So True with Caleb Hearon - Rosebud Baker has a Tall Baby

Episode Date: October 9, 2025

Welcome! This week’s guest is the hilarious Rosebud Baker! Rosebud and Caleb talk high school cheerleading, war criminals, raising a child with a fellow comedian, TV dads, and much more! Join our Substack for an exclusive post-episode chat with Rosebud and other bonus content!  https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow Rosebud! @rosebudbakerFollow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloudGo to https://www.Zocdoc.com/SOTRUE to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. #sponsored Grab Freaky Good Cider from Angry Orchard at AngryOrchard.Com/Halloween – and while you’re there, watch the new Jason vignette, “Sweet Revenge” and shop the collab merch! Feeld is a dating app for the curious. For those who are intentionally seeking meaningful connection. For those who are looking for community. For those who are tired of job interview-style dating and want more. Curious? Trying new things is hot. Download Feeld. About Headgum: Headgum is an LA & NY-based podcast network creating premium podcasts with the funniest, most engaging voices in comedy to achieve one goal: Making our audience and ourselves laugh. Listen to our shows at https://www.headgum.com. » SUBSCRIBE to Headgum: https://www.youtube.com/c/HeadGum?sub_confirmation=1  » FOLLOW us on Twitter: http://twitter.com/headgum  » FOLLOW us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/headgum/ » FOLLOW us on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum So True is a Headgum podcast, created and hosted by Caleb Hearon. The show is produced by Chance Nichols with Associate Producer Allie Kahan and Executive Producer Emma Foley. So True is engineered by Casey Donahue and engineered and edited by Nicole Lyons. Kaiti Moos is our VP of Content at Headgum. Thanks to Luke Rogers for our show art and Virginia Muller our social media manager.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Like last night she was in the bath and I heard her, you know, she was like, where's mama? And Andy was like, oh, mama's in the other room. She goes, Mama's on stage. And I was like, oh. Oh. Whoops. Whoops.

so you're vaping in my beautiful plain white home so sorry i'm just kidding it will stay in the walls how much are you doing that enough to stay in the walls really no it's so bad i worry about the vape i know i do too yeah i do too i'm a mother it's not okay you have a child i know the vape is crazy i always i'm like it would be one thing if i was like a small town detective A small detective vaping Yes, that makes sense to me Yeah, touching warm blood Yeah

He's near Just ripping the vape Baping is do you I want to ask you this And I don't want you to take it personally I can't And I know you won't because we're We're not like that

Yeah Do you feel humiliated to do it Because it looks silly No Okay That's the thing Okay I should be humiliated

I will do it in a church Really? Yes I think it's so I can't Sometimes at a concert because, you know, it's the easiest one to travel. Yeah.

My friend will pass me one. And, like, sucking on the little USB port, I just feel like, I feel humiliated. I know. It's like, why am I doing this? When I started, I was humiliated. Yeah. But now I'm like, I do it all the time. That's how things go, right?

Yeah. At first, you feel humiliated and then it becomes, you're not your vapor. I'm like an addict through and through. There's been so many things that I've been embarrassed of that I have gotten used to. You know what I was drinking and stuff like that. Like, I would be like, you know. Are you sober from the drink? I'm sober.

You're off the drink. I'm sober. I don't smoke weed. I don't do drugs, but I do this in a way that you can tell I don't smoke weed or do drugs or drink. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like this has replaced everything. Everything. Yeah, this is like the Swiss Army knife of your addiction.

Yes. This one's going to fix them all. It fully is. Go-go gadget nicotine. Yeah, it's so bad. It's so bad. No, I literally, Caleb, I was like thinking about quitting and I asked God for like a sign. Yeah.

I was like, I need, and I'm not religious. but I was like, I need a sign. That was going to be my next question. Yeah. No, but I was like, give me a fucking sign, right? I walk into a bodega. There's like four drunk teenage girls. I'm going into buy the vape.

As they're leaving, they step on my foot. I said, excuse me, but I said it in a cunty way. I heard them have a meeting about it outside. And then they came back in and punched me in the head. Punched me in the head. What? And I still bought the vape. I was assaulted by a child.

The idea of going outside and being like, I think I should punch that bitch in the head. And then coming back in and punching you in the head. For real. They literally like thought it through and then came back and one of them was filming it. One of them was, they were filming it. I was like, this is crazy.

Because she goes, do you want to get punched bitch? And then I started laughing because I was like, why would you offer that? I was like, what are you doing? I love the idea of being like, first of all, I'm stepping outside and taking a meeting with my friends. Record just in case. Do you want to get punched, bitch?

It's like she's giving you every opportunity to step out. To not get punched in the head. To not get punched in the head. And you're getting punched in the head. Yeah. And it was like, that was the sign. Yeah. I got the sign to quit and I still bought it.

And you bought that vape. You bought like a pink leopard print vaip. It's never going to stop. It's never going to stop. I was talking yesterday or the other day to a friend. I have a lot of adult friends who say shit like this where they're like, if I see a group of teenagers I cross the street like they're so scary I'm like these people are not they don't exist like teenagers are not real people I don't care about their opinions I don't think about them right

if they weren't mean to me I mean if they punched me in the head they're getting their ass be yeah yeah if they like said something mean about my outfit I'd be like you're not a real person you don't matter I would have thought that yeah I would have thought that then I got punched in the head and I was such a coward about it I thought I would like I thought I'd like clothes liner or something like I don't even know what clothesline means I'm like throwing There's more of this one, where you take the neck with the, yeah, yeah. I thought I would have some kind of plan. I literally, while I walked to the back of the bodega counter, like, I worked there

and was like, how can I help you? You got punched in the head and then you clocked in? Yes, I was like, I work for you now. What do you need? It was so crazy. Rosebud, I love that. I was like, I thought I would, I didn't even have the courage to say, out loud. Yeah.

How old were these kids, you think? I don't know, like 14, maybe. No way. I don't know. all like, if they're 12, 14, they still see a baby doctor. I know that. Yeah, for sure. I'm like, but 12 to 15 is the same age to me.

Exactly. And they punched a mother in the head. Yeah. Like, you're a mother. You have a baby. I know, that was the craziest part. You can't be getting punched in the head. That's what I walked back.

I saw, I'm like, I'm buying a vape. I'm leaving my husband and my daughter at the cellar so that I can go buy a vape in the middle of the brunch show. And I get, I go back into the cellar and I like, I have to look. look at my child in the face and be like, you're gonna love it here. Mommy got punched by a team. It's a beautiful world.

Leaving your baby at the cellar to go by a vape, what do you think the chances are this kid turns out right? Not great. Not great. I mean, but I knew that, like, the day I got pregnant. I was like, she's got two comedian parents. Yeah. Rough go for her.

