So True with Caleb Hearon - Sarah Sherman Sees Everything

Episode Date: April 9, 2026

Welcome back! This week’s guest is the hilarious Sarah Squirm AKA Sarah Sherman! Sarah and Caleb talk their Chicago comedy days, a harrowing trip to the doctors office, the afterlife, SNL and so much more!  Watch Sarah’s HBO special Live + In The Flesh here! https://www.hbomax.com/movies/sarah-squirm-live-in-the-flesh/5d79e162-5a0a-4177-9021-79bac1836b07  Join our Substack for ad free full episodes, early access to merch, our community chat, and more! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/   Follow Sarah! @sarahsquirm  Follow the show! @sooootruepod  Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings  Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Head to https://turbotax.com to find a store location near you and get matched with a TurboTax expert — with real-time updates in the iOS app.  Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at https://RocketMoney.com/SOTRUE   So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Virginia Muller. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York.  A Wave series. wavesportsandentertainment.com  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Wave. Needle in arm. other hand writing down definition for prep for a doctor. Teaching basically who by the way, who's the doctor and who's the patient? Teaching a doctor who what prep is and what gay guys are. Also, I got my chart notes back and my chart notes said risky homosexual behavior obese.

This episode is presented by, you guessed it. Intuit TurboTax. Now this is taxes. Sarah, how's it going, girl? You know, when we had our day together, kind of a couple days, it was kind of the best couple days in my life. Do you want to tell me what couple days you're talking about?

Oh my, well, see, you have so much fun that you don't even, like, think about the days that we shared together. Well, we had our, we went on a, basically a couple's retreat. Oh, my God. Well, I was, I had some other stuff going on. You're talking about when. We had a sleepover. We had a sleepover in upstate New York. Right, we did.

And we went to, um, we went to the Waxahatchee, MJ Linda. You, like, can't even think of what happened because every single day is a carnival for you. Every day, I'm like, hey, where are you? You in New York State? You're like, oh, my God, sorry. I'm randomly like globe trotting right now. I'm on tour, like, at a musical festival playing a baseball game. It was the joy of my lifetime that you came and stayed at that house with us.

That was, you made a chicken. It was, I made a chicken. You came and stayed with me and my boyfriend. We played house. Yeah, and it was very like, you were being very aware of my disability concerning milk and dairy. And you were very, you say, hey, what are you allergic to? I'm like, I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm Jewish.

I can't do dairy. And you took that, you said, okay, I'm okay. You also omitted an allergy, didn't you? And then it ruined my meal. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, let's talk about it. I said, Sarah, we're filming the same movie. I want to go back to when you didn't remember

when day we were talking about them. All I remember is slights and transgressions. All I remember is when times you've hurt me. And how could that have been a slight and transgression other than it was like a moment of self-protection? No, I said, Sarah, please tell me all of your various myriad food allergies. He took one look at me and he goes, you look sickly. What's going on? What can't eat? I said, I want to cook you dinner

and then I cook this gorgeous dinner. I cooked this gorgeous dinner. It was sunny. It was like, I had like a banquet table. Well, it was a nice house. I'm doing okay. And then I go to start plating stuff and start I can't have the entire salad you couldn't have. Oh, hurtful.

You don't let me take care of you. Can you imagine? So like women's suffrage happens or whatever Like there's all You're always talking about women's suffrage Like Roe v. Wade like teetering on the break So it's like as a woman, dare I say Can I spike the camera? Can I spike the camera?

Spike a mom, yeah. And as a woman, you have every single day You have to be like I'm brave, I'm strong, I'm powerful. Yeah. And for me to admit Yeah. Like can you imagine having to admit to other adult human beings I could be taken down by a carrot?

Yeah. So I like I say like I say like I don't want to admit I can be taken down by a carrot I don't want are you crying oh my god I'm about to because I'm so so like I had no exactly no fucking idea like this whole time I thought you were being a bitch but the whole time you were being oppressed and if anybody wants to like kill me take me down assault me in any way all you have to do is carrot no one no one do anything with carrots to Sarah I'm calling If I have a carrot, guess what's going to happen? Both eyes, swollen shut.

Is it also apples or something? What was it? Yeah, it's a lot. It's apples, carrot. It's like, that's, I can't even, like, admit it. I can, because I know that. You're like, yeah, it's apples, carrots. Because, like, if I said that into it,

first of all, if I let, if this was public information, could you imagine any restaurant, there could be a spy sneaking something into my food? Yeah, so you're paranoid. You're got a food tester. Someone always with you, you're like, try this. watching intensely to see if they start forming at the mouth and die. I would never poison you.

All I wanted to do is make you feel good and take care of you. And I was like, so when you were like, what foods can't you eat? Like for some reason, like, it's so easy for me to just be like, dairy, am I right, ladies? For some reason, that's, because it's like kind of cool to be lactose intolerant. Yeah, there's like a movement going on right now where people are like, hot girls have tummy issues. And I'm like, go to the doctor.

By the way, I fucking hate that. As someone would like rampant diarrhea. As someone who has basically, is someone who pees out of my ass more than I pee out of my urethra? Of course. Of course. Sarah Nicole Sherman. Nice to meet you. Hey, Caleb.

Pleasure dude. Misses with you. As someone who basically, by my middle name should be Nicole, it should be IBS. As someone who is the experience of having IBS, the hot girls with tummy issues thing has got to stop. I don't like the hot girls insert X. Like hot girls for Zoran. No. Hey, knock it off.

Let's get serious. Shit is very serious. We're talking about the rent, not talking about your ass. Yeah. I know because that's, well, hot girls with IBS,

it's like, well, now you're thinking about my butt hole, now you're thinking about my ass. Do you see what I'm saying? I'm not doing that. When I hear that someone has IVS, I'm just feeling,

I'm just like, oh damn, they can't eat all the stuff I like. Right. It makes me sad. I want to say something that's like too mean. Say it. Well, it's like,

it's like, well, well, now, like basically now I'm just being like Joan Didion now where I'm like go ahead I can't wait I can't wait to hear how you're being like Joan didian it becomes like it becomes like masked ED like being like hot girls with like tummy issues it's like this used to just be the laxatives thing in the 90s say that T say that say that as someone who again has more hemorrhoids than I can count one two three four million it hurts to sit right now

I got you're infested with hemorrhoids yeah wait can I say something Yes. I was on a set. She works. Working. I want to thank CAA Mosaic. Jackaway Austin. My lawyers have 15 names.

No, I was on a set and there were actors, our age, okay, talking about they eat prunes regularly to give themselves a flush out so that they don't gain weight. And I said, hey, fat person, hey, fat person that you're talking to. And I'm saying being like. They're like my worst nightmares that I would look like you. I'm like, oh, oh, okay. I enjoy your prunes, granny. I really can't believe that.

You're right, it is masking ed. Joan, you said that. You said, thank you. And at first second, I was like, why are you calling me Joan Dinian? Slouching towards the toilet, slouching towards Bethlehem. Honestly, Joan Didian body goals.

Really? You want to look like frail and like, oh, she has she passed? Has she passed? Pour one out. I pour one out. I pour ice coffee all over the floor. John.

Shout out to Joan. That makes me really sad. You know, her book fucked me up after my dad died. Really? Oh my gosh. Well, you read the year of magical thinking when you're in your lowest place and it really, it's there for a reason. It's there to finish the job.

