So True with Caleb Hearon - Rachel Pegram Vs. Landlords

Episode Date: September 19, 2024

Welcome back! This week’s guest is the hilarious and talented Rachel Pegram! Rachel and Caleb talk Christian comedy, Stevie Wonder, a time they got caught in a horrific storm in Texas together, love, and much more! Subscribe to our YouTube channel for full video episodes! https://youtube.com/@sooootruepod?si=fGl45Zy-R9x1Cwtj Join our Patreon for an exclusive extended interview with Rachel and other bonus content! https://patreon.com/SoTruePodcast?utm_medium=unknown&utm_source=join_link&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=copyLink Follow Rachel! @iamrachelpegram Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Recorded at Bad Ladder Collective in Los Angeles, CAGo to ZocDoc.com/SoTrue to find and instantly book a top rated Doctor today! Thank you ZocDoc for sponsoring the show! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The teachers, like they're not even necessarily full stand-up comedians. They're just like very funny teachers. And I'm like, they're crushing. And they're going around the country. And it's not even full jokes. No. It's students. They're like, students don't really turn in their homework.

Dying. Yes, yes, yes. You know when the kids don't sit in their seat right? Ah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what I was just thinking about this morning? What? I was thinking about when we were in Texas together.

Yes. And we did shows together. And we were driving down the highway. And at the same exact moment, do you know what I'm about to say? Well, there were so many things when we were going down the highway. That's the thing. That's the thing. I was like, I don't know which. That's the thing about the highway on that trip.

We were driving down the highway. And at the exact same moment, we realized what the HOV lane meant. Do you remember that? Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. And I already forget what it stands for. High-occupancy vehicle. That's it, that's it, that's it. And I didn't know that it had a meaning.

No. Do you know what I mean? I didn't. I was just like, ho. I thought it was like the Vroom lane. Yes, you got to move over here. Yeah. No, I did not know that it stood for something.

I didn't know it was an acronym. We driving through Texas we were going from Houston Dallas to do shows yes and we both at the same time went there's a sign we're both the same time went huh and I went what was yours about and you go I just realized and I go I just realized also had no idea high occupancy vehicle and I'm like it's making sense oh hi yeah occupancy there's multiple people that's why you get the special lane yeah yeah yeah it all added up and in that moment i was like damn to learn something so that a four-year-old knows with your other adult friend in that moment no and then there was of course and then there was of course the part of the trip where we drove through a hurricane, really?

It was raining so hard. And you were being so chill about it, in my mind. I was being strong. I was being strong. You were being like, this ain't no thing. I'm cool with the rain. I don't mind. Guess what?

I'm driving. In my heart, fear. It was raining so hard. The other cars are sliding off the highway. Yes. The rain is coming down so far we cannot see two feet in front of the windshield no and you were trying to play it cool but you're not you were not being a very good actor in the moment because you are a good actor

but in the moment you were like you were like yeah i think we um keep going i was really i think i was just going off of your energy which felt so calm and i was like well kayla's chilling then then rachel you need to be chill then you need to calm down and just be along for the ride and it's fine but i was like damn we could skid off the road at any second and there were a couple little like shakes and i was like we hydroplanes we definitely had your plane and it was it was a lot of it was raining it was thundering really loud it was a big ass storm yes and the roads were starting in real time we were watching the roads flood yes like they were like the oceans the the rivers were like rising next to us and we were like damn that's happening presently yes yeah there was even that one moment when we were about to go through the

water remember when we were driving and it was like oh we kind of weren't even really paying attention and then out of nowhere it was like the water was coming up over the wheels starting to come i said just like you know what i don't think we can go through that. Yeah. And then other cars tried. I mean, it really, the moment I knew that we had to pull over because we pulled over and went into some little diner, which was kind of cute. Yes.

Think of us free beignets. Yes, they did. They were really trying to treat us. They liked us in there. Probably because I was soaking wet with rain. Yeah. And they were confused because I think I was in a short. And they were like, girl, what'd you wear that for?

And you were dry because you got dropped off at the door no yes yes you were dry no yeah I was a little wet the moment I knew that we needed to pull over was when I said do you want to drive and you within a millisecond said no I was like oh this Rachel Rachel's as scared as I am we got to go to the diner yeah we got to go and then we waited it out a little bit and it was fine after that honestly we timed it perfectly to where it was that thing where you would sometimes when you pull over in a storm, you're like, either we're going to pull over and it's only going to get worse and worse. And then we're going to decide to continue going while it's worse. Yes. Or we're going to pull over and somehow by the miracle of God, it's going to pass.

And it passed like as we were like, I think we were like licking our finger. Like we were. Just a little powder chipper. What a breakfast. Yeah. And then it literally, it literally was gone yeah yeah the skies opened up yeah ready for us to go that was a mostly good trip yeah i mean i was oh okay i was on my meteorology grind though because you know i can i can kind of be in there you weren't being very helpful but but i'm pretty good yeah i kind of got a little knack in there yeah you well the meteorology yeah yeah

kind of keep up with the weather we did pull up a map yeah but you gotta pull up the doppler that's all i'm saying you pulled up the doppler but what you were telling me was very unhelpful okay that's interesting you're going you're going yeah it's purple over here well that's helpful how is that not helpful it's darker over here and it's lighter over there that's meteorology school 101 baby that's weather that's weather man yeah weather channel weather masteress

by the way yeah I was thinking of that because I was thinking about I was thinking about our episode and thinking about how excited I was to see you because you kind of avoid me

like the plague you don't really you only see me every this you see me two or three times a year that's crazy no no

but I was thinking of keep it mushing keep it mushing was damn keep it mushing was' was when you and I were filming a TV show together in Portland, Oregon, United States of America. Yes. That did not, say it with me, go to series. Go. Yeah, no, it did not go.

And we lived there for like, what, six weeks or something? Yes. And we got pretty drunk one night. We did. We were out. And we were out and we were with Krista Rodriguez. Krista and Allie. Allie Maki.

Who has a baby now. I know. Shout out Allie. Baby time. I saw a little baby with little hands. Little tiny baby. So tiny. Hold it like this if you want to.

Like what? If you hold it like this. Like a bone. It would just sit there. I get, hello? That's the baby in my hand. And it would go, ah, ah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you tried to say keep it pushing. And you said keep it mushing. Uh-huh. And it actually has, I think of it say keep it pushing and you said keep it mushing and it actually has i think of it every time i think of you keep it mushing keep it mushing yeah keep it mushing keep it mushing yeah mush like the iditarod exactly why not it's pretty good think about it use it next question uh-huh sure what's going on with you well i don't know me i don't know come on i Come on. I'm just out here. I'm out here driving around, getting around, going around. That's okay. I said, what's going on with you?

You said, well, I'm driving. Well, okay. You know what? I mean, ultimately, the thing that comes to mind, I got sick yesterday. What? I had some kind of, I got food poisoning. No. Yes.

Literally, I was out. I think it was, I got carne asadaada fries and i think the carne asada um got my ass i'll do okay i'm hearing some laughter yeah okay why are we why are you laughing at my pain they don't know that but that is something you love i feel it wasn't to love about a carne asada fry yeah and i shouldn't be scared of that no well why should i be scared of a carne asada from a food truck no i got it from an establishment a restaurant yeah where you walk in and you say i'd like to order this. Branding on the front?

They got branding on the front. Branding on the back. Branding on the side. Branding on the top. Yeah. They got branding all around. I checked it out. Air rights.

Counter serve? Mm-hmm. Wow. Yeah. I don't know. It's pretty good, though. Sometimes the street, I was thinking it was a street truck. And you know, the street tacos in LA are amazing.

Yes. But sometimes you take a look at the pork and the temperature of the day and how long it's been sitting there and you go, I'm not sure about it. Sure. Yeah. And I wouldn't do a pork. Right. This was a beef. Sure. Come on. All meat is subject to temperatures. Interesting. But the beef should be okay cooler. Huh? Shouldn't it? Yeah. Because the inside sometimes. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. You know what I'm talking about when it's a little rare. Of course I know what you're talking about. You know what I'm saying? You think you're going to come in here and I'm not going to know what you're talking about yeah you don't talk about when it's a little rare of course i know what you're talking about you know what i'm saying you think you're gonna come in here

and i'm not gonna know what you're talking about a little rare when it comes to beef yeah now i want to tell you something that i've been a kind of i've been spiritually connected to you in that way because i came back from europe and for a week i'm telling you nine days after i got back and this isn't gonna be fun for anyone to hear. No, that's okay. I had weapons grade diarrhea. Damn. And heartburn. And just on day 10 yesterday, my poop turned back to a normal color. Oh, no. My poop was so dark that I was Googling dark poop cancer what.

