So True with Caleb Hearon - Kiry Shabazz is an Artist

Episode Date: February 27, 2025

Welcome back! This week’s guest is the hilarious Kiry Shabazz! Kiry and Caleb talk Willy Wonka, the differences between Missouri and Ohio, football, different types of comedy audiences, a harrowing trip to a BBQ restaurant, and much more! We are going on TOUR! Come see So True LIVE in a city near you! Dates/Tickets can be found here: https://www.livenation.com/artist/K8vZ917qN1f/so-true-with-caleb-hearon-events Join our Patreon for an exclusive extended interview with Kiry and other bonus content! https://patreon.com/SoTruePodcast?utm_medium=unknown&utm_source=join_link&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=copyLink  Follow Kiry! @kirybazz  Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud There’s no replacement for human connection. Better with people. Better with Alma. Visit helloalma.com/SOTRUE to get started and schedule a free consultation today.Book now at Booking.com !About Headgum: Headgum is an LA & NY-based podcast network creating premium podcasts with the funniest, most engaging voices in comedy to achieve one goal: Making our audience and ourselves laugh. Listen to our shows at https://www.headgum.com. » SUBSCRIBE to Headgum: https://www.youtube.com/c/HeadGum?sub_confirmation=1  » FOLLOW us on Twitter: http://twitter.com/headgum  » FOLLOW us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/headgum/ » FOLLOW us on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum So True is a Headgum podcast, created and hosted by Caleb Hearon. The show is produced by Chance Nichols with Associate Producer Allie Kahan and Executive Producer Emma Foley. So True is engineered by Casey Donahue and engineered and edited by Nicole Lyons. Kaiti Moos is our VP of Content at Headgum. Thanks to Luke Rogers for our show art and Virginia Muller our social media manager.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Get the Angel Reese special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba.

I participated in restaurants for a limited time. The only white shows growing up I really got was like Friends. You got friends? Yeah, I kind of got to see how they were like funny like Well, Joey's thing like You're so it's so funny for you to try and be an introvert when you're just like one of the funniest stand-ups alive But yes on stage not on the couch Fucking you know with a Chance with a laptop. Stages you're about to say with lights and a microphone but

you just realized that's stage. Exactly yeah. I had to randomly attack Chance for no reason. No that's the point of the show. Got you yeah. Chance is um he's a complicated figure on the show. The clip's not sharing. So why you not being a diva not sharing your screen time with him? Sharing what? He needs FaceTime. I don't like him. You hot?

I don't like this guy. I keep trying to tell people. No, man. I don't like this guy. I don't believe that. It's a bromance budding and the. You think so? Yeah.

I think we have a bromance, you and I. Yeah, somewhat, yeah. Until that time? Yeah. I think we have a bromance, you and I. Yeah, somewhat, yeah. Until, until that time you tried to not give me jails, I think I was very upset. Okay, talk about it. You've been wanting to bring this up. I did. I don't want to do it. Are we recording or no? Oh, we're recording. This is awkward. Can I edit that out, please? Yeah. All right. See what I'm doing. It's not like I'm on stage doing it now I Do this is one of my fondest memories in Kansas City my only memory Uh-huh, and you have this thing where you have to take people to the most delicious places in Kansas. It's my thing

Yeah, we had did the KC tennis show, which was fucking amazing Yeah, and I was like I can't leave here unless I get some barbecue. And I think Joe's was, you named a few. Yeah. I think one of them was something slappies or slaps. Yeah. Okay. Here, look, I'm making it all extra racist. Yeah. Whatever the fuck that sounds Kansas City is. Yeah. But I love this photo, man, because it, I don't know, what is his girlfriend's name first of all your friend He's like a hetero you yep, Anthony and then his partner their name is Sid Sid okay. Yeah, Anthony and said love him to death. They were cool, but poor said it looks like our nurse Looks like what our nurse? Yeah

She's there in case one of us goes in the cardiac arrest they look yeah Yeah, yeah, they look like they look like they're about to put the paddles on us after charging. Yeah on my bad day. I'm sorry No, you good. Yeah. No, it's definitely like this was a group home outing And the worst part is y'all know Caleb is like beaming with confidence. You don't give a fuck. No. So you had to sit right in front where people come in and go to the register. Yeah.

And I'm like, they're thinking one of three things. One they're like, we picked the right place. Yeah. That's exactly what they're thinking. Yeah. They see me, you and Anthony sitting at a barbecue place. Yeah. They're like, these about to be some good ribs.

I've been saying this. If you walk into a restaurant and I'm in there with a smile on my face You better have a seat you made the best you made the best choice you could make so they were either thinking now when they walked Up and saw our big backs devouring ribs. Yeah and said being nervous as hell or they were like Maybe I shouldn't have a cheat day today Maybe I should stick to my diet because the way the black one is breathing laboriously is not. You know what I mean? Like we're sitting right in front of somebody. The owner either wants us to leave or he wants to stay or they were

like, the owner's thin. Oh no, not at all. You think those chairs aren't triple steel reinforced? Oh, they definitely were. Everyone in Kansas City is fat. That's why I love it there. Yeah, true, true. It's a great place to be. You're in Kansas City, what, six? I'm a Kansas-

Five, six, not like, look. Okay, I was like, Kyrie. Oh, god damn, fuck. What are we doing here? Oh my god. No, I'm a Kansas City double zero. Double zero? I'm one of the smallest guys in town.

Yeah. Got the Pepto out. Oh, definitely. Yeah, definitely had the Pepto. Yeah. Because I knew the macaron and cheese was going to fuck me. And I had to fly right out after. You did. Yeah.

Caleb was a very kind host, but when it's time to kick people out, you don't play. I say it's time to go. It's time to get the fuck out. And I knew it. It was like, look, we got 30 minutes to get to Joe's. Yeah. So I knew I needed the Pepto for the flight. But, or they were just thinking like, Joe's is that dope.

Yeah. We don't care who's in here. Yeah. We're going to eat no matter what. And the food was good. I'm not ever thinking about what other people are thinking of me. How often is it running through your mind, do you think? When I'm sitting in front of the register at a ribs joint.

That's when? OK. Yeah. When I'm center stage trying to devour ribs. Because then, now I feel self-conscious I have to eat them all like because I'm gonna devour them I want to get messy and dirty. Yeah, but I'm in front of this establishment and you know I got to be dainty with the ribs. Yeah use a fork, you know, no one's doing that though

Yeah, cuz they're animals. Yeah, but not us. They're from Kansas City. Yeah, I'm trying to represent I'm civilized. I'm coming into your city. You're from Cleveland, so you're... Yeah, definitely, yeah, thanks for outing me. Real buttoned up, yeah, real buttoned up. We, yeah, us Lake people are very, you know, classy. Yeah, pinkies out with the ribs, formal wear. Exactly.

Tuxedo tails, yeah. I keep forgetting I'm from Cleveland. It makes sense when I remember Look at this shit that's happened in my life. I'm like, yeah you from Cleveland, bro. You're from Cleveland. Yeah How long were you in Cleveland? I grew up there. So I think from Probably about like age four like the 17 so like elementary middle school high school Yeah, and then I came out here to California and then just been off and on since then. Did you start comedy right away? I didn't.

I unfortunately, I did improv. No. Yeah, fucking man. You did improv? Did improv. No. Don't tell any stand-ups. I started doing improv.

I was walking down, because where I used to go to get home, there was a small improv club, and I was like, why are these weird adults standing on chairs doing windmills? Like, what the fuck? It looked like an insane asylum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, I wanna be in there.

Like, what the fuck is that? So I went in there, I started taking classes, doing improv, and it was your typical improv place, no matter where you go. I have a thing where every improver does this. I can tell. It'd be like it's a wonky one up. Like all the little games of zip zap zops

and big booty, big booty, big booty, all of that shit. It was all of the usual improv things and I loved improv. It was a lot of fun, but I didn't fit in with improvisers. Yeah. Yeah. That's a compliment. But you're like a day walker.

