So True with Caleb Hearon - My Mom Returns

Episode Date: July 10, 2025

Welcome! This week brings us the return of the one and only woman who is responsible for the existence of this show, Caleb’s mom Kellie Hearon! Kellie and Caleb do a deep dive on their life together, raising children as a young parent, her newfound fame, her time working in a women’s prison, Buffalo Wild Wings, and more! Join our Patreon for an exclusive post-episode chat with Kellie and other bonus content! https://patreon.com/SoTruePodcast?utm_medium=unknown&utm_source=join_link&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=copyLink  Follow Kellie! @hearon_kellieFollow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloudGo to https://www.Zocdoc.com/SOTRUE to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. #sponsoredHead to https://www.squarespace.com/SOTRUE to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code SOTRUE.Start listening and discover what’s beyond the edge of your seat when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at Audible.com/SOTRUE. About Headgum: Headgum is an LA & NY-based podcast network creating premium podcasts with the funniest, most engaging voices in comedy to achieve one goal: Making our audience and ourselves laugh. Listen to our shows at https://www.headgum.com. » SUBSCRIBE to Headgum: https://www.youtube.com/c/HeadGum?sub_confirmation=1  » FOLLOW us on Twitter: http://twitter.com/headgum  » FOLLOW us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/headgum/ » FOLLOW us on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum So True is a Headgum podcast, created and hosted by Caleb Hearon. The show is produced by Chance Nichols with Associate Producer Allie Kahan and Executive Producer Emma Foley. So True is engineered by Casey Donahue and engineered and edited by Nicole Lyons. Kaiti Moos is our VP of Content at Headgum. Thanks to Luke Rogers for our show art and Virginia Muller our social media manager.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Agent Nate Russo returns in Oracle III, Murder at the Grandview, the latest installment of the gripping Audible original series. When a reunion at an abandoned island hotel turns deadly, Russo must untangle accident from murder. But beware, something sinister lurks in the Grandview shadows. Joshua Jackson delivers a bone-chilling performance in the supernatural thriller that will keep you on the edge of your seat.

Don't let your fears take hold of you as you dive into this addictive series. Love thrillers with a paranormal twist? The entire Oracle trilogy is available on Audible. Listen now on Audible. I've been on several dates that normally I would have been like, oh, I'll just overlook those red flags. But as soon as I see a red flag, I'm like, no, date's done, and I'm not going to see you again.

Yeah. Before, I would have moved them in. They would have been your stepdad. Ha ha ha! Had I said, this is Johnny. He's living with us now. Yeah, I know. Kelly.

Hey. You're nervous. A little. You said before that you were a little nervous. A little. Why? Are you scared of me? Scared of the outcome. Well, you've got fans now from your first appearance on

the show. You're getting stopped everywhere. You sent me a video of you doing shots with a girl and you said she's a fan of mine. That is true. And then you said I told her where I live. Yes and then I found out that she's my neighbor at my new house. Yeah. So good times. And I said, hey, don't tell people where we live. And you said, oh, I didn't know. So we've got that going. What's going on with you?

Well, you know, that's pretty much what I do. Go out and make friends and work. Go out and make friends. That's pretty much what you did tell me yesterday. You were like, yeah, I have to go to hospitals and try and get more people to be dialysis patients at my clinic, but I make friends everywhere I go. I do.

I thought that was pretty cute. Yeah, I do. I do. You guys can get that, right? Yeah. Oh yeah. You're making friends wherever you go? Oh yeah.

People are seeing it. Oh yeah. People are feeling it. Is that light bothering you? No. The light from the outside? No. Well brother What else is on your mind? I told you to think about some stuff. What do you got? What do you got in your brain? Any good stories of us? Of us? Yeah. There were none. From my life? There's no good stories of us from my life? Well, what did we last time, what did we get into? We got into your, how you did as a parent. And it was mixed reviews.

We got into PlayStation story. Yes, we did. People were mad about that. People were real mad about that. They were mad at me. They called me ungrateful. They said they would have beat the shit out of me if they were my parent, et cetera.

If you don't remember Caleb called DFS on me because I took his PlayStation away. Yeah. We had home visits. It was nice. Talk shit, get hit. I don't know what to tell you. Yeah, I called DFS. I used my resources.

I was a smart kid. I did have a Comedia scare. Yes, you shared it with me. I called you about that. You did call me about that. I did have a chlamydia scare. Yes, you shared it with me. I called you about that. You did call me about that. I said I might have chlamydia. I said get that shit fixed. You better take some antibiotics. I did not have chlamydia. I briefly thought that I had chlamydia because someone that I was having sex with called me and said hey I have chlamydia and I said fuck brother and then when I was going to the clinic to get tested, did I tell you this part?

I don't know if I told you this part. I might have been in a little more serious mood. I was, when I was walking into the clinic, I was in Chicago filming the HBO special. And I walked, I was walking into the clinic and like a block away from the clinic, this guy yelled, this like unhoused guy obviously was going through something. God bless. He yelled at me. I can't remember the exact order but

he yelled like repent and I was like I'm closer than ever my friend hey you're could you're calling it a good time cuz I'm really thinking about it why is my phone ringing who do you think this would be? Oh, it's Holmes FaceTime. You me should I answer? Of course you should What do you want bitch Do you think you'll be able to hear that on mic Holmes said I just want to see your face I'm recording a podcast right now know. Yeah we were we were gonna have you yeah we were gonna have you do an episode tomorrow but due to your cowardice we won't I guess. What?

sick and scared. No, I've been saying no is good. You know I do it 15 times a day. Okay, well I wish I was there. I wish I said no to more sooner and was there instead. Kelly, I love you. You know you mean the world to me. Love you. Okay, just know, you know, this is going to be the great episode, wish I was there, I miss you so much. I love you, I'll call you later. We'll do therapy at another time, okay? Love you, bye. That is an unwell person. And it's not because of non-binary, but non-binary is not helping.

I'm serious, I think what happened is they started playing with gender and they realized that a lot of things are on the table for questioning and now all of a sudden everything, there's no rules. She can't even defend herself. They. You didn't do that while she was on the phone.

They, mom. They. You have to use their pronouns. They do she, they. I'm just giving you a hard time. I'm gonna work on that. They do both. You do, you do.

I'll do me. How about that? I'll do me. That's what I'll do. She, they. How about I'll do me. That's what I'll do. She, they, how about I'll do me. How about that? You do a good job with the pronouns. We were at a restaurant maybe like a year ago and you called, this server came over to the table, like you know,

purple blunt bangs, like piercings all over the face, like my kind of people. And like so clearly they them, like so obviously are they them in the wild. And my mom was like, thank you ma'am. And I was like, mom, I really doubt it, to be honest with you. And mom was like, oh, my bad, okay, thank you. I do get in trouble a lot.

Not trouble, I was just like, I doubt it. I doubt it's mayhem to be honest. My hand slapped. A little bit of that, yeah. I don't feel like you get in trouble. I take it graciously. Yeah, I don't feel like, do you feel like I'm ever, do you feel like I'm ever mean to you about it?

About that? About like progressive stuff? Am I ever the annoying liberal in your life? No. Yeah. No, I think more than anything it's informative. Yeah. I think that's a really generous way to put it. Yeah. I try to just be informative. I don't think that I'm punitive about it, but you are also really good at taking a note.

Like if I'm like, hey, this is a reason we might not do that, you're like, okay. I'm so laid back. I don't... I think your politics are kind of like Margaritaville coded. You're just like it's five o'clock somewhere type shit five o'clock right now I feel like you're like whatever all paired heads welcome. Yeah, etc Yeah, we talked about yesterday how to fix Iraq and Iran and I thought about it last night Yeah And I decided you just gave the most

Midwestern mom pronunciation of those countries that I've ever heard in my life. Iraq and Iran. You're welcome. Yeah, thank you. So what do you think we're gonna do about it? I think you could find me there however you get there. And I'm going to make them... How ever you get there? I'm going to take Miller Lite and make them hot wings. And homemade ranch. And we're all going to bond.

