So True with Caleb Hearon - Steve Hernandez is a Street Legend

Episode Date: May 2, 2024

Are y'all ready for this? Today's guest is comedian Steve Hernandez! Steve and Caleb talk about their personal philosophies on stand up comedy, polyamory, the differences between Los Angeles and Kansas City, masculinity, and more! Subscribe to our YouTube Channel! https://youtube.com/@sooootruepod?si=WuypmsdcsJFBg4pUSee Caleb live! https://calebhearon.komi.io/ Join our Patreon for an extended conversation with Steve and other bonus content! https://patreon.com/SoTruePodcast?utm_medium=unknown&utm_source=join_link&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=copyLinkFollow Steve! @bighern Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Follow The Show! @sooootruepodProduced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloudRecorded at Bad Ladder Productions in Los Angeles, CASee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

First off, I feel like masculinity is under attack in this country. I'm just kidding. What if? What if? I think we have a big decision in November. I'm a good podcast guest. I know you're a good podcast guest. You actually, I did your podcast like 2020.

That's how we met. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, do you want to do my podcast? And I actually wanted to ask you something kind of related to that. Yes. My very first question for you is, you know, it's a big one. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, do you want to do my podcast? And I actually wanted to ask you something kind of related to that. Yes. My very first question for you is, you know, it's a big one. Yeah.

Why did you stray from God? What led you away from Christ? Because me and all the other Christians are talking about it. You know, when I first left, I used to be a pastor at a mega church, a youth pastor. When I first left, I thought God wanted me to. To leave the church. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't want to be. I thought God wanted me to to leave the church yeah yeah

yeah I didn't want to be I was having sex with my girlfriend at the time is that so funny I felt awful about it I mean I felt awful like plagued just awful sliding into my sweet sweet Christian girlfriend sliding in sliding in. Sliding in. I just couldn't stop. But I did really, truly, I was like, I did not want to be the kind of pastor that gets caught and shunned by the media. So I was like, time to step away. And so that's what I did. And then you got out of there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I deconstructed my faith. Do you still believe in God, Caleb? No. You did say that. Well, I'm here or there on it. Do you still believe in God, Caleb? No. You did say that. Well, I'm here or there on it. I talk too much about God on this podcast. But no, I'm not a Christian.

But you did say one of the funniest things to me and my roommates ever. What? You said, which I hope you meant more about them than me, but you said that we have born-again Christian vibes. This is true. Rocco, have you met this friend group? I have not. Okay, they're very Christ-like.

I am not! No, no, no. It's very youth pastor. Very sexless. I'm sorry to say, because I think Caleb is like a sexy guy and stuff, but it's very sexless. And there's like boys and girls, but nobody's alluding to sex, really. It's very odd. Even Caleb, it surprises me because i know he gets down um but if i bring

up sex around him and stuff he's like no no no don't do it not here not here yeah ally gets scared all the girls get scared steve i don't want to put you on blast like this but i fuck about 10 times as much as you do i believe that you've got a wife in the home yeah yeah and a girlfriend and yeah and he's not kidding you guys are down with that stuff yeah yeah that's what i mean that's why it is odd to me that you but you don't talk about it because what is the point i don't know but you fuck but the rest of your friend group i don't know how much they're fucking i will say that's what i'm saying is i think you clocked the group yeah but i'm i'm on the periphery i'm not like that but I do think it's sweet I do love that little group and they're my friends too um I don't

you know when I don't want you to to feel I don't feel like outside of it anymore I love the vibe that you have where you love people to stop by at your house all the time I love that about you that's great he wants people to come by his house all the time. Like 3 p.m., knock at the door. That's cool. That's like friends. Don't people want friends like that? Steve will do that, too. He'll drop by.

Yeah, I like dropping by. I know I'm not going to catch you fucking. I don't know when you're doing all this fucking. Ten times as much as me. I got a wife and a girlfriend, and he's doing all this fucking. Yeah. Plus, I've got others sprinkled through the years Let me tell you something

For the fellas that are listening If you just treat these people with respect and love They'll still have sex with you once or twice a year Like you know on a random Tuesday Is that for exes? Exes or friends I think everybody should be having sex with their friends I truly believe that

If you have a spark If you're attracted to the person And you guys are talking and you have fun together, you should at least be making out and you should probably be having sex. And I think it's so very Christian to not do that. You think it's Christian to not fuck your friends? Oh yeah. Like puritanical. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, that's what, you know, i thought hanging out with you know more queers they were going to be more like that but i guess that's just on the tv shows or something everyone's yeah maybe yeah because because maybe that's just the l word or something because these friends are not fucking okay and i i think everyone should be having sex with your friend like i said

if both of you like find each other attractive if you're talking at a party and like we're touching arms or something like that man woman let's fuck let's see what it feels like let's kiss at the very least one man one woman um you said one man one woman no i should you know i do not care about that no you sleep with everybody the best threesomes are two men and one woman there's always something to do everybody knows that there's always something to do. Everybody knows that. There's always something to do. What do you mean by there's always something to do? Have you,

I don't know if you've seen, we got some straight guys over there. I don't know if you've seen straight porn where it's two girls and one guy. Have you? Two girls and one guy? Yeah.

No, if I'm watching straight porn and it's a threesome, it's two guys and one girl. Eventually, on that one, there's, one of the girls has to kind of be in the back just like be rubbing a titty

or something like that. She's like not doing that much. She's like rubbing a titty and she's like oh or like that or she's like kissing an arm or something like that but with two guys and a girl there's everybody's like into it there's always something for everyone to do it plus two guys it's like you're building something like a piece of like kia furniture it's like let's get together like yeah you're building something, like a piece of Ikea furniture. It's like, let's get together. You're like having fun. You're building this project. You have this beautiful woman here. Everyone, you don't have to be so cool.

It's cool. Yeah. I wonder why more people in your life aren't adopting your views on sex when you describe it so beautifully as putting together Ikea furniture. I wonder why people aren't adopting your philosophy more often. Well, one on one, it's just're you're building that one separate thing but yeah friends if you're friends with people you guys you should have sex more it's cool you i love that you're such a a former pastor total stand-up that you right you can't help but address everybody in the room like the entire

podcast so far you've been like rocco come on buddy what are you they're right here I didn't ask how long they've been dating or anything like that they're here but I as a polyamorous man I think we end up talking about sex more than I even like because the older I get I do feel that when you have sex

with somebody that you have to be responsible to them in a way that you hadn't before i truly believe that um and so i don't you know i don't care about sex that much but i i do like um that getting juice with someone you you feel that right when you're talking at a party you get juice with someone you're like yeah we're jamming the older i get i find that that happens fewer and far between and so yeah so what I'm saying is when you feel juice with someone, that's when you guys should explore each other physically. If you feel that everyone has respect for each other. I have a question for you because that's interesting to me.

Why do you think, because you're so, so much older than me. Yeah. No, but I want to learn from you because you're really up there. Yeah. You say that the juice, the chemistry, the crack, the fizzle, the pop, that gets fewer and farther between when you get older. Why do you think that is? Do you think it's universal or just you?

No, I do think that – I actually think it doesn't happen that often. In general? In general. But you don't – when you're young, you think it's going to happen more. So you take it for granted. You take the juice for granted. So you're like at a party. You're like, oh, okay, that was cool.

That was nice. She was cute. That was cool. And then the older you get, you realize, oh, I haven't had one of those in a long time. So I just think it happens few. I mean, I'm not kidding. I know this is going to sound like a joke what I said. What's that sandwich place they always bring in from Crafty?

