all these shopping bags, his hat was really low, like this New York Yankees hat,

and kind of trying to remain anonymous. And then I was like, fuck it, I'm gonna do it. And over the pastry counter, I said, excuse me, sir, I'm a huge fan of all your work. And then he looked up at me and he was like, yeah? And I was like, yeah. And he put his shopping bags down and he shook my hand over the counter it's very cool

that's awesome and then when he died the night before he died I had a dream that I was on an airplane with him and Michelle from Japanese breakfast and the three of us were sitting in Nile and hanging out and then I woke up I was like oh that was a cool dream and then I read that he had died whoa yeah how weird I told Michelle right away yeah what'd'd she say? Whoa. Crazy. How weird. The only thing you can say. Yes the only thing you can say. Yeah. I'm so sorry I'm moving so much. Are you mad at me? No? Okay. I'm really moving a lot. The couch is deep so it's like weird to sit on sometimes don't you feel? Yeah.

You like the couch though. I love the couch. This is where we sit and play Madden. You've only done that with me twice. I've done it twice and I've got a confession to make. What? Did you pick up on this the second time we're doing it, me, you and Chance, we were playing and music was playing and I thought it was music on the video game and I was making fun of a lot of the music. Yeah. And then at some point you like switch the music and I was like oh this is your music. It wasn't felt so bad. It wasn't my music Okay, like a playlist that I had just clicked on to when I was like cleaning

Okay, and then it left on while we were playing like blink 182 and stuff who I love it didn't it was not an insult to me Okay, but I did clock you. I was just you know, I wasn't making fun of Lee way too I was just like this isn't my favorite blink 182 song. Yeah. Yeah, you're a big blink 182 fan I thought there were my favorite bands growing up. You love them. Yeah. You're a Big Blink-12 fan. They were one of my favorite bands growing up. You love them. Yeah. And what was that album that you love that was from that era? It was like very seminal to you. Like a very... Enema of the State? No.

Food Ranch? No, it was... Take Off Your Pants and Jacket? No, it was... what's the song I'm trying to think of that was like... There's a song that we listened to, was it Third Eye Blind? It was Third Eye Blind. That was the band that... You loved that record. I loved that. It was self-titled. Yeah. Self-titled album listened to, was it Third Eye Blind? It was Third Eye Blind. That was the band that- You loved that record. I loved that, it was self-titled.

Yeah. Self-titled album. Oh was it that one? Yeah, first record. That's like very influential to you, right? That was the first time, like when I heard the Third Eye Blind record for the first time, I was like eight years old and I was like, I wanna do whatever this is,

I wanna play music. Yeah. These songs are making me feel a certain way. You should start. Yeah, I should start. Someone, Tech9 said that to me recently. When we did the big slick. This is a great example of going.

Tech9 said this to you? Yeah, I went up to Tech9 and I was like, hey man, I just want to say it's an honor to meet you. I'm from Kansas City and I'm a musician and watching your story as I was growing up always gave me like a faith that I could someday do it. And he goes, someday you will. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Shout out Tech9.

Love that. Yeah, it was sick. I also at Big Slick went up to him because he sits next to me at a diner that we both go to a lot in Kansas City. He sits at a table near where I usually sit and I walked up to him at Big Slick at the like dugout meal thing and I was like And I was like, I was like, I was like, Mr. Nine, Mr. Tech, I'm sorry, what should I call you? And he was like, Tech.

That's great. And I was like, I was like, Tech, I'm a huge fan. I just love your music so much and I'm from Kansas City. And he was like, that's cool. And then he fist bumped me and walked away. He's cool, cool guy. I was like, Tech Nine. Yeah.

Fucking love him. KC Legend. Somebody tweeted once that nobody fucks with any musician in the world the way that White boys from the suburbs fuck fuck with Tech 9 the suburbs of Kansas City, and I think that is so true That's great what like white guys from the suburbs of Kansas City fuck with Tech 9 in a way That's like it's almost it's almost like upset. It's it's insane I growing up in up until coffee the only

wrapped i think a lot of the guys i went to school with listen to what's tech really it's amazing yeah nine and then it'll love it and it was there but it was in the name had like by this point in the middle of his rise and he was a little bit that is like another thing where are half uh... half the half generation between us it's yeah it's a much. It's pretty much a generation.

Yeah, it's pretty much a generation. Would you say to me before this podcast started, I was like, I told you that my first bank account was when I was 21. And I was like, because I lived in Brooklyn and I worked at bike delivery and everything was in cash. And you're like, it wasn't just Brooklyn. You're like, I only use cash until my early 20s because I lived in Brooklyn. I was like, that's not all that was going on.

It was like a different economy. People were pretty much using cash. It was the Dust Bowl. Yeah. The Dust Bowl when you were doing that. You know, sometimes when I meet someone your age or even younger, I'm telling a story and I actually feel like a grandpa.

Shout out Lindsey Jordan from Snail Mail. Shout out Lindsey. We were walking around Brooklyn a couple years ago, I guess at this point. We're walking around Brooklyn and I start telling her this story. And as I'm telling this story, I'm like, God, I sound, this sounds ancient.

