So True with Caleb Hearon - Taylor Ortega Knows Her Rights

Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a head gum podcast. I'm calling all K-leberties, K-lesbians and truthers. We're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash so true. And we want to hear from you so we can keep making content you love. You know this, we know this. Look there's ads on our podcast. Sue me. Sometimes the product might not be for you, but I know you all still diligently watch each ad from start to finish because you all just love supporting the show so much. Huh?

Starting point is 00:00:29 We want to improve that experience. But in order to do this, we need to know a little more about you, our audience, or as I like to call you, our family. I know you're all lovely kind mentally well people, but the more details I have, the better experience we can provide for you, my family. The survey is a quick, easy and free way to support this podcast, which we would just appreciate so very much. It'll take you two minutes and you'll be helping us out so much by doing it. What's two minutes to help out your favorite gay podcast or as I like to call me your family. We actually do want you guys to do this. This is actually something I asked us to do. It's the survey. You're going to tell them what kind of ads you like and don't like.

Starting point is 00:01:10 And when you do it, if there's an option to say we love when Caleb's silly with it, put that in there. Go to gum.fm slash so true to fill out our audience survey. That's G-U-M dot F-M slash S-O-T-R-U-E. Love ya. When I was like 19, my boyfriend had this app and it was very early into apps, not everyone even had iPhones, and it was like know your rights,

Starting point is 00:01:34 and he was like, and he quizzes you to know your rights, and at the time I didn't understand. Sorry, can I just say, it is so funny in the same episode to be like, yeah, I'm trying not to mention my age anymore, and to be like, I had this boyfriend who had one of the first apps. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. N-Y-C weather. And we can put this in.

Starting point is 00:01:54 Yeah. Saturday, okay, high of 30. Oh, that's actually, but it's nighttime. Actually, in the low is the highest it's been. The low's been like 15 or 14 the last couple days. The low's gonna be 25 that night. Okay. Fuck, it's gonna be 40 on Sunday though.

Starting point is 00:02:07 That's the weather we needed. At that, to me, can I be honest, marginal. 30 and 40's a big difference, babe. I guess. 30 degrees to 40 degrees. The evening is. No, but here's what I'll tell you. The party has an outdoor patio.

Starting point is 00:02:20 Heat lamps? Yeah, so it's like, if, whoa. Yeah, it's gonna be real cold when we're out there. But the fact is, people will go out there and smoke. They will, that'll be fine. Yeah, it'll be totally fine. I mean, we're wearing coats. Do you know what I've been obsessed with lately?

Starting point is 00:02:32 Omakase. Yeah, where they pick for you? Oh my god, I love that they pick for me. Really, that surprises me. I know, I tell them no eel though, I don't like eel, but I like when they bring, because I would never think to say, hey, can you bring me a little bit of miso

Starting point is 00:02:47 on top of a piece of salmon? I would never think to do the things that they do. Right, because you've never made sushi. I've never made sushi, and I don't like when people do that, by the way. Homemade sushi, it's like loose. Eugh, God. It's like really loose.

Starting point is 00:03:01 It's loose and it looks bad. It's shaking loose. They're putting like imitation crab meat in there. It's warm as hell. You can see it. Hey, have something else. No worries. Everybody knows someone who has bought one of those little fucking bamboo roller things. I took a class.

Starting point is 00:03:14 I have one. You didn't take enough classes. I have one. I don't think you need a class. Well, I've never used it. Yeah. Were you planning to? Mm-hmm. Oh. Gonna make some really loose sushi. I was gonna make some. I thought I could do it tight. Gonna make some really loose sushi.

Starting point is 00:03:25 I was gonna make some, I thought I could do it tight. Gonna make a, you think? Yeah. I believe you. I think I can. But I don't like it when people do it. No, I think a sushi is a very, no matter what the cost, very fairly priced.

Starting point is 00:03:35 Yeah, oh really? Yeah, cause you're paying for the expertise. Yeah. And the fresh fish. I don't feel that it's always worth the price. I will say I've gotten some sushi bills and been like, hey, whatever happened back there. Particularly here.

Starting point is 00:03:47 Yeah. Like the sushi here is- Because I'm looking at it and I'm going, that's a ball of rice and a piece of fish laid over it. You can't really tell me that's 25 bucks. You can. Yeah, and they do and I pay it. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:03:58 Yeah, I'm a rube. No. I'm a fool. You're so smart. I'm a simpleton. The other things we're paying for are crazier. Like to me it makes total sense because it's fresh fish and like you can't get like it has to be a certain way. What we pay for pasta. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:04:12 That's disgusting. But you're Italian. I know but I went to Italy. Yeah. Whispering. Yeah. I went to Italy. Yeah. And what I discovered and I grew up eating a lot of Italian food. What I discovered I think it's totally overrated I think Italian food is delicious amazing. Definitely overrated really and definitely for babies. Oh Yeah, you're gonna go anti Italy right now Yeah, are you Italian? Yeah, and from New Jersey, you're such a stereotype I know and we ate it like all all week long. We and you're loud as fuck. Yeah, I know not anymore I'm being really quiet. Are you being dead? Yeah, you're being dainty now. I like you loud

Starting point is 00:04:48 I don't want you to go quiet. I think as I get older Don't shrink yourself. I have to I get like really like fleeing in feminism with you Yeah, I'm like take up space Queen I can't I think it was cute when I was 25 to be screaming all the time Yeah, and people like we love it We love it and now I have to sort of shift into kind of being like, because I want to seem wise. Yeah. Do you think you are wise?

Starting point is 00:05:10 Yeah, but I think I started from such a dumber place in wisdom. I'm very smart and very witty, but with wisdom, no. I started at a big deficit. And so I'm probably as wise as a really mature 27 year old. Because I had to learn all my lessons first hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting. I have a question for you.

Starting point is 00:05:32 Do you think this, do you believe in, like when I, okay, do you think this is your first time on earth? No, but close. Yeah, like you've only been here a time or two. And people, strangers will tell me that. I think I've been here one trillion times. You think that many times?

Starting point is 00:05:47 I think I might have been one of the first people. You think one of the first. I would put you dead in the middle. Dead in the middle. You think? Dead in the middle. I feel tired, man. For sure. I'm not tired even in a bad way. I feel like, I just kind of know.

Starting point is 00:06:03 I don't know, I just feel. Well, you're 30. I I just feel I'm not 30. Taylor. I'm about to be. Something happens. Actually by the time this episode comes out I will be 30. You'll be 30 and I think that what happens is when you're 30 you go oh I don't feel old but I've been alive a long time I've seen so many things. And how do you explain the fact that I felt that when I was 7? There's a picture of you. It's a show promo on Molly's fridge. Yeah, and there is An old-soul energy to that child. There's like very few pictures of me as a child where I look childlike in the eyes Yeah, you're kind of like you are kind of like you're like Yeah

Starting point is 00:06:40 Most pictures of me as a child are me kind of looking like I just got really tough news And I know how to handle it. You know what I mean? You look like you're working for HR transitioning me out of the job every time I stare at Molly's picture And it's big too, and I and I look at I look at him a lot. All my baby pictures are like Like a guy I look like you know when there's like a serious baby on the timeline and people are like he's got a 40 hour a Week job and a pension that is literally how I was. When I see that picture of you think if I was that kid's mom, I'd be telling him too much about my life I'd be asking him for advice and they do leaning on him heavy. My mom did and so did everyone else's mom. Yeah I'm literally the kid at the sleepover who like all the other kids be playing PlayStation. I'd be in the kitchen like Cheryl

Starting point is 00:07:20 It's not fair. He can't do that. He can't do that. If he says he's gonna take you out, he has to take you out Like my boundaries would be bad with that kid, yeah Yeah, you know, yeah, I wish I knew I wish I knew you wish I was your mom at the age You know, I wish you were my mom. I wish I knew you at the age you are now when I was then Yeah, me too. I feel that way. That was a beautiful thing to say. Yeah, I often feel and I've said it out loud You you haven't been there, but I've seen that I've seen that photo. I go god. I wish Little boy existed now. Yeah, he's not there. I would cherish him I sometimes I get I try to do the inner child thing, you know where I'm like

Starting point is 00:08:03 Oh, what does my inner child want and then I'm like I don't I think he won I think he was all good. You know what I mean you he had it all he how you say he had what he needed Or I'm like I don't know what that would even look like when I'm like oh, I'm gonna heal my inner child I'm like he's chillin What do you think if you had to like get take him out for the day now take him out for the day? Where would he want to go dude? He would love my life. You think he'd wanna do everything the same? Well, he'd want less emails for sure, but he would love my life.

Starting point is 00:08:30 I eat whatever I want. I go on walks whenever I want. I listen to music all the time. That's true. I have friends. I'm gay. He was really... Oh, he would be...

Starting point is 00:08:42 I knew I was gay really young. Got it. Like, second grade. Oh, really? I remember I knew I was getting really young. Got it, well. Like, second grade. Oh, really? I remember there was like, it was second or third grade, and there was this kid, I won't say his name, I don't know where he's at in the world now. I'll say his full name.