It's going to be a be uh farms what's the farms oh medicino farms it's medicino farms dude i was at the medicino farms downtown once oh my god you have told me this i for a second i was like where's he going and now i remember you have talked about this interaction there was this redhead girl greeter that um that greeted me and we started talking and we were jamming so hard i was with a guy friend a guy named john gove and afterwards he he said john gove said this he said uh what was that and i was like shit i don't i was like i don't know and then he was like you gotta go get that girl's number but i was i was, and I'm just, you know, I don't,

I'm not proud that I'm polyamorous. Thank God. I do believe this. I believe it like I used to believe in Christianity. At my core, I think monogamy is a thief and a robbing us of, like, so much bullshit. But I don't, I know everyone thinks it's weird. Nobody likes it, so I'm not trying to talk about it. I feel like a Scientologist. Like, I really would keep it to myself. I know nobody thinks it's weird. Nobody likes it, so I'm not trying to talk about it. I feel like a Scientologist.

I really would keep it to myself. I know nobody likes it. So I just didn't want to bother that redhead girl. But here I am, 15 years later, talking about the little redheaded girl at Mandacino Farms. If 15 years ago, or whatever time this was, if you were a redheaded woman who worked at Mandacino Farms, Steve has told me this story, and I'm not kidding. I'll give a conservative number 75,000 times.

He thinks about you more than he thinks about his wife and baby. He loves you, bitch. Please hit him up. Dude, red-headed girl, you know we jammed so sick that day. You know we jammed. Steve, she might see this.

The show's doing very well. Not quite fried chicken chicken, not quite love. That's what I say. Not quite lust, but what we could have had in a separate, different life, most Cherie Amour. So here's what I think. Yeah. When you said that it gets fewer and further between,

you have that sparkle with people. Yeah. And then you said, oh. Well, let me ask you a question. Do you get that feeling all the time with people? Yeah. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

That's why I wish I was more gay. Dude, if I was more gay, dude, that fizzle must happen all the time. Like, you're just talking, and then someone, like, licks a lip or something, right? It must happen all the time! What do you think is going on with gay people? That was such an interesting thing you just said. A guy, you don't lick your lips to a man when you're seducing him?

Have you never licked your lips? I'm not the big bad wolf, bitch. What are you talking about? LL Cool J licks his lips. Famously not a gay guy. I don't think I'm having this sizzle because I'm gay. I think I'm having this sizzle because I'm just, you know, I'm just charming.

Yeah, I mean, you are for sure charming, no doubt. I'm charming too, you piece of shit. gay i think i'm having this sizzle because i'm just you know i'm just charming yeah i mean you're for sure charming no doubt um i'm charming too you piece of shit wait you interrupted me i want to say yeah i don't think it gets you in further between the older you get i think what you're expressing is it happens rarely to begin with and maybe as you get older you just appreciate it more there you go i'm open to that yes yes yes i'm very open to that. Is that the thing? Yes, yes, yes, yes. I'm very open to that. Okay. Okay, so you're Pauly. Yeah. You got a wife and a kid.

Yeah. I love your kid. Yeah. Actually, the last time I saw your baby in person was at our Super Bowl watch party. Yeah. And Chance, our producer, sprayed champagne all over the baby. Yeah. So that was, she probably won't be coming over anymore.

Let me tell you something else I love about Caleb, okay? I'm talking to the camera right here. Let me tell you something else. I about Caleb, okay? I'm talking to the camera right here. Let me tell you something else. I'm talking to the people on the podcast. If I'm going to be on Gay Joe Rogan, I want people to know these good things about Caleb, okay? Omo Rogan. This is another thing I love about Caleb is he keeps guys like Chance around

that you guys met in college, right? You guys, you don't know this guy. You got to follow him on Instagram. He looks like the biggest bro you've ever seen. Hardcore KC. When we have football games at their house, he wraps himself in a KC flag and rocks himself because he's so into the game. And so there's a bunch of lesbians, me, my baby, Chance rocking himself in the corner with a Kansas city flag, legitimately weeping when they won the seat for super bowl.

And I love that you, you keep chance around and you keep inviting him. He's a good guy. And you want that at a football game. You need chance. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Chance would not be in my life. He saw me hit and run and kill somebody in 2016. And so I have to keep him around. Other than that, I would have kicked his ass, I'm sorry to say, to the curb a long time ago. Because he's a toxic energy. Just weeping. He knows too much.

And even, you had that party last night, Chance was just kind of like grunting around with a bunch of Kansas City's. When you put on the Kansas City stuff, coming to a gay party, how did you think that was going to work out? I mean, I'm just trying to be unapologetically mean. Why?

Why? I thought that's your whole thing. I thought that's the whole thing is be yourself. That's what they want you to think, bro. This is Hollywood, okay? We're playing a different game out here, my friend. Now, I have a question for you on that note. What is your...

I think about masculinity all the time. Yes. It's something I think about constantly. Yes. What is your... And you are somebody I think about a lot when I think about masculinity because I think you have such a healthy

and interesting relationship with masculinity. And you talk about this a lot on stage. For people who don't... I don't do guest introductions on the show. I think that's boring. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're just talking. But you're a brilliant stand-up comedian. That's very nice. Thank you. An absolute fixture in the L.A. scene. And I know you don't I don't do guest introductions on the show I think yeah we're just you're you're a brilliant stand-up comedian that's very nice thank you an absolute fixture in

the LA scene and I know you don't want me to do this but what what is your relationship to masculinity and how has it changed um I I do think it it has a lot let me know bitch you add you answer my questions but I you know I was just thinking about this coming over here, about that too. Let's see. First off, I feel like masculinity is under attack in this country. I'm just kidding. What is? I think we have a big decision in November.

I do think, though, this is something I really do think that is interesting, is I do think that femininity, for the past 40, 50 years, we figured out, so nobody says about a woman, a woman could say, I'm a woman, and nobody challenges that. But with men, we're still trying to figure it out. I don't think we know yet. I do think it has a lot to do about being yourself, um, about being sensitive for me in terms of masculinity. I think, um, a real man looks out for the people around him. Yeah. I really do think that. And I think that's so rare. I think when you think of Trump, when you think of, uh, you know, libertarianism,

where you're just out for yourself, I think it's so fucking disgusting. What's up y'all. If you're enjoying so true podcast, I think it's so fucking disgusting. What's up, y'all? If you're enjoying So True Podcast, there is so much more So True over on our Patreon. It's dirt cheap, you guys. The Patreon is dirt cheap. Get over there. Get over there and get some more content.

We've got bonus content on the Patreon with every single guest, including the guests that you're listening to right now. Bonus questions with them that you won't find anywhere else. In addition to that, I'm going on tour, as always. So I'm live in person. Please come see me. Well, guys, I'm just going to be honest with you.

A bunch of them are sold out. But some shows that aren't sold out, I believe one of the shows that I have next week in Chicago still has some tickets available. Houston, Fort Worth, and Dallas all have tickets available. Please go get those. And those are my only upcoming live shows that aren't sold out for right now. I don't know what to tell you.

You know, the venues, the venues only have so many seats and there's a billion K-Liberty's in the world. Okay, I'm sorry. I love you guys so much. Thank you for tuning in. Please like, subscribe, share everywhere and follow us on every social media.

And frankly, you know, kind of be sycophantic about the pod. We're trying to build a cult-like presence here where eventually people will get harmed. Thank you. Goodbye. What is funny, though, is I work at a bar called The Chatterbox in Covina. It's my whole life now.

What is Covina? Covina is a... It's in Covina. It's a suburb in Los Angeles. It's about 25 miles east from L.A. proper. But there's a lot of Filipinos, a lot of Mexicans. The fact that I learned to write jokes like this to these people. Yeah.

