So True with Caleb Hearon - Sydnee Washington is an Old Soul

Episode Date: October 3, 2024

Welcome back! This week’s guest is the hilarious Sydnee Washington! Sydnee and Caleb talk moving to New York, Cults, everything wrong with billionaires, Sydnee’s bottle service days, a harrowing trip to Sephora, and much more! Subscribe to our YouTube channel for full video episodes! https://youtube.com/@sooootruepod?si=GsCPgJ9Own2RhLcs Join our Patreon for an exclusive extended interview with Sydnee and other bonus content! https://patreon.com/SoTruePodcast?utm_medium=unknown&utm_source=join_link&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=copyLink Follow Sydnee! @justsydbw Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Recorded at Headgum Studios in New York CitySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Don't text me lowercase if you're on the ledge. You better throw some capitals in there. If you're about to jump, throw a capital in there. I don't have it in me to capitalize. I don't have the strength. Well, then you don't have the strength to jump either. You're in my city. I'm in your city city i have to say that up top i moved to new york did you ever think it would happen i knew it was no you did not

yapping you was doing oh god y'all don't have no space oh god poverty blah blah blah look at you look at you you couldn't wait you couldn't wait to get here i don't know about couldn't wait i came kicking and screaming i came kicking and screaming it was the lies caleb this city i've i've seen i've seen some things already i this city is a tough place to live you've seen talent you've seen power you've seen raw emotion now where now where have i seen talent it's everywhere it's everywhere. It's everywhere. It's literally everywhere. I'm playing. From the security, from the subway, the corner store. Don't do that.

You know LA, you gotta, there's a lot of searching. Searching and searching. Here, it's right next to you. I'm not looking for talent anywhere I go. Oh. Because it's everywhere I go. Oh. Because I'm there, Sid. Come on now. Narcissist. Baby, tell my story. Tell my story.

Tell them about me. Maybe I am a narcissist because even you saying something about me felt good. I was like, that's nice. Even she's dragging me. I felt nice. I see the glow. You're really alive now. I'm alive when I'm with you.

It's good to see you. Caleb, wait. How did we meet? I'm trying to remember. Grinder. Stop. Grinder. I met you in L.A., you i feel like no no i did i genuinely feel i've known you my whole life you know what and that's the power that's the power of queerness that is the power because i'm like i don't know when i met you but i i know that i i i met you and then i said

that's that's family yes no immediately i was like I was like, oh, no, no, no. He's going to be here for a while. Yeah. Oh, and then you came to New York and that's when we had our last knit. And I was like, you have to do the show. I did the knitting factory. The last knitting factory. Yes, yeah.

Comedy at the Knit. And you crushed. And I was like, okay, Caleb, clearly he doesn't need us. Oh, I felt so special to be on that show because there were so many great comics and a bunch of people I didn't know. But I knew of them. Yeah. I know. Oh, I've seen that person a lot.

The internet. I know you. Yeah, I've seen their stuff. I've seen them on the show or something. But people that we didn't know each other personally and I was like, ooh, I hope I do a good job. You did.

You did. And you were, your name, and now look at you, King. And look at, hey, now I'm over here. Here.

Now I'm over here. In the suits. What's going on with you? Oh, so much. So much. You know, there's always so many eras in me. Eras. here here now i'm over here in the students what's going on with you oh so much so much you know i it there's always so many errors in me errors you know the errors tour and then there's sydney sydney errors yeah and so i was in la miserable and now i've blossomed into where i need to be

you know a glowing um inspiring motivational speaker in New York. Yes, yeah. I'm looking for an apartment. That's hell. Yes. That's hell. Yes. That's hell. But looking for an apartment near me, I hope.

I don't know. Wherever my card is going to get swiped right, you see you in a different bracket, babe. You got property. You are a Rothschild. It's different for me. I just need you by me. Yeah, okay. I don't care what it takes.

I don't care what we have to do, what strings we have to pull. Well, I know you got rooms, so if you really want me by you, then, I mean, just get me in one of them rooms, babe. It's living room, bedroom, bathroom, whatever room you got for me. All you have to do, if you ever need to stay with me, you know, you can come over there. I will lay my bob on your pillow. You can come over there. I will.

Well, I'm sure. So where you been? You weren't in New York for a minute. Where'd you go? Well, you know, I've been hopping and bopping around I was in West and I act last week I was in Pittsburgh before that. Oh, did you do Pittsburgh? Did you do on bottle rocket? I did That's fam that's family. I didn't know that Pittsburgh could bring such Alive people. Yeah, people are great there. They That's fam there. I didn't know that Pittsburgh could bring such alive people. The people are great there. They're fun. And, you know, I got a little fan over there, so it's good.

I went to Dublin. That was nice. What were you in Dublin for? For a comedy festival. You were doing a comedy festival? Yeah, you know, I'm international. I know you're international. Because you did London as well.

You did Soho. Yeah, I did Soho Theater. You know, I didn't sell it out. But, you know, you start somewhere so that you. You did Soho. Yeah, I did Soho Theater. You know, I didn't sell it out, but you know, you start somewhere so that you can have something to do next time. You know? You don't have to tell me about being a fan of Sidney Washington.

I'm one of the originals. I've been in here. Quiet as it's kept, I'm slept on. I'm most slept on individually in New York, just so everybody knows. You think you're slept on? I'm slept on.

Do you think you're slept on? I mean, these realtors, they're sleeping on me because I'm like, baby, give me the apartment. Why are you trying to give me a slither of a space so I could fold up a piece of bread to lay on? I need an apartment so that I could really thrive. I'm not on the internet right now until I get properly housed. And that's that.

Sydney. That's that. I'm going to tell you a hard truth. You're a little difficult with the apartment search because you called me the other day I get properly housed. And that's that. Sydney. That's that. I'm going to tell you a hard truth. Woo! You're a little difficult with the apartment search. Because you called me the other day and you said, I'm not having brown cabinets. I don't want no brown cabinets. Oh, no. I don't want no white refrigerators.

I have brown cabinets. Now, you know what? You also have rooms. You have many rooms. I'm not doing brown cabinets to be in a studio that's smaller than this. I'm not doing that. So I know that New York, I obviously, I'm going to get a,

I love New York, a neck tattoo. I will die for the city. But what I won't do, I'm not paying $4,000 to live in a slit. I'm not. It's not happening. So there's that. But what I'm asking for for if you want these crazy prices

Right, then I need everything updated. I need I need the doorman to be awake and then make sure he's secure And I don't want to do no walk-ups. Why is it $3,500 for me to go to the fifth floor? Mm-hmm. Oh, no, no, I should be elevated to the fifth floor. Mm-hmm, New York They what it is is she knows that she's that girl, but you're dusty, though. You're that girl, but there's so much dust. You need some help. And I just want New York to ease up.

I blame Eric Adams. Do you? Yes. His thug passion, vape pen, and he's wearing Uptowns. He's going to every club. He has no respect. He actually, I can't wait. We will arrest when Eric Adams is out of the city.

You think we need a Republican in there? No, I didn't say that. I did not say that. Why would you? Why do you have to take it to? I'm asking questions. I'm an interviewer, babe. No, what I'm asking for is a mayor that cares about its people.

I can't be a creative if I'm stressed about living. Living somewhere. New York was best early 2000s. I'm just going to keep it 1,000 with you. New York was best. You know who the mayor was? Who? Rudy Giuliani.

I know. I know. We can't put this out. We can't put this out. We can't put this out. They're going to have a heyday. They're going to have a heyday with it. Don't put this out. We can't put this out. We can't put this out. They're going to have a heyday. They're going to have a heyday with it. Don't put this out.

I'm going to stand on the roof of Giuliani. Yes, my city. My city was glowing, okay? Yes, it was crazy. It was crazy. Yes, we had 9-11. But it was still, honestly, 9-11 is what made New York as powerful as it is. Yeah.

Because it would let people know. It's like, bitch, we are the people that they want to shut down. We're not going to Minnesota. We're not going to Kansas City. Cool it. We're not going to Philadelphia. Well, they did. But that's no here, no there.

But I'm just saying. You told me to cool it. Now we calm? Now we're calm. OK. We're calm. You have to be careful in the Midwest. Oh, yes. It's special to me. I apologize. It's a special place. No, well, calm. You just have to be careful in the Midwest. Oh, yes.

