So True with Caleb Hearon - Richard Perez is Completely Fabulous

Episode Date: August 6, 2026

Welcome! This week’s guest is the hilarious Richard Perez! Richard and Caleb talk Truman Capote’s swans, the many pitfalls of Find My Friends, Toronto, and so much more! Want more Richard? Click here! https://linktr.ee/richard_perez Join our Substack for ad free full episodes, early access to merch, our community chat, and more! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow Richard! @richard_perez Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Visit https://Quince.com/sotrue for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. Go to https://www.squarespace.com/SOTRUE to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code SOTRUE. Thank you to Hinge! So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Anna Weis. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York. A Wave series. https://wavesportsandentertainment.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Wayfair, every style, every home. Wave. I have not been that nervous in a while. It's horrifying. Yeah. And I was like, a knot in my throat. Like, maybe when I go in the ding? Yeah.

Well, maybe. Yeah. Richard. Hey, gorgeous. Hello. How's it going? It's going okay. It's going pretty well.

But I'm so worried that I guess it's like the things that are going through my mind right now is I'm a little nervous. Okay. And I'm worried that this because of my lack of sleep and like my energy right now. Yeah. That this is going to be on my end. I'm going to be boring. Yeah. I'm so scared I'm going to be boring in this recording.

I've never seen you be boring. So it feels really hard to imagine. But sometimes, like, I can be, like, in a conversation. That's, like, can I just say, as kind of, like, how do I put this? As, like, gay jesters, which we both are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As gay gestures, it's just sometimes, it's hard to explain to people that sometimes it's giving boring.

It's going to give boring. Sometimes I give boring and that's okay. I follow the social script sometimes in such a lazy way. Yeah. I've always said that about you. Yeah. It's like one of my top three things.

I'm like really funny, super nice. Follows the social script in such a lazy way. And sometimes I do. I'm just like the weather. Oh, it's raining. I was like, good. I like when Chance's like, met me outside.

I was just like going to talk about the weather. Yeah. Which sometimes that is so interesting. Like sometimes there is something there. We're all experiencing it. And we all know what that's like. We know what rain is like.

We know what like 1 p.m. on a Monday. It's raining traffic. Whatever. Like we kind of know those. This is boring. Do you find you, no,

it's not. Do you find yourself falling prey to this a lot that you're like talking about something you don't care about because it feels like the thing to do? I guess so. a little bit sometimes. By the way, I love that shit.

Yeah. That is, I don't even fall prey to it. I seek it out. I love, I love to be like, ugh. Me and the people at my front desk have some of the most banal conversations you can possibly imagine. At my building, I'll walk in and be like, it is a scorcher out there. And they'll be like, it's so hot and I'll be like, but it's kind of nice to be in the AC, right? And we'll do this over and over again.

You see, Caleb, like, but that is so, some people are so good at it. I love it. That is so cool. Like, like, like, there's times that it's like, like,

like, I'll be with a friend and like, we're talking to like, either like a waiter, like, or another person that's at the store to a, retail or whatever. Like,

and they're having, we're having small talk, but they are engaging with, to ask like, wait, what did you say? You were like, it's a scor.

out there, right? Oh, yeah, I love that one. And then you said, what? But it's nice to be in the AC. It's nice to be in the AC, right? Yeah. To ask that? Oh, I'm...

That's so charming. That's so, like... This is all I have. Where for me, like, I would just be like, yeah, it's, like, so hot outside. So you're really just the AC question off. Yeah. That's the one... And I don't...

Yeah. I just have to come up with more follow-ups. Some people find it charming. Some people don't. I will say I like to bring... I like to bring servers in on bits of... a lot. I'm really, no matter what the context of the dinner is, and I will say I've been on some dates where I find out very quickly that this person is not going to be charmed by my whole deal.

I'm like asking the server like, who's your favorite table tonight, who's giving you trouble? And I can sometimes, I have been on dates where I just see the person's eyes kind of shift to like, well, this is now an experiment and no longer a viable romantic. You know what I mean? And I mean it. I want to get into it with the server. Yeah, yeah. I love that shit. I don't have anything else. I know, me too. It was my whole life. I do, but then I, um, like, I don't know. I think I still revert to, with the server.

I'm like, pretending they're like right here. I like still, I think I like still revert to like being like 16 or something or like 15, like my first time alone at a restaurant or something like in my hometown or whatever. And I'm like, oh yeah, thank you. Yeah. And if they're trying to spark Like a little bit of conversation I'm like my heart's racing

But I'm like trying to Find I'm like just be honest Like just You can talk to people What's your fear? I think maybe I can't tell if it's like

What is the fear? I like I don't I'm not enough I'm not enough I think you're powerful beyond measure Richard, I think you're powerful beyond measure. You have a really funny bit in your show, which I just saw, and is brilliant. Oh, my God. Thank you so much.

And I hope you're putting it up more very soon. Yes, I am. Thank God. But you have such a funny bit in it that we can cut this if you don't want me to spoil it. But you're like talking to somebody at dinner. And the tone is very like, we're here, we're talking, we're having dinner, it's dinner tone. And then an invisible server comes. And you raise your voice and look up to a height that is so unbelievable.

funny. Like I truly laughed about it the next day about you just being like, yeah, totally. Yeah! Yop! Yeah! The chicken piccata! Yop! Like, looking like truly into the ceiling, like, it fucking healed me, dude. It's so funny.

Thank you. Thank you, Caleb. I love the show. Thank you so much. What inspired it? I... So, I started working on the show in 2022. and even like the title of it I have to do this

I kind of like I mean I don't know like there there's a few like scenes that I guess I've already have thought about and like like there was this lady

I was dog sitting for actually near here on the beginning of that year and she had a really nice kitchen sink and I prop my phone up and I was doing her dishes and I just started filming myself doing dishes.

But then I started like pretending that someone's like my boyfriend, like imaginary boyfriend is like kissing my neck or something and trying to be like cute with me while I'm like, and I'm like, stop. Like, what are you doing? And it really did something to me. And so I made a few, I did a few different takes. And then I like shared it online and I don't know, I just thought it was so funny.

And so then at that time too, I was like really deeply figuring out like live material and like performing on stage doing comedy and because I was like fairly new. And then by the end of that year, I don't know, like eventually this one time I in the summer I had this like. night where I had two shows or something. And at that time, that was, like, a huge deal. I was like, two stand-up shows. What am I going to do? And I was so nervous. And I'm just, like, trying to figure out, like, do I do new material?

Like, what am I going to? Like, I have nothing. Like, I don't know, blah, blah, blah. And then I've just been thinking about this idea for a while. I'm like, what if I just, like, lied to the audience and I tell them I have a play. And I even, like, a little punchline in the describing it to them that it was, that it would be called I have to do this. Yeah.

And that someone's like making me do the show or something. So I don't know. I feel like it's, it kind of started from like that place of just like, well, one, me, like, just like exploring and like reckoning with like my own relationship with performing, but also like just living in like some sort of fantasy of like a rom-com sort of romance or whatever, like playing with like that. like bedroom fantasy. Like I think a lot of people

act out alone like at home. Like do you ever do that? Like act out being in a relationship at home? Yeah. Well, I don't want to say no because I want you to feel very connected to me right now. Okay. But the answer is not really.

Okay. But I don't, I don't know. But like I mean like, I don't know. Like, do you ever like when you're in bed like, you're just like, do you ever like do that? Just like pretend someone's over there? Yeah.