And why'd you make that face? I was looking. Chance gave me a note on the – he gave me a note on where we're at in the show. I mean, did you have to make the face? I mean, the whole thing is to not make a face when they give you a thing. Hey, Steve, let me tell you something. This isn't your show. We'll make faces however we want over here.

If we could get a look at the face he made. I thought something was going on. You know, it looked like my baby when she farts. You know, I think, like, what's going on with you? I'm like, oh, you're farting. Well, now you know. Oh, I got to know. I learned to write these jokes to Filipinos and very straight Mexican guys

where I was bombing my ass off for a few years because straight guys, especially hardcore Mexicans and Filipinos I can speak for, is they think if they laugh at my jokes, then that means they're gay. It's just what happens. And so I figured it took me a while to figure that. But even then, late night when I'm closing the bar and I have a few guys there, and they go like, but you're the one fucking them, though, right? Yeah.

They're sucking your dick, right? Please, you're the top. And I'm like, nah, fool. I'm getting blasted. That's so silly, too, because laughing at Steve Hernandez jokes doesn't mean you're gay. It just means you don't have taste. Oh, boy. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Oh. Oh. Oh. But I do think masculinity, I do think it is being sensitive. I do think there's strength in sensitivity and vulnerability. That's what, even getting in the ass, I think bottoming,

there's a strength in that. You're giving yourself over. I think a lot of guys, by not being vulnerable, they are so fucking weak. It's so stupid. And I mean that physically. I mean that in every way. You're a proud bottom. Well, if I'm going to fuck something,

I'd prefer a thing that gets wet by itself, okay? A sweet, sweet... You guys know what I'm talking about. I don't want to say the things. I know you have a bold lesbian audience, and you guys love me live. So please, if I say anything to offend you or if I'm coming off too, you know, I'm not like that,

just remember how much you love me live. You have killed for me live many times. Your definition earlier of masculinity, of being a man as being someone who looks out for the people around you. Yeah. I really like that because I think the idea of manhood as this like overpowering, dominating, like I feel very much like a man. But this dominating, like not giving a fuck about anybody, this gruff, kind of careless, I don't, that doesn't feel like any man I've ever respected. No. And that's why I do love you, Caleb.

You're very good about that, about looking out for the people around you. It's very sweet. That's all I have to say about that. Well, what are your other favorite things about me? Don't be scared to. You're in good company. The K-Liberty's and K-Lesbians,

they like me as well. Let me tell you something. Here's the thing. This is why Caleb keeps me around. I'm a true stand-up. Street legend. Some people call me a street legend. I said it earlier on the show.

The industry wants nothing to do with me. I have several prominent managers that are my friends, and they've never mentioned a meeting. They pay for lunch, and I thank you guys for that. They've never known. I uh i just got what do you call it alter i'm thank god i'm an alternate for the limestone uh comedy fest an alternate and i'm so grateful they sent me that letter yeah and they said steve we only sent this out to 15 other people and guess what you don't have to pay the fee when you submit next year and thank you

you're saving me 40 i'm gonna submit next year. And thank you. You're saving me $40. I'm going to submit next year. I want to be one of the Limestone 36. The Limestone 36 sounds like a civil rights thing. This is a comedy festival. I'm nothing but a street legend. I have the respect of my peers. You think it means a lot. It does at first, and then it means less and less.

I did three open mics yesterday. The third one I shouldn't have gone to. It was so sad. I was in Paramount. That's near the airport. All that to say You said why I'm keeping you around. Yeah, I'm the real deal.

When stand-ups, they know you can't say anything. Caleb keeps me around because he knows. I'm like, because Caleb, incredible stand-ups they know you can't say anything caleb keeps me around because he knows that i'm like because caleb incredible stand-up okay i know i know i want to introduce him as the michael jordan of stand-up and the show did not go well after that was on me i want to apologize to that late show in philly uh but uh i i do you are an amazing stand up I think you keep me around Because you're like If this guy thinks I'm good Then I must be good

And No Yeah No That has nothing to do with it You are You actually have a clinical problem In our friendship

Yeah That I want to bring up Yeah Of like misdiagnosing What's going on between us Just now is a great example Yeah Another famous one

Is that time that we met up At the movies Yeah And I said Oh you never You never call me you never text me or whatever giving you a little bit of gruff because i'm hurting you in a while and you go yeah you i'm not your dad you project onto me like i'm your dad i didn't say it like that i just said you've got it i was like caleb you got to stop this you look to me as a dad often and which is not true you heard how old he was saying i was everybody heard that you are there look there many things can be true number

one you are quite old you are here you're we have an intergenerational friendship that I think is beautiful and inspiring kind of like when a cat befriends a tiger yeah but you are I do not look to you as a father figure I just love you as a friend but you misdiagnose our relationship a lot in a really funny way I do think it is interesting i have i rarely have respect for people in their 20s um and and ever since the guy's still not 30 yet the guy's still next year right second yeah january praise god thank god then you're gonna see a new side of me i'm gonna be able to relax around you speak to you man to man yeah yeah yeah because we all encounter the world we all deal with the world differently i think my dear friend is finally going to be comfortable around you'll

see it's it'll be a thing i'll get you a tool belt yeah i've got one yeah give me something else maybe a flask a flask or maybe a knife set or something yeah yeah but uh okay all right i mean i've always felt felt Scottie Pippen to your Michael Jordan in terms of stand-up, but if you're telling me that's not true. You're ridiculous. So this is what I want to ask you. You do this little song and dance about

I'm a street legend, the industry has no love for me. This podcast is just one of the most successful pieces of media out in the world right now. Billions of fans and listeners. What do you want? What do I want? What do you want? Not much more than I have.

And that's true. I actually believe that about you. But what is the gap? What will fill that gap between where you are now and what would make you content? I'm being completely serious here. Limestone 36. 2025. Now tell the truth, bitch. Okay, that's a piece of it what's the truth i don't want to leave los angeles i don't um i live here my family lives here we have a baby

here we made a decision not if we're gonna have a baby then we're not going to new york and so i'm gonna be here uh i i i'm not kidding when I say probably not that much more. I think all my friends that will give me acting roles and stuff, which I get them and things like that, they'll keep moving up and I'll keep getting bigger things. Not much more. I'm very happy. I know that seems crazy. Here's what's crazy about it. That does not seem crazy to me.

Well, let me tell you what's crazy about it is i was a christian so i believed i had this separate set of values that i really did believe in a lot of ways contradicted with oh is it over there there you go i was a christian and uh i felt like i had a lot of ways that my values did not um go with the world you know if you guys didn't grow up in the church we call like we call it the world yeah yeah like it's bad yeah like oh my values don't align with the world. You know, if you guys didn't grow up in the church, we call it the world. Yeah. Yeah, like it's bad. Yeah, like, oh, my values don't align with the world.

That's the way the world thinks. We don't think that way. And so I got out of that, but I really do believe I have some of those core beliefs still. And it's just hard to not, it's hard to not think that, like there's a part of me that always wants to be more rich and famous and on tv and all these things but i know those things don't truly make me happy so i'm constantly fighting with those things does that make sense to you totally okay totally but you're

gonna be rich and famous and you don't have to deal with these things. What do you mean going to be? Two houses. Tricoastal. Going to be. See, you've made it. I have to come up with all these. I'm old. I have to come up with all these ways to justify. I'm going to give my life back to Christ. I'm going to be

a pastor. I'm going to shun polyamory. Then I'll be rich. I think before we give it up to God, let's get limestone 36. Yeah. Let's grab that for next year. And then maybe we can start believing in God again. I know it's funny that you said like, Oh, I bet this sounds ridiculous, but there's not that much more that I want. That doesn't sound ridiculous to me at all. You have a beautiful wife who is one of the coolest people on earth. You have a gorgeous new baby. You're respected across many cities by your peers and the thing that you love.