Yeah. It was so weird. And I'm like, oh, it's just I'm literally back in the United States where the food is. Yeah. It's running through you. Yeah. Well, the food is really bad for you here. And my body is actually used to that. So now my body's getting back used to it back into the game my body's like yes carcinogens yeah yeah yeah put the bed put the microplastics in there put the microplastics in the nutsack yeah that's where it goes yeah put them right in the bowl that's where

it goes in the bowl yeah yeah yeah yeah and that's how they and that's how they spread that's how they spread you know i'm giving i'm giving somebody's son microplastics. Exactly. Every once in a while. Yeah. Get it wherever it gets. Because you know I'm not using protection. You know what?

What's that? No, I am. Oh, okay. Someone asked me to wear a condom to get a bop recently. No, they didn't. Yes. Is it 1982? And I was like, what kind of whorish men are you fucking around with?

Oh, I see. I thought that was more of a like, you know, I'm so, you know, like so safe. That's what I'm saying. But you, to want someone to wear a condom for a job. Yeah. You've had to have some pretty disturbing dicks in your mouth. I think it's either disturbing or extreme like Christianity or something. You know what I mean?

Okay. It's Christian head. I feel like, yeah, because that's something I would hear back in the day. At least from the girls were like, yeah, you need to put, you need to put a condom on before I put that in my mouth. Really? Yeah. That was a Christian thing. Yeah.

Because they didn't want the s*** in their mouth. Well, the s*** in their whatever. You know, it's kind of a barrier. It's like, is it even real? Does it even count? Oh, it's real. Well. Well.

Well, for the girls, it was. It was a gray area. I just couldn't believe it. Yeah. Would you wear a condom for the job? I mean, I wouldn't do it now. I said no. Keep that off. I said I'd rather not get a job than wear a condom for the job. mean i wouldn't do it now i said no keep that off i

said i'd rather not get a job than wear a condom for the job no i don't need a job that bad no they're not that hard to come by as a gay fella no there's a gay fella you can get a job pretty much anywhere hey talk about it any old time say about it there's someone who's your dick any old time hey you know how gay guys are yeah you whip it out someone someone's getting down you don't even really have to take it out no come over and get it out for you getting on their knees it's nice i love the way gay guys are. They're putting it in their mouth and that's beautiful.

For sure. I love when that happens. But you ask me to put a condom on for it and I say, bye. Get away from me. Why?

Yeah. For what? Stand back. Stand back. Yeah. And stand by, proud boys. Right. I'm calling in the proud boys.

You're calling in the proud boys. I'm calling in the proud boys. And what are they doing? You better give me a condomless head or else I'm calling in the proud boys. Uh-oh.

And they're gonna what? Well, domestic terrorism isomless head or else I'm calling in the Proud Boys. Uh-oh. And they're going to what? Well, domestic terrorism is kind of their thing. Right, right, right. I don't know what they're going to do in this situation. To the other person. A lot of those guys are gay. The Proud Boys? Yeah.

Yeah. Matching uniforms, little events. For sure. Okay. They like to hang out together. Yes, queen. Build community. Exactly.

Yeah. Do you remember like a year ago when they showed up at like a a utah pride event like 20 of them matching uniforms in the back of a van together no they like came out of a moving truck they were on there i was like that's the literal most i've ever like that's homo behavior absolutely to a t and they were wearing masks where only their mouths were showing hello y'all are doing glory holes oh wow no that's No, that's so true. But you're right wing. What's that? What's up?

Huh? You vote for Republicans, yes? Totally. Nice. Sir, yes, sir. I love that. Sir, yes, sir. I'm clocking into the Navy, the Army.

The Navy and the Army. Yeah, and the Air Force all at once. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I knew that about you. Yeah, you know I got that big Bush tattoo on my back. Yeah. Yeah. And I thought it was the band at first.

No, it's Daddy and Senior. Yeah. Wait, and Junior. No worries. Yeah. Hold on. Yeah. Actually, it's just both Daddy, both Senior.

Actually, yeah. No worries. You know, I love the OGs. What is really going on with you? What is going on? What's up in your life? You're doing stand-up? I'm doing stand-up.

These days? Yeah. We work in a bad industry. It's rough currently. Currently strange. You know things are weird when everyone in your industry has a catchphrase for how bad it's going. And right now, survive until 25? It's bad.

You hearing that? I've been hearing that. Someone said that to me the other day. I said, don't say that to me. I was like, this is the meanest thing that anyone's ever said to me. Survive until 25? Yeah. Who has the time?

I'm barely surviving, period. The patience. Let alone until 25. No. It doesn's ever said to me survive until 25 who has the time i'm barely surviving the patients let alone until 25 no it doesn't make sense to me no i'm um honestly every now and then i do think about what if i just move home for a little bit not texas should be so lucky you know just like a little cute stint go back to well i know that you're from the dallas area but i really in this moment wanted to call back i wanted to remember this you're from the Dallas area, but I really in this moment wanted to call back. I wanted to remember this. You're from Denton. Yes. That's the truth.

Yeah, that's it. Denton, Texas. You got to come sometime. Hey, I would love to be down there. It's pretty nice. I got to meet some of your friends after our Dallas show. That's true. I love your friends.

They're really sweet. They're lovely. Yeah. You have some really sweet friends. Thank you so much. They came to our Dallas show, and then we all hung out for a second afterwards. Yes. And then I think they came to LA, and I missed them.

They did. They were in LA, but we were running around. Yeah. We were running around. I was taking them all across town. Well, my boyfriend, his fellow, he was driving us. Hold on. Yes?

What did you just say? What did you say? You're who now? Yeah. You got a boyfriend? Well, you know. Oh, whoa. I'm really out of the loop.

Well, yeah. Yeah, I'm kind of seeing him. Okay. Well, I mean, I am seeing him. I don, wow. I'm really out of the loop. Well, yeah. Yeah, I'm kind of seeing him. Okay. Well, I mean, I am seeing him. I don't know why I'm saying kind of. Yeah. What's his deal? What's his deal?

You know, he's out there doing stuff. Yeah. Do I know him? No, he's not in comedy. Good. Yeah. No. Good job.

Yeah, no. Good. He's a professor. Professor. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Oh, you talked to me about this guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, I'm still seeing him. He's a professor. Well, you told me. I don't think it was about this guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. Still seeing him. He's a professor. Well, you told me. I don't think it was boyfriend when we talked. No, no, no, no, no. That was a while ago. Y'all closed?

Y'all doing a closed down situation? Yeah. We're locking it. Monogamy? Oh, yeah. We're kind of doing that. You're doing monogamy? That's what's happening currently.

Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That can be so scary. It can be. It can be.

But it's feeling good. So you're liking the monogamy? I'm liking the monogamy currently. Although I have talked, I'm like, I don't know if this is true, but we have talked about how I was like, yeah, you know, I don't know how it came up. We're talking about sister wives. Yeah. And just the idea.

Well, it kind of matters how it came up. Well, I don't know, but it doesn't matter. All right. But it came up. He's at dinner and he's like, have you ever heard of this concept? He's like, what if there were a ever heard of this this concept he's like what if there were a couple more of you and i'm like say more um no he he was we were just talking about it and i was like oh no i don't know that i could be you know one of many obviously of the

girls but i was like i don't know it might be nice to have a husband and a wife and then i was like might be nice to have a boyfriend and a girlfriend and then he was like yes are you saying that you would want you would want to have another and i was like well maybe you know for a little bit or something you know i just think it'd be nice to have a girlfriend too yeah because you're a little lesbian people are calling it bisexual but yeah i have my own i have my own praise for it you're a little lesbian yeah bisexual right what does that mean what do you mean bisexuality what does bisexuality mean you really are just 50 50 with it uh for me yeah personally yeah i feel that yeah your percentage is straight 50 50 i well you know what i think the men are not like i don't know how to like

it's not it's not like i'm not going like i don't want anyone to. You know what I'm trying to say? On the men's side. Because unless you're watching, you can't see that. Rachel just said, I don't want anyone. And then she pulled back as if to strike or be stricken. I don't want any of those tough boys. I don't want anyone who's winding back. You know, I don't want anyone. I don't want anyone too big.

You know, I don't want anyone like this. You don't want a man who's going to pull back on you. No, I don't want that. I also hate domestic violence. Yeah, you'll find an ally in me on that every single time. But you know what I'm saying? I can't be having too much of that. I like someone who's a little like,

you know, I kind of like that. It's something that feels a little like how you think you know what's up with the you know like i kind of like that it's something that feels a little softer you're like a soft boy yes yes yes is your guy bisexual no right yeah it's does he um is he what's that is he violent he's not winding back no good i hate when that happens yeah he's not winding it back. No. Good. I hate when that happens. Yeah. He's not hitting me. Yeah. Oh, he's going to love this. Yeah. No, we'll check in off camera for sure. When the mics and the cameras and the lights go off, you and I will be having a conversation in the parking lot.