I don't. But I will say... We too, me too, me too. The, specifically like cuddling in bed is a sight of anxiety for me in relationships. Okay. I don't like. It's not I don't like. I struggle with another person in my bed.

Okay. And I have not been in a relationship where it has ceased to be my bed and become our bed with somebody. and I pray for it someday, Richard, I hope it happens. But I, someone in the bed is so like, I'm supposed to be in here alone, sleeping. What the hell are you doing in here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, I do, yeah.

I mean, so much of the show that I just saw of yours is, like, really well-observed. I feel like it's very self-aware. There's some really, there's really great small stuff about who this person is as a character that I loved. and the stuff that's observed about relationships, I think is so smart and fantastic. How are you in relationships? Are you anxious? Well, I've never been in one.

No? No. And so I'm 35. You're 35? Yeah. Okay, so tell me what's happened. Basically, I felt like I started, well, in high school, closeted. Thank you.

I was always like this. Like, everyone knew. Everyone. You're like, first of all, I'm struts. Yeah. I was like, guys. Yeah. Let's get one thing out of the way. Let's get one thing out of the way.

I'm straight. Everyone was like, okay. And I was like, I'm going to art school. And everyone was like, okay. They're like, totally. Totally. Yes, you do it. And I think we know the project that'll come out of that.

Yeah. I think I know the kind of post we'll be seeing pretty quickly into art school. I know in my mind, I was like, because I went to school for photography. And I was like, that's like, because deep down, when we were, it was like junior year or something and you're like getting closer to like, okay, I got to decide like what major.

Like what am I going to do as far as like college goes? And I was like thinking to myself like, I was like, well, I fell in love with this sort of creative practice photography. But I always wanted to be an actor. of course and so I was like but everyone's gonna everyone's gonna like

know I'm gay because you're doing photography no because I'm doing acting like theater school got it got it blah blah and I was like photography that's pretty straight

and then truly like and at that time I wasn't really much of a musicals person like and that's like so like my own repressed sort of thing and I felt like not

accepted by like the theater community from like my high school but I saw Rent, like the movie, and then the straight guy in it is a photographer or filmmaker. There's that guy who always brings the camera around. And I was like, oh, I'm just like him. That makes me so both want to laugh

and also sad and want to hug you from them. You being like, I'm the guy with the camera I'm just the guy with the camera. That's me. That's me. Yeah. And I'm sensitive and... And that's just how I am.

And you can be sensitive and a straight man, by the way. Yes, you can. And take your photos. And also, like, in high school, I just, like... I don't know, I just, like, really fell in love with it. And, like, this was, like... For high school, for me was, like, MySpace was ending. Facebook was, like, popping off.

So there was, like, that transition, like, area, like, era. and but I feel like I eventually like just taking pictures of my friends which most of my friends were girls and you just laying out the textbook

kind of yeah literally all my friends and then my best friend gay guy of course the only thing that could be gayer than that is if it was a straight guy that you were secretly in love with of course yes yes yeah yeah that was later that was later yeah of course but I

um so I would take pictures of my girls and I put it like I would put it online like they would also put them online and then more girls would reach out girls from other towns girls from other towns

were like I need you to take my picture I'll pay you 50 bucks let's go to a field in Branchburg whatever the hell New Jersey we'll go whatever we'll take pictures and I was living

I was like oh my god this is everything. And I'm like, I'm gonna be the next Jurgenteller. Yeah. And but yeah, whatever, I'm straight. And so then like I, I, um, wait, what was the question? It was about dating or something? It was about relationships and what your relationship situation is. Yes. So then, um. So high school was like your Truman Capote and his swans.

Sort of, sort of era. You're just collecting swans from every township in Jersey. Except you're photographing them for pay. Well, yes. Well, yes. Yeah, I did. And then, but then I got to college. I didn't, I didn't hook up with anyone.

I was just way too anxious. And just gradually, eventually I was just like, like I met this guy. I became really close with this guy in, like, sophomore year. I wonder if he'll listen to this. I, um, we got really close. And then he, he was straight and I, like, fell in love with him.

Mm. And then that was, like, the first, like, whosh! Yep. That's the big one. Yeah. Fuck. I bet that hurts so bad. Really bad.

Really bad. And then, and then I think, well, because of that, then I had to open up to my friends in college and let them know. I was like, and at first I framed it. I was like, I'm bisexual. wanted to keep the door open. Totally. You know.

Classic. I'm so classic. Totally. And you might have been, by the way. And maybe I am. Maybe I am. Maybe you are. Maybe I am.

And I just don't know that yet. Yes. Completely. I am. Whatever. Completely. But that first unrequited heartbreak. Yeah.

Foundational. Foundational text. Yeah. And then and then I, And then I transferred schools because I went to a two-year program to school that doesn't exist anymore in Delaware. And then I transferred to Pratt. And the friends I made in Delaware, we all had the same idea.

So we moved. So I was like really lucky. I moved here with a group of friends. Yeah. And then like I just feel like I didn't, I don't know, I didn't date or anything. Like I was really, really anxious around it. But you were out to your friends at this point? Yes.

as bisexual. You're out to your friends as bisexual after you got your heartbroken by a straight guy and then I moved to New York. Yeah. It's classic. Classic. Exactly.

New York. Yeah. Yeah. If you can move to New York in any way, I just want to say to anyone listening, make sure that you get your heartbroken by a straight person are transferring schools and are fording with the idea of being by.

That's the best way to come to New York City. Truly. If you get your way. Yeah. Yeah. Truly. I had to come as like an already out gay guy. Boring.

You were already like seeing it. Yeah. That was boring. So, but back to you. You came to Pratt. I came to Pratt. You did not date due to. Just like sphere.

Of course. And then. One of the classic emotions. Yeah. And so then like, but I remember senior year or the summer going into senior year. I remember I like, because I turned 21. So going to like bar. and stuff like it was just like

everything I'm like this is fab yeah um and this guy from my photo class we like hung out like this one night he was like do you want to like get a drink like we both were staying here in the summer and I was like okay

in hindsight I was like was it like a little bit like was there a vibe like I don't know I can tell you that I'm shipping yeah I can tell you we're all on the edge of our fucking seats I know, I know, and I was like, but nothing happened between him and I. What? We never kissed, like nothing happened.

He was a gay guy? He was a gay guy. Oh, Richard. But, but I have no, but I think he, I know he was dating someone, and they're still together. That doesn't mean anything to gay guys.

I know, I know, but I don't know. You know gay guys? Yes, I do. Dating somebody means nothing. I know. It's less than a roommate at most times. Right, right. Most gay guys have a more serious relationship

with their postal man than their point, their boyfriend? Oh my God. To be a boyfriend to a gay guy is like, it's like being their barista or something. It's totally unsirious. It could change at the drop of a hat.

It's transactional. It's transactional. You meet a gay guy who's been married for like 20 years and he's like, oh, that's just my husband. Like, it's really not serious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so nothing happens with this guy. So nothing happened between us,

but there was this moment where this drunk lady was chatting us up. And she was like, are you guys gay? First of all. And like, we paused. He's like, I am. And I was like, me too.

Sorry. That was the first time I ever said that. Oh my God. Me too. I loki want to cry. Does that make sense? Yeah. That's beautiful. Yeah.

Oh my God. I love that. And it happened literally like a few blocks away from here. Stop. So I'm feeling really a full circle right now. Yeah, yeah. Me saying exactly where we are. Yeah, and then, and then, like, after college, then, like, I started to, really, like, like, I told my brother and. Old or younger?