You have beautiful friendships. Many, many, many beautiful friendships. You have so much community. The crazy thing to me is not actually that you wouldn't want more. What's crazy to me is that so many of us do. Yes. I don't understand. Like, fame sucks.

Everybody I know who's famous is, I don't want to say they're miserable in their life, but that part of their life is a fucking misery. Yeah. Being rich is great. Would obviously take that any day. But you know what I mean? More money is like, yeah, freedom. But I think you got it.

Yeah. I mean, it's just, let me tell you something. I'm a bartender. I'm a bar manager. So I was the senior class president. I was a youth pastor at the megachurch in my city. When someone walks in from my high school and they see me bartending still, I was the senior class president. I was a youth pastor at the megachurch in my city. When someone walks in from my high school and they see me bartending still,

the look, the sadness in their eyes, it's so sad. But that's the way the world thinks. Yeah, exactly. That's what I say. I want to tell them I'm so happy. My wife's gorgeous. My girlfriend's great. I love them.

Everything's going great. I want to tell them that, but what are you going to do? So I guess justifying. Also, cut the mention of the great. I want to tell them that, but what are you going to do? So I guess justifying. Also, cut the mention of the girlfriend. I don't support that. But justifying. Yeah, but justifying the stuff to people, I guess, gets a little tiring sometimes. Well, that's the hard.

I think that's the, and you're not going to care that I have to say this because I'm in my 20s, but I have decided that the hardest part of life is what you think you're supposed to want and be doing because that's what everyone else wants and think you're supposed to want and be doing because that's what everyone else wants and is doing or says they want and are doing versus what actually Jen, I think about this all the time with splitting time to Kansas city, what actually genuinely makes me happy versus what people are telling me I should be wanting. Yeah.

You know, I like hanging out in Kansas with my friends. I like doing like, I want to do, I don't want to climb the ladder at standup. I don't want to post crowd work clips. I want to do shows that I actually believe in. And like, I don't want to climb the ladder at stand up. I don't want to post crowd work clips. I want to do shows that I actually believe in.

And like I don't just this like dissonance between like what actually makes me happy for real in my actual feelings versus what was supposed to make me happy because it looked good to post the announcement or whatever. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. I wonder, though, and I know you work hard, but you it has been a very charmed experience for yourself. Would you say that? What do you mean? In the industry? Why don't you say what you're wanting to say?

And then I'll chime in on what I think. It appears to me that things keep working out for you. Well, I'm very talented. Yes, you are very talented. Which makes me think I'm not very talented. Yes, you are very talented. Which makes me think I'm not very talented. No, you are very talented. But the alternate list in Limestone 24 would tell us otherwise.

That's a top 50 comic in the country, folks. No, I've been very lucky. Yeah, so I wonder if you have been, or you get the things because you think this way, or the inverse of that. And we'll never know, of course course what so you're saying do I succeed because I don't care as much or do I not care as much because success is coming let me

ask you a question then did you there was a point where you cared more and then you started getting stuff and then you switch to this thing I don't think that I don't care yeah I think the question is... By the way, I've been in the car where he's gotten calls from managers and things that people would die for, he says no to for the things we're talking about. So this is a principled man here, all right?

Never licks his lips when he's flirting, I guess. Hasn't heard of LL Cool J. I think here's what I'll say to your question I think I feel I feel lucky for many things I feel lucky with people I've always been lucky

with people I have very good people in my life everybody in this room included but I think the thing I feel luckiest for

is that I think I learned a huge difficult lesson about the entertainment industry far earlier than a lot of people do I think I got

a couple of things quick and I realized and I didn't get a couple of things quick and i realized and i didn't get a couple of things quick as well not getting snl twice is the best fucking thing that ever happened to me that fucking so and realizing that like getting these things actually won't make you happy what makes you happy is community and freedom yeah so what i need to do is make money so i can be free and then just be with my community you were at a party at my house last night with a bunch of my friends that makes me happy yeah that's the shit i want yeah that's cool man and and so what so so do i feel do you do you think do i feel ungrateful to you does it feel that way no no no no no no no

because i would have a criticism i would cut it i don't think i get the the only negative thing i i would have said which i don't believe i'm just saying that any negative thing I would have said, which I don't believe. I'm just saying that any negative bite you would have heard of that would be like, that's easy for you to say. But I don't think that's true for you. What is the that's easy for you to say part, though? I'm interested in that. Because you get everything that you want. Right.

So it's easy. So you're saying when I say like, oh, these things won't make you happy, it's not that you're like, oh, how convenient. Yeah. I agree with that. I know. I get that. I get that. Because you know why I've said that?

I think I've said this on the podcast before. You know why I feel that way about? It's like when Jim Carrey does interviews. Now, I'm not anywhere near. But when Jim Carrey goes, all the money in the world won't fix you, I go, I'll be the judge of that. I'll take that $20 million check. Give me what you got going on. I'll do little paintings of Trump in a diaper all day long.

Good Lord. You are so ridiculous. I knew having you on was a mistake. Well, fine. You want to do that? Let's do voicemails. Yeah, let's do voicemails. Hi, my name is Caroline.

I'm from Ohio, unfortunately. from Ohio, unfortunately. What I want to know about is just like what the fuck is cryptocurrency? Like, in the past, I maybe have looked it up once or twice, but it seems like the most straight

this man thing ever and it just truly is none of my business. Like, i have no business knowing about that i don't need to know about it but would love your input thanks okay do you have any friends that made a lot of money on crypto uh i think no not close personal friends i i know a lot of guys that made like hundreds of thousands of dollars really yeah they were just regular guys in like covina like paid off like 80 grand in credit card debt they just got in early and it's

just gambling yeah yeah it's just gambling that's all investing is gambling yeah you say i think this is going to be hot it's not yet i get in at the right time i leave at the leaving at the right time is the most crucial part yes yes yeah that, yes, yes. That's the thing. So those guys, I mean, companies at least produce things, but crypto is straight up gambling. And a lot of those guys got in early and they got out. But, you know, I've heard the term dogecoin. People have said that around me. I won't bet on any of that stuff.

You never invested in any of that, huh? No, I'm not interested. I would just rather have the amount of money I have than play those fucking games with those people. The people you have to talk to to understand shit like that, I'm like, genuinely, I'd rather be broke. I don't want to have a conversation. Whenever those guys would talk about it

and they're getting all fired up talking to each other about it, I don't like that. I don't like when men get worked up about that kind of stuff. What do I like when men get worked up about? I don't know if there's a lot. It's usually not from a good place. Not the Dodgers? You don't like when guys get worked up at the baseball game?

I get worked up at the baseball game, but I don't like that either. And you might not like this. I know you're a big Kansas City fan. I don't like that feeling when your team loses and you're upset. Don i know you're a big kansas city fan i don't like that feeling when your team loses and you're upset don't you feel stupid it's stupid yeah yeah that's why i just move on yeah but you feel bad for a couple hours or a day or something right i legitimately i will allow myself chance and i are a big different on this because chance will let it ruin his day yeah i i let myself do like maybe 10 or 20 minutes and I go fuck that sucked and then I go this is the dumbest

thing imaginable move on and I just send it away because it feels it's childish it has nothing to do with us they don't care about us that kind of thing whenever women get excited about things it's usually pretty funny and it's relationships

I like reality TV and like the ones when women fight and they're catty and they go to. I like reality TV and the ones when women fight and they're catty and they go to lunch. I like that shit. Yeah, women's interests are funny to you. Women's interests are funny to you.

