So True with Caleb Hearon - Molly Kearney Returns

Episode Date: March 12, 2026

Welcome! This week we see the return of the hilarious Molly Kearney to the show! Molly and Caleb talk bike crashes, pillow talk, movies where people date inanimate objects, hypnotism, and more! Join our Substack for ad free full episodes, early access to merch, our community chat, and more! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow Molly! @meatbrickmolly Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Head to https://turbotax.com to find a store location near you and get matched with a TurboTax expert — with real-time updates in the iOS app. Head to https://Fabletics.com/sotrue, take a quick style quiz, and be sure to select sotrue when prompted to unlock your 80% off. Bugs hate to see you coming with Pestie. Go to https://pestie.com/SOTRUE for 10% off your order. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at https://RocketMoney.com/SOTRUE Try Trü Frü! Blue bags with fruit found in the freezer aisle! So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Virginia Muller. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York. A Wave series. wavesportsandentertainment.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Wave. Vote in the comments. Do you think that Ted, do you think that the Seth MacFarlane film, Ted, is like Lars and the real girl or her girl? Lars and the real girl? Today's episode is presented by Intuit TurboTax. Now this is taxes.

Molly. Sir, Kaylor. Molly, there, Molly. Why, playing with the mic. There was a little fuzz on it. Don't play with the mic and don't insult the mic. Look at that.

That's called being a dainty day. You're in a mood today. What's going on with you? I'm loving it. I fell outside twice. Literally, I fell, well, now my knee is dry, but no, I left my house this morning at like

Sharp 815, first step outside. I literally, like I have like eight steps probably. And I, and I cartoon whooped and a guy was at the bottom with his little dog and he was just looking at me like and I was like and I was like did you cry? Yes but I was like I was like edging I was like because he like it was this nice man with the dog and he was just like

he didn't ask he didn't like try to help me up he was just like like I was coming down a slide at him yeah and then I just cried a little yeah it hurt really bad oh my god I don't even want to tell you how great my morning's been No, I never said it was bad. I got through it. What was the second fall? It was right up there.

I was walking from, I walked from the F. Yeah. It was a nice walk. No, it wasn't. It was terrible. Nobody shoveled. Then I was like, should I have just carried a hand shovel with me? Yeah.

And then I fell. But it was this, the second fall was into a pile, like a soft pile of snow. Yeah. Huh. Well, I'm so sorry, buddy. It's okay. To you. Thanks.

You know, I love you. I know. I just thought it was more athletic. you know. I am athletic, but I just have bruises all over me. No, you're very athletic. The snow can make anyone fall, Mals. Come on. Don't do that. But, it's okay. Come on, brother. You're so athletic. Shit. Look at those big, thick, strong thighs. Thank you. You got working thighs. Yeah, man. Oh, my left butt cheek is not working today.

Man, well, you're getting a little older. Hey. You're very athletic, but you're getting older. I'm not getting old. I didn't say old. I'm fit as a fiddle. No, totally. I didn't say old. I'm just saying as we get up there in years as you are. You're a young boy to me. If I fall in the snow, it's a problem. Like the noises I must make and I had like my, you know, noise canceling on. So I probably was like, oh no, you know. Yeah.

No, if I fall in the snow, it's a big problem. And it's different than four years ago. Four years ago, I could fall, jump, skip. Yeah, like I was like, you know, it took me like an hour or two to get over that first one. And then the second one, I was just like, you know, maybe I should just go home. I would have totally understood. Nobody understands canceling more than this group. right here. We'll cancel. This group right here

will cancel. I've canceled things you wouldn't believe. No, I felt like... For reasons you wouldn't understand. I have canceled things you wouldn't believe for reasons you wouldn't understand. I think our generation has ruined the like... What am I trying to say?

What have we ruined, Maul? We ruined so many things, but also I just think like canceling used to be okay, but we've like abused it so much that like canceling, I'm just like, can't cancel. I think you... Like, I'd rather... I can't. You can.

I think that you... Maybe... Do you identify as a people pleaser? Are you kidding? Yeah. Yeah. It's part of it. That's why I'm in therapy, you know?

What are we doing about that? Because you shouldn't be people pleasing. What do you mean you can't cancel? That's crazy, Mom. I think I said sorry to the man with a dog this morning when I found. That's really insane. Yeah, no. I'm working on my sorries.

Yeah. Doing less? Yeah, doing less and really meaning and if I'm sorry. You're somebody who needs that. I think there's a lot of people that I say that are like,

I'm working on saying sorry less and I'm like, you don't need to. You're somebody who I actually believe it from. Do you think like going to be getting hypnotized would be helpful? People do that for smoking. You know, I... Don't look at that.

I know people that have done that. I have a friend that did that for snack food. He couldn't stop eating snacks. Tell me everything. He was eating junk food all the time. He got hypnotized. They made him feel like junk food. tastes like garbage.

You know what? Throw that in the bin too. I'll do that. You got me under, yeah. I'll do that one. I'll do the I'm sorry. You do not like men who are unavailable. They taste like garbage.

You do not like McDonald's after midnight. They taste like garbage. God, that's when it tastes so good though. McDonald's after midnight is, ooh. Honey, honey, honey, talk. McDonald's after midnight hits almost as good as a man who doesn't want you. What'd you say? Yeah, what's your order?

My order? Oh, my God. Well, it's changed. Back in the day? Do you want my fattest order? Yes. When I was at peak fat behavior. Yes.

Oh my God. I was taking, okay. I'm excited. I know. I'm kidding. Call them up. Peak fat behavior. You're talking 1, 2 a.m.

You're talking Big Mac meal. After like the best improv set in Chicago. Best improv set. Just got home. We're going to New York. By the way, splurging. Splurging on McDonald's being like, I deserve it. I had a great set tonight.

It's like $12. $1, Big Mac, large fries, large Coke, hot mustard, buffalo sauce. Now, this already makes it sound like a lot, but two of those are condiments. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then McChicken with no lettuce. A McChicken with no lettuce. And usually, I would say 90% of the time, that's where it stopped. There were a couple times that a second McChicken found its way into that bag.

I respect your order all the way up until the no lettuce on a McChicken. Here's the deal. I like the lettuce when they do it right. you can't always trust these McDonald's to do it right. Sometimes they put that nasty, warm, wilted, sometimes they put that nasty, that fucking gross, like almost brown, ooh, and then it's mixed in with the mayonnaise.

When it's crisp and fresh, and they have the fucking decency and foresight to put the mayo on the underside of the patty and the lettuce on the top, then I like it, but I can't be in the kitchen with them. I know, and you know what? The kitchen. The assembly line.

It's an assembly line And I've always wanted to use one of those guns with the sauces Like yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah The power they hold back there They don't even know They do know And you know what?

They all go on to do amazing things Or stay and do amazing things there But I'm grateful What's your order? It's exactly yours Minas the McChickens And I get a Diet Coke And I like need my ranch dips

Yeah, ranch day I only did Diet Coke Because my dad's a diet Coke Like he's like practically A Diet Coke drinker So we don't really have Options for regular Kev.

Big Kev. It's my boy. Respect it. Respect it, Big Kiv. That's right. He goes McDonald's every morning at like approximately 6.15 in the morning and gets only a diet Coke. It's his coffee.

Yeah. I mean, that's beautiful. They go, they go, sir. That happened to me this morning. This, one of these guys, the city guys shoveling out by my building. I had to walk through their shoveling.

I said, thank you guys so much. Sorry to get in your way. And they went, oh, thank you, brother. Have a good day, brother. And I said, brother. How good does that feel? When a guy who has a real job calls you brother,

don't tell me anything about that. That's the best thing could ever happen to me. It's never happened to me, but... Yes, it has to. I know working guys are calling you brother. Well, I go, I go, no, because you know what I do? And I've been called on by many friends.

When I go, hi, I go... You fim it up? Hey, boys! No, like, I'll be like, thank you so much. Like, I'll be like, thank you. Then I'm like, oh, what the hell just... You start doing a Betty Boop routine? I transformed.