Yeah. Oh, how to go? He was so sweet about it until he. told my mom. Oh. And then that caused, like, tension. Yeah, mom not cool with it. Yeah.

Mom not into it. Yeah. So then that was, like, that was, I was like 22 or 23. And, uh, and I got like my first job. And so, like, I don't know. I was like, an adult or something, like in New York, like, feeling really like, okay, well, I'm, like, live in my life like as

like now that this thing is like out of the cats out of the bag like I'm just gonna I just gotta do this yeah and then but then yeah I think since then then I was like 22 23 to now my relationship to dating has been like I don't know like I

I guess I've just always been like in my early 20s I always thought that it was just that other people didn't want me or something that like I have to wait for someone to pick me yeah and then if I get chosen then like we can make this work but but then I'm like in hindsight I'm like I also think that I put up barriers and I like do have a an issue with like intimacy or something or like yeah like I also got in I got in my own way or something and maybe I just wasn't

or didn't, I don't know. Well, there's an inherent, like, I think signal that we give off when I spent, I relate to a lot of this, but I spent a good portion of like the beginning of my 20s feeling like undesirable. Am I, of course my teen years, but that's like, I feel like that's given. But yeah, I felt undesirable and I felt like nobody would want me. And I look back and there are so many things that I'm like, that person either was into you or could have been into you.

but we spend so much time when you really believe that you're undesirable or that someone would not want you you put out this signal whether you know it or not that is like that almost convinces people not to be into it do you know what I mean? 100% not saying that that's what was happening with you

but that's what was happening with me but I really relate to that yeah I really really like it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy yeah it's like I am undesirable yeah I believe that the universe is hearing me say that and now other people are getting the signal that I am undesirable People don't want me, people don't want me, people don't want me, and then I really think I, like, put out, like, some sort of energy or some sort of,

or how I, like, engaged with people. Like, I don't know, I just, I think I wasn't open. Yeah. To it. I think when you say that, too, there's sometimes, like, people will, like, confidence won't get you everybody. Yeah. Like, it's not, like, being confident will just make anyone attracted to you.

Yeah. But, like, not believing that anyone should be into you, certainly won't get you anybody. Yeah. That you, at least not anybody that you should be having. You know what I mean? Right. The people who are into that are crazy, like, people who are into, like, weak partners are,

that's a whole other problem. That's, yeah. That's actually really scary. That's scary. That's so scary. And that could have happened. Totally. You know?

Yeah. Thank goodness it didn't. Yeah. Like, and, yeah, like, I feel, I don't, also. I throughout my 20s like my drinking just like crescendoed and spiraled out and Big drinker?

Mm-hmm. Okay. Like yeah. And then I stopped drinking when I was 28 and then I haven't since. Now how did you stop drinking? Did you do a program or were you just like, I'm done with this? I just, um, it was over lockdown, which was crazy. Nice. But, um, but it really, for me, I just well, someone confronted me like a few months before.

lockdown. So I just like thought about it for a bit. And then I was just like, and then quite literally I just could not afford it. Yeah. Lost my job. Like, lockdown started. Like, I was just like, all right, I got to just try it. Yeah. And not give in to this right now and see what happens. And then June, I finally got my, like, unemployment.

I was waiting forever for unemployment. Yeah. So I got, like, back pay. So I got, like, $5,000. And I was like, I could, like, pretty much drink all of this. for the next month or so. But I'm like, let me not do that.

Like, I just, let me just keep seeing this. And I still was like trying to make sense of, I'm like, well, I don't think I really have, like, an issue with this or, I don't know, like, blah, whatever. And then eventually, like, I was brought to this

this type of, like, Zoom program type of thing. And then they connected me to a therapist that I was seeing who's been sober for 20 years. And we unpacked. a lot of things together. I have so many questions. If I asked you about the confrontation,

would you tell me or you're not, don't want to talk about it? The confrontation. You're like, someone confronted me. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. About the drinking. I'll talk about it. What was that like?

Who, why, what, how? It was like a classic, there was like a pattern that repeated where it was like a straight guy that I had feelings for that I was friends with. Okay. And...

Just immediately hard to be on his side. Hearing that it was a straight guy, I'm like, you shouldn't be confronting anyone. He was different. It sounds like for the best, but immediately when I heard that, I was like, excuse me? He was different.

He was different. Straight guy, friend you had feelings for him. He was different. He was straight, but like kind of fruity. Love. What was the confrontation? He was like, hey, when you drink, you're really handy. And I'm not down with all that.

Yeah, I told you I'm not gay. Yeah. You keep trying to kiss me when you're drunk. It feels like a sober motive is somewhere in there, I don't know. No, like, because I feel like around, like when I first started drinking, like in college to then, I think, I mean, I think like, like, quite often, especially when I was, like going through different like turmoil, different changes or I just feel like I was that person that like would worry everyone and I would get so wasted and then end up. like weeping and then like run away and like scare everyone. They're like not answering my phone like being crazy. Some of the classic behaviors of getting drunk.

Yeah. And then also I think like just some of my like repressed like anger. Like I was just like like like kind of like lash out a little. Yeah. Like I have like a bite to me. Oh I have some friends that when they've had more than three drinks, either I go somewhere they're not or or I need to all. get drunk because the I know some very sweet people that are mean drunks yeah and I don't enjoy it

and I was kind of like that that happens sometimes um but yeah and so like uh basically I have this like um meltdown type of thing I like run into him because I used to go out go out alone a lot too um before lockdown slash like getting sober but also before performing live I used to go out alone to I would go to pyramid club like every week and go out dancing there and I got to like meet you know I met other people that are also regulars there and I got to know the people that work there and like some of my best friends like also like would come with me sometimes but like on the weekends you know and then I would do karaoke a lot and I think I was just like microdosing like performing because I wanted to perform of course but I was really scared to start and so anyways this one night I

run into him out. I was like really, really, I like went, I think I, before I ran into him, I was at a, it was like, I was working at a startup and they had like a holiday party. So I was gone. You were fucking ripped off the free, yeah, let's go. Yeah. Free startup

alcohol. Open bar. Yeah. Gone. Oh yeah. And then I was like, I got to sing. So then. Time to sing. Time to sing this song. time to sing my songs guys completely obsessed and I'm like walking over to I went to Asia Roma first

I don't know what happened and then I went to upstairs bar yeah and then I run into him I don't remember what I just remember I was just like rude to him but then he got concerned because I like there was some sort of something

him and I never talked about it We never unpacked it. And I closed the door. But basically, like, I left. And then from his POV, this is what I imagine. Him and I are talking at the bar. It's called upstairs bar. So there's stairs that lead you there.

And we're talking. And I'm like, whatever. And I'm leaving by. And then I walk out, slam the door. And then I think from him, all he heard probably was, I slid down the stairs. No, the worst. Not your dramatic exit ruined by a farce.

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out as if like nothing, just sent me a meme. And just to be like, ha ha. Was it a meme about someone falling down the stairs? Or was it just completely unrelated? It was unrelated. I love that. I think, I think, yeah. And then

I was just kind of like I should say something. Like I my behavior was like inappropriate. And so I sent him a message and I was like, and I think to be honest, this thing is coming up. I have, I think I have feelings for you. And I think part of my like, behavior is like trying to navigate that

or reconcile with it or something and I'm taking it out on you and I'm sorry. But then, but he was like, I understand like, you know, like I've, Of course, like, he's experienced that too, or, you know, like an unrequited type of thing. But he was like, I'm more concerned about your drinking. Yeah.