And I tell her this whole story. What the story was was, oh, I used to live up in that building right there. One summer it was so hot that I went to buy an air conditioning. But when I got there, I was sweating so much, I couldn to live it up in that building right there one summer it was so hot that I went to buy an air conditioning but when I got there I was sweating so much I couldn't carry it back that was the story and I told it and Lindsay just goes yo that story that's fucking crazy and I was I think you know there's a clean decade between us but as I was telling I was like man

sound like an old man right now I've got those now yeah I'm i'm sure you do i thought that twenty two-year-old comedian which is a uh... uh... a little bit bigger of a gap than you and i yeah and i'll talk to a twenty two-year-old stand up and they'll be telling me something i'll be like not only do you sound stupid to in insane to me now i feel uh... in a different way stupid and insane yes that's exactly what it is yeah exactly what it is i don't want to be you yeah i don't want to know what you're talking about. You're kind of boring me, but I think you're cool.

And I recognize that I acted the other way that you're acting when I was your age. That's the thing. But it's, I feel now old. Yes. Yeah. And the bell tolls for us all. The bell tolls for most of us.

Yeah. Yeah. Not all. I don't know that the bell will toll for me. You might be the one exception. I don't feel that the bell will toll for me. You might be the one exception. I don't feel that the bell will toll for me. I feel ageless. You are.

I just feel...I feel so... Let me ask you, what's your five year plan? You're 30? So between now and 35, what's the plan? Well, God, I mean... You're gonna get a job? God willing, I don't ever want to have a job again. I want to keep doing this

Yeah, guys, please keep listening. I don't want to ever have a job again. Yeah, I hated it What was your last job my last job? Well, I had jobs in entertainment that were kind of jobby For a couple years there. They were great. You worked at Applebee's I worked at Applebee's I've worked in many places But my last job I actually remember so November of 2019 is when I like really blew up on the internet, which I don't say that with like it's not braggadocious It's just what happened. Yeah, but that is what happened in 2019 and then I was like dude I'm about to be rich as fuck. I don't know how I thought that was gonna happen

I just thought my career was gonna like I remember I remember I had a general meeting with Comedy Central and I was like, they're gonna offer me a show. Bank accounts on the way up. That's not what general meetings are. That's not what happened. But in January of 2020, I went back to Chicago where I was living at the time. I was working as an admin assistant at an ad agency

and I quit my job to do comedy full-time in January of 2020. Wow. And then COVID happened. And I drove for Uber Eats for months. I had no job, no health insurance. It was the stupidest thing I've ever done. Yeah.

And it worked out. But yeah. Nice. Yeah, that was my last job, admin assistant. I don't ever want to have a job again. Yeah. I hate working. I can see you being a great employee though.

Oh no. Really? Kevin. You're smart. Kevin. Oh, but I wasn't, I didn't want to do anything. Because I feel like you were a good student. Yes.

So. But that was for me. That was for you. When I was such a bad employee, I just want to say to all my former employees. You're great at what you do. Thank you. Thank you. I was a bad employee.

Been great. Thanks everyone for tuning in. Yeah, you're calling it? Yeah. You're getting out of here? Dude, I was a a bad employee. Thanks everyone for tuning in. Yeah, you're calling it? You're getting out of here? Dude, I was a really bad employee. Really? It was actually like epidemic. Were you like, cause you know sometimes, like I've heard people talk about this before, like when you're a creative person and you work at a...what? I'm just thinking about it, dude. I was like a disease on a company.

Not only would I not do my job that I was supposed to do, I would ask for more money and I would convince other people not to do their jobs. I was literally like a cancer. Leading the revolution within the business. I would go to people's cubicles and be like, we should all stop working as hard and we should get more money and we should leave.

You know, I could really see you doing that. I was a cancer dude. I feel like sometimes you come up with a big idea for the group yeah the whole group on board I swear to God and they'll be cool. We're all down. You're like. I actually have a change of heart I'm gonna do this later guys How's all the time dude? I was a cancer they would hire me I think people hired me because I'm a lot of fun, and I had a good resume I did like a ton of internships

And they were I I know for a fact, people didn't fire me from jobs that I should have been fired from because they liked my vibe. One time a guy came up to me and he said, hey Kevin, I'm a fan of yours. Also, I took a class with Caleb Heron and one time I watched him for 45 minutes in class craft a tweet.

No. That's what he said. No. But I actually, I took for that. So that's like kind of what you're talking about. Like I feel like you're probably in this class not paying attention but working on your craft which is now you know you make a living off of it and you're so great at. But I took that I was like yeah you're devoted to comedy you want to make sure that tweet was perfect.

Not all great tweets are just sent off the dome. Here's what I will say and this is one of those things that makes me feel old. Twitter used to be an art. Yes. Twitter, Jay Dooney, 140 characters. 140 characters. 140 characters and writing a joke on Twitter was really hard because you,

just like writing any joke, you have to back load it. You want certain things to fall in certain places. Right, right, right. There's a real specific way to write any joke, but writing a joke on Twitter was also very specific. And I did when I was in college, I was working very hard at Twitter. Cause it mattered back then.