You could walk both worlds. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I fit in over there. Yeah, you can talk to the improvisers and then stand ups. I can't, I can't. You just knew immediately, like this is not. And then culturally-ups. I can't you just knew immediately like this is not and then culturally so like I think Because like I grew up in the hood so when I went there I was the guy going for like the easy jokes are always wanted to be the loud character

Yeah, and the guy who taught the class was always like don't go for the joke I'm like what the fuck do you mean don't go for the jury you got to be funny I'm up here trying to make people laugh. I found that difficult too in improv, I'll be honest. I understood the mentality, but it did annoy me because teachers always some middle-aged white guy, straight, and he would be like, don't go for the easy stuff,

and I'd be like, I wanna laugh. I wanna immediate laugh. Hello. They make you chase this clever shit, and then, for real, that's how I feel, like this clever, like, this clever, boring, white bullshit. Like, I'm trying to be a hood pirate.

I heard, like, just... Ruling the fucking scene, like, not taking any suggestions, no yes and, just rail rolling the scene. Somebody's like, hey, did you make the cookies? We're in space. Like, just a stereotype of a shitty improviser Yeah, and just my just need to want to get better at shit and perfect it

I was like, okay You got to learn the format and and then I found it was fun actually playing grounded and and going for that clever white shit It actually paid off clever white shit Because you know that like Seinfeld like Frasier type shit, I used to hate that when I was a kid. Yeah. I didn't understand Frasier at all. I was like, what the fuck is this? What are these three gay white men talking about

in his fucking apartment? Frasier was so boring in Seinfeld, but now that I'm grown, I watch Frasier. It's a hoot. I fucking love Frasier. It's a rip war time. I love me some Frasier now, man. What were your shows? What were you enjoying? The typical shit like Martin, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Jamie Foxx. This is what I was watching. Right. In Missouri?

Oh yeah, I was watching Martin. We were watching the Bernie Mac Show. No, you wasn't. Yes, I was. The fuck? In Missouri? What do you mean in Missouri? You were in Ohio! I guess Ohio does think we're better in Missouri for no reason at all.

No reason at all. Yeah. No reason at all. It's unjustified bougieness. It's not fair. Yeah. We're doing the same shit. Well, y'all got better barbecue.

That's absolutely true. Yeah. That's absolutely true. I'm struggling to think of what Ohio has that's better than Missouri. Corned beef sandwiches, I don't know, a fucking lake. Yeah, well, lakes, that's real. That's real.

Yeah, a basketball team. I don't think y'all got a good team, do y'all? We don't have an NBA team at all. OK, cool. It really stresses me out. It's coming, huh? I'd love one. How did I thought about you, too?

How did you feel about the Super Bowl? What are you doing? What are you doing? Was this a thing? What are you doing? No, look, everybody, y'all can't see the staff. They're like, no, don Bowl? What are you doing? What do you know? It was this a thing don't know look everybody y'all can't see the staff. They're like no What are you doing? This is a gotcha interview. You're trying to go. Yeah Yeah, I'd say are you who's your NFL team the Browns unfortunately so go back to You know what I was I really I really, it really didn't

It didn't bother me that much, we did play the worst game we played in five years in the Super Bowl, that was nuts But what cracks me up is the number of people who, everyone hates the Chiefs now, I get it It's annoying to you guys, they forget that just a couple years ago we were horrible and this is all new and fun to us But the number of people that are like

Bangles fans or like Rams fans that are being like, yeah, fuck yeah, Eagles beating the shit out of the Chiefs. I'm like, your team is in Cancun. Your team is on vacation right now. They're not on the main stage. Y'all are not playing. You're not. It's like they're getting so, it just cracks me up. They're being so like uppity and self-righteous about the, by the way, I like Jalen Hurts. I like Saquon Barkley. I'm very happy for a lot of people on that organization but then the sport, the football... What's that? Don't slide that in now. I am. Okay. But I have to say

specific names because you I fucking hate Nick Sirianni. Okay. Nick Sirianni is such a stupid little fucking dweeb. Yeah. The head coach of the Eagles, I think, anybody who's an Eagles fan, come on, you have to admit that guy's a loser. No, I don't think think the only people who should be Eagle fans are people from Philly Yeah, all these people rooting for my like you guys are fake. No one likes Philly. Oh, I love Philly. No the city I love Philly this year insane. No I love Philly Philly. I don't Have you been there like yes, I like the food, right?

I like itska bibbles. The museums, great food. But it's the way they kind of, people in Philly don't know they're from Philly. I was doing the show and I was trying to find out where good Philly cheesesteak was and I was like, I'm going to go to Pat's and Gino's, just because I don't know, I'm not fucking with them. And they lost their mind, like don't fucking go there. You got to go to itska bibbles.

And I was like, don't fucking go there. You gotta go to Itch-a-Bibbles. And I was like. And I was like, well, I was confused. And they were like, they didn't understand why I was confused. I was like, what? I was like, Itch-a-Bibbles. I'm like, what the fuck is a Itch-a-Bibbles?

They're saying it like, go to the cheesesteak station. Like, you have to explain what the fuck a Itch-a-Bibbles. It ended up being amazing. But. Turns out. Yeah, it turns out it was great. You have to explain what the fuck it's kabibble. It ended up being amazing But just everything about it like the downtown area there was like an abandoned like burned out building there It looked kind of like post-apocalyptic. Yeah. Yes, as opposed to the the new age oasis that is Cleveland I can't wait for you to go to Cleveland. We got two new buildings We got two new buildings and the cabs are doing better now. Things are on the up. Things are on the up, yeah.

Cleveland, yeah. But Philly's a major city so it's like, Cleveland is the mistake by the late kids. Did you ever watch the Drew Carey show? I did, I did. Was it important to you No, because it fell into that line of uh Just white shows. I didn't get right okay. The only white shows going up. I really got was like friends You got friends. Yeah, I kind of got to see how they were like funny like

What was Joey's thing like? Don't know what I mean? How you doing? Yeah, you have to... Joe, we had to, how you, you know, so you get in Chandler, you like, bah, mighta good, like, you can, and Phoebe. So to me, that was...

And what was Phoebe's thing? Smelly cats, but like, it was like, franges Francis you could get it so The idea of you watching friends and just being like being like channels about to do his thing like you're just Yeah, we're locked in with the characters of friends. Yeah, and then that theme song locked you into yeah He's sitting there in the living room and I'll be there for you exactly. Yeah, that's why you're hooked immediately. It's like the CSI thing. Yeah, they're in the fucking the fountain Yeah, why not? Drew Carey was one of those where I was like, I don't you um, you taking phone calls right now

I'm trying I thought it was on airplane mode. I Really I'm only doing this cuz I love you man. I really I hate podcasts so much do not stop I got watching our why I watched this podcast when I'm like, I wouldn't want to be on there. Why? Because like it's a podcast man. It's just like, you know, I want to get to the bottom of this When it's a friend it's okay like when the chew it's fine Yeah, but like the idea of somebody hitting you up like hey When it's a friend it's okay, like when it's you it's fine. But like the idea of somebody hitting you up like, hey let's have our first two hour long conversation together.

Like no. You and I have had a couple conversations though. We've had yeah. That's what I'm saying, it's easier when it's a friend like comedians I know. But the idea of just hopping on somebody's podcast and talking for two hours, you don't know if they're a fucking idiot or not. Oh I'm not doing that. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you consider podcasting to be white nonsense? No, because it's some good black podcast. Okay, is there a black podcast you'd like to be on more than mine? I could maybe make some calls. The Joe Button podcast, yeah, if you could hook that up. Okay. Joe, I know you watch.