It's special to me. I apologize. It's a special place. No, well, people there don't have to live on top of each other, so it's harder to do terrorism. That is true. Okay. That is true.

That is true. I just want to say, because you guys have so much space, you're missing a lot of what? Personality. Yeah. And brains. Yeah, missing personality and brains in the middle of the country. You just have so much space and so much power that you're bored. And it's not a lot.

The vibes, it's off. It's low vibrational. So the more you have to really work for something and have less, you're really going to bring out the best in you. But when you just have it all, when it just comes to you, the space, the homes, the rooms, relax. So y'all go see Sydney at the Chicago Zanies when she comes through town. Y'all go see those tour dates when she comes through.

They see me, baby. They see me. They know what I give. What do you think about creatively right now? What's going on with you? Are you doing stand-up right now? I am doing stand-up. I won't lie.

There's a little bit of a block the blockage is oh same oh yeah yeah the blockage is i hate to do this to the use because you know we're putting this on the internet but i blame i blame social media for your creative block yes absolutely because you want to walk me through that um i'm seeing too much i'm knowing too much. I'm knowing too much. I don't need any of this. I need a blank canvas for my brain and for what I want to put out there. But every time I pick up this fucking phone, I see Tom, Dick and Harry. Every time. They're like they're everybody has something to say. There's POV.

There's the filming. I remember when we would just take a picture of a plate with a half-eaten sandwich. Where's that at? We don't do that no more. That was good. Put a filter on it. We don't do that. We don't take pictures of the sky.

We don't care about nature. It's about what we are talking about, who we're talking about, gossip, bits, flexing, travelinging traveling it's like can we get down to the basics i'm i'm taking pictures of the sky i'm with you i'm looking at the sunset you do actually i i actually love when you do your dumps because it shows that you are a person i'm a person i'm doing stuff everything doesn't have to be right with you no i'm gonna be a little off-centered i'm doing i'm me i'm i, I'm revolutionizing grid in my space. The Instagram grid, I'm taking, I took everything down. I saw that.

I'm keeping a couple posts up at a time. I said, wait, hold up. Caleb, I just want you to know, and industry knows, when people start archiving stuff, what'd you book? What did you book that you have to cleanse? It's so funny. Your Twitter gone? Why?

You say that, and people keep saying that. They go, what's coming? I go, nothing. That's a lie. Nothing is coming. I'm and people keep saying that they go what's coming i go nothing nothing is coming i'm not preparing for anything is what's coming when you when you have one post disney is on your back disney they wish nbc no i've got nothing coming i'm just i don't i don't like i don't i was looking at my instagram feed really the reason for the grid cleanse specifically is i was like i'm looking at my my grid and you can go back I have grid posts from when I was like 18 like you can go back so far in my life and look at all these different people that I was and in a way I think that's can be beautiful for the fans but I was like I don't want you to go back and look at that

I'm focused on what I got going on now I don't want to think and I don't have anything bad on there no I just I'm like I'm it was i'm like i'm me now i'm doing my thing now where i like to have fun is the stories the stories are what i'm doing right now stories are my music stories are my what i'm having fun with you will always hit us with um like a colorful background in the in the font yes i say caleb you're a true artist i'm a create mode when you're just when it's just about the words yes that's when i know you're in your bag i'm a create mode. When you're just when it's just about the words. Yes. That's when I know you're in your bag. I'm a create mode king. Yeah. I'm in the create mode. I am. I'll click

through those backgrounds and type out a message. I'm a create mode king on the Insta stories. While people are in their notes app writing apologies for being a racist. You are actually using stories to be racist. I'm using create mode to do racism. Yes. Stories properly. To be racist. No. I'm using create mode to do racism. Yes.

Yes. Tell them. Tell them. Tell the kids. No, I love your Instagram stories because specifically when you do the like, because some people might not know about you. My fans might not know. You did bottle service at a club.

I did. I did. For a long time. And your stories are unreal. They are very real, unfortunately. What's the craziest thing that ever happened to you doing bottle service? The craziest thing is a guy came in, and he was by himself, and he started buying like magnums of champagne by himself.

Now, what does that run? How expensive are those? It was like Cristal, so it was like $3,500, $4,000. And they're big bottles, and so it's him. So I'm drinking with him, and I could drink. And then some of the girls are drinking with him. They could drink, and we're drinking and drinking. And then he orders another one, and we're like, okay.

There's a moment where you're like, oh, we're about to make money. And then it's like, oh, we're about to have a problem. Because you're by yourself. And as much as we would love to hustle a straight white man this feels like it's gonna fall back on us but he assured us he's having a good time he's good he's drinking drinking drinking he's obviously out of his mind he's blackout at the end of the night and he has to sign off and the bill the bill is already crazy it's like you know over ten thousand and something dollars and so um he looks at the thing and he's squinting and then he writes um ten thousand dollars for the tip and i let him know i was like there's an

over tip that like you don't have to do this like and i don't why would i why would i as a woman working say no no i don't need this i love ten thousand dollars it's one of my favorite things yes please give me the ten thousand dollars yeah he's like you know yeah no no and then we had to get we have to get people to verify so we got the manager we got the doorman we got the bathroom attendant everybody is verifying that this man knows that he's spending ten thousand dollars extra on top on top of the top like crazy night crazy night people were sweating they were like sydney this is wild like i mean we hope this plays out so everybody signs everybody's happy and then we're pooled the tip so i'm getting the bussers the the bar back everybody is getting paid out right so i gotta I got to go to Miami the next day.

I have so much cash on me. What are we doing? We on a boat. We at Nobu. We getting yellowtail, you know, jalapeno, sashimi. Where else would we be? Yeah, I'm spending my money that I made the night before because I was like, this is a blessing.

God wouldn't give me something that I don't deserve. And so I'm splurging in Miami. I'm doing party favors, all this stuff. This is a three day bender. Third day, manager calls me. Hey, Cindy, we gotta talk. Oh, sir, you can hear this air. You can hear this air.

You can hear this David Guetta. That's what you can hear. You can't hear me. I can't this air. Yeah. You can hear the sounds of Miami. You can hear this David Guetta. That's what you can hear. You can't hear me. I can't hear you. Ha, ha, ha. And then I was like, it's time to hang up. But he's like, no, no, no, for real. So the guy who came in, who?

What? He actually is disputing the $10,000. No. And I said, Eric, Kevin, James, stop. Like, we verified. He said, well, you know, it's American Express. I just want to put it out there. American Express users, they got it.

Because if they call him up and be like, nope, American Express says, okay, no problem. Yeah. Because if they call him up and be like, nope, American Express says, okay, no problem. Crazy. So I had to come back. The bus, I felt bad for the bussers

because the bussers is not making the same money, but they had to give the money. We all had to give the money back. That is crazy. We had to give the money back. And that's when I was like, you know what? Maybe this job isn't for me.

Do you have that guy's name? No. I should remember who this guy, but there's so many moments where people come in and they say yes and then they're like, JK,

I had an ex that had a business card that would buy bottles and then he would call and be like, actually, that was not me. What?

Yeah. And there's, I mean, people are wild that's so crazy but also the the the nightclub is a scam america so everybody is just america is a scam yeah everybody over so that you got to take that l you gotta take that l there's another time where um i had these all these suits come in they're buying rose champagne this just during the day this is like early time they're there for about four hours I am so excited

because I was like oh this is the early day time like I could go home I could go home at 11 um they closed they I thought that they closed out I gave them there's like a because i worked at a hotel too so there's a hotel close out and then there's a credit card close out i thought i swapped their card i did not so it was about 14 suits they were not from here they were not from the hotel they left and i didn't i didn't realize that they were gone, that they didn't sign until maybe an hour after. And so I ran out and I asked one of the bellmen, I said, hey, did you see like 14 suits run out of here? They were like, well, they didn't run, they went in a van.

And so the bellmen ended up finding out the driver who drove them to whatever hotel it took about two weeks but my manager was like you have to pay back $5,000 you have to pay if you don't find them and then in two weeks the driver found the people and I almost had sex with him I almost had a driver cuz I said it's very serious to me I said did you really find these how did you do it yeah he found he found and they weren't even from they're from spain so he did really good work old russian dude old russian dude and i tried to give him money he said i don't want it i said you don't want you don't want this boom kosh bring back you don't want no money you don't

want a boom you don't want the russian nesting ball who are you uh bring back men yeah that's a man yeah that's a man really really nice guy bring you? Bring back men. Yeah, bring back men. That's a man. That's a man. Really, really nice guy. Bring back men. I've been saying this lately. Bring back men. Bring back men. I'm tired.

