So True with Caleb Hearon - Laura Peek Returns

Episode Date: November 6, 2025

Welcome! This week is the return of the hilarious Laura Peek! Laura and Caleb talk the passage of time, a harrowing encounter on a plane, New York City, being chronically not online, and much more! Join our Substack for an exclusive post-episode chat with Laura and other bonus content!  https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow Laura! @laurapeekliveFollow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloudGo to https://www.Zocdoc.com/SOTRUE to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. #sponsored Give and get timeless holiday staples that last this season with Quince. Go to Quince.com/SoTrue for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.Philo’s where all the best TV comes together! 70+ live channels, unlimited DVR, with access to HBO Max Basic With Ads, AMC+, and discovery+Sign up to start watching now: https://bit.ly/4oiweFq Feeld is a dating app for the curious. For those who are intentionally seeking meaningful connection. For those who are looking for community. For those who are tired of job interview-style dating and want more. Curious? Trying new things is hot. Download Feeld. Upgrade your underwear drawer with tomboyx. Use code SOTRUE15 to get 15% off your order at tomboyx.com/discount/SOTRUE15 There’s no replacement for human connection. Better with people. Better with Alma. Visit helloalma.com/SOTRUE to get started and schedule a free consultation today. About Headgum: Headgum is an LA & NY-based podcast network creating premium podcasts with the funniest, most engaging voices in comedy to achieve one goal: Making our audience and ourselves laugh. Listen to our shows at https://www.headgum.com. » SUBSCRIBE to Headgum: https://www.youtube.com/c/HeadGum?sub_confirmation=1  » FOLLOW us on Twitter: http://twitter.com/headgum  » FOLLOW us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/headgum/ » FOLLOW us on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum So True is a Headgum podcast, created and hosted by Caleb Hearon. The show is produced by Chance Nichols with Associate Producer Allie Kahan. So True is engineered and edited by Nicole Lyons. Kaiti Moos is our VP of Content at Headgum. Thanks to Luke Rogers for our show art and Virginia Muller our social media manager.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Today's episode is brought to you by Alma. Amma's on a mission to simplify access to high quality, affordable mental health care. Alma has built a community of over 20,000 diverse therapists. 20,000 diverse therapists. That's like my roster. Therapists on the platform offer both in-person and virtual care. While online tools and resources can be a useful starting point or supplement,

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At Alma, 97% of therapists except insurance, including some of my favorite companies, companies, United, Aetna, Cigna, and even more. They're all friends and family of the pod, these health insurance companies. Better with people, better with Alma. Visit helloalma.com slash so true to get started and schedule a free consultation today. That's hello-a-l-m-a.com slash S-O-T-R-U-E. Everybody, can I get your attention, please? These shots are on me tonight for no other reason than we're celebrating friendship and being alive.

What a gift it is to be on this earth at the same time. Raise your glasses And then every The whole restaurant does a shot I'm gonna cry The whole restaurant does a shot together And then they just turn the music back up And everyone keeps eating

Being Alive is actually really special You're getting on in years You're getting on in years To be doing basement rooms in New York I'm not having fun in there And they weren't having fun with me What happened? Well, I wrote, I wrote a joke.

I have like a closer. I don't think I was doing it on the road. But I have a, I have a closer that features very heavily. Oh my God, the guy I play Captain Kirk. What's his name? Jesus Christ. William Shatner? It was on the way, the story I told it, your live pod about seeing him on a plane.

Oh, yes. And he hit that woman and almost killed her. Yes. And so I've turned it, and she really almost died. And so I had like a new joke about it. And I've been closing on it. It's really fun story. I'm midway through that joke.

And I go, these fucking people don't know who William Chatter is. No. The blank little, like, hot faces, like, looking up there. These 22-year-olds. Biggest eyelashes you've ever seen on. Are out to sea right now. They have no idea. Trying to understand.

You're like, ah, that's crazy. You're like, Captain Kirk. I mean, I don't know any sort of reference that would have been effective for them to understand. No, but that warms my heart that they don't know who he is. It's really cute. That's nice. It's also like good. Let's get some of these people out of the consciousness.

Yes, that's true. He's ready to be. Well, the thing I didn't say when we were hanging out because it's too sad is that he like, there was a woman wearing a giant cast and he reached up and gets his overhead luggage. And he just like, there was like plenty of time for me to be like, someone's going to give this old man a hand, right? Like someone's going to like help him get it down. And he just lets this sucker rip.

Like from the front just. just pulls it like this. First of all, very old looking luggage. You had a bunch of like tags and shit on it where you're William Chatter. Also, why are you on this Delta flight

with me? Whatever. But he just lets it rip and it falls like right on this woman. She had one of these big ass things on. It like connected. You know what I mean? One of those joints.

Like she got her. Not the cartoon cast. Literally, literally. They don't even do them like that anymore. You got an anvil dropped on her by a wily coyote. and it hit her on the shoulder and there was like a sound like literally like I heard like a crack and her eyes were so full of tears and it was really devastating and she like turned to me like pleading like and I went oh my god I'm so sorry are you okay I was like how can I help and he does the right thing initially he goes like he goes oh my god I'm so sorry like okay good normal thing to do and then she didn't immediately hit him with like hey no worries because she was like yes he just reshattered her arm yeah and he goes that painful huh and I went, yeah, I think so. I'm coming to her.

I love that. I love that. That painful, huh? I can't even give me a hand. Damn, bitch. Damn, bitch. I didn't know you were built so soft. Oh, some pussies on the Delta Flage today.

Get a load of this fucking pansy. Sheesh. It was so. I felt everybody on the plane at the same time be like, oh, this guy's a dick. Like, everybody was so shocked. Oh, my God. It was crazy. Dude, that is so funny.

But I can't say that on stage because people get really sad. Yeah, it's sad. They're like, I don't want to think of him like that. Oh, and incapable. I'm like, listen, me neither. But, yes. Yeah. There's a, there's a, I recently had one of my, I do, I would say like once a week,

I get on to TikTok. Right. And do a scroll. and, like, actually watch the videos. And I feel better than most people alive because I only do it once a week. I feel enlightened in a way that's, like, bordering on narcissistic. Like, I feel, when people tell me how often they're on TikTok, I literally am like, you know, I feel so good about it. But when I'm on there, it manages to serve me some of the most devastating content I've ever seen in my life.

And one of the things that serve me right now is this trend. I can't remember what song it's to. Oh, no. But it's people being like how fast 50 years went. And it's a picture. Ooh, I'm going to throw up. It's a picture of them when they're like 22, 23. And then a picture of them now.

And they look beautiful. It's a beautiful thing that's happening to them. But just the idea that I am at one moment staring at a picture of them like that. And then the next had a picture of them like this. And oftentimes the captions are even more devastating. Like the captions are like, I have no idea where the time went. Oh, God. Ha!

What the fuck? Why would you say some shit like that? Live. Shit like lie to me. Every minute accounted for. I remember every single second. Moved slow, had fun. Like lie to us.