He probably do, man. Please have Kyrie on your show. Or one of those ones where, like, you know, where it's like those really just, like, intellectual black women, and the name of the podcast is like the, mm-hmm podcast, like, just something, something where they just, you know, do that, you know.

Yeah, I don't think I know what you're talking about. You are a Z-Way, nigga. You know exactly what I'm talking about. Ha-ha-ha-ha! I don't think that's the Z-Way, nigga, you know exactly what I'm talking about. I don't think that's the Z-Way tagline. Yeah, probably not. Z-Way's Mm-hmm show. Mm-hmm podcast, yeah.

Please edit that out. Oh, that's going in. Oh, no. Would you go on Z-Way? I would. She intimidates me. How was it though? Were you like...

Z-Way intimidates you? Yeah. That's going in. Oh, no. That's Would you go on z-way? I? Would she she intimidates me? How was it though? Are you like? Z-way intimidates you yeah, okay in the most brilliant way though. Yeah, that's yeah, I understand that I think a lot of people were intimidated by z-way you weren't though. I'm not intimidated by z-way. I respect z-way We're not intimidating in a negative way You mean like she's smart and near that way if she can trip you up and. I think Ziwei, yeah, Ziwei, if people are intimidated by Ziwei,

it's not because of any reason other than she created a show that is centered around getting the guest. Yeah. Tripping the guest up. That's what I'm saying, it's not like a bad thing. Like it's not intimidating where she's like a horrible person but. I think if you're a white person going on Ziwei's show, you should be afraid.

Nah, she had Michael Shea on the, she did one with him, yeah. What'd she get him on? I don't know, some shit. Some shit. I think he was saying like he couldn't, I'm paraphrasing him, something about like, I'm just a nigga, I can't read or write.

And she was like, aren't you the head writer of SNL? It was something in that vein, but I'm paraphrasing, but it was something along that. But he was trying to just be all like, I ain't intellectual. Yeah and she got him. Yeah, she's like, you write for Lorne Michaels. Yeah. You write for a live fucking sketch show.

So actually. Yeah. I think you'd be great at having a podcast. I want me, I don't know what I would talk about though. What do you talk about on stage mental illness yeah just babies at the grocery store maybe that the grocery store parents politics are right right now I hate cuz I go to a show and I have a roadmap of what I want to talk about stuff that's relatable just everyday things that aren't about politics but did not

just go on a mad rant and I just start talking about politics. And I get triggered every time I see like Elon Musk do a salute, and then, you know, I got to write jokes about it. Like I did one, I was like, we're going to have Tesla concentration camps and people are going to take self-driving trains to Osweig. We're going to be in the gas chambers like, hey, what's the Wi-Fi password? Just imagine what a Tesla concentration camp would look like And I love the response because half of the audience is horrified

The other half is laughing Who do you think is getting sent over there first? I think it's gonna be equal opportunity I think we're all, yeah Even the poor Yeah. Even the poor whites that voted for him, I think are gonna go to, yeah. Well, the nice thing about the Trump regime is when they start rounding us all up, it'll be any political defectors. It'll be just political enemies. Oh yeah, for sure. I don't think it'll actually be an identity base. It'll be anyone who goes against the guy. But see, I do this thing too, when I think, when I kind of met Ewan Holmes at first, I was on this push about making fun of Biden because he had just got elected and there was this thing

We're like if you make fun of Biden you support Trump And I think SNL pissed me off because Brad Pitt did a sketch about Fauci and at the end of it He ripped his mask off and he was like Fauci. I just want to let you know you a hero Like why are you kissing his ass? Like it was a point where they were too afraid to make fun of him So I was like I'm gonna make fun of Biden. I'm gonna talk shit about him. And so now my act I'm reminding people like There used to be a time when we just made fun of the president and talk shit Yeah, I think it's weird when Trump supporters come in and they're like you can't make fun of them

I like the Trump supporters who are just like a I voted for him I'm just a regular do like make fun make fun of him like any other president. Same way I would joke about Obama or Kamala, if that makes sense. We've lost that way, I feel like we're too divided now into issues where we can't just make fun of presidents, and I think that's kind of what America's form of comedy is for,

just to shit on whoever's in charge. Yeah, there's always someone evil in the White House. Exactly. There are evil. Everyone in the White House. Exactly. Everyone in the White House is evil. I had a bit where I was talking about like, you know, we judge them for the wrong things. People will say, Kamala's a liar, Trump's a liar,

and I'm like, yeah, no shit, they're applying for a job. Who tells the truth in the job interview? You're supposed to lie about solutions at the border. I don't know what the fuck to do at the border. You know what I mean? But if I was getting a job at Target and they asked me if I had a plan for the border, I would lie. Yeah, what would you say? I don't know. Go ahead, tell us.

Oh God, no. I would say let them all in. You don't think so? No, I do. I'm doing the Z-Way thing now. You trying to... You already tried to do it with the Halftime Show. The Halftime Show. Well, we weren't recording when we talked about that. Okay. I shouldn't have brought it to the front. You didn't like Kendrick's Halftime Show. I loved it. I thought it was a work of art. Oh! Oh, you're sick!

Was this my camera? It was an absolute work of art. And I think more halftime shows should be like that. I think there should be a deep message and it should really make us think and I love what he did. What was the deep message that really spoke to you about his? Well you know the one message, the first one he did and then the one after the third message, that one really set me. That like went home.

That hit home for me. Okay and so before the recording, just so so everyone knows you were kind of saying that you didn't like the halftime show I wasn't entertained by the the set list Yeah, and as I was a badgered online and a forced to understand that uh It wasn't supposed to be entertaining But I'm also like I'm doing this thing where I'm not like on social media as much. So when I'm criticizing the half time show, I didn't know there was like a mob, well I should have known of racist white people just shitting on the performance.

So the conversation got mingled in with this, you know, we couldn't understand what Kendrick was saying and it was the worst show ever. So the people defending them, it looked like you was just on some coon shit because here you are trashing Kendrick and he got all these Republicans, you know, trashing them too, so. Kind of looking who you're surrounded by. Exactly, so I shouldn't have,

I should have just did what I normally do, just scroll online and I'll post. Yeah, well, I was interested in your opinion. I really liked it and I really truly. Caleb, you did it. Well, I was interested in your opinion. I really liked it. And I really truly... Caleb, you did it. And that's what's upsetting to me. What did you love about it?

I loved Samuel L. Jackson in it. I loved everything that he did. I loved his outfit. I loved his fun energy. I loved Kendrick's outfit. His fun energy. I loved his fun energy. That's what you called these...

I loved Serena. I loved her fun energy. I loved SZA. I loved her fun energy. I love SZA. I love her fun energy I thought everyone was having fun energy. I like the American flag with the bodies I think you enjoyed the halftime show because you knew it was gonna take attention off of Casey Hmm, that's an interesting theory. I'm open to it. Okay. I think I enjoy all of I liked the setlist I like Kendrick songs. I like I like named three of songs named three of Kendrick songs and he did on that setlist. He did

He did Dodger blue He did no he did peekaboo. He did peekaboo and not Dodger blue. He did peekaboo. He did I actually don't know the name of not like us the Drake's not like us. Is it just like us? He did peekaboo. He did Like Us, and he did fuckin'... I can't think of the name of it, my left stroke just went viral. Humble. Yeah. And I like all those songs.

I'll mail you my black heart. I'm not saying I'm a kid. What? I'll mail you my black heart. Thank you. I've been waiting. I've been waiting for that. No, here's my B, fuck it, because it happened off camera.

Didn't you accuse me of being a Drake fan? Which is like... That's what it's looking like. I'm a 100% J. Cole fan, and then Kendrick, and then Drake. You seem like a J. Cole is number one guy. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. You got those vibes. I want to ride my bike.