And I think if you don't do something about it, it's going to get worse. And I was so upset. Yeah. Yeah. Like, were you defensive? Like, he's wrong? Yeah. Okay.

And we still haven't talked since. No way. Yeah. But so how long after that conversation did you go like, oh, fuck, the drinking is a problem? It probably took me a while. I think. Probably because that happened at the end of 2019 and then beginning of 2020

was when I stopped. Yeah. And then I probably feel like by the end so maybe it took like a year. And then like a year and a half I was just like okay yeah. Like I'm really glad he said that. And have you ever and you've never talked to him since then? We haven't talked

since. Damn. And so yeah but if he's listening, thank you. Oh my God. That's so beautiful. Do you think he still is and do you know anything about what he's up to? I have no idea. Wow. Interesting. Yeah. I really, I wish I didn't handle it that way. Yeah. But, um, but, um, but yeah, I'm, yeah, I'm really happy he did. It's the most logical response when someone brings up something big and, like, cutting to the core and, like, foundational, the most logical thing is to be like, well, that person's fucking crazy. Yeah.

Uh, project much. I don't think I have a life altering problem. I think you're fucking jealous. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're jealous. You're just. jealous of me. You're jealous of how much fun I have. Yeah, hello. She va vivévi. I sing. Hello. I sing my songs. I sing my songs. Alone. Alone while I'm out. Alone. Alone. You do that. And I run into you and treat you weird. That is so funny. Yeah. Damn. Well, shout out to him. Shout out to him. Really shout to him in many ways. Yes. And, um, and then, yeah, and then I feel like the first, like,

year and a half of not drinking. Then like things started opening up again with like venues and bars like, you know, at the end of 20 or summer of 2021. Yeah. And then that's when I started like, I'd been making like videos and stuff like that online, but never gone viral or anything like that. Like it's just like gradually like more like New York like comedians would like start to find me a little bit like little by little.

And then they started reaching out and being like, oh, like, would you want to do like a set on the show? Would you want to... I don't know. And I just felt like I was like, well, I got to say yes to learn how to figure out who I am in this context. And I just got to try. I was so scared.

It was crazy. Of course. It's scary as hell when you start. Yeah. I feel like if you're not scared when you start, you're either an idiot or a sociopath. Yes. It should be scary.

It really should be scary. Yeah. It's a scary thing to do, especially, I think particularly there's a real, like, I think about audacity a lot as a concept and, like, what that even means and why we hate it so much. Like, we really, I think as a culture, we really, we despise people with audacity, but we, like, revere them. We, like, we value audacity as, like, this very cool thing to have, but then we really despise a lot of people for having it. And particularly with humor, the idea of standing up in front of a room of people and being like, I am so funny that I should be up here alone with this thing and you should all be sitting there listening intently.

That is like a huge amount of audacity and so of course it's scary. That's a crazy thing to do. Yes. It's really psycho. Yeah. That any of us do it is crazy. I know. It is crazy.

And you are that funny. You should be doing it. So it makes sense. Thank you. But of course it's scary. Are you good at living presently? Um, sometimes I have my moments. Yeah?

Yeah. I have my moments and I eat. Yeah, there are times I'm good at living in the present And in those moments, honey, I eat. I'm eating. I'm bad at it, I think. I can't decide. I'm either amazing at it or maybe the worst person to ever do it.

Actually, I don't know. Am I present right now? I think you're being very present right now. I feel like you are too. I feel really good at being present on that. the show actually. I randomly do feel like no matter what is going on I can lock in to do this podcast.

It doesn't really matter what else is going on. I am really able to sit in this chair and have a conversation. And God bless, y'all, keep watching. Keep watching. Y'all, if you can hear me, keep watching. Keep watching. Share, like, subscribe. Tell your friends. Never, ever, ever post a mean

thing about me. Be sweet. Share the show. But I hope that they're listening. I hope they didn't click out. They haven't clicked out of this episode. They haven't clicked out of this episode. Okay. They haven't clicked out of this episode.

This episode, this episode is one that I'm really enjoying, Richard. I'm enjoying it too. We don't also, by the way, it's funny, there is a lot of anxiety that people have around coming on this show. People get really nervous. People I've never seen be nervous before, hacked so insane to me and Chance and Virginia and Michelle. I don't know if it makes its way to Nicole directly. Of course, she bears, Nicole edits the show. She bears all the consequences of the insanity.

but people that cool as a cucumber, coolest people you've ever met, dear friends, texting me 3 a.m. cold sweat, panic. Two weeks after recording, the thing I said about Obama, it has to go. It has to go. Just like crazy, like, my ex watches, my ex watches, my ex watches. Please, Chance, can you help me, please? It's a too late chance, my ex. They cannot be mentioned, Chance, we must cut, Chance.

It's the craziest shit I have ever seen in my life. life. People that I've never seen behave this way. Yeah. And, you know, we welcome it. We say no worries. I mean, it's just like, yeah, it can be quite, it's quite vulnerable. It is very vulnerable.

And I feel also that it, because we don't do us strictly, like I have always said this show, regardless of how the fans feel about it, the show is not intended to be anything. It's like whatever we want it to be. Yeah. Sometimes there's a serious episode. Sometimes there's a sweet episode. Sometimes there's a funny one. Sometimes I come in and I'm in a stupid insane psychotic energy.

And then we have to do a stupid episode. And God love the guest on those days. But yeah, the show is whatever it turns into. And I think because there's no gimmick, it can stress people out because I think it randomly becomes kind of revealing. Yeah, totally. Yeah, because we're just stepping into like a conversation. That's like, because right now so far, it's just been like,

I don't know, this maybe would be what it's like for you and I alone. Yeah. Oh, my God. By the way, I listened to Sydney Washington's episode. The latest one. Yeah, and you guys mentioned me. Yeah, we did. You said very kind things with both of you.

Thank you so much. I meant them. I'm very earnest and genuine. Yeah, I really appreciate that. Sydney is... Sydney's... No! Sydney Washington...

Sydney Washington is a very nefarious player. She's a disingenuous character. No, I love her so much. She's the fucking best. I love Sydney, Washington. She's the best. She called me the other day, She goes, she loves the call out of the blue, which I love about her.

And she calls out of the blue. And she goes, what are we doing for July 4th? What is the plan? And I go, sit, I don't know. I'm not hearing anything interesting. It's all like beach or rooftop. And neither is really speaking to me at the moment. Who knows what will happen?

And she goes, you know, I just talked to Marie. Marie hasn't heard a plan. If Marie hasn't heard a plan, it's dry. It's dry. It's dry. You know it's dry when Marie hasn't heard a plan. I'm like, I agree with that sentiment. And I don't know what we're going to do.

and she was like, all right, well, keep me in the loop. I love you. I love that. I love that. I love that. It's my girl. Because I feel like there's times like, yeah, I see her at like shows in the green room and, uh, or like once in a while, like, she'll be entering, like, getting out of a phone call. Yeah.

A FaceTime or something like with her. And I'm just like, I love that. I love like a, I don't know. It's better than like texting or something. Especially when it's like that kind of thing. Yeah, why not? Just make it like that. It's just be like a direct, clear, like.