Isn't that interesting? No. Wait, you know what though on the sports pro thing? I've been fighting with a bunch of them lately because in Kansas City there's a tenant union

called the KC Tenants. Yeah. And my friend runs it and Tara, she's a genius and I love that group and I do a lot of work with them and I love the chiefs, but the, but basically what happened was the Royals and the chiefs, the baseball team, the Royals, you know, but you know, the lesbians may not, not, um, they were doing it. They were trying to get a tax passed. That was a regressive tax,

a sales tax on regular people that was going to be, uh, I think like $2 billion over 40 years. tax on regular people that was going to be i think like two billion dollars over 40 years and it was effectively a working class tax and the royals wanted to use their tax money when that got passed to bulldoze a district called the arts district hilarious and on the nose to create a downtown baseball stadium which never works if your city's everything by getting a downtown baseball stadium uh put sugar in the cement or whatever the fuck you have to do to get it to stop and if they don't work you disagree and we'll get to that in a second they suck the taxpayers shouldn't be paying for it these are teams owned by billionaires yes and i made a video with the tenant union talking about how i don't think this tax should be passed

and these guys were so mad at me these chiefs fans like i'm not a chiefs fan yeah being like you don't care about the city you're a fucking idiot they're gonna leave and that's the thing that bothers me about sports is when i go, nobody, I love the chiefs. I watched you come to my house. I do watch parties every week. I talk about them constantly. I follow their fucking trade moves. I love the chiefs.

Yeah. I've loved, I've loved them my whole life. When you care more about like your little ideas of what your sports team is, then you do about the fact that that's going to raise the rent for all of your neighbors for miles and miles out of that epicenter. Yes. You care about people you care about your little your little thing yes and that's it those guys that care more about like a billionaire getting a tax break so they won't take our sports team away yeah and they're gonna let you're gonna blackmail me and tell me you'll leave what kind of neighbor is that those guys piss me off yeah that's sad they don't got

anything else going on in their life that's why yeah and it's fucking stupid yeah they've got like literally like families and and they've got kids and wives and they're like if this team leaves i'll fucking kill myself damn the i don't know uh i will say there's something i would love to be like such a moron football fan when uh you and your girl wear the jerseys together and you're just like moronic and like kissing each other and shit you and julia a little bit a little bit we're little bit. We're not morons. I want to be dumber. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it's really about being dumber. Yeah, yeah. I want to be dumber. That would be so cool. Do you like downtown baseball stadiums? Have you been to the Padres Stadium? In San Diego? Yeah.

No, I have not. It's amazing. Is it working for the city? Yeah, absolutely. How so? It opens out to all the restaurants and everything like that. What kind of restaurants? Italian.

What kind of restaurants? Swedish. What kind of restaurants? Swedish. No, no, no, no. Who owns those restaurants? No, I'm just telling you, everyone loves the stadium. There's not a people who would say

this was a bad idea. There's trains that go in. It's just, it's a gorgeous stadium. I bet there are people who would say it was a bad idea because I guarantee you those restaurants are owned

by out of city, out of state people. Yeah. Fucking developers who came in and moved small business. Now, it's so long gone now that maybe people have forgotten.

Yeah, yeah. But when it's happening presently, you're going to move out small businesses and locals to bring in douchebags from New York and L.A. Yeah, yeah. To run up profit in your city that they won't reinvest in the community. Or, you know, this also might have been a different time, too.

I do agree, though, that if your thing would have happened, that's exactly what would have happened. And I'm glad the bill got passed. Yeah. Where they're not going to do it. Well, yeah, I got it. You fought it. They did not get the happened. And I'm glad the bill got passed. Yeah. Or they're not going to do it. Well, yeah. You fought it. They did not get the tax.

Yeah, they did not get the tax. Yeah. You and I, it's just a hard part of our friendship that you're so right wing. But I do respect you. I've always respected you. No, but yeah, cryptocurrency, no good. Although, do you guys ever think about this? What's the big one called?

Bitcoin. Bitcoin? Bitcoin. Bitcoin. That always, like, it keeps going up, right? So I think even my father-in-law, who is a finance guy, would say Bitcoin is still very safe. And when it dips down, I think it's at $70,000 down per Bitcoin. It's at $37,000. It was at $60,000, like, not that long ago. But when it gets to, you know, 37, buy.

Yeah, it's 70,750. Yeah, so if it gets to 35 or something like that, I guess people would buy it now. Sorry, this is not what So True is about. This fucking sucks. I know you have a guy on here who's mostly straight, and then we start talking about Bitcoin, but that was a woman who asked the question.

It's not me. I just want my listeners to know this is not what we're about. And Steve is usually much cooler than this. Yeah, I mean, it's gross. I think it's gross. We got another voicemail for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was not our fault.

Me and Chance are not held liable for that. Yeah, she asked the question. I hold Ohio responsible for that. Hi, Caleb. This is Shay, and I'm calling in from Kansas City. And I just want to know the truth about what Kansas City does better than L.A. and what does L.A. do better than Kansas City. And you can't say the truth, but anything.

Thank you. Love your podcast. This really worked out, huh? Yeah. Nice little segue there. Yeah. Well, I would like to immediately kick that. I've got answers, but you came and visited me in Kansas City

and we just had such a beautiful time. What did you think? Okay, I went to Kansas City. I had never been, and it's a beautiful city. They're a lot nicer than than us generally um your your food the barbecue was amazing of course uh that's gotta be it right nicer barbecue no i mean i don't think better is the right way to think of it i will say what do i here's here's the way i think of it all the time yeah somebody who loves both because i fucking love la yes i have a huge love for my

heart genuinely and that's not a popular a lot of people love to hate on la i think that sucks la here's the deal living in a place like la new york chicago when you when you're like us when you have like these creative friends the thing i crave about la and when i'm in kin city the thing i crave about new york and la that i'm missing is the just massive amount of creative people with free time to hang out and talk about ideas. Yeah. Kansas City, there are creative people, but like, it's not like that over there. Yeah. You can't go get lunch with somebody.

Everybody's at work. Yeah. Like that, I crave, I miss my friendships and I miss the, like, I miss the, if I have 12 creative friends in Kansas City in a given week that aren't traveling or something, in LA I have 1,000. It's just so much more. And what I love about LA is the thing that's just a volume thing. The number of constantly new restaurants and spots and places to go and try out and things you haven't even gotten to explore yet. Kansas City, though, the nice thing about it is everything's not new. A lot of things are like pretty, they are the way they are. Like new things come in that we get new

restaurants and stuff all the time, especially now. But like the streets are wide, parking is easy. The people are nice. You know, your neighbors, real estate's cheap. Like it just isn't, it's a much easier life than the big, big cities. And my friends who have visited for a long, a time longer than like a week or so that have stayed for a month big cities and my friends who have visited for a long a time longer than like a week or so that have stayed for a month or so my friends who have done that have said i can't believe the amount of stress that is released out of my body just day to day that i don't even think about when i'm in a big city yes it's just easy and nice yes it's easy and nice but the the actions here the actions here what was your favorite part about our trip to kansas city do you remember?

Because we did, you came, we had barbecue, we did a show, I took you to some bars. Julia was pregnant at the time. Yeah, my wife was pregnant. Let's see here. No, you know, I loved meeting your mom. I loved meeting your mom. God damn it. Steve's trying to sleep with my mom.

It's been like an ongoing thing. Have you seen it? She's cute. And a nurse. So she's like kind of rough and tumble, but with a heart of gold. She's rough and tumble? Well, I just mean she can mix it up with the best of us. She has a couple beers. She's a bartender, right?