Rough go. Yeah. And it's the chances of her just being like a pretty serious, like I don't know it's like people think two comedian parents like oh probably can be the funniest kid ever and I'm like maybe but there's also a chance she becomes like a serious academic or something you know I'm really hoping that's the way that it goes you think so I think if she goes the opposite way then we did it right right if she ends up in comedy we fucked up in a way that we can't fix well it's what it is is I love it I'm so happy for the way it's all gone for me I feel very grateful that I've like got my my people that I like and I've got like the way that I like to do do it but I just yeah you know so many it's so fucking hard you have to bust your ass for so long and you see so many people do that and then not get the other side of it and I'm like I don't want you to have that right I don't want you to like be broke your entire 20s and 30s yeah busting your ass trying trying trying and waiting and then all of a sudden you're 42 and single and have

three roommates yeah and hoping that like a 22 year old agent's assistant will read your script and you have zero you have zero like employment history yeah you have nothing it's like it's all like barista and like server, which I guess that's also a beautiful life. Maybe I'm just like, I'm allergic to struggling. I don't like struggle. I hate struggling. I don't like it at all. What are you, a tourist? Are you tourists? You want to try again? Keep going. I want you to get this. Capricorn? No, but I want you. Yes. Okay. Let's just edit it right to that. Yes, please. Just cut the rest of that. Aquarius? But do you have, do you know what your big three is?

Oh, it's, um, do you want to know? Yeah. People ask me this. Um, I've done this to my mom several times, you know, different guys that I've dated. It's been like, oh, mom, can you send me? Yeah. And every, now she knows to say, like, who is it this time? Now she knows.

She's on to the game. She's like, which freak is asking? Yeah, she's like, what gay man wants to know this about you or what girl you met at a bar bathroom? Um, okay, here it is. Ascendant. What's that one? That's your rising? I'm Taurus.

Me too. Really? Yeah. My son is Aquarius, and my moon is Scorpio. Oh, okay. What does that mean? Scorpio moon is pretty intense. What's that?

Ooh. It's pretty intense. Wow, so. Like secretive, very secretive, like, but, like, penetrating. Oh, I know that's right. To use the sexiest word for it. Like, you want to get to the bottom of, like, what? somebody's motivations are.

Oh, for sure. Yeah, yeah. And like why they do the things they do. Yeah. But we have the same, Taurus, is our, what? Taurus rising. Is our rising? That's why I guess Taurus, when you said you're allergic to struggle, because I'm also

Taurus rising. And does that mean that we don't like to struggle? We don't like to struggle. I don't like to rush. Yeah. I don't like to struggle. I don't want to, I won't even like, people are, say that Taurus is stubborn, but I feel like I'm more like a creature of habit.

Okay. Like if I like a restaurant, I'm going to. to that restaurant, and I'm ordering the same thing. Yeah, I like routine. I don't want to, I don't need to try a new thing. I know that I like this thing. Yeah. But then after a while, I'll be like, I hate this thing.

If I had my way, everyone would just wait in place until I came around. You know what I mean? Like, I don't want to have to go to the same restaurant every day, but I want it open anytime that I want to go. Yes. And I want my people to be in there. Right. And same with like friendships.

Like when I leave town, when I leave L.A., for example. Yeah. After a visit, my friends should just kind of. of bounce in place like an unused video game character, you know, Mortal Kombat. And then I come back to town and wake them up. You know, that's what I want. I would like that. Yes.

That'd be nice. Yeah. Let me ask you this. Maybe this is part of our thing that we have together. When you're ready to leave a place, like say right now we were just hanging out. Right. And then I was like, I was like, time to go. I want to go immediately once I have that thought.

Absolutely. Do you have that? Yeah. People hate this about me. I do not say goodbye. it's time to go it's time to go when it's time to go it's time to go yeah i do it in my own apartment really yeah if i'm leaving with my husband and kid yeah he's like why are you walking out the door without us i'm like because i'm ready to go yes i will see you in the lobby let's go yeah yeah i just need

to go yeah and it's like waiting to leave a place doesn't make any sense to me horrifying it's what is holding me here horrifying absolutely nothing i was trying to leave breakfast the other day I was with like six people, there was one person left eating their sandwich. Finish the sandwich. It's time to go. Yeah.

It's time to go. Just smack it out of their hands. Yeah. I'm like, and there's like three bites left and so I stood up and they were like, oh, I'm going to finish my sandwich. And in my head, I'm like, you can't.

You fucking bastard. You have to carry it and eat on the walk. Yeah. Yeah, because I'm ready to leave now. Right. Put the fucking sandwich in your mouth and put your jacket on or whatever. Put the sandwich in your mouth

and put your jacket on. Hello? Okay, wait. You talked about asking. asking God for a sign earlier. What are we doing with God? What do you think? What's your deal?

What are we doing with God? So what do you think about God? I don't, I'm not like religious, but I don't believe that God is like a man in the sky. Okay. Or some sort of daddy figure. Right. Although that would be hot. Would it?

Yeah, a little bit. I learned something about you just now. Yeah. Yeah, I love a daddy figure. Really? Okay. Yeah. I was raised by war criminals, so... I know.

I do love a daddy figure. I honestly, out of respect for you, I was just not even going to bring that topic up, because I'm like, oh, she probably talks about it all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, of course, I do know your family lineage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, your grandpa, like, invented Reagan or something. Yeah, pretty much.

He built him in a lab. No, yeah. So I do love a daddy figure. I don't... I was, like, raised... going to church and shit, but I didn't like it. And then I became like a fucking full-blown alcoholic and, you know, drug addict. And I was like, you know, I got in the program and stuff.

And so I just sort of was like, okay, I don't even like the god shit here. But if I can imagine, like, if I, if something took care of me enough to, like, get me sober, then I feel like there is some kind of like benevolent something out there. I see discourse sometimes about AA specifically that people are like, actually A.A. is bad because it's a form of religious control. And I'm like, well, so is overdosing on heroin or like being so alcoholic that you can't. Right. I think it's fine. I think if people need to call the thing God to get out of that, that's fine. Yeah. I think it works. Right. God can be whatever you want it to be. It doesn't have to be the guy. Yeah. It could be your

fucking car. Yeah. If you like a Ferrari, it could be your fucking Ferrari. I know that's right. You are you worshipping cars? I don't. I do not. Do you care about cars? Not even a little bit. It's weird that cars came to mind. It's weird that you said it, right? Just like, I was thinking of the most materialistic thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. Like, something that so doesn't matter to me. What is a, what is a possession that you do care about? Like, what's your thing?

Do you go in on, do you go in for shoes? Oh, skin care. Skin care. Yeah. I do make skincare kind of a little bit of a higher power. What's your routine? Okay, so I'll do, first to wash my face, then I do a serum. Is this a, you're talking nighttime?

Yeah, we're talking nighttime. Okay. Retinal, serum. uh so that was a second serum yes there's two serum serum serum retinol serum pyloronic acid vitamin c then i just got this stuff naturium which is like a

multi peptide lotion put that on and then i get like this barrier bounce shit that's that naturium makes and i put that on yeah and then i go to bed looking like i'm crowning okay yeah okay you're like just totally soaked totally soaked Disgusting. Yeah.

And then I wake up and I should wash my face, but instead I just put on fucking sunscreen. Why don't you, you're doing all this at night and then the morning you're not going to wash the face? Because I got a kid. Right. Once she's like, like, once I'm not responsible for her, like, physical body.

Yeah. You know, and she's not like running into shit and trying to kill herself all day long, then I will start washing my face again. Okay, yeah. In the morning. Yeah. That's beautiful.