And it's all going to be better. Just so I'm clear, you're going to solve the conflict in the Middle East, writ large, by taking Miller Lite and homemade chicken wings over there. And homemade ranch. And homemade, my bad, and homemade ranch and homemade my bad and homemade ranch And what are you gonna do? Are you gonna give it to the people? Are you gonna get the leaders together because I assume your goal is a ceasefire. It's gonna be the leaders, right? I mean it works for you when you're Yeah sadder or when I'm sad totally I've never way you're in Miller Lite. I've always felt much better after I think so

I've never waged war origin aside on anybody. So I don't know if it would work on me or not but we could try yeah so when are you gonna get around to that you think because it's kind of an urgent well I just moved so I got to finish getting stuff put away to find my plans and shit. But once I find all of that then I think we'll get it set up. Once we finish getting moved, we'll, I guess, fly to Iraq. And then we'll figure it out. I did say Iraq. Yeah, Iraq and Iran. That's not your fault, though.

That's Missouri code. That's Missouri code. Yeah, it is. Yeah, we can't help ourselves. Thank you. I like that. I think, yeah, do that. Yeah.

I think do that. That sounds good to me. We'll get you over there. Is there anything else? Is there anything at home you'd like to solve? You're already here. So Anything in the States or Kansas City you'd like to get after? Well, there's a lot of things to fix same everywhere Yeah, just you know more love and more respect for each other and yeah, things would be a lot better

I like you. I like the way you look at things brother. What um what have you been listening to lately? You got any any musicians you're big on right now? You know I'm not good at finding new musicians like you are. I listen to a lot of old country. I listen to a lot of Shinedown. I listen to a lot of... That's my fucking girl. Yeah yeah we listened to that a lot when you were growing up. Mm-hmm yeah I got really lucky with you actually because when I was getting into my like angsty rock pop punk kind of phase, you were there for it. There was another one and I'm afraid to say it because I made a mistake and called a band wrong one time and Caleb and his little friend gave me all sorts of hell forever. Well, I was really, there was an era in middle school where I was really obsessed with Virginia doing her makeup off camera for seemingly no reason. Looked over to look at Virginia fully doing her makeup.

Not on camera today. She's on a schedule. I was really into Buck Cherry. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like, Crazy Bitch was like huge for me for a moment there. And mom goes, mom goes what's that what's that band you keep listening to? Buckeye, Cherry Eye. Not sure how she

got it but yeah we never let her live that one down. But I think the other one that was Plain White Teas. Plain White Teas yeah come on girl come on sister yeah tell them about it. We used to like that. Yeah we like Plain White Teas and who did Sick and Tired? I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired. No. Your mother. She was tired of being sick and tired. Somebody turn the lights on. Who was that?

Anastasia. Oh, one hit wonder type shit. Okay, my bad. Um yeah you were there for all that. I like that. You also played me a lot of like um what were you playing? Like Air Supply. Oh yeah. When I was a kid. Dixie Chicks. Yeah, the chicks. Shania Twain. Shania Twain. Yeah, Shania Twain, you're big on Shania. Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney, your little friends. Uh-huh. Yeah, we talked about that last episode. Mm-hmm. Well, Kel, what do you think? What do you

think about parenting? What do you, what do you, you got any advice for people out there? People commented a lot on the last episode and said there are a lot of people with mommy issues, okay, in the comments. They said this episode healed me. And I said, I said try growing up with her. But do you have any, do you have any advice for the kids with maybe people with bad moms

or people that are moms that wanna be good moms? Anything you wanna give to the people? I would say the best thing that I did as a mom and for anybody you know I think is that I always I was always very open with with you. We always talked about everything even sex obviously. Yeah. And it and whatever we talked about there was never any judgment. And I think it's very important to be able to talk with your kids and they need to be able to, I mean, you're supposed to be their main support system.

So, you know, to feel comfortable coming in and talking to your parent about anything, I think is a very good thing for a child or a teenager I was told even I agree. Was there anything I ever brought you that you were like this is a struggle I'm struggling to be supportive on this one When you had said to me and you're probably not gonna know where I'm going with this actually cuz we don't think we've ever Talked about this so Is it gonna be really earnest and intense or is it gonna be

kind of lighthearted, do you think? Well, I mean you've came you've came past it, so I've it's probably okay. Okay. But when you were going to church all the time and then you stopped going to church and you said that you thought you were maybe atheist. Oh yeah, you brought this up on the last episode. Yes. Yeah. And I really struggled with that. Yeah, atheism really pissed with that. Yeah atheism really pissed you off Yeah, well not even pissed off. It actually made you really sad. It did make me sad. Yeah, you got really sad about atheism Yeah, I'm not rocking like that anymore atheism was fun for a second, but State its course. Yeah, it is it was cool. I fucked with it for a while

It was awesome, but then it started to feel like my version of Christianity You know like I was just like so certain of it, I started to feel like a Christian. So of course I was being fucking annoying. And then I was like, well, it's definitely not Christianity. I'm not feeling like atheism. I feel like, you know, we're just supposed to be nice and kind of vibe out until the end and then something will happen. Yeah, there's been a few guys on the dating site that I've liked everything about them

until I got to that, and they said they were an atheist, and I'm like, I can't do that. Really? Yeah. What is that? You need them to be Christian? I don't need them to be anything, but I need them to have some sort of spiritual belief. Why? Why? Yeah.

Because I'm controlling. Because that's what mama wants. Mom, you have great timing. You really should have been a comedian. I don't think so. You have great timing. Just let it all play out and then nail the punchline. There are comedians who would kill for what you have. Trust me, I have to watch them perform. Some of these people are struggling in the trenches. They could use a little bit of what Kelly's got going on. I can have 101 over at the house. Yeah, have people over. I noticed I didn't say the address. No, that was good.

That was progress. Yeah, we're gonna have to start moving different, I think, on the address stuff. Okay, so atheism was tough for you. Heard that. Anything else that you're like, damn, what am I gonna do with this guy? I think I said that before. You were always a good kid. Okay that's nice that's nice it's a little boring. I mean it was it was a little frustrating when I just wanted a weekend to myself and you would go to your dad's and like I said you would call and say yeah I want to come home. I actually really feel for you now that I now that I know how hard being an adult is at the

time I was like this lazy bitch. She fucking don't have a kid if you don't wanna hang out with him, sister. I was like what is this girl's problem? But now that I know how hard being an adult is, or you know what I was thinking about the other day, I would ask you to stop and get me stuff. I think a lot of kids do this.

I'd be like oh after work can you stop and get me this toy or I want this meal for dinner or whatever. Drive in two hours to work in two hours home. Yeah, and when you would say no, I would this meal for dinner or whatever. Driving two hours to work in two hours home. Yeah. And when you would say no, I would be like this lazy psycho bitch. I would be like, god, what a fucking freak. This freak that I'm having to live with.

I couldn't believe it. And now that I'm an adult, I'm like, if someone asked me to stop on my way home from work, I would kill them and myself. Like if I at the end of a day, Kevin, Kevin asked me to hang out yesterday after I had like run errands all day yesterday starting like 730 in the morning which for me, not for you, but for me is very hard. I know you get up at like 4 a.m. or whatever, but I'm not used to that and

Kevin asked me to do something and I could have hit him. If he was in person I would have hit him and he wanted to like hang out and do something fun and I could have hit him. If he was in person I would have hit him. And he wanted to like hang out and do something fun and I was like, no are you insane? I just had like a regular person's full day. This is not sustainable. This is ridiculous. This is not tenable. I can't live like this. And you should not have to. You're above that. I pray that I never do. I don't want to have to have a kid calling me asking for stuff when I'm leaving work. Oh now back up. We do want you to have a kid. Okay. We do want that. Okay. But they can call they can call Nana. Nana would do it. You think Nana, is Nana the grandma name you're

gonna go with? I think so. I kind of pegged you as a Gigi for some reason. A little too fierce. I think Nana. You think Nana? Okay. White people do a little too much with the grandma grandpa names. Like Nana's fine I guess but it's like Pip, Pap and Neener like they do it's You think Nana? Okay, white people do a little too much with the grandma, grandpa names. Like Nana's fine I guess, but it's like Pip, Pap and Neener. Like they do, it's like they go too far. They just do too much. It's like everyone's got their own little unique thing.