She was a bartender. She was. So, yeah. And you got to remember how old I am. So, this isn't weird for anyone but Caleb. No, my mom is young and you're old. It's all, yeah. For being my mom. Yes. So you guys are pretty close. So I'd say your mom was probably my favorite part

of that. But, you know, I loved seeing this place that you love so much and looking at it through your eyes. Also, you're like a bona fide star there. It's like hilarious. You go to anywhere and strangers walk up to him you're like give me a break that happens everywhere this is getting so embarrassing at this point

and like people will turn to him and like say like oh man i really they won't like say hi they'll say like that would they'll be like that was a funny the second joke you made yesterday like that kind of thing like everyone that was at the, the second joke you made yesterday. Like that kind of thing. Like everyone that was at the show. It's a very, very small town vibe. Felt very little rascals, you know, like we're putting on a show for the town folk, you know? Well, it was a pleasure to have you there. We would just love to have you back. I can't wait to go back.

You know, I really, it's my dream. People ask me, I don't know what I'm going to do with my first special, but we went there to scout out a place. We found a great place. I just got to it i just got to drop the money on it and i'm very open to that too so i i think i think that is the place where i'm gonna record my first special that's how much i loved it so kansas city sweet people great food great heart love that place and there you have it folks that's pretty much that's pretty much the word on kent city yep you're you're from la you grew up in la yeah and you guys are gonna stay here because of Great heart. Love that place. And there you have it, folks. That's pretty much the word on Kansas City. Yep.

You're from L.A. You grew up in L.A. Yeah. And you guys are going to stay here because of the baby. Yeah. That's the big plan. Yeah. What do you, like, did you ever have a New York moment?

Did you ever go to New York for a little bit? Because you talk about New York a lot. You like it there. Oh, yeah, man. I'm, you know, I'm a stand-up, you know, subway. Dave Vettel, you know what I mean? Not Dave Vettel you know what I mean not Dave Vettel

my notebook you know that kind of thing any stand up who anybody who loves a stand up I think you have

think so romantically about New York about being on the subway and going multiple spots and the last time I went was right before Julia got pregnant dedicating your life

to the craft with a group of sociopaths. Yeah. That's the only problem is the sociopaths. New York comics, I've said this many times and many of them

are my friends. New York comics are the funniest comics in the country and every single one of them needs to be in a padded room in a straight jacket. Just dead eyes.

Dead eyes. And being like, yeah, last week I got, I did probably 15 sets in one night. It's like, okay, man. When was the last time you slept?

There's two very famous comics that were dating at one point. They're not dating anymore, so that'll throw off the scent. Moshe and Natasha. This is the announcement. They're getting divorced. It's going to be tough on the kid. But I was hanging out with one of them, and they would call each other, and they'd ask each other about their sets and, like, how was set three,

like that kind of thing. And I was like, this is rough. No, but we wanted to, to move there. I went there January and they're very sweet to me now where they roll out the red carpet, you do all the great shows and you're just like, Oh, you know, I did a show, a fourth set at 11 o'clock. They're like, do you want to do the show at the stand Monday, 11 PM? I was like, all right, let's do it. go there there was it was

like packed there's like 75 people there's a lot of black people in the audience which i i don't get to perform to la is very segregated okay but it is very la is very sacred it is very segregated yeah so some hairs went up on my neck you said well there was a lot of black people i said okay and you're keeping track or what's no there was a lot of black people. I said, okay. And you're keeping track? No, there was a lot of black people at this 11 o'clock show on a Monday that I got to perform. I love performing for black people because L.A. is so segregated. I don't get to do that that often. So I was like, this would not happen in Los Angeles.

But, yeah, this is my home. I got everything laid out for me, everything you described. I make good money. I got my white family. I got everything laid out for me. Everything you described. I make good money. I got my white family. I got my brown family. Yeah, I would never go. But it calls to you. Maybe I'll do a show or something there.

Do a show where? In New York. You'll do a show in New York? A headlining show in New York? No, no, no. I mean like write on something or act on something. Oh, for a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For a little bit, for a little while yeah you you you just visit huh i go to new york like every

month yeah now these days i thought you're gonna do that monthly is it too much that monthly show no i've been there monthly i went uh i did the january show i did the february show i took or did i take i did jan February maybe I skipped February because I was going back I just did the March show okay I'm doing an April show next week I trust you yeah yeah sold out at the bell house no worries a couple weeks ahead of time it's no worries I think about you selling out those shows sometimes when I'm at open mics you know what I will say yeah you know what I will say for you to undercut me in that way i just a second ago in my head was like i've done a couple of high status bits in this episode and

i don't think it's very becoming you know but it's because when i get together with you yeah you throw me so many i want to say the reason i'm doing like oh i'm famous everywhere the podcast has a billion listeners i think the the fight or flight that you trigger in me to do a high status bit, which is not my normal energy, is because you just rock me with a right hook of degrading me and then a left hook of saying the nicest thing. I'm thrown off center with you. And that's what I love about you, too. I think it's an interesting – there's probably not a lot of people that could do that to each other. And, yeah, I think it makes me laugh. It makes me laugh it makes me laugh there's not a lot of people that confident or in doing that well where i could uh attack them

so that's really healthy it seems like you know what i love about our friendship i know i can just be i can hurt you no but i know you won't be hurt that's the best yeah that's the thing uh and there's not a lot of people that could do that. So whenever we do those funny things, that's what I'm like, all right, man, this third mic, you shouldn't. I mean, it was bad. The third open mic. You and I are famously opposed on this. I refuse to do open mics. I won't do it.

You are a mic guy, and I respect it about you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But how the fuck do you feel like you get an accurate read on your material from these things? On the three mics, the second mic, I got something. And to me, it's really not about the people that much, too. It's that when you're saying the stuff, it gets your brain going. Yeah. And so the second mic I did, I changed from the first stuff I got.

Yesterday was worth the work. And the third one, I shouldn't have done. Yeah. I was wrong. And I've been doing this too long to try to do a third mic. Well, you're just, yeah, you're so good. I would think you could kind of get there in the car talking out loud to yourself.

I would think you would find that. I just don't know that you need to be up in front of like three 26-year-old alcoholics with personality disorders in order to get that joke where it needs to go. But you love it. That's the thing is, you're kidding, but you fucking love this shit. I do love it.

I do love it. You love it. I do. I love it. And you really dodged me earlier when I asked you, which is a very artful thing that you do. When I asked you, what do you want?

You said, Oh, as my friends, uh, I go get bigger. Maybe I'll get roles or whatever. What, what is the,

cause I really do want to know. And I really do want you to tell people, what is the thing that like, what is the Steve Hernandez thing that you'll be like, if you could make it and put it out or if you could be a part of it, that you would feel like that was the dream. I did put it out, or if you could be a part of it, that you would feel like, that was the dream. I did it. Yeah, I probably have it.

I probably have something very close to it. Just Mexican cheers. Because I do love bar stuff so much. I love the chatterbox. You don't see a lot of working class Mexicans portrayed like this fool. Chris Estrada did it, of course. But, you know, I want to do it more. So probably something like that.

Mexican cheers. Mexican cheers. And would you play the bartender, do you think? Some version of it, yeah. We're cooking. Let's get Final Draft open right now. Me and you, we're in it right now. I mean, I've got part of it outlined.

I'm coming up with new ideas. But, yes, I will take your help, Caleb. Could I be in it? I don't think so. I'll play Mexican. I'll play Mexican. You I don't think so. I'll play Mexican. I'll play Mexican. You can play Cuban, maybe. I'll play Cuban.

What is that? Do I have to have a cigar or something? I don't know what the Cuban trade is. The little shirts. Those Cuban shirts, fat guys love those things. I have to. I know you do. I know you do.