Well, I think, you know, it's great. Now it's a Nazi cesspool. But back then it was like, that's how everybody sold TV shows think you know it's not a nazi cesspool yeah but it back then it was like that's how everybody else shows of that when i log in yes it's the site that i could have to tell people used to be a pipeline yeah real career right now it's nothing so this person watch you craft a tweet for forty five minutes similar to our class and i wonder why he would tell you that i know i liked it

though mark that would be like a someone was like oh i know i know kevin morrie wants watch him write a song. Ugh, that'd be beautiful. Music is so much more beautiful than comedy though. You know I feel this way. It's so humiliating what I do. What you do is beautiful. What I like about comedy though is it's,

people need to laugh. People, like myself, you gotta laugh. You gotta laugh, it's so great. It's like you need, and I think that like, a lot of my favorite lyricists are really funny, like David Berman from the Silver Jews very funny lyrics Yeah, and they become so relatable and they feel almost like their surface level or something

But then we try to write something like that. You're like, oh, it's a real art to do And that's what comedians are doing and it's so hard But the thing that blows me away about comedians and it specifically stand up is to be able to conjure cuz for me It's easy to just be like Okay, I got to go out there and like be like a rock and roller now But I've got this whole band behind me and like we just got to play the songs at the end of the day. Um But you go up there alone completely alone and then you gotta like you gotta it's like I know what it feels like to like tell a good joke at the dinner table or something when the vibes right and the energy's

Up you kill everyone laughs you do it but you have to you have to like get I don't know you have to conjure that and that seems very hard to me like what if you're not feeling if you're having a bad night you're sad or something you got to go out and do that yeah how do you do it to me it's like too bad you got to suck it up like to me the audience is so I've talked about this on the show before but I value the audience in such a like almost spiritual way like it is so cool and fucking sick that people will choose we get very small time on earth course you feel this way about your fan yeah for someone to come out and buy a ticket and get a

babysitter or money or harder money the tickets tickets sometimes like 60 bucks that might be like many hours of work for a person really that there and also they bust their ass yeah to come to a show is such a big deal that even on my worst days and I've done plenty of stand-up shows where I felt horrible. Sick, mad, depressed, just got you know had a situationship broken off or some relative is something something but every time it's easy to pull it together because it's a charmed life. Yeah it's an incredible lucky job. Making money off of this is psychotic and I just it's easy to pull it together because it's a charmed life. It's an incredible lucky job.

Making money off of this is psychotic. And I just, it's easy to pull it together because I'm like, this is the most charmed thing that's ever happened to somebody. Well, I guess what I'm saying is I feel the exact same way, but I think it's, for me to conjure it, it's like I just, I'm going to this place of my songs, but it's just, to tell a joke,

I just feel like it requires this different thing. I don't know if I'm articulating exactly what I want to say perfectly perfectly I found it scary to be alone up there when I started yeah I prefer it like when I did Katie's birthday show huh and I had to perform with all those people mm-hmm that stressed me out I felt so bad cuz I was like I don't want to fuck this up because Spencer's a genius you know well I'm having the same thing yeah exactly you know I feel the same thing in that at Largo right yeah like I feel like cuz I'm like Jeff

Tweedy's watching me side stage one way like in general he heroes watching yeah I'm like that's terrifying Cole's a fucking genius at what he does and I'm gonna fuck it up by not being on rhythm great it was good but it was like it was very I wasn't stage fright like scared of what the audience would think yeah but I haven't been so anxious on stage in many years only because I didn't want to disappoint Liam and Ellie and Lyra you know cuz they're so good at what they do sure sure sure that's scary to me cuz they're so good at what they do sure sure sure that's scary to me well they're probably thinking the same thing not with me singing them if we were doing jokes if they had to do an

improv scene I would never know I would however now you like you are always asking that how do you know Caleb and I just say Caleb who? I say Caleb who is this Caleb you speak of? I say I say as a lesson and then god do i would have got a yeah i mean ask you about this why are you ask is by because of all my god my album no i ask a lot of people on the show what do you think i guess you know god yes and i think god yes i think so absolutely all can or be it on god

heaven uh... yeah come on let's go Let's have fun with it. Have no God No, hell hell right. There's no chance. No hell hell just seems a little too silly hell's not fun Everyone goes to heaven. You know, but I think everyone goes to heaven everyone goes to heaven. Everyone goes to the party Wow. Yeah, that's awesome Yeah, does everyone get to enjoy my friends What? What? Everyone enjoys it the same. Absolutely. So you, wow, you think like BTK killer.

No, you know what, yes. Enjoying heaven alongside me, you and baby. Yes, he's at the bar, baby. He's at the bar. He's buying everyone shots. I'd rather be at the bar than in someone's house. No, I don't know about heaven. I don't know about God. I know like, it's more like the Big Bang, you know? I'm like more into the Big Bang.

What about it? I'm more into the universe. I think know, I'm like I'm like more into the Big Bang. What about it? I'm more into the universe I think when you get on to the other side of 35 what you'll experience in five years since you're almost 30 Like the I have a lot more appreciation for the earth, which is like rapidly I don't want to say it's dying. I feel like it's us who are dying on earth I don't think that the earth is dying. It's gonna be fine. The earth is gonna be fine Yeah But I do I have like a lot more appreciation for the earth as I get older.