They're like my Nim Nams. It's like, that's your grandma, you know? Well, I mean, honest. To make brownie points, they can call me whatever they want. Yeah, as long as I have the kids. Yes. Right, that's her. That's her. I wish guys could get pregnant.

I would get a boy pregnant, but they can't. But you wouldn't want to carry the child. Well, I guess trans guys can. Don't cut it. That was a learning moment. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. No, trans guys totally can, but a lot of them don't want to carry.

So then what do I do? I guess I have to get a girl pregnant. I've asked Holmes if they would have my kid. They're here, they're kind of on the fence about it. Holmes and? What? Any other of the girls? I mean, do I have their numbers?

I can call them. Yeah, I don't think they need, it's not you that they're needing to hear from. It's that they need to clock check in with their own kind of timelines and what they actually want. Homes is like a maybe. We're good. I think we're getting closer every day. Because she's too busy? Well, I think she just is not like a baby incubator and has like a life and career. Well, that's something. It's unfortunate for me. Yeah, it's dumb. It's like to have my kids, you know? Yeah, who wouldn't want to?

She wants to work. And so we're allowing that at the moment. Maybe Shelby would. Shelby would probably like having my kids. It's a little disturbing that we're even talking about this, but yeah. Well, you're the one who wants me to have grandkids. I do. What do you want me to do? I'm gay, dude. I will get on the site and find you someone. If I wasn't gay, I probably would have had a kid in high school on accident or something, but gay has made it like such a process calling Shelby to see if she'll have my kids. You know? I haven't talked to Shelby in forever so.

Hello my king. What up bitch what are you doing? You're on the pod you're live on So True. No way. Well not live but you know hey, if I wanted you to have my babies, would you do it? Yeah, I'd at least give my eggs to sort of a surrogate if I was worried about my body. That's not the same thing. What's not the same thing? I think I would though. I think I would. It just depends sort of like where my career was. Yeah, see, I'm friends with a lot of career women. That's tough. Okay, that makes sense. That makes sense. No, wait, nine months? I've been unemployed for like two years of career women. That's tough, okay. That makes sense, that makes sense.

Wait, nine months? I've been unemployed for like two years at a time. I can have a baby. Yeah, that's kinda what I was thinking. And I would take off work too. Yeah, we could take off, and we could hang. Like, it'd be nice, because we'd be like hanging out. I would do too, like, while you were pregnant,

I would take off work and do all the sitcom dad stuff. Like, you could be like, I want pickles and ice cream, and I'd be like, yes, ma''am and I'd run out to the store whatever you know I would do that for you unless it was seven o'clock at night breakfast hours anymore but you have to get it anyway because it's what I want yeah all right man well I love you so much I love you so much bye everyone It's been so nice talking to you. Well you know who's here I didn't even tell you. My mom. Hey Shub. Wow this was a lot of fun. We love you girl. Bye girl. So we solved that. Because she floated the surrogate thing and then we kind of got back to, we'll just do it OG style. Okay. You claim that when I told you I didn't want to go to law school anymore and I

wanted to be a comedian, you claim you didn't care, but I think you totally cared. I think you were upset about it. Do you think that's true? Did we talk about this last time, Chance? No? I think you were upset. No, I wasn't upset. I think, I really, you know that no one would be mad at you if you were upset. No, I wasn't upset. I think I really... No. You know that no one will be mad at you if you were upset. You could tell the truth. I always tell you the truth. Okay. Yeah, no, I wasn't upset. Did I thought you would be a lawyer or a politician? That is what I thought. I did want you to go to college, which you did. Yeah. Well, I tried to drop out and you got,

you did get mad about that. Do you remember that? Well, I don't think we should give the people a bad impression of your mom. I don't think we should talk about those things. No, I think you were right, but you did get mad. I called you. I was upset about that.

I called you, I was in New York. I had gone to, well, I interned in New York after my sophomore year of undergrad, and I loved it. And then I was like, of course I'll come back and do school again. And then I did my junior year, and then after my junior year, I went back to New York. And then during that summer, I called you and was like,

I'm dropping out of college. I'm going to be a comedian. I'm going to move to New York. And you were, that's maybe the most stern you've ever been with me. You were like, no, you're finishing school. And I was like, dude, there's no point. I don't want to do anything with my degree. Like, I'm just gonna, I need to come here and do this. And you're like, please

finish school. As it turned out, you were right. I, well, not really. It was good that I finished school. I mean, I was so depressed the whole last year. I was like, you know, thinking about checking out early, but didn't do it. I was, I was so, you should've seen. Glad you didn't. I I know same It's would have been a total logistical nightmare for you. Yeah, and what a waste of talent. It would have been that was really nice That was a really nice thing to say thank you it's a weird angle on don't yourself, but I think it was ultimately sweet Have you seen any of this stuff? Wait? No, what were we talking about? Me killing myself my senior year of college, didn't do it, well I was like really annoying though. Chance was there.

I was no fun to be around. I was a bad friend, I was annoying. I didn't like, I was my, you know Dr. Holliday, my friend who was my professor at Missouri State. She, I was in one of her classes that year and she was like, you're like one of the worst students I've ever had that year. It was crazy. I wouldn't like go to class students I've ever had that year. It was crazy.

I wouldn't go to class. I wouldn't do anything I was supposed to do. Bad stuff. But it was good I finished. I'm glad I got a degree, I guess. I do remember I was driving to Springfield a lot. Oh, yeah. Like almost every Sunday.

Yeah, I was like, come on down, sister. Give me a reason to live. Take me to lunch. We'd always go to that. Hibachi. Yeah, what was the name of it? Uh, Hoo Hot. Yeah, shout out Hoo Hot for real.

Shout out Hoo Hot for real. Love you guys. Closest location to Kansas City is in Lawrence. Let's inch it a little closer to the city, I think. Maybe we get one in Kansas. No, don't come over here, because we've got Genghis down the street. Is it open again? Yeah, they reopened. They reopened. And we shouldn't, don't come here, Hoo Hot.

You're a chain. I'll go to the local spot. Do you know what? I tried yesterday. I tried yesterday. I have this film camera that I want to get developed, okay? I took it on tour and took a bunch of pictures and have all kinds of good pictures on there that I want now for me. And I took, I called four places in Kansas City and I said, do you develop film cameras, and disposable film cameras? And two of them said no, but then two of them said no and just take it to Walgreens. And I was like, just take it to Walgreens?

I'm doing something here. I'm trying to participate. I'm trying to be a good neighbor. Take it to Walgreens. It pissed me off. I was like, don't say that to people. I said to this woman, her name was like Lorin or Loretta or something, she said, just take it to Walgreens, honey me off I was like don't say that to people I said to this woman her name was like Lorin or Loretta or something she said just take it to Walgreens honey I said no honey don't tell people that she said okay but

then I took it I found a place in overland park no no I had to go to Overland Park about it may as well have caught a flight yeah drove all the way out there but I felt good I did feel good about it. I'm trying to do, I had to do the same thing as you, I had to buy a filter for the air conditioning, and the guy, the maintenance guy, really nice guy, liked him a lot, no shade if he's watching. Could you imagine?

Um, my Kansas City AC maintenance guy is a gay podcast fan. No, I've never been more certain that someone doesn't know who I am, and I love that about Mike, but he was like, you need a new filter, just grab it off Amazon. So he was right, that's what it was. Well it was more than that, but he was like, also get a new filter. My AC was broken on my second and third floor, so I was sleeping in my foyer for a night.

But he told me to get the filter off Amazon. I said, Mike, don't tell people that. And then I said, do you know anybody local who sells them? He said, oh yeah, there's some guys in West Bottoms. I said, OK, well, I would lead with that. That was easy. I could go to West Bottoms. Or they weren't in West Bottoms.