Starting point is 00:08:51 But there was, there was, they were doing, you know, everyone would get married on the playground. Kids are fucking weird, by the way. No one ever asked me, but I was, I was getting involved in support ways. Yeah. In support roles. Yeah, trust, trust I was laying flower petals down for the... I'm like, what do you guys need me for?

Starting point is 00:09:05 For the cute kids to get married, yeah. No one was asking me, but I remember being like, I wanna marry this boy. I don't know why they're like, Kayle, what girl do you wanna marry? And I was like, no, I don't really want any of them. Yeah, that kinda makes sense for you too, because I do think even, like, you just,

Starting point is 00:09:20 like, you'd wanna be, you'd wanna be like, I think in an uncomplicated way, be like, I'm married to a boy who like, likes the same things. Yeah, huh, what do you mean? Like, you to be like, I think in an uncomplicated way, be like, I'm married to a boy with the same things. Yeah, huh, what do you mean? Like, I got referred to you as Butch the other day, which I don't think is how you're supposed to refer to gay guys. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:09:33 Like, that's a lesbian term. Yeah, you're just not used to being around gay guys. Not for a while, I mean, I used to live here, and this is a city of gay guys. Yeah, New York is gay guys. New York, as a person, is a gay guy. It's gay guy headquarters, yeah. It is, gay guy HQ.. Yeah, New York is gay guys. New York as a person is a gay guy. It's gay guy headquarters. It is gay guy HQ.

Starting point is 00:09:48 Totally, that's why I moved here. Yeah. You need to meet some of them. And I think LA is lesbian HQ. LA is lesbian HQ because it makes a lot of sense. New York's about going out, that's what gay guys do. LA's about staying in, that's what lesbians do. For sure.

Starting point is 00:10:01 Except for the lesbians in our life. Not only do they they they stay in until they want to do something annoying that I don't want to do they stay in until it's time to go to paintball or whatever you guys we have never activities I don't know it's just it is a too many it's a revolving door of clowns I can't keep track of the nicknames I can't keep track of the Oh, sorry. The non-binary people. That's so New York of you. No, I can't. There's only two genders in New York for sure.

Starting point is 00:10:37 New York is very gender essentialist. Yes, it's so true. Because there's no time for all this fooey nonsense. It's literally, I mean, yeah, you gotta walk fast. It's cold outside. When you're walking fast, who has time to worry about their gender? It's not even, and I've never thought about it.

Starting point is 00:10:52 Your gender? Yeah. I really have. Have you really not? No, of course I have. You think girl? Are you doing girl or just she her? I'm doing hardcore she her old fashioned style.

Starting point is 00:11:02 Yeah. But somebody's got to, you know. And I'm happy to do it. That's almost alt-right at this point. I know. To just be she-her and mean it is all, it's pretty much tradwife. I'm trying to sort of reclaim it because I have no choice. Yeah, what do you mean?

Starting point is 00:11:17 I got it. Like, it kind of is what it is. You can do a she-there. You might really get ahead by doing that. I don't feel like that would be on this. Get a short haircut. Oh no, I've done that before. I cut all my hair off.

Starting point is 00:11:28 It was ugly. I do not like that for you. It was ugly. You're beautiful with long hair. Thank you. No, my face couldn't pull it off. Well, you're gorgeous. You could pull off anything, but I just don't,

Starting point is 00:11:37 it doesn't feel like, you feel too playful to have a short haircut. Thank you. I, listen, I think I was traumatized the minute I did it. It was really, really ugly. I had a boyfriend at the time and he was so kind about it. Really? But we both knew I looked crazy.

Starting point is 00:11:50 Really? That's beautiful. Well, usually if you change anything about the way you look back in my day, back in my day, your boyfriend would have grounds to break up with you. Men could leave you for that back then. Men could leave you for a haircut back then. Men used to be able to leave you for a haircut. Yeah, and sometimes I think I would do it obstinately.

Starting point is 00:12:04 Yeah. You know? Well, because you wanted to be with his sister or whatever the fuck yeah I know yeah, yeah, you were doing his sister somebody's sister But you would be with somebody's sister for sure not even really your whole thing is like kind of like You're into like trans guys that look like Stuart Little Yeah Literally you're in the like proper little trans guys. Literally that. Do you think?

Starting point is 00:12:27 Yes. No, that is my like margin. That's kind of like, that's where you're at these days. That's where I'm at. I mean, that's, I've always had, it's so funny. It's really frustrating. I think it's like really annoying to be gay and have a narrow like type, you know, but there is a really narrow area of the spectrum and you just really describe it well.

Starting point is 00:12:42 Like when I think of who you are sleeping with these days It's like a trans guy that would say hi ya. Oh my god They would not say sweet yeah Want someone to be nice to me? Yeah at this point in my life. I'm tired. Yeah What did you not want people to be nice to you when you were younger? There's always like and I think like this is Like me. I don't know if this is y'all too, but I think for women, there's like,

Starting point is 00:13:07 you obviously want someone to be nice to you, but there's like a, it's a very razor thin line, where not too nice, you know? Maybe that's trauma, but who cares? I've never wanted someone to be mean to me, but I definitely only recently have become able to accept healthy love, I think. Yes, and not right away, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:13:26 Keep it to yourself for a couple months. You gotta breadcrumb it. Yeah, you have to breadcrumb a girl like me. Yeah, I don't wanna talk, you know what's funny about this show is I, you know everything about me because you're my friend, but I, strangers know so much about me now. It's a problem what I do.

Starting point is 00:13:42 But not true personal things like about people in your life, right? Like about who you're close to. No, but it's like a lot about my dating and love life that I'm like, whoa. I would really struggle with that. Whoa, like I hooked up with a guy who was like treating me a little weird afterwards.

Starting point is 00:13:55 It was a casual hookup from Grindr. And he was like, hey, just so you know, I'm not looking for anything serious. And I was like, you're like a, I don't know your name. We just fought from Grindr. Yeah, no worries. But he was like, well I've seen the show and I know you kinda talk about you're looking for, and I'm like, whoa!

Starting point is 00:14:11 But not with you. Whoa, not with you. Not with you. Not with a slut. Yeah. Not with a slut who gives it up on the internet. Yeah, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Different when I do it.

Starting point is 00:14:23 Always different when I do it. Yeah're always different when I do it. Yeah, we're both doing this, but you're the slut. Obviously. No, it just, I'm like, people know so much about me, it's weird and I need to stop divulging, I think. Oh, it's you doing it. It's you giving all the information. Yes, I'm sitting here in front of this little microphone.

Starting point is 00:14:38 When we started the show, I didn't know people were really going to listen like that. So now, people, it's getting, you know. That's crazy. Did I ever tell the bartender story on here? I did, I think, about how I, I mentioned on here that a bartender kind of clock blocked me and the next time I went to the bar, they were like, hey, I don't wanna end up on the show again.

Starting point is 00:14:58 Oh! That's kind of Carrie Brudge. I don't know if you've ever heard of Sex in the City. I don't think anyone was reading her column They big definitely was that none of her friends were cuz she was like naming them every week big did not like that bitch No, he did not talk with her exactly what I'm talking about Yeah, she was turned on by it and that was the 90s So it's like back in the 90s, I would say 80 to 90 percent had to be mean

Starting point is 00:15:22 Yeah, and also back in the 90s, a guy who looked like that, average at best, could really ruin a beautiful woman's life. 100%. All the guys on that show, it's hard to tell if they're hot. I know, and now I kinda feel like it's, ironically enough, the only one who objectively was hot to me was Steve.

Starting point is 00:15:38 I completely agree. And she cheated him like garbage. I know, it's cause he was really into her. And that goes back to what we're saying, right? 100%. But he was so cute. And his little accent. He was so cute.

Starting point is 00:15:48 And he was so nice. And he loved her. And I just was like, ugh, if a guy treated me like that, I would be so nice to him, I think. Well, I guess we'll see. But then you look at my 20s, and it's like, whoa. I know. You look at my 20s, and it's like,

Starting point is 00:16:00 I had a couple guys treat me like that. And I thought they were disgusting. 100%. It made me ill. Yeah, but that's because of self-hatred, but we worked through that. I don't think it is. What do you think it is?

Starting point is 00:16:12 I think it is for you and most other people. Totally, probably. I think for me it was a complex layered understanding of, you know. I do think it is the rules of supply and demand apply. Yeah to having a boyfriend Yes, it's supply chain logistics. You have to build demand. I don't want some garbage. No one wants. Yeah, I don't care how sexy you are I don't want some garbage. No one wants felt like such a harsh but hilarious thing to say Garbage, no fucking street trash. I don't care if you're sexy as hell if nobody else wants to fuck you why would I?

Starting point is 00:16:47 yeah you know and that goes for I'll be monogamous with someone but I gotta know that at any moment you could cheat on me yeah yeah okay but you won't but you won't but you could. The options are there. The options are there and they're throwing themselves. Yeah cuz you're not doing poly right? I couldn't do it. Yeah it doing poly, right? I couldn't do it. Yeah, it's not for you. I couldn't do it. I've done open, and I could, you know? But it would really depend.