She's one of the sweetest most special souls I have ever encountered. Yeah. She's too good for this world. I don't, I just, she's so fucking funny and smart and nice and good at being a friend. And that's the vibe I get from her. It's crazy. Like, we don't know each other so well. But I'm like, but I get the vibe like to her friends, like the people who are lucky to be so close to her that she's just like really loyal.

and really just like there for them. Like that's just like the, I don't know, I don't know how to articulate it. No, she shows up, it's crazy. She really is like a, she's like a community organizer. Like you're a good friend. She's an incredible friend. Yeah. It's insane.

I like strive to be as good of a friend as Sydney is and keep up with people as much as she does. She really keeps it going. Yeah. She doesn't let it fall out of touch. I can let it fall out of touch. I do too. It's hard.

Yeah. Well, there's too many people. We have a really excited. we have a really beautiful situation where we get to know so many great people. But it's hard to fucking keep up with everybody because also I'll call somebody randomly sometimes being like, oh my gosh, I haven't talked to like so-and-so and forever

and I'll call and they're like, oh, I'm sorry, I moved to L.A. for a couple months. I think I'll be back in the fall. Or like, everyone's just always like, you know, you can't keep track of anybody. Yeah, 100% percent. Unless you used find my friends. I just started this year.

I don't do it. You don't. No, I don't subscribe to it. You cannot have my location. I know. I know, that's crazy. You can't have my location. That is crazy.

No, and people abuse it too. Girls abuse it. Girls abuse by my friends. I hate talking about girls. You know how I feel about girls, Richard. They're my number one type of people. They raised me. I love girls. All my friends were girls in high school. Oh my gosh, girls are everything to me.

I have nothing without girls. If all girls disappeared tomorrow, I would kill myself on site. Me too. If I woke up tomorrow and turned on the radio and there was an alert. There are no more girls. All girls died last night. I would put a fucking gun in my mouth and pull the trigger. Good evening.

Breaking, breaking. Breaking, breaking. All girls disappeared from the earth last night. You would just, you would, you would pan out to the, an exterior of my building and hear a loud shot. Yes. And then,

and then across town, somewhere downtown. Yeah, somewhere downtown. Big fucking sound. That is me killing myself with a gun. That having been said, girls abuse find my friends. They abuse location. Uh,

Saw that four of my friends' dots You got to walk at the reservoir right now Didn't get an invite Hey, so that's not a use of that Hey, yeah This was supposed to be for safety, I thought. Yeah. And now we're using it for trickery

And petty manipulate nations. It's not good. I know, I know. I share my location with, I think, six people. How many girls? Three. You're in danger. Boys don't even use it.

Boys don't even use it. Boys don't even use it. But I kind of, like, not in like a, you know, it's more like once in a while I'm curious. Yeah. You know, like, I'm like, I'm like, what are you doing? Of course. I'm like, he's so, like, he's crazy. I have this one friend where I'm like, you're, you're a wild one.

You're crazy. What are you doing in Dubai? Yeah, you're doing. Yeah. What are you doing? Oh, okay. Okay, you're in Dubai. Okay.

Fun. Okay, what are you doing over there? I, yeah, the surveillance state can be so much fun. It can be fun. I love playing with my ring. camera. I have one. I have a ring camera. I'm fundamentally opposed to it. Yeah.

When my friends stay at my house and she goes and plays guitar on the front porch, I'll sometimes if I get the alert that she's out there, I'll just say, hey! You know, stuff like that. It's cute. Living in the penopticon, we need to have our fun. You need to have fun with it. Have fun with the surveillance state. We're being watched at all times

from every single angle. Let's have a little fun with it. Yeah. It's kind of my thing. Play, subvert the form. Subvert the forum. Yes, we're being watched. Yes, you cannot escape the all-knowing eye of the government. Yes, we should have a little fun with it. Yeah.

Do you, how do you feel about the government? Pro-Con. I'm con. Now you go. I'm pro. Pro, pro, pro. I love what they're doing. Richard, I have a question for you.

Tell me. What is so true to you? Okay. I was thinking about this. Thank God. You're the first. I need help. kind of articulating it.

Okay. Fuck, okay. Let's do it. I, so okay, I'm on a, I'm on a sex journey. Oh my God, fun. Yeah.

I essentially felt like I re-lost my virginity in February. How so? I went through like a 10-year dry spell. You went through a 10-year dry spell that in February ended. And I would fool around. Like once in a while.

Yeah. Full around here and there. Four round, we're talking like... Oral. Oral, no worries. Oral make out. That's it. Love making out an oral.

Me too. Two of the biggest events of the show, by the way. Yes. Yeah. Making out an oral are like, hello, we're most of the way there. Yeah. And like, yeah, sometimes just like... A lot of the times we're the whole way there.

Yeah. Oral is better than like the thing, you know? Better than... Yeah. Oral is one of the things that God intended it for us. Yes. Oral is one of the most beautiful fruits that we've ever known. Yeah.

A hundred percent. It's a special, special thing, oral. And so I've been having sex since February with different people. So February you started penetrative sex again. Yeah. What happened? Okay. I was in Toronto.

Always. It's always Toronto where you get back into penetration. I've been saying this. It's something about Trinity Bellwoods Park. Just charged. Yes. It goes, penetrate once more. Yeah.

Or allow yourself to be penetrated once more. Yes. Beautiful. You were in Toronto. I was in Toronto for a job. Yes. And I also, it was crazy. Like, I was in L.A.

So I had this, like, mom. I can't tell how much of it was like, okay, let me, I'm sorry. My thoughts are like, I'm trying to organize them. Oh, you're good. Okay. So basically, I had this, like, two weeks of just, like,

bouncing around. Yeah. Which was, like, new for me. and so I felt like oh my gosh like just an excitement from it and sure maybe like there's something with my ego or something I was feeling myself and so I'm put up in this nice hotel and um I go on Grindr but it's like the dead of winter in Toronto yeah um so I'm not and I'm only there for like three nights two or three nights

and so I was just like well you know I don't want to if I know anything about gay guys by the way none of this matters yes none of this matters If there's a will, there's a way, and almost the only thing there is is a will. Yes. Yeah. And so I'm on the apps. Yeah.

And chatting with this guy. And then I kind of like let him know, like, hey, like, you know, I'm kind of down to just, like, go around. I don't want to go all the way. Yeah. And he's like, whatever you feel comfortable with, like, I'm down. Nice. Hot. Yeah.

And I was like, that's really sweet. That's really sweet. I think I'm going to let you fuck me tonight. I think you're fucking me. Yeah. So then I got ready just in case. Yeah. I was like, let's see how tonight goes.

Yeah. And then he came to the hotel. He was so handsome. I was like, huh? And then we have. Fucking quivering. I had to like meet him in the lobby and then bring it. So we're in the elevator together.

Yeah. I was like, hey. And I'm like, and I didn't know how to close the blinds into my hotel. Don't need to. So I was like, I didn't, and I was too nervous to ask anyone that worked there. So I was like, so I let him know that. That was our elevator conversation. He just, you know, like, I couldn't close the blinds.

So the lights are really low. They're dark. Yeah. So it's just letting you know that's kind of what it's like. He's like, oh, that's okay. And then when he entered, he's like, whoa, it's really dark in here. I was like, yeah. Yeah, I'm not trying to kill you.

I'm just scared of the staff. Unable to work the blinds. And I was like... I hope that's okay. Yeah. And then he was just... Then we got... We got into it.

