So True with Caleb Hearon - Steph Tolev Loves Her Dog

Episode Date: December 19, 2024

Welcome back folks! This week’s guest is the hilarious Steph Tolev! Steph and Caleb talk the current state of the stand up comedy world, advice for turning 30, a harrowing encounter with a professional con artist, the afterlife, and much more!Join our Patreon for an exclusive extended interview with Steph and other bonus content! https://patreon.com/SoTruePodcast?utm_medium=unknown&utm_source=join_link&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=copyLink  Follow Steph! @stephtolev Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Go to Zocdoc.com/SOTRUE and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor todayAlma can help you find the right therapist for you — not just anyone. Visit helloalma.com/SOTRUE to get started and schedule a free consultation today.Get a refreshing Twisted Tea today. Keep It Twisted! Visit https://www.twistedtea.com/locations to find Twisted Tea near you.About Headgum: Headgum is an LA & NY-based podcast network creating premium podcasts with the funniest, most engaging voices in comedy to achieve one goal: Making our audience and ourselves laugh. Listen to our shows at https://www.headgum.com. » SUBSCRIBE to Headgum: https://www.youtube.com/c/HeadGum?sub_confirmation=1  » FOLLOW us on Twitter: http://twitter.com/headgum  » FOLLOW us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/headgum/» FOLLOW us on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@headgumSo True is a Headgum podcast, created and hosted by Caleb Hearon. The show is produced by Chance Nichols with Associate Producer Allie Kahan and Executive Producer Emma Foley. So True is engineered by Casey Donahue and engineered and edited by Nicole Lyons. Kaiti Moos is our VP of Content at Headgum. Thanks to Luke Rogers for our show art and Virginia Muller our social media manager. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Also, the dog's not allowed in the bed when he's there. He hates the dog in the bed. I think he's right. I'm really on his side. Wow, all thrown aside? Dog out of bed. Dog was in the bed this morning.

I was like, he ain't here. Dog is snuggling in my head. You keep doing this as if you might secretly be kissing the dog. No. You're like, no, I would never kiss the dog. The dog's right here. I kiss the dog. I got the dog next to me.

I kiss her nose. Well, we are both with Olivia. You're not going to be kissing the dog. You're going to be kissing the dog. You're going to never kiss the dog. The dog's right here. I kiss the dog. I got the dog next to me. I kiss her, no. It's... Well, we are both with Olivia. Do you know something? Let's crack me up a little bit. I'm also with Tova Silberman. Okay, yes. And we went to dinner, all of us in New York, just because I was like, we should go to dinner.

And Tova grew up like Orthodox Jewish. And so I had seen something, did I tell you this already? I had saw something, I had just moved to New York recently, so I had seen something, did I tell you this already? I had saw something, I had just moved to New York recently and I had seen in my neighborhood a bunch of the Hasidic Jewish guys wearing those big fur hats, which I wasn't familiar with. And so I was like, Tova, oh my God, I was waiting to ask you, what do the big fur hats mean? Like how should I interact with the fur hats? And she was like, oh, it's like 90% they're celebrating something, 10% they're just really pious.

And I was like, okay, would it be appropriate like if I pass them on the street, should I say like congratulations or anything? Like, how should I interact? Like, how should I be a neighbor? She was like, they don't wanna talk to you. And I was like, okay, fabulous. Love that point of view on the world, by the way.

And then Olivia, it just really cracked me up. Olivia was like, wait, Tova, I also had, very honest. She was like, you know how sweet she is. She was like, I also had a question. I saw a boy the other day wearing two yarmulkes. What, like one on front, one on back, what does that mean? And Tova was like, I think you just saw a boy being silly. Like, Olivia and I were both kind of like,

ooh, another cultural practice. Tova was like, yeah, boys can just be silly in every phase. Also, fun bit though, the double yarmulke. Double yarmulke fun bit. Also I kind of want her to say, take the fur hat and try it on. Just to see how they wouldn't like that. Yeah, well I was like, why don't they want to talk to me? And she was like, well, she was like, they don't love women.

They don't talk to women. I was like, I'm fine with that. And she was like, also, they're gay people. And I was like, fantastic, fantastic. Really any outsiders though. She was like, they're not interested. you know, gay people. And I was like, fantastic, fantastic. Really any outsiders though. She was like, they're not, they're not interested. So wait, you live in New York now? I do, yeah, I still have the place in Kansas City.

What the hell? Okay. But you're here, you just here, you bop in, you bop out. I bop in, I bop out. You're in and out like a fiddler's elbow. I bop, you love that one. I love it so much. You love a fiddler's elbow.

I say it all the time, I love it so much. Yeah, I'm in and out, I'm in and out. What's going on with you? Not, I'm in. You're in. But I'm also out. You're always on the road. I'm it so much. Yeah, I'm in and out. I'm in and out. What's going on with you? I'm in. You're in. But I'm also out.

You're always on the road. I'm dying. Somebody please help me. Road dog. I'm a road mutt. Road dog. I hate to bring it to you. I am out there.

I'm dying. Yeah. My back's killing me. What's going on out there? Oh, I have a back pillow for the plane now. I'm so embarrassing. I get on and I have my lumbar support pillow and I gotta shimmy it behind me

and everyone looks at me. It's so embarrassing. That's humiliating. And then I got upgraded to first class. Embarrassing because I took my sleepy pills and I gotta shimmy it behind me and everyone looks at me, it's so embarrassing. That's humiliating. And then I got upgraded to first class, embarrassing, because I had to take my sleepy pills and I was like sleepy, like Stephanie, and I was like, and some guy beside me was like, I think they're calling your name,

and I rushed up and then I forgot my back pillow. Had to come back through the curtain and the guy was like, your pillow, and I was like, oh, it was mortifying. That's humiliating. It was so, and it's so gross now, I should probably do one, it's like a morphed, it probably stinks. Ew, it stinks. I don gross now, I should probably do one, it's like a morphed, it probably stinks.

Ew, it stinks. I don't know, I'm sweating up there. There was a fly, ew. Ew, Steph, your back pillow stinks? There was a fly on my plane today, I almost called the fucking police. You know how disgusting it is? A fly on my aisle, I'm like, I'm shit,

it's my stinky pillow, that's what it was. Well, you gotta do something about your back stench. The back is bad, I'm just, it's so much. These clubs are killing me. And here's the problem. Let me tell you. I'm not selling as many tickets as one would like. Tell them stuff.

I'm going on TikTok live every night. You know how mortifying it is? Yeah. I sit in my house, I put my ring light on, I drip sweat, Joe Rogan, I drip sweat. And then I, it's like, it's hell on earth. And I'm like screaming at people because nobody on TikTok buys tickets. So they don't know, they're like, you're coming to Vancouver? I'm like, it's hell on earth. And I'm like screaming at people because nobody on TikTok buys tickets.

So they don't know, they're like, you're coming to Vancouver. I'm like, I'm doing a fucking theater. So I'm like screaming at these people. Yeah. And they're not converted. They are. Once I yelled at them on TikTok,

they buy the fucking tickets, but they don't know. They need to be yelled at. Screaming. Your fans want to be bullied by you as well, is one thing about them. Oh, they love it. Because you have a dominatrix thing going on. They were last night actually at the store.

There's this guy in the front and he was so scared. I'm like, what are you doing? He's like, you're so powerful and scared to answer. And then I was like, yes! And I got like crazy. I like stood on the stool and I was like, I don't know, like, whoa, I need to calm the fire. It was crazy.

He was hard by the way. He was coming. He was rock hard. Oh, he was so disgusting. That's pathetic. It was, it was embarrassing. Like as if I'd fucked that. I can't do the, you know, some gay guys are into that,

like the like, tell me I'm pathetic and humiliate me thing, and I'm like, I can't, because you actually are. Well, it is, it's gross. I like actually can't, it's like, I'm actually pitying you. No, it's repulsive. Like crawling around on your hands and knees. Ugh, ugh, also the amount of crumbs on my floor,

disgusting, and little pebbles on your knee. You wanna like nip at my feet? What is wrong with you? Ew, ew, they do that? Well, you know, sex can be so many things. God, nip at the feet. Whatever they want, you know, I just, the pathetic thing, I'm like you actually,

I will find you pathetic if you're being pathetic and it won't turn me on. No, no, no, I'm not turning on by you being a disgusting nippy pig. Yeah, like being in the front row, be like, you so powerful, miss. No, I want you to be, yeah. I want you to hate me.

That turns me on when you're not laughing at me. Now we're talking. Now I'm pissed. Now we're talking. Treat me like shit. Yeah, yeah. Wait, are we pathetic? No, no.

No. Come back to me if you're both on our feet. Please pet me, sir. We're begging for crumbs in the kitchen. Just drinking up a dog bowl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's going on? Boyfriend, yes or no?

Oh, yeah. Still with this guy. Still with this guy? Oh, you mean this handsome boy? You guys are really into each other, I'm gathering. I'm obsessed with him. I've never been obsessed with a man before. It's really showing.

Oh, I'm thrilled. I'm seeing it in the internet presence. Oh, I've never posted a man more in my life. I've never. He's so hot. I need everyone to see him. He's also, he's like, his uncle is Shooter McGavin McGavin from happy Gilmore that shows and he looks exactly like him shows Yeah, it's and it's like a weird thing cuz I've like always kind of had the hots for shooter. So it's like

The fun little thing I don't hear To you I like what's happening here. Yeah, he's also so fucking funny and he's so supportive He I just hate my special in Boston and he did my he was He, I just hit my special in Boston, and he did my, he was the guy in charge of my, my like lines, my jokes. He did the teleprompter for me. He did your teleprompter. Teleprompter. You're employing him.

I, bam. Oh good, thank God. I didn't want him on the payroll. What the hell? What, you been to Toronto recently? No, I'm going, actually next week, my friend's wedding. Really?

Yeah, I'm doing a speech at this wedding, and it's gonna be. You got the speech done yet? No, I do it, my friend's wedding. Really? Yeah, I'm doing a speech at this wedding and it's gonna be. You got the speech done yet? No, I do it last minute. What are the themes? What are you looking at here? She and I used to be disgusting whores, so it's gonna be a lot about how we were gross.

We had this thing called boyfriend nights where we would try to go meet a boyfriend together and we went to Good Time at Davey Wayne's one night. Oh God, not Good Time at Davey Wayne's. We took home, I must have been quite drunk. I wasn't, I was sad. But I took home this guy, oh we went back to their one guy's house

and I fucked the one guy in the bedroom while she fucked the other guy in the living room and she came to wake me up in the morning because she's like, we have to get out of here. And I was like mid fucking and she looked at me and I went, I know, I'm embarrassed. Like as I was fucking this guy, it was so bad. He was so gross, it was awful. I'm like mortified by it. Did this guy. It was so bad. He was so gross.

It was awful. I'm like mortified by it. And then- Did you fuck previously and now you're going back for more? No, no, it was the same night. Thank God. And she slept on a bunch of the couch cushion pills they put on the ground.