Starting point is 00:17:11 And I would need to be liked the absolute best. Yeah, you need to be the primary for everyone. Yeah, and honestly, if I found out I wasn't, the way it would rock my world. Yeah, I can't do it. I'm serious. I have really hot guys have hit me up for casual sex and When I see that they have a primary partner

Starting point is 00:17:29 I'm like you are telling me that we're gonna sleep together and then you're gonna go home to your loving husband And how about I not just that you're gonna go home to your loving husband and I will not have changed your perspective on the whole No, no, you're just in time with me. The sex is good. I'm hilarious. Yes. Like, it's not gonna happen. You're gonna go home and you're gonna be like, I can't get Joy here anymore.

Starting point is 00:17:50 If I'm gonna fuck a poly person, it needs to ruin their life. And it will... It needs to destroy their marriage. It is. That's what I think is... Neither of us are poly. We're like... We're like, basically what it is.

Starting point is 00:18:01 Yeah. So take a look. So basically that's what it is, is they would try to add you as a partner. Yeah. Yeah. I just, but I don't wanna be like the thing that's like, cause a lot of them they have that primary thing that they're like, this is my forever person, we locked it down, anyone else can come in and out.

Starting point is 00:18:15 I feel like that's a lot of what I see in Pauly. Oh. And I'm like. I don't know if it's supposed to be like that. It might not be, it might not be how it's supposed to be or how it even is for a lot of people, that's just what I'm encountering. And I'm like, I can't, that is so,

Starting point is 00:18:26 I can't be number three on the call sheet. No, also I can't really, I would really struggle to casually understand, I think committed I understand and maybe those two mix. I can't imagine feeling serious about that many people and I know there's people who can, but I'm not making a commitment unless I'm obsessed with you.

Starting point is 00:18:44 Yeah, I need serious leads. I need to be like absolutely some things like I'm a little sick like you've ruined my brain chemistry doing things that are uncharacteristic like that's the way you're getting me to that might be something to look into nah nah feels so good yeah okay it feels so good we were in New York I love it here you do love it here I miss it here why not just move back you know I'm coming for the summer and I think that'll really feel like I'll be here the whole summer and I think that'll fulfill that kind of I really feel that you're moving back I feel that most of our friends are moving here. You feel that? Yeah, and you don't think that's just because you moved here

Starting point is 00:19:20 You don't think that has anything to do with your personal experience. I just feel that I you know what it is. I will grant you yes. Okay, I will grant you Sure, I bet that me moving here has something to do with it, but I don't think it's so a lot of people go oh Caleb thinks that everyone's gonna move to where he lives So a lot of people go, oh, Caleb thinks that everyone's gonna move to where he lives because he lives there. Right. And actually, I think I live here because everyone was gonna move here. You have your finger on the pulse. I think I'm the first mover.

Starting point is 00:19:54 I'm the prime mover in the situation. You're like one of those people who are like, I'm a culture forecaster or whatever. I see where everything's headed. I look at the big picture and I go, I'll go ahead and settle that land. To say that about New York City. You're like, it's the next big city. Well, no. But you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:20:11 We were all in LA and it was cute. You know, we have a lot of fun out there. Yes. LA struggled to keep its grip on people, I do think. Which is interesting. You know, I, in our friend group, I was the first person ever to move there to say to say hey It might be time for New York

Starting point is 00:20:27 You kind of did open sort of like a wayward home for LA transplants for a moment There is a moment. I was any way house any lesbian who moved to LA knew they had a Piece of bread and a cot and an unlocked door. Oh God people hate well. I shouldn't be talking about that. What, oh yeah, don't mention it. Well here you can't do that. You must have to constantly be unlocking the door now. It's Kayla. Come on, they don't even make doors

Starting point is 00:20:55 that stay unlocked in New York City. They do. You found like the one apartment building that does it. Well, you know, my door to my building I keep locked and we'll keep all this in actually, I don't care. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really don't care, I don't care. I really don't care, I don't care. I don't care, I don't lock my doors. Break into my fucking house.

Starting point is 00:21:09 Break into my fucking house, you won't, I don't care. And here's what I will say, I live where you used to live and we lock the door compulsively now. But when I lived there we did not. For a year you did not and nothing happened. You know what drives me insane? When I'm in the house and someone has come over, a visitor, and they lock the door behind them,

Starting point is 00:21:27 and then another guest comes and I have to go unlock the door, is this fucking Azkaban? What's going on? They're locking them in. I do find it frustrating now when people will show up and you've established that the door is unlocked, and our friends will try to open the door and go halfway break it.

Starting point is 00:21:44 They're clicking in the windows. And I go, first of all, no, don't bring that the door is unlocked and our friends will try to open the door and go halfway, break it. They're not clicking in the windows. And I go, first of all, no, don't bring the presumptive energy to the front door, you're going to break it. Yeah. How are they all strong all of a sudden? I think locked doors are very conservative. For sure.

Starting point is 00:21:57 I think for me, it's like I'm having, if I sleep on my back, I'm having intruder dreams 24-7. I'm having sleep paralysis intruder dreams. Yeah. So I have to. What about if you sleep on your side?'m having intruder dreams 24-7 I'm having sleep paralysis intruder dreams yeah so I have to sleep on your side not as much okay yeah that's weird what is that about I have too much to solve okay there yeah no worries on that I'm only sleeping like two hours a night so what am I it's like such a small part of the day yeah yeah okay I have a question when you and CG live together did you guys sleep on the couch together every night no and if

Starting point is 00:22:24 you guys are doing that I need you to stop. We need to stop. You guys are too old for that. No, I know it's really it's don't tell them how old I am on here. Yeah, but it is really bad. You guys are too old to be doing that. Your back can't handle it. Like what if I have a kid in five years and then the kid needs to get on there? That couch is nice though, huh? It's so nice. I got I left that. It's not It's not it doesn't look nice. No, it's ugly. It's the ugliest good. God is it comfortable. Yeah, the ugliest thing Let's take a relax on that. It's really ugly. Let's take a relax on that It looks what it looks like really is it belongs in the finished basement of a Midwestern home And I don't know anything about the Midwesterners listening will know I've never been a big

Starting point is 00:23:02 It's a big bluish gray sectional. Yep, well it's grayish gray. But it's got blue undertones. It's cool toned gray. It's cool toned gray, that's what I'm saying. It's like one of the, yeah. It's not a warm gray. Yeah. Not taupe. You got a problem with me? You got a problem with my couch? Did you buy the couch? I did buy the couch and I left it there for free. I traded Ali, my couch. No one in that arrangement had permission to do that. Oh, I gave away like an expensive couch. Yeah, that's crazy. My couch was also expensive and I gave it away to your home.

Starting point is 00:23:32 Oh, that's nuts. So I actually feel like we both got scams. Yeah, I'm kind of learning that you and I, maybe Ally and CG maybe screwed us out of some couches. Yeah, probably more stuff. This is sick. That's really sick. Do you think this is interesting for the listeners?

Starting point is 00:23:43 No, they don't know who these people are. That we're deep in the politics of our couches. You guys don't know who these people are. They might. Ally and CG, you think this is interesting for the listeners? No, they don't know who these people are in the politics of our couch. I don't know who these people are I'm I Ali and CG you've heard their laughs on the podcast a lot. They've been in the room someday They'll have episodes. We'll put their heads right here. So do you say Ali's head? That's cute. That is someday. They'll be on the show. Yeah, they need to fucking earn it What do you want them to do I made me do some sick stuff to be here Yeah, and they need to do the same sick stuff. No.

Starting point is 00:24:07 Everyone has to do the same sick stuff to get on the show. This is Hollywood. I'm really scared. This is Hollywood. Blood sacrifice type shit. Yeah, I would do like any type, any, pretty much anything. I wish I got invited to a blood sacrifice in Hollywood. Blood sacrifice, fine.

Starting point is 00:24:19 Obviously, there's other stuff I wouldn't be comfortable with. Oh, OK. What would you not be comfortable with? I couldn't do the Diddy Party stuff. Yeah, so you wouldn't. I would have to, right. I would have to be comfortable with. Okay. What would you not? I would couldn't do the diddy party stuff Yes, you wouldn't I would have to write I would have to be a whistleblower. Yeah, I'll be honest I don't think I'd get invited. Yeah, what could you have nark energy and I'm old You're old as fuck. Can you tell on people? Constantly blabbing my own information on here. I'm first naming people Should we invite Taylor to the party?

Starting point is 00:24:45 And they go, she's old as fuck and she tells. Yeah, she tells. And she tells, no. Get someone young who knows how to keep the ball short. I'm like, the party was okay. That is, I mean, that is exactly what they're looking for. That's like, yeah. I'd be like, it felt wrong.

Starting point is 00:24:59 It is really funny how everyone who was in that circle seemingly knew that that stuff was going on and they were all cool with Diddy. And then the second that enough news sites kind of said like, no, he's guilty of doing really weird shit, everyone was like, he's done. Yeah. I'm like, wow, but you guys all seem to have that information before. They did have that information. And you were just cool with it. I mean, I don't know because obviously we didn't grow up in Hollywood, but I wonder if that's like, if you just see it be normal and you think, Oh, like everyone's doing free coughs, everyone's doing free coughs. By the way, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible. Name is the only thing I can't happen. I'm not okay. What's what's going on there? Bad,

Starting point is 00:25:42 bad, bad name is free. off is, ah, come on. That's fucking tight. You know what I mean? When I hear freak off, I think of someone like doing the worm. Yeah, that's because, how's it say? As old comedians who came up in improv, freak off for us, we're like, oh my God. Yeah, it sounds like an improv warmup.