I'll be like, hey, fun episode. There was that one part. When you were sort of, no, no, no, no. He's really sweet. Really good. Of course. Of course. Yeah.

Yeah. We went on a trip this summer. We went to Mexico. That was nice. I do remember that. Yeah. Yeah. part when you were sort of no no no he's really he's really sweet really good yeah yeah yeah we went on a trip this summer we went to mexico that was nice i do remember that yeah i do remember that about you i've been out and about where'd you go mexico uh it's the yucatan peninsula yes of course where else is there the the yp uh so you know hitting cancun yeah hitting a little a town called merida you speak spanish no no not much texas people i know enough yeah you can get by yes yeah if i was really if i was stuck like say if i was kidnapped yeah i think i could hear some key words and be okay yeah yeah yeah yeah you would know when they say we're gonna kill her kill her. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or they were like, you know, like, we're going to the left or the right or whatever. We got to, we're in the house.

Yeah, if they say, I want a coffee with milk, I'm going to be really, I'm going to be really locked in, tuned in to what they say. If they say, hello, my name is, how are you? I'm going to be right there with them. I'm going to say, oh, okay, write that down mentally. If they say Merry Christmas, I know exactly what they're talking about yeah or cumpleaños by the way no worries yeah yeah yeah that's sweet well what do you what do you okay so you're doing stand-up yeah did you put out the audio album i haven't yet that's what i thought it's coming i think september though so it should

be pretty soon end of september september yeah this episode will be out by then oh so people can go listen go get go listen to your audio album who's putting it out a special thing records and you'll post about it all over your social media it's a half hour stand up comedy it's actually about 45 minutes no one's doing it like that

it's a 45 minutes of stand up comedy no one's doing not an hour everybody said the options are half an hour or an hour you said think again. Yeah, I said I'm not a girl, not yet a woman. You know, that kind of thing. I'm not a girl. Don't get me started.

What's it about? It's kind of hitting. It's pretty silly up top. Pretty goofy, silly. A lot of little fun little jokes. And then it kind of lands in a bit like some like stuff around sex and and identity uh from growing up so yeah yeah hell yeah yeah is it is it any of the because i saw your your very funny solo show yeah uh titty meat yes was the name of it is it any stuff from that or is it it's like a little bit of stuff from

that but excuse me not a ton yeah you're a very funny comedian oh my god i'm a huge fan of yours oh my god that's so sweet i literally think the world of you you know this i do but thank you Excuse me, not a ton. Yeah. You're a very funny comedian. Oh, my God. I'm a huge fan of yours. Oh, my God. That's so sweet. I literally think the world of you. You know this. I do, but thank you. Yeah, it's nice to hear it, though, huh? Yeah, it's nice.

No, I do. I think you're a genius. And in fact, I know you are. I've seen you be one many times. But you started out in, we grew up in Texas. Grew up in Denton, Texas. Thank you for your service. Thank you so much.

And then you went to NYU. Yeah. As all of our great creators do. And we all have to tap in for a moment. All of our great artists. It's true. G. As all of our great creators do. And we all have to tap in for all of our great artists. It's true. Quacking at NYU for a little bit. No, it's nice to see the graduating class of multiple years being so successful out

and abroad. I love to see the alumni. Yeah, it's good. Wearing that purple. Yeah, absolutely. With pride. You're sort of being like, okay, 14, 13, 10, you know. Yeah, a person I had a weird interaction with on the train after class.

But yeah. And I'm like, look at you thriving. Person I slept with and regret 11, you know. Yeah, a person I had a weird interaction with on the train after class. But yeah. And I'm like, look at you thriving. A person I slept with and regretted it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Whoa. And we went somewhere. And we went somewhere for a moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you, what did you study at NYU? Musical theater. Musical theater, in fact. Well, technically theater theater, but I was in school for musical theater my first two years what's your favorite musical what is my favorite musical company

what's your favorite song from company um being alive what does that sound like um uh you know like i'm not gonna hit it right but uh you know it's like being alive yeah somebody no i can't do it. But I can sing. You absolutely can. I can certainly sing. Well, one of my favorite bits of yours, and it's an older one, and you've had so, so, so many funny jokes since then.

Sometimes when people compliment an old bit of mine, I get annoyed because I'm like, what did you just like clock out after I had a hit? You know what I mean? What do you know? One good joke of mine, that's the only thing you have to compliment. You have had many funny jokes since then,

but you had a very memorable song that you did um well i think the first time i saw it i saw a video of you doing it at union hall maybe um but it was the song about like um where you're talking about violence against women and you were like you're like you can't trust your boyfriend you can't trust your boyfriend yeah and it's about like women having to like carry their keys in their hand and how did you was that just from reading the news that you came up with that? It came up out of a bit with an ex-boyfriend that I would make a joke about saying, like, don't kill me. A lot of women make that joke just to test the waters, I found. And I was just sort of like, you could kill me if you wanted to. And he's like, I'm not going to kill you.

And I was like, but you could. Yeah. So. Yeah. And he was like, but I me if you wanted to and he's like i'm not gonna kill you and i was like but you could yeah so yeah and he was like but i won't do it and i was like but you might and i would do it a lot and then i think he actually got frustrated by it yeah it's a pretty unsavory vibe yeah i understand but it is just like you could though i did i made the same joke with um this current uh person i'm seeing but like where I'm like, oh, you could kill me. But I kind of feel like anybody could kill you. No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't just be willy nilly with women either. I'm like, you could kill me, too.

Yeah. Like, you know, I might fight back, but like, I don't know. I don't know what you're doing. You could totally get killed at any moment. Yeah. I don't know what you're doing from nine to five. I do think about that, that I could get killed at any time. Yeah.

Is that what anyone else thinks about? I will say I'm not thinking about it. Okay. Sometimes I do just be walking down the street and maybe this is, I don't know what this is bringing to light, but sometimes I do just be like, yeah, someone could shoot me right now in the head. I could fall down and I would die and this would be it. People don't really like my perspective on death.

People get kind of upset when I talk about my perspective on death because my perspective on death is like, I'm having a good time being alive. I'm liking it. I would like to do it for longer. Yeah. No worries if not. Like, anytime I think about death, I go, it would solve a lot of problems. You know what I mean?

Interesting. Like, I'm not, trust me, I have been through it in the past. When I was younger, I was very depressed. I am not itching to die. I like being alive. I have a lot of plans for my future. I like my life. I've got a really good one.

It's been a nice time, especially recently. Things are going well. Yeah. If someone killed me, if the plane went down, if the car crash was at the exact wrong angle, guess what? All those phone calls I've been avoiding, all those emails I haven't responded to, they pretty much go right away, don't they? You know what I mean? I you never you never think like that I do I do honestly though yeah yeah it's not it's like but I also at the same time I'm like but I gotta do something I gotta

keep living yeah you know truly this this perspective is what brought me out of depression yeah where I'm just well two things brought me out of depression number one I lie to myself constantly anything negative i tell i guess i must always say that's not true that's a classic i'm telling you listeners i've said it before y'all if you're depressed lie to yourself all your problems are fake nothing is real yeah lie to yourself put yourself in debt do whatever you need to do to be happy it'll all come out in the wash that's number one hold ahead put yourself in debt yeah they're just numbers on a computer screen well i mean run it up okay run it up i don't know i don't know about that one run it up

y'all have some fun that's okay i agree with the rest of it i absolutely do if your bank account if you've got 17 in your bank account right and you're like uh-oh rent's due next week i don't have any money for rent i don't know what i'm gonna do and your friend calls you and says hey i want to go to dinner tonight this really fancy seafood restaurant um you should come it's probably like gonna be like three four hundred dollars a person let's go your instinct that like the devil when the devil works in your brain the devil's gonna say come on preacher you can't go to that uh-huh you've only got works in your brain, the devil's going to say, Come on, preacher. You can't go to that. Uh-huh. You've only got $17 in your bank account.

You don't know how you're going to make rent. Right. That's what the devil says. Testify. But when you enter God and you're living in godliness and you're existing in the infinite love of God, you say, I'll be there. Hey. And you overdraft that bank account.

Come on. And then you stiff your landlord. Hey. And then you just come on. You just live, man. All right. And then if you get evicted, guess what? First of all, squatters rights.

The system's designed to protect you a little bit. Stay as long as you need. Figure it out. They shut off the lights. You get a candle. You just focus up on how to make things work. And then maybe eventually you have to go back and get a job or you start stealing or someone you love that's close to you dies and there's an inheritance of some sort everything will work out uh-huh so that's number one of my mental health

and then right and then number two of my mental health yes is that i go hey i love being alive even though it is mostly a nightmare like things things are going really bad. The news is not good. You read the news and you go, that's pretty much all bad, hey? So that's bad. We hate that. And then also everything is so much. There's always a million tasks.