It was sad. But you only fucked him once. Yes. Thank God. Oh, sick little muskrat man. Yeah. Oh God. And you let him in your special place?

I let so many pigs in my special place. I'm like, I'm really waiting for my tits to leak when this special drops. Yeah. Yeah. And they're gonna leak hard. They're gonna come out. And my face is in it. I'm always like, hey, look at these guys.

I don't know why I didn't learn not to put the face in it. Yeah. Stupid. Yeah, it's not good stuff. I know. We gotta get some protection for you. I know, I fucked up. Cut your face out of the tit pics. It's too late.

It's out there. It's so, there's so many out there. You're done for. Oh, I'm screwed. You're cooked. They're actually not bad though there's so many out there. You're done for oh, I'm screwed They're actually not bad though when they come out. I'll be like those aren't mine Yeah, I wouldn't mind people seeing your tits. Yeah, could be good. How's your chair? They couldn't does matter to me Have you been to smoke house? Oh, yeah, I just went to smoke. I was in the night It's my wife's favorite place. We went there for anniversary. What's that's what I'm nights ago. What we went five nights ago

I'm just bringing you did they give you the free postcard? Yes, they gave you the free postcard? Yes. They gave you the free postcard. We bought the pictures of the sign. We liked it. Oh. We were sick. I paid $15 for the worst photo of my life.

Smokehouse is this, have y'all been? It's this iconic LA restaurant for people who don't know. It's like right by the studios in Burbank. Nothing else around it. Nothing else around it. Just Smokehouse and then the studios. Yeah. And you go, by the way, the food's OK.

Like, I don't think the food's amazing. It's fine. It's really the ambiance, the garlic bread's amazing. Garlic bread's insane. You think I'm kidding about the garlic bread? It's fucking amazing. The garlic bread's fucking nuts. And you go and then sometimes they'll come around

with a photographer and go, would you like a complimentary postcard of your evening? And they take a picture of you and then they run to the back and print a postcard that's like logoed out. It's like Smokehouse brought to you by Goodyear Tires or whatever you call it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's a picture of you at dinner.

It is nice. It's always a different person to the photo. We go quite a bit. So it's always some like Russian whore who gets fired like that week. Don't call her a Russian whore. Well, also I made a big scene last time because they didn't put me at a booth and I need the booth.

Yeah. So I sat down and I'm like, I can't sit here. I'm not gonna join my dinner. So then I went up, oh, I had a big sciatica problem that night. I went up, I go, I'm sorry, ooh. And a big Academy Award nominated acting. I go, I need the booth. Oh, can I get a booth?

Oh, I immediately got the booth. Like, we've heard about you, the airlines know us though. We've heard about you, yeah. We're just glad you didn't bring that smelly-ass pillow. That stinks. That stink-ass pillow you carry around. It's great. I love Smokehouse. Have you seen that? Have you been there when the guy, whatever, Angel, his name is Sings?

Yes. There's like an Elvis and First Later, he dyes his eyebrows black. Yes. He's fun. What's your Smokehouse order? I think the prime rib or I've been getting the salmon. Blackened salmon. Yeah.

Yes, I'm gonna get the shrimp cocktail and I get two dirty martini's. You gotta get the shrimp cocktail every time. Gotta get the cocktail. I'm going rack of lamb with that mint jelly sauce. Oh, and there's those little things, the little feet things on them? Baby! Oh yeah, that's nice.

Yeah, they put the little booties on them. Yeah, yeah, little booties! And the bacon-wrapped scallops. Oh, I haven't had those yet. If the table is amenable, I'm having the bacon-wrapped scallops for the table. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, it's good stuff.

The shrimp cocktail though, a shrimp cocktail at a classy joint. You need a shrimp cocktail. I need the jumbo shrimp. I like it chilled on a little ice thing. Yeah. Nice. I need an oyster.

Well, Smokehouse doesn't do oysters. But had they oysters, oysters I would order. I went out. I went out. I'm oystered out. I was just in Boston. I sucked back. How many did you do? Oh, I'm, I'm, oh.

How many is too many? Before we, before I answer this, honestly. Given, look, given my druthers, given free reign at the oyster bar, I'd do 100. Okay. I love oysters. I think I did in total the whole week, I was there probably 50. That's a lot of oysters.

That's a lot of oysters. That's a lot of oysters. It didn't really perk my percativity down there. Are you supposed to get all like jizzed up? It's like an aphrodisiac, isn't it? Yeah, I think it's more of like a, so how does aphrodisiac work? Is it supposed to be like, a, like, like, a, like, a, like, a, like, like, a, like, a, like, a, like, like, a, like, a, like, a, like, like, a, like, a, like, a, like,

like, a, like, a, like, a, like, like, a, like, a, like, a, like, like, a, like, a, like, a, like, like, a, like, a, like, a, like, like, a, like, a, like, a, like, like, a, like, a, like, a, like, like, a, like, a, like, a, like, like, a, like, a, like, a, like, like, a you go now. We're imagining things. Oh, no cuz I'm putting on way too much horse-rash

I'm like oh I'm getting little chips off the bottom that are biting on them. I think my tip my tooth is broken Oysters are type of shellfish that consider an aphrodisiac it boosts libido. Okay boost libido Okay, so that is supposed to happen may improve sexual performance or desire, but science has improving it. I don't care about science Yeah, as if I have no interest in science. I really don't. I've got my ideas. What was your guys' latest fight about? Oh, there's dog hair in his car because we live in East Hollywood and I move around our car, so when he's away, I'll move because the street cleaning's where I have to move

the car. So I've become, for some reason, designated car mover. Yeah. He never moves at once. Yeah. So sometimes if- This is the invisible labor of women, by the way. Excuse me.

Every fucking Wednesday and Friday, I'm up at 7 a.m. looking for a spot and every fucking day if I've... This is the invisible labor of women, by the way. Excuse me. Every fucking Wednesday and Friday, I'm up at 7 a.m. looking for a spot in East Hollywood. Suck my ass. You're being erased, yeah. I'm killing, exactly. You're being erased.

I'm being erased. I'm almost gone. So sometimes I had to put my dog in his car and I put a sheet on the back and he was like, well, there's a couple of dog hairs on my dashboard. And I was like, do you wanna get a... And then I like lost my fucking mind. And then he was like, whoa. And I'm like, on the back and he was like, well there's a couple dog hairs on my dashboard and I was like, do you wanna get a percent? And then I lost my fucking mind. And then he was like, whoa, and I'm like, don't woe me.

And then we just screamed. And then I went to leave and he's like, no, don't leave like this, give me a hug. And I was like, this? You know, you get pissed off, you have your hand, like a kid, I'm like, no, not. And then that was it, it was over. You guys are screaming at each other.

Oh, I scream. He gets this little bit of a tone and it triggers me and I'm like, no, and then I just scream. Yeah. I said, I can't handle he gets this little bit of a tone, and it like triggers me, and I'm like, no! And then I just scream. Yeah. I said, I can't handle, it's a snip. There's one tone, my daddy used to give me this tone, and I don't like the tone. Yeah.

And the second I hear it, I'm like, no, we're not doing this. It's like Steph. No, it's more like, it's a smug tone. Yeah. Smugness. It's like, well, there's hairs on my car, and it's like, did you move the car at 7am for the last seven months? No, you didn't. So I'm allowed to did you move the car at 7 a.m. for the last seven months?

No, you didn't. So I'm allowed to have dog hair wherever the fuck I want. In my opinion, dog hair can be wherever the fuck I want it to be. Now why did the dog have to go in the car? Because I think a vet trip or like I'm dropping her off somewhere and my car is like, I don't know. I probably could, but also because if I...

But then I just switched the car. How annoying is to switch the cars? I have one parking spot that I'm going on the street and putting the hazards on, I'm switching. Now what am I? Some Armenian man that has no life? No, I have switched the car. How annoying is to switch the cars? Right. I have one parking spot that I'm going on the street and putting the hazards on. I'm switching. Now, what am I? Yeah. Some Armenian man that has no life?

No, I have things to do. Yeah. No offense to the Armenian men with no life. Yeah. But I, there's a lot in my neighborhood. They're just walking around. Armenian men watching this like, what the fuck? Yeah, what the?

Just catching a crazy stray in your fight with your boyfriend. It was fine. It was done. That was our latest one. They're always stupid. It's never like a big serious thing. Yeah. And do you find it healthy the way that you guys do conflict?

I think so. I'd love to get him in here. I wish he was here. I'd be like, come sit on the couch. No, he'd be so mad. No, no, no. I think it is. I think also we had very similar fathers growing up,

the same way they would yell at us, that we are just, it's yelling. We'd yell at households. Yeah. Not a calm, not a calming fam. Not calm, dad's mouth. No. Got it.

Interesting. Yeah. I like that. Well, it seems like you guys are making it work. We're making it work. We're not making it work. Yeah, we're talking about marriage, we're talking about all sorts of stuff.

You're talking about marriage? I wanna get married. I'm almost 40. I need to be engaged before I'm 40. I'm embarrassed. Yeah. I'm fucking engaged at 42. What the hell is that?

It's stupid. Yeah. It's before 40 or I'm done. Yeah, okay, and so is he working on that? He better be, I've sent him a million rings. I'm like, I'm getting lower too. I sent an expensive one now, I'm like, I don't care. Get me a ring pop at this point. I don't care, we're getting low on the-

Yeah, and he needs to get to work. Well, I don't know what he's doing, yeah, I think so. I love that. What age do you think you'll die? Do I die? Probably late 60s. You think late 60s? I don't know what he's doing. Yeah, I think so. I love that. What age do you think you'll die? I'll die? Probably late 60s. You think late 60s? I don't know.

So you're just thinking you're like two thirds of the way through. I think so. There's a lot of like bad, yeah, I don't know. Well, there's the bad. What do you think you're gonna die? Me? Nothing would surprise me.

Okay. Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't, I think, you know, I do think I'm just about out of the, I never thought, when I was little, I never thought I'd live to be like 20. Like I always, when I was a very, I mean, I wouldn't, I think, you know, I do think I'm just about out of the, I never thought, when I was little, I never thought I'd live to be like 20. Like I always, when I was a very, I know, when I was a very little kid, I have vivid memories of being like,

I would see people older than 20 and be like, that's not happening for me. I have no idea what that's about. That's terrible. It's crazy. And then I did. So every day has been kind of like a dream since then. Wow. And now, my biggest fear in my 20s was like,

oh, I hope I, if I have to die young-ish, I hope I die when people will still say like, man he was gonna do great stuff. And I think I'm almost out of that. I think if I die like two years from now, that's not gonna be the commentary. Do you know what I mean? Because I've had enough of a shot at doing stuff.

I think people are gonna be like, maybe they'll be like, oh he was a great guy. But I don't think they're gonna be like, oh, the potential, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The potential conversation around my dev is almost itself dead. I'm turning 30 in January.