Right. That book is there to finish the job when you're not feeling well. Have you read it? I haven't. Oh, my gosh. Have you lost someone dear to you? Randomly not to brag. Not to brag.

Nothing bad has ever happened to me. Okay. I hope it never does. But if you lose someone dear to you, pick up that book and let it do its thing. Wow, okay. Should I just like read it now and just like preempt? I really don't think so. Right. Wait for something terrible what happened. I think you have to lose someone dear to you.

Okay. If it ever happens to you and I don't see anything about ever happening to you by the way. Don't you get that from me? That you're extremely blessed and charmed? Yeah. Totally. And by the way, no one's ever complained more in their entire life Jewish than me. Of course 100%.

But it's like I need, I need to be reminded. I like that. I'm blessed and charmed. You're extremely blessed and charmed. You got on SNL by making fun of them. You have the coolest life ever. That was crazy. That was really crazy.

Yeah, totally. I really loved it. I wish you were in there with me. I really do. Saturday Night Live, the television show? I wish you were in the, I wish you were in the trench. Listen, I've said goodbye to that dream a long time ago. I think we both know my attitude would be a problem.

But that's kind of what I don't know. They'd be like, we're staying for a 15th hour and I'd be like, not me personally. Thank you guys. There's a really cool, like, Omikaze, Joy. I have to go to Omicasse, I have a reservation. I'm so sorry, guys. Oh my God, this is so random. I literally have a flight to Missouri.

Lorne. I'm on my way to Omicase. Where did you hear that Caleb got fired because he called Lorne Babe? He called Warren Babe and kept doing cheek kisses to him? I feel like your perspective would be interesting inside. On Saturday Night Live the television show?

I just think I would like to have like your kind of braty. No one's really like a brat right now. I don't think that's true. And I don't mean that in a brats. There are some brats there. No, don't play games with me. You have to say this because you work there, but let's get real.

I see them at Omicasse. All of a sudden, like, watermarked, trademarked by NBC thing starts like 30 minutes. Comes and, like, crushes you. Can you imagine? There would have been, like, a reality where we're both like, oh, my God, our sketches just got cut. Ah! I don't think I would, I have so much reverence for you and the, why would not handle it? You would handle.

My attitude would be a problem at Saturday Night Live, the television show. You think you would be like, hey. Oh, I would totally. be like, why the fuck did we, I'd be like, we're cutting that? I wouldn't handle it gracefully at all. I'd start doing backdoor meetings. I'd start sabotaging people. I'd be like, you know Sarah talk shit on the law.

I'm telling you would be like, um, my John Bonnery Ramsey impression was like fucking flawless perfect and you got it. And you know I want to play John Bonay Ramsey. I just got by the way, I just got that vibe from you. I just did, I just in a full head mind. No, I want to play the brother. I want to play the brother denying it. I want to play the brother denying it.

I don't know what happened to her. You think he did it. You think he did it. He's so scared. You think the brother did it. Oh, I don't think he did it. No, there's no way he did it. Yeah, right, no, totally.

His name's like Rex, right? I'm so, you're going to have to forgive me. I don't know John Bonae Ramsey's brother's name at the moment. Chance, what is it? Tell us now. It's like T-Rex. Burk or. Did I fucking stutter?

Did I stutter? It's Burke. We got two of them. Also, Joan Didien moved on in 2021. Oh, she was promoted to her next opportunity in the sky. Wow. Is that that? type shit you're on. That is nice. I get increasingly, I'm headed in a very annoying direction.

No, wait. We were just talking about, we, okay. I, I, you cannot, here's my thing. Tell me. All psychics are real. No, Sarah. Sarah. Sarah. Okay. Real housewives of Melbourne. Australia. Just, me. There is, it's like, probably, it just dropped on peacock proper. of NBC falls in the government. Okay, it's probably from like, I'm gonna say like 2012. There is a housewife on it who is a psychic and

I am so again, this footage is from like 15 years ago, I'm so addicted to her and I'm like this can't not be real. I've been watching all of her videos because she does a thing where she's like come to my show. What's the thing where the medium, like it's like a big show

and like a big room? It's like a medium seminar. Pageant, medium pageant. Pageant is what I want. I don't know what in Sechnikov, but I'd like to go with pageant. Pageant? John Bonet diva?

Jabon deva? Oh my God, John Bonnet diva. Why didn't I do that? I should have already done that. I know. I should be on TikTok doing that right now. Oh, okay. There's content on the table.

Do you mind if I step out and do... You go to the bathroom? Do you hear me in the bathroom? My brother did! I come back out. We start the interview again. No, I don't think he did it. Okay.

But you're obsessed with this. You think this psychic is real. Because everybody's like, come on. You know what I mean? And I'm watching the... By the way, every video has like, no disrespect. I love this divot. Has like 400 light.

It's not like, to me I'm like, well, this should be front page news. What's going on? It has 400 likes. Like, maybe I should feel less bad about how all my stand-up clips have three and a half likes when I see... Three and a half.

Someone liked and unliked. Wait, what is... Someone like rested their finger on the bottom. I mean, she's nice enough. We bless her heart. She's trying. No shot. But...

Wait, what convinced you first? What convinced you first? This one video. Tell me now. Where she goes into, I'll tell. She goes into the audience. And she's like, she says a name of someone. She's like, hey, this name's coming up.

And like a woman's like, hey, yeah, that's my son who died. And she goes, hey, like, he was murdered, wasn't he? And she was like, hey, yeah. And then the psychic's like, by this guy's name, right? And she's like, hey, yeah. And so you're thinking, like, she could have Googled this. You know what I'm saying? Like, you're like, oh, she looks at all the ticket buyers.

And like, this is. This is like front page news. That's exactly what I'm thinking of. No, no, no, no. No, no. Stay with me, diva. So then, by the way, watching this, sobbing. You're sobbing.

Sarah. Sarah. See, if I had some carrots, maybe I would have to wear a lot. Hold on. What makes you think she's not just Googling? So then she goes, so the morning diva, the grieving diva, is sitting next to. Not grieving diva.

Not mourning Barbie. Oh my God. Morning Barbie and a black veil would be chic as fuck. Trixie Mattel, call them. Oh my God, Shiva Barbie. All the mirrors covered. It's just sitting in a chair. It comes sitting in a chair.

This is why you're doing well for yourself. This is kind of like entrepreneurial mentality. Okay. So morning diva. She goes like, there's like a little old man sitting next door. And she's like, okay, so you guys are dating. and just so you know, your murdered son loves your boyfriend. And she says to the boyfriend, just so you know your dead wife loves,

thinks you guys should be together. How fucking convenient. But how would she know that, like, okay, okay, sure, she can look at the ticket holders. But how would she know that, like, they're dating but not married and that he has. I do this at my shows. This is crowd work. This is crowdwork and I do it. You do it as well.

You look at two people and you go, clearly they're dating. the way they're touching knees. But, but, but, right. And they're, in their touch, if they're touching knees a lot, it's new. Well, well, I feel like if I see someone touching knees, I go immediately to the man, I go, I'm sorry, does she have, like, do you have consent from her?

Like, what's going on? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's taking advantage of you, sir. If she's bothering you, sir, you take his side automatically. Wait, can I say something? How hot is it when you have a crush on someone and you touch knees for the first time? It's like, hello, zing.

Electric electricity through the pussy. Like I literally could cry right now. That's so exciting. You know your clit's hard. right now. It's like, yeah, we can, I'm sure we could fuck or whatever, but like touching knees.