And then it was building. And I felt like we had really great chemistry. And then he was like, I really want to fuck you. And I was like, do it. Do it. And then he was like, are you sure? Then fucking do it. I was like...

Prove it. Fucking do it. Prove it. Do it. Okay. So what are you waiting for all the way over there? He's across the room for some more. And I'm just like, whole, like, out, holding my legs back.

Do it. And so then he, um, he did. And then when, when he, when he, it's, oh, shit. He, um, when he was starting, you know, the starting is always hard with anything. Like, it's painful. It's like, you got to adjust. Like everything worthwhile in life. Everything.

Starting is so like... Yeah. And so then like... Painful. When he did, I literally was like... He was so hot and sweet about it too. Like he was just like, are you okay? Like checking in.

Yeah. You're doing great. You're so hot. This is so sexy. And I'm like, yeah, I'm feeling better. And then... But I also in my mind thought that I was in... Just my movie reference that I jumped to right away

was like the montage. like prom scene American pie when they're all losing their virginities after prom and Big Ranga's playing Sway my way Don't come and go

Like you do And I'm like Say you'll stay And he's kind of like Why are you singing Yeah yeah No kidding He's like hey knock it off

Now the blinds are seem kind of fucked up actually Yeah I can stop And then, yeah, and then we, then it went from there. And then I was like, oh, work, I love this. We're back. We're so fucking back. Oh, right.

Did he, uh, size, speaking of size, was it huge? No. I don't just want that. You know what I mean? Like, it's not, yeah. Sometimes I am like, you know, I don't think today I have it in me for this type of impact. Of course. Who should?

Um, but. I hate hung guys. They're a natural pedditor to my whole situation. It's like the girls are gone. And it's like, why didn't they take the hung guys? Oh, the girls died last night. Only hung guys are left. Yeah, I'm out of here.

I am out. I'm fucking out of here. It's me and only hung guys left. Only hung guys are left on earth. Oh, great. My fucking nightmare for middle school? It's only guys and everyone's hung but me. No thanks.

So then, and then I had sex and went to L.A. after that. Nice. And then I had sex there. That always happens. And that wasn't such, like, I felt like there wasn't really such great chemistry there. And also I felt like this person was like fucking me in this way that felt where it kind of like masturbatory or something. Like, I was like, oh. And I'm, like, looking at the wall, like, getting fucked.

And I was just like, I'm like, this is just, like, comedy. Like, one night you're like, I'm born for this. And then there's like, and then there's like, nights where you're like, why did I do that? Yeah. Like, what the hell is this? What the fuck was that about? Yeah. What am I doing?

What compelled me to do that? And then I'm sure there's so many that's just like, yeah, it was fine. Yeah. Like, yeah. Of course. I did it. It's fine. Of course.

and so I was just like, whatever, let me not like attached to any, you know, to it. And so, anyway, so my so true is completely obsessed. The sex journey in question, by the way, is just having some. Literally. It's not a bit of a sex journey right now in that I'm having sex. Yeah.

We're going to make so true merch that says, I'm on a bit of a sex journey right now, colon, I'm having some. I'm having some. Please leave that in the comments. Yeah, would you mind? Okay. And so being on the apps, especially a hookup app, I feel like there has to be some way to, like, navigate between, like, knowing who someone is in, like, a public fence or, I don't know. You're barking up the right tree with this one. Yeah.

Yeah. I just don't like someone reaching out to me on those particular apps to just be like, hey, diva, like. Right. You are- Divas gonna go ahead and piss me off. Yeah, like, you're a queen and so funny, but like the thought of you naked makes my skin crawl. Like, I would never have sex with you or not attracted to you, but you were like, um, you're like, your, um, mama. Hey, hey, mama boots.

That's how I'm taking it. You're an asexual clown to me. Yeah. But I love your work, diva. I'm like, hey, just leave me alone. So I'm like, just don't do that. If you want to show support, actually, don't ever message me on Grindr.

Unless you want to show support in the way that you think I'm funny and because of that you want to fuck, then let's fuck. Then, yeah. But if the thing is you just want to let me know you're a fan, you can comment on Instagram, you can share a TikTok, you can buy a ticket. You can head to the merch shop and go ahead and make some purchases.

Plenty of ways to be a fan. Maybe fire up Netflix and see the latest movies. If you see my photo, Yeah. If you, the image of me and what I look like. Yeah. And it could be like a, yeah, he's funny and that is attractive to me. Nice.

Like, if you are like, I'm attracted, just close your eyes and like, check, am I attracted? Then if you are, then, like, say hi. Yes. And I get it. You also have to feel it out. Like, just in general, like, when you see someone, you're like, oh, like, you can think someone's attractive and then you just kind of have to, like, meet. to see what the vibe is. But if you already know

that's like not the case, just don't, don't do that. Leave me out of it. Leave me out of it. I've started putting this in my bios. Not interested in talking to you about my job. Yeah. Or like making friends.

I'm sorry. I'm not here to make friends. Sorry. Not in this form. Not in this way. I know. And that actually, that one does make me feel bad

because it is my truth. I am not here to make friends. And I actually feel sorry if you're like new to the city and you don't have friends. totally makes sense. I'm not your guy, but I totally wish it for you and see it for you.

And if we met in a different way, or I don't know, like maybe, like I don't know, but it's just like I, I don't know, I'm going in here with the, with like hope in my heart.

Yeah. And I'll get railed. Yeah. And that's what I'm hoping for. And I just don't. I know. That's sweet. I know.

It's like, I douched and I opened this app for a reason. That's another thing. Like, sometimes. I open the portal. That's what I call douching. Yeah. I'll open the

portal too fucking soon before I booked anything. You got to book first. And then nothing works out. Yeah. I'm up till five trying to book. Yeah. Cleaned out. I'm like but I'm ready. Yeah. So no one wants to come use this. And everyone's

like no. Yeah. Oh, I can. Oh, I'm tired. Everyone's like, DeVi, I love your videos. What? How did I not think this through? Yeah. That sucks. That seems like a lot of work. Awful. That's another so true.

Yeah. Don't douche before, don't doche if you don't, don't doche if it's not on the books. Book before you doche. Book before you doche. Yeah. It's my advice. Doge only after booking. Dush after booking.

And if they got to wait, let them wait. Let them wait. Well, yeah, that's a tricky, that's a tricky game to play as well. Yeah. Look, I've long said, bottoms are this nation's most powerful. powerful and important people. I love and support all bottoms out there, and I'm coming to you guys directly to camera.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for everything you guys do. You guys are a powerful entity. I want to thank you for all the work you put into the community. You carry this team. Bottoms of all genders, you are the most special and kind-hearted among us. We look to you, we stand on the shoulders of giants. You guys are the giants. And we look to you with hope in our eyes and loving our hearts.

and we say on this day and all days, thank you. Thank you. Are you okay? Thank you for saying not. You're quite welcome. Thank you. And hung tops, you will burn in hell. When you die, you will burn in hell.

Hung tops, you are a nasty, nasty group. You want to hurt people and you're sick, sick individuals. I love you. Don't listen to him. Hung tops, don't. Don't listen to him. I love you. No, someone needs to love those guys.

That's real. And that's where you come to Mama. That's real. Go to Richard. If you're hung top. And also just like, not your normal too. Come to Mama. Everyone come to Mama.