In this way, like when you're like young, you just think, like, just everything is what it is. You're just born into it and you don't like question it or something. But as I get older, I keep having these moments of like breathtaking beauty where I'm like, oh my god, we're like living in like an outer space is incredible. You know, like you watch Star Wars or something or you watch Dune and you're like, they're on these planets, these planets look amazing or you watch Dune and you're like they're on these planets these planets look amazing but at a certain point you're like I'm like red rocks. We're on this planet. That planet is based off our planet. Someone just wrote that based off of our planet. They're like there's two moons

on Tatooine but that's just based off our one moon. It's insane. The moon looks amazing tonight. Do you see it? Yeah. It's like a big full moon. It's beautiful. Full moon tonight. Beautiful winter moon. It's great. They are. Oh wow. They really are. I cried today so that's good. You did cry today. But uh, but God yeah, you know, God's somewhere out there. Yeah, the earth is gonna be fine. The earth is cleansing itself of us. We are an invasive species to the earth. I know. We, and because we refuse to be in accordance with the earth and we're not do where these corporations and politicians are fucking selling us out for profit. Yeah. Like getting rid of the EPA so that companies can operate more freely is like

What the fuck are we thinking? But that's what we're doing and the earth is gonna be fine. It'll be here Yeah, until the sun envelops it. Until the sun envelops it. It won't be for a very long time that will be long gone I think we'll be longer as you know my my fear for the afterlife is that whatever dream you're having When you die like you know like if you're asleep or something yeah that that dream just keeps going on What if it's a nightmare then it would be like hell yeah? Well, I'm having a great dream. You'll have a great dream the one I had a dream the other night. I was good You'll have a great dream. The one, I had a dream the other night, that was good.

The one from the other night. So you didn't really answer about God. Kind of, yes, you're in on God. Yeah, what about you, do you believe in God? Yeah, well, yes, I mean, not so much. So kind of, yes. Four words. Yeah.

Right, I think God, I've said this a million, it's, you know, Kevin, it's my show. People have heard what I think about God here. But I'll tell you, I think God is not a person who sits in the sky. I think God is an energy that moves through the universe and generally moves us towards love and positivity and kindness and good. I think that's God. I think that you're God. I think that I'm God. I think the idea that we're two separate beings sitting across from each other is an

illusion. We're all the same. And that to me is God. We're all God because we're all the same. Yeah. I know hell. I'm certain of that. No hell. I am certain of only one thing in the entire universe and it's that hell is made up to scare people. I think that there'd be a hell on earth. Yeah. She and my mom both. She says that. I told you this. I asked her once, do you believe in hell? And she goes, you know some people think that life on earth is hell. I go, what? That was crazy dark. And I go, do you think that? And she goes, sometimes. Wow. Damn girl. Just telling the truth. Going through it, Kelly. Just telling the truth, Kelly. Yeah. I love your mom. She had a couple mirror lights. Word. Hey, same here. Queen. She probably brought those over here. So God for you,

kind of same thing as my thing. Same exact thing and it's like a question when cornered with the question as I am right now with these these interrogation lights on me it's uh... yeah of course i don't think it's like it's some some uh... some guy in the sky uh... but uh... it's got to be something that i'm i'm i'm certain about this point got another can be nothing but you know that can be random

could be nothing could be beautiful that was nothing i also think that if it was nothing there's still got it back you know into the mason I also think that if it was nothing, there's still a God in that. Yeah. You know what I mean? Does that make sense? Well yeah, because if we're all God and then we turn out to be nothing, then God is nothing. There's gotta be something. It's pretty crazy we're here. Yeah. Pretty psycho.

Oh, it's nuts. Absolutely insane. Yeah. And the more you learn about it, it's insane. What do you think of me? Of you? Yeah. 10 out of 10. Yeah. Really? Yeah. You think we'll be friends forever? Yes. That's fucking awesome. Yeah. I love that. Hell yeah. Hell yeah, dude. Hey, pleasure's all yours. Yes. Pleasure's all yours is so, oh, you know what I rewatched recently? What? Fucking live action

three musketeers from like the nineties, Disney, uh, uh, Kiefer Sutherland, Charlie Sheen randomly. Um Oliver Plath. Um and most importantly of all, um oh **** why can't oh villain. Villain Cardinal played by Tim Curry. Beautiful. Oh, Tim Curry. He's great. Tim Curry as the live guys. Yes. He's great. Yes, he is still alive. Uh Tim Curry guys go watch Three Musketeers live action. Tim Curry is such, go watch Three Musketeers live action. Tim Curry is such a good villain in it. At one point, he's like battling someone.

They're getting ready to stab him with a sword or something. He's got these big cloaks on, and they say something to him to the effect of like, I'll see you in hell. And then he pulls out a little handgun from his cloak and shoots them dead. And he goes, you first. And then he walks away.

Oh, Tim Curry. That away. Oh Tim Curry. I just watched him curry in one of my favorite movies of all time called Time Square. Have you seen it? No. It's incredible and he plays this DJ that kind of narrates the whole thing. Yeah it's about these two young girls who are both committed to a mental hospital and they break out and they start a punk band and Tim Curry is this DJ and starts playing them on the radio and he's very cool.