There's pockets right here. That's where we have to rest our hands anyways. No, I'd be happy to be in your mexican cheers thank you for asking i did not i specifically said no i'd love to have the opportunity and i appreciate you offering it that's a beautiful outcome of the podcast okay well i want to ask you something yes i've got other things to ask you yeah i really do just love you so much i love you too i just think the world of you i love you too and even though you've been so bad to me yeah um i just yeah, I couldn't love you more.

I think you're a genius. What is something that is so true to you? This is something that is so true to me, and I've tried to make it a bit, but nobody thinks it's funny. Okay, great. I'm glad we could get it on the pod. It is so true to me that when women cheat on men,

I think it's hilarious. All right. Almost universally. Almost universally. Okay. Why? Because I think women oftentimes don't go after what they want. I think men, myself included, are most.

I mean, wait till you guys look at my Instagram. You don't have to follow at hernia. Look at my Instagram. See how beautiful my wife is. I make her be Polly. And no world should I get to be able to do that. Yeah. But because of the patriarchy, I'm able to explore other relationships.

of the patriarchy, I'm able to explore other relationships. But so to me, truly, honestly, when a woman then at some point like cheats on her husband, it's them saying, you know what? I want to do this. I want to feel something. And for them to go after it. Yeah. So to me, I'm always like, I mean, I've had guys say like, well, are you guys broken up? He's like, yeah.

And he's like, she cheated on me. And I've laughed out loud. Just because to me, that means you weren't doing your job. You weren't providing as a man in some form or the other, emotional, physical, something like that. Or you could be doing everything right. And then she saw something and God damn, she just wanted to feel alive for a little bit. It is fascinating that you, that is such a regressive take compared to me, compared to your thoughts about masculinity,

for you to be like, masculinity is just like, yeah, we gotta be easier on men, and it's just looking out for the people around you and being soft, and then you're like, yeah, if you get cheated on, you weren't fucking man enough. No, no, I said both. That's a crazy juxtaposition. Did you see, I said both. Oh, you hedged at the end.

No, no, no. Because you know what I'm thinking of the movie? I don't know if you guys have seen it. It's a crazy juxtaposition. Did you see, I said both. Oh, you hedged at the end. No, no, no. But you. Because I really, because you know what I'm thinking of the movie, I don't know if you guys have seen it, it's a little older, Gone with the Wind. I'm just kidding. No, it was called Unfaithful

with Diane Lane and Richard Gere. And it was a big hit, but the whole thing was that Diane Lane cheats on Richard Gere, and Richard Gere was so perfect, he was gorgeous, and he was the perfect husband. This is one of those movies. There used to be a time when movies would come out and they would have kind of a weird plot about them and then

Oprah would debate it. Indecent Proposal. Do you guys remember that? Indecent Proposal was a whole book about It was a movie. I know, I know. I'm speaking to the young people right now. Is that Demi Moore, Woody Harrelson are married.

And then Robert Redford, super rich, he meets them. And he says, I'll give you a million dollars for a night with your wife. So this is... Easy, I'm a businessman. Yeah. And this was back, this was a while ago. This was 25 years ago or something like that. So a million bucks used to mean something.

But that, so Oprah would debate that. And then people at bars and stuff would say, would you, for Robert, for a million bucks? Or what if the guy was ugly? People would parse

the whole thing apart. Unfaithful is the same way. And that was, Richard Gere's the perfect husband. He's so nice. He's so hot. Why would you fuck this other guy? And I'm like,

dude, sometimes it feels good to just fuck a new person. I do not understand you motherfuckers. I know you've been with your girlfriend, what, five years now? Get out of here. Stop it. Break up.

It feels good to have sex with new people. The same person you've been with, even though you guys know how to satisfy each other, you can never get that fucking electricity again. I pray to God that my penis is not the last penis julia has inside of her i pray to god because i can't give her that new shit i can make her come can't give her the new stuff so let's all be happy to be alive let our partners do what they want to do feel that electricity right to go on like a very determined principled five minute rant about your sincere beliefs.

And then turn to me and go, right. I think I, you know what? I actually don't care. Here's what I'll say. Here's my feelings about openness. I like to be mean to poly people because they deserve it.

But I think I, you know, I have obviously a lot of friends who are poly and I, here's my thoughts on openness. Yes. And you're probably not going to like certain parts of this. I, there's a little bit of possessiveness in this opinion and I stand by that,

but here's how I feel. Yeah. If I'm with somebody, this is a version of open. I can do when we are in different zip codes, fuck whoever you want. I don't care when we're together. It's us.

We can play with other people together, but when we're in different zip codes, fuck it. Cause I'm gone all the time. Yeah. Fuck whoever you want. When we are in different zip codes, fuck whoever you want. I don't care. When we're together, it's us. We can play with other people together. But when we're in different zip codes, fuck it, because I'm gone all the time. Fuck whoever you want. When we're apart, I will as well. Nobody that we go to dinner with. I don't want you fucking anyone that I'm friends with or that we're friends with. It has to be like a stranger. And other than that, go nuts.

I think that is a perfect agreement. Wow. I think that's wonderful. I won you over. Yeah, I'm stupid and silly where I have to be romantic and all these things too. But I think that is allowing a person to not feel trapped, to still

have fun, to do all that stuff. But those boundaries, I think, those things are fair that I don't want to bump into the person that you're effing all the time. I don't want it to be someone we're close friends with and now they're over. On a day I'm feeling insecure and I know you guys fucked yesterday. It's just like, that I can't do yeah I think that I think how you feel about it is completely respectable I'm on board I think that is forward thinking I think it's very

queer I love that shit I love it you think I'm forward thinking and queer yeah well there's only one way we could prove the queer part yeah one of us is gonna have to bend over hey we're not making any money on this episode what do you think let me ask you this I'm going to ask you a question let me ask you a question here what do you think is the biggest problem

facing our society and answer I'm being serious I want to know it came to my head and I want to know homelessness okay what do you mean I want to know. It came to my head and I want to know. Homelessness. Okay. What do you mean?

What do you mean? What do you mean? That's the biggest one. I think, wouldn't you guys say facing American society, homelessness might be the biggest thing? American society? Because it's just going to get worse. And nobody, everybody has such messed up Republican thinking. thinking or i don't know what's going on we're giving billions of dollars to homeless people here in california and these homes aren't popping up and then you hear about them making one

or two and then they cost like half a million each or something weird laundry yeah yeah so yes homelessness biggest issue facing anything i don't know how to fix it. Steve, we have a segment for you. All right. Basically, what's going to happen here is I'm going to give you a series of true-false questions. How many are there, Chance? Fifteen. There's 15 questions. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if you think they're true or false.

And if you get more than 10, if you get 10 or more correct, I'm going to give you 50 U.S. dollars. And the way we keep the show running here is if you win, I don't actually give you the money. So, the L.A. Dodgers have won seven World Series titles. True. True. German chocolate cake was invented Series titles. True. True. German chocolate cake was invented in Texas. False. True.

Lemons sink in water. False. False. They float. Movie trailers originally played after the movie. False. True. H&M, the store, stands for his and mine.

No. False. Hennes and Moritz. Janis Joplin moved to West Covina, California when she was 15. True? False. It was Joan Jett. God!

Joan Jett really lived in West Covina? Yeah. When she was 15, apparently. Theodore Roosevelt had a pet hyena named Bill. True. True. Captain Crunch's full name is Horatio Magellan. Crunch.

False. That's true. Horatio Magellan Crunch. Good Lord. There's true. Ratio Magellan. Crunch. Good Lord. There are 71 books in the Protestant Bible. False. How many? 63?