You-hoo, fellas! Yeah, I literally do. And I'm like... Oh, Molly. What is that? Let's get into that. Write that down for therapy. I did have something now that we're just talking about me falling. Can I tell you what happened to me on a city bike?

We're talking about anything you want to talk about. Tell me about it. I was riding home from a show. E-bike or regular bike? That's where it gets dirty. Fuck. I get up from the Bedford stop. And I'm like, oh, I... You did not answer the question just so you know.

It was a blue bike. E-bike. No. The opposite. Oh, the dark blue. Dark blue. Yeah, the dark blue. Because one little son of the bitch, little woman got to the last one before me.

And I was like, you know, I'm not going to be ticked off. I just got a mile, you know, I'll go through the park. It'll be fun. It'll be nice. 10 p.m. after a show. I'm like, woo, I had such a good set. I got myself a little gelato. Just one on one date with myself.

Whoa. Got on the bike. Two unhoused guys have a big ass cart. Two of them both have their little carts. Of course. And I'm going through the park. and this guy jumps out in front of me and goes, and I, like, I'm talking closer than we are.

You were in his neighborhood, yeah. Exactly. Don't be in his house. So then I veered to the right, and I'm on a bunch of monkey balls on this freaking city bike, and I fell, ripped my pants, blood everywhere on my knee, and my headphones split in a million different pieces, and then the one guy who didn't scare me goes,

oh, honey, are you okay? And I go, um, and right before I could say anything, the guy who scared me, he goes, he's fine. And he is. Yeah, I, yeah, I was. And I was like, thank you. At least it's better than.

Not you being gender for him laying on the ground bleeding. Oh, I was just like. Oh, thanks, man. I was like, oh, God. And I got on the bike. Like, I was like running from like the devil. Like, I was like, oh. And I was like, oh.

And I was just like, oh. Have you ever had your iPhone say like, oh, no, it looks like you don't have an Apple Watch. But because you're cooler with me. but it says like, oh, it looks like you've taken a terrible fall. What says that? I've only had it happen two or three times, but... Did you've had it happen twice today? Yeah.

I can't imagine the number's small overall. But yeah, it's... It says you've taken a terrible fall? Right when you're like, you've been scared by a random man in the park, you've fallen monkey balls, you ripped your pants, my headphones got some scratches, and then my iPhone goes, Hey, big boy, looks like you're taking a big fall. Hey, you're okay?

Not another tumble there, malls. You only call your mom? Yeah, I did. I do like the two unhoused guys playing good cop, bad cop on the situation. Yeah. Oh, honey, are you okay? Like, you really scared the daylight time. Like, I was like,

ah! I was like, oh, my skills are good. But no, then there's a pile of monkey balls. Like, what I, what? What? I want to tell you, one of the funniest things I've seen in recent memory was I was standing, outside of a restaurant in Park Slope.

And this, I had, I was out there taking a phone call. My friends inside having lunch, I'm on a phone call. I know that up behind this like mailbox, there's a big huge German Shepherd on a chain tied to like a pole. Okay? I knew that because it had been over there like barking at people before. This guy, tiny little running shorts, tank top, like ridiculous like running gear, you know, like shit up the, like somehow a half sleep for some reason.

Looks like he's going to. Yeah. And he's just like. really, really, I'm probably projecting, but he's looking pretty pretentious, like, the way he's running with, like, his head in the air. Then 100%, that's probably on me. That probably has nothing to do with him, okay? But he, he runs past me, and he doesn't notice the dog there. And when he gets right by the mailbox, the dog goes, and, like, really jumps at him, doesn't get to him. But I have never in my life seen somebody jump and scream the way this man did. And

It just was such a juxt position between like cool chin up. Serves him right. I don't think he did anything wrong to be so clear. I don't like him. No, no, no, you're right. You're right. Fuck him.

Fuck him. Yeah, I don't like him. He was just so like haughty and like, and then boom. Just fucking immediate. Ah! Like that. It was really funny. And were you on the phone call or like one minute?

No. I said, I said, sir, are you okay? And then I went over to check on him. No, I didn't. No, were you like, he's fine. No, I didn't. He's all right. said he's fine and then he ran away but the way he was running before and not yeah

seeing things like that in the city you know happened more often to me like I just some crazy stuff happens to me like me about it like it's happened to me so often lately that I'm like is someone out to get me it's like someone following me around with the camera and this stuff happens like there was a blind woman on Manhattan and I was walking two days that's not funny guys No, it was two days ago. She was a nice, a lovely lady. And she asked to... You don't know that.

She could have been a total bitch. She was really sweet. Okay. My wrist. She was really sweet. I'm trying to understand you. She was sweet. So, and she was looking for help.

She's like, can someone find me find my nail salon? And she... I was like, oh, I'll help you. And I grabbed her arm. And we were walking, and her stick was kind of flying everywhere. Like, because I had her arm. Right. And we find the nail salon.

And I'm pushing the door. I'm pushing the door. and she goes, honey, it's a pole. It's a pole door. And I go, you know what? Well, if you're so goddamn good at this, do it yourself. I go, whoa, whoa, whoa. Look, who can see?

Yeah. And I swear that woman winked at me. She didn't, but what if she did? Yeah. Molly, what else is going on with you? How you been? I don't see you anymore. You avoid me like the plague.

Do you know what? I have been really not avoiding anyone, but I have not, I've been reading and like going to bed early. No, you haven't. No, you have not. I know you're right. You're out drinking.

You know, I mean, yeah, I'm the weekends, but I don't have shows, sure. But, uh, yeah, I mean, a Miller light doesn't like to see me. Yeah, yeah, it's in big trouble. No, you've been, you've been working. You've been in Vancouver? Montreal. Montreal.

But yeah, have you been to Montreal? Have you spent time in Montreal? I have not had the pleasure. I have not had the pleasure. Oh, it's fun, but let me tell you. I don't know French well. And they do. Because that's what they speak.

Excuse me, mademoiselle. Bonjour. Please. Pass de photo, if you please. Good job. Good boy. No, not good boy. I've been trying good boy and good girl.

on friends recently and it's been a lot of fun. I think it's so fun. It's so fun. Hey, can you grab me across the water? They say, yeah, I say, oh, good girl. I do that. I only do a good boy, though. Okay. Even if it's a girl. Oh, really? Yeah, I go, good boy. Oh. Because I used to say that it's my dog.

But my dog is dead. And now I do it to my friends. Yeah. How's it going? Are people liking it? No. I did good boy on a straight guy friend the other day and he really actually liked it. Oh, I think this is so funny. If someone calls me, say, good boy being here on time and I'd go someone calls you a good boy for being on time and you give him a big smile

yeah I just yeah I think I've learned a lot about you in this moment I mean I think yeah do you want to be called good they during sex no no good there good there good they good this good them how do you get how do you get praise king during sex when you're not binary I don't want my mind. How does the speak for the non-binary community? How does the non-binary community receive praise kink?

I'm sync. I did hook up with a he-day recently and I said, good boy. And then I went, I'm sorry, do you have a problem with boy? I think a boy, good dude. Well, no, dude, just for you. Not, or, well, we're not having sex. Good dude.

We're not having sex. At least not today. Fucking somebody is saying, good dude. Good dude. You're good dude. Like if it was a mask and mask, I'd be like, brother, that was sick. Thank you for your services. Legitimately something I think I've said during sex.

Brother, that was sick is actually an awesome thing to say after sex. Because it's like, I respect your craft. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, they don't call it a job for nothing. Yeah, thank you for having me. That was a sex in the city line. They don't call it a job for nothing. I'm not, I would, I.

Talking about BJs, Blueys. Oh. Yeah. Sick. Yeah. Look at me. I just went dude mode on you. Good they.

Good dude. I like good dude. Good dude is nice. Good dude. Good dude. Good, good dude. Good partner. Or a good partner.

I'm really cracking myself up today. Good partner's a lot of fun. Where's the craziest place you've gotten to BJ before? I can be dirty. Tell me. Yeah, all right. I don't know about a crazy, a couple green rooms. A couple green rooms of venues.

That's always fun. Incredible. Yeah. Wow. Put it in. I don't care. Leave it in, Chance. I saw a chance going to type on his little computer.