Fuck yeah. Yeah you should watch it Time Square. I love Tim Curry. You moved to New York recently how's that? If you're them on the radio and he's very cool. Fuck yeah. Yeah, you should watch it, Times Square. I love Tim Curry. You moved to New York recently, how's that? If you're living in New York, you should watch Times Square. Okay. Yeah. I love New York.

New York's great. Best city on earth. Whoa. Yeah. Greatest city on earth. I kind of thought you would say that that was Paris. No. You love Paris.

Paris is great, but the greatest city on earth is New York City. New York is wonderful. New York is where I live. I moved to New York when I was 18. It changed my whole life. No, you took a train. Took a train. I was like a little Chalamet.

There's such a cute picture of you. I was like a little Timothee Chalamet. There's such a cute picture of you when you were 18. The era of Bob Dylan that Timothee Chalamet is depicting is literally what I was after as well. So all those photos of him, I'm like, I have photos of myself that I look exactly like this. You really do.

You were wearing little hats. I was wearing a little hat. I was like, I went there with a guitar. My guitar's name was Muddy. And on the case, I painted a chess board. Like, I'm going to probably be playing chess against random people in Central Park. Not one game of chess was played on that thing.

No. Yeah, but it was cool. You know, a friend has it. A friend has it. My buddy Jeremy has it. Let's get it from Jeremy and play chess on it sometime. That would be sick. That's a good idea. Let's do that. That's a good idea. Let's paint it over it. No, it's muddy is intact. Okay. The case and the guitar. Good. Yeah. Because I'd fuck Jeremy up. Yeah. Fuck him up. I'd fuck him. You ever been in a physical fight? See, you would fight. No, that's a good... I was talking about this with a friend

the other day. We're at a bar talking about this and our girlfriends were talking to each other. It was like this very funny thing because they were literally talking about like... Hens are croaking. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. They were talking... That's not even how I am. It was literally... The conversation was really funny because we had a couple couple drinks and Katie and his girlfriend Sam were talking about

like what color to paint a room or something. Like literally, and then Adam and I were like, we've never been in a fight, but if we were. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're talking about beautiful aesthetic things and you guys are talking about how. At one point they're like, what the? We're getting like really worked up

and I feel like almost like fake punching each other. They're like, what are you guys talking about? We're like, oh, fighting. And, but I've never been in a fight. Really? One time a guy like hit me in the face like in in the chaos of a mosh pit because he could get away with it. Yeah. He should have fucking he's just done it in real life. But I was telling the story to my buddy. Um the the closest I've ever been to coming in a fight it was at the record bar here in Kansas City. I had this thing called the Kansas City Curse for a long time where all my shows sucked. Like career was rising, but every time I'd come to Kansas City, it would be worse than the

time before. It was so bad. I was just like, I fucking hate this butt crack town. I need to get out of here. That's how I felt about it growing up. So I'd come here and I would play Denver, sold out show the night before, Chicago, sold out the night after. But Kansas City, they'd be like, the air conditioner broke and also the ticket sales are so low that we have to make it a free show.

Like it'd be so crazy. Yeah. And then my parents and like old friends would come and they'd be like, yeah, the music thing seems like it's really working out, Kev. And I'd be like, but elsewhere it's going well. So they don't, it's literally going well. And I'm like, I couldn't convince them. And like, there's this anyways, there's this time where finally we call it a Kansas City

curse. I have like a headline show at the record bar, it was like 2018 or something, and it was a sold out show, and it was like, we're gonna break the curse tonight, this is gonna be a great show. It's the last show of a five week tour. And so we get on stage, we play the whole show, we go through the whole show, it's incredible. It goes off, you know, no problems.

It's wonderful, the crowd's freaking out, and then we go backstage right before going out for the encore, and we're like, oh my God, we broke the curse then we go backstage right before going out for the encore and we're like oh my god we broke the curses amazing go back out for the encore we get half a song into the encore and my sister and my mom and my high school girlfriend's mom are like all like up front and and I just see my sister like kind of look like a little faint and then she turns around and sits down and her body just goes lifeless and I couldn't believe was having happening. It was so scary.

I thought my sister just died right before my eyes. So I jumped in the audience and then like the three of us are trying to like take my sister out and then at some point a guy who I think thought that my sister was drunk and causing problems so I was throwing her out, this guy yelled, fuck you, at my sister. And then I so instinctually got so upset I jumped up on stage. The band was still playing. They're so confused as to what's going on. And I found the guy and I was like,

fuck you, that's my sister. And I yelled at him and I jumped back in the crowd, took my sister out. She's involuntarily puking while unconscious in front of the thing. Everyone's kinda awkwardly like filtering out. I was still in my suit. The band was still kinda playing.

And everyone's like, hey man, can we like get a photo? Like it was like so weird. What? No one knew what was going on. It was complete chaos and then my sit in ambulance came my sister got taken away it ended up being totally fine luckily my friend Abby who's a doctor was there and she like stepped in took care of the situation which is amazing thank you Abby um but anyways all this just to say the very end of this so then like my sister gets taken away and I turn

around and I face the record bar and it's like a couple hundred people have walked out and they're all just staring at me. It's like my reality had just completely bent. And I was like, I just couldn't believe The Kansas City Curse was so alive and real, we couldn't finish the show. Like, I couldn't, it was the craziest thing

that's ever happened in my life. Have you broken it since? I have broken it since, yes, I have broken it since. But, so, anyways, I turn around and I just kind of like face the audience like, well, I guess like let's all have a beer or something. And then this guy comes up to me and he was like, hey man, and he shakes my hand but like a little too aggressively and he kind of pulls me in. And he was like, why'd you say fuck you to my brother? And he wanted to fight and I felt so crazy and so out of my mind and suddenly I realized that my friend Jordan, who I hadn't seen since sophomore year of high school, was a hockey player.