You have a responsibility to lie to us. Oh, that's brutal. get a lot of these women in their like 60s being like I'm 34 and I'm like it's them going I didn't figure it out until 45 and I feel the same way I'm like shut the fuck up tell me it's going to happen tomorrow. Fuck you shut up. Fuck you shut up. I get I get I get I've gotten served recently a couple of different like like the video is somewhat compelling in the comment sections are one of those ones where everyone has an example. And it was nurses being like it was a nurse being like you have no idea how many old women in marriages to men are on are sick are sicker than they realize and then

when they realize they say he was supposed to die before me I had plans that they're like they're like I can't believe I didn't like leave this man or do the things I wanted to do and there's nurses in the comments being like I had the same thing had the same thing oh my god she thought that she would live longer and she was finally going to travel I was going to go to Copenhagen yo what the fuck that's so devastating old people we really need to start monitoring the kind of shit they say i need to i need to approve i need to approve what goes on in front of my eyes i don't care if it's homophobic sexist fatphobic say whatever you want in those regards but when it comes to like harrowing tales of the passage of time of life having been not lived to its fullest go ahead and shut it up for me

Cheryl i don't need to hear about that tell me you hate your day sign do the helen keller and talk with your hips. Hit me with the wah-wah, Cheryl. Hit me with the wah-wah. Baby, you can't be talking like that with me. If the Helen Keller is crazy. You remember that song? Yes, dude.

The Helen Keller and talk with your hips? Don't be talking to me about the passage of time. On my internet. And regrets held close. There was one that I saw just like. yesterday and you're right you are better than because i'll get on i mean days of my fucking life spent just maybe the next one will be good you know just horrific um but there was one that i saw and it was like a young man young hot british guy asking like older women what their

regrets were and it was the first one she's like i wouldn't have gotten married so young and i'm like for sure yeah you needed time to figure out your life by the fifth one saying that exact thing i was like okay move on let me a fucking break we get it bitch that is so fucking funny it's wild oh my god have you seen what's what's blowing my mind I was thinking about this yesterday on TikTok is um like people that are like at my age like early or early 30s early please early if you're early if you're nasty um but it's them doing the like aged filter yeah and then being like what people thought I'd look like at 35 and then

They do that horrible sound. And then they take the filter off and they look like, you know, definitely more useful. Yeah, they were 38. Yeah. But not 50. Exactly. And it's people being, it's every single comment is people being like, you're supposed to take the filter off, Queen. Like being so mean to that.

Being so mean. And I'm like, it's always like young women doing it. I'm like, hey, girl, he's like, we got a caucus about this. This is so cruel. This is not working out. I feel bad because that has happened. to me for so long now just by being a person on the internet.

I get it. Like I got it when I first started posting videos on the internet. Not even doing like, I wasn't doing like, bet you didn't think I'd like this get it. Like I wasn't doing like age reveal challenges. I was doing like jokes. Yes, I was being a comedian. So I feel bad for these like pedestrians that are like,

oh, I'm about to like I'm about to serve with this one. And then they get ripped to goddamn shreds. I'm like, you haven't trained. You got to do got to exercise before you get on there. and your shirt had just died. Like, you have no clues the storm that's coming for you. It's really scary. He froze.

And now what? And now what? What are you going to do? You're not making it out of here. Dude, they find people up there. People be thawed out up there. There's a lot of talk about this recently. Really?

People getting, like, stranded on and being like, I paid, because I forget that you pay a lot of money to do that. Yeah, because it's foolish. Because it's so stupid and you don't belong up there and no one does. Yeah. But it's people being like, I'm about to. freest at death and I paid $70,000 to do this or whatever. And you've played the fool.

And you're wearing a little dunce cap or two. Put your little dunce cap on you. You're a dunce, monfrey. God. You're a damn dunce monfrey. Not for nothing, but like they like hire these locals to go on suicide missions for them for their vacation. 1,000%.

They're like, oh yeah, this old Nepalese man is going to risk his life for this 270th time to take me up there. For Jenny. Yeah. It's like, you didn't need to. up there. Or Jenny, who's having a little bit of a midlife crisis. What cracks me up is there's so many places on Earth we're just so clearly not

supposed to go. And the evidence is in how hard it is to get there. Deep ocean, highest peaks. Sky. Sky. Big sky. Stupid. Anyone who gets on a plane, if something happens to us,

wait, I'm sorry. I wasn't going to go. We asked for it. We're not supposed to be up there. I wasn't going to go just flying. Flying is crazy. Laura, we're not supposed to be up there. Caleb's like, do you never sit with this?

I have no. for anyone who's ever died in a plane crash on a certain level like we keep going places we're not supposed to go I know it's submersible why'd you go down there oh I mean and okay the unity that our country had for 20 seconds after that happened was really beautiful you're you're truly meeting God and doing one of these in his face you're jacking off in God's visage you get truly you get what you deserve down there do you feel do you feel unnatural every time you're in the sky you're because you're a sky boy i don't think about it anymore yeah but the first 100 times i flew of course yeah i'm grabbing the seat like this yeah i'm getting arthritic knuckles i'm grabbing that

shit for dear life i'm telling people next to me that i love them yeah so i'm confessing my sins and i was i was flying as like a fat teenager with no money so i was flying most basic economy middle seat right and just business business people rolling their eyes and sighing when i sidled up terrified. Hey, if they're so business, get into business class, bitch. I'm saying get a better job or something because I'm fat, I'm young, and I'm scared. And I'm in the middle.

I'm taking up both armrests and I might puke. I'm falling asleep. I'm on a drool. Do you have a fucking question? Do you have something you wanted to say to me? I'm young, fat, and horrified. Did you have something you wanted to say to me? Wake up. I can feel your energy. Say something to me.

Wake up and say something. Wake up and say something to me. Say something on giving up on you. Oh, God. Yeah. I don't, I, I, something happened, and maybe it's just frequency of, of flying, but something happened to me where I've been experiencing like real turbulence lately in my life, no, in this guy.

And I will go, I just, it doesn't, nothing happens to me. Hora. Hora. Am I suicidal? No, well, okay, we'll talk about that, but, uh, the passive suicidalization is real. We'll talk. But I have to tell you, I was just telling these guys earlier. I did find a TikTok on my weekly scroll the other day.

Yes. That has like, I've decided it's going to fundamentally inform the way I live my life. Okay. And I love when I find one of these. It's this guy walking down the street and he goes, I really can't stop thinking about it. He goes, man, the older I get, the more I realize, psh. I'm joining whatever church he's running. I love that.