No. Leave it in. Yeah, I'm getting head in the green room sometimes. Whatever. Good dude. That's a good dude. Good partner.

Good partner. Good partner. Good partner. Good partner. But good dude isn't. Good partner. Good partner. Yeah, I don't like,

I've never been a fan of like gay people having to say partner. I think straight people should stop it. Stop saying partner. Like, knock it off. Yeah. Especially for like friends and I know. Like, just be like, yeah, my husband, like, it's how good. Yeah.

My wife. I know you're trying to be inclusive and you're very nice and I'm sorry. Now being a dick. No, I don't think you're being a dick. What do you feel about that? The straight people using partner. I don't, I don't know. I'm like, I understand that most of them have good intentions when they do it.

And so I try to be like, oh my God, that's sweet. But then also I'm like, I think you just want to make yourself sound cooler. I have a lot of problem with this like room for speculation about gay. Sorry, come out. I don't like, I don't like closeted. Yeah, I don't like secrets.

I don't like room for guessing. Come out. If you're queer, come out. We need you. Like, I don't want someone who I just met at a party. Be like,

oh, my partner and then I kind of, it's not even that I'm into them or anything. It's just like, I kind of get like the, I'm like, what is that? Because you're 42 years old.

Unless you're like a trans, eight year old in Louisiana, they get to stay in the closet. Yeah. If you're 40 and living in New York, come out. It's enough. I've had it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come out. We need you over here. And like,

coming out stories just aren't fun as they used to be. Like, they're just not. No, we normal. They used to be so good and clever or hilarious or traumatizing, but now they're just like, yeah, I introduce my family to my boyfriend. Give me something. I had dinner with some older lesbians the other night

and we were going around trading coming out stories. that shit hit like crack. Trading war stories. That shit hit like crack. Well, I, uh, I went home to my husband. With that haircut, yeah, it was crazy. Oh my God. But she didn't use to have that haircut and that's how they didn't know. I feel like, and I mean this with the most respect, I feel like Kansas City has a lot of cool lesbian, older lesbian women. Or you attract them. Like a pack of wolves. Two things can be true. I am a magnet for the older lesbian community.

They see something in me and I see something in them. And what that is is a love of football and a complicated relationship with men. Yeah. But Kansas City does have a really cool lesbian history. Do you know what Womantown is? Tell me everything. Womantown is a project that a bunch of lesbians did in Kansas City in the late 80s, early 90s, where they bought up a bunch of houses and created a lesbian-only community.

and they recruited in like women's magazines and like Lilith Fair. And they told women like lesbians all around the country, I come to Kansas City, we're building a lesbian utopia. And they did. And it's still, a lot of them still live in that neighborhood. I am so gullible.

And I know now that you're being serious because I looked over here and I said, but I sometimes you get me in these jokes. And I was like really not known where I was going there. That's really cool. And why haven't I go, I guess? It's over. It's not over. They still live there.

But it kind of died off. Well, you can guess what happened. a lot of them started sleeping with each other and then tried to be friends afterwards and it was like well I need you to come fix this shelf for me and then things got messy but the big joke among the gay men in Kansas at the time was if you drive through woman town

and you're a man duck because they'll shoot Wow that needs to be man in a TV show yeah I wrote it didn't make it Holmes and I Holmes and I wrote these... That's what...

We wrote these characters into our show and then we make it. Shame. Shame. Shame. We can bleep but we can keep the rest of it. Yeah, shame on. At Desjardin Insurance, we know that when you're a building contractor,

your company's foundation needs to be strong. That's why our agents go the extra mile to understand your business and provide tailored solutions for all its unique needs. You put your heart into your company. So we put our heart into your company. to making sure it's protected. Get insurance that's really big on care. Find an agent today at Dejardin.com

slash business coverage. What's going on with you? You haven't told me much about you. What's going on with you in life later? What are you thinking about? I am really trying to get into my craft era. Yeah? How so? I don't know.

I just like, when I was doing stand-up in Chicago, and like we were still like not monetizing and making money from it, I just was like, I like to do my crafts and comedy was like one of my crafts and now I'm I just signed up for a sewing class hell yeah I did um and I still don't know if I have to bring my sewing machine to the class

that'd be like a lot to carry but that's you know I'll let you know I don't know if anyone's told you this yet but the April 15 tax deadline is rapidly approaching the old way of doing taxes led to so much unnecessary stress things like sitting in a waiting room handing over

a pile of papers and then staring across a desk for hours or sending emails back and forth and still wondering if they really understand your situation, only to find out that something's being missed. These are all things we need to leave in the past. I'm happy to report that this year brings a major upgrade. Intuit TurboTax now has in-person locations nationwide. In-person locations. All right. Now, that's a lot of fun. You can walk into a tech-enabled Intuit TurboTax location near you and meet face-to-face with a real tax expert. Drop off your documents in the store and see them uploaded to your Intuit TurboTax app instantly.

Just like that, you're done. Your new Intuit, enter it. Your new Intuit TurboTax expert stays back and works tirelessly to get you every dollar you deserve while you get real-time notifications as you go about your day. The experience of handing off your taxes to a real person who you can trust to work efficiently. A real person you can trust to work efficiently. I'd like to meet a couple of them, maybe hire them on this show. The experience of handing off your taxes to a real person you can trust to work efficiently and quickly. That makes tax season so much easier.

And you're not just dropping off papers. You're walking into a friendly space where you can have a face-to-face conversation and get answers to any questions you might have right there on the spot. Head to turbotax.com to find a store location near you and get matched with a turbo tax expert with real-time updates in the iOS app. Folks, I don't know about you, but the thought of organizing all my finances on my own gives me a real headache. Lucky for you, Rocket Money, or RM, as I like to call them, takes the guesswork out of this sort of of stuff so you can easily make smart decisions. Rocket money or RM is a personal finance app that

helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions. Monitors your spending monitors your spending. It's like my wife. And helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. See all your subscriptions in one place and know exactly where your money is going for ones you don't want anymore. Rocket money can help you cancel them in just a few clicks like you're a a celeb that misspoke. Right? They have tools that automatically create transaction

categorization across accounts, which is something that's huge to me. Plus customizable categories and tax reveal spending patterns and add context. Wanting to start saving for that big family vacation this summer? Well, these tools are here to help.

Let RocketMoney help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at RocketMoney.com.com slash showtrue. That's rocketmoney.com slash showtru. RocketMoney.com slash so true. Three times, if you can believe it. Look, you guys, I'm just like you. I've had bugs in my home. I'm sorry.

I've had bugs in my home, all right. Ants in the sink, you name it. If you ever had a similar experience with bugs infesting your home, you need to reach out to our friends at Pestie. Pesty is the go-to place for do-it-yourself pest control. They make it easy and affordable to take back control of your home. take back control of your home. Don't let the pests have it.

Pesty provides you with an easy-to-use kit that includes pro-grade pesticide. That's the same stuff the pros use. A sprayer mixing bag, gloves, and instructions you can complete in minutes. It's super effective, way better than store-bought pesticides, and all for a great price. Plus, the kits can be fully customized to fit your exact needs, no matter what the season. Other pest control companies, you guys have seen this a million times. We've just had it. They charge hundreds of dollars.

With Pesty, you can get started at just $35 per treatment with a customized plan based on your location, bugs, and climate. With the DIY kit, there are no strangers in your house except for the bugs. That's why you're getting the kit. There's no appointments to make time for. Plus, Pestey is kid and pet friendly. The pesticides they ship are fully registered and have been used in hospitals and schools all over the country. The best part, Pestie offers 100% bug-free guarantee or your money back. If the bugs don't go away, you'll get a free refund.

Bugs hate to see you coming with Pesty. Go to Pesty.com slash show true for an extra 10% off your order. That's a good deal. If you have bugs, hear me now. If you have bugs, which I have, go to Pesty.com slash show true. Listeners, hear me now. Pesty.com slash show true for an extra 10% off your order.