You came in here in a big scarf. Wait, wait, wait. J. Cole gives you big scarf vibes? You, a guy, a sweet sensitive guy like you who walks in here in sunglasses and a big scarf if you said name is number one I'd say J. Cole I like how you just zhuzh it up like a big scarf and sunglasses. You had a big

you had a big diva moment, you walked in here in a fabulous coat. I was coming from Target I shouldn't say that on my line, I'm boycotting Target, but yeah. What are you boycotting Target for? Cause they got rid of, I don't know of the internet told me to that had racial undertones Yeah, what you just said about Target cuz they got rid of DEI or some I'm trying to turn it back on you now No, I did because of first of all look this is what y'all need to know about Caleb Okay, he's talking all this shit about me coming in feeling flying loving myself on this rainy day and his

Moral what I don't know how to say it moral what mural is hanging right on the wall right on sunset They have my face painted out front right now. Yeah, if you come down sunset, it's a big face of Caleb okay, and why there on the wall did that bother you? It it intimidated me It was given dictator. I wish. The people at head gum wink if you are safe. And there's not a wink in the room. And there's not a wink in the room. I think I'd be a good dictator. You'd be safe. I would be. I'd take care of you. I'd take care of you in that situation is this like a Kim Jong-il Dennis Rodman type thing Yeah, okay. Yeah

Yeah, I like their bromance. Yeah, you're my Dennis Rodman in that scenario. Yep. I'm gonna take care of you I'm gonna fly you out play basketball with you in Sweethearts. Mm-hmm. You did a good job in that you watch that I did and I watched it I didn't let my cousin on knee because I wanted their honest like opinion Mm-hmm cuz I know what's that. I know and they lie like okay, but so what happened your cousin what they think they like them Do they like me in it? Yeah, what'd you think of the movie? I? Was It's hard talking to Caleb because he takes everything as a diss.

I liked it because it wasn't you. And the thing I was worried about, I was like, I wonder if people who don't know you will see you and be like, oh, he's that gay dude. And that's tip to you acting like you're so not the guy. Like, I'm in France. I'm making batons. And no one wants to come to my party

Like you're not that you know You say that because there were a lot of people in the in the Comments in the fucking you know I had to share some of the posts from HBO a lot of people being like oh my god Not Caleb Heron just playing himself. They're like I was like are you sure they're fucking idiots anybody who knows You know that wasn't and that's what I liked I'm like Oh, he's really acting. Did you like the movie? I did like the movie I'm being genuine and then cuz I know the I don't know her name, but the actress Kieran in yeah So I've seen her before I was very familiar with her

I think she was in a madman and yeah She's done a few other stuff and then I was happy to be introduced to the actor Niko cuz I had seen him before And I'm like, okay, this is cool I don't know what ethnicity is but I was like to be introduced to the actor. Nico. Because I had seen him before and I'm like, okay, this is cool. I don't know what ethnicity is, but I was like, that's cool to see, you know, something different because they could have easily just wadded it up. Yeah. So I don't know if he's like Filipino or like Bruno Mars. His, uh, I don't know if his-

Which is another rant, by the way. His ethnicity might be Filipino, his ethnicity might be Bruno Mars. I believe his dad's Japanese. But he was good. I believe his dad's Japanese. I'm being genuine, it was good, but I'm also biased because you're just watching your friends and people you like and you want to see win in it. So I'm watching it from that. I didn't know, I'm a butcher, that's a fucking name. But I love his stuff. Straviz. Straviz.

Yes. It was fun seeing him in there. You know what I mean? Things like that. Yeah. So I enjoyed it from a biased lens, but I really liked that you were acting. Because now, I'm starting to make that transition into film and TV. And I'm realizing, oh, this is a whole nother beast. Yeah.

I just played a mechanic, and I don't know shit about being a mechanic at all. What'd you play a mechanic in? Just a project. I can't talk about it yet Okay, I don't want something like that sounds so fun. No my bad my bad my bad. No, no, no my bad I'll tell you that fucking big I just didn't give me a check yet if they were to game to check then I'll tell you you played a mechanic

And played a mechanic. Did you have to like talk a lot about car shit? Worse right all I had to do was, cause they had like a B-roll thing, and all I had to do was like, go around the shop, outside of my lines. My lines weren't really like, mechanic-y, but I had to go around the shop and do mechanic things.

And they had to call in like, an actual mechanic to show me what to do. Cause at first they were like, all right, well go over there and just work in that station. And I'm like, and do what? What the fuck am I over here doing? I don't know what the fuck to do. So they called the guy and he was showing me like, so he was off to the side like, grab the screwdriver

and look at it and grab this and this and that. But he got frustrating because at one point, I'm under a car with like a flashlight looking at, I don't know what the fuck I'm looking at. He's like, twist the oil rig or something. I'm making, I don't know what the fuck I'm looking at. He's like, twist the oil rig or something. I'm making, I don't know what the fuck it was. He was like, twist the oil rig, and I snapped. I was like, what the fuck is that?

Like, I don't know. Point to it, nigga. I don't know where the fuck the oil rig is at. He's just saying, the oil rig. So then, I had to do, looking like an idiot, so I had to grab it and like pretend I knew what I was doing. And then I was like,, okay, this is why Daniel Day-Lewis prepares My small mechanics they made me identify with my peer Daniel Day-Lewis your peer

Yeah, yeah, and it was then I wish I'd done the research in the backstory to be a mechanic but what what's the dream? What would you what would you what was like your the role you'd love to have a lawyer a lawyer? Corrupt lawyer you'd be good at that. Yeah, I love a good fuck you. Well, I guess that's a compliment. Yeah I just love a fat Corrupt lawyer just gonna be southern. I wish I could I don't think there's black southern ones No, like the the the type of the fat black white southern like Colonel Sanders lawyer. Oh, there's those guys for sure Okay, there's corrupt southern black lawyers. I believe I believe it could be that I haven't seen one. You could be corrupt black and southern. Oh people can do that these days

Oh, do you mean like a Johnny Cochran type Southern? Johnny Cochran, was he corrupt? I mean, you're getting me in trouble. Every Black History Month, what the fuck? Edit all this shit out. I'm not, I didn't talk shit about, I'm not doing this on Black History Month. I didn't, and to be clear, I didn't ask you to. You did really good though. When I said fun energy, you did almost get me on that and that was good for Black History Month. I thought

Fuck you man. Just you should you could take me down a peg during Black History Month. Maybe insult me or something No, I want to I want to go after the real I'm tired of this like, California Attacking white guys who clearly aren't racist. I wanna go for a swat to go on the forehead. That's the one you want. Yeah, he could do UFC and kick my ass. I wanna go for the real, like when I'm in the South,

when I'm in Austin doing shows and the room full of conservatives, I go fucking hard, dude. I don't wanna hold back. On the material? On here, I talk about all that shit. Because I talk about, I just think they're afraid of a rational shit right like drag queen bus drivers and yeah yeah you know what things that aren't happening yeah things

that aren't happening so I won't take you down the peg how do you feel about drag queens I respect them because if I was a drag queen, I would be very lazy. This would be my aesthetic. This would be my drag look. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just lazy butch drag. I know drag queens that do shit like this. Do they?

You book them and they show up and they're like, I wasn't feeling it today. I'm like, then don't say yes to the gig. Jeez. Fuck. But then. This episode of So True is brought to you by booking.com. Booking.

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That's helloalma.com slash so true. S-O-T-R-U-E. They need the $50. Yeah, it's more than $50. Okay, the ones in Sacramento. Okay. I'm paying. What was your Bruno Mars take?