You're turning 30? I am. You're so young. Yes. Oh my God. Yes. What the hell? Spread the word.

Oh my God. I'm turning 30 in January. Jeez, you're fine. Shut up, you young pig. What the hell? You're so young. I'm sorry, that sounded very rude. Young pig is the rude thing to go on.

Young pig. No, it's beautiful. You're so young. What the hell? I feel so old now. I have no concerns. Yeah, I'm chilling on the aging. I'm excited for 30s.

Yeah, okay. Any advice? You've been in it. Yeah, the FOMO goes away. That's a fair part. Really? Oh yeah. Oh've been in it. Yeah, the FOMO goes away. That's a fair part. Really? Oh, yeah Oh, my tuck in. Yeah, people are out partying the Netflix is joke festival Hilarious fucking scooby-doo is here over the fuck the guy's name is with the tattoos. What's his name?

The big guy that he was at every fucking party big not he's like a tad too fully tattooed He sings country style. Oh, he rolled jelly rolls Jelly Roll? Jelly Roll. Scooby Doo! Scooby Doo is here! I don't know his name. Scooby Doo is here! Come out! Scooby Doo is there! Whatever the fuck his name is.

I don't... Every night, he was like, him was like, he was like hanging out at the comedy store and everyone was like losing their minds. Like, you missed the craziest night. I went, no I didn't. I was home at 11 o'clock. I was fast asleep by 11.02 and I watched an episode of Law and Order. Good night. Yeah. I have no cares anymore. Yeah. I've done it. You're not sad. I've partied. Oh, not sad.

You're not sad to miss Scooby-Doo at the party. Don't give a shit about Scooby-Doo. What, a photo? Here's me to an artist I clearly don't know. And then put a photo. Like, it was making sense to me. Yeah. I'm also, I'm with you, but I've been that way. OK. I'm not concerned about that.

I not also, my friends don't even invite me to that stuff anymore. Because you're just tucking in. They know I'm not going. I almost, what was that party you had where you were giving me tattoos? I did, I did do, so that's what I'll do. I should have gone and. This is my insurance policy against FOMO for myself is that I don't go to anything I don't want.

If I even kind of don't want to go, I skip. I don't care what it is. I'll skip anything. But the way that I insure myself against that is I throw like four sick parties a year. Okay. Of my own. And that, I had a house party during Netflix as a joke right after I did give anything. But the way that I insure myself against that is I throw like four sick parties a year. Okay. Of my own.

And that, I had a house party during Netflix as a joke right after I did my hour at my house because it was near the venue. And yeah, we had a tattoo artist giving out tattoos. Yeah, I should have gone. Olivia invited me and I was like, I think it was like- Would have loved to have you.

I think I was in bed. I'm not gonna lie. And then Olivia said, there's three tattoos. I'm like, well now that I would have gone to. Yeah. Damn it. Had a tattoo artist. It was cool. We had karaoke. It was pretty sick. Okay, you lost me on that. like, well, now that I would've gone to. Yeah. Damn it. I had a tattoo artist. It was cool.

We had karaoke. It was pretty sick. Okay, you lost me on that. Well, you didn't have to do it, Steph. It's not the doing it. It's the people who think they're fucking, the next America's Next Top fucking talent and they're up there wailing away.

I hate karaoke. I worked at a karaoke bar for way too long. Yeah. I think that's the problem. So now I hate it. Yeah, mind you, you're someone who gets on stage every night. Yeah, yeah.

And when I do karaoke. Wailing away. And guess what? when I do karaoke, I kill. Yeah, what's your go-to song? Elena's More Sock, You Don't Know. I knew it. I really can't sing, but the way I deliver it, oh, I deliver. Because you and Elena's both have that primal

sort of scary rage with each other. That I respect and I'm drawn to it. I feel drawn to you as I am Alanis. Okay, good, well we're both Canadians, so that's good. Yeah, and also you're just very powerful. Thank you. I feel drawn to it. I feel drawn to you as I am on us. OK, good. Well, we're both Canadians, so that's good. Yeah, and also, you're just very powerful. Thank you. I feel drawn to you. Good.

As you know, I'm a fan. But you guys both have that kind of thing where I'm like, I would like to tap into that someday. You'll tap in. I'd like to tap into rage. You've already tapped in. I'm not rageful. No, but it's not.

Be nice, though. It's nicer. Yeah? How do people like you when you're nice? You don't want me to go a little nuts with it? No, you could, but I would recommend career-wise. Don't do it. Stay nice.

No, you used to be rageful, but. You did call me a young pig earlier. See, that's the problem. On a show that I invited you on. I can definitely see where you're getting yourself in the hot water. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone's a pig to me, I'm a pig, we're all pigs. Yeah, that's fascinating.

Isn't it? It is fascinating. I'd need to have a trough if I could. If I had a trough in my house, yeah. Everyone's a pig to me. I'm a pig, we're all pigs. Yeah, that's fascinating. Isn't it? It is fascinating. I'd eat it out of a trough if I could. If I had a trough in my house, I'd be sucking it back right now. What would you put in it? Oh, it's slop. Oh yeah, a bunch of just shit.

Oh, just eating my own shit. I don't give a fuck. I make, there is a thing I make for myself often that's pretty much slop. What is it? It's like a stir fry. I make a stir fry that's like onion, sausage, black beans, rice, and then like Sishmon sauce.

Oh, this is slop. And I cook it. It's just like Chipotle bowl at home slop. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I put it in a big bowl and I just eat it. There's a 902... there's a faux place up here, faux café. It's my favorite, faux café, whatever the fucking Americans say it. Faux café, I order this thing and I call it a slop. Yeah. Well, I'll order three fresh rolls to myself, and then I'll get this thing, it's like vermicelli noodles,

shrimp and beef, and I put all the sauce on it, and I don't even think I swallow, I just massage it down my gullet and I go... And I feel sick for hours, and it's my treat. You want a slop treat. There are three rolls for yourself? Yes. Like bread rolls?

No, no, three fresh rolls. Fresh rolls? Like spring rolls? Yeah, but they're not deep fried, like the rice paper ones. Oh! Yeah, still, they're big, they're they're meaty and they're shrimping them and You know how that's a good one of those a really good those rolls is a hoy khan sunset, okay I've never been there. Okay, very good. I simply must go very very good. You got to get over there

I'll go over there. What's your kind of food? Everything I'm a fucking, I'm a pig. You're a pig? Why haven't we eaten together? You don't hit me up. Wow. Do I have any text messages from you, sir? Well, you don't even live here anymore.

Leave it in. Leave it in. Leave it in. We don't eat together because you don't hit me up. That could be true. No, I haven't hit you up either. The phone works both ways, of course. Yeah.

I don't, you know what, really? It's funny because I used to like, I don't know if you were like this, but in my early 20s. I don't, you know what, really, it's funny because I used to like, I don't know if you were like this, but in my early 20s, I was like every day, you were both there, you know. Every day I was going fucking work at 7 a.m., get off at 4.30 p.m., go straight to a coffee, go straight to a dinner, work at the theater all night.

Do like, I was doing shit every minute of every day. If someone asked me to do one thing in a week now, it's like I have been shot with a rocket launcher. Yeah, dude, like, I was doing shit every minute of every day. If someone asked me to do one thing in a week now, it's like I have been shot with a rocket launcher. I don't like to, and my days this week while I've been in LA have been packed because it's people being like, well we gotta, kaka, kaka, you know? And so, then I have to see every fucking person

I've ever known, and the fourth tier people really feel comfortable texting. The fourth tier people really feel, people you have not talked to in months feel comfortable being like, well we gotta get a coffee. And you're like, do we? Do we?

About what? Talk about what? I don't know. And then the craziest thing is, Asking you to podcast? You get coffee with these people and then I say, what's going on with you? And they go, I'm kind of boring.

There's nothing new. Well, then why did we do this? Then why did I come out? Cause I've got things to say. Yeah, why are we here? Just for me, it's an exercise in me just telling you about me? Yeah, no, that's absurd. It's sick it's an exercise in me just telling you about me?

Yeah, no, that's absurd. It's sick. It's also, yeah, people don't realize what we're doing all day long, we're doing shit. Yeah. At night, I'm not doing nothing anymore. I hang out with my boyfriend, that's it. So you have a boyfriend, though.

But he's not here, and tonight I have off? I'm tucking in. I'm tucking. I'll be fast asleep by 8 42. I'll promise you that. You love to tuck away. I love to tuck away. I'll be fast asleep by 8.42. I'll promise you that. You love to tuck away. I love to tuck away. I put on my law and order.

It's all I watch. I tuck in. You're snug as a bug in a rug. Oh, I'm snugged up. Me and my dog are just kissing lip to lip. You do that? No. She licks her ass a lot.

Well, white people will do that. No. Also, you know what? I have a golden retriever and she doesn't lick. She's not licky. She doesn't lick your face? No. Never licks. Good. Not even my hand, no licks.

Good. I know. The dog should not be licking the mouth. No, when people do that, someone tried to kiss my dog in the mouth, a stranger on the street. I was like, I'm calling the FBI. Yeah.

I swear to God, she got on her hands and knees, and like kissing lips, and I was like, Hands and knees? It was crazy. Pathetic. No, it was sick. Nipping at the feet. Yeah, a little peggie day.

Begging, ugh. I don't want that, it makes me sick. Yeah. She's always gnawing at her ass or gnawing at her paws. It's like, I don't want that, it makes me sick. Yeah. She's always gnawing at her ass or gnawing at her paws. It's like, I don't want that, it's gross. Gnawing at her paws? She's got allergies, it's a whole thing. She's got allergies.

She got her shot yesterday, it's a nightmare. Well, hey, I have a question for you. Please. Enough goofing around. Enough, let's get to the serious stuff. Let's get serious. Wait, wait, this isn't what I was gonna ask, but God, yes or no on God?

No. No God? No God. Not at all. No, wait, this isn't what I was gonna ask, but God, yes or no on God? No. No God? No God. Not at all. No, this is my theory on God. You ready for it? I think I said it on the last podcast I did here, but this is okay.

When I was very young, my grandma was very religious, I used to go to church with her on Sundays, and my dad's mom was religious, I was not with my mom's mom. My parents weren't really. So my grandma would make us pray every night. We'd sit at the end of our bed and go, gentle Jesus, make my look upon a little child.

He did like three genocides. He did the whole thing. Whatever the fuck he did. I don't know what he did. And my grandma would say, pick three things you wish. I would say, I hope no one in my family ever gets AIDS, cancer, or lice. Very specific three things I knew about when I was young.

Yeah, top three things. And then my sister had lice for like two years. And I was like, well, guess what? God doesn't exist. And I was like, young. And I was like, no, guess what? God doesn't exist. And I was like, young. And I was like, no, I'm over it. Is there no part of you that goes, well, no one in the family's got AIDS.

Well, no, because a bunch of people died of cancer in my family. So I was like, well, we're done here. I asked for three things. They simply didn't happen. Yeah. Do you believe in God? No. I don't know. But it's in God? No.