Right now I'm on a hiatus. I don't have a skincare routine. You don't. No. I can't. It's too, being alive is far too difficult at a baseline. Yeah. Like I do find it very, I love being alive.

I think life is so beautiful. Yeah. But really the tasks it takes, like the times I spend out the most about being alive are like the shit I have to do to maintain this body that I didn't ask for. Right. I have to go to the fucking dentist. I have to brush my teeth every night. I have to do, I'm supposed to be doing skin care.

I'm supposed to be taking vitamins. I have to move my body all the time. Yeah. I'm like, this thing is too much to keep up. I know. But I feel like it's one of the one things. It's like whenever I, I'll like lay in bed and be like, this is self-care.

You know what I mean? Yeah. And I'm just like scrolling on my phone and it's actually just like a trauma response. Determinal, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. But skincare makes me go like, this is like a ritual that takes work that doesn't take too much time. And I don't have to sweat.

Yeah. So I will do it. That's nice. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I think for, yeah, I need to change my, I need to frame it differently to myself. Maybe that would work. Yeah. Because to me so much of skincare, like, so much of what people say to me about skincare is they're like, well, if you want to maintain a youthful look when you're older. And I'm like, I don't. I'm actually really looking forward to when my face looks old. Yeah. Because I want to act those parts. I'm excited for those roles. I'm excited for that part of life. I can't wait to look 50 when I'm 50. Okay. So I'm not trying to stay looking young. This is man privilege. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm so happy to be a man. being a woman sounds horrible my god i would fucking donate my pussy how is being how is being a woman how is it how is it how are you okay i'm not it seems bad no it's bad yeah it's not great what's the worst part um don't actually actually i thought of one and i don't want to talk

about this anymore let's not let's not what's the best part the best part honestly the best part so far was having a kid yeah having one not being pregnant but like you know getting handed a kid that I made was that was pretty fucking awesome I wish I could do that um yeah that part's cool that'd be neat but it's so hard that it's almost like okay you could I could do that one time I'm not doing that shit again I can understand that yeah I actually don't wish I could carry a baby I wish I could get a guy pregnant yes sometimes i wish i could get somebody pregnant too yeah that's got to be really powerful like sometimes when i'm dating a guy if he's a cis guy and i like him a lot i'm like i would love to

get you pregnant with my baby i know but i can't right you know well that's downside of being gay guy yeah i guess you know i guess that's one of the yeah that sort of a lighter downside of yeah well we're going to camp soon yeah there's not as well in the camps i can't get anybody pregnant? Oh, I wish I could get someone pregnant. Well, time to go make license plates or whatever the fuck. Whatever they're going to have us doing. Oh, we're going to license plates. We're going to license plate camps soon.

Yeah, yeah. It's not looking good for gay. No, no. It's bad out there. It's bad for gay. I'm not, I don't mean to be laughing right now, but the way that you're putting it is. Yeah, well, I'm going to be making license plates in Alabama within the next year and a half.

And I'll be one of the first ones to go. And it's all Alabama license plates, by the way. 100%. Yeah. Yeah. And Florida. Well, when they, like, repossess all the gay people's, like, homes and art to, like, give it to, like, you know, some Christian conservative, like straight white families that are willing to have more kids or whatever the thing is going to be, whatever Stephen Miller cooks up. Yeah.

I'll be one of the first ones to go, I think, to camp. Fuck. Caleb goes to camp. It's like Ernest goes to camp. Oh, yeah, I'm going to have fun in the camp. I'll tell you I'm having fun in the camp. On the way out, you better believe it. No, I mean, it is, when I think about it, I'm like, it's going to be celebratory.

yeah yeah it's gonna be a fun time i've said for years since the first time trump got elected i said one way or another gay camps are coming pince mike pince was like a more buttoned up but he hates gay people yeah and i was like camps crazy because he's full gay oh my god have you ever seen someone with a gayer vibe no just like very like yeah always like giving blue steel for no reason yeah yeah but i've i've said you put a bunch of gay guys in camps we'll find a way to have fun yeah absolutely there'll be places where the cameras don't see especially you i feel like, you know, if I was a gay guy and I was in the camps, I'd be like, can I move to

Caleb's bunk? Come to my barracks, yeah. Everyone come to my barracks. The bunk, the barracks. After the chow hall, everyone come to my barracks. After chowel. Come on. I love that it's just the military. Yeah. Party in my barracks. I look forward to hosting. Yeah. In my barracks. Yeah. Find a little way to decorate. I'll visit. Would you?

Yeah, but I will. I'm going to be a a coward and I will pretend to be Christian. Totally. Yeah. Well, you might not escape the camps. You're sort of a foul-mouthed woman. They won't find me.

They won't find me. What do you mean? You're hiding? I will hide. Nice. I will hide. And I can, I have,

you put a wig on me, you're not going to recognize me. That's true. I will take my eyelids off. You know what I mean? I'll get an upper bluff. And it will, people will be like,

who is that? Without my hooded eyes, you're going to have no idea who I am. Yeah. Oh, I have those two. The way they come over. I think if you, this is what I would do to you if I needed to hide you right now.

Okay. I would shave your head. Great. First of all. Yeah. And then I would get. To sad music. Yes.

I would shave your head slowly to sad music while we both cried. Yeah. And then I would put on you an asymmetrical bright red bob. Yes. Yeah. And you're a different woman immediately. Yes. Okay.

And I'm giving you like a brown beauty mark. One beauty mark. Yeah. Yeah. And my tits have to be out. I'll have my tits out. I've been wanting to get your tits out. out, yeah. I know. You were saying off-camera

that you have big tits. I do, yeah. Sort of secret. Yeah, why do you hide them? Why do you hide them? Why do you hide them? Why hide them? Yeah, I just don't I don't know. It feels like such a commitment.

Yeah. You know, and it doesn't, my tits don't really match my personality. You know? I'm sort of giving like closet lesbian, you know, like jumping up Hitting the exit signs. Yeah.

That's you. Yeah. That is you. Yeah. So big tits, it's a different personality. Yeah. I would have to, I mean, if I did have them out one day, I would start to pursue more reality television.

Yes. I would start to get a lot of elective surgeries for sure. I mean, I'm going to do that anyway, because why not? But yeah, it just feels like a different. I'm not in that phase right now. Yeah. You know? I don't see it for you.

lived kind of like a forest gump life how so just you know a lot of random shit yeah uh that doesn't really match up yeah where you're like that didn't happen to the same person in the same life well give me an example of two like like what are the like give me two things that have happened in your life that feels so conflicting okay because i know what you mean i did okay i did a reality show did you yeah i did a reality show with my gay best friend for sundance channel when i first moved to new york Okay. Then I also was a yoga instructor who taught yoga to Hasidic Jewish women in Brooklyn. How is that?

You can't touch them. Of course. So it was weird. Yeah, of course. Of course. It was odd. Yeah. But also it was really kind of sweet because this woman had left her husband in the Hasidic community, which is like, you know, bad there.

Yeah. Good to me. I mean, from where I stand, I'm like, good for you, girl. Leave your husband. Started her fucking business, right? But she, it was, like, still in Brooklyn, and she only had her friends from the Hasidic community. So these other women were, like, coming to support her.