Starting point is 00:25:59 Yeah, they're doing like a dance circle at a wedding. Yeah, and then you find out what it is and you go. Oh. Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, let's say let's turn the freak off. Oh, let's turn the freak off. Thank you. Lower the knob. And that's your official stance. Yeah. Would you ever run for office? I was thinking yesterday on the flight that I would be so incredible at politics. Really? Yeah. That's interesting. Why? I just kind of talk to talk,

Starting point is 00:26:26 and I don't really feel one way or the other about what I'm saying, which can be a huge liability, but also I think amazing, politically. You're also, you're very charming in a way that, all of our friends are charming, but you're charming in a way that's very like, I don't, there's something about you.

Starting point is 00:26:41 There's something about you that you feel very, I'm trying to pin it down. There's something that is something about you. There's something about you that you feel very, I'm trying to pin it down. There's something that is specifically about you that lines up with what you're saying, where it's like, I feel that I could say anything to you and you would allow it. Oh, 100%. I think it's my natural curiosity.

Starting point is 00:26:59 I go, oh, let's entertain everything for a second. Let's entertain everything for a second, but I do land on stuff eventually. I do have kind of what my therapist would call a strong sense of justice. Okay. Yeah. Interesting. So ultimately I would have to come around on something.

Starting point is 00:27:13 But in the meantime, say whatever. I want to hear it. Your therapist is giving you compliments? I think that was more of a diagnosis. Okay. I think that's neurodivergent coded language. You're neurodivergent. And I go, and we can cut that.

Starting point is 00:27:23 Do you want me to cut that? No, I don't care. Neurodivergent. No, And I go, and we can cut that. Do you want me to cut that? No, I don't care. No, I think I vote. Everyone's neurodivergent these days. 100%. Whatever happened to just being-

Starting point is 00:27:33 I'm gonna be cisgendered and not neurodivergent. Yeah. Absolutely not in this, no. What am I, the first lady? Yeah, no thank you. What neurodivergence do you have? ADHD, so ultimately at the end of the day. That's barely anything, right?

Starting point is 00:27:45 It's barely anything. It's been mostly, in my adult life, amazing for me. ADHD? Yeah, for sure. I will say. I have like a, my rebound rate is like that. Love to everybody, but some of the conversation around neurodivergence lately,

Starting point is 00:28:01 people are acting like they have stage four cancer. Absolutely. Because they like can't focus on a book for a little bit hundred percent. I love you to death. Yeah gonna be okay Oh, totally. Yeah. Well, I also feel like it's kind of like There was like six years. I didn't read a book Okay, it's crazy. You just completely changed my opinion. Maybe we need to maybe we need to start taking this shit seriously change my opinion maybe we need to maybe we need to start taking the shit seriously I was wrong I was wrong I tried something on I was wrong we need to take this seriously I moved to this city and I would start looking at Twitter on the train

Starting point is 00:28:34 oh god Twitter ruined a generation of mine mine included it did I'm dumb well you were kind of like the mascot of Twitter for a second I was really I was in college when I was supposed to be studying, I was on Twitter. You were on there. All of our smart, all of our people that were supposed to be our next smart people are dumb now. I know. And it's because of that website.

Starting point is 00:28:52 I was getting my news there for a minute. Yeah, that's where you got your news. That's crazy. I didn't want to be left out of anything. Yeah, I wanted to know everything at the moment. Yeah. You were there for Peanut Butter Baby and all of it. I've been there from, the other day I made

Starting point is 00:29:02 an internet reference that people didn't get. I go, it's time to lock that one up Put that one in the bin under the bag The core storage container I made a save by the bell reference You may as well reference like a cave Yeah, and it's really hard if you're like if you have a little age gap in dating and you make a save by the bell Reference and that person goes I had to Google it And I'm trying people have been telling me not to say my age as much on camera, so I'm trying to do that less

Starting point is 00:29:33 That's stupid. Why I don't really know I don't really feel like one way or the other about it But we're so funny about age. I know especially in acting like don't let them know that you're 30 whatever It's like it's like it ruins the- It gives a fuck. I know. Dry does not have to be boring, okay? With Athletic Brewing Co.'s fun and flavorful non-alcoholic beers. There are so many ways to incorporate athletic

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Starting point is 00:33:28 Everyone looks insane. Everyone looks crazy, but it's my favorite thing to talk about. Yeah, I'm obsessed with that I know all the stuff. Yeah, I've gotten really good at spotting it So you're so you can look at a face and be like brow pole tuck lift Especially before and after in celebrities. Yes, really? Yeah, I think it's like we just have to kind of like it's happening They're all doing it especially like the really famous ones. Yeah, the faces look different Let's just be normal about it. You didn't have eyelids before and now you have eyelids. Come on something to talk about we have come on I just everyone looks insane. I'm not on board. I don't care. I don't there's like this like there's this like faux There's this like crypto progressive wave of people being like it's your body

Starting point is 00:34:06 You can do whatever you want you can and you look insane you look crazy Please God just age and have weird stuff about your body. Yeah, my teeth look like shit. I've got a little skin tag right here I've got weird coloring on my face sometimes and I'm a fucking like dysmorphia territory. No, I'm like a human being I like I like the way I look I'm just like why and by the way, maybe someday I will want to change one or two of those things. I don't know. I'm not holding myself to it, but like, why are people going at young ages, by the way, people in their early twenties, thirties, facelifts, thirties, facelifts, and a lot of people doing it. What is so wrong about looking the way you look? What's really crazy is I guess I in person, it does. That's an LA thing that you don't realize kind of happens slowly is you're seeing a lot of work and not realizing it.

Starting point is 00:34:48 And then I'll come back here and I'll see like a family member, like someone in their 60s. And it's almost like my eyes were dehydrated and I'm like drinking gulping water for the first time. It's like gorgeous, stunning wrinkles on the face. It's beautiful. It really is. And it shocks you because when I lived here, I didn't think about it or aging would scare me

Starting point is 00:35:06 and then you go somewhere where people aren't aging and it doesn't look better. It looks different, it's it's own third thing. And so it's sort of like, it's not young, it's not old. It's a different category. It's a different category. You built a face for pictures. And then in real life it's not translating.

Starting point is 00:35:20 Your face is not translating to real life. Yes, it's not. It's only translating to screen. Instagram screen specifically, not film screen. You look insane in the movies as well. You look insane in the movies. It's crazy. I like when people look their age.

Starting point is 00:35:32 All these compliments that people are like, oh, my least favorite is when they're like, white people who are unproblematic age really well. I'm like, I am unproblematic and I'm gonna age like shit, and I'm looking forward to it. Well, what people are describing when they say that is, you just can't tell that that person has plastic surgery. And that's okay, but just like.

Starting point is 00:35:48 Yeah, it's not because they have cool opinions on like race relations. No. It's because they have a really good doctor. They got a blepharoplasty. Yeah. You really do know the names, that's crazy. I know the names.

Starting point is 00:36:01 Do you have any? Procedures? Yeah. No, I'll tell you what I've done. I've gotten Botox twice. Why? Where? For curiosity. I got it in my forehead and also one time a friend told me not to do it and I have an obstinate streak and I had to try it. I did it. I didn't really care for it. I found that it... No one noticed but I felt that my eyebrows were like, you know, I felt I looked smooth and crazy.

Starting point is 00:36:27 And so I didn't really, I was panicking, it actually really made me feel stress. And then the only other thing I've done is Sculptra, which is they inject like beet sugar into your face. And beet sugar. See this is what the fuck I'm talking about, that's insane. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:36:41 For what, for purpose? Okay, here we go. So basically when you like are 27 your body stops creating its own collagen anymore which is like what gives your skin the elasticity and so if you inject the beet sugar into your face it irritates your underneath your skin and it makes your body start to repair itself which makes it create collagen. That's crazy. It's crazy. That's fucking nuts. And you did that. I did that, yeah. And how did it feel? Well, I kind of was just kind of feeling like, oh I look better. Like I just feel like my skin looks better. Like, okay, maybe I wouldn't do it again, but it looks good. I did it like as a birthday gift.

Starting point is 00:37:15 And then I saw it before and after myself and I said, actually that looks really good. Yeah. Yeah. So you can go keep doing it? You don't really have to do it again for like years and years unless you want to. Oh, well you are beautiful. Thank you. But you would be beautiful without beet sugar. Well, it's already in there. OK, no worries. Nothing we can do.

Starting point is 00:37:30 You were beautiful before. Nothing we can kind of do. You were beautiful before and after beet sugar. Sometimes I'll get on a, you know, like a wild hair and I'll say, maybe I want really big boobs or something. You think? I don't think I'd want them all the time. That's the problem.