My friend Iggy, who's my brother who I grew up with, and then Cyrus, who's this hunk in my band. I had different generations of friends throughout the years backing me up. And then there's all these people, and my adrenaline was so through the roof that I was like, if ever I get in a fist fight, the time is absolutely now. And I got really excited so through the roof that I was like if ever again at fist fight the time is absolutely now

And I got really excited and the guy was like he was in his brother was right next to him So the two of them is like the four of us and he was like, why'd you say fuck you to my brother? Howard that was like his brother bring it up by the way. Yeah, absolutely do the weird handshake. Yeah, exactly So then I said to him I like looked at brother and I go I said fuck you to your brother Cuz he said fuck you to my sister and then I was like let's fight. Let's fight right now And he was like they got so the look on their face was as if they'd seen a crazy person well They have they had I didn't know what they're getting into because he was like he was like he's like what and I was like Right now let's fight in front of all you'll be great cuz in my mind

I'm like even if I got the shit kicked out of me in front of like my fans That's kind of sick. That's hardcore. That's hardcore. Be so cool like they watch me go down like if I cry like be sick, but um But that wasn't gonna happen. I like my boys behind me, you know suddenly different generations of boys But anyways, then they like walked on the block and they talked to some of their friends and they're like should we should we fight them? And then we were like come back here and then they they went away yeah cuz you were acting fucking insane I was acting crazy so hopefully I can conjure up that anytime that someone wants to get in a fight with me I don't want to get in a fight it would suck to get in a fight I think I'd only do it if someone was like messing with someone I loved I know one

is gonna like piss me off like from making fun of me or something you can't I don't fight to that place exactly I'm in control of me exactly yeah you got to do something to someone else that yeah I'm not you there's no you could say to me that would piss me off enough to want to hit you yes I'm like I don't care about that from to me. I've heard it. I could see you laying hands I could see you like fucking kicking someone's ass. Yeah, what does someone is a good like experiment like what if we were walking around? And someone came up to me just shoved me. What would you do shoved you yeah? There's so many factors that would have to be known. They shoved me and

they said you suck. I'm gonna beat you up. What would you do? What are they? What are they like? They're they've got a motorcycle jacket on and slicked back hair. Guy? Um yes. How do you know? Did you ask them? They're they're wearing they're they're wearing a shirt that says I'm a guy. Oh fuck okay. They're wearing a shirt that says I'm a guy They're wearing a shirt that says I'm a guy Okay, in fairness though that is something that a lesbian would do Just to be completely fair

Okay, they're wearing a shirt that says I'm a guy so now we know their gender for sure They're a biker person. Yeah, I guess I beat the shit out of them until they bled and cried or something There you go. Yeah, I would never let them are you to do improv right now now i could you know cuz i said i love improvising last night for us with you you were real time about it how we've been doing this when we start our right minutes kevin the diet could just go the time to just go with us you

know well with me is our your did dot forever that's cuz you know what it is. What? Put your phone away for me. All right. Don't get distracted. Do you know what it is with me and you? What?

It's when two real guys get together and they're just real. Oh, this brings me to my next question. I wanted to ask you this question. I thought Katie was gonna come here. The thing about our friendship, Caleb, is that I feel like we've got our boys club. And I'm one of the girls. Well like we've got our boys club and I'm one of the girls well we've got we've got this we've got this crew and the Katie's in it Tara's in it Liam's in it and you you drift between scenes you can hang out

the girlies you go have a girls night out at G&L yeah you also have a boys night out you know so on the hot mic Caleb which is better right so a healthy and well-balanced diet diet is what it's called for okay my privilege in life i have one yeah one privilege in life and it's that i get to be one of the boys and one of the girls that's the one gift that god gave to me i get to be one of the girlies and i get to be one of the fellows yeah i get to be a t having a little tiny sandwich with no crust on it talking about all colors and and things like that you know how

girls are yeah and then i get to be one of the boys i get to go to the big game and scratch my nuts and eat chicken wings you know uh that's my privilege in this world that was given to me by god yeah christian god rained that down to me absolutely gave me the privilege he when god made me he said perfect dimples he said perfect dimples you will knows uh... adorable smile charm that could light up the darkest rooms i don't question three by the christmas tree but the cave in the middle of the work okay no where made me he says can he's going to be so adorable is me so sweet

is everyone's gonna love them and and by the way by not be one of the girls and one of the guys yeah that's what he gave to me yeah he gives other people out their stuff still not answering my question well i'm a storyteller kev okay so this is what god did to me for me this is what god did for me christian god and he gave me this gift and so here's what i'll say about the friend group i am the only singular person in our friend group that you just described that has never Risked the vibe of the friend group by fucking another person in the friend group All of you guys are sleeping with each other And making and really really risking the friend group. Yeah, I would never sleep with any of I wouldn't touch any of you with a 30

foot pole Because I would never and you guys are all hot. I wouldn't touch any of you with a 30 foot pole because I would never Put what coming Above the beauty of our friendship. Yeah, I'm not gonna answer your juvenile your silly question strength the bravery I wouldn't touch you guys you guys could you guys could do anything in the world to try and sleep with me How dare you dream on dare? I wouldn't fuck any of you Wow So you guys are risking the friend group? Yeah, that's true. That all being said, I prefer the girls. Wow. I'm just kidding. You're scared. Well, cause we had a beautiful moment together. The boys recently we did in