And it was really sweet. Yeah. Yeah. And I was, like, the only teacher. Did you ever watch the Rachel McAdams, uh, secret lesbian, Hasidic movie? No. There was a Rachel Adams secret lesbian,

Hasidic Jewish woman movie. Yeah. Undoubt or truth. What a chance you're Googling it. Um, unfaithful or un... God, what was it called? Disobedience.

Ooh. Oh, it was hot. Sexy. She like spits in another woman's mouth at one point. Whoa. Hot. Whoa. I love Rachel McAdams.

When did this come out? 2017. Yeah, I saw it at Tiff. Wow. I saw it at Tiff because I worked for a nonprofit that sent me to Toronto for like day job training at the same time as TIF. And I was like, oh, I'm fucking off every night to watch TIF movies. Yeah.

And that was one of the ones I watched. Wow. It was so hot. I love Rachel McAdams. She can do no wrong. Yeah, she's great. She's so charming. I know.

And she's great in everything. She is. The Family Stone. Amazing. Hello. So good. Let's wake that up. There's not enough talk about Rachel McAdams.

Well, where has she been? Yes. Yes, I don't know. She did that movie, that movie, what was it, Flight? The Killian Murphy movie. Do you know what I'm talking about? Red Eye. Red Eye.

You seen that? 2005, yeah. Red Eye, crazy. Okay. Rachel McAdams, I didn't see that. performance. Rachel McAdams, I love her. I really do,

and I loved when she was gay. Rachel McAdams. We love you, girl. Yeah. I do love her. She's so charming. She'd be a hot, hot gay woman. Yes.

Well, she has that kind of spunkiness. Yeah. Yeah, you want that in your lesbians. You know, what are you about to pivot to? Do you know Tova? Transition period. Transition.

Do you know Tova Silberman? Yes. My comedy manager? She is Jewish. Mm-hmm. And I asked her. once, when I first moved to Brooklyn, I was seeing all the Jewish guys in their hats. Yeah.

Not the yarmikas, the big fur hats, you know? And sometimes they're bigger than other times. Right. So I'm at dinner with her, and I was like, what's with the hats? You know, I want to know. Like, what's the significance? Like, I want to learn about this. And she said, well, I forget the exact.

She's like, well, there could just be extremely pious or maybe they're celebrating something, I think was part of it. It was like it could be like a celebration of an achievement in, um, studying the text or something was she guessing no she's she's acidic oh okay um oh she grew up in orthodox she was saying okay so she grew in orthodox community so she's telling me for real and i said oh my god so would it be could i could i congratulate them if i pass one on a guy on the street wearing a big hat yeah should i say like congratulations and she was like they don't want to talk to you yeah i was like well obviously that breaks my fucking heart so i can't be in community

with them at all congrats yeah i say congrats and they go yeah they don't they don't want to to talk to me, which sucks, because I want to talk to them. I know. You're very curious. You have a curious spirit. I do, and I would love to hang out with them. If they would invite me over, I would come hang out. I would love to chat with them and know about their stuff. What would you ask? What would I ask them? Just kind of how they feel about the world and what they know about the things that are going on. And if they like, I would want to know how they feel

about gay people. And then I'd want to maybe not, maybe I'd like to convince them to like gay people if they don't, you know? Right. I also want to let them know a lot of them are on Grindr. There are a lot of Hasidic guys on Grindr. Yeah. I would definitely sit in for that conversation. I would like to tell them, do you know that there's a lot of your guys on Grindr? Yeah.

And that they don't feel comfortable telling you that about themselves? Right. And do you care? Do would you mind? And if there's any, I have heard that if one of the curls is cut short, that they are in trouble. Have you heard this? No. And I could be wrong.

And I'm going out on a limb here and being potentially culturally insensitive. Uh-huh. But I've heard that. And if that's true, I would like to, meet someone who has a shortened curl and find out what they've done to be in trouble. You want to find somebody on Grindr and you want to run up with a pair of scissors. I did know. I go, that's mine now.

I didn't want to. I'm going to get in trouble for saying. You shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have said that. I said a guy messaged me on Grindr once. Really? Yeah. He wasn't cute, so I wasn't into it.

But I was obviously interested in the idea of it. You're like, I don't want to hook up, but I want to talk about your stuff. I would like to chat with him, yeah. But he wasn't into that. I did try to have a conversation. He was like, are you free now? And I was like, this isn't, you're not, this isn't my rich community. I don't like, you know, it's been a while since I've been single.

How long? Five years. Only, I was expecting you to say much longer. No, I don't stay single that long. Yeah? Your girl. I know that's right. I know that's right.

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Really? Yes. Oh, wow. Yeah. Or I'll just date women. Or I'll date women. Kind of rooting on your divorce now. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, you getting a divorce in like 10 years and then just exclusively switching to women, obviously you know that's like the shakest thing you could do. I agree. Yeah, I have to wait a little while. Yeah. And I do tell Andy, I go, listen, this is working out for now. Yeah. But 10 years, we're going to wrap it up.

I'm going to date women. You do what you got to do. Go get some young pussy. Yeah. Have some young pussy. Go find like an open micer who thinks you're the funniest person. Of course. She's ever fucking heard in her life.

Be the predatory man in the community that we know and love. Yes. Yeah. You know, we all have a destiny to fulfill. Yes. Yeah. And he was meant to be that older comic who. mentors the younger

that's right girls yeah and tells them they have potential yeah god I you know I started in Chicago did you

yes and those guys are around those guys are around yeah they're hitting they're hitting the open mics and the improv classes and saying like god

you're just so fine I see it for you and they're getting laid off that a lot yeah yeah it's crazy yeah god anyway um

Yeah, I can't wait to get back to women. I want you to get back to women. I will. Okay, so I want to talk about your stand-up special, though. Oh, okay. You did, I'm sorry. It's just something I'm interested in. Yeah.

You did the first, how did it work out? You did the first half of it pregnant? I did. Yeah, the first half of it, I was eight months pregnant, and then the second half I did a year later because I was really curious about what, I was really scared to be pregnant, to have a kid to, like what that life change was because I did love my life

and I do hate struggle so I was like I don't know how well I'm going to adjust to this and I know there's a lot of people who had I'm like no human experience is like alien to anybody if you're feeling it everybody has felt it you know

and so I was like let me just make a special that's like the before and after like what it is to be pregnant and then what it is after you've had a kid a year later what that feels like. And so I took a lot of the jokes from the first half of the special

and expanded upon them. Upon them. We expanded upon them. Upon them. Yeah. For like the next year and put them together, this editor Kelly Lion, who's like amazing,

she put it together. And I was like, she made me two cuts. She made me one that was like just the second hour from the year after. And then she put both of them together into another cut that was both of them and I was like I can't really

fucking decide between these two yeah and she was like just do the one that's most interesting to you and so I went with the first with the first one yeah yeah what made it more what made it the one to choose do you think um because it really to me comments on like the the fucking alienation that you feel after you have a kid you know everybody loves a pregnant lady and then you have a baby and they're like oh fuck off you know what I mean you think so there's that how it felt a little bit yeah like like I don't know that anybody actually felt like that but they were you know you're pregnant and everybody's like I'm gonna be the auntie I'm gonna be there every day and then like I had friends send me so many gifts