That hot juicy and wet is the worst fucking song. I've never heard that. Oh, Jesus Christ Can we play a snippet of it? Hot juicy and wet? I don't know if it's man. Oh, it's new Well, you know, he's on that new song. I put up a tip a top a tip. It's a you know that one What is that? Oh God? I put up a tip a top a tip a tip a I fucking hate that fuckers What is that with Gaga? I fucking hate that song. The fuck is that with the one with Gaga? I hate that song. We can play a little bit of it. We'll play a bit in the actual thing. Yeah, okay.

Just get him to play the music. Yeah, but it's so those... I hate that. It's taken over from that. Someone put me up a double shot of whiskey. I hate that song. Now you're going after the one black country singer. I like what he's doing. Now you have a to the one black country singer. I like that he's doing you have a fucking sorry boozy

Sorry, didn't Beyonce just win a country Grammy? So so he's not the only one No, I like that he's doing country music, but I don't like that song. I don't like it at all. Why not? Why? Yeah I think it's fucking annoying Got you. I'm gonna move me up a double shadow. I just don't the I don't the the whole thing about it and grinds my gears It feels like it feels like a Florida Georgia Line song And I don't like Florida Georgia Line Yeah, and they're white

Do they got that song about day drinking or no? Florida Georgia Line? Yeah, what's their big one? Is it make me want to roll my windows down and cruise oh yeah? You got country music I Grew up on my grandma loved country music she was from the south so I grew up on like 90s country and shit Yeah, it's to me. That was like a really good air. I love her Yeah, love grandma should me mean her we get on no She was cool she uh Just that whole country music air like they had like a boom or like a blow up like in that 90s air

Yeah, people was coming out with all kind of shit. That's Garth Brooks was like Fire biggest like he was he was like they were shutting down cities for him Yeah, people like Tracy Lawrence and there was this one chick. I think she got caught doing coke Jodie Messina. Jodie Messina is real as fuck You remember Jodie Messina heads Carolina tells, California. All right. I love Jodie Messina country So that whole era not the house I grew up in so we had like so many different generations So my grandma played blues and country, she was from the South. My dad was really big into jazz and like Sarah Vaughan, which I tease him for because he's like an older black homophobic man. But his music taste was like every young black gay dude in

Brooklyn. Just playing jazz and Sarah Vaughan and shit. And then my cousins, you know, just all like hip- hop, rap and R&B. So we kind of really grew up in like this, like just musical household of just all these different genres. So yeah, country was one of them. I pretend to hate it in public, but yeah. Of course, but behind closed doors,

it's like Jodie's hidden. And I also have another beef with you. You, that show in KC is the reason why I liked the song Wonderball. Wonderball, oh yeah. Yeah. So at the end of the show, sorry if I butcher their name, I think it was Snail Mill and Waxahachie. Waxahachie, yep.

I've always heard the song Wonderball, but I've just dismissed it. And then they did a cover of it. And I heard the lyrics of the first fucking time and I fell in love I went back home playing that shit all of my house. Are you my wonder? Well all that shit is now stuck in my head. I love that. But it's always you lure me into white shenanigans I don't want you to engage in. I think the first shot I did with you, somebody was getting a tattoo of an apple on stage. Yeah, they got a tattoo on stage. That took way too long. That took way too long. That was a bad idea. But the intentions were good behind it. It was fun.

Someone getting a tattoo on stage was fun. But it was, it took way too long. I was doing different stuff back then. Yeah. I was trying things out. How's the shows now? Are they? Conservative. Oh shit. Are you starting on the other side now? You going conservative? That's where the money's at though. Exactly. I got a little bit of money and I said, hey, I was kidding earlier. I was playing around in my 20s. Are there conservative Trump lesbians?

Are they out there? Oh yeah. I'll find them. Yeah, I'll find them. Now, the shows now, I would like to get back to doing some experimental stuff I'm just so tired. I don't know how you you do so many shows dude. I don't know how you do that I want to stop I want to stop. I think this last project. I did was the first time I just Because they flew us out to Miami and we had down days. I think I was on set like two days So for the rest of the week, I just got to just chill out Miami, which to me is one of the most beautiful cities with the worst people

Oh, yeah, it's fucking hate Florida ends, but they don't deserve that metropolis and have beauty that haven they're in. Yeah But that was the first time I just got to chill relax Not do anything, but I do know what you mean Like when you are doing shows on the road, you think you don't take time to sleep take care of your health you don't yeah You're in a hotel room to the show stars You know I mean at least you try to socialize from what I hear and go out and like have dinners and meet up with friends Yeah, I do that. Yeah, but that's cuz I do less shows. I don't do shows really The world sucks. I'm not built for the road, but it's how I make a living so yeah do it

Yeah, do you drive ever I'm not built for the road, but it's how I make a living so yeah do it Yeah, do you drive ever do you mostly fly it? I like to drive when it's from It was the Bay Area to LA. I like to drive But I'll fly like if it's from here to the you know like if it's a way too far Texas or Arizona something like that yeah But I like to drive because that's the only time I get to play like my setback So you can listen to like an hour of your set a podcast you could you know play a whole album I miss like just playing whole albums

I never have the attention span to do it so I'm driving I could just review somebody's whole album So yeah, I like driving it. It just puts me in a peaceful mode. You're driving and listening to your whole set Yeah, wow, I'd love to see that. Oh, fuck. You making it sound like narcissistic as fuck. No, I know that comics do that. I know that comics do that. It makes me cringe though. I hate it. I'm like, Jesus fucking Christ. Like, when I watch this, I'm like, what the fuck? I hate hearing and listening to myself.

Yeah. But because I stage write, so I'll take a joke on stage, and I'll work it out. I know where I want to start and finish, and I'll just play it out on stage, and then I'll listen back and then I'll work it out. I know where I want to start and finish and I'll just play it out on stage and then I listen back and then I'll refine it. Yeah. Because I hate stage writers who pretend they're stage writers and they just go up in bullshit. Yeah. Like, no, you're just fucking around. You're lazy. Like, I actually go up there, let the

jokes play out and then go back and like, okay, this work, this work. They didn't like that and I'll listen to it. So it's a painful painful task but I have to do it to get the you know jokes refined the good stuff yeah but I'm not just listening like oh I crushed it let me hear this when I if I with a couple times I've listened back to my said it's only for that oh geez it's only so I can be like killed it killed it murdered you a dope stand-up and you I think when I first met you kind of undersold it What do you like you not really a stand-up or something or I'm not a stand-up? He stand up, but you're good at it though. Thanks. I thought you were bad I thought there's the way you were saying like I believed you I was like, oh, this is a cool dude

Probably sucks a stand-up. Yeah, then I fucking saw you light it up, dude in the largo I think the Largo's when I was really impressed. You had this long bit about this weird tour guy at the Holocaust. Yeah, some crazy lady. I'm like, this nigga's brilliant. Thank you, Kyrie. No, but you undersold it though, so I was like, oh, he sucks.

What's the worst show you've ever had? You know it, you think of it? Damn, so, oh, it probably was during the pandemic. Like, just any show where, like, the heating lamps will go out, you're bombing outside of a winery. Yeah. Your voice is echoing through the fucking alley. Yeah, yeah.

Probably those shows, man, I think those outdoor pandemic shows, plus probably everybody, though. Yeah, I didn't do any of the Zoom things. You didn't? No, every Zoom thing, I was like, absolutely not. You missed out on absolute pain Yeah, yeah Your soul needed that little the confidence you have today is probably because you skipped

The reason we all don't have the confidence you have is probably because we went through that gauntlet of you Don't think you have uh, you don't think that we you have the confidence I have What you know, i'm just saying that on facebook. I think I have a different kind of confidence. I have like a grounded confidence of like, no, that sounds, let me explain, no. It's grounded, I meant grounded in like cynicism. So for example, when I'm on set, when actors don't tell themselves they're doing bad,

do you know what I mean? Like they just like, oh, I'm crushing it. It's fake until you make it. I'm in a stand-up way of like, I like bombing and sucking because then I get to go in and fix it and get it right. So when I'm on set, I want to know, oh, is this bad? Or what can I work on? And how can I do this?