Chicago. Oh yeah. Beautiful moment. Girls were jealous of all timer. I cried. Timer. I cried in my boys. There's a photo of it. I have my auto around my boys and I cried, dude. And you know what? There's other boys that just all the boys join in. Yeah. Strangers were just joining in. It was Mavis Staples singing with Nathaniel Wraithliff. They sang the song Friendship. Friendship, kind of last lifetime. Beautiful song.

Beautiful song. Mavis Staples sang it in Chicago with Nathaniel Wraithliff. His first arena show in Chicago. It was beautiful. Two musicians that I love. And then I'm with my boys and I put my arms around my boys and I cry cry cry at the moment. Scratching your nuts. And I'm scratching my nuts. I'm letting it all hang out with my boys and um, do you know what I thought in that moment? What? When boys come together, it can be so beautiful. Of course. But often it is evil. Well what do you Oh, of course boys coming together is historically one of the worst things we've seen

We have a lot about representatives for us out there in the world when boys come together. It is so often. Well, it's war Yeah, yeah, absolutely. He's coming to get we've got a name for it. Is it a rally or war? Men love war because then they can have like then like something with other guys. Yes. Yes, dude I'm saying that that as well as like then they love they can have like, then like something. Sex with other guys. Yeah, yes. Dude, I've been saying. That as well as like, then they love to like stand over like someone who's injured with the sunset and like a song playing in the background and have a moment.

Yeah. Yeah. You think men love war because it's beautiful? They love to like get themselves into like horrible situations that they definitely don't need to be in. And then be like, well, that's, he fought for his life, you know what I mean? Yeah. And it's like, well, no one had to fight at all. Men make everything complicated for no reason.

Yes. And women are just plain kooky. I don't get women. Gadzooks. Yes. It's not kidding. I love girls. Love girls. Yeah. So the girls, you said the girls. Well, no, I think it's just different. You know, sometimes you want to be with the boys. Yeah. Sometimes I'm feeling callous and insensitive. Yeah.

You know, and then I want to be with the fellas. Yeah. Sometimes I'm feeling soft and tender. There you go. Then I want to be with the girls. There you go. You know, but the gift that God, Christian God, gave to me is that I get to be both.

And I thank him or her or them for that every single day. Every single day. every single day every beautiful was a gift and uh... yeah i love it but i wouldn't trade it is you only get to be the boys only get to be the fellows and for now i've never seen you with the girls though you know it's funny

i think you're more of a fellow that i am you know way more about football than i know yet as an example you play football what what position you would feel my muscles? Yeah Okay, go That's what I'm saying. You can fuck somebody up surprisingly a lot, huh? Yeah, so what are you gonna do if tick-tock gets banned fuck? I'll celebrate I'll dance in the street is your biggest is is this the biggest platform for this on tick-tock

I do have my biggest following on TikTok, but I do not care. TikTok is so scary. Every time I open TikTok, I'll only ever open it every once in a while. Yeah. Cause like, will I get an email from them or something that's like, you got a direct message from like this friend or something.

Yeah. Like what is that? And it's always just a friend who sends me like some dumb video or something. But anytime I open it, it's like, I can't, it's too much for me. It's too much. I can't do it.

And then I delete the app because I'm like this is it's not for us it's killing us like I'm addicted to Instagram and sometimes I look at Twitter and stuff like that and it's like I get on the hook with those things I don't actually get on the hook with tick-tock it's too crazy for me I have a question for you what's up Kevin Morby what's so true to you what's so true to me it's supposed to be a sincere answer like a funny answer only you can decide only I can decide funny answer so true to me. Yeah the roles

At Texas Roadhouse, dude Are not donuts dude, but they're not not donut dude the roles at Texas Roadhouse are Something so fucking special and important to me who loves them Andy Morby my Andy Morby is fucking real, and I've always said that you're one of my mom's biggest fans. I can tell you just love her with all your heart. Sandy is real as fuck. She loves you too. She gave me you. She gave me you. And I appreciate that. She loves those rolls. I love those rolls. Incredible. The fucking cinnamon butter. Cinnamon butter is great. They're so soft. Dude, everything at Texas Roadhouse. I wish we were there right now. Texas Roadhouse is great. I hate that we're not there. I think

that's like our restaurant. Like that's where we go for like a special hot. I wish we were there right now. This road has a great hate that we're not there I think that's like our restaurant like that's where we go for like a special restaurant I know and it sucks cuz I usually go there when I'm a little bit high Yeah, and I almost always get Recognized and it sucks cuz I'm not in my best Well, I might blaze out of my mind about to go to town on a stake and someone's like can I get a picture? And I'm like, I wish you wouldn't but yes, you know, I do love you, but I'm ultimately look like shit. Yeah Well, that's what's so true to me. Those roles are incredible one Kevin. Yeah. Well, thank you very much for saying that you know We were taking my parents for their anniversary, which is like January or sorry December 30th. Yeah every year. It's the same thing but um