They were in River Market. And that's why all of the small town people are not making it. They killed the little man, Alan Jackson. They did kill the little man. Alan Jackson's been saying But I'm trying to do my part But I thought that it was crazy that three different people who benefit from people shopping local

Said go buy from Walgreens go to Walgreens go to Amazon I said we should at least stop telling people that at least make people feel bad. We should shame people a little bit You know, yeah, I bet she never thought another minute about it after you people a little bit. You know? Yeah. I bet she never thought another minute about it after you got off the phone. You don't know that. You don't know my impact, Kel. She might have had a real, it might

have triggered something for her. I became a better person by people being mean to me. Who was ever mean to you? Abby and Taylor. Taylor, for sure. Abby and Taylor, for sure. When I was like 15 and started floating some Republican ideas. I said suck it up those are your sisters. Yeah. I floated a couple Republican ideas because it was really you know in vogue. Everyone was kind of being Republican at school and so I thought what if I was like that and then I think I said like two things to them and they said, you're a fucking idiot, shut up. And I said, no worries.

I didn't think that way anymore. I said, okay, sounds good girls. Thank you. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need

to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. We all could use a good website in this day and age, I tell you what. And Squarespace has so many awesome features to get yours up and running. Squarespace gives you everything you need

to offer services and get paid all in one place. From consultations to events and experiences, showcase your offerings with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business. Get paid on time with professional on-brand invoices and online payments. Plus, streamline your workflow with built-in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools. Get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions, an auto-generated site map. Of course I know what that means, and more! So you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers.

Head to squarespace.com slash so true for a free trial, ideal customer, that was my nickname in college. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code so true to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain Craving your next action-packed adventure audible delivers thrills of every kind on your command from electrifying suspense and daring quests to spine tingling horror and Romance and far-off realms you can find them all with audible Title I've enjoyed recently is SOME by David Eagleman.

Audible lets you unleash your adventure aside with gripping titles that keep you guessing. Exclusive captivating Audible Originals, new releases, and best sellers. Whether it's heart-pounding suspense like the Audible Original MAD LOVE, a fantasy romance adventure like ONYX STORM, or a listen with the lights on epic like Stephen King's latest Never Flinch. Plus more big releases like FREEDOM McFADDEN'S, The Ten Tenen and Amelia Hart's The Sirens. Audible has over a million audiobooks, podcasts and originals all in one easy app. One of my favorite things about the audible app is how easy they make it to see all the audiobooks you've collected over the year in their library tab. Start listening and discover what's beyond the edge of your seat. New members can try audible

now free for 30 days and dive into a world of new thrills. Visit audible.com slash so true or text so true to 500 500. That's audible.com slash so true or text so true to 500 500. Making money moves should be easy and that's why there's Cash App. It's fast, safe and honestly just way more personalized than other apps out there. No extra hoops to jump through. No extra stress. All the tools are right there to help you cash in. Plus, sending money with Cash App actually feels safe.

They look out for you. If something seems sketchier, they see you might be sending money to a potential scammer. They'll warn you and make you think twice before you hit send. It's like having a personal bodyguard for your cash. Anytime I'm out and in with friends and that check hits the table, everyone starts scrambling to figure out how we're possibly going to split the bill. Then Cash App always makes that process about a thousand times smoother. That's actually just an ad read. I actually usually pay the bill.

So I'm not asking people to pitch in. But if I did, you can even spice up your payments with custom text, stamps, and backgrounds. Because why should paying your friend for brunch be so boring? If for whatever insane reason you don't already have Cash App, just download it from your phone's app store, sign up, enter our code, so true, in your profile, send $5 to a friend, and you'll get $10 just for getting started. Again, for a limited time only, new Cash App users can use our exclusive code to earn some additional cash. For real, there's no catch.

Download Cash App, sign up, use our exclusive referral code so true in your profile, send $5 to a friend within 14 days, and you'll get $10 dropped right into your account. Terms apply. That's money. That's Cash App. What was I going to tell you or ask you? It was not about any of that. I got so off

course. You wanted me to be a lawyer. You really wanted me to be a lawyer. You thought I was gonna be a lawyer from when? From when you were probably in middle school I think is when you first started talking about being a lawyer. That's such a... Did any part of you that go... like you have a middle school kid saying he wants to be a lawyer. That's like a loser. Did any part of you go like my kid's a loser no I supported whatever you wanted I'm like yay go Caleb yeah I think he should have thought that I was a loser no never like a 10 and you want to be a

lawyer only when I wanted to go out and party and I had to come get you from your dad's and then I had to stay home you're really hung up on that you're really hung up on that huh yeah yeah it you were a loser. You're really hung up on that, huh? Yeah. Yeah. It's been a long time. You've got a lot of freedom now. I do.

Yeah. And I have more than made up for it. What? Yeah. Why'd you say it like that? What do you mean? Because I go out. I do whatever I want.

Yeah. That's nice. That's nice. What are you doing when you go out? Which part of the time? Like when you go out what do you mean? Like you're going to a bar, are you going always with your friends? Are you going out alone? What are you doing out there? Either. Either? Yeah like it took me a long time to get to that where I felt comfortable just going in somewhere by myself.

And a lot of my friends still don't. They will not go in and sit at a bar by themselves. And I do. How do you think you got over that? I don't know. I think I just got so bored, because most of my friends are married. I think I just got so bored with sitting at home by myself.

I was like, screw it. I'm going to go. I went and, screw it, I'm gonna go. I went and sat at Buffalo Wild Wings for an hour and a half yesterday by myself. Made friends with the people beside me and made friends with the bartender. I'll go. They tried to get me to stay

and watch the wing eating contest last night, but I said, I can't. Why couldn't you? Well, because I don't know if I'm gonna blame you or chance, but somebody scheduled this for sometime around noon today. And I knew I had to get some sleep. And I didn't know where any of my stuff was

since I just moved, so I had to find it. Yeah, or else you would have stayed for the wing-eating competition. Absolutely, I might to find it. Yeah or else she would have stayed for the wing-eating competition. Absolutely. I might have joined in Yeah I love you girl. What can I say? So you made friends last night. I did. When you make when you make friends out do you like get their information? Sometimes last night I didn't get these ladies information. They weren't from here. They were in town for something

Where were they from? I They were in town for something. Where were they from? Um... I didn't catch that. But they said they were here on vacation. Where were you? I was at Buffalo Wild Wings in Belton. In Belton. They were in Belton on vacation. Mm-hmm.

Well, obviously one struggle. I didn't say I make classy friends. I said I make friends. I don't judge. Yeah. What's going on here? Are these people going to come in here? They want to. They want to come in here bad and I feel bad for them because they probably want to buy something. We can get them something later. They'll come back.

They're getting straight back in the car. They're getting straight back in the car. It's okay. They'll see this later they'll understand it a different time. Those are fans. Those might be fans. That girl looks like the girl that just walked up the door looks like she fought people in middle school. Good God! Those are my fans. Those are my fans. The girls that like wanted to fight so bad that they would stick up for kids they didn't even believe in. You know I'm saying? Like they didn't actually care that kid was getting picked on but they'd be like how

about you've talked to him one more time I'll fucking hit you like they just wanted to hit someone. Those are my fans Those are good fans to have bleep her name, but that was my girl She wore a south pole jacket every day even when it was hot and she beat the shit out of people on the votex bus She beat people up on the votex bus and she was right by the way, she was a nasty woman How do you I'm not say not derogatory what's the other one. She was a nasty woman. How do you, I'm not derogatory. What's the other one? Complimentary.

She was a nasty woman, slay. I loved her. Well-behaved women rarely make history. All adventurous women do, Lena Dunham, et cetera. You know what I mean? Anyway, we weren't talking about that. We were talking about you. You make friends a lot when you go out.

How do you, okay, so, but what you didn't, I don't remember your answer to how did you get over, how did you get, like, cause you used to be a woman who would entertain men that sucked just to have somebody around. Absolutely. You've identified that as part of your thing. For many years. How did you break out of that?

It took a lot of self-healing. Yeah. It took a lot of self-healing. It took a lot of learning to love who I am and to learn what I have to bring to the table and that I deserve better. Unfortunately, we talked about that on the last podcast. That's one of the biggest things. If I would change something from your childhood

that I would is the men I had in and out because I thought that I had to have someone. So it's probably just been in the last three years that I've really gotten so that I don't feel that way. And how I know that I'm completely past it is I've been on several dates that normally I would have been like, oh, I'll just overlook those red flags.