that I was like just say you're not coming to meet her you know what I mean I was like just say you're not coming over like just do that stop sending me clothes you know what i mean because it's it it is this feeling of like i loved my friends i had this i built up this community this like actual family that was like my chosen family and then i had a kid and it was like where did they go you know i mean a couple of them like genuine good friends like didn't go anywhere but there was a lot of them that i was like oh i thought you'd be around yeah you know i thought i would feel this way i actually feel this way and there and i wanted to i wanted to tell jokes about that because there is something really funny about being a loser i feel like you know what i mean that i was like i feel like a

loser yeah so and there's also there was also just like a lot of shit between my husband and i that i like the rage that i felt towards him that was really funny um yeah tell me about that because that's interesting just he's so you know i'm like you just don't have it you know doesn't have the stuff I was like you don't have the stuff you don't have the goods brother you don't have it

what do you mean why are you so mad at him that he didn't have it yeah I was like I don't you know I'm like I don't have it but I figured this out he does shit where like I'll leave him with her for a weekend and he's like oh I'll be like did she brush her teeth last night

he's like oh like he forgot the whole weekend like he didn't brush her teeth the whole weekend and I'm like that's crazy. She's got to have those browsed. That is crazy. Yeah.

So there's stuff like that where I'm just like, you got to be joking. Like he'll try to change her diaper on the floor of the airport. And I'm like, don't have her pussy out by the baggage claim. What the fuck? I'm sorry, she can't be naked by the trash can. She can't be. She has to go somewhere. First of all, she's huge.

She's like 6'2. Yeah. It looks like you're changing an adult woman's diaper. She's big. You know? She's tall. She's going to be an WMBA player. Yeah.

Or NBA? She's half my height already. Really? Yeah. Yeah, I noticed that. She stands about here on you. She's two. Yeah, she's too.

Yeah. So it's crazy. But yeah, I definitely, I just wanted to make a, I wanted to make this special about that. And also, like, the process of getting pregnant was so crazy. Like miscarriages, IVF, then just like getting pregnant, the old-fashioned way. Wait, when you said that, why did I think of, you know that scene in Brokeback Mountain? when he's like trying to have sex with her and he's like I want to have another kid

and she's like I'd have him if you'd pay enough if you'd make enough money to raise them and then they end up not having sex and just laying in bed sad. Yeah. That's what I made you think of. Yeah. That's the old, yeah.

Just staring at the ceiling. Truly fighting. Yeah. Yeah. Like a couple of detectives after a long day. I miss it. Yeah. Yeah, I miss it culturally.

Yeah. You know, it's still out there. I know. I just would have been so good at be like if I was like the secret gay guy who had to have like a wife and kids I would have been really good at that oh yeah like my kids would have been like my dad's low key fun you know like they would they would have loved me and then when I was old they'd be like oh he was gay you know yes yeah no I've always said this that I think gay men would make the best husbands totally a hundred percent I would have been good at the fake that fake stuff yeah living an authentic life as a gay guy is really all you want out of a husband is someone who doesn't bother to fuck you yeah so you can go fuck whoever yeah and And then, like, helps you with the kid. Yeah. And is, like, supportive and, like, pats you on the back and listens to your work stories.

When I hang out with my girls now, I'm like, we would do so good at domestic life. Yeah. If you didn't need someone to fuck you. Yeah. And I didn't need to be fucking someone. In the two years after I had a kid, I wanted a gay husband so badly. Yeah. Because I was just, like, libido was, like, gone.

Really? Yes. Is that normal? It just came back. It just came back. Is that something that happens? It does happen. Okay.

Yeah. But I got back on. I got on Wilbutrin, and it's, now it's starting to like... Made you horny? It's starting to wake me up a little. Let's go. Yeah, well, butyton orgasms are crazy. I didn't know this.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I'm not on anything, but maybe I'll try it. Try it. I'll try it. I thought about trying it just to see. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. I was, I felt like numb a little bit. Yeah. I was like, I'm not depressed, but I'm not like fighting to live. And so I was like maybe that's... Hey, sister. Sounds like a job for.

Been there. Yeah. You know, a. Here's the problem, though. I've slept with so many guys who are on antidepressants and they like being alive, but they can't come. Right. If I can't come, I'm killing myself. And I do mean that.

Yeah. I do. I do. And I mean that sincerely. Yeah. It's not like me being silly. I mean, like, if I can't come, I'm. I'm out.

I'm killing myself. Yeah. Turning it off. No, no. Killing myself. Bye bye. Yeah. I'll see y'all around.

Yeah. Maybe just leave it as your voicemail message. Yeah. To be like, sorry, can't come. Sorry, can't come. Killing myself. So I got to go. If I can't come, I got to go.

Check you out. Hey guys, I'm so sorry I can't come, so I'm pulling out. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you, Chicago. You've been so much. You've been so great. Yeah, no, need to be coming.

Yeah. Need to be coming in all seriousness. It's crazy that I went like a year and a half, really, or longer than that. Really? Because my kid was 18 months when I finally went on Wilburton. Yeah. And wanted to fuck. again.

Yeah. But it was like, it was a long time where I was like, I don't need it, I don't want it, I don't want any attention. Don't look at me. Don't talk.

And it wasn't even like, just from my husband. I was like, if I looked out outside of my marriage, I'd be like, yuck. When I considered cheating, it made me sick. Yes.

Yeah. Are you guys monog? Huh? Yeah. Minogamous, but very, very, like open with each other. Like,

like we'll talk about like all of this things that I'm saying to you right now I would say to my husband for sure yeah I think people I think sometimes people that don't hang out with a lot of comedians are very jarred by the way we talk about our lives yeah but I'm just like yeah everyone in my life just knows the deal like this is I'm just gonna tell the truth about the situation right I do the only time I get weird about it I wonder if you like when I talk about my little cousins sometimes I get I get I get weird about that because they're kids and they can't consent to being talked about like that yes yeah and I would never show you share anything I think but they say such funny shit yeah that I'm like it is so funny so so those are the only things I really turn over about like oh should I say this right but other than that I never worry I'll save like really raunchy sexual shit at a show I know my mom's at I know that's fine we're adults yeah I have this one joke right now about my daughter and I'm like it's like I can't wait to retire it it's like one of those things that I'm like it'll never go anywhere I'll tell I'll tell the story on stage but I'm like I just don't like it because I'm like there is something in me that's like I she doesn't

You know, I don't want to do that to her. Yeah. Like, it's not, it doesn't feel right. So interesting to think that, like, someday she's going to grow up and, like, watch your stand-up. Oh, God, yeah. And be like, oh, that's what mom was doing? Yeah.

Crazy. Well, she'll say stuff, like, like, last night she was in the bath, and I heard her, you know, she was like, where's mama? And Andy was like, oh, mama's in the other room. She goes, Mama's on stage. and I was like, oh. Oh. Whoops.

Whoops. That's so cool, though. It's, it, maybe it sounds cool, but it felt sad. It felt sad because you're like, when she thinks of you, she thinks of you as being away. Yeah. And over there on stage. That's like what made me, yeah. I was like, oh.

