So True with Caleb Hearon - Liza Treyger Gets Petty

Episode Date: May 16, 2024

Welcome back! We’re so glad you’re here! This week’s guest is comedian Liza Treyger! Liza and Caleb talk the Tom Brady Roast, a harrowing trip to Jimmy Johns, Aliens, what she wants out of life, and much more! Subscribe to our YouTube Channel! https://youtube.com/@sooootruepod?si=kKPz_fENsITzC2t8 See Caleb Live! https://calebhearon.komi.io/ Join our Patreon for an extended interview with Liza and other exclusive bonus content! https://patreon.com/SoTruePodcast?utm_medium=unknown&utm_source=join_link&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=copyLinkFollow Liza! @glittercheese Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Follow The Show! @sooootruepodProduced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloudRecorded at Bad Ladder Productions in Los Angeles, CASee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

And he stopped at Lisa and I's table and he goes, he like looks at both of us and he goes, I'm sorry, there is so much love between the two of you and it is so beautiful. And then he just goes, enjoy it. You and I have beef, as you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want to talk about it? Listen, you did change a flight to go to lunch and that i canceled to go do a red carpet and a celeb filled event but it was one of the best nights of my life like you have to understand

but i probably could have done brunch and i should have done glam to be honest my getties aren't what i wanted so so so just so the listeners know yeah this is a situation where i was in texas doing shows yeah and you asked me if i could go to lunch with you and i said i will change my flight and i said this to you i will change my flight to come back and have lunch with you and you said oh my god okay and then i did that and then the day before when i tried to make the plan you said i gotta do it and i and then and then you had the. You came to a party at my house last night. And you had the nerve to show me pictures of you at the event.

Because I thought maybe you would understand how great it was. You could have gone with. You don't like that stuff. You're a little jaded. Jaded? You're over it. I think a lot of people would look at my aversion

to those things and think that I'm actually very well and grounded. No, it was like so fun. You think I'm jaded, okay. Explosions. Oh, not jaded, but you just don't care. I don't care. You're above it.

You're above it. Not jaded. It doesn't come from a negative place. You're just above it. I don't like it, but I will say the pictures were re-triggering. You and I were in a good place, and then we got immediately back to a bad place. Yeah, but you're the one who got me into football so at the end of the day it's your fault really true and we should clarify the event it was the i was at the tom brady rose i mean it was it felt um really cool really cool that you guys came up with that netflix flicks um to from from the love is blind blunder of their live reunion going to fuck to being able

to do this giant event was cool i liked it i'm really glad you had a good time what was your favorite part i would say nikki glazer killed it i mean i love jokes like i just loved laughing and now because i know about football and gronk and I understand, you know, they're dumb. They have CTE. Like I've learned so much. So it was like thrilling. And Julian Edelman is like kind of a Jewish hero. I mean, what a heartthrob.

Yeah. To have three Super Bowl rings. I can't think of the second most athletic Jew. Like that's how exciting it is for us. Are there not a lot of Jewish athletes? No, there was one baseball player, Sandy Koufax, but he wouldn't play on Shabbat. But this guy, he's sexy.

Okay. He's sexy. I can't think of... Do you do the research, their chance? Yeah. Can you find another Jew athlete that's good at what they do does he have a ring turning you into a football fan is maybe one of the

craziest things I've ever done I know it's wild but I love Julian Edelman's podcast as well so that was like a thrill I wish I was a little smoother. I got too excited. Yeah. You put yourself out there too quick, you think?

I should have just been like, oh, hey, what's up? Blah, blah, blah, blah. But instead I went, I really love your podcast. Yeah, you came in strong. But the athletes are better than I think other types of celebrities. They're down to take a photo with anyone. They know what they mean to children and adults. Like the athletes. better than I think other types of celebrities. They're down to take a photo with anyone. They know what they mean to children and adults. Like the athletes.

Children and adults. The athletes, I think, and porn stars, they're more giving in terms of time and attention. Well, porn stars are more giving already. Yeah. Come on now. I did go to a meet and greet with a porn star once and she really took time with people. I bet she did. You are, i've said

this about you a million times and i'll say it again it's my favorite thing about you cheers thank you and i it's it's nice that you ended up with that because you tried to get what did you try to order this is better because i do need caffeine i am struggling yeah but you tried to order a refresher it's they're so good a pineapple refresher refresher. It's so good. A pineapple refresher with whipped cold foam on top. And it tastes like a Dole Whip delicious pineapple creamy treat. So, so anyway, my compliment of you is this,

that I've always said, which is you're such a, you're not, you're such a naturally curious person. Yeah. You're a fan of things. You love everything. Yeah.

Yeah. And I got to pet a goat on top of it all. Yeah. At the event. At the event. So the event is continuing to haunt me um no you're right I am really curious I get into things and then I want to know like everything like I gotta know everything you're simultaneously one of the biggest lovers of things I've ever met and one of the biggest haters I've become yeah I need to stop hating so much you love you're good you're good at hating am, but I get too riled up and I just need to learn how to like, I just get riled.

Yeah. I go from zero to a hundred and it's not really, it's not sustainable anymore for me. I think you're a very passionate person and I find that very sexy about you. Yeah, but I did something really crazy at the after party of the roast and I will be vulnerable. What did you do? My friend and I were standing in a woman approach, but like was nice to my friend and kind of dismissive and not caring of me. Like, look, like just I didn't like the way she did it. So I turned to my friend and I went, I'm going to go because she's a bitch.

Psychotic behavior. I don't know what happened. But then later he later he goes wait you didn't even know her and i go no he goes what could she have done in those five seconds that weren't in that and i was like i just didn't like the way she treated me and he goes you weren't wrong she was she ended up being bitchy but i had to ask her you just left me there with this woman you called a bitch but um he's like i thought you wouldn't go way back and i was like no i just didn't like the disrespect but then sometimes i do like yesterday someone was kind of condescending and now i regret not being a bigger bitch so it's never it's never right you're looking you're looking back and wishing you were a bitch to

that person yeah because now i'm like i should have said these couple things but i guess it's better i just smiled and walked away instead. I think you should be proud of that instead of regretful. I think that's a nice way to interact with people. Yeah. Well, I got humbled. Yesterday, I did have one of the top five bombs of my life at the Palladium. I do love this bomb story already.

It's already becoming a Lisa classic for me. What happened? I was on the Fluffy show at the the palladium this is gabriel iglesias yes who insists on calling himself fluffy and no worries just letting people know yeah that i didn't i did not give him the nickname um me in that audience i should have known maybe it wasn't i should have been like maybe i don't need to do the show. But I saw Lizzo there. I had a great night at the Palladium. Like, of course I'm going to say yes. And they wouldn't even clap all the way to the mic.

Yeah. By the time, but the music kept playing. So then I had to go, cut the music. They're not clapping. And then it was just a slog of disconjured, bobulated mom. I have moments, but then a woman finally,

I thought I was going to maybe get them with this bit. And a woman just started yelling, sit down, sit down. In the palladium. Yeah. And I went, do you think I'm having a great time right now,

lady? Like, I know I'm doing bad. You fucking cunt. You're rubbing it in. Like I'm failing a great time right now, lady? Like, I know I'm doing bad, you fucking cunt. You're rubbing it in. Like, I'm failing in front of these religious families. Like, it was just a mess. I thought my immigrant stuff would connect.

It was groans. It was, then it was like pity laughs and people going, you got this. You're doing good, which is worse than the woman screaming sit down. And so then I walked to that. The stage was also like a high school graduation. It was giant.