Starting point is 00:37:43 I've got to be honest. My thing about it is less, and maybe I'll learn that I don't even feel these ways But my thing about it. I think is that to me? breast any breast stuff or any like Yeah, that stuff. I don't care about like getting bigger smaller boobs. Whatever Specifically to me it is the face and the teeth. That's the thing that really gets me going They're tough. I'm not gonna tell a person they shouldn't

Starting point is 00:38:05 get breast implants and also, I don't know, I guess it kinda pushes up against a weird boundary when I'm like, well I never mind when a friend gets facial feminization surgery when they're transitioning or something, that makes sense to me. So maybe it's like a gender affirming thing and maybe my opinions are behind.

Starting point is 00:38:19 Right, could I as a cis-gendered woman affirm my gender with a very gradual nose job that I do over a couple years? Maybe, maybe I'm wrong to think that that's funny, you know what I mean? I think the choices that people that like women are making, it is anti-aging, I do think they're like this is what's tough about it. It is, it can, it's not the same thing, but it is kind of gender affirming in the sense that like there are unfortunately a lot of beauty trends for women and a lot of it used to be like body stuff and now it is like face and plastic surgery stuff across the board is like when everyone was getting this this fat taken out.

Starting point is 00:38:53 Yeah buckle. That was a trend and I do think we're gonna look back and be like uh oh we can't put that back in. Yeah that's crazy. Yeah. Yeah I don't know I guess it's more I guess what I'm saying is it's less my thing is less of a prescription for everyone else I'm not saying don't know. I guess it's more, I guess what I'm saying is it's less, my thing is less of a prescription for everyone else. I'm not saying, don't get plastic surgery. I'm saying, I am voicing a feeling that I'm having, which is that it's making me feel fucking insane to see so many fake faces.

Starting point is 00:39:13 I would love it if we could have a pact where we say, oh, we're all not gonna do it, like a no-buy month or something, but everyone not getting plastic surgery, but people will lie. And that's, lying is a huge part of plastic surgery. Lying is so huge. Okay plastic surgery. I am so huge Okay, you know so much about operations and what does what yeah, what would you prescribe to me? Oh my gosh, okay? What do you get just like kind of for fun? What should we do? Yeah, okay? Um, oh my god. Okay. Well not you lighting up Well, I love talking here's the ones I really know about I really hope that hurt

Starting point is 00:39:42 I'll give you something you can pick. Okay, so the one I mentioned know about. I really, oh, that hurt. I'll give you some and you can pick. So the one I mentioned, a blepharoplasty, I do think is a really popular one right now. It is one that is for older people. And it's when your kind of eyelid skin gets heavy and you can't see. So they'll cut a little sliver of skin off of your eyelids. But what's happening is younger people are doing it

Starting point is 00:40:02 to sort of open up the face a little. Or I think it's Like a style. I think you would have me do that. No, I don't think you should cut a piece of your eyelids out But you're giving it to me. I'm giving you as an option so you could do that Okay, you could also do an egregious amount of facial filler and we're talking and this is kind of on the hour Yeah filler go crazy. Okay. My face feels pretty full I've got like a pretty full like yeah, but you could throw it in places you would never guess Yeah, you could do you could do like big hard cheeks

Starting point is 00:40:38 Yeah, or this is another crazy thing there's filler and then there's also like hard implants, like a full, like a chin, a cheek, like, yeah, we're talking like big implants there, yeah. The face is small though. I feel pretty stressed out by all this. Yeah, it's crazy. The deeper you get, I'm kind of grotesquely obsessed with it. You are, but I think that's really interesting. It's actually something I don't think much about

Starting point is 00:41:04 and I've been really intrigued by your knowledge of it and yeah of course a little scared. I like to know because I like to identify. Yeah. Like I like to know that I like to be able to see it and identify it so that I know that that's not that person's face like as I think that that's important to me. Yeah. When I kind of after I turned 30 I was got really scared that the way I used to feel about like picking body apart all the time, I was gonna start to feel about getting older. And it was just like, oh, I spent my whole life

Starting point is 00:41:30 trying to not do that to my body, so now I'm just gonna switch gears and do it about getting older? That sucks. I'm never gonna enjoy or feel neutral about the way I look. Or just like having a face and a body. Like, I can't do it I'm tired. Well, nothing is designed for us to write no

Starting point is 00:41:49 But none of the systems want us to just like because they sell us shit So well, it really it feels so there's you know There's like things that become so conventionally known that they feel like trite to say Where it's like the beauty industry wants you to hate the way you look to buy more stuff, but it's like Yeah, I mean it's it feels like yeah, it's been said a million times I feel like and I don't think it makes to buy more stuff, but it's like, yeah. I mean, it feels like, yeah, it's been said a million times. I feel like, I don't think it makes me smart to know that, but it's like, yeah, dude, it's fucking bleak. It's like, they really want us to hate ourselves so much.

Starting point is 00:42:13 And they get better and better at it, kind of. I do think it's worth repeating because they do get better and better at it. And also, it used to be the, it was like, there was a big skincare obsession 10 years ago, and now it's like, everyone's getting full blown surgery and it's casual and it's good and it's well done and it's imperceptible. Yeah. That's crazy.

Starting point is 00:42:33 Yeah. And it will be affordable and it will be, like it is really nuts. Also, it's like, it's like five, seven years ago, filler. Everyone's getting absolutely filled up. There's 23 year olds absolutely getting like just non-stop routine everything. And then they're like, it's amazing, it goes away,

Starting point is 00:42:51 it's hyaluronic acid, it's like your body needs it. Or whatever. Good impression, good impression by the way. Yeah, that's me doing like a beauty med spa. Respect to the profession, business owners, small business owners. But then like a year ago they're like, oh it turns out it stays in your face and it's hard

Starting point is 00:43:08 and it's like they did like a scan of people's faces who have had filler and it's just like still in there. And it's like painful to dissolve and it's like, oh that's so crazy that they lied to sell you the filler. Yeah, well I'm gonna become a plastic surgeon and start doing real kooky stuff. I would let you kind of go crazy on me. I'm gonna be like, what's his name?

Starting point is 00:43:30 From Poor Things. Yeah. I'm gonna make a chicken into a duck. I would like, and I know I would like it. I'm gonna make a duck into a guy. I don't know if you've seen my tattoos. I'm gonna make a guy into a cow. Yeah, I would let you do that today.

Starting point is 00:43:38 I'm gonna make a cow into a lady. Well, I would hope if I... You wanna make a lady into a duck? I don't wanna be a duck. Too bad I don't want to be a duck too bad Don't come to my practice bitch. I want to come if other people are going One time I went to a party. I said every other people were getting tattoos at your house I said make a they them into a snake. I said I'm Love that you won't have to try very hard

Starting point is 00:44:03 Yeah, make a snake into a they them. Huh, honey, I've seen that. A they them who's a snake? Huh, you ever been to Bushwick? God damn, I'm good. God. I really love that. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:44:18 Make a non-binary person into a snake? All right. Save it for last. Save it for last. I literally, dude, I'm thinking about making a... Save it for live. Save it for live. Literally, dude, I'm thinking about making a... Save it for the tour. For the tour, for the So True Live Tour, I don't want to do...

Starting point is 00:44:34 I don't want to do a stand-up set, because I really want to focus on different kind of elements, because if I want to do a stand-up tour, I'll do a stand-up tour. But I'm thinking about writing a clean comedy set to open the show about politics. Okay. To do like a clean comedy set about the news of the day. Do you, I feel like, I guess I don't know what clean comedy is, because I would think that you were, but that can't be true.

Starting point is 00:44:55 You think I'm a clean comic? Have you been? Taylor, come on. You don't think that. I guess I'm not either. No, you're not, we don't really know any. No. It's like really just- I guess we don't.

Starting point is 00:45:07 It's like Nate Purgotsy. You're right. It really just is. God, what- It's only Nate and it's- What can you talk about? Fucking Jim Gaffigan. Oh, sure.

Starting point is 00:45:15 And that's mostly Catholic. Right. And like there aren't any of those left anymore. Jim Gaffigan, though, you know, there's something about him. He really does turn- he turns nothing into something. Right, because- We get like, oh, vacation after we'll go get ice cream. It's like, yeah, you know, we're going to go get ice cream.

Starting point is 00:45:23 And he's like, oh, I'm going to go get ice cream. And he's like, oh, I'm going to go get ice cream. And he's like, oh, I'm going to go get ice cream. And he's like, oh, I'm going to go get ice cream. And he's like, oh, I'm going to go get ice cream. And he'sigan, though, you know, there's something about him. He really does turn. He turns nothing into something. We're like, oh, vacation after we'll go get ice cream. It's like, yeah, you mean you fucking nailed it. It's a narrow lane. He really is funny. It's a you got to I think if we kind of were living that life, though, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:45:39 If we were Catholic, if we were straight, if we were married, if we were going to get ice cream. Yeah, if we did. That was good. Thank you You're working on your gym captain doing a woman Sorry, stop what you're doing My gap again, oh, oh nice, that's it really right. Sorry. What were you saying? You were doing you were trying to do something No, what were you talking about? I

Starting point is 00:46:04 Wasn't listening to you. I was working on my gap again. I don't listen to me either. Whenever people get upset that I'm not listening to them, I go, well, I'm sorry, I can't be sorry for that, because I don't listen to myself either. I don't know what I'm saying. People repeat things I've said back to me,

Starting point is 00:46:16 I'll go, maybe, I'm not listening. Do you think I'm a good listener? Because I think you are a good listener. It's crazy that you're- If I'm locked in, I'm listening. I think you're a good listener. Yeah. Well, it's my natural curiosity once again. You are naturally curious and you have a bent for justice according to your therapist.