Right. Are you going to get married? I've been thinking about this. Yeah? What do you think of? I'm, thank you for asking. I've been,

and who says you're not an amazing interviewer? I know. There's many long reads. Many long reads about how talentless I am, but I'm here to prove them right. Hey! I famously, as everyone knows, I've been in a very long-term relationship.

And for some reason, I'm not married. Now, yeah. It just never has come up. We're very busy. I'm a perpetual child. But like, it would be the best fucking party

all time. I don't know. Are you guys open? No. Do you want to know why? Because I find it disgusting. Sarah, you can't say that if you want my audience to like you.

Bo, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, I just, I simply don't have the time.

But what I love about all of my, my and listen I have friends everybody relax all my friends are basically open and I meet a lot of very interesting people this way and I enjoy their openness unfortunately for me at this time on a day like today on a night like tonight in this era and this economy in 2026

it's not going to be happening for me I barely with all the shit I'm spending time on the three hours a day on the toilet then I go to work there's no time can you imagine by the way can you imagine Having a casual hookup over and being like, you got to get out of here. It's toilet time, baby.

It's tummy time and then it's toilet time. Tommy time, toilet time. You know I'm busy. That's great. Yeah. It's on the mic. Please don't call that out. Please don't call that out.

I think it's from my pants, but not in the so trudeo. Please. Please, not in the so trudio. You know it's important. That's cute. So trudio. I know. We need to get a little sign.

Are you, you're an open. I did. I've done open. I am experimenting with potentially being extremely conservative again. Yes. in a gay way. Right.

I think open, open, well, let's just talk about it. The benefit of open is that you get to fuck a lot of people. Right. That's awesome.

Totally. The downside of open is that it causes you to question everything you thought you knew to be true. Okay. So true. So,

so, so you take a look and you go, and then yeah, then you have closed traditional monogamy, right? There's one thing about that is that it makes you feel extremely imprisoned.

But prison is secure and safe. Totally. And sometimes I fantasize about, you know, I would just like to be locked up for like a small amount of time where I can't do or say anything and I just have to lie down. I see that for you.

Thank you. Or go to a hospital. Either going to a hospital or a prison for a couple days. I think probably hospital. Right. I think probably hospital. Just because I don't see you committing a crime.

That's interesting. You don't think you're cool? I do think you're cool, but I think you're cool in a way where like you would go to the mental hospital first. Right. Thank you for saying that. And thank you for saying. Some of my favorite people have been in the mental hospital. Of course. I know, I'm going to say 400 bisexuals who have been there. Yeah. And I love them. They're really in there. They're really in there. Here's my thing about open. Don't say it. And again, I love all my she's and they's who are open. I love them to death.

I sometimes wonder how they have a day job and that at the same time. Well, they're not good at their day jobs. and a lot of their day jobs are fake. They're an account manager. When you're an account manager, you can make anything happen. There are so, yes. And by the way, when you say account manager,

you say something like that and I go, well, what is that? Right. There are so many jobs where I go, well, what is that? Account manager and project manager are the jobs I go to

when I'm like, I don't really know what that means. Right. You make $85 to $316,000 a year to ultimately be at the park in the middle of the day. And I love, by the way, that's one of the coolest things

I've ever heard. No, it's like amazing. I'm jealous. I'm happy for you. Yeah. Yeah. I just, but you've been open and you would say that it takes, you're like, well, are you either doing the relationships or doing your job? Well, here's the thing. I'm open, I've done open sexually. I'm never caring on multiple relationships. Right, right. I'm like, I'm with, I'm in a relationship and I'm sleeping with other people. That's mostly just because I'm gone all the time. And I'm like, what? Going to be not getting laid all the time? Right. That sucks. That's kind of your thing is you're getting laid all the time. It's like basically before I got to the studio, I was literally swatting guys off of you. I was like, hey, hey.

You know, I'm just saying if you're gone all the time, it's like, what, you're not going to have sex, I'm not going to have sex. It's like what, this is like the war or something. Right. Like you're like waiting on me to return from war. And I like that. I like to punish. I like to hold out. I like to, this is like, I like deprivational mindset.

15. I thought that was all we had left. Yeah. I like being strict. I don't like being fun. And I like saying to my boyfriend, like, you can't have. You'll never have sex with another woman again for as long as you live. First I thought you were doing a peace sign.

You'll never have sex with another woman for as long as you live. Being cute right after. Quirked up, fucking quirked up white girl. You're Jewish. No. I find out for the first time. No! You fall to your knees.

And it is a disability and I'll explain. It does give me ideas. therefore. First of all. First of all. And second of all. So I never like thought about, I mean, obviously I thought about hell because I'm like, Iron Maiden. Yeah. Or whatever. Of course. Or like, or like fucking Tim Curry playing like the devil and like legend. Tom Cruise was really hot that movie. But like, oh, I actually am thinking about hell for, we are getting interesting today. Yeah. We'll go back to the psychic. I like it. I like seeing you like this. On my knees.

No. Well, no, not begging for Judaism to be removed from your body. Not that part. I was like, I'm like, oh my God, I think about hell now constantly. Because I think about how like every time I see an ice agent on the news, I'm like, oh, you're going there. Like hell is real and you're going there. I've been saying they're randomly, like in a roundabout way, their mission to make everyone Christian is kind of working on me. Yes, yes.

Because now I'm wanting hell to be real so that they have somewhere to suffer forever. Yes. I'm like every single ice agent, no matter why they got into it. no matter which, I don't care if they're just like checking paperwork at the office. Yeah. If you work for ice, when you die, you will burn in hell for all eternity. Right. And I need to believe that so that I can believe something will happen to these fucking freaks.

Yeah. Other than just how ugly and pathetic they are. Right. So, yeah. Like obviously this existence is also hell for them. They look like that. But I need something to happen afterwards as well. And nobody likes them.

They walk down the street and everyone goes, boom, you suck, bitch. They fall down and people are like cheering and clapping. People love them falling down. Yeah. I mean, it's a totally sad. existence and they're doing it all for like what a Camaro. I don't, it's just like completely pathetic. I need to believe that something bad happens to them when they die.

Right. Not saying they should die. Right. No. I totally hope that they live. They're doing their jobs. No, of course. But yeah, I think when they die, they should go to hell.

And I've never, and I think about, like, I know that like I have so many friends who grew up in the church. Oh. How do you see? In the church? Have you ever heard of it? Or like grew up like my, you know. My boyfriend grew up Catholic, and so like nuns would be like, don't jerk off all you're going to go to hell.

And so they grow up like being like when you grew up, were you like, I'm afraid of hell. Oh, yeah, terrified. See, this is, I never had this. I know, because of Jew. Yeah, which is just like, yeah. I took an intro to Judaism class in Chicago. Oh. Do you know that?

No, you're a Jewish curious. Rabbi. Shout out girl. Actually, don't shout her out. We'll cut that. I don't, I'm not sure about her politics. regarding Israel. So we're actually going to take that shout out out.

We'll bleep that. Yeah, I took it, and I was so fascinated to learn. I didn't grow up around any other faiths at all. So I got really curious about all of them. Yeah. And I was so fascinated to learn that you guys were just growing up without like a fear of burning alive forever. No, I was just afraid of my mom.