So I was like, I guess I'll go bomb over here for a little bit. And then people just, and I go, I can't leave. I have to finish my time. I don't know what you guys want from me. I don't know. And then I walked off the stage. My face was red and hot. And the person who booked me, I went went this is the worst moment of my life and then Jimmy Carr who I respect tried to

talk to me and I went I you hate him you hate him because because he does homophobic things or other stuff take your pick okay yeah I find him to be deeply in fact actually we shouldn't even talk about it because I just on the episode with John Marco I don't know what order these will come out in I did like a full two minutes on how much I hate that guy that's so great this is actually a blessing because you never hate anyone you want me to talk shit and I never do and you will

I don't know if you're doing here but this is honestly huge news I know you're happy that's why I was I was willing to make the face because I know you want me to be petty with you sometimes but he tried to talk to me. I said, I am going to go drink tequila. And I locked myself in the green room for 45 minutes trying to FaceTime people that wouldn't answer. But seven people I had to FaceTime.

I mean, it was like an, but then also everyone that organized the festival was there. So then I started getting texts being like, we really loved it in the balcony. It's okay. And I'm like, oh my God, they probably think I'm about to be suicidal. Everyone started texting me being like, wait, don't worry about it.

We'll smoke later. It was all right. And I was like, oh my God, I'm getting like. Netflix execs are texting you we'll smoke later? Yeah, like you'll be okay. Netflix, okay, when the business execs are hitting you with we're gonna get you a joint you know something went weird that is crazy they kept being like that was just a misogynistic crowd I go no you know what I should you always have to learn know how

it's your fault so you could do different but next time yeah and then I ended up coming to your house and having a great time it was interesting just now during that story to learn that you can get seven crisis FaceTimes deep and my name still won't come up. Well, I knew you. Yeah, you were having a good time. Like, what am I going to, you know? It was just nice to know. I was like, oh, okay. I thought maybe I would be maybe in the top five even that you would call me.

During your party? But you didn't FaceTime me because you knew I was doing a thing? Yeah, because I was coming to the party. Okay. I first had to stop humiliation. I didn't want to make eye contact with anyone because I was backstage being confident, talking to the stage managers,

having a blast, doing fun games, showing everyone my Julian Edelman photo. I was on cloud. So I was like, I followed someone I don't really respect. So I was like, I don't know what to fuck in. Who?

I can't. Come on. They'll know who they are. You followed them. I know. I just don't really respect, so I was like, oh, I'm about to fuck him. I can't. Come on. They'll know who they are. You followed them. I know. I just don't respect. They were the ones who were condescending to me, too.

It was just like, you know, it was like a lot. No, it wasn't a woman. Oh, I thought that the woman was condescending to you. Listen, I've been really having a week.

Oh, that was a different, this is the thing. I'm obviously being defensive and antagonistic because I feel, I feel disrespected four times a day like I truly am constantly like are you fucking kidding me yeah so it must be me but I feel disrespected

constantly who's the comic that you followed uh Matt Rife oh well duh there's not a living comic who respects that guy but upstairs he went to me goes, you're doing all the right things. And I just was like, I am truly a respected woman in this industry. And then he started talking about like the apple pie at the cellar being delicious.

And in my head I'm like, it does come from a box and it is crazy. You're acting like it's, he goes, it's special homemade with the cinnamon and God bless them,

I don't have to pay for it. And I was just standing there being like, I'm gonna go play Wordle. And I was just standing there being like, I'm going to go, I'm going to go play word. Oh, like I'm going to go play word. Oh,

that there is. I will say though, there is such a delusion in someone like that who is, uh, famous for being cute. And, but listen, I would lose all respect for $25 million.

I'm putting that out there right now. Totally. Anyone out there? I can't wait to sell out for $25 million. I don't have to be respected by anybody. No, but there is a specific type of delusion with people who get big on the internet. Saying something like you're doing all the right things to somebody like you who is a tried and true, deeply respected comic in every scene that you walk into.

That's fucking nuts. No, he went, you're from Chicago. Why don't you stay there to do comedy? I go, I did in 2009. I am. I'm very established. I'm a very working comedian you fucking weirdo yeah it was why it was really a wild situation lisa you're gonna be really happy

with the outcome of the so true pod because i am starting to talk shit publicly now i know i'm actually nervous right because i didn't say it to his face so you're saying it's good i just kind of rolled my eyes and walked away but i regret not being aggressive like I was to that woman the night before who didn't really deserve it I think I think my my in our friendship I view it as my responsibility with you most often and every friendship is different but my friendship with you is to keep it positive yeah I have to keep it positive I have to keep it guiding because you are more want to be like this woman's a bitch I'm leaving in her face so I try to guide you away from that you know Namesh is like this too the two of you just you will you you're always like I think they're nice yeah I try to keep it positive with you but then I will say this is if I had known it was Matt Rife I would

have said Lisa do your worst I would have I would have sicked you I would have sicked you on him for sure yeah I was just excited to be at the palladium like that's why this bomb is extra hard I was condescended to by someone and then I was was like, whatever. I'm at the Palladium. I saw Lizzo here. And then following him, I was like, this is going to be a great time. And then the moment I saw the disappointment on these people's faces. But the thing is, I've been booed by more people. This is top five.

But this isn't the worst. Top five. It's been worse. Cause one time I opened for Rob Delaney in Milwaukee in front of hundreds of people. And as I walked, they were chanting his name. So then when they saw me walk out,

they all booed. Yeah. I've been booed by thousands. I've been booed by college students in Maryland. So, you know, I've been booed by college students in Maryland. I've been booed by thousands.

Yeah. That is so fucking funny. yes it was just my face was hot I was just like oh my god but then after 45 minutes it was okay because my one friend who did text me back said look at the names you're writing Fluffy

Matt Rife who gives a shit and I went you're right but you know as a comic like I want to be I in my head I'm like I can follow anyone I could do anything in any crowd like that's my mentality so you know it's nice to get knocked down and you totally can Christian Mexican families might not love me it's just one demographic you can't get and it's Christian Mexicans yeah yeah some woman I started a joke

and this woman yelled i'm with my dad and i'm like yeah and he comes all the time and they did like that which was wild so then i'm like okay we want a little more cum action and then they would stop and i'm like okay we're done with the cum like i'll do what do you guys like your phones you want him like what do you i'm like your phones? Do you guys like your phones? I'm desperate, you know, like, give me a, I'll give you what you want. Bombing, bombing so hard that you ask the audience if they like their phones. It's so funny. Like, I absolutely have been there where I'm just like, what do you, what do you, are you guys, you guys ever been outside before? Anything, anything, God.

Yeah, it's just, and so, yeah i just uh drank tequila neat while person after person didn't answer my facetimes um with a red face with people texting um you'll be all right we're on our way what we're on our way truly truly perks of being a wallflower calling the cops go to the house and then the green room in itself was called friends and family so then when they walked in they thought i was i kept saying i'm in the friends and family room that i had friends and family with me and then they realized it was just the name of the room and i was alone you're like you're like i'm in the warm embrace of loved ones no that's just the name of the space i'm sitting in it's actually not what i have going on what is the what is the what what is a petty moment that you regret?