I love that. Pastor. Hello. It really is like that That is, I'm literally every day I'm getting closer and I feel like that's actually Nirvana That's so true It's like you don't, I keep thinking

I keep waiting for like wisdom to come to me Yeah And I don't think it's that I think you fucking care less Yeah I think you just start to care a little bit less You literally have to go Pshh

Hell What am I gonna do? Who knows? I'm gonna worry? Shit It's the same Every religion has some maxim for this I'm choosing Pish

but you can't slow it down like that I'm choosing I'm choosing that but in Christianity it's like God's ways are higher it's like yeah everyone has some statement that's like fuck it yes give it up to God can't be worried about that way to God's feet I'm sure other religions have one too but I'm not worried about that or knowing that

so I'm just going to stick with Christianity and this TikTok and yeah and push tell me it's not real though I mean yeah I think that's I'm learning that so much too yeah but fuck it literally fuck it literally fuck it i know it's it's very liberating how you doing not good are you not no i'm fine i i am i am i was thinking about this this morning i was trying to write it down but i'm like i'm waiting okay here's what i was thinking today i'm waiting

for some sort of um wisdom to come to me like i said yeah i'm realizing that my image of myself, my perception of myself, is based on the last thing I heard about myself. Okay. At 34. Yeah. It's based on like, you're a fat bitch. You're like, I'm a fat bitch.

And it lasts for like hours until one of my friends is like, you're a good friend. And I'm like, I'm a great friend. I just beat the fat bitch allegations. I've moved into great friend. Yep. And in that moment, I shed the weight. Wait, do you know, do you know what I was talking different about?

other day. It's so much more insane to say the, when it comes to weight loss. The weight. She lost the weight. The weight. Like, the weight is so like, whoa. That's like, that's boomer mom. That's so funny. That's so, but, she lost all the weight.

She lost all the weight. She lost 100 pounds is different than she lost that weight. She's lost some weight. She lost the weight. You're going to keep off the weight? The weight we all know about. It's the only weight I've ever thought about is your weight. Capital T, capital W. Yeah. We've all carried it for you in many ways. The weight is so funny. James just sighed so hard.

We've all carried it for you, by the way. I've been shouldering the weight of yours. And that transfers to other things as well. Like, if you're like, you're like, oh, she's, you know, she's, she's, she's out there fighting with her husband. She's out there fighting with the husband. Ooh, the. This is, the really changes things. It does.

This is, this is reading very southern to me. You know what I mean? Yeah. She's out there with her husband. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, she's, she's been, she's been having some of the drink. The drink.

Yes. The drink. She's been smoking the pot. She's been, she's on that stuff. The stuff. The really transformed something. It does because it may, like. Makes it out like a proper noun.

Yeah, it's like, it's making it singular. Yeah. In that you've never thought about it in any other context than this person. There's no other weight. There's no other husband. I don't have a corporeal form. No. You have the weight.

You have the problem. You just have diabetes She's got the diabetes Okay, the diabetes hits Yeah That's great She's got the beities She's got the beities

The Warren Beedies God dude But I'm sorry you were saying You're waiting for wisdom I don't know Oh yeah I'm waiting for wisdom It's not coming I'm just generally

I'm going to have to either Get much more medicated than I am Yeah Or just passively accept that it's It's not good You seem so good I know I know Well that's the thing

is that I'm, I do feel like most people who are ill, able to present. And the only thing that brings me joy is this. So it's like, I have no inner life. But, sorry, everyone. I have nothing, there's nothing going on up here. It's hellish up here. Yeah. But people are my favorite thing in the world.

Yeah. I really do love other people. Yeah. And so what brings me any amount of joy is bringing joy to others and having joy brought to me by yeah participating in joy yes but but in but I go home and I'm like turn off turn off yes yeah 100% I'm trying to figure it out I was I've been thinking a lot about how I would like to you know how people are like you know I'm

fine on the outside but on the inside I'm losing it you know that a lot it's like some shit that someone like someone you went to high school with posts on Facebook at yeah yeah exactly it's like a it's like a black and blue huge print of like a werewolf tearing through a of like a moon and it's like you have no idea what's inside of me it's a little duck and it's like you know it's feet are working really hard

I'm calm up top but at the bottom is that you or you the duck? I'm the little duck who's feet are working too hard and the feet are my brain and I feed her brain but I've been thinking so much about how much I'd like to reverse that like I would love to be totally at peace on the inside but losing my

fucking mind. That's Lisa Trigger. You just described Lisa Trigger. She has so much inner peace. She's spouting off at truly, what does she tell me? She goes, I was catching up with her the other day. She came over to my house and she goes, she goes, yeah, I'm sorry. I'm a little crazy.

I went off on a man at the Delta Lounge. She had just like come from the airport. Flawless impression, by the way. That's exactly, I'm sorry. I just, looking in every direction. I went off in a man at the Delta Lounge. And I go, what do you do? She goes, well, he did nothing wrong.

the moment. I live for her. You're absolutely right, though. She has such, I remember posting. I was like having problems with drinking, LOL. And,

um, my problems with my problems with my problems. I have to have my famous problems. Well, you know, she's got that drinking habit. She loves the drink. She loves the drink.

She goes in for the drink. She's in for a penny and for a pound on the drink. Baby. Um, but I posted something to my close friends and it was like just after I had gotten kind of close with Lisa, I just added her to the, list and I had spent time with her and I like posted something about being like really in my

feelings obviously being like how is everyone dealing with this how is everyone dealing with addiction in my life that I love because I know we're all kind of struggling she sent the most thoughtful like two paragraph response being like you're you have to stop beating yourself up about it that's the first thing you have to do yeah is stop experiencing so much shame about it and then you see her online and she's like well I punched a man She was going off, she was going off on a comedy club the other day online. The blue room screwed her. They did.

And when she was doing it, she was like, I'm the worst person to try and do this to. And I'm like, the self-awareness of you are. I'm going to yap. Yeah. I'm going to yap about it. God, I love her. You have a, sorry, a little meta to talk about your pod inside your pod. But what did she say?

We're like, what do you know about yourself? And she was like, I'm conspiratorial. Oh. Oh, it's one of my favorite moments of the podcast that I just completely unprompted. I was like, I was like, Lisa, what do you think your red flags are without missing a beat? she goes, uh, I'm conspiratorial, I fly off the handle, I'm confrontational, like she really just listen. And every one of them, I was like, yeah. Yeah, totally. And I love you to death. She's one of, she's one of probably four close friends that genuinely listens to every episode of this show.

That's so sweet. And this will bring her so much joy. Oh my God, we love you, Lisa. She's my favorite people on the planet. Her, uh, uh, Katie Crutchfield, um, Doyle, I think our friend Doyle. and one or two other people that I'm sure I'm forgetting that texts me like weekly being like oh my God Love it this week's episode when they said this Like they're really listening You've got you have cultivated You've got friends

I have I have stolen I have stolen from the universe And kept too many riches When it comes to friends He's sitting on a big I've gotten so lucky I've gotten so lucky with people This is like the biggest gift of my life yeah

No you cultivate it It's not luck. It's like you care about people. Not really. I'm bad to these people. You should see the way I am to chance behind the scenes. I have a feeling that you're really cruel. Is that right?

I'm contractually obligated by legitimate business empire LLC to say nothing. You can't see it. He's off mic. His hands are tied behind his back. Well, he works better that way. He focuses up. If you use your faculties like that, your brain's work an extra time. It's like when you're blind and you can smell really good.