I don't know, but it's um. I want, I like, my boyfriend's religious. Religion power. What kind of religion? Born in a Christian. Yeah, no. Disgust. Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry. Trust me. Sorry, sorry. It's very, it's. What? Yes. He chose?

No, no, his parents. Oh. Yeah, they got baptized. But he's still with it's not that I mean he doesn't he doesn't practice His family stole praise. Yeah, but he does he believe in Christian God. I think he does I'm sorry when I said disgusting when I started to say this thing it wasn't at the idea of Christianity I actually like a lot of Christians. I know you don't care I'm saying really for me genuinely it was the idea that he like I can't a late-in-life Christian scares me No, no, he was yeah. Oh, no, no. That's what I thought we were going to.

No, no, no, no. When he was a kid, his parents, the whole thing. That's fine. Your grandfather Dan. Your grandfather Dan, I guess. But he's like, yeah, when he told me he's religious, I was like, oh, I think I'm an atheist. And he was like, what do you mean?

And I was like, we're not getting into this. I'm like, just so you know, now I don't believe, I don't want to get, I want to believe. I wish there was something I believed in so I didn't fear dying all the time. I feel like that would be nice, but I just don't have it. Do you fear death? Oh, every minute of my life. Really? It's bad.

Wow. I spiral every night. You doing anything about it? Oh, I don't know what to do about it. I used to have a horrible fear of death. What do you do? I read a lot about it and I thought about it constantly on purpose.

I would like very intentionally, I was like, I am not going to live my life this way. And I would just, I would read a lot of quotes about it. Okay. I would like, I would like very intentionally I was like I am not going to live my life this way and I would just I would just I would read a lot of quotes about it. Okay, I would like I would think I would just anything I could find about death I would read about it was like exposure therapy. Honestly, okay Maybe I'm not suggesting it because it might really not work out for you. I was like I've since I've been a kid I remember I was really young. I start crying my parents are coming to check on me. They're like, what's wrong? I'm gonna die and they're like, yeah Bad very very young for me as well.

I'm talking like earliest memories, me crying in bed thinking about death. Same, sobbing, being, I remember, I think I said this on another episode recently, where I remember very vividly one day just sobbing all day long, and my mom was like, what is going on, what's wrong? And I was like, I don't,

what if we don't get to play soccer after we die? I was obsessed with the idea that I'm gonna die and not get to play soccer anymore. Didn't like soccer that much. Yeah. Didn't like soccer that much I knew I was like there's something else going on. Something else is going on. It's not about the soccer It's not about the soccer. It's about my place in this big crazy thing. We call life. I know it's yeah I don't know. I don't want to think about it, but I do and whatever

Yeah, folks today's episode is brought to you by Alma Alma believes that therapy is more impactful when you feel heard and understood. That's why they help people find a therapist who really gets them. The right someone to talk to, not just anyone. Even though I'm not currently in therapy, as you guys know, I do know the importance of having someone in my life who truly understands where I'm coming from. Just having someone to listen to you during tough times can go such a long way. If you've been considering finding a licensed professional to help you work through your own life's challenges, give Alma a try.

When you browse the directory, you can filter by what you want to focus on from anxiety, relationships, big life transitions, as well as things like gender, sexuality, faith, and more. Gender, sexuality, faith, sounds like my weekends. No. But in all seriousness, over 95% of therapists on Alma accept insurance, which we love, and people who find in-network care through Alma save an average of 77% on the cost of therapy. This way, you can focus your search on finding someone who feels like the right fit without worrying about affordability. Browse the directory without creating an account or sharing payment information.

You can book a free consultation call with any therapist you're interested in seeing. These 15-minute calls give you a chance to see if they're a good fit for you so you can find someone you really click with. Alma can help you find the right therapist for you, not just anyone. Visit helloalma.com slash so true to get started and schedule a free consultation today. That's helloalma.com slash s-o-t-r-u-e.

There are some things in life that are okay to be a total crapshoot, like trying a new type of milk in your coffee or trying a new takeout spot or trying to bond with that new co-worker no one really talks to. But finding the right doctor should not be a total crap shoot. And with ZocDoc, it's not a total crap shoot. It's not a crap shoot at all because they give you a ton of different options for whatever you might need. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network

doctors, choose the right one for your needs, and click to instantly book an appointment. We're talking about in-network appointments with more than 100,000 healthcare providers across every specialty. From mental health to dental health, eye care to skin care, and so much more. Plus, ZocDoc appointments happen fast. Typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking,

you can even score same day appointments. I was ever looking for a new primary care doctor or dentist. This is what I'd use. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.com slash so true. Find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's z-o-c-d-o-c.com slash so true. Zocdoc.com slash so true.

Today's episode is sponsored by Twisted Tea. Twisted Tea is a refreshing hard iced tea, perfect for any event, both inside during the cold winter months or in the great outdoors during those warm, warm summer months and spring months in certain regions, where a cold delicious beverage after a nice walk or flag football game is literally the only thing on earth you need to take the day from good to great.

Now there's just a few things I'd like for you guys to know about our friends at Twisted Tea. I'm clearing the record and what makes them so damn special to me. Now there's just a few things I'd like for you guys to know about our friends at Twisted Tea. I'm clearing the record. And what makes them so damn special to me. First of all, it tastes like real iced tea because it's made with real brewed tea. Okay? But it's not just real brewed tea.

If that was all it was, we would just call it tea. Okay, it's twisted because it's got a nice kick of 5% ABV. Same great taste as a typical iced tea, but with a fun little bonus to help get the party started a little bit. Okay. It goes down smooth. I'll tell you that much. There's no carbonation, which makes it easy to drink all day long. You could literally drink this stuff every second of every day. Twisted tea is the perfect alcohol slash beverage to keep the good times going all year long, all day, all month, all year, whether you're hanging out at a friend's

house okay you're at the stadium the bar who knows where you might be drinking maybe you're at one of my famous watch parties for the Ken City Chiefs football organization or you just see where the day takes you maybe you wake up you need a twisted tee before you can start your day twisted tee is there to turn your day up a notch and make a good time into well let's just say a great time. So grab a refreshing twisted tea today and, uh, do me a favor, keep it twisted. I've started to think of it as kind of like a, um, what was the quote I read the other day that was so beautiful?

I was reading one just the other day, but I'm thinking of it as like the next adventure. Like I'm going ahead. Okay. Like I'm going, I'm going to meet up with people who have already gone, probably not in like a heaven or hell situation, but I'm going to on a journey that they have been on, people that have left already, and everyone else is gonna catch up with me later. Whoever stays in my mind will catch up with me.

All right, well that's... This is how I've chosen to think of it. You're spiraling in your head right now. I am a little bit. No, I need to read something because it's, I'm getting weird with it, again. I go through phases. And now my sister had a baby and then I just was like,

she's so beautiful and cute and I love her so much. And I was just literally thinking about her dying. I was like, well, this is a new spiral. I don't like this one, this one's even worse. And then I told my sister, she's like, what the fuck's your problem? I'm like, what's wrong with this? She's like, don't do this, this is sick.

Yeah, your sister's right. He is. It's crazy to look at the baby and think it's gonna die. I know, what the hell? But it's normal as well. It's crazy, look at the baby and think it's gonna die. I know, what the hell? Yeah, but it's normal as well. It's a baby. It's crazy, but it's natural. Let's think about it.

Let's get off this. Ask me what you're gonna ask me, dammit. You don't like this. I hate the death shit. Yeah, that's so interesting. I know, I guess it's because I'm getting older too. I guess because I'm like almost 40, so it's like getting closer.

What are you so young? I know, but. Do you know what I really like? I'm sure maybe you've read or seen this somewhere as well, but there's this perspective on adulthood that's like, actually because the first 18 years of your life were so managed by other people,

like when you're 30, you're a 12 year old adult, and when you're 40, you're a 22 year old adult, like really thinking like, I don't know, it helps me to think like, oh, when I turn 40, I'm really just getting into like the 20s of my adulthood. Like it's actually a really cool, good time where I can still be figuring things out and like making new opinions and decisions.

Yeah, no, I'm loving this age. This is my mid thirties of my favorite age. 35 to 40, I'm loving. So don't you think the 40 to 50 will be the same? Yeah, it's probably better, but I just, I'm like, damn, I'm older and I'm getting closer to that. You're getting so uncomfortable. You're like really, you're really in it.

It's really, it's just really bad how much thought I put into it. Yeah. Yeah. And I wake up like a middle of the night and then I cry like alone. It's weird. I've been there. I hate it. It's sick.

Hey, I hate it too. The question I was going to ask is not going to help us get off of it. Oh God. The question I was going to ask is, I ask people a lot on this show, is what do you want? Like what is the point of all this? You're doing very well. Yes.

Special coming out soon. Can't say where. Can't say where. Special coming out soon, can't say where. Yes, can't say where. Special coming out on a very big streamer that you all have memberships to. Yes, yes, thank you. You're killing, people love you. You're in TV film.

Well, I'm honestly, I'm very happy now. It took me, I think, a long time to realize that, yeah, this is what I think, I think I was meant to be a comedian, I think I was meant to make people laugh. Yeah. And I'm doing it. I'm doing exactly what I think I should be doing

and I'm happy. And I'm finally happy with the man. I think that took over a lot of my thoughts for a long time because I was so unhappy and my boyfriend before him was the worst person on the planet Earth. And then I met this man that really like that put, it added a whole new layer to, I'm like, oh, I can be happy in career and in relationships.

What a wild fucking idea that is. You just need to find a Christian man. I needed a nice, sweet, Jesus-loving boy. A good Christian boy. A good Christian boy. Who hates the dog hair in the car. Hates the dog. Also, the dog's not allowed in the bed when he's there.

He hates the dog in the bed. I think he's right. I'm really on his side. Wow, all grown aside, wow. Dog out of bed. Dog was in the bed this morning. He ain't here. Dog is snuggling in my head. You keep doing this as if you might secretly be kissing the dog.

No. You're like, no, I would never kiss the dog. The dog's right here. I kiss the top. I got the dog next to me. I kiss her nose. It's the top of her nose. Yeah.

Yeah, not her lips. Okay. Her lips are gross. I see her pussy. I don't go near those lips. Yeah, you're thinking about her pussy sometime. Oh yeah, death and her pussy are the two things I think about the most. Yeah, death and your dog's pussy. The two constants in life. The two constants in life.

Death and dog pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sick. You know what? We have a fan voicemail for you. Oh, I do? Grab those headphones, I dare you. Wow. Let's see what these freaks want to know about. Really? You know, my millions have a fan voicemail for you. No, we do. I dare you. Wow. Let's see what these freaks want to know about.

Really? You know, my millions of podcast listeners are very... You have a lot. They're interesting people. Yeah, okay. You're on some list. You are on a list. I saw your podcast is like high up.