Starting point is 00:46:30 Yeah, according to my therapist. Yeah, but what do they fucking know? I don't know. I'm still deciding if I believe in therapy. Yeah, well, don't bring it over here. You might find an answer quickly. No, I think therapy is good. You stay in it. I have to. I've been in it since I was like 19. You stay in it. I've been really strong. You stay in it. I have to. I've been in it since I was like 19. You stay in it. I've been really strong.

Starting point is 00:46:45 Don't say it like that. Wait, I'm like real mentally healthy. You don't leave it. You don't leave it hon. You stay in there. I think I have strong mental fortitude. I love it for you. Stay there. I lived in the city during the pandemic

Starting point is 00:46:58 and I was keeping it locked up tight. Did you bang any pans, be honest? I'm sure I did. Oh, I bet you did. Oh, I do whatever anyone else does it's not true it's not true I'm very I'm going with the grain mmm I'm trying my whole life I'm really trying hard I would not have been pots I know it no where I hear I know I would I can't see you and the thing is CG my roommates would have and I would have been like I would have been like are you

Starting point is 00:47:24 fucking kidding you would have gotten riled up even once I r have and I would have been like I would have been like are you fucking kidding? You wouldn't have gotten riled up even once. I riled up I would have been very I would have been deeply upset But I wouldn't have been like hey. No I mean riled up like. Oh to bang the pots. Yes. No I think the I think the refrigerator trucks full of bodies would have probably Would have probably. Why they can't hear. Would have probably dimmed Might have dimmed my banging the pots and v pans energy. It's for the nurses. Yeah, you're right. Did the nurses want it? I don't know a single nurse, so I can't answer that question. I know one. You want to call her? Yeah. Ask if, I think it probably made things better. My mom, Kelly. Oh, she wasn't a nurse in New York, but she's been a nurse for a long time. Were people

Starting point is 00:48:04 only banging in New York? Yeah, it was a nurse for a long time were people only banging in New York Yeah, it was specifically like you were leaning out the windows in Manhattan. You're gonna bang for the nurses Yeah, let's see what she says We just called Molly's mom on the pod the other day, oh Marg Marg Hey, what are you doing? You've never worked a day in your life. That's really cute. Hey, you're on the podcast right now.

Starting point is 00:48:34 I want to ask you a question. Is that okay? So as a nurse, which you are, when people during COVID in New York were leaning out their windows banging pots and pans in support of nurses, would you as a nurse have found that, would you have found that helpful and inspiring? Yes. Are you sure? I think just the fact that they were realizing that nurses were doing a very difficult job and that basically we were putting our lives on the line. You know, if they want to bang pots and pans or smoke a joint or whatever they want to do in our honor, I think kudos.

Starting point is 00:49:15 God, that... you've made me look very bad. You've made me look very bad in this moment. Why? Well, I just had an opposite opinion, but you totally changed my mind. And I just want to, I just want to thank all the healthcare workers out there and love you to death, Kel. Love you, son. All right.

Starting point is 00:49:39 Well, you have fun at work now. All right. Goodbye now. Bye, Shug. Bye. I'm learning that affirming is really important. Wow. Yeah. That was crazy. I mean I don't think it's that crazy. I think it makes a ton of sense. She wasn't she wasn't just like yeah that would have been nice. She was like they need to understand that we put our lives on the line. If I was working a 20 hour shift, I don't know how long the shifts are, if I was working

Starting point is 00:50:01 a 20 hour shift at a hospital. You're right. You know what I mean? What am I talking about? And I'm on the street with my sneakers and someone is banging and clanging. Even if I'm annoyed by it, I'm gonna cry a little. These people, these people are saving lives around the clock during a global pandemic to hear the clang of pots and pans. Oh my God, I would literally, I would.

Starting point is 00:50:23 I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna get in the game. What am I talking about? See, this is the problem. You're playing a pots and pans. Oh my God. I would literally, I would. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. What am I talking about? See this is the problem. And I haven't cried since 2013. This is the problem dude.

Starting point is 00:50:32 You sit behind a microphone and you stop, you lose touch with, of course that would mean something to her. Yeah. What am I talking about? I will be honest with you. Wow. I don't think anyone is looking at us thinking

Starting point is 00:50:44 we're in touch with the healthcare workers. But I think of myself as an in touch person, Taylor. I do too, and I think that you are. I mean, wow, that was a real reality check. Yeah. You know when politicians are like real Americans? That's that lady right there. She's a nurse in the Midwest.

Starting point is 00:51:02 I mean, and no like, you know. And no one was clanging out there, I'm learning. And no one was clanging in Kansas. She was going to work for no clangs. She was going to work for no clangs. And she worked all the time during COVID. Well, I think people don't, I think it's very sweet when people say thank you.

Starting point is 00:51:17 I think it's very sweet when people, I think we assume that it's weird to tell someone what they mean to us, or I think that. Sorry, I'm just speaking for myself. I guess other people do it. But I think it's, I'm learning it's really important, it's a thing I'd like to get better at. Gratitude and praise.

Starting point is 00:51:30 Gratitude and praise and being honest about my feelings. Yeah. Yeah. Is that hard for you? Definitely. Wow. For sure. Yeah, irony's a big shield for you.

Starting point is 00:51:40 You use irony as a distance or. Totally, and sometimes it's like I get in trouble and I go, for sure I should have been more serious about that. Yeah. You know? Yeah, you need to work on that. For sure. Yeah, not you.

Starting point is 00:51:49 I'm alone in that. That's just your thing. Well, sometimes recently you've said things in passing that I think have been very sincere and I really thought about a lot. Yeah. But it is scary and it does hurt. It hurts worse when you. Everything hurts worse when you cared and tried. I know.

Starting point is 00:52:08 And then it's, and then people will weaponize it against you. That's a really insidious thing about uh the, not just the internet, but like a moment that we're having right now is like weaponizing people's feelings against them. Like I, a lot of like, I'm not to make it political, but like a lot of like right-wing rallying right now is being like like being like elated about people's devastation being like being like immigrants are crying today because Donald Trump is sending ice. It's like, yeah, and that's really like 100%. Yeah, that would upset me. And you're taking joy. That's like we actually I don't know how often we stop and go that's fucking insane that you like that. Yeah, it is a, it's like a spooky desensitized thing. I saw, it was a TikTok, I won't lie.

Starting point is 00:52:50 I'm not gonna say what the source, I'm not gonna pretend the source. I think it was an article in the Atlantic I was reading. Yeah, you know. Where they were dancing to an audio. I was reading it online, still a newspaper. It was, but it was like a scene from Cabaret, I believe. And the audience was kind of like laughing at moments

Starting point is 00:53:11 of like true, like spooky anti-Semitism, things that I think were supposed to be like kind of bone chilling moments in the musical and sort of just like, I think it is like self protection of being like, it's okay, I'm laughing, it's funny. And it's like, oh, that actually wasn't written to be funny. That wasn't written to be a funny moment. That was like, that was to let you know

Starting point is 00:53:28 that that character is one of the most evil people to ever live. Yeah, like it's a scary time that's like important to the plot of the musical. And it's, yeah, it's like, there is like a callousness that is, I don't know, fashionable. I don't know if it's like, I don't know what it is. It's a real negotiation that I'm constantly doing

Starting point is 00:53:49 when I'm writing jokes, and I'm sure you are, I know we all are, where it's like, I want to make fun of everybody. I want to make fun of people different than me and like me. I want to, I like making jokes, and I like making people laugh. It's what I want to do, and I'm lucky that I get like an opportunity all the time,

Starting point is 00:54:03 but I definitely do, I feel a real sense of like whoa I don't want to I want to make sure that everyone knows Where my heart is when I'm making the joke for sure you know what I mean because now it's more than ever people are like Hiding behind comedy and being like well. He's kidding and it's like he's saying something deeply hurtful to an entire community of people 100% I want to laugh too. I love laughing I also don't particularly believe in like being sensitive or like a lot of reverence for you know but it's like come on there has to be something more important than being funny. Yeah I mean in comedy specifically being funny is so important but I think. I'm talking about in life. In life I think it's

Starting point is 00:54:38 not always and it kind of bleeds in and I do think that's what's like kind of cool about the internet is I do think people are funnier because of it. More people are funnier. I think we have a shared language where everyone's able to craft a joke in a way that maybe was really exclusive to performers or writers at a certain time. But it does lend to a little of that, where it's like, oh, do we all need the space that like comedians need for risk to take risks to write jokes? Do all of us need that in our day to day? Like I don't

Starting point is 00:55:09 want a guy in my office doing that. No, and also- You know, trying new stuff sort of in that way. Something you said is a really clear delineation, which is like the most important thing in comedy is being funny. Every time, all the time, always. The most important thing in comedy is being funny. There's nothing else. It's not about being a good person. It's not about being charitable or generous. The most important thing in comedy every time is being funny. And I am a comedian. However, the most important thing in my life is not being a comedian. The most important thing in my life is being a good person.