Like when you look back on all your pettiest moments, is there one that you would really take back? For sure. I would need more time to put it all together. But even just that moment was weird. But I apologize to this person. I yelled at them in an elevator for a crazy reason. Yeah. I also recently tried to start fights that didn't work out last week i recently tried to start fights

that didn't work out what happened what are you talking about well you know my friend uh did die and so uh our other friend decided in his honor which was perfect for him to do, a festival funeral. So we did. It was like comedy shows, basketball and a funeral. So like emotions were weird. This is the Kenny DeForest Festival in Springfield, Missouri. Yes. And it was like perfect and lovely.

And I'm so glad. Shout out to Clark for organizing it. But that's just how I decided to use my feelings of that week. for organizing it, but that's just how I decided to use my feelings of that week. I just was like, you know, I'm kind of annoyed

at these ones of my friends and then no, everyone was positive. People were like feeling really positive, so. So what did you do? I want to, I'm okay with it.

You what? I tried to find other ways to soothe my emotions. No, I'm saying, what fight did you try to start? I'm desperate to know the details. I was just trying to be like extra. I just can't talk.

I'm too embarrassed. So you brought up the elevator thing and bailed on that. And then you're like, I know what I'll do. I'll do the very recent Memorial for My Friends show drama. And then you're like, no, actually, no details on that either. The elevator was crazy no it's um i have to work on my uh it's like psycho like sometimes i'm chill and then sometimes i just act out in a way and then what's sad is my my my nephew's a niece i've done lovely things for them

for their whole lives yeah and the two memories they have is when i've flipped out and it's like i hate that you're flipping out on the children? No, on Jimmy John's, the bread wasn't soft. In front of your nieces and nephews. I called Jimmy John's and said, listen, I get Jimmy John's for the bread. This bread is stale and I need new sandwiches delivered with soft bread. I go, I came here from out of town for the Jimmy John's. said, listen, I get Jimmy John's for the bread. This bread is stale and I need new sandwiches delivered with soft bread. I go, I came here from out of town for the Jimmy John's and that's what I want. You came from out of town for the Jimmy John's? Well, because New York didn't have Jimmy John's for a while.

Now there's two locations, thank God. But they just didn't have them. So when I would leave town, it was like my time to have Jimmy John's. Yeah. It's like my on the road food. And then the other time, like there was a car that honked and I was like, you know what? I'm fucking pissed. And they stopped at a red light and I was like, I'll be right back.

And I went to go get this car. And I was taking the kids to the movies and it was just them being like, please don't do this. And they bring it up all the time. And it's like, I've taken you to museums. I've bought you guys fun things. I've, you know, it's Cheesecake Factory. And they just remember these two freakouts. The kid's sitting in the car alone going, please, Lisa.

Please, please. We were walking, yeah. Don't do it to him, please. Good God. Yeah, no, the more I like to think about, I don't do it to him please good god yeah no the more i like to think about i don't want to have these moments but the amount of times i feel disrespected my averages are good in terms of keeping it together versus losing it well what's the time i've been i was recently like what six months ago i was called a bitch at the airport before 8 a.m what did you do there was like guys trying to walk and someone was on the movement part on this, like the walk side, but they were standing.

And, you know, there's a stand side. That does frustrate me. So those two guys were kind of trying to move and I just got involved. And I just went. I got involved. And I went, dude, come on, you know, like moving along. And he was like, I'm just trying to blow a ball and started yelling. And then he goes, you bitch.

And I went, at least I could read. And that was that. And then my, and then Cara Clank was like, it's not even 8 a.m. She's like, I can't believe he called you a bitch. And then it was like, The Love is Blind, two seasons ago where they kept, Hitman and his girl kept making out

and staring back at me as they were like walking it was wild like turned them on to yell at me you think yeah calling you a bitch got them hot and horny

yeah I could see that what is okay you say you have a good hitman but my mom used to have these kinds of problems she'd come home from work

she'd always start fights yeah so it's it's a family tradition yeah and then my sisters escaped it but it it's hit my niece, I think. You think your niece is going to be a little shit sir? I think so. That's okay. The world needs them.

I think the world's beautiful. She's more educated than both me and my mom, so it's better. She'll use it for better. You know what I mean? Well, that's not necessarily true. A lot of educated people are very evil. Evil for sure. Yeah.

I guess I don't think my niece is evil you know what i guess i just don't think my niece is evil and that's i'm not saying she is i'm just saying we don't know for sure that she won't turn out that way yeah yeah that's true what is this what is the petty moment that you're proudest of what is the beef that you're like i really got that motherfucker and they earned it. Ooh. You know what? I still think I was out of pocket. I will say that. And the beef has been squashed and it's embarrassing that because he is so

famous that like, of course it still means a lot to me and he doesn't really care, but I did kind of fuck with Chris rock in a way that he ended up telling another comic that I was his number one, least favorite comedian. up telling another comic that I was his number one least favorite comedian. What did you do? You know, it was post 2016 election and he was defending Mike Pence in a way that I didn't really like.

And it was on stage and he was asking the audience for stuff and I was walking through the bathroom and I was like, oh, do you want me to get involved? He said yes and then it kind of went back and forth where I did then bring up that he cheated on his wife and um you know so you asked and he went what and I went well I mean you cheated on your wife so like why would anyone trust you so then it became like did you just heckle chris rott and i was like no he was asking the audience as i was walking through like we also chatted upstairs i thought it was like a lively debate like i didn't realize you know but you know in time i am you know a young a young white woman at his place of business interrupting him so you do this in front of the audience?

Yes. Okay. That's crazy context. It's crazy. For me to catch up to you in front of his audience said you cheated on your wife. Why would anyone trust you? Yeah. I can understand why that heated him up and I don't think you were wrong either.

Correct. So like for a while, but then it became like he would say hi to everyone around me and not me. And it's like, I really don't want to feel tension with a legend. Like even though doesn't care like i like he'll and i'm like yeah it sucks to be ignored by chris rock and so i did recently run into him and i went can i get a second to apologize yeah and he went for what for what and then he walked away well he's got bigger problems now yeah hey i bet he's really thinking about his jokes these days i bet he's really taking a second to reflect before he puts pen to paper

um but so that's something i'm proud of because i like that it doesn't matter who you are i'm gonna treat you how i want to treat you whether you're a legend or an like an assistant like in my head I I like that I didn't give a fuck kind of coming out as abusive to assistants real quick that's not what I meant no you're not you're not but you know it's just like you know everyone's so I like that but of course there's always the thing of like um wanting to maybe control your instincts of course i would love to control my instincts yeah but i do think you're a good advice giver i think you've got a solid i think you've got you always have a strong point of view yeah i do give good advice i wish i could

follow it once in my life but let's do a voicemail we have voicemails from listeners great but i think i've been a little vulnerable and said a lot of stuff and i need something from you what do you need i need something okay what what's a you need? I need something. Okay. What's a petty tale for you? Oh, a petty tale for me? Oh, God. Well, you know I don't do that stuff. No, I'm trying to think.

I really do. Petty for me. Which one do you want? Do you want one I regret or one I'm proud of? I think both. You want both? Okay. A pettiness that I regret?

I'm trying to think. Do you all have any? What is it? my god oh my god I don't know if I regret this but CG CG just said JCPenney trash can so basically what happened is there are like three stores in the entire world where fat people can get clothes if you're my size it is a fucking struggle out here and JCPenney is one of them and I don't like what they're doing in there. And there's not a lot of good stuff to find.