Bring back, what happened to men? I don't know. We used to have men. That really just was like, they don't need anything. They don't want anything. They're just doing good work. Good men. Yeah.

I mean, I think that's when I was straight. I think after, when I left, when I left and went to where I needed to be, I think that's when I was straight. I think after when I left, when I left and went to where I needed to be, I think everybody else was like, well, Sydney is no longer here. We must turn it up, turn it out. Yeah, turn it up and turn it out. Yeah. And disappear. And disappear.

Yeah. Absolutely. What other jobs did you have? Because you did that for a while, didn't you? You know what? As a black woman, we've been working all our lives i will say i got out the womb and i was filling out w-2 you had a calculator yeah absolutely one of the old-timey ones in a movie where where it rolls out like that you calling me that is not that is not the joke is that it just funnier. Ageist. Well, I am, but that's not what's happening right now. Right.

Yeah, I've had more like hostessing, coat check. I did coat check when there was really no coats. They put me in a box during April, May. It was just like windbreakers and scarves And what not And I was like They see potential in me They were like We actually Cannot hire you

For a host yet Cause we Were trying to kick this bitch out Yeah We gotta get her out of here Yeah they were rotating me In But they were like

We gotta get you in And as soon as we're done with her We gonna slide you right To the hostess And that was cute That worked out for me I see If you were ever

My hostess Or my co-check person I would be like i need to get her out of here we need to go have some fun oh they said it every time they said what now they said no what are you doing in this box and i said oh america at least we have a problem yeah we have a problem get me out yeah get me on the stage what what can what can you do i was just looking for somebody i was a danzel in a box yeah how'd you start doing comedy um what how did i start doing comedy oh okay so i was working at this place called rose bar and um i would have to do our all of our cash out in the back rooms and so a friend of mine marge love her she would film me after my shift, and she would just film me talking, doing bits, being online, having commentary, and she did a little reel for me. And she was like, look at this.

You're so funny. I was like, I'm fucked up. I'm wasted. I'm flat out. I am everything except what you want me to be. And she's like, no, no, no. I think you're really good. I think you should take to be. And she's like, no, no, no. I think you're really good. I think you should take a class.

And I took a class. It was $450. I won my money back. Yeah. Yeah. What class was it? Like a stand-up class or an improv class? A stand-up class.

And, you know, shout out to the teacher who was there. There was a teacher's presence there. I don't know if they was teaching comedy, but I was in there. And we had a graduation show i brought my meanest friends 10 mean friends they came they said this was awful do not ever invite us to anything like this but you i see something you should you you should still do keep going just don't invite us to anything like this. Yeah. It was crazy. My friends were, I've never, like people scoff and be like, how could you say such unfunny things? Yeah.

I was like, this is a graduation show. They were like, they got to go work somewhere. They have not graduated. Yeah. They have not graduated. Get back to the course. I couldn't imagine going to somebody's graduation and booing them. That's wild. But that's the type of friends I couldn't imagine going to somebody's graduation and booing them. That's wild.

But that's the type of friends I had. Shout out to them. Stand up is one of the only things in comedy that you really can't learn outside of just doing it. Like, you can learn improv. You can learn how to write a script. You can learn how, like, there are principles that you can learn about things.

Stand up classes always strike me as funny because I'm like, go do a show. Yeah, but sometimes it's structure. You know, sometimes like how a joke is made. I think that's important. But obviously funny is born. Yeah. It's like internal.

You can't teach someone how to be. They just have to have it. And you've always been funny. Funny things have happened to me. I've literally been an odd little chica. I like grew up with old people. So I, their personality rub off on me.

And so I'm going to school being this like young girl, but people ask me like, how are you doing? I'm like, Oh, when the good Lord take me. And they're like, six years old.

Fine. Just say you're good. What is all of this scripture talk? Yeah. So that was hilarious. People were like, you are like an old soul. You're like Rosa Parks. It's like, I don't want to sit in the back of the bus.

I just want friends. Yeah. So yeah, crazy things have always happened to me as a kid. I don't think I got funny until college. College, I really came out of my shell. Yeah, crazy things have always happened to me as a kid. I don't think I got funny until college. College, I really came out of my shell, and I was like, I'm about to get these bitches hell in these dorms. People could not go to class because I would be in a room just running my mouth.

And they're like, this is so much better than TV. Yeah, and it is. I agree. I love that. Yeah, and so I think that and then being in nightclubs or whatever, you have to be somewhat comical to deal with these people. Yeah. You have to make light of people with money. It's like insane to see someone swipe their card for $15,000 of liquids. Yeah. Like those things that you drink.

Just liquids. That's nuts. And Just things that you drank. Just liquids. That's nuts. And we're not even talking about the drugs. Like, if this is what you're spending on liquids, sir. Who knows what's going up that nose? Yeah. Oh. Pristine.

Yeah. Top shot. Good shit. Yeah. Well, so you, okay. So you are doing the bottle girl stuff. Is that the official term? Are we calling it hostessing

what are we calling it well because you know i don't go to clubs no so i don't know what we're calling but why don't you sydney you know i would not do well in a club how come i don't like it's just not for me they would already know he's somebody hey he is someone i come in there wearing a carhartt t-shirt they're not not going to think I'm somebody. No, I just want people to know. Everyone who's doing too much, like showing too much, those are the people who ain't got it. The people who come in with like a thin t-shirt, maybe like a little stain on the shoulder,

they the big boss. Yeah, those are the people. That's interesting. I bet you do learn a lot about wealth and like the presentation of wealth in a job like that. Yeah. Like who's trying too hard to look like they've got it going on that's a red flag in every i've always said when i first started comedy i would say chance and i would talk all the time about i would say if you're killing it you don't need to convince people you're killing it and that's the truth about anything hold on now yeah no we really

don't get into it come on but people are followers and people are sheep. So sometimes you do have to put on so that people can think and follow you. Yeah. Because nobody wants this, oh, relatable. That's out. Stop. You think relatability is out? There has to be hierarchy. That's why celebrities were celebrities because we're like,

I will never be next to Nicole Kidman at the Starbucks. It's just not happening. And now everyone is like, I'm just like you. Why? Why would you do all of the things that you do to be next to the bitch who's in Flip Flops in the rain? Why would you do that? That doesn't make sense.

That's dumb. So it's like, I think that people know people are putting on because people don't know people who are not in the industry have no clue of like you know what people are really doing yeah and you can post anything you can say anything and people are like i guess it's true i think the operative part of that is have to if you're killing it you don't have to convince people you're killing it you can if you're killing it you can act like you're killing it you can you can tell people how great you're doing that is an option but you don't have to if you're really killing it you don't have to tell people that they will know there are other ways to let people know which is a lot of times just doing what

you're doing just relax chill out well sometimes you have to tell yourself that you're killing it so sometimes that is true people are talking and it's not to the audience. It's to themselves. Yeah. So when they're like, you know, haters, baby, ain't nobody hating. It's you hating you. Yeah. So you are talking to yourself. You're dealing with that on the inside. Exactly. So when you see people doing these rants about, you know, y'all haters, y'all don't love me.

See me when I get to the top. It's like when you see yourself at the top. Yeah. Then there'll be no haters. Well, that's when you imagine that you'll love yourself, but the real trick is that you won't. Ooh, now that is upsetting. I mean, if you don't love yourself now,

you're not going to love yourself when you have whatever it is you imagine is going to fix you. Don't you feel? No. What is this loving yourself? When people say it, I think it's a throwaway now. Love yourself. You don't love sydney

love yourself tell me what do you feel about you i know no i love i love some stuff of me but there's other things that i'm like okay girl like clean it up yeah wrap it up clean it up let's go but that is an act of loving yourself don't you think loving yourself also i don't think loving yourself means accepting and every part of yourself and feeling that every part of yourself is wonderful. I think that's what you're – that is the thing that we've got to get rid of. Loving yourself does not mean you're perfect and you need to make no changes. To me, sometimes loving myself means being like, you've got to stop that. You have to – like, you know, if I love – and I do love myself.