Come to Mama. Be good to Mama. Be good to you. That's so funny. Well, hey, look, I support you're so true. I think they're beautiful. Thank you. And

what else was I thinking about it? There was something I was thinking of saying to you about that. Grindr-based. I'm like, did I have like a... Oh, my thing was useless. I was going to tell you just that in Toronto, I have really good sex. Oh, Fab.

I always have. Really? There's cities, certain cities where I really kill. And I've just over the years going multiple places. Like, you know, you end up a lot of places the same. Like, you go to Toronto multiple times. You go wherever. I'm like new to traveling.

Okay, this is only because of work. Yeah, yeah. And in the last couple of years, I happened to have, like, wound up in places for work. And Toronto's a place that I'm like, I always have good sex in Toronto. Yeah. Shout out to those guys. Shout out, Toronto. Shout out Toronto.

I can't wait to go back. I can't wait for you to go back. It sounds like it was a very formative thing. It was. Yeah. It changed me. Foundational part of your lore now. Yeah.

Toronto will always be a part of your DNA. A thousand percent. Yeah. It's now like... We're all Canadian. Yeah. I'm Canadian. You're part Canadian.

That's completely beautiful. Yeah. Sorry I cut you off, though. You were saying something. I, someone messaged me, or I said hi to someone on the apps. Hmm. I don't want to say the name of the app. I don't know why.

It's completely fine. But the, this person messaged back, like, two days later. It was just, like, said all these, like, oh, my God, hi. Like, I think you're so funny. I like this thing you did in this thing, this video. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Perfect for the Instagram comments. I think you're really handsome, but like, you're not my type.

Have a great day. Pan out, exterior shot of my building, loud noise. That is so... And I was like... Wow. I was like, thank you. Just don't message, just don't message at all. Don't message me.

Don't message me. And if you want to, just block me. Yeah. If you have the urge to, want to say something like that on those apps to me, just block me. Block me, please. It's no worries to block me. Yeah, please block me. I've got guys on Hinge really cute guys. Responding to my prompts

with just viral jokes of mine. Oh my God. Just quotes. Just quote, a quote something I said that went viral and subsequently you know, sort of improved and ruined my life in equal measure just saying that to me on Hinge. Yeah. thinking that I'm going to respond to that. And no matter how hot they are, I've drawn a hard boundary. Yeah.

I obviously can't respond to that. That's a level of self-discrespect that I can't go to. I can't do it. And I'll go pretty far into self-discpect. Me too. But that's a level that I can't cross. Yeah. You can get away with a lot with me if you're hot.

Yeah. I've always said that. I know. If you're hot, you can get away with a lot. I've put up with some pretty ridiculous things for hot people. Not even just sexually, even platonically. Yeah. I just love a hot person.

I love, yeah. Charlie, Charlie Barday, like my really good friend. So funny. He was like, I forget where he said. I don't know if he was on his podcast or if he said this to me in person. That's weird. Oh, fuck.

Charlie, Charlie, you're really funny. Don't listen to this. We love you. Don't listen. But he mentioned like, I forget the context, but he was just like, he was like, yeah, like, sometimes when I see like a really like hot, beautiful woman, I'm like, let's take his picture together. And you know what?

Why not? Let's take a selfie. Let's get a photo. Let's get a photo. Let's commemorate this. You're really beautiful. How cool is that? Yeah.

You're really beautiful. Let's take a picture. That is so fucking funny. And I'm like, that's amazing. That is amazing. And honestly, do it. Grab the photo. Yeah, do it.

I don't mind that at all. But yeah, I don't know what to do with prompts. On dating apps? What do you mean? Let's talk through it. I don't. I'm so. So, they're all, mine are like one word answers.

Okay. Because I'm, I'm so feeling like, I think I'm just self-conscious or something about answering in a way. I'm like, what's the tone? I'm like, do I answer in like a funny way? How much of it is sincere? How much is, like, I don't know. Could be a mix of both.

Yeah, a little. I just texted Chance, like, two days ago, Chance and our buddy Doyle, I get so sad sometimes on Hinge, because people will. write really thoughtful. Like somebody I know I'm not going to be interested in for whatever reason that there's just something on their profile that I'm not into you know. And they'll write a really thoughtful response to one of my

prompts on Hinge. And you know you'll read it because you'll see that they liked you or whatever. And it makes me so sad. I'm like, oh my God, you were so thoughtful in that response and I'm not going to, we're not going to like, it's not going to work with us. You know what I mean? But I get so sad about that because I'm like, oh my God, you like really thought about this answer.

And like, don't stop. Don't stop. That's so beautiful. Keep doing that. The way you're thoughtful, it truly eats. It eats. We're not a match, but it eats. But it eats. And I'm being the thoughtful guy to some guy who doesn't want to respond to my thing, so don't worry about it. My friend, she told me one time she was, like this guy approached her.

I think she was at Central Park. And I don't remember exactly how he went about it. But she was so, like, he just, like, in a really cool, respectful. full way was like trying to get her number or something. And maybe it started out as like a small talk type of thing and then it led to him being like, oh, I'd love to like go on a date or something. And she was just like, oh my gosh. She's like I'm in a relationship.

Like, but the way like please don't stop. The way you did this was really, really great. You know, like it was very kind. It was very respectful. I appreciate that. But yeah, I'm. I got someone. Fellas never let another man make your lady smile.

That's the lesson here. Yes. He almost lost his girl that day. Yeah. Because he was so respectful in the park. Yeah. Yeah. That's beautiful.

I will say I have felt that when someone is really like direct and sweet and like cool with it. And I'm just not into it. I'm like, God, keep doing that though. You're doing so, that is so correct. Yes. Just because it's not, I'm not, whatever, I have my own shape. going on, but that is so fucking cool. Yeah, and I'm trying to, like, turn it into myself.

Yeah, hello. And be like, hey, that was, didn't work out the way you wanted it to. Yeah. But good on you. Yeah. And you're figuring it out. That's nice. That's how we should be talking to ourselves. I asked someone out. Did you? Recently. Or a few months ago. Yeah. For the, like, I've never asked some, in person.

I've done it over text or whatever on the apps, but, like, I've never in person been like, we should go on a date. And you did it. I did and I was rejected. That's okay. But I was just like, wow, I'm going to do it again. How did it feel? I was, I've never been, I have not been that nervous in a while.

It's horrifying. Yeah. And I was like, there's like a knot in my throat. Like, maybe one, ding. Yeah. Well, maybe. Yeah. Well, yeah.

If it came out that way, yeah. I wonder if it showed up that way. I don't know if it would land with me either. It doesn't matter, though. It's so good. But I did it, and I tried, and, like, I'm going to do it again. I am so into this. Yeah.

I actually recently, I asked this guy out. What do you say? Just like bombing. It's just like bombing. It gets easier. Yeah. And it gets funny eventually. Yeah.

I asked this guy out maybe, like, I don't know, like, a while ago at a bar. A guy that I, like, kind of knew. But we ran into each other at a bar. bar and we were chatting for a little bit and it was really fun and I was like we should go on a date sometime that's cute and he was like he was like he was like ah I don't really know if that's like my my mood right now but like let's trade numbers and we'll see and I was like cool and so we traded numbers and then like we were talking about something else and then maybe like I don't know maybe like a week or two later I was like hey like super no pressure at all but I really

would love to take you out offer stands like you let me know um and he was like hey I don't think that's the vibe I'm getting, but really, really, like, want to hang out and, like, be friends or whatever. And I felt kind of weird about it. I was, like, cool, that's totally fine. I felt weird because I was like, oh, should I not have, like,

followed up in that way? I felt like it was respectful, but I just kind of got, like, I hope I didn't make him uncomfortable. And then I ran into him recently on the street, and it was so sweet and such a nice vibe. And, like, we are totally good. You know what I mean?