But if you want a plain black T-shirt, maybe you can go to Penny's. And so I had gone to Penny's and bought a couple of shirts. And I bought a button down that I ended up getting home and not liking, right? I think 31 days later, I tried to take it back. And I don't remember the full complete details of it. But I had a receipt. And it was just past the – so I took CG with me to return it because we were out doing errands and stuff. This is in Glendale. And I go to the counter, and I go, hey, can I just exchange this?

I'm going to get something else. And she goes, no. And I go, oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry. I know that I can't return it because it's past the thing, but I have the receipt. And, like, can I just exchange it for something that I like better? I don't think it's that big of a deal. And she was like, no, you can't. And I was like, and I'm very sweet to service workers.

Like, I start from a very nice place. And I was like, okay, is there any chance that I could talk to someone else else to like maybe a manager or something she goes yeah sure um you can go down to the customer service counter if you want to and I was like I will thank you and I went to the customer service counter and they go they said like oh should be no problem right they go they go oh no problem take it back up there and tell her that it's all good and just show her the receipt and I go hey I did show her the receipt and she was pretty mean to me so like if i go back up there i'm not gonna be too happy if i get the same answer and they're like go back up there she's got you and i go okay now these are on two different levels and in two different corners of this big ass store so now i

have traversed the store twice i've gone to the first. Then I've gone traverse backwards to the second counter downstairs. Now I'm back upstairs. I go up to the counter. It's the same bitch. And I go, and I don't like having conflict with, especially with people who work in customer service. And I was like, hey, I'm really sorry. But I went down there and they said it was no big deal. And they told me to come back up here.

I have the receipt. I have the item. I just want to exchange it. And she goes, I can't do that. I don't know what they're telling you. They are not doing their job. And I was like, I don't super have time for this. So I need you to just do what they said, please.

And she again goes, I don't know. I'm going to have to call someone. And I think that's the moment where I lost it. Yeah, so she goes, I'll see what we can do. We can call me. And I go, no, thank you. Fuck that. And I left.

I walked out of the store. And I threw the clothes in the trash can as I was walking out. Obviously not like a bright spot in my life. I threw the clothes in the trash can. And I was walking out. And CG was like kind of running after me. And CG's like yelling. I'm like into the parking

garage by now by the time CG catches up. And she's like do you want me? I'm just gonna grab that out of the trash and see if I can do it. And I go do whatever you want. And I went to the car and CG came back out like 10 or 15 minutes later and she gets in the car and she goes well I got him to give you a refund

oh my god so I was obviously not proud of that I guess no but she was antagonizing you she was an she was an a bitch she was an unnecessary bitch because I have to understand my baseline when I go up to the counter every single time no matter how bad of a day I'm having is always I always am like hey how you doing like I always come with a nice energy and I know that about myself I have never once no matter how bad the situation has been canceled flights fucked up food anything I've never once came with nasty energy because I started working in in the service industry when I was 15 years old so I'm I know my energy is always proper when I come so to be a bitch to know my energy is always proper when I come. So to be a bitch to me and not try to be helpful at all and then try to involve me in the inter-department drama of you and her.

No, but I blame customer service for not walking up with you or handling it down there. Well, to be clear, yes. Give you a gift card with the amount. Of course they also have fault, but the woman at the counter didn't need to be a bitch to start with. She was a dumb bitch. Thank you.

That's what I need to hear. That is not negotiable, but customer service should have known she's a dumb bitch. Yeah. I'm trying to think of a pettiness I'm proud of. Quiet car? Quiet car. I don't know if I was proud of that, because what even were the details of that? Yeah, but that wasn't really to his face that was almost cowardly we were on a train chance people on the quiet car take it very seriously yeah and they can suck my ass i

you're on a fucking train bitch if you were that important you'd be in the sky i i i was chance and some of our college friends that we were in undergrad, we had driven from Missouri to New York to do an improv festival. And driven overnight straight to do an improv festival for free that no one asked us to come to. We begged to drive the car to Jersey, park it at a friend's parents' house, take the train into the city, and then exist in the city sleeping on a friend's kitchen floor. Four of us, like sardines, packed into the kitchen floor and then in Bed-Stuy. And then we had to train back out, get the car, and drive back to Missouri. That's how we did this free improv festival. And we have never been happier in our whole lives.

that's how we did this free improv festival and we have never been happier in our whole lives and we were on the yeah we were on the quiet car and we were like giggling or something and some uh busted old bald man was like it's the quiet car for a reason and then we spent 35 minutes stifling laughter because we were ragging on this guy so fucking hard that was petty but it wasn't i'm trying to think of a pettiness i've done to someone's face. You really will be petty to someone's face. Yeah. And that's a beautiful thing about you. But the quiet car, I one time, my phone was ringing, so I got up and I walked to go answer the phones. But I was by the bathroom and a guy came to and he was so rude.

Like, this is the quiet car. And it's like, I'm clearly trying. Like, you could have just said it and I would have walked to the next car. But like, I'm already on my way. way like my heart's in the right place also if you're so passionate about being the quiet car shut the fuck up yeah walk away back to your seat trust that someone else will handle it there's got to be someone official here surely you're not the czar of the quiet car be the change you want to see in the world start with the man in the mirror and shut the fuck up why are you talking to me oh and then the guy i agree with you the guy that said something to me he opened a stinky soup and it's

like that's that's loud to me that's noise wait because when you said you'll be petty to someone's face it did remind me a moment i'm proud of i was at vaselka once and i was with a few friends and this table was a guy and then all the rest were girls and he just kept talking and talking and none of the women got to talk at all like he just kept talking and it was I feel political chats I don't really remember but he kept not letting them talk and so I just turned around went hey maybe you should let them talk for a little bit and then I moved back and everyone at my table was like what did you do I'm like he's being disrespectful and then they all the women all started to talk and he shut his mouth that is beautiful and so can we clap it up for that

can we give it up so that felt good thank you lisa rodham trager that is so beautiful we actually we had a really beautiful diner moment you and i oh my god i know can you believe that and on top of it the donuts were so good the food was great like it was all the ambience was good we had done we had done a show together in new york this is like two months ago yeah recently yeah we had been on a lineup together in new york i think were you on that we were on that lineup together yeah we had done that show together and then was it little field yes and in brooklyn and then we went out afterwards love you little field we went out afterwards to a diner which is my preferred post-show activity.

And it was, I think, 7th Ave Diner in Brooklyn. Yeah. And we were there and we were catching up. And I hadn't seen you in a minute. And you've recently moved back to New York, which really broke my heart. But I'm happy for you, of course. And we were just catching up and having a good time. And I was having so much fun with you.

And I was like, I'm back with my buddy. It's so good to be here. I love New York sometimes. And this old man had been sitting next to us the whole time. Like, he was sitting at a table over, what was he, like 50s, 60s? Yeah. And he had a beanie. He had a beanie.

So, you know, he's gay with it. And he stood up and was leaving. He was like, paid his check and was about to leave. And he stopped at Lisa and I's table. And he goes, he like looks at both of us and he goes, I'm sorry. There is so much love between the two of you. And it is so beautiful. And then he just goes, enjoy it.

Oh, I literally was like, when he said, Lisa and I both went. But then it escalated. You've never seen two loud bitches speechless. We were like. But then it got. So then the guy over there goes, did that guy just say something crazy to you? Yeah. And we go, no, it was actually really beautiful. And he goes, yeah, he came up to me and told me that I'm a Libra.