So my confidence comes from the fact, I don't know if that makes sense or that sounds like jabber. My confidence comes from the sense of like, I'm self-aware enough to go in and prove and make it right and then it will be good yeah but I don't do the delusional shit like oh I'm just killing it and I do no you know my fucking god well maybe you do I don't know but you back it up though it'd be different if you didn't back it up I would you the confidence thing has come up a couple times I just find I just thought that was kind of an interesting an interesting thing man

Look, I hate to break it to you are I remember back to Joe's there was this fucking older white man Who looked like he just got done? dropping his son off at gay conversion camp and You chatted him up. Oh, I'll talk he became a fan of yours immediately. I'll chit chat. Like, it's like a politician energy though. You think? Not in a negative way, like in a good way. You think I could run for office?

Yes. Would you ever run for office? Fuck no, no, hell no. I think you'd be good at it. I couldn't hold it together. You'd hate it, but I think you'd be good at it. Yeah, no, I couldn't hold it together. You as like a city councilman?

Oh, I could see it. Oh, yeah, no, if it's lower level, definitely. I'd vote for you in a heartbeat. Like, there was this guy on TikTok named Eric Mays, and he was so unhinged. He was like an older black man, and there was this white lady who just used to irritate him. They used to argue back and forth.

But it's like lower-level government, so no one gave a fuck. I could do that. I could be on city council and just argue with people and... I see that for you. Yeah. I really see that for you. Oh God. I see you doing comedy more, but I could see you be... I'd vote for you to be my city council person. Man, I want to. Maybe I'll come to Missouri and try. Come to Missouri and try? Yeah. I don't see why not. Do you... what do you think the... there's a lot of like... You perform for all kinds of rooms. I've seen you kill for all kinds of rooms. A lot of white folks, a lot of black folks. I've seen you kill everywhere.

I think there's a lot of white comics in LA who have never performed for a black audience. Do you think... What is the difference between performing for like a black audience and a white audience? Is there a big one? Going back to confidence. I think when I'm in Black audiences there there they're rooting for you, right? They want to see when so self-deprecate self deprecation doesn't work as much Yeah, and white rooms you can self deprecate. Yeah, all that jokes Yeah, and black rooms that want to that. Just a little bit of confidence, owning what you're saying,

get into the jokes, get into the pure funny. None of that shit I learned in the improv class of chasing the clever and you know. Yeah. Not saying that black rooms aren't clever, but they just want you to be funny. Yeah. It's like, hey, we came here to laugh.

Don't do, I had a phase where I was doing wokes. I would do these like really like wokey-dee-woke, like just preachy ass jokes, and people were like, what the fuck? We don't wanna hear that shit. When was that? You feel like your material was really like woke and just like preachy?

During the pandemic, right around that pandemic era. Okay. Because that's when a lot of protest was going around. So I just had this thought of like, I gotta have the most prolific, you know, view on this and yeah, just there was a lot of imitating that Chappelle era of like, you know, my grandfather, you know, that kind of, I don't know if that makes sense.

It just was surprising to me because I've been watching you for years and I've never felt that you were going for the woke. What you only see me in good settings like like shows at the Largo and stuff like that, I forced myself to sneak up to Sacramento, Northern California where I could bomb in peace. Because they know me up there, they know I can do well, so when I bomb there's no judgment. I could bomb in peace, I can make all the mistakes I want to make. Then when I come out and do the good shows, the jokes are polished and written out. But to me, it's all about, like, if I can't be creative

and be ugly in the moment while I'm creating, I don't like it. And that's what L.A. had became for a while. I felt like I couldn't create here. So I would sneak away and go back to Sacramento, but that's what I think is appealing about New York right now. New York feels like a city you could create and just be about to stand up and be in the moment.

I think so. Yeah. I think so for sure. Yeah. What's so true to you, Carey? To me, something that's so true, I'm finding now, man, is health is wealth. And I know that's kind of like, that might seem like a downer, but just I'm loving what I'm doing right now.

I like where my career is starting to go and I want to be alive and healthy and energetic for it. I was on set one day and it got really late and I'm like, I'm ready to fucking go. I don't give a fuck about the rest of the scene. My feet hurt, I want to lay the fuck down. You know what I mean? But just, I was so excited to be there, I stayed in there,

but I want to be able to have that energy and that where I don't know if you seem very energetic I don't have the energy a lot of times and now that I'm starting to put health first. I'm feeling that energy I'm being present in these places. So what is putting health first look like for you? Not even like shit on the road man when I travel I eat like dog shit. Yeah, I don't eat healthy. I don't you know And when I travel, I eat like dog shit. I don't eat healthy. I don't, you know. It's like the little things, right? Like grocery shopping or meal prepping.

Everybody says meal prep, but who the fuck is really about to meal prep? A lot of people from what I'm seeing, but it's hard to do. It's like a time consuming task for sure. I'm not one of them. I'm not about to cut up strawberries and fucking chicken breast and put it with broccoli

when I could just go to Arby's and you know yeah yeah but you're trying to do less of that trying to do less of that yeah and I'm not trying to be one of those annoying like I hate when fat people lose weight and it becomes like their narrative it's like it's still like fat losing weight is one of them things where people will see you don't have to fucking tell them yeah like I lost 50 pounds and I just had I'm like I'm not posting this on you know yeah 50 pounds so I can get those reaction like keep it up buddy like no go King go yeah go like

no fuck that I lost 50 pounds I can't tell like one day I'm gonna just pop up and I'm like okay you lost weight I'll see you're not gonna be able to see you no more turn to the side oh shit oh god no I held No, health is a good way to put it though. I'm not interested in losing weight. I have no interest in losing weight, but I definitely I do have energy. I feel very, I move my body all the time. I love walking. I love getting in a walk before I know I have like a really long day of sitting. I like eating vegetables and things. Like I like, like you saying, like before a show, I used to, when I first started going on the road, I'd be like, holy shit, I'm only in I'm only in Dallas for 24 hours

I get one good meal here if it's three hours for the show I'm gonna go have the most barbecue I can find because I fucking love barbecue and I want to experience the city Yeah, learning not to make those choices. Right is like yeah, but I I think for me health is like Health doesn't necessarily mean weight loss. health doesn't necessarily mean starving yourself, it definitely actually doesn't mean that. To me health is like, do you feel good? Do you feel good? Do you have issues?

Is your doctor worried about you? How many medications do you require to get through your day? Nothing wrong with needing medications to get through the day, it just depends on what the situation is, but like I'm not on any meds, my doctor has no concerns, I like my energy level,

I feel good most of the time. So to me, I am healthy. You are, yeah. And people online have different opinions of that, but it's like, they're not in my body. They don't live as me. But you seem like you don't let that shit phase you or get to you at all.

No, most of the time I'm able to block that stuff out. I mean, there are, of course, there are days where I'm like, I would just give anything to not have strangers commenting on my body today, but you know, you can't, it's like part of it. Yeah. It's just like, you can't, you can't shut it off. Yeah, true.

And as long as you don't do it, I think that's big. I think I do, I watch myself back. I'd be like overanalyzed. I'm like, oh, that shit don't matter. Like, you know, don't, that's in your head. What's in your head? Like when you just kind of critique yourself, you see yourself like on screen and shit like that. Yeah

Oh, yeah, I don't do that. That's what I'm saying. I'm at the point now where I'm like, I love me I love the way I look I love the way I am. I love everything about it. I'm not trying to change her Yeah, that has to get entered out. I'm sorry. Why would that get in love? That's beautiful No, that sounds too like I love my journey now. I am role-playing for Liz on now No, that sounds too like, oh, I love my journey. Now I am role-playing for Lizzo now I'm doing method work now, but I'm just No, cuz I you know, I want to keep it like funny and light but I I Did get some points where I just stopped hating myself and not in a negative way

But like all those those negative thoughts I would have like the doubt and all that shit I've done too much now in my career to show like, okay, hey, you on the right path. Like it's just staying the course and like doing the work and all those things I used to convince myself of like, oh, I can't do this, I can't do that. I've proven it, I've done that. So now I'm in like a place where I'm like, amen, look, just you're doing something right, you know what I mean?