People listen to it. Who knows what they're into. Not mine. Please listen to Steph Infection. We're going to get them over there. Hey, Caleb, and esteemed guest. What is the truth about the best way to cut off and maintain no contact with a family number? Say for instance that your mom took you into believing you had cancer and forced you to get weight loss surgery

and then opened a bunch of credit cards in your name and ruined your credit. How should a card-carrying truther handle themselves in that situation? Thanks for the advice and love ya, bye. Oh my god. Also the tone of her voice in which acting as if that wasn't the craziest thing I've ever heard in my life. Just this light, nice, like, hey guys, what's up? My mom knew my whole life and anyways, bye.

Hey y'all, my mom convinced me I have cancer, made me get weight loss surgery and open credit cards in my name. Thoughts? Yeah, thoughts, good night. See you guys later, love ya. Love ya, ciao bella. Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah. Wow.

What do you think? I think it's easy, it's not easy to cut off a family member, but. Here I am, but it's gonna be easy for me. I'm done with that person, yeah. I honestly, the best way of getting some of your life, unfollow them on any kind of social media, it's a sick thing where it's like out of sight, out of mind.

I mean, I'm sure she's a seer at like family events, but that's fucking crazy. I would not be talking to my mom if that's what she did to me. I also think I would probably, if I were the family, uninvite her from family events. You convince your kid that they have cancer, force them to get weight loss surgery,

and then open credit cards in their name. What the hell? It's time out from Thanksgiving probably. Yeah, I think they should be getting some serious help. Maybe put them in some sort of home. That seems... That's fucking crazy. That's beyond.

Yeah, Jesus. Your mother. Yeah, I don't know. Also, why didn't you get a second opinion on the cancer stuff? How has your mom convinced you? Was she a doctor? Well, she might've been young.

She didn't say how young she was when all this happened. She could've been like a child. I feel like the whole family probably doesn't like her then. There's no way people like this mom. Yeah. There's no way that she sounds unlikable. The credit cards thing I've heard a lot. Like parents opening credit cards in their kid's name

and maxing them out. Cause they can, they have all your information and it's your responsibility still. It's fucking crazy. My mom opposite, my mom had a bunch of credit card debt herself and my whole childhood was like, do not ever open a credit card. I didn't get a credit card until I was 26.

Wow. Because I was terrified of them. Because my mom was like, these will ruin your fucking life. Do not open them. Which is not true, God love her. She was just poor and a single mom and bad with credit cards.

But she paid them all off and was like, don't ever open one until you have to. Oh wow. And then I did have to. Opposite. Opposite. Good mom. Now you're paying, yeah. That's a nice mom. My advice to the caller, I'm like, have a good to. Oh, wow. And then I did have to. Opposite. Opposite. Good mom. Now you're paying, yeah.

That's a nice mom. My advice to the caller, I'm like, have a good mom? Sorry, have my mom? Have my mom. My mom would never do that. Yeah. No, but people do that shit, it's crazy. The credit card thing specifically is crazy.

Wow. It's such a scam. It's dot com. It seems like a very American scam. It's a scam dot org. I'm on all these scam TikToks right now. Are you? With these people, like all these scam TikToks right now. Are you? With these people like, all these car people, like backing into people and not really.

Have you seen that one? Yes. And now I'm seeing it right. I got fucking scammed in, listen up fucking people in LA. I got scammed. My first move here, I was in Venice Beach. I parked in the spot. I had a Ford Escape and it was a very small spot.

Probably should, I had no backup camera. I looked at it, I'm like, I could probably wedge in there. So I, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, tapped this car. Tapped in a way, moved forward. I came out and looked at nothing. I hear this man screaming. I had two of my friends in the car, thank God. I hear this man screaming, what the fuck?

You bitch, you ruined my fucking car. Comes out, I'm like, what? And then he's like, she saw it. And there's this woman on the bed, I don't know, like. She's like, what? Literally on her porch, like, what? He comes out, starts taking photos of me, my car, my'm like, what? And then he's like, she saw it! And there's this woman on a, I don't know, like. She's like, what? Literally on her porch, like what? He comes out, starts taking photos of me, my car, my license plate, his whole bumper.

He's like, look what you did. I'm like, buddy, that was there before. It was like a full dent. And I was like, no, I didn't do that. Also, my car was beige, it was black, dent. I didn't do that. He's like, you're fucking done, you're done, bitch. I'm like, what?

And my friend Matt was there. He goes, hey, first of all, shut the fuck up. Stop talking to me like that. What the fuck's happening? Long story short, I was like, I ended up calling my insurance company. I was here, he goes, hey, first of all, shut the fuck up. Stop talking to me like that. What the fuck's happening? Long story short, I was like, I ended up calling my insurance company. I was like, this guy's a liar. I will go to court.

I am willing to go to fucking court. I have, because you don't take a photo on your phone and it shows you the time and stuff. So I, all these photos, I'm like, nothing happened. I gotta call up my insurance company like three months later. And they go, just so you know, you've outed this man who's been doing this crazy insurance fraud

for the last five years and making thousands and thousands of dollars. He's like, nobody would stand up for him, because he wanted like three grand. And I'm like, I'll go to court. Hey, hey, hey, I didn't have three grand. I was like, I got nothing, motherfucker. Also, my car's from Canada, I have three transmissions.

I don't give a fuck about this car. I will go to fucking court. And I guess I was like one of the first people that was like I'll fucking I'll I'll tell you that he's a liar. Yeah, and he got fucking caught and he got arrested. Whoa Oh, yeah, he gets oh, yeah, I felt so good dude. I had crazy. That's nuts I had a I was driving a friend's car on the 101 and Do you know where the exit to the Hollywood Bowl starts to happen and they're backed onto the highway they're stopped dead traffic on the fucking highway on the 101 so that people can go to the Hollywood Bowl

figure it out yeah I'm pissed but so basically what happens is the car in front of me we're going normal speed right yeah I'm looking I'm just driving I'm looking at the road car in front of me swerves and reveals an entire stop plane of traffic so of course I send my send him on my brakes, it's not enough, I hit the guy in front of me, not that bad. Like the front end of my friend's car is a little smashed up, he's got a little indent in his. But it was of course a little drawing, we're on the highway.

So we pull off, well it takes forever because we have to get off at the Hollywood Bowl. So it's like another 25 minutes of us just driving slowly right by each other until we can find somewhere to pull over. We pull over, it turns out this fucking freak is an Uber driver with passengers. He's got three teen girls in the back that were trying to go to the Hollywood Bowl. God.

Everybody's fine. And I immediately, I could tell as soon as I get out of the car the way the guy's behaving, I was like, turn on your phone and start recording. Okay. Because I was like, so I immediately was like, girls are you okay? And they're like, yeah, we're all fine. And he was like, well, you might not be, don't say that. And I wasn't holding the phone up, I had it recording audio. And I was like, no, if they say they're fine, they're good. I was like, well, you might not be, don't say that. And I wasn't holding the phone up, I had it recording audio.

And I was like, no, if they say they're fine, they're good. I was like, are you okay? And he was like, I don't know, man, starts grabbing his neck. And he was like, I'm at work right now, I might need workman's comp or something. I was like, that's not how Uber works, let's wait for the cop to get here.

So. Oh my God. Already, I'm done with this motherfucker. He's like, give me your license, take a picture. I was like, nope, you're gonna wait right there, and we're gonna wait for the cop. He called the cops. So I was like, if you wanna call the cops,

that's what we'll do. I would've just given him like a thousand bucks or something. His thing wasn't gonna be a big deal. Yeah, literally. But he was like, we need to call the police. I was like, you can call the police. I'm not calling the police, I don't care. And he was like, so he did.

And then he was like, give me your license. I was like, no, we'll wait for the police. That's what you wanted to do. And he was like, you have to give me your license. And then he starts, he literally was like, you have, give me your license. I was like, no, we'll wait for the police. That's what you wanted to do. And he was like, you have to give me your license. And then he was like, you have to give me your license. That's me at Smokehouse. Ooh, the booth. Oh my God.

He was like this pathetic miserable figure. Like he was just so, like thought he was gonna get a payday out of this. I was like, you're getting nothing out of this. You're getting zero. Now that also, if you're gonna act a little bit better than that. Commit.

Get out of that car. Get out of the car, you better be limping when you get in the car. And he tried to get the girls in on it. I was like, girls. No, and they were like, we are going to see Taylor Swift. Let me get the phone there. They were like, they were going to see Lion King.

They were like, can we, I was like, I might've saved you a night, girls. They were like, can we go? He was like, no, you have to wait and make a statement. I was like, they can do whatever they want. I was like, you don't have to listen to him just because you were in his Uber. And I was like, stand and make a statement if you want to.

And they were like, okay, we'll wait. And I was like, cool. The cop gets there, they make a statement, and the cop was like, what happened? They were like, he hit us on accident, we're fine, can we leave? Cop was like, go. Then the cop's trying to talk to me,

the guy walks over and goes, you know, he hit me. And the cop goes, I know, can you stand over there? And then I'm talking to this cop, and I was like, go. And then the cop's trying to talk to me. The guy walks over and goes, you know, he hit me. And the cop goes, I know. Can you stand over there? And then I'm talking to this cop, and I was like, hey, dude. This guy's talking about workman's comp and holding his neck. Can you just say in your report that he's standing up and fine? Because I'm worried he's going to do a gurney out of here

situation. And the cop laughed, and he was like, I deal with guys like this all the time. It's going to be fine. I was like, cool. So then like this all the time, it's gonna be fine. I was like, cool. Oh my God. So then yeah, it was like, the insurance handled it and I paid whatever was left over for my friend's car and it was like, not a big deal.

People are fucked. Get a life. You're a loser. You're a loser. What is your fucking problem? Like that's what you're gonna try to get money off of? Get a better job then. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah, also. I don't, it's like crazy to do that.

By the way, I hate that it happened. It was an accident. This is what we, this is a natural byproduct of we're in a car culture in LA. You're gonna sometimes get in an accident. And also like it makes me mad because had I not been who I am, had I not known what to do, had I not, also I have lawyers.

I'm like, I'm not scared of you. But so I'm like, if it was someone else who didn't know how to handle themselves, he would have scammed them. Like this fucking guy that scammed all those people. So it wasn't me screaming. I'm like, it it is sad. Yeah, just picture how people paid him before that yeah And he just purposely parks here and watches it's sick really scary. It's freaky scary stuff. I'm gonna start trying it as well though Yeah, yeah, just park. I'm gonna start running this game. I'm backing into people on the highway. I get out ah What the fuck?

Fuck Chance has a dash cam. He's a big dash cam proponent. Always has been. Oh, really? He's a dash cam guy. Okay. Okay.

Yeah. Fuck. I think I should get one. That's a level of paranoia that Chance lives with. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's not unsmart, but it is. That's how he lives. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I might get one. Yeah. Honestly, that video that you're, the specific one you're talking about might have been like a plant from a dash cam company, because everyone I've seen talking about online is like, I'm getting a dash cam. Oh yeah, actually that would have been very good.