Then my tooth hurts and then your tooth hurts and you're like, God, I have to go to the dentist and I'll have to do that to make my tooth not hurt just so I can continue living. Horrible, right? But then you go, someday this is all gonna you go if i were to die these things would all be erased and that's okay and it makes me really happy i i i feel honestly if it works for you then it works for you i think you should do it too though it okay you should adopt this you should do it too, though. Okay. You should adopt this mindset, and so should all the listeners.

It's not enough for it to work for me. I do. Okay. I do feel. Now, look. I was listening to a documentary. I was watching a documentary just last night about James Baldwin. Love.

And I do feel, honestly, this is a similar mindset that he presented in the documentary. Although he was obviously very much specifically talking about black folks. He was much more articulate. He was. Yeah, I don't know. No, no, no. But it was it was like, you know, because you know that you could potentially die at any moment, especially, you know, whatever. You could just die at any time that it gives you a relative bit of freedom that it's like, oh, this could happen and you could just die at any time um that it gives you a relative bit of freedom that it's like oh

this could happen and you could go so why not be a little more free with because yeah we live in an absolutely terrifying country where like yeah you could just you could just be doing anything you just be going to the store and it's like oh there's a shooter and now now we're all dead now we're all done now we're all dead at the target like that's crazy you know now we're all dead. Now we're all dead. Now we're all dead at the target. Like that's crazy. You know, now we're dead. Exclamation point at the target. Now,

come on. That's good. That's good. Take it to Broadway. But you know what I mean? So I'm just like, yeah, you can,

you can be dead. Might as well just like try stuff, do things. I really do think if I were to earnestly sit down, obviously I've been kidding around the last couple minutes. If I were to earnestly sit down, no, if I were to earnestly sit down no if i were to earnestly sit down and talk about the fact that like you can't not live because

you fear death yeah but i also what i tried to do for a long time was just not fear death i tried to go okay the problem that is inhibiting me is that i fear death that is the reality so i'm going to try not to fear death and that didn't work i could not get rid of my fear of death it's a normal human condition to be like oh no uh-oh i was born with uh autonomy and like knowledge i'm sentient whoops and so now i know i'm conscious of my own mortality that's the curse of being human can't get rid of that someone else did that to me the universe god i don't know someone gave that to me it's a curse okay so then you go if i can't not be afraid of death, all I can do is kind of embrace that it's going to come.

Yeah. Actually, if you read like, if you read genuine books about like fear of death and how to overcome it and things, this is what they tell you. Yeah. Is they go, just make peace with it. Yes. Because I've got friends who go, I don't go to the movies. I'm afraid I'll get shot.

And I go, I go to the movies knowing I might get shot. Yeah. Yeah. And I go, if I die at the movies, I die at the movies. Right. I died doing something that I really like. Yeah. Which is going to the movies.

And it's like, yeah, for sure if you said, hey, there's going to be a gunman at this movie, if you go tonight, I would skip that show. But we're not going to go. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's not how it works. No, exactly.

I feel this way about getting ready to go on a trip, like on flights, because I can get a little scared on the plane. And so i truly like what as we're taking off i'll just in my head be like i've lived an incredible life yeah i love everything that i've ever done i love i list all the people in my head that i love i think of everything that i've done that i like yeah about my life and i was like and if i were to die right now sure there are things that i could have done more but I think I lived a good life but also that's the the really the only difference between when because plane anxiety used

to be a huge thing for me yeah which the amount I fly it just was not sustainable yeah and the the big thing that I realized was I was like oh when you think about dying you're fixating on all the things you haven't done and that's what's causing this like psycho turbulent, like crazy reaction in your body that's making you so scared and fearful. All it is is a perspective shift to be like, think about all the things you have done. Yes. And then all of a sudden it doesn't feel so bad. Yeah. It's like you lived a great life. You got very lucky. You did a lot of things in that time. It's true. Hell yeah. Yeah. And I'd like to do more. Right. I got my eye on a couple of things I'd like to do. Would be incredible if this plane didn't crash. Yeah. Cause next summer I'd like to be on a jet

ski somewhere. I've got that in my mind i'm cooking that up yes i'm planning next summer where am i going to be on a jet ski for a week or two oh i'm thinking about that yes so i've got things to look forward to so it's like you want to you want to land yeah yeah but if the plane if the plane starts to nosedive right i'm not going to be like fuck jet skiing's off for next summer you're saying i'm gonna be like damn good thing I had a nice lunch before we got up here. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. You know what I mean?

Good thing you sat down. Yeah. Had a nice lunch. You didn't run through, you know, pick up a Whataburger. I'm thinking about Dallas Airport. Yeah. Dallas Love Field. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, why not? I love a Whataburger. I know you do. Yeah, it's pretty nice. And this isn't a plug for them, but you know. But thank you, Patrick Mahomes, for bringing it to Kansas City. Oh, really? He brought Whataburger to Kansas City.

Wow. There was none and then he signed to the Chiefs and he said, let me tell you something about your city. Dang. It's going to have a Whataburger if I'm there. Y'all going to have a Whataburger. And we do. Oh my God. Not bad.

That's nice. You refuse to visit me. That's not true. You won't visit me. You know what's crazy? I've never been invited, I don't think. Oh, don't you dare. I don't think so.

Look into your camera and tell them that's not true. I don't think I've ever been invited. You tell my fans you're lying. I don't think I've ever i don't think so look into your camera and tell them i don't think i've ever been invited you tell my i don't think i've ever been invited you're invited i've never been invited oh this is sick no you're a twisted individual how do i get how do i get there what i gotta walk you're not allowed to fly to kansas city that's that you can't fly yeah it's really crazy i'm like you can come visit but you you have to walk. Damn. They want what you want to play in. Yeah, I got to gump it. Gump? Yeah, forest.

Oh, not forest. Yeah. Yeah. That is so sick to try and pass that off as a turn of phrase. Yeah, people say that. I got to gump it. Yeah, you got to gump it. You gumping?

Sometimes you got to gump it. Yeah. Hey, if I tell you I'm gumping it, just know I'm running across the country. Or having a kid with someone who has AIDS That was another big thing he did That was another big thing he did That movie's so fucking long And it really feels like it shouldn't have been made

Well they had to do so much history You know they're supposed to do a second one You've heard about the second one? The sequel? It was going to include 9-11 I'm not kidding You can look it up you can look it up yes not gump 9-11 it was gonna be about how i think he stopped it or tried to it's really crazy

not gump goes to the north tower not that yes and then it got stopped so imagine him trying to process 9-11. We don't. Oh, the story we never needed. Yeah. You hear about stuff like that and you're like, maybe Hollywood should fail a little, you know? A little. Yeah. It's not bad.

We don't need it to fail so much, but. Gump too. Gump goes to 9-11. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's nuts. Uh-huh. Who would you want to play you in a movie? Ooh.

Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Who? Who would I want to play me in a movie? Yeah. Maybe. I'm just tossing somebody out. This might not even be correct.

Kerry Washington? Kerry Washington would be a lot of fun. She's considerably older than you. Well, right. Which is no worries. She's beautiful and an incredible actor. No, you're absolutely right is no worries she's a beautiful and an incredible actor no you're absolutely right um yeah that's true i didn't think about it like that i was thinking about it like so it would be later yeah my life but then she's only gonna get older so it actually doesn't continue to age at the same rate that you age so when you think about it

actually doesn't make any sense yeah huh I'm trying to think DeWanda Wise do you know her? I don't think so she's really talented where was she from? she um she's done a couple things

I'm thinking of Jurassic I met her she was in Jurassic she played a I believe a fighter pilot but she's a really good actor so she would do you really well she could do all the big

dramatic Rachel moments oh Kerry Washington I like. No, no, no. Let me think about it. Let me think about it. Let me think about it. Let me run it through my...

And it's actually only older black actresses that keep coming to mind. Yeah. Such as Viola Davis. God. Which is incredible but again, it's kind of the same issue. I just hope you don't pick her

because I was going to pick her for me. Wow. That would actually be a lot of fun. Wow. Do a bi you don't pick her because I was going to pick her for me. Wow. That would actually be a lot of fun. Wow. Do a biopic about me and then have Viola play it. Come on. Come on. Wait.

Yeah, that's good. Maybe I have Emma Stone. That would be huge. Margot Robbie. Ooh. Ooh. Yeah. Her doing zip zaps up in a basement near NYU.

Wait. Let Margot do blackface one time oh yeah I'm glad you said that because I've been saying that so it's nice to have a coalition kind of building around that I think Margo would nail your energy she could get your energy exactly she's got it Kerry Washington was probably the best choice why?

the best choice so far what's up you guys thank you so much ZocDoc for being a sponsor of this episode we absolutely love you It was probably the best choice. Why? Why? The best choice so far. Aww. What's up, you guys? Thank you so much, ZocDoc, for being a sponsor of this episode. We absolutely love you. Look, some things in life are okay to be a total crapshoot, like trying a new type of milk in your coffee or a cheap Instagram ad impulse buy or rolling the dice on a new workout class or mixing it up with a new takeout spot.