Like that's it. Like, oh my God, she's going to be so looking at me out of the sides of her eyes if I do this. And that was enough. That was enough, by the way. That was enough, by the way. But I actually think I've lost some fantasy. because there's a lot of like imaginary fantasy with like being a kid being like thinking about

what hell looks like that's basically Lord of the Rings. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like it's like I missed out on like dragons and like Jesus just shooting lasers out of his eyes or whatever. Yeah. So now I'm 27. Thinking about hell for. Sorry.

Just check the clock 24. So now here at 21 years old. barely legal. I'm all of a sudden actually meditating on hell for the first time in my life for real. Really? Because I'm thinking about these guys going there. Yeah. The big turnoff for me on Christianity. There were a little small one, a bunch of little small ones, but the big one that I was like, I really can't do this anymore. When I was a teenager, was the idea that every other, like the idea of Christianity is that every good Muslim person, every good Jewish person, every good Sikh person, like everybody who's not Christian, even if they're a phenomenal human being, they all go to hell. I was like, this won't work. This is crazy. That makes no fucking sense.

Well, so, like, I would go to the hell. The hell. You would go to the hell that the ice agents are in. And they wouldn't go to hell. They wouldn't go to hell. Oh, because they're Christian. Because they like Jesus, some of them. Is that actually Christian?

That is Christian. Yes, that's Christianity. It's crazy. Not enough people are talking about this. Christianity is crazy. The weird thing is, like, no one's talking about this. I forget how crazy is sometimes because my mom is one of the cool Christians. That's like, everybody is good.

We love everybody. Like she fucking loves trans people. Right. She's like a Jesus Christian. Right. No. Jesus is. Yes,

exactly. You know? Meg is very, Meg was the first person I ever met that who was like Jesus rocks. Yes. And then I read that zealot book or whatever. And I was like, oh, he's hanging out with like fucking prostitutes. And he's like a hippie with sandals.

He was sick. He was a sandals. His fans are weird. Yes. His fans are weird as fuck. Well, we know many fandoms like this. Yeah. Unfortunately.

How do you feel about your fans? Do you get in trouble with your publicists a lot? Um, are you like, is the HBO publicist in the room with us now? They have a sniper rifle in the corner of the room, just in case you talk bad about the company. I don't have a personal publicist. I have, like, we work with like SNLPR and HBO PR

to tell people to be watching, you know, especially I put it out, but I don't have a personal one. Oh, yeah. You wouldn't bug it now? Plug it now. Do a sincere plug, sir. Same with my chaz. I had a special that came out on HBO

a couple months after Caleb's beautiful special. And it would behoo. If you guys don't want to burn in fucking hell for all of eternity, how do you watch it? Go watch Sarah's special on HBO or you burn in hell for eternity. Hey, click this link, YouTube.

We'll give you a minute long pause of us just doing this. Up to the link. It's on a green screen. It becomes that you edit into a jiff of us like jacking off to yeah. Whatever.

This is jacking off to whatever. Jacking off to whatever, of course. Yeah, of course. what fisting is. This is why I ask if you're getting in trouble with your publicist. Right. Or in general, like, I feel like I'd say whatever I want all the time and I can, I can feel my publicist starting to get scared of me. Oh, sure. You be saying, I remember, I remember you stay saying. I remember when you got, you did get in trouble. Did you incur the wrath of the bisexual army? I'm in trouble every week, sir. Right. There's really, there's, I could say something so innocuous and never in a million years. You think I would put it out if I thought I was going to get in trouble? I say these things thinking I'm fine. Right. And then someone gets mad at me. I can't even count the number of communities that have been upset with me.

But I'm like, we're supposed to be having fun. Right, I think we're having fun. Also, like, what, I, I'm curious. What could we even say? What would we be talking about then? What do you want me to talk about? Snapple facts on the cap. The only thing I could think of.

Yeah, that's, that's PG. Why don't we read the Snapbook? I love when you go into this. Yeah, who is this? This meek person I like. This is kind of new character. I like meek Sarah. It's kind of, who doesn't remind me of?

It reminds me of, um. Do you have many cricket? No, well, maybe. Well, no, it reminds me of like Kate McCucci. Oh, hey guys. Shout out Kate. Shout out of Kate. Shout out of Kate.

Like you're gonna pull out of ukulele and I do us a song. I, she's so cute. She's adorable. I wish I was adorable. I, you are. No, you don't mean, you have to be small to be cute. Look at that. I, well, I have the reverse fit.

I wish I was like 10 feet tall. Really? Then I'd get some fucking respect in this town. I'm strong and handsome. I wish I was cute. Like a tiny little. You'd be so small. You're small.

You're small. You're cute. Look at the big shoes I wear. I feel like I like being imposing. Your shoes are big. You want to be like scary to people. Yeah, I want to like lord over people and be like, hey. If you had a different haircut and you dressed less awesome, I know.

You would be so adorable coated. I know. You're like, to me, you're like, to me you're like, to me you're like like this like crazy fun chick you know but if you had if you had a bob

you'd be like a cute little girl you know Bowen is obsessed when I have a bob when I go like this in a bob wig at work like it drives men insane yeah when I have a little bob it would drive me wild

it drives gay men insane it does if a woman gets a bob it's for the it's for the gay male gays And what is? Is it because they just like saying like, blah? No. Not to drag gay guys. No, you did.

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Joan Rivers. No worries. No worries. No worries at all. Hey, I have to go to the bathroom. Sobbing, doing your TikTok. You hear me in there. When your friends are a huge bitch to you and you have to pretend it's okay.

I come back out. Let's get back to it, shall we? Be like, fuck, I have to make it seem like I was going to the bathroom and you're... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, Sarah, you like that poopy girl. Sarah, you like poop stuff, right, girl? It's funny that you didn't pick a gay guy, though. You went for Joan Rivers.

It was like literally the first guy. Like, you said gay guy and I went, Joan. She's the inspiration. She's the inspirer. She's the inspirer. She's the inspiration. My favorite gay guy? My favorite gay guy?

Can't pick me? You can't pick you. My favorite gay guy? Oh my gosh Bruce Valanche Oh that's good He should come on the fucking podcast He's not allowed

Why? I don't know him I only have people I know on the show Is that so true That's completely true We have so many guests Nobody gets Nobody gets more annoyed than

You should see the request That come in That people are mad at me And you're like I don't know you bitch I say let's go to lunch or something first And then they say it's not that serious to us And I go okay Wait why

Why why why why Why why why why why why why why Why? Why? Because everybody does celebrity interviews. I'm, like, bored by that. I'm like, let's have an actual conversation. Let's get to know each other a little bit. But who would you, like, be like a breakdown of the fucking barriers and be like, I understand that you don't, hold on.

Sorry, part of my French. I wanted to, do you see that? You were like, Sarah, speak up. Yeah. Say it with your chest. And I did. It was beautiful the way you're acting. And if you bleep that out, you're silencing the female narrative.

Oh, we won't. You magnify it. Can you louder? Can you loud? Your burp so loud. Great. Yeah. If who would you be like, okay, I know we don't know each other and you are on, like, you are

literally like a person that I actually came and get to know, but you can come on my podcast. I don't think there's anybody. No. I don't think there's anybody, but it could change. Right. I'm not held to any of this. What if Trump was literally like, you want, I'll come on? Well, none of his stupid little, like weak alpha shit would work on me.

Right. Like his dumb little handshake thing where he tries to pull someone in. Right. You're not going to pull me in. Right. I'm standing my ground. I'm standing my ground. I'm standing on business.