But as soon as I see a red flag, I'm like, no, date's done and I'm not gonna see you again. Before I would have moved them in. They would have been your stepdad. I would have said, this is Johnny. He's living with us now. Yeah, I know. I know, I would have been having

quite a few meals with that guy. You would have, yes. And his ideas about the world would have been not normal. But they would have been our way. Yeah. You listen to your stepdad, he knows what's right. Oh, Kelly, you crack me up. Yeah, that was bad.

But you got over it, somehow. But now that it's just me, I demand to have better. Yeah, now that you have to put up with it alone, now we have to do better. Exactly. Yeah, that's no fair. That's no fair alone, now we have to do better. Exactly. Yeah, that's no fair. That's no fair. I say go back. Just kidding, obviously.

Yeah. That is so funny. Wait, what was I gonna ask you? Oh, do you think that you made me gay or do you think I turned out gay? Because I think you had a role in it. I think there's so many things I did that could have turned you gay.

Yeah, for sure. But I think, I mean, let's be honest, from a very young age, I think we knew that. What? Yeah, I think we knew. What do you mean? That you were gay. How so?

Well, I think we talked last time about the little panties, didn't we? I like silk underwear, that's not, we did talk about this and I think you got in trouble by me for that, because that's not inherently gay. No, it doesn't, but you like to wear her dresses and stuff too. Dresses are pretty. They are pretty. I know I and the fact that you wanted to be pretty made me think that maybe you might have some gay tendencies. Nice, gay tendencies. I've got gay tendencies.

Alright sister, come on. Am I right? Yeah. Nice. Um, okay. Yeah. I think you had a role though. Do you think people were born gay? What role do you think I had? Just like your energy. Like you clearly wanted a gay son, whether you knew it or not. You know what I mean? You're going to have to go deeper into what my energy was. You just like wanted a gay son. You like wanted somebody to key with. You wanted to key with me so bad. You loved when I was sassy.

Oh, I did love that. And we were, You wanted to keep with me so bad. You loved when I was sassy. Oh, I did love that. And we were, we did a lot of shopping and stuff together. So I guess. Yeah, stuff like that. You wanted me to be gay so bad. And I didn't encourage you to do boy things.

No, you didn't. But you did. You played football. You played. You did one time though. Do you remember? Do you remember? I think we've talked about this, but the, it was like 105 degrees out and I didn't want

to go to football practice. And you're like, don't be a baby. And you're like mean to me about going to football practice. Well, because I'm a big believer that if you start something, you should finish it. Yeah, but that's like kind of boring. That's a little Republican coded.

If it's 105, your kid doesn't have to go to football practice, I think. Oh, he went. He did. Yeah. Yeah, that was really the only time you were on me about doing a boy thing. Other than that, you were pretty chill.

Yeah. I could do kind of whatever I wanted type shit. Yeah, cause I wanted to do what I wanted. Yeah, you didn't get to though. That's the hard part about having kids. Yeah. You kind of have to like stop doing what you want. That's why I'm dragging my.

It was okay. What? It was okay. Being a parent? No, being a parent was great. Okay, cool. I was worried about that being your review of it. No. It was okay. I love to be an apparent.

I'm going to talk about more about your stuff with relationships. I think it's interesting. So you fixed it. Now you're not letting just any man in. How have your dates been going recently? Well, you told me something so gross. You told me that these men that you're dating will try to like, before you've even met up, like try to make it sexual quick. Oh yeah, absolutely. Like middle-aged men on, you're doing like Facebook dating, right?

Yeah. That makes me really, I wish you wouldn't. Because Facebook is such a- Because to be honest, I'm not committed enough to the dating scene to actually go on a dating site. Yeah. Like I'm totally cool with just doing my own thing right now. Yeah, I like that.

That's cool. But Facebook dating, these guys are being like, send swimsuit pics. Yes. Oh, they say more stuff than that. That's insane. Yeah. Men are disgusting.

They are. Don't you feel? Like that's really gross. Animals. Genuinely, we? Like that's really gross. Animals. It genuinely were animals. That's insane. But what is the dating pool for single guys your age? That's the worst part is that you know I'm 52 years old. I could see that at 20. Yeah. Ain't nobody want to see any of this at 52. Well I think you're wrong because they're on Facebook drooling like dogs.

These guys are in your Facebook DMS asking for bikini pics. That's crazy. That is crazy. That's crazy. What is that? I don't know. I feel for you because I'm like where are you supposed to meet, well you went on a date with a guy who didn't like gay people. Yeah actually, actually we, and he was from back home, I should have. Yeah. But he said that he didn't know how his family or them would deal with the gay people coming to Thanksgiving. I said, fuck you, I'm gone. Yeah. I'd went on a Thursday and I was supposed to stay the whole weekend. I took Friday off of work and this was Friday morning.

We had the conversation and I packed up my stuff and I went home. What is that? That's so funny. Cause I don't think of a lot of people where we're from even having those ideas anymore. You know, honestly it took me by surprise because you have said several times that there's still people like that in this world. Yeah. I mean, I know they're out there, but I hadn't really ran into them and it

disgusts me actually, you know, that we're that closed-minded that we can't accept someone for who they are. Yeah, yeah, but you've been saying this, you've been on this. Oh yeah, I've always felt that way, but. You were cool with gay people a long time ago. I was. And trans people. You're rocking out. I don't care what people do. Yeah, it's weird. I mean, life's hard enough.

Why would I care what anyone does? I don't- Don't judge me and I'm not gonna judge you and it's all gonna be fine. Right on, sister. That's what I've been saying. You stole that from me. No, I think you got it from me. Yeah, I don't know. Dating, oof, dating single 50-year-old straight men in Missouri.

Shoof. It sends a chill down the spine. small drink and a four piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Prices of anticipation may vary. Mcdoublemeal $6 in some markets for limited time only. To think about. It's uh it's been fun. Yeah. What are you gonna do? You ever, I mean I brought it up last time but of course I have to bring it up again just because I like to check in with you. I think that you would be very happy with lesbianism. I do. I think that you and a woman would make a beautiful partnership. I think that, and I think I said this before, I could live with a woman, I could, I think

we would have a wonderful relationship, but I don't think I could do the sexual part. Yeah, that's true. And some people are just straight and there's nothing wrong with that. I love you no matter what. Strictly, dickly. That's what they used to say at the women's prison. Yeah. Yeah. They were strictly dickly, gay for the stay and gay all the way, those are.

Those are the three genders. Yes. I learned a lot working there. This is good, this is good. The women's prison is good. What did you learn working there? I learned I didn't wanna go to prison, for one thing. Why is that?

What did you not know before that you needed to know to be convinced? Well I pretty much knew before, but just seeing some of the things and hearing some of the things that go on. And besides, I would have been someone's bitch. Mom. I'm sorry, but I couldn't do it. Mom. Why do you say that? Because I'm so laid back and shy and I don't know how to fight. I wouldn't be able to fight my way

out of it. Yeah I guess maybe you would have been. Yeah. That's crazy. I didn't. What else did you learn in there? You worked at the women's prison for, you were a nurse at the women's prison for? Two years. Two years.

And can you talk about anyone that was in there when you were there or no? No, but there was a lot of them that I truly felt didn't deserve to be there. Why? There was one in particular that I remember that she had killed her husband when she was 15. So that alone tells you that she had had a rough life. Yeah. Supposedly he was very abusive. But because she had, I guess, planned it,

she got life in prison. She was in her 40s. And she'd been in prison that whole time. I think that's a bit much. And I felt very bad for her. She had always been a model prisoner. So some people like that, because you know, back then, so that would have been what, thirty years ago, forty years ago.

When she committed the crime? Yeah. I think that there wasn't as much talk about women being abused and about they should have the right to protect themselves or, and so there, there were people in there for that reason and had been in there for many years and I felt bad for them. I think they had served their time. So you think that she should have served time, but that she should have not gotten a life sentence. I don't know exactly which, which one I feel,

but I definitely think that she should have been released way before then. I mean, you don't even know who you are at 15 years old. So, there were some sad cases in there. Yeah. Yeah, I think I remember you talking about it when I was younger. And there were a lot of women in there that were in there because they yet killed a man who was abusing them. Or, like, a lot of it was, like, people who had people who had no options just like doing what they kind of had to do.