Whatever the fuck it is, just do that, stick with the work and you know. I think you're doing a something right. You know what I mean? Whatever the fuck it is, just do that. Stick with the work and you know. I think you're doing a lot right. I'm trying to man, I'm trying to. If anyone asks me who my favorite comedians are, I'm like, Kari B. Shabazz. I appreciate that man. And it means more coming from you.

I hope you know that. Like the respect you get from us, I know you hate compliments and shit, but the respect you get from your peers, man, it's you wouldn't bullshit, you wouldn't fake, and I think you champion the people that you're around and we appreciate that. And the cynical comic of me, I love the challenge when I'm around you because I feel like I have to maintain a level of like, you know, improv positive. Like I've been trying to want to like bust your balls

sometimes and like shit on you and you know, and but I know like But do you like I'd be nervous like I don't know how to know no No, I always know because the thing is you can tell when someone's giving you like when you and I give each other a hard Time I'm like, yeah, we love each other. I'm like, this is my friend. Yeah, like we're like I would do anything for you I know that you would do anything for me Like I respect everything you do you respect what I do I know that you would do anything for me. Like, I respect everything you do. You respect what I do.

You can definitely tell when people are, like, trying to friendly rib you, but they really do want you to be, like, taken down a notch or something. And that is such a funny energy to me, because I'm like, why? Why would you be, why? Especially when you're in community with someone, it's like, don't you want all your community to win?

Why wouldn't you want other comics that you're working with and doing shows with to win? That's good for everybody. Can I tell you one time I really did, like wouldn't you want other comics that you're working with and doing shows with to win? That's right for everybody Can I tell you one time? I really did like hate you? Okay, it was No, cuz I gotta get out cuz I didn't I bit my tongue that day and I regretted it for like so many months What was it was back in Kansas City? And we what was the name of the restaurant that was like out? It was like a late night diner spot. It was like they serve like a-

Town topic? It might've been. You have to wait outside the window? Town topic, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're in Kansas City. It's freezing fucking cold. It's right after the show and you say, oh shit, I think I smoked too much.

I'm too high. And I'm like, oh, he just saying that. He's not too high. No, you are fucking loaded. So you high as fuck, you enjoying life and loving life. Everyone's around you, they just feeding off your energy. And we go to get food at that spot. And it is freezing fucking cold.

I am the only one there freezing dying. There's a line at this diner, so it's like a 30 minute wait on food. So I'm like, okay, fuck, we gotta be in a freezing cold. We gotta get this food. We gotta wait. We'll get the food, go back in the car. I don't know, I don't remember any of this, but I'm so nervous. Exactly,

cause you were fucking loaded. I'm so nervous. Yo high ass, you get your food and y'all start eating onion rings and fries outside of the spot in the freezing cold. Yeah. I'm sitting there like, can we get in the fucking car and I want to eat my grilled cheese and burger in warm.

Why didn't you say something? I was too afraid. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha cold and eat this food. Cause I don't want to be like, cause everybody was vibing, everybody was like, y'all was having a good white time. I'm being juke, like y'all were out there in the cold and you didn't want to be the one person like, I ain't cold. Everybody else was in a group laughing and sharing stories and shit and I'm in a car with the heat on. So I'm trying to be a trooper like, okay maybe Caleb will realize like, it's late, it's freezing.

Let's get the fuck out of here But no such luck you were just high and giggling shoving onion rings in your face That had never been more upset at a human being Fucking day, but you're having a good time and you just had a good show So I'm like you could stand in the cold and catch pneumonia. Yeah Yeah, I had so much fun when you came to Kansas City. Oh man, it was a fun fucking show. I didn't expect to like the city. I, cause you know people hype up they city.

Totally. Everyone's like, my city's the best. It's amazing. Yeah, yeah. It really was a good city. And the best thing about that day, the best thing, my chauffeur for the day was Holmes. Holmes. Pulling up in a brown Audi.

Let's go. On some new journey She's going down. I love when homes is in like a new Journey our face. I mean, I want to hear all I like I'm just sit there and just stare at her and let her just explain These new revelations and epiphanies. I love and I mean that genuinely I love her to death Yeah, I think then she was just quitting smoking weed. Yeah, I think she says snoop dog. I stopped smoking weed. She's off that by the way She was in my bed in Kansas City We got so stoned a couple nights ago in my bed watching hairspray with me Oh blazed blaze out of our minds another role you could oh now now we're talking okay

You'll do hairspray. Oh, I would love the John Travolta roll and hairspray get me in there Yeah, I left on my arm I want in I want to actually this too. Do you ever get compared to uh, why are you doing this cam from Modern Family? Yeah, of course. I get compared to Eric Stone Street He's from Kansas City as well get the fuck out and his character in that show like went to Missouri State and loves football It's like a real like they jacked my whole shit. They did you need residuals man? Yeah, they They let Eric Stone Street limp up his wrists and put on those floral shirts and Jack my whole shit

But would you ever have a Mitchell? What do you would I have a Mitchell? Would I have a husband? No, not a Mitchell. What do you mean? Like an orange Otter. Not Otter. Is he? He is, but why are you locked in on the gay terms?

Stop acting like it's not all over social media in the world. It's not that hard to go to Otter and the Toots. No, sometimes I'm impressed by your allyship, that's all. I am impressed by your allyship. that's all. I am impressed by your allyship. You love the community, you're real. I know everything about, not everything, but yeah, I know stuff about culture and you know- Would I do a ginger, would I marry a ginger guy? Sure if the right one came along.

Okay. Who do you see for, what do you see for my husband? Because I'm looking, I'm on the hunt. I want something that's not, that's gonna shock people. Because I think if you go with like a Asian husband that's like on track. Really? Okay. Yeah, like you can't do a Mitchell.

Okay, no gingers, no Asian people. It gotta be like a... We should probably talk about that off camera at some point. Okay. Maybe like, I don't know, it can be a Samoan. I can't have a Samoan husband. It gotta be like a, I don't know if this is a slur,

but like a Vato, like a, like a Cholo, like a. I don't think Vato is a slur. Dude, can you imagine showing up to your fucking fancy HBO meetings and shit introducing your husband's like? Like he's just yeah that one that got close. Okay This was a practice podcast, please put in our car updated I've dated Mexican guys. Yeah, I'm down Okay, rock on but like real like cholo No, when I think of a cholo, I don't think it reminds me of any of the guys I've dated necessarily

Yeah, but I've dated all kinds of I've there I don't think there's a type of guy you could name that I haven't yeah I had a moment with whoever you do date our marriage you have to share them with your whole friend group like everybody would Just immediately. Yeah, they got to get in Yeah, they got to get along with my people exactly that is the number one thing in dating that I'm looking for I'm like my my when I go on a first date with someone if I can't imagine my mom my aunt my friends from college my friends from high school my Comedian friends like if every kind of person in my life wouldn't like you. I'm just like this isn't gonna work

It's too much about I'll never ever ever understand in a million years when your friend pops up with someone that no one in The friend group likes and then they stay with them I'm like we were here first this person sucks what just cuz they're fucking you But then see my philosophy is I like my idea was like you got your own thing that's separate Totally that's and then we have our thing in the middle. Yeah. So I don't need you a part of my friend group. I don't need to be a part of yours. Like family is different, but friend group, no. To me, my friends have to like you.