Yeah. And it was like, yeah. So I was like, you were anxious for nothing. It's no big deal. Yeah. Asking someone on a date is only lovely. Yes. And like it's like, I'm sure he would appreciate it.

You know? Like it's so, it's, yeah, it's sweet. It's sweet that someone would express an interest, you know, and be like, I'd love to get to know you. Also, I've only ever loved it. When someone's asked me on a date that I've not been into, I've only ever been like, that was fucking awesome. Yeah.

I love that. Oh, I wish that happened all the time. Yeah. I wish every minute of every day someone was asking me on a date. How fun. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. That would be a life I could live.

Please guys to hung and normal or whatever. Hung regular and otherwise. In otherwise, like please reach out. DM me if listened to this episode and you are interested in, you're looking at the video, especially if you watch the episode

and you like what I'm doing, reach out. Yeah. And on the other hand, hung guys, if you reach out to me, you're going home in a body bag. kidding kidding actually can i say one thing one more thing about hung guys can i just everyone stop god you guys this is like the fucking police state like the panopticon i'm living in fucking like i don't

know like a really oppressive state i can't say one more thing about hung guys i have one more thing to say about hung guys okay hung guys i am not one of you that's not my situation and i am of course, in some ways, jealous. I wish that I was hung like you guys in some ways. And that's probably where part of my animosity comes from. I'm certain of it. Okay? Yes, I bet being hung is a fucking parade every day. Sorry. Hold up by going, but I'm being serious. Hold on. If you are hung, we can totally still have a lot of fun together. You just can't expect to put that thing. You can't, fuck me with that thing. Yeah, yeah. If you have a small to maybe even average dick, there's a world where maybe you could fuck me. If you're hung,

move on guy or we could do kind of side stuff and have a lot of fun but I don't want hung guys to come away from this episode feeling ashamed or intrinsically bad or like we could never make out and blow each other because we totally could

yes which is so hot and fun totally fun fabulous it's fabulous it's completely fabulous that's my so true I'm sorry Caleb my so true is that I think making out and giving each other blow drives is completely fabulous.

It's completely fabulous. We start talking like we're like gay guys from a movie in the 90s. Yeah, we just made out and blue like the straight protagonist would be like we just made out and gave each other a head. That's completely fabulous. Oh well, Cheryl, that's completely fabulous. Is this chiffon? She'll take that one. She'll take that one.

It's a cut. It's a cut to him and his boys playing basketball. Not the gay guy. the hung guy. Do you want to play a game? Let's play a game. Thank God. No one's ever said no.

Explicitly. Okay, I'm going to read you 15 statements. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said is true or false. Richard, if you get 10 or more correct, we're going to give you 50 U.S. dollars. What? I know.

We're on an awesome show. Dark Horse by Katie Perry was released in 2009. False. False. It was 2013. Blood is red because of oxygen. True. False.

Okay. Emaglobin. Circles have infinite lines of... Circles have infinite lines of symmetry. Circles have infinite lines of symmetry. Infinite lines of symmetry. It means forever. True.

True. Sloths can hold their breath longer than dolphins. Who? Sloths. Sloths. Can hold their breaths longer. False. That's true.

Delaware College of Art and Design had 107 students enrolled when it closed. Wait, how did you... That's where I went. Yeah. I went to school there. You think true or false? Um, how am, a hundred and what? 107 when it closed.

True. That is true. Victoria Falls is the world's tallest waterfall. Victoria... True. False, Angel Falls. Glasgow is the capital of Scotland. True.

False. Edinburgh. False, Edinburgh. Zero is not a positive or negative number. True. It's negative, right? Neutral? True.

Helium is the most abundant element in the universe. False. It's true. Fuck. Yeah. But I would have also accepted love. The Pokemon magic harp does not evolve. Oh.

True. False. It evolves into Garadoes. Sorry if I'm not saying these right. I'm a grown-up with normal. The first modern Olympic Games took place in 1896. 1896. Yes, true.

That's true. Nick Sabin is the current head football coach of Alabama. False. False. It is. Kailen DeBoer. Exactly. Borders Books was started by Tom and Lewis Borders.

False. It's true. Hummingbirds are the only birds that can fly backwards. True. True. There are 17 Panera breads in Vermont. True. False. Three. Chance, how do you do? I worked there. That was my first job ever. Chance probably knew that. He's a sick, sick person. Did you work there? No, I just knew that about you. You just knew that about Panera. Yeah. How did he do? Seven. Very, very cool. Very, very cool. Not 10, obviously. Lower than 10, obviously, but extremely cool.

Can I have $25? What's that? You're getting no money, Richard. Ten. You're getting no money. I don't like when people do stuff. $7 and I'll... I don't like when people I'll leave. $7 and I'll leave. You're leaving regardless. Oh, Richard.

Someone takes me away. Nicole. Dude, if it was Nicole, you'd be fine because she's very easy to beat in a fight. I've many times thought about if we were, Nicole and I were to get into a physical altercation, the way that I could just sort of pick her up. Or even just sweep her little legs and place her down on the ground in a neutralizing manner?

No problem. No problem. She hates that bit. Nicole, will you say into the microphone what you think of me? What I think of you? Yeah, because I love you. Sometimes when I do those kind of bits,

you really get kind of a nasty look on your face. Well, it's really detailed about beating me up specifically and no one else. Well, Nicole, come on. you and I have the most tension at work that's obviously really present in the space yeah and like the thought of you both at combat is very compelling

close quarters yeah close quarters I will concede totally that if we were far away with some sort of weaponry I think Nicole could totally stand a chance yeah be it the case that you know I had sort of a knife and she had a gun see you for some reason I'm getting a vibe that you secretly know how to run against the wall

You're being like humble You know very like shy But you secretly know how to do that But with three jumps in a corner You could be up, yeah Yeah And that will throw Caleb off for like Five seconds

Which you have enough time To do something crazy in five seconds That's so fucking funny and I've seen her do it. Completely true, by the way. Completely true, by the way. I mean, all these three do is silly little shit like that. These three don't ever do their job.

I mean, it's like, you come up with like a silly little gimmick and these three have done it instead of their job. Yeah, yeah. You can't find good help these things. I mean, nobody wants to do, nobody wants to work. Nobody wants to work.

Nobody wants to work. These guys won't help me with anything. Before the episode, Michelle asked if everyone wanted coffee but me. I'm like the guy around here. Yeah, yeah. I'm like the guy with my name's on the door. Yeah, yeah. I just don't understand it. I try to be sweet, Richard, but people push and push and push and push.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, and I think maybe there should be just... Consequences. It's okay, you can say it. Consequences. No, it's not true. I love these guys. And I love you, Caleb.

And I thank you for doing this. I love you, Caleb. It was a beautiful episode. Yeah, I feel like... relaxed. It was a beautiful gorgeous episode. And I think we went so many different places. We got it all. We laughed. I held back crying. I held back crying. You did. Oh, there were some tears brewing. Yeah. I kind of did a little bit. And then and then I just felt like a presence with you, like a present moment with you. That's so beautiful. And it's

just like it's lovely to talk to you. We've never hung up before. It's a gorgeous, gorgeous thing to spend time with you. Yeah. Thanks for doing it.