Sometimes I blindfold him. Sometimes I put a big cartoon clip on his nose. I take away other senses so that he can... It's really lock in. Podcasts produce. We call it playtime. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Your enrichment. Enrichment in your closure. Don't give him too much attention. Oh, I'm sorry. He loves it too much. He's smiling a lot. He starts to crash out. My sweet fully offline husband the other day.

Yeah. We're moving. I will say this. One thing keeping me in L.A. a little bit. We just found a truly glorious apartment in Los Angeles. Oh, I love that. What's the address?

It's so good. I love asking people for their address. Oh, I really, I was trying to go with the bit. I said it. Obviously, Chance is making a note of that will be. Chance on tie your hands and make a note of that. No, but it's so beautiful. But he's, he's terminally offline, like, has never, I remember we were in college.

He had a girlfriend that made him a Facebook profile in, like, 2009. And the moment they broke up, he was like, I'm going to delete it. I don't care. But it just cares not at all. to be on it. Need him. And you know what? I wax poetic about it

and I brag about it. He's never said a fucking word. He goes, yeah. Yeah. Oh, I hate you. I need him. He's the love of my favorite. I need a man who's never seen a screen.

He doesn't even know. He's never seen a television show. Yeah. I don't let him watch movies. Yeah. I love that. But he, the other day, he had been like traveling from one place to the other or finishing packing,

whatever. And he's like, yeah, I got really tired. And I just, I went home. just crashed out. And I was like, that's not what that means. I was like, you pitched a fit?

Like you had like a meltdown? He was like, no, I went to sleep. Oh, I love him. It was so cute. I didn't even tell him.

I didn't even tell him he's going to hear this for the first time. I just went home and crashed. I pictured him being like, fuck this. Throwing tables and shit. Yes. I hate moving. God,

I love him. He's so real. He's the realest fan. I know. I went home and just totally. crashed out, just honks you with me, me, me, me. He's got a little candle on a plate. He's a little, little, little

hat. A really long nightgown. Are you happy internally? Yeah. No. Yeah, I am. I can feel your peace. I am, but I've talked about this a little bit on here recently. The struggle, I think, is trying to disabuse ourselves. I think a lot of us have this idea that there are happy people

and then there are unhappy people. That's so, yes. That happy is a type of person. It's not a binary thing. That is not real. Happy is not a type of person. Happy is a feeling that you can experience. And if you set your life up, if you're lucky and you set your life up in a good way and you really pursue it, you can experience the feeling of happiness more often. Yes.

And if the ratio is good, you will think of yourself as a happy person and that's great. But that happy people are not real. I am a person and I try to experience happiness as much as I can. And I do experience a lot of happiness. but I also experience frustration, burnout. Depression, lows. Exhaustion, depression, anxiety. I experience the full range of human emotions, thank God.

Which is great. Which is great. The point of being alive. Yeah. And I think part of experiencing happiness at the most that you can is knowing how to deal with when you're frustrated, when you're tired, when you're exhausted, and you're depressed. And just going, yeah, that's okay. Today I'm depressed.

Or today I'm being moody or today I'm not the most fun to be around. Or today I'm quiet. it, and you just go, okay, I'll let that go on for an hour or I'll let that go on for a day. And tomorrow will be better. Oh, so fleeting. You know? Yes. Oh, it's beautiful.

Yeah, you have to treat the bad stuff just like the good stuff. Like, it won't be here forever and that's okay. Can you, will you come talk me to sleep? Yes. Yes, I will. And it's going to be so bad for you. It's going to be terrible. It's going to be bad for you.

I was going to say one thing. Do you spend a lot of time alone? I really like to be alone. Yeah. And I cultivate alone time a lot. What are you doing in this alone time? Um, I'm pretending to write most of it.

And then I'm just crashing out. No, it's not so bad. I do, I cultivate a lot of experiences by myself. I go to movies by myself. I go to dinner by myself. I go on extremely long walks every day of my life. Yeah. And I'm trying my best to adopt that mentality of just being like,

every emotion you have is fleeting. I feel like I'm grasping that. But when I do experience true happiness and joy, it's impossible for me to think about it as anything other than momentary and that I don't deserve it. I have a deep amount of shame. Yes.

Not sure. Why? I have Catholic. I don't know. Do you think? Really? Why? Why?

Why? I don't know. I was thinking about it the other day. I have living parents who are in love together and love me very much. There is no reason for me to have the amount of just like

in, like truly inherent guilt and shame that I have. But it is the thrum of my entire. entire existence is a low sense of really intense self-hatred. Sorry. Don't be sorry. This is very interesting. Did you, did you grow up Catholic?

Yeah. I mean, that's almost it has to be. I mean, it literally has to be. It literally has to be. Yeah. But it wasn't, I'll say it wasn't like, definitely in the home that was not imparted on me. This was not like an insanely religious household in which everything, in which, you know, everything was a sin and everything you do is wrong.

Yeah. And school, I was, I was barely paying attention to that. I wasn't, you know, I wasn't even really taking that in. So I do wonder where it was, where it got really deep in there. But like, I will harp on and just, I will harp on any mistake longer than I have any right to and really lash myself over it for a really long time. And the feeling when you're happy is that you don't deserve it. Yeah, immediately. Because I don't have that, but I'm, and I'm trying to understand that, as you're saying it, I have, when I'm, when I'm, when I'm, when I'm,

I'm happy that I can't hold on to it. See. And that makes me sad. Yes. And so there are often many times where I'm quite happy where I have to fight this, this creeping emotion of like, oh, this is going to, tomorrow's not going to be like this. You have to wake up tomorrow and do things you don't want to do. Yes.

You're going to be sad when I'm happy that's like, you can't hold on to this. Isn't that sad. You may as well ruin this as well. Yes. And I just push. I fight that and go, no, you're not real. You're fake. Get the fuck out of here.

Yes. And I'm going to enjoy my moment. But the idea of not deserving it is so interesting. Well, I think so much of my like. I have tied a lot of my... This is like weird career stuff too. But I have tied a lot of my happiness to what I consider to be success.

And so I'm like, which is very toxic and I'm unlearning that. I'm talking about it a lot in therapy these days. Yeah. But like big opportunities, things that I've really wanted, I go, yeah, it's a flu. Like you do not deserve that. Like truly we'll talk myself out of being excited about it.

Yeah. At every stage of the process. And then as it's happening and as I'm, meeting the moment and doing what I came there to do and and and doing a good job I'm like there you go but that's seven minutes long it's it is it's very that the the place and this is lame but I the place that I experience the most true and lasting joy is in my relationship and and he he he is the least neurotic person alive and gives me a real sense of like you deserve to be okay yeah but outside of that honey I that yeah that's we don't want it tied to the man that's really good for you

You could have a heart attack, you know what I mean? He could. He could, but you have it now. You have it now. And that's really nice. It is, it is. Thank God for that. I know.