That's P-E-T-I-E.com slash so true for an extra 10% off. Thank you, Pestey. If they don't have some sewing machines there for you. Right, but it's like, what if there's like, they got, I drive it forward and they have a Chevy. Like I don't, what if they're different? Yeah, totally. That could be a totally big problem. Yeah, and I've just been drawn more again and really kind of going inward, which is not in a really get depressing way and like a, I missed myself kind of way.

Yeah. Do you lose yourself there for a second? I think I just, yeah, maybe. What happened? I think I just like didn't. I was kind of ignoring myself and I was like trying not to like listen to my inner thoughts because I was depressed.

And then I was like, how do I fix this? Friendships and crafts. Yeah. And not worrying about my, my looks. That'll do it. That'll be,

was that part of what was depressing you was thinking about appearance a lot? Oh yeah. I mean, don't you think so? Doesn't that feel like that sometimes? I've been through that, yeah. Like being more front phase like being on achievement.

I'm like, or being a commercials, I'm like, oh, God, heaven. but now I'm like, I'm awesome and I'm Irish and I'm gonna, you know, Carly Kane is one of the best jokes ever and I don't know if I should say her joke, but maybe I shouldn't.

You should say her joke, yeah, she loved that. Yeah, right? Carly Kane is a joke that she said, she's Irish, she's gonna age like a banana on a backpack and I think that's one of the best written jokes of our time. And yeah, that's me. She's so fucking funny.

She is so funny. Yeah, that makes total sense to me. You know what I noticed? Probably like, I had this realization like maybe 20, 23, maybe. I started, I had been on the internet a lot at that point. And I had, like, posted a lot of videos of myself and a lot of pictures of myself. That was, like, Twitter era for you, right?

That was post- Twitter era, but, like, really getting into TikTok and being on people's podcasts and stuff. And Twitter, I had weathered the whole Twitter era. I had, like, weathered people remarking on my body all the time. And that was so hard at first, like, people being so mean to me about my appearances. Or even when they're not trying to be mean, just when they're talking. about my looks. Yeah. And I really noticed like around like 2023, I would look at, I would like see a picture of myself and I'd be like, oh God, I've, X thing has happened to me. I'll be like, oh my God,

my hair lines pushed back or yuck, my teeth are more crooked or gross, my, uh, whatever, whatever, whatever. I would think that something new had gone wrong with my appearance. And then I would look back at a picture of myself from like 2018, 2019 before I was perceived that much on the internet. And it was always, that was just always how I looked. I always had a little bit of a pushback airline. I always had a crooked tooth. You could never have, you're one of the best heads of hair in comedy. I love my hair.

But it pushes back right here at the edges and that's totally fine. It's part of my hairline. Me too. But I noticed that I was like inventing the more I was perceived and the more I was like weathering people's comments about my looks and just seeing my, like literally seeing myself. Because when you post, when you edit a video of yourself the way that I used to, you have to sit and look at yourself. for so long.

God, in heaven, see less. It's really psychotic. And yeah, I just was like, oh my God, I'm, I'm like learning to hate things about myself that I never even noticed before. And then when, before you even have those thoughts, when you look at those pictures in, like, 2019, you're like, I remember seeing this photo with me and I felt like I looked incredible. And like, I posted it and I was, and then you look back, you're like, what? But you do, because it is, I don't know, being more front facing is scary.

Well, and I think it's a thing that we're all. Not being those, I've been behind the camera. You're key gripping. You're key gripping and not. telling us, you're moonlighting as a key group. No, it's not even, I think, about, like, necessarily being, like, perceived on such a large scale. It really is, like, I think cultural for all of us, the way that we take so many pictures and videos of ourselves and look at ourselves so constantly and think so much about appearance,

it really is like, yeah, I think it's good to just step back and, like, really try to distance yourself from worrying so much about what you look like. Yeah. It could get dark. And it got dark for you. Not I think I just needed to I just needed to hang out with myself Yeah, a little more, you know? Yeah And yeah, that said no to like some things and trips or whatever I don't even know

But I just I'm having a better time. Yeah Minus those falls today minus the falls today. Yeah, but I got up I like that you having a better time I like that you're having a better time and that you're spending time with yourself Doesn't make you uncomfortable when I ask you earnest questions about that? No, I was uncomfortable because I was about to cry for some reason. But that makes sense Yeah, you were sharing something pretty personal. Yeah. Yeah, but don't cry out my show.

I'm the most comfortable talking to you. Good. Don't cry on my show. Can you imagine? I'm like, yeah, I can imagine. I really got into puzzling. I don't know if I'm going to have to take my own sewing machine. Weeping. I really will be reporting back on that.

I can't wait to hear about the sewing. Are you hoping, is there something in particular you're hoping to sew? So this class is a one-on-one, like, or 101, we make a towed. whatever. Everybody's got. There's so many tote bags everywhere. But I really want to start doing some design work on like collars like this. Ooh, yeah. And like, I don't know. I just want to fiddle around. I like being tactile with my hands and things like that.

Oh, yeah. I'm just stoked to get lost in it. I want you to get lost and I'm loving that. And I also want to start making rugs. Rug tufting? Yeah. Fun. I thought about taking that class. Yeah, I'm very, very going to be doing that very much.

I want to take a neon sign making class. Oh, I almost signed up for one last year, but I was going to be out of town. It's like six weeks. You have to commit. Yes. Yeah. This is my big issue with classes. You make a sweet one for this. I know.

I'd like to make a little, a little, I want to make a really small one. Yes. I want to make one like literally like this big. Like really thin. Right over on the set somewhere. Yeah. That's so good. I, this is my problem with classes and with volunteering.

There's so many classes I want to take and so many volunteering things I want. want to do that are like you have to commit to this time for eight weeks. Yeah. And I'm like, I straight up cannot do that. You can't do it. I can't guarantee. What kind of volunteering? There's so many cool ones. I want something more. I mean, this is the issue is I want something consistency based. Like I want, there's this one in my neighborhood in Brooklyn that I know about where you like go over, you take senior citizens, their groceries. Like they send you a list and then you basically like task grab it for them for free. Yeah. And then you go get their groceries and you bring their groceries over, put them away and talk with them for a while. That's a little.

And you're like their dedicated person. And I think that would be such a nice, like, yeah, it would be a nice way to use my, my mobility and my body, but then also like get to chit chat and have a relationship. I'm looking for both. I want to volunteer in a way that's like, I don't just want to like build something by myself in a silo. I want to use my body to do stuff because I miss using my body at like tasks that matter. Yeah.

And you're a strong man. I am. And I want to, but I also want to chit chat because I'm good at that and I like it. I love that. and it can be very intimate. And, you know, I was looking into volunteering recently. And it's funny because I was like, I want to volunteer, like, got a nursing home. Or like, and I know those aren't as, like, my nana was in a nursing home for like 14 years.

And it was like, you know, we went, we had, we went every, there's people there like every other day to hang out with her. But I'm like, there were so many people, some of her, like, buddies there, like, who just never had a visitor. So then we would obviously invite them over to our table and hang out. But I'm just like, oh. some of those people, like maybe they're the youngest in their family and they don't have like a niece or nephew or a friend's kid to go visit them. And some of them are just so funny. Yeah, they're really funny. And they got jokes. They are holding in, you know. There's something really funny about when you know you're going to die soon and you don't have to

care about what anyone else thinks anymore, especially if you weren't like that throughout your life I've found. Like, yeah, there have been some older people in my life that like were really reserved their whole life and were very polite and like proper. And then the second that they thought, maybe they weren't going to be doing this much longer. They're like, I got some. Fuck, they're like, I've been holding on to some shit. And I love that era. That's fun.

Yes. I'm trying to get there way earlier in life. Because you, your grandparents, do you have, you have, yeah, I have my grandma and I have two, I have both grandmas and my grandpa. How lucky are you? You got three out of four. Yeah, I don't know about lucky. You should hang out with these people for a little bit.

No, they're great. Are they all in Kansas City? Well, my two grandparents. parents that live in Iowa are in Kansas City a lot because they get surgeries down there. Hell yeah. So they're down there staying with my mom a lot. And then my dad's mom, my other grandma lives in like northern Missouri, but I see her maybe like two or three times a year.