It's not clocking to you, drum. What was the full sentence? What was the full sentence? It's not clocking to you. It's not clocking to you. It's not clocking to you that I'm standing on business. Is it? Is it?

I was obsessed with this. I was. Was this when we were in New York? Yes. Yeah. I was obsessed with is it. Business. Is it?

Sarah was walking around this little house that we had in upstate New York, just talking to no one out loud being like, it's not clocking. to you guys. You guys aren't cocking my business. I became like a stim. Yeah. Business is it?

Is it? Dude. Like, and then that, he's attractive. He did something there, didn't he? He's attractive to me. Are you attracted to him? I need him.

He is my, like he is the same age as and looks like I'm a little brother. So when he's on that fucking stage at the fucking Grammys in his fucking underwear, just like, fucking like. I want your little brother.

Gotta be Well if I'm 24 And get your hands off of him Yeah Don't touch him I'll do your little brother Well I'm just like Justin Bieber's like in his 30s

You have a little brother in his 30s? Justin Bieber? Isn't he like But he's America's little prince Isn't he? For about 20 years ago Sorry Canada

Canada's little prince You know I discovered him you were one of the YouTube Beliebers? I was a believer before no one wants to talk about this. The media tries to silence me. Before Usher got there. No. Before any record labels, I was watching him cover Brian McKnight on YouTube because I was looking at

Brian McKnight back at one covers and guess who had one? Justin Bieber, ask me how many views were on the video when I got there. 42. Well, like a thousand, but it's a very small number. I was watching him seeing Chris Brown, sorry, covers on YouTube. before all the hitting and stuff and I was a believer.

Not many people fucking have it. Not many people have that fucking X factor. Not many people have the star power. Not many people have it. He has IT. It's, do you have a musical talent? This comes up. Yeah.

This comes up at my job. Someone's like, hey, like, we have a song and people have to sing it. And I go, gun to head, I could do it. Yeah. Because isn't that the thing with singing? like everyone can sing you just don't feel like you can like you just don't believe her in yourself.

I have the opposite thing. No. I can't, but I really think I can. I feel it. Okay, judgment free zone. Just fucking go. Just fucking go. Give me a song.

My eyes are literally close. Oh, say can you see? By the what? By the don's early light. Oh, I look you. What's so proud of me. But see, what you're hearing is like, yeah, I hit a dog.

I'm a little gay guy run. I, in my ears, I'm like, that was Aretha. Right. I was doing Aretha. Like, I'm like, I was on a level right there that, like, most people can't achieve. Right. And that's the disconnect of my kind of. Well, not to fist your ego, but that sounded like kind of fucking amazing to me.

Did it sound like Aretha? No. And so that's my problem is I feel like I sound like Aretha. And in fact, I sound like a gay guy who was like the fourth best guy in his musical theater program. That's my issue. And this is what you were talking about when you're like, I'm not a narcissist, but I exhibit moments where it is.

is bordering on. I have moments where I love myself a little too loudly. Right. Hey. Hey. Sometimes I think I'm Aretha. Oh my God. If you had to audition for what?

I just thought about her at Carol King's Mark Twain Prize. Let it out. Kennedy Center honors. Did you ever see that? No. She comes out. No. Aretha.

No. Comes out. No. Fur coat. No. Splendor. No. Fur coat splendor.

Purse in hand. Not leaving it backstage. Well, because you can't trust those. And she doesn't. Sets the person on the piano, sits down, starts playing, you make me feel like a natural woman. Kerr King, sobbing. Barack Obama, sobbing. Me, sobbing.

Everyone's sobbing. I'm not in the room. I'm sobbing at home watching on YouTube. But, like, in a way you were. In a way you were in the room. I wish I was. Maybe that's heaven. If we, if hell is like whatever, getting fisted by a thousand devils and the sixth, the ring of hell.

Yeah. No, you got it. And that's heaven. No, you got it. And heaven is listening to Aretha. Yeah. It's like sobbing with Barack Obama. Oh, God.

I do, I do want to go to a concert with. Barack. I think I went to Amber Mark recently and I feel like Barack would have had a great time at it. He's always putting out, he's like, this is my playlist. And I'm like, oh, please. Sorry. Yeah, okay. He keeps getting dunked on. He keeps, he keeps being like, I love this indie musician and then that musician's like, you're a war criminal.

And they never, they never address it. Great. There's like, he still loves the song. I don't know what to tell you. They're playing it on the fucking drones. Great. That whole jig was up when he started putting out that he loved Boy Genius songs. I was like, you don't need to be listening to Boy Genius. Right. And it's like, you have enough. You're at a, by the way, look at yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror. You're getting up there.

You're like too old to be listening to Boy Genius and telling us about it. Right. At least have the decency to listen to it in private. Yeah. Exactly. Don't do that to them. Did you see Barbara at the Oscars? Who? Okay. When I sell my business, I want the best tax and investment advice.

I want to help my kids and I want to give back to the community. Ooh. Then it's the vacation of a lifetime. I wonder if my out of office has a forever setting. An IG Private Wealth Advisor creates the clarity you need with plans that harmonize your business, your family, and your dreams. Get financial advice that puts you at the center. Find your advisor at IGPrivatewealth.com. Yeah, let's just light me. Just fucking light me.

I'm really sorry. I didn't watch the Oscars and now I'm feeling bad, but what did someone have a viral moment? Barbers Streisand sang in Memorial at the Oscars. For who? Robert Ranburn Oh you loved it Because it was like a jump Like oh you never think like

Babs singing live When do you think that's just gonna happen? Yeah So she first of all she gave like a 15 minute monologue And everyone's like kind of what are you talking about And she was at a podium that had a stationary mic Yeah And she brings out

A wireless Second mic Yes stays at the podium where there's the first mic And fucking sobbing. Fosset. Did she kill it?

I mean, you saw the Google images you just brought up on the monitor. I didn't see any Google images. If we put on a video right now of a woman singing that would make you sob, would it be? Oh, right now, a woman singing that would make me sob. The first thing I thought it wasn't a woman.

Fuck, that's embarrassing. What was it? It was fucking Frank Ocean covering him singing, I miss you at the Bowery Ballroom, cell phone footage from the audience. Whoa. Whoa. I get stoned and listen to this song sometimes and just think about what's all going on. Wow.

And that and that's for you. Stop. Oh, Frank Ocean. If you can hear me, we're ready for new music. And if you need a boyfriend. Is Frank Ocean in the room right now? Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, you want to put out music. You want to put out music.

I want him to put out music. You know what? He never entered my kind of my, he never pierced the veil of my bubble. I am hurt but not surprised. Okay. And I'll take that. and I'll learn and I'm sitting my white ass down and I'm listening.

Thank you. I'm putting my hair in a messy bun and I'm handling it. I'm putting on some fringocion I'm putting my hair in a messy ball. I'm putting on my scrubs and I'm clocking into the music hospital. Thank you. I'm putting my gloves on and I'm ready to learn.

I should make you a playlist. Oh, I'll take that. I should make you a playlist in return. I would love that. I would love that. No, I will. I like that kind of stuff. Well, you know the song that makes me cry

without fail every single time. Christmas shoes. Oh, Sarah. That's like designed in a lab to be hurt for. that's like of course and it works yeah every single time oh the Christmas shoes

they're for Christmas they're for Christmas but she can't but she can't oh of course they're for Christmas but she can't oh yeah

the Christmas shoes oh god I wish she could do not cry right now you have to do four more podcast today who else podcasts are you doing today let me see um Bill Mar

yeah you love that guy you guys are like always spotted canoodling Yeah. Dumois was always catching us at Balthazar like fucking hitting the

vape and going on club random. Yeah, I saw you and Bill sharing a cigar at Via Corota recently. We did a human centipede on at dimes. Yeah. And you know, we were spotted centipeding at dimes.