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That's Q-U-I-N-C-C-E.com slash low-true. Free shipping and 365-day returns, quince.com Slot true. No editing on that, by the way. I'm just that good. but you're right that it's like i have to understand it as fleeting but also very beautiful and important that's all i need to know that's a very good way to it and also like with the career stuff like i don't know yeah how are you out with that i just don't i don't think of it in terms of deserving i don't think of it in terms of i don't know i just think like i don't deserve

the life i have you know what i mean i feel very lucky for it but i don't i don't think because to me in my own estimation deserving a very good life would imply that people deserve bad lives. Yes. Wow. Yes. The opposite has to be true. And I don't think that people deserve bad lives. Very good point. No one does. Some people, I would like to see some people that have done bad things get some, um, unfortunately there's a part of me that wants to see them punish, which is not productive. If Pete Hexsat got hit by a train today, I'd be like, okay. I look, I would say, what are we having for lunch? You know what I mean? Like, I would move on pretty quickly from that news. But I think, yeah, I think, uh, just not think, trying not to think of it as deserving. And also like,

I think I think about a lot that brings me great peace that used to bring me a lot of not peace is nobody, after enough time, nobody is going to remember what any of us did. Isn't that fabulous? Isn't that liberating? The most famous person on Earth right now and the least famous person on Earth right now

and all the other descriptors, most rich, least rich, like everything you can think of about us with enough passage of time, this solar system is going to crash into another solar system and create an amount of energy that will destroy every living thing. and the only thing that will have mattered

is that whether or not we had a nice time and we're nice to each other and even kind of frankly not that but I hold on to that one for fun. You know what I mean? I'm going to cry. I'm hanging on by a thread. It's going to make me cry.

Title of the episode being I tell my mentally ill friend that nothing matters. Her reaction, live. I don't know. Do you find it comforting or is that sad? No, I love that.

I love that. I mean, no, that really doesn't. brings me comfort and the idea i mean okay make your mark it's huge we're having a ton of fun i do i am able in the in the very moment to totally believe and understand that yes i just i i no that brings me a ton of comfort i i just have to i have to quiet my own mind and it in it i suffer a lot from like racing thoughts they suffer a lot from from whatever this like shame built-in thing is but you're right you're so right like it won't young people don't know who william shatner is you know what i mean yeah and he's the most famous person who's presently alive yes i thought you brought to

say he's president of the United States. He's president of the United States. No, but you know what I do think of? It brings me peace sometimes too in career to think of like, okay, so we're in a culture. We're in a subculture of comics and famous people and actors and whatever. We're a part of that scene.

Yeah. And sometimes when I think about like the kings of little fiefdoms near where I grew up, like the guy who's like, he's like chair of the school board. In every restaurant he walks into. Big dick swinging everywhere. And I laugh because I'm like,

This doesn't matter. And every person buying into this is so fucking silly. And then I look at myself and go, same to you, my friend. You are not better than that. You're walking into the Applebee's with your hog out. You are acting like the school board president in Lynn County, Missouri. And anyone who's allowing you to act like that is just as foolish. It's not different.

It's so true. He's getting the fajita platter and everybody knows it. Yeah, it's like the like status and the like pursuit. And I try so hard not to be in pursuit of influencer status. But like I think a good thing to think about is like if you can look at another group of people who are so tied up in their own little power structure and then look at whatever yours is, whether it's your office job or your group of friends or your theater group or whatever and just go, I'm as silly as them. Knock it off. 100%. I'm as much a goose as any part.

One of my friends said to me one time my friend Katie was like, there is nothing. there is nothing more dangerous than like perceived power in like a small environment. You know, like, it really will drive you absolutely bonkers. And I think about the different stages of my life and who I ascribed that to. Like you're saying, the school bird grade, it's like who I, who I gave that status to, all of them hilarious. Yeah. All, absolutely all of them hilarious.

Yeah. The dude that I wanted to like me, the, the people at my school that I thought were more important or more popular. Like every step of your life, you have someone who is remarkably dumb and silly. Yeah. think you're like, that's it. And you look back and go, why did I give them any power at all? Yeah.

I participated in their legitimacy. Why? I sucked him off. Yeah, I sucked that guy off. I sucked off William Shatner. And how the kids don't know who he is. That's title. Which member of the Hollywood elite did I suck off?

There you go. There's the episode title. And we'll include the stammering. You have to. I lost it. Lost the thread. Which, which,

uh, here's a title. Um, which, um, when you, uh, um,

and it sucked him off. Dude, the number of times on podcast that I, my head, my brain goes, you've got something. And then I open my mouth to say it. And I just end up going,

oh, uh, and another thing. Or I'll be in the middle of a sentence and go, you don't have an ending. You don't have an ending to what you're saying. Wrap it up. This is my end.

Getting light. I'm doing it. I'm doing it. I'm lighting myself. wrap it up he thought he ate I thought I was about to eat for dinner I thought I was about to eat for dinner

I thought I was about to eat for dinner I'm hungry I thought it's about to eat for dinner dude and and one more thing yeah yeah give it to me dude I have to tell you something horrible

what happened I've been trying to eat better breakfast oh what's going on with your breakfast I'm a breakfast gal I either skip it or I eat something horrendous. Right. I either skip it or I'm like, I'm like, well, you've got the whole day to like for your body

to work through this. You know what I mean? So I'll eat like just something crazy. Like something so I'll have like a donut and like snack and bacon from Duncan. Oh, that sounds really good right now. It's really good because they like sprinkle sugar and crack cocaine on it. Yeah, 100%. You wake up ready to go.

Who needs a cup of coffee? And the other day I tried this protein cereal that I was like, okay, so what you're going after is like you'd like to be filled up. Full. Hit your macros. Yeah, you want to, whatever that means? I don't know either. You want to be full, and so why don't you eat this protein cereal?

And I got the, it looked like it was a cute branding, and it was like, oh, there's like, you know, however many grams, 40 grams of protein in a cup or something crazy like that. And I was like, oh, my gosh, awesome. And it says, oh, it's cinnamon toast crunch flavor. And I was like, I pop cinnamon toast crunch. I want to say, they made it out of rat poison and dog shit. it tasted so bad and I can tell you it was filling I took I took a yeah I'm full of dog shit it was so hard to chew that I was like this there it's it's a battle of attrition I'm just tired they're wearing me down yeah I don't need to eat anything for months I'm exhausted I've had enough

of this cereal and of being alive I've just had enough 40 grams of kill yourself truly I was like this is so bad that's horrific I know and I really when I bought it was one of those moments when I bought it that I was like you son of a bitch you crack the code look at you look at you cinnamon toast crunch protein flavored cereal what was on that box can I ask what it looked like because I get fooled by that shit a lot it was like it was the cereal but they made the cereal look so appetizing and good and it was yeah it was really cute and it was like a matte box like with a nice finish oh they're doing such beautiful things it was expensive of branding of course I thought 12 dollar box of cereal it wouldn't be expensive if it wasn't good that's right

You know, I was, and I'm just so, it's so funny that still at this point in my life, I can be in situations and think, this time you figured it out. Yeah, you nailed it. You, you found the thing that's going to fix everything. I was putting so much on the cereal. I was like, my days are about to, like, be, I'm going to, I'm going to write three hours a day every day because of this cereal. Well, it's, it's important to be excited, as we've discussed. Yeah. Delusional.