That's nice. Yeah. Or do any of them have like a, they're probably retired now, but did they don't even have any cool jobs? Yeah. My grandma on my mom's side was a nurse. And? And your mom.

And my mom's a nurse. And my mom was a nurse. My grandpa worked on the railroad. his whole life and then opened a business later in life that he still has, selling like scrubs and boots and stuff. Just like, basically he was like a bunch of people in town need stuff and they have to go somewhere else to get it. So he opened like a general store. And then my grandma on my dad's side worked as like a clerk at the county courthouse.

So she was, she was a business. So she was a cable of if you will. You'd be like, oh. I know Wendy from down the fall. She lives on 283 fourth street. It's like, we'll be on. know exactly that you'd be like I'm going to David's house and she'd be like hope her mother's doing well

David hasn't been on the porch you know he likes to go but he hasn't been in the porch in three weeks truly and it's like she knew everyone's stuff it was like a very small time oh that's kind of um those people hold a lot of power and are very trusted in the community which I think is a very cool thing I really you know that's a really cool thing yeah like yeah yeah anyway cool what job do you think you would have if you hadn't left Ohio Oh my god, I was just talking about this with my brothers. I think I would be...

I think I would just be a blue collar, like, welder or something. You think you'd be a welder? Yeah, I like that idea of flame. Nice. Or like maybe, I don't know. Yeah, no. Something like dirty. I think you could totally be a welder.

I wouldn't do underwater welding. No, that's not you. That scares me. Yeah, that's not you. I'm surprised to your welder just, I thought you were going to say that you'd still be working at the restaurant on the island. Oh, well. I thought maybe you'd be like an old time or like a fun person at the restaurant,

but I see welding for you in a big way. Well, maybe I wouldn't. No, I'll know that you say that. No, I think my time on the island would have ended when it ended. I go dark. I go, I go, I think my time on the island had to end when it ended. But. Well, what the heck would you do?

if I was in Missouri. Yeah. I don't know. You'd be taking your grandma's spot of the clerk's office. Hello. I'd be the new clerk at the courthouse. Nepo. Junior's here.

I'm a nepo clerk. Nepo clerk, NBC Tuesday nights. What would I be doing if I was in Missouri? If I never left my hometown, there's only like four jobs. I think I'd probably still be working in Applebee's. Okay. How many pins would you have? of how many at Flair.

I had plenty before I left. Were you ever on your Applebee's wall? Oh, yeah. I'm still on the Applebee's wall to this day, I think. Me too. Picture of me at prom. Me too. Oh, mine's not.

It's like an employee picture? Mine's lacrosse. Oh, of course. Yeah, remember I told you I used to be an athlete before today. I remember you're lacrosse era when you went to all girls high school and you had that van that you'd stick everybody in. God, your memory is, is a feel amazing.

I listen to everything you say to me, Molly, and I never forget. Yeah, I used to take them all the Taco Bell before practice. Because I was the goalie, I didn't have to run. I go, this is not you. Yeah, y'all do whatever you need to do. I can have bubble guts in the net. I'm good. Yeah.

The bigger I get, the more blockade there is, you know? Yeah, of course. That's beautiful. Yeah. Were you dating any of those girls? I was still in the closet. Yeah. I was packed behind a bunch of boxes.

I was in the back. Yeah. But I actually wouldn't have changed it. I feel like I came out just at the time that I was mature and mentally well enough to do it. Was this when you were? at Dayton? Yeah, well, I was at the comedy studies program at Second City. Yeah. So I was technically a junior in college. Yeah. Yeah. You were like a skinny jeans and vans. Yeah, it was. Like, oh, it was tough. Yeah, no, it was awesome. I love those lesbians.

Like I, I, if anybody has one of those photos, just blur my face. No. Actually, no, you can keep my face, blow the pants. Just blur my bottom half. Put a blurred block so no one can see the dimensions. No, I liked it. Well, it's like I always say you guys, just in a different way this time. There's something about a new workout set that makes you feel unstoppable. Only one problem. Buying new gear all the time just isn't realistic. And I always hate when my gear is old.

But when you join Fabletics as a VIP, that's all change. New VIPs unlock insane savings on their first outfits. Insane savings. So getting that fresh set boost is suddenly, totally. doable. I love their stuff. It's so comfortable and cute. The quality, well, it's out of this world. It basically came down in a UFO. It's so out of this world. Right? Fibletics pieces feel like the kind of high-end active where you'd easily pay a couple hundred dollars for. But you get that same premium fit and durability for a tiny fraction of the price.

Fraction of the price. It's just a little joke that we have here on the show. At that point, the VIP membership basically pays for itself. And the fit dialed in. No way. waistbands creeping down, joggers that actually keep their shape, jackets that are warm without being bulky. Warm without being bulky. That's what they called me in college. Everything feels soft, breathable, flexible, and built for whatever your day looks like. Workouts, travel days, getting back into your routine, or whatever. It's one of those brands that once you try it, you get it. The value, the styles, the flexibility. That's the appeal of Fabletics. We just love them. Fabledics already has incredible deals, okay? So you're starting off with a great

deal. But then I've got an exclusive offer just for my listeners, just for my little sick of fans. Get 80% off everything when you sign up as a VIP, which stands for very important person. Just head to fabletics.com slash so true. Take a quick style quiz and be sure to select so true when prompted to unlock your 80% off. That's fabledics.com slash so true. Well, this episode is sponsored by our friends and family at Truefrew. In a world where there's hundreds, if not thousands of options, when you're looking for an exciting new snack to try, True fruit is making the choice easier than ever.

I actually really love eating these. My favorite flavor, my favorite flavor is probably the blueberries. True fruit is made with real fruit and real chocolate or yogurt, and you can taste the quality in each bite. You keep them in the freezer to ensure they stay fresh and ready to grab when you want something sweet. True fruit is the ultimate treat that's also made from real ingredients, so it feels like a better dessert option without sacrificing taste.

a lot of times that healthy stuff tastes like garbage. Not true fru. It tastes good and it's made from real stuff, fruit, etc. They're perfect for everyday snacking in any occasion. Grab a handful of true fruit when you're watching TV or maybe when you're winding out at the end of a long day, you've just about had it with your boss, you know, but you're whining out at the end of a long day with your sweetheart.

Put them out on the kitchen table next time you're hosting friends and watch the feeding frenzy begin. Be sure to save it back for yourself, though. Trust me, they go fast. So next time you're at the grocery store It's not funny So next time you're at the grocery store Be on the lookout for those blue bags

With fruit found in the freezer aisle Thank you True Fruit for sponsoring this episode I remember one time you did You came to do my show in Chicago At the aisle? Yeah, at I oh It was a small room And the mic was broken

The mic was not working We figured out we didn't realize Until you walked out on stage And I was so A lot of our friends in the scene at that time Didn't have like a stage presence really yet Like they were just figuring things out and they were very like dependent on things going the way they needed to. I would say myself included like if the mic didn't work, it would be like, well, you fucking need to figure out how to turn it on before I can do my set.

And I remember you were just so like you'd been doing it just a little bit longer. You'd been there like maybe a year longer or something. And you were just so in the pocket. And I remember I go, I go, Molly, I'm so sorry. The mic doesn't work. Like we're trying to fix it right now. If you want to wait a second and you go, I don't care. And you walk out and you go, I'm doing my set without a mic.

Can everybody hear me? and everyone in the audience is like, yeah. And you're like, but anyway, the other day I was at the grocery store. Grocery store, you ever been? Like, I was like, Jesus Christ. I was so impressed. I was like, who is this fucking dynamo

screaming in the room right now? Isn't it fine? I'm like, I was like very fearless back then. Now I'm like skittish and scared to go on stage. I mean, I love stand up still, but I'm just like, I don't, which is, it should be the opposite, right? I don't know what should be,

but why do you think that is? I don't know. I, I'm working. through that. But to work through that, I'm just kicking my ass on the stage no matter what, you know? Do you think it has anything to do with, like, the pressure of expectation? 1,000 percent. Right. And I think, like, I, like, just love every comic that I'm able to work with and everyone's so impressive and talented that I think I, I don't know, sometimes you play that that comparison game where it's not like, I don't know, I just want to make my,

My friends are proud of me. We are. Thank you, buddy. We're very proud of you. I'm proud of you. We'd be proud of you if you were welding in Ohio. Hey, underwater. Underwater.