Yeah, that would have been smart. That's great advertising. That is good advertising. Your guy might have worked for them as well. He might have. In some roundabout way. There might be a whole ring. There might be a whole ring of dash cam proponents.

In Venice Beach, there could be. Steph, what is so true to you? So true to me? What's something so true to you? What's a hill you're willing to die on? Oh, a hill I'm willing to die on. Strong takes? You got any strong takes? You don't seem to take. I don't really have strong takes. You're kind of a gemur.

I mean, I got takes, but they're not like, what's something that's so true to me that I stand by? I don't know. I guess being your true, I think as a comedian, being as true as you can be to yourself. Yeah. I'm really on this bandwagon right now where I'm really finding comedians so much funnier

who are just truthful and being themselves than seeing somebody who you talk to off stage and it gets on, they do some bit, you're like, that's not who you are, I just and it gets on, they do some bit, you're like, that's not who you are, I just fucking talked to you. You're a fucking slug and now you're acting like you're this fucking person? What the hell?

I think that, I think that. It's also like watching it is just so much, you're very truthful on stage. I'm me, yeah. Yeah, it's nice to see a comic actually, you know, talk about real shit and be real. There's a lot of, I don't know if you've noticed this, but a lot of the internet following comics, which we both have internet followings, but a lot of, I don't know if you've noticed this, but a lot of the like internet following comics,

which we both have internet followings, but like a lot of people who came from that and didn't start at least on some level, like do wing stand up, eating shit for five people in a basement. Like the people who didn't start that way, they have this really large drop off between who they are on stage and online

and who they are in real life. And I've talked about this a lot, but you meet some of these fucking people, they're online being like, I'll fucking overthrow the government, I don't care. And then in person they're like, hey Michelle. I'm like, what happened? You're like, what is this?

Yeah, yeah. What is this church mouse routine in person? You were like this roaring lion on the internet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or on stage where I'm like, what is this doing for you? I don't, I think, I honestly do think the internet's kind of ruined comedy in a way. Yeah, the woke left. I don't know, I think, I honestly do think the internet's kind of ruined comedy in a way. Yeah, the woke laugh.

I don't know. The woke mob. Not that, just all these like, you know, the whole Kill Tony crew, all these like comics who've been doing it for like five years who now are like have these huge followings as if they've been doing it for 30 years. It's like, what's, you're getting quiet, are you a Kill Tony fan? No, I'm listening. Well, Tony's a dear friend, yeah. I just think he's smart.

I'm sorry. I got no issues with Tony. It's just... Because people keep asking me in my TikTok Lives why I don't go on the show, and I'm like... Because I've been doing comedy for 22 fucking years. And it took me 22 fucking years to get where I am. It didn't take me one internet appearance where I didn't have material to go...

I know some of those guys do have the fucking... I have an hour, but it's like, you know, last weekend I was in Portland. I'm not gonna say the comic's name, but there's this internet guy who went viral, and he was there, and I was like, oh, sorry, I'm not getting a drink, I'm usually fine. And they're like, you know, we love a sober comedian.

And this guy who's like, literally been doing comedy for four years, is huge right now, went to the club, treated everyone like absolute dog shit. Was not funny, his fans were dying, no material. He ruined half the fucking, he ruined all their mics, he ruined all their stools, and I was like, and this guy's like selling out all these fucking tickets and making like way more money than I am,

and I'm like, I need to calm down over it, but I'm like, it can't last forever. This internet craze can't last forever, can it? At some point, are we gonna be like, oh, they don't have fucking 20 minutes. Like, what is that gonna? Specifically with standups, you're saying? I'm saying specifically with standups.

It's the crowd work versus the actual material. Yes, it's the actual, like the time put in. It's the time put in. I'm still a firm believer of you need to have at least fucking 10 years under your fucking belt. Am I so old school, is that what it is? A little, but I don't think I entirely disagree. Like, I'm not gonna trust watching someone do an hour

that hasn't literally done exactly what you said. Driven four hours to some butt-fuck nowhere bar, turn an entire crowd of people not listening and smoking and turning and you killing that room. You didn't get to do that. You didn't learn how to fucking do this properly. You went online, you got all these fucking followers, you did one fucking appearance, you blew up from that.

It's like, well, where was the practice? I'm a firm believer that stand-up gets better and how do you even know who you are? I didn't know who I was until I was seven years. Yeah, I think there also, there is a pathway. Like I am, I do think like when I first blew up on the internet, I was still very new to doing comedy. I was like four years in, maybe three years professionally,

four years, like if you count that little time in college where I was just fucking around and then started really taking it seriously. And then I sucked, I was bad. I was selling out audiences, hundreds seat rooms. I mean, it's not like I was selling out theaters or something. Mine was a much more gradual slow burn thing, but I started selling out audiences before I was really ready I was selling out audiences, 100 seat rooms. I mean, it's not like I was selling out theaters or something. Mine was a much more gradual, slow burn thing. But I started selling out audiences before I was really ready

and my work sucked. We just talked about this with Niles. That like, you know, I was doing kind of bad shows and I recognized it and took the time and like got better and like really put in more of the work. I'd already done the like basement attic shit in Chicago, but I do think there at least has to be some respect for the art form and some acknowledgement

of whether or not your work is actually good. Be honest with yourself. There's a lot of these people are bad and they know it and they're just too scared to say it. I'm like, there's nothing wrong with being bad. You can get better. Admit that you're bad, put in the work, and you actually could improve.

But these people suck. But I just don't think a lot of those right wing, not even necessarily right wing, but that like don't think a lot of those right-wing, like, not even necessarily right-wing, but that, like, Kill Tony, like, ironic fucked-up guy crew, so many of them are not good. No. They're not good stand-ups. No.

Some of them are. Some of them are. I will say, like... Shane's a great stand-up, I think. Shane Gillis. Oh, Shane's hilarious. He's a killer joke writer. I don't consider him that in there.

You don't think he's in that crew? It's like the only thing he does? No, but he doesn't do, like, no, no, no, he doesn't do, like, he didn't get big because of that show. Right, but he's there every week doing some, no, no. He doesn't do like, he didn't get big because of that show. Right, but he's there every week doing some stupid little trumpet with them. Well, he lives there, I guess, yeah. But I mean, Cam, there's a guy, Cam Patterson,

on there who I actually find very funny. Cam's very funny. Cam's hilarious. Cam's actually one of the few, I'm like, that guy's funny, puts in the time. Like, I met him before he was even in that crew, and he was like, he knew who I was, he was like, I've been following him for, he was so fucking nice.

And I will say Uncle Lazer, if you know who Uncle Lazer is, he's literally me with a blonde mullet. He's like, dad, dude, he's a crazy person. He has a huge internet following and he always talks to me. He's like trying so hard. He's doing mics. He's fucking working his ass off. He's like, I know my standup's not good.

I know I have an audience. I'm trying to get there. And I'm like, that's what I want to see. Respectable. People, respectable. Also being honest, same thing with what I just said, being true to yourself, being true to who you are and true to your fucking voice on stage, which you can't get your own fucking voice

unless you put the fucking time in. I think- You sound so old. I sound so old. I am, fuck. I guess it's- And in my association, I'm taking it on. I'm feeling old as well.

And it's also, there's for sure a form of jealousy. For sure these Kiltotni guys are selling way more tickets than I am. So it's fucking frustrating as hell that I'm like going on TikTok live and going, go see me in Vancouver like a fucking idiot. It's pathetic. So there's definitely, definitely a form of jealousy in there.

But I'm also like, I honestly do believe that if I got that kind of popularity at like, what, five years in, I would not be doing as well as I am now. There's not a jealousy. There's genuinely not a jealousy tangent for me only because I don't want what they have. I don't care about it. I like selling out the little shows I do. I like exactly where I am.

I don't desire to play theaters. I don't need to play bigger venues. I don't want what they have. So for me, I'm purely a hater for the love of the game. That is true about me. Oh, no, I'm definitely a bit jealous. Who's your least favorite comic working right now? Well, Chris Lea. Well, okay. That's an easy one now. I mean, yeah, I'm definitely jealous. Who's your least favorite comic working right now? Well, Chris Lea. Well, OK.

I mean, don't even. That's an easy one now. I mean, yeah, excuse me. Yeah. How much? Who's your favorite? Favorite comedian working right now? Who's your favorite comedian working right now?

You can't say me. I know. Steph, you're going to try. I might say Bill. Bill Burr. He's just, god, he's good. He's, the issue, watching Bill every fucking night, like, have new jokes,

I'm like, when did you have the time to write a good joke? I just record my hour, I'm on stage going, my hemorrhoids back? I have nothing to say. I have no material right now, I have nothing. I'm like, he just films hours and hours and hours and then has a new hour, pristine? It's insane.

He's genuinely fearless too. I have a lot of, I've never met the guy. I have a ton of respect for him. I watched all of his specials growing up. I think he's a genius. And I do, I respect that he'll go into pretty much any space and someone famous and powerful sitting across from him that's having him on will say something stupid and he'll go, shut up.

Oh, he's like, yeah, yeah. That fucking rocks dude. He's so, yeah. That fucking rocks. He's so genuine. He's so fucking nice and he's so genuine, he's so fucking nice, and he's so kind. And he pops into spots in the Belly Room.

He doesn't give a fuck, he does smaller shows, he's not like, he calls in his veils at the store, he's a nice, normal man still. He behaves as if he's not as big as he is, which is so fucking crazy. No, I have a lot of respect for him. You've done a lot with him. Yes, he's the reason my career took off. Yeah.

Thank God. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, Billy. No, I have a lot of respect for him. He's really great. And I never feel that, even if he says something that I might disagree with

in a routine or in a bit, I always feel that it's coming from a place of like genuine curiosity and questioning and never from a place of like trying to be hurtful. Yeah. And I can always respect and trying to be hurtful. Yeah. And that I can always respect and appreciate that. Yo, yeah. Yeah.

Bill Burr. I see Bill. He's your favorite. Who's your favorite that people might not know? People know who Bill Burr is. Naomi Ekperigan. I love Naomi Ekperigan. I love Naomi.

That's a fucking killer. And she killed, also she has such a different cadence than anybody else I've ever seen. And she's so silly and she's so nice. I mean, I hate that she refuses to do my podcast in person because I've asked her 5,000 times because she won't leave her fucking house. The COVID stuff.

But it's the COVID stuff, yes. It's the reason she hasn't been on this show. I haven't asked because I'm like, I know you don't like going out. Oh no, you can't ask her, she won't do it. And if she does, you're just gonna fucking snap. I'll come sit right here and breathe in her mouth the whole time.