Delusion. Very delusional thinking. Breakfast is hard, though. Breakfast is always hard. I hate it. out yesterday i'm staying in a friend's place in prospect park and i was like i'm about to have me a new york city day and i was like i'm gonna go i'm gonna get up i'm gonna go for a walk i'm gonna sit in the park and write i brought all my little things my backpack weighed a thousand pounds i was really

moving and grooving i can't write outside it's such a lie that i tell myself hilarious i didn't write a word i haven't written in five years but but i get up and i'm like i'm gonna hit this little breakfast spot and i see it's very cute it was very reviews received so adorable. It's like a soul food cafe. I was like amazing. They have so many great things on the menu. Like really healthy ways to start your day.

Soul food cafe by Prospect Park. Glorias? Was it Gloria's okay? That's not what I'm saying. There's a whole food restaurant over there that I love that I will not say the name of on here. Okay, okay. Because it's doing quite well and I'd like to gate keep it.

Got it. But I'll tell you off. I want to know. Maybe I got the name wrong. It might be the same one. Yeah. But I sit down and I'm like, look at all this. I'm like,

oh my God, that place is amazing. Make sure you can't hear that in the recording. So good. Glorious. Yeah. He's like, was it Timmy's Toot in town? I'm like, that was it. That's my favorite soul food restaurant.

It was so delicious. Yes, and they're so lovely in there. They're so nice. Well, I was sitting, I was really moved. I was sitting across from a woman who was maybe in her early 60s, and she's, she had one of those things. She didn't have reading glasses, but she had one of those little magnifying glasses that you put over a thing to read it. And I just saw her, and she is just beaming, just ear to ear, looking around. smiling the waiter comes up to her kind of could have could have taken a

reliever like you know not particularly interested in what this woman has going on and she goes all of my friends have been telling me to come here and I'm just so excited and I like I was fucked up over that I was fucked up and she kept making eye contact with me and I would just go I love her she was a doll she was precious and then she got her food and she's just mm-hmm dude it makes you feel bad right I felt like an asshole. It makes you feel bad. There's like a viral, there's like a viral video that I think I saw on like Instagram or something that's like this, this girl is like recording, I think her, her mom or her aunt.

And they're in like a hotel room in Cleveland. And she's like on the phone with her, the mom or aunt or maybe grandma. This older woman is on the phone with her friend. And she's like, she's looking out the window. She's like, girl, we're in downtown. And they got restaurants down here. And it's so beautiful. I love it here.

I bet you wish you'd come now. Like, she's so excited to be in Cleveland. Cleveland. And I'm like, D.T. Cleveland. And I'm like, I deserve nothing. Nothing. I'm a fool. I deserve nothing if I can't be like that. I'm a bitch of a woman. I can't make myself happy doing objectively some of the coolest things on earth. Fuck you. It's crazy to behold. It is. It's wild. It's really crazy. But she was just so, so happy. And I kept looking at her. And I was looking at all these things on the menu. And I was like, I'm going. whole hog big breakfast. There was a lovely looking salad. There were plenty of lovely options. And I ate like four massive sausages and cheesy eggs. And then I went home and I went to sleep.

You know what? I'm going to tell you a story about this place. Okay. And I'm going to say the name of the place. It's Cheryl's Global Soul. Don't cut it. I'm not gatekeeping. Oh, look at you.

Who knows? Maybe they need the business. I think they're doing quite well, but I love that place so much. I had one of the most magical nights there. This was in maybe December. or it was winter in New York last year and I had gone I had gone with some people

I had gone with a guy I was dating at the time and his sister and we had we met up with his sister at First Fridays at the Brooklyn Museum the Brooklyn Museum loves when I talk about First Fridays Oh love that Last time I talked about the Brooklyn Museum on here

They clipped the moment from the podcast themselves and put it on the Instagram That's really fucking sweet Shout out to the Brooklyn Museum I love them I was next to it yesterday and I almost went in but I went to the Botanical Garden instead I need to hit the, on a worst weather day, I need to go there.

You must go. I love the Brooklyn Museum. It's so fabulous. But first Fridays there are first Saturdays. It's not first Fridays. I always mix this up. Chance to tell me because I want to get it right. I don't care.

Whatever. I think it's first Saturdays. It's better phonetically first Fridays. Yes. They don't, I think it's first Saturdays at the Brooklyn Museum. I go whenever it's on. And they're off season anyway. They're not doing it until next year, I think.

Up American. But I went. It's so many hot, cool people. and they've got some of the exhibits open and DJs and like live music and food vendors and it's so fun and then we walked to Cheryl's Global Soul we sat down we started ordering food it's like really cold out and it's like they've got heaters on in there

it's so warm and cozy and cute and it's like full it's full and it's everyone in there is having a good time and they're playing like you know great music and then the playlist was crazy the playlist is crazy it's so good and the food is coming and it's amazing and we're having so much fun and we keep ordering stuff drinks and stuff and then what I believe is the only I haven't gotten to have a long conversation with her yet.

We've, like, exchanged a couple, hey, hello, how are you? And she stands up, she's there at the restaurant, she stands up, and the staff starts bringing shots around to everyone in the restaurant. And she holds up a shot class, and she goes, everybody, can I get your attention, please? These shots are on me tonight for no other reason than we're celebrating friendship and being alive. What a gift it is to be on this earth at the same time. Oh, my God.

Raise your glasses. and then the whole restaurant does a shot. I'm going to cry. The whole restaurant does a shot together and then they just turn the music back up and everyone keeps eating. Being alive is actually really special. As it turns out,

being alive is one of the coolest things that's ever happened to me. It's a, yeah. Yeah, and I won't be taking it for granted ever. And I'm going to be present in the present because it's my present. Until later today. when somebody minorly inconveniences me.

It's when a guy bumps into me on the train. Until then, it's a joy to be here. God, life is beautiful. Oh, that's so, oh, my God, what a fucking darling woman that is. The playlist was going crazy. I walk in like a, like a fool, like a person who's just inside my own head with my headphones. And then I, and then I'm like, no, I want to experience this. The food was so good.