And so I will see myself behaving a way sometimes, you know, being petty or whatever. Give me an example. Of me needing to change something? You just feel like being petty. whatever. Give me an example. Of me needing to change something? You just feel like being petty. Being petty. I don't know about, well, I think like maybe romantic. I think in romantic situations I've thought of it a lot lately. Like I'll be discounting someone for something so irrelevant, you know?

Or I'll be not giving someone the time of day because they, you know, like truly little stuff where they like pronounced a word wrong and I have the ick, you know? And I'm like,'m like you need to stop if you love yourself you need to quit behaving like that because that's not i think loving yourself means like i will make changes to make myself better i love myself enough to be a better version of myself i love myself too much to be uh leaving so much on the table you know what i mean don't you think if you had a cult baby i think we i think you have the beginnings. The beginnings of the cult right there.

Would you get into my cult? The strength that I have to do anything is so little. So your cult has to have everything. Lay it out. You literally, there has to be Uber involved. One bedroom apartment, no brown cabinets. You have to be able to be. No, you have to Uber me from where I am to the cult grounds.

Yeah. Like, I'm not walking. I'm not taking the train. You're not taking the G to my cult meeting, right? No, I'm not. You have to come physically get me out. I need somebody to escort me there. I think to get a high profile, a high roller like you in the cult, I think we would do that.

We'd let some of the weaker minded folks take the train. We'd get you in a car, black SUV. You don't want those people in your cult. Well, you do. You need footmen. Someone's got to sweep up after the meeting. And I know Sydney's not going to be doing it. And I know damn sure Caleb's not going to be doing it.

So we need some underlings. The thing about these cult leaders, right? If you about that life, why are you getting your people to do that? Remedial work like hire people hire people to do that, right? Why would you want your people who are supposed to be following the word? Sweeping and picking up stuff. That's well. That's how they prove dedication to the mission. Oh See, I don't know about that. I don't know about that dedication to the mission

They got to be dedicated to the vision That's how that's how they prove that there this is like – because these people are sociopaths. They need to know how many ways they can take advantage of you. And if you're willing to stick around and sweep up the fucking meeting hall, it's like I've got that one dead to rights. Whenever I see that, that immediate ick, I'm like you would do – You would do that? You would debase yourself by cleaning up after me? I don't want it.

Yeah. I need somebody to be like you, you – wait. want it. Yeah. I need somebody to be like, you, you. Wait, am I a sub? I need somebody to tell me. I don't want somebody to do it for me. I need somebody to tell me. Hold on. Am I submissive?

Yeah. Wait a minute. I'm like, do I want a mummy? No. Do you? What do you like? What are you into? Come on.

Tell the people. Oh, wow. On the record. It's seeming a little subby. It's seeming a little subby it's seeming a little sub there may be a little submitting going on i think so i think because i like very christian like militant home i need to be told what to do and i need somebody to wake me up at 4 a.m and be like clean that shit up right now you want to sleep you need to be in the army with it oh yeah pretty

much pretty much sexual sexual army yeah yeah um but yeah i need somebody to let me know lead me i i i'm one of those people that i can i can go with the flow i can i can take directions i'm not gonna do it right but i'm i'm to listen. I'm going to pretend. Is that hot? Did you get hard? Oh, I'm rock hard. Of course. I'm rock hard. I feel like it just went really limp.

What else can I say? To get it jumping. Get things moving. Caleb. I don't like, like, lifestyle submission. Like, when people are submissive in their whole life or dominant when it extends outside the bedroom. To me, power plays for the bedroom. After that, when people are like, we can play with power in the bedroom.

We can mess around with who's telling who what to do. That's fun and fine, and I'll go along on this or that. But when people extend it, this is my problem with a lot of Christiansians is they extend outside of the household now it's i'm telling you what to do with the grocery store hold on yeah okay hold on now i'm with that yeah i don't know the bedroom is one thing it's all fun and games we're trying to get off but then once the cum has been procured once the cum has come the seats is once the cum has cum. The seats is. Once the cum has came. Slid off. The cum's the cure. That's hot.

Yeah, but you know what? Some people need to be told what to do outside of the bedroom. There's a lot of like aimless, loose humans just, they don't know. They're just loose in the world. Yeah, like I literally, my phone was not working one day. Like I walked out out i was going to the bell house phone does not work it would not turn on and i had to get to the bell house don't have no address i can't even tell you what like location what landmarks it but it's by and

i'm trying to ask people hey can you help me get to the bell house there's men like oh i know where the bell's at and it's like yeah there's like g where the bell's at. And it's like, oh my God. There's like gays in tote bags. They're like, okay, I'll take you. It was a journey. It was a journey. And then obviously I'm telling people my phone don't work. And either men think that I'm trying to rob them.

Or there's men that are like, well, why don't you just turn it on, turn it off? I was like, you don't think I've tried that? I'm not an idiot. I'm a person with a broken phone. Yeah. But that moment, just not knowing how to get to the bell house, even though I've been there for so many years, that let me know. I'm like, I know nothing. Yeah.

I can't do it by memory. I need directions. I need my phone. Yeah. I need somebody guiding me. Embarrassing. So maybe it's that you don't need a dom. You need a dom you

need a cell phone oh we were the phones are a lot i will because i've done a couple i've been you know i've been leaving my phone at home for like full days recently what oh yeah i don't know about this i've been going out in the world without my phone for like a year and a half now who are you running from not all the time myself okay i'm tired of hearing from this guy no i i have been and i i did it in New York recently, like a couple, maybe like a month or two ago. Are you shooting something? Is this like a show?

I do love that you think anything I'm doing is like some big chess move about my career. There's no strategy going on. I'm not working. You're so meticulous. You're so strategic. I'm only trying to be happy, Sid. There's no work going on over here.

That's, I do not understand. Someone explain. I just want to be happy. I do. Don't you feel, are you happy? Are you happy?

Oh. Are you happy? I am happy that I'm out of L.A. Yes. I'm going to say that. Yes. Happy. I will. I'm going to take.

We're going to just pivot just a bit. And then we're going to get back in. Yeah. I honestly am too self-aware. And I need to get away from that. Yeah. Because that's what's making me unhappy. It's the knowing.

It's the feeling. It's the knowing it's the feeling it's the waking up and being like yo I thought this was about to make everything better and it's just like it's just there it's not making it's not doing anything for me but like five years ago I was like oh this is what's gonna really pop. Yeah. So being self-aware and realizing that it's like you could do all the things that you're like, oh, this is about to make something happen. You're like, oh, actually, I'm just existing, which is fine. Blessed. Thank you. Existing is a blessing.

Yeah. But I don't know. There was that sense of like not knowing. And that was fun and gives you a reason to be like oh i'm i'm so excited now i'm like actually if i do this i kind of feel like i already know what's about to happen which sucks yeah yeah dude i think that's so relatable like i really i think so many people listening are going to be like we get a lot of anytime we get a little bit serious on the pod the comments are overwhelmingly uh positive

people are like thank you for talking about this people like it um people like it i will say i get a couple comments sometimes when we aren't being funny that people people are like can we just be funny and i'm like no go watch another show okay go watch another podcast not them yelping the pod they do that's crazy they do and i see some of it and I go Or they'll say They'll say all kinds of things They'll go Oh have on Have on more Like someone recently

Was like we need more Well known guests About one of They said this about One of my guests And I said Every podcast in the world Will have a famous person on

And not talk about Like I'm like shut up This is my show Let me just be Quite honest With everybody in the room A well known person They not giving you

What you want. Anything. They are, they are contractually obligated to shut the fuck up. You need somebody who's like, Hey, I don't, I don't give a damn.