Now, I don't need you to abandon your friend group. I want you to definitely bring your own rich life to our rich life. Like I want to build something cool together as well. You saying that now. But I don't need you to necessarily be, I don't want you to like become best friends with my friends. I don't want the breakup to get confusing. If that ever comes. I know that is tough. But I do't need you to necessarily I don't want you to like become best friends with my friends I don't want the breakup to get confusing if that ever comes I know that is tough

But I do want my people to you don't need your friends to like your person No, imagine you hit homes up to hang out and she's already hanging out with your husband. That'd be beautiful No, you say that now you wouldn't like that wouldn't that be special? Not a meta behind your back not behind your back That's weird like y'all made fucking plans already you're out That's not though. I like that because here's why here's my raw. I'll tell people is three things that happen with friends and your partner mix One is the obvious they just start fucking yeah, right and they they get together. Yeah, I don't think I'm at risk with Holmes book Never know you never know. Yeah. Yeah, they are pretty devious

But um and sorry to if I'm miss gender and homes on she'd have to The other one too is that either they become really good friends Yeah, and then you know it's kind of like that weird like you know they're keeping secrets now and shit And yeah, I saw I got trust issues But I'm gonna say it's even a little bit like you might have some some baggage around this. No, could you not? You ain't grew up in where I from yet. It gets complicated or they hate each other Yeah, and so now they can't get along and be in the same room So I always think like just separate that like this is us we in love

I don't need anybody's opinions about what we got what we got got going on, because I need you and I need to escape them. Do you think this is a cultural difference? You said I didn't grow up where you grew up. Do you think this is a, what we're talking about right here is a cultural divide? Probably not, because I am projecting, assuming how you grew up. I just seen a lot of, just grimy shit.

Like you, you know, like I'm your friend. So if anybody, you would, I see your dude doing something grimy. I'm supposed to tell you. Yeah. Like, hey, Caleb, you know, your dude was, you know,, so if anybody you would, I see your dude doing something grimy, I'm supposed to tell you. Like, hey Caleb, you know, your dude was, you know, him and Chase, you know, they went in the bathroom a little long, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know.

They were in there messing around, okay. Yeah. Like, I would, I wanna have your back, but now imagine me and your dude, we cool now, we friends, and so now that loyalty is tilted on, you know, now I'm keeping secrets for him from you. Yeah. So I'm like, I think when the friendship tilts like that, then it becomes weird. It's like the loyalty's banned.

It's like, well, you my friend and they're my friend too. I like, I like that the angle you're coming at it from is loyalty. That's sounds, that makes it make more sense to me. I just like to keep it separate. Then it's like, it's less messy. And then it's just like your friends, man. Like you want to be able to come to them and talk shit about people and vent you know what I mean you don't want that yeah when you come home I'm like what the fuck yeah homes came over

curry came on yeah curry I gotta tell you if I was dating a guy and I find out that you and him went out to lunch without me that would just like that would just make my whole day that way be good because you're gonna be eating good you're gonna feel left out you're gonna feel left the fuck out if i found out y'all went to golden corral without me and shut that shit down now i'm a trashy hoe huh i'm just some trashy golden corral there's nothing trashy about golden corral my everything is trashy about golden you're sick you're sick you just not talk about insulting cultures oh god me and my people are down at the going crack I got a game for you. Kyrie was it sponsors? Oh, okay. Don't read these. I'm gonna read you 15 statements Okay, you're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if each one is true or false

Yeah, okay, if you get ten or more correct, I'm gonna give you 50 US dollars. Okay good. This is huge This is big. All right coffee is coffee is an Italian word for movement This is big. Alright. Coffee is an Italian word for movement. No. False. Martin Lawrence's first special was You So Crazy in 1994. No. You're saying false? False. True. The unicorn is the national animal of Scotland.

No. True. All planets in our solar system spin clockwise True False, only Venus Fucky Cincinnati, Ohio was the first city to be lit by electricity Why do you all question- how are these fucking Illuminati questions pre-made? It's about Ohio and Martin and god damn it

Yes False, it was Cleveland Ketchup was once sold as medicine. This shit is rigged. You typed that shit up somehow and fucking ketchup was what? Ketchup was once sold as medicine. I believe that. That sounds true. True. The player in the NBA logo is Pat Riley. Yeah. False. No, no. You lying. No, it is. No, it's Jerry West. Fuck. Okay. No, I'm annoyed by that because I watched winning time and I was, I was trying to think of Jerry West. Well, this is a pressure cooker. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Yeah, true. Willie Wonka was a real person. Get the fuck out of here. This better not be true. False. There's no way he was a fucking real. No, because there was a book about him and he had slave oompa loompas. It was written by the nigga that wrote Peter Pan. There's no way. Are you sure? I'm positive. He's not, there's no way Willy Wonk. If you talk about Timothy Chalamet, no.'s not real. Okay. It's false the smallest bone in your body is in your ear True true only 5% of the ocean has been explored False true iPads are illegal in Romania True false the first hot air balloon took to the sky in 1783

I'm like what is it when you just give up I'm a defeatist now what is it was the first hot air balloon took to the sky in 1783 yeah that's true the capital of Missouri is st. Louis no false it's Jefferson City the oldest bar in Sacramento is old Ironsides You piece of shit These baited-ass questions fuck was Cleveland Sacramento Martin on there god damn it um I'm gonna say yeah true Just short you did great though, thank you You should feel eights really good. It's really one is not a real person

No, okay. No that was a that was fucked up a chance to put that in there. Yeah, what was the unicorn shit unicorn Scotland or something? So you're responsible for making the questions for that game. Yeah, can we talk off Mike? You're responsible for making the questions for that game. Yeah Can we talk off mic? Yeah? Yeah, we were don't worry We will by the way to this I knew your podcast to be successful What's that when I watched it and there was a straight white man with a crazy laugh off-camera? That's the key. No, that is the Tim Dillon method man. I have a straight white guy running things Yes, could you imagine we had one of your trans or drag friends running it'd be well, they try to take over They'd want to be front of camera. They wouldn't be yeah

Right, right, and they don't understand podcasting the way that straight white guy straight white guys are called to podcasting like a siren to the Rocks. Yeah, it's there. Yes. It's their art form. It's their culture. I'm just a guest. I'm a visitor in their home. Of course. Yeah. They know how to do it right. No drag queen can be comfortable being off camera. No. You ever hung out with a drag queen? Yes. It's horrible. One night we're pleasant. They're fine. But see, I have limited interactions, right? So it's only like in the green room and public libraries and public libraries and public libraries. Yeah. Reading to the kids. Cruising places. Yeah.

Crews are not, but yeah. Guess what? It's over. It was a joy to have you on. No, don't say that. It was a joy to have you on. Podcasts. This is a cool, I'm fighting through this. No, I think you're one of the best comedians living. Fuck you for doing this. I love you to death. This is fighting through this. No, no. I think you're one of the best comedians living. Fuck you for doing this. I love you to death. This is not my medium. I want you to tell the people where they can find you.

Tell people where they can find you. Nowhere. I will be in my house, pacing back and forth, replaying this interview in my head, messaging fucking Chase or Chance to edit it. I forgot your name already. That's how fussed right I am. I forgot your goofy already. That's how frustrated I am. I forgot your goofy straight white name.

Why would you put me through this? You need to tell these people where they can find you so they can see you do what you like to do. I guess I held a gun to your head and made you do this. Follow me on social media. I have a show coming up August 6th at the Comedy Store. It's a new show. It's gonna be, to me, I think it's one of the best shows at the store But yeah come through April 6. I should have a link somewhere on my page. It'll be there If you're watching this handle on Instagram Kyrie bars Kyrie, we love you. Thanks. No, no, this is to absolute torture. Thank you That was a hate gun podcast