And we were like, are you a Libra? And he said, I am. So that kind of elevated everything too. He's like this whimsical old guy. It was like in a movie when someone, like when an old man with a white beard is behaving strangely and generously and then you learn that he's santa yeah like he reminded me of don cheetle in the movie family man i'll have to take your word for it yeah it's like a trait like as a non-christmas celebrating family that is a christmas movie like family man it was really it was really beautiful and it also felt i don't know if you felt this way but it felt so like i don I don't know. I felt so special and validated that I was like,

there is a lot of love here. Yeah. And once I knew about the Libra, I knew it was real. Like I was like, Oh, you have powers. This is,

this wasn't at first. I was like, Oh, this is so sweet. And then it's like, Oh, you're like anointed by some sort of, you're actually energy.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's do a listener voice. I'm so excited. I want to get your take. The headphones will be helpful to you in this. Oh God,

I got it. okay here we go hi um something i want to know the truth about is aliens i i know they exist the government knows they exist but like they're really out here being shy i know they probably look at us like we are the most disgusting beings, like absolutely bottom tier, and they want nothing to do with us, do not want to associate whatsoever. However, I also think it's kind of rude that they haven't come down here and put me out of my misery yet. So, um, the truth about aliens.

The part where she says she wants the aliens to come and kill her is so it's so suicidal coded honey seek help what do you think what do you think about aliens yes or no yes your big yes yeah that tracks yes yes yes for sure they're out there living it up but i want them to be like the movie paul do you know that movie? It's a little alien voice by Seth Rogen and it's the hot fuzz Shaun of the Dead guys. Oh, okay.

And it's like a little romp with this alien and so if they're cute like Seth Rogen, I want that in my life. You just want them to be cute and sweet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You don't want them to be like masterminds who are coming to destroy us. But knowing how societies work, I'm sure they're coming to destroy us because I also love the movie Mars Attacks.

And so that is a possibility as well. Do you think you would do well in an alien invasion? Do you think there's any chance they would keep you around? If they speak English, I think so. I think I can. I think I can. I hope I can charm them or I'll annoy them. Yeah, because I love Fran Lebowitz. I think about can, I hope I can charm him or I'll annoy him. Or, yeah, because I love Fran Lebowitz.

I think about it like that. Like, I love her so much, but I know she would be disgusted by me. So maybe it's one of those situations. She would be disgusted by you? Yeah, I mean, I sit on my cell phone eight to ten hours a day. There's no way that Fran Lebowitz is, you know, impressed by me. I want to say something about Fran Lebowitz. I'm nervous.

I have loved some things she's had to say, but I view her the same way I view maybe an interesting person on the subway, where I go, I'm sure you've lived a life, but why is she famous? She wrote one book and that's it, and now we have to listen to her opinions on sidewalks forever?

I'm just like, what? I don't understand. She wrote one single book, and now every week we have to see her sitting in a chair being like well I loved the documentary public speaking so I loved that I think it was like 2010 or something

2011 so once again why does she get a documentary because her opinions are good sometimes people like John Water oh I guess he makes movies too a lot of them yeah very prolifically yeah because I was about to say people listen to him talk but yeah he makes a lot of films yeah he's been like pretty innovative in the space uh what is the name of the book that friendly boots wrote the one that she did i have it's like the reader and it's all of

them but it's metropolitan life is she wrote columns was she she did columns yeah she wrote for interview magazine she was like in the andy warhol thing oh that's it then that's the answer that's good i didn't know that oh yeah she wrote on oh okay all right you're being serious i'm serious i only know okay great great great i thought you kept making one book i'm like that's actually something oh yeah she was at interview magazine hanging out with all the cool kids and like she wrote she wrote things for vanity fair she had like a long-standing relationship with vanity fair as well oh that's great but her and mark and she's uh she likes to part. And Toni Morrison is her best friend,

was her best friend, rest in peace. Right, so she's famous for being around important people. Yes, she loves a party, a suit, smoking cigarettes. Yeah. And I think she's cutting and cool. Is she a talented writer? I don't know, because I don't read. But I do have an autographed book by her.

I've gone to her to speak. I go to Waverly Inn because she's painted on a wall. I'm into the lore. I need to read some of her writing before I make a final opinion because she is an interesting person who exists in – she has something I love, which is a bitchy person with big opinions over nothing. Yes. And that I think we need more of. We need more bitchy people with big opinions over nothing yes and that I think we need more of we need more bitchy people with big opinions

over nothing that just think that they are God and but then she's also potentially something I don't like which we have way too much of right now which is people that are famous just by virtue of being around famous people no talent no skill yeah and I don't know if that's her I need to read the writing but but now she's

like a public speaker but I guess that's what you're saying why are we listening to her opinions yeah but it's like i think she it's like a lifelong new yorker kind of thing and i always you know what i think about when people are like oh this changed that this is like not that deep but when people ask her was new york better in the 70s she goes i was young everything's better when you're young yeah and so i kind of like that where you know well you know what i think would be a really fair criticism of me criticizing her is why the fuck is anyone listening to me that would be a fair i think if someone were to say that in the comments if you guys are trying to get me i think that would be a fair thing i think that would be a fair thing to

say back is like you're sitting here with a microphone who are you for sure that's how i feel on tiktok all the time i'll be like in a thing and then I'm like four likes who are you like why am I listening four likes you're like four likes I gotta get out of here well it's just like but what on what authority but she doesn't have but I did get to ask her a question once at one of her talks would you ask I said what's your favorite restaurant in New York and she said it's hard enough getting a reservation there I'm not saying anything but also it's dinner just eat I went okay see that you're trying you're charmed by that that would make me angry oh wait did I tell you you know what I this I wasn't charmed by this but I did love this so much and I might have told you because I keep repeating this story but I was at a loud party and my two friends were talking so I was just standing

so I talked to a woman I don't know we're talking and I go oh my god it's so loud in here and she goes then go home then ah ah ah ate you up

ate you the fuck up that is so funny and then she walked away from me. Take your boring ass to bed then, bitch. Yeah. That is so fucking funny. And she switched women because I'm like, you're right. I don't want to be here, but if I'm here, so I started to dance. But I don't like it when it's too loud.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who is that woman? No idea. She just walked with her banana clip into the crowd. No idea. I love, you do inspire a certain amount of animosity you yeah for someone to say just go home then is crazy no that's what I mean like it must be me but I do feel disrespected so often this was years ago but I was at a friend brought me to a party with a bunch of her friends I I knew maybe a few people. A woman comes up to me.

My friend goes, oh, this yada yada meet each other. She looks at me and goes, you seem really arrogant. And I'm like, I'm truly just like a stoned young girl. Like I what? But then my friend didn't defend me. And that's when I should have known that that's not my true friend. Yeah. But it took me a few more years to realize that. What did

your friend do? They just sat there? They well because I just stood there stunned and then they started talking about me in a way that I wasn't there and then I walked away slowly. If someone walked up to my friend and said you seem arrogant I would have said you seem like you're about to get your fucking teeth knocked out.

I know. I let them disrespect that friend is no longer in my life. What's their name? I'm not saying it. Well, you just told me this. Are they a comic? Yeah, of course. I don't have...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't have any other non-comic friends unless it's like they're married to a comic. Yeah. Or, you know, you're right here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or you guys. Yeah. Do you think you have a good work-life balance with comedy?

No. I need to do more. I need to go more dates. I need to focus on building a personal life in that way. Who are you dating? No one. I don't date at all. That's my summer goal.