Okay keeps coming around. He's coming around but um That was me trying to like do a bit and you weren't taking it. You know what? Every year it's their anniversary is the same. I contributed to the bit. Oh, okay. I said, Oh, it keeps coming around. That's when, sorry, you're not, you said this. That's when you would have built on it and you would have taken it further. I see where, but I was there for you. Well, every year we were taking them to like a fan that we're taking to Golden Ox and the West bonds, which I love. Yeah. And you know, it's like a little fancy, I guess.

And we were taking them to Golden Ox and like on the third year in a row, we're like, oh your university's about to come up, we'll take you to Golden Ox again. And they started to laugh, they're like, we don't wanna go there. I was like, oh we pay, like what's the problem? Like we take you guys out to eat

and they're like, you wanna take us to a place that we actually like, take us to Texas Roadhouse? Fucking real, dude. And then so real. I I was like my parents have never had a good steak even though my dad like grew up like cattle farming, but I was like they don't know what again then I researched it and it was like Bon Appetit all these places were like Texas Roadhouse I was like one of the best stakes their stakes are fucking good really amazing great restaurant great staff great staff I hate that they make them dance, but when they like it

I like it for them remember the last time we're there that woman just kept saying say less to us. I love it. We'd be like can I get a sides out? Say less. Yeah it was everything. With the steak and mashed potatoes. Say less. How do you want to cook medium rare? Say less. She's sick. Queen. Queen. Loved her. Yeah me too. Kevin I have a segment for you. Alright what true or false? This is where the men are separated from the theys or the boys or the girls and i'm gonna tell you right now you're not ready for this kevin i can't wait and i know you're here right now ok it was the empty because is that the script

pulled up keep dreaming was already for this uh... this is the true false segment okay i'm going to read you fifteen statements that you're going to tell me as quickly as you can if you think they're true or false okay daily check how many gets right i'll tell you uh... fifteen statements cap

uh... you're gonna tell you if you think they're true or false and then i'm going to be right or wrong and if you get ten or more correct i'm gonna give you fifty u.s. dollars okay that's cash okay gordon ramsay was born in sweden boss scotland domino's pizzas domino's pizzas older than brock obama Okay. Gordon Ramsey was born in Sweden. True. False. Scotland. Domino's Pizza is older than Barack Obama. Uh, false.

True. Fuck! Mosquitoes have 47 teeth. True. True. Over 1 million Earths would fit inside the sun. True. True.

The Kansas City Royals have won four World Series. False. False. It's two. The first electric guitar was invented in 1937. Um, false. True. There are no working payphones in the37. Um, false. True. There are no working payphones in the U.S. Uh, false.

False. There are about 100,000. Silver dollar cities in St. Louis, Missouri. What was the question? Silver dollar cities in St. Louis, Missouri. Uh, false. False. It's in Branson.

A face mask is a 15 years penalty, or 15, he wrote it wrong, a 15 yards penalty in football. 15 year penalty. It is, uh, that's true. That's true. Beavers can breathe underwater. True. False. DFW airport is larger than the Island of Manhattan. True. True.

A group of frogs is called an army. False. True. It has never snowed in Fiji. False. True. Bob Dylan was in a fraternity in college. True. True. Tennis was named for the sports founder, Pierre Tennis. No, false. That's false.

False. Yes. I know how it was named. How many did he tennis? No false that's false. False? Yes I know how it's named. How many did you get? Oh no Kevin! Shame on you, shame on your cow. I should have got the one about Fiji and tennis I know why it's named that. It was the speed that threw you off? I guess so. It was my speed as an interviewer. Yeah. What why is tennis named what it's named tennis is now in a because it's uh... it was i've read this in a series of the data possible says it's a it's french or you can't word it you're just the reading this son of a bitch until i send you some

i see you in s a i think have an essay months ago i told tiny little essay that i want to read he said i'll read your essay if you watch this short film with me replayed me a short film refuse to read my essay if you watch this short film with me. He played me the short film, refused to read my essay. I'm gonna read it, because it's about the springtime. I'm waiting for spring to come back. You are such a sick individual. Kevin, thank you so much for being on.

Thanks for having me. What an honor. Love you too, brother. You're one of my best friends in the whole world. Hey, the feeling's mutual. And I would do anything for you. Thanks, man. You ever need anything, give me a call. Same. Hey, this was good.

I'm like a plumber, I'll come right over. You want to tell people where to find you? Find me, um, find me on the streets. Yeah, Mike, have it on the streets. When I asked my mom that on her episode, she said, oh, I'm in Kansas City. That's nice. I thought that was awesome. I love that.

That's nice. That was a HateGum Podcast. Hey, it's Nicole Byer here. Let me ask you something. Are you tired of endless swiping on dating apps? Fed up with awkward first dates and disappointing hookups? Girl, same. Welcome to Why Won't You Date Me, the podcast where I figure out love and how to suck less

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