Yeah, now I'm gonna try extra hard to get her. I'm worried to talk about, why won't you go do Seth's? But you'll do mine, what's that about? Yeah, what the hell? I love her, she's like- She's the whole time. Yeah, now I'm gonna try extra hard to get her. I'm worried about, why won't you go do Seth's wheel? What's that about? Yeah, what the hell? I love her. She's like, yeah. She's a true original. She's a genuinely authentic, which like you said,

is becoming more and more rare. And when she does her own stories, I just think one of the comments I watch her stories, because when she does, she actually talks to the front-face camera, that's how she is. That's how she talks, that's how she talks on stages, that's how she is all the time. Nice.

She's a killer. I had so much fun, I went to a party at Kumail she is all the time. Yeah. Nice. She's a killer. I had so much fun. I went to a party at Kumail and Emily's house recently. Right. It was like, huge party. I love you both, but I'm like, I'm like, well, as a party goer at Kumail and Emily's, but I didn't know who I was gonna know there.

I was just like kind of swung through because I love both of them. Two of the sweetest people in the world, by the way. Naomi was there with Andy. Okay, great. Great couple. Great couple, love them. Yeah, yeah. He's so sweet too. He's world, by the way. Naomi was there with Andy. Okay, great. Great couple. Great couple, love them. He's so sweet too.

He's so sweet, so supportive. Yeah, you and Olivia have worked together for a long time. Long time. Our shared manager, Olivia. Our shared manager, Olivia. Shouts out to Olivia Dubb. She's the best. I've worked with her for years.

I would die for her. I honestly would die for her. She's the coolest. If you saw what she did for my fucking special, it was unbelievable. What'd she do? She was a seamstress. My outfits are falling apart before I went on stage. She gets out a fucking needle and thread. She's stitching on my fucking shit back on. She literally

got everyone made little badges, like little lanyards for me. She designed all that. She set up my whole, I made it look like a rock concert. She set up all of my merch on this like area. She literally was a costume designer, set designer, like producer, she got everyone, she picked all the people to come in and sit front row, she found all the people, it was insane. She got tattoos for me, they got these fake tattoos made. It was insane, she organized the after party,

everything that happened was her, and I was like, I can't, I just sent her, actually, a little present, she's getting it tomorrow, because I was like, I need to give her something nice. She's amazing. She's insane what she did for me. It's crazy. She loves you.

Like, she adores you, of course. You're like, well, a client she's had for a very long time. But she talks so negatively about you, I don't get it. I'm like, I know that you love Steph. Why are you talking so much shit on her? She gave me, she printed out, I started bawling my eyes out actually, right before the special, she printed out a frame of my set list and she drew all the little jokes, she's a crazy artist, she drew all the little jokes

like fully all around this frame and I was just like, and just started sobbing. You got to see before stage? Yes! Olivia! I know, and then my sister gave me a fucking photo of the baby I'm obsessed with in a little jumpsuit and a mullet. Yeah.

And I was like, she dressed like the baby like me and with my little logo in the back and I was like, ehh, and both of them were sitting there because they're and with my little logo in the back. And I was like, ugh. And both of them were sitting there because they're also friends too. Not before the show. Before the show. That's crazy.

My sister came to the wedding. Actually, my sister and my parents were invited to Olivia's wedding. That's how close we are. Well, because she's also marrying my best friend. Yeah. Married my best friend, yeah. Who I love.

Alex is the best. Alex is also hilarious. Alex is one of the funniest comics out there that doesn't get any fucking, he's so funny. Alex is so fucking funny. I had one of my favorite nights with, I don't remember what all happened this night, but I think maybe we were at the Bowery or something, but it was Olivia and Alex, a bunch of us were together, and then I was like, I want to go dancing, and Olivia and Alex were the, like, the only two that were like, fuck yes,

and maybe someone, maybe someone else joined us, but Olivia and Alex, we tore up a dance floor at some shitty little basement bar in New York until like four in the morning. It was the first time I think I had met him. And I literally just the next day I called Olivia and I was like, I hope you spend the rest of your life with this guy. Because you see them together and you're just like, I could cry talking about it. They're so beautiful.

They're so cute. And they're so fun. He loves her so much. It's very sweet. Cause I've known him for 15, 16 years. Yeah. And they just, you see them interacting in like a normal low stakes moment

and you're like, god damn. Yeah, no, they don't fight, they're very sweet. He, I took him actually, you know Joe Dobrowski. I took him, you like Joe Dobrowski? Wait, I said yes immediately and then realized I think I was thinking of someone else. I said it because he's a gay comic, I assumed you knew who he was.

Joe Dobrowski, is that rude? He's so funny. I was hearing something else, I don't know if I actually thinking of someone else. I said it because he's a gay comic. I assumed you knew who he was. Joe Dabrowski, is that rude? He's so funny. I was hearing something else. I don't know if I actually know who this is. Okay, he's hilarious. Oh wait, I know why I know the name. It's because he's done shows with Amy Miller. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

I think she's maybe open for him or something. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I know of this guy. Yeah, okay. We don't know each other personally. Okay, he's hilarious. Have him on here. He's the best.

We went and partied with him in Tampa, and he took us to this gay bar and I bring Pavi. I don't say what he is. I don't say, it doesn't matter. We were straight or gay, whatever. So we come in. I can't find Pavi. I'm like, where the fuck is he? We go to the dance floor.

He's in the middle, just cut and rubbed. Just hands in the air screaming. And he goes, oh, I know you're open. It was gay. I go, that's the straightest man I know right there. Just fucking cut and rubbed. He's not gay. He's just a good time.

He's the best. He's just a good time. Yeah, the next thing he's like, are we going to dance again? Like he was so into it. Yeah. It was so cute. That fucking Rod. I know.

It would be, yeah, I think it'd be a lot better experience on earth if more people were just like that. A nice boy. Yeah, nice boy who just wants to dance. And very funny. Yeah, very funny. Shouts out. Shouts out to him.

Alex, what now? Spavone, P-A-V-O-N-E. I thought you said Spavone and I was like, I don't think that's true. Spavone baloney. Spavone baloney. I thought you said spavone, and I was like, I don't think that's true. Spavone baloney. Spavoney baloney. I have a segment for you, Steph.

Oh, great. How are you gonna die and explain it verbatim? Well, maybe. Oh, there's some stuff in here I didn't even get to that I want to, but maybe we'll get to it. Maybe we'll get to it on the Patreon. Maybe, you know, how about this? How about this?

But a lot of listens every week, coming in the regular sphere. Let's get some more of you over to Patreon. Yeah, what about this? How about this? But a lot of listens every a lot of listens every week coming in the regular sphere Let's get some more of you over to patreon. Yeah, what the hell cuz you understand I've got bills to pay and when you listen on audio you listen on audio you go over and do the YouTube as well Y'all I work hard on this show. There's a lot of people who are hard on this show get to the patreon I put eyeshadow on get to the god damn eyes shadow and one of her best Short rompers. Yeah, it's hot out there.

It's hot out there. Y'all, get to the Patreon. Are you even short? What the hell? Gym shorts. I look horrible. Yeah. I don't take the show that seriously.

But get to the Patreon. We do content on there. We do a bonus episode every month just with me. Look at this. You understand? I understand. Go over there. It's annoying forcing people.

So show's doing very well, but I would like to give more of you to Patreon. Y'all already know what freaking time it is, okay? It's time for the Twisted Tea, True or False segment, brought to you by Twisted Tea. Twisted Tea called me up and they said, Caleb, we love what you're doing. You're changing everything.

You're one of the biggest and best guys doing it right now can we please please can we sponsor the true false segment and I said you know what yes y'all can cuz this beverage y'all this beverage oh my goodness I'm I'm drinking I'm drinking twisted tea first thing when I wake up can't wait to get my lips on one okay drinking at the football game I'm drinking twisted tea first thing when I wake up. Can't wait to get my lips on one, okay? Drinking it at the football game. I'm drinking it everywhere I go. This is big stuff that we're working with these guys, okay?

Twisted tea, twisted tea, true, false segment. Let's get into it. Chance, kick it over to the, kick it over. Steph, this is a true or false segment, okay? I'm gonna read you 15 statements. You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can, speed is of the essence, whether you think it's true or false. Steph, if you get 10 or more correct,

we're gonna give you 50 US dollars. What? Oh, I'm so bad at these things. Well, you better get good. Love is blind, US has run for seven seasons. True. True. Madonna owns a grain silo company in Michigan. True. False.

Toothpaste was originally invented as an engine lubricant. False. False. Cats have four toes on their hind paws. True. True. There's water on the surface of one of Jupiter's moons. True. True. It's Europa. Will Ferrell and Rush Limbaugh are cousins. False. False. Humber College's mascot's name is Harold the Hawk. True. False. Howie the Hawk. I went to Humber. Gmail is older than Jojo Siwa. Sorry? Gmail is older than Jojo Siwa. Sorry? Gmail is older than JoJo Siwa.

Yes. False. 9 times 6 is 54. False. True. Sherlock Holmes was a real person. True. False.

What? Toronto CN Tower was the tallest freestanding structure in the world until 2007. True. True. Geckos can turn the stickiness of their feet on and off at will. True. True.

Kids in the hall had seven original members. False. False. It's always been five. Bagpipes were invented in Egypt true That's true Marie Curie is the only person to win Nobel prizes in two different scientific fields true true. How'd she do? And can I say I was gonna give you the money regardless because you might be the first guest we've ever had who fucking answered the questions

Quickly quickly everyone gets contemplative and slow with it, which is cute sometimes, but you really knew a few of them to be honest. I was guessing, but you committed. Yeah. And that's how I was the only one I actually knew because I did a project on that in high school. Yeah. You're a big, big Toronto gal. That was the twisted teacher false segment brought to you by twisted tea Tea. Okay, grab a refreshing Twisted Tea today. And you guys, I cannot stress this enough. This comes from the bottom of my heart. I want to see everybody who's able

doing what I'm about to say next. Just keep it twisted. Come on, what's it gonna hurt to keep it twisted? I'm born and raised, I love Toronto. Yeah, I love Toronto. You love Toronto. I was just there. What the heck? Three weeks ago I was in Toronto. What'd you do again? I was, I love Toronto. Yeah, I love Toronto. You love Toronto. I was just there. What the heck?

Three weeks ago I was in Toronto. What'd you do again? I was filming a TV show. Oh wow, excuse me. Little bit, little bit, little bit part. Kind of becoming my favorite thing. I just did a part. Poppin'. Poppin', I can't say what, but it was.

Coming after. Yeah, it was, I'm loving the poppin'. Yeah, the poppin' is fun. I have quickly become like, sure maybe I'd like a show where I'm like number one on the call sheet or something. Maybe I'd like like my show someday, and I have like ideas for it that we've like, or maybe I'd like a show where I'm like number one on the call sheet or something. Maybe I'd like like my show someday. And I have like ideas for it that we've like, well that we're working on.