Starting point is 00:55:33 So the negotiation I'm doing is not, is being funny the most important thing about being a comedian? That's not the negotiation. The negotiation is how much do I care about being a comedian right now versus being a human? 100% when I was like less mature and like in my 20s I do think that I like it. It's like you're already funny. You're funny or you're not. I've always been funny. So it's sort of like why do I care about doing that all the time? Why do I need to have a take constantly? Why am I so uncomfortable doing the opposite?

Starting point is 00:56:04 Like why can't I develop that part of myself and it is like maturity just to decide you know yeah be vulnerable and sincere and probably only serves your comedy better I mean like when someone really turns it on you and makes you feel something when they're being after they've been really really funny yeah got my ass got my got my ass good hey I'm feeling deeply wasn't expecting that. Hey, whoa. Whoa. Um, God, yeah, that's so, hey, I almost said that's so true. Taylor. Yeah. I got a segment for you. Okay. I'm going to read you 15 statements. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if you think they're true or false. Okay. If you get 10 or more correct, I'm going to give you 50 US dollars.

Starting point is 00:56:43 That's crazy. And that could go a long way, towards whatever you needed to. That's an Uber ride. Okay, you ready? As quick as you can. The iPod came out in 2008. False. False, it was 2010. Fish have eyelids. False. True. The Sahara Desert stretches further than the distance from California to New York.

Starting point is 00:57:00 True. The New York Jets have never won the Super Bowl. False. False. They won once in 1968. A jackrabbit can travel more than 12 feet in one hop No true the browser Internet Explorer has been discontinued. Yes true a cucumber is only 3% water False is 96% water the side of a hammer is called a check or cheek. Sorry Yeah, true dolphins have the best sense of smell of any marine animal. Yeah. False. They cannot smell. Kentucky Fried Chicken is older than Taco Bell. Oh, uh... True.

Starting point is 00:57:31 You sure? No, false. It is true. Ah! I stick with my true. Alicia Keys was born in Greenland. Um, false. False. New York City.

Starting point is 00:57:40 New Jersey was the third state in the Union. False. True. Oh my god, that's where I'm from. New Balance originally sold only tennis rackets. Oh, true. False. No U.S. president has been born in Iowa. Oh, false. False. Herbert Hoover.

Starting point is 00:57:52 Saturn is the sixth planet from the sun. Oh, true, probably. True! It's gotta be true. I think eight. Well, that's not bad. But I will say, because people come for me in these comments, the first one, iPad, not iPod. iPad, sorry. And here's the first one I pad not I pod I pad Here's the thing. I would have been right either way because I had an iPod in like 2005 chance does get fucking

Starting point is 00:58:12 Beat up in the comments about these it's no people people never comment angrily about almost anything other than being like bears can swim Like they're so mad at chance they get I mean the information is accessible. Yeah Yeah Yeah, what was their miss hearing it right question was right yeah, I wrote was right yeah Listen Remember what happened two minutes ago. He's crying.

Starting point is 00:58:46 People can't see that he's crying. How do you feel about that? You made a straight man cry. Do you know what that takes? How would you like it if everyone saw you cry? Anyway, Taylor or Tago, what's so true to you? What is so true to me? You know, I've been noodling on this.

Starting point is 00:59:01 And I feel like unfortunately I kind of already said it and it's been an unpopular opinion when I said that I think Italian food is for babies. That was hard. Well. That was hard. I wonder what you mean by that. Well, here's what I do think. I think it's like one of, like everyone's like,

Starting point is 00:59:19 it's my favorite food. And it's like, oh, controversial choice. You might just be hanging out with a lot of Italian people. Definitely for sure. Yeah, cause I'm not hearing that a lot. Well, I grew up obviously eating it all the time. It's amazing, oh, controversial choice. You might just be hanging out with a lot of Italian people. Definitely for sure. Yeah, because I'm not hearing that a lot. Well, I grew up obviously eating it all the time. It's amazing, I love it. Nothing bad about it, right?

Starting point is 00:59:31 It's sausage, it's pussies, cheese. What's better than this? It's not rarely a vegetable in sight. I love that. I went to Italy, I had a blast. I ate so much the whole time. I grew weary. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:59:43 If you ask for like hot sauce or something you what they bring you just red pepper flakes yeah they go do what you will with this yeah these in the back for 50 years not what I mean no one wants us and it is just like it I think what's amazing about it is like oh it's fresh it's fresh tomatoes it's basil whatever and I go I need a little do you guys do like is there like a Szechuan place yeah yes you know is there some and maybe that's so American of me to need it's funny though You see Szechuan because I was gonna say when you said everyone's like, oh Italians my favorite

Starting point is 01:00:10 I'm like, I think everyone's favorite is Asian food Maybe there's food trends, but you're right. It could this could be a regional thing where I'm like stop making me pasta Yeah, yeah, you're having a real specific experience. We're like everyone's mom is making gravy every Sunday It's like, whoa. I think it's, and I kind of developed this thing where I go, I think it's like very accessible and not a scary food. Yeah. You know? And like, I think it's like maybe a little hack to be like, white people don't

Starting point is 01:00:35 eat spicy food. But it feels a little bit like you, oh, you love lasagna so much. You love your little hot cheese sandwich so much. And it felt, I go, we need something else in here. Yeah, it's also funny that Italian has really cornered the market as the fanciest food. It's not at all. Every fancy restaurant has some version of Italian and it's like the fucking sauce and the trying to get the noodles on the fork, it's like, I can do it.

Starting point is 01:00:57 But I'm like, it is just not, it doesn't really read to me as like, why did this get to be the fanciest food? I think it's like the most, I just think it's incredibly, incredibly popular. Most people like it. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with that. And I think that Italians are. Annoying. Oh, for sure. Don't even think you had to say that. But I do think it's, it's like, they're big on presentation. So that's how that happened. You know what I mean? They

Starting point is 01:01:22 like to, the waiters want to talk to you and they put out, I'm talking, this is like the 60s I'm referring to. To be clear, this is a time gone by. No one talks. This is a New York restaurant, Italian restaurant in the 60s. They're putting out a linen table cloth. There's a guy, he's got a little. Yeah, and a lot of times they're really cute. Italian guys are cute. Italian guys are, Italians are so cute. But they're, I mean the ones I know are also, and when I say Italians, like I've been to Italy,

Starting point is 01:01:50 but the ones I'm thinking of are all from New Jersey. Yeah, you're thinking of Jersey Italians. And it's a different thing. Yeah, what's different? Haircuts, the clothes. Yeah, tracksuits. The accents, definitely. Yeah, chains, little chains with the tank top.

Starting point is 01:02:02 But culturally not a lot. Hanging out at Satriale's Pork, all that stuff. Yeah. Yeah, Tony. Definitely. Little chains with the tank top. But culturally, not a lot. Hanging out at Satriale's Pork. Yeah. All that stuff. Yeah. Yeah, Tony. Yelling. There's a lot, Tony.

Starting point is 01:02:10 Tony's there. And grandfather, rest in peace. Yeah, rest in peace to him. Yeah, there's actually not a lot different. AJ's having a bit of an attitude. We might need to send him to boarding school. Oh, Italians will go to boarding school. Yeah, Meadow.

Starting point is 01:02:20 Meadow's going off to college soon. Meadow. That was a crazy one. I don't know a single Italian Meadow in real life. But the rest of it, I didn't know a single Italian Meadow in real life. But the rest of it, I didn't watch The Crowns until last year. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:02:29 Really? Couldn't get into it. But. Really, it's like kind of a documentary about your life. Well, that's the thing, I did find it like, not like accurate, obviously I'm like not in organized crime, but. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Starting point is 01:02:41 Most suspicious thing I've ever said. Yeah, yeah, you're like, I did find... Never mind. Cut, cut, cut, cut that chance. Tova's like, please don't say you're not an organized crime. Yeah, your dad's gonna get a Rico charge after this. Um. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah, I did find that I go, yeah, this is exactly what Italian people in New Jersey are like. Yeah. Exactly. I love that.

Starting point is 01:03:06 That's beautiful. It's like an ethnography. When he's in his robe standing over the counter, eating gubbagool out the wrapper, I go, yeah. Yeah, hey. 100%. Yeah, that's iconic. That's us.

Starting point is 01:03:15 100%, 100%. That's beautiful. I wish we had that from Missouri. I'm sure you do have a version of that. Somebody Somewhere gets really close. Yeah. Somebody Somewhere is great. Great show. And it gets really close to feeling of that. Somebody Somewhere gets really close. Yeah. Somebody Somewhere is great. Great show.

Starting point is 01:03:26 And it gets really close to feeling like that. But it's not quite my experience. Right. And it's also the character. They should make a show that feels like my life. What would that be? Like, what would it, how would it? It'd be called Gay Guy.

Starting point is 01:03:41 Gay Guy. Gay Guy. You're going to have to fight a lot of gay guys for that title. They couldn't carry the title. Yeah. I'm going to have to do Gay Guy? Gay Guy! Gay Guy! You're gonna have to fight a lot of gay guys for that title. They couldn't carry the title. I'm gonna have to do Gay Guy. HBO, give me a call. I was going through a phase where I would be like, oh that's so gay guy, you know, and I didn't know if that was offensive or not.