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providers across every specialty from mental health to dental health, eye care to skincare, and much, much more. Plus ZocDoc appointments happen fast. Typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking, you can even score same day appointments. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash so true to find and book highly rated doctors today that's z-o-c-d-o-c.com slash so true zocdoc.com slash so true what do you think about for me viola excluded viola excluded yeah i just realized i maybe don't want you to answer it might get hurtful quick quick. No. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? When you let someone do that game and then you go, uh-oh. Yeah, no, it's tough.

It's tough. I didn't think I was giving C. Bushimmy, but all of a sudden. It's kind of, no. It's like people used to say in high school that I looked like Michelle Obama, which I didn't take to very well. She's beautiful, but I don't think you guys look alike. We don't. And it also just felt like black person.

Yeah. Black person in politic. You. I think if we're relying on pretty good yeah we're relying on the awareness about black women from the teenagers at a high school in texas yeah i can i can see where it's all headed right where bush won or who was it going against him was it still bushing romney no it was romney that's it um yeah romney won at our high school we were voting oh i bet he did and i was like oh okay i was like all right good good good i you know what i don't know his name but there's an actor who uh was on mind hunter and also had a small role in uh season one of barry that is a big he's a really um he's like a big tall like heavy set like a fat guy and he's really funny and handsome

and i'm like i would like it to maybe be him i need to think i need to know his name but he i don't know he played he played ed kemper in mind hunter i think yeah cameron britain let's have a look he's talented he's talented and he's a handsome guy yeah yeah handsome guy talented actor such a cutie think he could do funny I like Cameron Britton he's hot I'm happy to know his name yeah that's your guy handsome guy that's the one want him bad yeah need him to be me okay would be cool with you what do you in whoa hold on I don't know hold on well he's gotta get in the character no worries, hold on. I don't know. Hold on. Well, he's got to get in the character.

No worries. Hit me up, dog. We don't know who he is. Hey, brother. If you want to be inside of me, brother. Jesus Christ. No, I'm not really doing all that. Yeah.

Hey, brother. What's up with that? That's my impression of a bottom. That's good. Hey. That's good. Come on. Please, sir. I'm just a hole. Damn. No no i wish you did characters characters yeah used to come on back in the day that's good you didn't know me when i was a

character guy i know i don't think you knew did you know me when i was doing characters no yeah we both met each other at normal yeah we both escaped our mental illness before our friendship i think that's why we're so rock solid right right right we went through something and now we're out of it yes yeah shared trauma but not didn't experience it at the same time no no no no but it informs us yeah moving forward i'm glad we never did a ucb showcase together that that's what i will say no it would have been i don't want to see you pull a rubber chicken out of a bag i like you i like you just the way you are yeah yeah yeah yeah did you have a lot of props? No.

No? Do you want to know why? Do you want to know why I didn't have a lot of props? There was a tragic story in Chicago. This guy. Oh, no. This guy in Chicago worked for like a full year on his SNL audition. Like busted his ass.

Did like a million guest spots. I'll tell you who later. Did like a million guest spots and like really worked on it. And he was, it was pretty funny dude. Honestly, like he had some, he had some stuff that made me laugh.

Um, and I'm famously critical. Um, it was pretty funny and he worked really hard and then he did, he got in Chicago. We do like a huge round where like a lot of people get a slot. Like I think it's like, it was like three, 400 people get the first round and the theater owner,

Sharna and the other people selecting, but mostly Sharna, they see all those people in a big first round. And then the second round and the theater owner sharna and the other people selecting but mostly sharna they see all those people in a big first round and then the second round is maybe like what was it when we did it like 30 40 yeah 40 and then the third round like when snl comes to town and they always come watch the chicago showcase if they're still even doing it yeah it's 10 yeah and um so it was like one showcase for SNL. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, for Chicago. Right. And then they go see Second City.

Right. Which, but they, this guy worked really hard and he did his audition in the first round thinking like, I'm definitely going to get the second round. Like, this is my year. And then like the day he did a bunch of props. He did like a big bag and like a wig and like, you know, and like really like would like ran around the back of the flat on the stage to like change into a new shirt and then came out and was like you know like you know how it is i do and um he really went heavy on props and like immersed

himself in each character yeah and then the next day the theater sent out a community-wide email to like students performers like like ticket holders like anyone on the on the email list the theater sent out an email that was like hey y'all we've officially lost the plot on the props like like if you're running and then like specifically referenced his set and was like if you're running backstage to put on an old lady wig you're wasting time specifically our time and it was like really like everyone knew who it was about of course and i so when i was that was the year that i was preparing for mine for the next year and i was like i will do zero props yeah and i did zero props yeah yeah no that makes sense yeah damn there's a real

there's a real craft to building your like five of a character showcase and i have had a really specific theory on mine and my theory was always you should never have to announce the character you're doing you should always come out with your loudest biggest character you should close with your killer that's standard and you shouldn't need props yeah that was my what do i know you know i know i i feel like i generally agree with that the only i always did as minimal as possible yeah like very very few few things like yeah you can you can have props but they should be so additive and so simple yes and they only need to like it could ultimately be i do them without them too you know what i'm saying like it's like if it still will land without all of the stuff like i also never really tried to do a lot

of wigs mostly because i can't really braid my hair down very well. So I was like, it's going to be out. Yeah. But wait, what was I going to say? Props and stuff on stage. On stage. Back when we were doing characters. Oh, I was. Oh, just the thing about like, oh, yeah, not explaining the characters. I feel like the only time when I would explain characters is like I'm setting up a specifically a bit.

Yeah. Like that was a big problem I saw in Chicago. Those people I taught a character class for a second and a big problem i saw was that people like the setup for the character would be funnier than the character itself i see they would be like this is john goodman at the samsung store you know and then everyone would that would get a laugh and then in it would just be john goodman being like my phone's broken you know it would be like it would not it would not have the joke was not worth the setup. And it would be like, yeah, you just, you liked saying the setup out loud. Yes.

The joke, the juice wasn't worth the squeeze. I see. Yeah. But. That makes sense. Yeah. Hey. I gave it up.

That makes a lot, and so did I. I gave up characters as did you. Mm-hmm. And I went back to being number one, being this guy. I went back to being this guy right here. Sometimes you just gotta get back in you. It really was funny in my comedy career that I for sure thought my route to success

was gonna be like playing characters and doing all this like weird, like extremely high concept stuff. And then over and over again, every time I tried, the like overwhelming feedback was like, we're not interested. Like we would like you to just be,

we wanna hear about you actually. Be regular. And I didn't want to, the reason I wanted to do characters so bad is I didn't want to be myself on stage. Right. Which is hard. Yeah. I don't want to be me. I don't like me. Yeah. When I was younger. You have to let yourself really be seen. Yeah. Just like oh you know. Doing this all the time. Yeah.

Sitting here talking into there and then also doing it on stage is like eventually even the most sociopathic like crazy good at hiding who they are person the truth about you will come out of course and i don't think i'm a sociopath i just think i didn't like myself because i was 20 you know yeah but you have to get really comfortable being like you better like who you are because it's gonna come out and people are gonna see you yes and it's easier to hide in characters and also like really well crafted like oh i know

every little thing you know versus like sometimes being on stage is just like you're coming up with stuff you're like letting stuff out you're like saying things that you didn't plan and like there's like obviously a lot of like fear in that but then there's also a lot of like oh there's great things that come out of that kind of yeah there's also the the most creative fulfillment and joy I've gotten out of my comedy were for sure after I started just being myself yeah and talking about like what I actually want to talk about and writing jokes from my own actual perspective instead of, I mean there was even a period there where I was first starting standup where I tried to do standup as characters cause I was like,

I'm interested in this art form, but I still don't want to be myself on stage. And that was like probably the bleakest. That was, that was where it got really like buddy, just come on. Everyone's kind of saying, what are you doing?

Everyone's like, come on, man. Hop on in. Come on, faggot. No. They're saying that. Don't. They're saying, you silly, silly. Oh.

Tricks are for kids. Are they saying it's sweet or are they saying it mean? Sweet. Okay, then fine. Wouldn't that be fun if that was the commercial with the rabbit? Instead of saying silly rabbit, they said silly. That would be fucking wild. And the rabbit was like, I want some tricks, you know?