66. But that was crazy. Bees can fly higher than Mount Everest. False. True. James Cameron directed The Last Action Hero. False. False.

John McTiernan. The word aquarium means watering place for cattle in latin false true cheers ran for 16 seasons true false 11 uh the universal city walk in la opened in 1989 and you love that place i know i hope they had it longer than that, but I'm going to say true. False. 1993. Whoa, so shorter. Yeah.

Whoopi Goldberg was the first woman to win the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. True. True. How many did he get? Seven. Oh, boy. Mo, have you ever taken a lady to CityWalk on a date? Yeah.

I mean, like second or third date. First, second, third date. You have another date. Yeah. Okay. CityW Walk, you love City Walk dude if you grew up in LA that was in high school that's like a place you take a lady like

were you in high school after 93? I went with Joan Jett I went to school with Joan Jett. I went to school with Joan Jett. But yeah, you would like take a lady to like, you wouldn't really eat there, except maybe Johnny Rockets, but then you would take them to like the movie theater there. But you'd walk around.

You'd walk around. Yeah. I have one final question for you. Yes. You are genuinely, okay, we joke a lot. Yes. You're somebody I think is very wise, and I take your opinion very seriously. And if I had a problem, I would come to you and I would expect an answer that would really work.

And you're also a father now. Yes. Which is a huge responsibility. Yes. We got a lot of young listeners that are figuring it out, Steve. Yeah. If you could give advice to someone in like their early 20s? Yes. What like just about life and what you should be doing? What advice would you give?

There is a way and you're going to give it to them. What is your advice for life? You've got a good life. Not the way I would be doing it, but you've got a good life. This is like, no, I don't even I don't know. No, I don't trust myself with this. Steve. Steve Hernandez. Yeah. No. Oh, this is so telling. No, I just don't, I don't, you know. I think the most important part about a romantic relationship is having fun with someone.

Having fun with someone? Yeah. Just enjoying each other's company kind of? Yeah, having fun with someone yeah just having to enjoy each other's company yeah having fun i think that that if you can have fun with someone if that if you have a great time with them generally then that's like a very important 25 love 25 values 25 having fun don't know what the fourth one is but say them again 25 value shared values shared values 25% love I don't think love is that big of a deal I've been in love a lot of times

I know you haven't But that's because you have a still rock around your heart That some lucky man Is going to break into at some point I'm not going to fight you on that one His heart is like that thing An entrapment The lasers that you got to get through so only for romantic love yeah yeah other love i give freely yeah so you're

saying shared values love love romantic love shared values um and then uh having having fun like making each other laugh that kind of thing what do you think the fourth thing would be i would say sexual compatibility uh does a healthy sexual life don't think so? I mean, I just throw down so hard all the time, and I always have, that I can't imagine anyone not, like, yeah, I guess, for you guys. In your young 20s. But, I mean, women, they're not even coming in their young 20s. Not if they're having sex with guys. They're coming to get you for telling the truth.

Yeah. They hate that we tell the truth. Girls aren't coming. That's what's so funny about age disparity relationships are age. Is that what they call it? Age disparity. Okay. When there's like an old guy and a young woman, I'm like, what do you, what do you want her

fucking these young guys? Joe, you're saying you think they should be fucking older men? No, no, no. No, that's, I like that worldview that be fucking older men? No, no, no. No, I like that worldview that you have. No, no, no, no. But I'm still, to me, because I tell, as a bartender, I always say the same spiel. I tell the young girls, because they get crushes on me, you know. And I tell the young girls, I go, nothing, you know I don't date anyone under 30.

And then we count down to the years as they go there. And they're like, four more years. Some of these young girls come and they want to take a run at the God. And I'm like. You're like, yeah, so I groom these young women. No, by the time they're 30, then we all realize that it's a joke. Yeah. They get 30 and they go, I'm good on it. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. It's for me, too. It's for safe flirting at the workplace. You know what I mean? Trying to fuck Steve is like asking a rabbi if you can be Jewish. They have to refuse you a certain number of times, and then they bring you back in when they think you're ready. Oh, man.

Dude, trust me, man. Ever since Me Too, my game has changed, fool. How so? I just assume all these girls that are being nice to me want a mentor. That's all, man. And, fellas, you'd be safe to do that. If a young woman is being nice to you, DMing you a lot, they simply want a comedy mentor.

I actually think this is good advice. Yeah, I know. If more men operated from there, it would be a safer world. I'm not kidding when I tell you that I'm like, I'm so stupid that Me Too, you that I'm like, I'm so stupid that me too. I didn't think about that. Women me too. Like train changed to read dramatically.

I did not think that like women were constantly in fear from the minute they walked out the door of being assaulted. Really? You didn't think about it. I just didn't, it didn't occur to me. Cause I, I don't think that way.

Yeah. So like all those stories legitimately helped me. And then now I know about power dynamic stuff and uh truly now if any young woman is messaging me a lot i just assume they want a career in comedy and a comedy mentor it's interesting you say this because when you first when you first said me to change my game yeah i tensed up and was like oh in my head i'm going this is a moment we'll cut you know but because i'm like what is he talking about yeah and i was like is it a setup for a joke but it actually is what you're saying is actually

true. And the whole point of it, which is like, they, a lot of people were sharing a perspective that if you're a man, you don't understand and like you learn about it and then you go, oh, okay, I get it. Yeah. A lot of stuff I, you know, a lot of stuff women talked about and that said, oh, I did something like that or similar. And they're not talking about Harvey Weinstein, but they're talking about all these weird gray areas where maybe a woman could walk away and just be uncomfortable or feel icky about something. And I don't want that for anybody.

Yeah, you hit up. I think the gray area is what really that was trying to accomplish was being like the thing you're talking about where it's like you hit up someone you respect and you're trying to get a mentor and get ahead in your field, whereas if a young man had done it, he wouldn't have been hit on. Yeah. But then you're hitting on this person all of a sudden.

That's what you're talking about. Au contraire, young man. Steve, I would have hit on you. I would have got that ass. Nobody's safe. God. The men, I know how gross we are, so I go after it every time. I think that's fine.

Yeah. I think you can chase that. Yeah, yeah. Good. Steve, it was so good to have you on the show. Hey, thank you for having me. It's been a pleasure. I love you to death. I think you can chase that. Yeah, yeah. Good. Steve, it was so good to have you on the show. Hey, thank you for having me. It's been a pleasure. I love you to death.

I'm so glad that I met you. I know you sent me a sweet birthday message last week, and I was going to send something sweet back, but it has been a very blessing in my life to have you in my life. Thank you. You didn't send something sweet back, which I found very weird. I said I love you. Yeah.

But I mean, I didn't want to send it. It doesn't hit as hard as what I just said now, true. I love you. Yeah. But I mean, I didn't want to send it. You know, it doesn't hit as hard as what I just said now. True. I love you very much. And do you want to tell people what you're doing? Yes. Find me at Hernia on Instagram. And then I bartend and manage the Chatterbox in Covina.

We have the best open mic in Los Angeles every Thursday at 8. And we have our weekly Sunday show we've been doing at every Sunday at 8 o'clock. We've been doing it like 14 years now. It's one of the best shows in Los Angeles, even though it's technically not in Los Angeles. Yeah. Yeah, we're stretching the definition of the word on that one. It's L.A. County. No, it's not far at all.

Steve, you're one of the funniest comedians alive. Hey, if you're a fan of me, you're going to love Steve. Go follow him on everything. I love you so much. Love you too, Bubba. Thanks for doing it. Oh, my God. Can we be done?

This was not fun. This was... Steve was bad during that. This was long. This was too long.