But really popping in for two, three episodes, being really funny, working for like three hours a day. Everyone else there before you staying after stress, crying, sobbing, breaking down hives. Not me. I have no problem. I literally love being the guest role. I've been doing, I get very few,

but I love doing like, some people hire me to do like a voiceover. And I come in, it was so funny. The last one I did, they're like, okay, so you're playing, it was like some sort of like witch woman. And I'm like, obviously, yeah. And they go, okay, well, do you wanna see,

like you were a princess and you turned into, do you wanna see your character looks like? I'm like, I'm good. They're like, well, we'll show you. I'm like, and then they show me this absolute goblin. And I was like, I knew I looked like that. I didn't think I looked like fucking Cinderella here. I knew I was a ghoul. He had to show me like, oh, okay. I'm like, I knew I looked like that. I didn't think I looked like fucking Cinderella here. I knew I was a ghoul.

You had to show me like, oh, okay. I'm like, it wouldn't change the voice. The voice is ghoul. I was gonna do it regardless. This is it. I knew what you wanted when you brought me here. Yeah, this is the voice ghoul. Dude, voice acting stuff has been cool lately for me

because I'll be in Kansas City at my house and I'll just get an email. I think I've like twice now, they've just been like, hey, do you wanna do this? And I'm like, yeah, I'm not gonna fly to LA for that though. And they go, oh, they'll set you up at a booth in Kansas City. I just go to a recording studio in Kansas City, do the voices and leave and I get paid?

Incredible. It's insane. That's a gig. 20 minutes. If. Like I'm in and out. Yeah. Like a fiddler's elbow.

Love, like a fiddler's elbow. It's so easy. I love it. Yeah, I wanna do more. Yeah, the guest star role, pop in, kill, leave. I love. I'm writing a movie idea right now. And everyone's like, where did you sit come?

It's so long. Yeah. One movie. I'm in and out. You're a road dog. I'm in and out. You want to be on that road. I don't want to be on that road.

You don't want to interfere with that road. I want to be home. Get me off the road. I want a role in your movie, and I'm not kidding around. Oh, you'll get one. Don't play with me. 100%. Oh yeah. Because you're doing that, you're like. Oh, you'll get one. Don't play with me. 100%. Because you're doing that, you're like, oh, you'll get one.

No, no, no. Actually, the second you said TV role, I actually started going through the characters that I can have you play. I want one. Oh, I'll give you one. And I don't want this polite little Hollywood thing where you're like, oh, there's one for you. No, no, no.

I want a role. The main reason I want to write my own movies, because I'm like, I want to be, this is a goal, I want to be like the female Adam Sandler. Yeah. I want to cast all these, have these roles where I only cast my friends. I'm not doing a comedy with no comedians. I hate to break it to you, it's a comedy, every person on that fucking thing is gonna be a comedian.

That's what's working. I wanna in. Naomi, I wrote Naomi already into it. God damn it. I know. Before me. Yep. Wow. Yes. Wow.

Sweet girl, but. I'm not sure if you can think of who you could be right now. Sweet girl, but I don't know. Actually, you know what? Come on. I think I sure I can think of who you could be right now. Sweet girl, but I don't know. Actually, you know what? Come on. I think I have an idea. Okay, no, I'll say after, but I think I might be a role for you.

Let's get Olivia on the phone. Okay, let's get her on the horse. Let's negotiate. She loves you. She loves you, too. I would hope. My God. My God. Do you know, I just was thinking the other day, this November, which your episode will probably come out sometime in November I would think,

this November will be five years that I've worked with Jovan Olivia. Wow. My managers. Wow. Yeah, they cold DM me on Twitter and I ignored them. That's so funny. Because I thought they were fake.

I was like, these, yeah, nice try, scammers. And I ignored them and then they got ahold of me through, I had local Chicago agents at the time, they got ahold of me through my local agents. Wow. We started working together. But I really thought they were scammers. That's so crazy. Because all those management companies,

they have websites on their email, and then you click the website and it shows nothing. Yeah, there's no, you're like, what clients do you have? None, there's no clients here. There's no listing. No sense. You have to Google their name and look at different people's websites

to be like, who's, yeah, it's insane. It's crazy. And so they all look like scammers. And I was like, these gals are trying to scam me. And then yeah. And then you're like, uh. Or not to be, yeah, it's insane. It's crazy. And so they all look like scammers. And I was like, these gals are trying to scam me. And then, yeah. And then you're like, oh. Or not to be, yeah, my two friends. I think I was one of Olivia's first clients.

I think I was like maybe five or six. Because you, it's been a long time for y'all. Years. How long have you guys worked together? At least nine. I've been in LA for 10 years. Nine years, I think. Crazy.

Yeah. Fans are loving this, by the way. Yeah, yeah. They're like, tell us about your manager we don't know and how long they've left you. Yeah, yeah, she's the best. We both wouldn't be doing this well if it wasn't for way. Yeah, yeah, they're like, what? They're like, yeah, tell us about your manager we don't know and how long they've repped you. Yeah, yeah, she's the best. We both wouldn't be doing this well if it wasn't for her. Yeah, well, I would be.

I mean, I would be. I mean, I would be. Olivia and Tova, no, I'm kidding. I love them. They have been very good for me. And they really, I don't know what your conversations were like when you first got reps, but mine were explicitly like, I know what I want. I want to break out of this, like, I am a comedian. I want wanna break out of this, like, I am a comedian,

I wanna break out of this internet thing, I do not wanna be doing brand deals for the rest of my life, I'm willing to not make money for a couple years if it means that we're waiting out what I actually want, and they have been so good about understanding every step of the way that I want a very specific thing, you know what I mean? You smug pig, you started in such a different way

than I did, I was like, I got nothing. I'll do anything. I'm working three jobs. My green card didn't come through yet. I legally can't work here. Don't bring up the green card to get immigrant points when you're white from Canada. Don't get immigrant points.

Do you know how much a green card costs? How much? $20,000. Well, if you want to be here, pay up. I did, and here I am. I don't want wanna hear an immigrant story about a white girl from Canada. Well, my grandparents were in arranged marriage

from Bulgaria, so does that make me? No, that's different white. I don't wanna hear a Canadian immigrant story. It's very hard to get a green card as a performer. It's a nightmare. It is. I'm making Jefferson fucking marry me so I don't have to apply and get my citizenship because I can't vote right now.

Yeah, you're missing out. I'm missing out on a big election. You're missing out on the fun of the electoral politics in the United States. My God. Who do you want to win? Obviously not Trump. Do I not give that vibe?

Hard to tell with you. Wow. It's very clear. I know. I was like, I made one Trump joke through the day in Houston and I think I might post the clip because I've never lost a crowd so quickly. It was, I went from applause to silence.

I was like, oh, for fuck's sake. That's hilarious. Because I never talk about politics on stage. Yeah. Well, I actually don't. I mean, I do, I think I assume your politics because I like you and you're a cool person, but I guess I wouldn't know really how far left you are

or really where you are in comparison to- I also just, I hate Trump, and I don't know, I think he's gonna win, which is terrifying, but I'm like, I... You just lost this room as well, by the way. I lost every big Trump person here. Everyone was like, ooh. You vote for Trump?

Okay. No one here voted for Trump. No, I was like, there's no way. No chance. I talk about politics all the time. I don't know much about them because I'm like stupid But I also I'm just like I know he's bad. You're not stupid Yeah, you're not stupid. You know, I know enough you know what's going on. Yeah. Yeah, but I really we don't like that

We don't like that's for sure. That's for sure. Yeah, we can definitely get I feel like your fans are gonna be like, mm-hmm That you think they what they don't know. I assume your fans are also not voting for fucking Trump They're not but you know, what's funny is I do have like a weird cohort of like Republican guy fans really I don't know what like sadomasochistic ritual. They're going through. I'm only mean to that. I don't respect you I want you to know I don't like you. I have no respect for you I I sometimes will get a DM from like a very conservative red state guy after all posts like you know We should pass abortion rights. And they'll be like, man, loved your shit until this.

And I'm like, what shit? What did you love? Yeah, what did you love? What did you love? You were looking at my stuff. I've only ever said I fundamentally disrespect you and people like you. Yeah, what the hell? I do not like the way you think about the world.

I don't think people- And they're like, this guy's hilarious. I don't think some fans even know or follow along at all on your regular posts. Someone posted today, wow, really? Another dirty joke? You're following me. And simply, yes.

If you want clean content, you are simply on the wrong page. I've never once done anything clean. Bizarre to think I'll start now. You should stop marketing yourself as the female Gaffigan though. I will say. Stop putting that on all your stuff.

I gotta stop. Me and Bargatzee, same- That's confusing people. It is confusing. Family friendly comedy. You know, I was just talking about Nate Bargatzee last night. I love him.

I think he's great. I was just talking last night about it with some friends. I was like, nobody dislikes Nate Bargatzee. No, he's great. Everyone loves him. Every single- And he pays very well. Really? He's his opener more than any other comic. Wow. Yeah. What's he paying?, everyone loves him. And he pays very well. Really?

He's an opener more than any other comic. Wow. What's he paying? I think like two. A hundred. $200. $200. Smackaroos.

As much as you get paid if you get all the questions. Yeah baby. That's nice to hear. Everybody loves him. Everyone loves him. Nobody's got bad words to say about the guy. Yeah. And he's killing.

He's killing. Anyway, I love you. I'm glad you could make it on the show. Thanks for having me. Thanks for being here. It's got bad words to say about the guy. Yeah. And he's killing. He's killing. Anyway, I love you. I'm glad you could make it on the show. Thanks for having me. Thanks for being here. It's a real treat to have you. I love you. I think the world of you.

I think the world of you. I'm so glad we got to have you. Do you want to tell people where they can find you? Yes. Your death infection and. Yes, you did my fucking podcast, Death Infection, it's all about body stuff. Please listen to that.

And my Instagram, at steftolev, that's it. And come see me live. If you, it comes to me live, that's it. What's it gonna hurt? It just comes to me live. It's my better life. Go see Steph Platt it. And come see me live. If you, it comes to me live, that's it. What's it gonna hurt? It just comes to me live. It's much better live. Yeah, your thing rocks live. It's a lot.

You're big and you're loud and you're tearing that stage apart. It's nice. Well, we did stuff. That was a HeadGum Podcast. Hey, hey, I'm Lamorne Morris. And I'm Kyle Shevrin. And we're here interrupting your workout to tell you about the La Morning After podcast now on HeadGum. That's

right every Wednesday a new episode drops and we...wait Lamorne what are you doing over there? It's nothing just polishing my Emmy. Why? Well because we're now the only official HeadGum podcast hosted by an Emmy winner. Is that true? Probably not. But Jake Johnson's on head gum. Does he have an Emmy? No, but he has been a guest on The Little Morning After. Which might be an even bigger honor. I mean, and we have other amazing guests

like Glenn Powell, Raven Simone, the cast of New Girl, and many, many more. Plus, we play games, we tell stories, we poll the fans for questions. We poll them for questions, Jance D. Polling them constantly constant up and down, sideways, backwards. It's a lot less weird than it sounds.

You'll see. Subscribe to them the morning after on Spotify, Apple podcasts, pocket casts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And watch video episodes on YouTube. New episodes drop every Wednesday.