What are you open to? Are we doing all genders? All genders, but I'm looking for marriage. Okay. I'm the gender of wanting a ring yeah okay i don't even need a ring honestly but there's a lot of listeners to this podcast so it's doing very well yeah i believe it you're a wonder you're a wonder kid it's doing very very well and if you put your compliments in writing because i'd love to hear what you have to say but um there there are a lot of people who might be single and interested do you want to make the pitch? What are you looking for?

I'm looking for someone that's passionate in their life. They're into what they're into. Someone with a nice social life, normal friends, getting it together, working on themselves. Living in New York. Have to live in New York? I don't want to do long distance again. I guess if you fly to me, I'll have sex with you. Okay, have to live in New York? I don't want to do long distance again. I guess if you fly to me, I'll have sex with you.

Okay, I have to live. New York's the best dating city in America. So you're already on it. I have to get out there. I got to get on the apps and I got to get out there. I really, I flail in that part of my life. So that's kind of my goal this summer. So all genders need to be passionate, need to be working on themselves.

Want to do stuff like I want to go to a baseball game or an aquarium. Like I want someone that wants to do things. You are an activity doing bitch. I will say. But I'm a lounger too. I watch shows. You totally lounge. You absolutely suffer from depression. But I think you absolutely suffer from depression in a way that I worry about.

But you are an activity doer. You on a day where I are like you on the day of my Chicago show that you were on were like, do you want to go to a White Sox game? Yeah, because, well, your show was so fun. I had such a great time. But it happens like a few times a year where both Chicago teams play in the same day but different teams. So it's not like the Crosstown Classic. But I hope to do that one day. And I don't know who's listening but

my goal is also to throw the first pitch at the White Sox game. At the White Sox? Oh I think we can make that happen. I know I've been sure I mean we'll see. We'll see. K-Liberty's and K-Lesbians get on the horn talk to the White Sox. I've been arrested at that park so I feel like it'll be a nice full

story. I think even when I barely knew you before we were good friends. You knew about my prison time. I think if you just gave me a two minute clip of you talking and said, is this a person who's been arrested at a baseball park? I would have said with 100% certainty, bet the house, absolutely. Oh, I guess I also, it's not 100% important, but I would like someone that can socialize in a thing. I don't have to be at an event being like, oh, are they in the corner upset? Dude, this is the number one thing.

People who have jobs like ours, this is a quality that I look for. This is the number one thing that I think comes up among comics or people that are successful in their thing is wanting a partner that can hold their own at events. successful in their thing is wanting a partner that can hold their own at events and being like can i i want to be able to have a good time with you but can i walk away from you for 20 minutes and know that you can hold your own and socialize and have a good time and and be charming yes it's necessary because they're we have to go to so many things no one time my friend was bringing her now husband they were just dating to montreal that like jfl jesus and i was like oh my god this is gonna be a design and then he was wonderful he gave her space he didn't care we were hanging he had his own chef friends like

and it was such a amazing thing to see the the description right now of of you saying that he he flourished and he was so good at it literally made my I got butterflies yeah yeah that's so hot I need that god I'm gonna cry I need that so bad yeah well did you watch girls on HBO like you're okay so do you remember um when uh what's her name uh the grandma's in the hospital and so she goes back to Ohio and then Adam has to meet her and then uh Becky and Baker the mom and Hannah are talking and she's like Adam is weird like do you really want to be like dragging this weirdo translating life to this guy your whole life yeah and Hannah are talking and she's like Adam is weird like do you really want to be like dragging this weirdo translating life to this guy your whole life yeah and Hannah gets mad but that's stuck with me forever yeah like I don't want to be shepherding us like a weirdo yeah and so that's

I don't want to be like translating for a person who doesn't understand yeah yeah or it like sex and everything is tv to me but like like sex in the city when Miranda's dating the angry guy and like you have to explain like, oh, he's being a weirdo. Like I just want someone I can like be normal. Yeah. Someone socially adept. Yeah. I remember my friend dated someone.

He would just be standing in a corner on his phone. And I'm like, this is who you want to be with. Yeah. And then of course I'm the bitch, but they're not together anymore. But they're not together anymore. Well, you and I have that in common. You and I are definitely the friend that goes,

the person you're dating is not the person. Move on. And people get mad at us. Well, it's really, that's a hard, that's the thing. People will be like, I admire the way you act. And I'm like, there's a lot of consequences. There is a lot of consequences.

There's enemies made that, there's a lot of consequences. There is a lot of consequences. There's enemies made that there's like friendships ended. There is consequences to saying things that you want to say. Absolutely. There's prices paid. Yeah, it's tough. I just had a friend confide in like an argument they were having with their partner. And I spoke honestly. And friendship was never the same after that.

What's their name? Yeah, that makes total sense yeah but and so it's really you have to be careful don't confide in me then i that's my my thing about being confided in is two things number one i'm going to tell the truth and number two i have advice and those people that are like oh i don't want any solutions i just want to vent call someone else i'm not the person but you know um the games of love and heart are you know people stay longer some things are comfortable it's hard to get away even if you know that your partner sucks and we're thinking about maybe the same friend at this point that we had but um uh yeah it's tough i can't wait to talk offline it's tough because they'll say a story

about something happening and I'm like yeah it's because it's this person's fault yeah they said the person you're with sucks that's the common denominator yeah you want the best for everyone but I just like I don't know I am not good at dating I'm either single or obsessed with someone that's not as obsessed

with me and then that's that yeah that's not good I just want someone that's like really into me me. And then that's that. Yeah, that's not good. I just want someone that's really into me and thinks I'm so cool and awesome and charming. Do you know what I think would be so hot? Someone who I find myself being the planner a lot. And can clean, please. Not cleaning, please.

They have to clean? No, I hire someone. I find myself being the planner a lot. I have to pursue, I have to plan, I have to do all this stuff. Oh, I saw the story. I saw it. That was on Close Friends, so be very careful. I saw it, babe.

A guy asked me out recently, which is, that part's not rare. But he asked me out, and then he was like, I'm going to plan dinner. What dates are you free? I'm going to tell you the time and the place. And that happens to me so rarely. I'm so often the person who has to be in charge, which partially makes sense because that's my energy but i it was so nice i was like i want someone to plan things for me that's nice and did that date already happen no it's coming up oh okay yeah we'll see we'll see what happens yeah i hope he doesn't blow it a planner yeah someone that

a lot of my friends are with duds in ways that are just like bad at life and I'm bad at life so I need someone that's on it. I hate to invoke. Someone needs to do my paperwork for me. Okay so you need a CPA hun but yeah I hate to invoke you for you're like you're like I need someone to clean the house do my paperwork or maybe you need an assistant.

No I do. I have I'm hiring all these people. Yeah I just want someone that like, I'm still on this. We've moved on. But you said people are listening, so what am I truly doing? You're taking the prompt really seriously. You're like, no, I want something to come of this. I really admire generosity.

If you're a stickler for who owes what, that's disgusting to me. Oh, about money. Or time, space, energy, generosity. You want generosity. Yeah. You basically have described me. Is that crazy? I know.

Is that crazy? Yeah. Should we give it a run? We should give it a run. Let's see how it goes. You're doing all genders, but I'm not into your gender much. I know.

I do find you to be beautiful, though. So maybe we could work something out. Wow, blushing you're but what were you gonna say what did I say a lot that you like you were like not to quote you or something you were oh oh yes yes yes before you before you cut me off on my own show I know uh no I was not to invoke your stand-up um but I you do you have so many of my favorite jokes. Obviously, I'm a huge fan of yours. But one of the jokes that you have about the husband looking for the thing, do you want to tell it? Do you want to say the scenario? Yeah.