Starting point is 01:03:57 Yeah, I know it cares. It's okay. Gay guys are pretty cool about that stuff. They don't really mind. They're kind of like living the life. It's funny that like, gay guys and leftists get branded as such snowflakes by the right wing actually because I'm like, we're pretty cool about everything. Yeah, and sometimes the most problematic people I know.

Starting point is 01:04:14 True, every queer person I know that I've met in like every city is pretty much like, oh yeah, pronoun jokes are hilarious. Right. Like I'm like, what is this made up queer person that you guys are sparring with? We're all like, oh yeah, that's hilarious. Yeah. When it's actually funny, you know? And that's the trouble with, most of the people I want to make fun of are people in my own community.

Starting point is 01:04:30 Yeah. You know? And that's really hard because you can't let everybody in on that. Yeah. But I want to do it so bad. Yeah, you love it. I love it. You are one of my most problematic friends.

Starting point is 01:04:39 Thank you. You have some really complex and intense feelings about things that you should not. I know. You're really pro-prison which I know I am It's cuz I have built so many yeah, well you're profit. Yeah, fill those beds You know, but I'm always saying that I don't want to be fair when I got into it I didn't even know what a prison was and I regret it. Yeah, you just and I'd like to apologize But it's gotten away from me. Yeah, it's bigger than us now. It's bigger me now, but your bills are paid. I have a lot of employees and I have to pay

Starting point is 01:05:08 Yes I watched about a season and a half of oranges the new flag I said this rocks these gals are going down on each other left. I got I gotta open one of these And then I found out they do them for boys to boy prison Boy prison much Boy prison. Much different prison, but still prison. Yeah. Yeah, girl prison much more, girl prison I've heard much more.

Starting point is 01:05:31 You've heard things about it? About girl prison? Yeah. Yeah. I don't think that I really would truly know the experience of any prison. I can't, I would choose girl prison, I think. Yeah. But I don't think I would do well.

Starting point is 01:05:42 You would do well in girl prison. Do you think? Yeah. I would definitely have friends, but. You're charming and beautiful. I think you'd do But I don't think I would do well. You would do well in girl prison. Do you think? Yeah. Oh, definitely friends, but charming and beautiful. I think you'd do quite well. Thank you. I think I would get a girlfriend immediately. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. That's really gorgeous. But I don't know how that works there. What do you mean? Um, I don't know if it's like mostly like everyone's open or like, um, I don't think like DTR in girl prison.

Starting point is 01:06:03 They do. And it's serious. Oh, it's probably so serious I'm serious. Yeah, it's stabbed over and actually if you think about it's DTR in a way that we actually don't even do on the outside I could start yeah You're gonna start stabbing people over if we start to be honest about our feelings and really like open that gate Yeah, I could see myself getting pretty possessive stabbing someone over a trans guy in a loafer Yeah, oh, I mean that person first? Yeah, I mean, that person first. Yeah. For sure.

Starting point is 01:06:26 Are you kidding? Whoa, yeah. That's intense. There's only like, yeah, I mean, it's a small community. I don't want to go to prison. No, me neither. Let's get that on the record. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:06:35 One of my biggest fears for a long time was being wrongfully convicted of a crime. And you were sort of, did that affect the way you navigated your life? 100%. And I genuinely, now I have a couple of friends who were wrongfully convicted, who I've met in the world.

Starting point is 01:06:48 That's really scary. It really is, it's intense. I have a friend of mine in Kansas City, I have a couple friends in Kansas City who were wrongfully convicted of crimes, and each of them spent like 20 plus years in prison for crimes they did not commit and were later exonerated for.

Starting point is 01:07:04 And there's a bunch of people in prison who didn't fucking do it. Yeah, when I was like 19, my boyfriend had this app and it was very early into apps. Not everyone even had iPhones. And it was like know your rights. And he was like, it quizzes you to know your rights. And at the time I didn't understand.

Starting point is 01:07:18 Can I just say, it is so funny in the same episode to be like, yeah, I'm trying not to mention my age anymore. To be like, I had this boyfriend who had one of the first apps. I can't open. So when apps were invented, I was there. And I'm sort of cryptic about it too. I'm like, we were in our candlelit living room.

Starting point is 01:07:36 Yeah, it was on a Nokia Flip and it was called knowyourrights.app. Yeah, well at the time there were only, what was it, 14 states? Yeah. We were in the New Republic of York. And he was- Or Ortega, 5 foot 9. And that's it.

Starting point is 01:07:53 There for the first time. And I didn't understand at all why that was important at the time. Obviously, I was incredibly ignorant to why you would need to know your rights. Yeah. And now I go, I want to know every single right I have. I want to be well versed. He also made me watch that this now it's probably a viral, see, I'm going to mention a viral video

Starting point is 01:08:09 and it's not going to be, but it was a law professor basically talking to a class and bringing a police officer in. Well, he wasn't talking. There was like piano happening while he held up cards. It was a cabaret. Yeah. It was a Harvard cabaret.

Starting point is 01:08:21 Yeah. And he basically brought a police officer into the class and had the police officer be like Do not talk to the police ever that's insane And the police officer was like my job is to like I'm doing everything I can to like get you to say something and like Anything you say Kenan will be used against you in a court of law It's like anything you say and he was like don't say a word to me This is what I do

Starting point is 01:08:41 This is how I do it and I'm good at my job and he like explains it to the class. And it's like, no matter who you are, you are so much better. Even if you're trying to be helpful, don't say a word. And then they want us to laud them as public safety heroes. I like that one guy. They want us to laud them as public safety heroes. Well, yeah, but it's like he's admitting the whole game. Except for that one guy who came to the law class. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Except for him, who was giving away the whole game.

Starting point is 01:09:00 The whole game. Be like, hey, once we get in our head that you did something, we're going to do everything we can to make it seem that way. So, you know, don't talk to us. Not even get it in our head. It's kind of like I want the day to be over and I'm getting my confetti. I'm getting somewhere on this case. That's what they do. That's not good. They go fuck. We got to get somebody for this. What's that guy have to do? I gotta make the sale. Shouldn't be how it works, but yeah, you got it. Going back to the station had to be hard that afternoon. It's fucked up that I have such good politics because I'd be an incredible cop you think I could really I guess dude I'd be amazing at it playing little mind games with people that are innocent

Starting point is 01:09:30 But you'd also let a lot they do it's evil. It's their evil I would let a lot slide with the second cops are so iconic because they They will let you break any law as long as you say yes sir and no sir. The second you disrespect them they're like, oh you just broke the breathing air in front of me law. I know. They really are petty little bitches. And I'm so bad at that. I'm really working on my obstinance and my issues with authority. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:10:05 Ha. Ha. We got to end the episode. Hey, it was so much fun having you on. I love you to death. Do you want to tell people where to find you? Absolutely. You can, I don't know what I'm doing over on Instagram.

Starting point is 01:10:16 It's crazy over there. A lot of close friends stuff, so you don't have to worry about that. But it's Taylor Ortega. And I have some fun digital series on there. Oh, and I'm on a bunch of TV shows and so you'll catch me out there. I'm in a movie that's coming out soon.

Starting point is 01:10:32 It's a sequel to Simple Favor. Gorgeous. Yeah, me, Blake Lively, Anna Kendrick, all doing an equal amount of work. Yeah, same payment, same everything. Same everything. Yeah, same billing, same pay. I'm working the same hours as those gals.

Starting point is 01:10:43 It's your classic three-hander. If for some reason it seems like they're in more of the movie than me, I just got a lot cut because I kept improvising. Optical illusion. Yeah. Optical illusion played by the production company. Definitely.

Starting point is 01:10:53 Yeah, that's gorgeous. I didn't know you were active. Yeah, I've been getting into it. Wow. Yeah, once I joined Scientology, they were like, this is a really good way to kind of bridge. We have classes. Do you want to?

Starting point is 01:11:03 Yeah. Thank you so much, Taylor. This was awesome. Thank you so much, Taylor. This was awesome. That was a headgum podcast. Hey, it's Nicole Byer here. Let me ask you something. Are you tired of endless swiping on dating apps? Fed up with awkward first dates and disappointing hookups?

Starting point is 01:11:19 Girl, same. Welcome to Why Won't You Date Me, the podcast where I figure out love and how to suck less at dating. Each week, I get real with comedians, friends, and celebrities about their love lives. We swap dating horror stories, awkward hookups, and dive into the messy and wonderful world of relationships. I've chatted with amazing guests like Conan O'Brien, Whitney Cummings, Sarah Silverman, Trixie Mattel, Tiffany Haddish, and so many more. So whether you're single, mingling, or boot up,

Starting point is 01:11:50 there's something in it for everyone. Tune into Why Won't You Date Me with me, Nicole Byer, and discover insights that might just save you from your next dating disaster. Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts, and catch full video episodes on YouTube!

Starting point is 01:12:07 New episodes drop every Friday!

So True with Caleb Hearon - Taylor Ortega Knows Her Rights

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