Yes. That's who you want to the person who's like, I have nothing to live for. They are going to give you three hours of uncut. Yes. Entertainment there. If you have ever talked to a, very like an a-list famous person it is like it is like this yeah yes oh my gosh well hey so good this it's like show shut the

fuck up like most of them are so boring and shout out some of y'all are my friends and i love you but like some because some of them are cool they're not boring they just they just know that they they're like if i say this this is not some oh it's going to be in a reddit it's going to be actually on people magazine it's boundaries because it's going to be everywhere yes yes it's gonna be a news cycle exactly but it's boring and i'm like i don't want to talk i mean i have there was a famous person i interacted with recently who i love who's a lovely person and they're very very famous and which i want to say he's not gonna say anything no I'm not but the what shoes were they wearing I'll tell you later okay okay uh but they're a very nice person and I like them a lot and they're like that level of famous where it's like there's only like

a couple you know maybe 100 people in the world who have ever experienced what you're experiencing and I just the there was just nothing but but I'm talking to them, and it's just like, yeah, oh my gosh, well, hey, and isn't that lovely, and it's like, so,

I want that, you need that, I want that, you want that, I want to clock in, and then clock the fuck out, when you, that's the,

that's the difference between actors, and then people, like what we do, that blend the, blend the line, or whatever, of like, entertainment, it's like, if you don blend the blend the line or whatever of like entertainment it's like if you don't like their acting you don't like their acting yeah but

there's somebody else outside of that yeah if you don't like you know our stand-up or what we're saying that's actually us yeah you don't like me that's me for real that's kind of that's kind of fucked you know and so when actors are able to clock in and you're like i'm just that fucking character in that movie that you were like that's pretty good it's it's easy it's easy because you're like this is just art yeah i'm about to get in my car and fuck all these people yeah but us we are there is no clocking clock we're on we're on we're being ourselves so when you yelp a pod about something not being funny, hey, sorry for I'm just living, just being.

Well, I want to know what the fuck you talk about. Can you get on the pod and talk? Well, no, they don't have one. They don't have one. I truly, people can say whatever they want. I do just get a feeling of like, go watch another show. I don't need you to. If that's how you feel, go do something else, brother.

I hate when people get on people's pages or, like, writes in the comments and it's like a dissertation. It's like, so you have nothing to do. Yeah. I'm over here putting my art out. I'm taking risks. And you just writing this, critiquing everything. And you're in the stands just screaming. Then you go do it.

Then you get on your page and have your opinion and have people come to you. But, like, I literally see stuff that makes me infuriated, and I put my phone down. Yeah. I'll be damned. If I type some shit out and then press send to someone I don't know, that unless I'm bigging them up or, like, being like, T-L-O-N, like, what is my purpose? That's wild, you know know and that's why you're

one of the realest people alive no i need to be unhinged you're one of the realest people i need to write some shit i think if i really got in they asked in the comments people will respect me more i'm too nice i'm like i really just want to be positive and be like this is so funny or i like i'm a fan i enjoy this when like When like, when you post your stuff, I like really watch on TikTok. I'm like, oh, this was good. Like when you were, this was great. Like Devin, Jaboukie, everybody get,

everybody you be having, I'm like, wow, this is a pot. This is actually, this is what it should be. Yeah. And I'm happy for you. Oh, Sid. Now it sounds like I'm just kissing ass, but I like, I really.

No, it sounds like we're friends. Yeah, no. Oh, well. Well, unless you're revoking. Unless you're revoking my friendship. You don't know what I'm posting in the Reddit threads about you. Yeah, yeah, you're in there on a secret profile posting. He needs to have some bigger guests on.

No, I'm like, Caleb comes from money. He's not working hard. He's a nepo baby. He's a nepo baby. I would wish. I wish. I would be the most unabashed nepo baby. If I was a nepo baby, y'all would never hear the end of it.

I'd be like, yeah, my dad's famous. What the fuck else? Next. I don't care. I'd be like, what are you talking about? I grew up rich. If I grew up rich, I'd be like, I grew up rich. It was amazing.

I'm so sorry you're poor. That sounds hard. Now I have a career. So sorry you're poor. Sorry my dad invented ABC or whatever. And yeah, now I have an awesome career. Whoops. I think that would be an amazing response.

It's way cooler than what these people are doing now where they're like, actually, I kind of worked hard at it. You know, it's like you didn't have a hard time at USC. Let's relax. Now, the thing is, is that if you're a nepo baby and then you want to get on stage, something is not clicking. Because if I'm making so much money, why would I be on the stage with the peasants? Like, I want to be in the jet yeah this is being on stage and being next to fans I think there's that is that accessibility mmm but if you're like really really rich or nepo what a billionaire what you're so far away from

the regular degulars you know I'm saying like being on the stage you're with the people you can you're taking in the the poverty dust, you know what I'm saying? Like being on a stage, you're with the people you can. You're taking in the poverty dust. But when you want, though, they want to feel regular. They want to feel regular. So bad. Don't you see? You don't see Jeff Bezos in a fucking cowboy hat and go, God, he wishes he was making 80K a year in Texas. He really does.

He really he doesn't want to give up life. So he wants to feel like he's somebody and he's not. He's like a non he's like persona non grata. He's like a non-entity. I don't feel that way about Jeff, but Elon, Elon, he's got to get on some ketamine or something. Because chill out, bro. Chill. That's why all those guys now are doing this right-wing populist shtick where they're like, I actually care about the working man.

Bitch, 200,000 working men work for you, and they don't have health insurance, and they pee in water bottles. You don't give a fuck about working people. But you want to feel you want those people on your side because they make you feel real and you're not real. You don't want those people on your side. They do, though. That's what they're doing. That's why Elon's doing the Trump thing now. That's why Trump is doing Trump.

They want to feel. Trump is doing Trump. Trump started doing Trump. Because, you know, before Trump was like a pro-choice Democrat and he was like If I ever ran for office It'd be as a Republican Because they're fucking idiots And then he came down the escalator And was like I hate Mexican people And he ran as a Republican

And he won You know And he might win again And it's because he's right A lot of people are stupid You think he might win again? He might yeah I don't know

They eat him up It's like now We're just realizing We're like Oh this is too stupid This is actually to the point Where my eyes are bleeding watching my ears hurt like i can't i cannot see this no more if he wins it will not he will lose

the popular vote for sure there's no chance he doesn't lose the popular vote and if he wins it will be because the electoral college was set up to keep uh freed slaves from voting and it really the racist ass electoral college is the reason that so many people have won office that shouldn't have. It's very racist. The country doesn't – most of the country, first of all, a lot of the country doesn't vote at all. But most of the country does not like that guy. He didn't get elected. He lost the popular vote.

Do you know how crazy it is that he was president and he lost by millions of votes? Millions. That's crazy. But it's because of this racist-ass system where he just spent more time in Wisconsin. That's crazy. The election comes down to like 40,000 people in Pennsylvania. And you're like, and then also you're just like, everything that he says, you kind of have to be like, this is a bit.

There's no, you're not serious at all. But somehow he was president. And that's why it's like, whenever we're kind of like, America is the, I'm like, nah, baby, there's no way that you're looking at history the best. I'm like, nah, baby. There's no way. It's weird over here. That you're looking at history and Trump as president? No, ma'am. I've started to, you know, I've started to get really scared by some of the blatant lying.

Because he's ramping it up. Like, he literally, lately, many, many times on the campaign show recently, he's been like, imagine you send your kids to school and they come home with a new gender and you didn't even get a call about it. And it's like, that isn't happening. so first of all of course it's hilarious but that isn't happening at all ever not once and his base is like this is happening every day they really think it's happening i'm gonna throw i'm gonna throw a real crazy thing out but i'm saying he is making it a little interesting because when people of course when people are just putting out the facts and they're just running and being solid yeah you're like okay yeah no no i'm listening but him you you're like

what this fool about to say like you just you're you're you're it's tv it's entertainment you know what it's sad it's sad it's scary yes but when you see two people, two politicians who are lying in a productive way, you're like, I don't know. I don't know if I can get by. I might change the channel. It's why people voted for him. Yes. They like it.