Wouldn't that be kind of fun? It might be kind of nice. Let's put's put this out yeah let's put this out as a clip so it's they he'd say he'd say can i have some and they'd say or sorry he'd say he'd say can i have some yeah because he wants their cereal yeah and then they'd say silly tricks are for kids i like it that's fun i like that yeah i'll tune in yeah i'd watch him i watch a show and then and then they'd say that and then it cuts back to his reaction he goes oh you know you know how gay guys whimper i do hear about that i do be hearing about that anyway no um but with the kids anyways it's cool i'm like why is he hanging out With The rabbit What's the What's the context Why was the rabbit with the kids

Why are they hanging out They have the cereal I'm not saying Whether he's gay or not Okay You're like Why are queer people around kids No no no no

Yeah You're like Drag queen story hour Okay Listen Don't make me pull out My bush tattoo No I

No I'm just like Why But that is always Often the theme It's just like Like Lucky Charms Is just a little old man and he's hanging out with all these kids. Well, he wants cereal.

He wants the cereal? He loves it. No, he's saying they're after it. What? He's like, he's trying to keep the kids. It's like, they're always after my Lucky Charms. I won't do the accent. But they're always after my Lucky Charms.

Oh, you can do that accent. I can do it? Yeah. I don't know that I can. They're always after me Lucky Charms. I don't even think I have Irish in me. Try it. They're always after me Lucky Charms. There't even think I have Irish in me. Try it. They're always after me lucky charms.

There was something. Yeah, it was definitely different. I'm really bad at them. Sometimes my Irish kind of dips into Jamaican. Which is totally cool for you. I have to walk a pretty fine line, huh? Why? Well.

Be strong. If I'm doing a Jamaican accent. Get out there. Get out there. Come on. Try it. Why not? Yeah, give us a little.

Be bold. Was that it? Yeah, this is my little. Be bold. Was that it? Yeah, this is my Jamaican accent. I'm just a nice regular guy and I'm from Jamaica. That's my Jamaican accent. I haven't heard that. You haven't heard Jamaicans talk like that? Is that a white guy in Jamaica?

There are white Jamaicans. There are, but I feel like sometimes they still speak in Patois. What does that sound like? The white guys? Yeah, a white guy in Patois. Didn't you see? I've seen a video recently of a little girl speaking patois oh you're thinking of chad hanks yeah you're thinking of chad hanks you're so right rich i have a question for you uh-huh

what's so true to you okay yes so for me i believe that black black people should be able to believe one conspiracy theory without judgment. I think I, yeah, I'm down with that. What's yours? My favorite, although. Yeah, hedge those bets, baby. This is going out, so hedge those bets. No, no, no, it's although. Yeah, hedge those bets, baby. This is going out, so hedge those bets. No, no, no. It's okay.

Yeah. Stevie Wonder can see a little. What? Yeah. You do not. Sometimes he be taking pictures. I'm not saying he can see. I'm saying maybe he can see a little.

Maybe he got a procedure. I don't know. What do you mean he's taking pictures? There is a picture of him taking a picture of a wax figure of Michael Jackson or something. And I'm like, he's either trolling or he can see a little. He's taking pictures. He's catching stuff pretty quick in some videos. Look, I know the other senses are heightened, okay?

And I believe this man can't see, or couldn't see, was born without sight. But I'm just saying, maybe now he can see just a little. You think he developed a little sight? You know, science is going all kinds of places. of places yeah science is they're always coming up with something you know and you think they cured his blindness and didn't tell anybody well think about think well come on come on you know bad for the brand at this exactly no it's too late yeah he would have had to been seeing years ago yeah yeah for to change the brand now people are like what huh

just go out the way we remember you exactly keep it classic yeah keep it motion keep it motion keep it classic and keep it motion i will say you saved yourself with a little bit when you say he can see a little bit that's what really keeps you in the safe zone just a little that's the important thing for a conspiracy theorist as i think you know you have to leave a little bit of like i don't know right and i could be wrong. Right, right, right. And I could be, and I probably am. Yeah.

In fact, I know I'm wrong. No worries. But, it's still kind of like, I couldn't be right. But to your point, black people should get one a year. I think so.

Yeah. Because we've been lied to. Yeah. We've been lied to time and time again. Yeah. This, that, and the other. Lie, lie, lie. In this,

in your idea, like when, if black people get one conspiracy theory, which I'm on board with. Yes. Does this count as reparations or are we still also doing reparations? No, we're going to need some miles in that. Yeah. I just want to check in on the policy. We're going to need a little extra. We're going to need a little extra.

Happy to do it. I don't know how we figure out reparations. It's wild. Yeah. Like, I mean, they're trying to do it in California. Are they? Yes, to give reparationsations which is hard to me because i'm like how do you put a price on it ultimately not to get to but um yeah but like

because like okay so during the pandemic you know a lot of people i think were doing this where they were sent like white people they were sending money to any of their black friends or just any black person that they'd ever met um or just sending a note i got a note from somebody i was on an improv team with maybe 10 years ago or something it was something wild not that long anyways but some this guy and i was like he's reaching out being like i hope you're doing well all this stuff is so crazy right now but like i'm just thinking about you i'm like do you really have so few black friends yeah you had to reach down, like, come on into the Mary Poppins bag of black people you know to pull me out.

I'm like, are you kidding? But that, like, but I also had somebody like send me money during that time too, who was like, I don't think I paid you enough for all of this like labor you did. And then it was just like,

oh, you've now put a price on it and now you're absolved or he feels absolved. You know, did you absolve him? I mean, I money absolutely but i but then afterwards i was like should i have taken it but then i was like i don't really know what the right thing to do would have been well as you know i am not black and i do apologize but thank you and thank you for letting me apologize thank you for that i would say I think you should absolutely, anytime a white person is doing like a big white guilt gesture,

I would think dealing with white people is exhausting enough that you should just probably take the money. I know. It's just like I just want you to not talk to me anymore. Let it be over. I just want to be done with this. Yeah. But then it's like you walk away and you're like,

well, I helped her out, you know? And I'm like, no, this sucks, I guess. This is not cool. Right. You and I have talked a little bit about this, but when white people with followings, helped her out you know and i'm like no this sucks i guess this is not cool right we you and i talked a little bit about this but when when white people with followings do you remember during the like the the 2020 stuff when white people with big internet followings were like letting a black person run their account for two days people were in my dms mad that i wasn't doing that and i was like i have to tell you yeah this feels to me like if I do this my black friends

are going to make fun of me until the day I die right it feels so patronizing yes to be like I'm so sorry about the plight of your race for many hundreds of years in our country might it help if you could be me for two days right that's insane no it doesn't make any sense we were really poisoned during that time. I think no one was really thinking straight. Exactly. There were certain things that were good, of course. But then it was just like, what's going on?

Like, I remember there was a girl who like really didn't doesn't hadn't ever fucked with me. Really did not. Mortal enemy of mine. No, but just I don't want to give too much. But like she just like didn't really fuck with me. But then she just, like, posted me on her story being like, like, and I love this comedian. And I was like, you do? I was like, just like, and I love you.

And I love these other four black girls. Like, these are my favorite girls in comedy. And I was like, huh? Obviously, it was a white woman. But, like, I was just like, oh, I guess. That had to feel so insane. No, I felt absolutely crazy. I was like, you can't look at me backstage after a show, but you're about to post me like you know me?

Anyways. Anyway, whoo. I'm talking too much shit. No, you didn't say a name. But that would feel fucking crazy. It was just like, oh, you're just pandering. None of this actually means anything to you. Yeah. Yeah. i'm glad you took the money from that guy i'll say that thank you i'm happy for that i bought an apple watch did you that i still have he sent you oh

he sent you a lot of money well you know well things were bad well you know things weren't going well i love that yeah yeah i'm yeah that's nice i still have the apple watch and ultimately i do think about it from time to time. Yeah, when I'm checking my steps, I think of this man. And I say, oh. Oh, beautiful. Yeah. Huh.

Well, okay, so what's so true to you is that black people should get a conspiracy free of judgment. I love that. Yeah. And I'll go with you on that. Thank you. I had a so true that I was thinking of this morning. Yes. But I can't remember what it was. What was I upset about this morning?

I was in the shower. I was in the shower talking out loud to myself. Do you ever do that? Of course. I was in the shower going, these fucking people. I was so mad about something that somebody was doing. No. Am I so true this morning?