What was that picture of you sitting on his lap at Corner Store? No, I was sitting on his face at the Plaza Hotel. Yeah, so that's what you saw. Yeah, we were in the lobby at the Bowery-69ing. Right.

Right. Oh, you must have been talking about the blurry photograph that they thought was footage of Bigfoot, but it was me and Billimar, um, uh, uh, let me think of a new sex thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Try to think of, get a new sex thing for the bit. Gaping? Uh, well. It doesn't work really with the Bigfoot thing.

Right. Right. So if someone thought they saw a Bigfoot, but it was actually just me getting out of the shower. Oh, yeah. So it was paparazzi footage of, of, the one hotel. hotel. Yeah. And it was through the window, a picture of me getting out of the shower. Yeah. And they thought it was Bigfoot. My hairy ass. Yeah. I got there. Where was Bill and all this? Just so I'm clear. I haven't seen the images yet. He was sitting in the hotel cuck chair in a robe. P penis out.

Penis out. Yeah. Waiting for you to get out of the shower. He made you shower first. He said, Sarah, you're a mess. Take a shower before we do our thing. He did a five podcast there. I got to watch the stank off The fact that you refuse to answer me. God, I want to know what podcast you're doing. I only know one and I don't even want to talk about that one. That one. And Grace O'Malley? I know Grace O'Malley.

And so she's going to be getting my presence as well. Nice. Do you think I'm a good podcast guest? I really do. I think the world of you. I think that you're an amazing podcast host. You're really good at talking. Thanks, Sarah.

It's amazing how good you are at talking. You know, I've been a fan of yours for a very long time. Actually, you know this, but I wonder. if the listeners know it because this is a part of our lore. It was a very big deal for me when I got booked on your show in Chicago. That was amazing. I remember exactly. Were you talking about footage of you at a concert?

I don't remember. Were you a bouncer? Oh yes. I brought that up. I was doing PowerPoints at the time. Yes, yes, yes. We were just PowerPoint comedy was such an era. It was such an era. And like, by the way, people have gotten a little late. Bring the PowerPoints back. I know y'all don't want to show up 10 minutes before

sound check or whatever to do your PowerPoint. Bring those PowerPoints back out. I did one for the first time in years recently. I did like a little show in L.A. And I was like, I'll just throw a PowerPoint together because I'm like kind of don't have new material at the moment.

No, I have nothing. But I have some stuff I want to talk about but it's not structured as like good stand-up. So I was like I'll do this like, I'll do like basically a hacky bit. And I didn't have a fucking blast by the way. No, sometimes it's fun to just have a little fun.

But on the way, maybe carrot top was on to something when he said maybe I need a prop or two. Caretop was completely onto something. By the way, I saw his show recently. It's fucking amazing. Really? You're like, yeah, that's why you fill out the Luxor out everything. Fill out.

Fill out. That is why the Luxor sold out every single night because this is a fucking show. And there were new jokes. Yeah. That were about pop culture. Hello? Hello? He's doing jokes about train dreams.

And the other Oscar contenders. Did you watch train dreams? No, should I? Watch train dreams. Everybody watched train dreams. Oh, shit. I love... You should have been saying this before the Oscars, girl.

It didn't get enough conversation. I don't care who wins those awards, but it got a little buried in the conversation about the other ones. One battle after another, sinners. Love them both. Train dreams. One of the toilet.

One battle after another. You didn't love one battle after another? I said me on the toilet is one ball after another. You see kind of when I... Please. Me with Bill Moore in the hotel room as sinners. You don't talk about sinners. Talk about what I'm doing with Bill at the one hotel.

Marty Supreme? You mean, no, let me... Get there. Yeah, look at him. Get there. Marty Supreme. While you worked that out, I'm just going to tell the listeners, train dreams. It's streaming on Netflix, a company that I love.

And I want you all to check out this movie. It's really beautifully shot. It's gorgeous. William H. Macy. Uh, uh, uh, don't tell me with a good time. Hello, Chicago, shameless. Bringing up. Hello, Chicago, shameless.

Doing like gay madlibs with William H. Macy. Like one thing to say, but like, out loud saying a train of thought. Hello, Boogie Nights. Chicago, shameless. Hey, hey, Senator,

you know that song? You know? I have, okay, you just put out specials. Wait, hold on. I want to talk about your special. I don't.

I want to finish saying what I was saying. Okay. Because we got off track. Okay. I want to get back to the psychic, when we were in Chicago, we're never getting back to the psychic. Why don't you believe?

I promise you. A little bit. Well, I'm getting something. We're never getting back to the psychic. Getting booked on your show was a very big deal for me. You were being so hilarious that I remember, and it was like 10 years ago. I was such a fan of yours then.

Now I know you better. I've learned. And I'm really proud of you. I'm really, really proud of you. I'm so glad that you're on SNL and I'm so glad that you have this new special out. And now I want you to plug it. Okay, here's the thing. You know how, and I'm going to take that.

Just try to accept it. I'm accepting it. And it means a lot coming from you. And I'm serious about that because you're one of America's funniest. If America's funniest home videos was kind of still going in the... There it is. There it is. And we got it out of earnestness and we got it right into America's home videos. You're like, I'm going to accept that compliment.

So I was screaming out of my ass into the toilet the other day, hating my earnest compliment. I don't care. I'm proud of you. I'm going to make you say that. I will say, you know how people say the thing where you're probably so sick of hearing this? But like, you know, and that compliment. Yeah. It's like, never been sick of it.

I'm never tired of compliments Yeah Oh I'm sure I'm sure in a second Someone said to me recently Like about the special They were like I didn't want to tell you

Because I'm sure you get like 100 texts about this But like oh my God It was so amazing I'm like You think I'm getting 100 Oh I don't want

You probably get this all the time I don't know I need it I need it bad Bad Bad So even though I shirked off Your compliment

And kind of It ricocheted off my irony shield, know that inside the small child inside of me was savoring it. And the adult on the outside started playing with the microphone in a way I've never seen someone. And to me that's beautiful. And I love forcing, I love forcing my comedian friends to sit with earnestness every once in a while.

What do you think about this body language? Closed off, closed off. I think it's adorable. And here's what I'm struggling with. We put out hours. Now we have to rebuild from ground zero. Yeah. Tough.

Do you know how I'm approaching that? Just taking a long time off. Taking a long time off. See, you giving your you giving your, and I had a stroke. Okay, no problem. You giving yourself permission to do that

is allowing me also to think about doing that. You're working on a show that puts out new material every single week. And you're not there, strangely enough. I think if you give yourself some time to rebuild the stand-up,

that would be more than appropriate. So you, how are you even going about thinking about rebuilding stand-up? I'm not, I don't care. Oh my God, this. It'll come when it comes. I want to be where you are. It'll come when it comes.

What are you talking about? Sir, you're brilliant. You know what you're doing? You're going to live a life. You're going to live a life and then it's going to come to you. You get, you allow, you are such a positivity fountain. And you're like, literally look at my body language. I'm crumpled up.