We're staying in. We're watching. It really reminds me of. They're eating the dogs. They're eating the dogs. You're like, whoa. That is a viral sound on TikTok. And they're counting on it and they're remake they're

putting a beat underneath it yes this is so unserious the level of unseriousness is it's like it's like when you're on the train on your commute and you're like going to the office and everything is so humdrum and you're so bored on the train going to office and that you're on the office and you're so you're like oh my god i fucking hate this i'm so bored out of my mind this whatever i'm listening to isn't even doing it i can pull out the book i brought but i don't even want to read that you're so it's just everything's feeling monotonous you haven't taken a sick day in two months just to do like stay on the couch you're really like in it you know and then like a fucking psychopath gets on the train starts beating their head against the window or something and you're like that's crazy but i did

see something today yes you know that's donald. It's like it broke up my commute. That's what it is. Yeah. And I'm glad that we got somewhere positive. Because at first it was like, damn, I can't believe I said that out loud. But you actually materialized it so that people will not yelp underneath the camera. No, he's objectively interesting. Yeah, anybody with no inhibition who will objectively lie and not worry

about getting fact-checked is a is a break in the skip regularly scheduled programming for sure but he knows that they're gonna fact check so he it's the thing is is like he's actually want people to do work yeah he's actually saying stuff that you're like wait siri what the like he's actually making people do more research than they would normally yeah i think you actually turned siri on right there oh sorry let's see what she says see ya see ya honey yeah no i mean yeah he's objectively he's objectively interesting but um anyway enough about him yeah uh you know creatively i've been in a kind of a rut i i can't like i'm like trying to figure out and it's all kind of i think it's a little bit of the election year of it all but it's been a little bit longer than that but it's like yeah I'm trying to figure out like um I don't

know I'm happy I like my life I genuinely am quite happy I like my days I like the way that my days are going um what I see what I from what I see when I talk I I feel the the happiness I am happy I'm very I would say I'm at peace I really have done a lot of work to be like what do I actually care about what are my genuine values because you know there's this competition i think a lot of times in at least in my life maybe not for everyone else i hope it would feel nice to not be the only one but i think there's this competition between like doing what i think i'm supposed to be doing what people would like to see me do versus what i actually value like you know uh sometimes i just need to like go home and do nothing and be with my family and even

though that feels a little like cornball or silly or something it's like no that's what i actually want but yeah that's so real but i'm my shit is so dark i'll be doing you know what i think is my passion and i'm like yo what would it be like at the dmv like i think they really need me over here i really and like whenever you go to a place that you're like this is dmp like i think they really need me over here i really like whenever you go to a place that you're like this is so miserable like the social security office the post office i'm like they need a star like me to shift the energy so when things are not going my way in comedy i'm like yo my real calling it's gonna be at one of them places. Yeah. They definitely want and need me.

You know what? There was a time, especially in my early 20s, where I felt like the world, I was like, the world needs you to do comedy. You know, I did feel that way. I felt like the world needs you to do comedy. You're good at it. Why not? And I disabused myself of that.

I'm like, the world actually just needs you to be happy, and whatever that means is what you need to be doing. Yeah. The world does not need you to do anything. I learned that in be doing. Yeah. The world does not need you to do anything. I learned that in a pandemic. Yeah. I learned that in a pandemic because we were just trying to do, even though there was not much to do,

and it was like, find a hobby, get a trade, write, get your penmanship up. There's so many other things to do rather than, I got to create this content, I got to put stuff out, I got to have a point of view it's like what about chilling chilling is i think chilling is the new thing that we actually need to uplift chilling actually has been talked about so poorly it's like oh you're chilling you're not doing anything you fucking you're you're you're wasting time grinding like you're just you're just being ill like oh

You're a waste of space actually people who chill a lot you call them less cuz you're like well You're just chilling But I think you actually need to talk to chill people more because then you can take in that energy You're like actually why am I stressing myself out nice? So I Met a couple of chill people and they're not smoking weed and i said oh i need it i need to be like y'all i need actually want them to do those are the people who need to do seminars i like it i love it i want some more i would sell their i would i would buy their ebooks i would buy it i would check it out

i yeah chill and also chill out, and also let us miss you. I'm big on this recently. Let us miss you. Let us miss you. What is that? Just relax a little bit. What is that missing you situation? What is that?

Stop going to everything. Stop being all the time available and present. Let me tell you something. A year and a half ago, I put my phone on do not disturb, and it hasn't come off. And people are hating it you and I'm so Peace I'm at peace. We do you do do that. You cannot get a hold of you do the D in D and D Maybe I'm gonna have to just I'm I'm say this

You D and D bitches. I Love that you're putting a boundary. Yeah, Oh silent. Yeah, I'll get to you Yeah, it's like you Dnd hoes love not writing back but then i see you going live constantly not you you haven't seen me on the people not you yeah but they're going live they're responding to comments they're posting posting posting reels reels all this other stuff unless you have somebody a social media person doing it i see you yeah so you you can't respond to an actual person you know yeah but you're you're talking to some some person you who's on a toilet taking a number five dnd is not for no response i respond okay dnd is that

you can't have me in the moment that you want me unless it's actually important you call three times it'll go through you but i'm not if you call me three times it'll go through i better hear such and such is dead But that's the only reason What other reason Do you really need to talk to me? Or I got a deal for you Yeah

That is what it is The only people who call me three times Are my family who need me Or my manager being like Hey we're trying to get a hold of you We need to talk about something Okay Other than that

No one really needs to talk to you that bad Damn Okay I guess we gotta put that out there The need There is We're on a need to know basis right now is that we're moving forward in the fall need to know fall need to know fall need to know fall if you're not kissed in there's a reason i'll kiss you in on the on the in the

intel i'll debrief you i guess i get but i mean the thing is it's so hard to let up when we do know that people's phones are in their hands constantly. Yeah. And it's hard to not take it personal. MySpace had that top 10. I need to know that I'm in your top 10, that even when the D&D and all this other shit you claim you're doing, I need to know that you're going to hit me up immediately. And you do.

I do. You do. You know, yeah. I need to know that you're going to hit me up immediately. And you do. I do. You do. You know, yeah.

But it's some of these D&D folks that really be burning my edges. Because it's like, I know you're not doing shit. Like, write back. Yeah. This is actually, I need, you don't want to do the email. Fine. Because I feel like email is so professional and stern and cold. But if I'm texting you, lowercase, this is important.

If I say, hey, what's up? Lowercase. Lowercase. No, I might be on a ledge. Yeah. And I need you to talk me down. Yeah. And don't text me lowercase if you're on the ledge. You better throw some capitals in there.

If you're about to jump, throw a capital in there. I don't have it in me to capitalize. I don't have the strength. Well capitalize. I don't have the strength. Well, then you don't have the strength to jump either. You have to figure it out. You have to figure it out. Call me three times. It'll come through.

That's crazy. I want to be in a place where I'm happy and not relying on so many stipulations. But then I'm like seeing other people that, and not just work, not just work, but just I like kind of romanticize. I'll see like a random. And you could just see that they're like they're in another world like they're having they're in a centered space and I'm like how do I do that because I'm so um antsy on edge I'm always thinking about the next thing the next thing I it's this is so crowded in this bitch yeah they keep telling me yoga and stuff I don't know I don't know if I want to do that they also said medication but I don't want that serenity without the crystals.

I don't. If I got to hold a rock to keep it together, I don't know. It might just need to be. I might need to be on the ledge. No, no, no. I'm just saying. You're like, you're like, yeah, I don't want to try yoga or pills. It's like, well, baby, you might just be in the situation you're in.

Okay. I don't know. You said or pills. It's like, well, baby, you might just be in the situation you're in now. Okay. I don't know. You said up top, you said I'm difficult. No, I said you're difficult about apartments. You will notice what I said about the apartments. I heard difficult. About the apartments. But you threw it in there about apartments, but she was really talking about everything.

Because I know how you do. You're not going to spin me up into your narrative. Okay. I said what I said. you did only thing i have to say about my friend sydney's that i love her yeah you know i also caleb i want to say like you um your star power is so uh effortless it's so chill remember you were doing your tour with annie you did it with annie. And I did the show. And you asked me to do it.

And I thought it was like, I thought it was just pulling up to like Union Hall, Bell House type of situation. I get there. Crazy concert space. It's packed to the brim. That's Annie's. That's the Annie effect. I said, do I know this person? What's going on?

And when you got on stage, you did your time. I was like, damn, this is – I think that's when you're at peace, when you're doing what you love, and regardless of the amount of money you're making or whatever, you could tell that you're having a great time. Thanks, babe. I am. And you're not forcing it.