I feel so guilty. Really? I do feel incredibly. That was part of the reason why I had to go on, like, the antidepressants and stuff. I felt so fucking guilty with like S&L and fucking all those hours and being away from her and like never knowing if she was like going to know that I was her mom, you know, I was like, I really started to, I wasn't prepared for that kind of guilt. Yeah. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah. I mean, I had a mom who was working all the time and was gone a lot. And I definitely

as a kid was like, why the fuck are you gone all the time? You're supposed to be my parent. Like I definitely felt it as a kid but I will say good that makes me feel better no but I'm saying I'm like where is this bitch I'm abandoned you know and I haven't forgiven her um you know and I never will but no she chose her path Rosebud you have to let me finish no as an adult I'm like hello do you don't want like I'm so glad I had a mom who was like doing shit and who like did make time to like have a life and like was providing for us oh for sure okay and kids don't fucking know anything they're stupid yeah they are dumb no they are so dumb their emotions are like fickle and dumb they get upset about nothing no she asked me to talk like elmo and she thinks i'm elmo

yeah it's like you're not wise yeah sorry you believe anything yeah you would fall for anything you're a rube yeah yeah kids are roob man they're robs you're a rube you're an easy mark get out of here what do you hope for what do you want from her like what do you want to happen for her if you had your dream like what do you what would you want her to be whatever she wants it to be i know people say that and i hate that but that's true you don't have a dream for her yeah you're not like oh i hope she's i have to dream for myself i know but don't you dream for her sometimes when you're bored or you really all right if i i would say i really do want um i want for us to be close yeah um and hopefully she's gay you think so yeah you want gay

kid? I do. Okay. I don't know that that's going to eliminate the threat of men, but it does eliminate, like, the relationships with them. Yeah. Where I'm like... Well, the threat of men is omnipresent, yeah.

Yes, but it's, I think about the relationships that I was in, and I go, if anybody fucking did to my daughter what they did to me, I would end their fucking life. You friends with a lot of lesbians? not really actually I'm gathering that because when you said that I don't think you know how bad it gets with lesbians really it's

a type of toxic that they couldn't make in a lab lesbian I mean you think you think men and women get into it yeah dude these girls are going through it dude lesbians are you're like blowing my mind right now I'm shaking right now I'm like shaking trembling thinking about

some of the things my lesbian friends have been through because what it is is they're all they're like super i'm thinking like dv though domestic violence yeah look it's obviously worse with straight people but i'm saying there's something that can be okay when you get two toxic women together yeah and they understand like therapy language on a level that's like oh god yeah no i've been there i've been there yeah yeah the emotional torment that these women are able to put each other through right lesbians is a different kind of torture i could see that it's Beautiful as well. I do think they have the best situation overall, lesbians.

They have the highest likelihood that it's going to go well. Yeah. Lesbians. But, man, I have been through some lesbian breakups that would, like, there are prisoners of war that haven't seen things I've seen. Why do they keep, why do they all stay friends with each other after? They can't help it. They can't help it.

That's just how they are. I'm going to cry. I guess I should ask my sister. My sister is. Lesbo? Yeah. Nice. Yeah.

She just got married. Is she the boy or the girl? Um, the girl. Yeah. The girl. Nice. For sure. That's really nice.

Sometimes there's two boys and two girls, even when they're both girls. But there's a lot of times a boy and a girl. Yeah. She's the girl. Yeah. For sure. That's nice. Yeah.

You know, I think the girl is whoever planned the wedding. Yeah. Well, you can tell about how they dress. Yeah. Well, also, yeah. Yeah. You just look at them. It always makes me laugh when homophobes are like, they try to be like, which one's the boy and which one's the girl.

I'm like, take a look. Yeah. Yeah. Which everyone's dressed like. Just eyeball it. You dress like an electrician. That's the boy. Mm-hmm.

Yep. Short hair. Yep. The girls were in the Britney Spears t-shirt. Yeah. Yep. That's right. Pretty easy with guys as well.

Yeah. Yeah. It's easy to tell. Yeah. I should ask her, though. I mean, she didn't really date that many. She, like, dated a woman and married her. I think she dated one woman before.

And then it was like a three-week thing. And then she met Chloe. And now they're married. Yeah. But before that, it was all men. Chloe's the boy, huh? Chloe's the boy. Tough name.

for the boy. I know. Do you know one of my favorite trends is? What should we? What? Online when they go ask like, like it's a thing I've seen about, I get served a lot of lesbian content because of my lifestyle. And, um, can I vape while you say this?

Yeah. Are you upset by it? No, I'm just worried about you. Who knows this? Okay, have you, I have a vape. I want you to vape. I feel like you're mad at me. I'm not.

I'm just concerned. I'm kidding. I'm really not. I really don't judge the vape. You look ridiculous, you know. You look ridiculous, but you should see some of the things I eat. There is a fan that's like literally blowing. I don't mind that.

Okay. Everyone has to have their thing and my thing. The reason I don't, I don't do, I don't do coke, I don't drink, I don't, the only things I do are. You never do any of those? No. I smoke weed. Okay. And I eat garbage.

Okay. These are my things. Thank God. And that's why I'm like other people do meth and go to stay out at raves all night long and drink and drink and drink. Right. That's their thing. Yeah. My thing is that I eat garbage and smoke weed.

There are some meth heads that eat garbage. Totally. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. There's an interesting thing in the gay guy community where the fat fobs in the gay guy community will be like, I want someone who takes care of themselves and then they're on meth at like, you know, circuit parties.

Right. And I'm like, right. So you mean something else, but I get the idea. I get what you're saying. Yeah. Someone who looks like they take care of themselves is what they're. I understood what you needed. Yeah.

They just meant, yeah. Thin. Thin. Which is fabulous. Thin is so fun. I love thin sometimes. I've dated thin people. Yeah?

Some of my closest friends are thin. I don't like a really thin look on a guy. Really? Yeah. Yeah. It always, to me, I'm like, are you sick? Yeah. You know?

Oh, my God. Do you know who the hottest TV dad of all time was to me? Who? Dan Connor from Roseanne. Yes. God. Well, actually, mine is more toxic, but it's Tony Soprano. Yeah.

Tony Soprano was. Yeah, I learned a lot about you just now. Yeah, yeah, you did. Yeah, that's beautiful, though. I've rewatch that show. so many times and every single time I have sex dreams about him. You know, he is, he is sexy, but he's not nice to Carmela. Yeah, but he'll fuck you on the subway in your dreams.

Yeah, but he's bad to Carmela. But Carmela is bad to Carmela, too. Sorry, I'll say it. What do you mean? Carmela knows what she's getting into. That's the beauty of Carmela, is that she's not like a one-dimensional character. You know that she knows. knows what the fuck's going on.

She loves it too. And she's like, she gets into like the, you know, the church to like atone for it. But she's never going to leave. Yeah. And she likes the money. She loves the money and the status. She likes being the first lady. Yes.

She does. And she always postures as if she's like outside of it. But Carmelo, you're part of it. You are a part of it. Yeah. And don't get me started on Meadow. I mean, what a pill. Yeah.

Meadow is. Absolutely. What a pill meadow is. Stop it. Stop it, Meadow. Who's your favorite character on that show? Um, I would say Christopher. Really?