Kidding. Kidding on that part. No, I would never do it. It's funny. I was talking to a friend the other day. I won't say their name just in case they didn't want this out there. But one of our friends. And we were talking about, well, first of all, you also, I'm sure you don't want to talk about this.

But you also went through an experience for a multiple years, working out a place that is intentionally designed to make you doubt how great you are. And that's my perspective of it. But then I was talking to a friend about expectation and how easy and fun it is to go in and kill when nobody expects anything of you when you're underestimated when like you aren't known as like the funniest person in the room and you're not expected to come in and kill. But then when you get to a place in your career, if you're lucky enough to get to this place, which you have been, that when people are like, this person's a killer, they're very funny. They don't even need the script to be good. You bring them in and they're going to make it happen. Yeah. When that's the expectation of you, and this doesn't even have to be about comedy or acting or anything,

I think all of us, when we have a role in life where we were at one point underestimated and we got to show up and surprise people, when it changes to expectation, all of a sudden it gets way fucking harder. That is nail on the head, sir. You know? Yeah, that I would never have been able to that. The pressure is so heavy then because you're like, oh, well, when nobody expected anything of me, I could just blow past it and exceed it without you. I'm just going to go for it. Yeah, and now I'm like.

And now people, yeah. Which is so strange. And I feel like it's just a, it's a phase and it's something I'll grow out of and like work past. But it's just interesting to say it out loud. I think, yeah, you'll definitely work out of it. It's a lot of work, but you'll work out of it. Yeah.

I'm still having fun. It's just like maybe like a couple minutes before I go on stage. I'm like, and then I get on there, I'm like, I'm having fun. It's like riding a bike. You ever get like that before you go on stage. Sometimes when you're, maybe not feeling it that day or like, or you're... Molly, I'm almost never feeling it.

I'm not, I'm never, but I, and I don't say this. I, I, yeah, I'm, I'm never doubting that I'm going to do well. I'm just never feeling it. Like I don't really want to, I have a very complicated relationship with attention. And I'm never, I'm always a little like, God, I would give anything to just be hanging out tonight. And then I have to work myself up and talk about, I have to like talk to myself about like, all these people came to see you. You have a job to do.

you owe them a good show. And I get myself there. But I would say, I mean, chances have been with me before shows a million times. I'm almost every time like, fuck, I don't know how I'm going to get it up tonight. Because you technically are turning,

you got to turn it on. That's just the little game of the game. And sometimes that's what you're rusty and stuck. Yeah, you have to be stage caliber or stage Molly now. And it's like, that's a different, I can't just go up and be

whoever I want to be. I have to be who people came to see. Yeah. Which is great. It's a huge privilege. I love being the guy that people came to see. I like him.

I think he's so much. fun. I love him. I love him. I love him. But it's... But I also love this one too. This guy over here. Yeah. I'm, are you a Mets fan? Come again. Are you a New York Mets fan? Uh, no. Or just Fashion King, because I do the same thing. This is just a really cute vintage hat. I love the hat. Let me tell you, I just didn't know if something changed. The people I talked to around New York, they really want to get involved about this. Yeah, yeah. One way or another, one of the door guys in my building, I walked in the other night at like two in the morning. And he was sitting there like, you know, kind of half asleep at the desk. Yeah. And, and I was, and, you know,

I walk in, he goes, get out. You can't come in here wearing that. And I was like, what? And he was like, your hat, get out of here. You woke him up out of like a fool. His hatred of the Mets like woke him from a stupor to be mean to me. And then we, and then I really got caught. I don't watch baseball. I don't give a fuck about baseball. I hate baseball. I think it sucks. And I got caught talking to him about baseball for 45 minutes. Like I could not. And ever, I was inching every, I would take a step away from the desk. I was, for 20 minutes, I was polite and really locked in. And I'd be like, yeah, well, you know, I hope the Yankees do well.

I'd start to turn. He'd go, well, I'll tell you, they're not going to. I get out. You're in her monologue was like, get out, get out, get out. Truly, I went to go to bed so bad. Respectfully. But I had to, like, lock in because that's my boy. I mean, Matt's aside, your fashion hat game has always been one of my favorites.

I think you were saying that. Exhibit of the back wall. You know, we got some good ones back there. Yeah. This, this, uh, they, that's why they call it fishing, not catching one. I wore the hell out of that one. I know you did because I was like, you want to trade hats and you're like, no, and I go totally. Totally.

I'm like, it still looks mint condition. Oh, it's new. We got a, we got, oh, okay. These are all, I've never worn any of these. These were all bought to be on the set. But that fishing, not catching. I wore the hell out of that. We got a broskey report hat.

I love that one too. We got a wax a hatchy hat. Yes. We got all kinds of stuff. We got Beth Stelling's frame socks back there. I just, I have a pair of those and I was like, women's stand up comedy. Shout out Best Stelling.

Also, I just have to say, because I don't think we've talked about it on the show yet. I can rise up to the set design here, bud. Katie Birmingham. Katie Birmingham. Let me, I hope someone clip this and send it to Katie when this episode comes out. Thanks, Katie. Katie Birmingham is a fucking genius. She did my HBO special.

She did Sorry Baby, Ava Victor's movie, which is phenomenal if people haven't seen it. Ava's so great. Katie, Katie Birmingham designed the hell out of this set. And when I tell you, I gave her the loosest, like, yeah, I think maybe it's blue and cluttered. I was going to say I love the, I just, I don't know, even down to the color scheme, it's really cool. She made this fire. She hand-tiled Like Katie Birmingham is an absolute genius

She hand-tiled that? Yeah, well, yeah, she would put the things on Because the thing was originally just And Nicole helped a lot Nicole, Nicole helped a lot And Michelle and Chance helped a lot too You guys all did so good Sorry, it was obviously Katie was kind of thinking of it

But you guys helped a lot too Everybody did To the team, everybody did a really good job And the people and the team at Wave as well Was over here doing it Actually I met someone in a dinner the other night That were like, this is so I was at dinner the other night

And this woman was like, this is so funny. You don't know this, but I was actually helping out with your podcast studio. But I wasn't in town. So they were doing it while I was gone. And I was like, oh my God. And then we got to talk for a little while. Isn't that sweet? Yeah, this is like my most favorites I've ever been on.

Mine too. It really is cozy. Mine too. I love it so much. It feels so much like the show. And we, the big running joke about so true during the whole show has been our set changing every week. And it'll still change sometimes because I will have to travel.

But I really feel so happy that we finally have. we just hit the two-year anniversary of the show and we finally have a set of... Is it already been two years? I know. How many episodes? Sorry to talk about... A hundred something now.

Oh, my God. Brittany was 100, so 103, 4? Like 107, I think. Yeah. It's funny, you have that reaction because you were there at the beginning. Most people who weren't there at the beginning, they go, it's only been two years.

They think we've been doing this for five, six years. Dang. Yeah, I know. I'm like, last time I was on here, you were at the... Well, it doesn't matter. But, uh... The true homies, no.

Yeah. I was actually with Zoe Lister Jones the other day. And I remember when I was concepting like, she's the best. Sorry, I just had a delayed reaction. She was on, she's a guest star. On DMV?

Yeah. Oh my God. We were in Amsterdam when I was thinking about doing. I was like, yeah, I think maybe when I get back to the States, I'm talking to my buddy chance. I think maybe we're going to like,

I have this idea for a YouTube show and I think maybe I'm going to ask him to help me with it. And I think I want to do like a YouTube show. I think I want to like find some way to like take things into my own hands. And she was like, what would it even look like? How would it make money? and I was like, it won't for a while.

And like, I don't know. I'm going to lose money on it, but I think it's a good idea. And we were just the other day. I was in LA last week and we were talking about how crazy that is. To like have an idea, go do it, have it really work out.

And then have it be like a truly like foundational part of my life. Isn't it? You like executed it, y'all. It's fun as an artist. Like anytime you have an idea and then it actually happens, you're like, wow, we actually made something. And it's low stakes because you're just being yourself. And I wish that was true.