I'm not. I'm trying to be as casual as I can, especially on stage. And I do love the time that I am physically on stage everything I've talked about this before everything around it is a bit of a nightmare like I dread it going coming up and then after really yeah what's this dread about not not not even about doing poorly when I've started out it was about will I do bad now I'm like I think I'll do good I just it's it's I just dread having to be somewhere I dread having to be anywhere oh what was the name people came it was demand avoidance or demand i talked about this on briston's episode that came out a while back and um but i dread anything i have to do and it's a thing that i guess autistic children deal with

um but i even if i know i'm gonna have a good time out if it's something i love i'm like i i resent having to do something yo do I have the same thing? I think a lot of people have it. It's why I'm trying to talk about it. Okay. Now, let's get, let's, I have this, I wrote this down that I wanted to talk about on the pod. Okay. So, I'm upset that the professionalism has gone the fuck down.

Everywhere I go, nobody wants to do their job. They're not pretending. They're being straight out like, yeah'm i'm not yeah i'm not doing this for you it's crazy and i i understand that because i too be like yo i don't want to do i don't want to walk out the house i want to lay in the bed i want to lay when i'm down when i'm laying that's my best. Now I got to get up and do this extra shit. So I understand. But when I tell you I went into the Sephora in Union Square, and it was about, you know, it closed at 8. I'm there at like 7.40.

And just a lack of, they really was like, wrap it up, bitch. What you need? Yeah. But also not helping me. Yeah. I'm going through the drawers. I'm looking for stuff. I actually need help.

Usually they be on my neck with they fucking smiles. Hey, do you need anything? You're in a basket? Did you sign up for the support group? None of that. I didn't get any of that. Yeah. So I was a little like, wait, what's up?

Y'all don't want to greet? Yeah. So I'm going through the, I basically work there. I work at support because I'm in the drawers digging. I don't want to greet. Looking for brushes, palettes, all this stuff. I said, I should just steal because why haven't I got a tap? Like, do you need anything?

They were letting me play scavenger hunt, all of this. They did not care. And so I was actually looking for stuff. Things were sold out. Nobody wanted to really help me. A lady was just leaning up. She was wearing't she was wearing flats you leaning you're in flats you're i used to work 10 hours five inch steve maddens now you know that's a sturdy hard shoe pinky toes dead you don't see me leaning up on the micros this woman bleeps and so

I'm waiting for her I was purposely dropping shit she was I'm breaking stuff she refused to look me in the eyes and ask do you need anything so then I get to the the cashier

and this girl I already tell she's like alright alright, this is the end of the night. We about to clock out. I said, yeah. The service just, it was not good today. It just, nobody really helped me. And she said, sorry.

No. Sorry. And I said, your name is Kennedy, right? It's Kennedy? Bitch, when I tell you I was about to go up to the headquarters of Sephora, I needed everybody to lose their job. We got to reel it in.

It's got to be a little more. We got to reel it in. I know how hard it is to go to work, to want to work, to want to be there. And it's just I knew if I called Sephora Hair Court, Kenny's still going to have her job. So that's what I don't understand about Karen's. But people are still working, babe. You might as well just pop some Xannies or whatever and calm down because you're not getting these people fired.

Go home. There is a decline in customer service across every single field that is happening. Ooh, Chow is bad. I'm usually pretty chill. I had a heated moment at my corner store the other day because the dude, I'm sitting at the deli for 10 minutes. I'm sitting at the counter. He's milling about the store,

doing anything other than making a sandwich. By the way, there's three of them in there. There's three fucking people working, one on the register, one sitting reading a book, and one milling. Now tell me, are any of those fucking jobs making a sandwich no i'm pissed and so i'm but you're a new person but so hey i'm not i'm not family there so they gotta you know they're trying to initiate me so right so i do i stand politely for 10 minutes i don't say anything of course i

have the urge to go hey does someone want to make a fucking sandwich or no but i don't i go hey i'm chilling so i'm standing there you should have said that because then they would have been like they might have hopped to see they respect that guy welcome to new york baby and it didn't happen i stood there for 10 minutes and then finally like a fucking fool like an idiot i'm not making no sandwich if you you get clothes mouths don't get fed so i turned to the guy whose job it seems to be milling and he meandering around he's wearing the apron like he's gonna cut some meats and i go i'm so sorry when you get a second can i get a sandwich and he just shakes his head no.

And I went, wasting my fucking time. And I walked out. I was so mad. I was like, what do you mean? What do you mean head shake no? Well, did you hear there's a recall on the Boris head? I don't give a fuck. He's been getting sick.

The salmonella is at an all-time high. I don't give a fuck. And so he's probably wondering, why the fuck do you want a sandwich right now? Do you know what the answer is? Unless you just want slices of tomato on some chocolate some you ever heard of egg salad honey his job is to turn to me and go all we have is egg salad would you like that sir and i say no thank you we're too much caleb we're in new york i'm asking for a sandwich the culture is dead i can't get a fucking sandwich it's bad it's really really bad i just i i'm like how do we fix this? How do we fix the people?

And then what's also very scary is the people who love their job too much. Yeah. Where they're like, oh my God. You can't win with us. When I get on the plane and the steward, they on A doing a bit. They fucking running that car. Oh my God. What can I, they're touching babies and shit i'm like

oh they're planning to i'm not gonna lie i'd love to get one of those like i get scared i actually am unease when this when the stewardess are they're just too happy i'm like oh they're planning to take this plane down because why are you so fucking happy i would love to get one of those the only the only flight attendants i've had recently have had a little bit of an attitude for me really one of them recently i fly a lotants I've had recently have had a little bit of an attitude for me. Really? One of them recently. I fly a lot, okay? We know. I take my bag on the air.

You're in the front, though. I'm in the front, and I always travel two carry-ons no matter where I'm going. By the way. So, by the way, what do I expect? A little bit of nice. A little bit of nice. I'm just saying. I didn't pay nothing for the ticket.

I'd like a little bit of nice. Okay, okay, okay. I get on my carry-on. I go to put it overhead, and she goes, that's not going to fit. And I went, oh, I think it will. I fly with it all the time she goes i fly a lot too and i went okay and then i put it in there and guess what fucking fit the bag bitch i was like how dare you have an attitude with me i've done and by the way when i get on the plane what do i say i say hey guys how's it going how's your day going good to see you

i'm always very polite i've never been I've never started with a bad attitude with a service employee but we can get me there you know and when you even tell me the bag wouldn't fit I didn't mind that

she sees bags all the time and I'm not mad at all but when I said oh I think it'll fit this is the exact size bag I fly with all the time I fly in this plane and you would think

a man wanted to hear that she said I fly a lot too it won't fit oh oh it won't fit you're like oh oh my God. You know this is a Christian family podcast. I got you.

I'm so sorry. This is a Christian family podcast. Yeah. But yeah, it was the second part. I fly a lot too. First of all, unscrunch your face when you're speaking with me because I'm being nice. And second of all, the bag fit. Where's your seat though?

1A. Okay. Because I'm like, she wouldn't be talking to you if you were in the back of first. You would think. You would think. You're pretty much in coach. I'm effectively the pilot. I couldn't be closer.

If I got any closer to the cockpit, someone would tackle me. Yo, listen. Caleb, right now I have a dilemma. Because you fly a lot.'m i'm uber a lot i'm that girl the fact that i haven't done any brand deals with uber is crazy but um i recently found out that i have a 4.6 did i strangle a driver why am i I at 4.6? Did I literally shit in the back of someone's, why am I at 4.6? That's not good. I don't understand,

and so now I'm on a mission to find out what's the problem. I like that idea. You're looking at your rating. I'm wondering about mine, but I'm listening to you at the same time. Okay. I was like,

did I take it to the wrong level? Like, is this not, you're trying to find out. What is yours? It's not important. Tell me. It doesn't matter what mine is.

No, I need to know. 4.9 to 4.9. Basically a five. Practical. That's wild. So I'm at a 4.6. I'm I'm a murderer. I'm like, I clearly have killed someone's child. I don't know. So I'm in the back of the Uber the other day and I am talking to your driver and I said hey is there like a note about me because i'm not my rating is a 4.6 yeah so he already was like oh this is gonna be one of those

yeah he said no there's no note on you he said 4.6 he's like i was like i don't know why it's so low he's like well are you eating and drinking in people's cars meanwhile shrimp tempura LaCroix yeah I said oh okay I said I don't usually do this but I haven't eaten all day but if you would have told me no eating and drinking in my car I would absolutely not do it he's like yeah when you know if you come in and you eating you know you're talking on the phone loud i was like y'all talk on the phone loud yeah he's like oh well you asked me it's like because now i'm being he's like ma'am yeah and now i'm like oh fuck is he gonna give me like a lower rate so now i'm stressed right now i'm trying to win him back i'm, so what's going on with your day? Like, it turned. It turned.