Yeah. I must be loyal to my capo. Yeah. I like Christopher just because he's such a fuck up. Yeah. He's such an interesting character. Yeah. You know, I wouldn't say he's like my favorite, like, oh, let's hang out.

Yeah. But he's my favorite character in terms of like the way he's written. Mine's Janice. Janice? Yes. Janice. I icon, dude. Oh, my God.

Yes, Janice is great. I didn't even think about Janice. Janice is amazing. She is. She's fucking awesome. Yeah. She's like the hippie sister that went away and came back. It ends up, which this happens to a lot of hippie girls.

They go back and just end up doing the marrying the guy from home thing. Yes. Then she killed him. Mm-hmm. Which is awesome. That's the greatest scene. I will watch that scene when I'm PMSing. Yeah.

Just to blow off steam. Some feminine rage. Yeah, yeah. God, it's so fucking good. What were we talking about? I don't know. Yeah, we really got away from me. I have a question for you, though.

Yeah. What's so true to you? Shit. Rosebud Baker, what's so true to you? What's so true to me? You didn't think about it, did you? No, I didn't. It's the whole name of the show.

I know, I know. This is a shame. What's so true? Well, let's keep talking, and it'll come to me. Well, we could play a segment. You want to play the game? Yeah. Chance, my papers?

Bitterman? Bitterman? Chance has to bring me my papers. Okay. Thank you, Chance. Thank you, Chance. Rosebud. Yeah.

I'm going to read you 15 statements. Wait, I thought about it. Well, we'll come back to it. Okay. I'm going to read you 15 statements. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if you think what I just said is true or false. Okay. If you get 10 or more correct, we're going to give you 50 U.S. dollars.

Okay. Huge. You ready? You ready? Yeah. Sea otters hold hands when they sleep. Yes, true. Humans have been on Earth longer than dinosaurs were.

Uh, true? False. And is the most spoken English word. False. False. It's the. Langley High School's mascot is Harry the whistleblower. False.

False. It's like a Viking. Otto the Saxon. Fuck. Hawaii is the only U.S. state to never record a temp of zero. Uh, false. True. Fuck.

Only female mosquitoes bite. False. True. Shit, fuck. And I'm not surprised to hear it either. Austin Butler's from Waco, Texas. False. False.

He's from Anaheim, California. Yeah. Visa is older than MasterCard. True? True. Emerson College has a campus in Netherlands. False? True.

What? I went there. Sorry. May 11th is the most common birthday in the U.S. False. It's September 9th. A group of zebras is called a dazzling. I hope so

I hope that's true I'm going to say true because I want it to be true yes water has an expiration date false false Jessica Alba has a Tony award no

false St. Louis is the capital of Missouri I just rejected it no no she can't no St. Louis is the capital of Missouri is that

true false It's Jefferson City, fake town. A mountain lion, puma, cougar, and panther are all the same animal. I'm going to say true. That is true. Yeah. How'd she do?

Ten! Shut up! You won! Really? Yeah. $50. I got pretty close. That's probably going to be cool.

Slow that down in the edit. Make me cool on that. Yeah. Rosebubb, what's so true to you? are actually just telling you what they want for themselves. What do you mean? When somebody offers you advice, what they're saying is what they should have done. What they would have, what they should have done in the situation?

Yes. Oh, I thought you meant they're telling you what would be most convenient for them for you to do. Like if you're like, oh, should I go to the grocery store today and I really need you to get out of the house? I'd be like, oh, you have to. No, no, no. You're saying, okay, got you. I'm saying if somebody's offering you advice, they're saying they're like, be like me. and you shouldn't listen to people who do that.

Yeah, I'm like this. I'm like that. What? I do that. I give people advice to be like me. Yeah, me too. Yeah, I do that. But I think it's, I think everybody does.

You think it's a common thing. That's why I think it's so true. Yeah. So you don't think that we should take that advice, though? Listen, if it works for you, it works for you. Yeah. But I don't think that you should take advice from anyone that is like, I don't, Like, you know, anybody who calls himself like a guru or anybody who calls himself like a thought leader or a life coach or I think those people especially are like mentally unhinged.

Yeah. And need to be, needs some help. They need more help than you do. Yeah. They're worse off. If I ever come to power, there'll be very specific groups of people that are in trouble. And it won't be the boring, like it won't be like immigrants and stuff. That sucks.

It'll be like life coaches. Yes. Like you're going to jail. You absolutely belong in jail. You're a charlatan. You're going to jail. Yeah. And especially the ones that have like a specific set of rules, you know what I mean?

Yeah. A set of like, I'm thinking of like short men that assault people. And period. Short men, period. Yeah. No, I do like short men sometimes. Well, when they're jawling. So do I.

When they're sweet, you know. Yeah. If you're sweet. Yeah. But when a short man's angry, it's too much for the. the little container. Well, I think tall men really, yeah, that's true. You know, that's true.

You need to be tall so that the hate can spread out. Yeah. A short man who's angry is actually really terrifying. Horrifying. You're so right. But I do think that tall men, they get a lot of love. Yeah. And I loved a tall man.

You know, I still love it. I'm married to a tall man. Yeah. But, you know, once you're pregnant with their kid, you're like, I should have thought this through. How tall is your man? Six, two. It's a good height Yeah

It's a good height for a man It's a good height for a man Yeah Not a great height for a fucking baby Baby, your baby's You're really worried about your baby's height I really am She's tall

She's, I just think it's so crazy That you can give birth To someone who's taller than you Yeah, yeah It's probably gonna happen That's so fucking crazy Like you never hear about that You know

Like you wouldn't see a fucking hippo Give birth to a giraffe Right You know We do that as humans though Yeah My grandma's right here Crazy

I tower over her Crazy I could kick her so easy? Yeah. I never do because I love her, but she would be easy to kick down. And you do think about it.

Push her. Right. No, I just think she's right there where my foot is, you know? So you thought about it? I don't want to kick her down. But you've thought about it. It would take nothing to do it.

It would feel good. It would take nothing to kick her down. It might feel good. To kick Lillian down? Would it make you giggle for a second? Well, she would fall funny, probably. I don't want to hurt her. No.

But of course she would fall funny. She's a little old lady Yeah And the sound she would make Would be hilarious I wouldn't even really have to She'd probably say something like Blirk blerk

You know what I mean Or yeah Or something like that Something crazy Yeah I mean It's funny It's funny to think about But I don't want her to fall

No Because I love her too dearly It would be sad I did want to bring one thing up to you Yeah You got kicked off your high school cheerleading team I did

How and why Where's the research team Right there Bravo You're looking at him I got kicked off my high school cheerleading team

I made a joke about somebody's appearance. Rosebud. Yeah. I did. It's horrible. What did you say? I literally can't. I can't repeat it on a podcast.

It was a fat joke, wasn't it? No, it wasn't. You sick? No, it was her face. Oh. It was about her face. How old were you? 16, 17?

I don't know how old you are in high school anymore. It's like 15 to 18. Yeah, so around that. Somewhere in there. Same age. Why'd you do it? Did she at least deserve it? I think she had said some shit about me, like, behind my back, or I'd heard about it.