I'm white knuckling the microphone. I'm in physical pain. And you're like, hey, hey, hey, listen, listen, maybe I'll be in Kansas City. Maybe I'll be on a bike. Maybe I'll be there. Is that all good, girl? Are you stressed about building another hour? Yes.

Sir, life is long. What do you think is the source of the stress? Just that you won't come up with it? I, I, the sort, you know, and again, the source of the stress. I grind my teeth so hard in my waking life and sleeping life. And that's how I refer to being awake and asleep. My waking life and sleeping life. Because they're too, because I had a crazy dream last night.

Yeah. I fell asleep on a park bench in Kenya and I woke up a scratch. all over my back. Who did the scratches? I don't know and I don't know how I ended up in Kenya. Well, sometimes we go to Kenya. And I looked at a map and I was like, where am I? I'm like, I'm in Kenya.

Oh my God. Not me being in Kenya. There's scratches everywhere. Anything but that. I'm covered in scratches in Kenya. So interesting. Kenya. I'll be looking this up later.

I've ever been to Kenya? No, but my mind palace now includes Kenya. Yeah. So I know. There's a chamber in my mind. dedicated to me being in Kenya and also being scratched, which is fascinating. I know, and I woke up a scratched all over. You ever had your dreams analyzed?

I go to a dream analyst. Okay. So what's going to come up. It's going to come up. Will you get, will you earnestly, maybe someone in, maybe someone here with you that's watching.

Maybe someone here in the room with us. Maybe someone on the other side of the curtain could remind Sarah to get back to me about what the Kenya scratching dream means. I do want to hear what the analyst has to say about that. Okay. Okay. Yeah. What is the source of the anxiety about the hour?

So I'm always. like I like I clench my teeth so hard that I have bone growths in my mouth from pressure. Yeah. So I'm just always stressed and anxious, but there's no reason. So it's like I shouldn't be stressed about the new hour. You shouldn't. It's going to, you're going to have another great hour when it's time to have another great hour. Is this like what you say you're like, you're like, is this how like your inner monologue is?

It's so amazing. What did I just say that it's going to come? this you just had a good mom like you're just so great well you had a good mom I know but like what is go you're so it's so great I want to be where you are in your mind I don't know don't you feel I guess I guess I guess no but don't I think that you should feel I think you have every right to feel sure I am surprised that you don't feel sure what I feel is objectively true about you which is that you're you have a singular voice you're a hard worker you're nice to people you are I comedically you're like a comedic genius

I really think like the hour will come when it's supposed to come until then we just live life right you just put out an incredible it's an accomplishment you should be like at least for the next year you should just be proud of the accomplishment of putting out that special while working on SNL one of the most grueling work schedules in like the fucking history of television right I think maybe we just give yourself

some time to relax and enjoy life you guys put me hook me up to an EKG machine my heart explodes if you put a blood pressure cuff on me and explodes everything just explodes all medical equipment that touches you explodes the doctor explodes Right. Honey, I would. The nurse, we're going to take your vitals explodes. Take me out to dinner first

before we make a nurse explode. Something like that. Maybe that's gonna be the new... I'm making the nurse bust. Maybe that could be kind of the new hour. I was getting my blood taken like last week. Like she was doing the thing. She chose this one.

You can still see the little hole. She was taking my blood and she had beautiful eyes, this nurse. And you said that. And I go, I go, do people tell you a lot that you have the most stunning eyes? And she goes, yeah. I said, don't be best for while you're taking my blood, Diva. Took four vials, by the way. And by the way, oh.

She was just enjoying hanging out with me. And by the way, do you ever realize we were like, oh, it's been 10 seconds and four vials of blood came out? I started getting really lightheaded. I was like, this shit comes out fast and why are you taking so much of it? All for an AIDS test? Please. Please.

I don't have it. Next. Next, bus. Next. Next. And by the way, imagine her deep COVID mask on and all you had to hang your hat on with those beautiful eyes. She was doing well.

She must have been pulling. She had gorgeous eyes. Oh my God. And by the way, do you think anyone has ever said, like, I'm sure you're tired of hearing this? And then she goes, no, I'm not tired of. No, she loves it. She loves it.

And I asked my, this is in the suburbs of Kansas City and not quite rural Missouri, but I asked my doctor. I was like, yeah, I'm thinking about getting on prep. I just like thinking about getting on prep. And he goes, I have never heard of that. I'm going to step out and do some research and I'll come right back in. He stepped out. He comes back in.

He goes, we can do that. He sat his white ass down and listened. He put his hair in a fucking messy bunny handled it. And then while I was getting my blood drawn, country, like 14 year old girl walking her grandma through the doctor's job. She goes, are you Caleb Heron? And I went, please.

I'm a needle in my arm blood pouring out of me. Are you cave? By the way, carrying this country on your fucking back, needle in arm. Other hand, writing down definition for prep for a doctor. Teaching basically who, by the way, who's the doctor and who's the patient now? Teaching a doctor who

what prep is and what gay guys are. Also, I got my chart notes back and my chart notes said, risky homosexual behavior obese. And I said, check, check, baby. Yeah, I know that's fucking right. Check, like, did he stutter? Are Zach Caleb Barron's chart? Yes, it is, honey.

Risky obese, homosexual. Didn't that's special. Got a mammogram, literally on the chart. What did it say? Small boobs, incredibly small and dense. Well, small dense boobs. Like a good biscuit. Small and dense like a good breakfast biscuit

And by the way, you think I could go near a biscuit With a 10 foot pole, girl? By the way, you think I can eat a biscuit? Think again. Oh, I want. I'll be engaged and married to the toilet if I do that. Okay, your next special is called Small Dense Titties And mine's called Risky Obes Homosexual.

Nina, Nina, Nita, Erin, Nina, Erin, give us a call. Erin Nina. Give us a call, girls. What if my next special is just me, blonde, white t-shirt, no offense, jeans. And it's just like Sarah presents dating is kind of weird. Sarah Sherman presents Sarah on Sarah. Yeah, Sarah on Sarah. Sarah Sherman presents Sarah on Sarah,

the dating special. Inside the Sarah's day. Your next special should be an exploration of Normie. You should explore Normie in your next special. I should. No clashing patterns. No mullet. Whig.

I pass away immediately. Whig. Wig. Contour downbeat. Oh my God. Serer normal. Serer normal activity. That's actually kind of interesting.

I got in so much trouble on Trixie Mattel's channel. No. She had me do her makeup and everyone was so mad at me that I was bad at it. Sorry. What? Wait, wait, wait, wait, what, but as if? I don't know how to do makeup. I'm like, I felt people were mad at me.

They thought I was trying to sabotage tricks myself. As if she needs any help sabotaging herself. God, she's talentless and mean. She needs me to come to her makeup badly to tank it. Once you guys learn some things about it, trust me, you'll tune out. So weird if you did a good job. I fucking. did a bad job and everyone was mad at me and the thing is I tried well you know when like

when Bobby flay has that show where he's like I'm gonna come to your fucking hometown and I'm gonna do your fucking food better than you I'm like dude we believe you we know you're fucking famous you're Bobby Flai you're Bobby Flai you don't have to come into my town on the day of my daughter's wedding and do my gumbo better than me it's rude so imagine you went to Trixie Mattel's house in the day of her daughter's wedding And did her makeup better than her? Everyone would have been mad too. I know.