No there was one that was in there for embezzlement and she's like she's like I was just tired of being poor I wanted some money too. I'm like girl I get you. Queen yeah hey shout out. I mean you tried. Was she in there for a long time? I think she! Queen, yeah. Hey, shout out. I mean, you tried. Was she in there for a long time? I think she got like 10 years. I probably did half of it, I don't know. You win some, you lose some. When you're in Bezel.

Yeah. I mean, she was probably living her best life for a while. Yeah. But you know, when people in Bezel, they always get caught. Chance in Virginia. Oh. They always get caught. Oh.

And the law always wins. It's weird to me that he would throw you guys under the bus like that. Not throwing under the bus, just having a conversation. Just talking about what happens to people who steal from their boss. I'd cut that part, Chance. No, we're gonna leave it. We're gonna let his fans know. We're gonna call this exhibit C. Yeah. Was there anyone else in there that you really loved? Or any other situation that you were like, yeah, hell yeah? Or hell no, I guess, although that's sadder. Yeah, I don't want to talk about those situations. I know you don't.

You're probably on the verge of tears already. Actually, I'm doing pretty good today. I don't think we'd been talking 10 minutes last time, and I was crying. Yeah, you cried immediately. Well, we got to, this is a more playful episode. I'll say last one. We pretty much immediately. I was like here's here's my trauma. Yeah What did you cry about so soon last time you cried like immediately? Um something I had done to you in your childhood It was the Christmas It was the Christmas thing. It was the TV. Oh my god, dude, people were so mad at me about that too. They were like, how dare you? I'm like, I was a kid. I was a child. They didn't like

me. They were on your side the whole way. Which is like, yeah, with hindsight, as adults we can both be on your side. Yeah. How's my hair look? It looks pretty good. I'm really liking your shirt though. Is it being normal today? Did you look at my hair and then say that? No. No, I was thinking about, I was thinking about one of the clips where people were mad at me from our last episode. I didn't like the way my hair looked and I was like, God, on top of everything. You guys are mad at me. You're on my mom's side and I look foolish. Anyway. You look very dapper today. It wasn't important. Thanks mom. Anyway. Yeah, you cried about that but

what are the, was there anyone else in the prison that you're like yeah it's cool what you did. You're pro-embezzlement, we learned that. I don't know. Those are the ones that really stand out. Dude you got to understand not wanting to be poor anymore. I get it. We were so poor when I was growing up It was it sucked. We were so poor. I hated that you did a podcast recently that oh that made me cry. Okay What I say You well all I gotta say is one word and you're gonna know which podcast it was. Yeah gap. Oh God you texted me about this. Yeah

Yeah Go ahead. tell your story. He's like we were so poor we had to wear hand-me-downs and mom would go to Goodwill bring home perfectly fine clothes. I would get so mad at you about Goodwill. She would be like ah, I'm gonna wear these things. Look some of my friends at school had new name name brand stuff and it was like Under Armour. And you remember when Under Armour was like popping off when I was a kid? I bet you do. And it was like you couldn't get Under Armour hand me down, you know, because it wasn't even old enough for that yet. So I was like very insecure because I was a kid and kids are stupid.

And I wanted the name brands that everyone else was wearing and we couldn't afford them. I think what really made me sad about it was that you remember getting that Gap sweater and how happy you were to get something new and then you were kicked in the balls basically. Yeah well the story from the I don't remember whose podcast this was on but the story was that I wore a brand new Gap sweater and I was proud to have something named Brand because we didn't get to do that. And you didn't even make it on the bus, did you? No, I was at the bus stop.

I was at the bus stop and stuff. I was like a sweet kid, and I didn't know really what bullying was. And so someone was like, hey, nice sweater. And I was like, thanks. My mom got it for me. I was like, thanks, my mom bought it for me, brand new. And then they was like, thanks. My mom got it for me. I was like, thanks, my mom bought it for me brand new. And then they were like, they're like, oh really?

Yeah, GAP actually stands for gay ass people. And I was like, I didn't know you could do that. I didn't know you could like. So what did you do? I was like, I was on the verge of tears. I was like, I was like, that was literally the moment I learned about bullying. I was like, I didn't know you could make someone feel good in order to make them feel bad. I was shocked. It was like new technology to me. It was like you had told me what an atom bomb

is. I was like, you can't do that. It was crazy. He turned it inside out. I turned it inside out. The rest of the day it never worked again. Yeah. But I always tried to make sure that you guys looked very nice, so I guess that was a little heartbreaking for out. I wore it that way the rest of the day, I never wore it again. Yeah. But I always tried to make sure that you guys looked very nice, so I guess that was a little heartbreaking for me. And I feel like I did not succeed in that department. You did. We always looked good. We always had, we always had.

And you know what? It taught me, it built character. Yeah. It's good that we didn't grow up with money. I'm sure I would be, God, can you imagine what I would be like if we grew up with money? You'd probably be a dick.

I probably, I'm thinking about becoming one now. I'm glad you, I'm glad you grew up poor. Nice. I think we both have to be okay with it because it's what happened. Yeah. Being poor sucks, dude. It does not good. Yeah. No fun. How'd you do it? It worked a lot. You did. And you never did the, you never did like food stamps or anything even though we probably should have, huh?

That's correct. What was your hangup about that? I don't know. I just, I just felt you were my responsibility. Yeah. Would have been better for you to have some help though. Do you think you would do it differently now? Or rather, what would you do differently now? Knowing the stuff you know,

you might not have been here. You wouldn't have had kids. I don't know that I would have had them at 18 and 21. I don't think you should have had kids that I don't think. Yeah. I think I'm on your sheet. Well, you know, you know I've told you don't like when I say this but you should have definitely had an abortion with Colton yeah you were way too young to be having a kid I was young but you did you consider abortion or no I forget your ideas on that at one point I did but not not so much because I didn't want him but because I was so sick and so depressed

that I was like, I got nothing to give. Yeah. You know? Get this guy out of here. Yeah. Yeah, but you didn't do it. Do you regret it? No.

Nice, I just have to check, I'm an interviewer. No. No worries, it's cool. Yeah. Nice. Yeah, I think it's, it's unfortunate that the anti-abortion people will use examples of like women who didn't get abortions. Like for you, for example, you're so glad you had your kids. You like your life. You're like, love your kids.

Now you have kids that are out in the world that are adults. And they would use that as like a reason that we shouldn't have it or that people shouldn't do it. I think that sucks. Yeah. Cause I think there's so many examples of people who were in your same situation that did get an abortion that it saved their life or allowed them to do X, Y, and Z or allowed them to have kids in a better way in the future, etc. I just don't think that you can, I don't think you can judge any situation, you know, like, because every situation is different.

I mean, had I had an abortion would my life have turned out different? Yes. Would it have been better? I doubt it. I like my life. I like your life too. It would be different. You might have, yeah, who knows what would have happened for you? It doesn't matter. It's not the choice that you made. It's not the life that you have. But yeah, I think, I think if there's a woman in your situation who's 18 and pregnant and doesn't know what she's gonna do with the baby, she doesn't have to struggle through it just because. Yeah.

She should do whatever she needs to. I think that when I got pregnant with Cole and then I went, you know, I'd just gotten out of high school, which my plan was always to be a nurse. I think I would have went to college and I would have been drunk and stupid and I wouldn't have graduated and but I think because I had kids and I went when I was a little older I took it a little more serious hmm yeah I don't know I think everything happens for a reason yeah yeah I like that idea but by the time you got around to getting pregnant with me you should have been a little more careful I don't know what you were

thinking then second kid with that guy? You've seen my run of men. What you say? You've seen my run of men. Your run of men, yeah. I have. It's an interesting lineup. Actually I really liked your dad. I think I told you that in the last broadcast. My dad was cool. But yeah he obviously wasn't ready to be a parent. No. He was bad at the... No. He didn't like the idea at all. No, shout out to the big guy. Yeah, I get it. If I could get people pregnant on accident, my life would be hell.