I'm faking every word on here. So you're, grandma wasn't a clerk? No. Everything I've ever said on here is a lie. I'm not even gay or fat. I got to readdress. I fall back in the chair.

I'm skinny and straight. Molly falls for a third time. Molly falls for a third time. Tag. Molly falls for a third time. Put it on there. Molly can't quit falling. Molly the follower.

More like folly. Oh, God. More like folly. No. Hold on. More like folly. He knows. He knows what the kid wants.

I kind of scared me. He's a scary guy if you let him. I'm like, I think he's getting close from me. Yeah, I know. He always is. He's always inching in. I'm like, is that gas gun wheels? What the hell?

What the hell? So, 2026. Is it my, you lead. No, no. I liked where you were going. Please dance with me. I liked where you were going.

Lead me. Push me a little bit. Well, I was going to say what like, because you used to be a crafter. I don't know if you still do, and I don't want to out you, but you used to do, um,

collaging. I still do a little bit. Cool. Sometimes. I haven't made one in a second. When I moved my houses, I had most, my setup was in Kansas City.

Yeah, I was very impressed by your collages. I really was. I like doing it. I've never shared any of them. I do, yeah, most,

I think most of my crafts are private secrets for me. No, I totally agree. We can't mention them. But my collages, the, like,

I've written a lot of like songs and poems, and they're all just kind of for Caleb. I love that. And I think that's very special and I think that's very important. to not always it can be yours

you know yeah and like mine if you want to give me one of your clothes it can be yours but also mine and wait the Kevin Moore would be um video with you on the bike can't talk about that yeah okay was it a four wheeler

or a moped was a four wheeler god I love a four wheeler I know and it fun oh my god I love a four wheeler I crashed a four wheeler off a bridge when I was like 12 years old were you alone on it or did you have somebody on the back? I was on. And bridge is, it was like a, it was, um, you know how when you're, like, if you're out on a farm and there's like a big like brush ditch or something. And it's like just a huge ditch that you need to get over. And you, well, we had, I was on a family friend's property and they had a big brush ditch where they would like put like discarded brush. And they had two, uh, boards over it that you could drive over. But they're just about as wide as the tires on the four wheeler. And I just miss shot it and tried to go too fast like a 12 year old. took it off into the

into the brush dish four-wheeler on top of me didn't break anything somehow but had so many easily died from that people do I know scrapes bruises I was all fucked up and I just had to lay in there until someone came and found me Caleb baby Caleb it was really scary I have your baby photo from your

like one of your first I have a baby I have your poster baby photo on my fridge I noticed that and if I pee with the door open at my apartment I can see you Yeah. That's really special, I think, in some ways. Yeah. And I go, I think I got to move that.

You're like, I got to move this closer to the toilet. He's got to be in the bathroom with me. Yeah. It's a really cute picture. Yeah. I stole it from the wall at some Union Hall or Bell House or something. Yeah, I think Bell House. Yeah. Remember my, before I moved to New York, my era where I was doing a Bell House show every month and throwing a party afterwards?

Yes. And it was the most fun ever. Yeah. Wow. That was before you lived here. Oh yeah, because you were just like, you're like, yeah, I'm back in Newark. I'm like, were you here? You were just here two days ago. I was coming every month.

And being like, God, I wish I could live here. I'm like, hey, hon, hey? You can. You can. You can. Very much so. That was a fun era, though. I really enjoyed that.

Yeah, those shows were goofy and loose and awesome. And that's pretty, you were kind of like crafting the beginning of your, the beginning of your special, right? No, by that point, I was pretty. Or did you already record it? No, I hadn't recorded the special, but I had the hour. It took a long time to sell the hour because the hour was done before I started the podcast and no one really wanted it. Like it was already filmed in everything.

Not filmed. We had filmed a test version of it. We hadn't filmed like V version. But basically we took it everywhere and everyone was like, ah, call us when you have some more followers. Who I got a fight? Well, I got a very specific list of names for you if you're interested. And trust, I won't be forgetting them. Yeah.

And you know what? They're going to never forget you either. because they messed up. It's just such a funny thing that we're in now where you have to take the audience to the network. Like it used to be like you, the whole point of wanting to do something with the network was they had an audience for you.

And now they only want you if you can bring them an audience. That's what you and Wally were talking about. Really funny. Was that her so true about how like they like Broadway. That was just interesting. We don't need to repeat what the episode was. But anyway.

No, let's talk about what Wally and I talked about. You start telling me about snakes. Wallie and the fucking snakes, dude. Yeah, very interesting. Very interesting. I wouldn't touch sneak with a 10-inch pool. 10-inch. Wait, an inch pole?

What does the Grinch say? I wouldn't, 10-foot. 10-inch is way funnier, though. I wouldn't touch that with a 10-inch pole. It's like you're kind of scared of something. But with an 11-inch pole, I'd get in there. Stick, stick, not stick, wand. Magician stick.

No, it's a magician. Come on, it's a magician stick. A wizard has a wand. A magician has a wand. Just, okay. Just, let's get to the bottom of that quickly. It's like the wizard, a wizard has a pointy one, and a magician has a little white tip at the front.

That is correct. What is that about? I don't know. I think you'd be a really good magic. I think like, I think you like kind of like night owl as like a little magician. And you go around and you take your glasses off and you put on a long wig and you're like around New York City doing math. at like like and like playing like dungeon and dragons and stuff you think i have a magician's energy

yeah sometimes um well guess what kind of energy i think you have guess what kind of energy i think you have being a bitch Molly i don't think i've ever seen you be a bitch in my life never not once i remember when you had a guest room in new york the way that you had some wayward comedian usually me staying with you every fucking day of the week. It was like a B&B, but I was just like, okay, what does everyone need? What does everyone need? No, but that was great. I got rid of my guest room for that

reason. Yeah, I think I told you when I heard you're getting it too better, I was like, don't. Save yourself, save yourself, save yourself. Don't. Do not get a guest room in New York. You will only pay up price. Or just make the landlord change it online that it's one bedroom because. Don't tell anyone. Sorry, there's so many boxes in there. You're not

going to be able to stay in there. No, no, no, no. I can't. My mother stuff is in there. I can't. Oh, it's my mother's, it's a replica. My mother's things are in there. For my birthday party this year, I had five people staying with me. I'm so sad I missed your birthday for a year, two in a row. It was fucked up. I know.

You need to mark for next year. Did you? I just had a little, I put on a little costume. Did you? Yeah, in your spirit. Are you lying to me? Yeah. You need to mark your calendar for next year.

I will because I feel like I was being disrespected by not being in town. What are you listening to right? now or watching or reading. What are you getting into? What's informing Molly's mind right now? Well, I just got a Kindle. Yeah? And because I've been like really on my reading game and I think I think being able to read books and enjoying books is a privilege because I am less like, I'm not working in a restaurant where I'm like hustling and exhausted all the time. I like have time to read. And I think it's a privileged thing to sit on reading or like watching TV. What are you watching?

no what am I reading I'm on good reads shout out shout out one of the worst run apps of all time is that app yeah it's run like a website from 1989 yeah yeah yeah yeah like when we just got websites but I keep crawling back to it yeah my little reviews it's honestly speaks to them

that it's lasted this long and no one's but kind of bested them somebody's gonna come along and do like a letterboxed for books and it's gonna be over for good reads oh and it's gonna sleep good reach I don't mean it and I mean but the app sucks TV wise what am I watching for TV what am I watching for TV I just watched Task with Mark Ruffalo nice what's it about

it is about FBI some people who steal some some drugs it's really good it's not one of those normal shows it's crazy kept me on the edge of my seat what are you watching a while back I watched the was it called Fit for TV the biggest loser

documentary. Oh, that was wild. That shit was good. Oh, my God. I was like, oh, that shit was good. They weren't eating anything. They weren't eating anything and they were exercising so much. And it was it's crazy. They're like selling products. They're like, get your, get your biggest loser water bottles. It was really, really insane. People were fainting on treadmills and shit. And they're screaming at them on cocaine. It really, yeah, they're all on speed. That was, that was, that's there's like a doctor who's like, it's good that you're losing 10 pounds a day. Yeah. Yeah. It was fucking crazy. I loved watching that one.