It's crazy. If you Bobby flayed her ass. They thought I was going to train for it. You think I'm going to trade to do it. I'm going to do like training classes on makeup to do a mentally ill homosexuals YouTube channel. Well, by the way, did you do problematic face on her? I will say the foundation was darker than it should have been. Well, and there you go.

I wasn't trying to do black face, but we got pretty close. And I think that's beautiful. And I didn't mean to upset anyone. I'm just not very good at makeup. Oh, they were so mad that I didn't know how to do the eyebrows. Sorry. How much do you look at how people are mad online? I looked at the Trixie one because I thought people were going to be charmed by me.

I went there seeking compliments and this is how it always starts. I looked at a couple of the comments because I went there seeking compliments. Of course. You went to the hardware store for milk. I genuinely, most of the time do not read comments because I don't care what these people have to say. But I found some people were upset with me. Also, sometimes people tag me. You know when Instagram will show you the stories you're tagging?

Oh, I see her. You're seeing it? I see everything. I see everything. I'd be seeing that shit. I'd be seeing that shit big time. And they'd be tagging you and being like at Caleb. Oh, people say the craziest things to me.

I even my fans. My fans talk crazy to me. Are you getting this? I, well, I just get people who'd want me dead in a ditch six feet under. That's true. Well, I, the, the, the, the, the story tagging, whatever. I gotta stop watching this. Literally, I, recently, many people have been saying that my special is, they're like,

this is like so bad. It's like a Tim Robinson character. Shout out to him. Shout out to him. They were like, in the chair company, one of the characters is listening to like a really, like, bad radio show where, like, the DJ is like, fuck you fucking bitch. the joke is that it's bad. And so everyone's like, what is this?

At, at Sarah, at Sarah. What is this the fucking fucking radio show from chair company? That's the big one people are saying now. Whoa. Six mentally ill guys tagging me. Everyone's saying that. Everyone's talking about this. Him and three other losers that won an HBO special and don't have one.

Him and like three other losers was the same guy making three different accounts. But that's the big one that it's been coming to me on the this. It's like, what is this that fucking Tim Robinson character making fun of? How fucking bad is this? Tim Robinson. Characters famously doing really well. People are loving it. So even this isn't even really a drag.

It's like, what is this? A successful sketch from a guy who's doing pretty well? Yeah. Yeah, you're okay, I guess. Also, it's like, Tim Robinson doesn't like make fun of stand-ups. No. Tim Robinson makes fun of the idea of being a man who's alive. I know.

Pretty much. What are you writing the long read about that? Hello. Unpacking Tim Robinson's portrayal of problematic masculinity TV. Well, and how it's reaching the audience it's supposed to reach, but not in the way. Right. Not in the way. They all don't understand that they're being made fun of. Right. Not in the way.

Sarah, I'm so worried about your time. You have a very busy schedule today. We have two more things we have to do. What is so true to you? Didn't prayer. There's something about this show. There's something about this show. No one prepares one.

No one prepares one. No, no, no, no. That dreams are really important. That is so true. Whoa. Is that a way to say that? That's huge. We love that one.

What do you mean by it? Well, it's just like, you know, some people wake up and they said, I had a dream where someone scratched me all over the back. Next. I'm waking up going, what? I need to get to Kenya. Is that you crawling into the dream or what is? What are you doing?

Are you preparing to give a colonoscopy to the dream? You're fishing. Oh, she's breaking the eyes. I literally try to guess what this is. Okay. She's cracking open the dream. Kind of excavating like a dinosaur. She's activating the dream.

I was kind of right. You are, you are, you are. You did good. Act outs. Do a little more? Yeah, crack it open. And then get it open for me? is that supposed to be a shovel?

Very small. And now you're using a brush to dust off that. Yeah! Let's go! Let's go. I can't speak for the rest of the podcast. That'd be actually kind of fun. Do a podcast where you can't speak.

Can I say the other thing that's so true to me? You can and you have to say it right now. Okay, I want to kind of, okay, we've all been saying like boots and like house down boots. Let's start saying shoes. Shoes? Oh my God, shoes. Did that video mean a lot to you? Can she come on the podcast?

Maybe if we go to lunch We go to lunch, then she can come on. Sarah, I have a segment for you. You ready? Yeah. Okay, I'm going to read you 15 statements. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said is true or false.

And if you get 10 or more correct, Sarah, we're going to give you 50 U.S. dollars. Actually? Yes. You ready? Yeah, excavate. Get your brush out. Brush it off.

Brush it off for me? Thank you. All right. Quickly as you can. The rarest blood type is O positive. True. Oh, fuck. False.

It's the most common. Arthur the Arthor the Ardard Mark's best friend is a rabbit named Benny. True. False, buster. Bismarck is the capital of North Dakota. False. True. GoFundMe is older than Kickstarter. True? False. Great Nex South High School's newspaper is called the Southerner.

Yes, true. True. I wrote an article for it. Law & Order SVU is older than Rachel Zegler. True. True. There are zero Chucky Cheeses left in New York City. It's true. False. There are six. Bull sharks can survive in freshwater. True. True. There's no NFL. in Louisiana. True. False.

The New Orleans Saints. Northwestern University's mascot is Wilbur the Wildcat. No, that's not true. False. It's Willie the Wildcat. Willie Wonka was a real person. False?

False. The real Annabelle doll is a raggedy Ann doll. False. True. The first laptop went on sale in 1981. True. There are three stops on the CTA yellow line. False.

True. Joan Rivers was born in Germany. No. False. She was born in Brooklyn. Yeah. How'd you do? Seven.

Oh, that's okay. You had like a fucking stank-ass attitude when I got a stank-ass attitude. You're like, um, you got like five wrong in a row and threw me off my game. Talk about my stink-ass attitude. They just scared the fucking shit out of me. The stanker's attitude in me sees the stanker's attitude in you, girl. The killing of me is and sang-outed to you.

Wait. Wait. We should do a musical collab. No. Okay. We can do one of those scary bands that you like. Say that. Like the guys that soak each other in blood.

Every time I get on Instagram, I see something from you that I never thought I would see in my life. It's like you, it's like you laying on a stage covered in fake blood with like knives in your stomach. And then it's like guys dressed as gargoyles like playing guitar. I'm like, oh, Sarah got out of the house. Bless her heart next.

No, no, I watch. Watch and like and subscribe. baby, I'm a fan. Okay, ready? With the speed with which I just had to do that. You're auditioning for American Idol. What are you singing?

Go, go, go, go, go, go. Bridge over trouble with water. I don't even think that's true. I just heard it recently. You go, yours now. Go, go, go, go. Go. Madonna.

Oh. Well, Sarah, it's so much fun to have you on. We love you, girl. Wait, plug your HBO special. Plug your special now. Oh, Sarah. I have to really plug it. Some people.

Guys, go watch Sarah's HBO special. it's out. She's brilliant. Take a picture of the TV while you're watching it. Tag at Sarah Squirm. You suck, bitch. Yeah. That'd actually be awesome. That could be our first song in the scary band. You suck, bitch. That'd be really fun. That'd be really fun. Sarah, we love you. Thanks for being on.

Buzz all over the mic. You gotta get out of here. I'm literally worried about your schedule. I'm worried that we're making you late. I'm not cool. Stop playing with the mic. Stop playing with the mic. Don't do that. Sarah, do not jerk off the microphone. No. Sarah, stop it. Do not make it come. Oh, I did. Love you. Watch my special on. She does it. Okay. Goodbye.