Get out of there. And get into here. Get into this. Yeah. Take a shot with the staff. Take a shot with the staff. Take a shot with the stuff. I had the most beautiful waiter I've ever seen

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Oh, really? I was at the MJ Linderman concert. last night. I don't know who that is. As I, you don't know? Oh, my God. M.J. Linderman, incredible. I'm so old. Put out one of my favorite albums of last year, if not maybe my favorite. Oh, my God, I need to see you. It's really, really good. He's great. And him and Annie DeRuso played at King's Theater last night. Oh, big Annie fan, of course. Come on, man. Oh, man, I should have come. A night design for me. I know if I should have thought of it. Okay. But I went and, um, a really hot guy came up to introduce himself as a fan, clearly straight.

and I was so he was like looking at me in a way you know sometimes when someone's a fan of you they look at you in a way that's like you're looking at me in a way that's like I want I just so you know I want to fuck you like you're looking at me like you know like you listen to things I've said you want to eat my heart like this just like sweet earnest straight guy looking in my eyes being like brother you're so funny hey bro and I'm like you know I'm like do should we kids? let's kiss please and I am I was like God I have I need to be looked at like that a lot it is it's it that's romantic love that's romantic love I mean I'm like I've heard your thoughts yeah and I've seen you that's what it is and I really respect to you that's romantic love and it's a different sometimes sometimes those interactions are not like that at all they're like you're like you're the famous guy from the internet very service very gross yeah fuck off but being like being but you can tell it's in the eyes he was like I love your stuff you're so funny I your special was incredible thank you for putting it out and like the stuff about your dad and I was like I'm horny I'm horny straight up I have a semi I'm bricked I am semi brick I'm bricked into a bolivian in these old navy jeans I'm bricked in my old navy jeans thank you for seeing me I have a semi in my own jays and we need to do something let's go let's get out of here I don't even like this band. Dude, a guy messaged me on Grindr last night,

a cute guy, and he was like, he was like, what's up? And I was like, I had just gotten home from the concert, and I was like watching Gilmore girls, Lorela and Roy are in another fucking situation, as always. What's up with you? He didn't respond. I'm like, you don't under, what do you not know? Kind of the funniest thing anyone's ever said

and you're not giving me. He obviously hasn't seen the show. Rory and Lorela are always in a situation. They're at each other's, well, they're either at each other's throats or mom's acting up. Well, and sometimes you can't even tell who the damn parent is and who's the kid. Oh, she, I was watching him with Carson recently. He was like, I fucking hate Laurelite. What?

He was like, he was like, she is so irresponsible. He's an interesting boy. Okay, not me making you hate him now. No. He was like, no, he was like, he was just, I can't remember what the scenario was. Yeah. It reminds me so much of, my favorite thing he's ever said in my life was we were watching, you know, million three watch of sex in the city. And I left to go to the bathroom and I was like, keep it going.

You're enjoying this episode. I know it very well. Yeah. And I heard him from the other room go, ugh. And I was like, what happened? And he goes, Carrie's making it all about her again. Really part for the course. I mean, duh, she is.

Does she is? And she does. And she makes it all about her. And she does. She can hardly help herself. I mean, well, I just, I rewatched the episode recently where she, um, uh, was, did Charlie get pregnant or something massive happened to Charlotte? she got engaged. She got engaged to Harry.

Yeah. And she had just gotten broken up with by Burger on a post-it. Yeah. And they're at brunch. And she gives her two seconds of air time before she goes, post-it! I mean, she doesn't let her have her own engagement at all. I'm like, this bitch would be out of my life in two seconds. She's so... She's crazy. Laura, what is so true to you? Okay. This is a big one for me. I was thinking about it in the car. I was 15 minutes late to the record. I was 12 minutes late. I look in Caleb goes

Well, well, well And he goes, I just got here two minutes ago Yeah, I fully just walked in Okay, so true to me right now Is that if they are coming If our government is coming for free speech Yes And it seems they are

And it seems that they are Just totally hypothetical America as a country Does not make any fucking sense Without free speech Yeah Like, it's too weird a place to not be able. It's like if a, if you had a friend and they're like, hey, I'm going to take you to the circus and we're going to go to the freak show.

Yeah. And you're going to see the guy that swallows fire and knives and you're going to see a lady with seven tits and you're going to see. And you have to watch that and you can't go, whoa. I can't say anything about it. Exactly. Exactly. You're like sick, no for sure. He's like just one thing.

You can't like comment on it. Don't react. You can't comment on it in any meaningful way. Yeah. just can't say shit about it you're like but that's the point of the freeze I have to talk about the freeze no no that's what you think I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm gonna die with mounds of medical debt and I can't say a peep fuck you're really right about this you're really really right about this thank you it doesn't make any at least in North Korea people are behaving you know what I

mean yeah we're too weird well in in how are you supposed to square like rural Louisiana with Chicago and no one's allowed to talk about what's going on. Those two places existing in space and time and I have to shut my little gob about it. People are also not, people are not reacting big enough to me to, like, we're taking so much for granted right now in terms of like

Caroline Levitt, that dumb bitch. Joe, he's such a loser. It's going on the news. And she literally was on the news like last night or this morning being like, the Democrats' main constituents are Hamas terrorists. And it's like, that is a fucking crazy thing to say about most of the country. Oh my God. Because they act like

they're most of the country. We are. They're not. They're not in the majority. The mega is not most of the country. People who don't agree with them are most of the people in the country. And the election is not, the election is not indicative of that. Most of the country doesn't vote. Most of the country is not like you.

And to say most of the country is Hamas terrorists is fucking bananas, bat shit insane. And we're just going, oh, wow, that's politics. She said another crazy fucking thing. It's not. That's not politics. Well, and at this moment, at this exact time, it's so hard to grab hold of the latest, like, fucking insane thing that someone said that it's like we should be talking about that to the ends

of the earth we should be commenting on that for it's like you're so fucking wrong yeah a lot of people the vast majority of people do not agree with you and it is like remarkably not true and we just let it go it just becomes the next thing that they've said we'll be worried about something tomorrow it really is

driving me insane I feel crazy I feel really insane I feel crazy every day and the thing is most of us do I know but what can we do because we have this stupid and they're they're fucking redistricting everything they're about to get the voting rights act because god forbid fucking uh people who aren't white get any kind of say in the government they are gutting the voting rights act and they are going to have like mega control forever they think i'm really hopeful what what would be awesome what would be awesome is if they didn't get the voting rights act you know what would be sick would be sick as if they left that but it would be

really awesome as if they did and then a bunch of fucking people voted against them because of it yeah Do I think that that'll happen? I don't know. But I know that the way they're trying to run this government is not going to work for working people. Exactly. Because Trump is doing fucking crypto schemes. He's manipulating the economy to drive up crypto prices. And when it doesn't work for working people, no matter what their majority is,

they're going to either have to do legitimate Insurrection Act martial law and overthrow all of the people. Yep. Or they're going to lose crazy style. Yeah. They are going to lose crazy style. I have a little bit of hope in the ladder. I really, I really do. And I have a lot of fear in the former.

Yes. I have a lot of fear that if it starts to seem like fucking Joe Plummer in Ohio is like no more. They're like, oh, then fuck elections. I'll shoot him in the head. Yeah. We're going to go to his house and shoot him in the head. Well, that looks like Antifa, boys. Pepper spray that.