I would have had a kid already. That would have been a nightmare. It would have. What would I have done? You guys were like 23, 4? 21. 21? Jesus Christ.

Yeah. If I had a kid at 21 on accident if I was having sex with women and Whoever in your person had sex with said I'm pregnant and I'm keeping it I've been like damn can I change your mind? Anything we can do to change that idea or no, that's just crazy to me But shout out to people getting pregnant for real. And shout out to you. Make it a goal. And shout out to you for keeping it. Yeah. I definitely would if I were you would have aborted me. Do you know how many people have thanked me for having you? It's it's a beautiful thing really. That's that's. I got thanked today for having you. That's very sweet.

Yeah, that's, well, you know. Yeah. They didn't have to put up with it. You know, I just did what I did. They weren't there. I just did what I did. I just had sex with Caleb's dad. And well.

And well. Here he is. Now you have a gay podcaster in the world. Not enough of us, by the way, gay podcasters. I'm gonna become like one of those right-wing, populate-the-world type people, but instead of for making Christians, I'm gonna be like, we need to make more gay podcasters.

I think if anybody can do it, you can. What would you do if I became really right-wing? Would you support me still? I'd support whatever you decide. Nice, that's technically the wrong answer, but was beautiful nonetheless. That's technically not true, correct, but I love that you feel that way.

I do. You think you'd ever run for office? No. I think you'd be good in politics. We need people like you in politics. People who want nothing to do with it. Like have a beer and do whatever you want. Straight up, dude. Yeah.

That would be an incredible platform. It would be. A nurse from Missouri who's just like, everybody have a Miller Lite and chill the fuck out. Yeah. That's a good platform. You should run. Not for like president or anything. I wouldn't do that to you. What do you think I could do? You could do whatever you wanted but I think you'd be an incredible, maybe in the Missouri House of Representatives. You'd be really good at it mom. They'd be lucky to have you

over there. Yeah they'd be lucky to have me. Right now it's a lot of dim-witted fucking freaks in that building. Oh. They are. You don't have to have you over there. Yeah, they'd be lucky to have me. Right now it's a lot of dimwitted fucking freaks in that building. Oh. They are. You don't have to agree, but good God. I don't know if you've heard any of these people talk, but it's like the fucking Hills have Eyes

if it were a Congress. Hills have Eyes. Jesus fucking Christ. We are so fucked. These people, it's like deliverance, but less intellectual. It's crazy. We could get you in there. You

could do some cool stuff. Would you ever consider it? But then I'd have to work with all those people. I know but someone's got to do it. Someone's got to do it. Or maybe city council. I could maybe take one for the team. I think it'd be cool of you is all I'm saying. What would your platform be? What would you do for real? I have no idea. You would have to come up with my platform. That's what I like about you as a candidate. I would embrace whatever you gave me. I love that vision.

Yes. I love the way you think, baby girl. It's good shit. It's good shit. Thanks, bro. So, Virginia wants to know what's on your dating profile. It's just Facebook, right? It's just your Facebook profile?

No, it's just like a dating app. It's Facebook Dating. Oh. Yeah your Facebook profile. No, it's just like a dating app. It's Facebook dating. Oh Yeah, these fucking tech billionaires. They're in everything now. Yeah It's insane. Yeah, these guys well, I can't talk about what I think we should do to them I'll get flagged and in trouble but Facebook dating what is your profile like you have like prompts on there? I have pictures on there and I have like some of my favorite shows on there and some of my favorite music on there and just like what I'm looking for.

What are you looking for? I would like to find my forever. I mean I would like to eventually, you know, 52 years old, never been married. I would like to get married at some point, maybe. But just somebody that could, you know, I think we talked about this a little bit yesterday at lunch, it's somebody that has the same beliefs that I do, but something that's really important

to me is you're gonna have to have a personality. I mean, if you can't laugh and, or take sarc sarcasm because I have a very sarcastic sense of humor if you can't take that then it's probably not gonna work. Or if I'm having to say oh I didn't mean that it was a joke that's not gonna work. Yeah. So and just somebody that's honest and somebody that enjoys drinking beer on back roads and bonfires and good music and yeah so that's that's kind of what's on my on my profile Virginia. You're welcome. I want that for you. Do you think that do you think that men struggle do you think that straight men in your experience struggle with like a fart fart?

I mean, maybe they might. I was trying to say funny, smart, like a funny, smart woman who knows what she wants. I think, I think some men probably do because you know, I could date ones that are a little younger And I have one out with some that are a little younger. Hell yeah, Queen. How young we talking? How young we talking? I think the youngest one that I went out with was 42.

Okay. Nice. Not 18. I mean. No, I didn't want it to be 18. I guess I was kind of hoping you'd drop like a 34. I'd be like, ooh, Kelly. Yeah.

So, I mean, I I guess I just lost my train of thought what we're talking about do you think that in your experience you think that straight men are intimidated by a smart funny woman so I think the older guys I think some of them are still in the era of women should be quiet spoke when spoken to barefoot and pregnant you're no good at that women should be quiet, spoke when spoken to, barefoot and pregnant. You're no good at that. No.

Come on sister. My head would be rolling down the hill. I know that's right. I could be on the guillotine. Yeah. Yeah, so a lot of the guys in your age bracket are still in the make dinner shut up. Not all of them, but I think a lot of them

still feel like the man should make the decisions. Yeah, disgusting. That's insane. I just feel so disconnected from that ideology. I'm so not around it and I'm so not a part of it that I feel when I hear it, I'm just like, you're kidding. It feels like a sitcom device to me. And I'm like, that's made up for TV. That's also not the way that any of the women in our family, like that's just not our reality. Like I don't think the women in our, I don't think the women like, I don't know, I just think all the women in our family are so strong. And they put up with a lot of bullshit, I will say. Like the men in our family have gotten away with some shit that I'm like, you should have been killed for that one. But I don't think it's ever been like that. I don't think it's ever been like be quiet, be think it's ever been like be quiet be docile speak when spoken to yeah none of the

women are family have been that way so I have a hard time imagining that that's actually happening yeah it does still that's nuts to me yeah hmm maybe you could show the younger guy I've had some fun with some younger ones come on now one of them one of them I met at Buffalo Wild Wings. I know that's fucking right. Can I buy you a beer? I'm like, yeah you can. And how'd that go?

Did you date him? Did you take him home? Not that date. I didn't. Nice. Hell yeah. Made him work for it a little bit. Are you bringing guys back to your place or are you going to their place? I'm not going to tell you how that ended. Nice, hell yeah. Made him work for it a little bit. Yeah. Are you bringing guys back to your place,

or are you going to their place? I'm not going to tell you how that ended. Nice. Well, I'm assuming you hooked up with him. But I'm just wondering if you. He didn't come to my place. Nice. Nice.

I couldn't tell you when the last time was. There was a guy at my place. I like that. Yeah. Yeah, I like that. I don't like people knowing where I live, really. I mean, men. Except for strangers you meet at the bar, of course. Strange women. I don't like people knowing where I live really I mean men except for strangers

You meet at the bar of course strange women. She was a friend of a friend So it's not like she was a complete stranger. Yeah Yeah, I don't like men knowing where I live either Whatever I mean I bring them over, but I don't like the idea of them knowing where I live When they leave as soon as we're done having sex. I'm like damn. It's crazy that you know where I live I don't like that part of it. Maybe you should have them blindfolded and Haven't tried it, but I'm like damn it's crazy that you know where I live I don't like that part of it maybe you should have them blindfolded and I haven't tried it but I'm open to it could be something I think you got to be safe nowadays yeah more and more people are I do get guy knowing who you are a lot of

guys on the dating apps now because gay men you know gay men don't get me started but a lot of guys in the dating apps now hitting me up to they want to talk about what I do for work. They want to be like, Oh, I'm a huge fan. What's it like being friends with so and so? And I'm like, in what world would I like put yourself in my shoes and think about would you ever want to have that discussion with a stranger on a dating app? In what world would I ever be into that? Yeah, why would you even waste your energy on? Why would I be talking to you? Right? It's like you yourself just acknowledged I have

cooler friends than you. Why would I be talking to you? It makes no sense. I'm like, I don't even... I'm way out of your league. I don't know. It's not that. It's just like if you think my life is so interesting that you would bother me like that on a dating app, what would make you think that I would be like, oh yeah, I'll talk to this stranger about whatever random person they're a fan of that I'm friends with. It's like, do some math, that makes no sense. So that has to be very hard for you

for it to be like on a dating app and not know if people genuinely want to get to know you or just want to get to know you because of who you are and what you do. That would be difficult, I think. Yeah, and it is difficult and it's also stupid because it's like what I do is so silly that I'm like, I can't imagine wanting to be friends with someone because they're a comedian.