I watched my friend's husband ask his wife where the frozen fruit was. In a way where it just all hit me where I was like, this is who you are building a life with? Yeah, because you're, it's like, where did you look? Where did you look? You didn't take time, energy. You couldn't move anything. Like, where else would it be?

Or can you go to the store? Just not sufficient in any way. It was gross. It was disgusting. Where's the Frozen Fruit is crazy. And that story is so illuminating to me of heterosexual relationships yeah it's like you know he booked the uber on the wrong day you know it's like that kind of stuff so we didn't make it to the airport spring break is ruined it's it's like these women do every i mean you it's like the cliche story but it's like the bride

plans everything and the guy just has to book the band and he will not book the band. Yeah. And I just, yeah. Heterosexual. I mean, God, I got to give it up to men. They tricked with, they tricked everyone.

You know what I mean? It's like, you only get into heaven if you cook and clean for me. You know, like you can't have freedom. It's good shit. It's good shit. They really created such a system for themselves and I do admire it,

but, uh, uh, it's just the diminishingishing rewards and now i think women are realizing that in the met that's why the abortion laws and all this is happening because they've realized the women are i think over it i don't know if the women are over it i think a lot of women are going back to trad wife stuff women are actually of course but there's a white supremacist it's like that's of course the the faction of the Christian right that is attacking our nation.

And this is why you didn't kill it, Fluffy. This is why you didn't kill it, Fluffy, at the Palladium. Lisa, what do you want? What do you want out of life? What is the goal? What is the dream? You've got so much of it. I really have.

Yeah. I think just doing what I'm doing but um like uh steady raises through the years more money more money more money more seats more venue you know more work consistency like more consistent work i don't want bigger venues i i really do i think you i that makes so much sense for you yeah i want to do the theaters baby i want to sign next you know i want to like do that yeah i much sense for you. Yeah. I want to do the theaters, baby. I want to sign next. I want to do that. Yeah. I see that for you.

It's going to happen. I don't want it, but I love it for you. But you know what else? We're sending tapes. We're out there. We're auditioning. I would love to get to a place where they're like, we need a sassy receptionist.

See if Lise is available. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be. Just call her team and see if she's tech available. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To get an offer for that's i think that would be a big milestone but i just want to do what i'm doing have fun take vacations eat good food go to concerts perform that's the dream baby do good work yeah that's the absolute dream what is so true to you oh and you know what i want to be going to kill you my other dream is i want to be like a judge on all the shows I watch so like on drag race and top chef like I want to judge challenges I think we

can make that happen for you I hope so I think we make that happen for you but if you try to stray from my topics one more time it's gonna be big it's gonna be too good of questions that are life you know I think about it life-changing like I'm like yeah I want I want love and to be on top chef let's go don't pull that joint out of there no I'm putting I'm getting a little gloss I'm getting a little gloss are you oh I thought you had a Netflix is a joke uh branded purse but it's just a sticker that you've put on your oh well because I was so excited to be able to be at the palladium all access and then and then you know and then it all went how it went huh yeah but that's how excited i was yeah as you put it on the bag that is funny yeah i like love these moments you know i was really excited but that's the best when you fail when you really wanted it

lisa you're digging through this bag for absolutely three minutes straight, refusing to answer my question. You are such – You kept me out so late last night. I'm delirious. You left pretty early. I think other people stayed until like 4 a.m. and you were there –

First of all, you kept me out so late last night. I'm delirious. You and Sydney came, sat under blankets on the couch for 30 minutes, and then went home. Listen, we're a lot older than you guys. That is so true. You're quite a bit older than me. What is so true to you?

I'm thinking of something that's an unpopular opinion but a hill that I would die on. It doesn't have to be unpopular. It's just a truth to you. You're like i would defend this anytime anyplace this is the truth to me about the world okay i don't i don't want to stick to the first thing that pops into my head but i'll say it out loud just in case nothing else comes in yeah um i honestly if you don't show a turn signal i have the right to ram into you wow chance that's a big one of chances that's okay okay wow that's chances so true i think it's uh that's how you communicate with others on the

road and you have to show your turn signal before you start breaking i think you should i think we should be able i think we should be able to hit people with our cars more often yeah like not pedestrians obviously they're cool and bicyclists god bicyclist community don't come for me you guys we fucking get it bicyclists are organized and terrorizing but you know what scares me more is the motorized bikes what do you mean they're zip zapping around fast oh la the motorcycles the way they lane split i that i can't believe is that illegal it's not they should it should be illegal they're zooming up next to your car door you You're trying to turn. You don't see them. They're daredevils. Well, they're big, big problems in my life.

They do crazy stuff out there. Yeah. But I do think you should be able to tap other cars with your car sometime to be like, hey, stop that. I guess I also believe that McDonald's is the number one fast food, but I think the numbers say that too. I was going to say, I think that's pretty borne out by evidence. Yeah. I just hate when people say it's Wendy's, and it's like, i think that's pretty borne out by evidence yeah i just hate when people say it's wendy's and it's like okay that's not true you might like a couple items on the wendy's

menu but mcdonald's overall has the most great menu items what did all hit what is your mcdonald's order what is your late night mcdonald's order i switch it up that's the thing because it's so good um so i love a big mac i'll do a quarter pounder a double cheeseburger a mcchicken yeah sometimes i'm really feeling it i'll get something and then a chicken mcnugget happy meal oh yeah um because i do collect the toys at times as well of course yes sometimes you gotta but sometimes you could buy the toy outside the happy meal sometimes you can't they're kind of strict at some mcdonald's but others are loose and free um but and then i love the egg mcmuffin no meat putting my hash brown inside of it and i

love the half sweet half unsweet tea that's a really good one there that's a really good one there yeah what are you thinking and i used to love the strawberry sundae i have mcdonald's at like 5 a.m today you say j say Jesus Christ. Okay. That's good. Lisa's trying to beef with Mo since the weed situation. Were you fucking talking shit on me in the booth? No, they might be talking about how hot it is in here. It just got incredibly hot in here during the record. So hot.

It hurts. So hot in here. Hey, I have McDonald's at like 5 a.m this morning no what'd you have when everyone left me and cg and ally and steve hernandez who slept on our couch we ordered mcdonald's and i had a big mac uh medium fry uh mcchicken with no lettuce and a large fanta and that fanta hit like fucking crack cocaine dude a McDonald's Fanta not talked about enough to me um a Domino's hung over with a Fanta together like a cold Domino's are you ordering it fresh you're saying ordering it because there's just like a one Domino's experience that is the

blueprint for all the rest it was like after the Miley Cyrus concert we all did Molly this is the bangers tour and the next day we all woke up together and we all just got so much dominoes and orange fanta and it just felt made me feel good one dominoes experience that is the blueprint for all the rest is so it's like a it's like a poem it's so beautiful that was emily dickinson-esque that was so beautiful the way you wrote that just now one there was one dominoes experience that was the blueprint for all the rest i wish fast food wasn't killing us slowly because i love it it's so good it's killing me quickly i think why can't it be more real i'm i'm really on the fast food game and i gotta stop i love shake shack oh i do do you know what i recently discovered what the blackened chicken

tenders from popeyes the grilled blackened chicken tenders are fucking banger i don't know if i can handle the spice they're not that spicy okay i would like you to try because i waitress at a place and those blackened chicken were you a good waitress or a bad waitress i didn't humor people so so bad so bad yeah the whole thing is interacting so yeah definitely bad server but when girls ordered salads but i could tell they were pained i would put like two three fries on the side of their plate i that is so beautiful to me you are so fucking real for that yeah that's that is a that is like something that i can't even describe how beautiful that is. That level of sisterhood is rarely seen.