What was it? God damn it. I can't remember it. But I was hot this morning. Something happened that had me hot. Damn. But this is, I get real rageful about something for 20 seconds and then I move on and you let it go yeah but that's good i do think it's the best thing that's excellent holding on to it that's the worst yeah then it comes out at really

weird random times and now you're like yelling at somebody like i don't know yeah then i have i don't know i'd be having road rage you know well nowhere oh i or something you do not have to talk to me about it i definitely have yeah i'm i'm i'm a great driver but i'm hey i have opinions out there of course here's something i want to say broker fees okay to get an apartment enjoy hell y'all are all going to hell every one of you are going to hell yeah i just paid yeah a 5900 broker fee yeah to get an apartment yeah i don't get that back that's not a deposit that doesn't come back to me yeah yeah that just goes to the real estate group who they sent one 22 year old girl to be mean to me and open up the

apartment for 20 minutes yes she wasn't even nice to me and i was being charming i was like i walked up to the apartment i said i said hey how's it going thanks for showing it to me she goes it's fine here you go it's such a scam i said first of all you're a tween they couldn't even send an adult to deal with me this is the most disrespectful situation i've ever been in then i'm asking her questions about the apartment i'm like how many units in the building she's like i don't know probably like 20 i'm like probably like probably like yeah can i get an adult in the room no the i i feel like the broker's fee is truly one of the biggest scams like is i don't feel like it's in la though this was in new york they have like a broker but i'm like it's so like what is the point of this and who does this money go to

you know it goes straight to them but like for what la is better because if you rent an apartment over a certain amount per month in la they can't charge you a broker's fee they can only charge the owner which makes sense that's how it should be yes i'm getting you a quality tenant who's gonna come in here and pay the rent on time and not fuck up the walls or whatever you should pay them not me why the fuck am i paying the landlord should always pay but in new york it's so hard to find a good apartment that they have everyone over a fucking barrel oh they do it's insane it's disgusting and oh the kinds of deposits that they used to try and make you pay baby the first the middle the last the in between i said what are we doing yeah they're like we want we want first last third

and sixth how about i just pay how about i buy the fucking apartments that sound good god people i mean i there was like an apartment uh but this is actually out here when it was like uh just a bad time just like during like right after covid or whatever and there was somebody who came in they were like oh offered to pay for the full year like their parents offered to pay for the full year of the apartment i'm like well none of us are competing with that yeah like no i'm not gonna pay you whatever forty thousand dollars out of my pocket right away yeah that's crazy i'm not set up that way no i did i did uh the apartment i just rented in new york i had to go up and rent to like get the place yeah to compete with the other people

who applied and i was like i'll go up a little bit yeah i'm not going up much more than the place but the place the thing is the place i just got is it was underpriced i will say i see they're not charging as much as they should have been so i was like i'm happy to go up a little bit because it was under my budget. Yeah. But these people are insane. No, people will go nuts. It's out of control. Renting is so, we need a federal rent control.

We need regulation on the highest level. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah. I just got a rent increase at my place. How much? And I was like, well, listen, not that much. Okay. Not too bad. You're like 50 bucks?

No. It was like, okay, but it's the principal. It's the principal. It's about $80, but it's the principal it's the principal it's about 80 but it's the principal okay i'm with you okay because this place is not that nice i mean it's nice enough but it's not that nice shit you know it's cute okay or whatever but like there are issues you know yeah sometimes the elevator just stops it's not working right or like i don't know they're just like oh it's not working you can't get out of it stair time yeah it's time to walk and i'm like come on but i'm paying for the elevator yeah am i right come on i'm paying for the elevator i'll always be you're not gonna find

me siding with the landlord all right i'll tell you that look the there's a gym downstairs technically the gym should be a full gym you know what i mean you're using all the equipment all the equipment should work right yeah the light should be able to turn on. Think again. That kind of thing. Yeah. You know? No. The elliptical hasn't worked in years. I don't know when the last time.

That thing makes so much noise. Clank, clank, clank, clank. The bike is by the door. If someone opens it, they're going to hit you. And guess what they're not going to do with that extra $80 a month from you? No. Fix the elliptical. They're not fixing nothing.

No. But I'm about to ask for some things. I'll tell you what. When your landlord raises the rent, the only thing they're fixing to do is go on vacation. Yeah. Come on. Take it to the stage. Take it to the stage,

honey. The only thing they're fixing is their situation in the Bahamas. Yes! You're killing. You're killing. You're killing. That is so stupid. No, it's good. You want to know my new favorite joke?

Picture this. I'm in a pharmacy in Paris. Okay. I'm only, the listeners, I'm going to try to tell this every episode now. No, I'm not. I will tell you though. I'm in a pharmacy in Paris. All right. I'm trying to make my friend laugh. going to try to tell this every episode now. No, I'm not. I will tell you, though. Uh-huh. I'm in a pharmacy in Paris.

All right. I'm trying to make my friend laugh. Okay? We're in the feminine hygiene section. I turn to my friend and I go, okay, feminine hygiene. I'll give it a try. Hygiene. Now, that's a real comedian right there.

Respecting the craft. A true love for the form. You go full clean comic. Yeah. Like, that's a real comedian right there. Respecting the craft. A true love for the form. You go full clean comic. Like that's pretty. That's pretty good. I get on stage and I go, when your landlord raises rent, the only thing they're fixing is fixing to go on another vacation. I put feminine hygiene in there.

Let me tell you something. Yes. If y'all ever see me take a turn into Christian comedy. Yes. Keep your mouth shut. Yeah. I'm buying a private jet. Exactly.

They fucking pay. No. Yes. And I would kill. Yes. I would kill. Oh, y'all ever notice the different ways that people hold up their hands during worship? Already laughing.

Already dead, dead, dead, dead, dead. Screaming, laughing. Private jet, private jet, private jet. Home, new home, new home. You're doing this one. They're like, dead. Screaming, laughing. Private jet, private jet, private jet. Home, new home, new home. You're doing this one. They're like, that's how you, you know? Clean Christian comics are raking it in. And if you ever see me make a turn, know that my heart was not changed.

I did not find God. Jesus did not enter into my life. I got serious about my money. I won't say a word. Thank you. I will know what's happening, and I'll say keep it going. Keep it going. And just know that on the side, I am silently donating a lot of money to progressive causes.

Yeah. But if you see me doing a Christian arena church tour about what's going on with our men and boys, don't worry about it. Just know, just know I'm getting paid handsomely. You're crushing though. Yeah. You're making so much money. I would kill in there. Feminine hygiene is going to go platinum in there.

Yes. Feminine hygiene would go platinum at a christian men's conference in missouri there was like a set i watched or like part of a set that was just like a bunch of teachers doing comedy for other teachers and the teachers like they're not even necessarily full stand-up comedians they're just like very funny teachers and i'm like they're crushing and they're going around the country and it's not it's not even full jokes no No. It's students. They're like, students don't really turn in their homework. Dying. Yes, yes, yes.

You know when the kids don't sit in their seat right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know when they sit like this? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You always got to put the talkative one in a new seat.

Yeah. Yeah. That's kind of what I do for gay people. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You always got to put the talkative one in a new seat. Ah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's kind of what I do for gay people. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, y'all ever heard of Grindr? They go, they scream, they fall out of their chairs, they bleed out of the eyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're having the time of their life. Yeah. I'm like. I'm feeling seen. I'm like, yeah, I'm a topic comic for lesbians. I go, I go, I go, not when you get a girlfriend and you guys have to move in right away lesbians scream shout throw their shoes yeah yeah they love it they unlace their docs they throw them yeah i was thinking birkenstocks birkenstocks yeah either one could be either it's so you could

do my job as well yeah it could have been birkenstocks no worries yeah yeah they throw their copy of all about love by bell hooks you have Yeah, you just toss it up on the stage. That's what they do for me. They love me. It's sitting on the middle of my table. What do you want? All About Love. What's that?

What do you want? What do I want? Out of life. Me? What are you doing this for? What am I doing all of it for? What are you doing all this for? You're a brilliant comedian.

You're so talented. You're an incredible writer. You're a very successful writer. Get out. Things are going well. You're writing TV shows. You're making money. You're an NYU graduate.

You're making your family proud. Your mom and dad are they're in denton they're smiling big they love to see rachel lennon and so do i but what's it all for what is it all for oh my god i don't know come on just having a good time that has been an answer recently people are really digging that one yeah yeah having a nice time people are liking to have a nice time i don't know i think i'm doing it not to be not to be but i don't know i kind of feel like i'm doing it because i'm trying to write and make things that speak to a younger version of me and people like me that i think is important yeah yeah i either a big thing that's been coming up with a lot of my artistic friends recently is just like inner child stuff yeah and thinking about like what is going on with yeah what is going on with 10 year old you 12 year old you what did they want to see yeah or what life would

they have wanted you to live yeah i think like especially in like a lot of people's like solo shows and longer pieces that i've been watching it feels like a lot of it is a nerf thing like something to do with that even if it's not like directly about like uh childhood something going on it's like oh there's like some way in which you're trying to like heal a little bit and i kind of but being very funny i think that's actually the key um uh but yeah i i i really resonate with that so i asked some friends at dinner this recently and i'm curious what your answer would be because I feel like you have really good taste in music well if you could only hear two albums for the rest of your life and when I say that I don't mean just like when you sit down to listen to music I go when you're hearing music in the

grocery store in a cab when you hear music in a movie or tv show it would all be replaced with only some music from these two records what would your two albums be? It's hard to choose, obviously, but the two I've been saying that I think cover the widest range of things for me are the Chicks fly album, formerly the Dixie Chicks, and Miseducation of Warren Hill. Those two albums together, I'm like, I could do anything with something off of those. Oh, my God. Yes. I'm so bad with off like knowing off the cuff i'm like what music do i like i'm only thinking of the music that i last listened to it's like the city girls it's not gonna be the city love the city girls that's a great answer be the city girls that doesn't feel correct um i think it

would be tapestry carol king and then going absolutely brain dead no i'm like just searching through the things and i'm like well what's the most like actually resonant meaningful that i really like tapestry by carol king is a really good one i love that one that's a really good one it's like i kind of return to it all the time yeah so i'm trying to think of the things that i return to i mean honestly i was coming not coming for but i did have my sort of conspiracy theory around stevie wonder but stevie wonder is a very important you can do songs in the key of life yeah didn't you see him live well so so that's actually an interesting well so so

here's what happened i okay so i was at you're like why it's like you're all like something's really going on with you and ste. Yeah, spiritually we're connected. No, I was at a concert in the park. There was just like a DJ who was like playing Stevie Wonder tribute. Yeah. Like just all his music remixing, whatever, and everyone. It's like a bunch of families, people dancing, having a nice time. It's really cute.