Pemberset that priest. Joe Smith is a Hamas terrorist. And so is his wife. Yeah. Your right-wing uncle who's an electrician in Texas? really bad news guys he's al-Qaeda we just found out

Caroline Levitt just found out he's al-Qaeda oh my god Aunt Cheryl's ISIS oh shit so we're sending some slubby 32-year-old dimwits who couldn't find a fucking respectable job in ice uniforms

to disappear him they are cracking me up and I know they are so inept and it is scary in every way but you throw a little Benny Hill soundtrack onto these fuckers trying to chase one guy

on a bike I'm laughing harder than I've ever laughed. They're so fucking ugly it's awesome. You almost have to be jealous of these ice agents because something really cool

happened for them. Here are unfuckable, unemployable, unintelligent, ugly ass losers. And now they get a job that pays them well for nothing. They get to be assholes

to people that are cooler than them and they get to wear a mask. And they get a mask on. Oh my God. They get to cover their ugly face. viral in a mask crazy crazy work

like they literally found a dream scenario it's true it's the life I mean these dim-witted fucking useless

pieces of shit if I was 75% less smart you know oh my god yeah I swear to God if you put

half these ice agents in front of the children's game where you try to put the square in the square hole they'd be fucking

ramming it at the triangle these guys he pissed his pants all you can see of their face is their eyes and it's just giving Lenny.

You just see a couple of Lenny peepers staring back at you vacantly. It's crazy. There's nothing in there. There's nothing in there. We're going to get that plot of land, brother. It's crazy. There's just not a light in the house on with these fucking guys.

And they're showing up in unmarked fucking Toyota Sienas. Oh, yeah. Stepping off a dirt bike. coming into your home. And we're saying it's supposed to be like, respect our law enforcement. I don't, that's a guy.

Hey, that's some dude. That's just some guy. That's some dude. He got $70,000 to put that mask on. He's some fucking guy. You actually have to let him kidnap the Guatemalan line cook who lives next door and bothers nobody.

And is the nicest man you've ever met. There was a, oh my God, I saw a video yesterday of this woman going the fuck off. It was in New York on this man. And you're like, there's a million things you can say to these people. They deserve every,

every type of lashing out. you could possibly imagine. She goes, your fucking wife is stepping out on you, you little fucking bitch. It wasn't like

you're abusing my rights. You're not respecting the Constitution. Your wife's cheating on your and your dick is small, you fuck. It was so satisfying. I live. I absolutely.

There's been videos of protesters clowning the the, like, outfits of the ice agents. And you can just see that it's really, get into these guys. Oh, they really are starting to feel it. I love it. They're starting to see themselves reflected in these people a little bit. I mean, they have to. I really obviously

don't want them to come to New York in the way they're talking about doing next year. Of course. I've just been thinking so much about the number of problems we have in this country that are so legitimate and need actual answers and solutions. And that all, of course, being upset about undocumented immigrants right now is like if you were sitting on the street and a man pulled up in like a gold Rolls Royce and got out in like a $2 million suit and came over and said, open up, I'm going to take a shit in your mouth. And then

while he was shitting in your mouth, there was a guy playing harmonica a little loudly like 10 feet over. And you were like, we got to kill the harmonica guy. The harmonica guy is driving me fucking insane. There's shit in your mouth. The harmonica guy is the reason that I taste so much shit. Yeah. Meanwhile, everyone's loving the harmonica.

Yeah. Everyone's having a good time. Sitting around, enjoying it. They asked him to play it. Enjoying it. He's a great community member. We're having fun way. He's like a beloved member of the community. Good dad loves his family. He plays harmonica at all the birthday parties. Uh-huh. Yes.

He doesn't ask for anything in return. Yeah. But there's poop in my mouth. But there's poop in my mouth. And I want to kill that. Hormonica guy. Laura, I have a segment for you. You know what's about to happen.

What? Oh, yeah. Oh, God. I forgot. I've historically performed well on these and I'm nervous now that I'm going to. I'm going to reach you 15 statements. Okay. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can of what I just said,

was true or false. Okay. You get 10 or more correct. We're going to give you 50 U.S. dollars. You ready? Yes. A sneeze can travel up to speeds of 100 miles per hour. Sure.

Yes. No. No. Yeah? Yeah. A person I do a guy, an impression of a guy who's deciding that the answer is yes while he's saying it. He goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, yeah, yes.

Do you think true or false? True. It is true. Drake and Josh had more episodes than Kenan and Kel. True? False. Fuck. Yawning is contagious.

True. True. Wicked debuted on Broadway on 2003. On 2003. That's how it's written. Okay. True. True.

The Tennessee Volunteers football team played their first season in 1910. True. False. 1891. My mom's going to kill me. The smallest bone in the human body is in the nose. false false it's the ear johnny apple seed is a fictional character false false he was a real man dollywood's official slogan is love every moment true true true welcome to the jungle was written by motley crew true false guns and roses shit bats aren't actually blind false leanne rhymes has released 17 studio albums true true true the great wall of china is visible from space true false Albert Einstein failed his fourth grade math class true

False. Father Ryan High School's Yearbook is called the Clover. False. False. It's Irish pride. A blue whale's tongue

can weigh as much as an adult elephant. True. True. How'd you do? Another nine. Wow. We've had a run of nine. A bunch of nines.

Oh, so close. It needs a chance to get good at this. Can I have $25? Since you came on last, did we pay you last time you came on? You know, I did it and you didn't pay me. Wow. We pay people now regardless.

Oh, really? Yeah. I get that 50? You get more than that. Are you kidding me? You know, we made some changes. Oh my, my, this is the best day of my life. We took a look at the books.

Things are going well. We took a look at the books and we said, hey, we've been actually accidentally doing some crimes. We owe people some money. I did a grand larceny. We did grand larceny on accident. For legal reasons, kidding. That's really fabulous.

Yeah. I'm going to change my whole week. Really? Yes, it is. Yeah. That was kind of sad to hear. Yo, girl, that's a little bit sad. I hated that.

I hated that. I needed that. I hated that. I hated that. Worryed about you. Oh, sweetie, no. Oh, big bummer. Whoa.

No, we love you so much, Laura. Thank you so much for doing this. I love you. Thank you for having you. Please tell people where they can find you. Oh, find me on Instagram at Laura Peek Live, P-E-E-E-K, L-A-U-R-A, did it backwards. And then la-peakcom, I got a bunch of dates coming up. I'm going to be all over the country.

Hell yeah. You said, you said, find me at Laura Peek Live, P-E-E-L-A, it's U-R and L-I-V-E at the end. The most complicated. Dot Smith. Go see war on tour. Back slash loved a laugh. One of the best to do it. Simply one of our greatest living stand-ups.

Love you. Thank you very much. Thanks for doing it. That was a HeadGum podcast. What's going on? It's Lamarne Morris. And Hannah Simone. And we host The Mess Around, a new girl rewatch podcast now on HeadGum.

Now here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind the scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen. in years. We talk about how Jake

Johnson is dog. That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodriguez. We're just two BFFs having a good

old time, okay? Sometimes we even talk to other co-stars like Zoe Day Chanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayne's Jr. and your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well. Make sure you subscribe to the mess around wherever you at your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.