Yeah. But did you know about Chicago Joe's? That's where I waitress. It was like a rib restaurant that loved coupons. But we didn't have to follow the rules at the time of my life. I ran a comedy show in the back, but I just, I loved it. And my favorite was Wednesdays was half-price flavored martini nights, and bitches would ruin their lives.

Like, we had a woman come in, have five chocolate martinis, and push our hostess into the waitress' sand. Like, people would get nuts on Wednesdays. But, you know, I wouldn't be able to work at a real restaurant like here like I could truly eat a side salad with ranch dripping down my throat looking at my table and no one would care like we got to just do whatever we wanted it was kind it was really really fun do you romanticize coming up in comedy like do you miss it do you think it was this great time in your life well I think about friendly whits everything's better when you're young but i loved it yeah i loved it so much i was 21 22 hosting a really fun cool show that everyone would party at yeah and waitressing and living it up i yeah i

was 21 22 hosting a fun cool show and in chicago but i don't i i was i hate you don't romanticize i hated being broke i hated being broke it was it was so unfun for me that i I don't, I was, I hated being- You don't romanticize. I hated being broke. I hated being broke. It was so unfun for me that I don't, I look back on it and all I can remember is how broke I was. That's not true. I do have some fun memories, but I think about how poor I was. It was a constant stress for me. I was physically ill about how poor I was.

I don't know, my rent was like $400 or I lived in my friend's pantry for a little while. Yeah, but this was in the 90s. The 90s, how dare you? Mine was very recent. So, you know, it was expensive in Chicago. The thing is, now I'm making more money than I did, but I live the same. I don't look at my bank account.

I don't look at anything. And I just do whatever I want. And I just want nicer things now. But it's like instead of Forever 21, I'm on Reformation. But it's like the process is the same. Or it's like I'm still going to concerts, but instead of like instead of forever 21 i'm on reformation but it's like the the process is the same or it's like i'm still going to concerts but instead of like ga somewhere you know it's but my cornerstone has been the same but you didn't grow up with money that's a very growing up with money behavior no but i was a like i'm a baby of the family yeah so you were

okay i got it got it got it got it, got it, got it. It's all clicking for me. Yeah. I have something to tell you. What? Chance did some research on you. Chance's research of our guests is getting increasingly psychotic.

I'm just saying like vacation, but I loved the road trip. I just liked it. Lisa, you're- I would get no interest credit cards. Your propensity, your propensity to stop talking about a topic entirely. It's hard.

To let me move on and then to come back to it is so, you, I'm obsessed. You're here. You said you want to hear about the research. Yeah, I do. Well, I'm going to tell you about it. Chance, for some reason, knows that when you were younger, you wanted to be a prison psychologist. I did. What was that about, do you think?

psychologist i did why what was that about do you think i honestly don't know but there's a famous family photo where i made my family take me to the serial killer wax museum in niagara falls and you could tell the rest of my family is disturbed in the photo and really upset and it's like a giant thing of like um all these killers and charles manson and stuff and my sister is pissed and i am so happy I don't know what it was are you doing a peace sign no because it was before that I was in fifth grade I have no idea I liked reading about it I like James Patterson books that's what it was I love James Patterson books I was like detective I love the movie seven like I like liked it I was watching Oz I was into figuring out killers and then my sister's now husband's father was like

I've worked in a jail you're too happy you shouldn't do that yeah and I went you're right and then that was that and then that was the end of it he's like you don't want to be in a great prison for your job every day you have like a zest and I was like okay yeah I don't want to be a psychologist and I wouldn't have been able to do it like in terms of good grades and stuff yeah just in terms of education yeah like i wouldn't want to do that i we have one final segment for you i wish there was more i know i do too was that the only research that the detective thing no there's more but we simply have gone so long i'll tell you one more thing chance found. Yeah. On June 29th, 2012, you posted on Facebook. Uh-oh. June 29th, 2012. I'm scared.

So at this point, you were in your early 30s. She posted on Facebook, July 8th, Idina Menzel is at Ravinia. We going or what? I went. Did you? I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I went with Megan Gailey and Mateo Lane.

Oh my God, what a crew. We packed all these snacks. I have photos. We were so young and fun. We were in the lawn seats. And she walked out saying one note. Mateo and I grabbed each other and we knew something was wrong. This bitch was so sick.

She sounded terrible. She was shoeless. She was like like letting she likes to sing barefoot and she was like letting people from the crowd sing songs because she was sick it was a wild show but um i did go i can't believe that you went we go in or what and you did you mateo and megan what a crew mateo's coming on the pod as well i'm sure he is and he has a lot of opinions too Mateo does have a lot of opinions and we love him for it Lisa we have a true one of my big pet peeves friends that don't eat seafood one of your big pet peeves is what friends that don't eat seafood like if I can't get a shrimp cocktail with you at a table I'm annoyed no I'm super annoyed yeah if you don't eat stuff from the ocean fuck you yes it's beautiful in there I have a few of those friends Lisa

we have a segment for you it's a true false segment I'm gonna read you 15 statements I'm so glad there's so many there's 15 statements that's funny because John Marco

said there's too many I'm gonna read you 15 statements that have an objective true or false answer you're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if you think it's true or false

if you get 10 or more correct we're gonna give you 50 US dollars what yeah exactly the Spanish national anthem as you can if you think it's true or false if you get 10 or more correct we're gonna give you 50 us dollars what yeah exactly the spanish national anthem has no words true true chris jenner has 13 grandchildren false true the wwe's weekly monday night show is called Monday Night Nitro. Wrong. False. It's... Raw. Yeah! Michael Jordan has the most NBA championship wins by a player.

Yeah, he has six. I'm going to say true. False. Bill Russell. NBA championship wins by a player. Bill Russell. There's an ant species unique to New York City. What was that?

There's an ant species unique to New York City. True. True. The first speeding ticket ever was issued in 1896. True. Only 10% of the population is left-handed. 103%. I'm going to say false.

True. Skokie, Illinois was originally called Niles Village. True. False. Niles Center. I live on Niles Center Road. Well, you should have known. The Pope can't be an organ donor the who the pope i'll say true true violin bows are commonly made with human hair horse hair false horse hair taylor swift is 6-1 no she's 5-10 she's 5-11 oh but you get

false you're right boris yeltsin was an was an Olympic weightlifter no false he was not Google Images was invented because of a Versace dress that J-Lo wore yes true true zebras have opposable thumbs no

false they do not I just met a zebra well you met two but the first one you accused him of cheating on his wife more people live in Louisiana

than New York City false false how many did you get 11 11 hey now hey now don't dream it's over i had a different song in my head when you said that what were you thinking i heard up hey now hey now this is what dreams are made of lisa do you want to tell the people where they can find you? At Glitter Cheese on the internet. And I have a link tree with information to see me live. And I run around New York City.

And when does this come out? Months from now, right? Sometime soon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm around town. Finally, it's online. Go see her live. She's one of the funniest comedians alive.

I love you so much. I love you. This was really fun. Thank you for doing it. Thanks for having me. Love you, baby. And I won. You won.

Okay, we did it. It is so fucking hot in here.