And, you know, you're just chilling. Like it's just the DJ. know you're just chilling like it's just it's just the dj in the park in the park so then i know where the dj sort of announces like hey like stevie wonders here and i was like no he's not i said at the park specifically it was macarthur park so like downtown oh stevie wonders at macarthur park sure baby but everyone's rushing the stage and i'm like oh realizing he's here he's come to the park yeah he's come to be amongst the people and he was really just there to kind of hang out and like be like hello he wanted to like he wanted us to sing a bit of a song he was like teaching us the parts at one point for a song that he had created

and then getting mad at us for not getting it right and being like, somebody's off. Stop, stop, stop. Somebody's off. I was like, we're not singers. We also didn't know this was going to happen. You know, no one's warmed up. Like, give us a chance.

But no, he was like there. And then he started singing. And then at one point he was like hey now listen tomorrow i want everyone to listen to me okay 6 a.m tomorrow 6 a.m i need you to do something for me everyone's like yes stevie yes yes like i'm gonna need you to pray and they say yes i'm gonna need you to be just be at your home and i need you to pray pray for a cure to cancer well and that's it and he said you and that was it and did you did i pray yes well i'm not at 6 a.m but later yeah he said he said hey i hate cancer as much as the next time

but i'm not getting up well i was sort like, it just kind of came out of nowhere. He wasn't even talking. No one was talking about cancer. Cancer wasn't even on the menu. But then he was like, we need a cure. And I said, well, that's not wrong. That's not incorrect. Yeah, he's right.

I'd love for it to be gone, Stevie. I do hate cancer. Yeah. But what are we talking about? And what are you doing here? And then he left for a little while. Okay. And then he came back.

He came back to just sing a little bit and talk a little bit left again what how are you gonna feel when the news breaks in like two weeks that he has cancer he has cancer and he's about to leave you're gonna feel crazy that i didn't he's dropping all these hints he's like i just need y'all to pray tomorrow at 6 a.m he's got like an appointment he's like 6 a.m tomorrow He's got like an appointment. He's like 6 a.m. tomorrow. Pray for anybody who's at Cedars-Sinai receiving secret treatment for cancer. Yeah. Well, you know, and then I'll be happy that I got to see him. Yeah. What?

Got him in under the wire. Yeah. Well, you know, get right before he goes. No worries. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, I got a segment for you. Huh? Guess what?

I'm going to read you 15 statements. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if you think they're true or false. Okay. And let me tell you something, Rachel. Uh you can if you think they're true or false. Okay. And let me tell you something, Rachel. Uh-huh. If you get 10 or more correct, I'm going to give you 50 US dollars. What the heck? Exactly correct.

Kim Possible aired on Cartoon Network. No. False. It was Disney Channel. Sharks are technically mammals, not fish. False. False. They're fish.

There are 73 books in the Catholic Bible. True. True. Daniel Radcliffe has been in two Broadway shows. True. False. False. They're fish. There are 73 books in the Catholic Bible. True. True. Daniel Radcliffe has been in two Broadway shows. True. False. Five. Key West, Florida is the southernmost point in the continental United States.

True. True. Sloths have wings. False. False. Audra McDonald was born in New York City. True. False.

Berlin, Germany. Damn. 1.3 million planet Earths could fit inside the sun. True. True. I don't like thinking about that. Prior to the year 1800, 43% of all people died before reaching the age of five. True.

That's true. The largest wedding veil on record was over four miles long. False. True. The Dallas Cowboys were originally the Fort Worth Fightin' Footballers. No. What? False. The first iPhone was released in 2007.

True. True. The Great Fire of London only caused six deaths. True. True. Don Knotts is a fictional character. False. False.

Lighters were invented before matches. True. True. Twelve. Ah! That's the best one we've had in a long time. Yeah. Really, really impressive.

Wow. Good job. Thanks. That's better than... When was the last time we had a 12? Months? My guests are not really. I'm tapped in.

You're tapped to include in. I'm tapped in all kinds of stuff. Yeah, you're smart. Yeah. A lot of my guests are a little on the dingbat side. A little silly. A little bit goofy. A little on the dingbat side.

Yeah. Jesus. Guess what? We kill it dingbat side. Yeah. Jesus. Guess what? We kill at Christian Conference. Crush. Yeah, I lived out in L.A. for a while. Let's just say my friends were a little on the dingbat side. Let's say I had a couple friends whose hair color they weren't born with.

You might be a dingbat. You might be a dingbat if you might be you might be a dingbat come on that's going on the shirt we need to form a duo yes yes yes yes you ever watch righteous gemstones yes we need to form like amy lee and baby billy please get us on the road haven people i think what would be crazy is like people would really love it yeah but maybe be confused if it's real or not yeah you i you think you and i if it's it suits us yes earnestness like an earnest christian comedy yeah we could get there and then but at the end we're asking people if they want to dedicate their life to christ yeah coming under the altar why not yes running through the house with a pickle in my mouth come on

misbehaving. You know that song? Uh-huh. Love that song. It's nice. You and I would do good as a Christian duo. I agree. We could do like a modern twist on it too, like a young person's Christianity.

Yeah, we're doing some claps. We're getting people going. Yeah, we're like using internet slang. Uh-huh. We're like, notice how I show up to church? Very demure. Very cutesy at service. It's crushing. It's crushing.

We're kind of getting like all different demographics too you know so we're like getting people in their early 20s but we're also catching people in their 60s yeah they're enjoying it exactly because they're like i don't know what they're saying but the young people eat it up yes i'm like i think the apple's rotten straight to the core eve shouldn't have eaten it and they're like oh my god it's like what was eve doing yeah you know what was she thinking you crazy dumb bitch. We take it a little too far. Eve, you stupid bitch.

There's one rule, bitch. We really go in. Stay still, Eve. OK. Mind your business. All right? Get out of there. There's a snake that can talk, you fucking idiot. Yeah.

You stupid little bitch. Yeah. Yeah. Take your hair out of your fucking eyes. You long-haired they're like oh fuck they go oh we maybe shouldn't have hired these two these two are not actually given yeah you raggedy old whore you're adam's little whore aren't you hey rachel yeah with your all your holes open bent over oh don't bring adam into it open for jesus he hasn't even been born yet you idiot

rachel yeah you bitch you're sick yeah let adam spit in your fucking hole bitch learn learn to fucking live a little did you say spit in your hole yeah i don't think i've ever had a guest make me as uncomfortable as you are okay are we not having freaky sex or what no spinning in holes are we not having yeah exactly yeah yeah we're licking the pits we're having some fun yeah we're come on brother yeah we're kind of getting in there exactly getting in the creases i love your energy let me get behind an elbow crease yeah what are you doing over there let me bite it i don't know you're gonna bite the elbow crease around and you're getting in there i'm gonna get in there

and i'll figure it out you're scaring the hell out of me. I know your professor boyfriend. I didn't know he was really dealing with all that. I'm just saying this is how I am. This is who I am. Yeah, you're doing elbow crease stuff. Yeah, elbow crease stuff for the girls, for the boys. I've always said that about you.

Yeah, because you're a little lesbian. Yeah, that's what they're calling it. I'm a little lesbian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, boy. Yeah. Well, thanks for being on. Oh, my God. Thank you for having me.

I think the world of you. I think the world of you. I just think you're a genius and I just love you. Oh, thanks for being on. Oh my God. Thank you for having me. I think the world of you. I think the world of you. I just think you're a genius and I just love you. Oh my God. Will you tell the people where they can find you? They can find me on Instagram at I am Rachel Pegram. And you truly are. You really are Rachel Pegram.

That's all it is. Thanks so much for being here. Yeah. Bye.