I don't remember exactly. All I remember was I was right. Yeah. Which is what you need to remember in arguments. Yeah. But, you know, was I, should I have made the joke that I made? Not, probably not. No.

Probably not. Yeah. But did it feel good to say it? Also, her face shouldn't look like that, probably. If she's going to be mean. That's the thing. If you're going to be mean, you have to be prepared for people to come for you. That's what I'm saying.

I was like, you should be pretty. If you're going to be mean in high school, you should be pretty. That's one of the main rules of high school. Yeah. Hello. Yeah. There was a, I remember there was a girl that I went to high school with who she accidentally sent a text about me to me. Shut the fuck up.

In high school. And it was really mean. It was about how fat I am and how I need to like get on a treadmill. And I hadn't done anything to her. Like I had just been, she was annoyed by me, which is not doing something to someone. Being annoying is not doing something to someone. And I really hated that girl for a long time. Yeah.

Because I was like, who were you going to send this to? Right. Did she tell you? She didn't tell me who she was going to send it to. Did she cop to the fact that she was like... Oh, she felt horrible. She felt really bad. What did she say?

How did she try to save it? She was like, she was like, I'm so sorry that wasn't supposed to go to you. Obviously, bitch. I feel so bad. And like, obviously you don't deserve that. And I was like, yeah, we're not friends. You shouldn't talk to me for a while. And she was like, she was like,

she was like, I'm so sorry, like, can we talk about it? And I was like, no, there's really nothing to talk about. That was really mean. Yeah. And I don't want to talk to you for a while. Yeah. And I think I did eventually end up saying something mean about her family. Yeah.

I was like, if I came from a family like yours, I probably wouldn't be saying things this mean about people for no reason. Oh, absolutely. She came from a broken family. Yes. Good for you. Good for you. But I can say that because I also come from a broken family.

But that's why I didn't talk bad about people is because my family is broken. Yeah, that's why. Yeah. No, I really think that like if you, I love that you said that. If you come from a broken family, you need to keep things pretty tight. Yeah.

Yeah. The home structure's a mess. You should know how to keep secrets. Don't worry about me being fat. Where's your dad? Right? You know? Maybe if you were better at keeping your mouth shut,

he wouldn't have left. Meanwhile, my dad's not there either. You know what I mean? Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Yeah, God love her. No, that's the thing is like I have a problem.

if I, uh, if I, if somebody really pisses me off, okay, and it takes a lot. It takes a lot. Yeah. It does. But once somebody gets me there, I will say something that I cannot take back because it is true. Yeah. I will say something that is, I will go to a truthful place. Yeah. And it's something that I've been observing for a long time. Yeah. And you can tell that I have, have chosen not to say anything about it. Yeah. And now I've, now I've crossed that threshold. Well, I think a lot of comedians have this superpower, which is that I'm not necessarily thinking negative about the thing that you hate about yourself, but it's easy to tell,

it's so easy to tell what someone doesn't like about themselves. Yes. And I can certainly log it, and I'm not holding on to it. I don't want to hurt someone ever. No. But I will say I have a power that I don't use, almost ever,

that I could really take someone down if I needed to. Oh, 100%. And I don't want to. But sometimes when people are evil, you get the impulse. Yeah, Caleb, it does kind of feel good when it happens. Well, of course, because if they've been evil, it's like, I'm Batman.

Yeah. I'm like, I'm Robin Hood. Yeah, I'm a vigilante in my own life. Yeah, I'm doing good. I'm stealing from the rich and giving to the poor. Right. You know? Yeah.

Even though you don't want to use it. The poor is me and the rich is also me. And the rich is me as well. Yeah. Yeah. I'm stealing from me and giving to me. Yeah. It does feel good.

I would love to see you lose your shit at some point. I mean, I don't want that for you, but I would love to see it. Like, I would watch it and be proud. Chance has known me since we were 17 years old. I mean, when do you think I most lost my shit? Oh, man, there's been a couple times. I think maybe when you've most lost your shit, hmm.

It doesn't happen very often, but I'm open to hearing about it. But there's been like little, you kept it pretty calm, but you got close in Seattle when that guy was being weird because we like bumped into his door in the parking lot of the Starbucks. Oh, my God. He almost got a very interesting side of me. Yeah. So what happened was, we were on tour, and it was who was in the car that me, Lily, you and Virginia?

Yeah. So Lily Sullivan was with us. Do you know Lily? She does comedy bang, bang. She's so fucking funny. I don't think I know her. You got to check out her stuff. She's so, so funny.

She's been on this show. She's very funny. She went on tour with us for a little bit in the Pacific Northwest. It's me, Chance, our friend Virginia, who does social media for the show, and then Lily, who was, like, our guest for that leg. And we were leaving a Starbucks, and when we were getting in the car, one of the girls, tapped there was a car next to us like tapped his car with our door yeah barely right and this guy gets out and starts like like yelling at her and I was like you get in the car and then I got out and I was like what's your problem yeah and he was like she hit my car and I was like she barely

fucking touched it you need to relax and lower your voice yeah it's just like I don't know he was probably like 25 or something something like Jim bro and he was like he was like look and I was like I'm looking at it there's nothing and he was pointing to like a dirt spec that had like transferred from the door right and I went I think you'll fucking live. Yeah. And he goes, he goes, no, no, give me your information. I was like, I'm not giving you anything.

We're fucking leaving and you're not doing anything about it. Goodbye. Yes. And I got in the car and then he, like, followed us for a second. Yeah. Did he take pictures of our license. Oh, he goes, he told me, I'm going to take picture of your license plate. And I go, great, have fun sending a picture of my rental car license plate to the cops.

What does that mean to me? I was like, I was like, you're a loser. Get in your fucking car. I was inches away from having a physical fight with him. Yeah. Because he was yelling, was it Lily or Virginia? It was at Lily. It really pissed me on.

Yeah. You're like yelling at like a woman who barely touched your car. I was like, psycho, getting your fucking car. You're fucking loser. And his tone immediately, he didn't like get super cool, but his tone shifted big time when I got out of the car. And I'm like, so you know what you were doing then? Yeah. You were being menacing because you thought you could get away with it.

Right. So you're evil and someone should kick your ass. Yeah. I'm not going to because I have to go to a show. I have a show to get to. I have to do a show. sold-out show. But if I didn't, perhaps we would fight.

We might fight with our hands. Yeah, that was close. That was probably the most recent time, actually. Oh, my God. I would love that. That's hot. That's hot to me. I'm toxic. You are. Tony Soprano told a lot. Yeah.

Yeah. Tony Soprano gave a lot of way. I know. I know. I can't help it, though. There's something about it that, like, a man losing his temper, like, in defense of a woman, who does something. Oh, love it. Nice. Well, good to know.

Yeah. Rosebud, it's been a delight to have you. It's been a delight to be here. We love you here more than life itself. I love you more than life itself. Thanks for having me. Do you want to tell people where they can find you, where they can watch the special, etc.? Yeah, you can watch my special on Netflix.

It's called The Mother L-O-D-E, not the gross way. Yeah, yuck. And I'm on tour. You can check my website, Rosebud Baker.com. Go see Rosebud on tour. We love you, dude. Thanks for doing it. Thanks for having me. Yeah, anytime.

That was a hate gum podcast.