I'm like, that's dumb to me. I don't find that intriguing. I don't find what I do to be that interesting, genuinely. I like what I do. I love my job. I'm very grateful that this is my life. Thank God for it. But like, I don't know, when someone tells me they're like a,

you know, like a statistician or something, I'm like, I would so much rather hear about that than hear about what a, like an actor does. I don't know, I just think other things are more interesting. So when someone goes out of their way to make our conversation about that, I'm like, I find that fundamentally boring. I have a hard time connecting with that. I think that a lot of dating for it to succeed, you kind of have to be on the same playing field. And I don't really know how to explain that.

I'm not even necessarily talking about money, but you have to be somewhat on the same level of intelligence and the same level of, and those people that bring that to the table are probably not on the same level of intelligence that you are. I know what you mean by that. I don't think I would say, I don't think I would call it intelligence. I don't think intelligence is the word I'm looking for.

Yeah, I'm not, it's not, I'm not, yeah, I don't think it's, like, intelligence doesn't feel good. That feels mean and kind of like elitist to me, to apply to me. Yeah, that's not the word I'm looking for. But I mean more like, yeah, there is something about, if you're somebody who's blown away by the fact that I, if you're blown away by the fact of my job, then we're likely not a match. There's an imbalance there that is not healthy. Because I'm not blown away by that. And I don't think it's, if you're

like wowed by the fact that I've like hung out with a famous person, that we're not going to be a match day to day. You know what I mean? Right. Still trying to think of the right word. Yeah I know what you mean. I know what you mean though. And it's like also, yeah I just wish I could give the knowledge to them that most famous people are fucking boring. They're so boring. They are not, I promise you, they are not interesting. They are, they are the more famous they are, they are further and further removed from reality.

They don't do anything interesting. They do their job. They go home. They go on like nice trips, but they stay in like sterile, uh, highly secure like facilities effectively sterile, uh, highly secure, like facilities effectively. They, uh, get bothered everywhere they go, which totally kills the vibe. It's not fun to be out with someone who's getting bothered all the time. Um, yeah, it's just like, they're not interesting. They haven't gone, they haven't shopped for their own groceries in years. They don't like, it's not, it's not a, you think of hanging out with a famous person and you're

like, Oh, that must be so exciting. Not really, unless you're an alcoholic or a drug addict, then it's really exciting because they have access to all that stuff. But I don't drink or do drugs like that. So it's, it's not fascinating to me to go to any of those things. You know what I mean? You would probably like the drinking part of it. You get down like that.

I mean, if it says on their profile, they don't drink. I don't, I don't, because't because because honestly I like to drink I like to go out and have a drink and have wings or just visit with people meet new people I enjoy it yeah I'm not gonna change that yeah so if you don't drink and I'm go we go out on a date and you're like, she's having two beers, that's going to piss me off. I'm like, I'll pay for it myself. You don't have to pay for it, but don't sit over there and tell me how many I can have.

Yeah, but there's sober people who wouldn't, I mean, I, I, there's sober, you're probably not interacting with them, but there are sober people that aren't like that. I grow out with people who drink all the time. I date people who drink a lot and it's fine. I'm like go nuts dude because I'll get a little high. I'll smoke some weed, you have some cocktails, we can meet some people together. But you've laid down your boundaries. But a lot of people that don't want to drink don't want to go into a bar or go into, and the bars that I go into are very, they're a hole in the wall. I mean it's just to talk to people.

Yeah. But yeah, it's to talk to people, but it's like, these are not bars where there's anything else going on. It's like, we're going to bars that are like- No, it's not bands. It's not, it's just very laid back down to earth people that just like to sit in there and shoot the crap.

And you know, a lot of them, they know each other's families. They, I mean, it's just, it's just nice. It's nice. Well, also I Think sobriety has changed a lot. I think people that are sober in your age bracket. I'm quite a bit younger than you not to brag So it worked out if you weren't I Think a lot of people in your age bracket sobriety is a different thing. Sobriety in our age bracket is like, it's very common. It's like not a big deal. It's like, I don't know, it just feels like there is a different culture around it.

I feel like a lot of the sober older people I know are very like, I do not want to be in bars. I do not want to be around alcohol. This was very hard for me. And a lot of sober people my age are like, I don't know, like California sober where it's like, they'll smoke a little weed or they'll have like one sip of a drink, but they don't mind being in the space. You know what I mean? And I think maybe that's, that's what I'm thinking of.

A lot of people my age that don't drink it's because they either never did and they've been against it or because they've had a problem at one time and now they don't like being around it. Yeah. Which is totally valid. And that probably would be a relationship difficulty, but you're, it is funny to me that your two things in dating are like they cannot be an atheist and they must like alcohol. That's, that's is funny to me that your two things in dating are like they cannot be an atheist and they must like alcohol. That's just funny to me. I like that. I think that's iconic. I mean I don't know why I haven't landed somebody.

Okay mom, hey thanks for being here. We meandered this episode. I like that for us. Yes. Is there anything you want to leave the people with? Anything that you wanted to say that you didn't say? Any thoughts you have? Your big second appearance? I'm just thankful to be back and to see all of you and get to visit with all of you and hopefully Caleb will have me back again. We'll have you around for a visit, Queen. Don't you worry. We'll have you around for a visit real soon. As you should. As you should. Kelly, tell the people where

they can find you. Well last time I said Kansas City and Caleb said that's not what they meant. No I think that's right for you. Facebook, Instagram. You want them to find you on Instagram? They can. What are you posting on there? Well I'm maybe gonna cut this. What are you posting on Instagram? I just got back on there, so there's not hardly anything at all on there. I don't even follow you on Instagram, I don't think. I follow you. Nice. What's your handle?

My what? What's your name on Instagram? Kelly Herron. Is it at Kelly Herron? One word? I think so. Yeah, Virginia. Not positive.

Oh, hey. What? Hot pictures. What? Is it at Kelly Herron? Hot pictures, Virginia. Oh, hey. What? Hot pictures. Is it at Kelly Herron? How many followers she got on there? 103, I'll have you know. Nice, good job, Kel.

It's a picture of a car? Why'd you post a picture of a car? Somebody's impersonating. No! Mom, you've got impersonators. Oh, that ain't cool. That's what happened to my Facebook page. I lost everything for years and years. I had to start a whole new Facebook, like, seven months ago.

It's a picture of a car. Oh, they're doing crypto. They're trying to sell crypto in your name. That's what happened on Facebook. Look at the profile picture. It's her. Oh, Kelly. Oh, you're heran underscore Kelly. Is that you? Mm-hmm. This is the profile picture, it's her. Oh, Kelly. You're heran underscore Kelly, is that you?

Mm-hmm. This is your profile picture on there? Yes. OK, you're so pretty. OK, 19 followers. And doesn't follow Virginia. That's because I don't know. I don't know who to follow.

It's fine. Virginia can add me. She's followed by Allie Holyfield. Allie found her. All right, shout out. Well, follow mom if you want to. She has not posted on there. She I don't know what you're doing. I'm on TikTok a lot.

You're on TikTok. Yeah you are sending you send me a lot of TikToks that are like it's like violin music that's like... I actually just saved one last night. And then it's like text over an ocean that's like yes your youngest son may not know this, but all you do is think about him and wish for his happiness. May God bless him in his journeys. Send one like for your youngest son who you love. And you send me stuff like that. I do. I say, I'm sorry that my younger self couldn't be the person I am today and raised

you in the way that I did. Hey, you did great, brother. Love ya. Love you. Bye. Bye. That was a hate gum podcast.