But I just want to get back to 4.8 at least. I don't know. The drivers don't give a fuck about me, but it's because I have a 4.6. Yeah. They're seeing my rating and they're like, oh, we giving you what you are. Yeah. And I just need to get back to where I want. And it's, I don't know how to do it without pretending.

You might need to switch to Lyft. Oh, I'm a 4.9 at Lyft. See, you might need to stay over there. I'm a 4.9 and then see you might need to stay over there because at this point uber's looking pretty shot for you really what point you'd have to work really hard to get that back up how am i gonna i drive big cookies like what am i gonna do i don't know it doesn't seem possible just by law of averages you know i'm stressed and that's how i know i'm turning into an elder because it's like why do i care if anything it's like the lower it is y'all still gotta pick me up bitch what's up yeah you know i'm over here like how do i fix this i i want to be

i can't die with a 4.6 you can't die with a 4.6 yeah i have to like once i get to that 4.8 girl forget about it i'm out of here call me call me because this is my last time well hey speaking of other things you uh feel passionately, what's so true to you? What's so true to me? Yeah, what's so true to you? So true to me. I think if you're in a relationship, you don't have to post. You don't have to have a social footprint at all no if you're in a

relationship i think we've done that too much i think it's i think it's time to really back it's not hiding yeah it's not um trying to be mysterious it's just you protect the things that you love the things that are important to you and why are you are you why i gotta post everybody i'm dating or anybody that i'm like in love with yeah i think i'm what's so true to me is having that that boundary of it's like we on a need to know basis do you know this need to know fall i need to know fall i yeah we're gonna that for sure. So you're dating someone who's married right now? No. Oh my God, Caleb.

I'm just kidding. It'd be fun though. I can't believe you said that. That'd be fun. Wait. Not you. Caleb. Now I do sound, I do sound, I do sound like that.

But do you, when you see people who they they don't post but you know they're in relationships do you think that's weird no i think it's really cool and honestly i have i i actually was just talking to my my aunt um who's in a very happy long marriage a genuinely happy like great marriage my aunt ashley and my uncle andy shout out love you guys they listen um but they we were talking about couples who feel the need to like post and who will be just so constant, constant posting about how wonderful their partner is. And like, can't believe he took out the trash before I came home today. Shit where it's like, y'all, I don't know who you're trying to convince, but it feels like you.

Themselves. Yeah. It's like at a certain point, I'm like, we already thought y'all liked each other. I don't know why you're doing all this. There's got to be moments where you actually see yourself And you look at your page and you're like This is disgusting Just in general, yeah This is nasty

Just some couples, you're like Why are y'all doing so much? The collab, like couples on the They got the page together Yeah That is wild to me The shared Facebook page back in the day I don't want it

When you see two faces in the AV And it's not a podcast it's like it it's a couple yeah but they're throw it away we would have burned it we would have a really successful instagram relationship i think it would i think with the algo would love us like because it's just two cute faces like little little eyes and just like you know just we could be like you could be like this is my husband he loves me we could be like this is my husband he loves me I'd be like this is my wife you know lavender marriages is up yeah

lavender marriages more people are learning about it and they might have to do it gay guys and lesbians getting together making it work and they're like we deserve each other's health insurance and that person that's gonna show up when I'm in the hospital. But that marriage meaning

we got to stick together physically and have all these be binded. That's actually so unhot. That's not hot. This is what gay guys have been doing for a while. This is true. Shout out to y'all. Sure, we'll do shared health insurance

but I'm going to fuck anyone I see. That's a gay guy marriage. That's called open? Yeah. That's called poly? Don't get me started on open right now. You don't want open? I can't get into open.

Stop it. Yes, I will do open, but in a very specific way that is the only right way. Is there a paper? Like you have to write it down, a contract? I have the answer. I'll tell you off camera the answer to open. I have cracked the code on open. I know exactly the right way to do it.

I don't want to tell my fans because I don't want to talk with these people about it. A lot of them are open. A lot of them are poly. A lot of them are doing it wrong. A lot of people are doing open wrong. And I just can't hear any more about the open. But I've figured out open. We have concepts of a plan.

I figured out open. Well, I have a note for you poly people, the poly pockets. They're so poly with relationships. But then we get to the table and they don't want to share none of their shit on the plate. I cannot stand. It was socialism right up until. Oh, so you don't. Oh, I can't put my hand in the chips.

Yeah. These are just your chips. Yeah. Your fries. Yeah. Like, you got waffle fries just for you. I don't want to fuck in the chips. Yeah. These are just your chips. Yeah. Your fries. Yeah. Like you got waffle fries just for you. I don't want to fuck with you like that anyway. Yeah.

I wasn't interested in you like relationship wise, but now we can't even be friends. I don't want to hear about a politics of joy. If you're acting crazy on Venmo after the hang, don't Venmo request me when I bought you three of our last four meals together. Yeah. And then you're Venmo requesting me for the shared chips and salsa. You're out of your fucking mind.

But you're Polly. Yes. So your hole is for everybody. Yes. But the fries are just for you. I really can't stand that. That's not right. That's not right.

That's not right. Close it up. Close it up. Close the hole up. Close the hole. Open your arms to the fries for everybody. Pass it out. I'm closing down holes like Border Patrol.

I'm shutting it down. I'm saying no one coming in or out. That was too much for everybody. Pass it out. I'm closing down holes like Border Patrol. I'm shutting it down. I'm saying no one coming in or out. That was too much for Chance. Chance couldn't handle that one. No, that was good. Sit, I have a segment for you. This is a game. Yes. This is a game. It's a true-false game. I'm going to tell you 15 statements. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if you think they're true or false.

If you get 10 or more correct, we're going to give you 50 US dollars. Are you serious? Okay, true or false. George you get 10 or more correct we're gonna give you 50 us dollars are you serious well um okay true or false okay george washington had no middle name false true bats are mammals true true buffalo wild wings was founded in 2003 true false 1982 wow tied laundry pods were invented by nasa True. False.

1982. Wow. Tied laundry pods were invented by NASA. False. False. You can see the Great Wall of China from space. False. False. Vatican City is the smallest country in the world.

False. True. Time Magazine has the largest magazine subscription base in the U.S. True. False. A-A-R-P. Wow. Old people, what are you going to do?

The Wave was invented at Oakland Coliseum. You said the what? The Wave. The Woo. Was invented at Oakland Coliseum. True. True. True.

How to Get Away with Murder ran for six seasons. True. True. Brooklyn has a larger population than Boston. True. True. The Galaxy S is samsung's newest phone why the fuck would i know that you up on this true false s24 you gotta be up on samsung crap mac and cheese was discontinued in 2023 what craft mac and cheese was discontinued in 2023 false false instagram live has a four hour time limit false true no that's a lie instagram four hour time limit yes that's crazy seahorses have no teeth or stomach

false true halle berry is a world-class frisbee golfer false false how'd she do eight eight oh wait give it to me you were so close oh damn so i wanted to pay you you don't want a queer black woman to win? No. You mean I'm too? Can you do a bonus? Bonus round. Bonus round. If you tell me you love me, I'll give you a prize. Not worth it.

She didn't want to do it. She didn't want to do it. This is so terrible. Of course I love you. Damn. Damn. Well, the prize is my love back. I was literally sucking your toe while I was here. I was sucking your toe off.

You did give me a very nice compliment on the show, which I know that was difficult. We've had a checkered past, me and you. We have. But you brought pods back. Pods are in. I brought pods back? Yeah, because usually people are like, nah. Like, we come to podcasts now, and you're like, this is a setup.

You don't want me to win. You just want shit to go viral. You don't care. You don't want to have a real conversation and you are for the people i'm for the people you actually make us feel safe that we could come in here and be ourselves and not get canceled so no one's getting canceled you know what a lot of famous people have asked to be on this show oh and they have and guess what many many a turndown we've done we're keeping this show for the people this show is for the people. I'm only going to have on people we actually want to talk to.

I love you so much. Thanks for being on. I love you. I love you dearly, dearly. That was a HeadGum Podcast.