All 12 of us split English muffin. And Diane took a little bit too big of a bite. Yeah, and then we had to do our 12 hours on the treadmill. Yeah. It was really crazy. Yeah, that was wild. That was wild. I really only watched like documentaries and movies.

I just rewatch Lars and the Real Girl. Oh, I want to watch. That's with Ryan Gosling, right? Ryan Gosling. I think I saw it when I was like first. I need to rewatch it. What is it about? Well.

Is he in love with the doll? It's so much more than that. Yes, of course, that's the central premise. The way, I want to say something about Lars and the real girl. The way the town treated that young man was beautiful and special. And the way they treated Bianca, his doll, Sweet Baby, was really beautiful and special as well. And I want to say, Lars, I am happy.

that Lars got over the thing with the doll she died in the lake. Like she got popped? No, she died from... I mean like physically popped. Was she a blow up? No, she was sick. Um, yes. I think she was a blowup doll. I can't really remember. Um, she was a doll, a life-sized human doll with, uh, the correct anatomy. And you probably had to drive her around. He didn't sleep with her. He did, well, she was bound to a wheelchair. She was wheelchair bound. And because she was sick. And then

she was sick and she ultimately succumbed her illness and she died. And in the pond? She died by the pond and then he put her in the pond, I think, to try to bring her back. Now, she lived a beautiful life and she was loved so beautifully by him right up until the end. Lars and the real girl, I like that the town indulged his delusions. I think if the town wanted to indulge my delusions, I would really love that. I'm not planning on being in love with a sex doll. That's not my story.

That was never going to be part of my story. Thank God. But I do think it's sweet to let someone be crazy. and just love them right through it. Well, 100%. Like when people get dementia on things and they're like, I'm looking for my husband Joe and we're like, Joe's coming back in a little bit. Yeah.

But Joe's... But Joe's a sex doll. And he put her in conservative clothing. He dressed her up. I had some fierce look. She got bangs, Bianca, in the movie. Did he give her bangs? A local hairstylist gave her bangs.

No, Caleb, I got to go home and watch this movie right now. And she looked fierce. And Ryan Gosling acts his gosh darn hard out in this film. It is a beautiful film And the soundtrack is incredible Okay I know you love a good soundtrack I love a good soundtrack I thought it's a beautiful film

I've seen it a couple times But I rewatched it And yeah I just have to shout out Lars and the real girl I love that movie Are you gonna cry? No No I'm not emotional

I cried when I rewatched it Yeah yeah And that other movie with the other Her Her I haven't seen that one either That I do not find sweet No

That there's something about that that I find very upset. A bit dark. Yeah, I don't like that he talked to the computer like that. Okay. And this is not the same, but this is in a similar vein. Ted, the stuffed animal that talks. Yeah. Is that

similar to? I'm gonna say I'm gonna say no for me. Vote in the comments. Do you think that Ted, do you think that the Seth MacFarlane film Ted is like Lars and the real girl or her girl.

Lars and the real girl. Her? Girl. Girl. Girl. They should have called her girl. Grill. But yeah, I,

you know, in a way, that is a talking animal. In a way, you guys vote in the comments. Yeah, let us know. Do you think that Ted is like Lars and the real girl or her or both? Are they all? You know what? Sure.

I don't, I don't care. not a bother to me. It doesn't fucking matter to me. That's fine. That's fine. Ted is like Lars and the real girl. I don't care anymore. I don't care about stuff like that anymore.

I've grown up. I'm just time to put childish things away. Finally he lets me win. Do you feel like a grown up? No. No? Well, when I talk to my accountant.

Doesn't it feel like they're the grown up? You have to hire someone to be the grown up? Yeah. Do you feel like a grown up? Oh, since the day I was born. Actually, yeah, that makes sense to me. Yeah. I feel like if anything...

In a way, you've been raising me this whole time. That's really beautiful. As a friendship, usually because I'm older and I'm bigger, you know. You're certainly not bigger. I am in my wisdom. Yeah. That's true. And my wisdom is where my heart is.

I am in my wisdom. No, I've learned a lot from you, Molly. Put that in the comments too. Molly, I've learned a lot from you. Me too, you, buddy. What'd you say? Yeah, whatever. Me too.

You buddy. You buddy. Me too, you buddy. My buddy. I think the last time you came on the show, I read off some of the sketch ideas that we wrote for each other at that Japanese spot. I still think they would win. I still think we would be incredible as a sketch duo. And man, we could barely pay for that meal.

Yeah. But now we could. You could pay for me to get Japanese sometime, really. Absolutely. Truly. I would be honored. Do you, wait. I wanted to talk more about you feeling like a grown up or not feeling like a grown-up.

or not feeling like a grown up. No, you don't feel like you're grown up. I feel like you're grown up. Is the day I feel like you're grown up is the day that I give away my whimsy. When did you do that? What do you mean? When did you do that? I'm saying,

I'm not going to say that I'm an adult because then I would give away my whimsy. Oh, I thought you were saying that day had come and passed. You're like, there's a day I gave away my whimsy and that's when I became an adult. And it was one of the most harrowing things I've heard on this podcast to date. Like, why be an adult when I can. be a mature young person. Mature young person. Yeah.

Like a pretty young thing. Yeah, P-Y-T. Exactly. Pretty young thing. I want to love you. Hey, come on. Yeah, give him the head bob. You got a real mobile neck.

Thank you. You got, you really, you get that head going. Well, I cracked it when I fell today and it, like, readjusted itself. Mall, you want to play a game? I love, I would love to. I've been wanting to redeem myself. because there was some people who were saying that I went a little crazy

but I'm gonna win. And by people I mean you. You went a little crazy but you're gonna win. Let me let me adjust. Molly, I'm gonna read you 15. You're moving the chair so much. I'm really sorry. I'm gonna read you 15 statements.

All right. Tell me if what I just said was true or false, if you get 10 or more correct, Molly, I think you know that you're gonna win 50 US dollars. You ready? Quick as you can. Avocados are a fruit. True.

True. A shrimp's heart is located in its head. False. True. The current mayor of Cleveland, Ohio is Steve Ponce. False. False. Justin Bibb.

X is the least used letter in the English alphabet. False. It's Z. Columbia is the largest exporter of coffee in the world. False. False. It's Brazil. Anteaters have no teeth.

True. True. There's a Taco Bell in Vatican City. True. False. Leap years happen every four years. Say one more time. Leap years happen every four years.

Yes. True. True. True. The student newspaper at the University of Dayton is the flyer news. True. True. True.

Jolly ranchers are older than Tom Hanks. True. True. California is the largest U.S. state by land mass. False. False. It's Alaska. Your nose and ears never stop growing.

True. True. Ohio State Anthem is the Ohio waltz. Say it again. Ohio State anthem is the Ohio waltz. False. It's beautiful Ohio. Cucumbers are 95% water.

True. True. Stephen Spielberg was born in Cincinnati. True. True. How'd they do? 12. Whoa!

Who! Oh! Oh, Who? Molly, Molly, Molly. Who was the last person to win? I don't know who won last. How many did I just get?

12 of 15. Are you going to play the national anthem? The national anthem? That's the national anthem. America. I just got lightheaded from my excitement. Play taps. Well, I'm sorry about being so immature right there, but that was.

No, that was beautiful, Molly. I love how much you walked in. Thank you, brother. Thank you so much. He's fine. He's fine. He's fine. Is there anything you want to tell the people before you go?

Oh, my God. I am on a new show. We're halfway through called DMV. It's on CBS. Shout out. And my name is Barbara Jason Barry in the show. I'm the manager of the DMV. And there's amazing cast.

And it's a comfy show where you have a nice time. That's beautiful. You want to tell people where they can find you? You can find me. on Instagram, Meet Brick Molly. And follow me around. Love you, buddy. Love you so much, everybody, and you specifically.

Thanks for coming on. Thank you for having me. Come on, brother. Oh, yeah. Talk to me. Talk to me.